All language subtitles for pfa-the.naked.wanderer

Subtitles by rabbit_01

- You ready?
- I don't know.

I don't know what I'm
s'posed to be ready for.

Come on Jake, what're we doing?
What the hell are you doing?

- You'll see.
- Where are we going?

We better not be going anywhere nice,
I swear to God, I'm wearing my worst clothes.

- I told you, it's a surprise. - Well, it better be a bloody
good one, after dragging me out of bed this early.

Watch your head.

- That's it.
- Jake ...

- It's alright, I've gotcha. - Oh, Jake...
- It's all good. - Can you take this off?

- Jake!
- It's alright, I've gotcha.

And...

Ow!

Surprise!

What?

I know you love dolphins.

- Come on, come on!
- Jake!

Look babe, dolphins.

- Jake, this is really nice ...
- It's dolphin time!

...but I have something to tell you.

Jasmine,

- I have loved you from the moment I saw you.
- Oh, shit.

You're the apple of my eye, you're the salt to
my pepper, and I want to spend forever with you.

- Oh shit, Jake! - Yes!

Yes, Yes, you're the sugar to my spice.

- You're the bacon to my eggs.
- No!

- Yes, yes ...
- No, Jake, no, please no.

- Yes, yes!
- Jake, no, no!

I wanted to break up with you today!

What?

But I'm... but I'm proposing.

I don't want to be with you anymore.

But why?

You're just so bloody happy.

That's great feedback, you're breaking
up with me because I'm too happy?

I'm not as easily pleased as you are, Jake.

I'm sorry, I just... I need someone
who's more... daring, ... I don't know,

- More... - More what?
- I don't know.

- More what? - More... more.. - More what?
- I don't know, more than you! Okay?

Hi mate.

What's happening?

- Oi, where's Jasmine?
- Jasmine?

I don't know. Why would I know?
She broke up with me.

What? You said she broke up with you?

I did. And she did.

- Holy shit, are you serious?
- It's not funny, Cam.

- Cam... Cameron!
- What?

- I proposed to her this morning.
- No you didn't!

- What the fuck mate, you didn't tell me?
- I knew you'd try and talk me out of it.

- Umm, yeah. I would, actually.
- Well, it doesn't matter now, because guess what ...

She doesn't want to be with me.

Okay ... and oh God, I even let her
keep the ring after she said no.

- What? Why would you do that?
- I don't know.

I don't know, I thought
maybe she'd come round,

and realise we should be together.

Oh mate, that is so sad.

Does it look like I care?

I don't care.

Jake.
What're you doin' here?

Hey Gary.
What, am I on a different site today?

Didn't you talk to Jasmine last night?

- Yeah, so she told ya?
- Yeah, she did.

- Which is why I'm surprised to see you here.
- I don't quite follow mate.

Well... she told me that she didn't want
you working here anymore either.

Wha... Gas, I was working with you before
Jas and I started seeing each other.

- Mate, it was you who introduced us.
- Yeah, I no, I no,

she's my daughter, and she
thinks it would be awkward

having her ex working with her old man.

Are you firing me?

Gas.

Gary, please, I need this job.

Fired?

Ya can't fire him.
Give the man a break!

Jake!

Yeah?

That's my hard hat.

C'n I have his hard hat?

It's brand new mate.

All the best, Jake.

Fuck off.

Mate, what're you doing here?

- Aren't you supposed to be at work?
- Bloody hell Cam, put some clothes on.

- Umm. My house, my rules mate.
- It's your parents house,

and the way you're dresssed should
be illegal everywhere. - Whatever.

Anyway, what's going on with you?

Bloody, Jasmine had her
dad fire me, didn't she.

- Yeah, that's fair.
- Are you serious?

I'm just saying,
I can see why she did that.

- Mate, I dunno what I'm gonna do without her.
- Don't start that shit, mate.

Jasmine is a bitch,
and you're better off without her.

Don't you talk about Jas like that, okay?

She is a beautiful, sensual,
complicated woman,

and we might still end up
together one day, okay?

Okay mate, whatever you say.

Look at this would ya...

women just falling over
themselves for this guy.

- He's not that good looking, is he?
- Ahh, that's sweet.

Mate, he just rode across the
country, on a bike, for charity.

He could look like Chewbacca's bum hole,
and still get the girls.

- You need to do something like that.
- Like what?

Some big, like, charity bullshit thing.

Imagine the chicks that you would get.

I don't want the chicks,
I just want Jas.

God, you sound like a baby,
you know that?

What, 'cause I don't want to ride
across the country on a bike?

- I'm gonna focus on getting my girl back.
- Whatever, you're so boring.

Here, can you rub some
of this on my back?

I'm not boring.

I wanted this anyway!

Idiot.

Jake, we think you're a hero.
Doing what you did for charity�...

It's what every girl wants in a man.

You live such an exciting life!
Have sex with us?

Have sex with us!
Have sex with us!

Jake
Yes!

I'll give ya excitement!

Ahh, good morning, my friend.
How're you feeling?

- Okay. Great.

Great.
'Cos I feel amazing.

Have you taken something?

Nope. Au naturale.

Hey, I never thought I'd say this, but I
thought about what you said, yesterday

and I think you might be right.

Of course I am.
What're we talking about?

Me doing, like, a bike ride,
for charity, across the country?

- Like the dude, I'm in. - Really?
- Yes! - Yes! - Boom! Love it!

But, I haven't really ridden
since the bike... accident.

So, I can't ride.

It'll have to be something else.
- Right.

- What'cha got?
- Kayak to New Zealand.

C'mon, be serious. Do you know
how dangerous that is?

What, it's not that far, is it?

Yeah, I'm pretty sure lots of
people have died doin' that.

- You could do a big run.
- You know what happened to me in high school, Cam.

Alright. So running, riding,
kayaking, all out.

You know what though.

Because Jasmin just dumped you... - Yeah
- ...and then Gary fired you, right?

Yes.

- Like, nobody needs you here.
- Cam!

I'm just saying, you've got heaps of time,

So... why don't you just
walk around Australia.

I like to walk.

Not bad.

