All language subtitles for Its Always Fair Weather (1955) 720p EN

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[''March, March'']

♪ Marching in the winter♪

♪ Marching in the fall ♪

♪ Marching in the summer ♪

♪ But spring is best of all ♪

♪ 'Cause then it's March, March,
March, April, May, June ♪

♪ June, June, June, July,
August, September ♪

♪ Sept, Sept, September,
October, November, December ♪

♪ January, February, March,
March, March, April, May, June ♪

♪ June, June, June, July,
August, September ♪

♪ Sept, Sept, September,
October, November, December ♪

♪ January, February, March,
March, March, April, May, June ♪

♪ June, June, June, July,
August, September ♪

♪Sept, Sept, September,
October, November, December ♪

♪ January, February ♪

♪ Marching in the winter ♪

♪ Marching in the fall ♪

♪ Marching in the summer ♪

♪ But home is the best of all ♪♪

(all)
Hey!

Well, well, well,
if it isn't the Rover Boys.

- Hiya, Tim!
- How are ya?

Aren't you guys
ever gonna grow up?

Is this any way to greet
your American heroes?

C'mon, don't spoil
our last day together.

Yeah, give us
a pleasant smile.

We've been over there
cutting the German lines

protecting your right
to cut your scotch.

- We've been gone for two years.
- Haven't you missed us?

Sure, I missed you. I got a tab
here exactly two years old.

Take care of it, banker.

$75.80. Fork up
or no liquor.

Oh, you're a sentimentalist
at heart, Tim.

Listen, this is a bar,
not a barbershop.

What do you got there?
Hey, Silvio!

You guys act as if
you own the joint.

Hey, Silvio!
Hey! Hi!

- Silvio!
- Hi. How are you?

- Silvio!
- Silvio!

[speaking foreign language]

- What's he going to make?
- 3 ham sandwiches. Great cook.

Come on, Tim, set 'em up.
Put 'em on a tab.

No more tabs.

Cash. You're civilians now.
You owe me a buck for this.

- I think you're over tipping.
- What do you mean? We can't-

I just wanted you
to know I didn't forget it

and you can't put
anything over on me.

Keep the dough.

- You're going to need it.
- Gee, Tim--

Tim, I'd like to leave you
a little remembrance

because we're all bustin' up
and going home. This is for you.

Take it, save it, frame it.
Put it over the bar.

Someday it'll
be worth millions.

- What is it?
- An original Douglas Hallerton.

Security for your old age.

I'm trying to attract patrons,
not scare them away.

This saloon will be famous one
day 'cause this painting's here.

Yeah! Like places that say
George Washington slept here.

- Like that.
- Yeah, like that.

Coming up!

Oh, that's a pretty picture.
Look like a pizza pie.

We call it the picture
you eat with a spoon.

Stand back, Silvio. Just
a little room. Huh! Hoo! Huh!

[all cheering]

Ted, got some mail for you.

I hope it's the one.
It is!

- A dame?
- The future Mrs. Riley!

Wife of one of the future
lawmakers of the US.

- This no-goodnik?
- No-goodnik?

Head man in his school.

President of the Pittsburgh
Junior Debating Society.

- Phi Beta Kappa.
- Student of English literature.

- A born leader!
- Vote for Riley!

(female #1)
'Dearest Ted'

'I've missed you so terribly and
worried about you constantly'

'so far away and in such
danger all the time.'

'You know there is
no one in the world'

'nearer and dearer
to me than you.'

'I know you'll have
a brilliant career'

'when you finish law school.'

'But we haven't seen
each other in several years'

'and people grow up and change.'

'Ted, I hope it makes no
difference in our friendship'

'just because I happened
to get married last month.'

'Joe is the most
wonderful guy in the world.'

[dramatic music]

[laughing]

[car honking]

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[music intensifies]

[car honking]

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[feet tapping]

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[tapping continues]

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[feet tapping]

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[tapping continues]

[tapping continues]

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[clanging]

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(all)
Hey!

Ah, back again.

- C'mon, Tim, give us a drink.
- Set up a little harmless--

Alright, alright.
One more and that's it.

It's closing time.
It's four o'clock.

- Closing time?
- Where's the clock?

Well, we got to help
old Tim close up.

Well, of course.

Come on.

[all singing]

[thud]

Hey! Watch that!

- Sorry.
- The war's over.

People don't love
drunk civilians

like they love
tipsy soldiers.

Hey! We're civilians now!

[slow-paced music]

[''The Time For Parting'']

♪ Oh, the time has
come for parting ♪

♪ And the marching music ends ♪

♪ No matter where
our lives may lead us ♪

♪ In our hearts,
we'll still be friends ♪

♪ Though the time
has come for parting ♪

♪ And the future lies unknown ♪

♪ Although the years
may come between us ♪

♪ We will never feel alone ♪

♪ For friends we are now ♪

♪ And friends we'll stay ♪

♪ Until we meet again ♪

♪ One wonderful day ♪

[slow-paced music]

♪ Although the time
has come for parting ♪

♪ We'll be friends ♪

♪ Until we die ♪♪

(Tim)
Stop, you guys. What're
you kidding yourselves for?

A month from now, you won't even
remember each other's names.

- What?
- Sure, you're buddies now.

I've seen it before. It's like
a girl you met at the Catskills.

Never see her again
when you get to the city.

Hey, what're you
talking about?

This is different.
We've been together four years.

The war's over, kids.
In a month from now...phew.

Alright, Tim.
You give us one month, huh?

Well, I say we're friends for
life and nothing can change it.

Five years, ten years.

Look, Tim, I'll make you a bet.

Ten years from today

October 11, 1955,
at 12 o'clock noon

no matter where we are or what
we're doing, the three of us

are gonna walk right through
that door and meet here.

- Right, guys?
- Right.

- You're crazy.
- You want to bet a $1,000?

- Please.
- Alright, then.

A buck from each of us
against one buck from you.

- Enjoy. Enjoy.
- Thank you.

Got a pen, Tim?

Not to be opened till 1955.

In the safe.

I'm making a little memo
here for ourselves.

- October 11, 1955.
- You said it.

Well, good luck, guys. I'll
probably never see you again.

- But good luck anyway.
- You'll see us.

You got a date
October 11, 1955.

Twelve o'clock noon.

You start chilling a bottle
of champagne right now.

[footsteps]

You sure you're gonna
be alright, Ted?

Sure. Sure.

[slow-paced music]

Well...so long.

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Alright, you can
get dressed now.

Kid Mariacchi.

Go ahead, Kid.

Nashby, Sports Herald.
Do you manage the kid?

- Yeah. Hiya, rocky.
- What do you say, sport?

Might give him a little squib?
Bring him to Stillman's at four.

- We'll shoot glamour stuff.
- Thanks.

- You new in the fight racket?
- Yeah.

Didn't know I was gonna be in it
until eight months ago.

I won him in a game.
A crap game. No credit to me.

I couldn't get anything with him
if I tried to hock him

so I tried to do
something with him.

You did something with him. He's
no punk. 8 knockouts in a row.

- Number nine tonight, huh, Kid?
- Yeah.

- Mr. Nashby, Sports Herald.
- You look great, Mariacchi.

- Best of luck tonight.
- Thanks.

- How you feeling, Kid?
- I'm okay.

Get some sleep, then meet me
at Stillman's Gym at four.

The newspapers
want some pictures.

I don't need
no pictures.

Any pictures.
And you do need pictures.

Give me something
for a cab, will you? A fin?

A fin? I got exactly two dollars
and some loose change.

Here, take it all.

Hey, what's this?
Confederate money?

Hey, give me that.

October 11, 1955.

- Hey, that's today.
- Today? That..

Oh, Doug and Angie.

Uh, what am I talking about?

If I go over there,
nobody will show up.

I'm the biggest
sucker of all time.

- Where do you have to go?
- Tim's bar on third avenue.

It's a long way
from here.

You're nuts.
It's ten minutes.

Nah.

It's ten years.

[indistinct chattering]

What can I do
for you?

Oh, could I just have
a glass of water, please?

Say, uh,
when did you get this?

An ex-GI, gave it
to me a long time ago.

Funny thing. Lots of
people ask me about it.

He went off to Europe
to paint or something.

[chattering continues]

Uh, long distance, I'd like
to place a call to Chicago.

Long beach 1-0-8-8-0.

Mrs. Douglas Hallerton, please.

