Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,335 --> 00:00:04,436
Women: friends say
you are the worst thing
2
00:00:04,438 --> 00:00:06,305
that happened to me
3
00:00:06,307 --> 00:00:09,008
announcer: You're the worst.
All new wednesdays at 10:00.
4
00:00:09,010 --> 00:00:10,776
Only on fxx.
5
00:00:11,946 --> 00:00:15,014
Announcer:
Fx presents better things.
6
00:00:19,453 --> 00:00:22,721
(Panting)
7
00:00:29,330 --> 00:00:30,863
God damn it!
8
00:00:30,865 --> 00:00:35,401
Mother, you had me
9
00:00:36,537 --> 00:00:41,140
but I never had you
10
00:00:45,079 --> 00:00:49,114
I, I wanted you
11
00:00:51,218 --> 00:00:55,087
you didn't want me
12
00:00:58,592 --> 00:01:01,060
so do me a favor
and wake him up a bit.
13
00:01:01,062 --> 00:01:02,361
Huh?
14
00:01:02,363 --> 00:01:03,996
Just, it's on him now,
15
00:01:03,998 --> 00:01:05,564
so I need you
to surprise him
16
00:01:05,566 --> 00:01:07,766
because he's, he's
too controlled now.
17
00:01:07,768 --> 00:01:09,435
Okay.
Do you mind?
18
00:01:09,437 --> 00:01:11,570
No. Totally, I,
i think I got it.
19
00:01:11,572 --> 00:01:12,871
All right, good.
Okay.
20
00:01:12,873 --> 00:01:14,440
Woman:
Okay, last looks, please.
21
00:01:14,442 --> 00:01:17,709
So... it's the big
turning point now, right?
22
00:01:17,711 --> 00:01:18,911
Yeah, yeah.
Right?
23
00:01:18,913 --> 00:01:21,280
This is on you,
this is real close.
24
00:01:21,282 --> 00:01:22,781
We want to see
this thing hit you, right?
25
00:01:22,783 --> 00:01:23,949
Yeah, I got it.
26
00:01:23,951 --> 00:01:26,351
And, and... The feeling.
27
00:01:26,353 --> 00:01:27,453
Right.
Mm-hmm.
28
00:01:27,455 --> 00:01:30,289
Hey, uh...
Thanks, kunta.
29
00:01:30,291 --> 00:01:33,559
Are you, uh, above this?
Because I want to...
30
00:01:33,561 --> 00:01:34,960
You're tight.
You're tight.
31
00:01:34,962 --> 00:01:36,628
All right,
all right.
32
00:01:36,630 --> 00:01:38,130
Woman: All right,
finishing up.
Here we go.
33
00:01:39,967 --> 00:01:42,601
Woman 2: All right, and
let's roll sound, please.
34
00:01:42,603 --> 00:01:43,635
Woman 3:
Rolling, rolling.
35
00:01:43,637 --> 00:01:44,937
Man:
Quiet, please.
36
00:01:44,939 --> 00:01:46,805
Woman 2: Sound speed.
Marker.
37
00:01:46,807 --> 00:01:48,474
Uh...
Cameras are set.
38
00:01:48,476 --> 00:01:49,975
Action.
39
00:01:51,312 --> 00:01:52,945
So I'm really sorry.
40
00:01:52,947 --> 00:01:54,480
There's nothing I can do.
41
00:01:54,482 --> 00:01:56,882
You lost custody
of Maggie.
42
00:01:56,884 --> 00:01:58,283
Oh, my god, Maggie.
43
00:01:58,285 --> 00:02:00,652
Yeah.
44
00:02:00,654 --> 00:02:02,054
You're never gonna
see her again,
45
00:02:02,056 --> 00:02:03,522
and it's all your fault.
46
00:02:07,461 --> 00:02:08,494
What?
47
00:02:08,496 --> 00:02:09,828
Cut!
48
00:02:09,830 --> 00:02:11,563
Why did you say that?
That's...
49
00:02:11,565 --> 00:02:12,831
Sorry.
That's, that's
not in the script.
50
00:02:12,833 --> 00:02:14,333
Sorry.
That's not in the script.
51
00:02:14,335 --> 00:02:15,634
That felt...
That felt weird.
52
00:02:15,636 --> 00:02:17,169
Big man, that was...
That was amazing.
53
00:02:17,171 --> 00:02:18,937
Yeah?
It's a great, great day.
54
00:02:18,939 --> 00:02:20,005
(Chuckles)
55
00:02:20,007 --> 00:02:21,140
It's a great,
great day.
56
00:02:21,142 --> 00:02:22,908
You're doing... yeah.
Oh, yeah.
57
00:02:22,910 --> 00:02:24,877
Oh, okay.
Right.
58
00:02:26,247 --> 00:02:27,813
Thank you.
59
00:02:31,018 --> 00:02:32,151
Hey.
60
00:02:32,153 --> 00:02:33,318
Hey.
61
00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:34,620
How are you holding up?
62
00:02:34,622 --> 00:02:37,523
I'm all right.
You know, it's, uh,
63
00:02:37,525 --> 00:02:39,758
this is work, but, uh,
yeah.
64
00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:41,693
I'm blessed to be working.
65
00:02:41,695 --> 00:02:42,961
That is right.
66
00:02:42,963 --> 00:02:44,530
I just want to say
67
00:02:44,532 --> 00:02:45,831
I'm a fan from way back.
68
00:02:45,833 --> 00:02:47,966
I mean, you are great.
