All language subtitles for 96968766

♪

You got any room on
that couch? You got a naked
girl coming right at you.

Bring it on.
SAM: Go on.

Go on.

[REX LAUGHING]

REX: Come here, you little
monkey. Will you please
get her dressed?

Let's clean up
before Bama gets here.

I don't want her telling me
I'm a lousy housekeeper.

Oh, shoot. I gotta get ready.
We're supposed
to be at the bank.

Why do you have
to go to the bank?

Because we need money
for stuff, like your braces.

But I don't want braces.
I want a video game player.

Charlie, your mama's gonna
tell you something true.

No matter what you choose
to do or be, life is easier
if you're pretty.

It does a girl no good
to be good at video games.

Knock, knock. Hey, y'all.
Hi, Mama.

Hey, Bama.
Hey, Bama.

It's hotter than a fur coat
in Marfa out there.

Guess you're just gonna
let them watch TV all day.

Oh, Mama, please don't start.
I'm trying to get ready.

Hey, Mama, that laundry
was folded. It will be
when I get through.

Hi, Bama.

Jenna. One, two. Whoo!

I'm so glad to see you.
Give Bama a great big kiss
right there.

Look how big you're getting.
REX: How's it going, Cassie?

Well, I'm a two-pack-a-dayer
trying to quit smoking,
that's how it's going.

You know what gum
with nicotine tastes like?

Gum with nicotine.

How's the knee?

Oh, doesn't work
and keeps me up all night.

Sounds like my
last two husbands. Heh.

What are you gonna do
if the bank turns you down?

No idea.

Well, it ain't
a sin to be poor,
but it's damned inconvenient.

Well, what do y'all think?

You're either a magician
or twins.

CHARLIE: Mama,
you look pretty.
REX: You sure do.

It's gonna be harder for
the banker to turn you down
in that outfit.

That's what I'm counting on.
Like you said, "Use it
until you lose it."

Heck, I've lost it
and I'm still using it.

[SNIFFING]

What smells like pumpkin pie?
Oh, it's me.

These scientists did
a test and figured out
that the smell of pumpkin

brings blood flow to a man's
you-know-what faster
than anything else.

Where'd you hear that?
I read it in some
woman's magazine.

August 2006 issue.
Reese Witherspoon
was on the cover.

Rex, come on, we gotta scoot.

Babies, be good to your Bama.

Bye, Mama.
Bye, Mama.

Ow! Dang it.
I just broke my nail.

Sugar, no one's looking
at your nails.

Been married to you
nine years, I haven't gotten
to your nails yet.

Come on.

Now, Sam, don't slouch
like you do. Knockers up.

I am so nervous.
Yeah, me too.

Let me unbutton these.

Just in case he's gay.

Well, I did say
"whatever it takes."

Oh, baby, how did
we get ourselves
into such an awful mess?

A lot of people asking
those questions these days.

Samantha Horton.

Hell's bells, I do not need
Carol Reed telling me
how perfect her life is.

Hey, I dumped her for you.
You got the big prize.

Don't tell her
why we're here.

Hey, Carol. Hi.
It's been forever.

Don't you look pretty.

I do believe you were wearing
that same dress
the last time I saw you.

Well, aren't you observant.

Jim and I were just here
on business,

but tomorrow we're off
to Hawaii and then we're going
to New York

to do a little shopping.

We all got to stimulate
the economy, right?

Bless your heart,
always thinking of others.

Bye-bye.

REX: Y'all travel safe.
Will do.

Bye.

Mrs. Horton, Mr. Horton,
please have a seat.

Thank you.

Well, we're here about,
uh, this letter.

Well, I'd say
it's a bit more than a letter.

This is a notice of intent
to foreclose.

Yes, and we know we're
seriously behind
in our payments,

but the rates
suddenly jumped so high...

As adjustable rates do.

Mr. Sweeny, it's like I was
trying to tell you
on the telephone,

my physical therapy job
just got phased out

and Rex here, well,
he hurt his knee so bad

that he had to quit his
construction job
and get surgery.

We're just trying to pay back
the medical bills.

The healing's been
a whole lot slower than
I'd hoped.

I sympathize, but mortgage
payments must be maintained...

It's not just about the
mortgage. We're strapped.

Completely.

Getting dinner on the table,
it's hard. We need more time.

But, Mrs. Horton,
I can't really give you...

You can call me Sam.

Sam.

That's an interesting scent
you're wearing.

You like it?
Very much.

But, uh, there's nothing
I can do.

With the current financial
situation,

this bank must take a
zero-tolerance position
on non-payment.

But what about the government
bailing you out
to help us out?

Where's the help?

All I can tell you

is that unless
we receive payment
on the 15th of this month,

foreclosure
proceedings will begin.

And we'll lose our home.
Yes.

That is what
foreclosure means.

I'm sorry.
SAM: No, you're not.

Not really.

Even though
you're plenty at
fault here too.

The day we met you,

you told us that a subprime
ARM loan made good sense

and not to worry
about rate adjustments

because we would be able
to refinance
before the loan resets.

Then you told us it would be
"advantageous

for us to enhance our income
statement to help facilitate
the approving process."

Those were your words,
exactly.

Now, I don't think any of us
remembers
exactly what was said.

She does.

You were wearing
a black-and-gray coat,

with a taupe shirt
and a cream tie.

It had a quarter-sized
hot sauce stain on it.

You were worried
because you were

getting ready to
take your photo ID.

There's the tie
and there's the stain.

Now, what exactly
don't I remember, exactly?

Like I said.

At least you got
a month's extension.
It's something.

Is it?
What's gonna make it better
next month?

Chocolate milk shakes
and cheese fries.

That will make it better
for about five minutes,
but I'll take it.

Here's my application.

I know you guys aren't hiring,
but if you could
have the manager

Thanks.
You're really desperate, huh?

I would join the Army
if I could wear heels.

We'd hire you at
the bar if we could.
I know you would.

There's nothing
promising for Rex?
Not a thing.

Nobody's even hiring.

If there were any
construction jobs,
they're not gonna go for a guy

Gosh,
this must be killing him.
You know men and pride.

Men are complicated.

No, they're not. Men are easy.

"I'm thirsty,"
"I'm hungry," "I'm horny."
That's men.

Although not necessarily
in that order.

You guys, I never thought
I'd say anything
quite as sappy

as "it was not supposed
to turn out this way,"
but it wasn't.

When they were
scouting Rex for UT,

I already had
the drapes picked out

You weren't crazy.

Handsome white running back
is worth his weight in gold.

I just thought we were
gonna be the next
Angie Harmon and Jason Sehorn.

Then he got knocked down.
You got knocked up.

Yeah.

Hey, wait a minute.
Here's something.

"Kind Touch Health Spa.
Licensed massage therapists."

I'm licensed.

I don't know how you do that,
touching stranger's bodies.

It's just skin.
It makes them feel better.

Doesn't say they're hiring,
but it's worth a call.

