Original subtitles

Captain Rogers:

It's nice seeing you again:

Three beautiful space angels kidnap Twiki:

And Buck finds the key to saving Earth from fiery destruction by a runaway spaceberg:

- What do you want, Belzak? - Your Buck Rogers for his drone:

Prepare the ambu-quad for disassembly:

My planet is in danger of being destroyed:

I've got a chance of saving it, but I can't without your help:

I want Rogers in that acid now!

The year is 1987,

and NASA launches the last of America's deep space probes:

In a freak mishap, Ranger 3 and its pilot, Captain William Buck Rogers,

are blown out of their trajectory into an orbit which freezes his life-support systems: : :

And returns Buck Rogers to Earth: : :

500 years later:

Colonel Deering reporting from spaceberg escort:

Yes, Colonel:

We're approaching the entrance to Stargate 9: Requesting clearance:

Clearance granted, Colonel:

Proceed on established flight vector:

What is that, Dr: Huer?

That is 10 billion tons of frozen oxygen:

Once it's located on the North Pole, it'll begin to melt: : :

And help to replenish the oxygen-depleted atmosphere of the entire planet:

This is the third time that we've handled a transport of this kind,

and the procedure still makes me nervous:

Why is that?

Because the spaceberg is on a precise path towards a window in our atmosphere,

and it has to hit that window and pass through it exactly as planned:

Exactly: And if it doesn't?

Friction from the atmosphere would ignite the oxygen:

Our calculations have indicated that the resulting explosion: : :

Would literally scorch a third of the Earth's surface, possibly half:

Look at what the Terrans are doing at this very moment, Pinchas:

They have a problem, and they do something about it,

whatever the difficulties:

But you,

you simply come to me with talk, no action:

I've been working on a solution to our current problem, sir:

I've been in contact with several agents on Earth, and... More talk:!

Meanwhile, I have 5,000 miners malingering and threatening to leave their posts:

Do you know what that means? Yes, sir, I do:

It means we're not producing enough blazium:

I've got orders backed up to Xynon, and I can't fill them!

Then I shall find myself unable to support my chief operations officer: : :

Just as I can no longer tolerate his incompetence:

Do I make myself clear?

Ah: Anad, you've come:

I grew tired of waiting for your call:

You've read the list of grievances? Shocking:

Long hours, low pay, unhealthy working conditions:

Low morale, unrest:

The miners have elected me to represent them:

Yes:

And under your leadership, they have united for the first time:

And united we stand until something is done:

Oh, something is going to be done:

- Why have you summoned them? - The Omni Guard?

They are the key to our security, Anad:

They've kept the mines open and working:

Through cruelty and force!

How untrue:

I fear you may have hurt their feelings:

Take the meddling fool away:

Silencing him is only a temporary measure:

The miners will soon have another leader:

A solution I mentioned earlier, sir...

this is it:

A drone?

They've been miserable failures in the mines:

We need something more than artificial intelligence down there:

This is a Terran drone, sir:

Serial number 22-23-T:

Manufactured at the ambu-quad facility in New Chicago:

- So? - What makes 22-23-T so unique, sir,

is that its basic programming has been augmented by its present owner,

a Captain Buck Rogers:

Rogers is a Terran from the 20th century,

and he's endowed the drone with extraordinary features...

resourcefulness, courage, loyalty: : :

And... even though we know such is impossible...

some say imagination:

And you're thinking to buy it, break it down,

analyze its binary patterning:

Yes, sir:

And mass produce it to serve in the mines:

Each unit as an adjunct to a miner: : :

To take over some of the more uncomfortable and dangerous procedures:

And where is this one-of-a-kind ambu-quad to be found right now?

On Earth in New Chicago:

And my thought was our morale problem would be...

Ladies,

I have a mission for you:

Dr: Huer, my instrumentation indicates that the oxygen mass: : :

Is maintaining a perfect trajectory:

Temperature is holding steady at minus 250 degrees Celsius:

Thank you, Colonel:

Please keep me posted of even the slightest change in conditions:

Captain Rogers? That's correct:

I'm Stella Breet: I'm a contract administrator for Kurt Belzak: : :

On the asteroid Toros in Third Quadrant:

You'll have to excuse me: I'm a little new around here:

I don't know what any of that means:

Oh, well, uh, can I come in and explain?

Sure: Sure, come in:

Come on:

Looks just like I imagined it would: Like you -imagined it would-?

Oh, we always compile biofiles of all our business associates before we meet them:

I didn't know that we were associates:

We're not, but we will be:

Just exactly who is this, uh, Kurt Belzak? Hmm?

Mr: Belzak owns an integrated mining, manufacturing and distribution operation: : :

With its headquarters on Toros:

He's the, uh, sole supplier of an explosive called blazium:

That's very interesting, except I still don't see where I come into this picture:

Ah:

Uh-huh: A million, in round figures: It's yours:

What have I done to deserve such generosity?

You haven't done anything:

It's, uh, payment for your ambu-quad... serial number 22-23-T:

-T- as in Twiki? Yes: Twiki:

- I'm sorry, Stella: He's not for sale: - Oh, I see: You want to negotiate:

No: I just don't want to sell Twiki:

Well, it-it's just an ambu-quad:

No: Twiki's a little more than that: He's, uh... He's like a friend:

A drone is a drone, Captain:

Friends... Friends are different:

One feels affection for friends:

One owns a drone, and anything that is owned can be sold:

Except for Twiki:

You see, it'd be like selling family:

Besides, why does Belzak want my particular ambu-quad?

- He's only one of thousands: - I'm not paid to know why, Captain:

Uh, Captain Rogers, I need your help:

Mr: Belzak will be very upset with me if I come back with nothing:

Well, I'd say anything you want except Twiki and me:

I understand that:

I have a friend who runs a biostereometrical facility:

And, well, I thought...

- Oh, you mean a 3-D photographer: - Yes:

Could I take pictures ofTwiki's internal circuitry?

[Exhales] It-It's not much, but at least it would be something to bring back to Belzak:

Yeah, I guess that'd be all right: I don't see any harm in taking pictures ofTwiki's internal circuitry:

Besides, knowing the ham he is, he'd probably enjoy it:

- -Ham-? - You'll find out what that means when you meet him:

Oh: Thank you:

Uh...

This is the address: See you there at 9:00? Fine:

He wouldn't sell:

But we've got a date with Captain Rogers: : :

And Twiki:

Let's go:

Dr: Huer, I'm monitoring an increasing frequency of ionized particles... rising rapidly:

Doctor, I want a detailed radio scan of Quadrant 4 immediately:

Yes, Doctor:

But, Doctor, an ion storm of large-enough magnitude could...

I'm aware of the ramifications, Doctor: Begin gathering data, please:

Where is everybody, Buck?

It's after hours, Twiki: Everyone's gone home:

Yeah, here it is:

Yeah:

Hmm:

Captain Rogers: Thank you for bringing the ambu-quad:

Now, if you'll just leave it here for a while:

No way, Stella:

As you wish, Captain:

Hey!

Hey! I'm private property: You're trespassing:

Ambu-quad prepared:

Autopilot set at coordinates 446:

Remote facility activated:

Excellent: I'll take control:

Remain on Earth until the ambu-quad is securely on Toros:

[Chirping] This -wild blue yonder- stuff is for the birds!

Dr: Huer: Twiki's been taken: What?

Three women... psychokinetics: It's a long story, but I think he was taken to...

Captain Rogers:

I have a report of a non-Terran starfighter being launched:

Its digital reference was H270,

indicating its port of origin is Toros in the Third Quadrant:

An ambu-quad is in the cockpit:

I'm going after him:

This is Buck Rogers calling H270: Do you read?

I thought you'd deserted me:

The ambu-quad is being followed, Pinchas:

Very closely: It appears the two ships may have rendezvoused:

Yes: Well, we'll take care of that:

- Are you a sight for sore circuits: - You too, pal:

- What's the situation on board? It's all remote control, Buck:

[Over Monitor] I can't do a thing: Buck?

Buck Rogers?

The Terran owner?

All right, Rogers, let's see how good you are:

Buck, that wasn't me:

I know, little buddy:

Listen, you gotta pop that canopy and get out of that ship fast:

But it's a long walk home: - Don't worry: I'll track you in:

- Here I go, Buck! - The drone is out of the ship!

Where are you, Buck? Buck!

Some may like hanging loose, but not this quad:

Well, you're good, whoever you are, but you're not quite good enough:

So long:

This is Starfighter 1314 to Earth Control: Come in, please:

You've got New Tulsa Tracking Station, Starfighter 1314: What can we do for you?