Oh, no, no.
69
00:02:47,968 --> 00:02:49,134
You are so...
70
00:02:49,136 --> 00:02:51,036
You don't have
to say that, Mel, but I do.
71
00:02:51,038 --> 00:02:52,704
I love your movies.
72
00:02:52,706 --> 00:02:56,108
Well, I used to, too,
when they were my movies.
73
00:02:56,110 --> 00:02:57,709
I know, but you're great,
74
00:02:57,711 --> 00:03:00,212
and it's an honor to be
working with you, really.
75
00:03:00,214 --> 00:03:01,880
Oh, thanks, Sammy.
76
00:03:01,882 --> 00:03:04,016
Well, then it's only
fair to tell you
77
00:03:04,018 --> 00:03:07,052
that my brother
and I used to say
78
00:03:07,054 --> 00:03:10,322
"oh, stop it"
all the time.
79
00:03:10,324 --> 00:03:11,557
Oh, my god,
that's a nightmare.
80
00:03:11,559 --> 00:03:12,658
No, no.
Seriously,
81
00:03:12,660 --> 00:03:13,659
that show killed us.
82
00:03:13,661 --> 00:03:15,127
And when you did
the sad episodes,
83
00:03:15,129 --> 00:03:16,862
we'd both pretend
not to be crying.
84
00:03:16,864 --> 00:03:18,197
Aw.
85
00:03:18,199 --> 00:03:19,898
Yeah, the sad shows
were the best.
86
00:03:19,900 --> 00:03:22,401
I don't need you.
I don't need anybody.
87
00:03:22,403 --> 00:03:23,569
(Chuckles)
88
00:03:23,571 --> 00:03:25,704
Well,
89
00:03:25,706 --> 00:03:27,839
not to jerk
each other off too much,
90
00:03:27,841 --> 00:03:31,410
but move down is my Bible.
91
00:03:31,412 --> 00:03:34,513
And it formed me.
92
00:03:34,515 --> 00:03:36,915
Really?
Yeah. It did.
93
00:03:36,917 --> 00:03:38,817
A little bit.
It did a little bit.
94
00:03:38,819 --> 00:03:41,153
Well, that's...
That's all right.
95
00:03:41,155 --> 00:03:42,554
David:
Melly Mel!
96
00:03:42,556 --> 00:03:45,023
Mel, I found these, uh,
Tibetan prayer beads
97
00:03:45,025 --> 00:03:47,092
over at, uh, props,
and i-i want to wear them.
98
00:03:47,094 --> 00:03:48,427
Teak's, uh, teak's
going to wear these.
99
00:03:48,429 --> 00:03:49,928
I know it doesn't match,
100
00:03:49,930 --> 00:03:51,597
but continuity's
for pussies, right?
Uh...
101
00:03:51,599 --> 00:03:53,765
So teak's a Buddhist now.
Right? It's cool.
102
00:03:53,767 --> 00:03:55,367
Or hindu.
Prayer-prayer beads?
103
00:03:55,369 --> 00:03:56,935
Yeah.
104
00:03:56,937 --> 00:03:58,737
He's...
105
00:04:01,442 --> 00:04:03,609
(laughing)
106
00:04:03,611 --> 00:04:07,279
Well... we used to both
do our own thing,
107
00:04:07,281 --> 00:04:09,781
and, uh, now we're
doing his thing.
108
00:04:09,783 --> 00:04:12,918
Yeah, but it's good to work
with good people, though,
109
00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:14,353
along the way.
110
00:04:14,355 --> 00:04:17,389
Well, that's what
keeps me going.
111
00:04:17,391 --> 00:04:18,890
You doing okay?
112
00:04:18,892 --> 00:04:20,726
Yeah. I mean,
113
00:04:20,728 --> 00:04:22,461
it's hard for me
being out here.
114
00:04:22,463 --> 00:04:25,631
I mean, i-i need
my-my home comforts
115
00:04:25,633 --> 00:04:27,733
and, uh...
116
00:04:27,735 --> 00:04:29,468
Living in a hotel
for a month,
117
00:04:29,470 --> 00:04:30,936
you know, gets
old, but, uh,
118
00:04:30,938 --> 00:04:33,038
yeah, of course it does.
119
00:04:33,040 --> 00:04:34,473
I'm whining.
120
00:04:34,475 --> 00:04:37,609
No, no. Everybody
needs to be home.
121
00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:40,145
You should come
to my house for dinner.
122
00:04:40,147 --> 00:04:41,647
Come have dinner
with me and my girls.
123
00:04:41,649 --> 00:04:43,482
And my mom.
Just be
124
00:04:43,484 --> 00:04:45,150
with a family for a night.
You could have
125
00:04:45,152 --> 00:04:47,986
some home-cooked food
or some home-ordered takeout.
126
00:04:47,988 --> 00:04:49,588
Come on, Mel, we're bros.
127
00:04:49,590 --> 00:04:50,989
Seriously?
128
00:04:50,991 --> 00:04:53,258
Because, I mean,
i mean, I'm-I'm tempted.
129
00:04:53,260 --> 00:04:54,826
Yeah, you want
to come tomorrow?
130
00:04:54,828 --> 00:04:56,762
Um, I could swing tomorrow.
131
00:04:56,764 --> 00:04:58,130
Good.
You're coming.
132
00:04:59,667 --> 00:05:01,099
Tomorrow.
133
00:05:01,101 --> 00:05:02,801
You bet.
