All language subtitles for Fantasy.Island.2020.UNRATED.1080p.BluRay.x264-WUTANG

Help!

Help!

Please, please, there's no time.
I've been abducted.

I've been taken to
some crazy island.

I know where you are.

Stay there.
I will send help.

Thank you.
Thank you so much.

You have to hurry, you have to
hurry, you have to hurry.

It will all be fine, Mrs. Maddison.

Wait.

How do you know my name?

You are one of my guests.

No, no, no! No!

No! No! No, stop!

Let go of me!
Let me go! Let me go!

Please let me go!

The plane.

Mr. Roarke, the plane.

It's here.

Smiles, everyone.

Smiles.

Well...

this place doesn't suck.

YO...

- LO!
- Ha-ha-ha!

Oh, my... Unh!

- This is crazy.
- Thanks.

- Free flower necklaces.
- Ooh, welcome drinks.

Ha, let's get lei'd!

Here, let me give you a hand.

- I'm okay.
- No, no, come on. I insist.

- Oh!
- Ha, ha!

It was so loud in there.
I'm Patrick.

- I'm Gwen. Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.

Welcome to Fantasy Island.

And congratulations to each
of you on winning the contest.

This weekend,
you will be our VIPs.

In return, all we ask

is that you brag about us online

- when you get home.
- Marketing 101.

I'm Julia,
the personal assistant

to your host, Mr. Roarke.

Yeah, what's his story?

I couldn't begin to tell you.

I heard Roarke's family
bought this island

from the natives 200 years
ago for six cases of rum.

I heard that he was an
angel investor in the '90s

and got bored with
Silicon Valley.

And opened an amusement park?

Trust me,
the island is so much more.

Here, anything and
everything is possible.

Oh, yes. Unh!

You guys high-five a lot?

- All the time.
- All the time, baby.

- Wow.
- Mr. Roarke is making

final preparations.
He will meet you in the bar

for an evening drink.
In the meantime,

we will take you to your rooms,

so you may change
and freshen up.

No service.

Guess not everything's possible.

Gentlemen,
I'll ask you to wait at the bar.

Your quarters will
be ready shortly.

And the rest of you,
please follow me.

Your bungalows are this way.

- Dude!
- Ha!

This is... Wow,
I can't believe you get to bring me.

Come on.
It wouldn't be a dream vacay

without my baby bro. Right? Oh!

Oh.

Here you go.

There's no need for money here.

Mm.

Wow. Is this just for me?

Well, it's called Fantasy
Island for a reason.

A place where anything

and everything is
possible, you said.

What you didn't say is how.

Mr. Roarke tailors each fantasy
specifically to the guest.

Based on a one-page
questionnaire?

I will confess,
I'm relatively new here.

So how Mr. Roarke
does what he does

is as much a mystery
to me as it is to you.

What I do know...

is that your life is
about to change forever.

I hope you're ready.

- Here you are.
- I will take two of those.

- Thank you.
- Oh, great. I need a drink.

Mm, sorry,
I'm double-fisting.

Mm, uh, can we talk to Mr. Roarke,
please?

We still don't have our rooms.
Sir? Hello?

Hey,
my brother's talking to you.

- I'm his brother. Hello?
- Wait.

You guys are actually brothers?

Oh, you think because
we're different colors

- we can't be brothers?
- Wow.

- Dude, racist much?
- No. I mean...

- What's up?
- What do you mean?

- Come on.
- You don't like Asians?

- Why do you hate Asians?
- That's not what I said.

Verbatim what you said.
You got a racist haircut.

- Look at his face.
- I'm just joking, man. No.

My dad married his mom

when this little dude
was still in Pampers.

- I'm JD. You can call him "T."
- Dude.

- What?
- We talked about this.

- Whatever.
- College nickname.

- "Brax" is fine.
- Patrick. Nice to meet you guys.

You boys can always
take Patrick's bungalow

and he can "bungalow" with me.

I'm Melanie.
I don't think we had a chance to meet.

- It was pretty noisy.
- I can get pretty noisy.

- Damn.
- You are forward, Melanie.

You have no idea, Patrick.

So, what's your fantasy?

Oh, that's a question
for the room.

I'm curious how this all works.

I was wondering that myself.

Virtual reality, obviously.

Maybe it's like LARP,
live-action role-playing.

It's actually pretty fun.

So I've heard.

From, like, dorks. Heh.

- You saved it.
- Thank you.

I bet he's right. It's gotta be

some sort of
immersive experience.

What if your fantasy involves
a person from your life?

Holograms, like Tupac.

- What if it's somebody who died?
- Tupac.

I saw on Reddit that
the guy pumps the drinks

with tons of hallucinogens.
Crazy.

I promise,

the only thing in those drinks

is the finest imported rum.

Good evening. I am Mr. Roarke,

the ambassador to
your deepest desires.

Let me officially welcome
you to Fantasy Island.

- Hey, hey!
- Yeah!

Thank you, Mr. Roarke.

We were all just discussing

- how this works exactly.
- You will know soon.

I promise,
you won't be disappointed.

The island has two rules.

There is only one
fantasy per guest.

And two,
you must see your fantasy through

to its natural conclusion,
no matter what.

- Why wouldn't we?
- Fantasies rarely play out

as you or I might expect,

but they always play out
exactly as they should.

Not even you know
how they'll go?

Only the island knows.

I am but its humble steward.

- So when does this all begin?
- After a good night's rest.

Oh. My brother and I still
don't have our rooms.

I hope the "island" is ready for
a tough but fair Yelp review.

That's because, gentlemen,

your fantasy begins now.

- How far is this place?
- Yeah.

Not really into bushwhacking.

- Is that why Jenni dumped you?
- Too soon, T. Come on.

Stop with the nickname.
I'm not playing.

We are very close.

You wrote on your questionnaire

your fantasy was to have it
all, no?

- Yeah.
- Well...

it's all yours.

Hey! Oh!

Oh, my God!

Oh, he did a backflip!
He did it!

Oh! Super on-the-nose, Roarke,

but I still love it. Ha-ha-ha!

- Champagne, boys?
- Not for me. Asian glow.

Roarke, don't forget what I told
you about my baby brother Brax.

- Told him you're gay.
- How could I?

Oh, you think being
gay means all I want

is shirtless, ripped,
juicy, delicious men?

I got layers, dudes.

Two layers. I got two layers.

Fantasy fucking Island!

