All language subtitles for The Countess de Winter 1996--

Why, you're not just some bumpkin,
some son of a country boor.

You're a gentleman.
Remember that when you get to Paris.

A D'Artagnan from Gascony
is as much a gentleman as anybody else.

- Maybe more so.
- Yes, Father.

Now I give you this letter
to Monsieur de Treville. He's a Gascon.

He's captain of the king's musketeers.

I can't give you anything else,
a little advice, a few crowns...

...a horse.

- A horse? A great black horse?
- A horse, yes.

It's not horses, it's not money,
it's that letter to Monsieur de Treville.

And remember above all,
you're a D'Artagnan.

Your honor is your treasure.
Endure nothing from any man.

I've taught you the sword, all right.

The slightest insult,
the smallest smirk...

My son.

Father.

I shall endure nothing, sir,
from any man.

Boy. My horse.

Boy, my horse.

You find me amusing?

Perhaps you'll find 3 feet of steel
even more amusing.

If you're trying to be as funny
as your horse, you haven't a chance.

I endure no such remark
from any man.

- What in thunder...?
- Monsieur.

Forgive me, milady.
There'll be a moment's delay...

...while I dispose of this local firepot.

Which is more important, Richelieu's
mission or your passing quarrels?

How do you know he isn't
one of the king's spies?

But, milady, l...

Sir, I await your pleasure.

Must I arrange everything?

Search him.
If he has any papers, destroy them.

Yes, milady.

Where do I find Monsieur de Treville,
captain of the king's musketeers?

Inside, up the stairs.

What am I going to do with you?

As a king's musketeer, Aramis,
you make a fine priest.

And you, Porthos, a fine structure
to hang pretty clothes on.

- Where's Athos?
- Ill, captain, very ill.

- Mortally ill. I'm afra...
- In his cups, you mean.

- What do you want?
- A Monsieur D'Artagnan.

- He has no letter.
- Why bother me?

- He's a Gascon, sir.
- Show him in.

The three of you brawling...

...getting yourselves arrested
by three of Richelieu's guards...

...when you weren't even
outnumbered.

- The king's humiliated.
- Forgive me, captain, I'm late.

- You're wounded.
- Who said we weren't outnumbered?

He was lying. Tell me who said it,
and I'll cut him to...

It was Richelieu who reported the affair
to the king.

My apologies, gentlemen. Dismissed.

Monsieur de Treville,
I ask one favor, my captain:

Let mine be the hand
that avenges these men.

I have a bad cough.

These gentlemen happen to be
the three best swordsmen in Paris.

I think, Gascon,
they can take care of themselves.

What is it you want?

To be a musketeer.

I admire your spirit. You've come to me
without even a letter.

I had a letter. It was stolen.

- Oh, that swine. If I could...
- Quietly, quietly. What happened?

Well, sir, it was at Baisac.
A great, tall, ugly man with a scar.

- Was he alone?
- There was a lady in a carriage.

- A very beautiful lady.
- Did he speak her name?

No, sir. He called her "milady," but...
Well, do you know them, sir?

- She's back.
- I beg of you, tell me their names.

I'm going to the king.

D'Artagnan, a man is sometimes known
by the enemies he makes.

You'll receive an appointment
to the cadets.

In due time, you may perhaps
be admitted to the musketeers.

Monsieur...

Captain, my gratitude. l...

Clumsy, big-footed idiot.

You're addressing a future musketeer.

A future musketeer? When you get the
cockleburs out of your hair, perhaps...

...and the barnyard
out of your manners.

I resent that.

I shall give you every opportunity
to acquit your resentment...

...behind the Luxembourg at noon.

Willingly, sir.

At that point, gentlemen,
the duchess swooned at my feet.

I wrapped her in my cape and...
My cape.

A thousand pardons!
How do I get out of here?

On the end of my foot.

I endure no such insult from any man.

Perhaps you'll endure my sword
in your belly.

- Name the hour.
- One.

One.

Twelve.

One.

You embarrass me.

Don't tell me there's no lady
in your life?

My life is dedicated to things
of the spirit, not the flesh.

My habit may be that of a musketeer,
my habits are not. You, sir.

- Who, me?
- Yes, you.

Wait.

I was addressing you, sir.

What is your hurry?

- No hurry at all, sir.
- That's better.

Now, tell me, do I look like a man
who spends his time with the ladies?

Well, if you don't, sir, then Paris
must echo with the ladies' sighs.

That's not what I asked you.

These gentlemen insist
that I waste my time with the ladies.

I cannot conceive, sir...

...that in the company of a lady
you'd waste a single moment.

Knave, take to your heel
before I take your throat.

Monsieur Aramis, your language...

Would you care to object
to my language...

...behind the Louvre at 1:00?

Your servant.

Couldn't we make it at 2?

The devil asks for charity.

Well, you're in good time.
Where are your seconds?

Well, I have no seconds,
Monsieur Athos.

I only arrived in Paris last night.

What a pity.

To arrive in Paris on one day
and be killed on the next.

Oh, there's no hurry.
My seconds haven't arrived yet.

With all respect, sir,
would it be proper if we didn't wait?

You see, I have a similar appointment
in an hour.

That is, if I survive this one.

No, just as you say.

But don't worry about it,
you won't survive.

You know, you're quite a fellow.
Your first day in Paris, and two duels.

Three. I have another one
an hour later.

- Oh, no.
- Are these your seconds?

- This isn't the man you fight.
- Why not?

- I fight him in an hour.
- And I at 2.

- You at 2?
- What a complete madman.

- I'm forming a positive affection for you.
- You can afford an affection.

- You get him before he's a corpse.
- Who are you to complain?

Now, just a minute,
who found him first?

Gentlemen.

Gentlemen, your quarrels are with me,
not with each other.

To talk so well and to die so young.

I really do regret this.

Sir, your wound. l...

You'll find the left hand most confusing.
Come on.

Ready?

Athos. Jussac. Richelieu's guards.

- Five of them.
- Sheathe your swords.

- You're under arrest.
- Three against five, eh?

Four against five.

This gives me great pleasure, gentlemen.
Duels are forbidden.

In the name of Prime Minister Richelieu,
I arrest you.

Do your best in the king's name.

Why don't you use your right hand,
Athos?

I save my right hand for my drinking.

Hey!

Hey! Be careful, lad, that's Jussac.

Porthos!

Let him go.

Gentlemen. No. Come watch.

Is this the peasant you were
going to fight with your left hand?

Hey.

Come on.

Hey!

Bravo! Bravo.

Who are you?

Tell Richelieu the name's D'Artagnan.

You immoderate men.

Which one of you was so vulgar
as to use Jussac's trousers as a target?

- I did, sir.
- You did, D'Artagnan?

By tomorrow
you'll be the talk of Paris.

But you've a great deal to learn.
Richelieu is the king's first minister.

He's an unpopular
but extremely powerful man.

Richelieu has many ambitions,
such as war against England...

...and most important, the complete
destruction of the king's powers.

The king's position is delicate.
We don't want to make it impossible.

Send him back a corpse, all right...

...but don't send him back
with his trousers dripping.

- Now do you understand?
- No, sir.

Captain Treville, His Majesty the king
orders the immediate presence...

...of Captain Treville and musketeers
Athos, Aramis and Porthos...

...and somebody called D'Artagnan.

Fine lot of brainless cutthroats.

- Yes, Your Majesty.
- Obvious imbeciles.

- Which is this one?
- D'Artagnan, Your Majesty.

Well, why doesn't he have
some decent clothes?

How can I face Richelieu when my men
don't wear decent clothes?

Which of these is the one
who so embarrassed me?

- D'Artagnan, Your Majesty.
- Imbecile.

Don't they realize that Richelieu is
my dearest friend and staunch defender?

They do, Your Majesty.

Don't they realize that the dignity of my
first minister is the dignity of France?

- They're impetuous men, Your Majesty.
- Don't interrupt me when I'm talking.