134
00:05:02,803 --> 00:05:05,337
Wait. I'm sorry.
Was that Mel trueblood?
135
00:05:05,339 --> 00:05:07,339
Yeah.
136
00:05:07,341 --> 00:05:09,174
Are you having dirty
with Mel trueblood?
137
00:05:09,176 --> 00:05:11,009
Oh, my god,
i love your life.
138
00:05:11,011 --> 00:05:13,645
You love what you
pretend my life is.
139
00:05:13,647 --> 00:05:15,647
And no, we're not doing
any dirty things.
140
00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:17,115
You are.
You totally are.
141
00:05:17,117 --> 00:05:18,684
How would I not tell you?
142
00:05:18,686 --> 00:05:20,452
On what planet
am I not telling you?
143
00:05:20,454 --> 00:05:22,321
Okay, so you're hoping.
144
00:05:22,323 --> 00:05:23,655
No.
145
00:05:23,657 --> 00:05:25,791
No, he's a nice guy.
146
00:05:25,793 --> 00:05:28,994
And, uh,
he's also a genius.
147
00:05:28,996 --> 00:05:31,763
(Deep gasping)
148
00:05:31,765 --> 00:05:34,333
Sunny, stop.
That's gross.
149
00:05:34,335 --> 00:05:36,868
Oh, I'm sorry. I'm
sorry for being gross.
150
00:05:37,938 --> 00:05:39,371
Yeah. I mean,
151
00:05:39,373 --> 00:05:42,040
he's cute,
he's sexy.
152
00:05:42,042 --> 00:05:44,276
And I'm pretty sure
he's married.
153
00:05:45,546 --> 00:05:46,878
Let's find out.
154
00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:48,680
What are you doing?
Don't.
155
00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:50,716
I'm googling your
genius new boyfriend.
156
00:05:50,718 --> 00:05:52,617
No, no. Not while
you're driving.
157
00:05:52,619 --> 00:05:54,119
We're gonna get
into an accident.
158
00:05:54,121 --> 00:05:55,721
I hate this!
Dummy...
159
00:05:55,723 --> 00:05:57,823
This is nervous...
A Tesla.
160
00:05:57,825 --> 00:05:59,157
It drives itself.
161
00:05:59,159 --> 00:06:02,561
Can you please put
your hands on the wheel?
162
00:06:02,563 --> 00:06:04,663
This gives me a terrible
feeling in my stomach.
163
00:06:04,665 --> 00:06:06,064
I hate it.
164
00:06:06,066 --> 00:06:07,299
Aw, man, he's
wicked married.
165
00:06:07,301 --> 00:06:08,667
Okay, good.
166
00:06:08,669 --> 00:06:10,569
Now you driving
and not the robot doing it.
167
00:06:10,571 --> 00:06:11,970
Thank you.
Okay.
168
00:06:13,741 --> 00:06:15,540
Do you have to
go right home?
169
00:06:15,542 --> 00:06:17,209
Yeah, honey.
I don't want to go out.
170
00:06:17,211 --> 00:06:19,644
No, just come over
for a little bit.
171
00:06:19,646 --> 00:06:21,313
Fine.
172
00:06:29,256 --> 00:06:31,256
Oh! You know, you still
could sleep with him.
173
00:06:31,258 --> 00:06:32,491
Who?
174
00:06:32,493 --> 00:06:34,659
Mr. mo' money
farouk back there.
175
00:06:34,661 --> 00:06:35,761
(Groans)
176
00:06:35,763 --> 00:06:37,162
(Quietly):
No.
177
00:06:37,164 --> 00:06:39,398
You just have to promise
to tell me if you do.
178
00:06:40,601 --> 00:06:42,434
You promise to tell
me if you do.
179
00:06:42,436 --> 00:06:44,403
Pinky swear right now
before we go into the house.
180
00:06:44,405 --> 00:06:46,171
I'm not gonna do it.
He's married.
181
00:06:46,173 --> 00:06:48,073
Uh-huh.
Will you make me
a lemon drop?
182
00:06:48,075 --> 00:06:49,574
Totally.
183
00:06:49,576 --> 00:06:51,877
Man:
Hey, Sammy.
184
00:06:51,879 --> 00:06:54,246
Hi, Jeff.
185
00:06:54,848 --> 00:06:56,348
Sunny:
Hey, hon.
186
00:06:56,350 --> 00:06:59,785
Hey, baby. Your I, uh,
deal keeps making noise.
187
00:06:59,787 --> 00:07:01,686
Yeah, I know.
188
00:07:01,688 --> 00:07:03,955
Can you look at it
like I asked you?
189
00:07:03,957 --> 00:07:05,857
All my stuff is broken.
190
00:07:05,859 --> 00:07:06,958
Oh, Jesus,
I'm so tired.
191
00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:08,393
You know what, though?
Later, maybe.
192
00:07:08,395 --> 00:07:13,231
So are you wasted right now?
193
00:07:13,233 --> 00:07:14,766
Jeff:
Okay, eat shit.
194
00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:16,034
Kidding.
195
00:07:16,036 --> 00:07:18,470
You know, but eat you
some shit, though.
196
00:07:18,472 --> 00:07:20,005
Right?
(Laughing)
197
00:07:22,075 --> 00:07:23,875
(Laughing):
What?
198
00:07:23,877 --> 00:07:26,111
Baby!
199
00:07:26,113 --> 00:07:28,413
(Sighs)
200
00:07:28,415 --> 00:07:30,749
Eh, women, huh?