It's all the way in Lareena.
It's more than
an hour's drive.

Well, there's nothing here.

You were smart to go
and become a lawyer.

My mom said
I was too pretty
for law school.

My mama said I was too skinny
to get a husband.

My mom said to
always wear lipstick,

even if you're just
going to the market.

Well, to Texas moms.

Texas moms.
Texas moms.

♪♪

[DOOR CHIMES RINGING]

Your usual time,
you little devil.

Okay, I've got to go now.

All right, bye-bye.

Hi, there. Can I help you?
Hi.

My name's Samantha Horton,
and I called about
the massage therapy interview?

Oh, that's right.

Here's my resume.
Hi.

Hi there. Well, I'm Jacie.
Hello.

And this here is
my partner, Doreen.

Good morning.
Gosh, you are
a pretty little thing.

Thank you.
And I can spot
a pageant smile.

What did you win?
I was Miss Bixby Hills.

Runner-up, Miss Piedmont.
I dropped my baton.

Well, I entered in Miss Texas,

but then I got
pregnant and married.
Now I got three kids.

I'm dying to have babies.
You were smart to start young.

I'm trained in shiatsu,
and deep tissue,

but I can pretty much
do any kind of massage
y'all want.

Well, look at you.

I'm a real fast learner,
and I'm just
desperate for a job.

Can you start tomorrow?

Really? That's it?

Pretty much, baby.

Thank you.

SAM: Who's starving?
I could eat a buttered monkey.

Yay! Breakfast for supper.

Yeah, we're celebrating
Mama's new job.

So now I can
play flag football?

Flag football is
way down on the list

of things we need
to be paying for.

Please?
Brady, it's like
$100 just to register.

Then there's the team photo
and equipment. And what if
you break your glasses?

BRADY: But...
Conversation is over.

Hey, hon,
I didn't hear your motorcycle.

That's because I sold it.

Rex, you loved that thing.

Yeah, I kind of like
having electricity too.

Baby, I know that wasn't easy.
CASSIE: Good riddance.

You know what
doctors call them?
Donor-cycles.

Are we rich now?
No.

Hey,
sweetheart, what's it like
at that Kind Touch Health Spa?

What's it like?
BRADY: Oh, no, a bee.

Watch out, Brady,
they can smell your fear.

REX: It's all right, I got it.SAM: Hey. Mama.

You know what,
it was real nice.
Rich clients, big tips.

Yeah?

Maybe I should ditch my job
at the salon

and come rub some backs
with you.

Unless they're
mole-y or hairy.
Woman, you wax hoo-has.

Yeah, I remove the hair,
but I don't mess with it.

What's hoo-has?
Nothing.

Daddy, what is a hoo-ha?

[ADULTS LAUGHING]

[SINGING]
Camptown ladies sing this song

Hoo-has, hoo-has

Camptown track
is five miles long

Oh, hoo-ha day

Hi. Here I am.

Oh, hey, honey. Welcome.

Why don't you come on back
and meet
the other girls, okay?

We got a bit of
a lull right now,

but when that Cowboys-Redskins
game is done, we are
gonna be plenty busy.

Come on.

Okay.

All right.

Here we go.

[DOOR LOCK BEEPING]

Okay, ladies, say hi to Sam.

Hey, honey, welcome back.
Hi.

Okay, now, just real quick,
I started this
business 15 years ago.

I wanted to be a novelist,
and I still do,

but this pays the bills
a whole lot better.

Doreen used to be a dancer.

Well, cruise ships mostly,
but some dinner theatre.

Now, she's been partners
with me for 10 years.

Isn't that right?
Yeah.

Tanya's been with us for...
Six.

Six,
that's right, and she is also
an amazing tattoo artist.

Oh, and this here is Emma,
our
barely-legal-looking newbie.

How long you
been here, sweetie?
Uh, two months today.

So nice.

Hey,
hon, you got a client in 4,
why don't you scoot on over.

All right.
JACIE: Okay.

And you're all licensed
massage therapists?

Sure,
yeah, we all have licenses,
and we all give massage.

It's a teensy
bit more than that.
What do you mean?

Well, like my writing teacher

"Why don't you show me,
not tell me?"

Come on over here,
I'll show you.

Let me just
get these open here.

Hi, Richard.

This is one of
those two-way jobs,

you know, like they have
in all the cop shows.

RICHARD: How are you doing?
Pretty good.

How are you?
RICHARD: I'm great.

Oh, I love that SVU.

I think Mariska Hargitay,
she's just darling.

And her mama is
Jayne Mansfield,

so you know those
breasts are real.

Now,
for safety, we always bring

the first-time
clients into this room.

It's above board, nobody does
anything they're
not comfortable with.

You understand?

Wow.

You understand?

Yeah, I guess.

Okay.

♪♪

What am I gonna do now?

I guess that's why they didn't
show me around the first day.

Wanted to ease me into it.

Guess I'll have to
find something else,
or maybe Rex will get a job

or maybe that
lottery ticket I've got
in my purse has three

[PHONE RINGING]

Hey, Dee, what's up?

It's Rex. You kind of need
to come pick him up.

He's in no condition to drive.

You know how it gets in here
when the Cowboys lose.

I'm on my way.

♪♪

Dee, isn't it hard being
on your feet in
your condition?

I'm used to it.

Heck, four kids in five years,
it feels weird
when I'm not pregnant.

And it's good for business.

Behind the bar,
the big boobs keep them here,

and at closing
time she comes out
and the belly sends them home.

Ha, ha, ha. Fair enough.

Stupid.

Where is he?
He's cleaning up in the john.

We'll help him
get into the truck.
Yeah, he's gonna need it.

[PHONE RINGING]

REX:
I can walk, man, I can walk.
Dude, you can't walk.

Rex had a rough day, Sam.

And your mom took the kids,
told him to come blow off
some steam.

Yeah, well, good idea, Mom.

Thank you, Phil.
PHIL: Sure thing.

Take care of my boy.

So I heard you got a job.

That one in Lareena, right?

That's so awesome.

Yeah, I don't think
that's gonna work out.

I don't know
what I'm gonna do.

Sometimes I wish
I could just
start all over again.

Come on, this isn't you.

You're Samantha Dale Horton.

You're the prettiest girl
this town has ever seen,

and you always get
what you want.

Besides,
I've spent too many years
being jealous of you

to feel sorry for you now.

You'll figure this out.

I am so sure of it.
I wish I was.

Hey, I love you.
Love you.

You call me tomorrow.
Okay.

Well, folks,
if you moved to Texas...

Damn it, Rex,
we're almost out of gas.

We're looking at temperatures
in the 90s all week long,

possibly hitting triple digits
by the weekend.

Dang gas guzzler.

[SAM SIGHS]

You look good.
Well, you sure don't.

What were you thinking?

Look, I spent all day standing
outside of Kyle's Lumber Lot

with the other day laborers
trying to pick up some odd job

that would pay enough for me
to sign up my son
for flag football.

