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[dramatic music]
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♪ ♪
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‐ Dear diary, my life's always
been kind of a mess,
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but today,
shit got literal.
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[foreboding music]
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Von Duct, we're gonna need
to clone some more henchmen.
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Had a bit of a bloodbath today
at the diamond heist.
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‐ Ah, Dr. Havoc,
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your timing couldn't
have been better.
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[clears throat]
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I am pleased to announce
that as of today,
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we are no longer using
the henchmen.
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‐ What? Why not?
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‐ I have just completed
the final round
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of testing
on our newest program,
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real cutting‐edge stuff.
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It's all the rage in villainy
right now.
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[clears throat]
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Behold.
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‐ Oh...
[gibberish]
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Ooh!
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‐ What the fuck
am I looking at right now?
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‐ [gibberish]
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‐ [laughs]
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That, Dr. Havoc, is a minion.
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‐ A minion?
‐ Now, just to be clear,
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when I say he's a minion...
[clears throat]
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I mean the position that this
creature will fulfill
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in the service to you
is that of a minion.
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It is not, in fact,
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the creature's proper name.
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‐ What's the difference?
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‐ About a $15 million lawsuit.
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‐ Oh, oh, okay.
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In that case,
what are their proper names?
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‐ iPhone 6S.
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‐ Okay.
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So why are we doing minions
instead of henchmen?
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‐ Ah, well, you see,
Dr. Havoc,
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the minions work
in mass numbers,
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far more so than
the typical henchmen.
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[suspenseful music]
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[both speaking gibberish]
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‐ Oh, I see,
so we can make minions
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faster than we make henchmen.
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‐ Better than that,
the minions have the ability
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to reproduce on their own
at an incredible rate.
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‐ Is that, uh‐‐is that
what's happening over here?
49
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‐ [grunting]
‐ [moaning]
50
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‐ [laughs]
Uh, ye‐‐uh, yes.
51
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The minions can reproduce
five‐ to seven‐fold every day.
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00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:28,320
‐ Yeah. I think this guy
53
00:02:28,315 --> 00:02:29,675
might be shooting blanks
over here.
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‐ [grunting]
55
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‐ Admittedly, the minions,
they are a bit odd,
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but trust me, they
can be incredibly effective
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00:02:43,030 --> 00:02:44,200
as a fighting force.
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00:02:44,197 --> 00:02:45,867
‐ Yeah, that one's
chewing on a gun.
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‐ [babbling]
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00:02:48,368 --> 00:02:49,468
[yelps]
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‐ Okay, okay.
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00:02:52,139 --> 00:02:55,239
So‐‐so they're not quite
as intelligent as the henchmen.
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00:02:55,242 --> 00:02:57,742
‐ He's humping
the dead one now.
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00:02:57,744 --> 00:03:00,814
‐ [grunting]
65
00:03:01,648 --> 00:03:02,878
‐ Hey, hey, stop that.
66
00:03:02,883 --> 00:03:04,323
‐ [gibberish]
67
00:03:04,317 --> 00:03:05,917
‐ Look, Von Duct,
I don't see
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00:03:05,919 --> 00:03:07,689
how these fucking little
goo balls are ever gonna
69
00:03:07,688 --> 00:03:09,758
be any kind of effective
fighting force.
70
00:03:09,756 --> 00:03:11,016
I mean‐‐
‐ No, no, Dr. Havoc,
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00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:13,334
there is no‐‐no need
for combat acumen
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when we can overwhelm
the enemy with sheer numbers.
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00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:17,656
It's the North Korean model.
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00:03:17,664 --> 00:03:18,674
[clears throat]
75
00:03:18,665 --> 00:03:19,895
Observe what happens
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00:03:19,900 --> 00:03:21,640
when they work together
as a unit.
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Minions, bring me
the clone machine.
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00:03:25,939 --> 00:03:28,839
[all speaking gibberish]
79
00:03:28,842 --> 00:03:30,212
‐ Wow. Okay.
80
00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:31,780
Well, that's actually
pretty impressive.
81
00:03:31,778 --> 00:03:34,008
‐ Now, just imagine hundreds‐‐
82
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no, thousands
of these minions,
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an entire army all working
together as one.
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00:03:40,020 --> 00:03:42,920
No forces ever would be able
to stop us.
85
00:03:42,923 --> 00:03:45,263
[laughing]
86
00:03:45,258 --> 00:03:48,158
‐ Uh, Von‐‐Von Duct,
little, uh...
87
00:03:48,161 --> 00:03:49,601
[clears throat]
88
00:03:53,033 --> 00:03:54,603
‐ I s‐‐hey, hey,
don't do that.
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I said no!
Nein, nein!
90
00:03:56,369 --> 00:03:57,869
Leave your friend alone.
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00:04:01,274 --> 00:04:02,844
[alarm blaring]
92
00:04:02,843 --> 00:04:06,053
‐ Intruder alert.
Intruder alert.
93
00:04:06,046 --> 00:04:07,906
Intruder alert.
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00:04:07,914 --> 00:04:09,324
‐ All right, move, move, move.
95
00:04:09,316 --> 00:04:10,946
[dramatic music]
96
00:04:10,951 --> 00:04:14,051
‐ Oh, Dr. Havoc,
the time is here.
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00:04:14,054 --> 00:04:17,264
Now we get to see
the minion force at work.
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00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:18,957
Minions, attack!
99
00:04:18,959 --> 00:04:22,029
[all grunting]
100
00:04:24,965 --> 00:04:26,265
‐ [laughs]
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The military doesn't know
what they're in for.
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[gunfire]
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‐ Mother of God.
104
00:04:32,806 --> 00:04:36,236
[gunfire continues]
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[dramatic rock music]
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♪ ♪
107
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‐ [exclaims]
108
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[grunts]
109
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‐ [exclaims]
110
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[grunts]
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00:04:44,417 --> 00:04:46,247
‐ [exclaims, grunts]
‐ [exclaims]
112
00:04:46,253 --> 00:04:47,253
[grunts]
113
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[both grunting]
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‐ Huh?
115
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Oh...
116
00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:55,030
Ooh.
117
00:04:55,028 --> 00:04:56,858
Jcha‐cha!
118
00:04:56,863 --> 00:04:59,873
[grunting, laughing]
119
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♪ ♪
120
00:05:02,035 --> 00:05:03,695
‐ [gibberish]
‐ Oh, God!
121
00:05:03,703 --> 00:05:04,873
One of 'em's got me.
122
00:05:04,871 --> 00:05:07,871
‐ Aha, now we're talking.
123
00:05:07,874 --> 00:05:13,084
♪ ♪
124
00:05:13,079 --> 00:05:15,649
Ah, we were so close.
125
00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:17,749
‐ Oh, God damn it, they're
getting in the air ducts.
126
00:05:17,751 --> 00:05:41,981
[all speaking gibberish]
8431
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