Original subtitles

[ethereal music playing]

[animals bellowing]

-[upbeat rock music playing] -[bird twittering]

-[beeps] -[woman] Clancy, it's your sister.

You need to call me back right now.

I... I'm frickin' peeved off, man. There's no reason that you're--

[clicks]

[Captain] This is a message for Clancy Gilroy

from Carl Traunch from Traunch Video.

You're 17 days late on three video games.

Please return our property, or we're gonna be forced to hire a bounty hunter, fucker.

-[clicks, beeps] -[computer] Messages deleted.

[whirring]

[beeping]

[computer] New subscriber, Master.

[beeping]

-It's your boy Daniel Hoops. -[Clancy] Daniel Hoops.

-Welcome to my space site. -[Clancy] Damn.

[Daniel] ♪ Hoops in a drought I need my scoops, no doubt ♪

♪ Hoops in a drought I need my... ♪

Damn! Ice cream drought... That is brutal!

♪ My tongue is hot I'm trying to make my hot tongue cold ♪

♪I don't mean to pout I'm in an ice cream drought ♪

I'll do whatever it takes. I'll get your creams.

-[upbeat music playing] -[whirring]

[computer] Good morning, Master.

Did you get a chance to read the Universe Simulator FAQ

-I left in your inbox? -No.

Do you have a planet that has ice cream on it,

like an ice cream world?

[computer] Master, I don't mean to nag,

-but simulator maintenance... -Oh, boy! Here we go again.

...is important for me not to wobble, so that I continue to function properly...

Ice cream, there's got to be a planet with ice cream.

-[computer] Master, I must insist. -Ask and you shall receive.

-Ice Cream Planet. -Uh, Master?

Let's do a quick ice cream scan. Do an ice cream scan.

Initiating ice cream scan.

My rapidly deteriorating sensors have honed in on this magical fishbowl man.

Perfect. I'll get ice cream for Hoops and talk to a fish. Send me in.

As you wish.

Um, I stayed up all night making these new avatars.

-Yeah, I know. -Corners. Chippy.

Little-- Prim-- Tep-- Parspedewol--

-I want to be that little ad monkey. -Avatar selected.

You chose Glorious Phoenix of Eternal Light.

Merging with simulator in three,

-two, one... -[whirring]

[car alarm blaring]

[alarm stops]

[car alarm resumes]

[gasps]

-[high-pitched horn blaring] -[classical organ music playing]

[rapid beeping]

[snaps]

[meowing]

[meowing]

[playing classical music]

[meowing continues]

[siren wailing]

[screaming]

[classical music continues]

[playing Beethoven's Symphony No. 5]

-[meowing] -[cat plays discordant notes]

[playing "The Entertainer"]

Ahoy!

Captain, you got any ice cream on this big fun boat?

If not, could I interview you for my spacecast?

It goes into space.

You know what? I'll just set up my drones.

Should I just follow you?

Is that a yes? Or a no?

[low voice droning]

[Clancy] Okay. We're goin' over here now. That's great.

We're going in here now. This is great.

Now you're doing that. It's great.

[whooshing]

This is great.

Just a little explanation before we even start.

Oh, we're starting. Oh, great.

[Captain] Magic is what I am.

The reason that meditation is so important in magic

is because whatever we fasten our attention on,

that's the direction our energy is going to flow in,

so when you're doing magic,

you want to keep your mind as single-pointedly focused

on whatever you're trying to accomplish as possible.

[Clancy] Huh.

So, that's what meditation does.

It trains your mind, you know, so it's not constantly scattered

and going into all different directions

and dispersing the energy you're trying to build up.

Right. I know what you're talking about. I've read books on magic.

I mean, Crowley, wow.

But, Jesus, he sure comes across as somber sometimes.

[Captain] Yes, he does.

[Clancy] Lord.

And it takes forever to sort of crack open what he's even saying.

You know, you've got to learn so much other stuff

before you can even begin to understand what the hell he's actually talking about

a lot of times, because so much of it is written in a kind of code.

Whoo! Yeah! You know, I've noticed a lot of magical stuff gets put into code.

It's like they're trying to protect-- [grunts]

Yeah, I've noticed that compared to some magical writings,

some of the Eastern traditions seem way more simple.

Yeah, and the reason for that

is because when you're talking about Eastern traditions, Eastern paths,

most of these practices are set up

to lead you to this state of what they call "enlightenment,"

what in magic we'd call "crossing the abyss."

Eastern traditions are focused on doing that over a period of several lifetimes.

Hmm.

Magic is like pouring jet fuel on that process.

It aims to accomplish it in one lifetime.

