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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:52,571 --> 00:00:56,774 - I still don't know where we fit in the world. 2 00:01:01,447 --> 00:01:04,281 I thought leaving faith behind would relieve 3 00:01:04,283 --> 00:01:06,717 the dissonance I always felt. 4 00:01:09,822 --> 00:01:10,822 It didn't. 5 00:01:16,095 --> 00:01:20,330 Through it all, I find myself holding onto these values. 6 00:01:21,567 --> 00:01:25,202 So does Chris, my former mission companion. 7 00:01:27,473 --> 00:01:29,139 For one reason or another, we've had trouble 8 00:01:29,141 --> 00:01:31,508 finding our way. 9 00:01:34,880 --> 00:01:38,115 It's been a year since I've seen him, 10 00:01:38,117 --> 00:01:41,885 and tomorrow, he comes back to the Northwest. 11 00:01:43,322 --> 00:01:47,157 We've agreed to put it all behind us and start fresh, 12 00:01:48,594 --> 00:01:52,229 uninhibited by the Church, our families, distance, 13 00:01:52,231 --> 00:01:53,697 or anything else. 14 00:01:55,167 --> 00:01:56,533 We deserve that. 15 00:01:58,871 --> 00:02:00,070 Everyone does. 16 00:02:32,338 --> 00:02:33,338 - Hey. - Hey. 17 00:02:34,406 --> 00:02:36,773 I cannot believe you're going to be here tomorrow. 18 00:02:36,775 --> 00:02:38,342 - I know. 19 00:02:38,344 --> 00:02:41,278 - I can introduce you to all my friends finally. 20 00:02:41,280 --> 00:02:44,081 - I can introduce you to my friend. 21 00:02:44,083 --> 00:02:45,083 - Hi. 22 00:02:47,987 --> 00:02:50,287 - Hi, Kaylee. - Hi. 23 00:02:50,289 --> 00:02:51,488 - How are you? 24 00:02:51,490 --> 00:02:52,789 - Good. 25 00:02:52,791 --> 00:02:55,559 - You are so cute, I can't even stand it. 26 00:02:55,561 --> 00:02:57,361 - It's past her bedtime. 27 00:02:57,363 --> 00:02:58,495 Do you want to say goodnight? 28 00:02:58,497 --> 00:03:01,198 - Goodnight. - Goodnight, Kaylee. 29 00:03:01,200 --> 00:03:04,034 - All right, wanna take Gillian, and go brush all your guys' teeth. 30 00:03:04,036 --> 00:03:05,335 God bless you. 31 00:03:05,337 --> 00:03:06,870 - Gesundheit. 32 00:03:07,806 --> 00:03:09,806 - I'll be in tuck you in just a sec, okay. 33 00:03:14,146 --> 00:03:16,213 - I'm so excited to see you. 34 00:03:16,215 --> 00:03:19,583 - I know, it'll be good to see you, too. 35 00:03:21,787 --> 00:03:24,254 I better hit the hay as well. 36 00:03:24,957 --> 00:03:26,990 - Yeah, um... 37 00:03:32,331 --> 00:03:36,300 Uh... so I know that we discussed this, 38 00:03:36,302 --> 00:03:38,135 and I know that you're trying to figure it all out, 39 00:03:38,137 --> 00:03:41,271 but I just want to say that... 40 00:03:41,273 --> 00:03:43,140 you know, she's more than welcome 41 00:03:43,142 --> 00:03:46,176 to come up with you next time you come up, 42 00:03:46,178 --> 00:03:47,711 if that's okay. 43 00:03:49,381 --> 00:03:52,649 - Yeah, no, I'll think about that. 44 00:03:52,651 --> 00:03:54,685 - Okay, great. 45 00:03:55,888 --> 00:03:58,488 - Well, goodnight, I'll see you soon. 46 00:03:58,490 --> 00:03:59,990 - Yeah, goodnight. 47 00:04:05,064 --> 00:04:07,531 I love you, I love you, Chris. 48 00:04:07,533 --> 00:04:10,601 Just... I love you. 49 00:04:12,371 --> 00:04:15,639 Why can't I just say that like a normal person? 50 00:04:17,309 --> 00:04:18,575 - RJ? 51 00:04:18,577 --> 00:04:20,844 - Okay, yeah, hi. 52 00:04:20,846 --> 00:04:23,947 - Hi, no, I'm still here, did you want me to hang up? 53 00:04:23,949 --> 00:04:26,817 - Well, sure that'd be... - Or I can. 54 00:04:26,819 --> 00:04:28,552 Not that I want to hang up on you. 55 00:04:28,554 --> 00:04:30,721 - No, I know. - Okay. 56 00:04:30,723 --> 00:04:34,358 - Alright, goodnight. - Yep, goodnight. 57 00:04:34,360 --> 00:04:35,792 - Bye. 58 00:05:27,246 --> 00:05:28,779 Hey. 59 00:05:34,286 --> 00:05:36,586 - Thanks for coming to get me. 60 00:05:37,556 --> 00:05:38,855 - You look good. 61 00:05:38,857 --> 00:05:41,358 - Thank you. - I think I lost a little weight. 62 00:05:41,360 --> 00:05:42,893 - It looks good. 63 00:05:42,895 --> 00:05:44,261 - Thanks. 64 00:06:02,247 --> 00:06:04,848 I'm really happy you're here. 65 00:06:04,850 --> 00:06:09,286 I didn't think you'd ever speak to me again after the... 66 00:06:09,288 --> 00:06:12,422 - I said I forgive you, and I meant it. 67 00:06:12,424 --> 00:06:14,791 I just think people were legitimately confused 68 00:06:14,793 --> 00:06:17,327 why two men were kissing at my parents' anniversary party. 69 00:06:17,329 --> 00:06:18,428 - I was trying to make a statement. 70 00:06:18,430 --> 00:06:20,831 - Well, mission accomplished. 71 00:06:23,969 --> 00:06:26,369 - You know I'm excited for you to meet Adina and Sheris. 72 00:06:26,371 --> 00:06:28,071 - Yeah, they sound great. 73 00:06:28,073 --> 00:06:29,706 - Any my friend Ryan. 74 00:06:29,708 --> 00:06:31,475 - Oh he is the returning missionary 75 00:06:31,477 --> 00:06:33,076 you were telling me about? 76 00:06:36,281 --> 00:06:37,481 Great. 77 00:06:57,569 --> 00:07:00,237 - Yeah, I'll be there. 78 00:07:02,074 --> 00:07:04,207 Okay, give her my love, please. 79 00:07:05,677 --> 00:07:08,245 Alright, thank you. 80 00:07:08,247 --> 00:07:10,046 Okay, bye. 81 00:07:10,983 --> 00:07:13,550 Sometimes it feels like I'm still married. 82 00:07:16,355 --> 00:07:17,888 Thanks. 83 00:07:30,569 --> 00:07:31,668 - You hungry? 84 00:07:32,604 --> 00:07:33,737 - I could eat. 85 00:08:05,804 --> 00:08:07,637 - Am I that hard to be around? 86 00:08:11,510 --> 00:08:13,076 - No. 87 00:08:13,077 --> 00:08:14,643 - So how is life after pharmaceutical sales? 88 00:08:14,646 --> 00:08:16,680 - Well, I haven't heard back from any of the schools 89 00:08:16,682 --> 00:08:17,948 that I've applied to. 90 00:08:17,950 --> 00:08:20,383 I've got my heart set on sticking close to home. 91 00:08:23,121 --> 00:08:25,222 What about you, how's work? 92 00:08:25,224 --> 00:08:26,923 - Work's going well. 93 00:08:28,293 --> 00:08:31,995 I haven't written anything original in a while. 94 00:08:44,343 --> 00:08:46,009 - I forgot to tell you my sister read 95 00:08:46,011 --> 00:08:47,744 one of your books. 96 00:08:47,746 --> 00:08:49,112 - Oh, which one? 97 00:08:49,114 --> 00:08:51,715 - The really dirty one. 98 00:08:51,717 --> 00:08:54,217 - Yeah, tell her I'm sorry. 99 00:08:54,219 --> 00:08:56,419 - It's just that she knew you were talking about me, 100 00:08:56,421 --> 00:08:57,854 and it was like... 101 00:08:57,856 --> 00:08:59,422 - I know that's why I'm apologizing. 102 00:09:00,359 --> 00:09:01,691 How is Chelsea? 103 00:09:01,693 --> 00:09:04,995 - She's good, it's Greg that I don't talk to, 104 00:09:04,997 --> 00:09:07,764 but you already knew that. 105 00:09:07,766 --> 00:09:10,200 - Do they know that you're here with me right now? 106 00:09:10,202 --> 00:09:12,135 - My Mom does. 107 00:09:12,137 --> 00:09:15,739 My Dad, he's... 108 00:09:19,311 --> 00:09:20,877 - Let's loosen up. 109 00:09:20,879 --> 00:09:22,112 - Okay. 110 00:09:29,755 --> 00:09:31,288 - No, I don't drink. 111 00:09:32,190 --> 00:09:34,324 - Come on, you have no where else to be. 112 00:09:40,098 --> 00:09:42,666 How often do I get to see you? 113 00:09:44,536 --> 00:09:46,503 - Alright, I'll do one. 114 00:10:03,088 --> 00:10:04,254 - Another one? 115 00:10:04,256 --> 00:10:07,257 - You know you can't get me drunk. - I just got here. 116 00:10:07,259 --> 00:10:10,060 - I'm not trying to get you drunk, it's just happening. 117 00:10:47,265 --> 00:10:50,934 - Why does it take us so long to get comfortable? 118 00:10:50,936 --> 00:10:52,268 - I don't know. 119 00:10:53,305 --> 00:10:59,042 I feel like I still get... nervous around you. 120 00:10:59,044 --> 00:11:00,677 - Yeah, I get nervous, too. 121 00:11:00,679 --> 00:11:02,245 - After all this time. 122 00:11:03,148 --> 00:11:06,583 - Yeah, we're just two fluttering hearts. 123 00:11:52,197 --> 00:11:54,798 - I missed you. - I missed you. 124 00:12:03,341 --> 00:12:04,974 - You know, I think I can do 125 00:12:04,976 --> 00:12:06,743 this whole Northwest thing. 126 00:12:08,580 --> 00:12:10,547 - What? You are doing it. 127 00:12:10,549 --> 00:12:11,748 - What? 128 00:12:11,750 --> 00:12:14,951 - You're hanging out with gay, bearded men, 129 00:12:14,953 --> 00:12:16,419 and you're drinking beer. 130 00:12:17,355 --> 00:12:20,557 - And what about the Salt Lake City thing? 131 00:12:20,559 --> 00:12:21,891 - What about it? 132 00:12:22,928 --> 00:12:25,095 - Could you do it? 133 00:12:25,097 --> 00:12:27,897 - I think you could barely do it. 134 00:12:29,234 --> 00:12:31,901 - Well, maybe you won't have to. 135 00:12:38,743 --> 00:12:40,310 - Okay. 136 00:12:40,312 --> 00:12:41,945 - Where are you going? 