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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,337 --> 00:00:04,862 ♪ It seems today that all you see ♪ 2 00:00:04,863 --> 00:00:08,250 ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪ 3 00:00:08,251 --> 00:00:11,869 ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ 4 00:00:11,870 --> 00:00:14,706 ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪ 5 00:00:14,707 --> 00:00:18,167 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪ 6 00:00:18,168 --> 00:00:21,521 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ 7 00:00:21,522 --> 00:00:23,006 ♪ All the things that make us ♪ 8 00:00:23,007 --> 00:00:24,691 ♪ Laugh and cry ♪ 9 00:00:24,692 --> 00:00:30,029 ♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪ 10 00:00:33,776 --> 00:00:36,903 (indistinct chatter) 11 00:00:36,904 --> 00:00:39,522 Thanks for coming to our cocktail party, everyone. 12 00:00:39,523 --> 00:00:41,616 We're so glad you could make it. 13 00:00:41,617 --> 00:00:43,067 That's the speech you were working on? 14 00:00:43,068 --> 00:00:44,694 Okay, now let's play a game. 15 00:00:44,695 --> 00:00:46,288 It's called: "Everybody give me an idea 16 00:00:46,289 --> 00:00:47,697 what time you're leaving." 17 00:00:47,698 --> 00:00:49,216 Settle down, Peter. 18 00:00:49,217 --> 00:00:51,293 Hey, is the party good out there? Can I come out? 19 00:00:51,294 --> 00:00:53,262 No, Brian, you're fine in the kitchen. 20 00:00:53,263 --> 00:00:54,888 Is there food on the floor? I can clean it up! 21 00:00:54,889 --> 00:00:57,040 - No. - Oh, come on. 22 00:00:57,041 --> 00:00:59,083 Joe just dropped a cracker. Joe just dropped a cracker! 23 00:00:59,084 --> 00:01:01,544 - (scratching on door) - Damn it, Brian! 24 00:01:01,545 --> 00:01:04,547 I can't figure out how to open the gate. 25 00:01:04,548 --> 00:01:06,591 Well, since this is a nice cocktail party, 26 00:01:06,592 --> 00:01:08,402 let's talk about books. 27 00:01:08,403 --> 00:01:10,145 What book is everyone reading? 28 00:01:10,146 --> 00:01:12,072 I only read four books in my life, 29 00:01:12,073 --> 00:01:13,890 and three of them were about Johnny Bench. 30 00:01:13,891 --> 00:01:15,558 Ah, I can top that. 31 00:01:15,559 --> 00:01:17,485 I ain't ever read a book in my entire life. 32 00:01:17,486 --> 00:01:18,912 (all gasp) 33 00:01:18,913 --> 00:01:20,747 - Never read a book? - Peter's never read a book! 34 00:01:20,748 --> 00:01:22,774 Yeah, I heard the first guy. 35 00:01:22,775 --> 00:01:26,086 And you said this was a fancy cocktail party. 36 00:01:26,087 --> 00:01:27,945 Reginald, we're leaving! 37 00:01:27,946 --> 00:01:30,590 (indistinct chatter) 38 00:01:30,591 --> 00:01:32,617 Damn it! I shopped at Trader Joe's 39 00:01:32,618 --> 00:01:35,119 for this fancy cocktail party, and once again, 40 00:01:35,120 --> 00:01:36,579 your ignorance of books has ruined it. 41 00:01:36,580 --> 00:01:38,414 Enough is enough. 42 00:01:38,415 --> 00:01:41,084 I got a junior high book list here, and starting tomorrow, 43 00:01:41,085 --> 00:01:42,960 you are reading one of these books. 44 00:01:42,961 --> 00:01:45,680 Little Women, Holes, The Giver. 45 00:01:45,681 --> 00:01:47,015 These are all porn categories. 46 00:01:47,016 --> 00:01:48,633 Black Beauty. 47 00:01:48,634 --> 00:01:50,718 Is there anything here that's not pornography? 48 00:01:50,719 --> 00:01:53,355 1984! Just read 1984. 49 00:01:53,356 --> 00:01:55,765 Fine. Geez. I'll read 1984. 50 00:01:55,766 --> 00:01:57,975 You better, 'cause this was more embarrassing 51 00:01:57,976 --> 00:02:01,029 than when we played truth or dare with present-day Madonna. 52 00:02:01,030 --> 00:02:03,865 Ah... truth. 53 00:02:03,866 --> 00:02:06,126 Do I look younger than 90? 54 00:02:06,127 --> 00:02:07,752 Dare. 55 00:02:11,799 --> 00:02:14,209 Ah, the public library. 56 00:02:14,210 --> 00:02:16,711 I'm just gonna put my backpack down for one second. 