Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,569 --> 00:00:05,405
(chuckles, whoops)
2
00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:08,408
♪ ♪
3
00:00:09,977 --> 00:00:11,612
(shrieks)
4
00:00:16,984 --> 00:00:18,752
(school bell rings)
5
00:00:20,988 --> 00:00:22,055
(grunts)
6
00:00:22,122 --> 00:00:24,024
♪ ♪
7
00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:27,995
(playing lively music)
8
00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:32,032
(tires screech)
9
00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:35,936
D'oh!
10
00:00:36,003 --> 00:00:37,738
(grunts)
11
00:00:37,804 --> 00:00:39,873
(theme to Succession playing)
12
00:01:00,961 --> 00:01:03,497
♪ ♪
13
00:01:09,970 --> 00:01:11,905
None of you
will inherit anything.
14
00:01:11,972 --> 00:01:14,107
Because there isn't any.
15
00:01:14,174 --> 00:01:17,077
(grunts)
16
00:01:17,144 --> 00:01:19,146
D'oh.
17
00:01:25,986 --> 00:01:27,621
Previously on The Simpsons,
18
00:01:27,688 --> 00:01:30,857
a charismatic new preacher
came to Springfield.
19
00:01:30,924 --> 00:01:32,092
You want to hold my gun?
20
00:01:32,159 --> 00:01:34,094
You‐you can.
(chuckles)
21
00:01:34,161 --> 00:01:35,028
BROCKMAN:And Lisa admired him
22
00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:37,431
like no adult manshe'd ever met.
23
00:01:37,497 --> 00:01:39,933
This brunch has turned into...
24
00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:41,935
a jazz brunch!
25
00:01:42,002 --> 00:01:43,103
BROCKMAN:Reverend Lovejoy
26
00:01:43,170 --> 00:01:46,139
lost his job and swore reveng.
27
00:01:46,206 --> 00:01:47,541
This is...
28
00:01:51,211 --> 00:01:53,213
♪ ♪
29
00:02:08,595 --> 00:02:10,597
‐(tires screeching)
‐(Jimbo laughing)
30
00:02:12,766 --> 00:02:13,934
‐(overlapping chatter)
‐This preacher is so amazing.
31
00:02:14,001 --> 00:02:15,268
I'm looking forward to this.
32
00:02:15,335 --> 00:02:18,038
This is the first time
I've come to church
33
00:02:18,105 --> 00:02:20,040
when it's not part
of a big montage
34
00:02:20,107 --> 00:02:22,009
of my enemies being whacked.
35
00:02:22,075 --> 00:02:24,011
Whoa! Hey! Whoa!
36
00:02:24,077 --> 00:02:27,014
Well, someone looks awfully nice
for church.
37
00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:28,682
Oh, this thing?
38
00:02:28,749 --> 00:02:30,384
Are you sure
you aren't just attracted
39
00:02:30,450 --> 00:02:32,686
to our handsome new pastor?
40
00:02:32,753 --> 00:02:35,922
Silly. Moms aren't attracted
to pastors.
41
00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:37,724
(chuckles)
42
00:02:37,791 --> 00:02:40,527
Oh, this place is so crowded.
43
00:02:40,594 --> 00:02:43,897
My leg is touching
Milhouse's dad's.
44
00:02:43,964 --> 00:02:46,199
Looks like we're knee neighbors,
huh, buddy?
45
00:02:46,266 --> 00:02:47,401
(whimpers)
46
00:02:47,467 --> 00:02:49,269
Mr. Smithers.
47
00:02:49,336 --> 00:02:52,039
I don't think I've ever seen you
without Mr. Burns.
48
00:02:52,105 --> 00:02:53,907
Oh, Mr. Burns
is more comfortable at home
49
00:02:53,974 --> 00:02:55,942
reading his copies
of the scriptures.
50
00:02:59,346 --> 00:03:01,815
"Blessed be the poor"?
51
00:03:01,882 --> 00:03:03,550
I'm just finding this out now?
52
00:03:03,617 --> 00:03:05,118
No one must know.
53
00:03:10,157 --> 00:03:11,925
Exodus.
54
00:03:11,992 --> 00:03:13,026
Good morning.
55
00:03:13,093 --> 00:03:14,861
ALL:
Good morning.
56
00:03:14,928 --> 00:03:16,897
For those of you interested
in the Packers game...
57
00:03:16,963 --> 00:03:18,598
We don't want to know.
58
00:03:18,665 --> 00:03:21,401
So, I know some of you still
have some questions about me.
59
00:03:21,468 --> 00:03:22,736
I certainly do.
60
00:03:22,803 --> 00:03:25,539
Will you be godfather to my son?
61
00:03:25,605 --> 00:03:27,207
(chuckles)
We're not there yet, Mel.
