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1
00:00:03,132 --> 00:00:04,517
Well, it's official,
2
00:00:04,550 --> 00:00:07,187
the golden age of television has begun.
3
00:00:07,220 --> 00:00:09,523
"Step Brothers" is on every channel.
4
00:00:09,555 --> 00:00:13,026
Help! Roger's trying to
give me the bubonic plague!
5
00:00:15,194 --> 00:00:17,663
Whoa, there.
You're breaking two rules...
6
00:00:17,727 --> 00:00:19,495
no weaponized plagues in the house
7
00:00:19,529 --> 00:00:21,131
and no running on the stairs.
8
00:00:21,163 --> 00:00:23,767
But if Steve isn't dying,
the Make-A-Wish Foundation
9
00:00:23,800 --> 00:00:25,435
won't let us meet The Weeknd.
10
00:00:25,468 --> 00:00:27,937
What? You want to meet
Saturday and Sunday?
11
00:00:27,971 --> 00:00:29,940
No! The Weeknd is a singer!
12
00:00:29,972 --> 00:00:31,174
It's true, Stan.
13
00:00:31,207 --> 00:00:33,844
Listen to his hit song, "Starboy"!
14
00:00:35,644 --> 00:00:37,880
♪ I'm tryna put you
in the worst mood, ah ♪
15
00:00:37,914 --> 00:00:39,483
Look at us.
16
00:00:39,515 --> 00:00:43,320
Dancing, grooving, feeling it.
17
00:00:43,353 --> 00:00:44,855
Also, The Weeknd's hot.
18
00:00:44,887 --> 00:00:47,123
He's number one on my freebie list.
19
00:00:47,156 --> 00:00:49,825
Those are the celebrities
she's allowed to bone.
20
00:00:49,859 --> 00:00:53,730
It's a long list,
so number one is sayin' something.
21
00:00:53,762 --> 00:00:57,420
He better drop six octaves if
he wants to be on my radar.
22
00:00:57,455 --> 00:01:00,803
And this, Roger. This is one
of the good syringes for company.
23
00:01:00,836 --> 00:01:03,506
- You know the rules!
- You have a rule for everything!
24
00:01:03,540 --> 00:01:06,009
Because you need them.
You can't control yourself.
25
00:01:06,042 --> 00:01:08,679
I'll have you know,
I had a salad for lunch.
26
00:01:08,712 --> 00:01:09,847
Does that sound like someone
27
00:01:09,895 --> 00:01:11,560
who can't control themselves?
28
00:01:11,847 --> 00:01:13,349
Hey, Roger, it's me,
29
00:01:13,382 --> 00:01:14,685
Bobby from Grubhub!
30
00:01:14,718 --> 00:01:16,486
I got two full trays of meatballs
31
00:01:16,519 --> 00:01:18,855
and a meatball sub, extra meatballs.
32
00:01:18,888 --> 00:01:21,758
The note says, "Put a rush on it,
I can't control myself."
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Jesus Christ, Bobby.
34
00:01:24,927 --> 00:01:27,530
Ha ha. Oh, this part's great.
35
00:01:32,602 --> 00:01:35,204
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
36
00:01:35,238 --> 00:01:39,042
♪ I got a feelin'
that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
37
00:01:39,075 --> 00:01:42,179
♪ The sun in the sky has
a smile on his face ♪
38
00:01:42,212 --> 00:01:46,584
♪ And he's shinin'
a salute to the American race ♪
39
00:01:48,418 --> 00:01:51,855
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
40
00:01:51,888 --> 00:01:54,291
- ♪ Good... ♪
- ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
41
00:01:54,323 --> 00:01:55,391
Aah!
42
00:01:56,725 --> 00:02:00,030
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
43
00:02:03,810 --> 00:02:05,201
As you probably don't know,
44
00:02:05,235 --> 00:02:07,737
I've been reading Alec
Baldwin's book on parenting.
45
00:02:07,771 --> 00:02:08,939
Go, Dad!
46
00:02:09,715 --> 00:02:11,107
In it, Baldwin explains
47
00:02:11,141 --> 00:02:13,410
a term called "teachable moments."
48
00:02:13,442 --> 00:02:16,946
And that's why you kidnapped this guy?
49
00:02:17,819 --> 00:02:19,048
Ya nailed it, babe.
50
00:02:20,249 --> 00:02:21,485
The Weeknd!
51
00:02:21,517 --> 00:02:22,918
Yo, where am I?
52
00:02:22,952 --> 00:02:24,988
You're in a teachable moment, my man.
53
00:02:25,021 --> 00:02:26,155
Oh, okay. Dope.
54
00:02:26,189 --> 00:02:28,959
You're really here! At our dinner table!
55
00:02:28,992 --> 00:02:31,661
You could sneeze,
and your boogers would land on my food!
56
00:02:31,695 --> 00:02:33,563
- Bro.
- Mister The Weeknd,
57
00:02:33,595 --> 00:02:36,098
Oh, my God,
I am literally your biggest fan.
58
00:02:36,131 --> 00:02:38,301
Parties, drugs, supermodels.
59
00:02:38,334 --> 00:02:41,470
You've inspired me to
hate my boring life.
60
00:02:41,504 --> 00:02:43,640
You've turned me against my family.
