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1
00:00:07,033 --> 00:00:08,403
[man beatboxing]
2
00:00:08,400 --> 00:00:09,870
- Pabst Theater?
- Yeah.
3
00:00:09,867 --> 00:00:11,067
- That's in Milwaukee.
4
00:00:11,067 --> 00:00:12,297
- What's that supposed to mean?
5
00:00:12,300 --> 00:00:14,530
- Theater shows
aren't real stand-up.
6
00:00:14,533 --> 00:00:15,833
- Why not?
7
00:00:15,833 --> 00:00:17,433
- Why is that?
There's no challenge, you know?
8
00:00:17,433 --> 00:00:18,973
I like to get in the ring
a little bit, you know?
9
00:00:18,967 --> 00:00:20,167
Mix it up with the audience.
10
00:00:20,167 --> 00:00:21,227
Theater's where you go
to see, like,
11
00:00:21,233 --> 00:00:22,703
your kids do ballet or whatever.
12
00:00:22,700 --> 00:00:25,300
- So since the audience
is comfortably sitting,
13
00:00:25,300 --> 00:00:26,530
facing the comedian,
14
00:00:26,533 --> 00:00:28,403
it doesn't count as stand-up?
15
00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:30,900
- Not in my book, no,
but enjoy your recital.
16
00:00:30,900 --> 00:00:32,770
- You're insane.
17
00:00:32,767 --> 00:00:34,667
- The whole world's
turned upside down.
18
00:00:34,667 --> 00:00:35,927
You're doing theaters.
19
00:00:35,933 --> 00:00:38,103
I'm number 98 on the list
of best comedians.
20
00:00:38,100 --> 00:00:39,830
Unbelievable.
- What list?
21
00:00:39,833 --> 00:00:42,203
- Squidsizer.com.
22
00:00:42,200 --> 00:00:43,570
- You're upset about a list
23
00:00:43,567 --> 00:00:45,467
on a website called Squidsizer?
24
00:00:45,467 --> 00:00:46,667
- Hey, dude, that's a real
comedy blog.
25
00:00:46,667 --> 00:00:48,327
They did a profile
on me last month,
26
00:00:48,333 --> 00:00:49,803
which you probably missed,
'cause you were too busy
27
00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:52,600
playing the O'Doul's Civic
Center in Scranton.
28
00:00:52,600 --> 00:00:55,400
- Ooh, a profile on Squidsizer.
29
00:00:55,400 --> 00:00:57,070
Who's your publicist, SpongeBob?
30
00:00:57,067 --> 00:00:58,697
- It's 2016, man.
31
00:00:58,700 --> 00:01:01,330
These lists garner real buzz,
you know?
32
00:01:01,333 --> 00:01:02,973
I mean, it takes one blog,
and that's--
33
00:01:02,967 --> 00:01:04,297
[whistles]
That's it.
34
00:01:04,300 --> 00:01:06,470
- It's a stupid list
on a dumb website.
35
00:01:06,467 --> 00:01:08,067
It doesn't matter.
- It does matter.
36
00:01:08,067 --> 00:01:09,127
It matters to my mother.
37
00:01:09,133 --> 00:01:12,133
[man humming and beatboxing]
38
00:01:12,133 --> 00:01:15,073
39
00:01:15,067 --> 00:01:17,297
- Would you stop
with the Go-Gurts?
40
00:01:17,300 --> 00:01:19,970
- I'm sorry me seeking
nourishment annoys you.
41
00:01:19,967 --> 00:01:21,727
- You've had, like, five.
42
00:01:21,733 --> 00:01:22,733
- That's not true.
43
00:01:22,733 --> 00:01:25,273
I've had seven,
44
00:01:25,267 --> 00:01:27,067
but they're, like,
half a serving.
45
00:01:27,067 --> 00:01:28,397
- They're for the kids, Jim.
46
00:01:28,400 --> 00:01:30,170
- Adults don't eat yogurt?
47
00:01:30,167 --> 00:01:31,327
- Out of a tube?
48
00:01:31,333 --> 00:01:32,973
They're for the park.
49
00:01:32,967 --> 00:01:34,227
- Oh, you're right.
50
00:01:34,233 --> 00:01:37,173
"Only to be consumed
by children in a park.
51
00:01:37,167 --> 00:01:39,067
Report offenders."
52
00:01:39,067 --> 00:01:41,067
[chuckling]
53
00:01:41,067 --> 00:01:43,127
Nothing?
C'mon, that was kind of funny.
54
00:01:43,133 --> 00:01:46,233
- I'm pissed about
this Squidsizer article.
55
00:01:46,233 --> 00:01:48,603
Top 100 comedians
and you're not on it?
56
00:01:48,600 --> 00:01:49,630
That ludicrous.
57
00:01:49,633 --> 00:01:52,633
- Since when do you
read comedy blogs?
58
00:01:52,633 --> 00:01:55,833
- Since Saudi Arabia made it
legal for women to read.
59
00:01:55,833 --> 00:01:57,473
I do a lot of things, Jim.
60
00:01:57,467 --> 00:01:59,697
- Wait a minute.
I'm not on the list anywhere?
61
00:01:59,700 --> 00:02:00,700
- Nowhere.
62
00:02:00,700 --> 00:02:02,170
- [scoffs]
Lists are stupid.
63
00:02:02,167 --> 00:02:03,367
Why would you care?
64
00:02:03,367 --> 00:02:05,727
- Because you should be
on the list.
65
00:02:05,733 --> 00:02:08,173
- I know I should, but do you
know how many comedians
66
00:02:08,167 --> 00:02:09,327
there are in the world?
67
00:02:09,333 --> 00:02:10,803
- No, not in the world, Jim.
68
00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:12,070
New York City.
69
00:02:12,067 --> 00:02:14,067
"Top 100 Comedians
in New York City."
70
00:02:14,067 --> 00:02:15,467
No Jim Gaffigan.