62
00:03:27,274 --> 00:03:30,110
But, seriously, fewer and fewer
people are coming to church.
63
00:03:30,177 --> 00:03:32,946
Numbers are declining.
And I get it.
64
00:03:33,013 --> 00:03:35,048
When you tell people
that you believe in God,
65
00:03:35,115 --> 00:03:36,383
usually they take that to mean
66
00:03:36,450 --> 00:03:38,385
that you're quietly judging
their lifestyle
67
00:03:38,452 --> 00:03:41,421
or think everybody but you
is going to Hell.
68
00:03:41,488 --> 00:03:43,223
Way to preach, bitch.
69
00:03:43,290 --> 00:03:44,558
I'm gonna pretend
I heard "amen."
70
00:03:44,624 --> 00:03:45,959
Oh, relax, bitch.
71
00:03:46,026 --> 00:03:48,929
(groans)
72
00:03:48,995 --> 00:03:50,931
The original function
of religion
73
00:03:50,997 --> 00:03:52,966
was to bring us together.
"Religion."
74
00:03:53,033 --> 00:03:54,968
"Ligio," like "ligament."
75
00:03:55,035 --> 00:03:56,803
It means to reconnect.
76
00:03:56,870 --> 00:03:59,106
They don't teach you that
at medical school.
77
00:03:59,172 --> 00:04:00,140
Yes, they do.
78
00:04:00,207 --> 00:04:02,709
Well, I learn from my mistakes.
79
00:04:02,776 --> 00:04:06,046
Malpractice makes malperfect.
80
00:04:06,113 --> 00:04:07,714
Well, I want
to bring us all together.
81
00:04:07,781 --> 00:04:10,083
Not just Christians
but Hindus and Buddhists.
82
00:04:10,150 --> 00:04:11,885
Even those that don't believe.
83
00:04:11,952 --> 00:04:13,887
Does anyone besides me
84
00:04:13,954 --> 00:04:15,822
miss church the way it was?
85
00:04:15,889 --> 00:04:18,225
(crickets chirping)
86
00:04:18,291 --> 00:04:20,794
(sighs)
Well, the crickets agree.
87
00:04:22,996 --> 00:04:25,899
This church has gone from
a place of warm, awkward silence
88
00:04:25,966 --> 00:04:29,936
into a gooey lovefest run
by a narcissistic kum‐bah‐yo‐yo,
89
00:04:30,003 --> 00:04:32,038
and I will not stand for it.
90
00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:33,874
You and I believe
in the same God.
91
00:04:33,940 --> 00:04:36,209
I just believe
that that God loves everyone.
92
00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:38,111
You don't agree with that, Ned?
93
00:04:38,178 --> 00:04:39,880
Sir, we are not
on a first‐name basis.
94
00:04:39,946 --> 00:04:41,281
Mr. Flanders.
95
00:04:41,348 --> 00:04:43,884
You may call me
New Evangelical Deacon,
96
00:04:43,950 --> 00:04:45,352
or Ned for short.
97
00:04:45,418 --> 00:04:47,954
Okay, Ned, look,
God is the love,
98
00:04:48,021 --> 00:04:50,123
the "yes"
that set the universe in motion.
99
00:04:50,190 --> 00:04:51,958
He or She...
100
00:04:52,025 --> 00:04:53,960
(sighs)
101
00:04:54,027 --> 00:04:57,230
Maybe this time.
102
00:04:57,297 --> 00:04:59,699
♪ Maybe this time ♪
103
00:04:59,766 --> 00:05:01,968
♪ I'll believe it ♪
104
00:05:02,035 --> 00:05:06,139
♪ Maybe this time I'll pray ♪
105
00:05:11,411 --> 00:05:13,880
♪ Maybe this time ♪
106
00:05:13,947 --> 00:05:15,882
♪ For the first time ♪
107
00:05:15,949 --> 00:05:17,717
♪ I'll have fun ♪
108
00:05:17,784 --> 00:05:21,054
♪ On Sunday ♪
109
00:05:26,059 --> 00:05:29,996
♪ He will sermonize ♪
110
00:05:30,063 --> 00:05:34,067
♪ With those hazel eyes ♪
111
00:05:35,402 --> 00:05:37,337
♪ I've got Buddha ♪
112
00:05:37,404 --> 00:05:39,339
♪ I've got science ♪
113
00:05:39,406 --> 00:05:43,810
♪ And now Jesus makes three ♪
114
00:05:44,778 --> 00:05:46,913
♪ It's gonna happen ♪
115
00:05:46,980 --> 00:05:48,915
♪ Happen sometime ♪
116
00:05:48,982 --> 00:05:52,786
♪ Maybe this time ♪
117
00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:56,857
♪ I'll pray. ♪
118
00:06:00,293 --> 00:06:02,329
Not bad, kid. Also not good.