201
00:07:30,751 --> 00:07:33,218
Sam:
Yeah.
202
00:07:33,220 --> 00:07:34,453
Right?
Mm-hmm.
203
00:07:34,455 --> 00:07:36,254
Seriously,
though,
204
00:07:36,256 --> 00:07:37,989
she's often a psycho.
205
00:07:37,991 --> 00:07:39,257
Right, Sam?
206
00:07:39,259 --> 00:07:41,059
Yeah.
207
00:07:41,061 --> 00:07:43,261
I mean...
(Chuckles)
208
00:07:43,263 --> 00:07:44,463
I don't want to preach
to the choir.
209
00:07:44,465 --> 00:07:46,264
No, totally.
I get it.
210
00:07:46,266 --> 00:07:47,566
You're awesome, Sammy.
211
00:07:47,568 --> 00:07:49,167
Yeah.
212
00:07:49,169 --> 00:07:50,769
Hey, seriously,
for a second, though,
213
00:07:50,771 --> 00:07:52,771
like, what would she
do without me?
214
00:07:52,773 --> 00:07:53,905
You know?
215
00:07:53,907 --> 00:07:55,807
Or you, for that matter.
216
00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:58,743
I mean, I know I don't
have to tell you.
217
00:07:58,745 --> 00:08:00,612
It's like you know...
You know her forever.
218
00:08:00,614 --> 00:08:02,447
You guys go, like, way back.
219
00:08:02,449 --> 00:08:05,183
Yeah.
We go way, way back.
220
00:08:05,185 --> 00:08:07,786
You know this.
221
00:08:07,788 --> 00:08:10,622
My dad and I got
in a fight, and, uh,
222
00:08:10,624 --> 00:08:11,823
he kicked me
out of the house,
223
00:08:11,825 --> 00:08:13,792
and I was so scared,
224
00:08:13,794 --> 00:08:16,795
and she took me in,
and she got me a job.
225
00:08:16,797 --> 00:08:17,796
Whoa.
226
00:08:17,798 --> 00:08:19,598
Yeah, she was
227
00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:22,601
19, she was already
taking care of people.
228
00:08:22,603 --> 00:08:24,436
She was amazing.
229
00:08:24,438 --> 00:08:25,604
She was full
of confidence.
230
00:08:25,606 --> 00:08:27,772
She was so beautiful.
231
00:08:27,774 --> 00:08:32,043
I mean, I never knew anybody
who had so much potential.
232
00:08:32,045 --> 00:08:35,614
And then
she met you, Jeff.
233
00:08:35,616 --> 00:08:37,148
Jesus, did she love you.
234
00:08:37,150 --> 00:08:38,483
Yeah.
235
00:08:38,485 --> 00:08:40,352
And here's sunny...
236
00:08:40,354 --> 00:08:42,521
All right,
this woman who
237
00:08:42,523 --> 00:08:44,456
loves so hard
and she tries so hard,
238
00:08:44,458 --> 00:08:47,058
and she just ends up
239
00:08:47,060 --> 00:08:50,161
pouring all of that love
into you for years.
240
00:08:50,163 --> 00:08:52,964
Jeff, do you know
what that's like
241
00:08:52,966 --> 00:08:55,567
to watch your friend,
someone you love,
242
00:08:55,569 --> 00:08:57,736
someone who is
like a goddess
243
00:08:57,738 --> 00:09:00,305
with the power
to fly to the moon
244
00:09:00,307 --> 00:09:02,807
and shine a light
on the world,
245
00:09:02,809 --> 00:09:05,810
and she ends up
using all of that power
246
00:09:05,812 --> 00:09:08,580
just to keep
her fat, shit,
247
00:09:08,582 --> 00:09:10,916
useless, boring
248
00:09:10,918 --> 00:09:13,585
stoner husband
barely afloat?
249
00:09:13,587 --> 00:09:15,754
It's just a shame, Jeff.
250
00:09:15,756 --> 00:09:17,022
(Scoffs)
251
00:09:17,024 --> 00:09:19,424
Well, here's the thing.
252
00:09:19,426 --> 00:09:22,894
I know that you have...
253
00:09:22,896 --> 00:09:26,197
Sucked your share
of dicks, huh?
254
00:09:26,199 --> 00:09:28,767
I've heard about you.
255
00:09:28,769 --> 00:09:30,435
That's okay, buddy.
Don't bother.
256
00:09:30,437 --> 00:09:32,170
I don't care what you know.
257
00:09:32,172 --> 00:09:34,739
Okay, well,
here's the thing.
258
00:09:34,741 --> 00:09:36,775
I'm gonna have to say
that I cannot believe
259
00:09:36,777 --> 00:09:40,378
that you just said
all of that to me.
260
00:09:40,380 --> 00:09:42,781
Jesus, I'm offended.
261
00:09:42,783 --> 00:09:44,849
Serious.
262
00:09:44,851 --> 00:09:45,951
Don't worry about it.
263
00:09:45,953 --> 00:09:47,252
You won't remember.
264
00:09:47,254 --> 00:09:48,720
You know why I know that?
265
00:09:48,722 --> 00:09:50,789
Because I said
all of this to you
266
00:09:50,791 --> 00:09:53,592
five years ago,
and you don't remember
267
00:09:53,594 --> 00:09:56,394
because you've smoked
10,000 joints since then,
268
00:09:56,396 --> 00:09:59,898
so... good night, Jeff.