Rex.

Hon, the whole day,

I'm watching people we know
coming out of that store,

and I could see
it on their faces.

"Look how far
the football hero
has fallen."

I'm sorry.

I had a bad day too.

Stupid
gas-guzzling piece of junk.

[BEEPING]

Declined.

Rex, where's your wallet?

It's, uh...

It's in my pocket.

A dollar?

Damn it, Rex,
this is not what
I signed up for.

This is America.

A girl this pretty,
she's not supposed to be poor.

I'm sorry, I know that sounds
all braggy and
unfair and awful,

but you know what? It's true.

You know what? Dee was right.

She was right.
I am Sam Horton.

I am Sam Horton,
and I do not let
life get me down.

I do what I have to do,

and I don't get defeated.

♪♪

Rex.

[DIALING]

[LINE RINGING]

Jacie?

Hi, it's Sam.

Sam Horton.

I'm so sorry that
I walked out on y'all today.

[CAR HORNS HONKING]

I'll see you tomorrow.

A-V-O-I-D.

Avoid.

Vacuum.

V-A-C-U-U-M.

Vacuum.

Good. Now tableau.
Tableau. T-A...

So now can I go out
for flag football?
No.

It's not T-A?
No, I was talking to Brady.

You want
an apple or an orange?
Orange.

BRADY: Please?
No.

B-L-E-A-U. Tableau.

Perfect.

You're gonna do fine.
We're all gonna do fine.

Everything's gonna be fine.

There's nothing
to be scared of,
I mean it.

Sorry. It's Mama's
first day at work,

and I can't pick
you up at school,

so to say I'm sorry,
I put two desserts
in both your lunches.

Wow, your new job's great.

Come on, scoot.

I'm sitting behind Mama.
No, you aren't.

You went last time.
CHARLIE: Mama.

♪♪

You know, and I pride myself
on running a safe,
clean business.

We provide a reliable service
at reasonable rates.

We're like Dairy Queen,
except not fattening.

We are open
Saturday to Thursday,
noon to midnight,

but this being Friday, payday,
we start early

and stay till
the last one leaves.

It's real
important that I work only
when my kids are at school.

Oh, that's fine.
We do a huge lunch crowd.

All the outfits are in a room
in the back,

but each of these rooms
have everything you need.

There's condoms and oils
and such.

Oh, and drinks and Viagra
are on the house.

You give away Viagra?
It pays for itself.

The little blue pill
keeps us in the black.

We were worried
when the economy tanked,

but turns out
that this is the most

recession-proof
business there is.

And what about the police?

Oh, well, let's just say
doughnuts ain't the only thing
they're getting for free.

Alrighty, let's get you
on in the back room,

because everybody's here
on Friday.

Alrighty.

Now,
for everyone's protection,
none of us uses a real name.

Doreen is Sugar,
Emma wants to
be called Salome.

She won't do anything
that's not mentioned
in the Bible.

Lucky for us,
that's not all limiting.
Tanya is Margarita.

Unless the guy's
into Asian chicks,
then I'm Sake.

That's right,
and I'm Big Mama.
I do mostly fetish stuff.

I got me some kick-ass feet.

So you, I think,

we are gonna call you Brandy.

Because you look like
you go down real smooth.

Brandy, okay.

Now, like you saw yesterday,
we screen everybody upfront,

but if you got
any problems at all,
you holler. All right?

You know how to
use a gun, baby?
No.

I'll teach you.

Tanya used to be
a bounty hunter.
It's crazy.

Anyway, you got any questions?
No, I just feel
like I might be sick.

First time's the hardest.

It's like the first time
you kill someone.
It gets easier.

This was always easy for you,
come on.

What can I say? I love sex.

I'm getting paid to do
something I love.

That is such a blessing.
Right?

You know,
the work is what it is.

You got to get into
your own headspace on that,

but at the end of the day...

Beats the hell
out of waitressing.

[JACIE LAUGHS]

[DOOR CHIMES RINGING]

Nine a.m. Well, it is Friday,
that's for sure.

Okay, girls.

This will help some.

I'm still getting used to it.

You don't even look old enough
to drink.

What brought you here?

I ran away from home
to try out for American Idol,

but they said I
wasn't ready yet.

So I'm saving money
for a singing coach.

You can't get home?

My family's Pentecostal.

They're not real supportive
of my Hollywood ambitions.

I kind of liked
being all rebellious
at first, but now,

I don't know.

The money's good,

but God's always watching,
you know?

I really did not
need that thought
in my head right now.

Emma, honey, you're Room 1,
and, Sam, you're in Room 4.

There's some
pretty little outfits
back there for you, okay?

♪♪

Oh, that feels
really good, honey.
Mm-mm-mm.

Well, thank you.

So where you from?

Am I supposed to answer that?
No.

Sorry,
I'm just kind of nervous.
It's my first time.

Not massaging,
but, you know...
Really?

Yeah, me too.
Oh.

Well, now, look at us,
two peas in a pod.

[CARL LAUGHS]

So are you married?
Yeah.

That's why I'm here.

What the hell?
Well, that wasn't respectful.

This may be my first time,

but I'm pretty sure you're not
supposed to hit me.

A man is not supposed to
put down his wife.

When was the last time
you told her
she was beautiful?

I don't know, but...

Men, they fall in love
with their eyes,

but women,
we fall in love with our ears.

Ah.
You remember that I said that.

[PHONE RINGING]

Oh.

Dang it. I am so sorry.

That's my phone.
I forgot to turn it off.

Oh, it's my daughter's school,
I need to take this.

Hey. Hey, baby, what's up?

No, you didn't.

You won
the whole spelling bee?
Well, with what word?

Diphthong?
Now, that's a hard word.

Do you know how
to spell diphthong?
What?

Okay, you know what,
we're gonna celebrate tonight.

Mama loves you. Bye.

[MAKES KISSING NOISES]

Can you believe that?

This isn't quite
what I imagined.

You know, your kid calling,
me talking about my wife.

Maybe I should just...
Okay, please.

Please, you can't go.

Look,
I really need this job, and...

Can I just have a do-over?
Huh?

I promise
that you'll
leave here satisfied.

Because when I do something,
I do it right.

And you know what?

Maybe I can help
you get a little bit
more of what you need at home.

Now, when was the last time

that you bought
something special
for your wife?

I don't know. Uh... Uh...

On her birthday,
I guess, but...

Okay, well,
then, you need to get her
something for no reason.

And I'm not
talking about flowers.

I mean something real fancy,
like an expensive watch.

I'm sorry, honey,
this is not what I paid for.

Lookit, this isn't quite
what I had in mind.

I know what you paid for.

You're a very pretty lady
and all, but I just...

It's kind of not
the right feeling
I'm getting here somehow.

Okay,
this is what you paid for.

♪♪

You see all that
money right there?
That's just from one day.

I mean,
I gotta worry about the kids,

and the bills,
and the house, right?

