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1
00:00:00,001 --> 00:00:02,434
CREDITS
2
00:00:09,540 --> 00:00:11,480
Tickets, please.
3
00:00:16,680 --> 00:00:18,990
Barkeep. A drink
for my colleague.
4
00:00:19,010 --> 00:00:20,050
Do I know you?
5
00:00:20,080 --> 00:00:21,820
I know the only reason
to travel by train
6
00:00:21,850 --> 00:00:23,120
is to travel
with weapons.
7
00:00:23,150 --> 00:00:25,490
And we all know that
at the end of this line,
8
00:00:25,520 --> 00:00:27,700
there's only one creature
worth killing.
9
00:00:27,720 --> 00:00:30,670
The man in
the white coat.
10
00:00:30,690 --> 00:00:33,370
May as well take turns
exchanging stories.
11
00:00:33,390 --> 00:00:37,070
Mine begins
on planet Ramamama.
12
00:00:37,100 --> 00:00:39,240
Lower him into acid.
13
00:00:39,260 --> 00:00:43,410
Once he's dissolved,
lower someone else into acid.
14
00:00:43,440 --> 00:00:45,210
Is he dissolved?
15
00:00:45,240 --> 00:00:48,180
At least use the downtime
to reset the acid lowerer.
16
00:00:48,210 --> 00:00:50,150
I really don't like
the attitude around here.
17
00:00:50,180 --> 00:00:53,090
It's a very "lower me into acid"
attitude.
18
00:00:55,280 --> 00:00:56,290
Who are you?
19
00:00:57,480 --> 00:00:58,890
How did you
reach my sanctum?
20
00:00:59,920 --> 00:01:01,330
All right,
this is going in circles.
21
00:01:01,350 --> 00:01:03,160
Seize him!
22
00:01:03,190 --> 00:01:05,100
-Aah!
-Aah!
23
00:01:13,670 --> 00:01:15,230
-Aah!
-Aah!
24
00:01:20,340 --> 00:01:21,480
Very well.
25
00:01:21,510 --> 00:01:23,970
Now I will fight you.
26
00:01:24,710 --> 00:01:26,590
Anyway, he tells a different
version of the story
27
00:01:26,610 --> 00:01:28,560
where I start crying
or something.
28
00:01:28,580 --> 00:01:30,690
That's why he has to die.
29
00:01:30,720 --> 00:01:32,230
'Cause he's a liar.
30
00:01:32,250 --> 00:01:33,430
So...
31
00:01:33,450 --> 00:01:35,400
why are you going to kill
Rick Sanchez?
32
00:01:35,420 --> 00:01:36,660
Okay, I don't know
who that is.
33
00:01:36,690 --> 00:01:38,270
I don't accept your weird
leap in logic
34
00:01:38,290 --> 00:01:40,340
that has everyone on a train
going to kill one guy.
35
00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:42,700
And even if I did,
why would we take turns
36
00:01:42,730 --> 00:01:43,810
telling stories
about it like
37
00:01:43,830 --> 00:01:45,010
little girls
at a sleepover?
38
00:01:45,030 --> 00:01:46,740
If you're trying
to be hurtful,
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00:01:46,770 --> 00:01:48,140
you're doing a good job.
40
00:01:48,170 --> 00:01:49,240
I'll take his turn.
41
00:01:49,270 --> 00:01:51,310
Here's why I'm going
to kill Rick Sanchez.
42
00:01:51,340 --> 00:01:52,610
You guys have fun
with this.
43
00:01:52,640 --> 00:01:54,350
Dissolve to
a clam-shaped sun
44
00:01:54,370 --> 00:01:56,280
rising over
a giant beach.
45
00:01:56,310 --> 00:01:57,720
Whew.
46
00:01:57,740 --> 00:01:59,220
By then, of course,
he had left toys
47
00:01:59,240 --> 00:02:02,620
and flesh drops for every
one of us in the spore-hive.
48
00:02:02,650 --> 00:02:03,930
Ah, a newcomer!
49
00:02:03,950 --> 00:02:05,360
I suppose you think you have
a better story
50
00:02:05,380 --> 00:02:08,260
about how Rick Sanchez
saved Space Christmas.
51
00:02:08,290 --> 00:02:11,030
What is with
the Rick Sanchez obsession?
52
00:02:12,090 --> 00:02:13,900
I think the best way
to answer that
53
00:02:13,930 --> 00:02:16,560
is with my
Christmas Rick Tale.
54
00:02:18,100 --> 00:02:18,970
Whoo!
55
00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:20,780
Could've used
Rudolph tonight!
56
00:02:20,800 --> 00:02:22,580
Oh, thank God.
I'm not too late.
57
00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:23,980
I don't know how to
thank you, Goomby.
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00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:25,010
No need.
59
00:02:25,040 --> 00:02:26,510
You just go in there
and have a nice time.
60
00:02:26,540 --> 00:02:28,240
I will. Thanks.
61
00:02:31,540 --> 00:02:33,190
Hey.
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00:02:33,210 --> 00:02:34,390
Merry Christmas, Goomby.
63
00:02:34,410 --> 00:02:36,320
Merry Christmas, Rick.
64
00:02:36,350 --> 00:02:37,530
Oh. Uh...
65
00:02:37,550 --> 00:02:38,600
Oh, it's okay.
66
00:02:38,710 --> 00:02:40,190
I-I don't have to.
Sorry if that was --
67
00:02:40,210 --> 00:02:41,490
No. Um, um,
I can ask.
68
00:02:41,510 --> 00:02:42,720
No, no, no,
I don't wanna be a burden.
69
00:02:42,750 --> 00:02:44,430
Oh, okay.
Yeah, yeah, there's just --
70
00:02:44,450 --> 00:02:45,830
there's a lot of people.
Family. You know?
71
00:02:45,850 --> 00:02:46,365
I get it.
72
00:02:46,440 --> 00:02:47,650
You're not mad?
Totally fine.
73
00:02:47,670 --> 00:02:49,010
Bye.
74
00:02:56,210 --> 00:02:57,620
That --
Okay, none of my business
75
00:02:57,650 --> 00:02:59,188
but he didn't even save
Christmas in that story.
76
00:02:59,200 --> 00:02:59,737
Oh, how dare you!
77
00:02:59,748 --> 00:03:00,777
That doesn't mean
I'm invested.
78
00:03:00,817 --> 00:03:02,742
Tell your
Christmas Rick story!
79
00:03:02,754 --> 00:03:05,200
Step the hell back!
Back!