If you need me,

just pick up any phone.

- Enjoy your evening.
- Oh, we will.

This is some good weed.

- Good morning.
- Aah! Oh!

Mr. Roarke has called for you.

Ms. Olsen, please, sit.

Thank you, Mr. Roarke.

I've been helping people
realize their fantasies

for longer than I care to say.

Often, they are
painfully unimaginative.

- Lots of sex stuff.
- Yeah.

But yours...
Yours is quite abstract.

You wrote, "Happiness and I
aren't exactly compatible."

Now, mistakes and regrets,
we're old friends.

"So if I had one wish,
I guess it would be to get a do-over."

Is it too late to
change to sex stuff?

No, no, no. I like this.

This is a challenge.
And I accept.

Oh, good.

What do you not like
about your life?

Let us start with your job.
Real estate.

Mostly commercial.
I mean, what's to like?

Relationship?

Single.

- Do you want children?
- I'm sorry,

is this a therapy
session or a vacation?

If you're lucky, both.

I always pictured myself with...

just one little girl.

And with whom did you hope
to have this little girl?

Ms. Olsen...

regret... is a disease.

It has afflicted
you for too long,

and I can help you cure it.

If you let me.

- His name was Allen.
- Very good.

And why did it not
work with Mr. Allen?

Bad timing. When we met,
I was kind of in a dark place.

At our one-year anniversary
dinner, he proposed.

I said no.

You did not believe
Allen loved you

because you do not
believe you deserve love.

If you could do
that moment over,

would you say yes?

Yeah.

Behind those doors...

is your fantasy.

A chance to change the
moment you regret the most.

Madame.

What is that?

Ms. Olsen, please.

The doors.

Maestro's?

Down to the last detail.

- How did you...?
- Yes.

Yes, and this is where
Mr. Allen proposed.

You flew him in?

- You knew?
- Almost thought you stood me up.

Ah. Reservation under Chambers.

Yes, sir.

Right this way.

- Allen, I'm so sorry...
- For what?

Well, that they dragged you into this.
I can't...

Oh, God. You didn't pay to get
here, did you?

No. My cabbie was just like,
"No charge, man. It's cool."

What...?

Enjoy your meal.

You can drop the act now.

I don't speak to
you for five years,

and you just show up
here, looking...

great, by the way.
You haven't aged a day.

I saw you in my
bed this morning.

Is this an intervention?

You role-play with me and I
learn something about myself?

Okay, when and where did
you bump your head today?

Seriously, you okay?

Will you excuse me?

This is not what I wanted.

This is your second
chance to say yes

- to his marriage proposal.
- But what is the point?

It doesn't change anything.

You are here because regret
has ruined your life.

Do not make this another
moment you will regret.

But...

it's not real.

- Is it?
- This is Fantasy Island.

It's as real as you make it.

Guess they're saving
the best for last.

Your fantasy hasn't
started either?

- No. Mind if I join you?
- Please.

This guy's been
giving me nothing.

- Would you like a cocktail, sir?
- Oh, no, thanks.

- You nervous?
- A little.

Well, I'd ask you about
your fantasy again,

but you didn't really want to
talk about it last night, so...

This is gonna sound stupid.

Ever since I was a kid,
I wanted to enlist.

But my mom made me promise that I
wouldn't, so I became a cop.

Figured I'd do some
good, see some action.

- But you didn't?
- No. There was an incident.

Got stuck behind a desk.

When this came around, I figured:

"This is my chance to play soldier,"

even if it's just actors
with blanks and...

Never enlisted?

What's up with the dog tags?

Uh, for luck.

Well, if you're worried
your fantasy sounds stupid,

just wait until you hear mine.

- Revenge on a childhood bully.
- You got bullied?

I was a very late bloomer.

Built like a small boy.

So when the most popular
girl in school decided

to make me her favorite
target, I didn't take it well.

I'm not sure how you should
take a bucket of toilet water

on your head at the
eighth-grade dance.

- That's terrible.
- I was having a lot of anxiety,

so my mom forced me
to go see this shrink,

aka Dr. Torture.
Sometimes he talked so much,

I wanted to staple his mouth shut.
Anyway, Dr. Torture,

he told me to write
letters to classmates

that I wanted to connect with.

It was, like, an exercise.

And one day, Sloane, my
tormentor, stole the letters

and then plastered them
all over the cafeteria.

Yeah, I was branded "psycho
stalker freak" for life.

I just want to feel what it's
like to be on the other end.

I mean, obviously,
the fantasy won't be real,

but that's why we
go to horror movies

and ride roller coasters, right?
To feel something?

I'd like to
think that this is...

more exciting than
riding a roller coaster.

Mr. Sullivan,
do you mind giving us some privacy?

I need to give Ms.
Cole instructions.

In the meantime,
feel free to do push-ups or crunches.

- Squats, maybe.
- No, it's okay.

He knows about Sloane.
I'm owning it.

Ah! Okay. No exercise.

In the lobby...
there is an elevator.

Inside, push the button
for the floor with no name.

Can I record it with my phone?

- So I can remember it.
- It is your fantasy.

Jeez.

Hello?

Okay, I'm on Fantasy Island.

I'm in a super creepy control room.

I'm about to get
this thing started.

Huh,
there's a lot of red buttons.

That one's flashing.
Must be the one.

Here we go.

No way.

Sloane?

That is a really good hologram.

Yeah,
she looks better than Tupac.

"Open me."

"A variety of buttons for a
variety of revenge. Enjoy."

Okay, Holo-Sloane.

Let's have some fun.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, that was amazing.

Uh...

Toilet water. Yes.

Very eighth-grade dance.

Mama likes. Huh...

Wait, that's Sloane.

Whoa!

Whoa, that is not her husband.

Okay, okay.

My God,
that is so not her husband.

Good.

Oh, shit.

Well, when on Fantasy Island...

That is her husband.

Sloane?

Uh, what the hell is this?

Oh! Is that Greg?

Don't tell me that's where
you've been the last two days.

- "The last two days"?
- How could you do this to me?

- Will you say something?
- Oh, my God.

Um, Roarke?

- Uh, you there? Look, I'm done.
- Let me go!

I get it.
My fantasy was revenge,

but I didn't think you
would actually kidnap her.

Come on.

Hey!

Hey!

- Your fatigues, soldier.
- This is it?

Just put them on.
You will know when your fantasy has begun.