57 00:02:16,712 --> 00:02:18,121 And it's gone. 58 00:02:18,122 --> 00:02:19,714 My laptop was in there, no password. 59 00:02:19,715 --> 00:02:20,957 My wallet. Everything. 60 00:02:20,958 --> 00:02:22,384 That person is now me. 61 00:02:22,385 --> 00:02:24,460 My entire life went away. (sighs) 62 00:02:24,461 --> 00:02:26,671 Hey, how do you find something in here? 63 00:02:26,672 --> 00:02:29,724 It's a lot easier than finding a man out there. 64 00:02:29,725 --> 00:02:31,893 (laughs) 65 00:02:31,894 --> 00:02:34,137 (laughs) Yeah. Yeah, maybe wash your hair, 66 00:02:34,138 --> 00:02:35,897 lose the bun, give that a chance. 67 00:02:35,898 --> 00:02:37,640 Anyway, you guys have 1984? 68 00:02:37,641 --> 00:02:39,684 We've got it on CD. 69 00:02:39,685 --> 00:02:41,403 "C-D." (laughs) 70 00:02:41,404 --> 00:02:44,814 Sounds like my high school report card. (laughs) 71 00:02:44,815 --> 00:02:47,666 (laughs) Okay, okay, all right, all right. 72 00:02:49,912 --> 00:02:52,247 Okay, boring book: 1984. 73 00:02:52,248 --> 00:02:53,990 I am ready for you to be lame 74 00:02:53,991 --> 00:02:56,200 and a book and not something unexpected. 75 00:02:56,201 --> 00:02:58,302 (Van Halen's "Panama" plays) 76 00:03:00,348 --> 00:03:03,040 - ♪ Oh, yeah... ♪ - (gasps) This is books? 77 00:03:03,041 --> 00:03:07,186 - Books kick ass! - ♪ Panama, Pana... ♪ 78 00:03:09,265 --> 00:03:11,816 Probably reading Orwell. 79 00:03:15,179 --> 00:03:17,013 Kids, where's your father? 80 00:03:17,014 --> 00:03:18,723 He left a note. 81 00:03:18,724 --> 00:03:20,742 "If Van Halen calls, tell them they rule." 82 00:03:20,743 --> 00:03:21,851 What? 83 00:03:21,852 --> 00:03:24,871 ♪ Panama... ♪ 84 00:03:24,872 --> 00:03:28,065 - Did they call? - Peter, what are you doing?! 85 00:03:28,066 --> 00:03:31,068 I did what you wanted. I went to the library and I got 1984. 86 00:03:31,069 --> 00:03:34,047 (chuckles) What a book! 87 00:03:34,048 --> 00:03:37,217 Peter, I'm not okay with this new Van Halen phase of yours. 88 00:03:37,218 --> 00:03:39,076 Yeah, Dad, it's crazy. 89 00:03:39,077 --> 00:03:42,964 Like JFK deciding to cruise through Dallas in a rental. 90 00:03:42,965 --> 00:03:44,891 How'd that convertible work out for you? 91 00:03:44,892 --> 00:03:47,543 Yeah, I don't... I don't know. Good. Okay. 92 00:03:47,544 --> 00:03:49,921 And did you get all your stuff out of the car? 93 00:03:49,922 --> 00:03:51,973 Kind of. 94 00:03:51,974 --> 00:03:53,591 ♪ Panama... ♪ 95 00:03:53,592 --> 00:03:55,235 MAN: All units, this is Dispatch. 96 00:03:55,236 --> 00:03:57,737 We've got a red station wagon blasting "Panama" 97 00:03:57,738 --> 00:03:59,981 and being awesome and partying and being rad. 98 00:03:59,982 --> 00:04:02,433 OFFICER: Not in my town, Dispatch. 99 00:04:02,434 --> 00:04:06,154 This is Officer Stickbutt, in pursuit. 100 00:04:06,155 --> 00:04:07,605 ♪ Whoo! ♪ 101 00:04:07,606 --> 00:04:08,622 ♪ ♪ 102 00:04:09,917 --> 00:04:12,109 MAN: Stickbutt, break off pursuit. 103 00:04:12,110 --> 00:04:14,829 "Panama" kicks too much ass and shreds way too hard. 104 00:04:14,830 --> 00:04:16,256 You'll never catch him. 105 00:04:16,257 --> 00:04:18,425 Negative, Dispatch. Just need to wait 106 00:04:18,426 --> 00:04:21,452 for that "Runnin' a little bit hot tonight" part. 107 00:04:21,453 --> 00:04:23,838 ♪ Yeah, we're runnin' a little bit hot tonight ♪ 108 00:04:23,839 --> 00:04:27,100 OFFICER: Bingo. Got him now. 109 00:04:27,101 --> 00:04:29,126 ♪ I can barely see the road ♪ 110 00:04:29,127 --> 00:04:30,461 ♪ From the heat coming off of it ♪ 111 00:04:30,462 --> 00:04:32,105 (tires screeching) 112 00:04:32,106 --> 00:04:34,131 OFFICER: What's he doing?! 113 00:04:34,132 --> 00:04:36,926 Suspect is headed toward Unjumpable Canyon. 114 00:04:36,927 --> 00:04:39,262 - It's totally unjumpable! - ♪ Ease the seat back... ♪ 115 00:04:39,263 --> 00:04:42,932 - Unless... - Unless what, Stickbutt? Over. 116 00:04:42,933 --> 00:04:45,285 OFFICER: Dear God, he's gonna do it. 117 00:04:45,286 --> 00:04:48,604 He's gonna time his jump for the greatest harmonized sound drop 118 00:04:48,605 --> 00:04:50,532 in '80s rock history. 