137 00:12:41,947 --> 00:12:44,414 - I am headed back to your house to get some more beer. 138 00:12:44,416 --> 00:12:45,482 - I thought you said you weren't drinking. 139 00:12:45,484 --> 00:12:49,018 - You, sir, have opened the flood gates. 140 00:12:49,020 --> 00:12:51,020 I'm past the point of no return. 141 00:12:51,022 --> 00:12:53,123 - You can't just say that and then walk away. 142 00:12:53,125 --> 00:12:54,624 - Too late. 143 00:12:54,626 --> 00:12:55,892 - Come on, ugh. 144 00:13:06,771 --> 00:13:08,238 You'll be okay. 145 00:13:11,343 --> 00:13:14,410 - I think it's... - It's a little dry. 146 00:13:15,814 --> 00:13:17,614 We'll be okay. 147 00:13:17,616 --> 00:13:19,649 - I'm good. 148 00:13:28,293 --> 00:13:31,394 - Hey did you... - sleep with anybody else 149 00:13:31,396 --> 00:13:33,163 since I saw you last? 150 00:13:34,232 --> 00:13:37,133 - I had sex with Paul after Salt Lake. 151 00:13:37,135 --> 00:13:38,635 - I knew about that. 152 00:13:39,304 --> 00:13:41,204 I saw you after that. 153 00:13:41,206 --> 00:13:44,207 - Yeah, I just didn't know if I'd ever see you again. 154 00:13:44,209 --> 00:13:46,209 - Don't worry about it. 155 00:13:50,115 --> 00:13:52,182 Was there anybody else? 156 00:13:52,184 --> 00:13:57,754 - Um, like a night here, and a night there, but nothing real. 157 00:14:03,061 --> 00:14:06,996 - Yeah, I had to break a couple bad habits myself. 158 00:14:06,998 --> 00:14:08,798 - What makes them bad? 159 00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:13,303 - Just, oing places, and... 160 00:14:18,777 --> 00:14:20,410 meeting people. 161 00:14:30,121 --> 00:14:32,622 What do you think about that? 162 00:14:33,892 --> 00:14:37,694 - I think that we shouldn't feel like we're bad people 163 00:14:37,696 --> 00:14:39,095 all the time. 164 00:14:40,232 --> 00:14:44,167 It's okay to have sex, you know, we're supposed to cum. 165 00:14:44,169 --> 00:14:46,536 We're supposed to cum. 166 00:14:46,538 --> 00:14:50,440 We are animals, it's okay. 167 00:14:52,410 --> 00:14:53,776 We're okay. 168 00:14:55,347 --> 00:14:59,549 - You're not, you're not going to judge me? 169 00:14:59,551 --> 00:15:00,950 - No. 170 00:15:01,953 --> 00:15:05,221 - I just wanted to get it all out in the open. 171 00:15:05,223 --> 00:15:08,091 - Yeah, it's fine. 172 00:15:10,362 --> 00:15:14,063 We can get everything out in the open. 173 00:15:14,065 --> 00:15:19,636 Every last thing we can get out in the open. 174 00:15:23,275 --> 00:15:28,511 Three, two... one. 175 00:16:37,382 --> 00:16:38,981 - Hey. 176 00:16:45,256 --> 00:16:46,422 Good morning. 177 00:16:49,994 --> 00:16:52,095 Do you want some coffee? 178 00:16:52,097 --> 00:16:53,863 - I am a Mormon, sir. 179 00:16:55,533 --> 00:16:57,133 - So now you're a Mormon? 180 00:16:57,135 --> 00:16:58,135 - Amen. 181 00:17:03,608 --> 00:17:07,910 - Get up, get up. 182 00:17:10,048 --> 00:17:12,081 Get up. 183 00:17:17,489 --> 00:17:19,055 - Oh. 184 00:17:19,057 --> 00:17:20,289 - What? 185 00:17:20,291 --> 00:17:21,391 - My breath. 186 00:17:22,794 --> 00:17:23,860 - I don't mind, come on. 187 00:17:23,862 --> 00:17:25,495 - I do. 188 00:17:25,497 --> 00:17:28,664 - Come on, go. 189 00:17:38,610 --> 00:17:39,876 I wasn't ready for that. 190 00:17:39,878 --> 00:17:42,111 - Then why did you tell me to do it? 191 00:17:43,615 --> 00:17:45,248 - I'm just kidding. 192 00:17:51,756 --> 00:17:54,457 I'll go make us some breakfast. 193 00:18:17,982 --> 00:18:20,483 Hey, how do you want your eggs cooked? 194 00:18:30,061 --> 00:18:32,128 - Everything's so bright. 195 00:18:33,598 --> 00:18:35,198 - It's called day. 196 00:18:38,102 --> 00:18:40,136 - Thank you for breakfast. 197 00:18:40,138 --> 00:18:41,571 - You're welcome. 198 00:18:45,844 --> 00:18:48,044 - Where does your head hurt, there? 199 00:18:48,046 --> 00:18:49,712 - Right here. Oh. 200 00:18:54,786 --> 00:18:58,120 - Well, you gotta drink more water. 201 00:18:58,122 --> 00:18:59,622 Keep going. 202 00:19:03,895 --> 00:19:06,596 Here, I'm going to get you some more. 203 00:19:06,598 --> 00:19:08,631 - Thank you. - Mm-hmm. 204 00:19:52,710 --> 00:19:56,045 - "New IDS guidelines say children of same-sex couples... 205 00:19:56,047 --> 00:19:59,048 will not be baptized in the Church." 206 00:20:07,792 --> 00:20:09,058 I know you want to discuss this, 207 00:20:09,060 --> 00:20:10,459 but if you'll just give me a moment 208 00:20:10,461 --> 00:20:12,541 - to read the whole article. - They're joking, right? 209 00:20:17,135 --> 00:20:21,404 It says they're doing this for their own protection, 210 00:20:21,406 --> 00:20:24,173 that children from gay marriages can't be treated 211 00:20:24,175 --> 00:20:25,808 like everyone else. 212 00:20:29,414 --> 00:20:32,448 Punishing children for the sins of their own fathers. 213 00:20:32,450 --> 00:20:35,051 We don't even believe in that. 214 00:20:39,023 --> 00:20:40,756 You can interpret this any way you want, 215 00:20:40,758 --> 00:20:41,991 but I am done. 216 00:20:43,294 --> 00:20:45,795 - I don't think you mean that. 217 00:20:51,803 --> 00:20:53,102 - That's Adina. 218 00:20:53,705 --> 00:20:57,239 - Hello, hi! 219 00:20:57,241 --> 00:20:59,275 - Hi. - Hi! 220 00:21:00,678 --> 00:21:03,779 I'm Adina, I've heard so much about you. 221 00:21:03,781 --> 00:21:05,047 - I'm Chris. 222 00:21:05,049 --> 00:21:06,983 - Yeah, I know. 223 00:21:08,086 --> 00:21:09,585 - Nice to meet you. 224 00:21:09,587 --> 00:21:12,722 - Yeah, what's this? 225 00:21:12,724 --> 00:21:13,789 - What? 226 00:21:14,692 --> 00:21:15,925 - The love of your life is finally here, 227 00:21:15,927 --> 00:21:17,360 and you make him this? 228 00:21:17,362 --> 00:21:19,395 - Well, it's all I had. 229 00:21:26,771 --> 00:21:28,537 - Where's Sheris? 230 00:21:28,539 --> 00:21:30,272 - Not sure. 231 00:21:30,274 --> 00:21:32,041 - Is everything okay? 232 00:21:32,043 --> 00:21:35,411 - No, but I'll be fine. 233 00:21:41,586 --> 00:21:43,152 Come on. 234 00:21:43,154 --> 00:21:44,620 - What? 235 00:21:44,622 --> 00:21:46,389 - I'm a lip kisser, come on. 236 00:21:46,391 --> 00:21:47,623 - Oh? 237 00:21:49,627 --> 00:21:53,763 - What, you were married to a woman once, you'll be fine. 238 00:21:59,570 --> 00:22:01,370 - He has soft lips. 239 00:22:10,048 --> 00:22:11,313 Back and forth? 240 00:22:11,315 --> 00:22:12,682 Back and forth? 241 00:22:12,684 --> 00:22:14,383 Yeah, you know it's like... 242 00:22:14,385 --> 00:22:15,584 - No, that's up and down. 243 00:22:15,586 --> 00:22:16,786 - Together. 244 00:22:16,788 --> 00:22:18,387 - I assume that people poop up and down. 245 00:22:18,389 --> 00:22:20,756 - Okay, moving on, having anuses for eyes. 246 00:22:20,758 --> 00:22:23,292 - Hey. Hey. - Hey. 247 00:22:23,828 --> 00:22:26,095 - Hey, girl. - Hi. 248 00:22:26,097 --> 00:22:27,663 - Hey. Ryan. - Chris. 249 00:22:27,665 --> 00:22:29,598 - Oh, it's great to finally meet you. 250 00:22:29,600 --> 00:22:30,733 - Thank you. - Nice to meet you. 251 00:22:30,735 --> 00:22:32,001 - Hey. 252 00:22:32,003 --> 00:22:33,536 - Ryan. - Anya. 253 00:22:33,538 --> 00:22:35,337 - Steve. Nice to meet you. 254 00:22:35,339 --> 00:22:37,206 - Hey. - Hey, buddy. 255 00:22:38,743 --> 00:22:40,609 - Oh, you guys started without me? 256 00:22:40,611 --> 00:22:42,078 - Yeah, we had some really great ones, 257 00:22:42,080 --> 00:22:43,124 but you can still deal yourself in though. 258 00:22:43,136 --> 00:22:43,746 But you gotta catch up. 259 00:22:43,748 --> 00:22:45,848 - Yeah take seven and pick two. 260 00:22:46,684 --> 00:22:48,551 - Chris, how long are you in town for? 261 00:22:48,553 --> 00:22:49,952 - Oh just through tomorrow. 262 00:22:49,954 --> 00:22:51,687 - You have work or? 263 00:22:51,689 --> 00:22:53,055 - I have a six-year-old daughter. 264 00:22:53,057 --> 00:22:54,957 - Oh! - Really? 265 00:22:55,893 --> 00:22:57,526 - And what do you do Ryan? 266 00:22:57,528 --> 00:22:58,794 - Oh, I'm a masseur. 267 00:22:58,796 --> 00:23:01,163 - How long have you been doing that? 268 00:23:01,165 --> 00:23:04,133 - Oh, I actually just graduated, so I'm just starting out. 269 00:23:04,135 --> 00:23:07,269 Actually RJ is my only client. 270 00:23:07,271 --> 00:23:08,571 - You're only client? 271 00:23:08,573 --> 00:23:10,106 - Yeah, I'm hoping it'll take off. 272 00:23:10,108 --> 00:23:13,075 It's mostly word of mouth, but he's giving me lots 273 00:23:13,077 --> 00:23:14,677 of practice. 274 00:23:15,613 --> 00:23:18,948 We all know how tense he gets, right. 