- What did you say?
- They're impetuous men, Your Majesty.

Impetuous imbeciles!

Five hundred francs.

There. There. There.

Go on. Go on. Go on. Away.

And get this fellow
some decent clothes.

Wardrobe, a valet, a horse.

All he needs now is a rich widow.

Planchet, my horse.

Gentlemen, my quarters.

Welcome to your quarters,
D'Artagnan.

Get that man out of here.
He claims to be your landlord.

Well, he is. Monsieur Bonacieux.

Just as I suspected.
He was telling the truth.

Well, get him out of here.
I cannot abide landlords.

Please, just a moment of your time.
I need you, sir. I live below you.

I'm going away on a long journey
and won't be back for weeks.

I have a goddaughter named Constance.
She's in danger, sir.

- In danger of what?
- Well, she's one of the queen's maids.

I suspect she's being followed
by Richelieu's men.

Richelieu's men are notorious for their
complete lack of taste. I believe that.

I beg your pardon, sir...

...but their purposes are,
I suspect, political.

You see, she's trusted by the queen.

Oh, I beg of you, sir, it won't be
a matter of any great inconvenience.

She comes home from the palace
only once or twice a week.

You can keep an eye on the street
from your windows.

And here.

- You can keep an eye on our rooms.
- Porthos.

This all sounds
a little too convenient...

...the floorboard, the goddaughter,
the danger.

And my young friend
has recently distinguished himself...

...as an outstanding defender
of the throne.

This smells, my dear landlord,
of Richelieu.

- All right, get out.
- I swear. Oh, gentlemen.

- Planchet, remove this man.
- No, I swear to you.

No, monsieur...

He rolls well.

Planchet, get me some nails
and a hammer.

Maybe I could borrow some
from the landlord.

Hey!

Get out!

Oh, monsieur, monsieur,
you come from heaven.

No, mademoiselle, just from upstairs.

Whoever you are, in the queen's name,
I thank you.

And now, please...
Please, just for an instant...

Well, l... Please.

Master, you're wounded.

Mortally, fatally, in the heart.

- Oh, I'll get a physician.
- I shall never recover.

Keep watch, man.
I'm on the queen's business.

- Sorry, monsieur, to be in such a hurry.
- No greater hurry than I.

- I love you.
- What?

I love you, love you.

Oh, mademoiselle,
inside me is a raging storm.

From the first instant I beheld you, l...
By the way, what's your name?

- Constance.
- Constance.

Oh, Constance. My own. My all.

My blood rages like a torrent.
My heart beats like a drum.

I come from the end of the earth
to implore you...

I thought you said you came
from upstairs.

To be far from you as a half dozen paces
is to be at the end of the earth.

You're mad.

No, don't stop. Lace me up the back
while you're talking.

I'm your servant, your subject,
your slave.

Your pleasure is my life,
your will my law.

My life is yours, my heart, my sword.

Anything you demand.
My last drop of blood.

Why do I have to start out on laces?

I didn't do very well, did I?

I was only trying to say I love you.

Maybe you should have told me
your name first.

D'Artagnan.

D'Artagnan.

The famous swordsman?

- The famous booby.
- Oh, no.

I only came from the country
a few days ago.

I just got these clothes today.

The famous D'Artagnan.

- I'm sorry, I'll go. l...
- Oh, no.

Oh, D'Artagnan,
I'm as simple as you are.

I'm just a girl who works at the palace,
and I'm not used to being in love.

Oh, heavens.

I'm late.

Oh, I'm late.

Swear on your honor
you won't follow me.

- But you're not going out of here alone?
- Oh, trust me.

- I beg of you, trust me.
- Where are you going?

If you love me, please, please,
don't follow me.

But l...

- You asked me to trust you!
- D'Artagnan.

Then you leave me to keep some
cheap rendezvous on a street corner.

Stop it. Stop. It's George Villiers,
duke of Buckingham.

- Prime minister of England.
- Buckingham?

The gentleman cannot be left
in possession of such knowledge.

- It becomes my necessity to kill him.
- Oh, Your Grace.

He is loyal to the queen,
and besides, I love him.

To evade Richelieu and all his spies...

...and then risk being impaled
upon a lover's sword?

What a fate for England. Come.

Wait here, will you, please?

Your Majesty...

...a messenger from Spain has come
with intelligence of your cousins.

Her Majesty the queen.

Anne. My little Anne.

- I've told you, you mustn't come here.
- A thousand times I shall come.

Oh, heaven help me.
Why can't you understand?

I understand nothing
except that I love you.

That the earth is small and there's
no room on it for you and me apart.

Oh, my darling, confess to me
that you still love me.

There, your tears are my evidence.

I weep for myself, for my husband,
for my country.

Your country's wise,
but your husband's an idiot.

But Richelieu's spies are everywhere,
in my court, in my bedchamber.

I have no one to trust.

- You have me.
- I have?

Which of Richelieu's spies...

...discovered you were coming to France
even before you'd left England?

The Countess de Winter?

Under what intimate circumstances
did she discover the secret?

- Anne!
- Can't I even trust you?

And I love you.
And I can't help myself.

You accuse me of faithlessness?

No. I accept it.

George, I love you,
but you mustn't come here again.

I forbid you ever to come to Paris...

...alone, in disguise,
at the mercy of Richelieu's villains.

Richelieu forbids me to come
as ambassador.

Then I shall never see you again.

No, if I cannot see you as beggar...

...if I can't see you as ambassador,
I'll see you as conqueror.

- Understand?
- Buckingham.

England is mine, France shall be mine
and you shall be mine, Anne.

Oh, you must go.

Here. I give this to you in parting.

We must never meet again.

I shall treasure these as I treasure
my dearest recollections of you, Anne.

As I treasure the anticipation
of our next meeting.

The Countess de Winter.

- Your Excellency.
- Welcome, milady.

And you were never so welcome
as at this moment.

Nor so unwilling to come.
You promised me a holiday.

I'm having my holiday.

Oh, yes, and what is the name
of your holiday?

The Count de Wardes?

Do you know everything
that transpires in France?

I only know I'm in the midst
of a great project...

...and that you, milady,
are part of that great project.

I need you, milady.

Buckingham is in possession
of a set of diamond studs, 12 studs.

I would be grateful,
immensely grateful...

...if you were to go to England
and steal two of them.

Steal two?
What am I, a common thief?

I could hardly trust a common thief
with such a mission.

The jewels were presented
to Buckingham only last night...

...by the queen.

Oh, so he reached the queen.

How comical,
despite all your precaution.

I leave the making of excuses
to Rochefort...

...and his excuses can be
quite imaginative.

It's his claim that some lone monster
named D'Artagnan...

...annihilated all my men.

Oh, no. What a catastrophe.

It takes a good man to prevent
a catastrophe, milady...

...and a great man
to make use of one.

You and I, my dear...

...are rare, new creatures
in this ancient world of impulsive men.

We have intellect. We think.

And when we think,
our impulsive enemies are helpless.

The king opposes my plans
for war with England.

It's my belief...

...that if Buckingham's relations
with the queen can be demonstrated...

...His Majesty's opposition to my plans
may be lessened.

But, Your Grace, how can you trust me
with such a confidence?

What if I refuse to go to England?

Can there be anyone
more trustworthy, milady...

...than an ambitious woman
of fashion...

...with a history?

You said yourself, milady,
I know everything that transpires...

...or has transpired in France.

The spies, they're everywhere.

- Can you go to England?
- To England?

Nobody knows I've come to you,
only the queen.

- Oh, the poor queen.
- Oh, Constance.

Richelieu's arranged a banquet...

...for the express purpose of displaying
the queen's new jewels.

It's 12 diamond studs
he gave to her for her birthday.

- She has to wear them.
- But l...

They're in England.
She gave them to Buckingham.

Richelieu's found out.
He wants the king to find out.