(woman on TV)
'Tune in tonight
at 11 o'clock for'

Miss Mop-up, Miss Mop-up,
Miss Mop-up.

Don't forget tonight
Miss Mop-up presents

'''Midnight With Madeline,''
brought to you by Klenzrite.'

Channel 89 at 11 o'clock.

K-I-e-n-z-r-i-t-e spells
Klenzrite!

Hello? Hello, Dorothy?
This is Doug.

I'm in New York.

No, no, not on business.
Something much more important.

Dorothy, what is this number
where they reached you?

Oh, your lawyer's.

Well, Dorothy, look.

Do you have to go
through with it?

Well, I know, but if you
love me, why a divorce?

Well, we've been over this
a thousand times.

What do you mean, I've changed?

What's changed about me?

Dorothy, I don't know
what you're driving at.

[indistinct chattering]

- Hi, Tim!
- Well, chum, what'll you have?

Hey, don't you know me, Tim?
I'm Angie!

Angie Valentine,
United States Infantry.

A lot of fellas come
and go in here, buddy.

Yeah, I guess they do.

Have you seen
two other fellas today?

I wouldn't be doing
such a good business

if I hadn't seen
two fellas all morning.

Sure.

[chattering continues]

Should've known.

Number one sucker of all time.

- Doug.
- You're Ted.

- Hey!
- Hey!

Ah, you made it!
You made it! We made it!

You haven't
changed much, Doug.

Except for the brush. Get a load
of that brush, will you, Ted?

- Ha ha ha!
- Where'd you come from, Doug?

- Chicago. How about you?
- Schenectady. Same old place.

- How about you, Ted?
- I've been here the whole time.

I didn't know you'd been
here all this time.

Yeah.

Well..

Yeah, well.

- Hey, Tim!
- Tim!

- Tim, we made it!
- We made it, Tim!

Well, well, well,
if it isn't the Rover Boys.

He didn't even know me
when I first came in.

You said we'd never make it
and here we are.

You got no faith, that's.
Come on, set them up.

Got to break open
a fresh bottle for this.

- I can't handle a drink, Ted.
- What?

I'm not fit digestion-wise.
Bit of a nervous stomach.

Oh.

Well, come to think of it

I haven't had a drink at noon
in a lot of years myself.

Maybe I could handle one. I'll
take a couple of these pills.

Okay by me. I'm game.
Boy, this is great.

- Well, to us.
- To us.

[coughing]

- Oh, hey.
- Cut that out, will you?

- The sacroiliac.
- Oh, I'm sorry.

Boy, if Connie could
only see me now..

...drinking in the middle
of the afternoon.

Hey, I got some pictures here
of Connie and the kids.

Very nice.

You kept pretty
busy these ten years.

Yeah. How about
you guys? You married?

- Yes, I'm married.
- Pictures of the kids?

No. We don't
have any children.

Well, I'll lend you
a couple of mine!

And how about you, Ted?
You married?

No, thank you.

Well, let's have
another drink.

Yeah, let's have another drink.
Boy, this is great. Great.

Hey, you know what?
Let's drink to old Bootsie.

- Who?
- Who's old Bootsie?

You know. Don't you
remember? Bootsie!

That kid in our outfit who was
always tripping over everything.

From the south. We always
used to toast old Bootsie.

Don't you remember?
It was good luck.

And then we always
used to laugh.

Why?

I don't know.

Oh, sure, come on, Doug.
Old Bootsie.

No, I couldn't
handle another one.

- Alright, Angie. Bottoms up.
- Bottoms up.

- Here you are, Tim.
- No, here. Let me get this.

No, no, I'm the host here.
This is my hometown.

- Hey, 50 bucks.
- You're doing alright, Ted.

- But I always knew you would.
- I'm doing swell.

I borrowed it from
my barber this morning.

It's strictly temporary.
I'll be in the chips tomorrow.

Gee, I got to call Connie
and tell her about this.

She didn't believe
you guys would show up.

She's a great girl, Connie.
Sometimes a little bit jealous.

Guess you know what
that's like, huh, Doug?

Oh, sure.

Look, I'll tell you
what we'll do.

We'll have a few more drinks
and go somewhere for lunch?

- Yeah.
- Florio's.

Florio's. Veal parmesan lasagna.

I couldn't handle
that heavy food.

I have to be a little careful
restaurant-wise

and go where they know me.

Why don't I take you two
chaps to the Turquoise?

- The Turquoise?
- Mm-hmm.

- Whoo.
- I'll handle it.

- No, I can handle it.
- No. I wouldn't think of it.

I'll just put it
on the expense account.

I'll charge this whole day off
as a business trip.

Oh, that's just swell.

[instrumental music]

Doug, you never did get back
to Europe to paint, did you?

No, career-wise,
it didn't seem practical

but I've been creative
in the advertising line

with Little Miss Mop-up
for Klenzrite

and Jolio, the gelatin man.

No. I don't miss
la vie Boheme one bit.

Little Miss Mop-up.
You did that?

- Mm-hmm
- Well, what do you know?

Hey, if you're ever up
Schenectady way

you have to drop in
at my place.

Real red meat
at the Cordon Bleu.

- At the what?
- The Cordon Bleu.

That's the name
of my hamburger joint.

Ha ha ha! That's rich.

Ha ha ha. That is priceless.

What's so funny?

As far as names go,
it seems to me

Little Miss Mop-up
and Jolio, the gelatin man

are pretty priceless
themselves.

- Oh, well, I--
- Oh, come on.

Jolio, the gelatin man.

Your call to
Schenectady, sir.

Gee, thanks.

Hello? Connie?

Hey, it's me.

I'm talking to you
from a table at the Turquoise.

What a swanky dump.

Hey, what do you know?
They both showed up.

Oh, it's great.
Like old times.

How are the kids? Good.

How did Johnny do in the
Columbus Day School Pageant?

Huh? He forgot
''Oh, Columbus, we salute you?''

Went over that line
a thousand times with him.

Look, Connie,
I'll call you back later.

Tell you when I'm coming home.
Miss you too.

Yeah. Goodbye.

Well, Ted, how about you?

Law school
and the political arena?

Oh, the midtown arena
is about the only arena I know.

Which reminds me, I have to
get up to Stillman's Gym later

and look at my fighter.

Racketeers in
the fight game, huh?

Glad I'm in
a respectable business.

[music continues]

[''I Shouldn't Have Come'']

♪ I shouldn't have come ♪

♪ I shouldn't have come ♪

♪ This thing's a mistake ♪

♪ An awful mistake ♪

♪ That guy's such a snob ♪

♪ And who is that hick? ♪

♪ Can these be the guys
I once thought ♪

♪ I could never live without? ♪

Who do you think
will win the world series?

Well, uh, both teams
look pretty good to me.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Well, may the best team win.

♪ This thing is a frost ♪

♪ I'd like to get lost ♪

♪ Old pals are the bunk ♪

♪ This guy's a cheap punk ♪

♪ And that one's a heel ♪

♪ And I'm a Schlemiel ♪

♪ Can these be the guys
I once thought ♪

♪ I could never live without? ♪

♪ This thing's a bad dream ♪

♪ Why can't I just scream? ♪

[screaming]

♪ Oh, why did I fly ♪

♪ To New York from Chi? ♪

♪ To drink scotch at noon ♪

♪ With a hick and a goon ♪

♪ Can these be the guys
I once thought ♪

♪ I could never live without? ♪

♪ This guy is a punk,
a punk, a punk ♪

♪ This guy is a snob,
a snob, a snob ♪

♪ This guy is a dope,
a hick, a square ♪

♪ I shouldn't have come
I'm in despair ♪

♪ Our dreams are dustin'
down the drain ♪

♪ This thing is a bust
and I'm insane ♪

♪ Oh, why did I come?
Oh, why am I here? ♪

♪ A hick, a square,
a snob, a punk ♪

♪ A hick, a square,
a snob, a punk ♪

♪ Hah-hah-hah-hah
Ho-ho-ho-ho ♪

♪ A hick, a square,
a snob, a punk ♪

♪ A hick, a square,
a snob, a punk ♪

♪ Why did I come?
Why am I here? ♪

♪ Why? ♪♪

[applause]

Good afternoon, Miss Leighton.
This way, please.

[violin music]

Thank you, Carl.

Thank you.

Scotch old-fashioned,
please, Carl.

That's what I like.
An old-fashioned girl.

I'm an old-fashioned
boy, myself.