275 00:23:18,950 --> 00:23:21,951 - Wow, maybe like a website or business cards. 276 00:23:21,953 --> 00:23:25,254 - Yeah, you know, I gotta handle that side as well. 277 00:23:25,256 --> 00:23:28,257 I'm feeling it out, literally. 278 00:23:30,228 --> 00:23:32,261 - Good card. - It's so accurate, too. 279 00:23:32,263 --> 00:23:34,163 - Your turn. - Oh, sure, okay. 280 00:23:34,165 --> 00:23:36,432 - Lifetime presents, A Sad Handjob: The Story 281 00:23:36,434 --> 00:23:39,301 of a Homoerotic Volleyball Montage. 282 00:23:40,238 --> 00:23:41,504 - I'd watch that. 283 00:23:45,042 --> 00:23:48,144 - I can't believe I'm smoking pot with you, Chris. 284 00:23:48,146 --> 00:23:50,179 Your dad's a member of the Quorum. 285 00:23:50,181 --> 00:23:51,781 - Yes he is. 286 00:23:51,783 --> 00:23:54,216 - Yeah, that's a tough one for us right now. 287 00:23:54,218 --> 00:23:58,487 - Yeah, I heard... - but to be expected. 288 00:24:01,425 --> 00:24:03,425 - So where did you serve your mission, Ryan? 289 00:24:03,427 --> 00:24:06,529 - I spent my mission in Mexico City 290 00:24:09,033 --> 00:24:13,869 It was beautiful... and so was my companion. 291 00:24:18,442 --> 00:24:20,476 For a year straight... 292 00:24:21,345 --> 00:24:25,181 he would always change in front of me... 293 00:24:25,183 --> 00:24:29,485 totally innocent, but he knew what he was doing. 294 00:24:31,923 --> 00:24:34,323 And then one night, we were on a bus 295 00:24:34,325 --> 00:24:38,761 heading back to our district, and I fell asleep on his shoulder. 296 00:24:38,763 --> 00:24:42,131 While I was sleeping, he had taken my hand, 297 00:24:42,133 --> 00:24:45,434 and he was holding it in a patriarchal grip. 298 00:24:45,436 --> 00:24:49,872 I woke up... like this... 299 00:24:49,874 --> 00:24:53,042 and I looked up into his eyes, and... 300 00:24:53,044 --> 00:24:58,080 I saw a lust and love and longing... 301 00:25:00,651 --> 00:25:05,921 but I also saw this deep sadness... 302 00:25:08,626 --> 00:25:11,227 because we both knew 303 00:25:11,229 --> 00:25:15,264 we could never be together... 304 00:25:15,266 --> 00:25:20,369 and it would just be this moment in the back of a bus. 305 00:25:22,540 --> 00:25:26,141 We got sent home shortly after. 306 00:25:27,912 --> 00:25:30,045 I haven't seen him since. 307 00:25:39,190 --> 00:25:43,959 But seeing you guys together after so long... 308 00:25:43,961 --> 00:25:45,427 it gives me hope. 309 00:25:48,699 --> 00:25:50,099 I'm going to go. 310 00:25:50,868 --> 00:25:52,368 - Really? 311 00:25:52,370 --> 00:25:56,538 - Yeah... - It was nice to meet you. 312 00:25:56,540 --> 00:25:57,907 - Yeah, you too. 313 00:25:58,542 --> 00:26:00,209 - Are you okay? 314 00:26:00,211 --> 00:26:01,944 - Not really. 315 00:26:02,747 --> 00:26:04,346 - Hey, hey, hey... 316 00:26:11,188 --> 00:26:12,521 Love you. 317 00:26:13,457 --> 00:26:14,857 - Love you, too. 318 00:26:25,336 --> 00:26:27,102 - Where did you guys meet? 319 00:26:27,104 --> 00:26:28,971 - Um, we met at Affirmations. 320 00:26:28,973 --> 00:26:30,965 It's like a support group for recovering Mormons. 321 00:26:30,990 --> 00:26:32,065 - Yeah, I know what it is. 322 00:26:33,978 --> 00:26:36,679 - Yeah, his parents kicked him out of the house. 323 00:26:36,681 --> 00:26:38,113 - Wow. 324 00:26:39,617 --> 00:26:41,684 - I don't know, I feel bad for him. 325 00:26:43,020 --> 00:26:45,487 He's out here without no family or friends. 326 00:26:47,725 --> 00:26:48,757 - Wow. 327 00:26:51,462 --> 00:26:52,628 - You okay? 328 00:26:53,764 --> 00:26:55,030 - Yeah. 329 00:26:58,369 --> 00:26:59,702 - You coming? 330 00:26:59,704 --> 00:27:00,769 - Yeah. 331 00:27:07,311 --> 00:27:09,611 - Oops, sorry. - It's okay. 332 00:27:23,961 --> 00:27:25,961 - Have you and Ryan ever...? 333 00:27:29,433 --> 00:27:30,566 - No. 334 00:27:39,977 --> 00:27:41,710 - He sure loves you. 335 00:27:49,687 --> 00:27:51,120 - Do you love me? 336 00:30:37,555 --> 00:30:38,720 - Do you want some water? 337 00:30:38,722 --> 00:30:40,189 What are those? 338 00:30:40,191 --> 00:30:43,392 - Oh, I have pressure points in my back. 339 00:30:43,394 --> 00:30:45,194 - What's wrong with your back? 340 00:30:45,196 --> 00:30:49,498 - Just all those years of carrying around a heavy suitcase. 341 00:30:53,037 --> 00:30:54,336 - Thank you. 342 00:30:54,338 --> 00:30:55,637 - Yeah. 343 00:31:04,615 --> 00:31:06,448 - Whoa, it got chilly. 344 00:31:20,030 --> 00:31:22,531 Can I ask you something? 345 00:31:22,533 --> 00:31:23,565 - Sure. 346 00:31:24,768 --> 00:31:28,136 - Would you consider going to a sacrament meeting with me? 347 00:31:30,874 --> 00:31:34,943 - Chris, I just don't know what the point is. 348 00:31:34,945 --> 00:31:36,678 - I don't think it's coincidence that you live 349 00:31:36,680 --> 00:31:39,014 only a few blocks away from the war. 350 00:31:39,016 --> 00:31:41,717 It's not too late to come back. 351 00:31:41,719 --> 00:31:43,585 - Where do you think I've gone? 352 00:31:43,587 --> 00:31:46,722 - Not far, unless all of that stuff in your living room 353 00:31:46,724 --> 00:31:48,090 is just for show. 354 00:31:48,092 --> 00:31:50,292 - I'm still trying to figure out what they're trying 355 00:31:50,294 --> 00:31:52,761 to say with this announcement. 356 00:31:55,733 --> 00:31:59,868 By the way... did you know? 357 00:31:59,870 --> 00:32:00,870 - What? 358 00:32:01,872 --> 00:32:04,172 - About the policy, did you know before they made 359 00:32:04,174 --> 00:32:05,507 the announcement? 360 00:32:05,509 --> 00:32:08,210 - No... You honestly think that I knew about that. 361 00:32:08,212 --> 00:32:13,048 - I don't know, I just... I don't know, I thought that if you did, 362 00:32:13,050 --> 00:32:16,051 maybe there was something you could've done about it. 363 00:32:16,053 --> 00:32:18,153 - I don't know. - Like what? 364 00:32:18,922 --> 00:32:20,789 - Talk to your father. 365 00:32:20,791 --> 00:32:23,659 - What possible good would that do? 366 00:32:28,232 --> 00:32:31,033 - I don't know, he's like an inside voice. 367 00:32:31,035 --> 00:32:34,069 One of the twelve apostles has a gay son. 368 00:32:34,071 --> 00:32:35,404 I mean if that's not a prophecy, 369 00:32:35,406 --> 00:32:39,408 then I don't know what is. 370 00:32:43,681 --> 00:32:45,947 Do you ever think about it? 371 00:32:47,318 --> 00:32:49,718 What it would be like? 372 00:32:49,720 --> 00:32:50,686 - What? 373 00:32:50,688 --> 00:32:53,188 - I think about it all the time... 374 00:32:53,190 --> 00:32:57,025 with you, getting married... 375 00:33:00,397 --> 00:33:05,334 in the Church with the Sealer above us, 376 00:33:05,336 --> 00:33:07,803 my parents and your parents. 377 00:33:10,274 --> 00:33:15,944 I do... but it's not going to happen. 378 00:33:16,847 --> 00:33:18,447 Not like that. 379 00:33:20,417 --> 00:33:22,784 You know what the Church does? 380 00:33:22,786 --> 00:33:25,454 They convince me more and more that maybe Joseph Smith 381 00:33:25,456 --> 00:33:27,289 really did make it all up. 382 00:33:27,291 --> 00:33:28,890 - Don't do that. 383 00:33:28,892 --> 00:33:30,959 - How can you be a part of something that alienates 384 00:33:30,961 --> 00:33:34,029 parents from their children? 385 00:33:34,031 --> 00:33:36,565 Don't you understand what this means for you? 386 00:33:36,567 --> 00:33:38,633 - I've stuck with the Church through all of its 387 00:33:38,635 --> 00:33:41,236 flaws and idiosyncrasies, just like I've stuck with you 388 00:33:41,238 --> 00:33:43,105 through all of these years. 389 00:33:43,107 --> 00:33:45,073 - What are you talking about? 390 00:33:45,075 --> 00:33:47,175 I'm done with it, I've had my fill. 391 00:33:47,177 --> 00:33:49,678 - No, you gave up, that's different. 392 00:33:49,680 --> 00:33:51,480 - And you don't have the courage to leave. 393 00:33:51,482 --> 00:33:53,215 - I don't want to leave. 394 00:33:53,217 --> 00:33:56,585 - How are you okay with the way the treat you, 395 00:33:56,587 --> 00:33:59,921 or the way they treat your family or your daughter? 396 00:33:59,923 --> 00:34:01,757 As a father, how do you accept that? 397 00:34:01,759 --> 00:34:04,192 - Everything I do is for her. 398 00:34:05,262 --> 00:34:07,462 You can question my beliefs as a man of the faith, 399 00:34:07,464 --> 00:34:10,899 but don't you ever question my devotion to my daughter. 400 00:34:10,901 --> 00:34:12,300 - I'm sorry. 401 00:34:15,773 --> 00:34:17,806 I'm sorry. 402 00:34:21,211 --> 00:34:23,211 - What am I doing here? 403 00:34:24,948 --> 00:34:26,848 What am I doing? 