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1
00:00:03,196 --> 00:00:03,963
Lemme go!
2
00:00:03,965 --> 00:00:05,937
You have no jurisdiction over me!
3
00:00:05,939 --> 00:00:07,071
I'm a Canadian citizen!
4
00:00:07,073 --> 00:00:10,653
Yeah, and we're taking you to Canada, so--
Help!
5
00:00:10,655 --> 00:00:11,020
Help!
6
00:00:11,022 --> 00:00:11,890
Extraordinary rendition!
7
00:00:11,892 --> 00:00:12,525
Extraordinary rendition!
8
00:00:13,261 --> 00:00:15,661
Light him up, newbie.
9
00:00:15,663 --> 00:00:17,428
Sorry in advance.
10
00:00:17,430 --> 00:00:18,194
Owww!
11
00:00:18,196 --> 00:00:19,628
That hurts like, insanely bad.
12
00:00:19,630 --> 00:00:22,566
That's why I said sorry in advance.
And you have to have to
13
00:00:22,568 --> 00:00:24,970
stop yelling "extraordinary rendition."
14
00:00:24,972 --> 00:00:25,972
A, nobody cares.
15
00:00:25,974 --> 00:00:27,643
And --
Be careful!
16
00:00:27,645 --> 00:00:29,344
You big lummox!
17
00:00:29,346 --> 00:00:32,682
- I swear to God, if you scuff my bags...
- Oh,
18
00:00:32,684 --> 00:00:33,382
I wouldn't dream of it, ma'am.
19
00:00:33,384 --> 00:00:35,616
And I can do
without the sarcasm.
20
00:00:35,618 --> 00:00:38,020
Oh, no ma'am, that wasn't --
Enough!
21
00:00:38,022 --> 00:00:39,055
With the backchat!
22
00:00:39,057 --> 00:00:41,290
Ugh, Lana, maybe you can talk to him.
23
00:00:41,292 --> 00:00:41,724
Um?!
24
00:00:41,726 --> 00:00:44,429
So this is the
infamous Kenny Bilcoe?
25
00:00:44,431 --> 00:00:47,265
- You don't look like much of a terrorist...
- That's because I'm a
26
00:00:47,267 --> 00:00:47,832
freedom fighter!
27
00:00:47,834 --> 00:00:49,969
For a free and sovereign Nova Scotia!
28
00:00:49,971 --> 00:00:51,939
Is that why you
blew up a donut shop?
29
00:00:51,941 --> 00:00:52,807
Allegedly!
30
00:00:52,809 --> 00:00:55,676
If you believe Canada's illegitimate,
so-called "government!"
31
00:00:55,678 --> 00:00:58,680
- I'm pretty sure we do...
- Which is why we're taking
32
00:00:58,682 --> 00:00:59,915
you back to Ottawa.
33
00:00:59,917 --> 00:01:04,020
And once we do, hopefully the Mounties
will start sending us all kinds of
34
00:01:04,022 --> 00:01:05,188
lucrative work.
35
00:01:05,190 --> 00:01:05,789
How noble.
36
00:01:05,791 --> 00:01:08,092
Speaking of work, can I
put what I just assume is
37
00:01:08,094 --> 00:01:10,195
your rock collection
on the stupid train?
38
00:01:10,197 --> 00:01:12,065
Yes, the -- nooope!
39
00:01:12,067 --> 00:01:13,501
Nice try, Pam.
40
00:01:13,503 --> 00:01:13,935
What?
41
00:01:13,937 --> 00:01:16,103
You want to get on that
train so you can stowaway!
44
00:01:18,207 --> 00:01:20,073
Okay, no biggie.
45
00:01:20,075 --> 00:01:20,806
Have a nice trip.
46
00:01:20,808 --> 00:01:22,675
I -- wait a minute.
47
00:01:22,677 --> 00:01:23,675
What now?
48
00:01:23,677 --> 00:01:24,576
Too easy.
49
00:01:24,578 --> 00:01:25,877
Pam's up to something.
50
00:01:25,879 --> 00:01:27,811
Booooarrrd!
51
00:01:27,813 --> 00:01:30,847
- Well, I doubt she'll make it on now...
- Ditto for Archer.
52
00:01:30,849 --> 00:01:31,314
Wh-?
53
00:01:31,316 --> 00:01:32,448
He's not here?
54
00:01:32,450 --> 00:01:35,350
Mmmmmm... nope.
55
00:01:35,352 --> 00:01:37,018
Need to get
these bags on, ma'am.
56
00:01:37,020 --> 00:01:38,019
I heard him!
57
00:01:38,021 --> 00:01:38,552
George!
58
00:01:38,554 --> 00:01:42,089
- Malory, don't call him that...
- My name actually is George.
59
00:01:42,091 --> 00:01:42,624
Really?
60
00:01:42,626 --> 00:01:45,727
Dammit, I told
Sterling six o'clock!
61
00:01:45,729 --> 00:01:47,862
I thought you meant six a.m.!
62
00:01:47,864 --> 00:01:50,699
No, six --
Sterling are you drunk?
63
00:01:50,701 --> 00:01:51,800
Winnerrrr!
64
00:01:51,802 --> 00:01:52,367
Nice.
65
00:01:52,369 --> 00:01:54,737
- Archer...
- You knew we were transporting a dangerous
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00:01:54,739 --> 00:01:55,571
terrorist to Canada!
67
00:01:55,573 --> 00:01:58,874
So how and why are you
drunk at six o'clock?
68
00:01:58,876 --> 00:02:04,045
Well the how's pretty self-explanatory,
and the why is because, hic,
69
00:02:04,047 --> 00:02:06,716
I thought we were leaving at six a.m.
70
00:02:06,718 --> 00:02:07,350
tomorrow.
71
00:02:07,352 --> 00:02:10,520
Ergo, Latin, plenty of
time to sleep it off.
72
00:02:11,156 --> 00:02:12,856
Well drink some coffee,
because there's a good chance
73
00:02:12,858 --> 00:02:15,425
Bilcoe's terrorist pals --
Alleged terrorist pals!