119 00:04:50,533 --> 00:04:52,200 You're right. The part that goes... 120 00:04:52,201 --> 00:04:54,151 ♪ Ain't no stoppin' ♪ 121 00:04:54,152 --> 00:04:58,447 ♪ Now...! ♪ 122 00:04:58,448 --> 00:05:03,953 (holding note) 123 00:05:03,954 --> 00:05:06,047 - ♪ Panama ♪ - Damn it! 124 00:05:06,048 --> 00:05:08,308 - JOE: What? What happened? - Get off this channel, Joe. 125 00:05:08,309 --> 00:05:11,127 JOE: Come on, I want to be an outside cop! 126 00:05:11,128 --> 00:05:12,895 ♪ Panama. ♪ 127 00:05:16,341 --> 00:05:18,226 (whistles) 128 00:05:18,227 --> 00:05:20,820 ♪ Panama. ♪ 129 00:05:20,821 --> 00:05:22,730 Damn it, Peter, I'm sick of this! 130 00:05:22,731 --> 00:05:25,066 Take that Van Halen CD back today. 131 00:05:25,067 --> 00:05:26,826 No way. I ain't never returning that CD. 132 00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:28,978 It's too awesome. 133 00:05:28,979 --> 00:05:30,855 I didn't want to play this card, Peter, but... 134 00:05:30,856 --> 00:05:32,481 if you won't listen to me, 135 00:05:32,482 --> 00:05:35,192 listen to the pancake with slices of banana on it. 136 00:05:35,193 --> 00:05:37,003 (gasps) Oh, my God. 137 00:05:37,004 --> 00:05:38,838 But you're always smiling. 138 00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:40,674 Note the maple syrup tears. 139 00:05:40,675 --> 00:05:43,676 Don't you think I see the maple syrup tears, Lois?! 140 00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:50,641 I guess my Van Halen days are over. 141 00:05:53,429 --> 00:05:55,855 (engine revving) 142 00:05:55,856 --> 00:05:58,549 No, no, no. Those days are behind me. 143 00:05:58,550 --> 00:06:00,568 I made a promise to a pancake. 144 00:06:02,771 --> 00:06:04,698 ♪ On and on ♪ 145 00:06:04,699 --> 00:06:08,109 ♪ He just keeps on trying ♪ 146 00:06:08,110 --> 00:06:12,229 ♪ And he smiles when he feels like crying... ♪ 147 00:06:12,230 --> 00:06:14,782 ♪ Panama ♪ 148 00:06:14,783 --> 00:06:16,451 - ♪ On and on ♪ - ♪ Panama ♪ 149 00:06:16,452 --> 00:06:18,211 ♪ On and on ♪ 150 00:06:18,212 --> 00:06:20,380 - ♪ Pan... ♪ - (engines revving) 151 00:06:20,381 --> 00:06:23,532 ♪ Ain't nothin' like it, her shiny machine ♪ 152 00:06:23,533 --> 00:06:27,295 ♪ Got the feel for the wheel, keep the movin' parts clean ♪ 153 00:06:27,296 --> 00:06:28,963 ♪ Hot shoe ♪ 154 00:06:28,964 --> 00:06:31,224 - Yeah! - ♪ Burnin' down the avenue ♪ 155 00:06:31,225 --> 00:06:33,417 - ♪ Got an on... ♪ - ♪ On and on... ♪ 156 00:06:33,418 --> 00:06:38,089 ♪ Bedroom, don't you know she's coming home with me? ♪ 157 00:06:38,090 --> 00:06:40,549 - ♪ You'll lose her in the turn ♪ - (laughs) Working squirrel. 158 00:06:40,550 --> 00:06:43,552 (yells) 159 00:06:43,553 --> 00:06:45,446 (whimpers) 160 00:06:49,985 --> 00:06:51,152 (beeps twice) 161 00:06:51,153 --> 00:06:52,912 Hey, in case you need it, 162 00:06:52,913 --> 00:06:55,064 someone left this business card at the crash site. 163 00:06:55,065 --> 00:06:57,900 Looks like there's a new squirrel in the insurance game. 164 00:06:57,901 --> 00:06:59,753 I don't care about that, Dr. Hartman. 165 00:06:59,754 --> 00:07:02,571 Just tell me what's wrong with my husband. 166 00:07:02,572 --> 00:07:04,924 I'm sorry, Mrs. Griffin, but your husband... 167 00:07:04,925 --> 00:07:06,784 is in a coma. 168 00:07:06,785 --> 00:07:08,428 Oh, my God! 169 00:07:08,429 --> 00:07:10,913 And to deliver the news to your teenage children, 170 00:07:10,914 --> 00:07:12,790 I've hired an EDM DJ. 171 00:07:12,791 --> 00:07:14,768 ♪ Your father's in a coma ♪ 172 00:07:14,769 --> 00:07:17,011 (pitch rising): ♪ Coma, coma, coma, coma, coma ♪ 173 00:07:17,012 --> 00:07:18,754 (deep voice): ♪ He's gonna die. ♪ 174 00:07:18,755 --> 00:07:20,682 This is awesome! 175 00:07:20,683 --> 00:07:24,026 Yeah, I saw this guy playing at an H&M, and I got his number! 