How far to walk around Australia?

15,000 k's.

15,000?

- Shit.
- Too far.

What about

- just Western Australia?
- How far...

How far to walk around Western Australia?

4,000 k's.
Could I do that?

Come with me.

- Gimme your phone. - Oi!

Alright, wait here.

Can you at least tell
me what we're doin'?

We are gonna see ho
long it's gonna take you

to walk 4,000 kilometers.

Right.

Walk to me!

Who am I?

Just walk normally, ya dick.
Right.

- Stop.
- How'd I go?

- 31 seconds.
- Is that good?

- Well, that was like, what - 50 meters?
- Oh, easy.

Cool. So that means you
could do about 6 k's an hour.

You walk 10 hours a day...

Mate, you give youself 3 months
to do this thing, you'll smash it!

Oh, sweet as... Alright, so what about
Margaret River to Broome?

- 2,620.
- Mate, piece of cake. - Sweet.

You want to get girls, on this walk,

you need to do it for kids.

- I just need someone to sponsor me.
- Mate!

Remember, my uncle Brian,
he's a billionairre?

And I'm pretty sure I'm his favourite nephew.
So, he'll do it for me for sure.

- Isn't he, like, the most hated CEO ever?
- Oh yeah. A total dick.

- Hello, Angel?

Ah, did I wake you?
Oh, Merry Christmas, yes.

Yeah, that ought to stop
the Twitter vultures from picking on me.

Yeah, we got a problem with our picture,
Angel. You're gonna have to fix it

A quarter of a million hits, yeah.

Well, I took it out and
dipped it in the punchbowl.

Well, I thought it was funny at the time,
but these days there's always someone

with a camera phone.

No privacy anymore. Not my fault.

I'll blame Apple.

- Jacket, jacket.
- Yeah, that's right.

Alright.
Let me check?

- Sweet...
- Leave it. Leave it!

Here we go.

Lets make pain.

You'll be fine.

Is he okay?

Uncle Brian!

Ah, Cameron, how you doin'?

- Yeah, I'm good, I'm good.
- That's what I like to hear.

Uncle, this is my best mate, Jake,
that I was telling you about.

Gudday, Mr. King.
It's really lovely to meet you, sir.

Well Jake, I hear you're
after some of my cash.

Yeah. Yeah, well I want
it to give to charity.

Yeah, well, what're you gonna do for it?

Ah, gonna walk 2,500 kilometers from
the bottom of the state to the top.

- And?
- And... and the money that we raise

we're gonna give it to sick kids in hospital,
and then they'll be... they'll be happy.

Yeah, but what else are you
gonna do for the money?

- That's it
- That's all.

Look Jake, do you have any idea how many
bloody do-gooders there are after my cash?

I mean, the last one was a teenage girl who
wanted to set up a shelter for depressed wallabies.

God, hah!
I gave her $200,000 too.

Tell him what she did for it, Angel.

She kite surfed unassisted from
the Cayman Islands to Texas.

And she was blind.

- Very talented girl.
- Right.

- No sense of direction, though.
- That.

- So, you see what I'm getting at here, Jake?
- No, not really.

Angel tells me that we
need some good press.

You probably heard my paper was caught

bugging celebrities toiliets.

- Yeah, yeah, I did hear something about that.
- And there was that story

about the penis in the punchbowl
at the Christmas party.

- Did you read about that?
- Yeah, Cam showed me something about that.

- Lies, all of it. Right Angel?
- They just hate you because you're successful, sir.

Right.

It wouldn't hurt your image to
do something nice for the sick kids.

Yeah, yeah, it just has to
be a big splash, though.

Uh, hang on a moment.
Go with me on this...

How about you carry a Koala on your back?

- I don't have a Koala.
- Ah. How 'bout a child?

- Who's gonna let me borrow their kid?
- Yeah, that's a good point, isn't it.

Oh, I know. I'll do it unassisted, and I'll
put your name on my backpack.

Alright. You got me in a good mood.
Let's do it. Angel?

Put out a statement.
Just him and the backpack, right Jake?

- Yep. Nothin' else.
- Great! Stark naked!

- Perfect.
- Oh, no, no...

I'll get arrested if I'm nude.

Alright, just a loin cloth then.
Alright? Otherwise that's it.

We'll call him 'The Naked Wanderer'.

No, no, no, Cameron.
I'm not ready.

There you go, Jake.
Now, fuck off.

Mister King, can I just have...

- 2,500 kilometers nude.
- We got the money, though!

Did you hear what I just said?
I have to walk all that way with no clothes, nude.

- Yeah, I know, it's awesome.
- Cam, listen, I can't do it, mate.

It'll be 40 plus degrees every day,
I'll have to wear a massive backpack!

You know my feet easily blister.

- This is so stupid, Cam!
- Hey, listen, listen. Just settle down, alright?

There is such thing as sunscreen, you know?

And hey, it's also gonna be perfect,
because you're already going to be naked.

D'you know how horny that's gonna
make the babes you meet along the way?

Oh, that's great Cam, except my dick's
not gonna work because of the heat.

You'll be fine.
The loin cloth'll protect your dick.

Hey, and listen, if it makes you feel any better,
I'm gonna be there with you every step of the way.

- Really?
- Yeah, in a car.

No-one has ever done a walk
this size naked before.

No, of course they haven't.
- No-one is this stupid

You'll be a hero, mate.

You'll never pay
for another beer in your life!

You could be Australian of the Year!

You're being ridiculous.

Just remember who's
idea this was, alright?

- I got this.
- Let's go.

Come on.

It's my uncle.

- You have it. - Eh?
- Quick!

- Ah, hello? - Ah! Jake, just to let you know,
I'm keeping an eye on you, you know

so don't embarass me, right?

- We have a tracker on the sat-phone.
- Okay.

Don't forget to plug me a lot
on Twitter as a mister all heart.

Yeah, mister heart on Twitter, yep.

Jake, serioudly though, don't mess this up.

My stock prices have just taken a bit of
a hit, and I'm up to the eyeballs in fucken'...

Hello! Who says the young
don't give a stuff?