74
00:02:15,427 --> 00:02:17,360
-- are going to attack
the train at some point,
75
00:02:17,362 --> 00:02:18,795
and try to bust him loose.
76
00:02:18,797 --> 00:02:19,796
Awesome!
77
00:02:19,798 --> 00:02:20,396
Right?
78
00:02:20,398 --> 00:02:22,765
I'm sorry, how
is that "awesome?"
79
00:02:22,767 --> 00:02:24,801
Because, hic, pretty
much my whole life I've
80
00:02:24,803 --> 00:02:27,571
wanted to fight some guys on
the roof of a speeding train.
81
00:02:27,573 --> 00:02:30,974
Well if I know my boys, you
may just get your wish, big guy.
82
00:02:30,976 --> 00:02:33,676
Thanks, Freddy Foreshadowing.
83
00:02:33,678 --> 00:02:35,178
Who is this?
84
00:02:36,047 --> 00:02:39,482
Please tell me he's a
renowned chicken-and-waffle chef.
85
00:02:39,484 --> 00:02:43,352
Because I am starving.
86
00:02:43,740 --> 00:02:53,982
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
87
00:03:19,938 --> 00:03:23,440
- So listen, you look like a pretty smart guy...
- Well thanks,
88
00:03:23,442 --> 00:03:26,043
- I like to think so...
- So why dontcha do yourself a pretty-smart-guy
89
00:03:26,045 --> 00:03:27,911
favor and just let me go?
90
00:03:27,913 --> 00:03:30,080
- Uh, because Ms.
- Archer would kill me?
91
00:03:30,082 --> 00:03:32,783
Well what do ya think's gonna
happen when my boys storm this train?
92
00:03:32,785 --> 00:03:34,051
Oh, I'm not too
worried about that.
93
00:03:34,053 --> 00:03:35,118
Ya should be.
94
00:03:35,120 --> 00:03:35,852
My boys are bad ass.
95
00:03:35,854 --> 00:03:37,955
Well, so am -- Lana.
96
00:03:37,957 --> 00:03:39,123
And I'm learning.
97
00:03:39,125 --> 00:03:40,858
Oh, and don't forget about Archer.
98
00:03:40,860 --> 00:03:41,559
The drunk guy?
99
00:03:41,561 --> 00:03:44,795
He may have seemed drunk, but he's--
Still drinking?
100
00:03:44,797 --> 00:03:46,864
Relax, Lana it's
just a bloody mary.
101
00:03:46,866 --> 00:03:49,233
And by the way, not a great one.
102
00:03:49,235 --> 00:03:50,935
Mr. Vodka and Ketchup.
103
00:03:50,937 --> 00:03:53,671
Archer, at any time in the next
twelve hours this train could be
104
00:03:53,673 --> 00:03:56,140
attacked by radical Nova
Scotian separatists.
105
00:03:56,142 --> 00:03:57,675
Armed with what?
106
00:03:57,677 --> 00:04:00,845
Pamphlets about Canada's
responsible gun control laws?
107
00:04:00,847 --> 00:04:02,613
The New
Scotland Front has guns,
108
00:04:02,615 --> 00:04:05,283
and they're not afraid to use them, so --
So okay!
109
00:04:05,285 --> 00:04:06,952
God, I'll switch to coffee.
110
00:04:06,954 --> 00:04:09,522
Hey Heinz 56,
can I get an Irish coffee.
111
00:04:09,524 --> 00:04:09,889
No!
112
00:04:09,891 --> 00:04:11,357
Lana, I have to taper off.
113
00:04:11,359 --> 00:04:16,362
Trust me, if these Noma Scojens are a
real threat, you do not want me hungover.
114
00:04:16,364 --> 00:04:18,864
Do you even still get hangovers?
115
00:04:18,866 --> 00:04:21,134
Normally no, but I
drank about two gallons of
116
00:04:21,136 --> 00:04:22,568
mamajuana this afternoon.
117
00:04:22,570 --> 00:04:27,439
I was playing dominoes with a, Dominican
bike gang, or was it Mahjong.
118
00:04:27,441 --> 00:04:28,039
I don't remember.
119
00:04:28,041 --> 00:04:29,374
Ridiculous!
120
00:04:29,376 --> 00:04:31,977
This thing's a sardine can.
121
00:04:31,979 --> 00:04:34,079
How are people supposed
to travel like this?
122
00:04:34,081 --> 00:04:35,881
Most people bring less luggage.
123
00:04:35,883 --> 00:04:37,416
Most people fly.
124
00:04:37,418 --> 00:04:40,920
So your days of sullen
superiority are numbered.
125
00:04:40,922 --> 00:04:42,922
I have no response to that.
126
00:04:42,924 --> 00:04:43,756
They never do.
127
00:04:43,758 --> 00:04:45,958
Now let's go find a bigger compartment.
128
00:04:45,960 --> 00:04:47,493
I'm afraid there aren't any.
129
00:04:47,495 --> 00:04:50,497
Nonsense, I'm sure
there's one here somewhere.
130
00:04:50,499 --> 00:04:51,998
Why are these all locked?
131
00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:53,432
They're occupied.
132
00:04:53,434 --> 00:04:58,269
So if you don't mind --
What I mind is your familiar tone, young man.
133
00:04:58,271 --> 00:04:59,137
What's through here?
134
00:04:59,139 --> 00:05:00,905
Those are private cars, ma'am.
135
00:05:00,907 --> 00:05:02,173
What do you mean, "private?"
136
00:05:02,175 --> 00:05:05,542
I mean they're not --
Not for you to be knocking on!
137
00:05:05,544 --> 00:05:09,746
Now I have to insist that you --
Get yer panties untwisted!
138
00:05:09,748 --> 00:05:11,314
- Damn...
Wh-?
139
00:05:11,316 --> 00:05:12,548
I knew it!
140
00:05:12,550 --> 00:05:16,985
I want this train stopped immediately
and this stowaway forcibly disembarked!
141
00:05:16,987 --> 00:05:19,220
Afraid I can't do that, ma'am.
142
00:05:19,222 --> 00:05:21,822
You can and you will,
or I'll have your job!
143
00:05:21,824 --> 00:05:23,289
No, she won't, George!