404 00:34:30,487 --> 00:34:33,088 I just feel obligated to you, you know. 405 00:34:33,090 --> 00:34:36,291 I just keep coming back and coming back 406 00:34:36,293 --> 00:34:38,727 because it's all that I know. 407 00:34:39,563 --> 00:34:40,962 - Wow. 408 00:34:56,480 --> 00:34:57,712 - Ricky? 409 00:35:00,217 --> 00:35:04,186 - Hey... are you alright? 410 00:35:04,188 --> 00:35:05,587 Hey. 411 00:35:05,589 --> 00:35:07,289 What's wrong? 412 00:35:07,925 --> 00:35:09,191 Are you alright? 413 00:35:10,127 --> 00:35:12,093 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Easy, easy, 414 00:35:12,095 --> 00:35:13,562 Okay. 415 00:35:13,564 --> 00:35:19,401 What's wrong? Hey, look at me... I'm right here. 416 00:35:20,938 --> 00:35:25,173 Breathe... Are you alright? 417 00:35:25,175 --> 00:35:27,309 - I get these sometimes. 418 00:35:27,945 --> 00:35:32,314 - Hey, hey... Alright, 419 00:35:33,250 --> 00:35:35,283 Alright. 420 00:36:12,055 --> 00:36:13,588 Back to real life. 421 00:36:15,225 --> 00:36:16,925 - This is real life. 422 00:36:21,131 --> 00:36:24,533 I'm sorry we keep fucking things up. 423 00:36:24,535 --> 00:36:26,935 - You don't have to be sorry. 424 00:36:39,249 --> 00:36:40,382 - Okay. 425 00:38:54,117 --> 00:38:55,617 - Thanks. 426 00:39:52,175 --> 00:39:53,942 - Call Chris. 427 00:39:56,446 --> 00:39:59,280 - Say the list number of the one you... 428 00:39:59,282 --> 00:40:01,449 Calling the mobile number for Chris. 429 00:40:14,931 --> 00:40:16,064 - Hello. 430 00:40:16,066 --> 00:40:21,236 - Chris, Chris, I just heard. 431 00:40:21,238 --> 00:40:23,304 I'm so sorry. 432 00:40:24,141 --> 00:40:25,607 Is there anything I can I do? 433 00:40:27,644 --> 00:40:30,634 Would you consider coming to Salt Lake? 434 00:40:30,646 --> 00:40:31,646 Yeah. 435 00:40:32,983 --> 00:40:34,983 - I can make all the arrangements. 436 00:40:34,985 --> 00:40:37,285 - No, don't worry about it. - I'll get there. 437 00:40:39,422 --> 00:40:41,256 - The service is tomorrow. 438 00:40:41,258 --> 00:40:42,524 - Yeah, that's fine. 439 00:40:43,693 --> 00:40:46,594 - Okay, I'll send you all the details. 440 00:40:46,596 --> 00:40:48,062 I'll see you soon. 441 00:40:48,064 --> 00:40:49,664 - Are you okay? 442 00:40:55,639 --> 00:40:58,339 - It'll just be good to have you here. 443 00:40:58,341 --> 00:41:00,775 - Yeah, I want to be there with you. 444 00:41:02,445 --> 00:41:03,778 - I'll see you soon, RJ. 445 00:41:03,780 --> 00:41:06,648 - Okay, I love you. 446 00:41:11,888 --> 00:41:16,491 - Elder Merrill's gonna pitch a fit when he sees you. 447 00:41:16,493 --> 00:41:19,894 I think I'd like to be there with you. 448 00:41:19,896 --> 00:41:21,930 - Uh... 449 00:41:22,866 --> 00:41:25,500 - I just-I think I should do it alone. 450 00:41:26,603 --> 00:41:31,406 - Look, son, I never told you this, but... 451 00:41:32,676 --> 00:41:35,844 I had a conversation with him. 452 00:41:35,846 --> 00:41:37,278 - Wait, when? 453 00:41:38,648 --> 00:41:43,017 - We talked when you were in Salt Lake City with Chris. 454 00:41:44,888 --> 00:41:47,622 I was a bit direct. 455 00:41:48,859 --> 00:41:50,425 - How so? 456 00:41:51,394 --> 00:41:53,094 - Doesn't matter now. 457 00:41:53,096 --> 00:41:55,496 Back then I had my reasons. 458 00:41:57,000 --> 00:42:01,269 - Um... okay. 459 00:42:03,006 --> 00:42:05,039 What does Mom think? 460 00:42:05,942 --> 00:42:08,776 - She backs me up on this. 461 00:42:08,778 --> 00:42:11,112 - What about your foot? 462 00:42:11,114 --> 00:42:13,414 - It'll be fine, RJ. 463 00:42:16,152 --> 00:42:17,685 - Okay. 464 00:42:18,855 --> 00:42:21,890 - Alright, son, I'll see you in the morning in Salt Lake. 465 00:42:21,892 --> 00:42:23,691 - Yeah, I'll see you in the morning. 466 00:42:23,693 --> 00:42:25,493 - Alright, bye. - Bye. 467 00:42:31,902 --> 00:42:33,001 - Where are you headed today? 468 00:42:33,003 --> 00:42:34,068 - Uh, Utah. 469 00:42:35,672 --> 00:42:36,838 - Will you be checking any bags today? 470 00:42:36,840 --> 00:42:38,206 - No thanks. 471 00:42:40,143 --> 00:42:41,342 - There you go, sir, have a good flight. 472 00:42:41,344 --> 00:42:42,844 - Thank you. 473 00:44:10,200 --> 00:44:12,967 - Hi, thank you. 474 00:44:21,211 --> 00:44:22,610 Hey. 475 00:44:27,650 --> 00:44:30,918 Hi. Thank you for coming. 476 00:44:30,920 --> 00:44:33,654 Thank you. Thank you, guys. 477 00:44:47,303 --> 00:44:48,703 - Hi, Kaylee. 478 00:44:48,705 --> 00:44:50,071 - Hi. 479 00:44:50,073 --> 00:44:51,339 - You look really pretty. 480 00:44:51,341 --> 00:44:53,041 - Thank you. - I like your shoes. 481 00:44:53,043 --> 00:44:54,509 - Thank you. 482 00:44:54,511 --> 00:44:55,977 - She gets a little shy. 483 00:44:55,979 --> 00:44:57,345 - It's okay. 484 00:45:06,489 --> 00:45:07,755 - I'm glad you're here. 485 00:45:07,757 --> 00:45:09,123 - Me too. 486 00:45:13,296 --> 00:45:15,329 - Hey, shall I take her for a little why? 487 00:45:15,331 --> 00:45:18,021 Yeah absolutely, you wanna go with Grandma, honey? 488 00:45:18,033 --> 00:45:18,933 Yeah. 489 00:45:18,935 --> 00:45:21,335 I'll see you later, sweetie. 490 00:45:29,546 --> 00:45:30,645 You look good. 491 00:45:30,647 --> 00:45:32,680 - You too. - Thanks. 492 00:45:34,117 --> 00:45:36,551 - I'm sorry. - It's a very tough situation. 493 00:45:36,553 --> 00:45:39,620 - It's challenging, yeah. - Yeah. 494 00:45:39,622 --> 00:45:41,589 - Are you okay? 495 00:45:41,591 --> 00:45:44,258 - Yeah, he's walking over here. 496 00:45:45,328 --> 00:45:48,930 - It's gonna be fine. - I'm right here. 497 00:45:48,932 --> 00:45:51,099 - I think they're starting to recognize me. 498 00:45:51,101 --> 00:45:52,800 - They probably are. 499 00:45:54,537 --> 00:45:56,604 Hey, just don't kiss me. 500 00:45:59,142 --> 00:46:01,175 Sorry, that wasn't funny. 501 00:46:07,984 --> 00:46:10,902 - RJ. 502 00:46:10,903 --> 00:46:13,821 - Elder Merrill, I want you to know I'm very sorry for your loss. 503 00:46:13,823 --> 00:46:15,556 - I appreciate that. 504 00:46:16,526 --> 00:46:18,793 Chris didn't tell me that you were coming. 505 00:46:18,795 --> 00:46:20,528 - I invited him, Dad. 506 00:46:20,530 --> 00:46:24,732 - Elder Merrill, I'm Tom Smith, RJ's father. 507 00:46:24,734 --> 00:46:26,300 - Oh, right. 508 00:46:28,805 --> 00:46:31,405 - I can't begin to know what you're going through right now. 509 00:46:31,407 --> 00:46:35,710 Saying sorry isn't enough to express my sympathies. 510 00:46:38,014 --> 00:46:40,748 - Thank you, Brother Smith. 511 00:46:40,750 --> 00:46:43,784 - And you must be Chris, brother Smith. - Yes. 512 00:46:46,022 --> 00:46:49,257 I've heard so many great things about you. 513 00:46:50,693 --> 00:46:51,959 Welcome. 514 00:46:52,629 --> 00:46:53,861 What happened? 515 00:46:53,863 --> 00:46:55,530 - Oh, an accident at work. 516 00:46:56,399 --> 00:47:00,268 - Elder Smith, I thought that was you. 517 00:47:01,571 --> 00:47:02,837 How are you? 518 00:47:10,146 --> 00:47:11,879 - RJ, are you okay, son? 519 00:47:11,881 --> 00:47:13,481 - I'm sorry. 520 00:47:13,883 --> 00:47:15,249 - RJ? 521 00:47:18,288 --> 00:47:20,054 - Excuse me. 522 00:47:28,565 --> 00:47:30,932 Easy, hey, easy. 523 00:47:33,036 --> 00:47:34,535 - I'm so sorry. 524 00:47:34,537 --> 00:47:35,537 - It's okay. 525 00:47:36,139 --> 00:47:37,872 - That was so weird. - Yeah. 526 00:47:39,309 --> 00:47:42,243 - Our mission president... 527 00:47:42,245 --> 00:47:45,613 and the look that your father gave me, he hates me. 528 00:47:45,615 --> 00:47:48,616 - Okay. Okay. - He doesn't hate you. 529 00:47:48,618 --> 00:47:50,484 - I just wanted to be here for you. 530 00:47:50,486 --> 00:47:54,322 - You are, you're here. 531 00:47:54,324 --> 00:47:56,357 Rest. 532 00:47:57,994 --> 00:48:00,328 Easy, easy, easy. 533 00:48:01,898 --> 00:48:05,633 There we go, there we go, there we go. 534 00:48:11,874 --> 00:48:13,474 - They're gonna be alright. 535 00:48:13,476 --> 00:48:16,043 - Yeah, why don't you and RJ stick around, 536 00:48:16,045 --> 00:48:18,145 and we'll get some dinner? 537 00:48:18,147 --> 00:48:21,449 - Oh, Elder Merrill, I couldn't intrude on your mourning. 538 00:48:21,451 --> 00:48:22,516 - We need to have a talk. 539 00:48:22,518 --> 00:48:24,952 We need to have a candid conversation, 540 00:48:24,954 --> 00:48:26,687 and I would like you and RJ 541 00:48:26,689 --> 00:48:29,890 to join us for dinner tonight, alright? 542 00:48:29,892 --> 00:48:31,092 - Absolutely. 543 00:48:31,094 --> 00:48:32,593 - Good, thank you. 544 00:48:56,753 --> 00:48:58,919 - Welcome. - Thank you. 545 00:49:05,728 --> 00:49:08,529 So, I hear you're going to law school. 546 00:49:08,531 --> 00:49:10,064 - I'm still applying. 