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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:41,455 --> 00:00:43,664 I've read every book in this library 2 00:00:43,698 --> 00:00:47,461 but I can't find a story about a girl like me. 3 00:00:47,495 --> 00:00:49,221 Girls in books always have a moment 4 00:00:49,256 --> 00:00:51,258 where everything changes 5 00:00:51,292 --> 00:00:53,777 but my moment still hasn't happened. 6 00:00:53,812 --> 00:00:58,023 Today is like yesterday. Tomorrow never comes. 7 00:00:58,058 --> 00:01:00,508 I know what usually starts an adventure: 8 00:01:00,543 --> 00:01:02,993 the arrival of a mysterious hero 9 00:01:03,028 --> 00:01:07,274 a Mr. Darcy, a Mr. Rochester, a Rhett Butler 10 00:01:07,308 --> 00:01:09,414 who turns everything upside down. 11 00:01:09,448 --> 00:01:10,691 I am not closed-minded 12 00:01:10,725 --> 00:01:12,624 but finding the romantic hero 13 00:01:12,658 --> 00:01:16,869 of our age in Wolverhampton seems unlikely. 14 00:01:43,413 --> 00:01:47,210 ♪ Riding on any wave that is the luck you crave ♪ 15 00:01:47,245 --> 00:01:51,421 ♪ They don't believe it now they just think it's stupid ♪ 16 00:01:51,456 --> 00:01:53,527 ♪ So got anything? 17 00:01:53,561 --> 00:01:55,529 ♪ Anyone could have done 18 00:01:55,563 --> 00:01:58,221 ♪ Who would've cared at all not you ♪ 19 00:01:59,843 --> 00:02:03,951 ♪ Another heart has made the trade ♪ 20 00:02:03,985 --> 00:02:06,850 ♪ Forget it forget it forget it ♪ 21 00:02:06,885 --> 00:02:09,991 ♪ I don't understand how a heart is a spade ♪♪ 22 00:02:14,168 --> 00:02:15,307 Ah. 23 00:02:22,176 --> 00:02:25,800 No, I do not think my adventure starts with a boy. 24 00:02:25,835 --> 00:02:28,355 I think it starts with me. 25 00:02:43,818 --> 00:02:46,442 Like all great heroes, I have a sidekick 26 00:02:46,476 --> 00:02:48,547 my faithful dog, Bianca. 27 00:02:48,582 --> 00:02:50,653 I also have a plan. 28 00:02:50,687 --> 00:02:52,482 I'm going to be a writer. 29 00:02:52,517 --> 00:02:55,451 What kind of writer? I don't know yet. 30 00:02:55,485 --> 00:02:58,419 The kind that is totally amazing 31 00:02:58,454 --> 00:03:00,387 travels the world, has sex 32 00:03:00,421 --> 00:03:04,253 and writes powerful truths that change people's lives. 33 00:03:04,287 --> 00:03:05,840 Oi! 34 00:03:07,152 --> 00:03:08,257 Go on, fatty! 35 00:03:14,539 --> 00:03:16,955 Are you a lezzer? Are you a lezzer? 36 00:03:16,989 --> 00:03:20,269 After all, I know the impact a great book can have. 37 00:03:20,303 --> 00:03:21,442 Ow! 38 00:03:24,652 --> 00:03:26,344 I know what you're thinking. 39 00:03:26,378 --> 00:03:27,966 There are a few key differences 40 00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:29,830 between me and your typical heroine. 41 00:03:29,864 --> 00:03:31,797 - You alright, bab? - Hi, Dad. 42 00:03:31,832 --> 00:03:34,559 For starters, I am not a tragic orphan. 43 00:03:35,732 --> 00:03:38,701 I actually have too many brothers. 44 00:03:38,735 --> 00:03:41,151 Four, which is simply excessive. 45 00:03:41,186 --> 00:03:43,706 And then there's my mother's postnatal depression 46 00:03:43,740 --> 00:03:45,397 which you should absolutely expect 47 00:03:45,432 --> 00:03:48,538 if you get pregnant at 38. Ugh. 48 00:03:48,573 --> 00:03:52,232 Unlike Virginia Woolf, I don't even have a room of one's own. 49 00:03:52,266 --> 00:03:55,407 This is Krissi's room with a partition down the middle. 50 00:03:55,442 --> 00:03:57,064 Like Berlin. 51 00:04:03,312 --> 00:04:05,693 But, here, I have everything I need. 52 00:04:05,728 --> 00:04:08,593 Elizabeth Taylor, the Bronte sisters 53 00:04:08,627 --> 00:04:11,285 Donna Summer, Dr. Sigmund Freud. 54 00:04:11,320 --> 00:04:15,047 - Good morning, Johanna. - Hey, Brontes. Good times, ja? 55 00:04:15,082 --> 00:04:18,119 I have the love and wise counsel of my God Wall. 56 00:04:18,154 --> 00:04:20,674 What a beautiful day! 57 00:04:20,708 --> 00:04:23,401 I regret to say that despite my best intentions 58 00:04:23,435 --> 00:04:25,541 today has been another miserable one. 59 00:04:25,575 --> 00:04:27,991 Well, missy, I've had plenty of those. 60 00:04:28,026 --> 00:04:31,823 There's nothing a little musical number can't cure. 61 00:04:31,857 --> 00:04:34,584 How much longer am I going to have to be here? 62 00:04:34,619 --> 00:04:36,793 I need something to happen. 63 00:04:36,828 --> 00:04:40,038 I want to burn! I want to explode! 64 00:04:40,072 --> 00:04:42,937 Oh, I want to have sexual intercourse 65 00:04:42,972 --> 00:04:45,354 with someone who has a car. 66 00:04:45,388 --> 00:04:46,941 What's a car? 67 00:04:50,738 --> 00:04:53,016 How do I get there from here? 68 00:04:58,712 --> 00:05:01,059 Come on, repulsive. It's the news. 69 00:05:01,093 --> 00:05:03,303 The real news. Bong. 70 00:05:03,337 --> 00:05:04,614 Top of the Pops. 71 00:05:06,167 --> 00:05:08,031 Come here, Smudge. 72 00:05:09,378 --> 00:05:11,863 Would the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands? 73 00:05:11,897 --> 00:05:14,900 And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry. 74 00:05:23,150 --> 00:05:25,808 - Who are these? - Happy Mondays. 75 00:05:25,842 --> 00:05:28,120 I'm putting 'em on the front cover of the "Fanzine." 76 00:05:28,155 --> 00:05:30,330 Do you know nothing of popular culture, Johanna? 77 00:05:30,364 --> 00:05:32,539 Fuck me. I could do better than this lot. 78 00:05:32,573 --> 00:05:34,748 They look like a bunch of brickies. 79 00:05:34,782 --> 00:05:37,337 Where's a nice poofy spaceman when you need one? 80 00:05:37,371 --> 00:05:40,581 - I miss Bowie. - How are you feeling, mum? 81 00:05:40,616 --> 00:05:42,894 - I'm becoming evil. - Nice one, bab. 82 00:05:42,928 --> 00:05:46,104 I'd kill for 20 minutes' sleep. 83 00:05:46,138 --> 00:05:48,071 I'd kill the last panda on Earth. 84 00:05:48,106 --> 00:05:51,627 I'd cuddle up in its furry corpse for a bit of shuteye. 85 00:05:51,661 --> 00:05:53,836 You've still got those sexy eyes, though, love. 86 00:05:53,870 --> 00:05:55,424 Still can't sit down, huh? 87 00:05:55,458 --> 00:05:58,358 Oh, God, it's like the Joker's smile down there. 88 00:05:58,392 --> 00:05:59,635 Ah, take your coat off. 89 00:05:59,669 --> 00:06:01,119 You won't feel the benefit, cocker. 90 00:06:01,153 --> 00:06:03,984 Oh, Pat, it took half a tit to get him off. 91 00:06:04,018 --> 00:06:06,020 This is ecstasy funk, dad. 92 00:06:06,055 --> 00:06:09,092 I can't stand it when amateurs take over from proper jazzers. 93 00:06:09,127 --> 00:06:11,509 They've crossed the cultural picket line, this lot. 94 00:06:11,543 --> 00:06:13,614 - Scabs! Scabs! - Dad, shush. 95 00:06:13,649 --> 00:06:14,960 I'm trying to hear. 96 00:06:14,995 --> 00:06:16,721 I just wanna get back in the game, love 97 00:06:16,755 --> 00:06:18,101 back on top. 98 00:06:18,136 --> 00:06:20,138 For I'm the bastard son of Brendan Behan 99 00:06:20,172 --> 00:06:22,520 and one day, these fuckers will all bow down to me. 100 00:06:22,554 --> 00:06:24,107 To me, yes, yes. 101 00:06:24,142 --> 00:06:25,246 Johanna Morrigan.. 102 00:06:26,731 --> 00:06:29,872 - Ovulate quietly. - No, no, I've been chosen! 103 00:06:29,906 --> 00:06:31,805 - What? - Listen! Listen! 104 00:06:31,839 --> 00:06:34,911 Our young poet of the Midlands finalists. 105 00:06:34,946 --> 00:06:37,914 - Tomorrow has come. - Are you going to be on telly? 106 00:06:37,949 --> 00:06:40,745 - From your writing? - Birmingham? 107 00:06:40,779 --> 00:06:42,609 It's gonna be at least a tenner in petrol. 108 00:06:42,643 --> 00:06:44,058 What am I going to wear? 109 00:06:44,093 --> 00:06:46,544 Krissi, turn that fire off. We're broke. 110 00:06:46,578 --> 00:06:47,993 There's me bloke from Stoke. 111 00:06:48,028 --> 00:06:49,788 Here you are, son, hand him over. 112 00:06:49,823 --> 00:06:51,134 Can we keep him, dad? 113 00:06:51,169 --> 00:06:53,654 No, mate. Hounds for pounds, innit, eh? 114 00:06:53,689 --> 00:06:58,590 - Johanna. - Please, dad. Please! 115 00:06:58,625 --> 00:07:00,765 Yeah. Happy Mondays on the cover 116 00:07:00,799 --> 00:07:04,596 and then a think piece about Riot Grrrl inside.. 117 00:07:04,631 --> 00:07:06,426 This is my turning point, Krissi. 118 00:07:06,460 --> 00:07:09,429 I'm going to get out of here. Become a writer. 119 00:07:09,463 --> 00:07:12,466 And everyone wants to have a date with people who are on TV. 120 00:07:12,501 --> 00:07:13,812 It's just a fact. 121 00:07:13,847 --> 00:07:15,193 For a tenner 122 00:07:15,227 --> 00:07:17,195 I'd probably have a go on Andy Bibby. 123 00:07:17,229 --> 00:07:20,578 Andy Bibby farts on his own hands and throws them at people 124 00:07:20,612 --> 00:07:22,062 shouting "Turtle Power." 125 00:07:22,096 --> 00:07:24,478 Well, we could conduct our relationship downwind. 126 00:07:24,513 --> 00:07:27,481 What about Richard Moseley? He's tall. Value for money. 127 00:07:27,516 --> 00:07:30,622 Richard Moseley once shot a snail with an air rifle. 128 00:07:32,486 --> 00:07:35,316 John Kellog has a good bag. 129 00:07:35,351 --> 00:07:37,457 And so Chaucer was one of the first poets 130 00:07:37,491 --> 00:07:39,148 to use the five-stress line 131 00:07:39,182 --> 00:07:42,841 the decasyllabic cousin to the iambic pentameter 132 00:07:42,876 --> 00:07:44,429 the man who helped standardize Middle English 133 00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:47,881 a daring satirist, a protofeminist 134 00:07:47,915 --> 00:07:50,297 and not, as surmised by Lee Bacon 135 00:07:50,331 --> 00:07:51,919 just shit at spelling. 136 00:07:51,954 --> 00:07:53,749 - Oh, nice one. - So.. 137 00:08:02,896 --> 00:08:05,519 - Did you like my essay, Mrs. B? - Mrs. Belling. 138 00:08:05,554 --> 00:08:07,452 It was your best yet, Johanna. 139 00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:09,937 A very entertaining 33 pages. 140 00:08:09,972 --> 00:08:11,525 You're very generous with your words. 141 00:08:11,560 --> 00:08:13,769 Artistic expression is the greatest preventative 142 00:08:13,803 --> 00:08:15,702 for melancholy and morbidity, Mrs. B. 143 00:08:15,736 --> 00:08:19,257 - Mrs. Belling. - My memoir already runs up to 300 pages. 144 00:08:19,291 --> 00:08:22,950 Johanna, you're 16. Have you got many memoir-ies? 145 00:08:22,985 --> 00:08:27,058 Oh, I am blessed with a rich internal life, Mrs. B. 146 00:08:27,092 --> 00:08:29,854 I just write about all the things I imagine I'll do. 147 00:08:29,888 --> 00:08:31,890 The only trouble is I don't know the end yet. 148 00:08:31,925 --> 00:08:33,547 I'm an English teacher. 149 00:08:33,582 --> 00:08:36,032 You need to share that problem with the philosophy department. 150 00:08:37,378 --> 00:08:39,691 Johanna, may I offer you some advice? 151 00:08:39,726 --> 00:08:42,591 Cannon away, full power, Mrs. B. 152 00:08:42,625 --> 00:08:46,595 Mrs. Belling. You need to just rein it in a bit. 153 00:08:46,629 --> 00:08:50,875 All teachers look for a spark. Very few have it. You do. 154 00:08:50,909 --> 00:08:52,566 In fact, right now, you're like Krakatoa. 155 00:08:52,601 --> 00:08:57,433 But I need five pages of GCSE-compliant coursework 156 00:08:57,467 --> 00:08:59,573 not "War and Peace." 157 00:08:59,608 --> 00:09:01,644 The unabridged version. 158 00:09:09,479 --> 00:09:13,138 That's the cool room. I've never been in there. 159 00:09:20,007 --> 00:09:23,493 Get a shift on, babba. It's time for your starring role. 160 00:09:23,528 --> 00:09:26,427 Birmingham New Road will be a circus by 6:00. 161 00:09:28,326 --> 00:09:30,949 What d'you reckon? Nine quid for the lot. 162 00:09:30,984 --> 00:09:33,124 Donny Buddhamere's done us proud, hasn't he? 163 00:09:33,158 --> 00:09:35,851 - We look like a fat Bros. - Nice one. 164 00:09:37,162 --> 00:09:39,061 This jacket is too tight. 165 00:09:39,095 --> 00:09:41,719 I don't think it's made for women. 166 00:09:41,753 --> 00:09:43,513 Oh, you've inherited the Finlayson 167 00:09:43,548 --> 00:09:45,308 women's breasts, Johanna. 168 00:09:45,343 --> 00:09:47,759 We can't be contained by a catalogue bra. 169 00:09:47,794 --> 00:09:49,934 Where's me bloody keys? 170 00:09:49,968 --> 00:09:52,005 Come on, let's go. 171 00:09:52,039 --> 00:09:55,698 ♪ Oh oh-oh oh oh-oh-oh 172 00:09:55,733 --> 00:10:00,151 ♪ Ooh ooh-ooh-ooh ooh ♪ 173 00:10:00,185 --> 00:10:02,878 Now, the first lucky linguist to compete... 174 00:10:02,912 --> 00:10:05,639 This is it. My pivotal moment. 175 00:10:05,674 --> 00:10:07,952 Like when the Little Mermaid gets legs. 176 00:10:07,986 --> 00:10:12,542 ...who lists his address as East of Eden, West of Solihull 177 00:10:12,577 --> 00:10:16,098 with his poem, "Brut 66." 178 00:10:16,132 --> 00:10:18,756 I only have three true friends 179 00:10:18,790 --> 00:10:22,483 the moon, my fist and a gun.. 180 00:10:22,518 --> 00:10:25,763 We played this show, you know, back in '78. 181 00:10:25,797 --> 00:10:28,455 They didn't like the lyrics, to "Fuck me till my bladder bursts" 182 00:10:28,489 --> 00:10:31,251 so we did an instrumental in the end. 183 00:10:31,285 --> 00:10:32,701 Classy. 184 00:10:32,735 --> 00:10:34,323 It was our last ever performance. 185 00:10:34,357 --> 00:10:36,118 Spot. Remember your view. 186 00:10:36,152 --> 00:10:37,913 Do you wanna take your coat off, love? 187 00:10:37,947 --> 00:10:39,708 One minute. 188 00:10:39,742 --> 00:10:43,125 I'll stack them, like Tupperware. 189 00:10:45,575 --> 00:10:47,957 No, it's not working. You'll be fine. 190 00:10:49,407 --> 00:10:52,962 - It is dead sweaty out there. - Well done, mate. 191 00:10:54,757 --> 00:10:57,208 Are you alright, love? 192 00:10:57,242 --> 00:11:00,073 Hey, I've got some advice for you, alright? 