269
00:09:59,900 --> 00:10:02,167
See you at the next thing.
270
00:10:05,572 --> 00:10:07,639
All right, good night, Sammy.
271
00:10:16,316 --> 00:10:17,315
Hello.
I'm home!
272
00:10:17,317 --> 00:10:20,318
Mama, you're home.
I missed you.
273
00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:21,386
Hi.
274
00:10:21,388 --> 00:10:23,421
Oh!
Where were you?
275
00:10:23,423 --> 00:10:25,156
Mommy had to work
today, remember?
276
00:10:25,158 --> 00:10:26,458
Frankie:
Hi, mom.
I told you.
277
00:10:26,460 --> 00:10:28,827
Hey, come meet our guest!
278
00:10:28,829 --> 00:10:30,829
Mel, this is Max,
279
00:10:30,831 --> 00:10:33,131
and this little one
I'm holding is Duke.
280
00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:34,265
She's very small.
281
00:10:34,267 --> 00:10:36,134
Hiya, Duke.
Hi.
282
00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:37,168
Sam?
283
00:10:37,170 --> 00:10:39,638
Oh, this is
my sitter Lauren.
284
00:10:39,640 --> 00:10:40,839
It's Mel.
285
00:10:40,841 --> 00:10:42,674
Can I talk to you?
286
00:10:42,676 --> 00:10:44,909
Yeah.
What's up?
287
00:10:44,911 --> 00:10:46,444
It's just getting
really difficult the way
288
00:10:46,446 --> 00:10:48,146
your girls talk to me
when you're not here,
289
00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:50,515
and I just think that they
should learn some respect,
oh, okay.
290
00:10:50,517 --> 00:10:52,283
And I don't know
anything about...
okay, I have
291
00:10:52,285 --> 00:10:54,185
to cook good dinner,
and so thanks for coming.
292
00:10:54,187 --> 00:10:56,121
I love you.
Bye.
293
00:10:56,123 --> 00:10:57,188
Frankie, come here.
294
00:10:57,190 --> 00:10:59,924
Mel, this is Frankie.
295
00:10:59,926 --> 00:11:01,660
Hi.
296
00:11:01,662 --> 00:11:03,294
Hi.
297
00:11:03,296 --> 00:11:04,829
Hi.
298
00:11:04,831 --> 00:11:06,031
Hi.
299
00:11:06,033 --> 00:11:07,165
Oh.
300
00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:08,500
Hi.
301
00:11:08,502 --> 00:11:09,601
Hi.
Hi.
302
00:11:09,603 --> 00:11:10,969
Hi.
303
00:11:10,971 --> 00:11:12,170
Hi.
304
00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:13,505
Wait, one more hi.
305
00:11:13,507 --> 00:11:14,639
Hi.
306
00:11:14,641 --> 00:11:15,707
Oh, then I got
to do this again
307
00:11:15,709 --> 00:11:17,609
to make it even.
Hi.
308
00:11:20,847 --> 00:11:24,916
Put on pants.
309
00:11:26,820 --> 00:11:28,019
What?
310
00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:30,155
Are you gonna marry him?
311
00:11:30,157 --> 00:11:31,489
Hey, Duke?
312
00:11:31,491 --> 00:11:33,792
(Whispers):
You need to learn
how to whisper.
313
00:11:33,794 --> 00:11:36,728
Wait, so you're, like, an
actor in the movie mom's in?
314
00:11:36,730 --> 00:11:38,063
No, I'm the director.
315
00:11:38,065 --> 00:11:39,397
Phyllis:
Hello!
Oh.
316
00:11:39,399 --> 00:11:40,398
There's my mom.
317
00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:41,666
You're about
to meet my mother.
318
00:11:41,668 --> 00:11:43,368
Hi, mom.
319
00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:45,203
Hello, sweetheart.
320
00:11:45,205 --> 00:11:46,504
Mom, this is Mel.
321
00:11:46,506 --> 00:11:48,707
Mel, this is
my mother Phyllis.
322
00:11:48,709 --> 00:11:51,376
Oh. Hello.
Oh, hello, Mrs. fox.
323
00:11:51,378 --> 00:11:52,877
It's very nice
to meet you.
324
00:11:52,879 --> 00:11:54,079
Yes, well.
325
00:11:54,081 --> 00:11:55,847
Mom, did you take
our phone book?
326
00:11:55,849 --> 00:11:57,315
Because I noticed
all the neighbors
327
00:11:57,317 --> 00:11:58,416
have their phone books.
No, no.
328
00:11:58,418 --> 00:11:59,584
Why would I take
your phone book?
329
00:11:59,586 --> 00:12:00,719
I took my phone book,
330
00:12:00,721 --> 00:12:01,886
which was left
at your step.
331
00:12:01,888 --> 00:12:04,089
No, that's mine.
332
00:12:04,091 --> 00:12:05,256
I always ask for
two phone books,
333
00:12:05,258 --> 00:12:06,391
and they only brought one,
334
00:12:06,393 --> 00:12:07,992
so the one at your
step must be mine.
335
00:12:07,994 --> 00:12:09,327
Mom!
336
00:12:09,329 --> 00:12:11,129
I learned a piano
song, come listen.
337
00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:15,734
Come with me to the kitchen.
338
00:12:15,736 --> 00:12:18,503
Okay, off you go.
339
00:12:22,275 --> 00:12:25,410
(humming
"sleeping beauty waltz")
340
00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:27,946
I know this one.