61
00:02:43,672 --> 00:02:45,074
Thank you.
62
00:02:45,107 --> 00:02:47,777
And how did this miracle happen, Roger?
63
00:02:47,810 --> 00:02:50,814
Not by breaking the rules,
but by following the rules...
64
00:02:50,846 --> 00:02:54,117
with government-sanctioned
abductions and C.I.A. clearance.
65
00:02:55,124 --> 00:02:56,753
I-I thought you were gonna murder me.
66
00:02:58,287 --> 00:03:00,089
Silly Weeknd!
67
00:03:00,123 --> 00:03:02,659
Dang,
this family vibe is refreshing as hell.
68
00:03:02,691 --> 00:03:04,293
More like boring as hell.
69
00:03:04,327 --> 00:03:05,796
More like hell nah.
70
00:03:05,828 --> 00:03:07,263
Honestly, I miss being around
71
00:03:07,297 --> 00:03:08,799
boring people like this family.
72
00:03:08,832 --> 00:03:10,668
Aww!
73
00:03:12,167 --> 00:03:14,438
- This lasagna's delicious.
- No, it's not!
74
00:03:14,470 --> 00:03:15,971
Roger. Attitude.
75
00:03:16,005 --> 00:03:17,607
When my lame-ass chefs make lasagna,
76
00:03:17,640 --> 00:03:19,041
it's all the same temperature.
77
00:03:19,075 --> 00:03:21,611
I never get to crack a
tooth on a frozen noodle
78
00:03:21,643 --> 00:03:23,679
while burning my tongue on beef sauce.
79
00:03:23,713 --> 00:03:25,948
Oh, Weeknd!
80
00:03:25,982 --> 00:03:27,150
My secret?
81
00:03:27,183 --> 00:03:29,286
I microwave it for 30 seconds,
82
00:03:29,319 --> 00:03:32,722
then turn it,
and microwave it for 15 minutes.
83
00:03:32,755 --> 00:03:34,056
May I please have some more?
84
00:03:34,089 --> 00:03:36,225
What's happening? You're a Starboy.
85
00:03:36,259 --> 00:03:38,028
Starboys don't eat lasagna.
86
00:03:38,060 --> 00:03:41,665
Starboys get all their
nutrients from eating [BLEEP]
87
00:03:41,697 --> 00:03:42,705
Too far, Roger!
88
00:03:42,741 --> 00:03:45,302
Go to your room,
and don't come down until I say so!
89
00:03:45,334 --> 00:03:47,671
- Aah!
- Oh, no!
90
00:03:47,703 --> 00:03:50,873
Some of that lasagna got on my pants.
91
00:03:50,906 --> 00:03:53,844
I better take them off
and stand in my underwear
92
00:03:53,876 --> 00:03:55,811
in front of The Weeknd.
93
00:03:55,845 --> 00:03:57,547
I'm gonna make you come... pletely clean
94
00:03:57,579 --> 00:03:59,982
in the pants region.
95
00:04:00,016 --> 00:04:01,317
♪ Mmmm! ♪
96
00:04:01,351 --> 00:04:04,654
♪ Because I really like lasagna! ♪
97
00:04:04,686 --> 00:04:06,055
You call this clean?
98
00:04:09,431 --> 00:04:12,194
Roger, are you ready
to come down and apologize?
99
00:04:12,226 --> 00:04:14,128
The Weeknd's telling us
what it's like to ride
100
00:04:14,161 --> 00:04:16,265
the Matterhorn all by himself!
101
00:04:17,431 --> 00:04:19,400
Roger, I told you to stay in the attic.
102
00:04:19,433 --> 00:04:21,736
I don't have to! For your information,
103
00:04:21,769 --> 00:04:24,072
Tuttle stole antibiotics from his mom,
104
00:04:24,104 --> 00:04:25,573
and we're gonna feed them to sharks.
105
00:04:25,606 --> 00:04:28,142
Oh, no,
you're not gonna feed them to sharks.
106
00:04:28,176 --> 00:04:31,079
Ow! Ooooowwwwwwww!
107
00:04:31,451 --> 00:04:33,414
Hey, you can't lock up my clothes!
108
00:04:33,447 --> 00:04:35,149
- Then I can't go out!
- You're the idiot
109
00:04:35,183 --> 00:04:37,084
who leaves all their
clothes in one place.
110
00:04:37,118 --> 00:04:39,887
I got shirts and underwear
stashed all over this house.
111
00:04:39,921 --> 00:04:42,757
You never know when somebody's
gonna try to ground you.
112
00:04:42,791 --> 00:04:45,060
Aah! I hate you!
113
00:04:45,092 --> 00:04:48,164
Fine, but you're gonna
hear me bowling all night!
114
00:04:50,935 --> 00:04:51,966
300!
115
00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:54,769
I just rolled a perfect game,
and nobody cares!
116
00:04:54,803 --> 00:04:56,772
This family sucks!
117
00:04:59,306 --> 00:05:01,442
Mom, there's something wrong
with my water.
118
00:05:01,476 --> 00:05:03,579
- It's too clear.
- The Weeknd thought
119
00:05:03,611 --> 00:05:05,613
it would be "dope" to fix the plumbing
120
00:05:05,647 --> 00:05:09,183
so I don't have to get our water
from Tuttle's pond anymore.