547 00:49:10,066 --> 00:49:11,532 - I bet your mother was proud. 548 00:49:11,534 --> 00:49:12,967 - Yeah, she was. 549 00:49:14,170 --> 00:49:18,172 As far as she was concerned, I was already practicing law. 550 00:49:18,174 --> 00:49:21,242 - My old mission companion became an attorney. 551 00:49:21,244 --> 00:49:25,146 I saw him and some of my other companions recently. 552 00:49:25,148 --> 00:49:30,584 We met up for a night, and life didn't skip a beat, 553 00:49:30,586 --> 00:49:32,620 let me tell you. 554 00:49:32,622 --> 00:49:35,423 We picked up right where we left off. 555 00:49:35,425 --> 00:49:38,659 We shared our blessings, and our tragedies, 556 00:49:38,661 --> 00:49:42,530 love and heartbreak. 557 00:49:45,301 --> 00:49:49,570 Some of them... I had no idea what they were going through 558 00:49:49,572 --> 00:49:51,172 back then. 559 00:49:54,110 --> 00:49:57,545 It's nice to have people in your life 560 00:49:57,547 --> 00:49:59,447 you can depend on. 561 00:50:02,285 --> 00:50:05,186 - I'm Greg, Chris's brother. 562 00:50:05,188 --> 00:50:07,722 - Thomas Smith, RJ's father. 563 00:50:07,724 --> 00:50:09,123 - It's good to see you again. 564 00:50:09,125 --> 00:50:10,624 - Thank you. 565 00:50:18,034 --> 00:50:20,801 Did you know my mother? 566 00:50:20,803 --> 00:50:24,105 - Okay, Greg, I know that you don't care much for me, 567 00:50:24,107 --> 00:50:25,806 so maybe we should... 568 00:50:25,808 --> 00:50:29,910 - I would like to sit here and mourn my mother 569 00:50:29,912 --> 00:50:33,080 without the shadow of my brother's past 570 00:50:33,082 --> 00:50:35,616 looming over this sacred moment. 571 00:50:38,388 --> 00:50:40,354 - I'm sorry. - May I have that? 572 00:50:40,356 --> 00:50:42,523 - You're really going to do this right now, Greg? 573 00:50:42,525 --> 00:50:46,427 - Our father asked me to be here, and here I am. 574 00:50:49,265 --> 00:50:50,564 Dad. 575 00:50:50,566 --> 00:50:55,336 - Boys, Brother Smith, RJ. 576 00:50:55,338 --> 00:50:56,804 - Elder Merrill. 577 00:50:56,806 --> 00:50:58,305 - Good to see you. 578 00:51:01,110 --> 00:51:07,081 - I didn't know what to get, so I got a variety of foods, pad Thai. 579 00:51:07,083 --> 00:51:09,150 - I hope Thai is good for everyone. 580 00:51:09,152 --> 00:51:12,887 We didn't have much left after the reception, so... 581 00:51:12,889 --> 00:51:16,056 Looks good, nice and hot. 582 00:51:16,058 --> 00:51:18,225 Brother Smith, would you like to pray for us? 583 00:51:18,227 --> 00:51:21,562 - Elder Merrill, I'd be honored if a member 584 00:51:21,564 --> 00:51:23,731 of the Quorum would say a blessing. 585 00:51:23,733 --> 00:51:27,535 - Okay, call me Noah, alright? 586 00:51:27,537 --> 00:51:29,603 - Let's pray. 587 00:51:32,675 --> 00:51:36,043 Our Heavenly Father, thank you for bringing 588 00:51:36,045 --> 00:51:39,880 Tom and RJ safely to us today and as our families 589 00:51:39,882 --> 00:51:42,316 come together, please help us guide our conversation, 590 00:51:42,318 --> 00:51:46,220 help us discover what is best for everyone, 591 00:51:46,222 --> 00:51:48,355 in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen. 592 00:51:48,357 --> 00:51:49,890 - Amen. 593 00:52:05,608 --> 00:52:08,242 - Brother Smith and RJ, thank you both 594 00:52:08,244 --> 00:52:12,580 for being here today, it was very gracious of you to come. 595 00:52:15,751 --> 00:52:20,855 I have to make clear right now and bear testimony 596 00:52:20,857 --> 00:52:23,724 to each of you that... 597 00:52:25,561 --> 00:52:27,828 sexual relations 598 00:52:27,830 --> 00:52:31,699 between two of the same sex is wrong. 599 00:52:31,701 --> 00:52:35,669 By doing so, our children become apostates, 600 00:52:35,671 --> 00:52:39,340 and should be culled from the kingdom. 601 00:52:39,342 --> 00:52:42,743 Now the rest of the world may be taking a different path, 602 00:52:42,745 --> 00:52:46,447 but we remain faithful to the Gospel. 603 00:52:46,449 --> 00:52:49,316 - You've made some pretty bold assumptions, Dad. 604 00:52:49,318 --> 00:52:51,952 - I've seen it with my own eyes, Chris. 605 00:52:51,954 --> 00:52:53,387 I've read his book. 606 00:52:54,657 --> 00:52:56,156 - There's a book? 607 00:52:56,158 --> 00:52:59,593 - It's a detailed account of their mission together. 608 00:52:59,595 --> 00:53:02,363 And you, how do you feel about this, having your 609 00:53:02,365 --> 00:53:05,232 adventures out there in print for everyone to see? 610 00:53:05,234 --> 00:53:06,967 - I wouldn't want them in print. 611 00:53:06,969 --> 00:53:09,904 - Well, no one would read a book about you, Greg. 612 00:53:11,007 --> 00:53:12,740 - Did you read the whole thing? 613 00:53:12,742 --> 00:53:15,809 - I read as much as I could. 614 00:53:15,811 --> 00:53:17,845 - What about the part when they helped the veteran 615 00:53:17,847 --> 00:53:22,716 with PTSD make his peace with heavenly Father and himself. 616 00:53:22,718 --> 00:53:24,385 Did you read that? 617 00:53:26,188 --> 00:53:28,889 - Your son and I fell in love. 618 00:53:30,626 --> 00:53:34,695 We did things that people do when they love each other. 619 00:53:36,499 --> 00:53:39,366 - Faith isn't a Kinsey scale. 620 00:53:39,368 --> 00:53:41,268 You're either a man of faith, or you're not. 621 00:53:41,270 --> 00:53:45,539 - Elder Merrill, I can assure you, RJ... - Dad. 622 00:53:45,541 --> 00:53:48,008 Like it or not, I'm in your life. 623 00:53:50,479 --> 00:53:54,548 A man of God or not, I feel the loss of this woman tonight, 624 00:53:54,550 --> 00:53:56,617 and I feel it through him. 625 00:53:58,020 --> 00:54:02,389 And he's a man that I love and whose family I love. 626 00:54:08,998 --> 00:54:11,365 - My mother would've loved you. 627 00:54:13,336 --> 00:54:14,635 Just like I do. 628 00:54:27,249 --> 00:54:30,618 - So what's this going to look like? 629 00:54:30,620 --> 00:54:32,920 - What's what going to look like? 630 00:54:32,922 --> 00:54:34,288 - This. 631 00:54:34,657 --> 00:54:36,123 - What? 632 00:54:36,125 --> 00:54:38,759 You two, with him in Seattle? 633 00:54:38,761 --> 00:54:40,961 - Well, RJ moved to Portland, Dad. 634 00:54:40,963 --> 00:54:43,030 - Well, that's the same thing. 635 00:54:43,032 --> 00:54:44,498 Kaylee's in Salt Lake City. 636 00:54:48,270 --> 00:54:51,105 - RJ and I aren't together right now. 637 00:54:52,341 --> 00:54:54,975 - Wait a minute, I thought that you guys were... 638 00:54:56,212 --> 00:54:57,212 ya know. 639 00:54:58,347 --> 00:55:01,915 - Yeah why not? I just heard you say that you love him. 640 00:55:15,364 --> 00:55:18,799 Do you mind if I ask what the problem is? 641 00:55:21,604 --> 00:55:28,375 - The Church... and where we fit inside of it all. 642 00:55:28,377 --> 00:55:29,710 We don't know. 643 00:55:34,483 --> 00:55:35,883 - I see. 644 00:55:46,162 --> 00:55:48,128 Thanks. 645 00:55:48,130 --> 00:55:51,065 RJ, thank you for being here for Chris. 646 00:55:51,067 --> 00:55:52,833 - Mm-hmm. 647 00:56:05,047 --> 00:56:07,014 - Thank you for coming. 648 00:56:32,675 --> 00:56:37,111 - Son, give me a hand. - Thanks. 649 00:56:41,951 --> 00:56:48,255 You know, RJ, I get it... about Chris. I mean. 650 00:56:50,426 --> 00:56:53,761 Your mother and I want the best for you, and... 651 00:56:55,431 --> 00:56:58,132 I can't think of anyone better for you than him. 652 00:57:03,706 --> 00:57:09,009 I want you to know... I'm proud of you, son. 653 00:57:10,446 --> 00:57:12,646 - For what? 654 00:57:12,648 --> 00:57:16,216 - For... - being a good human being... 655 00:57:20,122 --> 00:57:25,793 and for having the fortitude to... follow your heart. 656 00:57:29,932 --> 00:57:33,700 I knew someone in your situation once. 657 00:57:37,673 --> 00:57:41,642 He wasn't nearly as courageous as you and Chris. 658 00:57:43,245 --> 00:57:45,646 - Yeah, I think I remember you talking about him. 659 00:57:48,751 --> 00:57:51,385 Do you know what happened to him? 660 00:57:55,891 --> 00:57:57,391 Is he okay? 661 00:58:05,334 --> 00:58:10,003 - He is... he's fine. 662 00:58:12,608 --> 00:58:14,474 - Well if you ever want to talk about him, 663 00:58:14,476 --> 00:58:15,943 I'll listen. 664 00:58:18,981 --> 00:58:20,280 - Thank you, son. 665 00:59:25,981 --> 00:59:27,581 - Have a seat. 666 00:59:29,351 --> 00:59:31,018 - Is Sheris here? 667 00:59:31,020 --> 00:59:32,319 - She's asleep. 668 00:59:33,989 --> 00:59:36,356 - Is everything okay? 669 00:59:36,358 --> 00:59:38,425 - Yeah, we're fine. 670 00:59:38,427 --> 00:59:40,928 Now tell me about Salt Lake. 671 00:59:42,031 --> 00:59:45,666 - Well, it was really sad and really sweet. 