144
00:05:23,291 --> 00:05:24,123
Carol?
145
00:05:24,125 --> 00:05:25,458
What are you doing here?
146
00:05:25,460 --> 00:05:27,793
Uh, trying
to perform my ablutions?
147
00:05:27,795 --> 00:05:29,962
But --
This is Miss Tunt's private car.
148
00:05:29,964 --> 00:05:32,764
How do you have
a private train car?
149
00:05:32,766 --> 00:05:34,766
Uh, cause she owns the railroad?
150
00:05:34,768 --> 00:05:35,400
Well, half.
151
00:05:35,402 --> 00:05:38,369
And I knew you wouldn't let us go on
this stupid trip to Canada, so I had my
152
00:05:38,371 --> 00:05:39,437
cars hooked up.
153
00:05:39,439 --> 00:05:40,471
Cars?
154
00:05:40,473 --> 00:05:42,306
Plural?
155
00:05:42,308 --> 00:05:45,609
This car, two sleeping
cars, a private dining car,
156
00:05:45,611 --> 00:05:48,978
and one that's just a
teeny tiny skating rink.
157
00:05:48,980 --> 00:05:51,613
Er, two sleeping cars?
158
00:05:51,615 --> 00:05:54,616
Do you think there might be room for --
Nooope.
159
00:05:54,618 --> 00:06:01,588
It's already cramped back there,
what with that piss-reeking ocelot.
160
00:06:01,590 --> 00:06:03,757
Plus George
says you stiffed him.
161
00:06:03,759 --> 00:06:04,224
Wh-?
162
00:06:04,226 --> 00:06:06,192
No I didn't, I gave him a tip!
163
00:06:06,194 --> 00:06:07,127
A stick of gum?
164
00:06:07,129 --> 00:06:08,061
Well?
165
00:06:08,063 --> 00:06:08,528
Really?
166
00:06:08,530 --> 00:06:09,729
Did you not have a button?
167
00:06:09,731 --> 00:06:11,330
You button it, missy!
168
00:06:11,332 --> 00:06:15,034
Oh we don't know the
meaning of private, lets all pile in.
169
00:06:15,036 --> 00:06:15,901
Lana check it out!
170
00:06:15,903 --> 00:06:16,434
Actual gas lamps!
171
00:06:16,436 --> 00:06:19,337
Amazing, Archer, yes, so
you think we can go guard the
172
00:06:19,339 --> 00:06:21,705
prisoner now, or -- RROWR!
173
00:06:21,707 --> 00:06:24,007
Is that Babou?
174
00:06:24,009 --> 00:06:24,975
Or not.
175
00:06:24,977 --> 00:06:25,809
Apparently.
176
00:06:25,811 --> 00:06:27,077
Okay --
Wowww!
177
00:06:27,079 --> 00:06:27,777
Lana!
178
00:06:27,779 --> 00:06:28,244
Cyril!
179
00:06:28,246 --> 00:06:28,845
Jesus!
180
00:06:28,847 --> 00:06:29,545
Lana!
181
00:06:29,547 --> 00:06:30,546
And Pam.
182
00:06:30,548 --> 00:06:31,414
Lanaaaaa!
183
00:06:31,416 --> 00:06:31,881
What?
184
00:06:31,883 --> 00:06:32,915
He remembers me!
185
00:06:32,917 --> 00:06:35,617
Cyril, why are you in here?
186
00:06:35,619 --> 00:06:37,418
I didn't know
where you guys were.
187
00:06:37,420 --> 00:06:40,087
It doesn't matter where
we are, Newb Gingrich --
188
00:06:40,089 --> 00:06:41,121
Then get out!
189
00:06:41,123 --> 00:06:42,522
where's the prisoner?
190
00:06:42,524 --> 00:06:44,791
In my compartment.
191
00:06:44,793 --> 00:06:49,261
- At least, he was...
- Although he doesn't seem to be in here now.
192
00:06:49,263 --> 00:06:50,596
No kidding.
193
00:06:50,598 --> 00:06:52,831
Mmmmmm... nope.
194
00:06:52,833 --> 00:06:53,765
ARCHER Lana!
195
00:06:53,767 --> 00:06:54,132
Cyril!
196
00:06:54,134 --> 00:06:56,234
- Oh my God...
- Too late, he's gone.
197
00:06:56,236 --> 00:06:57,235
Thanks to Cyril.
198
00:06:57,237 --> 00:07:00,138
Well he's not gonna jump off a
train going eighty miles an hour, so --
199
00:07:00,140 --> 00:07:00,772
So, yeah.
200
00:07:00,774 --> 00:07:02,573
We'll sweep car by car,
moving from front to back.
201
00:07:02,575 --> 00:07:06,043
Good, you guys do that, I'll
get a big raw steak from the kitchen.
202
00:07:06,045 --> 00:07:08,646
Are you
talking about the ocelot?
203
00:07:08,648 --> 00:07:09,246
Are you not?
204
00:07:09,248 --> 00:07:10,681
I'm talking about the prisoner!
205
00:07:10,683 --> 00:07:12,215
- Oh.
- Well, maybe they're together.
206
00:07:12,217 --> 00:07:14,384
Although I doubt it,
Babou's kind of a loner.
207
00:07:14,386 --> 00:07:16,118
Like Paul Newman in Hud.
208
00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:25,260
If Paul Newman had constantly sprayed
piss all over, um... oh what was her...
209
00:07:25,262 --> 00:07:26,859
Patricia Neal!
210
00:07:26,979 --> 00:07:28,539
Who I hate.
211
00:07:33,698 --> 00:07:34,954
Sorry for the intrusion, folks.
212
00:07:35,074 --> 00:07:40,304
Nothing to worry about, just some
standard, um...train security.
213
00:07:40,306 --> 00:07:42,314
Okay, that's all
the regular cars.
214
00:07:42,434 --> 00:07:46,002
Now we get to search all the sleeper
cars, thanks to your incompetence.
215
00:07:46,004 --> 00:07:47,737
Well you left me unsupervised.
216
00:07:47,739 --> 00:07:49,139
So this is my fault?