I've lost an ambu-quad up here: I'm gonna need some help finding him:

You've got it, 1314:

Well, make it quick, will ya? There's a heavy-gravity body nearby:

If I don't pick him up fast, he's gonna crash into it:

Help!

Hurry, Buck!

This is New Tulsa Tracking Station to Starfighter 1314:

Go ahead, New Tulsa: We have a fix:

Distance... 33,000 mega-Ks from Alpha Centauri:

Radius vector... 33 degrees left off the elliptical plane: : :

And elevation 40 degrees north:

Roger, New Tulsa: I'm on my way:

Hurry, Buck!

Thanks, Buck:

We're reporting as per schedule:

Did the ambu-quad arrive yet?

Hardly:

The Terran owner intercepted him and brought him back to Earth:

Buck Rogers:

That would be consistent with the information in his biofile:

What are your orders?

If the ambu-quad is so important to Buck Rogers,

let's see how important Buck Rogers is: : : To Earth:

He heads an industrial complex: : :

Which controls dozens of intergalactic corporations:

The base of his power, though, is in the blazium mines on Toros:

What's so important about blazium?

Blazium? Well, gram for gram, it's the most powerful explosive ever developed:

Mr: Belzak has made millions by selling blazium to any and all buyers:

- What did he want with Twiki?

Whatever it is, he can't have it:

Dr: Huer, this is Colonel Deering: Do you read?

Do you read? Yes, Colonel Deering: This is Dr: Huer:

We seem to have a substantial amount of interference:

We're encountering a rather violent storm, Doctor:

The ion count is still alarmingly high:

Dr: Theopolis:

The data reflects a mature ion storm: : :

Sweeping directly across the path of the spaceberg:

- Dr: Huer: - Yes, Colonel:

The spaceberg has moved off its established flight path:

[Switch Clicking] Yes, Colonel: That's confirmed by our observations here as well:

Please stand by for further instructions:

Dr: Huer, if that spaceberg misses the window...

- What can we do? - Frankly, Buck, I'm not sure:

We've moved oxygen in this manner twice before:

We've always known there was a risk,

but it seemed to be outweighed by the urgent need:

- I'm gonna give Wilma a hand: - But there's nothing you can do, Buck:

Tell her I'm on my way:

Captain Rogers:

It's nice seeing you again:

Where exactly am I?

Three minutes out of Stargate 23:

An hour from Toros: Hmm:

Well, at least Belzak is consistent...

two kidnappings in a row:

Doesn't he know how to say -Please-?

- Belzak gets what he wants: - Everything?

Why are you doing this?

There are reasons, necessities:

Hmm:

In my apartment, you said something about friends and affection:

You just forget about all of that and throw it out the window?

- Just a lot of words? - Perhaps something from the nutrition center:

Stella, what's Belzak got on you?

I'm sorry: I don't want to talk about this right now:

Is he threatening you?

What's he holding over you?

Come on, Stella: Tell me:

It's not me: It's my son, Lucas:

His father was a: : :

Toros general,

one of the chosen class:

I was a paranormal with psychokinetic powers:

Our marriage: : : And our child: : :

Were never condoned by the ruling class:

When my: : : Husband protested,

he was executed as a traitor to his class:

He was killed for loving me:

The man who signed his death order was Belzak:

And on Toros,

the son of a traitor is also condemned to a traitor's death:

Belzak spared him:

As civilian head of the ruling body, he alone could do so:

He allowed me to send Lucas to Remus 2,

and then he forced me to use my psychokinetic powers for his purposes:

If I ever tried to leave him,

he'd have Lucas killed:

It doesn't have to be that way:

This is Toros Approach Control to Shuttle 9281:

We'll be arriving soon: I hope your stay in Toros will be a pleasant one:

Repeat: This is Toros Approach Control to Shuttle 9281:

You're cleared for reentry over the outer marker:

Welcome: : :

To my little corner of the universe,

Captain Rogers:

Better put that to music:

May I have the current data, Doctor, please?

Current angular displacement of the spaceberg: : :

Is approximately three degrees from center, Doctor:

It will miss the atmospheric window: : :

By nearly 633 kilometers:

Might as well be six meters:

Once the explosions begin, the entire spaceberg will disintegrate:

Ah: Dr: Huer, I presume?

Yes: And you are?

Kurt Belzak, sir:

It seems you have a bit of a problem on your hands:

Yes, and very little time to talk to you: So, if you don't mind...

Oh, but I do: Indeed I do:

- We need to speak: - About what?

About your friend and mine:

Buck! How did you...

How is not important, Doctor:

It's what we do next that interests me:

I see: What do you want, Belzak?

Your Buck Rogers for his drone... an even exchange:

Hey!

Belzak, you're already guilty of kidnapping and extortion:

How do you expect me to deal with... Doc, don't do anything:

Belzak, listen to me: My hands are tied:

The Directorate strictly forbids responding to such threats:

All I can do is turn over the entire matter to the interstellar authorities immediately:

Don't be a fool, Doctor:

Send me the ambu-quad, or Buck Rogers will suffer the consequences:

There's nothing I can do to help him:

Nothing at all:

Under the circumstances, I don't think it necessary to...

to give Colonel Deering the burden of: : : Knowing:

Twiki, where are you going?

Twiki?

What about Buck?

Come back here this instant: Twiki:

Buck, here comes the cavalry:

- Geronimo!

Hang on, Buck: I'm on my way:

I think I've done you a great service, Captain Rogers:

Oh, really?

That oxygen-mass transport project was: : : Ingenious, daring: : :

And will ultimately prove to be fatal to your Terran brethren:

I think they'll find a way to get it back on course:

It's possible but not probable:

One doesn't just nudge 10 billion tons back on course:

Oh, I should like to convince you: : :

That a man of your reputed talents has a place here on Toros:

After all, your Terran brethren have abandoned you:

Perhaps:

I don't think you need those anymore:

Unshackle Captain Rogers:

Bring him on our morning rounds:

[Handcuffs Buzz] Let's see if we can make him a convert to our cause:

This is the very heart of our blazium operation:

The raw ore is dissolved in hydrochloric acid,

reducing it to a pure crystal form:

As an explosive, it has unique properties:

Aside from its power, it's the quickest-burning and the hottest,

which makes it particularly useful in the cold of space:

It must be difficult storing an explosive like this:

Not at all:

You're holding enough blazium to destroy a small moon with ease:

Don't worry, Captain: Blazium needs a substantial amount of energy to ignite:

Consequently, it's quite stable:

I can see that you're genuinely interested, Captain:

- Fascinated: - Good: Very good:

I can see a glorious future for you here, Captain:

Those mines are nearly a flawless operation,

except they depend on men to work them:

It should be obvious why I need your remarkable ambu-quad,

with all the 20th-century talent you have imbued him with,

combined, of course, with your own:

Well, I really hate to tell you this, Belzak, but, uh,

Twiki is chronically lazy:

Oops: I guess I blew it, Buck:

- Twiki, what are you doing here? Dr: Huer didn't... - I came on my own:

- Prepare the ambu-quad for disassembly: - Uh-oh!

Help!

Hang on, Buck: Stop him!

He's only one man: Stop him!

Keep your hands right where I can see 'em:

All right, Twiki: Let's go: You got it, boss:

Keep goin', Twiki:

This is ridiculous:

One drone and a Terran have me trapped in my own quarters?

Deploy a squadron of guards in each of the main corridors:

I want that ambu-quad back in one piece:

And I want Rogers... dead or alive!

Pinchas!

Hold it, Twiki:

That blazium storage room must be around here somewhere:

Blazium?

Let's just get outta here:

I think that blazium might just solve our spaceberg crisis:

Something Belzak said about its properties: Come on:

What's wrong?

That noise! It's goin' right through my head!

Give me a boost, Buck:

- Buck:

Interloper in Subsection 9, Corridor 3A, sonic chamber:

Good: I'm sure Captain Rogers is getting an earful:

Shall we join him?

Higher, Buck:

Let's move it, Buck!

We've got a plane to catch:

They've escaped: Impossible:

The sonic chamber has... Has absolutely no effect on a drone, idiot!

Look:

That's why I let you go first, Buck:

Must be some kind of energy field:

Solid as a rock:

Now what, Buck?

Stella can deactivate that thing:

All right, Twiki, you hide under that catwalk:

Don't move, and hold on to that blazium: I'll be right back:

Spread out: Search the bays:

Dr: Huer, I don't think we're having the slightest effect on the spaceberg:

I'm afraid your analysis is correct, Colonel,

as I feared it would be:

The window is our only hope: Without it...