121
00:05:09,216 --> 00:05:10,752
Well, I'm glad The Weeknd
122
00:05:10,784 --> 00:05:12,421
snaked someone's plumbing.
123
00:05:12,454 --> 00:05:14,423
She's sad because she blew her one shot
124
00:05:14,455 --> 00:05:16,123
to sleep with The Weeknd.
125
00:05:16,156 --> 00:05:17,926
I'm sad she's sad.
126
00:05:17,959 --> 00:05:20,796
But I'm also not sad she
didn't sleep with him.
127
00:05:20,829 --> 00:05:24,365
Those are my two emotions,
sad and not sad.
128
00:05:24,399 --> 00:05:27,135
Will you please go tell
Roger he can come down?
129
00:05:27,168 --> 00:05:29,672
He's been such a quiet, good boy.
130
00:05:33,474 --> 00:05:36,212
- _
- Huh. Must be an apology video.
131
00:05:37,878 --> 00:05:39,714
If you're watching this video,
132
00:05:39,748 --> 00:05:42,149
I've already switched
places with The Weeknd.
133
00:05:42,183 --> 00:05:43,552
Million on black, Leon.
134
00:05:43,584 --> 00:05:46,454
And I'm enjoying his
rule-free lifestyle.
135
00:05:46,488 --> 00:05:47,990
And a million on red, Leon.
136
00:05:48,022 --> 00:05:49,790
See, Stan, I wanted to show you
137
00:05:49,824 --> 00:05:52,027
that I'd thrive without
your stupid rules.
138
00:05:52,060 --> 00:05:53,629
Double zero green!
139
00:05:54,196 --> 00:05:55,363
There's green?!
140
00:05:55,397 --> 00:05:58,132
Leon, don't tell me
there's rules to this game.
141
00:05:58,166 --> 00:06:00,836
Oh, what's this? Free buffet?
142
00:06:00,868 --> 00:06:03,005
All you can eat. No rules.
143
00:06:03,038 --> 00:06:04,907
Just how I like it.
144
00:06:08,243 --> 00:06:09,377
Morning, Stan.
145
00:06:09,411 --> 00:06:10,879
I slept so well.
146
00:06:10,911 --> 00:06:12,647
Mmm, incredible.
147
00:06:12,680 --> 00:06:14,582
Where did you find a
bed without girls in it?
148
00:06:18,752 --> 00:06:21,160
You sure you don't want to play
pinochle, The Weeknd?
149
00:06:21,194 --> 00:06:22,496
No, you go ahead.
150
00:06:22,528 --> 00:06:24,264
I've been so busy singing hit songs,
151
00:06:24,297 --> 00:06:25,933
I never get to fold laundry anymore.
152
00:06:26,933 --> 00:06:28,369
I'm getting good.
153
00:06:31,299 --> 00:06:32,740
Hey, everyone.
154
00:06:32,773 --> 00:06:34,174
Hi, Weeknd.
155
00:06:34,206 --> 00:06:35,374
Don't let me interrupt.
156
00:06:35,408 --> 00:06:38,045
I just need to stretch.
157
00:06:38,077 --> 00:06:39,612
Mmm!
158
00:06:39,646 --> 00:06:42,883
Ooh! Yeah...
159
00:06:42,915 --> 00:06:44,218
Ugh!
160
00:06:44,250 --> 00:06:46,552
Whoa!
161
00:06:46,586 --> 00:06:49,757
Did you ever get boners
in your old life, The Weeknd?
162
00:06:49,790 --> 00:06:51,023
All too often.
163
00:06:51,057 --> 00:06:53,193
This family is a great
break from boners.
164
00:06:55,261 --> 00:06:57,064
Man, I miss my fans,
165
00:06:57,096 --> 00:06:59,398
but I just know they're
in good hands with Roger.
166
00:07:01,634 --> 00:07:04,103
♪ I wanna tell you
how I don't miss Stan, ah ♪
167
00:07:04,136 --> 00:07:06,807
♪ His chin bigger than a mini-van, ah ♪
168
00:07:06,839 --> 00:07:09,442
♪ Life's much better
as The Weeknd, though ♪
169
00:07:09,475 --> 00:07:12,045
♪ Partial strip view at the Fla-min-go ♪
170
00:07:12,077 --> 00:07:14,580
♪ Vodka in my thermos,
bong's full of grass ♪
171
00:07:14,613 --> 00:07:17,950
♪ Never hit a donkey,
but I do pound ass ♪
172
00:07:20,687 --> 00:07:23,723
♪ 'Cause I'm a mother[BLEEP] Starboy! ♪
173
00:07:24,757 --> 00:07:27,593
Groupies, meet The Weeknd.
174
00:07:27,627 --> 00:07:29,329
Very nice, Klaus.
175
00:07:29,362 --> 00:07:32,266
Security! Klaus,
a weirdo snuck backstage with you!
176
00:07:32,298 --> 00:07:33,334
That's Vu.
177
00:07:33,421 --> 00:07:37,504
He's a weird hang but an
excellent drug dealer.
178
00:07:37,536 --> 00:07:39,138
Apologies, Vu.
179
00:07:39,172 --> 00:07:41,942
Okay, my entourage has taken shape.