She just has to wear them
at the banquet or...

Well, it's only nine days, and I don't...

I love you.

Oh, you'll need this letter.

You tell the queen I'll be back
with the jewels in 9 days' time.

What would I do without you?

When I come back.

When you come back.

So this letter must be delivered
in England...

...and the jewels returned to Paris
by the first of the month.

We have just one advantage.
Richelieu doesn't know we're going.

My friend, my friend.

My young country friend,
when will you learn about Paris?

By now, Richelieu,
without the slightest question...

...knows even the color
of your underpants.

Well, it's my obligation, not yours.

If we all went,
there'd be a better chance...

...that one of us would survive
to return to Paris.

To die among friends.

Can a man ask more?
Can a world offer less?

Who wants to live
till the last bottle's empty?

It's all for one, D'Artagnan...

...and one for all.

- On your way.
- Four against one, Athos.

In the queen's name, on your way.

Stay with your master, Grimaud.

The town of Crevecoeur
lies just beyond.

I once knew a lady who lived there.

Me.

Some of my most beautiful memories
are associated with this road.

Aramis, you all right?

- Aramis, are you all right?
- That way, D'Artagnan.

I hope your lady still lives in the town.

That was long ago, D'Artagnan.
Long ago.

Separate, men. We'll cut them off.

Here, master.

Thanks.

- Jussac.
- We meet again, D'Artagnan.

Hey.

Ride, D'Artagnan. The queen.

Planchet!

- A boat for England.
- The port was closed last night.

The po...? By whose order?

Richelieu's, monsieur.
Our beloved Richelieu.

- A boat for England.
- No boats. The port's closed.

I am the Count de Wardes.
I have special permission from Richelieu.

You'll have to get it signed
by the governor of the port.

Where can I find this individual?

The last house on the point.

Such a handsome man he was.

Don't talk like that. He's not dead.

Well, I'd rather be dead
than resemble a sieve.

Oh, maybe l...
Maybe I'd just rather be dead.

What a man.

I said, what a man.

Letters from the famous
Countess de Winter.

By the way, Planchet,
don't forget my name's...

I'm the Count de Wardes.

The Count de...

D'Artagnan, I can think of no one
to whom I'd prefer to entrust these.

My only regret is you're not English.

An Englishman, Your Grace,
would probably take this back to Paris...

...without looking to see
what's inside it.

- With all respect, sir, I'm a Frenchman.
- You skeptics.

Valet! Valet!

You disgusting thieves. Which one
of you has stolen these jewels?

I'll have you hanged
from the highest bridge in London.

- Your Grace...
- Don't lie to me.

No one has been in my rooms except...

Summon my jeweler, this instant!

How many days
do you have left, five?

- Without the other two studs...
- Never mind that.

If you had wings and you rode the wind,
how long would it take to get to Paris?

- Three days.
- You're alone?

I left Paris with friends, sir.

I hope at least one of them's alive
and can help me get back.

Rochefort, draw 100,000 francs
for the Countess de Winter.

- Yes, monsieur.
- Oh, and Rochefort...

...what of your demoniac young friend,
D'Artagnan?

- He's dead.
- Excellent.

Well, why does he seem so unhappy?

Well, five of my men
have each assured me...

...that he killed him
in each of five different places.

Place extra guards on every road
and close the gates of Paris...

...until D'Artagnan's corpse is delivered
to me here in my palace...

...or his person lodged in the Bastille.

Yes, monsieur.

Nobly said, monsieur.
Oh, I have every confidence that you...

...you who are the equal of catastrophes
and kings...

...you will some day be equal to this man
who isn't yet a musketeer.

- D'Artagnan.
- Porthos!

- They told me you were wounded.
- I am, I am. A slight thing.

- But the jewels?
- Here, safe.

That man, that Buckingham.

Two had been stolen, and he had
two new ones made in 48 hours.

But come on, man, get to your horse.
I need you.

Porthos, when did a wound ever
come between you and a fight?

Well, unfortunately the position of this
one comes between me and my horse.

I wasn't running away.

I was fighting magnificently,
when who should appear...

...but, oh, what a beautiful woman.

I let my eyes stray for just a moment,
when:

I'm disgraced.

Oh, when was I ever wounded
in a locality so impossible to explain?

- Well...
- I can see you're in doubt.

No, my dear friend, merely in a hurry.
Where can I find Aramis?

- In a monastery.
- Where?

Our friend Aramis has renounced
the world of the flesh.

But it's only been a few days.

Yes. He says that a great deal
can happen in just a few days...

...to change a man's life. I suspect...

His lady in Crevecoeur
didn't remember him.

Oh, heaven.
Heaven, let Athos still be alive.

- We said wine.
- I have none.

- What kind of inn...?
- Go down in your cellar!

- I can't go down in my cellar.
- Why not?

Mercy, gentlemen. Believe me,
there's a madman in my cellar.

A madman!

He took refuge in my cellar a week ago.
He's been down there for a week.

All my food, all my wine.
Three more days like this and I'm ruined.

Athos! Athos, open up.
It's D'Artagnan.

Athos, it's D'Artagnan!

D'Artagnan! My friend, welcome.

Welcome.

My beautiful, magnificent friend.

Grimaud,
wine for Monsieur D'Artagnan.

The best in the house for my dearest...

For Monsieur D'Artagnan.

- Athos, we have to be in Paris tonight.
- Wait a minute, you're not drinking.

Now, Athos, please, sober up,
for heaven's sake.

A puritan.
His lady doesn't approve of drinking.

Let me tell you about women.

- Athos.
- I knew a woman once...

- Athos!
- No.

Let's say that I had a friend,
an aristocratic young friend.

He knew a woman once.

Athos, for heaven's sake, have you
forgotten we ride for the queen?

I was telling you about women.

Then tell it to the wind
of your own making!

Have you forgotten our pledge?
"All for one and one for all"?

You pompous village boor.

You hero.

What do you know of anything
besides swordplay?

I was speaking of women.

No, this friend...

...this aristocratic friend...

...fell in love with a country wench.

He married her and took her
to his ancestral bed.

She was beautiful. He worshipped her
as at an ancient altar.

The pure, the good.

His angel of light.

But within a week's time,
his angel of light...

...had led a neighbor, a young recluse,
from a life of chastity...

...and together they had looted
the local church.

My friend wrung a confession
from the woman...

...and turned her over
to the executioner of Lille...

...who branded her shoulder
with a fleur-de-lis.

Then he cast her out of his house...

...renounced his ancestral claims
and fled.

He changed his name
and joined the legions of the king.

He never saw the woman again.

Nor ever ceased to love her.

I am speaking of women.

We will ride to Paris.

Move on. Move on.

Planchet, take the horses
into that barn.

Who goes there?
In Richelieu's name, stop or I'll fire.

Guards, surround the barn.

Get to the loft.

D'Artagnan, will you surrender?

I drank too much.

- Oh, what a headache.
- Come out or we'll burn the barn!

Cease firing!

D'Artagnan,
if we shouldn't meet again...

...I believe I was drinking
this morning.

I have a way of concocting fairy tales
when I drink.

- You remember that.
- Are we to surrender?

No, wait here two minutes
and then you'll be free...

...and the gates of Paris open.

Come along, Planchet.
There must be two of us.

They'll take you for D'Artagnan
and we'll spend the night in the Bastille.

- Is Her Majesty never going to appear?
- I told you all I know.

She sent word she's not feeling well.
Sight of food...

But the supper is almost finished.

- Well, maybe when the dancing begins...
- What a pity.

And I have a little gift for her.

When she does appear, Your Majesty...

...without the set of 12 studs
that were your gift to her...

...then ask her who stole these
from her.

I'm ready now.

But, Your Majesty, without the jewels,
you can't...

D'Artagnan.

The jewels, madam?

I suspected you might have need
of some jewels, Your Majesty.

And so l...

I'm heartbroken, Louis.

I had no time
to display the jewels properly.

My dressmaker arrived too late.

Your dressmaker.
Madame D'Artagnan, no doubt.

But I'm all confused.
Where did you get those two studs?

He said they were stolen.

Our great prime minister
reduced to stealing?

Perhaps we'd better increase
his allowance.

Yes.

You may give them to me
just the same.

My profound compliments.
Dispose of them as you will.

- Where can we go?
- Oh, I can't leave the palace tonight.

Tomorrow? Somewhere?

My gratitude.

- I kissed the queen's hand.
- Have you no higher ambitions?

Tomorrow night, 8:00 at Saint-Cloud.

The Inn of the Flowers.

Oh, the things I go through for you,
master.

No sooner do they let me out
of the Bastille...

...than here I am wearing your clothes.
I almost prefer the Bastille.

Planchet, we must be careful.
Maybe Richelieu's planning revenge.

If we run into an ambush,
surely his men will mistake you for me.

Oh, yes, that's true.
What are you saying, master?

You may hang me if you desire,
but I call upon you to witness...

...that I surrender freely, voluntarily,
of my own choice...

...because I cannot stomach
the kind of justice...

...that takes the woman
and lets the man go free.

The man surpasses even your description
of him. It's unbelievable.

You will release Mademoiselle Bonacieux.
I bargain with you, sir, my life for hers.

Why should I want your life?

- You don't want me?
- Of course I want you.

I want you as a lieutenant
in my guard.

Young man, I can't afford to have you
as my enemy, it's true.

You bring the affairs of state
to a complete halt.

But hang you? What a waste.

No, a man like you, D'Artagnan,
brings out but one thing in me:

- My acquisitive instinct.
- Monsieur...

You're an ambitious man
or you wouldn't have come to Paris.

I suggest that in allegiance
to the throne...

...you have joined your ambitions
with a falling star.

Monsieur, I didn't come here prepared...
I came here about a certain young lady.

Oh, yes. Why don't we speak of her
another time?

Sometime, perhaps,
after you've accepted my commission.

The Countess de Winter.

Oh, here. You two haven't met.

The Countess de Winter,
Monsieur D'Artagnan.

Or have you met?

I am extremely interested
in this young man, milady.

I wonder if you would be so good
as to entertain him?

Give him a glimpse perhaps of the kind
of society that would be his...

...if he accepts a lieutenancy
in my guard.

Athos!

Aramis, Porthos!

Careful. Our friend Porthos
has a very tender heart.

Aramis, they told me
you'd entered a monastery.

I thought I wouldn't see you again.
It's only been a few days, man.

A great deal can happen in a few days
to change a man's life.

It seems, my friends, I'm not yet
prepared to embrace the life of the spirit.

But I expected every hour
that you'd be joining me in the Bastille.

Richelieu took Constance instead.

- Where is she?
- I don't know.

Richelieu knows, Rochefort,
Countess de Winter, I think.

Oh, the famous countess again.
Has anybody ever met her?

Well, yes, I've been seeing
quite a bit of her lately.

Oh, now, gentlemen,
don't misunderstand me.

I love Constance.

How I love her. My time with milady
has been spent in polite conversation.

Don't you believe me?

He makes love to one woman
in order to make love to another woman.

No, gentlemen, all I want of milady
is her confidence.

- Confidence?
- Believe me.

We spoke of horses and Gascony.

The most notorious woman in France
that not even Buckingham could resist...

...the most dangerous, fascinating
appetizing, tantalizing...

...and all he wants is her confidence.

Athos, I'm only seeing milady
to find out where Constance is.

Poor Constance. Fifty francs he's in love
with milady by the end of the week.

What a swine. He doesn't know
what it is to be in love.

Why, when a man's in love,
he's safe from anything.

Oh, you country boy.
You know, I almost believe him.

- Fifty francs for the end of the week?
- I believe him, but not 50 francs' worth.

You poor, corrupt creatures.

Well, you'll see.
She hasn't the slightest appeal for me.

If only I had some slight appeal for her,
I might find where Constance is.

But, no, milady despises me.
She considers me a boor.

Oh, and worse,
she's in love with another man...

...but desperately.
All she can think of is:

Where is he?
Why doesn't he come to see her?

I've made so little progress
I've been reduced to her maid.

Don't tell you're making love
to her maid?

Delicious, delicious.

No. If I flirted with Kitty a little...

...it's only to intercept milady's
correspondence with this other man.

D'Artagnan, how can you get mixed up
with so many different women...

...and still be in love
with somebody else?

My poor fickle friends,
you'll never understand.

Wait, if all you do care about
is Constance...

...why don't you go to this other man?
The countess confides in him.

Excellent, except that the other man,
unfortunately...

...is a certain Count de Wardes whom
I left in Calais in very poor condition...

...with four sword passes
through the body.

How can fate be so cruel?

Kitty...

Cruel fate.

Why don't you kiss me?

Kitty, my precious, my beloved,
my dove, my all...

Oh, you don't care about me.

All you care about is my mistress.

Well, she doesn't care about you.

This is the man she's in love with:
The Count de Wardes.

No. I have to take that to him.

I've been taking letters to his house
for days now, and he never answers.

Of course he doesn't.
He isn't at his house.

- How do you know?
- He's a good friend of mine.

Here, let's see what she says.

Oh, give it to me, give it to me.
Oh, I'm lost...

"My undying love. My..."

Oh, you're right, Kitty,
she does love him.

"Kisses and..." My, my.

"Why don't you answer my letters?
Come to me, I beg..."

I wonder.

Could I do it?

- Won't you please give me the letter?
- Kitty.

Kitty, this man, this de Wardes,
does she confide in him?

Oh, she must.

Oh, Kitty, stop squealing.
I'm only trying to help you.

You tell your mistress
you delivered the letter...

- But I didn't.
- Never mind that.

Tell her the count begs forgiveness,
but he's in hiding.

He's in trouble with Richelieu.

It was through him
that D'Artagnan got to England...

...and Richelieu has given out an order
for his arrest.

- Is this true?
- Well, more or less, more or less.

Tell your mistress
that the Count de Wardes...

...will sup with her at midnight tonight
on one condition:

That there is no light burning anywhere
in the house.

No light?

If he's recognized by one person,
he's lost.

Tell her that he's afraid of running into
the terrible D'Artagnan.

Oh, I don't understand. I mean...

I mean, suppose he doesn't come,
then she'll be angry with me.

There, there, now, Kitty. Don't worry.

Didn't I say he'd come?
He's a friend of mine.

Yes, yes, but you said he was afraid.
You said...

Kitty, my darling, my precious,
my dove.

There, there. Now, run along.

And don't forget, tonight at midnight.

And no lights.

- Every light, Kitty. Hurry.
- Yes, milady.

Oh, this is insane. I could just as well
pull the drapes. No one could see.

Kitty, did he act insane?

- No, milady.
- Well, never mind. Every light.

Oh, if he doesn't come...
If you've made a mistake...

Kitty, the wine is warm from the fire.
Take it, chill it.

And the chocolate, it's cold. Warm it.

- But there isn't a light in the house.
- Do as I say.

- Put out that light.
- Monsieur D'Artagnan.

- Where's milady?
- In her sitting room.

- Where's the Count de Wardes?
- Is the room dark?

There's a fire.
They're eating by firelight.

A fire? I said, no light.

But it's only a little fire.
You can't see a thing.

You'd better be right about that.

Oh, I don't understand.
I don't understand one thing.

Now, Kitty, go and announce me,
the Count de Wardes.

The Count...?

But...

Come, come, Kitty,
this is no time for weak nerves.

Now, go. Go, go, go.

The Count de... The Count de Wardes.

Oh, Constance, Constance,
understand me.

This is just
for conversational purposes.

De Wardes.

- De Wardes, at last. At last.
- How sweet to see you.

Oh, supper.

- How nice.
- Never mind about supper.

A man grows hungry, milady.

Oh, kiss me. Kiss me.

I shall positively be cremated
sitting so close to the fire.

Are you going to kiss me
or aren't you?

Well, perhaps one little kiss.

I think maybe we better eat supper.

Wake up, Athos. Athos, wake up.

Oh, no.

Come on, Athos, wake up.
Help me to compose a letter.

You wake me up,
it isn't even noon yet.

This is no hour for composing letters
or looking happy.

Will you stop looking happy?

Oh, Athos, we've judged her unfairly.

How can I describe her?
Her hair like...

- Who?
- Oh, her lips.

- Who?
- Her throat like...

Open your eyes so you can see
who you're talking about.

Milady.

I can't describe her very well,
it was dark.

She even gave me a ring.

- Oh, you abominable fellow.
- I resent your tone, Athos.

- You've fallen in love with her.
- I tell you, we've judged her unfairly.

You know, there's a certain difficulty
about this ring.

She gave it to me under the impression
that I was de Wardes.

A man wants to be loved for himself.

Well, that's why you've gotta help me
compose some kind of a letter.

- Give me that ring.
- What is it?

What's the matter, Athos?

I don't understand you.
That's a very beautiful ring.

Yes.

It once was mine.

Athos, this is a crude sort of joke.

There are things
that a man doesn't joke about.

I'd know that ring
if I found it in my grave.

It belonged to my family.

- It was a wedding gift to my wife.
- Your wife?

The Countess de Winter.

Oh, heaven, how can you play
such a hideous trick on me?

How can you play such a trick on me?

On her shoulder there's a brand,
the fleur-de-lis.

- But of course, you wouldn't know that.
- Oh, this is monstrous.

- What kind of drunken fantasy is this?
- My friend, believe me.

This woman is my wife.
I told you the story.

- Of your friend.
- No, no, of myself, of myself.

I lied.

Look, shun this woman like you would
the pox. She's evil itself.

- She's death, she's poison.
- You liar.

Why do you try to turn me against her?
What's your purpose?

Your words proclaim your lie.

When you told me the story,
you said you still loved her.

Are these the sentiments of a man
who still loves a woman?

Oh, you drunken fool.
Because you hate all women, must I?

Are you sure
this is the count's handwriting?

Oh, yes.
I intercepted that letter only today.

Aramis, you write a fine hand.

"Milady, I find myself unable to come
to you again this evening as promised.

Since my return from England...

...I have so many invitations of this kind
on my hands...

...that I am forced to regulate them
a little.

When your turn comes again,
I shall have the honor to inform you of it.

I kiss your hands."

Now sign it, "de Wardes."

Well, she certainly can't be too fond
of de Wardes now.

But, Aramis, what's going to make her
fond of me?

You, get out of my room.

Monsieur D'Artagnan,
he's waiting in the sitting room.

Well, get him out of the house.
Tell him I can't see... No. No, wait.

Monsieur D'Artagnan.

The famous swordsman.

Kitty, prepare me.

Monsieur D'Artagnan.

How handsome you are.

Milady, beside you, I'm...
I'm a sparrow.

Charming.

Oh, milady, I'm overwhelmed.
I have no words.

What need has a man of action
for words?

- My, what a strong hand.
- It's yours.

Don't you think it's a little bright
in here?

The light is still in my eyes.

To find you in my arms,
my own arms...

I mean...

- Tell me you love me.
- lf only my heart were free.

- Free of anger and free of fear.
- Fear?

Oh, milady, whom are you afraid of?

What do I live for
except your command?

What would you do to a man
who holds my life in bondage...

...who persecutes me, reviles me,
soils my honor and boasts of it?

Name him. Speak his name
and you sentence him to death.

The Count de Wardes.

Who?

- Oh, yes. The Count de Wardes.
- You're afraid of him.

- Oh, milady.
- Well, if you loved me...

Oh, that's not the question.
Do you love me?

Oh, milady, to kill a man...

Well, no matter what my reputation,
I don't take killing lightly.

Why, only yesterday
you were cool to me.

Cool to you? You'll never know
the agony it cost me...

...sitting here, cool,
while you talked about horses...

...and I yearned to throw myself
into your arms.

Oh, I can't believe this.

And afterwards, after you left,
to have to receive the filthy de Wardes.

To pretend, out of fear.

- Milady...
- Do I love you?

Like the stars, the night,
the sun, the day...

...now, tomorrow, forever.

My heart is yours constantly,
irrevocably yours.

And yours alone.

Whatever my reputation...

...oh, my D'Artagnan,
I don't take love lightly.

If I'd only known.

Oh, milady, I'm unworthy of you.

The things I've done and had to do,
it's I who am unworthy of you.

Oh, no, milady.
Let me put your heart at rest.

It wasn't the Count de Wardes you hate
who came to you last night.

Oh, forgive me. Forgive me.

And, well, I know you will.

Don't you think
it's a little bright in here?

- Milady.
- Oh, you foul, sickening...

Oh, when I have taken so little pleasure
in wrestling with women?

Oh, you...

To kill you. To kill you!

Why am I a woman?
Why haven't I the strength?

D'Artagnan, you are destroyed!

Guard! Guard, thief!

Kill him! Kill him!

Hey!

He does rather well for a farm boy.

So this is how he spends his time
in polite conversation.

Shall we intrude?

She's promised to kill you.
She'll keep that promise if she can.

Beware, D'Artagnan.

Beware of strange men and dark places
and lonely roads.

That woman will destroy you
because she must.

You know her secret.

The brand of a common criminal,
the fleur-de-lis.

All I know is what I've done.
I'm unspeakable.

No.

Merely young.

You could be so much worse off.

She could be your wife.

- Constance...
- No, it isn't a miracle.

The queen found me.

Oh, my love, speak to me.
Darling, we have so little time.

Oh, my angel of goodness...

...will you marry me?
Now, this instant?

- I can't, there's no time.
- Oh, we must.

The queen's carriage,
it's coming for me.

She's sending me
where Richelieu can't find me.

I'll follow you.

I don't even know
where she's sending me.

Oh, Constance, Constance...

...whether there's time
or whether there isn't, for my sake.

I have to leave soon.

And where I'll be I don't know.

What may happen to you
we don't know.

You're afraid, aren't you?

I didn't know you could be afraid.

Now you know everything about me.

No, it's just that sometimes
I know how young I am...

...and how much I have to live for,
and, well, I tremble.

And, well, I can make mistakes
that'll follow me through all my days.

Milady?

If I can forgive you, certainly she can.

- Well, you don't know her.
- Oh, my darling.

Well, that's only the sun.

- Yes?
- Your carriage is here.

- Wherever you are.
- Wherever I am.

Your Grace.

Welcome to Cranstogen Castle,
mademoiselle.

- You'll be safe here.
- Thank you.

You'll be separated from Richelieu...

...by the most impenetrable
of all barriers, a war.

Fire!

Fire!

Attack!

Fire!

D'Artagnan, tell His Majesty
another road.

We'll hold this one as long as we can.

- Come out.
- That's no English voice.

- We're Frenchmen.
- Come out, Frenchmen.

- Identify yourselves.
- Men of the king's musketeers, sir.

What are men of the king's musketeers
doing in this vicinity?

Richelieu.

So I'm going to have His Majesty
on my hands soon.

If I let them go...

...news of our little expedition
will reach His Majesty within the hour.

Musketeers...

...I find myself abroad on this dark night
with insufficient escort.

But His Majesty has...

- We are at your command, sir.
- Good.

There's a village yonder and an inn,
the Dragon Rouge.

One of you out front, two behind.

My own men will stand guard outside.

Give my trusted friends here
a room downstairs with a decent fire.

Gentlemen, you may have my room.

- I've put in a new stove only today.
- Good.

And, landlord, lock their door.
Let them out only in case of trouble.

Monsieur, will you be kind enough
to inform me...

...the reason for the secrecy
of this meeting?

It's imperative that no one suspect I've
had anything to do with your leaving.

I have arranged it that,
not long after I go out of this building...

...men will appear and kidnap you
by force.

They won't know
that you're going willingly.

So I'd advise you not to resist them.

They will put you on a boat.
By morning, you will be in England.

You will then proceed to Buckingham's
headquarters at Cranstogen Castle...

...and appear before him.

Well, after the affair
of the diamond studs, impossible.

Since the affair...

...Buckingham knows, at least,
that you're in my absolute confidence.

You will present yourself to Buckingham,
milady, openly as my negotiator.

Milady.

Do I understand the great Richelieu
is preparing to negotiate a peace?

You do, milady.

Buckingham is arranging an alliance
with Spain...

...with Austria and with Lorraine.

If he is successful,
then the days of my power...

...and your affluence are numbered.

But what if he refuses to negotiate?

You disappoint me, milady.

We play chess with the gods,
not Pussy Wants a Corner.

Of course Buckingham will refuse
to negotiate.

Well, what then?

Milady, where is your
famous imagination?

- You suggest I have him assassinated?
- I suggest nothing.

I merely rely on your imagination.

- What are your terms?
- I shall need something from you.

- Course.
- In writing. A carte blanche.

A carte blanche?

- But you have my word.
- In writing.

"It is by my order
and for the good of the state...

...that the bearer of this has done
what he has done.

Richelieu."

This will be quite satisfactory.

- Listen.
- The rest is bargaining.

My terms are simple.

First, there is a certain estate
in the vicinity of Lille, a barony.

It was renounced by its owner
quite some years ago.

It now belongs to the throne.

- I want that estate and the title.
- That's easily done, milady. What else?

Second and last, I want the head
of Monsieur D'Artagnan...

...delivered to me, preserved,
in a small box.

Oh, no, milady.

Well, that is, I haven't yet
given up hope for him.

You may give up hope for him now.

His instructions were to let us out
in case of trouble.

Nobody said we weren't
to start it ourselves.

Gentlemen, quickly,
there seems to be trouble.

Athos.

The bargain:

If she succeeds in England,
she gets D'Artagnan's head.

No, wait.

You and Porthos go on back to camp
with Richelieu.

Find D'Artagnan,
bring him here by morning.

Leave the woman to me.

Tell Richelieu I'm scouting.

What happened?
Where is the other musketeer?

I don't know what happened.
Athos went on ahead. He...

- He said he'd scout around.
- Good man.

I have a message from Richelieu.

- All is quiet. You have nothing to fear.
- Good.

Don't be afraid, Charlotte.

I can neither kill you
nor take you away.

Your kidnappers, in a few minutes...

...would report to Richelieu either
your corpse or your disappearance.

And you, my dear wife...

...fainting is neither becoming
nor believable.

Richelieu gave you a certain paper,
a carte blanche.

Since I cannot kill you,
I must at least have that paper.

No.

You will give it to me, Charlotte,
or I shall have to take it.

No.

Help! Don't hit me, I'm the landlord!

Help! Help! Help!

- Stop that! Stop it!
- Help!

The lady you're looking for is upstairs.

Your orders are changed, however.
She's not to be taken to the boat.

Athos. Athos.

Water. You could have at least
used wine.

With the compliments
and apologies of the house.

The compliments and apologies...

...of a man who has never appreciated
landlords before.

- D'Artagnan, they've told you?
- Yes.

Well, none of us can go to England.
We're soldiers.

If we're caught on English soil,
we'll be hanged.

- I suggest Planchet go to Buckingham.
- Planchet?

- You're going to England.
- Yes, master.

- I'll get shot.
- Unlikely.

- Well, I'll get seasick.
- Undoubtedly.

D'Artagnan, do you think
that Planchet is...?

My faith in Planchet
is my faith in a friend.

I'll go, master.

Well, just so you'll have no difficulty
in traveling...

...Richelieu himself gives you
his blessing.

Be back a week from today.

My friends will be in the French camp,
but I may be in hiding...

...for if you fail,
Richelieu will be wanting my head.

Now, tell Buckingham...

This same woman who has been
promised my master's head...

...comes to England
not to assassinate...

Not to negotiate a peace
but to assassinate you.

Then imprison her, my master says.

This is one of Richelieu's tricks.
Bind her, chain her...

...surround her with guards
picked from your most trusted men.

She is evil itself.
Now may I go back to France?

How do I know that you're not
one of Richelieu's tricks?

Is there anyone in England
who can identify you?

- No, sir. l...
- Well?

My master says
that you will know this.

This man has in his possession
the diamond stud...

...which you once stole from me.

But of course, Your Grace,
and which he stole from me.

He was one of my servants.

Where have you been, Duval? I've been
trying to find you to have you hanged.

Hanged? Duval?

My name's Planchet.

Well, my master
is Monsieur D'Artagnan.

Would you do me the favor
of having this creature hanged?

Planchet.

Oh, my sweet Planchet, how is he?
How is he?

Milady...

...you're under arrest.

The Countess de Winter, may I present
your jailer, Mademoiselle Bonacieux.

You'll have a company of guards
at your disposal...

...but you will be responsible
for this woman.

You see, you're a woman yourself...

...and safe from her
more obvious temptations.

If she escapes, then you must know
that I will be her first victim.

And D'Artagnan, the man you love,
her second.

I think you'll make a better jailer
than any man in England.

Remove the prisoner.

I haven't come to the best news.
I haven't come to it yet.

Mademoiselle...

The lady who lived downstairs.
The lady you married.

- Constance?
- She's in England.

- You saw her?
- Right in the castle.

Oh, and the wit
of that Monsieur Buckingham.

I had always thought
Englishmen weren't very bright.

There was question
as to who was to be milady's jailer.

Never mind. Tell me about my wife.

But that's what I'm telling you.
He made mademoiselle a jailer.

But that's a funny story.

Did I leave something out?

Planchet, did he trust madame
to mademoiselle herself?

- Oh, there was to be soldiers.
- He trusted Satan to an angel.

Planchet, saddle my horse.

D'Artagnan, you can't go to England,
you'll be hanged.

- Buckingham will protect me.
- But you'll be a deserter in France.

I too, then.

They didn't tell me you were sick.

- Let me undress you.
- No.

- I'll call the surgeon.
- No, I forbid it.

- Milady, l...
- Pray for me.

You're young, you're good.

He will listen to you.
He won't listen to me.

Pray that I die.

Is that what you've been praying for?
To die?

Yes.

- I'll call the surgeon.
- No. Pray for me, that's all.

Oh, if you knew, you'd pray.

Oh, leave me. Leave me.

- Ma'am, call the surgeon.
- She won't let me.

There's nothing wrong with her at all.
She's just pretending.

She knows if I call the surgeon,
he'll find out.

- Yes?
- It's Albert of the guards.

Milady wants you.

- Milady.
- Oh, mercy. Mercy, let me die.

Let the surgeon see you.

Let the surgeon see me?
Let Buckingham know?

He'll hang me. Tomorrow, today.

But I trust you.

To be hanged a common criminal.

An English noose.

Have I ever lied to you?

Have I ever pretended to be anything
but what I am? No.

Your D'Artagnan,
I'd kill him in an instant.

And Buckingham, that swine, I'd...

I am what I am.

And I've no concern
with your silly rights and wrongs.

But heaven, heaven,
may I not have pride?

Must I die
at the end of an English rope?

I won't tell, I swear.

Oh, a knife.

Do you lay claim to goodness
or don't you?

Are you merciful or are you not?

Oh, save me. Bring me a knife.

Let me end this.

Oh, how do you stand there
torturing me?

Oh, I can't endure. I can't.

There's home. There's England.

I'm Mademoiselle Bonacieux.
I have charge of a certain prisoner.

I'm sick.
I can't take further responsibility.

His Grace can't be disturbed.