I mean, I'm only gonna do it
until we get ahead.

I can do this.
It's gonna be fine.

And it's gonna be fine.

Ugh...

Oh, my God,
I'm gonna have to pull over.

[VOMITING]

[COUGHING & VOMITING]

Hey, Sam, what's up?
I need some
girlfriend talk, right now.

Well, stop looking so shocked.

I'm sorry, Sam,
but this is my shocked face.

If you want me
to look different,
you might need to

I was just hoping
for a little sympathy.

Thought Pretty Woman was
your favorite movie.

Oh, God, I love that movie.

When is Julia
Roberts gonna make
another one that good?

Dee, focus.
Sorry.

I just needed somebody
to talk to.

I couldn't tell Laura,
she'd have me arrested.

And,
God, please don't tell Phil.

Of course I won't tell Phil.

What wife tells her husband
that someone like
you is available?

Oh, God, Sam, this is just...

I don't know.

Wow.

That's what I made today.

Holy sugar.
I'm not proud of it.

You know, you work in a bar,
you kind of stop
judging people.

Just please be careful,
and the sooner you stop,
the better.

I will. Thank you.

So, what's it like?

Well,
to be honest, the thing they

want most is for
you to lie to them.

They wanna know
their guts are small
and their johnsons are big,

even if the truth
is staring you
right in the face.

Oh, my Lord.

Oh, God,
please tell me I'm not crazy.

[SIGHS]

It sounds like men
aren't the only ones
who wanna be lied to.

You got that right.

You go home.

I gotta go tell my fat husband
he's hot.

Hey, everybody, I'm home.

REX: Hey, babe.
Hey.

I made spaghetti.
I can see that.

Sorry I'm running
a little bit late,
but I went shopping.

What did you get?
Let me see.

[GASPS]

For the spelling champ.
Suzy Style Doll?

And for you.

Thank you.
Thank you, Mommy.

And I think that's for you.

Does this mean I
can play football?
Yes, it does.

BRADY: Yes!

REX: Hey.

Go out for a pass.

Can we afford this?
We can now.

Oh...

I'll work with him.

Come here, buddy.

♪♪

[CHRISTIAN TV'S
"1, 2, 3 TURN AROUND PLAYING]

So, what exactly
does an actuary do?

Um, it's a little
hard to explain.

[CHRISTIAN TV'S "1, 2, 3 TURN
AROUND CONTINUES PLAYING]

You're gonna be fine.

[CHRISTIAN TV'S "1, 2, 3 TURN
AROUND CONTINUES PLAYING]

It's beautiful.

This is why
you're my favorite customer.

I am?

This is why
you're my favorite customer.

Really? Me?

[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

Mm-hm.

[CHURCH BELL RINGING]

He just gave it to me
right out of the blue.

Well, whatever you two want,
it's on me.

Thanks, Sam.

Little girls'.
Be right back.

I know you're not
supposed to say it,
but I just love having money.

Loving it maybe just
a little too much?

Dee, come on. You know I've
always dreamt of not having
to look at price tags.

And Rex doesn't
suspect anything?

I mean,
the watch, the earrings,
the necklace?

What do you tell him?
That they're all fake.

Come on.
Men don't know from jewelry.

Well, that's the truth.

Know what's weird?
Nobody even
wants an explanation.

It's like I'm Santa Claus.

Just as long
as I keep
giving them presents,

they can see me soaring
through the sky
with flying reindeer.

Don't worry,
I know what I'm doing.

♪♪

You awake?

Yeah.

I can't sleep.

Me too.

What's wrong?

It's just...

Look,
I'm happy you're working,

and I'm trying to keep
some perspective on this,

but it's
killing me that you're
the breadwinner and I'm not.

Baby.

No, I always said
that I'd protect you,

that I would take care of you.

You want a massage?

[CHUCKLES]

No. You've been
doing that all day.

Not to anyone
who looks like you.

Yeah.

[MOANS]

Hey.

I'm sorry about what happened
at the bar the other night.
I mean it.

I love you.

I love you too, girl.

Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.

Jim.
Sam.

What are you doing here?
What are you doing here?

What do you
think I'm doing here?

Well, this is embarrassing.

Well, I won't tell
if you won't tell.

There's nothing to tell.
Nothing happened.
I know your wife.

So what?
She's treats you like dirt.

Don't you wanna
stick it to her?

Not by you sticking it to me.
Now, get on out of here.

Go.
All right.

Hurry up, hurry up.
Santa's been here.

Come on, Mama. Come on, Daddy.

Hurry up, you guys.

Wow. Santa brought all this?

This is way more
than last Christmas.

And I thought y'all
were spoiled before.

Slow down there, kids.

Remember, Christmas is more
than just about presents.

Yeah, right.
Happy birthday, Jesus.

Well, that must have been
some Christmas bonus you got.

Not bad.

But don't you think
you're working
a little too hard?

I'm starting to see lines
on that pretty face.

Mama.
Don't frown,
it makes it worse.

I'm just saying you
look tired, is all.

Well, don't all parents
look tired on
Christmas morning?

Now, go look under that tree
for a little box
with your name on it.

Something very sparkly inside.
Yes, ma'am.

Look at this.

Your present's outside.

SAM: Okay.
What?

What are you doing?
What is this?
Open your eyes.

Surprise.
No, you didn't.

I did.

Oh, Sam, I don't
even know what to say.

I mean, thank you.

I got something for you,

but, wow, next to this...

Oh, what the heck.

Well, "Rex Horton.
Trainee."

It's an exterminating company

and the money's not great,

but did you know
there are more rats

in east Texas than
in New York City?

Sexy.

Don't even get me started
on cockroaches.

It's real good.
No, it's gross.

But it's a start.

Now stay tuned
for your local news,
weather and sports.

Here's Jimmy.

Well,
folks, if you moved to Texas
for the cool summer...

Ooh, there's a bunch
of guys out there.

Who knew this business
had a holiday rush?

A lot of lonely people
this time of year.

No, it can't be.

It can't be.
SAM: What?

What can't it be?

What is it?

It's
the preacher from my church.

He's wearing the brown sweater
the choir gave him
for secret Santa.

I picked out that sweater.

♪♪

I think I'm gonna be sick.

Are you okay?
I don't know.

Well,
go on, then, get out of here.
But where?

I can't go home,
and Idol auditions
aren't for another six months.

Baby, you can always go home.

As a parent,
I always tell my kids...
Will you pray with me?

I gotta get back inside,
but you know what?

That Christian
Fellowship Lodge,
it's right over there.

Say one for me, would you?

♪♪

Excuse me?

So sorry to interrupt,

but I think God
wants me to tell you

what's going on
at that health
spa across the way.

♪♪

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

All right,
all right, all right.

Hey. Hey, I made it.

I made it.

There's 20 seconds left.

You missed Brady's touchdown.
Brady?

Kid covering him
got stung by a bee.

Well, I'm sorry.
It was my job.

I have a job too, Sam.
I'm here.