119
00:06:02,395 --> 00:06:04,831
Let me show you how it's done.
And a one, and a two.
120
00:06:04,898 --> 00:06:05,832
Hey!
121
00:06:05,899 --> 00:06:08,335
(grunting)
122
00:06:08,401 --> 00:06:10,737
Aw, sleeping in church.
123
00:06:10,804 --> 00:06:13,240
Like father like daughter.
124
00:06:13,306 --> 00:06:16,243
God is nothing but grace
and flow and forgiveness.
125
00:06:16,309 --> 00:06:17,744
And if you don't think so,
126
00:06:17,811 --> 00:06:19,179
I‐I don't know,
maybe you should go back
127
00:06:19,246 --> 00:06:21,014
and read the Bible
a little bit closer.
128
00:06:21,081 --> 00:06:23,383
Are you questioning a man
who travels with extra Bibles
129
00:06:23,450 --> 00:06:25,452
to put them in hotel rooms?
130
00:06:27,487 --> 00:06:29,689
Do you mind?
131
00:06:29,756 --> 00:06:30,857
I'm sure you're very sincere,
132
00:06:30,924 --> 00:06:32,893
but a parrot
can recite the Bible
133
00:06:32,959 --> 00:06:34,227
and have no idea what it means.
134
00:06:34,294 --> 00:06:35,896
What? What? What?
135
00:06:35,962 --> 00:06:37,230
This isn't church anymore.
136
00:06:37,297 --> 00:06:38,565
We're out of here.
137
00:06:42,002 --> 00:06:45,572
Daddy, we can't leave
before the pastor says so.
138
00:06:45,639 --> 00:06:47,674
‐Who told you that?
‐You did.
139
00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:50,076
You call it "Homer Simpson‐ing."
140
00:06:50,143 --> 00:06:51,578
(groans)
141
00:06:51,645 --> 00:06:53,980
Yeah, don't Homer Simpson,
you jerk.
142
00:07:02,455 --> 00:07:04,024
This is where he got fired.
143
00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:05,692
Now we're gonna poke
144
00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:08,862
into Mr. Perfect Pastor's
pysterious past.
145
00:07:08,929 --> 00:07:11,031
Did you just say "pysterious"?
146
00:07:11,097 --> 00:07:13,767
Can't you be on my side
for once?
147
00:07:22,375 --> 00:07:25,478
Excuse me,
we're looking for the pastor.
148
00:07:25,545 --> 00:07:28,014
Oh, we don't have pastors.
But our touch screen directory
149
00:07:28,081 --> 00:07:30,083
does have a digital assistant.
150
00:07:30,150 --> 00:07:32,485
Hi, I'm Holy Cow.
151
00:07:32,552 --> 00:07:34,254
How can I help you?
152
00:07:34,321 --> 00:07:37,857
Please give us your fingerprintby pressing this screen.
153
00:07:37,924 --> 00:07:40,160
(laughs)
154
00:07:40,226 --> 00:07:42,595
You haven't pressed anything.
155
00:07:42,662 --> 00:07:44,664
Why not?
156
00:07:47,334 --> 00:07:50,203
I'd like to speak to someone
below God and above you.
157
00:07:50,270 --> 00:07:54,541
Well, maybe you can find
what you need in here.
158
00:07:54,607 --> 00:07:58,678
How many of you suffer from
the effects of mesothelioma?
159
00:07:58,745 --> 00:08:00,947
Dial Jesus at ocho, ocho, ocho,
160
00:08:01,014 --> 00:08:04,117
ocho, ocho, ocho, ocho.
161
00:08:04,184 --> 00:08:05,785
(applause and cheering)
162
00:08:05,852 --> 00:08:07,620
♪ ♪
163
00:08:07,687 --> 00:08:09,689
(shrieking)
164
00:08:15,195 --> 00:08:16,496
Please help us.
165
00:08:16,563 --> 00:08:18,798
This man is a fellow clergyman.
166
00:08:18,865 --> 00:08:20,800
Really?
167
00:08:20,867 --> 00:08:22,635
BOTH:
Church, steeple,
168
00:08:22,702 --> 00:08:24,004
doors, people!
169
00:08:24,070 --> 00:08:26,172
Come with me.
170
00:08:26,239 --> 00:08:27,874
‐(knocking)
‐Preacher Mac?
171
00:08:27,941 --> 00:08:30,043
I have a couple here to see you.
172
00:08:30,110 --> 00:08:33,880
I'm here to discuss a matter
of some unpleasantness.
173
00:08:33,947 --> 00:08:36,850
You're not here from
The Boston Globe, are you?
174
00:08:36,916 --> 00:08:38,918
No, no, no, no, no.
I'm a pastor, too.