Stella, I need your help:

What's keeping you, Buck?

I can't do it: If Belzak finds out...

He won't, not for a while at least:

And by that time, we'll be long gone:

I told you, he has agents on Remus 2:

He'll have Lucas killed: I know it:

Remus 2 is under the Directorate's jurisdiction:

We'll have Lucas brought to Earth where Belzak can't reach him:

It's too late to start over: This is where I belong:

Stella, give yourself a chance: Give Lucas a chance:

I'm sorry: I can't:

Stella, my planet is in danger of being very, very badly damaged,

perhaps even destroyed:

I've got a chance of saving it:

In order to do that, I've gotta get out of here, but I can't without your help:

All right, Buck, I'll deactivate the energy wall:

Welcome, Captain: I see the lovely Stella has found you first:

Very good work, my dear:

Belzak, l... She is very persuasive:

Yes, well, all good things must come to an end, Captain:

- Now, where's your ambu-quad? - I don't know:

I think I left him down in one of the tunnels: I'm not sure:

Such a transparently thin subterfuge, Captain:

Never mind: We'll find him: Take him away:

- Hold it! - Really, Captain:

Don't you ever know when to cease?

- Heads up, Buck!

Come on! Move!

Hold on, Rogers!

The ladies would like your attention just for a moment: Ladies:

Buck!

Terribly sorry to end our relationship this way, Captain:

Stella, don't do this:

Don't let Belzak win:

Save your breath, Captain: She hears no one but me:

Stella, listen to me!

- Continue the mind meld:

- Stella: - I want Rogers in that acid:

- Now!

Stella! I can help you:

Don't listen to him: Your son will die without my help:

If I die, your last chance to leave this place dies with me:

L: : : Command you!

One move, and he dies:

Come on, Buck: Let's get outta here:

You fools:! The Earth is dying:! Don't you understand?

Stella, you've condemned your son to death:

Your approach to Toros cleared for landing:

Dr: Huer, we're registering a change in surface temperature:

It's reaching the outer layers of the atmosphere: It's beginning to heat:

I show a reading... minus 243 degrees Celsius and rising:

If it reaches 217 degrees, the entire mass will become completely unstable:

Beyond that point, ignition of the oxygen is: : : Inevitable:

Buck Rogers calling Earth Defense Directorate:

Repeat: Buck Rogers calling Earth Defense Directorate:

Buck!

What's happened? How in galaxy did you...

I'll fill you in later, Doc: What's the status on the berg?

Well, we haven't been able to alter its trajectory,

and it is now approaching one minute and 23 seconds from entering the atmosphere:

On the wrong trajectory:

Wilma, Dr: Huer:

- I think I have a way to get the berg back on trajectory: - I'm listening:

Blazium is fast-burning and extremely hot:

If we plant the right amount in the right place and detonate it, then we'll...

Shift it and let gravity take over:

Ah! It sounds reckless, Buck:

Captain Rogers's theory is sound, Doctor:

But he has no apparatus on board to guarantee an accurate placement:

I'm just gonna have to eyeball it, Doc: Give me the coordinates:

Very well: We have no choice:

Doctor, we need volume, mass, distance from Earth, angular differential:

Please, Doctor, I have anticipated the requisites:

Those figures are now coming through on the C6000:

Excellent:

Buck, your angular differential is three degrees, four minutes and 22 seconds:

Now we must reduce the berg's mass by 4:0923:

How much blazium do you have aboard? It's a two-kilo brick:

Doctor? Reduce it by half:

Reduce it by half, Buck: Roger:

Now, from your angle of approach, Buck,

you're going to have to lay down the blazium on the following coordinates:

M23: 11:

And D 17:9:

- Got it: - And good luck:

Wilma, clear everybody from the vicinity of that berg:

I want you to hang up there at about 20,000 kilometers:

As soon as I lay the blazium down, hit it with a full-power pulsar and get out of there:

I understand, Buck, but what are you gonna do about the primary explosion?

I'm gonna try to get out of there myself:

I'm getting a reading of minus 225 degrees,

and we are within 22 seconds of the critical range:

- You ready? - Yeah, I think so:

Play it as it lays, Buck:

- I'm on my way, Wilma: - Standing by: Pulsars ready:

Here we go:

Eight ball in the side pocket:

It's all yours, Wilma:

Got it, Buck:

Doctor Huer, what's happening? Doc?

By heavens, it's working:

It's bringing this mass back into its proper trajectory:

I record a satisfactory entrance through the atmospheric window, Doctor:

You've done it, Buck! You've done it!

I don't know exactly how, but you've done it, my friend:

I don't know how you do it either, but I'm sure glad you do:

Terran ingenuity, I guess:

And a little luck:

Let's head for home:

Well, it's official:

Kurt Belzak has been overthrown by the miners on Toros: Oh, that's wonderful:

Yes: They've exiled him to a planet in the Sixth Quadrant:

You won't have to worry about him for a long time to come:

And we've made contact with our people on Remus 2:

Lucas will be arriving on the next shuttle:

I'll never be able to thank you:

Especially you, Buck: Mm:

All of us owe Buck our thanks: Wait a minute: Let's not forget about Twiki here:

No big deal, Buck:

No big deal?

You let yourself get kidnapped and almost got lost in space:

Then you went A: W: O: L: And almost got yourself dissected by Belzak's goons,

not to mention nearly getting me burned to a crisp:

Give me a break, Buck:

Give you a break? I'll give you a break:

Two weeks hard labor, bread and water: : :

- Thanks for your help, buddy: You're worth it, Buck:

I think:

Where is he? Where is he?

Get up!

I am up, I was up, and I've been up all night.

I would have stayed up if you hadn't knocked me down. I didn't know you were there.

If you'd come in a moment later, I wouldn't have been there. I have handed in my notice.

Have you seen the morning paper?

After 25 years in this household, I can't see anything, sir.

Just glance at that, and you'll see plenty.

Hmm, hmm, hmm. Must be spring again.

I haven't had time to find out. Good morning.

Listen to me, you extravagant, girl-crazy young idiot!

Good morning. Good morning.

Ah, George, new shoes?

No, sir. It's a bombproof shelter for my tootsie, sir.

New shoes! Now, look here!

For 40 years I've been working myself into a nervous breakdown handling your family's affairs.

But this is the last straw!

We got off easy. She sued for a million. And she got 100,000 cash!

Good heavens, man, doesn't anything ever bother you? No, nothing.

What's the use of worrying about something that's already happened?

It won't happen again, I'll guarantee you that!

You're broke!

Definitely?

Definitely!

And you've got to get away from all this!

No more girls and no more parties!

- And no more Professor Gibbs! - Gibbs, hmm!

You'll pardon me, sir, but that should have occurred long ago.

That reminds me. He called me this morning and asked for $3,000.

Write him out a check. Three thousand dollars for that... that...

Crackpot. Thank you.

You've already wasted a fortune on his silly ideas.

None of them are any good, excepting the rat trap, and then he was right at home.

You can't expect me to brush off the professor just like that!

He's practically an heirloom. I inherited him from Dad.

What has he invented in the last 10 years?

Not a darn thing! He's got to stop draining your bank account.

Thousands for chemicals, bulbs, bulbs, chemicals!

What for? He must be inventing something.

But what? I don't know. I never ask him.

Write that scatterbrain professor that he's had the last penny...

he's ever going to get from you.

May I help you, sir? This makes me very happy.

I'm sure you won't regret this move at all.

You make it strong, and I'll withdraw my resignation.

Stop breathing down my neck. It's the breath of pleasure, sir.

And perhaps a touch of garlic.

George, are you sick? Me, sir? No, sir.

Stick out your tongue.

Give that to the professor. Thank you, sir.

What is this, Halloween?

Professor Gibbs? Go away.

Now, Professor, it's only me, Mrs. Jackson.

Hmm. You will find Mrs. Jackson in the kitchen...

where she belongs.

Ahh. Professor! You drank it!

Having a touch of indigestion this morning.

Here's a note from Mr. Russell. Huh? Hold this.

Yes, this will be the check for 3,000.

There's no check.

Nothing at all. Dear, dear, dear.

You stay here. I've got to run into town. What'll I do with this?

Hold it carefully. It might explode.

Morning paper. Here you are!

M- M-My ad. My ad. I want to change it, please.

That's fine. We only run a couple thousand ads a day.

Have you got a receipt? A receipt?