193 00:11:00,107 --> 00:11:02,592 Key wisdom. Don't ever forget this. 194 00:11:02,627 --> 00:11:06,562 If things ever get lairy, turn the conversation to jazz. 195 00:11:06,596 --> 00:11:08,529 Confuses people. 196 00:11:08,564 --> 00:11:12,637 And get on the hot, bad jazzers, Mingus, Coltrane. 197 00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:15,502 You're on. Go, go. 198 00:11:16,710 --> 00:11:18,367 Johanna Morrigan 199 00:11:18,401 --> 00:11:20,818 from the Warstones Estate in Wolverhampton. 200 00:11:20,852 --> 00:11:25,788 She says her poem is influenced by her family's unusual business 201 00:11:25,823 --> 00:11:27,928 breeding Border Collie dogs. 202 00:11:27,963 --> 00:11:31,207 - That's right. - I love a collie. 203 00:11:31,242 --> 00:11:34,590 Take it away, Johanna, with our final poem.. 204 00:11:34,624 --> 00:11:36,385 ...about friendship. 205 00:11:44,634 --> 00:11:46,188 Go on. 206 00:11:46,222 --> 00:11:51,331 "My Best Friend by Johanna Morrigan. 207 00:11:54,921 --> 00:11:57,440 "My father sells your babies. 208 00:11:57,475 --> 00:12:00,064 "You howl when you're alone. 209 00:12:00,098 --> 00:12:03,757 "You do not know who your parents are. 210 00:12:03,792 --> 00:12:07,209 "And all you want to do is bone. 211 00:12:07,243 --> 00:12:11,696 "Well, my best friend is Bianca, my dog. 212 00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:14,216 "Despite her mental health seeming fragile 213 00:12:14,250 --> 00:12:18,185 "And when it comes to scaring off assailants, or yobs 214 00:12:18,220 --> 00:12:21,292 "she has proven less than agile. 215 00:12:21,326 --> 00:12:24,122 "You cannot hug me with your paws. 216 00:12:24,157 --> 00:12:27,125 "I know, Bianca. 217 00:12:27,160 --> 00:12:29,956 - I've tried." - Come on, Johanna. 218 00:12:29,990 --> 00:12:33,960 "Dog anatomy lacks rotator cuffs. 219 00:12:33,994 --> 00:12:37,342 "You can't open your forelegs that wide 220 00:12:37,377 --> 00:12:42,209 "but, Bianca, I know you can always hug me. 221 00:12:42,244 --> 00:12:44,867 "You can always hug me 222 00:12:44,902 --> 00:12:47,594 Hug me with your eyes." 223 00:12:49,078 --> 00:12:51,529 I'm so nervous. I'm so nervous. 224 00:12:51,563 --> 00:12:53,738 When you know that there's one million people watching 225 00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:54,877 it's nerve-racking. 226 00:12:54,912 --> 00:12:56,845 I'm just -- I'm just mad. 227 00:12:56,879 --> 00:12:58,363 Anyway, to be honest, Alan... 228 00:12:58,398 --> 00:13:00,262 - Oh, here she comes. - I'm just... 229 00:13:00,296 --> 00:13:01,608 That's what everyone says. 230 00:13:01,642 --> 00:13:02,782 Just -- just a mad 231 00:13:02,816 --> 00:13:04,162 lonely teenager into dog. 232 00:13:04,197 --> 00:13:07,027 But -- but we, we're like 233 00:13:07,062 --> 00:13:10,134 Sha -- Shaggy and Scooby-Doo. 234 00:13:10,168 --> 00:13:14,103 Best friends forever against the world. 235 00:13:14,138 --> 00:13:18,521 I rove my rog. Everybody roves my rog. 236 00:13:18,556 --> 00:13:22,594 - Let's -- - Scooby! Scooby-Dooby-Doo! 237 00:13:22,629 --> 00:13:24,804 Just as a reminder, later on in the program 238 00:13:24,838 --> 00:13:27,565 we're going to make some groaty cakes with a modern twist 239 00:13:27,599 --> 00:13:29,463 with Cyrille Regis, so don't tune out. 240 00:13:29,498 --> 00:13:31,086 Maybe Johanna would be more comfortable over there 241 00:13:31,120 --> 00:13:34,986 while I announce the winner of Young Midlands Poet of the Year 242 00:13:35,021 --> 00:13:36,298 Lee Veltman. 243 00:13:41,406 --> 00:13:43,029 Okay. 244 00:13:43,063 --> 00:13:45,341 We're gonna keep a tight formation 245 00:13:45,376 --> 00:13:48,482 and you're gonna remember Krissi's crisis mantra. 246 00:13:50,208 --> 00:13:53,177 Everyone can suck a big bag of dicks. 247 00:13:53,211 --> 00:13:55,938 Good girl. Come on. 248 00:13:55,973 --> 00:13:57,526 Maybe no one saw it. 249 00:13:58,907 --> 00:14:00,218 Yeah. 250 00:14:00,943 --> 00:14:02,669 All good so far. 251 00:14:04,809 --> 00:14:07,847 - Here she is. Scooby-Doo! - Yeah, fuck them all. 252 00:14:07,881 --> 00:14:09,469 Scooby-Doo! Scooby-Doo! 253 00:14:11,471 --> 00:14:14,715 Is your brother Shaggy? Shaggy.. 254 00:14:14,750 --> 00:14:16,372 Scooby-Dooby-Doo! 255 00:14:17,477 --> 00:14:20,204 Go on. Do you want Scooby Snacks? 256 00:14:20,238 --> 00:14:22,723 Here's your Scooby Snacks, eh? 257 00:14:22,758 --> 00:14:24,208 Can I help you, lads? 258 00:14:25,623 --> 00:14:28,384 - Hey, is that Karl Boden? - What about it? 259 00:14:28,419 --> 00:14:31,836 I fucked your mum back in '72. 260 00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:34,356 Give her my regards, won't you? 261 00:14:34,390 --> 00:14:36,220 - Oh, mate. - Come on, let's go. 262 00:14:36,254 --> 00:14:38,498 Go on inside, kids. Tea's ready. 263 00:14:38,532 --> 00:14:41,777 Your mum's busy garnishing the toast with beans. 264 00:14:41,811 --> 00:14:45,160 Pat Morrigan? You have puppies for sale? 265 00:14:45,194 --> 00:14:47,024 I do, yes. Famous pups, as it happens. 266 00:14:47,058 --> 00:14:51,200 Immortalized in poetry on "Today In The Midlands." 267 00:14:51,235 --> 00:14:53,996 I'm from the DSS. 268 00:14:54,031 --> 00:14:55,998 We're investigating allegations you've been illegally claiming 269 00:14:56,033 --> 00:14:59,105 disability benefit whilst breeding Border Collie dogs. 270 00:14:59,139 --> 00:15:00,520 Not me, love. 271 00:15:02,522 --> 00:15:03,523 No. 272 00:15:04,869 --> 00:15:06,215 Rats, though. 273 00:15:06,250 --> 00:15:08,700 We've got a big rat problem around here. 274 00:15:20,264 --> 00:15:22,128 I'm so sorry. 275 00:15:25,510 --> 00:15:27,961 Losing the TV is tough 276 00:15:27,996 --> 00:15:31,378 like when Beth dies in "Little Women." 277 00:15:31,413 --> 00:15:35,693 I have become destroyer of the world. 278 00:15:35,727 --> 00:15:38,903 I shall feast only on my misery. 279 00:15:42,769 --> 00:15:44,184 And jam. 280 00:15:45,668 --> 00:15:48,257 What have I done? I've brought ruin upon our family. 281 00:15:48,292 --> 00:15:50,052 I think I'm dying. 282 00:15:50,087 --> 00:15:52,917 You are not dying, Johanna. 283 00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:55,057 This is called anxiety. 284 00:15:55,092 --> 00:15:56,956 Will jam make it better? 285 00:15:56,990 --> 00:15:59,441 No, jam will not make it better. 286 00:15:59,475 --> 00:16:02,547 I'm afraid you will just have to accept this. 287 00:16:02,582 --> 00:16:03,928 The thing is, I don't think 288 00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:06,655 my main problem is anxiety, Mr. Freud. 289 00:16:06,689 --> 00:16:10,762 I just need money. Money for the family. 290 00:16:10,797 --> 00:16:14,456 But I am now a failed artist, and when you're a failed artist 291 00:16:14,490 --> 00:16:17,321 there's only one thing you can do. 292 00:16:17,355 --> 00:16:19,806 - You have to die. - Johanna, no! 293 00:16:19,840 --> 00:16:22,878 - No, you must live. - No, you have so much to live for. 294 00:16:22,912 --> 00:16:26,019 Johanna, honey, we need you. 295 00:16:26,054 --> 00:16:27,331 No! Never. 296 00:16:27,365 --> 00:16:30,368 I've got some good tips on how to do it. 297 00:16:33,026 --> 00:16:36,409 - What you doing? - Working out how to die. 298 00:16:36,443 --> 00:16:39,584 - Fair enough. - Ask me why. 299 00:16:41,103 --> 00:16:42,587 I know why. 300 00:16:42,622 --> 00:16:45,452 I'd wanna die too if I'd shamed myself 301 00:16:45,487 --> 00:16:47,385 plunged my whole family into poverty. 302 00:16:47,420 --> 00:16:51,044 It's fair enough. I would have advised it myself. 303 00:16:51,079 --> 00:16:55,152 Maybe I'll commit the ultimate sacrifice, cut my hair off 304 00:16:55,186 --> 00:16:57,016 like Jo March, sell it. 305 00:16:57,050 --> 00:17:00,502 I'm not sure cash converters have a hair department, Johanna. 306 00:17:06,059 --> 00:17:07,854 Stop moping. 307 00:17:07,888 --> 00:17:11,271 Try this. They're looking for writers. 308 00:17:11,306 --> 00:17:13,515 It's a competition to be a rock critic. 309 00:17:15,103 --> 00:17:17,243 You might wanna give your poetry a break. 310 00:17:18,520 --> 00:17:20,453 "Live and breathe music? 311 00:17:20,487 --> 00:17:23,076 "D-and-ME are hiring hip young gunslingers. 312 00:17:23,111 --> 00:17:24,836 Show us what you've got." 313 00:17:24,871 --> 00:17:27,494 I am none of those things. You should do this. 314 00:17:27,529 --> 00:17:29,703 I'm not a corporate sell-out whore. 315 00:17:29,738 --> 00:17:32,361 Those guys only write about what they think is cool. 316 00:17:32,396 --> 00:17:33,914 I write about what I love. 317 00:17:33,949 --> 00:17:36,607 It just happens that everything I love is cool. 318 00:17:36,641 --> 00:17:40,024 A ten-year-old could be a rock critic. 319 00:17:40,059 --> 00:17:43,545 Now I just need some modern rock to critic. 320 00:17:46,996 --> 00:17:48,619 Touch that and die. 321 00:18:04,290 --> 00:18:05,912 - My God. - This is a classic. 322 00:18:05,946 --> 00:18:09,674 ♪ The sun'll come out tomorrow ♪ 323 00:18:09,709 --> 00:18:14,507 ♪ Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow ♪ 324 00:18:14,541 --> 00:18:16,612 ♪ There'll be sun 325 00:18:18,131 --> 00:18:21,962 ♪ Just thinking about tomorrow ♪ 326 00:18:21,997 --> 00:18:24,758 ♪ Clears away the cobwebs and the sorrow.. ♪ 327 00:18:24,793 --> 00:18:25,966 Hey. 328 00:18:26,001 --> 00:18:28,210 Emily and Charlotte Bronte shared quills. 329 00:18:28,245 --> 00:18:30,454 Yeah, well, I want it back by 5:00. 330 00:18:30,488 --> 00:18:33,319 - And you are so Anne. - Don't start that again. 331 00:18:33,353 --> 00:18:35,528 ♪ And lonely 332 00:18:35,562 --> 00:18:37,737 ♪ I just stick out my chin 333 00:18:37,771 --> 00:18:42,673 ♪ And grin and say 334 00:18:42,707 --> 00:18:48,920 ♪ Oh the sun'll come out tomorrow ♪ 335 00:18:48,955 --> 00:18:53,718 ♪ So you gotta hang on till tomorrow ♪ 336 00:18:53,753 --> 00:18:57,239 ♪ Come what may 337 00:18:57,274 --> 00:19:00,277 ♪ Tomorrow tomorrow 338 00:19:00,311 --> 00:19:02,934 ♪ I love ya tomorrow 339 00:19:02,969 --> 00:19:08,906 ♪ You're always a day away 340 00:19:08,940 --> 00:19:14,325 ♪ When I'm stuck with a day that's grey and lonely ♪ 341 00:19:14,360 --> 00:19:21,332 ♪ I just stick out my chin and grin and say ♪ 342 00:19:21,367 --> 00:19:23,334 ♪ Oh.. 343 00:19:27,027 --> 00:19:28,822 That's disgusting. 344 00:19:37,383 --> 00:19:39,039 Are you dying? 345 00:19:40,144 --> 00:19:41,110 No. 346 00:19:42,146 --> 00:19:43,906 This is a period, Lupin. 347 00:19:43,941 --> 00:19:47,289 It is why women have been oppressed throughout history. 348 00:19:47,324 --> 00:19:48,842 Till the twin-tub was invented 349 00:19:48,877 --> 00:19:52,501 we were too busy scrubbing to agitate for the vote. 350 00:19:54,227 --> 00:19:55,918 Will I get a period? 351 00:19:58,956 --> 00:19:59,957 Yes. 352 00:20:03,271 --> 00:20:04,582 Johanna. 353 00:20:11,037 --> 00:20:12,141 Hello? 354 00:20:16,353 --> 00:20:17,768 Interview. 355 00:20:18,907 --> 00:20:21,427 Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 356 00:20:23,912 --> 00:20:27,260 ♪ The sun'll come out tomorrow ♪ 357 00:20:27,295 --> 00:20:32,196 ♪ So you gotta hang on 'til tomorrow ♪ 358 00:20:32,231 --> 00:20:35,372 ♪ Come what may 359 00:20:35,406 --> 00:20:38,271 ♪ Tomorrow tomorrow 360 00:20:38,306 --> 00:20:40,825 ♪ I love ya tomorrow 361 00:20:40,860 --> 00:20:45,589 ♪ You're always a day away 362 00:20:45,623 --> 00:20:49,558 ♪ Tomorrow tomorrow 363 00:20:49,593 --> 00:20:52,285 ♪ I love ya tomorrow 364 00:20:52,320 --> 00:20:55,150 ♪ You're always 365 00:20:55,184 --> 00:20:59,258 ♪ A day 366 00:21:04,780 --> 00:21:11,891 ♪ Away ♪ 367 00:21:39,298 --> 00:21:40,747 I know Prince is short 368 00:21:40,782 --> 00:21:43,198 but you've made him look like a sex case Oompa Loompa. 369 00:21:43,232 --> 00:21:44,924 Tell him to take off his top or something. 370 00:21:44,958 --> 00:21:47,202 Enbiggen him, if necessary. 371 00:21:53,208 --> 00:21:55,624 Oh, Just Seventeen's on the 23rd floor, love. 372 00:21:56,556 --> 00:21:59,283 Thank you, but no. 373 00:21:59,318 --> 00:22:03,632 I'm Johanna Morrigan. I have an interview for the job. 374 00:22:03,667 --> 00:22:06,048 Hot young gunslinger. 375 00:22:06,083 --> 00:22:07,636 Fucking hell. 376 00:22:07,671 --> 00:22:11,433 Right, there goes a tenner. Andy, you win. 377 00:22:11,468 --> 00:22:14,091 - Sorry, we didn't think you were real, love. - What? 378 00:22:14,125 --> 00:22:17,439 Well, a 16-year-old girl reviewing the soundtrack to Annie? 379 00:22:17,474 --> 00:22:21,029 We just thought it was the dicks at NME winding us up. 380 00:22:21,063 --> 00:22:23,272 But did you think my writing was good? 381 00:22:23,307 --> 00:22:25,136 Yeah, it was funny. 382 00:22:25,171 --> 00:22:28,277 It made us laugh. But it's not really us. 383 00:22:29,589 --> 00:22:31,971 - So I go? - I guess. 384 00:22:33,455 --> 00:22:34,629 Here. 385 00:22:35,802 --> 00:22:37,873 You've come a long way. 386 00:22:37,908 --> 00:22:39,634 Have a free T-shirt. 387 00:22:44,639 --> 00:22:46,192 Thank you. 388 00:23:00,137 --> 00:23:04,417 I was right the first time. I'm not cool. 389 00:23:04,452 --> 00:23:06,557 I should just die. 390 00:23:12,218 --> 00:23:15,635 Do you know what cool people are, Johanna? 391 00:23:17,982 --> 00:23:21,400 Cool, like the people in that room? 392 00:23:21,434 --> 00:23:25,231 Cool people are the worst. 393 00:23:25,265 --> 00:23:29,097 They don't dance, they wear uncomfortable little trousers 394 00:23:29,131 --> 00:23:32,272 and they're constantly misquoting Kerouac. 395 00:23:32,307 --> 00:23:35,172 Have you read "On The Road," Johanna? 396 00:23:35,206 --> 00:23:40,246 Don't bother. It is a very long book about a man getting a lift. 397 00:23:40,280 --> 00:23:43,387 Do you know what a good book is? 398 00:23:43,422 --> 00:23:45,285 "Little House on the Prairie." 