Here we are, gentlemen.

Salisbury steak medium
for you, sir.

Thank you.

Medium rare for you,
Mr. Hallerton.

Thank you.

And well done
for you, sir.

Thank you.

Hey! You call this a hamburger?
For four bucks?

Angie, shh, please.

Ted, you taste it.
You know about horses.

I tell you this hamburger
ran in the Kentucky derby.

Forget it, Angie.

If I served
stuff like this

I'd be run out of Schenectady
on the third rail.

- Shut up.
- What did you say?

I said be quiet.
This is embarrassing.

Angie, don't act like a yokel.
We're in a high-class place.

Didn't stop you from trying
to make a quick pickup.

I've picked up dames
at better places.

I doubt that!

You crumbs couldn't get in
such a place without me.

- Who's a crumb?
- You are.

- You cheap snob!
- Why, you..

- I'm sorry.
- Me, too.

So am I.

Well, I guess we've had it.

- Yeah.
- I guess so.

Waiter? Check please.

(male #1)
'Hey, Hallerton.'

- Well, well, well.
- Oh, Mr. Fielding.

I didn't know
you were in town.

- Just for the day.
- How's the missus?

- Oh, fine, thank you.
- Is she with you?

No, not this trip.

Oh, Mr. Fielding,
these are two friends of mine.

- Mr. Valentine and Mr. Riley.
- How are you, Mr. Fielding?

We were in the war together.
We're having a little reunion.

We haven't seen each other
in ten years.

It must be fun getting together
to talk about old times.

- Mr. Fielding, excuse me.
- Oh, Miss Leighton.

I've been calling you
and couldn't reach you.

It's very important.

I want you to meet
Hallerton of Chicago.

He's one of our Executive
Vice Presidents out there.

He's responsible
for the Miss Mop-up campaign.

Oh, you're the one.

Miss Leighton is one of our best
idea men...I should say women.

You certainly should.

You know, she's
the program coordinator

on our biggest Klenzrite TV
show, ''Midnight With Madeline.''

Well, what do you know?

Uh, Doug, aren't you
going to introduce us?

Oh, certainly.

Miss Leighton, this is
Mr. Valentine and Mr. Riley.

- How do you do?
- Ted Riley.

I suggest we skip lunch and get
right to Madeline's rehearsal.

- You know how she is.
- Oh, sweetie, I can't.

I'm waiting here
for Stamper and Trasker.

- And Donner and Blitzen.
- We'd really better go.

Well, alright.

Doug, come along
and have a look-see.

We're rehearsing over
at the Fontainebleau.

Oh, I-I'd like that very much.
Well, so long, fellas.

- Bring your friends along.
- No!

I mean, we're just about
through here lunch-wise

and I'm sure they're
very busy appointment-wise.

Not at all, Doug.
We'd love to come along.

I've got an hour to kill before
I have to be at Stillman's Gym.

You see, I own a plug-ugly
who's going to be engaged

fisticuffs-wise tonight
and I have to stop by

and put the lead weights
in his gloves

and wise him up, wise-wise.

Sure, sure, come along.
You, too, Mr., uh..

I'd sure like to meet
Madeline in the flesh.

Maybe get her autograph
to take home.

Yes, you could hang it on
the wall of your hot dog stand.

- Hamburgers!
- Hamburgers, of course.

How crude of you, Douglas,
shall we go?

Ha ha ha.

(male #2)
'Say, Fielding.'

- Oh, Stamper and Trasker.
- Hello, Fielding.

We're just on our way over to
the Fontainebleau and this is..

The Fontainebleau, please. Seven
of us couldn't fit in one cab.

- Of all the nerve--
- Uh-uh-uh. Now, don't get mad.

I-I had a crazy notion you and I
should get better acquainted.

I see.

Besides, uh..

...I think you're about the
prettiest program coordinator

I've ever seen.

You know, a fella's
not safe alone in a cab

with a girl, these days.

Alright.

Okay?

Satisfied? I just
couldn't face the boredom

of fighting you off
for ten blocks.

It's the simplest method,
my own invention.

Remove the initiative
from the brute male

and he'll retire in confusion.

Now, while you
retire in confusion

I'll do a little work.

Hey, what kind
of a screwball are you?

To save you the strain
of trying to understand me

I'll give you
the salient facts.

Graduate of Barnard,
summa cum laude, career girl.

I'm fairly pretty,
which is a nuisance.

I attract a lot of men at first,
but I always find a way

of getting rid of them. Then
everybody's happy all around.

In short, I can always
scare them off.

I don't scare easy.

- No?
- No.

Did you ever hear of Planck

who discovered the quantum
theory in 1895?

Without that
and Maxwell's field theory

there'd never be
a theory of relativity.

And did you ever hear
of Magadization

the pre-medieval musical system
of voices singing or playing

octaves apart?
And did you ever--

Time. Did you ever
hear of Kid Mariacchi?

- Kid Mariacchi?
- Yeah.

Middleweight, fighting tonight.

Height 5 foot 9.
Weight 165.

Chest norm- 39.
Expand- 42.

Eight straight
knockouts in a row.

Good chance of flattening
Helden tonight.

You're flattening me
right now.

Oh, it's just a trick.
It doesn't mean anything.

It has nothing to do
with intelligence.

But men do find it
an awful bore.

And I'll tell you something,
I don't care.

Because as Shakespeare said
in The Tempest, Act 2, Scene 7

''Most friendship is feigning,
most loving...mere folly.''

''Most friendship is feigning,
most loving mere folly.''

Well...in some ways, you and me
and Shakespeare see eye to eye.

I got my diploma
this afternoon.

- You and your war buddies?
- Yeah, you saw it.

We met at our old
wartime hangout.

A little place
called Tim's Bar.

We expected to pick up where
we left off ten years ago.

What a laugh.

Never mind,
it's on Klenzrite.

See? You didn't bother me in the
least on the rest of the trip.

My own invention.

That invention's gonna explode
in your face someday, Einstein.

Well, so long.

Aren't you gonna say
goodbye to your pals?

We said goodbye
a long time ago.

But don't let that worry you.
You'll see me again.

Just take the male initiative
and pick me up

at Stillman's Gym
about four o'clock.

I wouldn't bet on that.

You know, there are a lot of
things you shouldn't bet on.

Like that Shakespeare
quote, for instance.

It ain't The Tempest
Act 2, Scene 7.

It's As You Like It,
Act 2, Scene 7.

''Hey-ho, sing hey-ho
unto the green holly

most friendship is feigning,
most loving mere folly.''

Oh, uh...I'm around
Stillman's all the time.

(male #3)
'Quiet, Quiet, please.
Rehearsal.'

[dramatic music]

''Klenzrite presents..''

[dramatic music]

''...Midnight With Madeline,
starring..''

[dramatic music]

...Madeline!

[Dolores Gray singing
''Music Is Better Than Words'']

♪ Music is better than words ♪

♪ You break the spell
when you start to speak ♪

♪ That technique is all wrong ♪

♪ Just forget about words
and sing her a song ♪

♪ Music was made for romance ♪

♪ Love and a sweet song
go hand in glove ♪

♪ Every lover knows this ♪

♪ And the sweeter the song ♪

♪ The sweeter the kiss ♪

♪ When you're
without love you cry ♪

♪ And your song is the blues ♪

♪ But when you've
got love you're high ♪

♪ And your song
is a gay refrain ♪

♪ A happy strain
that sings out the news ♪

♪ Don't let the night
go to waste ♪

♪ Looking for ways
to say I love you ♪

♪ Take your cue from the birds ♪

♪ Music ♪

♪ Music is better ♪

♪ Music is better ♪

♪ Than words ♪♪

Applause, applause, applause.

And now, you dear ladies
and gentlemen

we come to the part of the
program which is my favorite

because it means something.

Because it means this big,
cold canyon we call New York

really has a heart.

And if you listen very hard...
you can hear it throb.

[heart throbbing]

The throb of Manhattan.

Last week we brought you
Thomas W. Jackwood

reunited right here with
his wife and children

after 30 years in jail.

Tonight again, our surprise
guest or guests

are somewhere
in this room.

Spotlight.

Could it be you?

Yes! Yes, it's you, Mr. Kebbner.

This, ladies and gentlemen

is Donald W. Kebbner
of The Bronx.

One of the last army
of little gray men

struggling along from day to day
gallantly making ends meet.

Everyone has a dream,
ladies and gentlemen.