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

All right, good game.
Hornets, come on, bring it in.

Bring it in.
Sam.

DEE: You okay?
Well, I just...

I can't believe
I missed Brady's touchdown.

Well, I'd love to say
there'll be many more,

but we both know I'd be lying.

Dee, I drove here so fast,
I almost got a ticket.

I swear,
I'm doing everything I can to

keep it together,
but it's too much.

So quit.
I can't.

Money's too good.
The house needs a new roof.

Rex is thinking
about buying into

that company he's
been working for.

I'll quit.

I will. I've got to.

I'm just so tired
of being tired all the time.

I scored a touchdown.
I scored a touchdown.

Brady.
Oh, you got a touchdown.

I'm not scared
of bees anymore.

I scored a touchdown.
I scored a touchdown.

Did you see me?
I did see you, yeah.

I can't wait.
I just can't
wait for the finals.

I scored
the winning touchdown.

Yeah.

[ALARM CLOCK BUZZING]

[ALARM STOPS]

Sam.

Sam, wake up, baby.

Sam.

Hm?

I guess I never
heard the alarm.

I heard it way
out in the garage.

Honey, this is nuts.

Last few weeks,
you've been
wearing yourself out.

You gotta cut
back on the hours.
I'm up.

I'm up.

Hey, have you seen
Emma lately? I haven't
seen her since Christmas.

No, and I miss that
little buttercup, because
it's so crazy around here.

I'll tell you what's crazy,
me sitting here bored
and horny

while Sam's
got three rooms going.

Oh, well, don't go comparing
yourself to others, Tanya.

We all got our own strengths.

Though I gotta say,
Sam's been busy as popcorn.

Yeah.

Guys flying in from Germany
on private jets.

Guys buying her jewelry.

And three, three proposals.

That's gotta be like
some kind of record. Heh, heh.

I can't believe
it's almost 4:00.

Dang it.

Y'all,
why is this always empty?

Sam, you got a new guy in 2,
and Number 4's still waiting.

Well, the last guy
was in real estate,
and he wouldn't stop crying.

I'm sorry. Two seconds,
and I'll be right there.

Well,
I'm sorry, but I gotta know.

What can she be doing
that we're not?

I mean, there's only
so many places
to put things

and so many things
to put in them.

Pecan sandies
with crushed hazelnuts?

I can't believe
you remembered.
Of course I did.

Your Aunt Julie
used to make them

for you when you
went to Alabama.

Amazing. My wife can't even
remember how I like my eggs.

Scrambled. With hot sauce.

Now, did Ruth-Ann
get that part?

What the what?

She wanted the princess role,
but got the funny
fairy godmother.

Well...

you just tell her
that the funny parts

are the ones
everyone remembers.

Bingo.

Lay on down.
Yes, ma'am.

[UPBEAT POP SONG PLAYING
ON STEREO]

[TURNS UP VOLUME]

[CAR HORN HONKING]

[HORN HONKING]

Brandy,
you could have been killed.

Yeah, well,
I'm just having a hard time
staying awake.

I can't have my favorite girl
falling asleep at the wheel.

Is that what I think it is?

It'll keep you going.
Works for me.

Well, no offense,
but I've never
even tried weed,

and I don't wanna
do anything wrong
or highly illegal.

More than I'm doing right now.

Well,
it's there if you need it.

See you next week, Brandy.

Looking forward to it.

[SIGHS]

Wake up, Mama.

Mama.

Wake up.

Mama.
Uh...

Hey.
Mama's gonna turn in early.

Just brush your teeth
and say your prayers, okay?

But you can't sleep.

Tomorrow's the bake sale,
remember?

What?
We're raising
money for the fur.

For the fur?
Yeah, it's
a country that's in trouble.

Oh, you mean Darfur.

I guess.

The bake sale's
a castle theme.

I come up with the idea.

Mama? Are you listening?

Yeah.

I'm up.

I'm up.

♪♪

Okay, I can do this.

I'm a good mother.

This is what good mothers do.

All right.

"With the gray fondant
make castle turrets.

With the green fondant,
place pieces into the mountain

and with a piping..."

[SIGHS]

Wake up, Sam.

Oh, I'm tired.

Okay.

What does that say?

♪♪

Well, what do y'all think?

Wow, Mama, it's perfect.
Wow.

REX: You must have
been up all night.
I was, but it's done.

And you can move the chocolate
drawbridge and
the moat is fudge.

Okay, y'all get ready.

Hey.

You're a great mom.

Bye.

♪♪

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Sam, honey,
your next client's here.

He's got a flight to catch.

Hey, Sam, you okay?
SAM: Yeah,
I'll be there in a minute.

All right, doll.

[SNIFFLES]

It's really a show
you won't wanna miss.

The most memorable women
of the season dish dirt

and tell stories
that we want to hear.

Sam, you look thin.
Not again.

You've lost weight.
Yeah? You've gained weight.

Samantha Dale Horton.

You can comment on my weight,
but I can't comment on yours?

Because it's rude.
Yup, it is.

Wait a minute,
he's about to
give her the flower.

I say he picks the one
with the bigger chest.

You say that every year.

And I'm gonna keep saying it
until I'm wrong.

Mama, are you gonna get
more Coke?

What did you just say?
I want one too.

I'll take a beer.
Can I please just
go to the bathroom?

She okay, you think?

She gets that
from my people.

The women got bladders
the size of peas.

Hey, Brandy.

Hey, you gotta help me.

I'm out, and I'm desperate.

It's gonna take me a few days.

My guy's out of town.

Okay, well,
can't you just call him?
Or someone else, please?

I'll make it worth your while.

Well,
darling, now we're talking.

[ALARM BUZZING]

[SHOWER RUNNING]

♪♪

Yeah, I got it.

Sample,
Waiting Room 1, got it.

But, Mama, I don't want to.

Well, you're gonna have to.
That's how
doctors look for stuff.

Like what?

I don't know,
the kind of stuff
they find in your pee.

But I don't have to go.
You're gonna have to try.

I can't.
Yes, you can.

I can't.
I'll turn on the water.

That doesn't help. I can't.
Try.

Stop saying it!
Do you hear me?
Stop it.

Stop saying it!
Stop saying it!
Stop saying it!

Okay, Mama, I'll do it.
I'll try.

Oh, my God, I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

Mama's just having
a bad day, okay?

Go on out to the waiting room.
I'm gonna be right there.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

[SOBBING]

♪♪

Not tonight.

I just can't.

[HANDCUFFS CLICKING]

You okay, Brandy?

The last few weeks,
you seem kind of different.

Yeah, sure, baby, I'm fine.

You want
anything special today
or just the usual?

No, the usual's
just fine, Brandy.

Hey,
remember I was telling you
that my in-laws are in town?

Yeah, Aline and Tim
from Chattanooga.

Yeah.

Well,
anyway, they get here and...

You mind if we just
get this going?

A little less talking?
I guess so.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

I got a session in here.