217
00:07:49,141 --> 00:07:50,540
Mmm, fifty-fifty?
218
00:07:50,542 --> 00:07:53,910
Fifty-fifty you accidentally
shoot somebody, Newb.
219
00:07:53,912 --> 00:07:56,379
Now come on, it'll take us all
night to search this damn train.
220
00:07:56,381 --> 00:07:59,649
- Well, but with Archer helping...
- I wouldn't exactly call it helping.
221
00:07:59,651 --> 00:08:03,087
Here kitty kitty kitty.
222
00:08:03,089 --> 00:08:05,422
Kitty?
223
00:08:05,424 --> 00:08:09,726
Excuse me, is
there an ocelot in there?
224
00:08:09,728 --> 00:08:11,629
No no no, what're you doing?
225
00:08:11,631 --> 00:08:13,864
Besides making a ms all over my train?
226
00:08:13,866 --> 00:08:16,533
Looking for a terrorist and an ocelot--
What?
227
00:08:16,535 --> 00:08:18,201
-- not necessarily
in that order.
228
00:08:18,203 --> 00:08:20,803
Okay that's it, we're stopping.
229
00:08:20,805 --> 00:08:23,072
- Frank, this is George, we gotta...
- Give me that!
230
00:08:23,074 --> 00:08:25,875
He's gotta keep the train at top
speed so they can't get off.
231
00:08:25,877 --> 00:08:27,210
So tell him to keep it floored.
232
00:08:27,212 --> 00:08:28,612
I will do no such thing.
233
00:08:28,614 --> 00:08:30,214
Okay then here, hold this?
234
00:08:30,216 --> 00:08:32,149
Why are you
giving me a -- oh my!
235
00:08:32,151 --> 00:08:34,185
Sorry, but I'm not
letting a terrorist escape.
236
00:08:34,187 --> 00:08:37,990
And obviously an ocelot wouldn't
survive in the frozen wasteland
237
00:08:37,992 --> 00:08:39,592
of upstate New York.
238
00:08:39,594 --> 00:08:41,227
So.
239
00:08:41,229 --> 00:08:43,998
Sorry Frank, uh, Miss
Tunt says she wants to beat
240
00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:45,399
the record run to Ottawa.
241
00:08:46,068 --> 00:08:47,101
Those crazy Tunts.
242
00:08:47,103 --> 00:08:50,471
Okay, hang on...
243
00:08:50,473 --> 00:08:51,373
Jesus!
244
00:08:51,375 --> 00:08:57,979
- Boys, hang on a sec...
- Okay boys, make sure you bring the heavy
245
00:08:57,981 --> 00:09:00,381
stuff, cause these crazy ISIS
bastards aren't playing...
246
00:09:00,383 --> 00:09:02,484
They just killed a black guy.
247
00:09:02,486 --> 00:09:03,618
I know, right?
248
00:09:03,620 --> 00:09:05,386
Welcome to America.
249
00:09:05,388 --> 00:09:07,555
How is that racist?
250
00:09:07,557 --> 00:09:11,224
Never mind, look --
I treat all servants exactly the same,
251
00:09:11,226 --> 00:09:12,692
regardless of their race.
252
00:09:12,694 --> 00:09:14,394
Hang on, I hear freedom ringing.
253
00:09:14,396 --> 00:09:16,429
At worst I'm elitist.
254
00:09:16,431 --> 00:09:17,530
But not racist.
255
00:09:17,532 --> 00:09:18,164
Whatever.
256
00:09:18,166 --> 00:09:20,967
Cyril and I searched the front half of
the train, but we didn't see any sign of
257
00:09:20,969 --> 00:09:23,002
Bilcoe, okay so --
I bet it's hard to see
258
00:09:23,004 --> 00:09:25,504
- anything from that high horse...
- So.
259
00:09:25,506 --> 00:09:29,241
- Unless Archer found Bilcoe in the back
half of the train... - Which, no,
260
00:09:29,243 --> 00:09:29,608
he didn't.
261
00:09:29,610 --> 00:09:30,409
Jeezy Petes!
262
00:09:30,411 --> 00:09:30,909
Archer!
263
00:09:30,911 --> 00:09:31,777
Is that blood?
264
00:09:31,779 --> 00:09:32,411
What?
265
00:09:32,413 --> 00:09:32,878
Oh.
266
00:09:32,880 --> 00:09:34,046
Yeah, but it's from a cow.
267
00:09:34,048 --> 00:09:37,449
You shot a cow?
268
00:09:37,451 --> 00:09:40,153
And Bilcoe's not in the back
half, so you guys must've missed him.
269
00:09:40,155 --> 00:09:41,788
Which, no, we didn't.
270
00:09:41,790 --> 00:09:44,257
Which, yes, obviously you did --
Or you did.
271
00:09:44,259 --> 00:09:45,024
Or you did.
272
00:09:45,026 --> 00:09:47,394
Because there's no way he got
off, we're moving too fast.
273
00:09:47,396 --> 00:09:49,029
Oh my God we totally are!
274
00:09:49,031 --> 00:09:52,332
We might beat the record run!
275
00:09:52,334 --> 00:09:55,369
You guys probably don't understand
because don't own a railroad?
276
00:09:55,371 --> 00:09:57,505
But it's actually a pretty huge deal.
277
00:09:57,507 --> 00:09:58,073
To whom?
278
00:09:58,075 --> 00:09:59,474
Railroad owners?
279
00:09:59,476 --> 00:10:01,910
We're a
pretty competitive bunch.
280
00:10:01,912 --> 00:10:02,845
No, Pam!
281
00:10:02,847 --> 00:10:04,713
No means no, now stop it!
282
00:10:04,715 --> 00:10:05,748
Whatsa matter?
283
00:10:05,750 --> 00:10:06,515
Ya chicken?
284
00:10:06,517 --> 00:10:08,350
I'm in a wheelchair!
285
00:10:08,352 --> 00:10:08,683
Ow!
286
00:10:08,685 --> 00:10:10,786
Bawk bawk bawk bawk bawk bawk!
287
00:10:10,788 --> 00:10:11,486
Ow!
288
00:10:11,488 --> 00:10:14,656
Goddammit Pam I don't wanna race!