180
00:07:41,975 --> 00:07:43,576
We have Vu, groupies,
181
00:07:43,610 --> 00:07:45,812
- Klaus as my manager...
- Sick!
182
00:07:45,846 --> 00:07:48,182
But I'm lacking something.
183
00:07:48,214 --> 00:07:51,685
Yes, my entourage
is missing an energy guy...
184
00:07:51,718 --> 00:07:54,021
Klaus, bring me Breckin Meyer.
185
00:07:54,541 --> 00:07:56,490
You can't get Breckin.
186
00:07:56,523 --> 00:07:58,258
Nobody can get Breckin.
187
00:07:58,290 --> 00:07:59,992
He's the ultimate energy guy!
188
00:08:00,026 --> 00:08:01,128
Just make it happen.
189
00:08:01,159 --> 00:08:03,529
We're gonna take drugs and
see that show at Excalibur.
190
00:08:03,562 --> 00:08:04,964
"Tournament of Kings"?!
191
00:08:04,997 --> 00:08:06,499
That's the only show in Vegas
192
00:08:06,533 --> 00:08:09,603
where they don't vacuum
the floors afterwards!
193
00:08:09,636 --> 00:08:10,871
Hey, Vu, got anything on you
194
00:08:10,903 --> 00:08:13,173
that'll make me feel like a king?
195
00:08:15,007 --> 00:08:16,976
You're a good drug dealer, Vu.
196
00:08:25,552 --> 00:08:27,020
Vu, you little minx!
197
00:08:27,052 --> 00:08:28,222
I'm buzzing you in.
198
00:08:29,890 --> 00:08:31,658
It's Francine, Roger.
199
00:08:31,690 --> 00:08:32,825
Vuuuu!
200
00:08:32,858 --> 00:08:34,360
Get up here, Vuuuu!
201
00:08:35,862 --> 00:08:38,564
Are you trying to buzz
me into your apartment?
202
00:08:39,766 --> 00:08:42,301
Vu, dude, you gotta pull when I buzz!
203
00:08:42,334 --> 00:08:44,338
Klaus got in touch with Breckin Meyer!
204
00:08:44,371 --> 00:08:46,372
He's flying in from Los Cabos!
205
00:08:46,406 --> 00:08:48,040
It's about to get wild.
206
00:08:48,074 --> 00:08:49,742
That new stuff you gave me?
207
00:08:49,776 --> 00:08:52,079
You should call it clown
blood on the windshield
208
00:08:52,112 --> 00:08:54,114
because that's all I'm seein', baby!
209
00:08:54,122 --> 00:08:55,514
Hang on, Bobo!
210
00:08:55,548 --> 00:08:58,252
You're gonna make it!
211
00:09:02,055 --> 00:09:05,691
Nooooo!
212
00:09:09,529 --> 00:09:13,500
Ugh, I am never doing drugs again.
213
00:09:13,532 --> 00:09:15,668
Maybe Stan was on target.
214
00:09:15,702 --> 00:09:17,170
Do you need rules, brah?
215
00:09:17,203 --> 00:09:20,007
Wha-aw-gah-jah-yah-jah... No!
216
00:09:20,040 --> 00:09:21,440
You blew $40 million
217
00:09:21,473 --> 00:09:23,709
playing a female
Ghostbusters slot machine.
218
00:09:23,742 --> 00:09:26,412
Oh, so there can't be
female Ghostbusters?
219
00:09:26,445 --> 00:09:27,713
It's the 21st century.
220
00:09:27,747 --> 00:09:29,549
Women can bust every ghost a man can.
221
00:09:29,582 --> 00:09:30,784
Oh, no, no, no, no.
222
00:09:30,796 --> 00:09:33,185
I'm only worried about
you losing your money.
223
00:09:33,218 --> 00:09:36,689
So you prefer I lose my money
on a male Ghostbusters machine?
224
00:09:36,723 --> 00:09:38,458
I don't want you to
lose your money at all!
225
00:09:38,520 --> 00:09:39,692
Why? 'Cause I'm a man?!
226
00:09:39,720 --> 00:09:42,096
If a woman lost her money,
you wouldn't be upset?
227
00:09:43,262 --> 00:09:46,399
How... How would a woman have money?
228
00:09:46,433 --> 00:09:48,802
I got ya! I knew I'd get ya!
229
00:09:49,803 --> 00:09:51,905
I am dying. This is rock bottom.
230
00:09:51,938 --> 00:09:55,409
Sharing a jail cell with the
one misogynist in the system.
231
00:09:55,441 --> 00:09:57,209
I gotta call Stan for help.
232
00:09:57,242 --> 00:09:58,377
I deeply respect women.
233
00:10:00,914 --> 00:10:03,250
We interrupt this broadcast
of "Step Brothers"...
234
00:10:03,282 --> 00:10:04,083
- Noooo!
- Ahhhh!
235
00:10:04,116 --> 00:10:05,085
What the hell?!
236
00:10:05,122 --> 00:10:07,721
...to bring you "Step Brothers"
in its entirety.
237
00:10:07,753 --> 00:10:08,521
- Yeahhhh!
- Whoo-hoo!
238
00:10:08,550 --> 00:10:09,867
Hell yeah!
239
00:10:11,156 --> 00:10:12,425
This better be good.