71
00:02:15,467 --> 00:02:16,697
It's just--
it's bull--it's--
72
00:02:16,700 --> 00:02:18,100
[whispering]
It's bull crap.
73
00:02:18,100 --> 00:02:20,070
- This is just a stupid list
on a website
74
00:02:20,067 --> 00:02:21,527
no one's ever heard of.
75
00:02:21,533 --> 00:02:23,073
They probably forgot me,
76
00:02:23,067 --> 00:02:24,427
or they did the list in an hour
77
00:02:24,433 --> 00:02:26,333
and just took names
from some other list.
78
00:02:26,333 --> 00:02:28,403
- Well, then, you should be
on the other list.
79
00:02:28,400 --> 00:02:31,500
- Jeannie, this list isn't real.
Trust me.
80
00:02:31,500 --> 00:02:34,270
Comedians, we don't care
about stuff like this.
81
00:02:35,367 --> 00:02:37,667
- Oh, there he is.
Number 14.
82
00:02:37,667 --> 00:02:39,327
- Those lists are stupid.
You know that.
83
00:02:39,333 --> 00:02:41,703
- Course you'd say that.
- Oh, what number am I?
84
00:02:41,700 --> 00:02:42,830
- 47.
85
00:02:42,833 --> 00:02:45,433
- I rated higher
on the no-fly list.
86
00:02:45,433 --> 00:02:46,533
- I think I saw you
on Angie's List.
87
00:02:46,533 --> 00:02:47,533
- Really, "Schindler's List"?
88
00:02:47,533 --> 00:02:48,773
- Yeah, you're--aww.
89
00:02:48,767 --> 00:02:50,067
- All bad jokes aside,
it is weird
90
00:02:50,067 --> 00:02:51,827
that I wasn't in the top ten.
91
00:02:51,833 --> 00:02:54,173
- It's weird that you're not
all of the numbers on the list.
92
00:02:54,167 --> 00:02:56,167
- We should just be happy
that we're all on it.
93
00:02:56,167 --> 00:02:57,567
- Okay, voice of reason.
94
00:02:57,567 --> 00:02:59,067
- You should have been
higher up on the list,
95
00:02:59,067 --> 00:03:00,827
'cause I think you're--
you're a ten.
96
00:03:00,833 --> 00:03:02,733
- Maybe you should be
on Megan's List.
97
00:03:02,733 --> 00:03:05,173
- I think it's Megan's Law.
- Yeah, you would know.
98
00:03:05,167 --> 00:03:06,267
- Oh.
99
00:03:06,267 --> 00:03:07,397
- Hey, guys,
100
00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:09,100
so I'm with South by Southwest,
101
00:03:09,100 --> 00:03:11,870
and we saw your names
on the Squidsizer list.
102
00:03:11,867 --> 00:03:14,097
We were wondering what your
availability's like in March.
103
00:03:14,100 --> 00:03:16,500
- I'm very available.
- Austin, love it.
104
00:03:16,500 --> 00:03:17,830
- I actually booked this
months ago.
105
00:03:17,833 --> 00:03:20,073
- Oh, right, great.
All right, thanks, guys.
106
00:03:20,067 --> 00:03:22,927
- Hey, Jim, I'm about to
light this dude.
107
00:03:22,933 --> 00:03:24,833
- Greer Barnes, number 22.
108
00:03:24,833 --> 00:03:26,303
[all cheering]
109
00:03:26,300 --> 00:03:27,730
- You want me
to plug anything, man?
110
00:03:27,733 --> 00:03:30,503
- Well, you could say
I'm not on the list
111
00:03:30,500 --> 00:03:32,070
of 100 top comedians
112
00:03:32,067 --> 00:03:33,627
in New York City.
- Aww.
113
00:03:33,633 --> 00:03:36,073
- Well, that's probably
because you're a little more
114
00:03:36,067 --> 00:03:37,567
established than that list.
115
00:03:37,567 --> 00:03:39,697
- Oh, Jerry Seinfeld,
number six.
116
00:03:39,700 --> 00:03:41,470
- You know what?
I don't care about the list.
117
00:03:41,467 --> 00:03:42,927
I hate to break
everyone's heart,
118
00:03:42,933 --> 00:03:44,803
but I don't care
about the stupid list.
119
00:03:44,800 --> 00:03:46,700
- Look, don't even worry
about that list.
120
00:03:46,700 --> 00:03:47,930
- Totally.
121
00:03:47,933 --> 00:03:49,103
- I don't even think
there's 100 comics
122
00:03:49,100 --> 00:03:50,570
in the whole city.
123
00:03:50,567 --> 00:03:52,067
There's probably, like, 90.
124
00:03:53,633 --> 00:03:55,503
- I can't believe everyone's
getting sucked in
125
00:03:55,500 --> 00:03:56,870
by that stupid list.
126
00:03:56,867 --> 00:03:58,097
- Says the guy
who's not on the list.
127
00:03:58,100 --> 00:03:59,200
- Come on.
128
00:03:59,200 --> 00:04:01,370
Do you really care
about the list?
129
00:04:01,367 --> 00:04:02,767
- Man, you don't get it, man.
130
00:04:02,767 --> 00:04:04,167
You know, people read that list.
131
00:04:04,167 --> 00:04:05,467
They see that I'm number 98.
132
00:04:05,467 --> 00:04:06,767
They think
that there's 97 people
133
00:04:06,767 --> 00:04:08,697
who are funnier than me
in New York City.
134
00:04:08,700 --> 00:04:10,930
You don't think that affects
people's perceptions of me?
135
00:04:10,933 --> 00:04:12,503
It's a self-fulfilling prophecy,
you know?
136
00:04:12,500 --> 00:04:13,830
I mean, like, the people
who are in the top ten
137
00:04:13,833 --> 00:04:15,803
of that list, right?
- Uh-huh.
138
00:04:15,800 --> 00:04:17,600
- Better things are gonna come
their way 'cause of that thing.