Now this young man is the spirit of Australia!

How proud I am to support
him on this venture,

That won't only change his life,
but will change the lives of thousands.

From now on, Jack...
- Jake... Jake will be known as

The Naked Wanderer!

Now, waiting for Jake at the
end of his walk, is $200,000

that I'm happy to contribute.

It's, just the kind of guy I am.

So, good luck, Naked Wanderer!

Thank you.

What's next?

You're here, you actually came.

Think that I wouldn't
come and wish you luck?

- How does it feel, Jake?
- Oh, alright. That's enough.

Come on mate.

Hurry up.

Good luck buddy.

Thanks.

Jake.

Jake, it's Angel.

Mr. King would like to remind you:
"You better fucking make it."

Otherwise, just stay out there.

Oh, pick up the pace, will you!

- Oho, good as my support team.
- How's it going?

Good, all these cars keep tooting me, and
people shout out very colorful things ...

Yeah, it's because you're famous mate.
You're gonna be on the news to that.

- Really? - Yeah.
- That's awesome.

- Where am I meeting you next?
- Cam, we've been through this a thousand times.

It's all on the map I gave you.
You have still got the map, right?

Ah, yeah yeah yeah. I've got it.
It's cool. Umm...

Just gotta check something...
I'll be back, one sec.

Cam, where is it...

Just a walking down the road...

I'm just a walking down the road...

Singing to myself...

Gudday mate.

Ahh, fuck! Holy shit!
Where did you come from?

- You scared the shit outta me mate.
- Where did you come from?

Why're you naked?
You okay? Did someone rape you?

- No, no-one raped me mate. I'm The Naked Wanderer.
- So you're on drugs?

No, I'm not on drugs.
I'm doin' a walk for charity.

This company sponsered me, and I'm just
naked to make it more interesting.

- That's ridiculous.
- No it's... yeah, it is a bit.

Anyway, who're you?
And why're you out here half naked?

- Eli, I'm headin' back to country.
- Oh. I'm Jake, by the way.

Nice to meet ya.
What'd you say you were doin'?

Goin' back to country. I'll spend a few months
living in the bush, like my ancestors used to.

Really... That's cool.
D'you want to walk with me for a bit?

In this heat... no way mate.
I wouldn't walk in this if you paid me.

That's fair enough.
It was good to meet you mate.

Might see you on the road.

Excuse me. Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm fine thanks.
How're you?

- Oh, great. But can I ask why you're out here almost naked?
- Oh, it's for kids.

- Excuse me?
- I'm naked for kids.

- Oh my God!
- No, no, no.

I'm doing a charity walk to help
raise money for sick kids, and

being naked is part of the challenge.

So I've got about 2,000 k's to go.
I'm Jake, by the way.

Nice to meet you, Jake.
I'm Nicky...

That's Valerie, and that's Keithy.
I just have to say you win.

- Win what?
- I've seen some crazy stuff in Australia,

- but you are by far the craziest.
- Really... that's awesome.

- Where are you guys headed?
- Ah, Cervantes?

- Are you going there?
- Yeah, yeah. Should be there in about 3 days.

Can I give you something?
Feel like I need to give you something. Here.

- Thanks.

Come found us in the
Cervantes, Naked Jake.

Yeah I will.

Oh my God.

They told me you were coming our way

and I was using the laws of
attraction to lure you in..

The secret works.
Come, come!

How are you?
Do you want a drink? Tea? Coffee?

Come inside, and I'll fix
you up something.

Okay, I'm just looking
or a blue... whoops...

Thanks, very much.

Wait there, I'll be right back.

Okay.

I feel so blessed to meet you, Jake.

You do?... How do you know my name?

I saw you on the TV a few nights ago.

And I follow your Tweets.
I'm Helena.

- Here, take this.
- Whoa.. That's a lot of.. Whoah, what's that for?

- Well, you are raising money, aren't you?
- Yeah... that's a lot of... - Yeah, well...

You won't raise anything
unless you take it from people.

Nice.

I guess it's just walk, walk, walk,
walk, walk.

- Isn't it?
- Sometimes I stop and eat too.

What do you do when you
want to go to the toilet?

Number one's I know, but number
two's must be a bit difficult.

Excuse me, I just rememberd I
gotta go and do something.

- Oh, really?
- Yeah, sorry, I'll catch up with you a bit later.

Thankyou!

Hey!

Not-so naked Jake!

- Ah, you have clothes on.
- Yeah, I do.

- Valerie, Right? - Yeah.
- Yeah, yeah, fancy seeing you here.

What's the matter?
You look a little flustered.

No, no, I'm just a bit hot.

- Yeah, I need to take a swim.
- Yeah.

- D'you know if there're any jellyfish in here?
- Here?... I don't think so.

That's good. D'you wanna come in?

Umm, no, I'm just gonna warm
up a bit here first.

Yeah. Yeah, I must just chill for a bit here, too.

Cool.

D'you need a...
D'you need a hand?

- Yeah, would you?
- Yeah.

Cool.

- Just here?
- Yep.

S'orright.

Ah yeah, it'll get you good.

What'll get me good?

- The sun, the Aussie sun.
- Oh, right.

There's a hole in the ozone layer, so...

Yeah, it's bad.

What a wicked spot, eh?

- Do you have anything like this, back home?
- Oh gosh.

Well, I've lived actually all over the
place, and no. Not even close.

- You know what you need to do then, right?
- What's that?

You need to find a good Aussie bloke
to marry so you can stay here.

Are you saying that you'd marry me
so that I could get my Australian citizenship

because that would actually be great.

- I actually was planning to...
- No, no, it's...

You're joking.
You're kidding, right?

- I got you.
- You did.

- Well, it was good...
- So, umm...

Tell me more about this walk
you're doing for charity.

Yeah, well, I've gotta walk up
to this town called Broome. Top of W.A.

- Like, a Broome.
- Yeah, right.

If I make it up there, there's this rich guy's gonna
give me two hundred grand for a childrens hospital.

Two hundred grand?

Wow.

That's amazing, Jake.

It's weird,
I... I have a neice

She's three, and she's in and
out of hospital quite a bit.