- Oh, but I must see him.
- Tomorrow perhaps.

I'll give him the message.

She's laying on the floor.
She's all doubled up like...

Ma'am, I take my orders from you...

...but you're no officer,
and I can tell you this:

We don't treat no dog in England
like you're treating her.

- I'm going for the surgeon.
- No.

- Are there any other guards on duty?
- Yes, ma'am.

- Send them away. You stay by her door.
- But...

But close the peephole.

I'll be with milady in a few minutes.

But I forbid you to watch
or to have anyone else around.

Yes, ma'am.

Will you send for the surgeon?

I don't think that will be necessary.

Milady.

I've brought you a book.

Halt!

Lieutenant Sinclair,
returning from France.

I have urgent dispatches
for His Grace.

Direct me to my lord,
the duke of Buckingham.

I'll have to report to
the captain of the guard. Follow me, sir.

Halt! Halt!

- Guards, guards, follow me!
- Frenchmen in the castle.

Spies! Spies! Soldiers, after them!

Yes, Mademoiselle Bonacieux.
You came earlier, I believe.

His Grace was disturbed
by your message...

...and asked that if you returned,
you be admitted.

That door.

Frenchmen in the castle.
Report to your corporal.

- Which way to the prisoners?
- Upstairs.

His Grace has been murdered.
Buckingham has been murdered.

Frenchmen in the castle.
Frenchmen in the castle.

Follow me, men.

Constance.

Athos!

Oh, Constance, my wife.

My wife.

My Constance.

- Will we never have time?
- Oh, you're smiling.

Oh, yes, we'll have time.
Of course we'll have time.

No, look at me. Look at me.

Keep looking at me.

You and I, we'll have everything
you asked for.

Time to be in love.

Hold me, please.

Hold me.

There.

Oh, heaven, let me be strong enough
for the two of us.

D'Artagnan...

...we have only a few seconds
and they'll come in this room.

We have no Buckingham
to protect us now.

Oh, Constance.

D'Artagnan, you must come.
There's nothing more you can do.

Listen to me. De Winter is still alive.

Frenchmen! Frenchmen!

I advise you, D'Artagnan,
to lose yourself on the road to Spain.

Richelieu has given orders
for your arrest.

- As for the woman, forget her.
- You ask the impossible.

This woman assassinated
the prime minister of England...

...murdered D'Artagnan's wife.

- What do you propose to do?
- Find her.

We lost her somewhere
on the road to Lille.

We're merely asking
has she been in Paris?

Athos, this woman's protected
by Richelieu.

If you touch her, gentlemen, are you
aware of what will happen to you?

- To all of you?
- We are.

Leave her, I beg of you.
Leave her to the justice of the state.

When there is no justice in the state?

She's not returned to Paris.

The road to Lille.

Athos, remember the night
you said the rest was bargaining?

Lille. An estate near Lille. A barony.

She demanded the estate
and the title.

Is this more or less beautiful
than Gascony? I wouldn't know.

Here I grew up.

These woods, these hills.

All this was mine and more,
D'Artagnan, more.

Here I fell in love.

- Is it she?
- Yes.

Well, Athos, in a matter of hours...

...we'll be on the road to Spain
with a price on our heads.

Will we live to see France again?

Will we live to see Spain?

No. No!

No!

This was my family's chapel,
Charlotte.

You'll remember
we took our vows here.

I loved you, Charlotte. I still love you.

I love you as I love war
and drunkenness.

I love you as men love all
that is worst for them.

Forgive me, Robert.

Before God in this holy place,
I swear, I swear...

The executioner of Lille.

Mercy. You cannot.
Gentlemen, mercy.

How many times have you asked
for mercy and received it...

...and then repaid it in blood?

How many times have you taken
men's love, their pity...

...their aspirations and their lives?

What has been the essence
of your evil...

...that you understood goodness?

We don't forgive you, Charlotte.
We can't.

We do not dare.

My wife.

They should remember you here,
Athos.

My appetite anyway.

Food, landlord.

And wine, landlord,
in the king's name.

The king's musketeers?
Yes, Monsieur Athos.

The best food and wine
for Monsieur Athos.

This is a trap.

Aramis, chandelier!

D'Artagnan. Come on, Porthos.

- D'Artagnan.
- Athos, hurry.

We come into a time of peace,
Your Majesty.

The British retire from La Rochelle,
the war is ended.

We mourn our dead and forgive.

Forgive these men, sire.

I've here their resignations
from the musketeers.

Aramis will embrace
the life of the spirit.

Porthos, I believe he states here
his intention...

...or at least his ambition,
to marry a rich widow.

D'Artagnan will return to Gascony.

Athos to the province of his birth.

Grant them peace, sire,
and forgiveness.

It is I, Treville, who have forgiven.
I have forgiven treason and treachery...

...because I admire an honest cutthroat
as much as any man.

But with the murder of the countess,
they've set themselves above the state.

But she assassinated Buckingham.
You know that, I know it too.

It was an abysmal crime,
whoever was responsible.

- But l...
- I am the state, Your Majesty.

Let us say it now, privately...

...so that we never have a need
to discuss it in public.

I am France, Louis. I am the state.

These men have set themselves
above me...

...and it is I, Louis, not you,
who sit in judgment.

I render that judgment now.

What have you there?

-It is by my order
and for the good of the state...

...that the bearer of this has done
what he has done.-

Signed, -Richelieu.-

That's a forgery.

This isn't theirs. I gave this paper to...

To whom, Richelieu?

Did I understand that you
were about to render a royal judgment?

In my humble capacity as the throne's
first minister, Your Majesty...

...I was about to offer
my suggestions.

That we allow Monsieur Aramis
to enter a monastery.

That we discover, if possible,
a rich widow for Monsieur Porthos.

That we restore to the Baron de la Fare,
if he wishes them, his lands and title.

And as for Monsieur D'Artagnan,
don't let him go back to Gascony.

Send him, perhaps,
on a mission of peace to England.

The English lead too dull a life.

Dismissed.

That is the one we want.

Yes, the girl on the right
known as Valerie.

See, the Pussycats are world-famous.

Sure, and flat broke.

Here, Josie, take my chair.

Thanks, Alan, but it looks like
Alexandra beat me to it. Ha, ha.

- Who is the leader?
- I am.

I am.

Ahem. I am.

Would you be willing to play for royalty?

After playing for peanuts,
playing for royalty would be groovy.

Excellent. The royal jet is waiting
at the airport for you.

I still like working for peanuts.

Especially salted ones.

Good. Our plan is working perfectly.

Oh, this is fabulous.

Except for one thing.

- What's that?
- Not -what. -

Who. Her.

Oh, Alexandra.

Since this couch was meant for two,
it's goodbye, Josie. Ooh!

Well, if you prefer the floor, Alexandra...
Ha, ha, ha.

These grapes aren't very tasty.

Hey, when do we land?

Holy cow.

No pilot.

Help! Is there a pilot in the house?

Yipes.

Hey.
What's happening?

Ouch!

This is not the only way to fly.

It's not so bad.

This is the silliest way to eat grapes.

Help! Somebody do something.

- Hang on, Alex.
- Have I got a choice?

No pilot. It must be remote-controlled.

Right. So all we have to do
is put us back on automatic pilot.

And see where the plane takes us.

All right, group, the minute we stop,
everybody out and we'll make a break for it.

Follow the chicken.

Wow, the first step was sure a long one.

- We could have waited for the ladder.
- We better not wait for long.

Look.

Hey, look, camels.

Let's don't lose our heads. Let's run.

Stop them.

Hey, this camel doesn't even
have a head.

Come on, Cats, move your camels.

Giddap.

Hi-ho, camel, away.

Unh! Ow! Oh!

We'll be safe in the city. Follow me.

Have we a choice?

- Like I said, safe.
- What did you say?

So okay, half-safe.

Take another look.

Unsafe and trapped.