399 00:23:45,320 --> 00:23:49,531 She makes her own knickers, and her dad shoots a bear. 400 00:23:49,566 --> 00:23:51,119 That's a story. 401 00:23:52,948 --> 00:23:55,779 Come on, give your face a rinse 402 00:23:55,813 --> 00:23:58,195 and dance back into that room. 403 00:23:58,229 --> 00:24:00,093 I'm too scared. 404 00:24:00,128 --> 00:24:01,440 Scared? 405 00:24:01,474 --> 00:24:05,858 Darling, rooms like that need girls like you. 406 00:24:07,791 --> 00:24:11,864 This is why you are magic. 407 00:24:28,294 --> 00:24:29,916 Look. Look! 408 00:24:29,951 --> 00:24:31,262 I might not know much about 409 00:24:31,297 --> 00:24:34,680 your Carter the Unstoppable Sex Machine 410 00:24:34,714 --> 00:24:39,374 or your Sultans of Ping FC, or your fire drill next Tuesday 411 00:24:39,408 --> 00:24:42,101 but if you think I'm funny and I can write 412 00:24:42,135 --> 00:24:44,310 then -- then it can't be harder to learn about 413 00:24:44,344 --> 00:24:45,380 than the periodic table 414 00:24:45,414 --> 00:24:48,383 and I got a 98 percent on that test. 415 00:24:48,417 --> 00:24:50,523 I only failed on Kr. 416 00:24:50,558 --> 00:24:52,560 Krypton is my kryptonite. 417 00:24:52,594 --> 00:24:57,565 I -- I could improvise, like the hot, bad jazzers. 418 00:24:57,599 --> 00:25:00,084 Coltrane and Mingus. 419 00:25:00,119 --> 00:25:02,052 Give her the Manic Street Preachers. 420 00:25:02,086 --> 00:25:04,226 You're doing the Manics, Tony. 421 00:25:06,435 --> 00:25:09,611 I have just scalped Morrissey. I'm exhausted from the kill. 422 00:25:09,646 --> 00:25:11,095 I need to rest in the shade. 423 00:25:11,130 --> 00:25:12,511 Besides, you didn't tell me 424 00:25:12,545 --> 00:25:15,272 the Manics were in Birmingham. 425 00:25:15,306 --> 00:25:18,793 I'm not really feeling regional right now. 426 00:25:18,827 --> 00:25:20,208 Try her. 427 00:25:22,900 --> 00:25:25,765 Well, fuck it. Yeah, trial run. 428 00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:27,595 Johanna, you get to make first contact 429 00:25:27,629 --> 00:25:28,941 with the demented Welshmen. 430 00:25:28,975 --> 00:25:30,908 Man the barricades for us, yeah? 431 00:25:30,943 --> 00:25:34,049 Leaping lizards! 432 00:25:34,084 --> 00:25:35,292 Okay. 433 00:25:37,190 --> 00:25:38,260 What? 434 00:25:38,295 --> 00:25:40,573 Are you in fact being Annie right now? 435 00:25:40,608 --> 00:25:41,850 Yes, sir. 436 00:25:41,885 --> 00:25:44,646 Enjoy the munificent ten-P per word. 437 00:25:44,681 --> 00:25:46,752 I will. 438 00:25:46,786 --> 00:25:48,857 I'm much obliged to you, sir. 439 00:25:49,996 --> 00:25:51,411 I'll remember that. 440 00:26:01,490 --> 00:26:03,492 I have nothing to wear. 441 00:26:03,527 --> 00:26:05,425 That is not factually correct. 442 00:26:06,979 --> 00:26:10,016 Nothing to wear for who I need to be. 443 00:26:11,259 --> 00:26:14,158 The best item of clothing I own is my hair. 444 00:26:19,336 --> 00:26:21,441 Is my hair. 445 00:26:22,753 --> 00:26:24,790 You look like Captain Caveman. 446 00:26:26,792 --> 00:26:27,965 Krissi. 447 00:26:28,725 --> 00:26:30,554 Absolutely not. 448 00:26:36,491 --> 00:26:38,769 I've been saving that for three years. 449 00:26:39,701 --> 00:26:42,566 This is nine pounds forty-eight. 450 00:26:42,601 --> 00:26:45,017 Yeah, well, the Fanzine has a lot of overheads. 451 00:26:45,051 --> 00:26:47,122 Revolutionary independence is costly. 452 00:26:47,157 --> 00:26:51,161 That's okay. I can totally transform myself for nine pounds forty-eight. 453 00:26:51,195 --> 00:26:53,819 Hmm. 454 00:26:53,853 --> 00:26:57,443 ♪ That girl thinks she's the queen of the neighborhood ♪ 455 00:26:57,477 --> 00:27:01,240 ♪ She's got the hottest strike in town ♪ 456 00:27:01,274 --> 00:27:04,484 ♪ That girl she holds her head up so high ♪ 457 00:27:04,519 --> 00:27:08,178 ♪ I think I wanna be her best friend yeah ♪ 458 00:27:08,212 --> 00:27:11,491 ♪ Rebel girl rebel girl 459 00:27:11,526 --> 00:27:15,219 ♪ Rebel girl you are the queen of my world ♪ 460 00:27:15,254 --> 00:27:16,980 ♪ Rebel girl rebel girl 461 00:27:17,014 --> 00:27:18,360 I need this. 462 00:27:18,395 --> 00:27:20,017 ♪ I think I wanna take you home ♪ 463 00:27:20,052 --> 00:27:22,848 ♪ I wanna try on your clothes uh ♪ 464 00:27:35,930 --> 00:27:37,276 ♪ Uh 465 00:27:39,865 --> 00:27:43,282 ♪ Rebel girl rebel girl 466 00:27:43,316 --> 00:27:47,010 ♪ Rebel girl you are the queen of my world ♪ 467 00:27:47,044 --> 00:27:50,496 Observe the world's greatest eyeliner. 468 00:27:50,530 --> 00:27:51,842 ♪ I know I wanna take you home ♪ 469 00:27:51,877 --> 00:27:53,326 ♪ I wanna try on your clothes 470 00:27:53,361 --> 00:27:57,089 ♪ My rebel girl ♪ 471 00:28:00,955 --> 00:28:03,129 Good God, it's the Child Catcher. 472 00:28:03,164 --> 00:28:05,925 No. Johanna Morrigan is dead. 473 00:28:05,960 --> 00:28:09,515 This, this is the legendary Dolly Wilde. 474 00:28:10,792 --> 00:28:12,069 MegaN. 475 00:28:15,417 --> 00:28:17,350 You never forget your first gig, bab. 476 00:28:17,385 --> 00:28:19,076 It's like your first kick in the balls. 477 00:28:19,111 --> 00:28:21,147 Changes your life. 478 00:28:21,182 --> 00:28:22,804 Now get your ears around my remix. 479 00:28:22,839 --> 00:28:24,944 Your dad's gone up a level. 480 00:28:24,979 --> 00:28:27,222 ♪ Can anybody hear me? ♪ 481 00:28:27,257 --> 00:28:30,053 Do you like this one? I've done it rave style. 482 00:28:30,087 --> 00:28:32,572 I'm on one, love. And I'm back. 483 00:28:32,607 --> 00:28:36,404 Next Live Aid, I'm getting the Phil Collins slot, both of them. 484 00:28:36,438 --> 00:28:39,614 No, fuck it, three. I'll do Africa and all. 485 00:28:39,648 --> 00:28:41,823 ♪ Day-O! ♪ 486 00:28:41,858 --> 00:28:43,445 Too right. 487 00:28:47,795 --> 00:28:49,935 For I'm the bastard son of Brendan Behan 488 00:28:49,969 --> 00:28:52,696 and one day these fuckers will all bow down to me. 489 00:28:52,731 --> 00:28:54,422 Whoo! 490 00:28:59,841 --> 00:29:03,500 Look at that. The Midlands. 491 00:29:03,534 --> 00:29:05,295 When I was your age, the only thing we cared about 492 00:29:05,329 --> 00:29:06,952 was how to escape. 493 00:29:06,986 --> 00:29:08,263 So, you either become a boxer 494 00:29:08,298 --> 00:29:10,956 a footballer or a pop star. 495 00:29:10,990 --> 00:29:12,474 It's the only way. 496 00:29:13,752 --> 00:29:16,582 Obviously, I chose pop star. 497 00:29:16,616 --> 00:29:21,690 But you...you've got your writing, bab. 498 00:29:21,725 --> 00:29:23,382 You've found a new way. 499 00:29:23,416 --> 00:29:24,555 I know. 500 00:29:25,833 --> 00:29:30,147 I meant for me, like. Get me in the papers. 501 00:29:32,011 --> 00:29:34,324 I know what to do this time around. 502 00:29:34,358 --> 00:29:36,705 First time around I was a right twat. 503 00:29:38,777 --> 00:29:41,055 I'm ready for it now. 504 00:29:41,089 --> 00:29:44,058 The songs are ready. They're all killer. 505 00:29:44,092 --> 00:29:46,267 You'll know when it's the right time. 506 00:29:58,037 --> 00:30:01,696 Yeah, hey, hey! Access all areas. Come on. 507 00:30:08,807 --> 00:30:12,500 ♪ Check the new ride out it's alright ♪ 508 00:30:12,534 --> 00:30:14,674 ♪ Silence ain't in season ♪ 509 00:30:14,709 --> 00:30:16,987 - What are your expenses like? - Ah.. 510 00:30:17,022 --> 00:30:20,577 Can I get a pint of Guinness, please, and a whisky chaser? 511 00:30:20,611 --> 00:30:23,718 If only we were in Dublin, eh? Get a proper pint. 512 00:30:25,133 --> 00:30:26,583 Good evening. 513 00:30:26,617 --> 00:30:29,068 You alright, Birmingham? Good to be back. 514 00:30:29,103 --> 00:30:31,864 Manic Street Preachers by Dolly Wilde. 515 00:30:31,899 --> 00:30:36,317 April 8th, Edwards No. 8, Digbeth, Birmingham 516 00:30:36,351 --> 00:30:39,803 West Midlands, United Kingdom, The World, Milky Way. 517 00:30:39,838 --> 00:30:43,324 We come from urban hell, and we destroy rock 'n' roll. 518 00:30:56,751 --> 00:31:02,515 ♪ We are not your sinners our voices are for real ♪ 519 00:31:02,550 --> 00:31:05,311 ♪ We realized and we won't be mourned ♪ 520 00:31:05,346 --> 00:31:08,038 ♪ We're gonna burn your death mask uniforms ♪ 521 00:31:08,073 --> 00:31:13,872 ♪ We won't die of devotion understand we can never belong ♪ 522 00:31:13,906 --> 00:31:16,046 ♪ Thrown some acid into your face ♪ 523 00:31:16,081 --> 00:31:19,705 ♪ Pollute your mineral water with a strychnine taste ♪ 524 00:31:20,948 --> 00:31:22,363 ♪ You 525 00:31:23,536 --> 00:31:24,848 ♪ Love 526 00:31:26,608 --> 00:31:27,747 ♪ Us 527 00:31:27,782 --> 00:31:29,197 ♪ You love us 528 00:31:29,232 --> 00:31:30,681 ♪ You love us 529 00:31:30,716 --> 00:31:32,373 ♪ You love 530 00:31:32,407 --> 00:31:34,513 ♪ You love us 531 00:31:34,547 --> 00:31:37,654 ♪ Oh you love us 532 00:31:37,688 --> 00:31:39,104 ♪ You love us 533 00:31:39,138 --> 00:31:41,830 ♪ You love us you love us ♪ 534 00:31:49,217 --> 00:31:52,634 ♪ Until I see love in statues your lessons.. ♪ 535 00:31:54,740 --> 00:31:57,743 ♪ Parliament's a fake life saver ♪ 536 00:31:57,777 --> 00:32:01,264 ♪ You better wake up and smell the real flavor.. ♪♪ 537 00:32:04,853 --> 00:32:06,234 "At 9:00 p.m. last night 538 00:32:06,269 --> 00:32:07,926 "rock and roll meant nothing to me. 539 00:32:07,960 --> 00:32:12,171 By midnight, it was the most important thing in the world." 540 00:32:24,011 --> 00:32:25,495 Yow gonna buy that? 541 00:32:27,048 --> 00:32:28,636 You gonna buy that? 542 00:32:29,740 --> 00:32:31,950 I'm a newsagent's, not a library. 543 00:32:31,984 --> 00:32:33,917 Look, Mr. S. I'm a byline. 544 00:32:33,952 --> 00:32:36,368 I'm hearing the word buy and I'm liking it. 545 00:32:36,402 --> 00:32:39,336 I've got your dad's bill here, 27.48. 546 00:32:39,371 --> 00:32:41,787 Dad has a bill here? 547 00:32:41,821 --> 00:32:43,789 Yeah. 548 00:32:43,823 --> 00:32:46,274 Charge them to the account, Mr. S. 549 00:32:46,309 --> 00:32:47,827 I'm a rock critic now. 550 00:32:47,862 --> 00:32:51,762 I come from urban hell and I describe rock and roll. 551 00:33:01,910 --> 00:33:04,154 Edward's No. 8. 552 00:33:04,189 --> 00:33:06,156 Bath Moles. 553 00:33:06,191 --> 00:33:08,814 Rayleigh Pink Toothbrush. 554 00:33:08,848 --> 00:33:10,091 Derby Warehouse. 555 00:33:10,126 --> 00:33:11,127 Wilde. 556 00:33:11,161 --> 00:33:13,405 Windsor Old Trout. 557 00:33:13,439 --> 00:33:16,132 King Tut's Wah Wah Hut. 558 00:33:16,166 --> 00:33:17,685 Dudley JB's. 559 00:33:19,480 --> 00:33:21,413 For when the house is too small 560 00:33:21,447 --> 00:33:23,035 and your bones itch to dance 561 00:33:23,070 --> 00:33:25,313 and you pretend the dry ice is getting you high 562 00:33:25,348 --> 00:33:28,247 and it doesn't feel right until your clothes cling to you 563 00:33:28,282 --> 00:33:29,766 with sweat. 564 00:33:29,800 --> 00:33:31,423 These are the places you come 565 00:33:31,457 --> 00:33:33,390 where you can dance and scream 566 00:33:33,425 --> 00:33:35,185 and be with your own kind 567 00:33:35,220 --> 00:33:37,670 and where everything is possible. 568 00:33:37,705 --> 00:33:40,777 ♪ I'm movin' on up now ♪ 569 00:33:43,021 --> 00:33:45,575 - See you later. - Bye. 570 00:33:45,609 --> 00:33:47,715 - Love you! - We love you! 571 00:34:24,165 --> 00:34:27,272 Wake up, Fucko. School. 572 00:34:27,306 --> 00:34:30,378 ♪ My light shines on 573 00:34:32,622 --> 00:34:33,968 ♪ My light shines on 574 00:34:34,002 --> 00:34:35,452 Come on. 575 00:34:35,487 --> 00:34:37,178 Yeah, shut up. 576 00:34:37,213 --> 00:34:41,355 So this is Dolly Wilde, from D-and-ME. 577 00:34:41,389 --> 00:34:42,804 My sister. 578 00:34:42,839 --> 00:34:44,012 There you go. 579 00:34:44,047 --> 00:34:46,774 ♪ ...shines on 580 00:34:46,808 --> 00:34:49,432 ♪ I'm getting out of the darkness ♪ 581 00:34:49,466 --> 00:34:51,882 ♪ My light shines on 582 00:34:51,917 --> 00:34:54,437 ♪ I'm getting out of the darkness ♪ 583 00:34:54,471 --> 00:34:56,749 ♪ My light shines on 584 00:34:56,784 --> 00:34:59,511 ♪ I'm getting out of the darkness ♪ 585 00:34:59,545 --> 00:35:02,652 ♪ My light shines on ♪ 586 00:35:02,686 --> 00:35:04,585 - Nice one. Come on. - There. 587 00:35:04,619 --> 00:35:07,346 - Let's have a look. - Lu. 588 00:35:07,381 --> 00:35:09,072 I think that's for you, love. 589 00:35:09,107 --> 00:35:12,489 And this one's yours. Krissi. 590 00:35:12,524 --> 00:35:13,973 Dad, have you got rice? 591 00:35:15,354 --> 00:35:16,597 Dad. 592 00:35:16,631 --> 00:35:18,806 You've taken the last chow mein, son. 593 00:35:18,840 --> 00:35:21,567 - I've been left with rice. - I love chicken chow mein. 594 00:35:21,602 --> 00:35:23,914 Johanna, are these twats for you? 595 00:35:25,916 --> 00:35:28,816 - Are you girl from D-and-ME? - I am she. 596 00:35:28,850 --> 00:35:33,027 These are the Strange Cages from Bilston. 597 00:35:33,061 --> 00:35:36,444 So sorry about that. Pat, will you deal with this? 598 00:35:36,479 --> 00:35:37,859 Yeah, come on in, lads. Nice one. 599 00:35:37,894 --> 00:35:39,378 Nice to meet you. Yeah, yeah. 600 00:35:39,413 --> 00:35:40,828 - You the bass player? - Yeah. 601 00:35:40,862 --> 00:35:42,312 You'd be better off over here, mate. 602 00:35:42,347 --> 00:35:44,176 A nice bit of separation there, yeah. 603 00:35:44,211 --> 00:35:46,730 It's not quite what I meant. 604 00:35:46,765 --> 00:35:48,870 This isn't the friggin' commitments. 605 00:35:48,905 --> 00:35:51,908 So first up is a song about unrequited love. 606 00:35:51,942 --> 00:35:55,567 It's called "Annabelle, My Bloodied Heart." 607 00:35:58,121 --> 00:35:59,847 You'd have a better chance with Annabella 608 00:35:59,881 --> 00:36:02,436 if you gave your hair a wash, love. 609 00:36:03,368 --> 00:36:04,921 ♪ That's when you know 610 00:36:04,955 --> 00:36:07,613 ♪ Whoa! 611 00:36:07,648 --> 00:36:08,787 Hold on a minute, lads. 612 00:36:08,821 --> 00:36:11,203 Lads, just -- just stop you there. 