175
00:08:38,985 --> 00:08:41,921
I hear there's a little dirt
on the collar of a man
176
00:08:41,988 --> 00:08:45,525
who used to preach here,
Bode Wright.
177
00:08:45,592 --> 00:08:47,193
Him?!
178
00:08:47,260 --> 00:08:48,762
You better sit down.
179
00:08:48,828 --> 00:08:52,899
It's a short story,
but I'm gonna milk it.
180
00:08:52,966 --> 00:08:58,038
I would go on, but I am down
to my last vocal cord.
181
00:08:58,104 --> 00:09:00,140
Even for a pastor,
182
00:09:00,206 --> 00:09:04,144
I've taken way too long
to make a simple point.
183
00:09:04,210 --> 00:09:05,845
Now...
184
00:09:05,912 --> 00:09:08,114
here's the proof.
185
00:09:11,217 --> 00:09:13,720
Oh, my God, so many
singles in my area
186
00:09:13,787 --> 00:09:15,822
want to meet me.
187
00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:17,223
Hmm.
188
00:09:17,290 --> 00:09:20,193
Possessions don't matter,
189
00:09:20,260 --> 00:09:23,863
money doesn't matter,this doesn't matter.
190
00:09:23,930 --> 00:09:26,032
Is he burning
what I think he's burning?
191
00:09:26,099 --> 00:09:27,200
I've got him now.
192
00:09:33,373 --> 00:09:37,410
Lisa Marie Simpson,
are you reading the Bible?
193
00:09:37,477 --> 00:09:39,712
Yes, it's good, but...
194
00:09:39,779 --> 00:09:41,081
I have a few notes.
195
00:09:41,147 --> 00:09:42,916
Yeah, well I never met a Hittite
196
00:09:42,982 --> 00:09:45,919
who wasn't trying to expand
his empire into Egypt.
197
00:09:45,985 --> 00:09:48,822
Oh, Hittites...
worse than the Canaanites!
198
00:09:48,888 --> 00:09:52,826
Oh, now who's doing this because
of the handsome new pastor?
199
00:09:52,892 --> 00:09:54,060
Reverend Wright?
200
00:09:54,127 --> 00:09:55,829
You think he's...
201
00:09:55,895 --> 00:09:57,831
Oh, why pretend?
202
00:09:57,897 --> 00:10:01,501
When he speaks, I feel like
he's speaking only to me.
203
00:10:01,568 --> 00:10:03,870
Oh, Lisa, honey, I'm worried
you'll get too attached.
204
00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:07,006
This town has a way of rejecting
what's new and different.
205
00:10:07,073 --> 00:10:08,942
And better.
206
00:10:09,008 --> 00:10:10,043
Not this time.
207
00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:12,612
(groans)
But look at your vision board.
208
00:10:12,679 --> 00:10:15,682
It's full of nothing
but crushing disappointment.
209
00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:18,885
Ha‐ha!
210
00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:21,221
Even your vision board
is a failure.
211
00:10:21,287 --> 00:10:22,956
That hook was supposed to hold
212
00:10:23,022 --> 00:10:25,125
a lifetime's worth
of disappointment.
213
00:10:25,191 --> 00:10:27,026
(crying)
214
00:10:27,093 --> 00:10:29,596
(tires screeching)
215
00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:34,033
Get thee behind me, Saturn.
216
00:10:37,804 --> 00:10:39,038
I need to pee.
217
00:10:39,105 --> 00:10:41,541
No time.
We've got defrocking to do.
218
00:10:41,608 --> 00:10:43,943
Timothy,
I've never seen you like this.
219
00:10:44,010 --> 00:10:46,279
Maybe I'll do
some defrocking, too.
220
00:10:46,346 --> 00:10:48,281
In the choo choo room?
221
00:10:48,348 --> 00:10:50,750
Okay, mood's gone.
222
00:10:50,817 --> 00:10:52,252
Two beers, Moe.
223
00:10:52,318 --> 00:10:53,553
Nothing for the reverend.
224
00:10:53,620 --> 00:10:54,921
Oh, howdy there, Rev.
225
00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:57,123
Well, can't let him see
my nudie glasses.
226
00:10:59,192 --> 00:11:01,694
You didn't have to break
your nudie glasses.
227
00:11:01,761 --> 00:11:03,196
Now you tell me.
Uh, remind me‐‐
228
00:11:03,263 --> 00:11:04,898
how many boobs
does a woman have?
229
00:11:04,964 --> 00:11:08,001
I never got so much
off my chest.
230
00:11:08,067 --> 00:11:12,005
So, then I coveted
my neighbor's riding mower.
231
00:11:12,071 --> 00:11:15,508
I never pedal when I'm
on a bicycle built for two.
232
00:11:15,575 --> 00:11:17,677
‐Homer...
