Original subtitles

This programme contains some scenes of a sexual nature

Did you hear what Harold the Wise said about the trip to Rhodesia?

"I would be very, very, very disappointed."

"I would be very, very, very disappointed."

"I would be very, very, very disappointed, and so would my whippet."

Thank you very much indeed.

So, Senor Besselli,

I have news. John Pardoe has practically confirmed it.

Grimond is stepping down. One more year, 18 months at the most.

I would be "very, very, very disappointed" if that's not true.

What can I say but, congratulations? Just think, though, given

the balance of power, the next leader of the Liberal Party could be Deputy Prime Minister. Well, quite.

I never did care very much for the word deputy.

Well, I'll be there for you, all the way.

Finance is going to be a problem, of course, as ever.

Well, I'd love to help, but I'm not exactly a millionaire.

And I'm stuck here in an office with a leaky roof and I can't even afford

my own staff. Tell me, what's that secretary of yours like, Elizabeth?

Any good? Oh, yes. Particularly in bed.

Pedro!

I adore you!

You and your monstrous appetites! Weren't you a lay preacher?

Well, obviously you were, literally.

Call it a hobby. Some people play golf,

I like screwing. THEY LAUGH

Between the two of us, when I was young,

I was so desperate, I'd go looking on the spear side.

Are you telling me...that you...

..were usable?

I'm a little bit so, yes.

If that's not too shocking.

Peter Pedro Bessell von Bessellbach!

Well, out of anyone in this room, I'm probably the least shocked of

all, if you understand my meaning.

I think so. It's hardly a great surprise now, is it?

I...suppose not.

What would you say you are, vis-a-vis men and women?

What are you? 50-50?

More like 80-20.

I mean, 80% for the ladies.

Yeah.

Yes, I call myself 80%, but...80%...gay.

Gosh, I'm not sure that word's ever been said within these walls before.

Not in that context. My wife insists that gay means happy.

I think she's absolutely right.

And I intend to be very happy, very many times in my life.

And very much so with him.

Very, very, very much so.

Careful, now. Keep it discreet.

I'm not sure any boy's worth ending up in prison for.

You protecting me, Pedro? If I must, Jeremy,

then I will. At last!

Thank God, someone to protect me from myself.

I am going to order some port, to celebrate.

Peter, we are nothing but a pair of old queens.

To...Her Majesty.

Her Majesty.

HORN HONKS Morning, Jonty. Morning, Jeremy.

It is my duty to inform the Prime Minister that if he continues

to restrict immigration, he is staunching the lifeblood of this

country... Hear, hear! ..and, and fuelling the rise of

the "Keep Britain White" campaign.

Citizens from all over the Commonwealth deserve a free and safe

right of entry, or else the Government may find that its

White Paper is very aptly named. APPLAUSE

PHONE RINGS

Bessell speaking. Pedro, I have a problem.

Meet me at The Ritz, 12 o'clock.

It was delivered last week to my mother, and she read it,

every single word, all 17 pages.

"From Norman Josiffe?"

You mean, he's one of your...

"Jeremy and I have had a homosexual relationship..."

Oh, my God, your mother read this?!

What does he want? Money?

The vast sum of £30.

He can't even blackmail properly.

Well, who is he, exactly?

He is, um...

..well, when I first met him, he was...

..very heaven.

SPLASHING

Good morning.

And a very, very fine morning it is, too.

Jeremy Thorpe. I've come to stay for the weekend.

I'm a guest of Mr Van de Vater.I know, sir. He said.He was very excited.

What's your name? Norman, sir. Another Norman?

Mein host, Norman Van de Vater and Norman...

What is that, French?Um, I don't know, sir.

Really?

You've never so much as enquired about your own surname?

Ah, complicated, yes. Sorry.

No, no, no, no. My fault, my fault. It's private.

It's a great...great passion of mine.

Well, just...the right sort of mount for me, really.

It depends.

What about you, Norman? You're the great expert, I see.

It's marvellous. Where are you?

Don't let anyone ever tell you to stop.

Jeremy. What's my name?

I wonder, it's just a thought, but if you ever

move on from Norman,

Norman, and you find yourself in London,

why don't you get in touch? Would that be all right?