- She's a very brave little girl.
- Yeah. Yeah, right.

As if,
you're not gonna get me again.

You got me once, you're not
gonna get me second time.

- What?
- Oh shit, you're not joking?

- No.
- Oh, I'm so sorry.

- It's okay, it's okay.
- Oh, mighty big...

- Naked Jakey!
- Hi!

- Nicky!
- Ohh, you are real.

I thought the girls were taking the
piss when they told me about you.

- No, very real, what's your name?
- Keith. - Keith.

- You're a Scotsman.
- That's right. Yeah.

Aye! Aye!

- You com'n for a swim?
- Now?

Let's go.

You ready to go for a swim?

To new friends.

So Jake,

what do you do apart from taking really long walks?
- I'm a roof carpenter.

- Or, well, I was, anyway.
- Retired?

Retired? No, I wish mate.
No, I was fired.

Oh, right.

- They fired you before you went on this walk?
- No, no, it's just, my boss and I don't really see eye to eye.

- So, is there anyone waiting
for you at the finish line?

- Probably just my housemate Cam.
- Oh, so no girlfriend.

No, there's no girlfriend.

- That's funny, 'cause Valerie doesn't have a boyfriend.
- Keith, don't be such a dick.

- Well, she is single though.
- Okay guys, I'm right here.

Just be nice to her, yeah.
She was dumped just before she came out here.

- Guy was obviously an idiot to
think he could do better than you.

Nice line Jake!

I'm gonna go get us some
more drinks. Yep.

- Do you have to be so obvious?
- What?

Trying to be sweet and funny,
and you're ruining it.

- I was giving Jake a compliment. It was a
great fucken line. - Thanks Keith.

- No! No! No!
- Yeah, yeah, sorry, it's happening.

No, we bought it, it's happening.

- This is the last of it, so...
- Oh, no, no, no. - This the last of it!

- You deserve this.
- I deserve this!

- Yeah, just a little bit.
- Alright, twisting my arm.

- Why is this so hard...
- This is the designer

Come on.

- On your back.
- No. - Yep. - No.

- Alright, that's us away then.
- No! Don't do it!

- Night night.
- Goodnight!

I need to go to bed.

Come on.

- Good game.
- Good game.

I won.

Peace up.

I'm glad we spotted your nice little buns, Jake.

Jake?

Valerie.

Valerie!

Jake!

- Oi, what're you doing?
- What am I doing?

- What're you doing? You were going
to leave without saying goodbye.

- I didn't want to wake you up.

You should've, I wanted to
see you this morning.

- I have something for you.
- Oh, really?

My dad gave it to me before I left.
It's supposed to be good luck while travelling.

It's a pig.

- Well, it's a lucky pig.
- It's a pink pig.

- Right, I'm going and...
- No, I really like it, stay.

- Thankyou.
- You're welcome.

I just.. Ah...
Yeah, I don't really have any pockets.

Let me see this a second.

This cup will do.

What're you laughing at?

Are you laughing at my arse?

No, pink suits you.

Cool.

- Cool.
- Do you wanna grab a photo?

- Together? - Yeah, sure. Good memory.
- One for the memories. - Yeah.

You ready?

- Cool.
- Thanks.

So I'll see you 'round?

Maybe.

- Hope so.
- I hope so.

Oh.

Umm.

Hmm.

It's this way.
This way.

Hey Cam. It's your mate Jake here.

Ah, I've got no food, and I'm going to die,

so I just wanted you to know,
you're dead to me..

If I die, you die.

Okay, bye.

Jake.
Mr. King.

- Gudday Mr. King. How are you sir?
- Well, I've been better, Jake.

The Huffington Post wrote
an article about me today.

ANd that's bad?

Yeah, they interviewed my
last personal assistant. - Oh.

- And she's not a fan?
- Well, she compared me with Joseph Stalin.

Hang on...

Come in!

Ah, good. Now, I haven't seen
many Tweets from you recently,

and, well, people need to know about
my generosity and warmth, Jake.

- Normal phones don't normally get
a signal out here Mr. King... - Hang on!

Ag, Vindaloo there.
Chicken Masala there.

Biryani there.

And Bhindi over there.

That's right, that's good
Brinjnoles there

And, ah, the other rice.

So! When will you have a signal?

Tomorrow. I'll make it to Kalbari and I'll
send a Tweet tomorrow. How 'bout that? - Faux!

Send more than one, Jake, please.

I mean, $200,000's a lot of money.

Well, not to me,
but it is to most people.

Listen, Mr. King, I'm a little bit starving.

- So. I was just wondering if you could please...
- Oh, this is beef vindaloo,

- I asked for kangaroo vindaloo.
- Mr. King?

It's people like you that are
responsible for racial hatred.

Hey, The Naked Wanderer!

- Oh shit...
- Calm down Jake, it's just me.

Eli, why can't you say hello
like a normal person?

You weren't planning on camping here tonight,
were you? Heaps of wild dogs in the area.

Wild dogs? What do I do
if I see a wild dog?

- Run. - Run? - Fast.
- How fast?

- Really fast.
- Oh.

Is there anything else I
need to look out for?

Oh, brown snakes, death adders,

funnel web spiders.
Scorpions. Black fellers.

You had dinner?

No. No, my support team
hasn't turned up yet.

All Good, start a fire.
I'll cook this.

A rat?

Cameron? You...

Where have you been?
Mate, I was so hungry, I had to eat a rat!

- I don't eat rat!
- Hey hey hey. Listen. Before you say anything,

you have no idea what I have been through to get here.
- Did you lose the map? - No.

- You lost the map, didn't you!
- No, you're wrong. I didn't lose the map.

- Thank God. - I lost my car.
- What?

And that had the map in it.

I don't even know what to do with
that statement, Cameron. Can I please,

- please, just have my food supplies.
- Did you not just hear me, I lost the car.

Your supplies are gone.
Oh, hang on. Not everything.

I bought you this.

- Thanks, looks delicious.
- You're welcome.

Can I just have some water then,
please, just anything, Cam mate.

You know what? Listen.
I didn't drink all my milk.

