All language subtitles for Schitts.Creek.S03E12.Friends.and.Family.1080p.WEB-DL.DD5.1.H.264-NTb

Johnny: Oh, Moira, kids...
this is so unnecessary.

- What is it?

- It's a gift from us
to your father.

- Okay. Yeah, I rather not
attach my name to a gift

that I had no hand in selecting.

Oh, God.

- Oh my God.

Where'd you find this, honey?

- Well, Moira told me it was
down at the post office--

- I was talking to my wife.

- The Van Housens found it
in their storage room

and thought that we should
have it.

- (Shocked gasps)

Who's that in the back?

- That's Moira.

- Flattering.

- It's a family portrait,
Roland.

- Oh...you...

You all look like cartoons.

- Wow.
- It's so weird,

I don't even remember
posing for this.

- Because you didn't.

You were in rehab
when we sat for this.

- I wasn't in rehab,

I was at rehab visiting Stavros.

- Oh, that's right.

We had your face painted
on the body of my assistant.

- Hm. That's why
you look so good.

- (Fake chuckle)

- Well, I love it.

Let's get this inside.

David.
- Huh? What?

- $20 bucks, I'll give you
a hand taking it in.

- Oh yeah. David.
- What?!

- $30 buck, I'll help you
in with it.

- Right. David!

- I don't know what!
What? What? What?

What do you want?

- $40 buck and I'll help you
in with in.

I can keep going up.

Can play this game all day, pal.

♪ ♪

- I can't tell if this room
is just very, very small,

or if the portrait
is very, very big.

- Well, I think it's quite
possible that both are true.

- (Sighs)

Do you think the Van Housens
had it enlarged?

- No, this is the actual size.

Remember, Reiner wanted
to paint it twice as big.

- Oh, look at it, John.

- Well, don't worry, we'll...
we'll find a place for it.

You know, we can take things
off a wall,

or rearrange some furniture.

Maybe move some wigs.

- Oh John, I know how nostalgic
you still get for the old days,

and I just wanted to do
something thoughtful for you.

- Oh, Moira, this portrait
is a wonderful reminder

of your generous spirit

and the...

enormous strength
of this family.

- Aw...

♪ ♪

(Hammering outside)

- Um, is that your juice?

- No. Technically, I think
it's our juice

because you just took it
from the fridge

and didn't pay for it so...

- Mhm. Um...

It's just that I don't normally
share beverages with people.

- Really. That is shocking news.

- Yeah. Yeah.

Fortunately, you look like
you have a clean mouth so...

- Sorry. A clean mouth?

Yeah. Some people have nice,
clean mouths,

and some people
have sloppy mouths.

- I see. (Chuckles)

So, hey, I was thinking
about our launch party,

and I think we should
take out like a full page

in the local news,
and just make it-

make it a thing, you know.

- Hm. Well, do you not think
people are gonna show?

- No, no. I do.

I just think if we're going
big, let's go big.

- Yeah. 'Cause um,
'cause I was thinking

what if we did like a soft
launch.

Um, and you know, just test
the store out

on a small group of people.

Did like an exclusive VIP
guest list,

and offered, you know,

a friends and family discount
as incentive.

- Ha, now it's sounding like

you don't think people
will show.

- No, I do.

I do think
that people will come.

It's just, you know,
I look to like Gwyneth

who soft-launched the goop
newsletter

and now it's a thriving
lifestyle publication

slash empire.

- I have no idea what
you're talking about,

but it's up to you.

Either way you need to call
the electrician

to hang these lights that were
supposed to be up a week ago.

- Yeah. Yeah. I was waiting

I was waiting for a call back
from him.

Hm. But you know
what I'm gonna do?

I'm gonna follow up.

- Sure.

- Can I have my juice back,
please?

- No. You've got a sloppy mouth.

- Hey, did Mrs. Syzlak call?

She's late for her appointment.

- Um yeah. She cancelled.

She said that her cat
is better.

- She doesn't have a cat.

- Okay. Sorry,
who am I thinking of?

Um, somebody isn't coming
in today

and someone's cat is better.

Oh, and someone's something
may be worse...

- Is everything okay?

You usually take down
the messages,

even if you forget to give
them to me.

- It's just that my grades
are being posted today

so I'm just kind of avoiding
the computer.

- Oh. O-o-okay.

Well, that's not really
an option

so how about I just look
for you.

- No, it's okay, I can do it.

It's just that if I fail

I may need the afternoon off.