Would that be a little piece of paper?

I seem to remember putting it in my wallet.

I can never find... Oh, here it is.

Look, would that be it?

It's it. P-19.

I was just going to send it through.

That's what I call a coincidence, eh?

A remarkable one, really.

You really want this in? Yes, of course.

Unless you would like to try the experiment. No, thank you.

Ah, no sense of adventure.

Put yourself in the garage, lazy bones.

Professor, what's the big idea? That car went in by itself!

A little invention of mine.

Dear me. You look enough like Dick Russell to be his brother.

Come out of it, Prof. I am Dick Russell. No, no.

He wouldn't be going fishing, and he wouldn't be up this early.

I'm sorry I couldn't send you that money I promised.

It's not that I've lost faith. It's simply I'm flat busted.

Busted? Good! Wonderful!

Come into the lab, quick!

They're all open. Tell me what they are.

Answers to my ad I put in the paper.

My boy, all your troubles are over.

- You'll make millions out of this. - Millions out of what?

Come on, help me pick the victim.

A peculiar fellow took my ad.

Thought I was cuckoo. Hmph!

Hmm. Anything in yours?

-Am willing to undergo experiment if you will deposit $100,000 to my account.-

They all think I'm crazy. I can't understand it.

- You believe I can do it, don't you? - Do what?

Make people invisible!

What?

Invisible... with my new machine! It absolutely works.

I tried it on the cat.

There's the cat. Of course, there's the cat.

I only gave her a slight treatment.

Wears off after a while.

If only I could get a person to try it on! Listen to this!

-I am willing to submit to your experiment on Friday afternoon.

Please let me know your address. K. Carroll, 1132 North Vista. -

Eureka! In return for all you've done for me, your fortune is made.

You're a millionaire, starting tomorrow.

You mean, I'll see the positive proof tomorrow? I mean, you won't see it.

I won't see it?

Oh!

Kitty, K. Carroll is going to join your club.

Hey, John! John!

About this inventory... Congratulate me, man! I'm practically a millionaire.

Have you gone mad? Nope!

Got everything packed, George? Yes, sir, everything.

Furniture is in order, silverware stored, trunks packed, pictures all covered.

That's fine. Put everything back now. Very good, sir.

Did you say, -Put everything back-? I certainly did.

We're not leaving. We're not leaving. We're... Aah!

Mrs., uh... Housekeeper!

Housekeeper! Housekeeper!

Jackson is the name.

I've been with you for 12 years, and the name's stillJackson. Mmm.

Mrs. Jackson, tomorrow I am expecting a gentleman, Mr. K. Carroll.

Bring him right in here to me. Don't mention a word of this to anybody.

Keep it a dead secret.

See that this is mailed to him at once.

Take a very good look at him... because you won't see him again.

It's the mail. I'll get it.

I'm expecting a letter. All right, honey.

Have you got a letter for me? K. Carroll?

That's it. Thank you very, very much.

Oh!

Oh, have you got a feller?

- Hooray! He's made an appointment! - Then you have got a feller!

This isn't from a fella, Mrs. Patton.

This is the call to adventure.

What would you do if you could completely disappear?

Don't tell me you're thinking about running out on me...

when your room rent's way past due? No.

I hate to bring it up, but after all, I've got to live, you know.

Live! Get up in the morning, run for the subway, punch the clock,

get kicked around all day by that nasty Mr. Growley.

Run for the subway and go to bed! Dream about the subway!

You're gonna dream yourself out of your job if you don't get going.

Oh, dear, the time clock! Bye!

Come on now, girls. Hurry up.

Kitty, you're late. You're telling me!

Someday I'm gonna give you a real punch right in the nose.

Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Kitty, what kept you? My mail.

I never get any mail. All I get is a cold in my head.

Here, dear. You're wearing number 37.

Oh, Kitty, hurry! What are you thinking of?

What would you do if you could become invisible?

Kitty, do you feel all right?

I feel as though I'm ready to take the plunge.

Hurry, Kitty! I will.

All right, pay attention! Quit daydreaming!

Remember, we're not in business for your amusement!

Every minute wasted means money lost. Every second delayed keeps a buyer waiting.

Eyes front, chin up, shoulders back!

- Where's number 37? - Coming right out, Mr. Growley.

All right, Carroll. Don't try to sneak by.

You were two minutes late. You're docked an hour's pay.

That's unfair! I've never been late before.

Besides, two minutes is exactly 130th of an hour. Really, Carroll!

Maybe you'd like to take up bookkeeping... somewhere else! Well, would you?

- Well, I didn't mean... - That's better.

And you? I'm sorry, Mr. Growley.

I have a cold in my head.

You sniffle in front of customers, you're fired! Mr. Growley!

Mind your own business.

There are plenty of younger women for your job. Yes, sir.

Now I know what I'd do.

I'd kick him right in the pants.

All right, get going, everybody.

Good morning. I'm sure you'll like our new showing.

How do you do? How do you do?

How are you? How do you do?

This is our new dinner dress.

Smile. Show the back, little lady.

Let me see that.

How much? Take it easy, will you?

What's that? They tore it.

Mr. Growley, I came here to do business. Not be insulted.

Please, ladies! Of course the girl is wrong.

She'll apologize to you or I shall dismiss her.

They tore it. Apologize. The customer's always right.

This time the customers happen to be wrong, aren't they, girls?

Since you three stick together so well, you can be fired together,

or do you apologize?

I apologize.

All right. You can go.

Now, ladies, while the models change, I'll show you new material.

Kitty, what are you doing? I'm leaving.

We can't go on being stepped on like this for 16.50 a week.

Docked when we're sick, when we're late. Treated like dogs, humiliated!

It's time one of us showed Growley where he gets off.

It's time he behaved like a human being.

What are you gonna do? Where you gonna go? I'll be back.

If I have any luck, nobody will see me!

Professor Gibbs, please. Who shall I say is calling?

Miss Growley... I mean, Miss Carroll.

I came in answer to an ad.

Would you tell Professor Growley... Professor Gibbs that I'm here?

Step in.

There's a person outside, Professor, to see you about your ad.

Good. Send him in.

It's a her. A her?

You mean, skirts and things? Mmm, skirts and things.

Mrs. Jackson, you're letting me down!

I can't possibly perform my experiment unless the subject doesn't wear...

hasn't any... is... is, you know, in the, uh...

in the -altogether,- as it were.

What am I going to do? How should I know?

Dear, dear. I can't afford to lose her.

I might never find another!

You tell her. Tell her what?

About the disrobing. Tell her it's purely in the interest of science.

We can put her behind the screen.

Nothing could be more proper.

And, of course, during the experiment, you'll stay right here.

I don't know as I want to see folks get invisible. Might give me a turn.

It's her or you, Mrs. Jackson. Take your choice.

You're either victim or chaperone!

All right, all right! I'll tell her!

Be careful of this. It belongs to my roommate.

And this too.

Also these.

The shoes are mine, though. She gave them to me.

May I come in? Yes, we're ready for you now.

How's the visibility today, Prof?

You didn't tell me in your letter that you were a girl.

I wanted to be sure it wasn't one of those "for girls only"propositions.

I expected a man, but you'll do.

Give me your arm.

Ouch! Is that all there is to it?

Oh, no! We have to treat the body externally as well.

Will it hurt? Will it hurt? Not at all.

Perhaps a slight tickling sensation for a minute or two. Good.

I don't tickle easily.

All ready to begin!

Ah!

Wait a minute! This won't make me invisible forever, will it?

Just for a few hours. Just what I want.

Go ahead, shoot! You're sure you're willing to go through with this?

- I said, shoot! - Because it'll work!

It really doesn't hurt.

- No, but it tickles. - I'll say it does.

Ooh, you look like a custard pie.

Am I dissolving yet?

That's that! She's gone!

Don't you dare come back here.

Why, is something still showing?

I can't see anything, but how do I know you can't?

Here, take this.

Try and take a good look at yourself.

I really am invisible!

There, Mrs. Jackson! Do you see? No.

No, I don't. Not a darn thing.

Wait till I call Dick. It's a staggering success.

Sit down, Miss, uh... Kitty, Kitty Carroll.

Make yourself at home. I'll be right back.

You watch her, Mrs. Jackson. Watch what?

Seven years bad luck.

Don't you come near me, miss. Don't worry, cutie.

I'm going away from you. Professor said you were to stay here.

Not me! Ha-ha! Growley, Growley! Here I come!

Oh.

Excuse me, sir. The professor just phoned.

He said, would you come over right away?