672 00:59:47,102 --> 00:59:51,405 And we said goodbye, and... now I'm here. 673 00:59:52,808 --> 00:59:56,209 - Well that doesn't make any sense. 674 00:59:57,546 --> 01:00:01,515 You guys have been at this what, six, seven years. 675 01:00:01,517 --> 01:00:07,054 I love you, no I don't, I'm Mormon, no I'm not. 676 01:00:07,056 --> 01:00:10,557 My parents will be mad if we fuck, we shouldn't fuck. 677 01:00:10,559 --> 01:00:13,193 Fucking is against our religion. 678 01:00:13,195 --> 01:00:15,228 If everyone would just stop giving a fuck about 679 01:00:15,230 --> 01:00:17,597 who everyone else was fucking then there wouldn't 680 01:00:17,599 --> 01:00:19,399 be a problem. 681 01:00:19,401 --> 01:00:22,135 I don't care who anyone fucks except for Sharis. 682 01:00:22,137 --> 01:00:24,638 Why should I care about who that guy fucks, 683 01:00:24,640 --> 01:00:28,809 or that guy fucks, or that guy fucks, or that guy fucks, 684 01:00:28,811 --> 01:00:30,978 it's all bullshit. 685 01:00:31,814 --> 01:00:33,146 - Yeah, I agree. 686 01:00:34,817 --> 01:00:39,152 - Good, so then what are you afraid of? 687 01:00:41,423 --> 01:00:43,090 - Nothing. 688 01:00:53,035 --> 01:00:56,837 - You know there's a community of people out there 689 01:00:56,839 --> 01:01:02,109 who love you and want you to be happy 690 01:01:02,111 --> 01:01:06,513 and we want you to find love. 691 01:01:08,550 --> 01:01:10,817 - You know, I could do it. 692 01:01:12,888 --> 01:01:19,559 I could-I could compromise if it meant living a life with him. 693 01:01:20,996 --> 01:01:22,696 - So then why don't you? 694 01:01:23,866 --> 01:01:28,368 - Because you're either gay, or you're a man of faith... 695 01:01:28,370 --> 01:01:31,171 but apparently you can't be both. 696 01:01:34,410 --> 01:01:36,443 - Hey. - Hi. 697 01:01:41,884 --> 01:01:44,618 - You know, you can tell her to stop talking. 698 01:01:44,620 --> 01:01:46,053 That's what I do. 699 01:01:50,659 --> 01:01:52,325 Waking me up. 700 01:01:53,529 --> 01:01:54,728 Hi. 701 01:02:02,704 --> 01:02:05,005 I heard about Chris's mom. 702 01:02:08,877 --> 01:02:10,477 How are you doing? 703 01:02:11,713 --> 01:02:13,747 - Eh... 704 01:02:14,650 --> 01:02:16,349 - Come here. 705 01:02:28,063 --> 01:02:31,698 - You make me feel like a baby when you do that. 706 01:02:31,700 --> 01:02:33,567 - Because you are one. 707 01:03:17,045 --> 01:03:19,846 - No, no, no. - Do one more with me. 708 01:03:19,848 --> 01:03:22,649 - No, I'm good. - Just one more, come on. 709 01:03:22,651 --> 01:03:26,253 - No, really, I'm good. - Fine. 710 01:03:28,991 --> 01:03:30,891 - You are falling apart. 711 01:03:30,893 --> 01:03:36,229 - Am I? I think I'm finally letting loose. 712 01:03:36,231 --> 01:03:38,331 - Well, you've been letting loose for a while. 713 01:03:38,333 --> 01:03:41,034 - Well, you need to loosen up. 714 01:03:55,284 --> 01:03:56,850 What do we do now? 715 01:03:58,620 --> 01:04:01,988 - Well I pass out because I have to go be an editor in the morning. 716 01:04:01,990 --> 01:04:05,892 - No, no, no, I mean your body of work. 717 01:04:05,894 --> 01:04:09,796 Those books on the shelf, they're filled with your feelings 718 01:04:09,798 --> 01:04:11,331 about this man. 719 01:04:11,967 --> 01:04:13,433 He was your muse. 720 01:04:16,505 --> 01:04:18,405 - I'll find a new one. 721 01:04:20,542 --> 01:04:22,642 - I could be your muse. 722 01:04:23,779 --> 01:04:25,478 I make a great muse. 723 01:04:27,049 --> 01:04:28,548 - Yeah, you are. 724 01:04:36,725 --> 01:04:37,991 - What? 725 01:04:38,660 --> 01:04:40,060 - Nothing. 726 01:05:33,448 --> 01:05:38,652 - Okay, okay, no, okay, okay, okay. 727 01:05:40,756 --> 01:05:41,888 - He's not here. 728 01:05:41,890 --> 01:05:43,723 - It's not about him. 729 01:05:44,826 --> 01:05:46,359 - You're attracted to me right? 730 01:05:46,361 --> 01:05:48,795 - Of course, you're beautiful. 731 01:06:00,642 --> 01:06:05,578 Hey come on, please don't be... 732 01:06:05,580 --> 01:06:08,615 Don't let this be awkward between us. 733 01:06:08,617 --> 01:06:10,550 - Too late. 734 01:06:10,552 --> 01:06:13,186 - Look, I have feelings for you. 735 01:06:13,989 --> 01:06:17,157 And they are complicated feelings. 736 01:06:17,159 --> 01:06:19,059 We just can't have sex. 737 01:06:20,262 --> 01:06:22,095 It'll mess it up. 738 01:06:22,097 --> 01:06:25,265 - We both know what it's like to love something 739 01:06:25,267 --> 01:06:29,169 that doesn't love us back, don't we? 740 01:06:32,107 --> 01:06:36,409 - Ryan... come on. 741 01:06:36,912 --> 01:06:38,011 - What? 742 01:06:38,013 --> 01:06:40,347 - Come here, come on. 743 01:06:42,584 --> 01:06:44,617 Come here. 744 01:07:00,569 --> 01:07:03,603 - Do you still believe in God, RJ? 745 01:07:06,208 --> 01:07:09,376 Do you think that He's here right now? 746 01:07:19,855 --> 01:07:23,256 Because I'm starting to see our Heavenly Father... 747 01:07:23,258 --> 01:07:29,996 like I see the Prophet or the other leaders, as... 748 01:07:29,998 --> 01:07:32,332 flawed men. 749 01:07:34,002 --> 01:07:37,070 I don't want to see Him like that. 750 01:07:38,640 --> 01:07:42,642 I want to know that He's here, and that He loves me. 751 01:07:46,248 --> 01:07:48,748 - Do you feel loved right now? 752 01:07:52,888 --> 01:07:54,821 - In this moment, I do. 753 01:07:58,994 --> 01:08:00,627 - Then maybe He is. 754 01:08:10,539 --> 01:08:12,806 - I have to admit... 755 01:08:12,808 --> 01:08:16,810 I didn't want you and Chris to work out. 756 01:08:16,812 --> 01:08:17,944 - I know that. 757 01:08:19,114 --> 01:08:22,348 - I just didn't want to lose what we have. 758 01:08:24,719 --> 01:08:27,821 - I am not what you want, and I think you know that. 759 01:08:30,258 --> 01:08:34,060 - I looked at you guys, and I thought to myself, 760 01:08:35,630 --> 01:08:40,967 "I want that... I want that. 761 01:08:42,037 --> 01:08:44,437 Or something like that." 762 01:08:44,439 --> 01:08:46,372 - You can have it. 763 01:08:49,511 --> 01:08:51,778 - I want a family some day, RJ. 764 01:08:51,780 --> 01:08:53,980 I want a Temple wedding. 765 01:08:53,982 --> 01:08:56,483 I don't want to be told that I'm going to be banished 766 01:08:56,485 --> 01:08:59,052 to the outer darkness for wanting that. 767 01:09:00,589 --> 01:09:03,456 I have been to the dark places, 768 01:09:03,458 --> 01:09:06,192 and I had to pull myself out. 769 01:09:09,264 --> 01:09:11,297 I don't want to go back there. 770 01:09:28,450 --> 01:09:34,721 - You can have all of that, but not if you're gone. 771 01:09:56,778 --> 01:09:58,511 - What do we do now? 772 01:10:06,888 --> 01:10:09,689 - We call your mission companion. 773 01:10:09,691 --> 01:10:12,325 - No, no we don't. - Yeah. Yeah. 774 01:10:13,762 --> 01:10:18,097 - Come on is there a way to get a hold of Elder Petersen? 775 01:10:20,101 --> 01:10:21,601 - Maybe. 776 01:10:23,171 --> 01:10:24,871 - Then let's call him. 777 01:10:24,873 --> 01:10:28,708 - It's probably not even his number any more. 778 01:10:28,710 --> 01:10:31,210 Besides he wouldn't pick up, he's probably 779 01:10:31,212 --> 01:10:33,813 out with his friends or something. 780 01:10:33,815 --> 01:10:36,549 At BYU, it's like 2 am. 781 01:10:37,686 --> 01:10:41,955 - Okay, well maybe not, but still he wouldn't pick up. 782 01:10:43,224 --> 01:10:45,425 - Well then it doesn't matter. 783 01:10:45,427 --> 01:10:47,493 - He might be angry with me. 784 01:10:47,495 --> 01:10:48,561 - Why? 785 01:10:51,900 --> 01:10:54,601 - He went home for what we did. 786 01:10:59,908 --> 01:11:00,940 He's ashamed. 787 01:11:05,180 --> 01:11:08,581 - He could fall in love with another boy, 788 01:11:09,818 --> 01:11:14,187 or worse, he could marry some unsuspecting girl. 789 01:11:14,189 --> 01:11:16,489 - I've been drinking. 790 01:11:16,491 --> 01:11:18,791 - That'll only help. 791 01:11:18,793 --> 01:11:21,761 - I'll call him some other time. 792 01:11:21,763 --> 01:11:24,097 - No, no, tonight, we're gonna call him tonight. 793 01:11:24,099 --> 01:11:27,100 - Chris never answered your calls after your mission. 794 01:11:27,102 --> 01:11:29,268 - Yeah, I didn't try hard enough. - Well, he didn't let you. 795 01:11:29,270 --> 01:11:32,271 - I could've tried harder. - Don't fuck this up like I did. 796 01:11:32,273 --> 01:11:33,606 - You didn't. 797 01:11:34,976 --> 01:11:38,044 - Come on let me see your phone. 798 01:11:38,046 --> 01:11:39,846 - It's probably dead. 799 01:11:44,819 --> 01:11:46,586 - You're not going to do it, come on. 800 01:11:46,588 --> 01:11:48,655 - Just let me sort it out. 801 01:11:50,692 --> 01:11:52,558 - His roommates are probably out right now 802 01:11:52,560 --> 01:11:54,160 soaking with their girlfriends. 