Such a one is Mr. Kebbner.

A simple man with a dream
of visiting the Orient

in its unparalleled splendor.

But all his life he has
spent in his candy store

on Superior Avenue, where he has
brought the Orient to him

by constructing, for 16 years

a complete table-sized
model of the Taj Mahal

executed entirely
in chewing-gum wrappers.

No!

No, no, no!

I will not have this on my show!
It's terrible!

Jackie, what are you
trying to do? Ruin me?

Madeline, it's the best we could
do as a last-minute substitute.

Ah! We had something
so wonderful.

A totally reformed drunkard was
going to share inspiring story.

Yes, but he got drunk.

You geniuses will just have
to put your heads together.

I won't do the show tonight,
I just won't go on.

I want 40 million people
to sit home and cry and love me.

Hey, Sam, get me a club sandwich

a double order of French fries
and two cans of beer.

- Make it three!
- Madeline, your diet.

You know what happens to your
figure when you start eating.

Who cares about
my diet or figure?

I'm unhappy.
I want to eat.

Now, now, here's a nice
pimento cheese sandwich.

I don't want
a pimento cheese sandwich.

Yeah, but, sweetie,
it took you so long

to take off those 20 pounds.

You mustn't give up
the battle of the bulge.

[laughing]

Look who's talking, fatso.

You didn't get that corporation

on lettuce and tomato
sandwiches.

But, sweetie, nobody pays to
look at me in an evening gown.

Who cares? I'm not
going on tonight!

Madeline, wait a minute.

This chewing-gum
man has no sympathy!

- Sweetie, you got to..
- I don't care.

- You always..
- You'll put on 20 pounds..

Calm down, everybody.

I think I've got the spot
solved for tonight.

It's the foulest notion
I've had yet.

After all, it's for
the glory of Klenzrite.

- The show must go on.
- What is it?

It's human.
It's up to the minute.

It's guaranteed
to tear your guts out.

Yes, yes.

It'll take coordination.
Everybody pitching in, even you.

- Well, darling, what is it?
- The three war buddies.

They met today,
for the first time in ten years

at their old hangout,
a little place called Tim's Bar.

You mean Hallerton and what's
his name and what's his name?

Right.

And tonight,
much to their surprise

they'll meet again
at 11 o'clock and be interviewed

by Madeline
on ''Throb Of Manhattan.''

Oh! It's beautiful! Beautiful!

Our boys and me and the whole
nation watching and weeping.

That's very good. You think
we oughta talk to Hallerton?

No, this has to be
a surprise show.

Something tells me these three
pals wouldn't want to do this.

Take care of Hallerton, get him
to the theater by 11 o'clock.

Madeline, you take care
of Mr. Schenectady.

How am I gonna take care--

Don't let him out of sight. Take
him wherever he wants to go.

- To dinner?
- Yes, eat your head off.

That's Hallerton and Valentine

and I guess, I'll have to be
responsible for number three.

[speed bag thumping]

Get that.

- Okay, that's enough.
- Hey, what's eating you?

Huh? Oh, nothing. I was just
thinking about the fight.

- Ted.
- Thanks, Nashby, so long.

- You mad at me about something?
- Why would I be mad at you?

Riley. Someone to see you.

Someone about six foot four, a
broken nose, an IOU in his hand?

No, about five foot five,
neat little nose

and ''I love you'' in her eyes.

Hey, lady.
Come in.

Hello.

[whistling]

[all whistling]

Wow.

Well, well, well.
Right on the dot.

Are you always this prompt?

Yes, I'm just a machine.

Good, I love to tinker
with machinery.

I had a few hours off and I
remembered your kind invitation.

I thought I'd drop in
and see all you colorful folk

of the world
of fisticuffs in action.

- Oh, a sort of research, huh?
- In a manner of speaking.

Well, you're just in time

for a nice hot cup of
rubbing alcohol and crumpets.

Miss Leighton, this is, as if
you didn't know, Kid Mariacchi.

- How do you do?
- Hello.

Okay, Kid, get dressed,
you'll be great tonight.

- And Lefty Louie.
- Delighted.

- Butch McSween.
- Charmed.

Boys, Miss Leighton.

- Pleased to meet you.
- Hello.

Miss Leighton is here
to do some research.

She says she wants to see
the colorful folk

of the world
of fisticuffs in action.

- I'm sure, you'll oblige.
- 'Hey, Ted.'

I'll be delighted to escort
Miss Leighton until your return.

Louie, you're a gentleman
and a scholar.

- It's a pleasure.
- I'll be right back.

Fellow colleagues,
do your stuff.

Yeah!

- Look at me, I'm shadow boxing.
- He's got a glass jaw.

This is a headgear.
It protects me.

Sucks wind in the third round.

''One, two, button my shoe.
Three, four, shut the door..''

Good counter-puncher.

Well, charming little place
you have here.

Charming little place?
Lady, this is an institution.

It's been like a mother to us
and to our fathers before us.

Why, these old walls
are as steeped in tradition

as the ivy-covered
walls of Harvard.

[''Stillman's Gym'']

♪ Over on New York's ♪

♪ Eighth avenue ♪

♪ Stands a building ♪

♪ Gray and grim ♪

♪ It's the home ♪

♪ Of broken noses ♪

♪ Our Alma Mater ♪

♪ Stillman's Gym ♪

♪ Though the plastered walls ♪

♪ Are peeling ♪

♪ And it looks a mess ♪

♪ To some ♪

♪ We point with pride ♪

♪ To that spot
on the Northwest side ♪

♪ Mmm ♪

♪ Where John L. Sullivan ♪

♪ Always parked his gum ♪

♪ Stillman's Stillman's ♪

♪ Rah rah rah ♪

♪ Hit 'em in the breadbox uh uh
Hit 'em in the breadbox uh uh ♪

♪ Fight for Stillman's
Fight ♪

♪ Sock 'em with a right hook
Ouch ouch ♪

♪ Make him hear the birdies
Tweet tweet ♪

♪ Fight for Stillman's
Fight ♪

♪ Stillman's
dear old Stillman's ♪

♪ Home of famous fighting men ♪

♪ For you dear old Stillman's ♪

♪ I lay me down
for the count of ten ♪

♪ Rah rah rah ♪

♪ Stillman's
dear old Stillman's ♪

♪ We worship at your shrine ♪

♪ For you dear old Stillman's ♪

♪ I'd get me up
at the count of nine ♪

♪ As we think
of Stillman's graduates ♪

♪ Our eyes begin ♪

♪ To mist ♪

♪ For the fighting game ♪

♪ Has its heavyweight
hall of fame ♪

♪ With John L. Sullivan ♪

♪ Leading off ♪

♪ The list ♪♪

And after him came, uh..

- James Corbett.
- Yeah, and then..

Bob Fitzsimmons,
James Jeffries, Jack Johnson

Jess Willard, Jack Dempsey,
Gene Tunney, Max Schmeling

Primo Carnera, Max Baer,
James Braddock, Joe Louis

Ezzard Charles, Joe Walcott
and Rocky Marciano.

[all cheering]

Just a minute!

In what round did Dempsey
knock out Firpo?

Round two.

- Where?
- The Polo Grounds.

- When?
- 1923.

In what round did Louis
knock out Schmeling?

First round.
Two minutes, four seconds.

- When?
- 1938.

In what round did Jeffries
knock down Fitzsimmons?

The second, the tenth
and eleventh.

[all cheering]

[''Baby, You Knock Me Out'']

♪ What a dame what a dame she
belongs in the hall of fame ♪

♪ Baby you knock me out ♪

♪ You're the dame
with the frame they whistle at ♪

♪ You're the dame with the brain
in the picture hat ♪

♪ You're the doll with a wallop
like a baseball bat ♪

♪ One two three four five
six seven eight nine ten ♪

♪ Boing
I'm flat ♪

♪ Baby you knock me out ♪

♪ You're the miss with
the kisses super-sweet ♪

♪ You're the top people stop
when you're on the street ♪

♪ You're a wow with the power
I admit defeat ♪

♪ One two three four five
six seven eight nine ten ♪

♪ Boing
I'm beat ♪

♪ Star light star bright
I see stars when you move in ♪

♪ One two left right you win ♪

♪ You got me hanging
on the ropes ♪

♪ Baby you knock me out ♪

♪ You're the broad
I'd applaud in a Broadway show ♪

♪ You're the chick
with a kick like a rodeo ♪

♪ Honeybunch you got the punch
that lays me low ♪

♪ One two three four five
six seven eight nine ten ♪

♪ Boing
KO ♪

♪ Baby you knock me out ♪

[whistling]

[music continues]

♪ One two three four five
six seven eight nine ten ♪

♪ Boing ♪

♪ How strong ♪

♪ One two three four five
six seven eight nine ten ♪

♪ Boing
Come on ♪

♪ You got me hanging
on the ropes ♪

♪ Baby you knock me out ♪

♪ You're the broad
I'd applaud in a Broadway show ♪

♪ You're the chick
with a kick like a rodeo ♪

♪ Honeybunch you got the punch
that lays me low ♪

♪ One two three four five
six seven eight nine ten ♪

♪ Boing ♪

♪ KO ♪

♪ Left right hear me shout ♪

♪ Baby ♪

♪ You knock me out ♪♪

[crowd chattering]

Thanks, fellas, goodbye.