He said to tell you that he has done it. That's great!

Just a minute. I've got to go over and not see somebody.

Pardon, sir. Would you care to not have a cup of tea?

Now then, Richard, I will show you she has completely disappeared.

Professor... Go away! Don't interrupt! You bore me.

Now, can you see anyone? Neither hide nor hair.

Did you say, "she"? Yeah.

Permit me to introduce you.

Uh, Miss Carroll, allow me to present Dick Russell,

my young friend and patron.

Dick, this is Miss Kitty Carroll. Don't be afraid.

Shake hands. Shake hands with what?

Come, come, Miss Kitty! Shake hands. Say hello.

Really, she was here. Sure, of course she was.

Maybe you'd better lie down for a while. Lie down? Nonsense!

Good heavens! Maybe some reaction I didn't foresee.

Maybe she's fainted. W- Where are you, Miss Carroll?

Where are you, Kitty?

Kitty, Kitty, Kitty!

Kitty, Kit... Not you. Miss Carroll!

Bah! Avast! Avant. Out of me way.

-Thou troublest me. Thy bones are marrowless. -

Oh, there you are, sir.

You'll be pleased to know the silverware is back from the bank,

the trunks are unpacked and the slipcovers are off throughout the entire house.

That's fine, George. We're closing up after all. Very good, sir.

We're what?

Mrs. Jackson! Mrs. Jackson! What do you want?

What have you done with her? What have I done?

She's gone! Of course. That's what I tried to tell you.

Where? Where? Wh-Where? How do I know?

Didn't she say anything? Yes.

She said, -Growley, Growley! Here I come!-

But that doesn't make sense! M...

-Growley! Growley! Here I co... - Growley. Growley? Growley?

Come, come, Mrs. Bates. I'll finish that for you.

Snuffling and sniffling in the buyers' faces!

Get your things and get out. You're fired! Please, Mr. Growley.

Don't fire me. Let me come back when I get rid of this cold.

You'll never come back! You're fired!

Eyes front, chin up, shoulders back! Get going!

Growley.

Growley!

You miserable, wicked man!

Bullying poor little working girls,

firing them, docking them and enjoying it.

You're docking a girl to pay for this too, aren't you?

The day of reckoning has come.

Now you'll see how it feels when the shoe's on the other foot.

Oh, Mr. Growley. If a girl's late, you fine her!

If a girl's got a cold, you fire her!

You certainly do things the hard way.

There it goes!

And maybe you should be sent after it.

Please, whoever you are... I am the voice of your conscience.

Lean over the windowsill, Growley.

Oh, I... I said, lean over!

Eyes front, Mr. Growley! Chin up!

Shoulder's back, you worm!

You've always had a kick coming.

And here's one for interest, and one to grow on!

There, you've had that coming to you for a long time.

I'm sick of you, Mr. Growley,

and I'm sick of getting in and out of these crummy dresses!

I'm sick of leering men buyers and snooty women buyers.

I'm sick of the whole thing!

Well, well! If it isn't my old pal, the time clock.

Here's something to remember me by!

Paper! Paper! Evening paper!

How do you do?

I should like some information regarding a personal advertisement.

Sorry, sir, but personal means personal.

Stick 'em up! Oh, go on home to your mother.

I ain't got a mother. But I got a gun.

There's only 37.50 in the cash box.

We don't want cash. We want the address of an ad. About being made invisible.

That one was put in by a loony called Gibbs. Where do we find him?

In the bug house by rights, but I've got his address. Gimme that!

Pick 'em up, butterfingers!

That's the kinda help you get nowadays.

This is the joint.

Say, where did you get this car?

I didn't get it. Hammerhead got it.

Why'd you do that? Shh.

Where did you get this car? I just picked it up.

Nice pickings! Shh.

What are we gonna talk to this professor about?

It don't make no difference, as long as you get the layout of the invisible machine.

You're a scientist, Foghorn. You're a smooth talker.

Here, take this with ya. Put that away!

Scientists don't carry tommy guns.

Maybe we should've brought a butterfly net, huh?

Don't trouble, Mrs. Jackson.

I have nothing more important to do than answer the door.

Suit yourself!

Let me in quickly, Professor.

Go away! I am not speaking to you!

Don't be an old, stuffed shirt! I had to go and smack down the boss!

A fine reason for becoming invisible. The only reason.

Jobs are scarce, and I can't afford to be fired!

I've got to warn you... I am not interested!

I am highly displeased with you!

Have I the honor of addressing Professor Gibbs?

My name is Hardwick Spencer. I'm a fellow scientist.

I represent a group in Mexico. Good, sir. Come right in.

Thank you. Go away!

Now, wait... Not you, sir. Her!

Her? Who's her? My first subject.

I am annoyed with her and wash me hands of her.

You've already tried the experiment and it works? And how!

Don't pay any attention to her.

I'll gladly show you the machine.

I suppose you will be convinced by a demonstration.

That's exactly the idea.

Have you ever been to Mexico? M- Mexico? Why, no.

Oh, you'll like it. A fine trip.

And the boys... my associates will give you a royal welcome.

Thank you for the invitation. Invitation, my eye!

I saw them drive up. They have guns. G...

Mr. Spencer... That's a lie!

Is it? Professor, ask him how he knew where to find you.

Why, he saw the advertisement in the paper.

Of course I did. Naughty, naughty!

The ad didn't give the professor's name or address.

She's right. How did you find me, if I'm not too personal?

Why, I-I... You're a crook!

I'm a crook! No, I'm a scientist!

Back to Mexico, you wolf in scientist's clothing!

Take it away! Don't do that! Take it away!

And don't you come back, or I'll cut you dead!

Well, I suppose I should be grateful to you for disposing of him like that.

Thank you... and good-bye.

Come on, Professor. Be a sport and forgive me.

Haven't I proved your experiment a success?

I knew that beforehand.

I merely wished to utilize you to convince somebody.

Gosh, I am sorry.

Is there time to show me to this somebody before I get visible again?

Just about. I'll tell him we're coming over.

Hmm. Dick Russell, please.

Tell him it's Professor Gibbs.

Uh, now what are you doing?

I'm dodging the draft.

The man from Mars, Professor Gibbs, sir.

He seems to have passed out... Uh, seems to be out, sir.

What? Tell...

You're materializing!

Go get your clothes on! Ooh!

- My clothes are on! - Nonsense! They're behind the screen.

What screen? He seems to be on one of those things again, sir.

Ah, he's nuts. He says you're nuts, Um... What?

Tell him a slight complication has arisen.

The girl came back, but now she's materialized.

If I can persuade her to get undressed again, I'll bring her right over.

The girl? Bring her over undressed?

Why, Professor, I'm ashamed of you!

Now what's up? It's too delicate to repeat, sir.

Part of it was, he would bring the girl over. Oh, no, he isn't!

We're leaving right now for the lodge. We'll leave now for the lodge?

You mean, I have to cover up everything else again? Certainly.

Don't say that. Give the moths a holiday.

I've been in service 25 years, and I never...

I resign again, sir, and again.

And again, and again.

Sometimes I suspect that man of his isn't all there.

On the other hand, you are.

What could have gone wrong?

You're not supposed to be visible for another hour!

I'm sorry, but at least I'll get back to work so I can check out.

Yes, I suppose you must, though it's very awkward for me. Very!

Years of work, taking all that money from him.

Never be able to pay him now.

He'll think I'm balmy! This would have solved everything. Dear, dear.

Stop! You're breaking my heart.

Do you want me to be invisible again?

Yes! But you wouldn't.

I don't suppose I should expect...

But if you could get the rest of the day off...

Okay, I'll try Growley.

You are the nicest visible I have ever met.

And we'll abolish the time clock too.

And, Mrs. Bates, don't forget to call the lady with the cold.

Tell her to stay in bed until it's better. She can have her job back anytime. Yes, sir.

That's all, except in the future we'll serve tea at 4:00.

You'll all like that, won't you? Yes, Mr. Growley.

If you'll excuse me, I have to answer my phone.

What's happened to Mr. Growley?

Hello, Miss Carroll. How are you, my dear child?

Yes, of course this is Mr. Growley.

You needn't have bothered to ask at all.

Certainly. Take the whole weekend if you like.

Have a lovely time. Bye-bye, my dear. And have fun.

How am I doin'?

It's you, Professor! You reformed Growley!

In the name of all working girls, I thank you. I haven't time for this.

You promised to be invisible again. Okay, Professor.

You won't be seeing me in a few minutes.

He can't do this to me!