139
00:04:17,600 --> 00:04:19,100
I'm telling you, man,
and it doesn't matter
140
00:04:19,100 --> 00:04:20,830
that it's one person's opinion,
you know?
141
00:04:20,833 --> 00:04:23,073
Because--'cause once
it's out there in the world,
142
00:04:23,067 --> 00:04:24,167
it becomes fact.
143
00:04:24,167 --> 00:04:25,697
- But this--this list.
144
00:04:25,700 --> 00:04:27,070
It goes against everything
we stand for.
145
00:04:27,067 --> 00:04:28,797
- Oh, yeah?
What--what do we stand for?
146
00:04:28,800 --> 00:04:31,400
- As comedians, we're supposed
to make fun of this list.
147
00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:32,700
We're supposed
to make fun of lists...
148
00:04:32,700 --> 00:04:34,230
- Yeah.
- Award shows, beauty pageants--
149
00:04:34,233 --> 00:04:36,133
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- They're all just stupid.
150
00:04:36,133 --> 00:04:38,203
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hey,
you lay off of beauty pageants.
151
00:04:38,200 --> 00:04:40,170
- Come on.
They're stupid.
152
00:04:40,167 --> 00:04:41,267
Hey.
153
00:04:41,267 --> 00:04:43,897
- I discovered
who Franz Dubois is.
154
00:04:43,900 --> 00:04:44,900
- Who?
155
00:04:44,900 --> 00:04:45,900
- Franz Dubois.
156
00:04:45,900 --> 00:04:47,800
Jim, the blogger
from Squidsizer,
157
00:04:47,800 --> 00:04:50,130
the guy that wrote
the stupid list of comedians.
158
00:04:50,133 --> 00:04:51,973
- Oh, I don't care.
159
00:04:51,967 --> 00:04:52,967
- Get this.
160
00:04:52,967 --> 00:04:54,467
He lives in Bushwick,
161
00:04:54,467 --> 00:04:57,267
the judgiest of all
the New York neighborhoods.
162
00:04:57,267 --> 00:04:58,627
- I thought that was Greenpoint.
163
00:04:58,633 --> 00:05:00,903
- No, that was, like,
six months ago.
164
00:05:00,900 --> 00:05:02,430
- Wait, wait, why do you know
165
00:05:02,433 --> 00:05:03,433
where this guy lives?
166
00:05:03,433 --> 00:05:05,133
Or should I not ask?
167
00:05:05,133 --> 00:05:06,633
- He checks in every day online
168
00:05:06,633 --> 00:05:09,803
from the Swallow Cafe
on Bogart Street.
169
00:05:09,800 --> 00:05:12,500
It's probably where he writes
his stupid blog.
170
00:05:12,500 --> 00:05:13,530
- I really don't care.
171
00:05:13,533 --> 00:05:14,903
- Franz Dubois.
172
00:05:14,900 --> 00:05:19,070
His profile picture
is a pour-over coffee carafe.
173
00:05:19,067 --> 00:05:22,127
You know, I can just see him
sitting there
174
00:05:22,133 --> 00:05:24,473
with his sticker-covered laptop
175
00:05:24,467 --> 00:05:26,597
and his effete woodsman outfit
176
00:05:26,600 --> 00:05:29,370
and, you know, ironic beard,
man bun.
177
00:05:29,367 --> 00:05:30,597
- Jeannie, let it go.
178
00:05:30,600 --> 00:05:32,300
- He's, like, nibbling
on artisanal,
179
00:05:32,300 --> 00:05:33,530
fair-trade chocolate
180
00:05:33,533 --> 00:05:36,073
and spewing judgment
all over the Internet
181
00:05:36,067 --> 00:05:37,867
because he has no friends.
182
00:05:37,867 --> 00:05:39,767
How dare he say
you're not funny?
183
00:05:39,767 --> 00:05:41,797
You're at least in the top 50.
184
00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:45,230
- Jeannie, I don't care
about the stupid list.
185
00:05:45,233 --> 00:05:48,173
Can't you see I don't care?
186
00:05:48,167 --> 00:05:50,197
- Yeah, no, obviously.
187
00:05:50,200 --> 00:05:53,200
[man beatboxing]
188
00:05:53,200 --> 00:06:01,200
189
00:06:02,967 --> 00:06:06,167
- Can I get
a red-eye, please?
190
00:06:06,167 --> 00:06:07,767
- Uh, what's that?
191
00:06:07,767 --> 00:06:11,327
- It's a coffee with a shot
of espresso in it.
192
00:06:11,333 --> 00:06:13,203
- Oh, we don't recommend that.
193
00:06:14,400 --> 00:06:16,400
- Well, can I get it anyway?
194
00:06:16,400 --> 00:06:18,200
- These are single-origin beans
195
00:06:18,200 --> 00:06:19,830
from the Peruvian rainforest.
196
00:06:19,833 --> 00:06:21,503
- Just give him a coffee, Mindy.
197
00:06:21,500 --> 00:06:22,530
- He's ruining it.
198
00:06:22,533 --> 00:06:23,633
- Okay, fine.
199
00:06:23,633 --> 00:06:27,273
I'll just have a black coffee...
200
00:06:27,267 --> 00:06:30,567
and a shot of espresso.
201
00:06:30,567 --> 00:06:32,797
If you could put it
in the same cup?
202
00:06:32,800 --> 00:06:33,870
- No.
203
00:06:36,067 --> 00:06:39,927
[upbeat music]
204
00:06:39,933 --> 00:06:41,133
- Thank you.
205
00:06:41,133 --> 00:06:49,073
206
00:06:55,633 --> 00:06:57,103
[bell jangles]
207
00:06:57,100 --> 00:06:59,230
all: Daddy!
208
00:06:59,233 --> 00:07:02,103
[man beatboxing]
209
00:07:05,067 --> 00:07:06,727
- I thought you didn't care
about Franz Dubois.