613 00:36:11,238 --> 00:36:12,929 - You're lagging a bit on the drums. - What the hell -- 614 00:36:12,963 --> 00:36:15,034 You are, yeah. You're not keeping time right. 615 00:36:15,069 --> 00:36:16,760 Come here, just step aside. Let me have a little go. 616 00:36:16,795 --> 00:36:18,762 Come here. I'll show you a few little tricks here. 617 00:36:18,797 --> 00:36:21,420 I'll show you a bit of rock 'n' roll. Are you ready? 618 00:36:21,455 --> 00:36:23,698 One, two, three, four. 619 00:36:23,733 --> 00:36:27,392 ♪ I see the cracks they start to show ♪ 620 00:36:27,426 --> 00:36:31,085 ♪ That's when you need it that's when you know ♪ 621 00:36:31,119 --> 00:36:34,882 ♪ Whoa! 622 00:36:34,916 --> 00:36:38,713 ♪ I kick old habits they bring it out ♪ 623 00:36:38,748 --> 00:36:42,441 ♪ They leave you something to figure out ♪ 624 00:36:42,476 --> 00:36:43,477 ♪ Whoa! ♪ 625 00:36:43,511 --> 00:36:44,857 Where are you going? 626 00:36:44,892 --> 00:36:46,445 What are we supposed to do with that lot? 627 00:36:46,480 --> 00:36:48,413 Dolly Wilde's on the move, like Aslan. 628 00:36:48,447 --> 00:36:50,311 Right, well, it's Johanna Morrigan's turn 629 00:36:50,346 --> 00:36:51,899 to clean out the deep-fat fryer. 630 00:36:51,933 --> 00:36:54,419 This bitch be paying rent, Krissi. 631 00:36:57,111 --> 00:36:59,458 You're not friggin' Superman, you know. 632 00:36:59,493 --> 00:37:02,012 You're just a girl in a hat typing jangly. 633 00:37:09,434 --> 00:37:14,197 - Alright, come on. Story. - Oh, yeah. 634 00:37:14,232 --> 00:37:15,647 Drink? 635 00:37:15,681 --> 00:37:18,477 No, thank you, sir. I'm high on mere life. 636 00:37:18,512 --> 00:37:20,721 I OD'd on life once. 637 00:37:20,755 --> 00:37:25,277 Someone blew life right up my arse. 638 00:37:25,312 --> 00:37:30,282 So, how is life in the world of the hot child genius? 639 00:37:30,317 --> 00:37:33,354 I love the new look, by the way. 640 00:37:33,389 --> 00:37:35,391 Very wild, Ms. Wilde. 641 00:37:35,425 --> 00:37:39,084 Thank you, sir. Life is frustrating. 642 00:37:39,118 --> 00:37:41,845 Oh, I hate to hear about a woman being frustrated. 643 00:37:41,880 --> 00:37:44,331 I don't seem to be progressing as I thought I would. 644 00:37:44,365 --> 00:37:45,642 I want bigger things. 645 00:37:45,677 --> 00:37:47,782 Well, in my experience 646 00:37:47,817 --> 00:37:51,165 the world welcomes women who ask for big things. 647 00:37:51,199 --> 00:37:52,649 So I should just ask? 648 00:37:52,684 --> 00:37:55,169 Ask and it will be given. 649 00:37:57,033 --> 00:38:00,208 I'm telling you. It is, it has to be. 650 00:38:00,243 --> 00:38:01,693 It has to be. Kenny, trust me. 651 00:38:01,727 --> 00:38:04,799 Kenny, sir, may I ask you a question? 652 00:38:04,834 --> 00:38:09,114 - Fire away. - Can I write a feature, please? 653 00:38:09,148 --> 00:38:12,048 - A feature? - I want to interview someone. 654 00:38:12,082 --> 00:38:15,085 Let me interview someone. I like bands. They're friendly. 655 00:38:15,120 --> 00:38:17,191 To you, my darling, of course they are. 656 00:38:17,225 --> 00:38:19,642 Talk to Derby about features, alright? 657 00:38:21,368 --> 00:38:25,786 Sir, I think I'm ready to take on more responsibilities 658 00:38:25,820 --> 00:38:27,477 and stretch myself. 659 00:38:27,512 --> 00:38:29,168 I very much see part of my job 660 00:38:29,203 --> 00:38:33,518 as helping young women stretch their responsibilities. 661 00:38:34,622 --> 00:38:37,280 Sit here and tell me more about it. 662 00:38:37,315 --> 00:38:38,626 Sir? 663 00:38:43,528 --> 00:38:45,633 Sit here? 664 00:38:55,194 --> 00:38:56,955 Watch this. Watch this. 665 00:39:00,545 --> 00:39:03,341 This was a good idea. This is fun. 666 00:39:03,375 --> 00:39:07,379 Does anyone else want a go? This is awesome. 667 00:39:07,414 --> 00:39:10,831 I mean, it's not as good as a chair, like all you guys have 668 00:39:10,865 --> 00:39:12,729 but it's definitely second best. 669 00:39:12,764 --> 00:39:15,145 - Maybe we could wrestle, too. - No. 670 00:39:15,180 --> 00:39:17,596 No, okay, you've got the feature, okay? 671 00:39:17,631 --> 00:39:19,667 You can do John Kite in Dublin. 672 00:39:21,082 --> 00:39:23,326 They're my thank-you bounces. 673 00:39:23,361 --> 00:39:25,639 Please make sure your seat's back and tray tables 674 00:39:25,673 --> 00:39:27,226 are in the full upright positions 675 00:39:27,261 --> 00:39:30,333 and that your seatbelt is correctly fastened. 676 00:39:30,368 --> 00:39:31,748 So the gig's at 10:00 p.m. 677 00:39:31,783 --> 00:39:32,991 We'll do the interview first in the pub. 678 00:39:33,025 --> 00:39:35,649 Are all planes this small? 679 00:39:35,683 --> 00:39:37,167 Here's some clippings and some photos. 680 00:39:37,202 --> 00:39:38,893 You've heard his new record, yes? 681 00:39:38,928 --> 00:39:41,344 Is this turbulence? 682 00:39:41,379 --> 00:39:42,863 We haven't taken off yet. 683 00:39:44,140 --> 00:39:46,970 They say flying is the safest mode of transport 684 00:39:47,005 --> 00:39:49,594 but surely that's walking. 685 00:39:55,462 --> 00:39:59,051 Then after the show, I'll be with John Kite at all times. 686 00:40:01,985 --> 00:40:04,332 - Oh, God, what's happening? - Eh? 687 00:40:04,367 --> 00:40:06,300 Well, we've just gone above the clouds. 688 00:40:23,800 --> 00:40:26,009 John, what are you talking about? Come back to me. 689 00:40:26,044 --> 00:40:27,735 Let's just do it in the pub, you know. 690 00:40:27,770 --> 00:40:30,186 - Listen.. - John. D-and-ME's here. 691 00:40:42,370 --> 00:40:46,754 John. D-and-ME. This is Dolly Wilde. 692 00:40:46,789 --> 00:40:50,413 Alright, Duchess? Pleasure to meet you. 693 00:40:50,448 --> 00:40:52,795 Shall we, uh, brutalize ourselves with gin? 694 00:40:52,829 --> 00:40:55,004 Oh, I would just like some pop, please. 695 00:40:55,038 --> 00:40:57,144 - Do you want a cigarette? -No, thank you. 696 00:40:57,178 --> 00:41:00,734 Ah. Well, I applaud your brightness. 697 00:41:02,045 --> 00:41:04,047 When you start smoking 698 00:41:04,082 --> 00:41:06,464 you think that you've bought a fun baby dragon. 699 00:41:06,498 --> 00:41:08,500 You think that you've charmed a fabulous beast 700 00:41:08,535 --> 00:41:10,951 that will impress both your enemies and your friends. 701 00:41:10,985 --> 00:41:12,400 Then, 20 years later, you wake up 702 00:41:12,435 --> 00:41:14,195 with your lungs full of cinder, the bed's on fire 703 00:41:14,230 --> 00:41:16,543 and you realize the dragon grew up 704 00:41:16,577 --> 00:41:18,648 and burned your fucking house down. 705 00:41:21,271 --> 00:41:24,482 - So, the interview.. - Ah, the interview. 706 00:41:24,516 --> 00:41:26,622 My first question is, if you had to murder someone evil 707 00:41:26,656 --> 00:41:28,244 how would you do it? 708 00:41:28,278 --> 00:41:29,935 - That is an amazing question. - What's your worst song? 709 00:41:29,970 --> 00:41:31,523 - Oh, I don't know. - Which is the best Beatle? 710 00:41:31,558 --> 00:41:32,835 Well, that's quite a.. 711 00:41:32,869 --> 00:41:34,975 What would you spend a pound on in a sweet shop? 712 00:41:39,704 --> 00:41:43,121 Darling, have you ever done, like, an interview before? 713 00:41:43,155 --> 00:41:45,364 No. I will be honest with you. 714 00:41:45,399 --> 00:41:47,505 I've never done on anything before. 715 00:41:47,539 --> 00:41:50,162 I'm quite new. I went on a plane today for the first time. 716 00:41:50,197 --> 00:41:53,372 - Do you know how amazing it is? - Tell me. 717 00:41:53,407 --> 00:41:55,720 Today I learned an astounding thing. 718 00:41:55,754 --> 00:41:57,653 It's always sunny above the clouds. 719 00:41:57,687 --> 00:41:59,102 However awful it is on Earth 720 00:41:59,137 --> 00:42:02,278 if you go high enough, it's always summer. 721 00:42:02,312 --> 00:42:03,969 Isn't that amazing? 722 00:42:06,558 --> 00:42:09,527 - Ed, we're finished here, mate. - I have other questions. 723 00:42:09,561 --> 00:42:11,701 Look, darling, if you think I'm gonna sit here 724 00:42:11,736 --> 00:42:13,254 bollocking on about me 725 00:42:13,289 --> 00:42:16,948 when you're both mad as Jesus and new to abroad. 726 00:42:16,982 --> 00:42:19,260 Come on. We're going out. 727 00:42:24,058 --> 00:42:25,991 Welcome to the world. 728 00:42:27,752 --> 00:42:29,374 James Joyce's favorite pub. 729 00:42:29,408 --> 00:42:31,479 In Ulysses, it's Davy Byrnes. 730 00:42:58,990 --> 00:43:02,683 Come on, boy. Watch out. Rock star here. 731 00:43:02,718 --> 00:43:05,375 - John, how you doing? - Yeah, I'm alright, mate. I'm good, yeah. 732 00:43:05,410 --> 00:43:07,619 Let's get you started.. 733 00:43:07,654 --> 00:43:09,000 Same old routine, eh? 734 00:43:09,034 --> 00:43:11,761 You ready? Good. It's all good. 735 00:43:12,693 --> 00:43:14,212 There you go. 736 00:43:15,731 --> 00:43:16,939 Thanks. 737 00:43:19,286 --> 00:43:20,528 Come on. 738 00:43:22,116 --> 00:43:23,877 Come on, let's do it. 739 00:43:32,471 --> 00:43:34,059 This is the Duchess. 740 00:43:38,408 --> 00:43:41,964 Right, I am reliably informed by Melody Maker 741 00:43:41,998 --> 00:43:44,345 that I break hearts in two, so.. 742 00:43:45,519 --> 00:43:47,590 Safety goggles on, eh? 743 00:43:49,178 --> 00:43:54,597 ♪ You said heartbreak 744 00:43:54,632 --> 00:43:58,670 ♪ Only happens 745 00:43:58,705 --> 00:44:02,260 ♪ When you're older 746 00:44:05,470 --> 00:44:12,063 ♪ Angels don't put the angels to bed ♪ 747 00:44:14,652 --> 00:44:18,310 ♪ And it's okay to lie 748 00:44:20,416 --> 00:44:23,937 ♪ Is what I have learned 749 00:44:27,561 --> 00:44:34,844 ♪ I tell them my day-making girl is off saving the world ♪ 750 00:44:39,262 --> 00:44:44,958 ♪ You said heartbreak 751 00:44:44,992 --> 00:44:49,065 ♪ Only happens 752 00:44:49,100 --> 00:44:52,241 ♪ When you're older 753 00:44:56,245 --> 00:45:03,079 ♪ Angels don't put the angels to bed ♪ 754 00:45:05,081 --> 00:45:09,223 ♪ And it's okay to lie 755 00:45:11,363 --> 00:45:14,539 ♪ Is what I have learned ♪ 756 00:45:21,235 --> 00:45:22,789 Classy. 757 00:45:22,823 --> 00:45:24,307 I'm having this. 758 00:45:25,895 --> 00:45:27,241 Hotel tax, innit? 759 00:45:27,276 --> 00:45:29,554 For the honor of my company. 760 00:45:31,349 --> 00:45:33,523 I do have a proper question now. 761 00:45:33,558 --> 00:45:35,249 Hit me. 762 00:45:35,284 --> 00:45:37,389 Why are your songs so sad? 763 00:45:39,391 --> 00:45:41,877 Oh, baby, now, that's a.. 764 00:45:41,911 --> 00:45:43,464 ...that's big one. 765 00:45:45,639 --> 00:45:46,605 Well.. 766 00:45:47,917 --> 00:45:50,437 ...you see, I was, uh.. 767 00:45:50,471 --> 00:45:52,404 ...born in a crossfire hurricane. 768 00:45:54,027 --> 00:45:55,200 No, that's a quote. 769 00:45:55,235 --> 00:45:57,099 "Jumpin' Jack Flash." 770 00:45:59,480 --> 00:46:01,620 The Stones? 771 00:46:01,655 --> 00:46:04,278 Have you never listened to the Stones? 772 00:46:04,313 --> 00:46:07,074 I have the "Best Of" reserved at the library 773 00:46:07,109 --> 00:46:09,836 but there are six other reservations ahead of me. 774 00:46:09,870 --> 00:46:12,459 And yet you can quote "Ulysses." 775 00:46:12,493 --> 00:46:14,979 Well, no one reserved that at the library. 776 00:46:17,913 --> 00:46:19,466 I bet. 777 00:46:19,500 --> 00:46:20,467 Well.. 778 00:46:21,537 --> 00:46:23,608 ...like you, baby, I'm a scratcher. 779 00:46:23,642 --> 00:46:25,921 I was born in Blackwood, South Wales Valleys 780 00:46:25,955 --> 00:46:27,646 in a crossfire drizzle. 781 00:46:28,855 --> 00:46:32,030 My mother had my three sisters 782 00:46:32,065 --> 00:46:34,343 and then she got ill. 783 00:46:34,377 --> 00:46:38,243 We'd go and visit her in hospital and, uh.. 784 00:46:38,278 --> 00:46:41,419 ...she, uh, she didn't wanna touch us. 785 00:46:43,973 --> 00:46:46,079 It made her cry. 786 00:46:46,113 --> 00:46:47,563 And when we'd say goodbye 787 00:46:47,597 --> 00:46:50,738 she'd press the tips of her fingers to her mouth 788 00:46:50,773 --> 00:46:53,776 press it on our mouths, and say, "This is John's kiss." 789 00:46:56,434 --> 00:46:59,540 And the little ones, you know, they just wanted their mum. 790 00:47:02,164 --> 00:47:04,304 When she, uh, decided to die.. 791 00:47:05,684 --> 00:47:10,034 ...I'd go into her wardrobe and...put on her coat 792 00:47:10,068 --> 00:47:11,759 and hug 'em.. 793 00:47:15,349 --> 00:47:17,282 ...so they could smell her, you know. 794 00:47:18,801 --> 00:47:21,045 I read somewhere that's what you do with puppies. 795 00:47:21,079 --> 00:47:23,150 You...put 'em in a cardboard box 796 00:47:23,185 --> 00:47:25,566 with a blanket that smells of their mother. 797 00:47:27,637 --> 00:47:29,156 And your dad? 798 00:47:33,609 --> 00:47:35,887 This is all off the record now, of course. 799 00:47:35,922 --> 00:47:40,133 We are off road now, and off balance too. 800 00:47:42,929 --> 00:47:45,310 This is far too much about me. 801 00:47:45,345 --> 00:47:48,693 You, tell me one true thing about you. 802 00:47:48,727 --> 00:47:50,798 Whose eyes do you have? 803 00:47:50,833 --> 00:47:52,386 Whose, whose wonder? 804 00:47:53,871 --> 00:47:57,288 I used to think that anyone who didn't have my mother... 805 00:47:57,322 --> 00:47:58,668 My eyes are hers. 806 00:47:58,703 --> 00:48:01,637 Or my father, he's the one who loves the world 807 00:48:01,671 --> 00:48:04,467 was so unlucky. 808 00:48:04,502 --> 00:48:06,159 They might as well just lie down and die. 809 00:48:07,643 --> 00:48:10,542 But then she had the unexpected twins. 810 00:48:13,097 --> 00:48:15,202 And now she's just.. 811 00:48:17,825 --> 00:48:19,241 I miss her. 812 00:48:22,244 --> 00:48:23,831 Even though she's there. 