Hold my hat, Professor.

Dick! Richard!

Wait! Wait, stop! Stop!

Richard, you can't do this.

Where are you going? To the lodge, fishing.

- Fishing? What for? - Fish.

F- I-esh, fish.

Fish!

And me with an invisible woman for him not to see.

Hello? Yeah, this is Foghorn.

What? It's the boss.

The boss? Not in town?

Great to hear your voice, boss.

Where you talkin' from?

Oh, you're still down there, huh? Well! He's still in Mexico.

Oh. We tried to get it,

but we met with kind of a complication.

I'll complicate you into such small pieces, your own mother couldn't put you together again.

I want to be invisible so I can go home.

I got to see the old home town again.

I got to smell the lake. I got to hear traffic.

I'm homesick.

Now he's cryin'. Gosh, that's bad.

Last time he cried, we had to have that triple funeral.

We'll get that machine or bust.

But how we gonna get it over the border?

That's your worry, fathead.

Nobody understands me. I'm sensitive. That's what I am.

Ever been to the big town? No, senor.

I can almost hear the elevated right now,

the taxi drivers bawling each other out,

the cash register in the Gay Paree...

and the way the newsies used to holler headlines...

the morning after we pulled a big job.

Senor, I do not know anything about that,

but I have never heard of a chemical formula...

that would make the human body unseen.

Watch your step.

You're talking to a lonesome guy, and a homesick guy too.

My gang's on the trail of an invisible machine, see? S�, s�.

And they're rushing it down here, see? S�, s�.

You are going to set it up and make it work, see? S�, s�.

Or you'll have to find the formula how to put yourself together again, see? S�, s�.

What is all this -s�, s�-? Are you Spanish? I'm a Pomeranian!

Fishy, fishy in the brook, master caught him with a hook.

Cooky fries him in a pan. Oh, phooey! What a smell!

What a pull, but here we are.

What very superior mountains!

There's a very superior bush for you to undress behind. What for?

I don't want anyone but Richard to know that you're here.

Let me go in this way and scare him to death!

Do as I say, or when I bring you to, I will give you the wrong face.

Hurry up!

Why couldn't you have done this in the desert?

It certainly would have been warmer.

Ouch! Darn those roses!

Watch where you're going, will you, Philo?

Who could that be at this hour of the night, disturbing my culinary art?

- Hurry up. There's somebody coming. - Whew! Kind of chilly.

I wonder how the nudists stand it. Shh!

- Oh! Oh, it's you. - Yes, it's me, sunshine.

- I thought we'd drop in on young Richard for a bit. - We?

Uh, -we- in the sense of visiting royalty.

Oh.

Ow!

Uh, that door, you know,

the hinges need a little oiling, my boy.

Nonsense! The hinges were oiled this morning!

Meow! Oh.

I suppose the cat needs oiling too!

Cats and I are mutually allergic.

Queer, isn't it?

Very, considering you have one at home.

Not that I care, but are you feeling all right?

I've never felt better in me life.

Ah-choo!

A little cold coming on. Beastly weather.

Isn't it?

Mr. Russell likes it. He says it makes the fish bite better.

You'll pardon an old-fashioned hint,

but we weren't expecting company up here.

As soon as I have elucidated matters with Richard, we will pop off!

Why do you keep saying -we-?

I am referring to the editorial -we-.

Did something come down the chimney?

Perhaps it was Santa Claus. Yes, perhaps it was.

There is no Santa Claus!

That's right, there isn't. Months too early for him. Shoo!

What was that? Mice!

Mice! We never had mice here before!

Hang up my coat for me, will you, my dear fellow?

Stop that, will you? I can't help it. I'm freezing.

Behave yourself!

Nothing like a spot of brandy on a damp night.

Nothing like making yourself at home either.

Wh-What...

Did you shoot that elk? No, I think it was born there.

What goes on... Ha-Ha-Have one with me.

Well, thank you. Perhaps I'd better.

Maybe I... Thank you. Thank you.

Oh, my. Went down the wrong way, huh?

That's good.

I hope you don't choke. I hope.

Thank you. That's enough.

What are you, a ventriloquist?

Sometimes! Sometimes. That's right, of course.

Ventriloquism. I picked it up at college from the fellow next door.

Well, for a minute you had me worried.

Did you see what I see?

He also dabbled in magic. Help! Help! Mr. Russell!

Spooks! Spooks, Mr. Russell!

Really, Miss Kitty! You have no control!

I'm too cold to have any control.

Ah! Well, if you're cold, I suppose you'll have to put something on.

Now, uh, I wouldn't drink too much if I were you.

Why not? It warms me up.

There is no telling what reaction alcohol may have upon your invisibility.

Now, uh... It's raining.

I'll have to bring your things in before they get soaked.

Here, take this, will you?

Mr. Russell! Mr. Russell!

What's the matter with you? The professor is up here.

The professor. Here? And he's acting very peculiarly.

Frankly, I'm frightened. We both know he's cracked. What's he doing?

I don't know what he's doing now, but just a minute ago while I was in there, he was trying to...

He had a... It was a long... It came out of a... I don't know, sir.

It can't be as bad as that. Let me show you, please.

All I ask is a little cooperation.

Do you see what I mean, sir?

Where'd those clothes come from? They're his.

You're sure you're all right? Oh, sir!

Well, we'll just have to humor him. Yes, yes, sir.

And you too. Oh, Mr. Russell.

Oh, Professor.

Well, a new tailor, Professor?

Eh? What... Oh, well, my boy, I...

The rain, you know. I was afraid of catching cold.

It's good you brought something to change into.

Huh? Oh, oh, they're not mine.

No, no, no, of course, my dear boy, I...

I can quickly explain if I can see you alone for a moment.

Alone, eh? What for? I've done it, my lad!

I've brought her! She's here.

Just take it easy, Professor, and everything'll be all right.

Mr. Russell!

Look!

There it goes again!

Stop staring, stupid.

Give him this. Go on, give it to him.

Here, George. Up!

Here. I hope you're ashamed of yourself, young woman.

Young? Of course, I'm young.

Now, now, you don't need another drink. You haven't fainted!

Okay. Here, handsome. You don't look so hot yourself.

That's very thoughtful of you.

Oh, drinks, decanters, ventriloquists, magicians...

Come on, George. Pull yourself together.

Tell him it's nothing supernatural. Just a simple little invention.

Oh, I beg your pardon, sir. I shouldn't have given way this way. L...

Look now, sir!

Flying cats!

Sure I can fly. Here, catch him!

Talking cats!

Oh, here I go again, folks.

Whoever heard of such a thing? It's only an invisible girl talking.

Come on, get hold of yourself. Go up and lie down.

Oh, thank you, sir. It would be a pleasure.

I've been in service all my life. My father's been in service before me.

I've never been...

Professor, I owe you an apology.

I thought you were crazy. I never dreamed...

Ah, I still don't believe it.

Say, Professor, is this the guy who's going to promote your cute little machine?

Ah, yes, yes, of course. Pardon me.

Uh, uh, Miss Carroll, Mr. Richard Russell.

How do you do? Huh, I don't think much of him.

He's no businessman. He's a playboy.

I've seen his pictures in the papers.

-They call him -The Patsy of the Pacifiic.-

Yeah? Well, listen, Miss Nothing.

I'm perfectly capable of handling any business deals of any kind or size.

Oh, I see. It's only women you can't handle.

Yeah, beautiful women. But you wouldn't know anything about that.

Oh, is that so?

Any girl who'd become invisible can't be very easy on the eyes.

Professor, I insist on being visible again right now!

Lmpossible, my dear. You will have to wait until morning.

Hey, look out!

You'll stay good and invisible till then.

I wasn't taking any chances.

Besides, you'd hardly want to take shape before your clothes dry.

You... You don't mean she's really...

Yeah, I mean she's really.

Hey, hey, no, you don't!

Better make you some strong coffee.

I don't know what's the matter. I never liked to drink before.

Fight the impulse!

Her desire must be caused by something in the treatment.

Well, well!

Now I know the meaning of the expression, -Alone at last.-

Hey, you almost stepped on me!

Why don't you carry a red lantern or something,

or at least put some clothes on so I can see where you're not?

But then you're hiding your stylish, stout figure.

I'll spike that ugly rumor in three hooks and a zipper.

Darn it, they're still soaked. How very convenient.

At least the stockings are dry. Now to find my feet.

This is worse than dressing in the dark.

There. Now we'll see who's stalling.