(all)
Bye!

I see you're quite a hit
with the fellas.

Thanks, if I'm staying
with you for dinner

I've calls to make.
My office, for instance.

- Dinner?
- Oh, don't you want me to?

Look, I hate to curb
your male initiative

but a guy likes to ask
once in a while.

Well, then ask me.

Miss Leighton, would you
do me the honor--

Yes, come on.

Look, it'll have to be
a quick dinner

I got the fight
tonight, you know.

Oh, I'll go with you
to the fight.

Hello, Roy, is Madeline with..

Good. And Fielding?

Fine. Now, what about the
costumes for the singing girls?

Have we any cute military
outfits around?

Oh, well, listen...
right after the rehearsal

I'll meet the girls
at the Grove Costume Company.

What do you say, sport?

Hiya, Rocky.

- Hi.
- Hi.

You look pretty smart,
there, sport.

I mean, you're cagey,
you know what I mean?

- No, what do you mean?
- Why..

I mean, you're so cagey, you
won't even discuss it with me?

- What's in on it?
- In on what?

- On it.
- Oh, on, uh..

- The fix.
- Oh, yeah-yeah-yeah, the fix.

Sure. You don't have to worry
about nothing, Ted.

Uh...Charlie Culloran,
set it up great.

Yeah, Charlie Culloran's pretty
good at that sorta thing.

Oh, yeah, we've been rehearsing.
We got it down perfect.

- You and, uh?
- Me and Mar..

Me and Mariacchi.

Rocky, don't you think you ought
to run over it once again?

- Just to make sure?
- No.

I got it down pat...uh..

In the fourth round,
me and the kid, we come out

and we dance around
a little bit, you know.

And all of a sudden,
I throw a beautiful left hook

catches the kid right
on the button.

He does a neat
half gainer into the canvas

and swims the length
of the ring. Huh?

Sounds prettier
than the Russian ballet.

Yeah, well...it'll bring us
maybe, not fame..

...but fortune.

Listen, Rocky,
play it cagey, will you?

I mean, don't go around
shooting your mouth off

to somebody who might
not be in on the fix.

That would be,
shall we say...silly?

What...what do you,
what do you take me for?

I'm...she-e-e.

Uh..

I'll see you at Charlie
Culloran's after the fi..

I mean, the fight.

- Sorry, I need the phone.
- Call you back.

- Come on, come on.
- Well, really!

- Get me a load of dimes.
- Who do you think--

Hurry up!

[phone dialing]

Well, that's that.

You've been on that
phone for years.

I'm sorry, baby. Last-minute
changes, urgent business.

But now, we'll concentrate on
you. We'll go to some nice--

I've gotta do something. I must
go to the Grove Costume Company

and see about some changes
for tonight's show.

- Do you mind coming along?
- What have I got to lose?

Oh, what a day.

The end of old friendship's
beautiful dream and a frame up.

- Taxi!
- What?

They tried to pull a fast one
on me, but I outsmarted them.

Who?

Just found out that sweet kid
you met inside, Mariacchi

is taking a dive tonight.

- What?
- Yeah, the fight's fixed.

- The big fat combine behind it.
- Oh, that's awful.

Taxi!

Is that what you
were phoning about?

Did you tip off
the boxing commission?

Did I tip off..

You think I want to get
my head bashed in

in a dark alley some night?

Oh, no. I played dumb,
took a lot of doing

but I managed to get all my
bets switched to Rocky Helding.

I should make a pile
of dough out of it.

- Hey, taxi!
- Oh.

[tires screeching]

Now, situation-wise
and saturation-wise

I think this fiscal year
is going to top them all.

- What do you think, Hallerton?
- What wise?

I said situation-wise.

Oh, excuse me I thought
you said saturation-wise.

I did. I said, situation-wise
and saturation-wise.

Oh, definitely.

Mr. Fielding, I've gotta get
home. I wanna see Dorothy.

- I'm just beginning to see--
- Nonsense, you can't leave now.

You've got to stay and see
that program tonight.

And Celia's expecting you for
dinner. Trasker, where were we?

Well, sales-resistance-wise
and competition-wise

we've nosed out every
other brand from coast to coast.

That's consumer-wise
and housewife-wise.

'Soft-spot-wise and danger-wise
we've got to keep our eyes'

on November, December
January, and February.

♪ I think this fiscal year
is going to top them all ♪

♪ And sales-resistance-wise
and competition-wise ♪

♪ We've nosed out every other
brand from coast to coast ♪

♪ But situation-wise
and saturation-wise ♪

♪ I think this fiscal year
is going to top them all ♪

♪ And sales-resistance-wise
and competition-wise ♪

♪ We've got to keep our eye on
We've got to keep our eye on ♪

♪ November, November
December, December ♪

♪ November, November
December, December ♪

♪ January, February ♪

♪ March, March, March
April, May, June ♪

♪ June, June, June.. ♪♪

Oh, excuse me.

I-I have a little bit
of a headache.

Pardon me. I'll just step
outside here for a minute.

I'll be here.

[slow music]

[music continues]

- Okay, Madeline, that's all.
- Girls.

- Over to Grove's Costume.
- Oh, Schenectady!

Meet you in the lobby
as soon as I change.

Don't forget, you're
taking me to dinner.

I'll be there. Well, bye, girls.

Thanks a lot for showing me
everything and everything.

Oh, you're welcome.

Can't wait to see the show and
watch Donald Kebbner's face

when he finds he's
a surprise guest.

Boy, they really keep
it secret, don't they?

That's the whole fun.

Hey, look at that.

I always dreamed
of having things like that

in my restaurant in Schenectady.

Oh, do you own a place
like this?

Well, it's not
exactly like this.

It's only, uh, it's more modern.

- Oh, bye.
- Bye.

[soft music]

[music continues]

[dramatic music]

Oh, there you are. It's late,
come on, girls, line up.

I know, Max, I'm terribly sorry.
Sorry, girls.

Oh, Max, the hats are all wrong.

It's supposed to be America,
not Mauritania.

Well, we'll have to do
something about them.

Let me see, get me those
little overseas cap

number 9-7-6-4-J
in your catalog.

- Come on, girls.
- Okay, girls, follow me.

I'll be right back, Ted.

[girls chattering]

[intense music]

♪ When the time has come ♪

♪ For parting ♪

♪ And the marching ♪

♪ Music ends ♪

♪ No matter where ♪

♪ Our lives may lead us ♪

♪ We'll be friends ♪

♪ Until we die ♪

♪ Once upon a time ♪

♪ I had two friends ♪

♪ Once upon a time ♪

♪ I thought that friendship
never ends ♪

♪ Once I had a dream ♪

♪ What a joke ♪

♪ Gone is that dream ♪

♪ Up in smoke ♪

♪ Once I had a dream ♪

♪ What a joke ♪

♪ Gone is that dream ♪

♪ Up in smoke ♪

♪ Gone is that dream ♪

♪ Up ♪

♪ In ♪

♪ Smoke ♪

Ted?

Ted, shall we go?

Look, lady, you're excused

you don't have to hang around
with me all evening.

I wish I didn't have
to hang around with myself.

Oh, we were going to have dinner
and go to the fights, remember?

I don't get you.

First it was strictly no dice,
for which I can't blame you..

And now, you..

I don't figure
a broad like you.

I don't get you.

You talk like
a mug, or you try to.

But, obviously, well,
that Shakespeare quote..

I used to have quite a fondness
for useless information.

Just ask Angie and Doug.