813 00:48:25,764 --> 00:48:28,250 So I guess I write 814 00:48:28,284 --> 00:48:32,116 because that's like.. 815 00:48:32,150 --> 00:48:35,533 ...putting a wish into a bottle, isn't it? 816 00:48:35,567 --> 00:48:39,192 Baby, I think we are both in the business 817 00:48:39,226 --> 00:48:40,848 of putting wishes in bottles. 818 00:48:42,229 --> 00:48:45,370 I mean, that's the whole business we're in. 819 00:48:59,108 --> 00:49:00,799 Do you want some nuts? 820 00:49:00,834 --> 00:49:03,216 - Hmm. - Alright. 821 00:49:06,391 --> 00:49:09,567 - I love a bath. - Oh! Me too. 822 00:49:09,601 --> 00:49:12,363 I just don't understand showers. They're depressing. 823 00:49:12,397 --> 00:49:14,848 It's like standing in the rain on purpose. 824 00:49:15,987 --> 00:49:18,196 But I love Doors. 825 00:49:18,231 --> 00:49:20,198 They make the outside stop. 826 00:49:22,545 --> 00:49:24,720 - Ah! I love Doors now. - Hm. 827 00:49:24,754 --> 00:49:27,378 I've fallen in love with Doors. They're amazing. 828 00:49:27,412 --> 00:49:30,933 - But do you love dogs? - What? Do I love dogs? 829 00:49:30,968 --> 00:49:33,211 I absolutely love dogs. 830 00:49:33,246 --> 00:49:34,799 What's your favorite type of dog? 831 00:50:03,759 --> 00:50:05,105 Ey, love. 832 00:50:05,140 --> 00:50:09,075 - I am irreversibly in love. - Oh, nice one, bab. 833 00:50:09,109 --> 00:50:11,284 I've got a gammon on the go, if you want a slice. 834 00:50:11,318 --> 00:50:12,492 Dad... 835 00:50:13,976 --> 00:50:18,015 I brought you a proper pint from Dublin, like you always wanted. 836 00:50:18,049 --> 00:50:21,121 Thank you very much for that, love. That's great. 837 00:50:21,156 --> 00:50:23,296 Look at that. Proper pint. 838 00:50:25,056 --> 00:50:26,540 Oh! It's a bit flat. 839 00:50:29,336 --> 00:50:30,855 John's nuts. 840 00:50:33,720 --> 00:50:35,515 I don't know what to write. 841 00:50:35,549 --> 00:50:38,207 Ah! The ecstatic torture of love. 842 00:50:38,242 --> 00:50:40,140 The socioeconomic conditions 843 00:50:40,175 --> 00:50:43,281 that lead to the dominance of working-class rock and roll. 844 00:50:43,316 --> 00:50:46,836 Just write from the heart, Jo, and into the bank balance. 845 00:50:46,871 --> 00:50:48,355 Love that. 846 00:50:53,050 --> 00:50:56,950 John Kite Interview, Dublin 847 00:50:56,984 --> 00:50:58,779 by Dolly Wilde. 848 00:51:02,576 --> 00:51:05,993 Some people aren't just people 849 00:51:06,028 --> 00:51:08,513 but...a place. 850 00:51:09,445 --> 00:51:11,413 A whole world. 851 00:51:11,447 --> 00:51:17,177 ♪ You said heartbreak 852 00:51:17,212 --> 00:51:21,250 ♪ Only happens 853 00:51:21,285 --> 00:51:25,668 ♪ When you're older.. 854 00:51:25,703 --> 00:51:29,569 Sometimes you find someone you can just live inside. 855 00:51:29,603 --> 00:51:34,574 ♪ Angels don't put the angels to bed ♪ 856 00:51:37,059 --> 00:51:40,269 ♪ And it's okay to lie 857 00:51:43,169 --> 00:51:46,827 ♪ Is what I have learned 858 00:51:49,934 --> 00:51:54,352 ♪ I tell them my day-making girl ♪ 859 00:51:56,251 --> 00:52:01,566 ♪ She's out saving the world 860 00:52:01,601 --> 00:52:07,434 ♪ You said heartbreak 861 00:52:07,469 --> 00:52:11,335 ♪ Only happens 862 00:52:11,369 --> 00:52:17,617 ♪ When you're older.. 863 00:52:17,651 --> 00:52:19,066 You are the whole world. 864 00:52:19,101 --> 00:52:20,930 ♪ Angels 865 00:52:20,965 --> 00:52:27,592 ♪ Don't put the angels to bed.. ♪ 866 00:52:36,325 --> 00:52:37,809 Come with me. 867 00:52:45,886 --> 00:52:47,094 Let yourself go. 868 00:52:47,129 --> 00:52:52,824 ♪ She's off saving the world.. ♪ 869 00:52:53,825 --> 00:52:55,206 Johanna? 870 00:52:55,241 --> 00:52:56,552 Johanna.. 871 00:52:56,587 --> 00:52:58,554 - Johanna, let me in. - Go away. 872 00:52:58,589 --> 00:53:00,177 ♪ Saving the world 873 00:53:00,211 --> 00:53:02,317 ♪ Saving the world 874 00:53:02,351 --> 00:53:03,525 ♪ Saving.. ♪ 875 00:53:03,559 --> 00:53:07,494 - Johanna. - Uh! Go away, Krissi! 876 00:53:07,529 --> 00:53:09,462 What you doing in there? 877 00:53:09,496 --> 00:53:10,911 Let me in. 878 00:53:10,946 --> 00:53:13,845 Sounds like you're whisking something. 879 00:53:13,880 --> 00:53:15,847 Johanna, I've just had a really flirty half an hour 880 00:53:15,882 --> 00:53:17,642 with John Kellog on the 512 881 00:53:17,677 --> 00:53:18,919 and I need to share. 882 00:53:18,954 --> 00:53:20,438 Ugh! 883 00:53:27,134 --> 00:53:28,584 I was working. 884 00:53:30,793 --> 00:53:33,037 What, on how to skin him and wear him as a coat? 885 00:53:33,071 --> 00:53:35,108 Listen, I finished it. 886 00:53:38,491 --> 00:53:40,734 "John Kite in Dublin. 887 00:53:40,769 --> 00:53:43,737 "He's not a beautiful boy, nor a tall one 888 00:53:43,772 --> 00:53:45,532 "but when the wind blows in on the street corner 889 00:53:45,567 --> 00:53:48,363 "you can hear his heart beat under his shirt. 890 00:53:48,397 --> 00:53:50,054 And when conversation accelerates.." 891 00:53:50,088 --> 00:53:53,264 "...you can hear his mind chime like a clock. 892 00:53:53,299 --> 00:53:54,714 "He is bright, bright, bright 893 00:53:54,748 --> 00:53:56,888 "like the lantern above a pub door in November. 894 00:53:56,923 --> 00:53:59,857 "He makes you wanna come in and never leave. 895 00:53:59,891 --> 00:54:02,100 "When he smiles, it's like plugging in a Wurlitzer. 896 00:54:02,135 --> 00:54:04,275 The dance floor floods with jivers." 897 00:54:04,310 --> 00:54:07,692 And this, Tony, this is why we don't employ little girls 898 00:54:07,727 --> 00:54:08,935 to write our newspaper. 899 00:54:08,969 --> 00:54:10,730 I've never been in an organization 900 00:54:10,764 --> 00:54:13,767 that wasn't improved from hiring jailbait. 901 00:54:15,321 --> 00:54:16,977 Shirley Temple is fired. 902 00:54:24,571 --> 00:54:26,193 What you doing, bab? 903 00:54:26,228 --> 00:54:29,887 Waiting for a phone call that determines my entire future. 904 00:54:29,921 --> 00:54:31,578 How long you been waiting? 905 00:54:31,613 --> 00:54:33,822 Since 10 o'clock this morning. 906 00:54:33,856 --> 00:54:35,686 I know the feeling, love. 907 00:54:35,720 --> 00:54:38,792 I've been waiting for mine since 1978. 908 00:54:38,827 --> 00:54:41,070 Ah! Keep at it, cocker. 909 00:54:50,425 --> 00:54:51,460 Ring. 910 00:54:52,530 --> 00:54:53,669 Ow! 911 00:55:10,617 --> 00:55:12,067 Ring. 912 00:55:37,817 --> 00:55:39,439 Is this all? 913 00:55:39,474 --> 00:55:41,683 I kind of lost my mojo, Mrs. B. 914 00:55:41,717 --> 00:55:43,581 I'm doubting my authorial voice. 915 00:55:43,616 --> 00:55:46,619 I don't need your authorial voice, Johanna. 916 00:55:46,653 --> 00:55:49,656 I need 500 words on Anna Karenina by 11:20. 917 00:55:49,691 --> 00:55:51,278 I can give you the headline. 918 00:55:51,313 --> 00:55:55,524 "Unhappy girl throws herself under a train. Fair enough." 919 00:55:55,559 --> 00:55:57,733 As things stand, you're headed to a future 920 00:55:57,768 --> 00:55:59,977 stacking cheddar on the cheese counter at Safeway. 921 00:56:00,011 --> 00:56:01,634 You're kind of crushing my 922 00:56:01,668 --> 00:56:03,843 already faltering zest for life, Mrs. B. 923 00:56:03,877 --> 00:56:07,709 Yes. I'm the cold light of day. 924 00:56:07,743 --> 00:56:09,227 A hope smasher. 925 00:56:10,401 --> 00:56:12,472 A teacher. 926 00:56:20,756 --> 00:56:22,724 Dolly Wilde. 927 00:56:22,758 --> 00:56:25,347 - Ah! No, love. - I should be. 928 00:56:25,382 --> 00:56:26,969 Try Johanna Morrigan. 929 00:56:27,004 --> 00:56:29,144 Neither of you are on here, love. 930 00:56:29,178 --> 00:56:31,974 Don't you know who I thought I was six weeks ago? 931 00:56:33,286 --> 00:56:34,736 You're funny. 932 00:56:34,770 --> 00:56:36,151 You should be a writer or something. 933 00:56:36,185 --> 00:56:37,773 You're still not coming in though. 934 00:56:42,088 --> 00:56:43,434 No! 935 00:56:43,469 --> 00:56:45,712 No! No! 936 00:56:58,345 --> 00:56:59,657 You've hit rock bottom? 937 00:56:59,692 --> 00:57:01,935 Amazing. Details now, please. 938 00:57:02,626 --> 00:57:04,248 I was so close. 939 00:57:04,282 --> 00:57:07,631 I had the perfect life. I had friends. 940 00:57:07,665 --> 00:57:10,288 I was almost out of here. 941 00:57:10,323 --> 00:57:11,945 Now it's gone. 942 00:57:11,980 --> 00:57:14,327 I'm 16 and I'm over. 943 00:57:14,361 --> 00:57:16,018 You can't be over. 944 00:57:16,053 --> 00:57:19,056 You don't have the privilege of that option, do you? 945 00:57:20,575 --> 00:57:23,060 You cannot deny physics, darling. 946 00:57:23,094 --> 00:57:25,821 You are the unstoppable force. 947 00:57:25,856 --> 00:57:29,204 So...don't stop. 948 00:57:34,761 --> 00:57:37,108 Come on, let me walk you home. 949 00:57:42,079 --> 00:57:44,253 ♪ Looking out the door 950 00:57:44,288 --> 00:57:50,397 ♪ I see the rain fall upon the funeral mourners ♪ 951 00:57:53,987 --> 00:57:58,371 ♪ Parading in a wake of sad relations ♪ 952 00:57:58,405 --> 00:58:01,650 ♪ As their shoes fill up with water ♪ 953 00:58:07,794 --> 00:58:10,314 ♪ Maybe I'm too young 954 00:58:11,936 --> 00:58:17,355 ♪ To keep good love from goin' wrong ♪ 955 00:58:17,390 --> 00:58:20,048 ♪ But tonight 956 00:58:20,082 --> 00:58:25,087 ♪ You're on my mind so 957 00:58:26,710 --> 00:58:28,781 ♪ You'll never know ♪ 958 00:58:33,613 --> 00:58:37,065 Alright. Cool. Let's just freakin' wake up. Come on. 959 00:58:37,099 --> 00:58:39,792 This is definitely goin' out as well. 960 00:58:39,826 --> 00:58:40,827 Nothing else. No way. 961 00:58:40,862 --> 00:58:43,036 I don't ever want to heat that.. 962 00:58:44,831 --> 00:58:46,661 Yes. Alright, boss. Yeah. 963 00:58:46,695 --> 00:58:50,457 You're slacking. Make sure that bit is right in the middle. 964 00:58:51,666 --> 00:58:54,116 I've hit the glass ceiling. 965 00:58:54,151 --> 00:58:58,017 I'm an unstoppable force, and yet I'm being stopped. Why? 966 00:58:59,397 --> 00:59:02,780 Well, what you don't understand yet is that this is war. 967 00:59:02,815 --> 00:59:04,402 War? 968 00:59:04,437 --> 00:59:07,682 There's only 15 or 20 bands out there who really matter 969 00:59:07,716 --> 00:59:09,822 ones who can change people's lives. 970 00:59:09,856 --> 00:59:11,306 So? 971 00:59:11,340 --> 00:59:15,241 So our job here is to remove the parasites 972 00:59:15,275 --> 00:59:18,244 napalm them from their huts, clear the way. 973 00:59:18,278 --> 00:59:19,797 - Yes, yes, yes... - That's alright. 974 00:59:19,832 --> 00:59:22,351 I could, uh, I could listen to that. 975 00:59:22,386 --> 00:59:24,491 Baby.. 976 00:59:24,526 --> 00:59:28,426 ...that John Kite feature, Kenny wasn't impressed. 977 00:59:28,461 --> 00:59:31,602 You just sounded like an excited teenage girl. 978 00:59:31,637 --> 00:59:33,777 I am an excited teenage girl. 979 00:59:33,811 --> 00:59:36,296 Well, fan or hack? 980 00:59:37,263 --> 00:59:39,645 - Decide. - Really? 981 00:59:39,679 --> 00:59:41,543 If I want to get ahead 982 00:59:41,578 --> 00:59:44,442 I've got to get a hate? 983 00:59:45,927 --> 00:59:48,515 We need you. 984 00:59:48,550 --> 00:59:51,553 So everyone my whole life has lied to me. 985 00:59:51,588 --> 00:59:54,452 A nice girl gets nowhere. 986 00:59:54,487 --> 00:59:55,661 But a bitch.. 987 00:59:55,695 --> 00:59:57,559 ...a bitch can make a comeback. 988 00:59:59,112 --> 01:00:01,252 I have no choice. 989 01:00:01,287 --> 01:00:05,636 Pop has a new gatekeeper, Dolly Wilde. 990 01:00:05,671 --> 01:00:08,087 And I will not let you through if you think it's acceptable 991 01:00:08,121 --> 01:00:10,676 to dress like work-experience vampires 992 01:00:10,710 --> 01:00:12,643 and I mean you, The Hallows. 993 01:00:12,678 --> 01:00:16,854 This is rock and roll, guys, not a clown hair competition. 994 01:00:16,889 --> 01:00:18,407 It is a truth 995 01:00:18,442 --> 01:00:21,859 universally acknowledged 996 01:00:21,894 --> 01:00:24,621 that Paul Simon looks like a toe 997 01:00:24,655 --> 01:00:27,485 someone drew a face on. 998 01:00:29,177 --> 01:00:31,386 Joni Mitchell, voice of an angel 999 01:00:31,420 --> 01:00:33,181 face of a Grand National winner. 1000 01:00:33,215 --> 01:00:35,562 Who is this bitch Dolly Wilde? 1001 01:00:37,081 --> 01:00:39,083 Hippies, just so you know 1002 01:00:39,118 --> 01:00:41,914 there is no such thing as a didgeridoo player. 1003 01:00:41,948 --> 01:00:44,364 That is a man mooing down a pipe. 1004 01:00:46,021 --> 01:00:49,576 This is horrible, like ear cystitis. 1005 01:00:51,993 --> 01:00:53,650 ♪ Now it's in.. 1006 01:00:53,684 --> 01:00:56,756 Guys, when did the burglar steal your talent? 1007 01:00:56,791 --> 01:00:59,207 I'm calling the police. 1008 01:00:59,241 --> 01:01:01,036 "Jump Around" by House of Pain 1009 01:01:01,071 --> 01:01:02,728 is the kind of music testicles would make. 1010 01:01:04,212 --> 01:01:05,800 - Alright, mate. Bye. - Here you go, mate. 1011 01:01:05,834 --> 01:01:06,835 Dude. 1012 01:01:10,425 --> 01:01:13,635 Dolly Wilde, every single letter. 1013 01:01:18,675 --> 01:01:19,848 You're welcome. 1014 01:01:21,747 --> 01:01:22,886 What d'you reckon? 1015 01:01:24,922 --> 01:01:28,132 No, stop. Halt. Stop this. 1016 01:01:28,167 --> 01:01:30,721 - Oh, this is bad. - Stop. Stop this. 1017 01:01:32,171 --> 01:01:34,829 Whatever happened to raindrops on roses 1018 01:01:34,863 --> 01:01:36,969 and whiskers on kittens, Johanna? 1019 01:01:37,003 --> 01:01:39,005 They don't pay the rent. 1020 01:01:44,839 --> 01:01:46,461 - Dolly! - Dolly! Dolly! 1021 01:01:46,495 --> 01:01:48,774 Hi! How're you? 1022 01:01:48,808 --> 01:01:50,120 May I? 1023 01:01:57,127 --> 01:01:59,025 So, you don't have to worry 1024 01:01:59,060 --> 01:02:01,510 about that hymen anymore, Krissi. 1025 01:02:01,545 --> 01:02:03,202 It's gone. 1026 01:02:03,236 --> 01:02:06,067 I've literally taken one for the team. 1027 01:02:06,101 --> 01:02:07,896 The team of sex. 1028 01:02:07,931 --> 01:02:10,071 I'm post-virginity. 