- Call of Duty time.
- Enjoy.

- Hey! What are you doing?
- Shh!

- Whisper.
- You a part of my fantasy?

This place ain't
what you think it is.

People die here.
If you don't listen to me...

Oh, shit.

- Too many of them.
- Huh? Where you going?

- Do I come with you?
- Don't move.

- Hey.
- Don't even think about it.

It's okay. I'm a soldier too.

- What are you doing out here?
- I got separated from my unit.

Didn't know there
was another team.

We're a...

covert operation.

Surprised to see you out here.

I hate surprises.

And liars.

I'm not... Hey, hey.

- No, but this isn't...
- You can tell it to the LT.

- Shut up and walk.
- Hey.

Okay. Heh.

You guys look good.
Really great.

Shh!

Yeah, dude.

- Mm-mm.
- Mm.

So did you have fun with your boy
toy, Alejandro, last night?

I'm surprised he
can still stand.

I'm surprised he wasn't turned
off by your terrible ink.

Can't wait to get
that lasered off.

- Seriously.
- What about you?

- Hm?
- Saw you talking

to Malibu Barbie last night.

- How'd that go?
- Chastity?

Heh, believe me,
the name functions

purely on an ironic level.

We boned. Twice.

- You're finally over Jenni, then?
- Jenni who? Heh!

Chastity?

- Oh.
- Come over here.

- Hi, boys.
- Hey. What's up?

- Come on in.
- Thanks.

So I heard you two had a
crazy night last night.

- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, yeah. Crazy...

- how much he cried.
- What?

- Sorry.
- Ha-ha-ha!

Isn't there some guest-fantasy

confidentiality
policy or something?

- Let me guess.
- Jenni.

- Oh, ha, ha!
- Yeah. It's actually sweet.

She's his moon and his stars.

You know what, Chas?
You suck at keeping secrets.

She broke up with
him because of me.

For the millionth
time, she didn't.

We spent your
anniversary getting high

and playing Mario Kart.

Couldn't you just
move back home?

Our lame-ass parents disowned
him when he came out.

- Seven years ago.
- Gay wasn't cool back then.

Oh. Wouldn't you be happy

if you just, I don't
know, got your own places?

- Seriously, with the questions.
- Dude, she's right.

You put your whole
life on hold for me.

- Maybe I should move out.
- Who'd sleep on the couch then?

No one. That's the point.

Chastity Belt,
can you just give us a little bro time?

- Yeah.
- Thanks so much.

We'll see you in a bit. Okay.

Little bro, buddy, listen,
that weed's got you "para-nuts."

Look, my life is not
on hold because of you.

It crushes because of you.
Okay? Now, come on.

Let's see what other swag
this house has to offer.

Goodbye, models!

- Bye!
- Bye, guys.

Heh, heh, that's so cool.

There is no excuse for 14 boxes.

It was an intimidating
group of Girl Scouts.

- Fourteen? Ha-ha-ha!
- Fourteen.

I'm telling you,
when we have kids,

I'm gonna be such a pushover.

When we have kids?

I know it's only been a year,

but you make me think
about the future.

Look,
it has been amazing seeing you,

but you don't have to
keep up with this charade.

You're pushing me away because
that's what you do, but...

Look, I'm asking you
not to this time. Okay?

Will you marry me?

Yes.

Yes.

Bravo!

Champagne, please!
Champagne. Baby?

But this is just a fantasy.

That I want for the
rest of my life.

Me too.

You will not believe what
they have in my exact size.

Oh, baby.

No way!

- Bling-bling!
- Bling!

- Ah, I was late. Do it again.
- Okay.

Bling-bling!

Buddy, this place puts
MTV's Cribs to shame.

This is the reboot.

- Dude.
- What?

- Is that a secret room?
- Oh!

I bet that's where they
keep all the good shit. Heh.

Panic room!

Oh,
I feel just like Jodie Foster

in that Jodie Foster movie.

- Oh! My God!
- This is so dope!

Oh, check it out.
Map of the whole house. Huh.

Do all rich people
have panic rooms?

Yeah, man. Gotta spend
that Bitcoin on something.

Like garages next
to their armories?

Oh, yippee-ki-yes, please.

- Ha, ha! Yes!
- Oh, my God!

Shall we call it "Alejandro"?

Oh, he's actually a pacifist.

Ohh,
you're talking about his dick.

- Yeah. God.
- Yeah, that tracks.

Oh, my God.
Look at all these cameras, dude.

Oh, boy, hope they don't
have cameras in the bathroom.

- I did gross stuff in there.
- We got a lot of bodyguards.

Yeah, dude.
Ballers gotta have security, right?

They gotta have grenades too?

I got an idea.

- Whoa! Little bro buddy! Hey.
- Huh?

Haven't you ever seen
Band of Brothers?

I let go of this
handle, we go boom.

- Make it go boom.
- Let's do it.

Keep moving.

Hey, think you could loosen
these up a little bit?

My fantasy didn't
really involve bondage.

I don't know what you're
yapping about, but...

- I'll take a look.
- Leave him alone, Himoff.

Let's go. Come on.

All right.
So, what are you guys up to, huh?

- What is this mission?
- U.S. hostages are being held

just over the border.
We're slipping in to pull them out.

Any more classified intel

you wanna share
with the prisoner?

- Come on, sarge, he's American.
- Yeah, maybe.

But he's no soldier.

LT!

You should talk to this guy.

Claims he's one of us.

Where'd you find him?

Recon past the south ridge.

Thought we were the
only game in town, huh?

We are.

You got a name?

- What are you doing, Roarke?!
- Hey.

- Keep your voice down.
- Yeah, cut the act. Get Roarke.

- This isn't what I asked for.
- Got 10 seconds to ID yourself.

They did a good job, you look like him.
But know what?

He was a lot taller than you.

- Five seconds.
- Yeah, I'll get Roarke myself.

- Enough bullshit.
- Get your hands off me.

Hey, don't touch that.

Why is my name on your dog tags?

- Contact!
- Cover fire!

- To the right!
- Cover fire! Cover fire!

Get down!

Um, hello?

Please, I need help.

Did you just send someone?

Roarke, if you can hear
me, I know what I said.

I wanted to humiliate
Sloane and watch her cry,

but this is not what I meant!

Stop! Stop! Call it off!

Dr. Torture?

No. No, wait!

Come on, come on.

- Aah!
- No, stop!