341
00:12:27,948 --> 00:12:30,615
Um, did you
not tell your mother
342
00:12:30,617 --> 00:12:32,250
that you were bringing
home a black man?
343
00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:34,953
What? Oh, no.
Of course not.
344
00:12:34,955 --> 00:12:36,121
That's not...
No.
345
00:12:36,123 --> 00:12:37,522
I mean...
What? No!
346
00:12:37,524 --> 00:12:38,957
You should've told her.
347
00:12:38,959 --> 00:12:40,125
No, no, no, no, no.
348
00:12:40,127 --> 00:12:41,693
I'm telling you,
that's not a thing.
349
00:12:41,695 --> 00:12:44,429
My mother is just insane.
She makes people feel weird.
350
00:12:44,431 --> 00:12:45,530
It's like her hobby.
351
00:12:45,532 --> 00:12:46,631
No, Sam.
352
00:12:46,633 --> 00:12:48,700
She's over 70, okay?
353
00:12:48,702 --> 00:12:51,536
You warn her that
a black man's coming over,
354
00:12:51,538 --> 00:12:53,404
even if it's
to fix the cable box.
355
00:12:53,406 --> 00:12:55,440
Oh, my god.
I'm telling you,
356
00:12:55,442 --> 00:12:56,808
my mother is not like that.
357
00:12:56,810 --> 00:12:58,610
She marched for integration.
358
00:12:58,612 --> 00:12:59,811
It doesn't matter, okay?
359
00:12:59,813 --> 00:13:01,479
I'm not calling
your mother racist.
360
00:13:01,481 --> 00:13:03,448
I'm calling her over 70.
361
00:13:03,450 --> 00:13:07,051
You tell an old white lady
ahead of time, okay?
362
00:13:07,053 --> 00:13:09,320
You warn her.
It's the right thing to do
363
00:13:09,322 --> 00:13:11,990
for the old lady
and the black guy coming over.
364
00:13:11,992 --> 00:13:15,160
Okay. No.
I think you're wrong.
365
00:13:15,162 --> 00:13:16,895
Mm-hmm.
I'm hearing you,
366
00:13:16,897 --> 00:13:19,464
and I know you feel
certain of this,
367
00:13:19,466 --> 00:13:22,734
but I think that this
is your thing.
368
00:13:22,736 --> 00:13:26,471
That's not real.
It's not.
369
00:13:26,473 --> 00:13:27,939
Oh, yeah, we don't
have a mezuzah.
370
00:13:27,941 --> 00:13:29,307
What's up with that?
We're not that.
371
00:13:29,309 --> 00:13:31,009
Yeah.
Frankie:
Mm-mm! One time,
372
00:13:31,011 --> 00:13:32,644
Max was going to dance class,
373
00:13:32,646 --> 00:13:35,079
and she had this
awful stomach virus.
374
00:13:35,081 --> 00:13:37,482
Frankie, don't tell that story.
It was like a dress rehearsal
375
00:13:37,484 --> 00:13:39,317
for a dance concert.
Mel: Right.
376
00:13:39,319 --> 00:13:40,985
And she was wearing
this white leotard.
377
00:13:40,987 --> 00:13:43,154
Okay, stop it.
Sam:
Frankie?
378
00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:44,155
Max: Stop.
Duke: No, let her tell it.
379
00:13:44,157 --> 00:13:45,290
Come on.
What?!
Mm-mm.
380
00:13:45,292 --> 00:13:47,959
So she misses
the, the dress rehearsal.
381
00:13:47,961 --> 00:13:50,428
She's gonna be dropped
out of the concert.
382
00:13:50,430 --> 00:13:51,996
Mel: Mm-hmm.
Max: Mom!
383
00:13:51,998 --> 00:13:53,264
But she has
this stomach virus...
384
00:13:53,266 --> 00:13:54,599
Frankie, you can't
tell this story
385
00:13:54,601 --> 00:13:56,601
'cause we're eating.
Oh, come on. Mom...
386
00:13:56,603 --> 00:13:58,269
Max:
No! Shut up!
387
00:13:58,271 --> 00:13:59,337
Frankie, you're stopping.
388
00:13:59,339 --> 00:14:00,939
Fine. Fine.
Fine.
389
00:14:00,941 --> 00:14:02,106
Thank you.
Okay, I'm done.
390
00:14:02,108 --> 00:14:03,575
You're welcome.
I'm done.
391
00:14:06,313 --> 00:14:08,146
And then, right in the middle
of doing a big split,
392
00:14:08,148 --> 00:14:09,480
brown poop squirted
out of her butt
393
00:14:09,482 --> 00:14:10,949
all over the perfect
white leotard!
394
00:14:10,951 --> 00:14:12,183
(Laughter)
395
00:14:12,185 --> 00:14:13,484
Mom!
396
00:14:13,486 --> 00:14:16,387
(Laughter continues)
397
00:14:16,389 --> 00:14:18,223
Sam:
Sorry, Mel.
398
00:14:18,225 --> 00:14:20,959
We like that kind
of humor at dinner.
399
00:14:20,961 --> 00:14:22,727
Oh, no, no, no.
It's-it's fine.
400
00:14:22,729 --> 00:14:23,995
(Quietly)
What are you doing?
401
00:14:23,997 --> 00:14:25,797
Mel: Are you, uh, still
studying dance?
402
00:14:25,799 --> 00:14:27,232
Max:
I do this thing.
403
00:14:27,234 --> 00:14:28,399
It's-it's a modern class.