-It so happens that by profession I'm a model.-

What for, piano legs? Any time you hear of a piano with legs like mine, sonny,

run, do not walk, to your nearest music store.

There. Apologies are now in order.

Does the rest of you follow that same interesting pattern?

None of your business.

Hmm.

Well, now where are you?

At the end of the cigarette.

When it rains, all the roads around here get washed out.

You and the professor better plan to spend the night.

Just because I have good-looking legs?

No, because the roads are washed out.

Besides, the professor and I have all this business to discuss.

And because I have good-looking legs.

If I knew where your neck was, I'd wring it.

I think I'll have just another little one.

Oh! Oh, I feel dizzy. It must be the altitude.

Sure, altitude. Spelled B-R-A-N-D-Y.

Oh! Call the professor. Everything's spinning.

Oh!

Hey, Professor! What? What?

What's the matter? She says it's the altitude.

She says? We'll have to get her to bed.

Okay, let me.

Uh-oh. I forgot she's...

Yeah, she certainly is. Come on, hold out your arm.

I can't stand up on my good-looking legs.

Whoopee!

That's all right. Just a little too much altitude.

There.

Better take her to the showers.

Hmm. Upsy-daisy.

Hmm, not very heavy.

You think you're a great big strong man.

We better get her to bed.

Hey, what's going on here? I'm leaving, sir, without notice.

Don't be ridiculous. You're getting to be a problem child.

Either the professor goes or I go.

He has a personality like a temporary filling.

The professor's just an old...

I don't mind pole vaulting decanters and flying cats,

but when it comes to invisible women...

This invention means a lot of money to me.

When I start paying you again, I'll give you a raise.

What? A raise.

Oh, thank you. That's well worth looking forward to.

I'll reconsider.

I can hardly wait to see her face.

Most fortunately for you, this one is invisible,

and I sincerely hope she remains that way. Why?

Because looking at a woman is only the first step to trouble.

You look, she smiles. You soften, she sues.

Invisible women! These days you can't believe your own eyes,

even if you don't see anything.

Shh.

Oh, shh.

Just stop that! Do you want them down here?

Oh! Be quiet!

Oh, my bunion. Hey!

That's it.

I didn't do it on purpose.

Come on!

Look, a safe.

Boy, look how it goes around and in and out and down and up.

Gosh, just like the world of tomorrow.

Come on, get busy.

Take it apart, but slow, so I can diagram how to put it back together again.

But keep it quiet. Shh!

Help! Police!

Oh, oh! Oh, let me out!

Oh! Oh!

George.

- Here I am. - B-B-B... Your breakfast, sir.

The professor said she'd be visible this morning.

If she is, I'll be invisible by tonight. Let's take a look.

Oh, please, let well enough be well enough.

Shh. Oh, my goodness.

Doggone it. Where is she? Look, sir.

Ah, Kitty.

Why don't you both come in and then knock?

Oh, my head. My head.

Pardon me, madame, you haven't any head. That's what you think.

It's as big as all outdoors.

Oh, dear, I- I need an aspirin.

Get me a nurse. Get me a doctor.

Get me something. Where's the professor?

We better get the professor.

What for? To cheer up a lot of bedclothes?

Oh, Professor! Professor! Oh, Professor!

Oh, Professor! Professor!

Oh, Professor! Professor! Professor!

Oh, darn it. I'm still invisible.

Hey, Professor! Whoo-hoo!

Professor? Hey, Professor! Professor?

Oh, Professor, where are you? Professor!

Professor! Did someone say, -professor-?

No.

It's me, Kitty. I thought I heard somebody.

Professor, look at me. I can't see me at all.

Ah, that's too bad. By George, I was right!

I warned you to go easy on the spirits. How right you were!

When there is an affinity between two molecular forces...

and the natural reagent is chemically counter...

Aw, have a heart, Professor.

Well, there is the result: Chemically invisible.

Stop broadcasting. I simply refuse to stay this way.

Oh! Now what's the matter?

I stubbed my toe. Professor.

Dear Professor, you've got to get me out of this, please!

I've got to be visible! Think of my suspense.

We'll rush back to my laboratory, and I'll fix you up.

George, pack everything up. We're leaving. We'll all rush, eh, Richard?

Let's get a move on. I'm tired of being a piece of laundry.

Your car is ready, miss.

It says here we're in Mexico. I know that.

You don't think that guy at the customs gate was speaking Gaelic.

Hey! Boys!

It's all right. It's Foghorn.

All right, boys, get those crates off, but treat 'em gently.

Got it, huh? You bet, boss.

There it is, right down to the last gadget.

Yeah, and I've got it diagramed on paper and everything.

The... The machine! It's gone!

Maybe it's made itself invisible.

That's hardly possible.

I wonder what that was.

If you had any sense, you'd look and see.

Oh. Mrs. Jackson!

Really, Mrs. Jackson! What an odd place to spend the night.

The formula for the injection!

Richard, help me. Quick, quick!

They can't use the machine without these.

What luck! What do ya mean, luck?

What about me? Do I have to go through the rest of my life like this?

Really, Professor, I think she looks much better like this.

You have a nerve, you fishless fisherman!

Children, children. What are you gonna do about me?

Experiment till I find out what's keeping you invisible so long.

Yes, but how long's that gonna take ya?

I haven't a notion.

It took me 10 years to perfect the machine a...

Now what are you laughing at?

The chap who took it without the injection, you know.

Oh, my dear, that machine is apt to do the strangest things to people.

Ah, senor, this machine, I love her!

She's so beautiful.

If only I could to meet the man who make her, I would kiss him, I think.

Just stick to business. If it works, I'll kiss him for you.

Thank you, senor.

She is ready, I think.

You think.

You boys sure about the dame it made invisible?

Sure, boss, positive. Foghorn seen her!

Okay. Foghorn, you're elected.

You see, I told you...

Boss, I don't want to be invisible.

You heard me. First we will start with the head.

Never mind the head. That's useless.

Well, then we will start with the neck. Good.

Boss, what about...

Oh, no, boss. Foghorn understands those things. He's scientific!

I'm underweight, I am. Foghorn!

There's not many people I'd let try this machine first.

Now get going! Thanks, boss. That's great.

Senor Foghorn, in back of the screen, please.

In back of the screen?

S�, s�. Okay.

Now get going.

How does it feel?

He likes it. He always likes it when he's lit up.

But I can still see him. So can I.

So can I! So can O'Klotz.

Something that should be here is missing, I think.

I thought you guys got everything!

- Oh, we did, boss. Didn't we, Foghorn? - Why, sure, we did.

- What's that? - I said, -Sure, we did.-

Or did I?

Something has gone wrong, I think.

Hey, you! Give me back my pipes!

You let go of me and I'll fight the pack of you!

Let go of him.

Ooh!

Take him down to the cellar and let him cool off,

and then you do what you should have done in the first place.

You guys go back and get me the professor, or I'll have all of you singing soprano.

Yeah, boss. Get his head. I got it.

Fires in July. You are fussy.

You're a nuisance, that's what you are.

An invisible female nuisance. I didn't know you two were talking.

We're not.

Why the fire?

Well, there were so many cracks about how awful my dress looked without a head, I took it off.

But Tarzan over there is still as disagreeable as ever.

You can both cheer up because I think I found the formula to make you visible again.

- Oh, Professor! - That's swell.

So Dick will be on his way to Washington with the patents,

and you'll never have to see each other again.

Isn't that nice?

So, uh, try and put up with each other...

for just a little while longer, hmm?

Hmm.

So you're going to Washington?

Yes.

What's it to you? You should have been there years ago.

You've got the personality of a politician.

For a person with no personality at all, you've got no right to talk.

And stop crying.

I'm not crying. I sniffled.

Even invisible ladies can have manners. Use your handkerchief.

I'm no kangaroo. I haven't got pockets in my skin.

Here, use mine.

Ouch!

I'm sorry. Did I hurt you?

Well, did I? I shook my head.

I can't see that.

Wait a minute. Where you going?

I got an idea that will change the whole complexion of this thing.

Professor's not the only inventor around here. Put this on.

Why? Well, at least I can see you nod.

That looks silly. It's the way they're wearing them.

Stand up so I can see what you look like.

Is that all the taller you are?

Oh, silly, I'm only trying to find out which is the front of this thing.

Is this better? Much.

What color did you say your eyes were?

If you're so interested, why don't you stick around and find out?

That's just what I'm going to do.

Hey! That's my hand, you know.

Yeah, I know. Do you mind if I borrow it for a minute?

Mm-mmm. It's a very nice hand. It's very soft.

Very pleasant to the taste.