80
00:03:10,314 --> 00:03:12,270
You start teeing up
a Rick Sanchez vignette,
81
00:03:12,290 --> 00:03:13,525
and you'll be doing it
through two holes.
82
00:03:13,600 --> 00:03:15,542
I'm just trying to figure out
what's going on with this train.
83
00:03:15,628 --> 00:03:16,748
Do you remember
getting on it?
84
00:03:16,810 --> 00:03:18,588
No. First thing
I remember is...
85
00:03:19,820 --> 00:03:21,850
Tickets, please.
86
00:03:22,790 --> 00:03:26,060
So, why did you date
Rick Sanchez?
87
00:03:26,090 --> 00:03:26,508
What?
88
00:03:26,537 --> 00:03:28,782
Oh, you don't have to pretend
you didn't date him.
89
00:03:28,810 --> 00:03:30,590
We all did.
We get it.
90
00:03:30,610 --> 00:03:34,220
Low point in your life,
rebound from an ex, et cetera.
91
00:03:34,250 --> 00:03:35,490
No, really, who?
92
00:03:35,510 --> 00:03:37,590
Oh, exactly.
93
00:03:37,620 --> 00:03:41,700
In fact, and get this,
when he met my family...
94
00:03:41,720 --> 00:03:43,270
Aah!
95
00:03:44,390 --> 00:03:46,670
Leah!
Leah, check it out.
96
00:03:46,690 --> 00:03:47,770
Where'd you meet
this, um...
97
00:03:47,790 --> 00:03:49,740
...sprite?
98
00:03:49,760 --> 00:03:51,940
He's actually a human.
99
00:03:51,960 --> 00:03:54,610
But he invented portal tech?
100
00:03:54,630 --> 00:03:56,480
I am the concept
of time.
101
00:03:56,500 --> 00:03:57,550
Jesus!
102
00:03:57,570 --> 00:03:58,780
I warned you
not to do that.
103
00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:00,750
- I wasn't trying.
- You don't have to.
104
00:04:00,770 --> 00:04:02,020
The train is
obviously amplifying
105
00:04:02,040 --> 00:04:03,650
and linking unrelated
narrative fields.
106
00:04:03,680 --> 00:04:04,920
Uh-huh...
107
00:04:04,940 --> 00:04:06,720
Morty? I told you if you
found me again,
108
00:04:06,750 --> 00:04:08,320
identify yourself.
109
00:04:08,350 --> 00:04:09,960
I didn't
know it was you.
110
00:04:09,980 --> 00:04:11,160
How did you not
recognize me?
111
00:04:11,180 --> 00:04:12,730
Didn't you create
the disguises?
112
00:04:12,750 --> 00:04:14,630
When I create shit,
it works, Morty.
113
00:04:14,650 --> 00:04:15,800
It's called
being talented.
114
00:04:15,820 --> 00:04:17,030
Why can't
we find the engine?
115
00:04:17,060 --> 00:04:19,130
It's not a real train,
it's a story device.
116
00:04:19,160 --> 00:04:21,570
Literally.
A literal literary device
117
00:04:21,590 --> 00:04:24,070
quite literally
metaphorically containing us.
118
00:04:24,100 --> 00:04:24,870
A simulation.
119
00:04:24,900 --> 00:04:26,470
Worse.
An anthology.
120
00:04:26,500 --> 00:04:28,010
Okay, so how --
how do we hijack it?
121
00:04:28,030 --> 00:04:29,580
Oh, Morty,
it's been hijacked
122
00:04:29,600 --> 00:04:30,765
for at least
two full minutes.
123
00:04:30,794 --> 00:04:33,080
Are you not hearing
this insane conversation?
124
00:04:33,110 --> 00:04:35,520
Okay, Tickets Please Guy,
stop the anthology.
125
00:04:35,540 --> 00:04:37,790
If we wanted one-offs,
we'd do Interdimensional Cable,
126
00:04:37,810 --> 00:04:39,850
not some uptight,
overwritten --
127
00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:41,490
- Rick?
- God damn!
128
00:04:41,510 --> 00:04:42,690
Tickets, please.
129
00:04:42,720 --> 00:04:43,890
Dude, I'm sure
you've got, like,
130
00:04:43,920 --> 00:04:45,760
so many tickets
at this point.
131
00:04:45,780 --> 00:04:48,060
Jesus! The Tickets Please guy
is cut!
132
00:04:48,090 --> 00:04:49,830
He -- he -- he's -- he's
got those things.
133
00:04:49,860 --> 00:04:51,900
W-what do you call them.
Uhm, [bleep] gutters.
134
00:04:51,920 --> 00:04:53,340
Morty, gross!
That's what people call them.
135
00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:55,000
Gross people. I don't
want to have to picture
136
00:04:55,030 --> 00:04:57,410
[bleep] so watery
in such volumes that --
137
00:04:57,430 --> 00:04:58,770
Hey, hey, hey,
stay back.
138
00:04:58,800 --> 00:05:00,410
I'll kick you.
I-I'll kick your shin, bro.
139
00:05:00,430 --> 00:05:01,940
- Aaah!
- Hey!
140
00:05:01,970 --> 00:05:04,110
I'll [bleep] cook and eat
your ticket-taking [bleep]
141
00:05:04,140 --> 00:05:06,510
Hey, I found a ticket.
142
00:05:07,840 --> 00:05:10,190
Wow, you are just --
ladies and gentlemen,
143
00:05:10,210 --> 00:05:12,120
the Jackie Chan
of human shielding.
144
00:05:12,140 --> 00:05:13,620
Who takes the time to get
this good at --
145
00:05:13,650 --> 00:05:14,790
[Bleep] this.
146
00:05:14,810 --> 00:05:16,490
-Aaah
-Structural breach.
147
00:05:16,520 --> 00:05:17,790
Losing continuity.
148
00:05:17,820 --> 00:05:19,390
Morty,
hold on to something.
149
00:05:19,420 --> 00:05:20,400
Keep your head inside.
150
00:05:20,420 --> 00:05:21,560
Aaah!
151
00:05:21,561 --> 00:05:23,560
_
152
00:05:26,390 --> 00:05:27,640
Share with your
sister, Josh.
153
00:05:27,660 --> 00:05:29,100
Just because it's your
birthday doesn't mean
154
00:05:29,130 --> 00:05:30,540
you can be an asshole.
155
00:05:30,560 --> 00:05:32,610
- You okay, Dad?
- Is this real?
156
00:05:32,630 --> 00:05:33,880
I doubt it, but you get
what you get
157
00:05:33,900 --> 00:05:35,080
when you eat dinner
in an arcade.