‐I went trick‐or‐treating
233
00:11:17,744 --> 00:11:19,179
when I was 30.
234
00:11:19,245 --> 00:11:23,383
Also, I told Marge
I was going for a colonoscopy
235
00:11:23,449 --> 00:11:27,086
when I actually went to
a Planet of the Apes marathon.
236
00:11:27,153 --> 00:11:29,389
Including the Tim Burton one.
237
00:11:29,455 --> 00:11:30,623
God doesn't care.
238
00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:31,758
Hallelujah!
239
00:11:31,824 --> 00:11:33,426
Please.
I make my living in here.
240
00:11:33,493 --> 00:11:35,929
Sorry. So am I forgiven?
241
00:11:35,995 --> 00:11:37,564
You're a good man,
Homer Simpson.
242
00:11:37,630 --> 00:11:39,933
Behind all your behavior,
good and bad,
243
00:11:39,999 --> 00:11:41,935
there's a still, quiet place
244
00:11:42,001 --> 00:11:43,736
untouched by the dramas
of this life
245
00:11:43,803 --> 00:11:45,972
where you simply are goodness.
246
00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:48,808
Oh, you haven't heard
the worst one.
247
00:11:48,875 --> 00:11:50,810
I had impure thoughts
248
00:11:50,877 --> 00:11:54,113
about the mother bear
in the toilet paper ads.
249
00:11:54,180 --> 00:11:55,982
(phone buzzes)
250
00:11:56,049 --> 00:11:58,284
FLANDERS:Reverend? If that isyour real honorific.
251
00:11:58,351 --> 00:12:01,187
You are latefor our parishioners' visit.
252
00:12:01,254 --> 00:12:03,423
I've been preparing all day.
253
00:12:03,489 --> 00:12:05,058
Uh, sorry.
I've got to go.
254
00:12:05,124 --> 00:12:08,294
Homer, does this Flanders guy
ever annoy you?
255
00:12:17,337 --> 00:12:19,072
From time to time.
256
00:12:20,139 --> 00:12:22,175
(horns honking)
257
00:12:22,242 --> 00:12:23,610
Move it, move it, move it.
258
00:12:23,676 --> 00:12:25,245
(brakes hiss)
259
00:12:25,311 --> 00:12:26,746
All right.
260
00:12:26,813 --> 00:12:29,082
Which arm did the honking?
261
00:12:29,148 --> 00:12:31,150
I'm not telling.
262
00:12:32,819 --> 00:12:34,687
(sighs)
263
00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:36,256
FLANDERS:
Come in.
264
00:12:36,322 --> 00:12:37,991
♪ ♪
265
00:12:48,868 --> 00:12:52,472
You, sir,
have challenged me on scripture.
266
00:12:52,538 --> 00:12:54,807
♪ ♪
267
00:12:56,876 --> 00:12:58,911
Oh. Well, if it's scripture
you want to talk,
268
00:12:58,978 --> 00:13:01,914
then let us make a joyful noise
unto the Lord.
269
00:13:01,981 --> 00:13:04,083
‐Good.
‐Good.
270
00:13:04,150 --> 00:13:07,820
♪ ♪
271
00:13:10,990 --> 00:13:12,325
Punishment is the key to belief.
272
00:13:12,392 --> 00:13:13,760
Matthew 25:46.
273
00:13:13,826 --> 00:13:15,862
"They will go away to
eternal punishment, but the..."
274
00:13:15,928 --> 00:13:17,096
"...righteous to eternal life."
Sure.
275
00:13:17,163 --> 00:13:18,665
But God's grace is for everyone.
276
00:13:18,731 --> 00:13:20,033
John 12:32.
277
00:13:20,099 --> 00:13:21,934
"I will draw all people..."
278
00:13:22,001 --> 00:13:23,603
"...up to myself." Hmm.
279
00:13:23,670 --> 00:13:26,506
(chuckles)
What about 2 Thessalonians 1:9?
280
00:13:26,572 --> 00:13:29,742
"They will suffer the punishment
of eternal destruction..."
281
00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:30,743
Romans 11:32.
282
00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:33,246
"He may have mercy on them all."
283
00:13:33,313 --> 00:13:34,914
Them all.
284
00:13:34,981 --> 00:13:36,382
♪ ♪
285
00:13:36,449 --> 00:13:37,984
(song ends)
286
00:13:39,085 --> 00:13:40,853
Genesis 3:23.
287
00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:43,523
"So the Lord banished him
from the Garden."
288
00:13:43,589 --> 00:13:45,591
Genesis 1:31.
289
00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:47,393
"God saw all that He had made,
290
00:13:47,460 --> 00:13:49,696
and it was very good."
291
00:13:49,762 --> 00:13:50,763
Bang.