So, what you're trying to do is cram several lifetimes

of spiritual and energetic experiences into one,

and that can be a little overwhelming sometimes.

[Clancy] That's right. And is that tantra?

-That reminds me of tantra. It's-- -[Captain] Yes.

It's... Tantra actually plays a huge role in certain aspects

or certain traditions of magic like the OTO, you know,

which Crowley was the head of whenever he died.

[Clancy gasping]

[Clancy stammers]

I knew it!

I notice you've been ordained in Rinzai Zen.

Rinzai Zen Buddhism?

Yes, it was the tradition that trained the samurai in ancient Japan.

When I was in prison, I had a zen master that would come back and forth from Japan

to the prison.

And, you know, I sat zazen meditation for years,

and, honestly, I did not get as much out of years of Eastern practices

as I did months of ceremonial magic.

And I think part of that... It's...

They're both aiming at the same thing, but whenever we,

especially someone coming from my background,

just poor white trash from Arkansas who has no connection to, you know,

any Eastern tradition at all, I had to learn that stuff from scratch.

So it was like learning an entire different language.

Whereas magic deals with Western iconography, symbolism,

things that we've grown up having shoved into our psyche

from the second we came into this world.

So, I think part of us, some really deep, internal part,

responds to it a lot quicker

-than it does the Eastern traditions. -Oh, right!

I've heard different versions of what you're saying.

That's cool. For example, let's take Ganesh.

You know, like...

Or, no, maybe Hanuman, for example. You know, the monkey god.

It's like, this is a very powerful symbol,

but how many of us have had any real experience with monkeys in the wild?

Yes, we didn't have many monkeys in Arkansas.

[both chuckle]

Too bad! I love 'em. They are annoying, though.

[laughs, gasps]

[screeching]

-[squeals] -[both gasp]

[screaming]

-Whoo! Those are some bad fish. -Yeah. Ha.

You know, I don't have very many friends

-just because magic is my life. -For sure.

I do this for hours a day.

This is not something that I do as, like, a hobby...

-[meows] -...or, you know,

something on the side.

-This is the focal point of my life. -Sweet darling!

I can tell.

[gasps]

That's when I realized...

That's why I wasn't miserable a lot of times

when I was in prison, because even in there,

in a hellish situation, I was doing what I was put here to do, which was magic.

That alleviates a lot of suffering.

And if people jump ahead too far, you can really blow your face off with this stuff,

-so to speak, right? -[alarm blaring]

What are the roots of magic?

You know, magic, ceremonial magic, what we call high magic,

um, originated in ancient Mesopotamia somewhere around 3500 BC.

So, it is uniquely Western.

That's not entirely the West, it's more the Middle East,

because it originated in a part of the world

that would now be, you know, present-day Iraq in a city called Nippur.

What happened, the way we got it in Europe was

whenever the Knights Templar were sent over there

to escort pilgrims back and forth from the Holy Land to make sure

they're not attacked by bandits, things like that.

[cats meowing]

-Your cats are really talented. -[Captain] Well, thank you.

The Knights Templar come in contact with this current,

and when I say "current," what I'm talking about...

You know how in certain Buddhist traditions...

-[Clancy] Yeah. -[Captain] ...like, say, Tibetan Buddhism,

they talk about...

-What's the word? Empowerments. -Sure.

[high-pitched horn blaring]

You know, it's like a current of energy passed along from master to student.

Ceremonial magic is the exact same thing.

The Knights Templar started receiving this current whenever they were there.

That's how it makes its way back to Europe.

Eventually makes its way to the United States

through the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn,

which was the order that Crowley was a member of

before he, you know, went off to the OTO.

You had MacGregor Mathers, Dion Fortune, the poet WB Yeats.

All of these people were members of the Golden Dawn.

That's how this current makes its way to the US.

One second.

Hey, Steve!

What the fuck? You need to shine that light in my fucking eyes?

If that's how you're gonna talk to customers,

I'll just take my ship full of cats and find another junk island.

A ship full of cats? Ah, shit!

My apologies!

Look at all these wonderful gifts and gadgets here.

We got a fresh printer, time slapper, some cans...

And, ooh...

you want that?

A vintage enlil? That ain't cheap, pal.

It's gonna be... five cats.

He's bluffing. I can get it for three. Watch this.

[cats meowing]

-Three! -Five!

Fine, Steve. Four, and that's my last offer.

All right. You're taking flakes outta my minnow's mouth, but fine.

Four it is. Send them over.

Um, I forgot what the hell we were talking about.

[Clancy] We're talking about the transmission,

what's also known as the disciplic succession.

[Captain] Yes. People think...

Here's the thing that is so important

that I want people to understand about magic when I talk about it a lot of times.