It's yours.

No, Cam, no!

- Did you do that on purpose?
- I'll go get some supplies.

- You did that on purpose
- I didn't do it on purpose. - Cam!

Cam, you can't leave me here without supplies.
- Just move your shit please.

- Cam, what're you doing?
- I'll see you later.

- Just wait, right!

- Cam!
- Let go of the car!

Cam!

Here we go.

Bloody bush rat!

Hey, little guy.

I didn't see you there.

Is this your home?
Sorry.

How about I just go back the way I came,
and we forgot we saw each other, hey?

Okay, I'm just gonna reach for my bag.

I won't hurt ya.

Aargh!

Aargh!

Aargh!

- Hey hey hey.
- Eli?

Eli, am I glad to see you.
Mate, I think I'm gonna die.

- I got bitten by a snake and I passed
out because of the poison.

- You were bitten by a python,
they don't have any venom.

No, no, it must have been a different snake
because as soon as it bit me I was knocked out.

- You passed out because you had a fever.
- A fever, what fever?

Yeah, you kinda shat yourself too.

What? No!

No!

Oh man. I got a massive headache as well.

Yeah, that's probably from the dragging.

- The dragging? What dragging?
- Well, when I found you, covered in crap,

the ants were crawling all over you,
so I couldn't just leave you there.

I wasn't gonna carry you due to the pooh,
so I dragged you.

I was careful, but this is the Outback,
and there are rocks around.

Let me get this straight.

I got bitten by a snake...

shat myself.

And then you dragged me
through rocks. Are you joking?

I think what you want to say is thanks.

Thanks.

The thing is, Jake...

I'm not feeling too good myself.
I've a bad stomach too.

Oh really? What do you think it is?

Well, when I found you,
passed out, covered in shit,

I laughed so hard I think I
pulled a muscle in my gut.

You dickhead!

Good morning mate.

That smells good.

Feeling better?

- Yeah. Yeah, I am.
- Seriously Jake...

I know this is for charity and all, but
why would you do this to yourself?

I'm actually doing it for a girl.

You've seen too many movies, mate.

Let me guess.
This girl is out of your league,

but by doing this walk,
you will show her you exist.

- Eh, not quite.
- I mean,

don't you know that it's only after we've
lost everything, we're free to do anything.

Wow.

Is that like,
an old Aboriginal saying?

No, it's from Fight Club.

The point is, you are on
an amazing journey

and you need to leave the past in
the past, and grow as you walk.

You will not be the same man who started this
journey by the end. And that is a good thing.

- That was from Forest Gump.
- No, that's from Eli, my brother.

Oh, thankyou!

- Thankyou very much!
- Hi, Jake.

- Congrats on the walk so far.
- Cheers.

- This is my daughter Teresa.
- Hello, Teresa.

- It's very nice to meet you.
- Ohh.

Thankyou.

Teresa, what did you want to say to Jake?

I just want to say thankyou.

You're very welcome. I'm glad I
could do something to help.

Come here.

- I like your hat.
- Thankyou.

- Okie dokie...
- Thanks, Jake.

- I wish there was more people in the world like you, Jake
- Jake, Jake, how do you feel?

I feel good, I feel like I'm
glad to have made it here

and I'm very grateful for
the support of everone here.

- Any incidents worth reporting so far?
- No, not really.

I'm having a good time,
I'm meeting some great people and

I'm trying not to get
killed by the local wildlife.

How do you feel about being
associated with King Global,

specifically Mr. King,
given the recent accusations?

The recent accuse...
No, I don't know anything about that,

so that's a no, 'no comment'.

Alright, I better...
Hey, you came!

I mean we just heard about
some crazy naked guy walking

through town, thought we'd come take a look.
- Really? Where is he?

Can't seem to see him anywhere...

Come on,

It's more like you were dying to see me, and
you drove all this way just to get a glimpse.

- Aye, that's closer to the truth.
- Keith!

- Are you okay, Jakey?
- Yeah, I'm good.

A little bit tired, but I'm alright.

- Hey, where're you guys staying tonight?
- Just at the Backpacker's in town.

D'you reckon they might have
room for little old me?

Valerie may have some room for you.

You can stay with us
tonight if you like.

- Hey, Jake!
- No, don't know you mate.

Oh mate, seriously?
You still angry at me?

Yeah, Cam, I am.

You're supposed to be my
support crew and so far

you've provided me with
zero support. So...

Okay... Cam, this is everyone, everyone
this is Cam. He's my house mate.

- He's a bit of a poor excuse for
a bestfriend at the moment.

- Come on Keith.
- Can I come with you guys?

Hey, I'm really glad you're here, because
there's something I wanted to tell you.

- Sounds serious.
- It is. Come on.

Look, it's a little bit awkward, so I'm
just gonna come out and say it. Alright?

I really don't appreciate you staring at
my nipples every chance you get.

- My eyes are up here, okay?

- Remind me, who's the one that couldn't
stop staring at me at the beach that day?

Was that...?

I know, I was just trying to make sure you
didnt have any insects on you.

- 'Cos Australia's a very dangerous place...
- Thanks, that's really, really thoughtful.

It's on my account.

- You really going okay?
- Yeah.

- Yeah, why?
- Well, you look like shit.

- I look like... Yeah I do, don't I.
- Yeah. - Ahh.

I'm really tired.

Yeah.

I mean, the walking's okay,
but I can't sleep at night.

- Why not?
- The noises... the desert.

People keep telling me about
these really sick kids, and...

You saw the girl back there and...

It makes me really sad.

You're doing your bit,
and that's what counts.

- Thanks.
- Yeah.

- Thanks.
- Come on. Tonight we will sleep inside.

Relax, and have a good rest.

- Promise, promise I won't get you drunk.
- Okay.

God, it is so good to eat
some deep-fried food.

So, how much further
do you have to walk?

I have to walk every day for the next
two months, and then I might be close.

Honestly mate, why would
you do that to yourself?

- Did it to win my ex back.
- Really? - Yeah.

She told me that I was boring,
so I'm doing it to prove her wrong.

Bloody hell... Is it working?