Shit. Uh...

Intercom.

Uh...

Sorry. Um...

please continue.

Uh...

Okay, so I want you to
cut off her ring finger

on her...

On her left hand.

- Unh!
- No! No, her right hand.

Right hand.

This is my fantasy. Just do it.

Easy.

Meredith?

- Melanie.
- What are you doing here?

Same as you.
I was kidnapped. Come on.

Go, go, go.

- Thank you. You saved my life.
- It's not saved yet.

To the best weekend
of our lives!

Screw the glow,
I'll drink to that.

- Mm.
- Oh, yeah.

Were those gunshots?

Ooh, maybe somebody
broke into the armory.

Hey, a laser pointer.

Come on, models. Come on.

- Oh!
- Don't panic, don't panic.

- Panic room!
- Yes! Go, go!

- What panic room?
- Come on, models!

I can't run in these shoes!

- Guys, come on. It's up here!
- Go, go, go!

- Oh, my God.
- Guys, come on!

- Come here. It's right here.
- I'm gonna call Roarke.

Are you and your brother
enjoying your fantasy?

We loved it until guys
with guns showed up.

Come on, you guys.
Let's go. Seriously.

Ah, yes.
Sounds like Kalashov's men.

- Who the hell is Kalashov?
- A businessman

- who formerly owned the house.
- What kind of business?

I'm afraid the problem
with having it all

is usually other
people want to take it.

We don't really wanna have it
all, okay?

We wanna borrow it
for the weekend.

Get off the phone.
We gotta get in the panic room.

- Come on! What?
- Door!

No! Chas, hey!

It's us. Hello?

- Kind of being a Chas-hole.
- Seriously, I'm such a weenie.

I don't even do escape rooms.

As I have told you,
once a fantasy begins,

you must see it through
to its natural conclusion.

Nobody knew what
you meant by that!

Have a good night.

He hung up.

Okay, we... You know what?
We gotta calm down.

- Okay.
- Gotta calm down.

This is all fake, right?

- Ooh!
- Alejandro's a hell of an actor.

Oh, so, what do we do?

We surrender!

I'm still trying
to process this.

You and I were kidnapped
by the same person?

- I know. It's crazy, right?
- How did you escape?

Headbutt.

I... I headbutted the guard.

I stole his gun and
just capped him.

- Wow.
- Yeah.

What happened to the gun?

I lost it.

What kind of twisted,
disgusting freak

would wanna ruin my
life and make me watch?

It's obviously
someone we both know.

Someone we went to
high school with.

What about that
psycho stalker girl?

You know the one that
wrote letters to everyone?

Totally.

That's a really good call.

What was her name again?

- Mm, Meredith?
- Oh, my God.

- What?
- Did they make you wear that?

I am so sorry.

Look, I don't know how
we both ended up here,

but you got us out
of that hellhole.

- No biggie.
- Now I'm gonna get us home.

They brought me here in a boat.

Find the shore,
we find a way out of here.

Unless your fantasy is to die,

you better come with me.

We should probably go with him.

Yeah.

What's wrong?

Is something wrong?

No, no.

Nothing's wrong.

Everything's perfect.

Hello?

Anybody there?

Whoa! Ha, ha!

- Dazed and confused.
- Huh?

You know,
like that movie came out last year.

"That's what I love
about high school girls."

Shut up, Himoff.
No more flashes.

Whoa, hey, hey. No, no, no.
I can explain.

Yeah. You better.
Have a little chat, you and me.

Let's go. On your feet.

Walk.

Your tags have my name on them.

Then I find this in your wallet.

- Hey, hey. Be careful with that.
- Ah-ah-ah.

Why do you have a
picture of me and my son?

Look,
you gotta be straight with me.

- Are you an actor?
- Am I an actor? I'm a soldier.

Time for you to be straight with me.
Where did you get this?

- That's me when I was 9.
- Nah, don't.

- That's my son.
- And he's got a nickname.

What is it?

Why don't you tell me.

Patch.

Wrong.

Ali.

Then I find your ID.

Your face with my son's
name and birthday on it.

Enough games.
Time for you to tell me

what the hell's going on here.

I was born four
months premature.

The doctor said I wouldn't make
it, but I did.

You said I wasn't the type
to throw in the towel.

That I was a fighter.

Like Muhammad Ali.

- Who told you that story?
- You did. Every birthday.

You're saying you're my son?

Mm-mm.

- That's impossible.
- Yeah, I thought so too.

Uh, now I'm not so sure.

When was the last
time you saw him?

Nine months...

seven days ago.

It was raining.

He refused his mama's umbrella.

You know,
he wanted to show me he was tough.

That's not why I did it.

It's so that you couldn't
tell I was crying.

How is this happening?

There's this place, this island.

It can make whatever
you want come true.

I said I wanted to be a soldier.

What I really wanted
was to see you again.

Somehow the island knew.

When's the last time you saw me?

Twenty-seven years,
six months, five days.

- So I never made it home?
- You died saving your men

on a classified
mission in Venezuela.

Venezuela, you sure?

Yeah, of course. Why?

Because we'll be there tomorrow.

- Gather up the crew...
- Mr. Roarke.

- Ms. Olsen, good morning.
- It's a really good photoshop.

I don't know how you
got it on my phone

but it does look real.

Ah, it is real.
You said yes to Allen, so you're married.

- Looks like a lovely ceremony.
- He just proposed last night.

Are you sure?

There's something
different about him.

- He looks older.
- You've been married five years.

I don't understand.

Daddy, look what I found.

- Oh, my gosh...
- Her name is Lila.

She's my...?

Daughter.

This is the life you've
always wanted, no?

What do you think, yes?

Okay, enough. She's a...
She's a child.

And you are her mother.

See for yourself.

Baby girl.

Sleep tight, honey.

- Ah...
- Ah...

How is this possible?

It's the island.

The island has,
uh, great powers.

I first heard of its legend
many, many years ago.

A place where anything is possible.
I was obsessed.

I convinced my wife
to help me find it.

Our journey was long and
hard, and...

She died before we, uh...
Before we arrived.

When I finally
discovered this place,

I wished for her to live again.

To return just as I met her.
Forever.

It brought her back to...?

- To life?
- Yes.

As long as I stay here and I
orchestrate all the fantasies...

she lives.

The island has
granted your wish too.

To have the family
you've always wanted.