Um, why do you close your eyes?

I can't see you. I can at least imagine.

I know. I'm just a ghost where you're concerned.

I'm nothin' but a nothin'.

If this hand is any criterion,

you must have lovely lips, beautiful hair, nice...

Thank you, Richard. That's a very charming compliment. Oh, it's you.

Look, reagent to counteract alcohol.

Kitty, my girl, I'll have you visible before you can sayJack...

Robinson. I'm almost afraid to be myself.

It's like making a blind date.

What have you got to lose? You've already seen me.

You know, in a way, Richard, I'm sorry to do this.

If more women were invisible,

life would be much less complicated.

And much less interesting.

That belongs on the lamp, sir. I know it.

It looks much better with a bulb in it.

What's the gun for? It's a damp night, sir.

Do you always wear a shotgun to keep you dry? Being damp out, it's foggy.

And being foggy, it's a good cover for the return attack...

of the thugs who took the machine.

I intend to patrol the grounds, sir, which at least makes sense.

We needed that hole for ventilation, sir.

Oh, dear, oh, dear. I'm so excited!

Sit still. It will only take a minute. Here.

You forgot to say ouch. I'm so worried about what he'll think of me.

I think he'll think he likes you.

Yeah, but he's always liked glamour girls...

with expensive clothes and furs and things,

and all I've got is this wrinkled old dress.

What you really need is a new outfit to make an entrance in.

You needn't rub it in.

Wonderful thing, these shopping services, really.

Guaranteed glamorous or your money back.

Oh. Open it!

Oh, Professor!

Oh! Oh!

Oh, Professor.

Wait, wait. Save those for Richard.

I charged it to his account. I don't care. You're a darling.

Wait, control yourself! Get dressed and knock him cold!

Oh, boy, will I! Oh, isn't that lovely!

Just remember one thing, young woman.

No alcohol or liquor of any sort.

When you dissipate, you disappear.

Hey, buddy. Huh?

Oh, yes, sir. Have you got a match?

Why, yes, indeed, sir.

Hold it, will ya, bud? Why, certainly, sir.

Hey, you frightened him. Do something.

Oh!

Oh, look at my hair. It's a mess.

Gosh, she's taking her time.

Professor, what does she look like?

Hmm, a girl, you know.

I never have paid much attention to women myself.

Did she ever say anything about me? Not a word.

Oh, she didn't, huh? Of course, it's a matter of complete indifference to me.

I'm through with women, anyway.

Here she comes.

No, stay right where you are.

I want to get a good look at you. Kitty, this is wonderful.

This is even better than I expected.

Dick!

Stick 'em up! How dare you!

Frankie, get her off me!

- Here, hold this. - Come on, lady. Be a gentleman about this.

Oh, stop it! You're a fine one... Leave me alone, you hear?

Gimme that. Come on. Where are we going?

You wouldn't trust a beautiful dame like that with a couple of lugs like us, would you?

Perhaps you're right. Well, come on!

Before I resign, sir, permit me to state...

there are prowlers about and they've got my gun.

Oh, my!

Pleasant evening for a drive.

We're not going for a drive.

We're being taken for a ride.

Why don't you look where you're going?

Hey, what...

George, did you have to throw the fish? It's Friday, sir.

Now before you say, -Where am I?- you're right here in your own front hall.

You're quite all right. Good grief! Kitty and the professor! They got 'em!

If they did, well, good riddance, I'll say, sir.

Pardon me, please.

Whatever it is, we don't want any.

I want Mr. Russell. Mr. Richard Russell.

He's out tuna hunting. Huh?

Who is it? I don't know, sir, but it sounds likeJenny Lind.

Let him in. Come in.

I'm Mr. Russell.

I can tell you where they took the girl and the professor.

For the love... For the love of Pete, where?

Down at Blackie Cole's hideout in Mexico. He's got the invention too.

George, get the airport. Call the airport. We're leaving.

Oh, airport! No, on the phone!

Oh, excuse me. You don't know what this means to me, Mr... What's your name?

It used to be Foghorn.

How much farther is it? About five miles.

I hope the professor hasn't shown them how to use the machine.

As soon as he does, Blackie will bump both of them off.

That is, unless the professor talks Blackie to death first.

So you see, the entire principle...

is a combination of chemical, biological and dynamic influencing.

Cut out the stalling! For an hour you've been using big words.

Professor, for the love of Mike, cut out the stalling. I want to go home.

You'll both go home on a slab if this guy don't come through. I want to be invisible.

I don't blame you. It would be a decided improvement.

Now, Professor, you either play ball with us...

or we get rough with the lady.

Play ball? I was never any good at games.

You know what I mean. Come clean about how that machine works.

Make me invisible, or else.

I would very much rather -else.-

I did not invent that machine...

to make killers like you invisible.

How do you know I'm a killer?

You have all the earmarks, my friend.

The constricted cerebellum,

the receding frontal bone, the Lombrosian earlobe.

I got all that, huh? Mm-hmm.

And you are also given...

to sudden and unexpected outbursts of weeping.

Well, what do ya know?

You'd cry, too, if you was exiled like me.

Sometimes I think I can hardly stand it any longer.

Hey, lady!

That stuff! Ll melt your bridgework.

Impossible. I haven't any bridgework.

Isn't he silly, Professor? I don't feel a thing.

The reagent must be still functioning.

There's a molecular antagonism, you know.

I don't get the scientific lingo, but alcohol used to be my business.

But that stuff is practically T.N.T.

Oh, in that case... Lady, have a heart.

I've seen 'em drink hair tonic, I've seen 'em drink vanilla, but never this!

Boss, look!

Look!

Attagirl!

Take this...

and that!

Here I am. If you move fast, you can still catch me in the dress.

Oh, faster than that. Here I am.

No, no, no. Over here.

I don't know my own strength.

Strike one!

Look out, shorty. You're next.

Better put that down or you'll break it.

There. Now you look like a fish. Blackie! Blackie!

Blackie! You big fish.

A little bit of this will put you right to sleep.

You're even dizzier than you look.

Strike two!

And now to black out Blackie.

What do you say, Blackie?

How about you and I going over this room with your fine-tooth comb?

That's the only way you'll ever find me.

How to have fun at parties. Why be a wallflower?

You, too, can be invisible in six easy lessons.

Amaze your friends. Amaze yourself.

Now, just follow me.

Come on, Blackie.

You may not be able to catch me, but you might catch on to the trick.

Over here.

I've always wondered how this thing works. My, but it's pretty, isn't it?

Come on, Blackie. Come on, let's look at this closer.

This way. Here I am.

Now the whole secret is to touch the wire cylinder.

That must be quite a shock to you.

Strike three! You're out!

- How am I doing? - Fine. Untie me.

Not yet, Professor. There are more of them outside. You're safer here.

Whee! Set 'em up in the other alley!

Miss Kitty!

Yes, Professor. Are you all right?

Never felt better.

Look, I'm mistress of all I survey! Good.

Something seems to be the matter with my feet.

They're all tied up. Huh?

I never thought of that.

Hey, somebody's coming.

I think it's... Yes, it's Dick!

He can't rescue me this easy, he can't.

Lfhe wants me, let him fight for me.

You take the back door and I'll take the front door.

And I'll be in Brooklyn before you. Oh, no, you don't.

Open up in there!

We'll scare 'em out. Yeah, we'll scare them.

Those are the noisiest grasshoppers I ever heard.

Christopher Columbus! We're being shot at!

Help! Help!

It's Kitty. We've got to go to her. Let's try and make her come to us.

Here, Kitty, Kitty, Kitty.

Here, Kitty. Here, Kitty.

Here, Kitty, Kitty, Kitty. Here, Kitty.

It serves you right.

That's what you get for putting me in that Turkish bath and turning me into a tenor.

You double-crossed me.

Sure, I double-crossed you. You had it coming to you.

L... Gee!

I got my pipes back. Thanks, boss.

That's all right.

Let bygones be bygones.

Now my pipes are gone.

- Oh, help! - I don't know why I should be afraid.

Professor, where's Kitty? No, no, not that!

Anything but that!

- What was that? - That was Kitty.

Help, help! I'm drowning!

Where are you?

Right beside you.

We fell for each other in a big way after all.

You're all wet, but... but I love you.

Well, he may have Mrs. Russell's coloring,

but he definitely resembles our side of the family, sir.

He has your eyes. Oh, yes, my eyes exactly.

I'm not so sure about that.

Who do you think he looks like, Professor? A bit like me, don't you think?

Hereditary.

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