210
00:07:06,733 --> 00:07:08,103
- Shh.
211
00:07:08,100 --> 00:07:10,730
- I can't believe
I came to Brooklyn.
212
00:07:10,733 --> 00:07:12,173
- What are you doing here, Jim?
213
00:07:12,167 --> 00:07:13,967
- It doesn't matter.
What are you doing here?
214
00:07:13,967 --> 00:07:15,967
- I came to Brooklyn
because I took the kids
215
00:07:15,967 --> 00:07:17,597
to the Subway Museum,
216
00:07:17,600 --> 00:07:19,670
and then we came in here
because the kids
217
00:07:19,667 --> 00:07:20,767
wanted coffee.
218
00:07:20,767 --> 00:07:21,867
- [scoffs]
219
00:07:21,867 --> 00:07:23,797
- You're ruining that coffee.
220
00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:25,700
- All right,
we're being ridiculous.
221
00:07:25,700 --> 00:07:27,230
Let's get out of here.
222
00:07:27,233 --> 00:07:29,073
- [whispering]
That's him.
223
00:07:29,067 --> 00:07:31,597
That's Franz Dubois.
224
00:07:31,600 --> 00:07:32,900
- That's him?
225
00:07:32,900 --> 00:07:34,770
- Oh, look at him.
226
00:07:37,767 --> 00:07:40,067
See?
He's a regular.
227
00:07:44,200 --> 00:07:45,330
- What are you doing?
228
00:07:45,333 --> 00:07:46,503
- Excuse me.
229
00:07:46,500 --> 00:07:48,370
That lumber-douche over there.
230
00:07:48,367 --> 00:07:50,127
Does he come in here a lot?
231
00:07:50,133 --> 00:07:51,273
- I guess.
232
00:07:51,267 --> 00:07:53,727
- Like every day?
233
00:07:53,733 --> 00:07:55,303
- Yeah, sure.
I don't know.
234
00:07:55,300 --> 00:07:58,100
- Oh, he's some sort of
authority on arts and culture,
235
00:07:58,100 --> 00:08:00,970
or is he just a soulless nobody?
236
00:08:02,667 --> 00:08:04,297
- Excuse me.
237
00:08:06,733 --> 00:08:07,903
- He's leaving.
238
00:08:07,900 --> 00:08:09,370
- [stammering]
Fine.
239
00:08:09,367 --> 00:08:10,667
No, you're being silly.
240
00:08:10,667 --> 00:08:11,927
- I'm gonna go follow
that loser.
241
00:08:11,933 --> 00:08:13,733
Come on, kids.
Daniel, come.
242
00:08:13,733 --> 00:08:15,073
- [sighs]
243
00:08:17,167 --> 00:08:19,867
- Oh, goody, I hope
we get to go to Staten Island.
244
00:08:23,100 --> 00:08:25,200
- Hey, are you Jim Gaffigan?
245
00:08:25,200 --> 00:08:27,130
- Uh, yeah.
246
00:08:27,133 --> 00:08:28,373
- Big fan.
247
00:08:28,367 --> 00:08:29,727
- Oh, thanks.
248
00:08:29,733 --> 00:08:30,773
- I'm a comedy blogger.
249
00:08:30,767 --> 00:08:33,227
My name's Franz Dubois.
250
00:08:33,233 --> 00:08:34,633
- Oh.
251
00:08:34,633 --> 00:08:37,133
- Yeah, I contribute
to Squidsizer.
252
00:08:38,933 --> 00:08:41,773
- Cool.
That's--Franz Dubois.
253
00:08:41,767 --> 00:08:43,697
Nice to meet you.
254
00:08:43,700 --> 00:08:46,700
[upbeat music]
255
00:08:46,700 --> 00:08:53,400
256
00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:55,100
- Come on, come on,
come on, come on.
257
00:08:55,100 --> 00:08:57,700
258
00:08:57,700 --> 00:08:59,800
I knew it.
Artisanal chocolate.
259
00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:01,070
- Well, I'm impressed.
260
00:09:01,067 --> 00:09:02,327
This is supposedly
one of the top ten
261
00:09:02,333 --> 00:09:04,073
chocolate shops
in New York City.
262
00:09:04,067 --> 00:09:05,397
- Let's go.
263
00:09:05,400 --> 00:09:08,400
[man beatboxing]
264
00:09:08,400 --> 00:09:10,330
265
00:09:10,333 --> 00:09:12,803
- [laughing]
266
00:09:12,800 --> 00:09:15,400
- Hey, Franz Dubois.
267
00:09:15,400 --> 00:09:17,270
Dave Hill.
- Hey, what's going on, killer?
268
00:09:17,267 --> 00:09:19,367
- Jim Gaffigan.
How's it going?
269
00:09:19,367 --> 00:09:20,367
- Good, good.
270
00:09:20,367 --> 00:09:22,627
Um, uh, you see my set?
271
00:09:22,633 --> 00:09:25,073
- Oh, no, I left
after Eugene Mirman.
272
00:09:25,067 --> 00:09:26,397
- Oh.
- Isn't he great?
273
00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:27,800
- Yeah.
274
00:09:27,800 --> 00:09:28,970
I love Eugene.
275
00:09:30,967 --> 00:09:32,827
So I was just curious.
276
00:09:32,833 --> 00:09:34,603
[stammering]
277
00:09:34,600 --> 00:09:37,430
Why wasn't I on that list?
278
00:09:37,433 --> 00:09:38,573
- What list?
279
00:09:38,567 --> 00:09:41,667
- The--the--the list
of 100 top stand-ups
280
00:09:41,667 --> 00:09:42,867
in New York City.
281
00:09:42,867 --> 00:09:45,067
You were 73.
- Oh.
282
00:09:45,067 --> 00:09:46,227
- 'Cause you don't live
in New York City.
283
00:09:46,233 --> 00:09:47,533
Aren't you from Idaho?