292
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:52,265
(groans)
293
00:13:52,332 --> 00:13:54,534
I'm cold, so cold.
294
00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:56,436
And I'm wearing three sweaters.
295
00:14:00,406 --> 00:14:01,374
Wow.
296
00:14:01,441 --> 00:14:02,809
This is what it would be like
297
00:14:02,875 --> 00:14:05,978
if they believed in God
in Hawaii.
298
00:14:06,045 --> 00:14:08,414
Reverend,
you come to dinner at my house!
299
00:14:08,481 --> 00:14:10,917
Uh, yeah,
I'm gonna take a rain check.
300
00:14:10,983 --> 00:14:12,018
So many checks,
301
00:14:12,085 --> 00:14:14,053
so little rain.
302
00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:16,522
Stop this revelry!
303
00:14:16,589 --> 00:14:17,990
Who are you?!
304
00:14:19,792 --> 00:14:21,928
(gasps)
Reverend Lovejoy!
305
00:14:21,994 --> 00:14:25,231
And I'm just back from Michigan.
306
00:14:25,298 --> 00:14:27,066
Can you point accusingly for me?
307
00:14:27,133 --> 00:14:29,035
You got it.
308
00:14:29,102 --> 00:14:31,371
This man is a heretic.
309
00:14:31,437 --> 00:14:32,438
(gasping)
310
00:14:32,505 --> 00:14:35,208
(quietly):
Oh, no. No, Lisa, don't.
311
00:14:35,274 --> 00:14:36,409
Wait, wait, wait!
312
00:14:36,476 --> 00:14:39,879
Surely, we know the reverend
is a blessed man who...
313
00:14:39,946 --> 00:14:41,881
Lisa, I did something bad.
314
00:14:41,948 --> 00:14:44,717
How bad could it be?
Seriously.
315
00:14:44,784 --> 00:14:45,618
(overlapping chatter)
316
00:14:45,685 --> 00:14:47,120
Well, look at you,
317
00:14:47,186 --> 00:14:50,022
finally paying attention to me.
318
00:14:50,089 --> 00:14:52,191
One brief announcement:
there's a red Honda Civic
319
00:14:52,258 --> 00:14:53,926
in the parking lot
with its lights on.
320
00:14:53,993 --> 00:14:55,261
You're losing them.
321
00:14:55,328 --> 00:14:58,097
He burned the Bible.
322
00:14:58,164 --> 00:14:59,665
(gasping)
323
00:15:02,535 --> 00:15:03,803
Oh, boy.
324
00:15:03,870 --> 00:15:04,971
That's appalling.
I mean, come on.
325
00:15:05,037 --> 00:15:07,473
Psalms are not for burning.
They're for tattoos.
326
00:15:07,540 --> 00:15:09,475
So, you know, you sicken me.
327
00:15:09,542 --> 00:15:12,044
Everything in my heart tells me
this isn't true!
328
00:15:12,111 --> 00:15:14,380
I know this is a weird thing
to say in church,
329
00:15:14,447 --> 00:15:16,048
but we need proof.
330
00:15:16,115 --> 00:15:19,419
I demand a full hearing
in front of all of us!
331
00:15:19,485 --> 00:15:21,087
Oh, you'll get your hearing.
332
00:15:21,154 --> 00:15:23,723
Tuesday at 4:00.
333
00:15:23,790 --> 00:15:26,659
Another paradise lost.
334
00:15:26,726 --> 00:15:29,996
Lisa, you're really bringing
down the first Sunday of Lent.
335
00:15:30,062 --> 00:15:33,065
Even the fire eater is sad.
336
00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:41,374
The crisis of faith grows
as support for im‐preach‐ment
337
00:15:41,441 --> 00:15:42,708
is now at 52%.
338
00:15:42,775 --> 00:15:44,944
Can you fight fire with firing?
339
00:15:45,011 --> 00:15:47,847
What should we do
with this Judas priest?
340
00:15:47,914 --> 00:15:49,449
This has been Kent Brockman
talking,
341
00:15:49,515 --> 00:15:51,117
saying nothing.
342
00:15:51,184 --> 00:15:53,186
♪ ♪
343
00:15:54,921 --> 00:15:55,855
Oh.
344
00:15:55,922 --> 00:15:57,623
(plays sad notes)
345
00:15:57,690 --> 00:16:00,092
Welcome, all of you.
Let's begin.
346
00:16:00,159 --> 00:16:02,161
Why is she running this?
347
00:16:02,228 --> 00:16:04,297
Because she won't
get overexcited.
348
00:16:04,363 --> 00:16:06,799
And I will?!
349
00:16:06,866 --> 00:16:10,069
And the Bible said,
"A child shall lead them."