158
00:05:35,100 --> 00:05:37,350
I mean are you real,
is life real?
159
00:05:37,370 --> 00:05:39,080
Okay, I'm calling the nurse
because you are not
160
00:05:39,100 --> 00:05:40,720
- doing this tonight.
- You're God damn right
161
00:05:40,740 --> 00:05:42,850
- I'm not because --
- You are not doing this tonight!
162
00:05:42,880 --> 00:05:44,120
This isn't real life!
163
00:05:44,140 --> 00:05:45,650
- Dad? Oh, my God!
- Honey. Sweetie.
164
00:05:45,680 --> 00:05:46,790
- What's happening?
- Give me your tickets.
165
00:05:46,810 --> 00:05:48,120
I -- I need tickets.
166
00:05:48,150 --> 00:05:51,590
Everyone give me
tickeeeeeettttttts!
167
00:05:51,620 --> 00:05:53,150
Aaaah!
168
00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:55,850
Aaah!
169
00:05:57,160 --> 00:05:59,570
Emergency continuity deployed.
170
00:06:04,060 --> 00:06:05,810
- This could come in handy.
- Can't we just ride out the --
171
00:06:05,830 --> 00:06:07,180
[Bleep] you,
I'd rather die.
172
00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:08,940
Train cops! Hands in the air!
173
00:06:08,970 --> 00:06:10,450
Tee up a story
about Rick Sanchez!
174
00:06:10,470 --> 00:06:11,850
- He is Rick!
- Jesus Christ!
175
00:06:11,870 --> 00:06:13,420
Is that
the Tickets Please Guy?
176
00:06:13,440 --> 00:06:14,720
Well, just the stub.
177
00:06:14,740 --> 00:06:16,180
Too soon!
Too soon!
178
00:06:16,210 --> 00:06:17,940
Don't move! Too soon!
179
00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:22,190
So, what did the Train Cops
do wrong?
180
00:06:22,210 --> 00:06:23,730
Shot...people?
181
00:06:23,750 --> 00:06:25,330
- Shot passengers.
- Wrong.
182
00:06:25,350 --> 00:06:27,630
The passengers tampered
with the anthology's structure.
183
00:06:27,650 --> 00:06:29,030
Lethal response
was permitted,
184
00:06:29,050 --> 00:06:31,300
but not with him
holding that tank.
185
00:06:31,320 --> 00:06:33,130
Let's take a look at what
they should have done.
186
00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:34,570
Train cops!
Hands in the air!
187
00:06:34,590 --> 00:06:35,417
- Drop the tank!
- Drop it!
188
00:06:35,451 --> 00:06:36,422
- Drop it!
- Drop the tank.
189
00:06:40,070 --> 00:06:41,510
Sorry to nitpick, sir,
but if there was
190
00:06:41,530 --> 00:06:44,810
a continuity explosion,
isn't there always one?
191
00:06:44,840 --> 00:06:46,750
And doesn't that mean
those two could be anywhere?
192
00:06:46,770 --> 00:06:48,420
What? No, you idiot,
that -- it's --
193
00:06:48,440 --> 00:06:50,720
It's just a training video.
That didn't actually happen.
194
00:06:50,740 --> 00:06:51,750
That's what you think.
195
00:06:51,780 --> 00:06:53,290
Hey.
How'd you get here?
196
00:06:53,310 --> 00:06:54,960
Yeah, like we're the ones
that popped up out of nowhere?
197
00:06:54,980 --> 00:06:56,160
[Bleep] these guys.
198
00:06:59,450 --> 00:07:01,500
Hey, what the hell?
Your leg is healed.
199
00:07:01,520 --> 00:07:03,270
Yeah, it's a real
free-for-all.
200
00:07:03,290 --> 00:07:04,500
Here we go.
201
00:07:04,520 --> 00:07:06,130
Of course this thing is
just a [bleep] circle.
202
00:07:06,160 --> 00:07:07,900
You'd think it was so
God damn complicated --
203
00:07:07,930 --> 00:07:10,340
Okay, here's where
the stupid vignettes were.
204
00:07:10,360 --> 00:07:12,170
God, imagine if that
had been the whole thing.
205
00:07:12,200 --> 00:07:16,080
So now we're here,
and the engine must be here.
206
00:07:16,100 --> 00:07:17,750
I'll have to rig us
a couple of space suits
207
00:07:17,770 --> 00:07:19,980
that start failing
around here so we can
208
00:07:20,010 --> 00:07:21,220
pay a heavy price
209
00:07:21,240 --> 00:07:22,750
for re-entering
at this threshold.
210
00:07:22,780 --> 00:07:24,120
We have to
leave the train?
211
00:07:24,140 --> 00:07:25,820
We don't have to
do anything, Morty.
212
00:07:25,840 --> 00:07:27,290
This is just
a structural guide.
213
00:07:27,310 --> 00:07:29,420
We're obviously gonna
impart our own style.
214
00:07:29,450 --> 00:07:30,960
I don't like how meta
this is getting, Rick.
215
00:07:30,980 --> 00:07:32,160
Shut up, Morty.
You're 14.
216
00:07:32,180 --> 00:07:33,760
You watch videos
of people on YouTube
217
00:07:33,790 --> 00:07:35,300
reacting to
[bleep] YouTube.
218
00:07:35,320 --> 00:07:36,700
I'll be the judge of
when we get too meta.
219
00:07:36,720 --> 00:07:37,800
Holy [bleep]
220
00:07:37,820 --> 00:07:39,030
- How is he still breathing?
- Aah!
221
00:07:39,060 --> 00:07:40,800
He's suspended
in disbelief,
222
00:07:40,830 --> 00:07:42,570
slowly dying while
living out an alternative
223
00:07:42,600 --> 00:07:43,840
non-diagetic reality.
224
00:07:43,860 --> 00:07:45,840
Geez, what a horrible
way to die.
225
00:07:45,860 --> 00:07:46,880
You don't know
the half of it.
226
00:07:46,900 --> 00:07:48,410
Oh!
227
00:07:48,430 --> 00:07:50,480
You're on fuego with the
guy-torn-in-half bits, Rick.
228
00:07:50,500 --> 00:07:51,710
That one was
organic, though.
229
00:07:51,740 --> 00:07:53,180
That's because
you're naturally funny.
230
00:07:53,210 --> 00:07:54,580
That -- that's good
old-fashioned fun
231
00:07:54,610 --> 00:07:55,950
right there, you know?
232
00:07:55,980 --> 00:07:57,290
W-w-we don't need
to over-think [bleep], okay?