Yeah. Yeah kind of. She texted me today to say
that she misses me, so it's, y'know, good.

And what about Valerie?

- What about Valerie?
- Oh, it's pretty obvious, mate.

Nicky calls me socially retarded, and even I
can see the way you two look at each other.

- Yeah, but I've only just met her, mate.
Is that mental? - Very.

- Has she said anything about me?
- Doesna' need to mate.

Since she met you, she's been
a nightmare to travel with.

Every speck on the horizon - 'oh, is that Jake?'
'Is that Jake over there?'

It's like, she's a mad wee
puppy dog with her tongue...

- What're you two wankers gas bagging about?
- Puppies

- What?
- Puppies. You know, man's best friend.

I was just sayin' how lovely it would
be to own a puppy one day.

- Yeah, yeah. I love puppies too.
- Cam, I do not care what you think.

Jake, are you for real mate?
How many times do I have to say I'm sorry?

Alright, my car is full of
supplies for you. Let's go!

Jake, don't be so mean.
He's said he's sorry like a hundred times.

Okay, I forgive you for being
the worst person ever.

- Yeah, I'll take it.
- So, what drinking game are we playing tonight?

- Oh, no, Valerie, you promised.
- No!

Yes! Jake is not drinking tonight.

- He has a lot of walking ahead,
and we need to take care of him.

- We can still get pissed.
- That we can, baby.

Oh! Jake, I told the manager that you're staying
here, he gave you a room all to yourself.

- And when she says to yourself, she means...
- Keith, I told you, seriously!

- Do you want me to show you?
- Yeah, that'd be great.

- Your bag?
- Yeah.

They are on their way
to do some dirty shite.

Oh, grow up, baby!

- Jake's probably not gonna finish that.
- No, go for it.

- Let me help you relax.
- Oh, what makes you think that I'm tense?

Oh, my God, I don't know.

- Hpw's that?
- That's actually really amazing.

Hey, I've been wondering. What made you want
to come out and drive around Australia?

Well, the short version is,
I've always wanted to.

And the long version?

My sister told me to get
away from my 'loser ex'.

- Oh.
- Yeah.

What happened to you two?
- If you don't mind me asking.

- That's an even longer story.
- That's fine, 'cause I'm lovin' this massage.

I started dating him around
the time my niece got sick.

He was, umm... Well, I was spending a
lot of time with her in the hospital,

and helping out my sister.

He was really supportive at first, but...

eventually he just hated the
fact that I was never in the

mood to go and party, or whatever,
so he dumped me.

- Really? - Yeah.
- Wow. I bet he regrets that now.

No more sad talk.
I'm with the famous Naked Wanderer.

Oh come off it.
Come on, I'm hardly famous.

I was with some girls yesterday,

and told them that we met. It was like I
went backstage at a One Direction concert.

Woah woah woah, did you just admit
to being a One Direction fan?

- No... - You did! - I'm just saying that everyone
loves you, everyone's obsessed with you.

I've no idea why.

You're really awesome.

- Thanks.
- Can I kiss you?

Val?

Hey.

- Leaving without saying goodbye, again!
- What!

- No, no, I was looking for you.
- I know. I'm kidding.

- I got up early and bought you a juice.
- Thankyou.

Cam's gone too, by the way.
He told me to tell you he's 'on to it'?

- Oh, he's on to it? - Yes. - Yeah.
I think we'll see about that.

So, ah, thanks for helping me to relax

- last night. It was really fun.
- It was.

You know, Jake, at the end of this drive

I don't have to go home right away.

- Oh, what, you gonna stay back and do a bit more travelling?
- No.

No, I was thinking more along the lines of hanging
out with you when you'd finished your walk.

Oh, right. Yeah. That'd be heaps
better than what I just said.

So, you would want to hang
out more, after your walk?

Yeah, of course. What, d'you just want
to keep walking with me now?

No, I wouldn't make it a day.
Plus Nicky would kill Keith if I'm not there.

True.
But I will see you again on this walk, right?

- Well, we're going to Coral Bay next.
- I'm not going there.

- Onslow?
- It's too far away.

- What about, umm, Karatha?
- Karatha, yeah, yeah. I'm goin' there.

Though not for about three weeks.

Oh.

Okay.

Three weeks.

Well, just...

make sure you're there.

Yes ma'am.

- Bye.
- Bye.

Bye.

Angel, get your passport.

Angel, is that you?
Why aren't you in London?

- What're you doing here?
- I need to talk to you, Jake,

And I thought it was really important
that we do it face to face.

Okay, what's going on?

- It's Mr. King.
- What's happening with Mr. King?

He's suffering.

I know that he's done some stupid things,
but he's such a good man.

- Okay.
- Nobody sees him the way that I see him.

They just want to tear him down.

Because they don't know
that he has feelings

I just can't stand to see him suffer.
I'm so sorry

- You must think I'm so stupid.
- Hey, hey.

You love him.
I get it.

We all do crazy things
for people we love.

I... I do...
I do love him. I...

Never told anyone that before.

So...

Could you please, please help.

You know what? I'll do it right now.

- Keep it coming.
- I will. I will.

Ok, so... I have to go.

But can we keep this little
chat between you and I?

- It's in the vault.

Okay, it's sorted.

I think we'll get plenty of thanks

from The Naked Wanderer from now on.

Thankyou.

Thankyou so much. Hello.

Thanks brother.

Thanks very much.
Appreciate it. Thankyou.

Val!

Who's that?

That is Valerie.

- Hey, I told you I'd make it.
- You came.

Thankyou, Cam.
But what is she doing with Jake?

They met, at thestart of the walk

and hit it off right away.

Ahh...

Hey!

- You look great.
- Thankyou.

- Keithy, how you doing?
- Hi there man.

She's a nice girl.

- Actually...
- Oh Jake, hi!

Hi! Jas, what a surprise.
I cannot believe you're here!

- Hi Valerie.
- Hi Cam, nice to see you. - You too.

Valerie, this is Jasmine.

- Jasmine is ahh an old friend from home.
- A friend?

Oh, I think we're more
than friends, Jake.