803 01:11:54,162 --> 01:11:55,628 - Gross. 804 01:11:58,133 --> 01:12:02,935 - He's alone in his dorm, and he wants you to call him. 805 01:12:02,937 --> 01:12:04,303 - No, he doesn't. 806 01:12:07,409 --> 01:12:11,310 - You know when you think about someone you love, 807 01:12:11,312 --> 01:12:15,181 it's usually because they're thinking about you, too. 808 01:12:35,770 --> 01:12:37,737 - Hello? 809 01:12:40,041 --> 01:12:41,674 - It's Ryan. 810 01:12:44,412 --> 01:12:46,579 I'm in Portland. 811 01:12:47,549 --> 01:12:49,816 That's cool. 812 01:12:49,818 --> 01:12:52,051 How did you know I'd be up? 813 01:12:52,053 --> 01:12:53,786 - Just luck, I guess. 814 01:12:54,856 --> 01:12:59,358 It's nice to hear from you. 815 01:13:00,862 --> 01:13:02,995 - It's so good to hear your voice. 816 01:13:02,997 --> 01:13:04,530 It's weird you'd called, 817 01:13:04,532 --> 01:13:06,466 I've been thinking about you. 818 01:13:06,468 --> 01:13:07,800 - You have? 819 01:13:07,802 --> 01:13:12,171 - Yeah, like all the flipping time. 820 01:13:17,779 --> 01:13:19,412 - Are you alone? 821 01:13:20,882 --> 01:13:23,616 Yeah, are you? 822 01:13:24,686 --> 01:13:26,385 - Yeah, I am. 823 01:13:28,123 --> 01:13:30,389 So, how have you been? 824 01:13:32,093 --> 01:13:34,961 - Good. 825 01:13:38,867 --> 01:13:41,801 I miss you. 826 01:13:42,837 --> 01:13:44,103 - I miss you, too. 827 01:13:44,973 --> 01:13:47,607 - Really? - Yeah. 828 01:13:50,912 --> 01:13:53,379 - I wish I could see your face. 829 01:13:56,985 --> 01:13:59,519 - Well maybe we could make that happen. 830 01:13:59,521 --> 01:14:02,522 - Really? - Yeah. 831 01:14:07,595 --> 01:14:11,464 - I remember how you used to look at me. 832 01:14:11,466 --> 01:14:14,801 - Like you were the only person in the world? 833 01:14:14,803 --> 01:14:16,702 - Yeah. 834 01:14:16,704 --> 01:14:19,105 - It's because that's all I saw. 835 01:14:22,544 --> 01:14:24,944 I love you. 836 01:14:29,350 --> 01:14:31,184 - I love you, too. 837 01:14:33,121 --> 01:14:35,855 So much. 838 01:14:39,661 --> 01:14:44,330 - I'm coming home, I think it's time. 839 01:16:18,760 --> 01:16:20,459 - President, may I sit? 840 01:16:20,461 --> 01:16:22,941 - Yes, brother Merrill. 841 01:16:29,904 --> 01:16:33,005 Let me first say that I am praying for you. 842 01:16:33,007 --> 01:16:35,608 I've been speaking with our Heavenly Father, 843 01:16:35,610 --> 01:16:37,310 and He loves you. 844 01:16:37,312 --> 01:16:41,213 Debbie was dear to me and to Francis. 845 01:16:41,215 --> 01:16:43,916 How are Chelsea, and Greg, Chris and Kaylee? 846 01:16:45,486 --> 01:16:49,555 - Well Chelsea is taking it pretty hard, as is Greg. 847 01:16:50,658 --> 01:16:54,226 Kaylee, we tell her that Deedee has gone on 848 01:16:54,228 --> 01:16:58,197 to her eternal family, but you know, she's a child. 849 01:16:59,534 --> 01:17:02,168 Chris has been a rock. 850 01:17:02,170 --> 01:17:04,770 And he's actually a big part of the reason 851 01:17:04,772 --> 01:17:06,872 I'm here today. 852 01:17:06,874 --> 01:17:08,641 - Oh? 853 01:17:08,643 --> 01:17:12,979 - He suffered from same-sex attraction for many years. 854 01:17:12,981 --> 01:17:17,483 I tried, I did everything I could to help him, 855 01:17:17,485 --> 01:17:20,286 but I've stopped that now. 856 01:17:20,288 --> 01:17:23,422 - It's a very difficult situation. 857 01:17:23,424 --> 01:17:27,693 - I realized that he is fine the way he is. 858 01:17:27,695 --> 01:17:30,730 There's no need for him to change. 859 01:17:31,499 --> 01:17:32,932 - Brother Merrill, 860 01:17:32,934 --> 01:17:36,802 you know that Lucifer will try every trick to mislead us. 861 01:17:38,606 --> 01:17:41,273 - You continue to teach me to be open 862 01:17:41,275 --> 01:17:45,044 to the promptings of the spirit, and I feel my heart 863 01:17:45,046 --> 01:17:48,114 softening towards Chris and the many faithful 864 01:17:48,116 --> 01:17:49,482 who are like him. 865 01:17:55,423 --> 01:17:57,823 Where's our spirituality? 866 01:17:57,825 --> 01:18:01,160 Where's our response to the love of God? 867 01:18:03,331 --> 01:18:07,366 This doesn't feel like love, making people choose... 868 01:18:08,669 --> 01:18:12,271 separating ourselves from them for eternity. 869 01:18:16,077 --> 01:18:20,112 Have you seen what's happening in the world? 870 01:18:20,114 --> 01:18:25,584 People are being killed, beaten, discriminated against 871 01:18:25,586 --> 01:18:30,423 every day, my son among them. 872 01:18:30,425 --> 01:18:31,624 - I understand, 873 01:18:31,626 --> 01:18:36,095 brother Merrill, but I have heard from the Lord... 874 01:18:36,097 --> 01:18:40,199 is that we have to proceed as we already have. 875 01:18:41,302 --> 01:18:44,303 - Well, I, too, have talked to our Heavenly Father. 876 01:18:44,305 --> 01:18:45,853 Oh, have you? 877 01:18:45,865 --> 01:18:50,543 Yes and He told me that we, the apostles, and... 878 01:18:52,513 --> 01:18:55,781 the Quorum must continue to discuss this matter. 879 01:19:03,691 --> 01:19:07,093 - Alright, son, you'll have your meeting. 880 01:19:08,362 --> 01:19:12,631 In the meantime, Noah, get some rest. 881 01:19:12,633 --> 01:19:14,200 You're going through much more now 882 01:19:14,202 --> 01:19:15,968 than you may realize. 883 01:19:17,472 --> 01:19:21,140 - Thank you, but I really need to work right now. 884 01:19:22,543 --> 01:19:24,310 - I understand. 885 01:19:24,312 --> 01:19:25,978 Let us pray. 886 01:19:25,980 --> 01:19:27,313 - Of course. 887 01:19:30,451 --> 01:19:35,588 - Dear Heavenly Father, we thank you for the friendships 888 01:19:37,024 --> 01:19:43,729 that support us in difficult times... when we lose family 889 01:19:43,731 --> 01:19:47,600 until we see them again in eternal life, 890 01:19:47,602 --> 01:19:49,168 it is very hard. 891 01:19:52,673 --> 01:19:54,840 - Okay. Do you remember which order these go in? 892 01:19:54,842 --> 01:19:55,875 - Yeah. 893 01:19:56,644 --> 01:19:59,445 - Alright, put 'em in order for me. 894 01:20:07,455 --> 01:20:10,556 Very good, good job. 895 01:20:12,460 --> 01:20:15,594 So can you tell me where Grandma is, do you remember? 896 01:20:15,596 --> 01:20:19,131 Very good, that's the spirit world. That's paradise. 897 01:20:19,133 --> 01:20:20,933 That's where she's waiting for all of us. 898 01:20:20,935 --> 01:20:23,269 - Here? - Yep, right there. 899 01:20:23,271 --> 01:20:26,372 - Yeah, right there, and one day, we will all 900 01:20:26,374 --> 01:20:29,208 be together right here. 901 01:20:29,210 --> 01:20:32,711 So it'll be you, and me, and Mommy's going to be there, 902 01:20:32,713 --> 01:20:36,916 and your Grandma, and we will all be together forever. 903 01:20:36,918 --> 01:20:38,851 - RJ, too? 904 01:20:42,156 --> 01:20:45,124 - Yeah, of course, he'll be there. 905 01:20:48,563 --> 01:20:50,963 Of course, he'll be there, baby. 906 01:20:54,535 --> 01:20:56,268 Oh, your Mommy's going to be here in a few minutes. 907 01:20:56,270 --> 01:20:58,070 Do you want to go outside and wait for her? 908 01:20:58,072 --> 01:20:59,572 See if we can see her drive up? 909 01:20:59,574 --> 01:21:01,106 - Yeah. - Okay. 910 01:21:43,651 --> 01:21:46,252 - You promise you're not mad that I'm not going to BYU? 911 01:21:46,254 --> 01:21:47,686 - I'm not mad. 912 01:21:48,656 --> 01:21:50,322 This makes so more sense. 913 01:21:50,324 --> 01:21:53,025 You won't have to disrupt Kaylee's life. 914 01:21:54,262 --> 01:21:56,228 This place is beautiful. 915 01:21:56,230 --> 01:21:57,663 - Yeah. 916 01:21:57,665 --> 01:21:59,531 It's the right thing. 917 01:22:04,405 --> 01:22:07,806 I was thinking about our dinner with the Smiths, 918 01:22:07,808 --> 01:22:10,509 and how much I wished your mom could have been there 919 01:22:10,511 --> 01:22:12,611 for that. 920 01:22:18,152 --> 01:22:21,487 It had a life marker feel about it. 921 01:22:25,493 --> 01:22:30,496 It's inspired me to bring some matters up 922 01:22:30,498 --> 01:22:32,498 before the Quorum. 923 01:22:32,500 --> 01:22:35,834 I'm going to broach the subject of the new policy 924 01:22:35,836 --> 01:22:39,305 and also same-sex marriage in the Church. 925 01:22:44,111 --> 01:22:46,445 What do you think about that? 926 01:22:50,418 --> 01:22:55,220 - I don't think I ever told you this, but... while I was 927 01:22:55,222 --> 01:23:00,826 in therapy... they told me time and again, 928 01:23:00,828 --> 01:23:04,330 you can choose God or you can choose love. 929 01:23:05,666 --> 01:23:09,134 Well, to me, they're one in the same. 930 01:23:09,136 --> 01:23:12,771 My own daughter knows that, a child knows that. 931 01:23:15,976 --> 01:23:18,911 I'm not going to let anyone tell me who I can 932 01:23:18,913 --> 01:23:23,549 and can't be with... and I'm not going to let anyone... 