233
00:07:57,310 --> 00:07:58,720
Okay, buddy.
Nice and grounded,
234
00:07:58,740 --> 00:08:00,190
fully immersive
from here on out.
235
00:08:01,350 --> 00:08:03,020
- Right after this.
- W-what's happening?
236
00:08:03,050 --> 00:08:04,280
Going into an act break.
237
00:08:04,948 --> 00:08:06,320
* Not quite a bird *
238
00:08:06,690 --> 00:08:08,700
* Not quite a person *
239
00:08:08,720 --> 00:08:10,000
* Maybe what matters *
240
00:08:10,020 --> 00:08:12,570
* Is to love
yourself first and *
241
00:08:12,590 --> 00:08:14,270
* Soar *
242
00:08:14,440 --> 00:08:16,090
* Child of air and land *
243
00:08:16,110 --> 00:08:18,290
* With wings and hands *
244
00:08:18,320 --> 00:08:20,190
* Yes, you're a bird
and a person *
245
00:08:20,220 --> 00:08:22,560
* I'm a bird
and a person *
246
00:08:22,590 --> 00:08:24,260
* And more *
247
00:08:24,350 --> 00:08:26,160
Sure, that was
a great moment,
248
00:08:26,180 --> 00:08:27,651
but it was hardly
the best time
249
00:08:27,690 --> 00:08:28,970
Rick and Morty
were musical.
250
00:08:28,990 --> 00:08:30,028
Who can
forget the t--
251
00:08:30,045 --> 00:08:31,605
Hey. You guys
think there's something weird
252
00:08:31,606 --> 00:08:32,485
about this train?
253
00:08:32,690 --> 00:08:33,760
We've been here
a really long time
254
00:08:33,790 --> 00:08:35,130
and nobody's
taken our tickets.
255
00:08:35,160 --> 00:08:36,330
Aaah!
256
00:08:36,965 --> 00:08:39,908
Aaaah!
257
00:08:39,909 --> 00:08:42,040
The galaxy's greatest scientists
continue to ponder
258
00:08:42,070 --> 00:08:44,680
the horrific figure known
to children as Floaty Blood Man.
259
00:08:44,700 --> 00:08:47,380
But after three months, nobody
is any closer to the truth.
260
00:08:47,410 --> 00:08:49,420
For Cutesy Name News,
I'm Uncle Nibbles.
261
00:08:49,440 --> 00:08:51,890
I can't believe
Floaty Bloody Man is real.
262
00:08:51,910 --> 00:08:53,990
He's more than real,
he's my new god.
263
00:08:54,010 --> 00:08:55,990
- Check it.
- Is that brand-new,
264
00:08:56,020 --> 00:08:57,990
- or is the blood just --
- Accurately depicted, yeah.
265
00:08:58,020 --> 00:09:00,130
His followers believe
the entire universe
266
00:09:00,150 --> 00:09:02,060
is Floaty Bloody Man's
nightmare as he dies
267
00:09:02,090 --> 00:09:03,630
in a time-dilated
reality.
268
00:09:03,660 --> 00:09:05,000
So we could
go at any minute.
269
00:09:05,030 --> 00:09:07,370
No. I'm part of
the Floaty Nogasm Brotherhood.
270
00:09:07,390 --> 00:09:08,940
We believe we're
keeping him alive
271
00:09:08,960 --> 00:09:11,540
by redirecting our suppressed
sexual energies.
272
00:09:11,560 --> 00:09:12,910
You're staying a virgin
273
00:09:12,930 --> 00:09:15,580
just to keep
the universe existing?
274
00:09:15,600 --> 00:09:17,880
That's...
so attractive.
275
00:09:17,900 --> 00:09:19,050
It is?
276
00:09:19,070 --> 00:09:21,320
Okay, look,
let's just do it once.
277
00:09:25,310 --> 00:09:27,050
Sorry.
278
00:09:27,810 --> 00:09:29,290
Aaah!
279
00:09:29,662 --> 00:09:31,354
- Happy now?
- He was suffering.
280
00:09:31,394 --> 00:09:32,125
Keep moving.
281
00:09:32,148 --> 00:09:33,630
We have to get
to the return threshold
282
00:09:33,650 --> 00:09:35,200
before the ticking clock
on your suit gets to zero.
283
00:09:35,220 --> 00:09:36,400
Why would you put
ticking clock --
284
00:09:36,420 --> 00:09:37,800
Because if it's too easy
to get there,
285
00:09:37,820 --> 00:09:38,651
we'll never get there.
286
00:09:38,680 --> 00:09:41,170
If you don't want to be meta,
stop deconstructing shit.
287
00:09:41,190 --> 00:09:42,970
That's
the thematic seal.
288
00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:44,470
Gotta find a way
to disrupt it.
289
00:09:44,500 --> 00:09:47,480
Okay, Morty, tell a story
unrelated to us.
290
00:09:47,500 --> 00:09:49,810
- Uh, what do --
- Stop thinking and do it!
291
00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:51,880
Uh, okay, uh,
there was this --
292
00:09:51,910 --> 00:09:53,950
My name is Mike Johnson.
That's good coffee.
293
00:09:54,980 --> 00:09:56,790
Better get that door.
294
00:09:56,810 --> 00:09:58,520
Iiiiiiii, hello.
295
00:09:58,550 --> 00:09:59,790
I want your cookies.
296
00:09:59,810 --> 00:10:01,090
I'm hungry,
I want your cookies.
297
00:10:01,110 --> 00:10:02,460
Scorpions, scorpions.
298
00:10:02,480 --> 00:10:04,760
There's scorpions outside.
Get inside.
299
00:10:04,780 --> 00:10:06,060
What do they want
from us?
300
00:10:06,090 --> 00:10:07,760
- They want food.
- Me too.
301
00:10:07,790 --> 00:10:08,860
Okay, just stop.
302
00:10:08,890 --> 00:10:10,430
I'm not
a writer, okay?
303
00:10:10,460 --> 00:10:12,300
Relax, your story was supposed
to be awful and stupid.
304
00:10:12,330 --> 00:10:13,500
I just failed to
predict how well
305
00:10:13,530 --> 00:10:15,300
that would mesh
with the theme.
306
00:10:15,330 --> 00:10:16,370
Think. Think.
307
00:10:16,400 --> 00:10:18,040
What kind of story
would we never --
308
00:10:18,060 --> 00:10:20,110
Morty, do you know
what the Bechdel Test is?
309
00:10:20,130 --> 00:10:21,480
- The what?