240
00:10:12,459 --> 00:10:13,660
I'm in the middle of "Step Brothers,"
241
00:10:13,693 --> 00:10:14,761
and it's about to start.
242
00:10:14,794 --> 00:10:16,396
Stan, it's me.
243
00:10:16,429 --> 00:10:18,966
Your old pal, Roger. Um...
244
00:10:18,998 --> 00:10:20,300
I'm in a bit of a bind.
245
00:10:20,333 --> 00:10:22,569
Maybe got out of control a smidge.
246
00:10:22,602 --> 00:10:24,304
To quote the Beatles, "Help.
247
00:10:24,337 --> 00:10:25,771
I need Stan's body."
248
00:10:25,805 --> 00:10:27,840
Well, as En Vogue says,
249
00:10:27,873 --> 00:10:31,577
"Never gonna get it,
never, ever gonna get it."
250
00:10:31,611 --> 00:10:33,080
That was Roger begging for help.
251
00:10:33,112 --> 00:10:34,613
Why did you hang up?!
252
00:10:34,646 --> 00:10:36,650
He made this mess,
and he can get himself out.
253
00:10:36,683 --> 00:10:39,486
If he's asking for help,
hasn't he learned his lesson?
254
00:10:39,518 --> 00:10:43,422
Simple boy,
right now his lesson is like wet cement.
255
00:10:43,455 --> 00:10:47,460
If we bail Roger out,
the cement will evaporate.
256
00:10:47,493 --> 00:10:49,495
Yeah, that's not how cement works.
257
00:10:51,964 --> 00:10:53,032
Sir, sir?
258
00:10:53,065 --> 00:10:55,435
Is your baby breathing?
259
00:10:55,468 --> 00:10:56,969
Stan isn't coming.
260
00:10:57,002 --> 00:10:58,472
We're gonna die in here.
261
00:10:58,505 --> 00:11:00,507
I wouldn't be so sure about that.
262
00:11:00,540 --> 00:11:02,709
I've never heard of you,
but the D.A.'s daughter's
263
00:11:02,742 --> 00:11:05,846
a big fan and said we
have to let you out.
264
00:11:05,878 --> 00:11:07,213
Sweet! Later, Klaus.
265
00:11:07,247 --> 00:11:09,315
- What about me?!
- Suck it, Klaus!
266
00:11:09,348 --> 00:11:10,883
You're gonna die in here!
267
00:11:10,916 --> 00:11:13,152
Of course I knew
you were getting out, too.
268
00:11:13,185 --> 00:11:15,788
- It's just jokes.
- I love jokes myself.
269
00:11:15,821 --> 00:11:18,057
Hey, I got a good one for ya.
270
00:11:19,825 --> 00:11:21,694
'Sup, boners?!
271
00:11:25,765 --> 00:11:28,702
This was crazy, and I love it.
Hit me later.
272
00:11:28,734 --> 00:11:30,736
Pound, pound. Back to Cabo.
273
00:11:30,770 --> 00:11:33,740
Swim in a T-shirt
'cause I get crazy sunburned.
274
00:11:33,772 --> 00:11:35,175
Love your music, dude.
275
00:11:42,915 --> 00:11:45,518
I learned a valuable
lesson while I was in jail.
276
00:11:45,551 --> 00:11:46,685
Well, that's good!
277
00:11:46,718 --> 00:11:48,521
I learned I was right.
278
00:11:48,555 --> 00:11:50,991
Rules suck,
and it's better to be The Weeknd.
279
00:11:51,024 --> 00:11:52,159
Uh-huh.
280
00:11:52,191 --> 00:11:53,926
Rules, restrictions,
281
00:11:53,959 --> 00:11:55,429
shackles of the mind.
282
00:11:55,462 --> 00:11:57,831
Today, I free myself from those.
283
00:11:57,863 --> 00:11:59,365
And I free you, too!
284
00:11:59,399 --> 00:12:00,734
Blast off with me, Klaus!
285
00:12:00,766 --> 00:12:02,502
Tell me your wildest dream!
286
00:12:02,535 --> 00:12:04,838
I'd like to have a really nice dinner
287
00:12:04,871 --> 00:12:06,506
with a woman who loves me.
288
00:12:06,539 --> 00:12:08,574
Did you say "music festival"?
289
00:12:08,608 --> 00:12:10,776
- No.
- Your wish is my command.
290
00:12:10,810 --> 00:12:12,912
An island music festival by day,
291
00:12:12,945 --> 00:12:15,181
and a no-rules utopia by night...
292
00:12:15,214 --> 00:12:17,383
and also day. Music at night, too.
293
00:12:17,416 --> 00:12:20,019
Well... where will we do it, Roger?
294
00:12:20,053 --> 00:12:21,221
Right here.
295
00:12:21,253 --> 00:12:22,721
I only see water.
296
00:12:22,755 --> 00:12:24,724
Some things you see with your eyes,
297
00:12:24,757 --> 00:12:27,893
and some things you see with
the drugs that Vu gave you.
298
00:12:27,926 --> 00:12:29,162
Let's ride! Aah!
299
00:12:29,206 --> 00:12:31,697
Ooh, keychains with your name on it.
300
00:12:31,731 --> 00:12:34,067
I'm gonna be "Doris" from now on.