I don't have to ask
Angie and Doug.

You know something?

Those two used to think
I was greater than Babe Ruth

Justice Holmes and Dick Tracy
rolled into one.

What did they think you were
going to turn out to be?

Oh, nothing much.
Just a great man.

I have a sneaking feeling I've
let them down, just a wee bit.

If they knew about my,
shall we say

helpful attitude
towards this fix

the boys would be
real proud of me.

Don't you think so?

Don't look for
any sermons from me.

I've been involved
in some fixes myself.

I suppose everybody's
in some racket or other.

Say, what is this
tough-woman-of-the-world

pose of yours?
What's your problem?

- Some man done ya wrong?
- Oh, really?

No, you'd never let anyone
get near enough.

And you think you know
all the answers.

You take the initiative, you..

Actually, you're just plain
inhibited, that's your problem.

Look. Don't give me any two-bit
snap psycho-analysis

anyone can do it.
Case of Ted Riley.

Ten years ago,
fresh out of the army.

You were going to
amount to something.

But, you had a disappointment.

Don't know if it was a small
blonde one, or a tall dark one.

But since then, you're taking it
out on the world and yourself.

That'll be 25 cents, please.

[instrumental music]

That was no snap analysis, lady,
that was my life.

- I'm sorry.
- Na, that's alright.

You were terrific, doc.
You hit it square on the nose.

Speaking of snap analysis,
I owe you 25 cents.

Hm?

You hit it square on
the nose about me, doc.

Sorry, gotta lock up.

Oh, we were just going.

Here, uh, go get
yourself analyzed.

The Chicago concert season
sounds just divine.

Yeah, Mrs. Hallerton and I
have subscription tickets

to everything, but she always
has to go with her cousin Minnie

because ol' fatso over there
keeps me working too long.

Who? Oh, ha ha ha.

How is dear Mrs. Hallerton?

How should I know?
I'm married to her.

[chuckles]
Does she still have
those awful headaches?

Yes, and she's
tried everything.

Pills, analysis, astrology,
witchcraft. Nothing helps.

It's very simple, she's dying.
I'm boring you to death.

Ha ha ha.

She has a certain look
when she's with me.

It's a combination of
boredom, disgust and pity.

I saw that same look on Ted
and Angie's faces today.

You know who's looking at me
right now, with that same look?

- Not...me?
- No, not you, four eyes. Me.

Hey, Garcon! Hey!

I wouldn't have any more
of those if I were you, Doug.

I-I counted three martinis.

And I sneaked five on the side.
That makes eight. Hey, you!

Oh, ha ha ha. You've got to stay
in shape tonight, my boy.

You're coming to Madeline's
program, you know? Ha ha.

Do I have to witness
that maudlin, disgusting junk?

See some poor, helpless,
surprised guest

make an idiot of himself?

Well, ha ha ha.

There must be some more
dignified way to sell Klenzrite.

Like you taking a bath
stark-naked in Macy's window.

Well, why don't you fire me?

Oh, what? I wouldn't dream
of it, my boy. Ha ha.

I just want you to stay in shape
tonight, that's all. Ha ha.

Where do you get off owning
paintings like these?

Picasso, Braque,
Rouault, Renoir?

What do you know of painting
anyway, you old goof?

Your art appreciation ended
with Mutt and Jeff.

Ooh.

[laughs]

Do you have any idea what
it takes to be a great artist?

Or even an inferior one?

The dedication, the sacrifice,
the time?

Oh, come on, meathead, fire me.

Well...speaking of meatheads,
that reminds me, dinner will--

Just a second, just a second.
Just a second!

Oh, now, Doug, uh, Doug!

This is a surprise
for Ted and Angie.

Ha ha ha. I-It's a surprise
for Ted and Angie.

[muffled singing]

Voila! No Mustache!

Huh? Ted and Angie
would know me now.

Oh, Doug, I'm glad you're down.
We're a little late dinner-wise.

Dinner-wise? Gee, I wish
I would've said that-wise.

Whoop! Drink-wise! Drink-wise.

Drink..sorry-wise.

I apologize.

Sorry-wise. Apologize.
Sorry-wise. Apologize.

♪ Sorry-wise apologize
Sorry-wise apologize ♪

♪ Sorry-wise
and apologize-wise ♪

♪ Apologize-wise
and sorry-wise ♪

♪ Apologize-wise
and sorry-wise wise ♪

♪ Situation-wise saturation-wise
competition-wise ♪

♪ Sales-resistance-wise
television-wise ♪

♪ Meathead-wise fatso-wise
and wise and wise ♪

♪ Pa-dam-pa-dam-pa-dam ♪

♪ Situation-wise saturation-wise
saturation-wise situation-wise ♪

♪ Drink-wise pill-wise ♪

♪ Audio-wise and video-wise and
video-wise and audio-wise ♪

♪ Audio-video-wise and
video-audio-wise ♪

♪ I dream of Jeannie
with her light brown hair ♪

♪ Situation-wise ♪

♪ Saturation-wise ♪

♪ Situation-wise and
saturation-wise and si.. ♪

♪ Be my love for no one else
can end this yearning ♪

♪ For you I'll make
the sweetest music ♪

♪ Time for the party-wise ♪

♪ Do-do-do-do-huh ♪

♪ Doo-doo-hoo-hah ♪

♪ Woo-hoo-ooh-ooh ♪♪

[Rossini's ''William Tell
Overture'' playing]

Sound retreat!

Damsel in distress!

Charge! Follow me
over the moat!

Dinner-wise. I'm with you
Jerry-Lewis-wise

Stand back. My old trick!

Nothing up my sleeves.
No mustache, deceive.

[music stops]

- Max.
- Think he'll win?

- Sure.
- Ted

- Hi.
- Hi.

Well, if it isn't Ted Riley.

Well, if it isn't
Charlie Culloran.

What a nice surprise.
What're you doing here, Charlie?

Just came over
to say hello to you.

- And to wish the kid good luck.
- That's swell of you, Charlie.

- Kid looks great.
- Thanks.

When I lost him to you,
I thought he was nothing.

- You've done wonders with him.
- Thanks again, Charlie.

I'll see you around.
Few things I wanna talk.

- Sure thing, Charlie.
- You should come by house.

I'll have my wife cook us a nice
chicken dumpling dinner.

And, uh, bring the young lady.

- Sure thing, Charlie.
- Good luck.

Thanks.

Who is that?

That's little miss fix-it
and his crowd of debutantes.

Oh.

Hiya, Kid.

Hey, where were you?
You're late, Ted.

- Oh, I get it.
- Good luck, tonight.

- Thanks.
- Okay, George.

You're finished here,
wait outside. Thanks.

- You get a good rest?
- Sure, I feel swell.

I'm glad, because I got
everything I own

riding on you
tonight, kid, but..

...I know I'm a cinch
to clean up on you.

- Yeah.
- You seem a little nervous.

Who, me? Uh-uh.

You got nothing
to be nervous about.

Well, it's a big night.

Yeah, it was a
big day today, too.

Remember that date I had to
keep at twelve o'clock?

- Yeah?
- Well, that wasn't with a girl.

Turned out to be a date
with myself.

Huh?

First time I met up with
myself in about ten years.

You sound nuts.

Well, I'm glad I got you, kid.
You're my one accomplishment.

Yeah, you're right.

The boys are real proud of you.

Huh? What did you say?

Well, I said the boys
are real proud of you.

The boys.

Remember what I told you
about keeping your hands down?

Come here.

See, you got them
down like this.

You're all relaxed.

[glass shatters]

[door knocking]

(Georgie)
'Come on, Kid!
They're waiting for you.'

Okay, go ahead,
he'll be right up.

Come on, let's get
out of here.

You go on, Georgie,
I'll bring him right up.

Come on.

Taxi.

530 east, 48th street.

Ted, you idiot, what did you do?
Those men are gonna kill you.

Between the two of us,
we can handle anybody.

But Ted, aren't you
in terrible danger?

Yeah, I'm in terrible danger.

I'm in danger of believing
that look on your face.

You know, ten years ago

I told myself, I'd never
let this happen again.

And then..

[rattling]

Oh!

That's nothing, darling,
it's only the car.

No, it isn't, remember?

It's my own invention..

...exploding in my face.

[chuckles]

- How's he coming, Swenson?
- Fine, Mr. Fielding.

I'll have him shipshape
in half an hour.

Good, we have to leave
for the telecast at 10:30.