Session's over, ma'am.
Cuff them.

[POLICEMEN SHOUTING
INDISTINCTLY]

Well, her, anyway.

You have the right
to remain silent.

Anything you say
can and will be

used against you
in a court of law.

COP 3: Get down! COP 2: Police!

What the heck
is going on here?

Y'all have been
fine with us for years.

Yeah, one of you's been
real fine with us.

Listen,
Jacie, we don't like this
any better than you do.

Oh, is that right?

We got meth labs popping up
all over town.

We wanna occupy ourselves
with a couple of old boys
getting happy endings?

It's hilarious, isn't it?

You call your
sergeant right now,

and you tell him to
put a stop to this.

Yeah,
and tell him Doreen says hi.

This is coming
from way above him.

The media got
here before we did.

We have orders to search
the premises.

Search away,
ain't gonna find nothing.

We got this.

♪♪

MAN: Come on. REX: Come on, now.

Carry that thing, son.

Don't go out of bounds,
cut upfield.

[MEN CHEERING & GRUNTING]

You played with him
at UT, right?

Yeah. He didn't used to be
contact-shy.

We interrupt this program
to bring you breaking news

of a police raid
currently in progress
in Lareena.

They better have just got
Saddam Hussein.

They already got him, idiot.
Well,
then the other one, then.

As you can see,
going on behind me right now

is a major bust of an alleged
prostitution and drug ring.

Apparently, there has been
a months-long
surveillance probe

conducted by Mayor Summerlin.

All part of her
campaign promise

to bring law and
order to Lareena.

Summerlin is in
a very tight re-election race

and no doubt
she hopes an event like this

will help to put
her over the edge.

Now we can see the police
are starting to bring out
some of the alleged johns.

The poor bastards.

Ho-ho-ho.
What, do they charge
by the pound?

You don't have to
shake the sheets
to find her.

The name of the establishment
is the Kind Touch Health Spa,

but locals here say
they've long known that...

Oh, my gosh.

Phil, turn that off now.

...becoming quite a show
for the whole neighborhood.

We'll keep you updated.

Okay, now we're talking.

Shut up.

...along with
the alleged prostitutes.

Of course,
they will be held separately.

The big question tonight is...

Hey, Rex, she looks kind of
like your wife, doesn't she?

I said, shut up.

We do hope to
hear from the mayor

and the police
chief for more details.

They'll be holding
a press conference

and of course
we'll bring that to you
as soon as it happens.

♪♪

I knew it would end like this.
Dee, please.

No,
you bail someone out of jail,
you get to talk.

At first, you did it
to save your family,

I get that,
but then it was for you.

You threw your whole life away

for what's on your ears
and around your neck.

You're home.

Oh, what did I do?

What am I
supposed to say to him?

How am I gonna fix this?

I don't know.

Maybe some
things can't be fixed.

Rex, I'm so sorry.

I know that I've really
messed things up,

and I'll do
just about anything
to make it right.

So just look at me.

Talk to me.

Yell at me,
swear at me, hit me,
I don't care.

[SNIFFLES]

All night,
I've been
thinking about something.

That summer after graduation?

You and me going...

Going to the vet
to put Barney down.

I loved that dog too.

And we get there,

and we're sitting
in the parking lot

holding that old
dog between us,

petting him,
him loving the attention...

and both of us knowing
it's his last day of life.

And then you sang to him.

That Beatles song.

"In My Life."

And then I...

I couldn't do it.

I couldn't go in.

And you took him,

and you carried him in...

and you held him...

till he died.

You did that for me.

And any time things got tough
with us,
I'd think of that day,

and I'd think of that girl.

And now when I think of you,
it's gonna be this.

[SOBBING]

[SOBBING]

Winner of the 1999
Miss Bixby Beauty Pageant

is Samantha Dale.

[APPLAUSE ON TV]

Mama?

Thank you, Eric.

Hey, what are you doing up?

I heard the TV.

Well, I'm sorry I woke you.
Come here.

You're watching
your pageant video.

Yeah.

I like the part where you say
what you'd tell
the president to do

to fix the Middle East.

Did you ever
tell the president?

No.

Oddly enough, he decided
not to consult
Miss Bixby Hills

about international relations.

Why are you
watching this?

Just revisiting
a time in my life

when I felt like
I was doing everything right.

You look sad.

Do you want me to sing to you,
like you do when I'm sad?

I think if you did that,
I just might fall apart.

You're sweet, though.

Then should I go back to bed?

In a minute.

[SOBBING QUIETLY]

Do you think they're gonna
let me wear makeup in jail?

I'll try to smuggle you some.

Thank you for helping me.

I'm your friend.

I haven't been
a very good friend lately.

Well, friendship
isn't quid pro quo.

Wow, you are a lawyer.

What's your mom
say about all this?

"It's the reason you have more
than one kid. So you can
ditch the screw-ups."

That sounds like your mom.

All right, let's get down
to business.

It seems this whole thing was
orchestrated by the mayor's
re-election team.

They're trying to position her
as the champion of
traditional values.

How did she even find out
about us?

Know someone by the name
of Emma Hollings?

Oh, my God.

She went
to some religious group.

Christian Fellowship Lodge.
That's it.

She found a lot
of old people with

time on their
hands and cell phones.

They bombarded
the police with calls,
they got nowhere.

Took it to city hall,
where the mayor

decided it was
divine intervention.

I sent her there.
This is all my fault.

They're looking to charge you
with felony
promotion of prostitution

and possession of cocaine.

You're looking at two years.

Oh, my God.

Are you still using?

No. Never again.

I feel like dog crap.

Well,
you're gonna feel agitated,
depressed.

I mean,
the works for a few months,

and then, honestly, periodic
cravings for
the 10 next years.

Guess the first two years
will be while I'm in jail.

Well, maybe not.

I think we can
use this election
to our advantage.

Don't they wanna look tough
on crime?

But what they want more
is publicity.

The more
attention that Summerlin

can get from this,
the better for her.

The more we help her,
the more likely
she is to help us.

And the best way
to get attention is
if we have good names to give.

Did you have any clients

that were prominent members
of the community?

Well,
yeah, but I don't wanna hurt
any of those guys.

Well,
I can't worry about them,
I'm representing you.

Besides,
all the johns ever get
is a slap on the wrist.

There's personal
and
professional embarrassment,

but they do more sleeping
on the couch than jail time.

I just don't know.

Well, fine.

Go to jail.
Don't see your
kids for two years.

Okay, tell me what you need.
That's better.

And what about the girls?

Is this gonna
reduce their jail time?
It might.

I know it's a cash
business and your

clients used a lot
of fake names, but...

Not with me, they didn't.

I need some good names, Sam.

Truckers and frat boys
ain't gonna do a thing for us.

We need our Eliot Spitzers
and Tiger Woods.

[SIGHS]

What about
a circuit court judge?

You're kidding me. Who?

Charlie Ocko.