- A life you always dreamt of.
- More sand on the side.

- That's perfect.
- I suggest you start living it.

Mommy, come play!

Wrap it up, sergeant.

Hey, walk with me.

Grab your ruck.

Hey, LT, over here.

The hell are you doing, Himoff?

You two look so alike,
you could be related.

- I just thought that...
- Don't do that. Don't think.

Do your job.

I don't know
how this is happening,

but I believe you,
so we're leaving.

It's a straight shot to Panama.
I can get us home from there.

Wait.
You're calling off the mission?

No. I'm getting us out of here.

Well, you can't do that.
You're a hero.

You know what a hero is?

A hero's some guy who's
too stupid to stay alive.

No, no, no.
This isn't what's supposed to happen.

So then what's
supposed to happen?

I'm supposed to die?

- Let's go.
- Look, if you do this,

if you run, I don't know what
will happen to you, to me,

but I know those men back
there, your men,

they'll die because you
won't be there to save them.

- You don't know that.
- I do! It's why I have your tags.

There was a grenade.
You threw yourself on it to save your men.

You were a hero.

You were my hero.

Look...

you may have grown
up without a father,

but I'm going home to my son.

This is a mistake, and it is one

you'll regret for the
rest of your life.

Somebody died and I could've stopped
it, so trust me...

I know.

At least I'll still be alive.

You can't be a coward.

I won't let you.

What choice do I have?

We complete the mission.
We save your men.

But you said that
I die in Venezuela.

You did.

But I'm here now.

So, what you're saying
is, you're guests?

- Yes.
- Ah.

And you've never
heard of Kalashov.

- No.
- Yes.

Uh, what he said.

And we are just actors

on Fantasy Island.

- Yes. Heh.
- Yeah.

- Oh, whoa! Hey, hey, hey!
- Oh, God. Oh!

You okay?

Okay. One of you is going
to tell me the truth.

Or did you little punks think

you could just kill
Kalashov and take over?

We have no idea who Kalashov is.

I thought you were
talking about a vodka.

- We didn't kill anyone.
- No, but your bodyguards did.

But that's okay because
we just killed them.

And before I kill you two,

you will tell me what you
did with cash and cocaine.

- Cash?
- Cocaine?

- No, we... We did some cocaine.
- Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Oh, shit.

You keep playing dumb

and I will show you
what good actor I am.

No, I think there's
been a misunderstanding.

We talked to Roarke,
and we said we are done.

So this is between you and him.

- Hey. Hey, don't do that!
- Whoa! No! Whoa!

- Hey, I swear, we have no idea...
- Okay.

Where the drugs or cash
are, okay?

Are you sure?

Because you're about
to lose your hand.

We don't know. Please!
If we did, we'd tell you!

- This was supposed to be fun.
- Yeah.

- A fantasy!
- Maybe this isn't your fantasy.

- Maybe it's mine.
- Well, that is so messed up, man.

- Aah! Oh!
- Oh, my God!

Okay, okay!
We know where the money is!

Well, tell me.

Tell me!

It's... It's downstairs.

Near the garage.

Yes!

- Okay.
- God!

You stay with Goldilocks.

You, come with me.

- This castle's gonna be my house.
- Oh, God.

What? Just your house?

You're moving out already?

Can I come in here
and live with you?

- No.
- Why not?

You know why, Mommy.

I need shells for my house.

If it makes you feel better,

I'm not allowed to
live there either.

This is everything
I've ever wanted.

I wish I felt like
I deserved it.

You do deserve it.

I love you both so much.

Hey, where you going?

To make things right.

Mr. Roarke, can I talk to you?

- I want a new fantasy.
- I thought I was very clear.

- One fantasy per guest.
- Yes, I understand what you said.

- But I'm...
- No, no, no. Trust me, trust me.

People would kill to have what you
have, a family.

Please,
enjoy them while you can.

You don't understand.
Mr. Roarke.

Should we trust him?

He's almost as scary-looking
as the last guy.

Why would someone
pretend to save us?

Hey! You.

- Damon.
- Damon.

We've been walking all night.

Tell us what's up before
we go one more step.

We're exposed out here.
Roarke's got eyes and ears everywhere.

Who's Roarke?

Ask her.

I have no idea what
he's talking about.

We should keep moving. Come on.

All right, move it or lose it.

We can gab down here.

Down where? Where are we going?

You want off this island or not?

Stay close.

You do not wanna get separated.

Gross.

This way. Oh, no. Wait.

Maybe, uh...
Maybe this way. Uh, no.

Maybe... Maybe this...

No.

This way, this way.

Come on, blondie.

Are you kidding me with this?

Floods during high tide.

Ain't the water you
should be afraid of.

- Oh.
- Great.

Let's go. Let's go.

- What the hell was that?
- What the hell was what?

Sea snakes.
They're attracted to movement.

Just don't, you know, freak out.

Wade through dirty
water in a dark cave

filled with sea snakes
without freaking out.

Super easy.

What's wrong?

I... I...

Nothing. Nothing. Never mind.

It's just up here.

I forgive you.

What am I looking at?

Your deepest desire.

This is why I brought you here,

so you can see for yourselves.

Your fantasy would be to get
back together with your husband?

What the hell is this place?

That's what I was
hired to find out.

I'm a PI.
Client offered me a big old payday

to figure out what
happens here and how.

Wants the power of the
island for himself.

I booked a stay
three weeks back.

Was skeptical at first,
but then my fantasy started.

I saw my daughter,
who I'd lost years ago.

It was beautiful.

But then it got all
twisted, became a nightmare.

Roarke found my sat
phone and destroyed it

before I was able
to call for help.

He knew... everything.

This place is evil.
Roarke is evil. Huh?

Doesn't care who lives or dies.

But I know how to stop him.

Oh, yeah, I do.

Island's power comes from
this here rock thing.

Turns the water black,
dripping everywhere.

It can do impossible things.

Bring a loved one back to life,

turn them into a black-eyed
zombie, like it did my daughter.

I'm not sure how Roarke does it.

But he uses the water
to grant fantasies.

I'm gonna use it to
expose him as a monster.

Which is why I need you to
smuggle this off the island.

I know a private
pilot, hour away.

Find a phone in the hotel,
call him at this number,

get off this island
with the canteen.

- Tell the world about this place.
- What about you?

Roarke won't let
me near the hotel.

But as far as he's concerned,
you're just a guest.

- A guest?
- What?