I'll give him deep massage,
and he'll be good as new.

Mmm.

Somebody stole my moustache.

Fielding, I want that moustache
returned, every hair in place.

[laughing]

Oh, Miss Leighton,
what on earth are you upto?

Hm?

You've been living
here two years.

You know our simple,
steadfast rules.

- No men beyond this line.
- Oh.

Couldn't you make
an exception in my case?

- I'm a traveling salesman.
- I'm sorry.

And, Miss Leighton what're you
doing here at this hour?

You're usually at your
broadcast by this time.

Oh, the broadcast!

Ted, will you please wait here?
I'll be down in ten minutes.

And, something about the program
I've gotta tell you.

- I'll tell you on the way.
- About what?

Oh, it's ridiculous.
I'm sick of it.

I'll explain it on the way over.

- I'll hurry.
- I'll be here.

[intense music]

- Have you a side entrance here?
- Yes, there.

Look, tell Miss Leighton,
I'll meet her at the broadcast.

Thank you, good-bye.

[dramatic music]

[music continues]

[inaudible]

[indistinct chattering]

[music continues]

[cars honking]

[whistling]

[whistling continues]

♪ Why am I feeling so good ♪

♪ Why am I feeling so strong ♪

♪ Why am I feeling
when things could look black ♪

♪ That nothing could
possibly go wrong ♪

♪ This has been
a most unusual day ♪

♪ Love has made me
see things ♪

♪ In a different way ♪

♪ Can it be ♪

♪ I like myself ♪

♪ She likes me ♪

♪ So I like myself ♪

♪ If someone wonderful
as she is ♪

♪ Can think I'm wonderful ♪

♪ I must be quite a guy ♪

♪ Feeling so ♪

♪ Unlike myself ♪

♪ Always used to ♪

♪ Dislike myself ♪

♪ But now my love ♪

♪ Has got me riding high ♪

♪ She likes me so ♪

♪ So do I ♪

[whistling]

[whistling continues]

♪ She likes me so ♪

♪ So do I ♪♪

[crowd applauding]

[continues applauding]

[indistinct chattering]

Ladies and gentlemen.

In just 3 minutes, Midnight
With Madeline will start.

Now, don't forget, we have
a battery of television cameras

cleverly concealed.

So, be careful what you
say to your neighbor.

Or how affectionate you are

with your partner
of the evening.

Because remember

you may be on TV.

[indistinct chattering]

[chattering continues]

What am I doing here?

If you stand over here at the
bar, you can see everything.

(male announcer)
'If you look up to the
right of the monitor'

'You'll see the word applaud..'

Right this way, Mr. Valentine.

(male announcer)
'Each time you see
the applause sign go on..'

- Yes, sir, what is it?
- I want to see Miss Leighton.

- I'm sorry, but--
- Oh, Mr. Riley, I'm Trasker.

The show's just going on,
please, step over here.

- She'll see you right after it.
- Oh, thank you.

Yes, yes, yes, it's 11:00
and the makers of Klenzrite

Doze-rite, Is-rite,
and Was-rite.

Also manufacturers of H2O Cola

that effervescent cola,
that's pure as water

as nonfattening as water.

But oh, boy, that cola taste

that zooms you up to the skies

presents

Midnight With Madeline, starring

Me.

May I come in?

[applauding]

♪ Remember ♪

♪ That Klenzrite is
the only washing soap ♪

♪ For you ♪

♪ Remember ♪

♪ That Klenzrite is the soap ♪

♪ That washes things so new ♪

♪ Please remember ♪

♪ The many things
that only Klenzrite can do ♪

♪ Remember ♪

♪ To call your grocer
to send you ♪

♪ Klenzrite ♪♪

[crowd applauding]

[fanfare]

And now you dear
ladies and gentlemen

guess what I'm going to do.

I'm going to
sing you a song.

It's my latest recording,
and I do hope you just love it.

But even if you don't,
I don't really mind

as...long as you love me.

[orchestral music]

♪ I'm watching and waiting ♪

[music continues]

Hello, Sam.

Hello, Joe.

♪ I'm waiting ♪

♪ And watching ♪

[music continues]

Hello, Max.

Hello, Bob.

Hello, Jasper.

♪ I hope and I yearn ♪

[music continues]

Hello, Bill.

Hello, Phil.

♪ Just for his return ♪

Hello, fellas.

[music continues]

♪ Thanks for the present
of the silver-blue mink ♪

♪ Thanks for the plane ♪

♪ And the ice-skating rink ♪

♪ Thanks for the yacht
and for the solid-gold sink ♪

♪ Thanks a lot but no thanks ♪

♪ Thanks for the scrabble set
with platinum board ♪

♪ Thanks for the factory ♪

♪ Once known as Ford ♪

♪ Thank you for finding me
the famous lost chord ♪

♪ Thanks a lot but no thanks ♪

♪ For I am just ♪

♪ A faithful lassie ♪

♪ Waiting for her faithful lad ♪

♪ And there's no gift
however classy ♪

♪ By which this lassie ♪

♪ Can be had ♪

♪ Thanks for the banks
and for the Santa Fe line ♪

♪ Thanks for the darling
Uranium mine ♪

♪ But I'm a gal
with only one valentine ♪

♪ Thanks a lot but no thanks ♪

♪ Thanks for the champagne ♪

♪ And thanks for
the state of Maine ♪

♪ And thanks for the autographed
picture of John Wayne ♪

[gunshots]

♪ Thanks a lot but no thanks ♪

♪ Thanks for the cruise ♪

♪ And thanks for the oil wells ♪

♪ That ooze ♪

♪ And thanks for that pair
of Fred Astaire shoes ♪

♪ Thanks a lot but no thanks ♪

♪ For I am just
a faithful lassie ♪

♪ Waiting for her faithful lad ♪

♪ And there's no gift
however classy ♪

♪ By which this lassie ♪

♪ Can be had ♪

♪ Thanks for losing your mind ♪

♪ And thanks for
Fort Knox sealed and signed ♪

♪ But I've got a guy
who's Clifton Webb ♪

♪ And Marlon Brando combined ♪

♪ Thanks a lot but no ♪

♪ No thanks ♪♪

[crowd applauding]

Now, ladies and gentlemen,
our weekly featurette

The Throb Of Manhattan.

[crowd applauding]

Dear ladies and gentlemen.

We come to the part of the
program which is my favorite.

Because it means something.

Because it means this big cold
canyon we call New York

really has a heart.

Somewhere in this room

is the surprise guest
or guests for this evening.

Could it be you?

[crowd applauding]

Yes, boys, you're on television!

[crowd applauding]

♪ Oh the time has come
for parting ♪

♪ And the marching music ends ♪

♪ No matter where
our lives may lead us ♪

♪ In our hearts
we'll still be friends ♪

♪ For friends we are now
And friends we'll stay ♪

♪ Until we meet again
one wonderful day ♪

♪ Let a million miles divide us
Let the years go rolling by ♪

♪ Although the time
has come for parting ♪

♪ We'll be friends
until we die ♪♪

Ladies and gentlemen.

Ten years ago,
these three G.I. Joes

returning from the war

made a solemn pledge
to meet again today.

They had their glorious
reunion at noon

proving true friendship
never dies.

Yes, friends, this is Ted Riley

Angelo Valentine,
and Douglas Hallerton.

Boys, this reception
is also being given to you

by millions of people
sitting in their homes

all over the country
and I know that just like me

they are all feeling
a wee bit misty.

Bless you.

Oh, look, little Angelo
is blushing.

[crowd laughing]

Bless him, isn't this wonderful?

Isn't this
a great surprise?

Oh, it certainly is
for me though I..

...think I was about
to be tipped off.

So, this is why you spent
every minute of the day with me.

I should have smelled a rat.

Hey, Connie, if you're
watching, nothing happened.

Connie, ladies and gentlemen
is little Angie's wife

who is watching the show
from Schenectady.

[crowd cheering]

And this is
Douglas Hallerton, everyone

who knew nothing about it

even though he is one of our
own executive vice presidents

from Chicago.

[crowd cheering]

Now, really, Doug.

Isn't this
a great moment for you

being the surprise guest
on one of your own shows?

Madeline, sincerely,
I deserve every bit of it.

It's truly a fitting climax
to 10 years of self-degradation.

And if anyone
interested is watching

I know what she meant,
change-wise, that is.

Uh, yes, yours is a true
success story, Doug.

But not all of us can reach
the top, ladies and gentlemen.

Some of us sometimes
need a helping hand.

Take Mr. Valentine,
for instance.

Now, Mr. Valentine
is a sweet, simple person

one of the vast army
of little gray men

who struggle along
from day to day

gallantly making ends meet.

Angie, we are going to
give you, absolutely free

a Klenzrite washing machine,
plus a five year supply

of Fishmayers non-scuffle shoes

for your poor,
dear little kiddies.

Bless you.

Here's your Klenzrite guarantee

and Mr. Fishmayers
personal certificate.

Thanks a lot.

But no, thanks.

I'm not looking
for any handouts.

And I'm not one of any
vast army of little gray men.

I'm doing alright and I can
take care of my own family.

Thank you.

Isn't that wonderful,
ladies and gentlemen?

And you, Mr. Riley.

I understand that you're engaged
in the world of sports.

Tell us about
yourself, won't you?

Oh, there's nothing
to tell. I'm a bum.

- Hm?
- A bum.

You know,
a small-time operator.

I'm mixed up with some of
the shadiest characters in town.

As a matter of fact,
knowing the inspiring

uplifting work you do
on this program

I-I feel terrible
about showing my face

in decent homes
all over the country.

Boys, don't be like me,
live clean, use Klenzrite.

Uh, why, thank you.

And now tell us about
your glorious reunion.

The three of you
walked into Tim's bar--

Madeline, I'd like
to help you out and give you

all the phony sentiment
and corn you want but..

...I'm afraid, I'll
have to disappoint you.

When the three of us met today
in Tim's bar for the big moment

it was horrible.

The years had..

...the years had
made us strangers.

We hated one another.

I know now why I hated them.

It's because I hated myself.

But I'm glad it happened.

Because I'd like
the guys to know

that whatever they think of me,
I-I don't blame them.

And I'd give
several arms and legs

to win their friendship
and respect again.

I'll try and spend the next
ten years winning it back.

Good night, Madeline,
it's been swell.

[crowd chattering]

And now, ladies and gentlemen,
the Klenzrite Cakewalkers.

[orchestral music]

Hello, Riley.

Charlie Culloran.

- Hi, Rocky.
- Dirty crook.

Oh, I'm sorry you
feel that way, Rocky.

We hate to interrupt your
evening of nightclubbing.

Nightclubbing?
Why, this..

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, but we'd like to have
you come along with us.

To your house for
that chicken dumpling dinner?

Ted, I'm afraid you
won't be able to enjoy

a chicken dumpling dinner
for three or four years.

Cover Ted Riley
with number 3 camera.

Get that mic closer
and keep it there.

Maybe after five or six months

you can take a little
clear broth.

- Oh, really?
- I'm afraid so.

Well, why this
attitude, Charlie?

Well, of course you know, Ted,
there was no fight tonight.

When the kid
regained consciousness

he told us how
you'd knocked him out.

When Charlie Culloran
fixes a fix

he wants it to stay fixed.

What was that, Charlie?

'I said when I fix them,
I want them to stay fixed.'

Oh, fixed? Oh, thank you
very much.

Yes, I can understand pride
in one's work, Charlie.

'I kind of felt
that tonight, too.'

I was a little annoyed at the
kid for wanting to throw

the fight after all the
hard work we'd done.

So, I thought the best thing to
do was to incapacitate him

and prevent the fight
from going on.

Of course, if it was just
me being upset, I'd forget it

but there are several
other gentlemen involved

and, they'd like to have
a chat with you.

Oh, who could they be?

Barney Gaber, Larry Treadman,
Zeb O'Flair--

Barney, Larry, Zeb,
they're all in on the, uh, fix?

Yes, and I think it'd be
rude to keep them waiting.

I have a couple of boys
here to escort us out.

Say, Charlie, have you
ever been on TV?

- What?
- Have you ever been on TV?

You know, Charlie, you got
a beautiful full face

but let's see your profile, you
know, it's is very important

'for love scenes and so forth,
that's very very nice.'

Rocky, don't you think
Charlie would be good on TV?

I'll tell you the truth,
I never thought about it.

But on the screen,
there's an actor there

who ain't no prettier
than Charlie.

If I dinn't want to be deemed
crazy, I'd say it was Charlie.

- What are you talking about?
- Yes, Charlie, you're on TV.

You've just given a nice,
clear statement

before about 60 million people.

Why, you..

[crowd shouting]

- Ted, you alright?
- Angie.

Cover me!

- Ready on the right.
- On the left.

Ready on the firing line.

- Charge!
- Charge!

[groaning]

Bombs away!

[indistinct shouting]

[crowd shouting]

Hit the dirt!

[shouting continues]

Ringolevio.

- Yay!
- Yay!

[shouting continues]

[shouting continues]

Fire one!

I'm coming, Angie!

Ha! Whoo! Ha!

Look out..

- Ha ha.
- Ringolevio.

Hey, look.

Let's get out of here before
they ask a lot of questions.

'Ladies and gentlemen, your
Madeline has done it again.'

'You've witnessed not only the
reunion of the three ex G.I's'

'but also our additional
surprise guest'

'Charles Z. Culloran,
notorious racketeer and gambler'

'making a spontaneous
and unrehearsed confession'

'which will doubtless
send him up the river'

'for 50 or 60 years!'

'All this on our weekly
human-interest featurette'

'The Throb Of Manhattan.'

[fanfare]

♪ A March a March a March
April May June ♪

♪ June a June a June July
and August September ♪

♪ Sept, Sept.. ♪♪

Well, well, what happened
to the rover boys?

We've been on television.

- Come on, Tim, set 'em up.
- Got to hand it to you guys.

Ten years and the same old pals.

Nothing changed.

[laughing]

- Tim, we love you.
- You got a sharp eye.

Hello, Dorothy?
It's me, Doug.

Yeah, I just wanted to tell--

What? Oh, you saw the program?

Oh, you do?

Yeah, well, so do I.

Listen, darling, I don't know
how you stood me up till now.

Yes, I am.

But now I've got
a chance to show you..

Li-listen, Dot.

I know we can make it.

Yeah, I..

Well, I..

...I can't say
any more right now.

Just..

I love you.

Bye.

- To Dorothy.
- Dorothy.

- One for Connie and the kids.
- And the Cordon Bleu.

No. No more Cordon Bleu.

From now on,
it's just gonna be plain

Angie and Connie's
Roadside Diner.

Well.

Hey, I remember old bootsie.

The kid from the south, always
tripping all over himself?

His name was George
something..

- Bootsie.
- Brown?

No, no, George Barry.

- Barry!
- Barry, that's it!

We were always toasting him.
Was good luck..

- Why?
- I don't know.

I remember, when we landed
at Anzio on the beachhead?

He fell down and we followed
thinking it was orders

Yeah, the machine guns opened
up, but we were down flat.

That's right, that idiot
saved our lives.

Gee.

Old bootsie.

- Bootsie.
- Bootsie.

Hey, you remember
Corporal Zimmerman?

[indistinct chattering]

Alright, alright!
One more, and that's all.

I got a license here, remember?

Closing time, it's late
we all got homes to go to.

Pay up and let's go,
that'll be four bucks even.

- I got it.
- I got it.

Hey, hey!

Wait a minute.
The safe!

- The safe.
- The safe.

There it is.

- Four even.
- Wow..

[chuckles]
Four bucks.

Well, Tim, that about
wraps it up.

(Jackie)
'Not quite.'

There's a little
unfinished business.

I think everything's going
to be alright with you, too.

- What do you think, Angie?
- Vote for Riley.

♪ Though the time
has come for parting ♪

♪ And the marching music ends ♪

♪ No matter where our lives ♪

♪ May lead us ♪

♪ In our hearts
we'll still be friends ♪

♪ Though the time
has come for parting ♪

♪ And the future lies unknown ♪

♪ Although the years ♪

♪ May come between us ♪

♪ We will never ♪

♪ Feel alone ♪

♪ For friends ♪

♪ We are now ♪

♪ And friends we'll stay ♪

♪ Until ♪

♪ We meet again ♪

♪ One wonderful day ♪

♪ Let a million miles ♪

♪ Divide us ♪

♪ Let the years ♪

♪ Go rolling by ♪

♪ Although the time ♪

♪ Has come for parting ♪

♪ We'll be friends ♪

♪ Until ♪

♪ We ♪

♪ Die ♪♪