Right. Well, I must...trot on.

And, lo and behold, just over a year later...

KNOCKING AT DOOR Yeah!Excuse me, Mr Thorpe.

Yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes.

Right away.

Graham. Jeremy.

Norman.

Oh, sorry. Mind Mrs Tish. DOG WHINES

I certainly will. Hello, Mrs Tish.

Well, I am grotesquely busy, but we might have time for a quick confab.

Now, that is true, except, as you well know,

Charles II issued an edict allowing King Charles Spaniels inside the

domain, and while this might be technically a Jack Russell,

is that right? That's right. You know what dogs are like, and I think that some roving

spaniel might have had his way with Mrs Tish's mother.

Which means that she has royal blood, so I must ask you,

make way, please. Come.

Thank you.

Complete fantasy, that Charles II thing.

There is no such law. But so many people have said it over the years,

it's assumed to be true, which is a

very good thing to remember in life, I think.

Well, strictly between ourselves, he's not really a gentleman at all.

It's a charade, his entire life.

His real name is Norman Vater, from Wales.

Like what?

Anything in particular?

"I'd rather hoped to marry one and seduce the other."

HE LAUGHS

I didn't know he kept them, no.

DOG WHINES

But that is

exceedingly kind of you.

Whatever would you do that for?

Thank you.

Thank you very much. It's funny,his name's Norman and my name's

Well, it's not impossible.

Yes, of course, yes.

Mm, yeah, of course.

Of course. And they were verygood, they really were,

And with a view to what, exactly?Well, the thing is, when I ran away

Whoa!

HE KNOCKS ON DOOR

You took him to your mother's house?

But why?

I thought it would be fun.

this is Peter Freeman.

He is a cameraman. He's coming with me on that expedition to Malta.

I said we could give him a bed for the night, hmm?

THEY PLAY A JAUNTY TUNE

Faster.

THEY PLAY FASTER

Oh, no, I'm not on the committee, no, no.

I just asked the right question at the right time, that's all.

I knew him at Oxford. He is a perfectly decent chap.

Thank you very much, Jenny.

I suppose it would, yes.

DOG WHINES

Shh, shh!

Why would there be?

Did you read the book?

I think you'll like it.

Don't look so scared.

You're like a frightened little rabbit.

Is that what you are?

Are you...my little bunny? Hmm?

Oh, what's this? NORMAN SOBS

Well, dear, dear. What's all this? JEREMY CHUCKLES

What's all this?

Well, you've had a nice time, haven't you?

Then why so sad?

"No-one's ever been this kind to me."

Poor little bunny rabbit. THEY LAUGH

Don't be silly. Come on.

Wipe your eyes.

That's it, that's it. Dry your face.

Let me see. And shake it off. Bluh-bluh-bluh-bluh!

And again. Bluh-bluh-bluh-bluh! THEY LAUGH

Now I'm going to kiss you, and you will enjoy it.

Well, you could enjoy it a bit more.I can't. Why not?

Well, THAT'S not wrong.

Now, we are going to need this, just in case.

And a good little helping of every bachelor's friend.

Just hop onto all fours, there's a good chap. That always works best,

don't you think? On the bed? Yes, on the bed.

There we are.

That's it.

And remember...

..mother's room.

And then?

We did the deed, of course.

Gosh.

It's very, very good, this.

It's excellent. Quite a lot of lemon, which is rare.

Yeah. So the next time you heard from Norman was...

..was this? No, no, no, no, no.

I took him straight from mother's and moved him into rooms.

Paid the rent, kept him there.

Bunny?

DOG WHINES

The march begins, and this is our story. This is you and me. BRUCKNER SYMPHONY PLAYS

This is...this is mankind marching towards his maker.

Feel it?

Maybe that's what Bruckner's searching for - God and his heaven,

and it's ineffable.

Rather nice houses.Not down that end.

No, it's not.

on a great many buses.

we used to have short leave, like a day out from school.

We'd come up to Paddington,

get the number 36 bus to Lord's, smuggle on bottles of beer.

It was very wicked.We being you and Lord Snooty?

Yes, that's right. Good old Snooty. NORMAN CHUCKLES

He's absolutely top-hole,

ripping.