- Yeah.
284
00:09:47,533 --> 00:09:49,733
- Indiana.
- I thought it was Illinois.
285
00:09:49,733 --> 00:09:53,733
- It's--it's Indiana,
but I do live in New York City.
286
00:09:53,733 --> 00:09:54,833
- When did you move here?
287
00:09:54,833 --> 00:09:56,373
- Like, 20 years ago.
288
00:09:56,367 --> 00:09:58,067
- Get out.
289
00:09:58,067 --> 00:10:00,297
- I live in Manhattan.
- Oh.
290
00:10:00,300 --> 00:10:02,670
- I know, Manhattan's
not cool, right?
291
00:10:02,667 --> 00:10:04,067
It's like the AOL of boroughs.
292
00:10:04,067 --> 00:10:05,627
- No, I don't think that at all.
293
00:10:05,633 --> 00:10:08,203
- No, one--one of my best
friends lives in Manhattan.
294
00:10:08,200 --> 00:10:09,830
- Yeah.
- He's an accountant.
295
00:10:09,833 --> 00:10:10,933
Yeah, which is great for him.
296
00:10:10,933 --> 00:10:12,303
Listen, there's gonna be a riot
297
00:10:12,300 --> 00:10:13,530
if I don't get down there,
298
00:10:13,533 --> 00:10:15,703
so WFMU every Monday night.
299
00:10:15,700 --> 00:10:17,400
Come on my show, just hang out.
- I will; I can't wait.
300
00:10:17,400 --> 00:10:19,070
We always have the funniest
and coolest comedians.
301
00:10:19,067 --> 00:10:20,397
- I'll text you.
- Yeah.
302
00:10:20,400 --> 00:10:21,830
- I could go on your show
if you want, you know?
303
00:10:21,833 --> 00:10:23,233
- You--email me.
- Yeah.
304
00:10:23,233 --> 00:10:26,433
- We--we should--
we should think about it.
305
00:10:26,433 --> 00:10:27,673
- Yes.
306
00:10:27,667 --> 00:10:30,127
Hey, you know,
before he had that show,
307
00:10:30,133 --> 00:10:32,473
I did it when it was good.
308
00:10:32,467 --> 00:10:33,897
[both laughing]
309
00:10:33,900 --> 00:10:36,970
- Yeah, so I've--I've lived
in New York 20 years.
310
00:10:36,967 --> 00:10:37,927
- I guess we're just never
311
00:10:37,933 --> 00:10:39,233
at the same shows.
- Yeah.
312
00:10:39,233 --> 00:10:40,933
- Aren't you more
of a road comic?
313
00:10:40,933 --> 00:10:44,233
- Well, I mean, I tour
the country doing theaters.
314
00:10:44,233 --> 00:10:46,973
I don't know if that's
a "road comic" thing, but...
315
00:10:46,967 --> 00:10:47,967
- Well, my bad.
316
00:10:47,967 --> 00:10:49,297
I'm mostly at the alt rooms,
317
00:10:49,300 --> 00:10:50,530
and I've just never
seen you there.
318
00:10:50,533 --> 00:10:51,533
- Alt room?
319
00:10:51,533 --> 00:10:52,533
But, you know, here we are
320
00:10:52,533 --> 00:10:54,973
at Union Hall in Brooklyn.
321
00:10:54,967 --> 00:10:56,997
I mean, it doesn't get more alt
than this, right?
322
00:10:57,000 --> 00:10:58,930
- This is a mainstream alt room.
323
00:10:58,933 --> 00:11:02,073
I only came here
to do a profile on Dave.
324
00:11:02,067 --> 00:11:03,427
- Mainstream alt room.
325
00:11:03,433 --> 00:11:06,133
- Yeah, all the real alt rooms
are in Queens.
326
00:11:06,133 --> 00:11:08,633
Like Creek and the Cave
or Q.E.D.
327
00:11:08,633 --> 00:11:09,733
- Oh, yeah.
328
00:11:09,733 --> 00:11:11,073
Yeah, no, no,
329
00:11:11,067 --> 00:11:12,297
I--I totally agree, yeah.
330
00:11:12,300 --> 00:11:13,870
- I've never seen you there,
actually.
331
00:11:13,867 --> 00:11:16,397
- Really? That's weird,
'cause I actually have a--
332
00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:18,570
a show coming up at Q.E.D...
- Oh.
333
00:11:18,567 --> 00:11:19,827
- Pretty soon.
334
00:11:19,833 --> 00:11:21,633
You know what?
I could--I could let you know.
335
00:11:21,633 --> 00:11:23,773
- Oh, well, I'll know.
336
00:11:23,767 --> 00:11:25,867
- Right, right, yeah.
I'm hungry.
337
00:11:25,867 --> 00:11:28,127
I'm probably gonna--
whenever I'm out in Park Slope,
338
00:11:28,133 --> 00:11:31,703
I always get this pizza
that's alternative.
339
00:11:31,700 --> 00:11:33,570
No bread, no tomatoes.
340
00:11:33,567 --> 00:11:35,767
It's all chickpeas,
but it's amazing.
341
00:11:35,767 --> 00:11:38,427
Anyway, I should--I'll tell
you about it at Q.E.D.
342
00:11:38,433 --> 00:11:39,373
- Great.
343
00:11:42,067 --> 00:11:43,227
[man beatboxing]
344
00:11:43,233 --> 00:11:45,073
- I got to get a spot at Q.E.D.
345
00:11:45,067 --> 00:11:46,467
- What, are you doing
cruise ships now?
346
00:11:46,467 --> 00:11:49,767
- No, it's an alt room
in Queens.
347
00:11:49,767 --> 00:11:51,167
Christian works there.
348
00:11:51,167 --> 00:11:52,427
Uh, hey, Christian, hey.
349
00:11:52,433 --> 00:11:53,973
- Hey, man, what's going on?