Easy, guys, just don't lose your cool.

How can I keep my cool
when they'll probably boil us in oil?

Welcome, O great musicians from afar.

See, chicken brother? No boiling in oil.

- We are safe.
- I am the royal adviser.

And this is our chief minister.
We need your help.

The princess, Mwila,
heir to the throne, has been abducted...

...by a mysterious figure known as...

...the Evil Eye
and his band of hooded desert nomads.

Hey, is a desert band like a rock band?

Never mind her. Please continue, sir.

The Evil Eye has glowing red eyes...

...which can cause anyone
to come under his power.

And we fear he intends to put the princess
under his power...

...so he can rule our country.

What's that got to do with us?

I thought you wanted the Pussycats
to play a gig.

Just one Pussycat.

To play the part of the princess.

You.

You want me to pretend
I'm the princess?

Yes, you are almost twins.

- And perfect for my plan.
- What plan?

To confuse the Evil Eye
by having her pose as the real princess...

...until she's found.

- Will you do it?
- Sure, if it'll help the princess.

Well, how do I look?

Just like a royal princess, Val.

Yeah, you sure could fool me.

It doesn't take much to fool you, Josie.

Step forth, slaves.

Yes, master.

At the palace, a girl poses as the princess.
Bring her to me.

Yes, master.

What do you want?

Help!

Hey, I thought I heard Valerie.

L... Well, I must be dreaming.

Pussycats, help!

There goes my dream again.

That was no dream, you ding-a-ling.
That was Valerie.

Come on, hurry.

Ooh!

We thought we heard Valerie.

You did hear her.

Hey, look at Sebastian.

It's the Evil Eye's nomads.
And they have her.

Alan, we've gotta stop them.

I've got just the way. Come on.

Wait. My way is better.

Look out, it'll fall on us. Shove.

You got us into this,
Alexandra. Think of a way to get us out.

I can't think. Your elbow's on my head.

Next time,
watch where you aim that thing.

We've gotta find a way
to rescue Valerie.

First, let's stop this thing.

Hey, this looks like a brake.

Did we stop?

No, you dingbat, but we did.

Hey, where did everybody go?

Oh. The heat. I'm gonna perish
in the desert under this burning sun.

It's nighttime, dum-dum.

The moon.
I'll perish under the burning moon.

- Oh, brother.
- Hey, look.

The tracks head for that oasis.

Then that's where we're heading.
Come on.

Now that I have both the real princess
and the impostor...

...nothing will stop my plans.

I will never do as you say, Evil Eye.

That goes double for me.

When the time comes, you will obey.

- Take them away.
- Yes, master.

Don't worry, Val. I'll think of something.

And what of this one, master?

She could be useful.

I shall make her one of us.

You are now my slave.

Yes, O great mustard.

Master, not mustard.

Yes, mustard. Hee, hee.
I'll get the ketchup.

Hmm.

What'll we do? The tracks just
disappear into that goofy sand pile.

Simple. Just start digging
and see where the truck went.

Cool it, Alexandra.

There's probably an electronic device
or electric eye controlling a secret entrance.

Maybe it's hidden in this tree, Alan.

Good thinking, Josie. I'll help you find it.

Don't waste your time, Alan, dear.

I think it's in this tree.

Oh, dates.

I'll bet the secret entrance opens up
by saying something corny.

Like, uh, open sesame.

Huh. What do you know? It worked.

- A secret elevator under the sand.
- I'm a genius.

Well, get going, boy genius.
We're right behind you.

Who, me? Heh, heh.
Can't we talk this over?

No.

Going down.

It's your meddling friends,
Josie and the Pussycats.

Yes, mustard, my favorite TV show.
Hee, hee, hee.

Go, dispose of them.

Yes, mustard.

No, dumb slave, this way.

- And it's -master. -
- Yes, heh, heh, mustard.

Now out through the door.

No, no. Open it first.

Yes, mustard.

Melody, are we glad to see you.

I have come to dispose of you.
Follow me to the trap.

- To a trap?
- This way, please.

- No pushing, no crowding.
- Hey, what's with you, Melody?

Great mustard commands me.

She's in a trance. Come on.

I know how to snap her out of it.

I saw it in a movie.

I saw the same movie. Twice. I'll do it.

There. That'll knock her out of it.

Who's there?
Hee, hee.

Nothing's there.

- Wait here a minute.
- Got any more ideas?

Yeah. Cold water will do the trick.

Oh!
Ha, ha, ha!

That's a good trick. Now, let's see you
do it again. Ha, ha, ha!

Sure.

I'll snap her out of it.

Is it morning?

Hey, you did it. She's back to normal.

Right. But the Evil Eye doesn't know it.

And that gives me an idea for a plan.

O mustard, it's your obedient slave.

You have disposed of the intruders?

Poof! One-hundred percent disposed,
mustard, old mustard. Hee, hee.

You have done well.

- He's gone.
- It worked.

We can look for Valerie and the princess
without worrying about that creep.

I am sorry you had to get involved
in this, Valerie.

That's all right, princess.
We'll get out of this mess yet.

But... But how?

Like in the movies.

Some brave and daring heroes
will ride out of the night and rescue us.

You can't do this to me. I feel silly.

This dancing-girl plan
was your idea, Alex.

Remember?
These were your exact words. I quote:

"Ahem. The dancing girls will go
into the dungeon, and at the right time...

...Alan and Josie
will create a distracting noise.

When the guards
go in to investigate...

...Sebastian will untie
the princess and Val.

And we substitute
the balloon-filled dummies in their place.

Then all we have to do is dance
our way out to safety. - Unquote.

Did I say that?

Oh, boy, I gotta learn
to keep my big mouth shut.

Great mustard has brought you
some entertainment...

...for your viewing pleasure,
fellow slaves.

It can't be.

But that skinny dancer
looks like Alexander.

Is that one of the daring heroes
you spoke of?

No, that's a chicken.

Ow! My foot. Here, clod,
I'll do this dance alone.

Sorry. Oops.

What's with you, ding-a-ling?
Huh?

Heh, heh.
See how light we are on our feet? Ha, ha.

- What is going on here?
- Look, master.

Uh-oh. It's the Evil Eye.

Shh. If they keep cool, maybe we can
still pull it off. Get ready, Sebastian.

That is the worst dancing
and the ugliest girl I have ever seen.

Ugly?
She just happens to be my brother...

...and all us Cabots are beautiful.

- Your brother?
- She means, her sister.

Lmpostor. Seize them.

Oh, Sebastian. Hurry, untie us.

Bring that impostor down.

Yes, master.

Oh, no.

Oh, no. Yow!

Boy, I thought I looked silly.

Yikes.

Come on, princess, let's go.

Up the stairs.
Hurry, Cats.

After them. They must not escape.

That takes care of the Evil Eye.
I saved the throne.

Well, now,
let's see who our Evil Eye really is.

It's a robot.

Then we will never find out who it is.

Oh, yes, we will.

A little rewiring and we'll make
this evil tin-can eye control its controller.

I think he's ready to spark.
I'll close him up and we'll see.

Whoever's behind this
must be in the palace.

So you're on the air, Melody.

Okay. Yoo-hoo, great mustard,
you are now in my power.

So come out, come out,
wherever you are.

- Come out, come out, wherever you are.
- It's working.

Your wish is my command,
great mustard.

It is the royal advisor.

Yes, great mustard.
Oops!

How does it feel to be a slave
instead of a master, mister?

Wet, great mustard, very wet.

Yes, Alan.

They royal advisor had hoped
to use his trance-like powers...

...to make me obey his every command.

Now the plot is all washed up.

For saving my country and me,
you may have anything you wish.

I know what I want.
I want to be the star of my own act.

Well, Alexandra, it shall be done.

Alexandra got her wish,
but I wish she hadn't.

Yeah, her one-gal, one-cat act
is gonna be a one-night stand...

...because that's all I can stand.

Oh, boy.