When we're talking about something being an oral tradition,

we sort of live under this misunderstanding

that that means it's just a bunch of stories told, handed on.

That's not what this means.

What an oral tradition is, it means the way this current of energy

is passed from one person to another is through the voice.

-Our voice is sound waves. -[Clancy] Yeah.

[Captain] We're creating sound waves which carry information.

That's why, in the Bible...

I always tell people the Bible is the greatest book of magic ever written

once you know how to read it.

The whole thing in the very first chapter of the Bible,

they're talking about, in the beginning was the Word, and the Word was God.

That's because this is an oral tradition.

-It's-- Does that make sense? -[laughing] You're blowing my mind!

-[Captain laughing] -[ship horn blaring]

So that goes all the way back to, um, ancient Mesopotamia...

-I forgot-- -[Clancy] Maybe further back.

Is it the words that have the energy,

or is it the energy coming out of the person saying the words?

[Captain] Combination of both.

For example, you can only pass the current if you've received the current.

Like, you could say the exact same words...

[meowing]

...that a person who's holding the current would say,

and if you're not holding the current, it's not going to transmit.

You have to be holding the current and have the right words.

-[horn playing] -[cats meowing]

[machine whirring]

[Captain] There's two reasons to do magic.

One is for manifesting something,

and that can be anything from a parking spot to the career you want

to the relationship you want to be in, whatever it is.

The other reason for doing magic is what I call spiritual sustenance,

where you are deliberately invoking energy and intelligences that you then absorb

into your energy system, into your aura, to make you grow,

-make you change. -That cat just sloshed me!

That's the mama cat. She's a prankster.

-[meowing] -[both chuckling]

There's two ways that magic is passed on.

One is through a lodge or order setting, you know, like the Golden Dawn.

That's more like a curriculum-type thing, like a school, you know.

Everybody's learning the same thing at the same rate.

The other way is, like, master to student, and that allows for...

Thank you. ...things that are a little more profound,

just because you're not learning the same thing as everyone else.

Blessed be thy feet, that they may walk this path.

If it's someone who knows what they're doing, they can judge

where you're at.

Mentally where you're at, emotionally where you're at, spiritually,

and figure out what it is that you need to sort of set off these bombs...

-[both grunt] -Whoa!

...that cause epiphanies and realizations

-and things like that. -[Clancy] Yeah.

[meowing]

[electricity humming]

[Clancy] Yeah!

Woo-hoo-hoo!

-[motorcycle approaching] -[Captain] Most people spend their lives

-complaining about things they don't like. -[Clancy] Yes.

So, you're adding power to it. You're giving it chi.

We're supposed to focus on what it is that we're wanting to move towards

instead of away from.

You don't have to lie when something is bad.

You know, if you have a cold and someone says, "Are you sick?"

that doesn't mean say, "No."

It means say, "I'm getting better minute by minute."

Oh, that's great.

Do you think that the reason you ended up in prison is because,

this sounds so weird, good karma?

Yes. I absolute--

This will sound crazy to people, but I absolutely do.

I am thankful now for the time that I spent in prison.

Even for some of the most horrible things that happened to me.

Say, for example, when I was beaten so bad that I was in a lot of physical pain,

if I would have been out here, I could've just went to a doctor.

I didn't have that option in there.

I had to find ways to help me cope

with not only the emotional and mental anguish I was going through,

but also the physical anguish, the physical pain.

So that pushed me constantly to keep exploring what was possible

with these practices.

By the time that I got out of prison,

I didn't even feel like I was in prison anymore.

My cell almost felt like a control tower...

where I could reach out and touch anything in the world.

[engine revs]

I look at people out here now who think that I had a horrible life.

[Clancy] Ah...

And don't get me wrong, there were some pretty unpleasant aspects of it.

-Can we go-- -You know, whether it was beating

-or starvation... -Forget it.

...or just living in fear sometimes

that these people are gonna kill you at any minute.

Whatever it is, still, I think I had a better life

than most of, like, the millennials I see sort of flailing around out there now,

trying to figure out who they are and what they're gonna do with--

-I never had to experience that. -Right.

-[horse belches] -You puke ice cream?

[chattering indistinctly]

I always knew what I was.

I always knew what I was supposed to be doing.

[engine revs]

[Clancy hooting]

[Captain] And I kinda embraced that.

[Clancy] Yeah!

[squawking]

-[birds squealing] -[man grunts]

When you say "control tower" and "reaching out,"

do you mean that you were doing some form of astral projection

-or some kind of-- -That is part of magic,

and I don't like that word, actually, but I don't know another word to use,

-astral projection... -Ow!

...just because it sounds so kind of flaky and New Agey.