350
00:11:53,967 --> 00:11:55,867
- Can you help me get
a spot at Q.E.D.?
351
00:11:55,867 --> 00:11:57,427
- Never heard of it.
352
00:11:57,433 --> 00:11:59,303
What's that, like a--
like a cruise ship or something?
353
00:11:59,300 --> 00:12:00,300
- Oh, see?
354
00:12:00,300 --> 00:12:03,230
- I know you work there.
355
00:12:03,233 --> 00:12:04,633
- [sighs]
All right, fine.
356
00:12:04,633 --> 00:12:07,303
Look, they're not taking
that many people.
357
00:12:07,300 --> 00:12:08,730
They're trying
to keep the room special,
358
00:12:08,733 --> 00:12:11,333
and you need two people
to recommend you.
359
00:12:11,333 --> 00:12:15,103
- Can't you just
recommend me twice?
360
00:12:15,100 --> 00:12:16,600
- All right.
361
00:12:16,600 --> 00:12:18,570
You should probably have Dave
recommend you too.
362
00:12:18,567 --> 00:12:21,667
He plays there
all the time, so...
363
00:12:21,667 --> 00:12:23,697
- Oh, that Q.E.D.
364
00:12:23,700 --> 00:12:25,200
Okay.
365
00:12:25,200 --> 00:12:27,400
- I'll race you to the bedroom.
366
00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:29,070
- Yay!
367
00:12:29,067 --> 00:12:30,067
- Wait for me.
368
00:12:30,067 --> 00:12:31,767
- Have fun in Queens.
369
00:12:31,767 --> 00:12:32,967
- Ugh, what's in Queens?
370
00:12:32,967 --> 00:12:34,567
- I have a show there later.
371
00:12:34,567 --> 00:12:37,227
- Oh, Jim, I thought your career
was going better than that.
372
00:12:37,233 --> 00:12:38,973
- It's a very prestigious room.
373
00:12:38,967 --> 00:12:40,297
There's a big alt scene there.
374
00:12:40,300 --> 00:12:42,470
- Oh, speaking
of alternative scenes,
375
00:12:42,467 --> 00:12:45,067
I gave your bearded friend
Mr. Franz Dubois
376
00:12:45,067 --> 00:12:46,967
a piece of my mind.
377
00:12:46,967 --> 00:12:48,127
- Bearded?
378
00:12:48,133 --> 00:12:50,373
- Yeah, after we left
the coffee shop.
379
00:12:50,367 --> 00:12:51,667
Hey.
380
00:12:51,667 --> 00:12:52,927
Franz Dubois.
381
00:12:52,933 --> 00:12:54,403
If that's even your real name.
382
00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:56,830
[people conversing quietly]
383
00:12:56,833 --> 00:12:57,833
Hey.
384
00:12:57,833 --> 00:13:00,703
Blogger.
385
00:13:00,700 --> 00:13:02,070
No.
386
00:13:02,067 --> 00:13:03,367
Bearded blogger.
387
00:13:03,367 --> 00:13:06,567
[soft background music]
388
00:13:06,567 --> 00:13:09,767
389
00:13:09,767 --> 00:13:10,967
You.
390
00:13:10,967 --> 00:13:13,297
You think you're so
high and mighty
391
00:13:13,300 --> 00:13:14,770
with your--your laptop,
392
00:13:14,767 --> 00:13:17,627
casting judgments on people
you've never met.
393
00:13:17,633 --> 00:13:22,203
Well, you are an entitled
loser troll,
394
00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:25,430
blogging while there
are other people out there
395
00:13:25,433 --> 00:13:26,833
putting their necks on the line,
396
00:13:26,833 --> 00:13:28,073
making people laugh.
397
00:13:28,067 --> 00:13:30,427
Well, I need you to remember
one thing.
398
00:13:30,433 --> 00:13:31,673
My husband,
399
00:13:31,667 --> 00:13:33,067
Jim Gaffigan,
400
00:13:33,067 --> 00:13:35,827
is one of the top 100 comedians
401
00:13:35,833 --> 00:13:38,173
in New York City.
402
00:13:38,167 --> 00:13:40,067
Remember that.
403
00:13:40,067 --> 00:13:43,497
[people conversing quietly]
404
00:13:43,500 --> 00:13:45,870
[keys clacking]
405
00:13:45,867 --> 00:13:47,067
- I don't know her.
406
00:13:47,067 --> 00:13:50,197
- [speaking foreign language]
407
00:14:00,433 --> 00:14:03,703
- She defended your honor
with grace and dignity.
408
00:14:03,700 --> 00:14:04,930
- You showed him.
409
00:14:04,933 --> 00:14:07,933
[man beatboxing]
410
00:14:07,933 --> 00:14:14,373
411
00:14:14,367 --> 00:14:15,567
Hey.
412
00:14:15,567 --> 00:14:19,067
[applause]
413
00:14:19,067 --> 00:14:21,167
Hey, how's the crowd?
414
00:14:21,167 --> 00:14:23,467
- Whatever, man.
These kids are too PC, you know?
415
00:14:23,467 --> 00:14:24,827
- I'm sure you did fine.
416
00:14:24,833 --> 00:14:25,903
- Yeah, no, I did great.
417
00:14:25,900 --> 00:14:27,070
They dropped the ball.
418
00:14:27,067 --> 00:14:28,467
I'm going to The Stand.
419
00:14:28,467 --> 00:14:30,627
- Hmm.
420
00:14:30,633 --> 00:14:32,273
Hi, uh...
421
00:14:32,267 --> 00:14:34,197
- Oh, hey, Jim Gaffigan.
- Hi.
422
00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:36,070
- You're my grandpa's favorite
comedian.
423
00:14:36,067 --> 00:14:37,567
- Oh, thanks.
424
00:14:37,567 --> 00:14:39,567
- Look, I'm not supposed
to do this,
425
00:14:39,567 --> 00:14:41,927
but here's a drink ticket.