176 00:07:31,026 --> 00:07:32,810 My husband is in a coma?! 177 00:07:32,811 --> 00:07:34,454 I'm afraid so. 178 00:07:34,455 --> 00:07:36,814 I mean, he's not responding to my advances, 179 00:07:36,815 --> 00:07:39,125 so it's either a coma, or he's a frigid bitch. 180 00:07:39,126 --> 00:07:40,818 We'll leave you with him now. 181 00:07:40,819 --> 00:07:42,820 But it's very important that you speak to Peter. 182 00:07:42,821 --> 00:07:44,447 He can hear you. 183 00:07:44,448 --> 00:07:46,949 Talk about the good times, what he means to you. 184 00:07:46,950 --> 00:07:49,093 Talk and keep talking. 185 00:07:57,978 --> 00:08:00,938 Psh-psh-pshew. 186 00:08:01,890 --> 00:08:04,559 Let's just turn on the TV. 187 00:08:04,560 --> 00:08:06,694 ANNOUNCER: We now return to The Simpsons. 188 00:08:10,682 --> 00:08:12,400 Meme. 189 00:08:12,401 --> 00:08:13,993 Not a meme. 190 00:08:13,994 --> 00:08:15,995 Meme. 191 00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:17,454 Not a meme. 192 00:08:19,166 --> 00:08:21,375 Where am I? Hey, let me out. Let me out! 193 00:08:24,029 --> 00:08:28,215 (deep voice): Hello, Peter. 194 00:08:36,541 --> 00:08:39,852 (squishing) 195 00:09:08,698 --> 00:09:11,959 What did I ever do to deserve this?! 196 00:09:11,960 --> 00:09:15,054 Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no! 197 00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:16,705 Oh, yeah! 198 00:09:16,706 --> 00:09:18,749 (whimpering) 199 00:09:18,750 --> 00:09:20,835 The Godfather insists upon itself. 200 00:09:20,836 --> 00:09:23,212 - It insists upon itself. - It insists upon itself. 201 00:09:23,213 --> 00:09:25,256 The Godfather insists upon itself. 202 00:09:25,257 --> 00:09:27,341 - It insists upon itself. - It insists upon itself. 203 00:09:27,342 --> 00:09:29,009 It insists upon itself. 204 00:09:29,010 --> 00:09:30,594 The Godfather insists upon itself. 205 00:09:30,595 --> 00:09:31,905 - It insists... - It insists... 206 00:09:31,906 --> 00:09:34,056 Ah, no! Wait! I agree with all of you! 207 00:09:34,057 --> 00:09:35,199 Upon itself. 208 00:09:41,064 --> 00:09:43,491 Has the jury reached a verdict? 209 00:09:43,492 --> 00:09:44,992 We have, Your Honor. 210 00:09:44,993 --> 00:09:46,920 And how do you find the defendant? 211 00:09:46,921 --> 00:09:49,330 B'caw, or not b'caw? 212 00:09:49,331 --> 00:09:52,575 We find the defendant, Peter Griffin, b'caw. 213 00:09:52,576 --> 00:09:55,837 (chickens clucking) 214 00:09:55,838 --> 00:09:59,123 Peter Griffin, I hereby sentence you 215 00:09:59,124 --> 00:10:03,085 to an awkward apology dinner with Joaquin Phoenix. 216 00:10:03,086 --> 00:10:04,937 (gentle piano music playing) 217 00:10:06,965 --> 00:10:09,967 Well... I'm waiting. 218 00:10:09,968 --> 00:10:12,687 Hey, if, uh, this goes south, 219 00:10:12,688 --> 00:10:16,265 is there a plan for Peter's rakes? 220 00:10:16,266 --> 00:10:18,785 Um... who's gonna get Peter's rakes? 221 00:10:18,786 --> 00:10:21,145 What did I tell you, Mom? What did I tell you? 222 00:10:21,146 --> 00:10:22,622 Well, I just thought it would be one less thing 223 00:10:22,623 --> 00:10:24,031 to worry about later. 224 00:10:24,032 --> 00:10:26,292 You came out of the blocks too soon, Joe. 225 00:10:26,293 --> 00:10:29,537 Oh, Lois, I came as soon as I heard. 226 00:10:29,538 --> 00:10:33,282 So... h-have you guys made any arrangements rake-wise? 227 00:10:33,283 --> 00:10:35,784 Bonnie. Ix-nay on the akes-ray. 228 00:10:35,785 --> 00:10:37,678 (sustained beeping) 229 00:10:39,882 --> 00:10:41,290 Clear! 230 00:10:41,291 --> 00:10:44,477 No, you do stuff up here. Clear! 231 00:10:44,478 --> 00:10:46,003 Clear! 232 00:10:46,004 --> 00:10:48,464 - (sustained beeping) - Clear! 233 00:10:48,465 --> 00:10:49,891 Clear! 234 00:10:49,892 --> 00:10:52,059 - (sustained beeping) - Clear! 235 00:10:52,060 --> 00:10:54,011 (monitor beeping steadily) 236 00:10:54,012 --> 00:10:56,990 No, that's the good sound. 237 00:10:56,991 --> 00:10:59,183 Oh, well, why don't you just do everything. 