1029 01:02:10,105 --> 01:02:12,659 And it turns out, I'm really good at it. 1030 01:02:22,290 --> 01:02:24,706 Everyone wants a piece of Dolly Wilde 1031 01:02:24,741 --> 01:02:27,364 and God wisely made enough to go around. 1032 01:02:27,398 --> 01:02:29,711 So I'm entering my inevitable period of 1033 01:02:29,746 --> 01:02:32,818 intense sexual experimentation. 1034 01:02:37,788 --> 01:02:40,032 I've done it with someone from West Bromwich. 1035 01:02:42,724 --> 01:02:45,451 I've done it with a freaky foot guy. 1036 01:02:45,485 --> 01:02:49,558 I did with a man who faints every time he sees a nipple. 1037 01:02:51,250 --> 01:02:52,699 And just last night 1038 01:02:52,734 --> 01:02:55,530 I encountered something I didn't think was possible. 1039 01:02:57,704 --> 01:02:59,603 A penis that was too big. 1040 01:03:02,261 --> 01:03:05,264 Luckily, I'm a quick learner. I'll give you my tips. 1041 01:03:05,298 --> 01:03:07,197 One, when in missionary 1042 01:03:07,231 --> 01:03:09,026 place your hands flat on his chest 1043 01:03:09,061 --> 01:03:11,718 and brace, brace, brace with your arms. 1044 01:03:11,753 --> 01:03:13,582 Two, in doggy 1045 01:03:13,617 --> 01:03:16,447 you can essentially keep crawling away from the penis. 1046 01:03:16,482 --> 01:03:18,311 Every time he tries to get a bit more inside 1047 01:03:18,346 --> 01:03:20,348 you just gallop a little faster. 1048 01:03:21,452 --> 01:03:23,592 - Kris? - I'm gonna be sick. 1049 01:03:23,627 --> 01:03:24,835 Kris! 1050 01:03:24,870 --> 01:03:26,768 Kris! Kris! 1051 01:03:26,803 --> 01:03:29,012 You can share some of your sexual experiences 1052 01:03:29,046 --> 01:03:30,392 such as they may be. 1053 01:03:30,427 --> 01:03:31,393 Hm.. 1054 01:03:31,428 --> 01:03:33,775 You need to be more repressed. 1055 01:03:38,815 --> 01:03:41,541 So, anyway, between us girls 1056 01:03:41,576 --> 01:03:44,510 in all this, the only thing I haven't learned is this 1057 01:03:44,544 --> 01:03:46,408 how does a man make you come? 1058 01:03:46,443 --> 01:03:47,996 Ooh! I know what you're saying.. 1059 01:03:48,031 --> 01:03:49,756 Oh, well, that is the big question. 1060 01:03:49,791 --> 01:03:52,483 - Well, we managed without. - Speak for yourself. 1061 01:03:52,518 --> 01:03:54,796 I like to give myself a damn good wuthering. 1062 01:03:54,831 --> 01:03:58,420 I did try it once, but I -- I didn't like it. 1063 01:03:58,455 --> 01:04:02,459 You just have to have a little fiddle with yourself, darling. 1064 01:04:02,493 --> 01:04:04,495 That's exactly what I did. 1065 01:04:06,256 --> 01:04:07,982 That's my girl. 1066 01:04:16,680 --> 01:04:18,544 Jeeves. 1067 01:04:18,578 --> 01:04:21,029 These boots need a lift to the station. 1068 01:04:21,064 --> 01:04:22,479 Darling, I would love to 1069 01:04:22,513 --> 01:04:25,516 but, uh, there's been a bit of a development. 1070 01:04:32,799 --> 01:04:34,491 Where's the van? 1071 01:04:34,525 --> 01:04:36,838 You've inspired me, love. 1072 01:04:36,873 --> 01:04:38,598 I sold it. 1073 01:04:38,633 --> 01:04:39,910 You've sold it? 1074 01:04:39,945 --> 01:04:41,774 Where the bloody hell did you appear from? 1075 01:04:41,808 --> 01:04:45,191 I manifest whenever someone sells my fucking car. 1076 01:04:45,226 --> 01:04:47,745 - Why did you sell it? - To do this. 1077 01:04:52,060 --> 01:04:55,305 - Here, look, you. - Unbelievable. 1078 01:04:55,339 --> 01:04:56,927 - Huh? - Not again, Pat. 1079 01:04:56,962 --> 01:04:59,102 I got these done and all. 1080 01:04:59,136 --> 01:05:00,172 Mayonnaise.. 1081 01:05:00,206 --> 01:05:02,277 You called yourself Mayonnaise? 1082 01:05:02,312 --> 01:05:04,486 You sold the cow for magic beans. 1083 01:05:04,521 --> 01:05:08,318 Do you not have any faith in our daughter, Angie? 1084 01:05:08,352 --> 01:05:10,561 You can make me, can't you, love? 1085 01:05:10,596 --> 01:05:12,909 Absolutely. I'm all over it. 1086 01:05:19,916 --> 01:05:21,918 The thing about crossing over to the dark side 1087 01:05:21,952 --> 01:05:24,748 is that once you're there, it doesn't feel dark at all. 1088 01:05:24,782 --> 01:05:28,890 - Hello. - Dolly, how you doing, girl? 1089 01:05:28,925 --> 01:05:31,168 It feels warm and welcoming. 1090 01:05:31,203 --> 01:05:35,138 You and your friends are just taking care of business. 1091 01:05:38,003 --> 01:05:39,521 - To evil. - To evil. 1092 01:05:39,556 --> 01:05:40,350 Mmm. 1093 01:05:43,318 --> 01:05:45,872 - Votes on this. Keep? - Yes. 1094 01:05:45,907 --> 01:05:48,530 - Whoa! - Majority vote. It lives. 1095 01:05:48,565 --> 01:05:50,636 - I think so. - Next one. 1096 01:05:53,673 --> 01:05:56,331 This is imported, man. I'm not messing about. 1097 01:05:59,334 --> 01:06:01,198 - Fuck, no! - Oh! That's bad. 1098 01:06:01,233 --> 01:06:04,822 - No. - This is raping my ears. 1099 01:06:04,857 --> 01:06:06,341 - Kill. - Kill it. 1100 01:06:06,376 --> 01:06:08,136 - Kill. - Kill! 1101 01:06:08,171 --> 01:06:09,724 - Kill! - You do it this time. 1102 01:06:09,758 --> 01:06:10,932 - Kill! - Kill! 1103 01:06:10,967 --> 01:06:11,968 - Kill! - Kill! 1104 01:06:12,002 --> 01:06:14,729 - Kill! Kill! - Throw. 1105 01:06:14,763 --> 01:06:15,868 Here we go. 1106 01:06:18,664 --> 01:06:20,977 - Cracker. - Good shot, sir. 1107 01:06:21,011 --> 01:06:22,461 Right, what's this one called? 1108 01:06:22,495 --> 01:06:25,498 - Don't know. - Yeah, it's a bit scary. 1109 01:06:25,533 --> 01:06:27,742 - Cheers. - Here have some of this. 1110 01:06:27,776 --> 01:06:29,019 Alright. 1111 01:06:30,641 --> 01:06:32,609 This is some Malawi-wowie, do you want some? 1112 01:06:32,643 --> 01:06:34,783 - Yeah. - Have a twig at that. 1113 01:06:34,818 --> 01:06:36,647 Does it matter what someone looks like? 1114 01:06:36,682 --> 01:06:39,512 Oh, right, says the woman who last week described Tori Amos 1115 01:06:39,547 --> 01:06:42,032 as having both the hair and future of a mammoth. 1116 01:06:43,413 --> 01:06:45,208 What's the band? What're they called? 1117 01:06:45,242 --> 01:06:47,727 - Mayonnaise. - Mayonnaise? 1118 01:06:47,762 --> 01:06:49,281 Who right now would go to their desk and write 1119 01:06:49,315 --> 01:06:51,317 "I love Mayonnaise?" 1120 01:06:51,352 --> 01:06:53,250 - Not me. - Kill it. 1121 01:06:53,285 --> 01:06:55,149 - Kill it! - Kill it! 1122 01:06:55,183 --> 01:06:57,220 - Kill it. - Kill. 1123 01:06:57,254 --> 01:06:58,773 Kill it. 1124 01:06:58,807 --> 01:07:00,499 - Kill! Kill! - Kill! Kill! 1125 01:07:00,533 --> 01:07:02,156 Time for your first blood, darling. 1126 01:07:02,190 --> 01:07:04,158 - Kill! Kill! - Kill! Kill! 1127 01:07:04,192 --> 01:07:05,366 - Kill! Kill! - Kill! Kill! 1128 01:07:05,400 --> 01:07:06,574 - Kill! - Kill! 1129 01:07:08,265 --> 01:07:10,888 You're so out of the loop, man. 1130 01:07:13,201 --> 01:07:15,962 - Big moment. - Go on, Dolly! 1131 01:07:18,931 --> 01:07:19,897 Throw. 1132 01:07:26,076 --> 01:07:28,113 - Nice! - Yes, Dolly. 1133 01:07:28,147 --> 01:07:30,253 I just shot Dad. 1134 01:07:30,287 --> 01:07:32,945 Nice work, Dolly. Yes! 1135 01:07:32,979 --> 01:07:34,015 Whoo-hoo! 1136 01:07:42,299 --> 01:07:44,094 ♪ Hit it 1137 01:07:44,129 --> 01:07:46,545 ♪ Ooh baby baby 1138 01:07:46,579 --> 01:07:48,098 ♪ Baby baby 1139 01:07:48,133 --> 01:07:50,100 ♪ Ooh baby baby 1140 01:07:50,135 --> 01:07:51,757 ♪ Bab baby baby.. 1141 01:07:55,519 --> 01:07:56,555 - Dolly! - Hey, Dolly.. 1142 01:07:56,589 --> 01:07:58,315 Dolly! Dolly! 1143 01:08:00,076 --> 01:08:01,042 Come on. 1144 01:08:02,043 --> 01:08:03,044 Oh, right, up. 1145 01:08:04,563 --> 01:08:07,773 Bit of love, bit of hate in the room there. 1146 01:08:07,807 --> 01:08:11,742 Thank you. Your hate is delicious. 1147 01:08:22,719 --> 01:08:24,307 - Whoo! - Oh, hey! 1148 01:08:24,341 --> 01:08:26,067 Cheers! 1149 01:08:26,102 --> 01:08:29,691 And now to the most hotly contested award of the night. 1150 01:08:29,726 --> 01:08:34,006 Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it's Arsehole of the Year. 1151 01:08:34,040 --> 01:08:36,215 And in a year packed with contenders 1152 01:08:36,250 --> 01:08:40,771 the winner proves that feminism really is making advances. 1153 01:08:40,806 --> 01:08:44,085 The woman who suggested the world would be a better place 1154 01:08:44,120 --> 01:08:46,260 if Eddie Vedder from Pearl Jam 1155 01:08:46,294 --> 01:08:49,159 ripped off another idea from Kurt Cobain 1156 01:08:49,194 --> 01:08:52,645 and shot himself to death. 1157 01:08:52,680 --> 01:08:54,406 It's Dolly Wilde! 1158 01:08:54,440 --> 01:08:55,890 ♪ I'm an asshole 1159 01:08:55,924 --> 01:08:59,065 ♪ He's an asshole what an asshole ♪ 1160 01:08:59,100 --> 01:09:00,584 ♪ I'm an asshole 1161 01:09:00,619 --> 01:09:03,380 ♪ He's the world's biggest asshole.. ♪ 1162 01:09:08,109 --> 01:09:11,112 Sit on my face! 1163 01:09:11,147 --> 01:09:14,771 Sit on your own goddamn face. I'm too busy. 1164 01:09:16,186 --> 01:09:18,361 Whoo! 1165 01:09:18,395 --> 01:09:20,363 Ladies and gentlemen, Dolly Wilde 1166 01:09:20,397 --> 01:09:22,848 Arsehole of the Year. 1167 01:09:24,263 --> 01:09:26,817 ♪ I'm an asshole ♪ 1168 01:09:26,852 --> 01:09:28,647 Let's hear it once more for Dolly Wilde. 1169 01:09:38,139 --> 01:09:39,761 You're a good person, aren't you? 1170 01:09:39,796 --> 01:09:42,281 I definitely need some guidance. That's without a doubt. 1171 01:09:43,489 --> 01:09:45,664 - Hello. - Got a light, dude? 1172 01:09:45,698 --> 01:09:47,079 Oh, are you smoking now, Duchess? 1173 01:09:47,113 --> 01:09:48,632 Yeah. 1174 01:09:48,667 --> 01:09:51,221 It's just, eh, most people tend to smoke 'em the, ah 1175 01:09:51,256 --> 01:09:52,533 the other way round. 1176 01:09:53,879 --> 01:09:55,087 There you go. 1177 01:09:56,882 --> 01:09:59,091 Aren't you going to congratulate me on my award? 1178 01:09:59,125 --> 01:10:00,472 I'm Arsehole of the Year. 1179 01:10:00,506 --> 01:10:02,474 Do you wish me to congratulate you on that? 1180 01:10:02,508 --> 01:10:03,820 I'm the best at a thing. 1181 01:10:03,854 --> 01:10:06,236 Well, then, I wholeheartedly congratulate you 1182 01:10:06,271 --> 01:10:08,100 on your peerless evil. 1183 01:10:08,134 --> 01:10:09,722 Thank you. 1184 01:10:09,757 --> 01:10:10,999 You think it's ignoble? 1185 01:10:11,034 --> 01:10:13,001 I'm a massive fan of your bullshit. 1186 01:10:13,036 --> 01:10:15,176 I think you are smashing it, hogwash-wise. 1187 01:10:15,211 --> 01:10:19,076 Mm. There's no greater rule than "Bitch gotta pay rent." 1188 01:10:19,111 --> 01:10:22,632 I've always preferred, in the end, "Say one true thing." 1189 01:10:25,531 --> 01:10:26,877 Okay. 1190 01:10:28,534 --> 01:10:29,949 I am in love with you. 1191 01:10:31,296 --> 01:10:32,780 I am in love with you. 1192 01:10:35,817 --> 01:10:36,749 What? 1193 01:10:36,784 --> 01:10:38,855 You want one true thing. 1194 01:10:42,099 --> 01:10:45,965 - Johanna. - Now, we should kiss. 1195 01:10:55,492 --> 01:10:57,080 That's not me, Duch. 1196 01:10:58,323 --> 01:10:59,979 That's not my way. 1197 01:11:07,124 --> 01:11:08,091 John? 1198 01:11:09,403 --> 01:11:10,852 Yeah, let's go. 1199 01:11:14,615 --> 01:11:17,480 Has St. Winifred's school choir had too much pop? 1200 01:11:18,688 --> 01:11:22,036 Ah. We must never forget that it's a miracle 1201 01:11:22,070 --> 01:11:24,866 when anyone gets anywhere from a bad post-code. 1202 01:11:26,834 --> 01:11:29,492 And we must always be respectful of miracles. 1203 01:11:29,526 --> 01:11:30,976 Ahh. 1204 01:11:32,702 --> 01:11:34,600 I'll be respectful, then. 1205 01:11:39,122 --> 01:11:40,951 Clever girl. 1206 01:11:41,676 --> 01:11:43,022 Whoo! 1207 01:12:09,221 --> 01:12:10,671 One true thing? 1208 01:12:12,328 --> 01:12:16,124 Okay, I'll write one true thing. 1209 01:12:44,705 --> 01:12:47,017 "The real John Kite. 1210 01:12:47,052 --> 01:12:50,573 "He finally opens up over his heartbreaking childhood 1211 01:12:50,607 --> 01:12:52,920 "his mother's suicide 1212 01:12:52,954 --> 01:12:55,440 "and the origins of that iconic coat 1213 01:12:55,474 --> 01:12:58,650 by the journalist that knows him best, Dolly Wilde." 1214 01:12:58,684 --> 01:13:00,203 Fuck. Exclusive. 1215 01:13:01,307 --> 01:13:02,826 You've got a front cover. 1216 01:13:19,464 --> 01:13:20,844 Ask me. 1217 01:13:21,880 --> 01:13:23,502 - No. - Ask me. 1218 01:13:23,537 --> 01:13:24,710 No. 1219 01:13:24,745 --> 01:13:27,541 Please, Krissi, be happy for me. 1220 01:13:27,575 --> 01:13:28,783 I won a thing. 1221 01:13:28,818 --> 01:13:30,129 And, by the way 1222 01:13:30,164 --> 01:13:32,546 I made a man who went to university at Cambridge 1223 01:13:32,580 --> 01:13:34,375 ejaculate into my comprehensively 1224 01:13:34,410 --> 01:13:35,825 educated genitals. 1225 01:13:35,859 --> 01:13:37,930 Con-spunkulations. 1226 01:13:37,965 --> 01:13:40,346 Do you wanna ask me about my date with John Kellog 1227 01:13:40,381 --> 01:13:41,762 and his bag? 1228 01:13:43,142 --> 01:13:44,765 After I promised on our mother's life 1229 01:13:44,799 --> 01:13:47,699 that I would never ever tell anyone 1230 01:13:47,733 --> 01:13:50,184 we drove 15 miles out into the countryside 1231 01:13:50,218 --> 01:13:53,394 blocked out all the windows with towels.. 1232 01:13:53,429 --> 01:13:54,671 ...and kissed. 1233 01:13:54,706 --> 01:13:56,293 Our dark queen. 1234 01:13:58,261 --> 01:13:59,607 I won! 1235 01:14:00,677 --> 01:14:02,817 I'm Arsehole of the Year! 1236 01:14:08,305 --> 01:14:10,446 I woke up in London. 1237 01:14:10,480 --> 01:14:12,931 I'm too sexual for this room. 1238 01:14:13,828 --> 01:14:16,279 Johanna, enough. 1239 01:14:16,313 --> 01:14:19,213 This delinquency phase, it's just not working. 1240 01:14:19,247 --> 01:14:22,458 - You need to choose. - Oh! 1241 01:14:22,492 --> 01:14:23,907 You're right. 1242 01:14:24,839 --> 01:14:26,462 So I resign. 1243 01:14:26,496 --> 01:14:27,842 - Oh, no! - No. 1244 01:14:27,877 --> 01:14:29,292 No, Johanna. 