289
00:10:14,658 --> 00:10:15,991
Couple skate?
290
00:10:15,993 --> 00:10:18,261
I can't believe you
have a skating rink train car.
291
00:10:18,263 --> 00:10:21,764
Yeah, apparently my
great-grampa was nuts for skating.
292
00:10:21,766 --> 00:10:22,766
That and the Klan.
293
00:10:22,768 --> 00:10:25,001
I -- okay, so
let's try this again.
294
00:10:25,003 --> 00:10:27,471
Car by car, this time back to front.
295
00:10:27,473 --> 00:10:31,308
Good, because Miss Stingy here
won't let me eat in her private dining car--
296
00:10:31,310 --> 00:10:33,176
Oh my God
we've been over thaaaat...
297
00:10:33,178 --> 00:10:36,112
-- so when you pass the dining
car, have a porter bring me a Cobb
298
00:10:36,114 --> 00:10:36,980
salad.
299
00:10:36,982 --> 00:10:39,983
Before or after we locate
the dangerous terrorist?
300
00:10:39,985 --> 00:10:41,818
Before.
301
00:10:41,820 --> 00:10:45,423
Sorry folks,
uh, go back to sleep.
302
00:10:45,425 --> 00:10:47,959
Yeah,
just disregard the gun-toting
303
00:10:47,961 --> 00:10:50,428
spies and the blood smeared everywhere.
304
00:10:50,430 --> 00:10:51,729
Oh yeah, keep an
eye out for pawprints.
305
00:10:51,731 --> 00:10:53,130
Where, in the blood?
306
00:10:53,132 --> 00:10:56,067
Yeah, I assume at some point
he'll come out to like... lick it.
307
00:10:56,069 --> 00:10:58,168
Come on,
we've only searched two cars,
308
00:10:58,170 --> 00:10:59,770
so we've got a shitload to go.
309
00:10:59,772 --> 00:11:03,707
Uh, speaking of, I need to
make use of the facilities here...
310
00:11:03,709 --> 00:11:05,376
Fine, but catch up, okay.
311
00:11:05,378 --> 00:11:07,045
And pay attention.
312
00:11:07,047 --> 00:11:09,080
Yeah, they look just
like prints from a housecat,
313
00:11:09,082 --> 00:11:11,249
only bigger and awesomer.
314
00:11:11,251 --> 00:11:14,686
Go.
315
00:11:14,688 --> 00:11:15,921
Hey, welcome to the bathroom.
316
00:11:15,923 --> 00:11:16,588
Well, thank you.
317
00:11:16,590 --> 00:11:17,990
No, no, wait, what're you -
318
00:11:17,992 --> 00:11:19,025
Ungh!
319
00:11:19,027 --> 00:11:21,260
I can tell you never
played much hockey, huh?
320
00:11:21,262 --> 00:11:24,497
Probably too busy runnin
around shootin black guys.
321
00:11:24,499 --> 00:11:26,566
What's the word, boys?
322
00:11:26,568 --> 00:11:27,400
Fantastic!
323
00:11:27,402 --> 00:11:28,701
They'll never see that coming!
324
00:11:28,703 --> 00:11:30,402
I'll see ya at the border!
325
00:11:30,404 --> 00:11:32,004
Archer, we don't
have time for this.
326
00:11:32,006 --> 00:11:33,672
It'll take like, two seconds!
327
00:11:33,674 --> 00:11:34,873
God!
328
00:11:34,875 --> 00:11:39,410
- Okay so, a Cobb salad...
- I am not taking that woman a salad,
329
00:11:39,412 --> 00:11:40,611
Cobb or otherwise.
330
00:11:40,613 --> 00:11:44,915
George, trust me, you don't want
to see my mother with low blood sug --
331
00:11:44,917 --> 00:11:46,217
Wait, why are we slowing down?
332
00:11:46,219 --> 00:11:47,852
We're at the border.
333
00:11:47,854 --> 00:11:48,319
Of?
334
00:11:48,321 --> 00:11:50,955
Uh, this new
place, called Canada?
335
00:11:50,957 --> 00:11:51,422
So?
336
00:11:51,424 --> 00:11:54,192
So, customs, passport
control, immigration?
337
00:11:54,194 --> 00:11:56,128
You know, the border?
338
00:11:56,130 --> 00:11:57,763
Yeah, but... with America.
339
00:11:57,765 --> 00:11:59,498
They still guard the border!
340
00:11:59,500 --> 00:12:01,266
Lana, we're going into Canada!
341
00:12:01,268 --> 00:12:03,835
Okay, can you please explain to him--
Don't do that.
342
00:12:03,837 --> 00:12:08,273
Okay, already knowing your answer,
I'm going to ask, "Don't do what."
343
00:12:08,275 --> 00:12:10,641
Make this a weird racial thing.
344
00:12:10,643 --> 00:12:13,945
- I knew, and yet I asked...
- What, I just don't wanna be ganged up
345
00:12:13,947 --> 00:12:14,245
on!
346
00:12:14,247 --> 00:12:15,046
George, back me up here.
347
00:12:15,048 --> 00:12:18,249
I'm gonna back way up,
and not be in here when the
348
00:12:18,251 --> 00:12:20,952
mounties catch you crazy
people with all those guns.
349
00:12:20,954 --> 00:12:21,586
Oh, shit.
350
00:12:21,588 --> 00:12:24,855
What, they're Canadian, they
don't even know what a gun -- oh, shit!
351
00:12:24,857 --> 00:12:27,591
He said, realizing that --
That what's the perfect
352
00:12:27,593 --> 00:12:30,194
disguise for some terrorists who
want to board a train to bust
353
00:12:30,196 --> 00:12:31,762
loose another terrorist?
354
00:12:31,764 --> 00:12:33,129
Oh, shit!
355
00:12:33,131 --> 00:12:35,432
The --
Royal Canadian Mounted Police, folks.
356
00:12:35,434 --> 00:12:38,468
Please have your passports and
declarations forms out and ready.
357
00:12:38,470 --> 00:12:39,235
Ready?