Dark hair, 6'4",
graduated cum laude from...

I know who he is.

I had a crush
on him for years.

Well?

Let's just say
sometimes small things
come in big packages.

[CHUCKLES]

Let's just stick
to what we can use
in court, shall we?

This is great.

I need you to
write down anyone else
you can think of.

I'm gonna need
a lot more paper.

TANYA:
What about the cuddle guy?

SAM: Cuddle guy?

Davis P. Lowell.

Hedge fund manager, 44.
Three kids,
Karen, Kathy and Keily.

Lives right here in Lareena
and likes to be
held for hours.

Oh, that's kind of sweet.
Wearing only a diaper?

Okay, that's less sweet.

I don't know how it is
you do what you do.

Well...

Beats the hell
out of waitressing.

Klaus Kransing, 52,
oil company lobbyist.

He'd fly up every Thursday
during his wife's book club.

When he'd get all
hot and bothered,
he'd speak to me in German.

Nothing sounds sexy
in German.

He gave her a diamond watch.
DOREEN: She earned it.

I pawned it for a down payment
on Rex's Harley.

Things any better
at home, darling?
Still sleeping on the couch.

We're doing our best
to hide it from the kids.

That's about to get
a whole lot harder.

Arnie Vanderbaush, 46.

He's a defense contractor
from El Paso.

And I think that's it.

What about Jim Reed?

What, Carol "the
bitch of Bixby Hills'"
husband, Jim Reed?

He came in,
but I sent him home.
He's been a regular for years.

As much as I'd like
to stick it to Carol, please
don't put him on the list.

Okay.

Okay.

I mean, this is incredible.

If we play this right,
we're looking

at minimal time
for all of you.

How many names we got?

Sixty-nine.

That's, uh...
Appropriate?

That's the word.
Look,
I'm gonna get this formatted.

We are gonna walk it over
to the mayor's
office personally.

And her team
has already tipped

the press off.
They know it's coming.

[ORGAN PLAYING]

I always knew that Sam Horton
was nothing but trash.

You know, I got
a real common name, honey.

A lot of guys around here
got my name.

Better hope none of them
are on the list.

Good morning.

I heard my gynecologist
was on the list.

I don't even know
what to make of that.

Well,
if my husband's on that list,
I'm gonna take all his stuff,

put it on his bass boat
and set it on fire.

Screw that.

Set his stuff on fire, sure,
but sell the bass boat, girl.

You can get good money
for that thing.

Ooh-whee, you're right
about that. Heh.

Don't this
remind you about what

happened in
Odessa a few years ago?

Yeah.
Heads up.

Poor thing.

Can you imagine?

Still showing up for work,
bless her heart.

I heard there's
a lot of big shots
on that list.

Businessmen, doctors, lawyers.

Lawyers?
Those gals must have been
really hard up for cash.

Some things even a hooker
shouldn't have to do.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

But we don't wanna stay
at Grandma Sarah's house.

She thinks apples
are for dessert.

She makes us
go outside and play.

Okay, kids, that's enough.

You say your goodbyes
to your mama. We got
a long ride ahead of us.

Why can't she come with us?

Your mama can't
leave town right now.
We've been all over this, son.

That's right.
Listen to your daddy.
Come here.

Come here. Ooh.

I want good reports, okay?

No matter what happens to me,

I want y'all to know
that my life
has been very full

because I've brought
the three of you
into the world.

Mama, are you gonna die?

No.

No, I'm gonna be fine.

Let's go now.
You two head for the truck.

Help your sister
into her car seat.
I want Mommy to go.

Go on, baby.

I'm right behind y'all.
Meet you at the car.

I'm gonna come out
and say goodbye.

I always thought that was
the saddest
sound in the world.

The person's
zipper on their suitcase

when you're not
going with them.

My daddy used to
take business trips,
and I just hated that sound.

I think it's
better for the kids

to get away
from all this talk.

Yeah, you're right.

Maybe when y'all come back,
maybe we could...

Don't.

Well, maybe...

Maybe when all this is over,
we could just
think about moving

and starting over?

Rex, please look at me.

I can't look at you, Sam,

which is real tough,

because looking at you

used to be just about
one of my
favorite things to do.

[ZIPPERS CLOSING]

Okay.

Bye, skunks.

I'm gonna call you
like 100 times a day.

Bye, Mommy.
Bye, Mommy.

Bye, Mama.

You take care, Sam.

♪♪

You're up early.

Couldn't sleep.

Thanks for staying
with me, Mama.

No time to be alone.

I keep thinking
I've hit bottom,

then every day it
just gets lower.

I been up all night,
thinking I just...

Well, just realizing
that I must have
raised you all wrong.

See? New low.

I mean, I forgive you
because you're my only child,

but how could
you do what you did
with those men?

For my family.

Well, it makes my skin crawl.

Thank God your father's dead.

Oh, can you not completely
destroy me until
I've had some coffee?

Do you want some?
Sure.

You like it strong, right?
So strong it'll
walk right into my cup.

I think your problem is
I gave you too
much self-esteem.

What the hell?

It's true.

You were just so
pretty and bright,
I was sure you'd be Miss Texas

or go to Hollywood
and marry somebody famous.

I wasted my life
on your father.

I wanted better for you.

Your father went
to a hooker once.

Please do not
tell me these things.

Ever since this happened,
people think they
can tell me anything.

The check-out girl at the
Save-A-Lot told me she doesn't
like to do it doggy style.

Want some
biscuits or something?
Sure.

Is it just disgusting?

I'm picturing disgusting.

Yeah.

Yeah, sometimes it's
real disgusting.

Oh, honey.

But it's kind of like
an actress playing a part.

All the attention I got back,
that was something.

All those men,
some rich, some powerful,

all treating me like I was
the best thing in their lives.

I guess there's just
a little part of me

that needed that
more than I should.

Anyway, now I just wish
I could crawl up in a ball

and make it all go away.

You and me both.

I'd rather chew tin foil
than face
the ladies at the salon.

You think
the paper's come yet?

I'll go check.

REPORTER 2: There she is.REPORTER 1: Sam!

Oh, my Lord.

We've all heard of the hooker
with a heart of gold,

but what about one
with total recall?

Former beauty queen
Samantha Horton, 28,

of Bixby Hills, Texas,
has remembered

Oh, thank God.

Oh, my God.

MAN [ON TV]: ...Lareena's
Kind Touch Health Spa,

currently under indictment
for prostitution
and drug possession.

The names of 69
of her customers

have hit
the papers this morning

in what is already known
as the List.

Why is this national news?
It's about sex
and not about them.

Tricia, back to you.

Well, folks, the List
has turned into
the Line today,

as police round up
the suspected johns

in the story that's
got the whole town

and much of
the country talking.

Now, behind me, you see the
Lareena Men's Community Center

where the suspects
are being processed.

That's because
police headquarters

simply can't handle
that kind of volume.

And,
as with everything connected
to this story,

Ah!

it brings out the crowds,
the strong reactions

and people
looking to make some money.