This country's application to join the Common Market represents a huge

opportunity, for growth

and investment, and not just for the bankers and businessmen in London -

they have lined their pockets enough -

but for my constituents in North Devon,

and for all the good and honest workers across the land,

Europe represents a bold new horizon -

an undertaking from which we may profit and learn, and enrich our

lives for generations to come.

GASPING

"I wasn't going to say anything compromising, but can't stop

"myself saying, 'I love you and can't wait to see you'.

"Yours affectionately, Jeremy."

Buuuuuu-nny!

NORMAN SOBS

Oh, for God's sake. Do you realise how busy I am?

Well, I want you to promise, if you're ever back in London,

to get in touch. Yes?

Cheers.

Maybe it's time you thought about moving on...

..doing something with your life.

What do you think, Bunny?

That dressage school, whatever happened to that?

"..In haste, Bunnies can and will go to France.

"Yours affectionately, Jeremy."

But what happened to bloody France?!

Well, I got you that other job at the stables and you threw that away.

Dare I say that if you drank a little less and took fewer of those pills... Why is that?

Oh, really, what is that supposed to mean? Huh?

"You've infected me with the virus of homosexuality."

Where did he go?

God knows.

DOOR CLOSES

CHAIR SCRAPES

God knows what he got up to.

I thought I was rid of him, and then, out of the blue, that,

to Mother, telling her everything.

Did she believe it?

No, no, of course not.

And now he says he's taken rooms in Dublin under the care

of a Father Sweetman.

This is where you come in. Oh, God, doing what, exactly?

You take that thing and you confront him in Dublin.

I can't put anything in writing, so I need you to see him in person

and warn him off, and I mean seriously,

go and put the shits up the little sod.

You tell him that that amounts to blackmail and that he will have the

full weight of the law upon his head

if he ever tries anything like that again.

And you make it very clear that he is not to contact me ever,

he is not to talk about our former association in any shape or form,

and he is not to write to my mother, describing acts of anal sex, under

any circumstances whatsoever.

His name is Norman Josiffe.

I've asked him to meet me here at eight o'clock,

so it's imperative you let me know as soon as he turns up.

Thank you.

Oh, God!

HE SIGHS

I called yesterday for Norman, Norman Josiffe.

Is he there?

Norman?

I was expecting you last night.

This is highly inconvenient. I waited a very long time.

Well, the problem is, I have to go home.

I'm only here for the one night, so you'll have to come with me to the

airport and have a word en route.

In the car. Chop chop.

My friend and colleague, JT,

insists that you cease and desist from contacting him or...

JT insists that you stop.

stop or he will take legal action against you. I have here in this

case an extradition order from the Home Secretary. If you don't stop,

the order will be released and you will be taken back to the

United Kingdom to face trial.Show me. What?

But it's in here. Show me.

You wrote to his mother, Norman!

You can understand why he so cross, can't you?

His own mother! I supposeit was a bit much.

Wouldn't everything be better if you just left him in the past,

like everyone does with every old lover?

Move on, find someone else.

Wouldn't that be nice?You called him my lover.

Yes. Thank you.

Look, I can help.

I can give you £5 as a weekly

retainer until you're settled.

And you can have my telephone number,

so that if anything arises, you contact me, not him.

You've got that? Is that clear?I suppose so.

Good. And you'll sort outmy National Insurance card?

In what way? Oh, he didn't tell youabout that, did he?

Can't you get a new card yourself?That's the whole point.

Well, I'll see what I can do. No,not you, it has to be Jeremy Thorpe!

All right. That card is my entireidentity. You'll get your card.

All right, all right, all right!

So...a new card,

five quid, and we're agreed never to discuss these things again, yes?

He did what?! He went for a job in Berne and fell asleep, and then he

got off the train... Yes, but what letters?

Which ones? What letters did he mean?

Well, he described them as love letters,

written on House of Commons notepaper,

and he said you sent him a very lovely note when Mrs Tish died.

Hmm? Oh, the dog. Christ!

Bloody idiot.

Well, we've got to get those letters back.

Good morning, this is Jeremy Thorpe.

Yes, I need a number for the British Consulate in Berne, if I may.