301
00:12:34,099 --> 00:12:35,868
$27?!
302
00:12:35,901 --> 00:12:38,371
Uch, I'm just gonna
keep being The Weeknd.
303
00:12:42,574 --> 00:12:45,545
Are you sure you'll be okay
if I sleep with The Weeknd?
304
00:12:45,578 --> 00:12:47,447
If you sleep with The Weeknd?
305
00:12:47,479 --> 00:12:50,249
When you sleep with The Weeknd.
306
00:12:50,282 --> 00:12:52,451
And, no, I'm not sure. Hold still.
307
00:12:52,484 --> 00:12:54,553
You really think The
Weeknd will sleep with me?
308
00:12:54,587 --> 00:12:56,156
I've given you the tools.
309
00:12:56,189 --> 00:12:57,557
You've gotta do the hammering.
310
00:12:58,657 --> 00:13:00,293
Hold still.
311
00:13:02,261 --> 00:13:04,463
Hey, I got your text. Everything okay?
312
00:13:04,497 --> 00:13:05,732
It is...
313
00:13:05,765 --> 00:13:07,234
now.
314
00:13:07,266 --> 00:13:10,603
Mm, you are so tight.
315
00:13:11,080 --> 00:13:12,472
Are you wearing bug spray?
316
00:13:12,505 --> 00:13:14,274
Shit.
317
00:13:14,306 --> 00:13:16,142
How about a little massage?
318
00:13:16,175 --> 00:13:18,410
Hayley, we can't do this.
319
00:13:18,444 --> 00:13:19,679
Yes, we can!
320
00:13:19,712 --> 00:13:22,516
Weeknd, you son of a bitch!
321
00:13:22,549 --> 00:13:25,651
What's it gonna take for
you to nail my wife?!
322
00:13:25,685 --> 00:13:27,154
Look, I'm sorry,
323
00:13:27,186 --> 00:13:28,954
but it has nothing to do with Hayley.
324
00:13:28,987 --> 00:13:30,991
I have a confession.
325
00:13:31,024 --> 00:13:32,859
I've never told anyone this before.
326
00:13:32,891 --> 00:13:35,929
♪ Had a lot of girls in my day ♪
327
00:13:35,962 --> 00:13:37,597
♪ Wanted more from me ♪
328
00:13:37,630 --> 00:13:40,500
♪ But there's only really one way ♪
329
00:13:40,532 --> 00:13:42,201
♪ To start a family ♪
330
00:13:42,234 --> 00:13:46,338
♪ And I know you can't
believe it's true ♪
331
00:13:46,372 --> 00:13:50,142
♪ But I'm man enough to say to you ♪
332
00:13:50,175 --> 00:13:53,379
♪ I'm a virgin ♪
333
00:13:53,412 --> 00:13:56,282
♪ Never got close enough ♪
334
00:13:56,315 --> 00:13:59,819
♪ Cellphone blowing up,
but I'm waiting ♪
335
00:13:59,852 --> 00:14:03,223
♪ For the right person ♪
336
00:14:03,256 --> 00:14:05,125
♪ Trying to act super-tough ♪
337
00:14:05,157 --> 00:14:08,961
♪ But, inside, I'm a 12-year-old boy ♪
338
00:14:11,164 --> 00:14:13,500
♪ I see you looking in a strong way ♪
339
00:14:13,532 --> 00:14:15,801
♪ But I won't give it up ♪
340
00:14:15,834 --> 00:14:17,737
♪ Supermodels, they were all fake ♪
341
00:14:17,770 --> 00:14:20,073
♪ 'Cause I never humped ♪
342
00:14:20,106 --> 00:14:21,875
♪ And I know you ♪
343
00:14:21,907 --> 00:14:24,009
♪ I know you want to ♪
344
00:14:24,042 --> 00:14:27,546
♪ But I'm man enough to say to you ♪
345
00:14:27,579 --> 00:14:29,715
- ♪ Oh ♪
- _
346
00:14:29,748 --> 00:14:31,917
♪ Underneath the lies and the big talk ♪
347
00:14:31,950 --> 00:14:34,353
♪ I've been waiting for a wife ♪
348
00:14:34,386 --> 00:14:37,022
♪ I never watched porn,
never did drugs ♪
349
00:14:37,055 --> 00:14:38,824
♪ 'Cause I'm terrified ♪
350
00:14:38,858 --> 00:14:40,593
♪ And I know you ♪
351
00:14:40,627 --> 00:14:42,996
♪ You can't believe it's true ♪
352
00:14:43,029 --> 00:14:46,700
♪ But I'm man enough to say to you ♪
353
00:14:46,733 --> 00:14:50,203
♪ I'm a virgin, uh ♪
354
00:14:50,236 --> 00:14:52,439
♪ Never got close enough ♪
355
00:14:52,472 --> 00:14:56,108
♪ Cellphone blowing up,
but I'm waiting ♪
356
00:14:56,141 --> 00:14:58,078
♪ For the right person ♪
357
00:14:58,909 --> 00:15:02,015
♪ You wanna hold hands,
then sign me up ♪
358
00:15:02,048 --> 00:15:05,719
♪ But just know you're not gonna score ♪
359
00:15:05,752 --> 00:15:08,787
♪ I'm a virgin ♪
360
00:15:08,820 --> 00:15:11,123
♪ Never got close enough ♪
361
00:15:11,156 --> 00:15:14,927
♪ Pure as a dove, and I'm waiting ♪
362
00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:18,364
♪ For the right person ♪
363
00:15:18,397 --> 00:15:20,633
♪ Never once been touched ♪
364
00:15:20,666 --> 00:15:25,171
♪ The power of God in my loins ♪
365
00:15:26,506 --> 00:15:29,041
- So, yeah, I'm a virgin.
- Why?
366
00:15:29,074 --> 00:15:30,977
Containing my seed gives me superpowers
367
00:15:31,010 --> 00:15:32,712
other singers don't possess.
368
00:15:32,744 --> 00:15:35,881
Right now I'm using my
virgin power to win Grammys.
369
00:15:35,915 --> 00:15:37,617
But if my calculations are correct,
370
00:15:37,650 --> 00:15:39,919
soon my nut sack will be a time machine.
371
00:15:39,952 --> 00:15:42,489
♪ I'm tryna [BLEEP] with dinosaurs ♪
372
00:15:42,521 --> 00:15:43,956
I feel dirty!
373
00:15:43,989 --> 00:15:47,860
I put a virgin at the
top of my freebie list!
374
00:15:50,294 --> 00:15:52,298
Wow.
375
00:15:54,867 --> 00:15:56,336
Oop! Ah.
376
00:15:56,368 --> 00:15:57,803
You guys were smart.
377
00:15:57,837 --> 00:16:00,273
You all went with
sandwiches from Panera.
378
00:16:00,305 --> 00:16:02,508
There it is! Festival island!
379
00:16:04,544 --> 00:16:07,079
I see a ridiculously active volcano.
380
00:16:07,112 --> 00:16:09,015
Yeah, she's gorgeous!
381
00:16:09,048 --> 00:16:10,450
Vu, bring us down.
382
00:16:10,483 --> 00:16:11,617
Keep us up, Vu!
383
00:16:11,651 --> 00:16:12,852
It's all lava!
384
00:16:12,885 --> 00:16:14,354
Quiet, Klaus. I'm in charge.
385
00:16:14,386 --> 00:16:17,690
That giant wave is about
to cool us a runway.
386
00:16:18,790 --> 00:16:19,792
Aah!
387
00:16:24,004 --> 00:16:27,408
Whoa, Klaus just sent a
suh-weet pic of a volcano.
388
00:16:27,441 --> 00:16:28,872
- Cool.
- And a text.
389
00:16:28,907 --> 00:16:32,714
- Yuck.
- Says, "Roger and I are about to die."
390
00:16:32,747 --> 00:16:35,684
Uch. Mute... conversation.
391
00:16:35,716 --> 00:16:37,918
Stan, your rules backfired!
392
00:16:37,951 --> 00:16:39,854
And now Roger's gonna die!
393
00:16:39,888 --> 00:16:41,056
And Klaus.
394
00:16:41,089 --> 00:16:42,391
We have to save them!
395
00:16:43,158 --> 00:16:44,358
You're right.
396
00:16:44,392 --> 00:16:46,927
Francine, what's your wildest dream?
397
00:16:46,960 --> 00:16:49,330
Going to the moon,
realizing it's really small,
398
00:16:49,364 --> 00:16:50,999
then throwing it like a baseball.
399
00:16:51,032 --> 00:16:52,167
Did you say...
400
00:16:52,200 --> 00:16:53,768
"meet The Weeknd"?
401
00:16:58,773 --> 00:17:02,077
We have three days to
build a music utopia.
402
00:17:02,109 --> 00:17:04,245
Let's scout locations
for the main stage.
403
00:17:14,088 --> 00:17:15,791
Oh, my God.
404
00:17:16,479 --> 00:17:17,859
Where's the rest of the gang?
405
00:17:17,891 --> 00:17:19,059
They're dead!
406
00:17:19,092 --> 00:17:20,695
Like we're gonna be dead!
407
00:17:20,727 --> 00:17:22,229
Like the 10,000 ticket holders
408
00:17:22,263 --> 00:17:24,832
you suckered into coming
here are gonna be dead!
409
00:17:25,800 --> 00:17:27,936
Ah! Aah!
410
00:17:27,968 --> 00:17:29,703
Going for a little dip, huh?
411
00:17:29,736 --> 00:17:32,306
Well, I, for one,
am getting down to business.
412
00:17:35,642 --> 00:17:38,879
_
413
00:17:38,913 --> 00:17:40,080
Hang in there, baby.
414
00:17:40,113 --> 00:17:41,415
As soon as we rescue Roger,
415
00:17:41,448 --> 00:17:43,417
this antidote will fix you right up.
416
00:17:43,451 --> 00:17:46,221
Do it now. Please, Stan.
417
00:17:46,253 --> 00:17:48,156
Francine,
I'm trying to do the right thing here.
418
00:17:48,188 --> 00:17:49,890
I could use your support.
419
00:17:49,924 --> 00:17:53,628
- Captain on the bridge!
- You must be little Francine.
420
00:17:53,660 --> 00:17:55,763
We'll get you that
selfie with The Weeknd,
421
00:17:55,796 --> 00:17:57,164
come hell or high water.