350
00:16:10,136 --> 00:16:12,972
Well, as my Lord Buddha said,
351
00:16:13,039 --> 00:16:15,141
"Three things
cannot long be hidden.
352
00:16:15,208 --> 00:16:18,811
The sun, the moon,
and the truth."
353
00:16:18,878 --> 00:16:20,847
Well, why don't they make that
a Google Doodle?
354
00:16:20,913 --> 00:16:23,850
Reverend, you're very concerned
with the Bible.
355
00:16:23,916 --> 00:16:26,052
So, let us turn to that Bible.
356
00:16:26,118 --> 00:16:29,055
Specifically,
the very, very, many parts
357
00:16:29,121 --> 00:16:31,524
that speak about forgiveness.
358
00:16:31,591 --> 00:16:34,093
(playing fanfare)
359
00:16:37,396 --> 00:16:41,000
And, Mom, thank you
for sewing these banners.
360
00:16:41,067 --> 00:16:44,003
I did all that work
for a ten‐second bit?
361
00:16:44,070 --> 00:16:45,705
He did it.
He admitted it.
362
00:16:45,771 --> 00:16:47,507
What else do you need?
363
00:16:47,573 --> 00:16:49,509
We've mobbed for less, people.
364
00:16:49,575 --> 00:16:52,078
Yeah, remember the guy with
the two different‐colored socks?
365
00:16:52,144 --> 00:16:53,946
Ran his ass right out of town.
366
00:16:54,013 --> 00:16:55,381
Banish him!
367
00:16:55,448 --> 00:16:58,885
CROWD:
Banish him! Banish him!
368
00:16:58,951 --> 00:17:01,821
Cherish him! Cherish him!
369
00:17:01,888 --> 00:17:04,223
I know
another long‐haired performer
370
00:17:04,290 --> 00:17:05,992
who preached a new philosophy,
371
00:17:06,058 --> 00:17:07,493
peace and love.
372
00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:08,995
And the crowd was with him,
373
00:17:09,061 --> 00:17:10,830
but then they turned, hard.
374
00:17:10,897 --> 00:17:12,865
And that man's name
375
00:17:12,932 --> 00:17:14,734
was Willie Nelson!
376
00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:18,004
Well, I say, banish him!
Banish him!
377
00:17:18,070 --> 00:17:20,873
CROWD:
Banish him! Banish him!
378
00:17:20,940 --> 00:17:22,508
Stop!
379
00:17:22,575 --> 00:17:25,678
I came here to unify you,
but instead I divided you.
380
00:17:25,745 --> 00:17:27,179
So I'm leaving.
381
00:17:27,246 --> 00:17:29,849
I just hope what I said
resonated with a few of you.
382
00:17:29,916 --> 00:17:31,717
Like Lisa,
one who may change the world.
383
00:17:31,784 --> 00:17:33,386
Aw.
384
00:17:33,452 --> 00:17:36,422
And that Sea Captain guy.
That dude is surprisingly woke.
385
00:17:36,489 --> 00:17:40,059
Yarr, activism means nothing
if it's not intersectional.
386
00:17:40,126 --> 00:17:41,327
Yarr!
387
00:17:42,628 --> 00:17:44,063
Glad to have known you.
388
00:17:44,130 --> 00:17:47,767
I just want to say,
you've changed my life forever.
389
00:17:47,833 --> 00:17:50,069
You're the first minister
I've ever met
390
00:17:50,136 --> 00:17:52,071
I didn't want
to slap across the face.
391
00:17:52,138 --> 00:17:53,906
Glad to have known you.
392
00:17:53,973 --> 00:17:56,742
And I just want to say,
rot in Hell, Bible burner.
393
00:17:56,809 --> 00:17:58,578
Glad to have known you.
394
00:17:58,644 --> 00:18:00,012
‐Glad to have...
‐Bup‐bup‐bup.
395
00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:02,615
In my family, you don't say
goodbye to someone
396
00:18:02,682 --> 00:18:05,017
you care about
without a meat loaf.
397
00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:07,019
And broccoli.
398
00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:09,021
You‐You're inviting me over
for dinner?
399
00:18:09,088 --> 00:18:10,890
If you can love us
after seeing us eat,
400
00:18:10,957 --> 00:18:12,792
we'll know you really love us.
401
00:18:12,858 --> 00:18:14,827
Come on, pal.
We're having roast Bible.
402
00:18:14,894 --> 00:18:16,996
Huh?
(laughs)
403
00:18:17,063 --> 00:18:18,497
What? Too soon?
404
00:18:18,564 --> 00:18:19,665
(snoring)
405
00:18:19,732 --> 00:18:21,834
I just want to offer
this simple prayer:
406
00:18:21,901 --> 00:18:24,470
Dear God, please let
the Simpsons never end.
407
00:18:24,537 --> 00:18:26,472
ALL:
Amen.