No, I'm not.

Yeah.
I saw you get off the plane.

You got here on a plane?

No.

What?

He is crazy.

I saved you, remember?

Your fantasy was
to ruin my life?

And who are all those people?

Oh, my God.

You're the psycho stalker girl.

You did all of this because
of a couple of pranks?

Pranks?

You tortured me every
single day for years.

Oh, please.
I teased you a little.

I was so traumatized
by what you did,

I had to finish high
school from home.

Yes, trying to ruin
your life was wrong,

but you ruined mine first.
Which way to the hotel?

I'm ready to get
off this island.

I'll show you. Come on.

Julia?

Julia, are you okay?

I'm fine.

- Have some water.
- I'm fine. No, please, I'm okay.

It's beautiful out there.
Please go enjoy your fantasy.

I can't.

I want a new one.

- You'd have to ask Mr. Roarke.
- I tried. He won't listen.

I want to change the
moment that I regret most,

but I chose the wrong one.

I didn't think any of
this was gonna be real,

and now I have five
years of memories

of a daughter that I
didn't have yesterday.

For a new fantasy,
you'd be willing to give it all up?

Your own child?

Six years ago,
there was an accident.

A fire in my apartment.

It's why I told Mr. Roarke
I was in a dark place.

Someone died,

and it was my fault.

If I can stop that from
happening and I don't,

I can never live with
myself, Julia.

I am begging you.

Please, help me.

If your fantasy is to change
the moment you regret the most,

you don't want a new fantasy.

- I want my fantasy.
- Ms. Olsen, you have to stop.

I'm not asking for a new one.

I'm asking for the same
fantasy done right.

If I'd known when I
got off that plane

that I could change the past,

there is no question
what I would have chosen.

I am sorry that you only
now believe in the island,

but rules exist for a reason.

Oh, but those aren't the only rules.
Are they?

You have one of your own.

As long as you do the island's
bidding, your wife lives.

That's what you told me.

- I've given you a fantasy.
- You misled me.

My fantasy was to
have a do-over,

but that's not the
do-over I wanted.

You're willing to risk
your wife over it?

Very well.
Are you sure this is what you want?

It's not what I want.

It's what I have to do.

Whoa!

Oh, no.

- Nick!
- Help me! I'm trapped!

- Come on, JD!
- Wait, Brax, JD?

Lady, there's a fire. Come on.

- Go!
- No, wait!

- Stairway's to the right!
- Nick!

Help! I'm trapped!

- Don't let me die, please!
- Ow!

- I can't breathe!
- Nick. Nick!

I'm gonna go get help, okay?
Just hang on!

Please don't go!
Please don't leave!

- Officer? There's someone inside.
- Back up. Let's go!

I need you to help
break his door down.

Please calm down.

- Help is on the way.
- Patrick?

Sorry, do I know you?

The fire is in my unit.
It's my upstairs neighbor, he's trapped.

You need to come inside!
Help me kick his door in.

The, uh... We should wait
for the fire department.

- They'll be here any moment.
- They'll be too late!

We have to save him!

You have to help me save him!

We should really wait for
the fire department. It...

I'm going back in.

You'll get hurt!

Don't be a hero!

Please help me! Please!

I'm coming, Nick!

Trying to find something to
break your door down with.

I'm trapped in here.

I can't breathe.

It's just right over here.

Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

Your brother now is dead.

You also are dead.

There's nobody who can
save you two little shits.

- Alejandro can.
- Who?

- Who the...?
- Aah!

Oh, boy.

This ain't your
fantasy, asshole.

Did you hear that?

It sounded like gunfire.

Wasn't asking you.

Sounded like gunfire.

You know,
you can just say sorry.

- Yeah, that would be a start.
- He was talking to you.

I was talking to you both.

You, sounds like you were a real Ms.
Teen Asshole 2009 back then.

Time to make amends for your
past and ask for forgiveness.

And you.

Grow up.

Stop giving this
teenage version of her

all this dang power
over your life.

Revenge ain't gonna fix you.

Only you can fix you.

God, you two remind
me of my daughter.

Never did right by her.

I'm gonna get you both off this
island, one way or the other.

Let's go.

Go, go!

Stop!

Stop!

- Please, no!
- Get out of here!

No, no!

- No!
- No!

He saved us.

So we could get off this island.

Hold on. I gotta get his map.

Come on. Come on.

All right, I want you to
hang back and watch our 6.

- No, I'm coming with you.
- No.

If things went sideways,
it's because we got ambushed.

Make sure that doesn't happen.

It's gonna take
more than a shotgun

to save you and
your idiot brother!

Something like this?

I wouldn't do that.

I let go of this
handle, we go boom.

Put the pin back in.

Okay, okay, okay. Okay.

Guns on the ground. Now.

My friend upstairs definitely
going to kill your brother.

- Then he'll kill you for sure.
- Not if he doesn't know it's me.

You two go first,
with me right behind you.

- Ha-ha-ha.
- Go.

Okay, okay, okay.

Okay.

Tough guy. Come on.

Oh, shit.

Grenade.

This will not end good for you

if you don't let us go now.

It will once I get
my brother back.

Hand over the grenade.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Wait a second.

- Do it. Now!
- Okay.

Okay.

- Patrick?
- How do you know my name?

Dude, chill, chill.
It's me. Brax.

What are you doing here?

- In Venezuela?
- In Vene... What?

- Why are you in our fantasy?
- You're in mine.

Shh...

Brax? Hey.

- I'm a good guy.
- We're here to help.

How many people
are in the house?

We got a devil,
a pig and a clown.

And my brother, he's Asian.

There are models
in the panic room.

Could we go home now?

Chastity, real disappointed.

- Whatever.
- Let's go.

Come on. Move, move, move, move.

- Oof!
- No, no, no, let go!

- Let go, little man. Let go!
- Give it to me.

Give me grenade!

Oh, I mean it, let it go.

Come on, come on.
Move it, move it.

Grenade!

Oh, God, that was close.

Follow me.

- Oh...
- Dude, you did it!

- Ha, ha!
- We did it!

- Oh, buddy! Oh!
- Oh! Oh!

- I'm so happy you're alive!
- Thanks.

If he'd have thrown
that grenade...

You would've
sacrificed yourself.

That's why you're my hero.

You did something
I could never do.

I wouldn't sell yourself
short, Ali.

I can't believe the
models locked us out.

I cannot believe I
ever let Jenni go.

When I get home, I'm gonna tell
her, she's my moon and my stars.

JD?

JD?

- JD!
- Cover rear!

JD!

JD?

- We have to go. Now!
- Why is this happening?

We can't kill these things!
Get out of here!

Come on!

No!

The hotel's close. We just need
to get there and find a phone.

Yeah, like we're just
gonna be able to waltz in

- and make a phone call.
- Look, Damon was right.

I owe you an apology,
so I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I brought
you into all this.

I didn't think any of it would be real.
I can prove it. Ha...

She looks better than Tupac.

You recorded this?

I fantasized about
getting revenge for years.

Can you blame me for
wanting to document it?

I thought you were a hologram.

And here is the proof
that I saved you.

See? I used the Taser thing

and the water to take him down.

You want a prize for
not letting me die?

I know asking for all
of this was crazy,

but, please,
you have to believe me.

I thought it was fake.

How did you figure out
it was actually me?

When your real husband
answered the phone, I... Wait.

- I don't think I can do this.
- You have to.

- What do you want, Sloane?
- Will, please don't hang up!

Uh, I need your help.
I've been kidnapped.

I've been taken to
some island somewhere.

Oh, cut the bullshit.

Please,
I am telling you the truth.

Why should I believe you?

You probably shouldn't.

Not after what I did to you.

We used to be happy, Will.

And then...

I don't know.

I'm not trying to make excuses,

but I felt you pulling away from
me, so I wanted to hurt you.

It's what I've done my whole
life, I...

I hurt people who
don't deserve it.

And I am so sorry.

There is no defending

the way that I treated you.

And I'll understand if
you can never forgive me.

Do you think this
fixes anything?

Not even close.

Okay. Um...

What do you need me to do?

I have a phone number.

I need you to call it

and tell them that
Damon needs the plane.

Damon? Do I even wanna know?

No, it's not what you think.

I'll explain everything
when I get home.

Will...

thank you.

Come on, Gwen, please breathe.

Breathe, breathe.

Please.

Oh, good girl.

What are you...?
What are you doing here?

You got your fantasy redo.

Did it work? Did you save him?

No.

I think this is
someone else's fantasy.

Where are the others?

Okay.

Damon's pilot should
be here any minute.

Grab one.

Okay.

- Whatever comes out of there...
- We'll deal with it.

Together.

Patrick? Brax?

What...? How did you find us?

We're looking for Roarke.

Who are you?

I'm her fantasy.

Not like that.

Where's JD?

- He didn't make it.
- We have to get off this island.

Let me grab the map.

A plane is on its way. Come on.

Head for the dock.

- Head for the dock! Let's go!
- Go!

Back, back, back!

Hello, my friends.

- Roarke, you son of a bitch.
- I warned you.

Fantasies rarely play
out as you would expect.

Play out? My brother's dead!

I could not save him,
just like Mr. Sullivan

- couldn't save his father.
- Ah!

The staff will do
anything to protect me.

The island gives them a
taste of their fantasies.

They give me their loyalty.

And who are you loyal to?
Do they know?

Know what?

We weren't brought here
to have our own fantasy.

We were brought here to
be part of someone else's.

- Because of Nick Taylor.
- Who's Nick Taylor?

He was our roommate.

- He died, six years ago.
- In a fire that I started.

I had just moved
into the building.

I put a kettle on for tea,

and I forgot to turn the
burner off when I left.

My fantasy took me back there.
I saw you and JD.

JD wanted to check
on Nick's room,

but I thought he was out with a girl, so...
I made JD run.

You were there.

You did nothing.

- I didn't see you.
- Nick was in one of my classes.

He asked me out.

But I couldn't believe

that someone was actually
interested in me.

I was supposed to see him later that
night, but I got cold feet.

He shouldn't have been home.
He should've been with me.

Everyone who got off that plane
has a hand in Nick's death.

So this is one big
revenge fantasy?

Correct.

So how does this end?

With your deaths.
Your lives for Nick's,

if that's what the
island demands.

- Call it off.
- You know I do not have a choice.

- The plane.
- Get them out of here.

Come on!

Someone has found his courage.

The plane. The plane!

- There it is! Hey!
- Hey!

- Hey! Over there!
- Hey!

- Hey!
- Oh, my God. We're going home.

Who are you protecting?

Where are the others?

Stop.

She wants them all together.

- Oh, my God.
- What the...?

- No! No!
- Who is that?

Guys.

- Come on, let's go!
- Go! Run!

Shit.

We're safe here for...
For a minute.

Okay, not to be negative,
but we're gonna die here.

- We're not throwing in the towel.
- She's right.

- Everyone else works for Roarke.
- Unless they don't.

Julia,
she pulled me from the fire.

She saved my life.

Roarke's servants wouldn't
interfere in a fantasy.

Maybe she's not his assistant.
Maybe she is a guest.

She did say she
just started there.

She could be Nick's mom.

He always told me how
controlling she was,

and Julia's eyes,
they look a lot like Nick's.

I saw her coughing up blood.

This could be her dying wish.

Okay, but then why would
she save you from the fire?

So Gwen could tell
us why we're here.

It's not really a
satisfying revenge

- if your victims are oblivious.
- So we go to her.

We apologize,
try to make this right.

Someone that brought us
to this island to die

is probably looking for a little
more than just an apology.

If we can't stop her,
maybe we can stop the island.

Yeah, there's a spring
with an ancient stone.

- It makes the fantasies possible.
- The water in the spring.

JD was right.
Roarke did spike our drinks.

We destroy the spring,
then we end the fantasies?

- It's worth a shot.
- How do we do that?

With this.

Anything else we should know?

It's a maze, so stick together.

And there are sea snakes,
so don't, you know, freak out.

Did she say sea snakes?

We had a guide before,
and even he almost got lost, but I'm...

I'm 99 percent
positive it's this way.

Listen for the spring.

It sounds like dripping water.

Whole island sounds like that.

I think I hear it.

Gwen?

Gwen?

Shit.

We lost Gwen and Brax.

Give me the grenade.

I'll find the spring,
you go find them.

No, no. It's too dangerous.

If you find the spring,
call out for me.

I'll follow your voice

and then blow it.

Sloane?

Just sea snakes.

Melanie?

Brax.

Am I gonna be okay?

- We should've never come here.
- You gotta save me, dude.

I'd do it for you.
I did everything for you.