1245 01:14:31,121 --> 01:14:34,090 Class, take out your "Taming of the Shrew." 1246 01:14:37,334 --> 01:14:38,819 ♪ Oh oh-oh 1247 01:14:40,337 --> 01:14:41,338 Johanna. 1248 01:14:41,373 --> 01:14:43,375 ♪ Oh oh-oh-oh 1249 01:14:43,409 --> 01:14:44,756 Johanna, stop. 1250 01:14:44,790 --> 01:14:46,378 Stop. 1251 01:14:46,412 --> 01:14:49,761 No offense, but Patti Smith didn't keep getting harassed 1252 01:14:49,795 --> 01:14:51,901 to take the gerbil home at weekends. 1253 01:14:51,935 --> 01:14:54,110 I'm going to get my kicks while I'm still young. 1254 01:14:54,144 --> 01:14:55,525 My future turned up early. 1255 01:14:55,560 --> 01:14:57,113 I'm not going to keep it waiting. 1256 01:14:57,147 --> 01:15:00,116 The future can be awfully short, Johanna. 1257 01:15:01,807 --> 01:15:04,120 I haven't got anywhere else to go. 1258 01:15:13,370 --> 01:15:14,337 Johanna? 1259 01:15:19,515 --> 01:15:21,171 I don't want to look at you, Johanna. 1260 01:15:21,206 --> 01:15:22,587 No, I don't want to look at you, Johanna. 1261 01:15:22,621 --> 01:15:24,036 - I'm sick of it. - What? 1262 01:15:24,071 --> 01:15:26,694 Six months ago, you were a happy girl actually 1263 01:15:26,729 --> 01:15:28,385 being useful around the house. 1264 01:15:28,420 --> 01:15:30,733 And now I've got him telling me that 1265 01:15:30,767 --> 01:15:32,286 you've cock-blocked his career. 1266 01:15:32,320 --> 01:15:34,115 - I never said that. - Him in tears... 1267 01:15:34,150 --> 01:15:35,945 To be clear, they were intellectually justified 1268 01:15:35,979 --> 01:15:37,394 tears of rage. 1269 01:15:37,429 --> 01:15:38,706 ...saying that you've treated him like a.. 1270 01:15:38,741 --> 01:15:40,121 - An indolent hobbyist. - Yeah. 1271 01:15:40,156 --> 01:15:42,227 And, and now your teacher's on the phone 1272 01:15:42,261 --> 01:15:44,160 saying that you've resigned. 1273 01:15:44,194 --> 01:15:45,471 So my question to you, Johanna 1274 01:15:45,506 --> 01:15:47,439 is when did you lose your fucking mind? 1275 01:15:47,473 --> 01:15:50,580 I guess it was around the time I stopped being your daughter 1276 01:15:50,615 --> 01:15:51,581 and became the rent. 1277 01:15:51,616 --> 01:15:52,996 The same time I like to think 1278 01:15:53,031 --> 01:15:55,067 you became absolutely disqualified 1279 01:15:55,102 --> 01:15:56,552 from criticizing me. 1280 01:15:56,586 --> 01:15:59,589 We're your parents. We can always criticize ya. 1281 01:15:59,624 --> 01:16:03,593 No, not if you aren't actually doing any parenting of me 1282 01:16:03,628 --> 01:16:07,321 and you are selling cars I bought in order to fund 1283 01:16:07,355 --> 01:16:10,462 "Springtime for Hitler, A Jazz Odyssey." 1284 01:16:14,570 --> 01:16:18,643 Oh, my God. There's still no one saying, "Sorry, Johanna." 1285 01:16:18,677 --> 01:16:20,196 Or, "Well done, Johanna." 1286 01:16:20,230 --> 01:16:22,474 Or, "Things must have been hard for you, Johanna." 1287 01:16:22,508 --> 01:16:25,166 Do you think all this is normal? Do you think I'm normal? 1288 01:16:25,201 --> 01:16:27,859 Well, it's not. None of this is normal. 1289 01:16:27,893 --> 01:16:29,688 I invested that money in our future. 1290 01:16:29,723 --> 01:16:31,863 It's not our future. 1291 01:16:31,897 --> 01:16:35,591 You're not the future. Don't you understand? 1292 01:16:35,625 --> 01:16:37,972 Do you know what happened when I played them your record, dad? 1293 01:16:38,007 --> 01:16:40,423 They shot it with a gun. 1294 01:16:40,457 --> 01:16:42,598 They laughed at it first, obviously. 1295 01:16:42,632 --> 01:16:46,256 And then they threw it off a roof and I shot it. 1296 01:16:48,189 --> 01:16:49,466 Don't you get it? 1297 01:16:49,501 --> 01:16:52,331 I'm the future. I'm paying for everything. 1298 01:16:52,366 --> 01:16:56,025 Let's see how you manage without me, Ringo, Ringo and Ringo. 1299 01:16:56,059 --> 01:16:57,889 Fuck you all. 1300 01:17:03,446 --> 01:17:05,034 Whoo! 1301 01:17:07,105 --> 01:17:10,867 Everyone, look who's come to join our happy tribe. 1302 01:17:10,902 --> 01:17:12,144 Yes! 1303 01:17:12,179 --> 01:17:14,043 It's the Arsehole of the Year. 1304 01:17:14,077 --> 01:17:15,665 Let's get a drink. Get a drink. 1305 01:17:15,700 --> 01:17:17,391 Emilia.. 1306 01:17:17,425 --> 01:17:19,945 Natasha, Sasha. 1307 01:17:19,980 --> 01:17:21,326 This is Dolly Wilde. 1308 01:17:21,360 --> 01:17:24,536 - She's trouble. - Yes, I am trouble. 1309 01:17:24,570 --> 01:17:25,986 Come, join us, trouble. 1310 01:17:26,020 --> 01:17:27,608 In fact, make that a double for the trouble. 1311 01:17:27,643 --> 01:17:29,472 - Trouble. - There you are. 1312 01:17:29,506 --> 01:17:31,094 Dolly Wilde. 1313 01:17:31,129 --> 01:17:32,786 How would you like to become a full-time staff member 1314 01:17:32,820 --> 01:17:35,029 of D-and-ME? 1315 01:17:35,064 --> 01:17:36,341 That's 19 grand a year. 1316 01:17:36,375 --> 01:17:39,378 The youngest person ever to join the staff. 1317 01:17:41,277 --> 01:17:42,796 I accept. 1318 01:17:42,830 --> 01:17:45,074 Oh. Come here, baby. 1319 01:17:50,044 --> 01:17:52,391 - Mm. - I feel sick. 1320 01:17:54,393 --> 01:17:55,636 Here it comes. 1321 01:18:05,784 --> 01:18:08,925 Okay, Tony, it's your turn. Come on. 1322 01:18:08,960 --> 01:18:11,756 Okay, so never have I ever given a wank. 1323 01:18:11,790 --> 01:18:15,345 Liar. Two words, Rupert Osborne. 1324 01:18:15,380 --> 01:18:18,003 I was the wankee, not the wanker. 1325 01:18:18,038 --> 01:18:19,902 No, I wouldn't wank off a day boy. 1326 01:18:19,936 --> 01:18:21,938 Never have I ever given a wank. 1327 01:18:21,973 --> 01:18:23,319 Well, it's your turn, Dolly. 1328 01:18:23,353 --> 01:18:24,838 - Mm. - Go on. 1329 01:18:24,872 --> 01:18:28,531 Never have I ever gone on holiday. 1330 01:18:29,601 --> 01:18:32,155 Why would you never go on holiday? 1331 01:18:32,190 --> 01:18:34,054 Because we were poor. 1332 01:18:35,469 --> 01:18:37,264 - Oh. - Forget that one. 1333 01:18:37,298 --> 01:18:39,749 Forget that one. No, I have a better one. 1334 01:18:39,784 --> 01:18:41,095 Uh.. 1335 01:18:41,958 --> 01:18:44,478 Never have I ever.. 1336 01:18:45,962 --> 01:18:47,412 ...kissed a girl. 1337 01:18:47,446 --> 01:18:49,034 Ah. Ah. 1338 01:18:50,622 --> 01:18:53,521 - Do you want to kiss a girl? - Yes. 1339 01:18:54,730 --> 01:18:55,800 - No way. - Ooh. 1340 01:18:55,834 --> 01:18:57,940 - Hi. - Oh, no. 1341 01:18:57,974 --> 01:19:00,701 - Oh. - Hello. 1342 01:19:00,736 --> 01:19:03,600 - Oh! See, I told you. - Get in. Get in. 1343 01:19:03,635 --> 01:19:05,016 There he is. 1344 01:19:05,050 --> 01:19:07,501 Baby, you've gotta get in here. 1345 01:19:07,535 --> 01:19:08,882 Everything's happening in here now. 1346 01:19:08,916 --> 01:19:10,090 Okay. 1347 01:19:12,126 --> 01:19:14,439 I'll improvise. 1348 01:19:14,473 --> 01:19:17,373 I'll be back in a mo. A sex mo. 1349 01:19:21,791 --> 01:19:22,965 - Oh! - Oh. 1350 01:19:45,435 --> 01:19:48,680 I still can't see why we're giving her a staff job. 1351 01:19:48,714 --> 01:19:50,751 Just 'cause Tony likes a little bit of rough? 1352 01:19:50,786 --> 01:19:52,615 It took me four years to get on the staff. 1353 01:19:52,649 --> 01:19:55,514 - She's good for circulation. - Not if she sits on your lap. 1354 01:19:56,550 --> 01:19:58,276 - Would you do her? - Well.. 1355 01:19:58,310 --> 01:19:59,553 I'd have to lay out the terms and conditions 1356 01:19:59,587 --> 01:20:01,175 but, yes, I would do her 1357 01:20:01,210 --> 01:20:02,659 but I wouldn't let her suck me off. 1358 01:20:02,694 --> 01:20:07,112 - Too chatty. She might bite. - Uh! I like her. 1359 01:20:07,147 --> 01:20:09,943 Mental girls from council estates. 1360 01:20:09,977 --> 01:20:11,323 - Ah! - That is my thing. 1361 01:20:11,358 --> 01:20:15,189 I take something in the dirt, I help it grow. 1362 01:20:15,224 --> 01:20:16,673 - Pygmalion. - Yes. 1363 01:20:16,708 --> 01:20:19,090 Just like Pygmalion, but with a real pig. 1364 01:20:19,124 --> 01:20:20,677 - Oh! - Oh! 1365 01:20:20,712 --> 01:20:23,404 Do you know who Pygmalion's father is? 1366 01:20:23,439 --> 01:20:25,648 - No. Who? - Mayonnaise. 1367 01:20:25,682 --> 01:20:28,133 Oh, Mayonnaise! 1368 01:20:28,168 --> 01:20:30,860 Tony, you gonna hold the mayo tonight? 1369 01:20:30,895 --> 01:20:33,311 Well, I might have mayo on the side, you know. 1370 01:20:33,345 --> 01:20:36,245 I like to offer a comprehensive education. 1371 01:20:37,177 --> 01:20:38,626 Educate me? 1372 01:20:41,733 --> 01:20:43,700 Educate me? 1373 01:20:43,735 --> 01:20:46,772 Let's get one thing straight right now. 1374 01:20:46,807 --> 01:20:49,051 I'm a lady sex pirate 1375 01:20:49,085 --> 01:20:52,364 a swash-fuckler, a lustketeer. 1376 01:20:52,399 --> 01:20:54,746 Where I come from, you make your own amusement. 1377 01:20:54,780 --> 01:20:57,473 You rinse every last drop out of every last day 1378 01:20:57,507 --> 01:20:59,924 because there isn't anything else. 1379 01:20:59,958 --> 01:21:03,720 I've been chased and humiliated and been utterly alone 1380 01:21:03,755 --> 01:21:06,689 and I still got up, put on my lipstick 1381 01:21:06,723 --> 01:21:10,486 and wrote every last one of you motherfuckers off the page. 1382 01:21:10,520 --> 01:21:13,144 "John Kite isn't a person but a whole world." 1383 01:21:13,178 --> 01:21:15,249 At least I meant that. 1384 01:21:15,284 --> 01:21:18,011 None of you mean anything that you write. 1385 01:21:18,045 --> 01:21:21,877 You're all just little boys smashing things up. 1386 01:21:21,911 --> 01:21:25,190 I'm 16 and three quarters, and I'm too old this. 1387 01:21:26,605 --> 01:21:27,572 Tony? 1388 01:21:28,538 --> 01:21:29,677 Tony? 1389 01:21:31,921 --> 01:21:34,717 I am not your bit of rough. 1390 01:21:34,751 --> 01:21:37,927 You were my bit of posh. 1391 01:21:37,962 --> 01:21:42,069 And you are all nothing on the shoes of my father 1392 01:21:42,104 --> 01:21:45,693 for I am the bastard son of Brendan Behan 1393 01:21:45,728 --> 01:21:49,663 and one day, you will all bow down to me! 1394 01:22:14,377 --> 01:22:15,827 Is this home, love? 1395 01:22:18,002 --> 01:22:19,141 Yeah. 1396 01:22:20,728 --> 01:22:21,867 Thanks. 1397 01:22:48,377 --> 01:22:49,585 Where're you going? 1398 01:22:52,139 --> 01:22:53,692 Away from you. 1399 01:22:53,727 --> 01:22:54,900 Krissi. 1400 01:23:41,637 --> 01:23:44,088 John Kite keeps calling you. 1401 01:23:44,122 --> 01:23:45,606 He left a message for you. 1402 01:23:46,504 --> 01:23:49,093 "His worst song is Alison. 1403 01:23:49,127 --> 01:23:51,060 "The best Beatle is Paul. 1404 01:23:51,095 --> 01:23:55,237 "In a sweet shop he would spend a pound on pineapple rock. 1405 01:23:55,271 --> 01:23:59,103 "I apologize to Johanna for not ending the interview there. 1406 01:23:59,137 --> 01:24:02,692 I should not have burdened her with my friendship." 1407 01:24:07,180 --> 01:24:09,009 Oh, God, mum, what do I do? 1408 01:24:15,671 --> 01:24:16,844 Sorry. 1409 01:24:34,172 --> 01:24:35,553 Hello. 1410 01:24:37,900 --> 01:24:38,866 Hello. 1411 01:24:40,144 --> 01:24:41,455 Anyone? 1412 01:25:02,925 --> 01:25:07,964 ♪ You blow like the wind in my sail ♪ 1413 01:25:07,999 --> 01:25:11,899 ♪ You cut like the knife in my hand ♪ 1414 01:25:14,833 --> 01:25:18,009 ♪ And now you're bringing me up ♪ 1415 01:25:18,043 --> 01:25:21,219 ♪ Or down 1416 01:25:21,254 --> 01:25:23,842 ♪ I cannot 1417 01:25:23,877 --> 01:25:28,744 ♪ Decide if I'm lost or I'm found ♪ 1418 01:25:28,778 --> 01:25:33,921 ♪ Perhaps it's a sweet mistake ♪ 1419 01:25:35,647 --> 01:25:37,097 ♪ You've got to give me 1420 01:25:37,132 --> 01:25:42,171 ♪ Some kind of clue 1421 01:25:42,206 --> 01:25:44,725 ♪ What to do 1422 01:25:44,760 --> 01:25:46,796 ♪ I'm out of ideas 1423 01:25:46,831 --> 01:25:49,834 ♪ Yet I'm still 1424 01:25:49,868 --> 01:25:54,804 ♪ Drinking the hours away 1425 01:25:56,530 --> 01:25:59,257 ♪ But the days 1426 01:25:59,292 --> 01:26:05,436 ♪ Don't hold much truth 1427 01:26:07,162 --> 01:26:09,681 ♪ Without the nights 1428 01:26:09,716 --> 01:26:14,238 ♪ I need with you.. 1429 01:26:26,008 --> 01:26:26,974 Johanna. 1430 01:26:28,597 --> 01:26:29,770 Johanna. 1431 01:26:32,117 --> 01:26:33,084 Johanna! 1432 01:26:41,437 --> 01:26:43,819 I really can't believe it, Malcolm. 1433 01:26:43,853 --> 01:26:46,615 -Right, here we go. - Wow! 1434 01:26:46,649 --> 01:26:50,239 - Where's he gone? - She turned her dog blue. 1435 01:26:50,274 --> 01:26:52,552 If you're very, very good, I'll show.. 1436 01:26:52,586 --> 01:26:54,726 We've screwed this up. 1437 01:26:55,693 --> 01:26:57,902 What are we gonna do, bab? 1438 01:27:01,285 --> 01:27:03,183 Go on in there, love. 1439 01:27:03,218 --> 01:27:04,909 Please enter the adjacent ward. 1440 01:27:04,943 --> 01:27:07,705 Please enter the adjacent ward, please. 1441 01:27:09,948 --> 01:27:11,916 Have you got it there? You have ain't ya. 1442 01:27:11,950 --> 01:27:13,918 - Is it behind your ear? - I haven't got it. 1443 01:27:13,952 --> 01:27:15,264 Alright, let me have a look. Here we go. 1444 01:27:15,299 --> 01:27:16,541 Have I got another one? 1445 01:27:16,576 --> 01:27:18,060 I think I've got another one here. 1446 01:27:27,759 --> 01:27:30,106 Mum, please talk to me. 1447 01:27:35,560 --> 01:27:38,805 You were my magic, happy girl. 1448 01:27:40,427 --> 01:27:41,980 You used to be. 1449 01:27:45,329 --> 01:27:47,503 Happy girls shouldn't talk to... 1450 01:27:50,334 --> 01:27:54,096 ...sad, old, s -- scared women. 1451 01:28:00,275 --> 01:28:01,414 You might catch it. 1452 01:28:10,526 --> 01:28:12,045 Budge up, bab. 1453 01:28:30,857 --> 01:28:33,894 Bab, don't hurt yourself. 1454 01:28:33,929 --> 01:28:36,794 Bastard world will do that for you anyway. 1455 01:28:43,214 --> 01:28:44,733 Don't hurt yourself. 1456 01:28:45,872 --> 01:28:46,666 Sorry. 