358
00:12:39,237 --> 00:12:42,172
Yeah, but what if they're
like, actual real mounties?
359
00:12:42,174 --> 00:12:45,008
Well, not to belabor the
point, but they'd still be Canadian.
360
00:12:45,010 --> 00:12:47,577
i.e., I doubt we're in any real danger.
361
00:12:47,579 --> 00:12:49,445
Okay, here goes...
362
00:12:49,447 --> 00:12:50,146
Freeze!
363
00:12:50,148 --> 00:12:50,646
Hands up!
364
00:12:50,648 --> 00:12:51,347
Get 'em up!
365
00:12:52,416 --> 00:12:55,051
I swear to God if any of
you Canadian fruitcakes move I
366
00:12:55,053 --> 00:12:57,119
will shoot that stupid
hat right off your head.
367
00:12:57,121 --> 00:12:58,287
That, that's not okay.
368
00:12:58,289 --> 00:13:00,388
Get 'em up Dudley Douchebags!
369
00:13:00,390 --> 00:13:02,023
Maintain the right, boys.
370
00:13:02,025 --> 00:13:05,059
Whoa, dude, we're serious, we'll shh --
371
00:13:05,061 --> 00:13:07,562
iiiiiiit!
372
00:13:07,564 --> 00:13:09,230
God damn it, Archer!
373
00:13:09,232 --> 00:13:10,598
What, Lana?
374
00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:11,966
You are so!
375
00:13:11,968 --> 00:13:12,801
Stupid!
376
00:13:12,803 --> 00:13:16,738
Thinking terrorists would be disguised as --
Royal Canadian Mounted Police!
377
00:13:16,740 --> 00:13:18,474
Stand down, boys!
378
00:13:18,476 --> 00:13:19,242
We're mounties!
379
00:13:19,244 --> 00:13:19,942
Piss off!
380
00:13:19,944 --> 00:13:20,643
We're mounties!
381
00:13:20,645 --> 00:13:23,413
Great, good, we're all
mounties, so no need for a Mexican
382
00:13:23,415 --> 00:13:24,447
standoff, eh?
383
00:13:24,449 --> 00:13:29,386
Oh yah, hooz aboota co-opt s'moor
American stoof there, eh, Cahnada?
384
00:13:29,388 --> 00:13:31,555
Stuff like Mexican standoff?
385
00:13:31,557 --> 00:13:33,623
- Oh, look at that, the race card...
Wh-?
386
00:13:33,625 --> 00:13:35,024
Let's all just
put down the guns, boys!
387
00:13:35,026 --> 00:13:37,193
C'mon, we're not Americans!
388
00:13:37,195 --> 00:13:37,593
RRROWR!
389
00:13:37,595 --> 00:13:39,261
Unvaccinated animal!
390
00:13:39,263 --> 00:13:39,962
Put him down, boys!
391
00:13:39,964 --> 00:13:40,429
No!
392
00:13:40,431 --> 00:13:41,196
Serpentine, Babou!
393
00:13:41,198 --> 00:13:41,697
RROWR!
394
00:13:41,699 --> 00:13:43,132
Aw jeez, he sprayed me!
395
00:13:43,134 --> 00:13:43,832
That reeks!
396
00:13:43,834 --> 00:13:44,733
Did he get away?
397
00:13:44,735 --> 00:13:47,035
Ya, ugh, he
ran right oat past us!
398
00:13:47,037 --> 00:13:47,669
Good.
399
00:13:47,671 --> 00:13:49,037
Then screw this.
400
00:13:49,039 --> 00:13:50,712
Please tell me
that's a smoke grenade.
401
00:13:50,832 --> 00:13:52,282
Okay.
402
00:13:52,681 --> 00:13:53,946
It's not, though.
403
00:14:01,071 --> 00:14:06,542
Hoh-lee --
-- shitsnacks!
404
00:14:06,544 --> 00:14:07,310
What was that?
405
00:14:07,312 --> 00:14:09,078
Probably my stomach growling.
406
00:14:09,080 --> 00:14:11,515
I am literally starving to death.
407
00:14:11,517 --> 00:14:12,616
I don't care, Frank!
408
00:14:12,618 --> 00:14:15,052
We are gonna beat that record,
so put this stupid train in...
409
00:14:15,054 --> 00:14:17,722
train-gear, and jam it!
410
00:14:17,724 --> 00:14:18,089
Rrgh!
411
00:14:18,091 --> 00:14:21,226
- I'm surrounded by mediocrity...
- In what way?
412
00:14:21,228 --> 00:14:24,395
In what possible way did that work?
413
00:14:24,397 --> 00:14:27,698
- Umm A, they're all incapacitated...
- And B,
414
00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:29,167
I got to blow up a train.
415
00:14:29,169 --> 00:14:31,268
Well thanks, Gomez --
Nice.
416
00:14:31,270 --> 00:14:32,836
But that doesn't
help us find Bilcoe!
417
00:14:32,838 --> 00:14:34,605
He's right there, stupid.
418
00:14:34,607 --> 00:14:35,039
Wh-?
419
00:14:35,041 --> 00:14:36,373
Jesus boys, what happened?
420
00:14:36,375 --> 00:14:37,308
I happened.
421
00:14:37,310 --> 00:14:38,442
Drop it, Bilcoe.
422
00:14:38,444 --> 00:14:40,410
You drop it, ya racist bastard!
423
00:14:40,879 --> 00:14:41,611
Gagh!
424
00:14:41,613 --> 00:14:42,279
Oww!
425
00:14:42,281 --> 00:14:45,148
Wait, how am I a racist?
426
00:14:45,150 --> 00:14:45,648
Really?
427
00:14:45,650 --> 00:14:48,451
Shut up and
come on and shut up!
428
00:14:48,453 --> 00:14:50,586
Wait, we don't know which
Mounties are the real ones!
429
00:14:50,588 --> 00:14:55,025
What do we do?
430
00:14:55,027 --> 00:14:56,092
Archer!
431
00:14:56,094 --> 00:14:56,993
I'm kidding!
432
00:14:56,995 --> 00:14:59,329
Jesus... Hey, good guys and bad guys!