Je cherche une valise.

HE SPEAKS IN FRENCH

Merci. Foreign Office, please.

Allo?

Lost property. Erm, property... Property perdu, s'il vous plait.

Property perdu. Any luck?

Nothing. I told you I've got that American trip for the next

fortnight, but do you remember Diana Stainton?

I do. She's working for me now. I've left her in charge.

If anyone can find it, it's her.

PHONE RINGS

Are you in a gorgeous negligee?

Always so funny. They said you'd found that silly old suitcase.

Just give me the details, I'll do it for you.No, Mr Bessell asked me tofind it, so it's my responsibility.

saying no to a gentleman.

you, that's what I'll do.

Can't have you traipsing round town with a heavy suitcase, it's not

right. Are you still in that Islington lair?

o'clock sharp, tomorrow morning,

there's a good girl. Cheerio.

Thank you...

I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I just need to pop back to my flat.

I remember I've left something at home. I won't be two ticks.

SHE KNOCKS AT DOOR

Now, then, if you would

very kindly return that to Mr Josiffe, I think we're done.

Splendid. Come along.

And that, I think we can safely say,

is that.

Farewell, Miss Norma Josiffe.

Farewell indeed, but promise me, sort out that insurance card,

for God's sake. Give him something that connects us, officially?

Absolutely not, no.

Did you love him?

Oh, God. HE SCOFFS

Hmm. Sorry, old thing, but I have to wonder.

Did you? Well, he was a man.

But did you love him at all?

Not even once, for a moment?

Pedro, that doesn't even exist.

It does for Norman. He seems to find it easy.

Doesn't he just? Yeah.

I wonder...

..should I envy him?

I spoke to Leo the other day.

Leo Abse - still obsessed with his bill to decriminalise homosexuality.

You'll have to be very, very quick. I'm going ahead with it, intothe lions' den.

Well, you're a brave man. My wifesays I'm brave for wearing this

Boofy? Boofy.

Now, what size are you?

It's the badgers. Badgers?

We've given them the run of the house.

Oh, there's one! That one's Rosie.

Yes, there's a cat flap in the kitchen and in they come.

That's why you need the boots, to protect your ankles. Ah!

They bite, the little buggers. Give you tuberculosis.

Fiona, this is Leo. Leo, this is Fiona.Hello. How do you do?

And we're celebrating.

She's just achieved speeds of 81.65 mph across Lake Windermere.

SHE LAUGHS

Good Lord.That bloody DonaldCampbell, I'll catch him, the devil!

Now, boots, badgers, and I must show you the wallabies later.

What else? Oh, yes, queers.

What puzzles me is that the heterosexual man is so relentless in

his attack.We've had some dreadfulletters, full of bile,

I had shit sent to me.

A parcel of shit. Shit in the post!

Human shit!

My secretary thought it was pate.

She said, "I threw it away, Lord Arran, it wouldn't keep."

Not fast enough for some.

Oh, goodness me.Sweetheart... I'm fine.

You might wonder why an old kidney like me would want to help.

But I've seen what the law can do.

My brother...

..the seventh Earl...Queer as springtime.

When we were children,

in the nursery,

I'd reach out...

..every night,

held his hand until he slept, but...

..he...

..he was such a clever boy.

He translated The Three Musketeers, did you know?

The Penguin Classic.

And the deaths go on - by hanging, by poison, by gas -

men killing themselves through fear and shame.

And I don't think it's suicide.

I think it's murder.

They are murdered by the laws of the land.

And I think it's time it stopped.

And what did you say?

Well, I said yes.

Of course I said yes.

My God, what kind of man do you take me for?

It's astonishing to think, if Leo Abse wins, there will be freedom.

Those men will be free to be pitied, that's all.

I don't care what change they make to the law,

if anything about me ever became public,

I give you my word, Peter,

I would put a gun to my head and blow my brains out.

Then, I shall protect you, as ever.

Thank you. Not at all.

Well, I shall see you tomorrow. Enough of this nonsense.

There's work to be done. Exciting times ahead.

Very, very, very exciting, yes. "Very, very, very."

"Very, very, very, very, very..." Get out, come on.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Thank you.