Over here,
we have a group of local

entrepreneurs
selling some T-shirts.

Let's take a look
at a couple of them.

This one has all 69 names
on the back.

And there's
another one over here

that says "My
dad went to Lareena

and all I got was
this lousy T-shirt
and a new stepdad."

Now, you'll also see
plenty of women here

who are videotaping
the proceedings.

You cover your face.

I'm Tricia Wong, reporting.
Now back to you, Roger.

[GAVEL BANGING]

Will
the defendants please rise
for sentencing?

It is my understanding

that this sentencing
is pursuant to a plea bargain.

And that you have waived time

and agreed
that I can
sentence you immediately.

Yes, Your Honor.

Sentence is as follows

Thirty days in
the county jail,
a fine of $2000

and a $100 penalty assessment.

You are to be
remanded immediately
to begin sentence.

[CROWD MURMURING]

This court is adjourned.

That's all they get
for ruining our lives?

Well, you're still harlots,
and you'll always be harlots.

The Lord
has given us a warm day

on which I have decided
to address a subject

that has made
a great number of us
hot under the collar,

a couple of whom, shockingly,
are in the ministry.

Our community
and our congregation

have experienced
a great deal of pain

and betrayal
in these past few months,

and today I would like
to talk about a concept

that many of us

Forgiveness.

What is forgiveness?

Who deserves forgiveness?

Are some things unforgivable?

The Bible tells us
that forgiveness is
essential for life.

It frees us from past wrongs
and gives us
hope for the future.

♪♪

[SIGHS]

The problem is
it's just too
darn quiet in here.

It's not natural
for a mother of three
to be this quiet.

♪♪

[SIGHS]

It's not good for someone
to spend this much time alone.

I half wish
a Jehovah's
Witness would stop by.

[CAR APPROACHES
AND DOORS OPEN AND CLOSE]

I finally have
a wish come true,
and I wish that?

I'm gonna give her
a piece of my mind.

Sweet Jesus.

This is not gonna be pretty.
I think

they're gonna beat
the crap out of me.

[DOORBELL RINGING]

Sam Horton,
we know you're in there.
We saw you in the window.

Well...
Hey, y'all.

How can I help you?

We'd like to talk to you.

You look like
you just came from church.

So I guess you don't have
any concealed weapons.

Anything can be a weapon
if you want it to be.

Come on in.

Okay.

Do y'all want some crackers
or cookies or something?

Give it up, Sam.

We all know this isn't
a social visit,
so let's get to it.

Some of the women here have
husbands who you,
well, serviced.

And some have husbands
who you didn't. But we're
all here for the same reason.

Yes, I know why you're here.

If you could just
hear me out first.

We were broke...

flat broke.

And I don't know
if any of y'all
have ever been there,

but when it happens,
and you realize

there's a way to
make it all go away,

well, it's amazing
what you're
capable of saying yes to.

And I know...

I mean, I really know
that it is no excuse,

but, my whole life,
I just always
depended on my looks,

and I thought this
was just gonna be
another one of those times.

I really thought I was doing
the best thing for my family.

But in the end, the very thing
I was trying to save, I lost.

So really,

just about
the worst thing that you

could ever wish
on me has happened.

And I'm just real sorry,
from the bottom of my heart,

for the pain
that I caused you.

Yeah,
that was a real nice speech,

but, frankly,
we don't give
a damn about you.

We're not here
to get an apology
or to give forgiveness.

Okay,
well, then, what are you...?

Why do they come to you?

What do you do
that we don't?

How can we make them
think about us the way
they think about you?

That's why you're here?

Mm-hm.

Y'all want tips?

Yes.

Oh.

Oh, well.

All right,
then let's talk about that.

For what it's worth, Carol,

when Jim came to see me,
I sent him home.

You did?

That's in the past.

Right now,
let's just focus
on the present.

Okay, um...

[CHATTERING]

You'll leave here today,

tonight,
your husbands won't know
what hit them.

My God, you showed them
how to do that?

They wanted me
to demonstrate everything.

I went through
two bunches of bananas.

Ugh. My feet are killing me.

Then have a seat.

And happy birthday.

It's not till tomorrow,
but you're off then, so here.

Tanya, thank you.
Now, grab a fork.

I'm way ahead of you.

Make a wish.

When I was little,
I used to wish

that everyone else's wishes
would come true,
including mine.

I thought it would give me
brownie points
for being unselfish.

Hm. It's Jenna's birthday too,
right?

Yeah, her party's tomorrow.

It's gonna be the first time
since me and Rex separated.

That'll be tough, huh?

Yeah, but he's doing good.

You know,
his exterminating
thing's going okay,

and he's finally getting over
that
I-can't-play-football anger.

Well, that's great.
No, actually, it's terrible.

I mean, him going and getting
all wonderful
after he left me.

Heh. I know, right?

It's good.

We actually
make great friends,

and he's being real supportive
of me going back to school.

He's gonna come and see me get
my
six-month-clean pin next week.

Congratulations.

Well, I gotta get to class.

Five-dollar tip.

Not bad for a cup of coffee
and a piece of pie.

Even though a year
ago I was getting

a $1000 tip and
a marriage proposal.

Minimum wage plus
"keep the change"

doesn't have
quite the same kick,
does it?

Hey, do you remember

"This sure beats the hell
out of waitressing"?

Yeah.
Back then,
we were just guessing.

[WOMEN LAUGHING]

He's gotta be one of mine.
They're all biters.

Could you hold him?
Oh, I'm not really
good with... Okay.

Whoo!

Sam, I've been thinking.

You did an awful thing.

Oh, Mama, please,
not on my birthday.

Let me finish.

You did an awful thing,

but I think maybe
I need to accept
some of the blame.

You're more than just pretty.

Are you trying to tell me
I'm about to lose my looks?

No,
you got a couple years left.
Heh.

What I'm saying is
you're also smart,
capable and strong.

You screwed up.

But you cleaned up your mess
and you moved on.

And I think maybe
I should've encouraged you

to rely more on
stuff like that,

stuff that lasts
longer than beauty.

Thanks, Mama.

Still doesn't
mean you can slouch.

Straighten up.
Yes, ma'am.

I'll go tell them
we're ready for the cake.

CHARLIE: Mama.
Hey, how did you do?

I won all this.

Go get some more. Go on.

Hey, Daddy.
Hey, sugar.

So how's work?

You know, waitressing.

It is what it is.

School?

Hard.

Scary.

Exciting.

Well, you look good.

You look real good.

I'm glad you're
looking at me again.

I can't believe
our baby's 4 years old.

She sure was
the best
birthday present ever.

You know,
it's good to share a birthday
with your child.

It keeps the day
from ever being
able to get you down.

She loved that dollhouse
you got her.

She wanted a pony.

What about you?

What do you want?

You know what I want.

I'm taking baby steps.

What do you think?

I think that's the second-best
birthday present I ever got.