426
00:14:41,933 --> 00:14:43,303
- Thank you.
427
00:14:43,300 --> 00:14:45,100
It sounds like a great room.
428
00:14:45,100 --> 00:14:48,170
- It's not a room.
It's a space.
429
00:14:48,167 --> 00:14:49,767
- Right.
Okay.
430
00:14:49,767 --> 00:14:51,867
- Look, Chris Gethard
is running late.
431
00:14:51,867 --> 00:14:53,767
His fixie bike broke down.
432
00:14:53,767 --> 00:14:54,827
- Oh.
433
00:14:54,833 --> 00:14:56,133
That sounds serious.
434
00:14:56,133 --> 00:14:58,303
- Could you maybe go on next?
435
00:14:58,300 --> 00:15:00,070
- Yeah.
- Okay, awesome.
436
00:15:00,067 --> 00:15:01,267
Come on.
437
00:15:01,267 --> 00:15:04,697
[applause]
438
00:15:04,700 --> 00:15:06,070
- [sighs]
439
00:15:06,067 --> 00:15:07,827
All right, our next comedian
440
00:15:07,833 --> 00:15:10,973
identifies as a man.
441
00:15:10,967 --> 00:15:13,727
Um, you probably saw him on TV
when you were a kid.
442
00:15:13,733 --> 00:15:16,633
He was on the "Late Show" back
when David Liederman hosted.
443
00:15:16,633 --> 00:15:18,703
Anyway, give it up
for Jim Gaffigan.
444
00:15:18,700 --> 00:15:20,900
[applause]
445
00:15:20,900 --> 00:15:24,070
- Thank you.
It's great to be here at Q.E.D.
446
00:15:24,067 --> 00:15:25,897
I love Queens.
447
00:15:28,067 --> 00:15:31,497
The borough.
448
00:15:31,500 --> 00:15:34,630
Sometimes, when I buy avocados,
to save time,
449
00:15:34,633 --> 00:15:37,603
I'll just throw 'em out
at the grocery store.
450
00:15:39,900 --> 00:15:40,900
[chuckles]
451
00:15:40,900 --> 00:15:43,900
These lights are, uh...
452
00:15:43,900 --> 00:15:46,900
you know, the worst part
of international travel
453
00:15:46,900 --> 00:15:50,370
for me would have to be
all the foreigners.
454
00:15:54,900 --> 00:15:57,570
Corned beef.
455
00:15:57,567 --> 00:15:58,827
Weird thing about corned beef,
456
00:15:58,833 --> 00:16:02,873
it doesn't taste
like corn or beef.
457
00:16:02,867 --> 00:16:10,967
458
00:16:10,967 --> 00:16:12,697
- Oh, hey, great set.
459
00:16:12,700 --> 00:16:13,970
- Oh.
- I've never seen you before.
460
00:16:13,967 --> 00:16:17,267
- Oh, thanks.
That was different.
461
00:16:17,267 --> 00:16:18,897
- A little stand-up-y.
462
00:16:18,900 --> 00:16:21,330
- Yeah, normally,
I find the idea of punch lines
463
00:16:21,333 --> 00:16:23,103
confrontational,
but by the end I got it.
464
00:16:23,100 --> 00:16:24,700
Like, I felt the impulse
to laugh,
465
00:16:24,700 --> 00:16:27,600
but I didn't want you to project
your expectations onto me.
466
00:16:27,600 --> 00:16:30,800
- Right, that's--that's what
I was kind of going for.
467
00:16:33,433 --> 00:16:37,973
Um, what other rooms
or spaces or--or things
468
00:16:37,967 --> 00:16:39,167
do you do around here?
469
00:16:39,167 --> 00:16:41,427
- Have you done Shea Stadium?
470
00:16:41,433 --> 00:16:43,303
- Didn't they tear that down?
471
00:16:43,300 --> 00:16:45,600
- The performance space
in East Williamsburg?
472
00:16:45,600 --> 00:16:46,870
No, I was there last night.
473
00:16:46,867 --> 00:16:47,797
- Oh, oh, oh.
474
00:16:47,800 --> 00:16:49,270
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that one.
475
00:16:49,267 --> 00:16:51,197
Yeah, I've heard of it.
476
00:16:51,200 --> 00:16:52,400
I've been, like--it's--
477
00:16:52,400 --> 00:16:54,430
but I was booked
on one night, and...
478
00:16:54,433 --> 00:16:55,703
- What about Jeffy's?
479
00:16:55,700 --> 00:16:58,470
- Oh, the one
in East Williamsburg?
480
00:16:58,467 --> 00:17:00,267
- No, it's down the street.
481
00:17:00,267 --> 00:17:01,567
We're actually gonna
go there now.
482
00:17:01,567 --> 00:17:02,697
We could probably get you up.
483
00:17:02,700 --> 00:17:05,070
- Sure, yeah.
Let's go.
484
00:17:05,067 --> 00:17:06,567
- Sure, but, uh,
485
00:17:06,567 --> 00:17:09,097
are you gonna use
your drink ticket?
486
00:17:09,100 --> 00:17:11,330
- Um, no.
487
00:17:11,333 --> 00:17:12,703
You can have it if you want.
488
00:17:12,700 --> 00:17:14,070
- Nice.
489
00:17:14,067 --> 00:17:17,067
Can I get one more?
490
00:17:17,067 --> 00:17:18,797
Thanks.
491
00:17:18,800 --> 00:17:27,370
492
00:17:27,367 --> 00:17:29,297
All right.
Let's go.
493
00:17:29,300 --> 00:17:31,400
This is it.
494
00:17:31,400 --> 00:17:33,100
- The show is in a hair salon?
495
00:17:33,100 --> 00:17:35,070
- No, this is Jeffy's.
496
00:17:35,067 --> 00:17:36,067
- Oh.
497
00:17:38,267 --> 00:17:39,467
Um.