Well, he did ask me to marry him.

And you did say no,
and you broke up with me.

It's nice to meet you, Jasmine.

I'll see you all later.

What?

Jasmine asked me where she could
visit you, and I told her. That's it.

I just picked her up at the airport,
drove her here.

Made sure she saw you with Valerie.

- What'd you say?
- What? Nothing. Anyway mate. This is great.

Can't you see now Jasmine dumping
you was for the best?

- Yeah, I guess.
- Oh, you guess, do you?

Mate, why would you want to be with
someone who treats you like that?

I'm just glad Valerie was
so cool about it.

She's not cool.
She was pissed mate, pissed,

cannot believe you invited your ex here.
She thinks you still love her.

I didn't invite her here, Cam did.

- What the hell am I gonna do?
- Look, don't worry about it now.

- We got a party to go to.
- Party? What party?

The lady that runs this caravan park?
Mad for you, mate.

She invited the whole bloody town.

- Her names not Helena, is it?
- No idea.

But mate, I told her you were
staying here, she was psyching!

- Are you pissing, Keith?
- Aye.

Alright, Cam. Your job is to keep
Jasmine the hell away from Valerie.

- No problem mate. Awesome.

- Keith, if you can keep Nicky busy,
so I can get some time alone with Val.

Can do, mate.
What's the plan?

- Well, I think I'm gonna tell her how I feel.
- Ahh, which is how?

- I think I love her.
- Jake, Jake!

Help me! Help!

It's so good to see you!

It's so good!

And you brought some
young friends with you.

Ohh! How I wish I was twenty
years younger.

Helena.

- GHelena, what're you doing here?
- This is my caravan park too,

- Of course it is.
- Come along!

There's a huge welcoming party
for The Naked Wanderer!

He's here everyone!
Three cheers!

Ladies and gentlemen!

- Let's hear it for The Naked Wanderer!
- Valerie...

As part of today's fun, we have
organised a karaoke competition!

And we thought it's only fair,
for you to go first.

Ladies and gentlemen,
The Naked Wanderer!

Okie dokey, umm...

This song goes out to a really beautiful,

special girl who's here today

She knows who she is.

Is this on?

Hello? Ah we're on...

Let's go!

Thankyou!

Yeah mate. I mean, we were just like, sitting
around at home one day, and he was

like, 'I'm gonna go on this big charity walk

have as much sex as I can with
as many randoms as I can.'

- Jeez.
- I know, right?

And that song that he just sung,
that was for some

little hottie that he's already
boned along the way.

- What a legend!
- Killing it!

The sad thing is though, Jake,
is one of those, like, good guys

now he's gone and bloody
fallen in love with her.

Such a loser.

Now look, you've already moved
on from me to the next girl?

Well, just in case you forgot, Jas,
you said that I was boring,

you said that I wasn't enough,
and you broke up with me.

Yeah. I know, but that was a mistake

Baby, I love you, and I will marry you!

Jas, Jas, Jas...

Jasmine, Jasmine, listen, listen to me.
It's too late.

We're clearly not right for each other,
and I don't feel that way anymore.

But...

But I came all the way
up here to see you.

Yeah, and I appreciate that, but...

We're done.

Okay?

Can I have my ring back?

Can I have my ring back?

Jas, can I please have my ring back?

Thankyou.

Valerie!
Val!

Val!
Valerie!

- Wait, wait, where're you going?
- Hoy, Jake!

- Cam, what the fuck is going on?
- I don't know.

Well I don't understand,
Did you say something?

- Hey, I know I can be a dick sometimes...
- Sometimes?

Yeah, alright, a lot of the times.
But I didn't say anything. I promise.

- Alright, let's jump in the car and go after her.
- You can't drive. My uncle will kill you.

Well, I've gotta do somethin'.

Listen, whatever you're thinking about doing,
just do the opposite. Okay?

- I'm gonna walk after her.
- Yes, see, listen, I knew you were gonna say that.

That's why I said, do the opposite.

You don't understand mate.
I've fallen for this girl.

- Okay, I've never felt this way about...
- Stop.

I don't want to hear all the
romantic bullshit, okay?

Just go.

- I'll see you at the finish line, alright?
- Yeah, righto.

- Hey hey hey.

- Take that.
- What's this?

Keith wrote down all the places they were
gonna be going, so we could, like, hang out.

- Thanks man. I really appreciate it.
- Yeah, yeah.

- Hey, Jake.
- Yeah?

- I like Valerie, man, she's cool.
- Oh, she is.

I'm starting to think this oil Cameron gave
me doesn't protect me from the sun at all.

Why would you listen to Cam?
He's not exactly the smartest guy.

- Aye, but he's a great tan.
- Babe...

You're Scottish.
You're not meant to have a tan.

What d'you think Valerie,
is my skin turnin' brown?

Don't care, Keith,
you look like a moron.

Oh good one, Keith.

- What'd I say?
- You mentioned Cam, best friends with Jake.

- You know that upsets her.
- No, I don't. I don't know.

Because you two nutcases
won't tell me.

All I want to know is why we had
to leave a bloody good party.

"This product stimulates melanin production..."

Nice try, Eli.

Hey, Jake, you getting sharper.

- Can't stop mate, how yer goin'?
- Hey, wait there, what's goin' on?

I'm in a bit of a rush.
Gonna find someone.

- Tell me it's not the ex?
- No.

- Oh, so old mate Eli was spot
on with the advice, eh?

Yeah, I guess you could say that.
Hey, d'you wanna walk with me?

I would, but you being almost naked
makes me uncomfortable.

- Oh right. Makes you uncomfortable.
- Yeah. - How do you think I feel?

- Listen, do I have to tell you...
- Hey Eli! - You fucking...

- Do you want a fancy new sat phone? - Yeah!
- I've been trying to get through to you...

- Enjoy, brother.
- I will!

- Hello?
- Cameron, it's uncle Brian.

Oh, hey, hi uncle Brian.
Umm, what can I do for you?

You could put that friend
of yours on the phone.

Yeah, umm, he's not here right now.

Well where the hell is he?