422
00:17:57,197 --> 00:17:59,133
Sir, we have visual on The Weeknd!
423
00:17:59,167 --> 00:18:00,435
Wow.
424
00:18:00,467 --> 00:18:02,771
I've really made a mess of things.
425
00:18:02,803 --> 00:18:05,273
And everybody's given up on me.
426
00:18:05,305 --> 00:18:06,407
Except you.
427
00:18:07,490 --> 00:18:08,581
Thank you.
428
00:18:13,767 --> 00:18:15,182
Just crop myself out...
429
00:18:15,215 --> 00:18:16,421
Bingo.
430
00:18:18,119 --> 00:18:19,620
"Wishin'" accomplished!
431
00:18:19,654 --> 00:18:22,457
If you infect anyone else,
we can come back for them.
432
00:18:22,490 --> 00:18:24,292
If that's their wish.
433
00:18:24,324 --> 00:18:27,528
Our business is granting wishes,
not suggesting them.
434
00:18:31,232 --> 00:18:33,468
Stan! You saved me!
435
00:18:33,501 --> 00:18:37,038
It's one of my rules...
Keep my loved ones safe.
436
00:18:37,571 --> 00:18:39,773
And that includes me!
437
00:18:39,807 --> 00:18:41,877
Stan, I'm sorry.
438
00:18:41,909 --> 00:18:44,478
I thought being a Smith was boring...
and it is...
439
00:18:44,512 --> 00:18:46,147
but it's better than this.
440
00:18:46,179 --> 00:18:47,349
Can I come home?
441
00:18:48,649 --> 00:18:50,217
Oh, right. Francine.
442
00:18:50,251 --> 00:18:53,021
Sorry, Roger. I just need to
cure my wife's bubonic plague.
443
00:18:54,688 --> 00:18:57,191
You butterfingers sonuva...
444
00:18:57,225 --> 00:18:59,060
You're choking me, my love.
445
00:18:59,092 --> 00:19:00,661
You killed me.
446
00:19:00,695 --> 00:19:02,297
Hello!
447
00:19:02,330 --> 00:19:04,232
_
448
00:19:04,264 --> 00:19:06,501
Special delivery!
449
00:19:11,906 --> 00:19:13,340
She's dying, The Weeknd.
450
00:19:13,373 --> 00:19:15,175
This is a murder.
451
00:19:15,208 --> 00:19:17,044
Don't worry. I'm a virgin.
452
00:19:17,078 --> 00:19:19,848
- Really?
- Stan, I think I can help.
453
00:19:19,880 --> 00:19:22,182
Right now,
I have enough virgin seed in my balls
454
00:19:22,215 --> 00:19:24,051
to produce five hit albums...
455
00:19:24,084 --> 00:19:25,252
or save one life.
456
00:19:25,285 --> 00:19:26,720
I don't understand.
457
00:19:26,753 --> 00:19:29,390
I'm so very glad you kidnapped me,
old friend.
458
00:19:32,760 --> 00:19:37,532
Virgin power!
459
00:19:42,904 --> 00:19:45,073
What the [BLEEP] is happening?
460
00:19:45,106 --> 00:19:48,009
The Weeknd cured Francine,
461
00:19:48,042 --> 00:19:52,746
but it drained his virginal life energy.
462
00:19:52,780 --> 00:19:54,583
No, I was talking about your pants.
463
00:19:54,616 --> 00:19:56,551
You tied them into a life raft.
464
00:19:56,583 --> 00:19:57,952
That's sick, bro.
465
00:19:57,985 --> 00:19:59,620
He's dying, Stan!
466
00:19:59,654 --> 00:20:01,289
Don't go, The Weeknd!
467
00:20:01,321 --> 00:20:03,925
That's the thing that
sucks about weekends...
468
00:20:03,957 --> 00:20:07,195
They've gotta end sometime.
469
00:20:07,227 --> 00:20:10,064
Whoa! His last words were a joke!
470
00:20:10,098 --> 00:20:11,232
Guy nailed it!
471
00:20:11,264 --> 00:20:12,600
Keep it 100, y'all.
472
00:20:12,634 --> 00:20:13,935
Ah, he blew it.
473
00:20:28,683 --> 00:20:30,986
- Explain that.
- Okay.
474
00:20:31,019 --> 00:20:36,224
As volcanic islands form,
they search for identity.
475
00:20:36,256 --> 00:20:39,494
This island chose The Weeknd's soul
476
00:20:39,526 --> 00:20:41,996
as its metaphysical blueprint.
477
00:20:42,030 --> 00:20:43,831
You're a solid dude, Vu.
478
00:20:43,865 --> 00:20:47,335
If you ever deal drugs near Chimdale,
look me up.
479
00:20:47,368 --> 00:20:49,270
- I'd like that.
- We apologize.
480
00:20:49,302 --> 00:20:50,772
Due to an error in scheduling,
481
00:20:50,804 --> 00:20:52,740
you saw an episode of "American Dad."
482
00:20:52,773 --> 00:20:55,510
We now return you to "Step Brothers."
483
00:20:55,542 --> 00:20:57,311
Have a great night!
484
00:20:57,312 --> 00:20:59,641
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
www.addic7ed.com
34483
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