433
00:14:59,331 --> 00:15:04,134
All of you just got a pretty huge pass,
so don't make me regret it later!
434
00:15:04,136 --> 00:15:04,501
Deal?
435
00:15:05,971 --> 00:15:06,469
Come on!
436
00:15:06,471 --> 00:15:09,039
I'm taking that
as tacit agreement!
437
00:15:09,041 --> 00:15:10,374
Cyril, what the
hell are you doing?
438
00:15:10,376 --> 00:15:11,976
Being blind!
439
00:15:11,978 --> 00:15:13,678
Oh my God, I'm blind!
440
00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:14,379
Sweater!
441
00:15:14,381 --> 00:15:15,814
Huh?
442
00:15:15,816 --> 00:15:16,147
Oh.
443
00:15:16,149 --> 00:15:17,716
When will you not suck at this?
444
00:15:17,718 --> 00:15:20,585
When you don't suck at...
shut up!
445
00:15:21,888 --> 00:15:23,254
Go ahead shoot me.
446
00:15:23,256 --> 00:15:24,989
It's better than starving to death.
447
00:15:24,991 --> 00:15:26,124
Everybody shut up!
448
00:15:26,126 --> 00:15:29,761
And then somebody get over
here to be my hostage!
449
00:15:29,763 --> 00:15:32,497
Oh for -- way to man up, Ray!
450
00:15:32,499 --> 00:15:32,997
Wh-?
451
00:15:32,999 --> 00:15:34,165
I'm in a wheelchair!
452
00:15:34,167 --> 00:15:37,467
Yeah, no offense but we're gonna
be, ya know, running around and stuff?
453
00:15:37,469 --> 00:15:38,268
Uh, no!
454
00:15:38,270 --> 00:15:39,236
You're not!
455
00:15:39,238 --> 00:15:40,036
Uh, yeah!
456
00:15:40,038 --> 00:15:40,604
I am!
457
00:15:43,575 --> 00:15:44,508
Everybody okay?
458
00:15:44,510 --> 00:15:45,609
Yeah, I think so.
459
00:15:45,611 --> 00:15:46,109
Yeah.
460
00:15:46,111 --> 00:15:48,378
Paralyzed, but other
than that, fine. Yeah.
461
00:15:48,380 --> 00:15:51,614
- Okay, then Lana, you guard them...
- Okay, what's the plan.
462
00:15:51,616 --> 00:15:55,451
And Cyril, you keep sliding down
the learning curve like the Banana Splits.
463
00:15:55,453 --> 00:15:56,452
And what are you gonna do?
464
00:15:57,189 --> 00:15:59,989
I am going to
fulfill my lifelong dream.
465
00:15:59,991 --> 00:16:03,158
Meeting Mr. Greenjeans?
466
00:16:03,160 --> 00:16:04,326
Snap out of it, boys!
467
00:16:04,328 --> 00:16:05,160
Bilcohhhhhh!
468
00:16:05,162 --> 00:16:07,662
I could use
some help on the roof!
469
00:16:07,664 --> 00:16:12,066
Oh my God, this
is gonna be awwshiiiit!
470
00:16:12,068 --> 00:16:12,900
Owww!
471
00:16:12,902 --> 00:16:13,534
The dust!
472
00:16:13,536 --> 00:16:18,504
It's like being shot in the eyes by a...
glittergun!
473
00:16:18,506 --> 00:16:20,106
There, that oughta do it.
474
00:16:20,108 --> 00:16:23,476
Okay, let's try that agawwwshiit!
475
00:16:23,478 --> 00:16:24,745
Retinas!
476
00:16:24,747 --> 00:16:26,814
Seared, like tuna steaks!
477
00:16:26,816 --> 00:16:29,316
All I want is to fight
on top of a train!
478
00:16:29,318 --> 00:16:31,585
Is that too much to ask?
479
00:16:31,587 --> 00:16:34,221
The good news,
is now I'm furious.
480
00:16:34,223 --> 00:16:36,557
So, rethinking this, huh?
481
00:16:36,559 --> 00:16:39,294
On top of the train you're
still like, on the train,
482
00:16:39,296 --> 00:16:41,796
plus you got all -- oh shit!
483
00:16:41,798 --> 00:16:43,531
Plus you got all that.
484
00:16:43,533 --> 00:16:49,603
Oh shit. Whyyyyyyyyy--
-- do people do this?
485
00:16:49,605 --> 00:16:51,639
You're still just on the train.
486
00:16:51,641 --> 00:16:52,540
I know, right?
487
00:16:52,542 --> 00:16:54,375
Although, I guess sometimes
there's a helicopter?
488
00:16:54,377 --> 00:16:56,043
Do you have a helicopter?
489
00:16:56,045 --> 00:16:57,945
Mmmmmm... nope.
490
00:16:57,947 --> 00:16:58,479
Just a gun.
491
00:16:58,481 --> 00:17:00,213
It's empty, dickhead.
492
00:17:00,215 --> 00:17:02,382
Yeah nice try, super-dickhead.
493
00:17:03,785 --> 00:17:04,384
What the...?
494
00:17:04,386 --> 00:17:06,853
You fired eight
rounds, ultradickhead.
495
00:17:06,855 --> 00:17:10,891
Am I the only person who ever
keeps track of that, -- oww!
496
00:17:10,893 --> 00:17:13,493
- Wow, and I thought I was mad before...
- Why,
497
00:17:13,495 --> 00:17:16,063
didja see some old black lady
sittin in the front of a bus?
498
00:17:16,065 --> 00:17:18,199
What is your deal
with calling me a racist?
499
00:17:18,201 --> 00:17:22,670
Well A, you're American --
That's, oh shit, racists
500
00:17:22,672 --> 00:17:24,104
jingoist, whatever!
501
00:17:24,106 --> 00:17:26,239
And B, you murdered the porter!
502
00:17:26,241 --> 00:17:26,706
Wh-?
503
00:17:26,708 --> 00:17:27,240
No I didn't!
504
00:17:27,242 --> 00:17:27,907
You shot him!
505
00:17:27,909 --> 00:17:29,042
There was blood everywhere!
506
00:17:29,044 --> 00:17:30,843
That was from
a steak, you idiot!