238 00:10:59,184 --> 00:11:01,143 I hate this stupid hospital. 239 00:11:01,144 --> 00:11:03,162 Clear! 240 00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:04,906 (cheering and applause) 241 00:11:04,907 --> 00:11:06,748 (playing "Panama") 242 00:11:09,694 --> 00:11:11,654 - What are they all doing here? - The canal. 243 00:11:11,655 --> 00:11:13,748 - She is finished. - What canal? 244 00:11:13,749 --> 00:11:16,825 Think, senor. What is your new favorite song? 245 00:11:16,826 --> 00:11:18,511 - "Panama"? - Sí. 246 00:11:18,512 --> 00:11:19,921 It is the Panama Canal. 247 00:11:19,922 --> 00:11:21,923 Your President Woodrow Wilson 248 00:11:21,924 --> 00:11:24,541 is giving the dedication right now. 249 00:11:24,542 --> 00:11:27,687 Ah, you reach down between my legs. 250 00:11:27,688 --> 00:11:29,672 Ease the seat back. 251 00:11:29,673 --> 00:11:32,099 Got the feeling. Power steering. 252 00:11:32,100 --> 00:11:33,768 Pistons popping. 253 00:11:33,769 --> 00:11:36,845 Ain't no stopping now, Panama. 254 00:11:36,846 --> 00:11:39,056 (cheering and applause) 255 00:11:39,057 --> 00:11:41,016 And now, senor, you must pee. 256 00:11:41,017 --> 00:11:43,227 - What? - Pee. You must pee. 257 00:11:43,228 --> 00:11:44,995 Fill the canal. 258 00:11:47,023 --> 00:11:49,283 Well, it's gonna take a minute. 259 00:11:49,284 --> 00:11:51,786 - You see Coco? - Of course. 260 00:11:51,787 --> 00:11:54,714 - It's good, right? - It's very good. 261 00:11:54,715 --> 00:11:57,366 Okay, I'm gonna try pulling my pants all the way down. 262 00:11:57,367 --> 00:11:59,794 Sometimes that helps. 263 00:11:59,795 --> 00:12:02,037 - It wasn't a true story, right? - What? 264 00:12:02,038 --> 00:12:04,057 - Coco. - No, it was fiction. 265 00:12:04,058 --> 00:12:06,133 Somebody make it up out of their head. 266 00:12:06,134 --> 00:12:08,043 Aw, that's too bad. 267 00:12:08,044 --> 00:12:10,879 I can't go. Can't we just fill this up with a hose? 268 00:12:10,880 --> 00:12:12,898 Oh, yeah. Turn on the hose! 269 00:12:15,593 --> 00:12:17,486 (horn blowing) 270 00:12:20,098 --> 00:12:21,098 Mayor West? 271 00:12:21,099 --> 00:12:22,099 Angela? 272 00:12:22,100 --> 00:12:24,059 My dad? 273 00:12:24,060 --> 00:12:26,821 Quagmire's fat girlfriend who died in the Clue episode? 274 00:12:26,822 --> 00:12:29,064 What do all these people have in common? 275 00:12:29,065 --> 00:12:31,959 And how do they know I like being slowly beckoned? 276 00:12:37,073 --> 00:12:40,451 Mrs. Griffin, I have some good news or some bad news 277 00:12:40,452 --> 00:12:42,244 depending on how you feel about your husband. 278 00:12:42,245 --> 00:12:44,621 - Do you love your husband? - Yes. 279 00:12:44,622 --> 00:12:46,432 Mrs. Griffin, I have some bad news. 280 00:12:46,433 --> 00:12:48,459 Your husband is brain-dead. 281 00:12:48,460 --> 00:12:52,105 I'm afraid it's time for you to... make your choice. 282 00:12:52,106 --> 00:12:55,349 What? A-Are you telling me I should pull the plug? 283 00:12:55,350 --> 00:12:56,776 I'm afraid so. 284 00:12:56,777 --> 00:12:58,519 Also, you might be getting a call 285 00:12:58,520 --> 00:13:00,262 about the service you received here today. 286 00:13:00,263 --> 00:13:02,264 Do you feel I've earned all tens? 287 00:13:02,265 --> 00:13:04,617 Oh, God, I-I don't know. 288 00:13:04,618 --> 00:13:06,285 I can't get anything less than a ten, 289 00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:07,478 so if there's a problem, 290 00:13:07,479 --> 00:13:08,788 you should tell me about it right now. 291 00:13:08,789 --> 00:13:10,773 I may have to pull the plug on my husband. 292 00:13:10,774 --> 00:13:12,458 Yeah, I-I can't do anything about that. 293 00:13:12,459 --> 00:13:15,986 But really, we-we really, really, really need the tens. 294 00:13:15,987 --> 00:13:18,539 I-It's two minutes for you. It's a job or not for me. 295 00:13:18,540 --> 00:13:20,133 (phone rings) 296 00:13:20,134 --> 00:13:22,159 Hello? 297 00:13:22,160 --> 00:13:23,660 Six. 298 00:13:23,661 --> 00:13:25,621 Yeah, six across the board. 299 00:13:25,622 --> 00:13:26,888 Ah, nuts. 300 00:13:29,334 --> 00:13:32,836 Senor Griffin, I think it's time for you to depart. 301 00:13:32,837 --> 00:13:35,815 Thanks, Jose, probably. Thanks for everything. 302 00:13:35,816 --> 00:13:38,484 Hey, before I go, what's the boat's Wi-Fi password? 303 00:13:38,485 --> 00:13:40,677 Oh, there's no Wi-Fi on board. 304 00:13:40,678 --> 00:13:43,064 I don't want to go! 305 00:13:43,065 --> 00:13:45,282 (gasps) I don't want to go! 306 00:13:47,352 --> 00:13:49,495 - Hey. - Hey. 307 00:13:49,496 --> 00:13:52,523 That's a... that's a plug. 308 00:13:52,524 --> 00:13:55,859 You... You pulled the plug on me? 309 00:13:55,860 --> 00:13:58,487 Peter, it was a very difficult decision. 310 00:13:58,488 --> 00:14:00,006 How could you do that? I'm alive. 311 00:14:00,007 --> 00:14:02,008 I'm here from the mortgage company. 312 00:14:02,009 --> 00:14:04,827 Mr. Griffin, you're three months late on your payment. 313 00:14:04,828 --> 00:14:06,995 (imitates sustained beeping) 314 00:14:06,996 --> 00:14:08,539 Oh, he died. 315 00:14:08,540 --> 00:14:09,924 Oh, that's too bad. 316 00:14:09,925 --> 00:14:12,501 Mind if I turn on my cotton candy machine? 317 00:14:12,502 --> 00:14:14,711 (imitating whirring) 318 00:14:14,712 --> 00:14:16,396 (imitates monitor beeping) Aw, you got me. 319 00:14:23,271 --> 00:14:25,848 Hey, sweetheart. How you feeling? 320 00:14:25,849 --> 00:14:28,776 Terrible! My family tried to off me in my sleep. 321 00:14:28,777 --> 00:14:30,727 We said we're sorry, all right? 322 00:14:30,728 --> 00:14:32,371 We're sorry we pulled the plug! 323 00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:35,282 -But you know what? It was a relief. -What? 324 00:14:35,283 --> 00:14:38,044 There! I said it. You know what it's like being married to you? 325 00:14:38,045 --> 00:14:39,695 Every day wondering 326 00:14:39,696 --> 00:14:42,123 if my husband's gonna die from something stupid? 327 00:14:42,124 --> 00:14:44,575 Crashing your Petercopter. Getting eaten at the zoo. 328 00:14:44,576 --> 00:14:46,961 Running into a tunnel that's not really a tunnel 329 00:14:46,962 --> 00:14:48,370 but just something the Road Runner painted 330 00:14:48,371 --> 00:14:49,746 on the side of a rock. 331 00:14:49,747 --> 00:14:51,224 Yeah, well, I saw him go through it. 332 00:14:51,225 --> 00:14:53,559 Honestly, I-I'm amazed you haven't died 333 00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:56,712 in some kind of Black Mirror techno nightmare by now. 334 00:14:56,713 --> 00:14:58,139 - (phone vibrating) - Excuse me. 335 00:14:58,140 --> 00:15:00,066 I have to take this phone call from... 336 00:15:00,067 --> 00:15:03,151 (gasps) Me?! 337 00:15:09,058 --> 00:15:12,245 This me took a picture of dog poo. 338 00:15:12,246 --> 00:15:14,580 The thought of losing you was such a burden. 339 00:15:14,581 --> 00:15:17,566 So when the moment came, I confess. 340 00:15:17,567 --> 00:15:19,735 I-I felt free, and I did it. 341 00:15:19,736 --> 00:15:20,828 I pulled the plug. 342 00:15:20,829 --> 00:15:23,089 And then I instantly regretted it. 343 00:15:23,090 --> 00:15:25,166 And when you woke up, I was overjoyed. 344 00:15:25,167 --> 00:15:27,910 I'm so sorry, and if there's any way 345 00:15:27,911 --> 00:15:30,621 I can make it up to you, I will. I promise. 346 00:15:30,622 --> 00:15:32,080 We all will. 347 00:15:32,081 --> 00:15:33,916 Damn right you're gonna make it up to me. 348 00:15:33,917 --> 00:15:35,509 I am gonna be more high-maintenance 349 00:15:35,510 --> 00:15:37,753 than a white woman on vacation. 350 00:15:37,754 --> 00:15:40,181 Excuse me, could I get dos margaritas, por favor? 351 00:15:40,182 --> 00:15:42,775 Yoo-hoo! Hello? Senor? 352 00:15:42,776 --> 00:15:45,778 Excuse me? Could I get towels? We need more towels. 353 00:15:45,779 --> 00:15:48,639 Wh-When you get a chance, but right now. 354 00:15:48,640 --> 00:15:52,409 Is someone available to take 20 to 40 pictures of me? 355 00:15:56,481 --> 00:15:57,940 Family, you know how you said you're sorry 356 00:15:57,941 --> 00:16:00,108 - and you'll do anything I want? - Yeah. 357 00:16:00,109 --> 00:16:01,652 Well, this is Timothy Olyphant. 358 00:16:01,653 --> 00:16:04,321 I want you to line up and give him one compliment 359 00:16:04,322 --> 00:16:06,707 about his Netflix show, the Santa Clarita Diet. 360 00:16:06,708 --> 00:16:08,951 - Aw, really? - And it has to sound legit. 361 00:16:08,952 --> 00:16:10,285 Like you've actually watched it. 362 00:16:10,286 --> 00:16:12,996 Peter, you ask too much. 363 00:16:12,997 --> 00:16:15,791 Hey, you tried to kill me. This is the logical consequence. 364 00:16:15,792 --> 00:16:17,960 Uh, Mr. Olyphant, 365 00:16:17,961 --> 00:16:19,979 I think you were awesome in Deadwood. 366 00:16:19,980 --> 00:16:21,647 No, no, that's not what I said. 367 00:16:21,648 --> 00:16:23,799 The comments have to exclusively relate 368 00:16:23,800 --> 00:16:25,484 to the Santa Clarita Diet, 369 00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:28,637 a show which aired three full seasons on Netflix. 370 00:16:28,638 --> 00:16:30,973 I will take the first compliment off the table. 371 00:16:30,974 --> 00:16:32,474 I like your hair. 372 00:16:32,475 --> 00:16:33,850 Well, now I have nothing. 373 00:16:33,851 --> 00:16:36,019 - Come on, kids, we're leaving. - What? 374 00:16:36,020 --> 00:16:38,072 It's over. You'll never forgive us 375 00:16:38,073 --> 00:16:40,482 for killing you at the hospital, so we're done. 376 00:16:40,483 --> 00:16:42,243 We're leaving town today. 377 00:16:42,244 --> 00:16:43,836 You... You're leaving? 378 00:16:43,837 --> 00:16:45,654 You'll never hear from us again. 379 00:16:45,655 --> 00:16:47,322 It'll be like we died. 380 00:16:47,323 --> 00:16:49,157 Come on, kids. 381 00:16:49,158 --> 00:16:51,326 No, don't take the kids. 382 00:16:51,327 --> 00:16:54,997 Please. No. Whatever will I do without them? 383 00:16:54,998 --> 00:16:57,091 Banana pancake, you, too? 384 00:16:57,092 --> 00:16:58,517 You're leaving forever? 385 00:16:58,518 --> 00:17:01,354 I'm actually going to Hedo for Pancakes. 386 00:17:01,355 --> 00:17:03,839 Oh, yeah! The ripping and the tearing. 387 00:17:03,840 --> 00:17:05,191 The ripping and the tearing. 388 00:17:05,192 --> 00:17:07,026 The syrup and the bacon. 389 00:17:07,027 --> 00:17:09,069 - The syrup and the... - (squawks) 390 00:17:14,943 --> 00:17:16,369 Well, they're gone. 391 00:17:16,370 --> 00:17:18,353 It's all right. I'll be okay. 392 00:17:18,354 --> 00:17:20,614 And I definitely won't have any flashbacks 393 00:17:20,615 --> 00:17:23,859 of our happy times together to convince me otherwise. 394 00:17:23,860 --> 00:17:25,402 ♪ ♪ 395 00:17:25,403 --> 00:17:27,213 ♪ Painting the walls ♪ 396 00:17:27,214 --> 00:17:29,715 ♪ Means happy times ♪ 397 00:17:29,716 --> 00:17:32,075 Aw, we were so happy. 398 00:17:32,076 --> 00:17:35,078 ♪ And now we're fighting with paint ♪ 399 00:17:35,079 --> 00:17:38,132 ♪ To show we're having fun ♪ 400 00:17:38,133 --> 00:17:40,208 God, I miss those paint fights. 401 00:17:40,209 --> 00:17:43,086 ♪ But then the music slows down ♪ 402 00:17:43,087 --> 00:17:45,422 ♪ 'Cause the shuttle blew up ♪ 403 00:17:45,423 --> 00:17:49,143 ♪ And it really hit home ♪ 404 00:17:49,144 --> 00:17:51,762 I don't know why we painted that day. 405 00:17:51,763 --> 00:17:53,072 ♪ But then we picked up the pieces ♪ 406 00:17:53,073 --> 00:17:56,150 ♪ And started painting again ♪ 407 00:17:56,151 --> 00:17:57,559 Yay! We overcame! 408 00:17:57,560 --> 00:17:59,770 I got to get my family back. 409 00:17:59,771 --> 00:18:02,748 ♪ And who am I? I'm a fly on the wall ♪ 410 00:18:02,749 --> 00:18:06,160 ♪ A fly who's seen it all. ♪ 411 00:18:06,161 --> 00:18:08,837 Ah, damn it. Now we got to repaint. 412 00:18:13,001 --> 00:18:14,743 Come on! I got to get to the airport. 