1457 01:28:55,399 --> 01:28:56,469 There she is. 1458 01:28:56,503 --> 01:28:58,609 Mum! Johanna! 1459 01:28:58,643 --> 01:29:00,818 Hiya, bab. 1460 01:29:00,852 --> 01:29:01,819 Aw. 1461 01:29:01,853 --> 01:29:03,614 - How are you, love? - Yeah, alright. 1462 01:29:03,648 --> 01:29:04,787 - Alright? - Yeah. 1463 01:29:04,822 --> 01:29:06,686 - There you go. - Hello. 1464 01:29:06,720 --> 01:29:09,861 - Mm-hmm. - Hello. 1465 01:29:09,896 --> 01:29:10,966 Hello. 1466 01:29:16,868 --> 01:29:19,077 He's cool, isn't he? He's not Anthony. 1467 01:29:19,112 --> 01:29:22,080 Can I call you Tone? No. Tony. 1468 01:29:22,115 --> 01:29:24,289 Right, okay, Tony. Are you watching? 1469 01:29:24,324 --> 01:29:25,429 "U2." 1470 01:29:25,463 --> 01:29:26,913 What? 1471 01:29:26,947 --> 01:29:29,640 You've written what looks like "U2" on your arm. 1472 01:29:29,674 --> 01:29:31,780 No, I -- I... 1473 01:29:31,814 --> 01:29:33,437 I didn't mean to. The... 1474 01:29:33,471 --> 01:29:35,024 It's a typo. 1475 01:29:35,059 --> 01:29:37,924 They're -- they're just meant to be bold, agonized slashes. 1476 01:29:37,958 --> 01:29:41,030 It looks like you tried to kill yourself for Bono. 1477 01:29:43,654 --> 01:29:45,345 Alright. 1478 01:29:45,380 --> 01:29:47,968 Now let's take the bastards into a jazz break. 1479 01:30:28,388 --> 01:30:30,701 Awake, Wall of Gods. 1480 01:30:30,735 --> 01:30:33,669 Speak, feel, breathe, live. 1481 01:30:33,704 --> 01:30:37,362 Johanna, we've missed you. 1482 01:30:37,397 --> 01:30:38,709 It's good to be awake again. 1483 01:30:38,743 --> 01:30:41,850 What month even is it? What have we missed? 1484 01:30:41,884 --> 01:30:45,647 I became evil, but it's July now and I'm over it. 1485 01:30:45,681 --> 01:30:48,960 - That's wonderful. - Come on, give me five. 1486 01:30:58,832 --> 01:31:01,835 I'm applying for the job of flatmate. 1487 01:31:01,870 --> 01:31:04,942 Well, I want to apply for trainee writer 1488 01:31:04,976 --> 01:31:07,462 on whatever it's called, your mag. 1489 01:31:07,496 --> 01:31:09,705 Okay, you're hired. 1490 01:31:10,844 --> 01:31:12,190 - My going word rate-- - Oh, get off. 1491 01:31:12,225 --> 01:31:16,091 Hey, ow! Get off! Krissi! Krissi! Stop it. 1492 01:31:16,125 --> 01:31:19,128 You were a nightmare. Don't do it again. 1493 01:31:19,163 --> 01:31:23,167 And it stinks of smoke, and mum's gonna kill you. 1494 01:31:23,201 --> 01:31:25,410 Hello. Is that Rob Allan, lead singer of The Hallows? 1495 01:31:25,445 --> 01:31:27,309 It's Dolly Wilde here. 1496 01:31:27,343 --> 01:31:29,000 You've got some nerve calling me. 1497 01:31:29,035 --> 01:31:30,588 Have you any idea what you did? 1498 01:31:30,623 --> 01:31:33,729 Yes, yes, yes. I know. 1499 01:31:33,764 --> 01:31:35,835 That's actually why I'm ringing. 1500 01:31:35,869 --> 01:31:38,665 I wanted to apologize to you for the review. 1501 01:31:38,700 --> 01:31:40,978 That you are, "A shit-wizard 1502 01:31:41,012 --> 01:31:45,672 a weasel in a waistcoat making musical lime scale." 1503 01:31:45,707 --> 01:31:49,262 Was wrong. I know that now. Bye. 1504 01:31:56,234 --> 01:31:59,859 ♪ I'll stand by you 1505 01:31:59,893 --> 01:32:03,241 ♪ I'll stand by you 1506 01:32:03,276 --> 01:32:06,762 ♪ Won't let nobody hurt you.. ♪♪ 1507 01:32:08,902 --> 01:32:10,732 Too old for the children's ward 1508 01:32:10,766 --> 01:32:12,285 too young for the adult ward. 1509 01:32:12,319 --> 01:32:15,875 Why 16 is the worst age to self-harm. 1510 01:32:15,909 --> 01:32:17,670 By Johanna Morrigan. 1511 01:32:31,649 --> 01:32:33,237 Johanna? 1512 01:32:40,037 --> 01:32:42,384 God, you're young. 1513 01:32:46,250 --> 01:32:47,734 Come on in. 1514 01:32:49,322 --> 01:32:53,740 No, I, I didn't think it was possible to laugh so much 1515 01:32:53,775 --> 01:32:54,948 given the subject matter 1516 01:32:54,983 --> 01:32:56,847 and cry, obviously, and laugh again. 1517 01:32:56,881 --> 01:32:58,400 And we were passing this around the office 1518 01:32:58,434 --> 01:33:00,229 like drugs or a baby. 1519 01:33:00,264 --> 01:33:02,542 This is what you should be writing. 1520 01:33:02,577 --> 01:33:03,923 Do you know what you'd look like 1521 01:33:03,957 --> 01:33:07,512 tearing apart records for the music press? 1522 01:33:07,547 --> 01:33:10,239 You look like an Olympic swimmer in a bathtub. 1523 01:33:10,274 --> 01:33:14,140 But this, this, we would like to run in the next issue. 1524 01:33:15,590 --> 01:33:19,490 Why, thank you. Thank you very much, ma'am. 1525 01:33:21,803 --> 01:33:25,323 And start you with a monthly column 1526 01:33:25,358 --> 01:33:27,084 like a monthly letter from you telling us 1527 01:33:27,118 --> 01:33:29,569 what you've been up to. Building a Girl. 1528 01:33:29,604 --> 01:33:32,296 Would you like that job? 1529 01:33:32,330 --> 01:33:37,059 Ma'am, I am more obligated than I can express. 1530 01:33:37,094 --> 01:33:41,098 And are you in fact pretending to be Elvis right now? 1531 01:33:41,132 --> 01:33:45,343 No. I -- I think this is me now. 1532 01:33:46,275 --> 01:33:47,483 For now. 1533 01:33:49,140 --> 01:33:51,487 Good. You're hired. 1534 01:33:51,522 --> 01:33:55,319 - Get out. I'm busy. - Okay. Thank you. 1535 01:34:33,219 --> 01:34:37,672 In the last week, I've apologized to 133 bands 1536 01:34:37,706 --> 01:34:40,813 for the bad reviews I've written about them. 1537 01:34:40,847 --> 01:34:42,987 But there is one person 1538 01:34:43,022 --> 01:34:46,957 to who I owe more than just, "I'm sorry." 1539 01:34:54,447 --> 01:34:55,897 John! 1540 01:34:58,244 --> 01:34:59,521 John. 1541 01:35:00,349 --> 01:35:02,144 Mr. Kite. 1542 01:35:12,637 --> 01:35:14,985 I promise I won't take more than one minute. 1543 01:35:15,019 --> 01:35:16,365 I will talk extra, extra fast. 1544 01:35:16,400 --> 01:35:18,195 I should never talk to you again. 1545 01:35:18,229 --> 01:35:20,197 I know. 1546 01:35:20,231 --> 01:35:24,684 I know. I am so sorry. I have two things for you. 1547 01:35:24,719 --> 01:35:26,513 This is the first. 1548 01:35:28,101 --> 01:35:30,414 My brother's Fanzine. 1549 01:35:33,555 --> 01:35:36,972 That's the original piece I wrote about you. 1550 01:35:37,007 --> 01:35:39,112 The one they wouldn't let me print. 1551 01:35:39,147 --> 01:35:42,046 That's how I really feel. 1552 01:35:43,979 --> 01:35:45,912 The other piece... 1553 01:35:47,051 --> 01:35:49,985 ...was a terrible, terrible mistake. 1554 01:35:50,020 --> 01:35:54,162 - Yeah, well, you sold me, babe. - I know. 1555 01:35:54,196 --> 01:35:58,373 That's why the other thing I want to give you is... 1556 01:35:58,407 --> 01:35:59,961 ...this. 1557 01:36:11,006 --> 01:36:14,492 - A tail? - It's my hair. 1558 01:36:17,737 --> 01:36:21,223 I tried to think of what would be the ultimate sacrifice 1559 01:36:21,258 --> 01:36:25,607 the thing I would be most upset about if I lost it. 1560 01:36:27,126 --> 01:36:28,921 Your hair? 1561 01:36:28,955 --> 01:36:32,545 I took something of you. 1562 01:36:32,579 --> 01:36:36,307 Now I'm giving you something of me. 1563 01:36:43,004 --> 01:36:44,350 Come on. 1564 01:36:45,972 --> 01:36:48,009 This is all very beautiful 1565 01:36:48,043 --> 01:36:50,839 but it's not really about me, is it? 1566 01:36:50,874 --> 01:36:53,324 It's about you. 1567 01:36:53,359 --> 01:36:56,707 And how in love with the world you are. 1568 01:36:56,741 --> 01:36:58,191 Don't stop. 1569 01:36:59,227 --> 01:37:01,056 It's your thing. 1570 01:37:03,162 --> 01:37:05,164 This is my embarrassment booth. 1571 01:37:05,198 --> 01:37:07,304 I'm sorry I tried to kiss you. 1572 01:37:08,823 --> 01:37:11,066 Listen, darling, we probably will kiss one day. 1573 01:37:11,101 --> 01:37:13,689 That's just statistics, baby. 1574 01:37:13,724 --> 01:37:17,245 How will we not end up falling terribly, terribly in love? 1575 01:37:19,212 --> 01:37:21,697 It's just the age thing now, babe. 1576 01:37:22,560 --> 01:37:23,976 Too young. 1577 01:37:24,010 --> 01:37:26,875 - I'm nearly 17. - Ha-ha! 1578 01:37:26,910 --> 01:37:28,532 Not you, Duch. Me. 1579 01:37:28,566 --> 01:37:32,294 I'm far too young for you. Hopeless. 1580 01:37:32,329 --> 01:37:34,918 Love is a big old beast. 1581 01:37:34,952 --> 01:37:37,575 And you're gonna be far too busy for it right now. 1582 01:37:37,610 --> 01:37:38,991 I am? 1583 01:37:39,025 --> 01:37:41,856 I'm gonna move to London when I turn 18. 1584 01:37:41,890 --> 01:37:43,892 Go to gay clubs. Buy a piano. 1585 01:37:43,927 --> 01:37:47,654 See? You need to go out there and have some adventures. 1586 01:37:47,689 --> 01:37:50,209 And I would, uh... 1587 01:37:51,727 --> 01:37:53,108 I would like to audition 1588 01:37:53,143 --> 01:37:55,697 for the role of your confidant. 1589 01:37:55,731 --> 01:37:58,562 I would like the honor of being your friend. 1590 01:38:04,154 --> 01:38:06,950 You should write a song about me. 1591 01:38:06,984 --> 01:38:08,503 No. 1592 01:38:09,676 --> 01:38:12,783 You will. I'm incredibly inspiring. 1593 01:38:12,817 --> 01:38:15,337 Hm, nothing rhymes with Johanna. 1594 01:38:15,372 --> 01:38:19,065 Nothing rhymes with Layla or Prudence or Sharona. 1595 01:38:19,100 --> 01:38:20,584 Oh! 1596 01:38:25,347 --> 01:38:28,592 Come on. Let's go and fuck up the next ten years. 1597 01:38:29,765 --> 01:38:31,560 I have school on Monday. 1598 01:38:31,595 --> 01:38:34,805 Then we'll fuck it up after 3:30 p.m. 1599 01:38:45,747 --> 01:38:49,406 So...what do you do when you build yourself 1600 01:38:49,440 --> 01:38:52,340 only to realize you built yourself with the wrong things? 1601 01:38:54,169 --> 01:38:56,413 You rip it up and start again. 1602 01:38:56,447 --> 01:38:58,311 Build up and tear down. 1603 01:38:58,346 --> 01:39:00,969 Endlessly, repetitively, unceasingly. 1604 01:39:01,004 --> 01:39:03,938 Invent, invent, invent. 1605 01:39:03,972 --> 01:39:05,629 What will eventually be you? 1606 01:39:05,663 --> 01:39:08,873 One day, you'll marvel over what you did. 1607 01:39:08,908 --> 01:39:10,289 Marvel how you tried to keep 1608 01:39:10,323 --> 01:39:12,843 the loud, drunken, laughing 1609 01:39:12,877 --> 01:39:14,396 cutting, panicking 1610 01:39:14,431 --> 01:39:17,744 unbearably present secret of yourself 1611 01:39:17,779 --> 01:39:20,575 when, really, you were just about as secret as the moon. 1612 01:39:22,163 --> 01:39:24,648 And as luminous under all those clothes. 1613 01:39:24,682 --> 01:39:28,548 And how, like all the best quests 1614 01:39:28,583 --> 01:39:32,242 you did it all for a girl, you. 1615 01:39:38,696 --> 01:39:40,595 ♪ I'm a mess I'm a prude ♪ 1616 01:39:40,629 --> 01:39:42,459 ♪ When I trip I don't touch the ground ♪ 1617 01:39:42,493 --> 01:39:44,564 ♪ I moved away came back around ♪ 1618 01:39:44,599 --> 01:39:46,325 ♪ Caught a plane just to figure out ♪ 1619 01:39:46,359 --> 01:39:48,258 ♪ Oh yeah 1620 01:39:48,292 --> 01:39:49,500 ♪ Oh yeah 1621 01:39:49,535 --> 01:39:51,640 ♪ How to rule the world 1622 01:39:51,675 --> 01:39:54,402 ♪ How to build a girl 1623 01:39:54,436 --> 01:39:56,473 ♪ Got a bucket list I got my plan ♪ 1624 01:39:56,507 --> 01:39:58,509 ♪ ...'cause I'm a man 1625 01:39:58,544 --> 01:40:00,684 ♪ I'm moving up but I get down ♪ 1626 01:40:00,718 --> 01:40:02,479 ♪ Every time I think about 1627 01:40:02,513 --> 01:40:04,343 ♪ Oh yeah 1628 01:40:04,377 --> 01:40:05,792 ♪ Oh yeah 1629 01:40:05,827 --> 01:40:07,622 ♪ How to rule the world 1630 01:40:07,656 --> 01:40:09,831 ♪ How to build a girl 1631 01:40:09,865 --> 01:40:13,145 ♪ It's time I try to be young and alive ♪ 1632 01:40:13,179 --> 01:40:14,870 ♪ Make my mark somehow 1633 01:40:14,905 --> 01:40:18,012 ♪ Make a mark make a mark take them out somehow ♪ 1634 01:40:18,046 --> 01:40:21,636 ♪ Get my keys take a drag have a drive ♪ 1635 01:40:21,670 --> 01:40:24,535 ♪ Watch me now 1636 01:40:24,570 --> 01:40:27,124 ♪ Watch me now watch me now ♪ 1637 01:40:27,159 --> 01:40:31,680 ♪ I'm out on my own lighting fires ♪ 1638 01:40:31,715 --> 01:40:35,650 ♪ Getting my kicks and desires ♪ 1639 01:40:37,134 --> 01:40:42,484 ♪ I wanna rule the world I wanna build a girl ♪ 1640 01:40:42,519 --> 01:40:44,245 ♪ However bad it ain't that bad ♪ 1641 01:40:44,279 --> 01:40:46,523 ♪ I've got shoes in the roof above my head ♪ 1642 01:40:46,557 --> 01:40:48,628 ♪ And all my friends we're all the same ♪ 1643 01:40:48,663 --> 01:40:50,458 ♪ Head screwed up but in the right place ♪ 1644 01:40:50,492 --> 01:40:53,737 ♪ Oh yeah oh yeah 1645 01:40:53,771 --> 01:40:55,842 ♪ We're trying to rule the world ♪ 1646 01:40:55,877 --> 01:40:57,810 ♪ Trying to build a girl 1647 01:40:57,844 --> 01:41:01,089 ♪ It's time I try to be young and alive ♪ 1648 01:41:01,124 --> 01:41:02,780 ♪ Make my mark somehow 1649 01:41:02,815 --> 01:41:05,921 ♪ Make a mark make a mark take them out somehow ♪ 1650 01:41:05,956 --> 01:41:09,580 ♪ Get my keys take a drag have a drive ♪ 1651 01:41:09,615 --> 01:41:11,858 ♪ Watch me now 1652 01:41:11,893 --> 01:41:13,688 ♪ Watch me now watch me now ♪ 1653 01:41:13,722 --> 01:41:15,483 ♪ Watch me now 1654 01:41:15,517 --> 01:41:19,556 ♪ I'm out on my own lighting fires ♪ 1655 01:41:19,590 --> 01:41:23,560 ♪ Getting my kicks and desires ♪ 1656 01:41:25,286 --> 01:41:29,980 ♪ I wanna rule the world 'cause I just built a girl ♪♪ 1657 01:41:33,432 --> 01:41:37,229 ♪ Oh oh-oh oh oh-oh-oh 1658 01:41:37,263 --> 01:41:40,439 ♪ Oh oh-oh oh oh-oh-oh 1659 01:41:40,473 --> 01:41:41,923 ♪ Hyah 1660 01:42:06,499 --> 01:42:07,914 ♪ Hyah 1661 01:42:23,171 --> 01:42:26,623 ♪ Oh oh-oh oh oh-oh-oh 1662 01:42:26,657 --> 01:42:30,627 ♪ Oh oh-oh oh oh-oh-oh 1663 01:42:40,775 --> 01:42:44,468 ♪ Oh oh-oh oh oh-oh-oh 1664 01:42:48,645 --> 01:42:52,476 ♪ Oh oh-oh oh oh-oh-oh 1665 01:43:48,325 --> 01:43:52,260 ♪ Oh oh-oh oh oh-oh-oh 1666 01:43:52,295 --> 01:43:53,710 ♪ Oh oh-oh ♪ 120036