- For God's sake, Morty,
310
00:10:21,500 --> 00:10:23,210
the formula for
measuring female agency
311
00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:25,250
in a story proposed by
lesbian cartoonist Allison --
312
00:10:25,270 --> 00:10:27,050
what the hell are they
teaching you in that school?!
313
00:10:27,070 --> 00:10:28,920
- Other stuff!
- Then you've killed us both!
314
00:10:28,940 --> 00:10:30,950
Why is lesbian part
of her job title?!
315
00:10:30,980 --> 00:10:32,260
Oh, now you're
progressive?!
316
00:10:32,280 --> 00:10:33,990
- What is the test?!
- You have to tell --
317
00:10:37,520 --> 00:10:39,430
Morty, Morty.
318
00:10:39,450 --> 00:10:42,060
Two women.
They both have to have names
319
00:10:42,090 --> 00:10:43,730
and talk to each other
about something...
320
00:10:43,760 --> 00:10:45,100
Rick!
321
00:10:45,130 --> 00:10:47,140
- ...other than a man...
- Oh, Rick, listen to me.
322
00:10:47,160 --> 00:10:49,870
Once upon a time,
my mom and my sister...
323
00:10:49,900 --> 00:10:51,600
Listen to me!
324
00:10:52,700 --> 00:10:54,710
Mom, can I try
your tea?
325
00:10:54,730 --> 00:10:56,580
Yes, Summer.
326
00:10:56,600 --> 00:10:58,080
Yes. Try my tea.
327
00:10:58,100 --> 00:11:00,580
It's so good.
It's so warm.
328
00:11:00,610 --> 00:11:02,690
Mom, can I talk to you
329
00:11:02,710 --> 00:11:04,120
about my special time?
330
00:11:04,140 --> 00:11:06,490
It's okay.
I have one, too.
331
00:11:06,510 --> 00:11:07,660
Mine is heavy today.
332
00:11:07,680 --> 00:11:09,290
Mine is never light.
333
00:11:09,320 --> 00:11:11,390
I love you ever
since you were...
334
00:11:11,420 --> 00:11:12,630
mailed to me.
335
00:11:12,650 --> 00:11:14,160
By a doctor woman.
336
00:11:14,190 --> 00:11:15,770
Your special time
is your power.
337
00:11:15,790 --> 00:11:17,930
It makes you strong
like a boob.
338
00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:19,170
Strong against what?
339
00:11:19,190 --> 00:11:21,240
Scorpions.
Female Scorpions.
340
00:11:21,260 --> 00:11:23,490
They're attacking
outside. Come on.
341
00:11:25,670 --> 00:11:27,710
Fight them with your
heavy special time.
342
00:11:27,730 --> 00:11:29,010
You do it, too.
343
00:11:36,210 --> 00:11:37,720
- Hello?
- Hello?
344
00:11:37,740 --> 00:11:40,790
I'm that Supreme Court lady,
and you [bleep] did it.
345
00:11:40,810 --> 00:11:43,150
- We did it!
- We did it!
346
00:11:47,690 --> 00:11:49,270
Great job, Morty.
347
00:11:49,290 --> 00:11:50,930
A feminist masterpiece.
348
00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:52,660
Hey, look.
349
00:11:56,230 --> 00:11:58,670
Guess who's got two penises
and all the agency?
350
00:11:58,700 --> 00:12:00,680
Rick and Morty.
351
00:12:00,700 --> 00:12:01,708
Story Lord.
352
00:12:01,822 --> 00:12:03,980
I should've known you were
behind this, and I did.
353
00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:05,210
- Who is this guy?
- Ugh.
354
00:12:05,240 --> 00:12:07,220
He's like a Matrix
Space Frasier.
355
00:12:07,240 --> 00:12:08,350
Let's get this fight
over with, nerd.
356
00:12:08,380 --> 00:12:09,520
I've got
[bleep] to do.
357
00:12:09,540 --> 00:12:11,120
You of all people
know, Rick,
358
00:12:11,140 --> 00:12:13,520
there can be no destination
without a journey.
359
00:12:13,550 --> 00:12:15,890
I don't know that at all.
I regularly teleport.
360
00:12:15,920 --> 00:12:18,490
Oh, of course.
No rules for you.
361
00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:20,260
Spiraling through
the multiverse,
362
00:12:20,290 --> 00:12:23,170
burping semi-improvised dialogue
about how nothing matters,
363
00:12:23,190 --> 00:12:25,640
so we may as well pull out
our [bleep] and rub them
364
00:12:25,660 --> 00:12:28,370
on fate's glaring teeth
like we're brushing fate's teeth
365
00:12:28,400 --> 00:12:30,740
but we're using your gross,
dirty [bleep]
366
00:12:30,760 --> 00:12:31,910
Must be nice.
367
00:12:31,930 --> 00:12:33,110
Nobody's stopping you.
368
00:12:33,130 --> 00:12:35,440
True. Not anymore.
369
00:12:36,340 --> 00:12:37,610
- Goddamn!
- We already did this.
370
00:12:37,640 --> 00:12:39,980
Oh, is this a double beat?
Oh, well.
371
00:12:40,010 --> 00:12:41,920
Just how I adventure,
dawg.
372
00:12:41,940 --> 00:12:43,050
This is more
impressive than
373
00:12:43,080 --> 00:12:44,250
the Tickets Please Guy,
though.
374
00:12:44,280 --> 00:12:45,990
You are like 90%
[bleep] gutter.
375
00:12:46,010 --> 00:12:49,310
It's called discipline.
Watch this.
376
00:12:49,680 --> 00:12:50,960
- God damn.
- Geez!
377
00:12:50,980 --> 00:12:52,060
Do we have to
fight him?
378
00:12:52,090 --> 00:12:53,300
I don't want to.
379
00:12:53,320 --> 00:12:54,930
We surrender.
We're not fighting.
380
00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:56,000
Ow!
381
00:12:56,020 --> 00:12:57,130
Ow!
382
00:12:57,160 --> 00:12:58,900
[Bleep] kick your ass.
383
00:12:58,930 --> 00:12:59,900
Ow!
384
00:12:59,930 --> 00:13:01,240
Oh!
385
00:13:01,260 --> 00:13:03,560
Hey! Get back in your egg!
386
00:13:05,070 --> 00:13:06,310
-What the --
-Don't worry, Morty!
387
00:13:06,330 --> 00:13:07,540
Nothing out there
is canon!
388
00:13:08,640 --> 00:13:10,280
We've got a pulse.
Stay with me, Private.
389
00:13:10,300 --> 00:13:12,110
Smith, listen to me.
