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[dramatic music]
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♪ ♪
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‐ Dear diary,
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remember last week when
I helped that nice girl out?
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Turns out no good deed
goes unpunished.
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‐ Here's your plutonium core,
Dr. Havoc.
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‐ Ah, perfect.
Man, you guys?
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When this bomb is done,
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it is gonna be
so fuckin' sweet.
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All right, let's see
where we are here.
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Step 236: connect the A‐sockets
to the T‐bolts.
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Uh, guys, who's got
the little Allen wrench
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that came with the kit?
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♪ ♪
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‐ All right, Dr. Havoc.
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The jig is up.
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‐ Oh, you guys.
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Who got me a stripper?
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Kyle? Steve?
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Other Steve?
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Other Kyle?
Didn't see you back there.
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‐ Hey, I'm not a stripper.
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My name is Crystal Mynxx,
and I'm a superhero.
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‐ Oh, I'm sorry.
I‐‐I didn't realize.
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Uh, did you just‐‐
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did you just come back
from a, uh,
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like some sort of pool party
or something?
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‐ What? No.
I'm here to stop you.
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‐ In that? Uh, wow.
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I don't know, I think maybe you
forgot some of your super suit.
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‐ Uh, no.
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This is the super suit
that was issued to me
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by the Superheroes Union.
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‐ Really? I gotta tell ya,
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most of the superheroes
I run into
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have, like, pads or armor.
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I mean, a good deal of them
are just covered head to toe.
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‐ [laughs] Yeah.
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I'm pretty sure
that wouldn't fly for a woman.
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‐ Huh.
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That outfit does not seem
very functional
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for our line of work.
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I mean,
we're about to do battle.
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How is that supposed
to help you?
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‐ Um, support?
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‐ Support what?
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Your butthole?
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[laughter]
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Sorry.
I uh, recently found out
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they have the minds
of children.
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‐ It's fine.
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‐ Did you hear him say
"butthole"?
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[laughter]
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‐ [sighs] Let me ask you,
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is that outfit
even comfortable?
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‐ Nope.
Everything I'm wearing hurts.
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‐ Ah. See? That's bullshit.
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You're a superhero, right?
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I assume you have superpowers?
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‐ Hell yeah.
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I've got super strength
and unbreakable bones.
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‐ Unbreakable bones?
That's awesome.
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You see, you should be able
to wear whatever you want.
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I mean, I don't think
your ability
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to crush bad guys' skulls
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is dependent on how much
cleavage you show.
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‐ You know what? Yeah.
This is bullshit.
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I'm gonna go to the union
and tell them
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I'm gonna wear
whatever the hell I want.
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‐ Yeah. Good for you.
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‐ Hey, you mind if I take
my shoes off before I head out?
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‐ Yeah.
[stammers] That's fine.
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‐ [groaning loudly]
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Oh, that feels good.
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‐ For once, I had stopped
a superhero by empowering them.
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And then today happened.
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[sparks crackling]
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Wow. Looks exactly like it did
on the box.
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All right, let's get this thing
into a major metropolitan‐‐
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‐ Hello, Havoc.
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‐ Crystal Mynxx? Is that you?
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‐ Yes. But I don't go by
Crystal Mynxx anymore.
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My new superhero name is...
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Gail.
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‐ Gail?
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Well, uh, kinda lacks
a little gravitas, but okay.
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Seems like you're really
embracing your new image.
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‐ What you said
really opened my eyes.
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I'm now ready to fight
the real evil in this world.
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‐ All right. Let's do this.
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‐ The patriarchy.
‐ What's that now?
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‐ Yes. My real enemy
is the oppression
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that the ruling class
of this world, men,
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have foisted upon me
and my sisters.
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‐ Okay. Well,
as a supervillain,
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I kind of feel like
I'm your real enemy.
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‐ Yeah. You are the problem.
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‐ Thank you.
‐ Because you're a man.
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‐ No. No, I'm the problem
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because I have a nuclear bomb,
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and I'm gonna blow up a city.
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Not because I have a penis.
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‐ Oh, you had to bring up
your penis, huh?
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Is that what you think
gives you your power over me?
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‐ No, no. [sighs]
All I'm saying is‐‐
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‐ I don't need you
to mansplain it to me.
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‐ I'm not mansplaining
anything, sweetheart.
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All I'm trying to‐‐
‐ What did you just call me?
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‐ Okay. I'm‐‐I'm sorry.
Th‐‐that's not what I meant.
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Gail. I meant to say Gail.
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‐ [shouts]
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‐ [groans]
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I'm gonna be honest.
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This would've been
a lot more fun
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if you were still wearing
that bikini thing.
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And so, diary,
8289
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