Jeremy! Thank you very much. Thank you.

Pedro. The best man won.

I swear on my grandfather's sword

that I shall lead a Liberal crusade!

CHEERING

You're the youngest man to lead a British political party in more than

a century. Well, Pitt the Younger was, well, younger. He was 24 when

he became Prime Minister, so you could say I'm behind schedule.

Is that the plan - Prime Minister? Well, you laugh...

Pedro, I've come to a very important conclusion.

If I'm to get any further, I had better get married.

Really? Who do you have in mind, the Queen Mother?

I'm absolutely serious. I spoke to Mike Steele.

The splendid and sphinx-like Mike, a question -

how would it affect our ratings in the polls if I were to get married?

Really? How about five?

Shall we say five? 5% it is.

DOOR CLOSES

There is one obvious problem. I'll close my eyes, grit my teeth and

then after a few months, I'll say, "I'm tired and old and impotent,

"darling," and that'll be that. What about the men?

What men?

All the same, if she's not going to complain, you'll need to find a girl

who's led a sheltered life. Then that is what I shall do.

I'll make her the luckiest girl in the world.

Let the hunt begin.

ENERGETIC ROCK MUSIC PLAYS

MUSIC: Friday On My Mind by The Easybeats

SHE LAUGHS

SHE LAUGHS

That's great, Norman. OK, I want you to turn to the left.

Yeah, that's nice. Hold that.

That's great, Norman.

SHE SQUEALS

Show us more of your left side. Lean this way.

Yeah, yeah.

Wow, that's great. Oh!

Oh, nice, yes.

tried to keep the wedding day a secret, but you lot outfoxed us.

But not any more.

I must say, what started as a dalliance has turned into something quite wonderful.

Just concentrate, Norman.

Look at me. Leave the ball, leave the ball where it is.

You've been having too much fun.

Look at me. Mm-hmm. Yeah, OK.

Concentrate.

Rupert, my friend, here, look.

And, look.

Oh, good, you see, he's changing the thingy.As fast as we can now,thanks.

fine, it's fine. We're perfectly happy. Isn't that right?

I've got him.

have that, little chap,

there's a whole world to see.

Well done, you. Celia said she'dpop in later.

She'll have a fight on her hands, taking him off me.

Won't she, Prince Rupert?

Are you Prince Rupert or are you Rupert the Bear?

Hello. Daddy calling. Hello.Mr Thorpe! Hm? Ah.

And big smile.

Norman! Right, you can take the glasses off.

Take them off.

Christ, can we get some make-up under his eyes, please?!

Well, I'm going to say goodnight.

I absolutely refuse. But I insist.

SLOW JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS Well, that is going to wake the baby. He'd be delighted for us.

Good Lord. You are making a grave error.

SHE CHUCKLES

You see? It's not that hard.

inevitable.

I'm so... You did that on purpose. Not at all, no. You did.

That is me dancing. I'll try again.

Shh-shh-shh-shh. BABY GURGLES

There we go.

PHONE RINGS

Colberton 263. 'Could I speak toMr Thorpe, please?'

I'm sorry, he's not in at the moment. Who is this?

Yes, and who are you?

I don't understand.

Why would Jeremy have your card?

HE SOBS

LINE DISCONNECTS

Scott.

Mr Norman Scott.

It's disgusting.

He was absolutely disgusting.

This man has been conducting, shall we say, a vendetta.

And if he was in any way trying to make you feel...

I don't care. I don't want to hear anything about it.

Well, he's obviously insane.

Jeremy, we will never discuss this in any way, ever.

Is that understood?

We get rid of him.How?

We could scare him.

My friend David, he knows some men.

Norman? He'd be terrified, the creature's pathetic.

Well, in that case, there is only one thing we can do.

Kill him.

No, I mean it.

We kill him. Have him killed.

He will destroy me and the party and my marriage.

What if the next person he talks to is a journalist, hm?

No worse than shooting a sick dog.It's a damn sight worse.

I really don't care. I don't care if we shoot him

or we strangle him or we poison him

or we bludgeon him or we tie him up in a sack and drop in the Thames -

there is only one way for us to survive -

Norman Scott has got to die. So, how?