You were exposed
390
00:13:12,140 --> 00:13:14,150
to a chemical that is
altering your mind.
391
00:13:14,170 --> 00:13:15,590
To beat it,
you have to hold on --
392
00:13:15,610 --> 00:13:16,650
We're losing him.
393
00:13:16,680 --> 00:13:18,190
Aliens. Sarge?!
394
00:13:18,210 --> 00:13:20,560
Morty, never forget the highest
truth of all --
395
00:13:20,580 --> 00:13:22,960
you're getting your
ass kicked on a train.
396
00:13:23,980 --> 00:13:25,530
Professor Sanchez?
397
00:13:25,550 --> 00:13:26,400
Did it work?
398
00:13:26,420 --> 00:13:28,200
I wouldn't say that,
Marcus.
399
00:13:28,220 --> 00:13:30,670
I'd say it
[bleep] worked.
400
00:13:30,690 --> 00:13:33,470
100% time dilation
and total immersion.
401
00:13:33,490 --> 00:13:34,840
- Define "total."
- Marcus,
402
00:13:34,860 --> 00:13:36,670
I've been back in reality
for three hours,
403
00:13:36,700 --> 00:13:39,080
and I still have memories
of a completely different life.
404
00:13:39,100 --> 00:13:41,040
I-I-I was
a scientist still.
405
00:13:41,070 --> 00:13:42,680
I-I-I was --
I-I-I had developed
406
00:13:42,700 --> 00:13:45,950
inter-dimensional travel,
I-I-I-I had a daughter.
407
00:13:45,970 --> 00:13:47,480
I-I didn't
have a mustache.
408
00:13:47,510 --> 00:13:51,820
I-I was kinda funny sometimes,
mostly burping.
409
00:13:51,850 --> 00:13:53,190
No more secret testing.
410
00:13:53,210 --> 00:13:54,720
I can help people now.
411
00:13:54,750 --> 00:13:55,890
You've helped people.
412
00:13:55,920 --> 00:13:57,330
I've hurt more.
413
00:13:57,350 --> 00:13:58,460
Aaah!
414
00:13:58,490 --> 00:14:00,400
P-P-Professor Sanchez.
I-I'm Morty Smith
415
00:14:00,420 --> 00:14:02,060
from the -- the --
the the 241st.
416
00:14:02,090 --> 00:14:03,470
They -- they -- put your
pill in our food.
417
00:14:03,490 --> 00:14:05,170
- It -- it works.
- Call the police!
418
00:14:05,190 --> 00:14:07,000
It's okay. It's okay.
It's not real.
419
00:14:07,030 --> 00:14:08,740
N-n-n-n-nothing's
real.
420
00:14:08,760 --> 00:14:09,710
I'm sorry, son.
421
00:14:09,730 --> 00:14:11,770
I-i-it's okay.
You aren't real.
422
00:14:13,430 --> 00:14:16,250
God, you're right.
I should do more freeform stuff.
423
00:14:16,270 --> 00:14:18,350
- In you go.
- What's happening?
424
00:14:18,370 --> 00:14:20,020
The reason
I brought you here.
425
00:14:20,040 --> 00:14:22,080
I'll now fuel
my anthology with your
426
00:14:22,110 --> 00:14:23,690
limitless potential,
propelling it to
427
00:14:23,710 --> 00:14:27,280
its final stop --
beyond the fifth wall.
428
00:14:29,250 --> 00:14:31,560
You idiot. Our potential
isn't limitless.
429
00:14:31,590 --> 00:14:32,930
You'll never break
the fifth wall
430
00:14:32,950 --> 00:14:34,100
before you've burnt
us out.
431
00:14:34,120 --> 00:14:36,900
Is that so?
Oh, well. Win-win.
432
00:14:36,920 --> 00:14:38,130
Rick,
w-what's he doing?
433
00:14:38,160 --> 00:14:39,770
He's trying to tap
into us, Morty.
434
00:14:39,790 --> 00:14:41,540
Resist.
435
00:14:41,560 --> 00:14:43,710
I can't believe you're finally
headed off to college.
436
00:14:43,730 --> 00:14:45,240
Yeah, you know,
it really felt like
437
00:14:45,270 --> 00:14:46,640
you were gonna be
17 forever.
438
00:14:46,670 --> 00:14:48,680
For, like,
16 years, at least.
439
00:14:48,700 --> 00:14:50,750
I can't believe
I'm tearing up over this.
440
00:14:50,770 --> 00:14:53,320
Jesus, Rick, you know,
you've really softened up.
441
00:14:53,340 --> 00:14:54,980
It's a human moment,
Morty.
442
00:14:55,010 --> 00:14:56,550
It's a human moment.
443
00:14:56,580 --> 00:14:58,640
- Aaah!
- Aaah! It hurts!
444
00:15:04,550 --> 00:15:06,530
Abradolph Lincoler?
I thought you were dead.
445
00:15:06,550 --> 00:15:09,770
I'm very much alive,
and I need your help.
446
00:15:09,790 --> 00:15:10,930
Yeah!
447
00:15:10,960 --> 00:15:12,470
[Bleep] He's taking
the good stuff, Morty.
448
00:15:12,490 --> 00:15:14,240
Wait, is --
is any of this canon?
449
00:15:14,260 --> 00:15:15,400
It could have been.
450
00:15:15,430 --> 00:15:16,970
Oh, dear.
451
00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:20,180
Are there things Rick Sanchez
holds sacred after all?
452
00:15:26,510 --> 00:15:28,080
How did you find us?
453
00:15:29,640 --> 00:15:30,720
I trusted you!
454
00:15:30,740 --> 00:15:33,120
Don't blame others
for your bad decisions.
455
00:15:34,750 --> 00:15:37,290
Resist, Morty!
Resist before he burns us out!
456
00:15:37,320 --> 00:15:39,060
Oh, too late now!
457
00:15:39,090 --> 00:15:40,330
What's wrong, Rick?
458
00:15:40,350 --> 00:15:42,770
Don't you want to see
how your story ends?!
459
00:15:56,240 --> 00:15:58,110
Holy [bleep], Rick.
What do we --
460
00:15:58,140 --> 00:15:59,320
There -- there --
there's now way out!
461
00:15:59,340 --> 00:16:00,620
You're right, Morty.
462
00:16:00,640 --> 00:16:02,390
Sometimes it does seem
like there's no way out.
463
00:16:02,410 --> 00:16:03,750
Like it's hopeless.
464
00:16:03,780 --> 00:16:06,190
But remember, there's always
someone there for us.
465
00:16:06,210 --> 00:16:07,460
Who?