404
00:14:28,401 --> 00:14:30,235
It's based on this thing
called Alvin ailey.
405
00:14:30,237 --> 00:14:31,302
I don't know if...
406
00:14:31,304 --> 00:14:33,504
Sure, i-i-i studied there,
actually.
407
00:14:33,506 --> 00:14:35,039
You did?
408
00:14:35,041 --> 00:14:37,008
Yeah, in New York
when I was in high school.
409
00:14:37,010 --> 00:14:39,344
That's great that
you're doing that.
410
00:14:39,346 --> 00:14:41,079
Even if you don't
dance, which,
411
00:14:41,081 --> 00:14:42,981
you know,
i gave it up when I was 19,
412
00:14:42,983 --> 00:14:44,749
but you'll never regret it.
413
00:14:44,751 --> 00:14:46,417
I mean,
it's still a part of me.
414
00:14:46,419 --> 00:14:47,986
Yeah?
415
00:14:47,988 --> 00:14:49,587
Thanks.
416
00:14:49,589 --> 00:14:51,422
No, you're lucky,
417
00:14:51,424 --> 00:14:53,491
because when I was your age and
i was aching to be an artist,
418
00:14:53,493 --> 00:14:55,827
I had to explain
that to my parents.
419
00:14:55,829 --> 00:14:57,595
My father was a janitor.
420
00:14:57,597 --> 00:14:59,998
My mom's still a nurse.
421
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:02,433
But they didn't
know from art.
422
00:15:02,435 --> 00:15:05,703
You're lucky because
your mother is an artist.
423
00:15:05,705 --> 00:15:07,705
Well, she's not,
like, an artist.
424
00:15:07,707 --> 00:15:11,109
Yes, she is.
She's, like, an artist.
425
00:15:11,111 --> 00:15:13,044
Well, thank you, Mel.
426
00:15:13,046 --> 00:15:14,946
That's very nice of you, Mel.
427
00:15:14,948 --> 00:15:17,582
The last time
i was in London,
428
00:15:17,584 --> 00:15:20,785
I went to harrods
to buy pantyhose, and so,
429
00:15:20,787 --> 00:15:24,122
I go to the lingerie department,
430
00:15:24,124 --> 00:15:26,457
and harrods had their
own brand of pantyhose,
431
00:15:26,459 --> 00:15:28,726
and they're
the only ones I wear,
432
00:15:28,728 --> 00:15:30,728
and you can only buy them
at that counter.
433
00:15:30,730 --> 00:15:32,530
And their hose
has three colors:
434
00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:36,301
Nude, white,
and nigger brown.
435
00:15:36,303 --> 00:15:38,636
That was the name
of the color.
436
00:15:38,638 --> 00:15:40,705
And that's the color
i always buy.
437
00:15:40,707 --> 00:15:42,573
So I go to the counter,
438
00:15:42,575 --> 00:15:44,475
and the young woman
who was working there
439
00:15:44,477 --> 00:15:46,244
happened to be black.
440
00:15:46,246 --> 00:15:49,314
And I said to her, "i would
like medium-size hose."
441
00:15:49,316 --> 00:15:51,582
And she says,
"what color, please?"
442
00:15:51,584 --> 00:15:53,718
And so I said,
"nigger brown."
443
00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:55,887
And she was shocked.
444
00:15:55,889 --> 00:15:58,890
I said it just like that.
I could see she was upset.
445
00:15:58,892 --> 00:16:00,992
I said to her,
"i did you the honor
446
00:16:00,994 --> 00:16:02,593
"of not noticing your color.
447
00:16:02,595 --> 00:16:05,797
Would you do me the honor
of getting my item for me?"
448
00:16:05,799 --> 00:16:07,098
So she went and got them,
449
00:16:07,100 --> 00:16:10,001
and after that,
i paid for the hose.
450
00:16:10,003 --> 00:16:11,636
Just so you know.
451
00:16:11,638 --> 00:16:15,239
Oh, I need to use the loo.
452
00:16:34,794 --> 00:16:37,128
You know, you have
a really nice family.
Thank you. They love you.
453
00:16:37,130 --> 00:16:39,464
And I am sorry
about my mom.
454
00:16:39,466 --> 00:16:41,099
No, no, no. don't be
sorry about your mom.
455
00:16:41,101 --> 00:16:42,633
Never be sorry
about your mom.
456
00:16:42,635 --> 00:16:46,437
No, Mel. I'm very sorry
about my shitty mother.
457
00:16:46,439 --> 00:16:48,773
Okay, well, I don't know her.
458
00:16:48,775 --> 00:16:51,042
No, you don't.
459
00:16:52,278 --> 00:16:54,445
Um...
460
00:16:54,447 --> 00:16:55,613
Yeah.
461
00:16:55,615 --> 00:16:57,115
I...
462
00:16:58,852 --> 00:17:00,385
You know, I have a friend
463
00:17:00,387 --> 00:17:04,822
who is very invested
in wanting us to have sex.
464
00:17:04,824 --> 00:17:06,457
Really?
465
00:17:06,459 --> 00:17:09,227
She needs us to do it.
It's pretty bad.
466
00:17:10,397 --> 00:17:11,729
Well...
467
00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:16,234
But I'm not about to get into
a thing with a married guy.
468
00:17:16,236 --> 00:17:19,103
That's just not,
that's not me.