In our society, not just our society in the West,

but also in the East, we've sorta arrived at this conclusion somehow...

[rocks grunting]

Spirituality has become so watered down that we think enlightenment

is the be-all and the end-all of spiritual practice.

-[rocks continue grunting] -It's the finish line. It's not.

-[rocks grunting] -[gasps]

There are actually things that come after that.

What we think of as enlightenment is the first step in a process.

In magic, what they call in the East "enlightenment,"

we call "solar consciousness."

Solar consciousness means

that you are completely and absolutely in the present moment,

just like whenever you achieve enlightenment.

After you develop solar consciousness,

the next step in this process

is developing what we call the "solar body."

You are building a vehicle to allow your consciousness

to not disintegrate at the point of what we call the Second Death.

The First Death is when the physical body dies.

The Second Death is whenever your astral or etheric body

begins to unravel.

That's whenever your consciousness goes through this cosmic washing machine...

-[snoring] -...every aspect of personality

is washed out of it,

you're left with a kernel of pure energy,

which is then recycled into something else.

If you develop the solar body, that doesn't happen.

You put your consciousness into the solar body

at the moment of death.

You then become...

not entirely, not exactly the same...

-Yeah. -...but your consciousness

is then completely unbroken for eternity.

From that point on,

you can come into the physical realm when, where, and how you choose,

if you choose to do so.

The point is to help other people complete this process.

You know, Beethoven said that the point of being alive,

the point of being human,

is to approach divinity as closely as you possibly can

and then disseminate those rays out to mankind.

-Oh-- -[Captain] Hold that thought.

[murmurs] May the light protect him.

Why... ay-ay-ay-ay!

[tones chiming]

[whooshing]

[belching]

What?

Behold the death of the old eon...

[echoing] ...and the birth of the new.

What the fuck, Darryl? I was asleep!

Well, it was time to wake up to the truth, Barry!

[grunts]

Oh, so ruining my marriage wasn't enough, huh?

[Darryl] You ruined your own fucking marriage, Barry.

I just want to hear you say it. Say you fucked my wife!

[Darryl] You never woke up!

[Steve] Oh, shit.

[Barry, muffled] I was sleeping, you bastard!

[screaming]

[Darryl] You were asleep. You never woke the fuck up!

[Barry] I'm gonna fuck you up for that.

[Darryl] You were napping, bringing rocks to life

-like some kind of dick. -[Clancy screaming]

-[Darryl] I looked out for her! -[Barry] That's what this is about?

[Darryl] You were the one going to Lad's, getting lap dances at Lad's all the time.

-[Barry] I had a platinum membership! -[Clancy] Guys!

[Barry] You don't just get those. That took years to earn!

-[Darryl] Fucking fight and shut up! -[Clancy] Guys!

[Barry] Now I'm the one who's supposed to shut the fuck up.

[Darryl] You didn't even try to--

[lively organ music playing]

Classic...

[muffled] You have seen destiny is on my side!

Sometimes saying revealing and honest things--

But it makes me a beautiful person.

[screeching]

[Clancy screams]

[organ music continues]

[creatures screeching]

[screeching]

[horn blaring]

[screaming]

[rumbling]

-[gasping] -[horse whinnies]

[gasps]

[Clancy] Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Yes! Yes!

Ow! Fuck!

Yes!

I love you.

[whinnying]

Thank you so much!

[whinnies]

Thank you!

[Clancy sighs]

Blessed be this cone that it may make a new friend.

[beeps]

[whirring]

Shirts. Stickers. Cream.

[rock music playing faintly]

-[beeping] -[Clancy laughs]

Awesome!

Aw, thanks, Clancy. This is sick, man. Look at this swag grab.

Hell, yeah, I got some stickers, pens... Wait a second, there's two shirts here?

What size is this? Extra-medium? Come on!

[whispers] Ice cream...

This tongue's about to get cold.

[laughing]

Shout out to Clancy for this frosty cone.

-[man screeching] -Dad, no!

I was just having some ice cream, Dad. No!

-You pig! -[both shouting]

-[Daniel] Dad, I told you to knock! Ow! -[blows landing]

Sun and the wind, I smite you!

[both shouting]

[Clancy] Shit.

[rock music playing] ♪ Sail onward, God destroyer ♪

♪ Enlil's vessel ♪

♪ Unstoppable ♪

♪ No prison can cage your soul ♪

♪ Enlil's sun, unstoppable ♪

♪ Sail onward, God destroyer ♪

♪ Cat captain ♪

♪ We salute you ♪

♪ Cats, cats, ca-ca-ca cats ♪

♪ Cats, cats, cats ♪

Chirp.