933 01:23:23,551 --> 01:23:26,785 define those choices for me either. 934 01:23:32,893 --> 01:23:37,296 This meeting with the President, with the Quorum... 935 01:23:39,900 --> 01:23:44,002 thank you, but I hope you're not doing it just for me. 936 01:23:46,440 --> 01:23:47,740 I hope you're doing it because you know 937 01:23:47,742 --> 01:23:50,342 it's the right thing to do. 938 01:23:52,513 --> 01:23:56,615 - As a member of the Quorum, I'm limited. 939 01:23:56,617 --> 01:24:00,486 I'm one voice in that room, but I'm going to have 940 01:24:00,488 --> 01:24:02,421 your mom with me. 941 01:24:07,995 --> 01:24:12,831 You know... when I saw you and RJ together, 942 01:24:12,833 --> 01:24:16,668 when he had his panic attack, and you ran after him... 943 01:24:16,670 --> 01:24:19,738 reassured him, talked him through it. 944 01:24:21,108 --> 01:24:25,110 That reminded me so much of your mom and I, 945 01:24:25,112 --> 01:24:27,446 and how we cared for each other. 946 01:24:28,082 --> 01:24:29,748 That's love. 947 01:24:30,584 --> 01:24:32,618 I saw that with you. 948 01:24:34,155 --> 01:24:38,824 It's like a dream... 949 01:24:38,826 --> 01:24:42,361 this life, it only lasts so long. 950 01:24:49,170 --> 01:24:50,736 I love you, son. 951 01:24:51,939 --> 01:24:53,872 - I love you, too, Dad. 952 01:24:57,545 --> 01:24:59,178 - God, I miss her. 953 01:25:00,714 --> 01:25:02,114 - Me too. 954 01:26:53,093 --> 01:26:55,460 - Hey. - Hi. 955 01:26:55,462 --> 01:26:56,995 - How long have you been here? 956 01:26:56,997 --> 01:26:59,031 - Three and a half hours. 957 01:26:59,033 --> 01:27:00,832 - I'm so sorry. 958 01:27:00,834 --> 01:27:01,900 - It's okay. 959 01:27:03,604 --> 01:27:04,903 - You got into law school. 960 01:27:04,905 --> 01:27:07,639 - I did. 961 01:27:10,344 --> 01:27:14,913 - Congratulations. - Thank you... Oh, okay. 962 01:28:52,546 --> 01:28:56,715 - Have you had time... to think? 963 01:29:11,298 --> 01:29:13,899 You don't have to be strong for me. 964 01:29:45,632 --> 01:29:48,100 - I never got to say goodbye. 965 01:29:50,871 --> 01:29:53,171 She was so good. 966 01:32:38,171 --> 01:32:41,406 - Hi, you've reached the voice-mail box of Christopher Merrill. 967 01:32:41,408 --> 01:32:44,943 - Chris, as a member of the Quorum of the Twelve, 968 01:32:44,945 --> 01:32:47,913 I have to tell you that I cannot support you, 969 01:32:47,915 --> 01:32:52,050 but as your father, you have my blessing. 970 01:32:52,052 --> 01:32:54,886 You don't need it, but you have it. 971 01:33:08,135 --> 01:33:10,502 - Hey, hey, you have time. 972 01:33:10,504 --> 01:33:12,170 You're not going to miss your flight. 973 01:33:12,172 --> 01:33:14,472 - I'm sorry. - It's okay. 974 01:33:19,980 --> 01:33:23,882 What's in going to be like when you start school? 975 01:33:23,884 --> 01:33:26,451 - Well, you know there's going to be breaks every now 976 01:33:26,453 --> 01:33:32,290 and then, and it's only three years. 977 01:33:32,292 --> 01:33:35,794 - A lot can happen in three years. 978 01:33:35,796 --> 01:33:37,829 - Yeah. 979 01:33:37,831 --> 01:33:39,097 - I just feel like you're going to leave, 980 01:33:39,099 --> 01:33:41,566 and everything's going to be the same. 981 01:33:41,568 --> 01:33:43,234 - RJ, I know why you feel that way. 982 01:33:43,236 --> 01:33:45,437 - I prayed this morning. 983 01:33:48,175 --> 01:33:52,677 I prayed for Heavenly Father to give me strength. 984 01:33:52,679 --> 01:33:56,514 I prayed for strength to let us go, 985 01:33:57,718 --> 01:34:00,085 so that you could attend to matters in your own life, 986 01:34:00,087 --> 01:34:02,220 and I could do the same. 987 01:34:05,058 --> 01:34:08,259 I know that the Church has betrayed us... 988 01:34:09,563 --> 01:34:17,535 and it's excluded us, and it's been... heart breaking... 989 01:34:17,537 --> 01:34:19,337 but when you're wrapped up in it, 990 01:34:19,339 --> 01:34:21,172 I can't live without it. 991 01:34:29,449 --> 01:34:34,119 - I know it's been really crazy the last couple 992 01:34:34,121 --> 01:34:37,856 of weeks, and for my part, I apologize for that... 993 01:34:43,096 --> 01:34:44,429 but if it's taught me anything, 994 01:34:44,431 --> 01:34:47,365 it's that life is way too short. 995 01:34:48,702 --> 01:34:52,804 For the first time in my life, I know what I want 996 01:34:52,806 --> 01:34:54,305 and who I want. 997 01:34:56,376 --> 01:34:57,776 I want you. 998 01:35:01,048 --> 01:35:06,418 And Kaylee, and the Church, I want it all... 999 01:35:07,554 --> 01:35:09,421 because we deserve it. 1000 01:35:10,157 --> 01:35:11,790 - I want it all, too. 1001 01:35:11,792 --> 01:35:14,159 I want everything. 1002 01:35:14,161 --> 01:35:18,029 It belongs to us as much as it belongs to anyone else... 1003 01:35:19,633 --> 01:35:24,169 and nobody can tell us what our options are... 1004 01:35:24,171 --> 01:35:26,471 and I don't want to fuck around anymore. 1005 01:35:33,547 --> 01:35:39,017 - Well, I had this whole other thing planned. 1006 01:35:47,294 --> 01:35:50,728 I called your dad recently... 1007 01:35:52,899 --> 01:35:58,069 and the reason I called him was to ask his permission to marry his son. 1008 01:36:23,096 --> 01:36:24,762 Will you marry me? 1009 01:36:28,668 --> 01:36:32,971 Yes... 1010 01:36:32,973 --> 01:36:35,006 I love you. 1011 01:36:36,109 --> 01:36:37,876 - I love you so much. 1012 01:36:46,386 --> 01:36:49,187 I will never leave you again. 1013 01:37:02,836 --> 01:37:05,470 You need some tissue? 1014 01:37:05,472 --> 01:37:06,971 - No, no I'm okay. 1015 01:37:08,909 --> 01:37:11,409 - I have a plane to catch. 1016 01:37:11,411 --> 01:37:13,912 - You said you would never leave. - Just this once. 1017 01:37:13,914 --> 01:37:15,747 - Okay. - Okay. 1018 01:37:24,157 --> 01:37:27,192 - Our dear Heavenly Father, we're so very grateful 1019 01:37:27,194 --> 01:37:31,829 for this blessed day, to be here, with these two young men. 1020 01:37:31,831 --> 01:37:34,532 We pray that thy spirit will be with us, 1021 01:37:34,534 --> 01:37:37,402 and it will bless them and strengthen them 1022 01:37:37,404 --> 01:37:39,938 as they endure life's challenges together. 1023 01:37:39,940 --> 01:37:42,507 We pray that all will be enriched by this experience 1024 01:37:42,509 --> 01:37:43,975 as we leave today, 1025 01:37:43,977 --> 01:37:47,212 and that we will always remember to treat thy children 1026 01:37:47,214 --> 01:37:51,482 with the utmost of love, kindness, and patience, 1027 01:37:51,484 --> 01:37:54,085 and we ask these things humbly in the name of thy Son, 1028 01:37:54,087 --> 01:37:55,987 Jesus Christ, Amen. 1029 01:37:55,989 --> 01:37:57,622 - Amen. 1030 01:38:01,895 --> 01:38:03,595 - And now the rings. 1031 01:38:23,717 --> 01:38:27,352 Brethren, do you take one another by the hand 1032 01:38:28,822 --> 01:38:32,523 and receive each other to be your lawful and wedded 1033 01:38:32,525 --> 01:38:35,660 husband for time and all eternity, 1034 01:38:38,131 --> 01:38:41,399 and this you do in the presence of God, angels, 1035 01:38:41,401 --> 01:38:47,972 and these witnesses of your own free will and choice? 1036 01:38:47,974 --> 01:38:49,641 - Yes. 1037 01:38:50,143 --> 01:38:51,509 - Yes. 1038 01:38:52,712 --> 01:38:57,015 - By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husbands. 1039 01:39:28,214 --> 01:39:35,953 - My name is RJ Smith, and I married Chris, the love of my life... 1040 01:39:35,955 --> 01:39:39,724 in December of 2016, in Portland, Oregon, 1041 01:39:42,529 --> 01:39:45,129 our families were both there, 1042 01:39:45,131 --> 01:39:47,832 including my stepdaughter Kaylee. 1043 01:39:50,637 --> 01:39:53,438 I soon moved to Salt Lake with them. 1044 01:39:55,342 --> 01:39:57,442 I got a job as an adjunct professor 1045 01:39:57,444 --> 01:40:04,148 at the University of Utah, and I finished my new book. 1046 01:40:06,853 --> 01:40:11,222 I finally found a way to join the two opposing sides of myself. 1047 01:40:15,862 --> 01:40:21,566 My first day in our home, we knelt down and prayed. 1048 01:40:25,238 --> 01:40:30,108 Chris said to me softly, "This is it." 1049 01:40:32,879 --> 01:40:34,645 This is what we have. 1050 01:40:37,817 --> 01:40:41,052 "This is what we've been fighting for." 1051 01:40:42,255 --> 01:40:47,492 He said it was all worth it... and he was right. 74465

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