I'm not too sure at this
point of time, to be honest.

Cameron, I know you and I are family,
and family is important,

but if your mate doesn't call me back today,
I will have you killed.

Or worse...
I'll have your dad cut you off.

- Who was that?
- Hey, no-one.

Go back to sleep.

Or if...

You know, if you're not tired, we could...

do something else.

Ah. Yeah.

Ooh, come here!

Come on!

Angel?

Is that you?

You really are dehydrated.

- What're you doin' here?
- We have a tracker, remember?

Oh, hey Mr. King.

- Why haven't you been answering my calls?
- I lost my sat phone.

Oh, yeah, yeah, that's right. That's why we were able
to track you, right? Don't lie to me, Jake.

No, honestly. I don't have it.
How the hell did you find me?

I suggest you shut up and listen, Jake.

- I want you to do something for me, Jake.
- Yeah, what's that?

A U.S. news program wants
to do a big story on you.

The deadline is Friday week,

so you gotta finish the walk in ten days.

Ten days?
No, it's gonna take me three weeks.

- Listen to me, you little...
- Mr. King! Your anger.

Please, allow me.

Jake, you're doing such a wonderful job.

And what Mr. King meant, was

it would be really fantastic if you
could finish this walk in ten days.

- And he'll double your donation.
- Argh, I'll throw money...

- Four hundred grand?
- Exactly.

Yeah, okay. I'll do my best.

You can do better than that.
Do it.

- I'll do it.
- Excellent.

You fuck...

How the fuck did you find me?

- How did... Well.

- Where'd you come from?
- You're not hard to track with all this sand around.

Mate.

I gotta find Valerie.
I need to get here.

Come on. I know a short cut.

Woah woah. Hold up.

My loin cloth's come undone again.

What is it?

Remember what I said about the dogs?

- Run?
- Run, run!

Run!

Oh shiiit!

So...

Are we good?

- Not really.
- What d'you mean, Angel?

- He's not here. And there's no sign of him.

Fuckin' hell!

Yeah, yeah, my team is lost.

It's okay, I speak English.

Why didn't you say so, you
garlic munching drongo? Bastard.

- Beg your pardon sir?
- No worries.

Another one of those.

Is that him?

Hoy! He's here!

Oh shit! Are you alright?

Mate, are you alright?
Hey hey hey!

- Jake, are you okay?
- Who's got a phone? Who's got a phone?

- I'm gonna call an ambulance.
- Stay down on the ground.

- What happened?
- We got chased by a pack of wild dogs.

- Wild dogs did this?
- Not exactly.

We were running away from them,
and he fell down a cliff.

Heaps of sharp rocks.

Thanks mate.

Hey, thanks guys.

- I'm Nicky.
- I'm Eli.

- And that's Keithie. That's Valerie.
- Valerie, eh?

I think I know a friend of yours.

Gudday. How ya doin'.

Our next guest has been
the talk of this years

Nightingale Children's Hospital appeal.

He's walked the length of the
state, just to be here with us tonight,

and hopefully, he's raised a
lot of money in doing so.

Please welcome, Jake,
The Naked Wanderer.

Thankyou.

Hey, one, two, three, four,

five, bang!

Jake, that was quite the rock star welcome.
How did that feel?

Yeah, that was very, very cool. Thanks.

- Okay, so just stay on 9 'til the end here
then just drift across...

...2,500 kilometers, naked, I might add.
You've been chased by wild...

Wait a minute, you can't
be in here right now...

Gentlemen, sorry to interrupt.
Your CEO Brian King.

- Have a seat, Mr. King.
- I need to talk to that kid.

So, how much was this walk worth?

How much has The Naked Wanderer
raised for the hospital?

Remember Jake, Mr. King, great guy,
very generous, selfless.

Well, along with my major sponsor,

the amazing Mr. King, King Global

and all the generous people that I met
along the way who gave me money,

and the people who raised
funds on my behalf,

I have a cheque for $522,000.

Thanks.

That is amazing.

- Congratulations, and thankyou from everyone here.
- You're very welcome.

A lot of people thought you were a little
crazy for attempting something like this.

You've got to admit, there are
easier ways to raise money.

Yeah. There are.

So, what made you wake up one day,
and decide to walk to Broome?

- Honestly, Amelia?
- Of course.

I did it because of a girl.

Hi, is the charity event upstairs?

No, no. You couldn't have
done it without Brian King.

No, no, seriously.
I proposed to my then girlfriend.

Was rejected, dumped,

and I thought this would be the
best way to win her back.

And, did it work?

Yeah, kinda. My ex wanted
to get back together, but

I realised I didn't want
to be with her anymore.

You see, on my walk,
I met the girl of my dreams.

Her name's Valerie
and we hit it off straight away.

She's smart, and she's funny.

She's really beautiful.

And I'm really sexually
attracted to her.

- Jake, it's a family show.
- Oh, shit! I'm sorry! Sorry!

Yeah, but then just as I was about
to tell her how I felt...

She vanished.

And you've no idea why?

Nup.

- Because I'm an idiot.
- Valerie?

Ah, excuse me miss?
We're live here.

Not now, Amelia. Valerie?

Send the camera down to that girl.

No, no camera to the girl.
Now listen to me.

I want you to tell 'em what
an inspiration I've been.

Sorry.

I'm so sorry I left you.

I didn't understand why.

Because I overheard Cameron talking
about your plan to get girls,

and I saw you with Jasmine,
and I freaked out.

No, no.

I was about to tell you
that I was falling for you.

Well...

You can tell me now.

No.

I've walked thousands of kilometers.

I got stung by a jellyfish.
I got bitten by a snake.

I slept in the dirt,
I got covered in my own...

I got chased by a pack of wild dogs
and I fell off a cliff.

And through all of that,
all I could think about was you.

So you need to tell
me how you feel.

I think I'm falling in love with you,
Naked Jake.

- Really?
- Really.

I love you so much.

Oh, right...

The Naked Wanderer, ladies and gentlemen.
We'll be back in a moment.

- Angel?
- Yes?

Will you marry me?

No.

Worth a try.

Oh, fuck.