408
00:18:26,539 --> 00:18:28,574
And, Bode,
tomorrow I have to ask you
409
00:18:28,641 --> 00:18:31,911
a philosophical question,
so I'll see you at the church.
410
00:18:32,979 --> 00:18:34,413
Amen.
411
00:18:34,480 --> 00:18:35,982
Where the hell have you been?
412
00:18:37,717 --> 00:18:39,251
Why would you burn a Bible?
413
00:18:39,318 --> 00:18:41,520
Why couldn't you burn
Bill O'Reilly's books?
414
00:18:41,587 --> 00:18:43,589
There are so many.
415
00:18:43,656 --> 00:18:45,925
I was trying to tell people
that God is in your heart,
416
00:18:45,992 --> 00:18:48,928
not in a overbuilt cathedral
or some book.
417
00:18:48,995 --> 00:18:50,863
This town doesn't get subtext.
418
00:18:50,930 --> 00:18:54,266
Our NPR station
broadcasts wrestling.
419
00:18:54,333 --> 00:18:56,836
NPR ANNOUNCER:And that's an excruciatinghalf nelson.
420
00:18:56,902 --> 00:19:00,272
Now, is that what's known inthe lexicon as a "face stomp"?
421
00:19:00,339 --> 00:19:02,775
NPR ANNOUNCER 2:Yes, yes, it is.
422
00:19:02,842 --> 00:19:05,678
NPR ANNOUNCER 1:This is NPR pledge week.Please give.
423
00:19:05,745 --> 00:19:08,114
‐Why did you do it?
‐I was 19.
424
00:19:08,180 --> 00:19:12,118
I saw how people were using
the Bible to divide and exclude.
425
00:19:12,184 --> 00:19:14,620
People were so busy
worshipping a road map
426
00:19:14,687 --> 00:19:17,456
instead of trying
to reach the destination.
427
00:19:17,523 --> 00:19:19,025
You know what I mean?
428
00:19:20,192 --> 00:19:21,794
Well, why didn't you
just say that?
429
00:19:21,861 --> 00:19:24,196
That was fine. No fire.
430
00:19:24,263 --> 00:19:27,633
‐I was 19.
‐I'm eight and I get it.
431
00:19:27,700 --> 00:19:28,968
(sighs)
You're right.
432
00:19:29,035 --> 00:19:31,303
I've regretted it
since the day I did it.
433
00:19:31,370 --> 00:19:33,372
So, since then,
I've just wandered the world,
434
00:19:33,439 --> 00:19:36,042
like a millennial on a gap year.
435
00:19:36,108 --> 00:19:38,911
I understand, but how
are you gonna convince...?
436
00:19:41,947 --> 00:19:44,183
I'll just have faith
in this town's open heart.
437
00:19:44,250 --> 00:19:46,385
(grunts)
438
00:19:46,452 --> 00:19:48,888
I was just making sure
it doesn't say "We forgive you."
439
00:19:48,954 --> 00:19:51,390
‐It doesn't.
‐Unless they wrote it in red.
440
00:19:51,457 --> 00:19:52,425
Yeah, no.
441
00:19:52,491 --> 00:19:53,859
‐No, they didn't.
‐No.
442
00:19:53,926 --> 00:19:56,028
‐The brick is the message.
‐Them's my people.
443
00:19:56,095 --> 00:19:57,196
‐Yeah.
‐Yeah.
444
00:19:57,263 --> 00:19:58,497
Do we throw it back?
What's your custom?
445
00:20:03,002 --> 00:20:06,939
Uh, Chief, this guy still had
ten minutes on his meter.
446
00:20:07,006 --> 00:20:09,775
Just when I understood that guy,
when I believed again,
447
00:20:09,842 --> 00:20:12,578
when I believed in people,
they took him away.
448
00:20:12,645 --> 00:20:14,880
I've lost my faith, Lou.
449
00:20:14,947 --> 00:20:17,049
Come on, Chief,
you got a beautiful wife
450
00:20:17,116 --> 00:20:19,018
(laughs):
and kid‐‐ I can't...
451
00:20:19,085 --> 00:20:22,254
I'm sorry, I can't say that
with a straight face.
452
00:20:22,321 --> 00:20:24,123
‐Well, you could try.
‐(laughs)
453
00:20:24,190 --> 00:20:27,860
I am. I‐I'm trying, I'm sorry.
454
00:20:27,927 --> 00:20:29,261
I'm sorry.
I'll maybe try again.
455
00:20:29,328 --> 00:20:30,863
You got a beau...
(laughing)
456
00:20:30,930 --> 00:20:33,799
...tiful wife and kid.
457
00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:44,376
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
458
00:21:20,079 --> 00:21:21,680
Shh!
32291
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof