Original subtitles

[ Chorus ] ♪ The Simpsons ♪

[ Bell Ringing ]

[ Whistle Blowing ]

[ Beeping ]

♪♪ [ Jazzy Solo ]

[ Beeping ]

[ Tires Screeching ]

D'oh! [ Screams ]

♪♪ [ GetSmart Τheme ]

[ Grunts ]

[ Announcer ] Welcome back to Animal Survivor.

[ Monkey Cackling ]

Okay, tribes, it's been a rough week.

Rhino, you lost the tribe's fishing equipment.

[ Groans ]

And we saw a dramatic collapse in the lion-gazelle alliance.

[ Slurping, Roars ]

Oh, l hate reality shows.

A year ago you said they were the greatest thing that ever happened to us.

l've grown, you haven't.

[ Announcer ] And now we're back...

to Touch the Stove.

So, Kevin, I hear you collect amusing postcards.

Yeah. lt all started when-

Τouch the stove. [ Screams ]

l can't take any more of these shows.

lf I wanted reality, l'd finally have this Iump looked at.

Networks love reality shows because they don't have to pay writers or actors.

Stupid writers and actors.

Priced yourselves right out of the business.

Nice going, geniuses.

Hey, let's get one of those home satellite dishes.

Τhen we can stop suckling on the six-network teat.

Get back, honky cat.

Τhose systems are too expensive.

Marge, we can't pinch pennies...

on the machine that's going to be raising our chiIdren.

Come on, kids. Daddy knows a way to get some money with no risk.

♪♪ [ Bugle: Fanfare ]

[ Announcer ] And the winner by a nose is No Risk!

Whoo-hoo!

Okay. Now all we have to do is install your satellite dish.

Can you be home from 8:00 a.m. Monday morning through June?

No problem.

Ηey, Flanders, check out my new satellite dish.

[ Whistles ] Boy, that's jim-dandy roof candy.

l'd love to come over sometime and watch that Church ChanneI.

l bet you would. Oh, you'd win that bet.

Seems like l'm spending all my money on religious pay-per-view.

Or, as l like to call it, "pray-per-view." [ Laughs ]

Damn your sparkling wordplay!

And bless your humbIe home.

[ Shudders ]

Oh, it's red wire to red wire.

[ Scoffs ] What idiot dreamed that up?

And the Lord said, "Let there be crap."

[ Static ]

♪♪ [ Τhe Blue Danube ]

[ All Chittering ]

[ CackIing ]

[ Channel Flips ] [ SIurps ]

...and thereby reducing the number of states to 49.

Cool. lt's the NBC news feed.

Mmm. Feed.

You get to see what they do during commerciaI breaks.

We'll be right back with a speciaI report...

on soccer moms who hate soccer.

[ Man ] CIear!

Oh, Lord. l'm so fat.

[ Retches, Vomits ]

[ Vomiting Continues ]

Hey, Lise. Want to try some sateIlite TV?

We've got Japanese Friends.

♪♪ [ Theme Song ]

Do you Iike my new shirt?

lt says "Reggae Hairstyle Rock n' RoIl."

Could l be more Japanese?

You are the emperor of last year.

Your comeback shames me.

How about the Clock Channel?

[ Announcer ] Coming up on The Clock Channel- 6:00.

Wait a minute. I saw this one.

Bart, I have to study for the eIementary school achievement test.

And so do you.

Hey, l don't have to study on the weekend.

lt's Wednesday night!

Kids, kids, you're both right.

[ Moans ] [ Sighs ]

[ Announcer On TV ] We're back with Who Wants to Marry an Internet BilIionaire?

Uh, no, millionaire. Well, now he's broke.

[ Both Yawn ] [ Mutters ]

Why don't you turn off the TV and join us for dessert?

l made a pie.

Put pie here.

[ Sighs ]

Would you like some ice cream with that?

Me not pig.

♪♪ [ TV: Rock Τheme ]

[ Snoring ] [ Announcer ] We now return...

to Robo Τrouble.

Oh, I'm sorry. Imean, Robot Rumble.

[ Both Grunting ]

[ Robotic Voice ] Why are we fighting each other?

Together we can defeat the humans and rule the Earth.

[ Robotic Voice ] I agree.

[ All Gasp ]

[ Screams ]

Sucker.

[ Laughs ]

Homicidal robots. So like us.

[ Snores ]

Bart, the test is in two hours,

and you haven't slept in a fortnight.

- What's a fortnight? - You should know. It's on the test.

[ Groans ] [ Fabric Tears ]

No pressure, children, but these test results...

will follow you for the rest of your life and beyond the grave.

[ Τhinking ] This test is boring. What eIse is on?

[ Vomits ]

[ Sinister Laugh ]

♪♪ [ Theme Song ]

[ Τicking ]

lt's finally happened, Bart.

You've lost your mind.

♪ Ηava nagila ♪

♪ Venis'mecha ♪

♪ Hava neranena Hava neranena ♪

♪ Hava neranena Venis'mecha ♪♪

[ Laughs ]

[ Skinner ] Now let's raise the roof for the bland, informative rap...

of M.C. Safety and the Caution Crew!

Yo, yo, yo! Y'aIl feeIing cautious?

♪ I say a cross, walk A cross-ity walk ♪

♪ And you don't stop crossin' till you're on the next bIock ♪

♪ First you look both ways then you waIk not run ♪

♪ Obeying safety rules is acceptable fun ♪ Break it down now.

♪ Just walk, don't run Drink juice, yum-yum ♪

[ Laughs ] Watch out, Beatles.

Now, I have one more important announcement to share with you.

Would Lisa Simpson join me on stage?

Huh?

Lisa, because of your outstanding score...

on yesterday's big test,

you're being immediately moved up to... the third grade!

- ♪♪ [ Fanfare ] - [ Cheering ]

She's not so great!

She got diarrhea when we went to Carlsbad Caverns!

[ Laughing ]

[ Gasps ] [ Laughing Continues ]

Okay, Bart, since you like attention so much, I have a second announcement.

[ Chattering ]

l was going to tell you this privately,

but because of your incredibIy low test score,

we're sending you back to third grade.

[ Laughing ]

[ Stammering ] Huh?

What? I gotta be in the same class as her?

What? l gotta be in the same class as him?

Ηmm?

They're gonna be in the same class as each other?

[ Channel Flips ]

[ Gasps ] An oId army buddy is visiting Mannix?

Class, meet our newest third graders, Lisa and Bart Simpson.

Lisa comes to us from Miss Ηoover. [ Imitates Chugging ]

While Bart was taught by Mrs. Krabappel.

Slut!

[ AIl ] Hi, Bart and Lisa!

A rooster sits on a roof facing north.

lt lays an egg. Which way does it roll?

Okay. The sun rises in the east.

So the rooster would probably want to lay it on the cool side-

Roosters don't lay eggs. They're boys.

- Very good, Bart. - Mm-hmm.

Lisa, l want you to stick close to your big brother until you catch up.

[ Gasps ]

Ha-ha!

Young man, you're not in this class. What are you doing here?

Laughing at jerks.

"Quiet nerds burp only near school."

Bart, l'm doing my geography homework.

l know. Τhat's how you remember the four original provinces of Canada.

Quebec, New Brunswick, Ontario, Nova Scotia.

"Quiet nerds burp only near school."

And here's how you remember their principaI exports.

"Dogs eat barf solely on Wednesday, Mabel."

Stop! l want to learn on my own.

Canada's governors generaI:

"Clowns love haircuts. So should Lee Marvin's vaIet."

Get out!

Here are your math tests.

Morgan. Dakota. Ashley.

Dakota. Τyler. Tyler.

Lisa.

What's this weird mark next to my "A"?

That's an A-minus.

Mm. Minus?

Nice work, Bart.

An "A"? Copacetic.

You did better than me?

Eh, l took this test last year. The answer key never changes.

"B," "C," "B," "C," "A," "A," "B," "B," "C," "C," "D,"

faIse, false, true, William Jennings Bryan.

That's cheating! Bart cheated!

Young lady, in the third grade, we don't care for tattletales.

[ Moans ]

And we don't care for moaners either.

[ Sobbing ]

Sobbing onIy pushes Bart's grade higher.

[ Marker Squeaks ]

[ Sobbing Continues ]

Pukers in back.

Kids, look what l got you for your third grade fieId trip!

Matching fanny packs!

Now your fannies match.

[ Both Groan ]

[ Grunting ] Hey, get away from me.

Get- Ow! Ooh!

Quit it! Ow! Stop it! Ow! Let go!

Ow! Stop! You'lI crush your juice boxes!

[ Both Groan ]

[ Both Grunting ]

All right. Everybody choose a buddy for the field trip.

- l'll take Kyle. - I'll take Ashley.

Saying your buddy's name out Ioud is a security risk.

l'll just put you two together.

[ Both Groan ]

[ Tony Bennett ] ♪ Τhere's a swingin' town I know ♪

♪ Called Capital City ♪♪

Punch buggy red. [ Grunts ]

Ow! You are such an immature-

Punch buggy white. Ow!

- Stop fighting! - He started it.

Ηe did Punch Buggy first. What's Punch Buggy?

When you see a Volkswagen Bug, you punch somebody and yell the color.

[ All Murmuring, Gasping ]

[ Boy ] Punch buggy bIue. [ BIow Lands ]

[ Boy #2 ] Ow! [ Girl ] Punch buggy green.

[ Blow Landing ] [ Child Groaning ]

[ Boy #3 ] Punch buggy taupe. [ BIows Landing ]

Oh! That really hurt!

[ Otto ] Two for flinching. [ Two BIows Land ]

[ All Groaning ]

[ Groaning Continues ]

Now, as we cross the street, l want you to hold hands with your buddy.

[ Both Groaning ]

Hey, dude, who's your girlfriend?

[ All Laughing ] Did you see his face?

What happened, dude? Did your girlfriend dump you?

[ All Laughing ]

[ Ηorn Blares ]

[ Both Groan ]

Now, chiIdren, if you Iook up at the capitol dome,

you'll see a mural of our state bird, the potbelIied sparrow,

eating our state pasta, bow-tie.

[ Students Gasp ] [ Boy ] Wow.

Order, order, order. [ Gavel Raps ]

Τhe chair recognizes the esteemed representative from Capital City.

[ Bart ] The Capital City Goofball?

That's right. To win, he spent 80 million from his own pocket.

Mr. Speaker, the time has come to redesign our state flag.

Τhis Confederate symbol is an embarrassment,

particularly as we are a northern state.

[ All Chattering ]

This lively debate has given me an idea.

Tonight, each buddy team is going to design a new state flag.

Homework on a field trip? What have you been huffin'?

Well, Bart's being his usual jerky self.

But, Mom, l'm really excited about this new flag design.

Oh! And the hotel gives you a free USA Today outside your room.

No, l'm sure it's free.

Okay, l won't touch it.

Well, make sure you don't.

And try not to let your brother get under your skin, honey.

Believe me, he doesn't. His act is getting old fast.

He thinks he's really cool.

But frankly, the other kids are starting to wake up and smell the cooties.

One last sunbeam, and we're done.

"Τo Fraternal Love."

When l get through with that flag, it's gonna be a Bart-mangled banner.

So, l understand you children have some state flags for me. Who wouId like to go first?

We would, Governor Bailey. Team Simpson.

l spearheaded this one.

l'lI just unfurl this.

[ Screaming ]

[ Screaming Continues ]

[ Gasping ]

Τhat was my worst unfurling ever!

Lisa, how could you? The governor is crying.

[ Screams, Sobbing ] No!

[ Groans ]

Ha-ha!

You weren't on this field trip. How did you get here?

Biked.

Bart, l am so mad at you!

[ Laughs ] You should have seen the look on your face. It was something Iike this.

[ Laughs ]

[ Growls ]

[ Gasps ]

[ Growling ] [ Grunting ]

[ Bart ] Whoa-oa-oa!

[ Muffled Shouting ]

[ Both Grunting ]

[ Ηorn Honks Twice ]

Ηuh? [ Gasps ] The bus!

[ Students Chattering ] Okay, chiIdren, before we leave,

- is anyone missing their buddy? - [ AII ] No!

Ah, the buddy system. Foolproof.

Floor it, Otto.

[ Lisa ] Wait! Wait! [ Both Panting ]

Ηa-ha! They Ieft without you.

Τhey left without you too, you idiot.

Well, if l'm such an idiot, how come l'm the smartest kid in the third grade?

Because you've already done it once!

You've lost me.

Oh, forget it!

Hey, how do we get back? No probIem.

We'll just circle around like those kids in The Blair Witch Project.

l must be getting close. I recognize that girl.

Oh, Bart, I think we're lost.

l used to be lost-

until a friend turned me onto a book.

A book that changed my life.

It's called Lisa Is Stupid.

You die now!

[ Grunting ] Whoa!

[ Grunts ] Hey!

[ Bart Laughing ]

[ Sobbing ]

Τhey're gone. I don't know what happened.

lf the buddy system can fail, I don't know what to beIieve in.

Τhere, there, Audrey. It's happened to all of us.

Willie, we have two more names for the waIl.

[ Sniffles, Sobs ]

Why is it always the kids with the long names?

[ DoorbelI Rings ]

Hello, Principal Skinner.

A parent who waives the right to sue says what?

- What? - Got it.

Ηey, you can't fool us. We're from the "Learn to Fart" state.

[ Sighs ] Bart and Lisa are lost in Capital City and presumed crying.

[ Gasps ] My poor babies!

l'm so sorry. Lisa's a very special little girI,

and we'Il spare no expense in finding her.

- Well, what about Bart? - We're Iooking.

But in the meantime, the class clown pro tem wiIl take his place.

Cowabunga!

[ Lisa Shivering ]

- You cold? - What do you care?

Ηere.

Thanks. Where'd you get-

Oh.

Bart, you're my big brother.

You should act like it more often.

You know, protect me from the bad things in the world.

Well, as far as nerdy little sisters go,

you're the coolest.

Thanks, Bart.

And l'm sorry l sabotaged your flag.

l'm sorry l got us lost out here.

Oh, and l'm sorry I sawed the heads off your MaIibu Stacy doIls.

- Okay, you go. - I don't think I've done anything else.

Okay, I'll go again. Remember when your bike was mangIed by "gypsies"?

Yes.

Yeah, funny story.

One day l was really bored, and Dad had left his steamroller idling in the driveway.

This is where the kids were last seen.

[ Gasps ] The plastic casing from the tip of Bart's shoelace!

A mother knows.

Well, he's not gonna get very far without that.

Bart, is that you?

[ Man ] No!

[ Rifles Cocking ] [ Both Gasp ]

Say your prayers!

Oh, Lord, please strike these mountain folk dead.

Bart!

Listen, we're really sorry.

We got Iost on a field trip from Springfield Elementary.

[ Stammers ] Lost on a field trip? Heck, why didn't you say so?

That's how Grandpappy wound up in these parts.

They was taking us to Capital City to see The Nutcracker.

And l wandered away from the group, married a bear,

and I started up my famiIy.

l told you l ain't a bear!

[ Laughing ] Rawr, rawr, rawr!

No one understands you, She-Bear!

[ Engine Backfires ]

Thanks for driving us back to town.

No problem. We were going there anyway...

to pick up the new Spy magazine.

l'm sorry. Τhey don't pubIish that anymore.

The world l "grewed" up in is gone.

[ Marge Groaning ]

Oh, my special little guys! You're okay! You're okay!

[ Kissing ]

And, Maggie,

you no longer have to live with the burden of repIacing Bart and Lisa.

Well, if this episode has taught us anything,

it's that nothing works better than the status quo.

Bart, you're promoted back to the fourth grade.

Yay!

And, Lisa, you have a choice.

You may continue to be chalIenged in third grade,

or return to second grade and be merely a big fish in a smaII pond.

- Big fish! Big fish! - [ AlI ] Aw!

Τhe status quo.

"Τhe status quo"?

iAy, caramba!

That's just sad.

[ Murmuring ] Shh!

English - US - PSDΗ