469
00:17:22,042 --> 00:17:25,510
Well, I mean, I'm going
through a divorce right now,
470
00:17:25,512 --> 00:17:27,812
and I've been
going through a divorce,
471
00:17:27,814 --> 00:17:30,248
and we've been
separated for months.
472
00:17:31,818 --> 00:17:33,918
But I, uh, you know,
473
00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:35,420
am going back
to New York tomorrow.
474
00:17:35,422 --> 00:17:36,754
Yeah.
475
00:17:36,756 --> 00:17:39,424
And as much as my brother
476
00:17:39,426 --> 00:17:42,260
would want me to throw down
with Sammy fox, I mean...
477
00:17:42,262 --> 00:17:45,063
Hey.
Hey. You know.
478
00:17:45,065 --> 00:17:47,598
I don't know. I mean...
479
00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:49,834
I mean, I like you.
480
00:17:51,104 --> 00:17:53,738
But I don't want
to hook up with you.
481
00:17:53,740 --> 00:17:56,941
I mean, actually,
i really like you.
482
00:17:56,943 --> 00:17:58,943
Yeah, me, too.
483
00:17:58,945 --> 00:18:00,378
I mean, there's...
484
00:18:00,380 --> 00:18:01,746
No.
Yeah.
485
00:18:01,748 --> 00:18:04,282
A feeling there.
Uh, it's...
486
00:18:04,284 --> 00:18:06,250
It's a nice feeling.
487
00:18:07,287 --> 00:18:08,453
Yeah.
488
00:18:08,455 --> 00:18:09,854
But me, too.
489
00:18:09,856 --> 00:18:12,423
I-I'm...
I don't want to...
490
00:18:12,425 --> 00:18:13,925
I mean...
491
00:18:13,927 --> 00:18:15,226
No, i...
Just like...
492
00:18:15,228 --> 00:18:17,695
That's...
There's your ride.
493
00:18:17,697 --> 00:18:19,697
That's my ride.
Yeah.
494
00:18:22,802 --> 00:18:24,202
Come here.
495
00:18:24,204 --> 00:18:25,436
Mm.
496
00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:28,473
Oh, baby, in this world
497
00:18:28,475 --> 00:18:32,743
you can't
count on nothing
498
00:18:32,745 --> 00:18:34,545
one moment it's clear...
499
00:18:34,547 --> 00:18:38,316
can I just tell you this was
the first peace I've felt
500
00:18:38,318 --> 00:18:41,552
in a very long time?
501
00:18:41,554 --> 00:18:43,287
Same.
502
00:18:43,289 --> 00:18:45,490
Maybe the next one
503
00:18:45,492 --> 00:18:47,258
bye, Sam.
504
00:18:47,260 --> 00:18:51,462
See things always changing
505
00:18:51,464 --> 00:18:53,097
see you, Mel.
506
00:18:53,099 --> 00:18:56,567
Each day some new song
507
00:18:56,569 --> 00:19:01,472
on the radio station
508
00:19:01,474 --> 00:19:04,642
but baby, I always
509
00:19:04,644 --> 00:19:08,546
will be standing
by your side
510
00:19:10,316 --> 00:19:13,184
sure as the ocean
511
00:19:13,186 --> 00:19:17,722
and a shoreline entwine
512
00:19:19,659 --> 00:19:22,860
sure as the sun sets
513
00:19:22,862 --> 00:19:26,864
in the hillside every night
514
00:19:26,866 --> 00:19:29,433
I'll be by your side
515
00:19:29,435 --> 00:19:35,206
lovely wife,
come with me
516
00:19:35,208 --> 00:19:39,544
I'll be the same
517
00:19:59,232 --> 00:20:03,968
oh baby, in this world
518
00:20:03,970 --> 00:20:08,139
nothing stays
the same now
519
00:20:08,141 --> 00:20:12,743
you learned
all the old rules
520
00:20:12,745 --> 00:20:15,112
but it's a whole
different game.
521
00:20:16,349 --> 00:20:18,316
(needle scratching on record)
522
00:20:29,729 --> 00:20:31,796
(Air blowing)
523
00:20:35,435 --> 00:20:37,201
(Stops)
Teenage girl: So embarrassing!
524
00:20:37,203 --> 00:20:38,836
Younger girl: Shut up!
(Shouting continues)
525
00:20:38,838 --> 00:20:40,705
I'm coming!
526
00:20:40,707 --> 00:20:42,340
Announcer: Better things.
527
00:20:42,342 --> 00:20:44,508
All new Thursdays
at 10:00 on fx.
528
00:20:46,579 --> 00:20:48,746
(R & b)
529
00:20:55,188 --> 00:20:57,321
(Continues)
530
00:21:06,266 --> 00:21:07,865
(Loud chewing)
531
00:21:08,735 --> 00:21:10,635
Mmm.
532
00:21:13,439 --> 00:21:15,006
(Crunching)
533
00:21:17,377 --> 00:21:21,112
Wait. Breakfast
is still on you, right?
(Crunching continues)
534
00:21:24,083 --> 00:21:26,651
Announcer:
American horror story roanoke.
535
00:21:26,653 --> 00:21:29,787
All new, wednesdays at 10:00.
536
00:21:29,789 --> 00:21:31,522
Only on fx.
537
00:21:34,093 --> 00:21:36,460
(Growling, faint)
538
00:21:37,930 --> 00:21:39,563
(Snarling)
539
00:21:39,565 --> 00:21:43,334
Announcer: The strain,
all new Sundays at 10:00 on fx.
33464
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