466
00:16:07,480 --> 00:16:08,690
My best friend
and personal savior,
467
00:16:08,720 --> 00:16:09,830
Jesus Christ.
468
00:16:09,850 --> 00:16:11,330
What?! You -- you don't
believe in God.
469
00:16:11,350 --> 00:16:12,730
But He believes
in us, Morty.
470
00:16:12,750 --> 00:16:14,600
You know, I thought
I was the inventor,
471
00:16:14,620 --> 00:16:15,800
but the greatest
invention of all
472
00:16:15,820 --> 00:16:17,470
is the free gift
of Eternal Life.
473
00:16:17,490 --> 00:16:19,470
Is this --
are you [bleep] with me?
474
00:16:19,490 --> 00:16:20,940
Oh, trust me, Morty.
475
00:16:20,960 --> 00:16:22,870
I've done plenty of
effed up stuff in my life.
476
00:16:22,900 --> 00:16:25,270
But it's never too late
to accept Christ.
477
00:16:25,300 --> 00:16:26,740
Jesus is always
knocking at the door.
478
00:16:26,770 --> 00:16:28,440
All we have to do
is open it and let Him
479
00:16:28,470 --> 00:16:29,650
- into our hearts.
- How?
480
00:16:29,670 --> 00:16:31,180
I'm so glad you asked,
Morty.
481
00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:33,280
Just close your eyes
and go to Him in prayer.
482
00:16:33,310 --> 00:16:34,580
Like this.
483
00:16:34,610 --> 00:16:36,190
- Heavenly Father.
- Heavenly Father.
484
00:16:36,210 --> 00:16:38,220
Thank you for sending
your only begotten son.
485
00:16:38,250 --> 00:16:40,220
What a second, no!
What are you doing?!
486
00:16:40,250 --> 00:16:42,290
Jesus, I accept you
into my heart.
487
00:16:42,320 --> 00:16:43,590
No! This sucks.
488
00:16:43,620 --> 00:16:45,490
Stop! You guys would
never do this.
489
00:16:45,520 --> 00:16:46,830
Fill me with your Spirit.
490
00:16:46,850 --> 00:16:48,530
Make me a shining city
on a hill for you.
491
00:16:48,560 --> 00:16:50,370
-No! No!
-Make me born again.
492
00:16:50,390 --> 00:16:52,200
-No!
-In Jesus' name, we pray.
493
00:16:52,230 --> 00:16:53,540
-Amen.
-Amen.
494
00:16:53,560 --> 00:16:55,200
-Amen!
-You did it!
495
00:16:55,230 --> 00:16:56,570
- Way to go, Morty!
- Crossy.
496
00:16:56,600 --> 00:16:57,770
Bible-Saurus.
You made it.
497
00:16:57,800 --> 00:17:00,040
We wouldn't miss this
for anything!
498
00:17:00,070 --> 00:17:01,280
You said it,
Mr. Celery.
499
00:17:01,300 --> 00:17:03,250
What the [bleep]
is all of this?!
500
00:17:03,270 --> 00:17:05,110
Greatest story
ever told, Story Lord.
501
00:17:05,140 --> 00:17:07,020
No, it's not.
It's awful!
502
00:17:08,480 --> 00:17:10,150
I beg your pardon?
503
00:17:10,180 --> 00:17:11,990
Ah!
504
00:17:12,010 --> 00:17:13,590
Goddamn.
505
00:17:13,610 --> 00:17:15,520
My Lord and my God!
506
00:17:15,550 --> 00:17:17,160
-No! No! It sucks in here.
-Let's get the [bleep]
507
00:17:17,180 --> 00:17:19,130
outta here. Go, now.
508
00:17:19,150 --> 00:17:20,530
Ugh.
We're safe, Morty.
509
00:17:20,550 --> 00:17:22,270
Nobody ever wanted
to see that shit.
510
00:17:22,290 --> 00:17:23,900
Wh-what's gonna happen
to Story Lord?
511
00:17:23,920 --> 00:17:26,370
He gets to spend eternity in
every writer's hell --
512
00:17:26,390 --> 00:17:27,640
- the Bible.
- I don't know.
513
00:17:27,660 --> 00:17:29,540
Some people actually
like that stuff.
514
00:17:29,560 --> 00:17:30,970
Seems kind of cynical.
515
00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:32,680
I just don't like taking
cheap shots, you know?
516
00:17:32,700 --> 00:17:34,510
Cheap shots?
Morty, we were literally
517
00:17:34,530 --> 00:17:35,850
saved by Jesus Christ.
518
00:17:35,870 --> 00:17:37,750
Tell me in any way
how that's offensive.
519
00:17:37,770 --> 00:17:39,280
This was
a little confusing,
520
00:17:39,310 --> 00:17:41,480
but I guess it brought us
closer together, you know?
521
00:17:41,510 --> 00:17:42,890
Tested our demons.
522
00:17:42,910 --> 00:17:44,550
Made us believe in
ourselves more than ever.
523
00:17:44,580 --> 00:17:45,890
Yeah.
You're right, Morty.
524
00:17:45,910 --> 00:17:47,690
We got all that meta-canon
shit outta the way
525
00:17:47,710 --> 00:17:49,490
and now we can
just be ourselves.
526
00:17:49,520 --> 00:17:51,260
Now what do you say we
bring this train
527
00:17:51,280 --> 00:17:53,000
into the station.
528
00:18:02,330 --> 00:18:04,770
Oh [bleep]
529
00:18:04,800 --> 00:18:06,440
So what do you think?
530
00:18:06,470 --> 00:18:07,780
Wow. Where did you
get this thing?
531
00:18:07,800 --> 00:18:09,580
The Citadel of Ricks
Gift Shop.
532
00:18:09,600 --> 00:18:12,250
Do you really like it?
I didn't think you'd even care.
533
00:18:12,270 --> 00:18:14,420
What? Morty. No.
I love it.
534
00:18:14,440 --> 00:18:16,190
You did the most
important thing.
535
00:18:16,210 --> 00:18:17,490
You -- you bought
something.
536
00:18:17,510 --> 00:18:18,850
- What?
- You bought something.
537
00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:21,620
With money. God.
I love money so much, Morty.
538
00:18:21,650 --> 00:18:23,730
- Are you being sarcastic?
- Merchandise, Morty.
539
00:18:23,750 --> 00:18:26,460
Your only purpose in life is to
buy and consume merchandise.
540
00:18:26,490 --> 00:18:27,960
And you did it.
You went into a store --
541
00:18:27,990 --> 00:18:30,800
an actual honest to God store --
and you bought something.