413 00:18:14,744 --> 00:18:17,579 Sorry, bub. You'll be driving there slow. 414 00:18:17,580 --> 00:18:20,007 Unless you got some kind of up-tempo rock music 415 00:18:20,008 --> 00:18:21,474 that's good for speeding to. 416 00:18:28,466 --> 00:18:30,684 Mom? What is it? 417 00:18:30,685 --> 00:18:34,262 I-I thought maybe your father would show up at the last second 418 00:18:34,263 --> 00:18:36,115 and we'd have one of those airport scenes. 419 00:18:36,116 --> 00:18:39,976 Well, that's a nice movie trope, Lois, but the post-9/11 reality 420 00:18:39,977 --> 00:18:41,954 is there's no way a nonticketed civilian can... 421 00:18:41,955 --> 00:18:43,772 ♪ Panama... ♪ 422 00:18:43,773 --> 00:18:44,981 Lois! Kids! 423 00:18:44,982 --> 00:18:46,608 (gasps) Dad came. 424 00:18:46,609 --> 00:18:48,202 Brian was wrong again. 425 00:18:48,203 --> 00:18:50,129 He's basically always wrong. 426 00:18:50,130 --> 00:18:52,280 - Peter? - Guys, please don't go. 427 00:18:52,281 --> 00:18:53,707 I love you. 428 00:18:53,708 --> 00:18:55,992 Oh, Peter, what made you change your mind? 429 00:18:55,993 --> 00:18:57,803 I just... I've been thinking. 430 00:18:57,804 --> 00:18:59,546 Okay, so you tried to kill me. 431 00:18:59,547 --> 00:19:02,290 But maybe that's what a family is, you know? 432 00:19:02,291 --> 00:19:04,810 A bunch of people who try to kill each other. 433 00:19:04,811 --> 00:19:06,837 I don't think that's what a family is. 434 00:19:06,838 --> 00:19:08,130 Eh, it is, kind of. 435 00:19:08,131 --> 00:19:11,058 Anyway, you're my family, and I love you. 436 00:19:11,059 --> 00:19:13,635 And if I got to have my plug pulled by somebody, 437 00:19:13,636 --> 00:19:15,654 I want it to be you. 438 00:19:15,655 --> 00:19:18,824 And you're the only people whose plug I want to pull. 439 00:19:18,825 --> 00:19:20,976 Will you come back? 440 00:19:20,977 --> 00:19:23,570 Yes, Peter. Yes! 441 00:19:23,571 --> 00:19:25,455 (moaning) 442 00:19:28,076 --> 00:19:29,918 (all moaning) 443 00:19:32,196 --> 00:19:34,047 All right, everybody switch. 444 00:19:35,992 --> 00:19:37,918 I got a guy. 445 00:19:37,919 --> 00:19:40,053 But I made the rules, so I went with it. 446 00:19:46,136 --> 00:19:48,545 Well, we all learned an important lesson: 447 00:19:48,546 --> 00:19:50,931 no one should ever read a book. 448 00:19:50,932 --> 00:19:52,599 Eh, I didn't need a coma to know that. 449 00:19:52,600 --> 00:19:54,026 (phone vibrates) 450 00:19:54,027 --> 00:19:55,194 Oh, my God, you guys. 451 00:19:55,195 --> 00:19:58,388 Another space shuttle exploded. 452 00:19:58,389 --> 00:20:01,349 (sighs) Well, there's only one thing to do. 453 00:20:01,350 --> 00:20:03,035 Let's paint. 454 00:20:03,036 --> 00:20:04,561 ♪ ♪ 455 00:20:04,562 --> 00:20:07,063 ♪ Painting the walls ♪ 456 00:20:07,064 --> 00:20:11,026 ♪ To get through tough times ♪ 457 00:20:11,027 --> 00:20:12,903 ♪ When shuttles blow up ♪ 458 00:20:12,904 --> 00:20:15,456 ♪ It's not always an accident ♪ 459 00:20:15,457 --> 00:20:17,124 What do you mean, not an accident? 460 00:20:17,125 --> 00:20:18,992 Who is this guy singing? 461 00:20:18,993 --> 00:20:22,078 ♪ And who am I? A conspiracy fly ♪ 462 00:20:22,079 --> 00:20:26,875 ♪ Did you know "NASA" means "deceive" in Hebrew? ♪ 463 00:20:26,876 --> 00:20:28,043 I did not. 464 00:20:28,044 --> 00:20:30,062 ♪ The Denver Airport was built ♪ 465 00:20:30,063 --> 00:20:34,808 ♪ By the Illuminati ♪ 466 00:20:34,809 --> 00:20:36,810 Peter, shoo that fly out of here. 467 00:20:36,811 --> 00:20:38,812 I will as soon as I find out if he has 468 00:20:38,813 --> 00:20:41,765 a banned-from-the-Apple-Store podcast I can listen to. 469 00:20:41,766 --> 00:20:43,317 ♪ I do ♪ 470 00:20:43,318 --> 00:20:46,912 ♪ It's FlyOnTheWall. buzz/truth ♪ 471 00:20:46,913 --> 00:20:50,583 ♪ First reconfigure your DNS server ♪ 472 00:20:50,584 --> 00:20:53,235 ♪ Then download a VPN ♪ 473 00:20:53,236 --> 00:20:58,757 ♪ And get the Tor browser. ♪ 474 00:20:58,758 --> 00:21:00,967 It's too much work. 34355

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