I tried.

It should've been you instead.

Mom and Dad love me more.

They already wish you were dead.
Guh!

- No.
- Aah! Ugh, aah!

JD, no! No!

OMG.

What a pathetic loser.

- What are you?
- I'm the real you.

- The coolest girl in school.
- No.

That's not who I am anymore.

There's no defending the
way that I treated you.

And I'll understand if
you never forgive me.

Stop it! I meant that.

People never change.

They just get better
at hiding who they are.

This isn't real.

You are not real.

I will never be you again.

Mommy, come see.

Lila, what are you doing?

I killed Daddy.

- Oh, God. Why?
- Because you don't deserve him.

You don't deserve me.

You don't deserve anything
good after what you did.

- Oh, Lila...
- My friend was right.

You ruin everything.

Friend?

- Hi, Gwen.
- Oh...

Oh, God, Nick!
Please, I'm so sorry.

"Sorry"
won't bring me back, Gwen.

"Sorry" won't keep me
from gagging on the smoke,

from burning alive.

Do you know
what that feels like?

You're not him.

Please, Nick,
you said it yourself,

none of this is
gonna bring you back.

I'm not the one doing this.

I know who is,
and she can have me.

Just let the others go.

Do you hear me, Julia?!

Who's Julia?

Melanie!

Patrick?

Patrick! Gwen?

- Are you okay?
- I heard screaming.

I just saw Nick.
This is not Julia's fantasy.

- Then whose is it?
- It's not Patrick's.

Guy just can't seem
to save anybody.

Not even himself.

As soon as I saw this
place, I...

I knew I had to bring
everyone here where there's...

no escape from my fantasy.

- Your fantasy?
- Yes. The one I asked for

before any of you had even
heard of Fantasy Island.

When I first met Nick,
it was like I'd known him for years.

And we got coffee,
and we ended up talking the entire night.

And I wasn't worried about
saying something stupid

or trying to be cool

because he made me feel
comfortable in my own skin.

We made plans to see each
other again that night.

It would've been
our first real date.

I wanted to look super pretty,
so I bought a new dress,

I got this necklace.

I got to our meeting
place, and I waited.

Hour passed, then
two, but no Nick.

I started to think, "Sloane was right.
I am worthless."

No one could ever
possibly love me,

and Nick must have
realized that too.

"Why else would he be
doing this to me?"

I stayed there all
night, torturing myself!

And when I got home,
I read about the fire,

and my heart shattered.

I was this close to
my real-life fantasy,

but all of you,
you turned it into a nightmare!

You could've had
anything you wanted here.

- You could've had Nick back.
- It would've been fake.

Our future was stolen,

and all of you,
you just moved on with your lives.

Nick deserves better.
Nick deserves justice.

Melanie.

Don't you mean "psycho
stalker freak"?

There is hate in my heart,

and it grows every day.

You put it there!
This is as much your fault as theirs.

- But you saved me.
- That was an act.

- Why?
- So you could see my worth.

Your very life on this
island, it depended on me.

I wouldn't do that!

Really?
You thought I needed you?

I was using you to
get off this island.

- Shut up.
- I didn't think it was possible.

You're actually more pathetic
now than you ever were then.

Shut up!

Go, go!

Holy shit.
She went out with him one time?

I can hear it. The spring.

Hey!

Come on!

What are you waiting for? Do it.

It's reflecting her fantasy.

Please do not do that, Ms.
Olsen.

Julia is your fantasy?

- My wife.
- She said she just started here.

She believes that, yes.

You see,
my wish was to have her back,

just as I met her, forever.

So she appears not knowing me,

and soon, she takes ill,
just as she did before.

That plays out again and again.

Courting her became too painful.

So I lie to her.
I tell her she's my assistant.

When Melanie
requested her fantasy,

I had no choice but to oblige.

- You can stop her, Roarke.
- No. He can't.

He's the genie,
and this island is his bottle.

Trapped forever.

And if he doesn't give
every guest their fantasy,

he loses his love.

You think that's love?

Letting Julia die over and over
again forever? That's hell.

She was your wife, Roarke.
She's not anymore.

She's not even your assistant.
She's your prisoner.

You have to let her go.

- I cannot.
- No!

No!

I'm sorry. The fantasy must
reach its natural conclusion.

Those are the rules.

The guests...

they're dying.

I'm dying.

You'll be fine.

Soon enough.

And the others?

If I interfere
with the island...

I lose you forever.

Lose me?

You have to do something.

They're not the island's guests.

They're yours.

It's not what I want.

But it's what you have to do.

Melanie, I am sorry

your life didn't work
out the way you wanted.

- Mine didn't either.
- Everybody's sorry

when it's time to pay the
piper, right?

I'll pay.

It was my fault. I could've saved Nick.
Let the others go.

Oh, my God. Are you still
trying to be like dead daddy?

Well, you're not a hero.
It was just your fantasy.

She's right.

It was his fantasy.

All of my guests get a fantasy.

So if you drink the
water, you get one.

Sloane's fantasy?

What, that she and her husband
get to be together forever?

No.

- That you and Nick do.
- Huh?

Those are the rules.

Fantasy fucking Island.

- Get back!
- Aah!

Hello?

Hello?

Gwen. You okay?

- Hey.
- Guys?

What happened?

You saved us.

Where's Patrick?

He died, as a hero.

He made his father proud.

One star on Yelp.

So, what's gonna stop us all

from exposing this
island and suing you?

Well, fantasies, Mrs.
Maddison, are a lot like dreams.

You rarely remember the details,

but you always remember
how they make you feel.

Well, I just remembered

that I wanna get the
hell off this island.

So, what happens to you
now, Mr. Roarke?

I stay here,

protect this place

and live my life without regret.

Technically,
you partook in your brother's fantasy,

so the island can grant you one.

I want JD back.
I want him to go home, to have a life.

In order for that
fantasy to last,

you would need to stay here.
Forever.

I was so horrible
to her back then.

All you can do now
is forgive yourself.

Okay?

Oh, excuse me.

We can't leave yet.
Brax isn't on the plane.

Yeah.

I don't think he's coming.

JD!

So, what now?

You work for me.
You'll need a uniform and a name tag.

Quite the unusual one. "Brax."

It's better than my
college nickname.

Lost a bet,
had to get the dumbest ink ever.

Of what?

Welcome to Fantasy
Island, Tattoo.