542
00:18:30,820 --> 00:18:32,800
You didn't ask questions
or raise ethical complaints.
543
00:18:32,830 --> 00:18:34,770
You -- you just looked straight
into the bleeding jaws
544
00:18:34,790 --> 00:18:37,240
of capitalism
and said "Yes, daddy, please."
545
00:18:37,260 --> 00:18:39,580
And I'm...
I'm so proud of you.
546
00:18:39,600 --> 00:18:40,880
I only wish you could've
bought more.
547
00:18:40,900 --> 00:18:43,480
I -- I love buying things
so much, Morty.
548
00:18:43,500 --> 00:18:44,710
Rick, are -- are you --
549
00:18:44,740 --> 00:18:46,020
do you need to go
to the hospital?
550
00:18:46,040 --> 00:18:48,480
I love you, Morty.
Give Grandpa a kiss.
551
00:18:48,510 --> 00:18:50,350
Give -- give -- gimme --
give Grandpa a kiss.
552
00:18:50,380 --> 00:18:51,620
Lips if you want.
553
00:18:51,650 --> 00:18:53,090
What-- whatever
you're comfortable with.
554
00:18:53,110 --> 00:18:54,320
Some cultures do that.
555
00:18:54,350 --> 00:18:56,030
That was sweet.
Thank you.
556
00:18:56,050 --> 00:18:58,790
I -- I love you.
You're my little buddy.
557
00:18:58,820 --> 00:19:00,330
Okay.
558
00:19:00,350 --> 00:19:01,760
Let's watch some
Interdimensional Cable.
559
00:19:06,990 --> 00:19:09,010
So you're saying
my father
560
00:19:09,030 --> 00:19:10,410
and His kingdom...
561
00:19:10,430 --> 00:19:13,310
Well, yes --
it's based on the fusion
562
00:19:13,330 --> 00:19:14,740
of a Sumerian god
named "Ya"
563
00:19:14,770 --> 00:19:17,580
and a Mesopotamian god
named "Way."
564
00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:20,150
And we're in
a toy train?
565
00:19:20,170 --> 00:19:21,520
Yes.
566
00:19:21,540 --> 00:19:22,790
It's enough to really
make you question
567
00:19:22,810 --> 00:19:24,790
all of existence,
isn't it?
568
00:19:24,810 --> 00:19:27,390
So what do you think you're
gonna do about it?
569
00:19:27,410 --> 00:19:30,560
I'm gonna do
what I've always done.
570
00:19:30,580 --> 00:19:32,600
I'm gonna get the [bleep]
outta here.
571
00:19:32,620 --> 00:19:37,220
Father of omens!
Give me blood beyond sight!
572
00:19:39,530 --> 00:19:41,070
Hey, what
the [bleep] Morty?
573
00:19:41,090 --> 00:19:42,840
The train you got me just
completely derailed itself.
574
00:19:42,860 --> 00:19:44,470
There's blood all over
the windows on it.
575
00:19:44,500 --> 00:19:46,510
Oh, man, I'm sorry, Rick.
I guess I'll return it.
576
00:19:46,530 --> 00:19:47,840
Return --
Are you insane?
577
00:19:47,870 --> 00:19:49,180
Did you hear
nothing I said?
578
00:19:49,200 --> 00:19:50,380
Buy another one,
Morty.
579
00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:51,850
Consume, Morty.
580
00:19:51,870 --> 00:19:53,850
Nobody's out there shopping
with this [bleep] virus.
581
00:19:53,870 --> 00:19:55,548
Where's your
[bleep] wallet?!
582
00:19:55,560 --> 00:20:02,388
CREDITS
583
00:20:27,120 --> 00:20:28,500
Tired of the same
boring adventures
584
00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:29,730
with your dogshit Morty?
585
00:20:29,760 --> 00:20:30,811
- Yeah!
- Aw. Geez.
586
00:20:30,851 --> 00:20:33,120
Then get ready for the Citadel
of Rick's Story Train.
587
00:20:33,142 --> 00:20:34,982
Story Train.
Story Train.
588
00:20:34,983 --> 00:20:36,314
The Citadel of Rick's
Story Train
589
00:20:36,320 --> 00:20:38,320
comes with car after car
of enemies, lovers,
590
00:20:38,340 --> 00:20:39,720
and Goomby, all grappling with
591
00:20:39,740 --> 00:20:40,890
the nature of who
you truly are.
592
00:20:40,910 --> 00:20:42,490
Rick is a god!
Tickets Please.
593
00:20:42,510 --> 00:20:44,160
Whoa! Watch out!
It's Story Lord!
594
00:20:44,180 --> 00:20:45,420
Damn. He's jacked.
595
00:20:45,450 --> 00:20:46,930
Pure [bleep] gutter.
596
00:20:46,950 --> 00:20:48,560
And of course, what
story would be complete
597
00:20:48,590 --> 00:20:50,530
without the engineer of
the Greatest Story Ever Told.
598
00:20:50,550 --> 00:20:51,794
Oh, Jesus Christ.
599
00:20:51,805 --> 00:20:52,870
I have come not to judge
600
00:20:52,890 --> 00:20:54,028
the world, but to save it.
601
00:20:54,045 --> 00:20:55,480
And the best part is,
the fun never ends.
602
00:20:55,520 --> 00:20:57,588
Thanks to the Rick-patented
anthology generator,
603
00:20:57,594 --> 00:20:59,050
you'll never run out
of new stories
604
00:20:59,070 --> 00:21:00,028
and people to tell them.
605
00:21:00,045 --> 00:21:00,880
- Are they alive?
- Of course.
606
00:21:00,908 --> 00:21:02,645
But not in any ways
that matter.
607
00:21:02,668 --> 00:21:04,450
They. Have. No. Souls.
608
00:21:04,850 --> 00:21:06,300
Puppets. Of. Fate.
609
00:21:06,320 --> 00:21:07,108
The Story Train.
610
00:21:07,120 --> 00:21:08,560
Available now in
The Citadel of Ricks.
611
00:21:08,582 --> 00:21:10,594
Buy it ironically.
Buy it sincerely. Just buy it.
612
00:21:10,605 --> 00:21:11,920
Not buying it is an act
of buying it.
613
00:21:11,937 --> 00:21:13,268
Buy it now. Look it up.
It's real.
614
00:21:13,285 --> 00:21:15,240
www.story-train.com.
615
00:21:15,270 --> 00:21:17,510
On the Internet. It's there.
Buy it. Buy the train.
616
00:21:17,530 --> 00:21:19,070
We want you to buy the train.
43953
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