498
00:17:39,467 --> 00:17:42,467
[suspenseful music]
499
00:17:42,467 --> 00:17:50,597
500
00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:56,900
[knocking at door]
501
00:17:56,900 --> 00:17:57,900
- Who is it?
502
00:17:57,900 --> 00:18:00,100
- It's Amanda.
503
00:18:00,100 --> 00:18:02,430
[door unlocks]
504
00:18:02,433 --> 00:18:05,573
[door creaks open]
505
00:18:06,667 --> 00:18:07,697
- Like, "@celinedion,
506
00:18:07,700 --> 00:18:09,400
My favorite color is red."
507
00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:12,330
It's, like, crazy,
the responses you're gonna get.
508
00:18:12,333 --> 00:18:13,703
- Hey, Amanda.
509
00:18:13,700 --> 00:18:14,830
Good to see you again.
510
00:18:14,833 --> 00:18:16,273
- Hey, what's up?
- Hi.
511
00:18:16,267 --> 00:18:17,527
- Hey, I'm Jeffy.
512
00:18:17,533 --> 00:18:18,603
This is my place.
513
00:18:18,600 --> 00:18:19,630
I only have one rule:
514
00:18:19,633 --> 00:18:21,673
just do not go into that room.
515
00:18:21,667 --> 00:18:23,827
My stepdad,
he's a real tool, so...
516
00:18:23,833 --> 00:18:25,403
- Hey, my birthday's
in December,
517
00:18:25,400 --> 00:18:27,370
if you want to get me a present.
518
00:18:27,367 --> 00:18:28,467
- Put the money in the hat.
519
00:18:28,467 --> 00:18:30,127
- Yeah, I'll--I'll treat.
520
00:18:30,133 --> 00:18:31,433
- All right.
- Thanks.
521
00:18:31,433 --> 00:18:33,233
- Then I'm tweeting
at Ted Nugent,
522
00:18:33,233 --> 00:18:36,073
and I'm like,
"You are a capitalist pig.
523
00:18:36,067 --> 00:18:37,467
Get over yourself,"
524
00:18:37,467 --> 00:18:39,697
and I was like,
"You have a ton of money."
525
00:18:39,700 --> 00:18:41,170
This is all on Twitter.
526
00:18:41,167 --> 00:18:44,067
And so then I'm like,
"@TedNugent,
527
00:18:44,067 --> 00:18:46,227
"Prove that you're not
a capitalist
528
00:18:46,233 --> 00:18:48,633
by donating to some charities,"
529
00:18:48,633 --> 00:18:50,233
and then he tweets at me,
530
00:18:50,233 --> 00:18:51,533
"Go back to Russia,"
531
00:18:51,533 --> 00:18:54,403
and so I tweet back
at Ted Nugent,
532
00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:56,600
"Well, I hope
you have a great day."
533
00:18:56,600 --> 00:18:58,270
- All right, all right.
534
00:18:58,267 --> 00:18:59,497
Who is next?
535
00:18:59,500 --> 00:19:01,070
- He wants to go on.
536
00:19:01,067 --> 00:19:03,197
- Oh, hey,
what's your name, man?
537
00:19:03,200 --> 00:19:05,070
- Uh, Jim.
538
00:19:05,067 --> 00:19:07,397
- Jim or Chin?
539
00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:08,400
- Jim.
540
00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:10,070
Why would it be Chin?
541
00:19:10,067 --> 00:19:12,667
- I don't know, bro.
I'm not a psychic.
542
00:19:12,667 --> 00:19:14,467
- Um.
- All right, well.
543
00:19:14,467 --> 00:19:16,497
Coming to the stage next is--
544
00:19:16,500 --> 00:19:18,100
oh, I'm gonna get this wrong.
545
00:19:18,100 --> 00:19:19,600
Uh, Jim?
546
00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:22,130
- Uh, yeah.
- Jim, everybody.
547
00:19:22,133 --> 00:19:25,573
[scattered applause]
548
00:19:25,567 --> 00:19:27,097
- Excuse me.
549
00:19:27,100 --> 00:19:31,370
Hey, it's great to be here
at Jeffy's.
550
00:19:31,367 --> 00:19:34,127
I took the N train.
551
00:19:36,767 --> 00:19:37,967
- Hey, man, that was
really great.
552
00:19:37,967 --> 00:19:38,927
- Thanks.
553
00:19:38,933 --> 00:19:41,103
- You want to do another set?
554
00:19:41,100 --> 00:19:42,370
- Uh, sure.
555
00:19:42,367 --> 00:19:43,427
- Cool.
556
00:19:43,433 --> 00:19:45,773
Right this way.
557
00:19:45,767 --> 00:19:48,067
We got another room over here.
558
00:19:51,500 --> 00:19:52,730
[door closes]
559
00:20:00,500 --> 00:20:03,470
- Hello.
560
00:20:03,467 --> 00:20:04,927
- We're waiting.
561
00:20:12,133 --> 00:20:15,373
- Franz Dubois.
562
00:20:15,367 --> 00:20:16,627
- Go ahead.
563
00:20:21,767 --> 00:20:24,467
- Full boat tonight, huh?
564
00:20:24,467 --> 00:20:27,227
Yeah, sometimes, to save time,
565
00:20:27,233 --> 00:20:28,673
when I buy avocados,
566
00:20:28,667 --> 00:20:31,297
I'll just throw them out
at the grocery store.
567
00:20:31,300 --> 00:20:33,700
[keys clacking]
568
00:20:33,700 --> 00:20:34,930
Shampoo seems like
569
00:20:34,933 --> 00:20:38,273
an unfortunate name
for a product.
570
00:20:41,400 --> 00:20:44,400
[man beatboxing]
571
00:20:44,400 --> 00:20:47,400
[man singing indistinctly]
572
00:20:47,400 --> 00:20:50,400
[mellow jazzy music]
573
00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:58,330
38735
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