507
00:17:30,845 --> 00:17:32,779
I was trying to catch an ocelot!
508
00:17:32,781 --> 00:17:34,681
In Canada?
509
00:17:34,683 --> 00:17:35,782
And I'm the idiot?
510
00:17:35,784 --> 00:17:37,450
Hold it
right there, boys!
511
00:17:37,452 --> 00:17:39,952
Royal
Canadian Mounted Police!
512
00:17:39,954 --> 00:17:41,087
Dammit, who are the real ones?
513
00:17:41,089 --> 00:17:43,023
Guess that's for me
to know and you to find out.
514
00:17:43,025 --> 00:17:45,960
Well I'm gonna find
out in like five -- RRROWR!
515
00:17:45,962 --> 00:17:46,460
Babou!
516
00:17:47,129 --> 00:17:48,128
He's corpuscular!
517
00:17:48,130 --> 00:17:48,862
Get him, boys!
518
00:17:48,864 --> 00:17:49,530
Nooooo!
519
00:17:52,200 --> 00:17:55,334
Babou, serpentiiiiiiine!
520
00:17:55,336 --> 00:17:58,771
- Yeah, so...
- So yeah, put that in your little secret
521
00:17:58,773 --> 00:18:02,342
agent notebook, along with "don't
leave prisoners unsupervised."
522
00:18:02,344 --> 00:18:06,046
There's absolutely no reason to
ever get on top of a moving train.
523
00:18:06,048 --> 00:18:07,480
Wait, what if
there's a helicopter?
524
00:18:07,482 --> 00:18:09,382
Ooh, yeah, or a dragon!
525
00:18:09,384 --> 00:18:11,050
Ooh, yeah, or some sarcasm!
526
00:18:11,052 --> 00:18:12,918
Ooh, yeah, or hang on!
527
00:18:12,920 --> 00:18:13,686
What?
528
00:18:13,688 --> 00:18:15,587
Waaaaagh!
529
00:18:16,891 --> 00:18:20,559
Aaaaaa... ungh!
530
00:18:20,561 --> 00:18:21,660
Babooooo!
531
00:18:21,662 --> 00:18:26,098
That's right, buddy, I
goww oww oww oww oww, Babou no!
532
00:18:26,100 --> 00:18:26,632
Owww!
533
00:18:26,634 --> 00:18:30,736
RRROWWRR!
534
00:18:30,738 --> 00:18:33,906
Oh come on, I wouldn't say
it was a complete failure...
535
00:18:33,908 --> 00:18:34,606
Oh, really?
536
00:18:34,608 --> 00:18:37,943
And what parts of this mission
would you call a success?
537
00:18:37,945 --> 00:18:39,945
- Well, let's see...
- Maybe the part
538
00:18:39,947 --> 00:18:43,549
where my non-recordbreaking
train is totally shit-housed?
539
00:18:43,551 --> 00:18:46,085
- Not as shit-housed as my spleen...
- Ooh,
540
00:18:46,087 --> 00:18:49,422
or maybe the part where the mounties
will never hire ISIS again!
541
00:18:49,424 --> 00:18:52,025
What's it matter, we're
all banned from Canada.
542
00:18:52,027 --> 00:18:56,029
- Au revoir, sweet man-whores of Montreal...
- Ugh.
543
00:18:56,031 --> 00:18:56,730
Lana?
544
00:18:56,732 --> 00:18:57,531
You were saying?
545
00:18:57,533 --> 00:19:00,968
- Ah, well, we did help with a major arrest...
- Kenny Bilcoe,
546
00:19:00,970 --> 00:19:04,271
you're under arrest for violation of
sections one through nine of the Canadian
547
00:19:04,273 --> 00:19:05,506
Terrorism Act, buddy.
548
00:19:05,508 --> 00:19:07,641
Sorry to cut into
yer donut supply, boys.
549
00:19:07,643 --> 00:19:09,977
Long live free Nova Scotia!
550
00:19:09,979 --> 00:19:13,580
- Oh wait, make that five...
- Same goes for you bastards!
551
00:19:13,582 --> 00:19:16,049
Plus impersonating an RCMP constable!
552
00:19:16,051 --> 00:19:17,717
That's not
fair, you're doin it!
553
00:19:19,921 --> 00:19:20,920
Oh, wait!
554
00:19:20,922 --> 00:19:22,622
- I guess make that six...
- And besides
555
00:19:22,624 --> 00:19:25,493
attempted murder on a black
guy, you're under arrest for
556
00:19:25,495 --> 00:19:28,930
violating the Exotic Fish and
Wildlife Importation Act.
557
00:19:28,932 --> 00:19:32,334
- Yeah whatever, Dudley Douchebag...
- Plus you already
558
00:19:32,336 --> 00:19:32,801
used that once.
559
00:19:32,803 --> 00:19:35,403
It was good
enough to merit seconds!
560
00:19:35,405 --> 00:19:36,104
You hear that?
561
00:19:36,106 --> 00:19:37,539
They called you exotic!
562
00:19:37,541 --> 00:19:38,107
RROWR!
563
00:19:38,109 --> 00:19:41,343
Which is just people talk for
awesome, which is what you are,
564
00:19:41,345 --> 00:19:44,146
which is why I was happy
to save your life, buddy.
565
00:19:44,148 --> 00:19:44,980
Rrowr?
566
00:19:44,982 --> 00:19:47,783
No don't worry, probably
just thousands of dollars in fines,
567
00:19:47,785 --> 00:19:53,754
maybe a little jail time,
hopefully just probation.
568
00:19:53,756 --> 00:19:54,788
Totally worth it.
569
00:19:54,790 --> 00:19:56,490
Rrowr?
570
00:19:56,492 --> 00:19:57,258
No, Babou.
571
00:19:57,260 --> 00:19:59,030
That was all sarcasm.
572
00:20:01,330 --> 00:20:02,047
Rrowr?
573
00:20:02,167 --> 00:20:03,464
Yes, all of it!
574
00:20:03,466 --> 00:20:05,334
You fox-eared asshole!
575
00:20:05,604 --> 00:20:15,929
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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