- Also not an option,

but I will be here for you
if it's bad news.

- Oh my God, Ted.

I passed!
- Really?

- Yeah. I got a 60 and a 65!

- Alexis, those are the class
averages.

You got a 63 and a 68!

- Oh my God!

(Happy laughter)

- Well... Congrats.

- Um. Thank you.

Um, I'm just...

I'm just gonna call Mrs. Syzlak.

And just make sure that
her cat is doing okay.

- It's Mrs. Syzlak and
she doesn't have a cat.

But you should call her back.
and I, in the mean time,

will go to get back to...
work-o.

- Mhm. Mhm. Mhm.

Hmm. Okay.

- Hi, so I wanted to talk
to you about--

Oh my God.

- Yeah. I know.

We're still looking
for a place to hang it.

- Did it grow?

Can we cover it with
something or...?

- I tried. The sheets
aren't big enough.

- Can we help you, David?

- Uh, yes.

Actually I wanted you to be
the first to know

that Patrick and I will
be launching the store

this Friday.

- (Claps) Ooh!

- Oh great new!
A grand opening.

- Hm. We've doing more of
a soft launch.

- I don't like the sound
of that.

- Why?

It's actually a very effective
business strategy.

And it's always better
to go under.

- Go under?
- No.

- David, if the business
is foundering

it's best to tell us now.

- No! When it comes
to expectations

It's always to go under
than over.

- Yeah, I don't know
if that's true, son.

Every Rose video we opened
had fireworks.

Day or night.
People love pizzazz.

- Okay, well, this is gonna
be the opposite of that.

We're inviting a select
group of VIP's,

and offering a 25 percent
friends and family discount.

- Well, that sounds meek.

- Okay.

- Friends are getting the same
discount as family?

That doesn't sound right.

- Well, that's what we're doing.

- Well, what if your mother
and I go in

and buy something together?

Does that mean we get
a 50 percent discount?

- Why would you wanna spend
less money at my store?

- David, we are happy to support

this modest little vigil
you're hosting

but to hand out discounts

before the store
has even been birthed

it sounds a tad defeatist.

I hope you don't mind if I keep
this information to myself.

- I don't want you
to share the news.

The smaller the better.

- Oh, rarely has that been
a recipe for success.

- I'm really glad I came
in here.

- We love you!
- Keep reaching, son!

(Light knock)

- Hello.

Um, I called Mrs. Syzlak,

and sorted it all out.

She will be in tomorrow.

So, I'm just gonna go back
to my desk.

Which is where I work.

- We should talk
about the kiss.

- Definitely.

Personally, I don't think
it was that a big deal.

- Yeah. Neither do I.

- We're adults.

We should be allowed
to have an adult kiss

from time to time.

- Totally. An adult kiss.
- Yes!

- Like when your parents kiss
their friends...

on the mouth.

- Yes. Like kissing your
parents.

That's exactly what I was
going to say.

- Yeah. I mean,
we're friends so...

- Agreed.

Oh! Here's something.

Speaking of friend stuff.

David is doing this friends
and family discount

for his store opening.

And I know that you love
discounts.

So. I was thinking that maybe
we could go...

- Yeah. That sounds--

- As friends.
- Yeah.

- I would go as family,
and you would go as friends...

of the family.

- Well, I do love discounts.

That I had to delete groupon
from my phone last week.

Just 'cause three vacuums
is enough... Vacuums.

- Yeah. Cool. Okay.

So um... Back to work-o.

- Watch out! Oh.

(Light thud) Oh!

♪ ♪

- Oh my God.

- Isn't it something?

Huh? (Chuckles)

I always felt something
was missing in here

and then it occurred to me

that a lot of family-run
businesses

hang a portrait of the family
in the workplace.

- Oh. That reminds me,

I've been meaning to have my
family portrait airlifted in...

- Well, I know it's a little
arresting at first.

But I think with time

You won't even know it's here.

- Hm. I don't think
that's gonna happen.

- You don't look very
happy in this.

- Well, it wasn't the style
to look happy.

The motivation was
to look successful.

You know this used to hang in
the great hall of our house.

- Oh, now this seems a little
understated for a great hall.

- I'd look at it every morning.

The family often wasn't
all together back then,

but I could look at this
and there we were.

- Well, you're together
like all the time now.

So who needs this, right?

- Well, that's true.

But this happens to be one
of the only possessions

that wasn't sold off.

- Really? You'd think there'd
be more of a market

for oversized paintings
of other people's families.

Why does it seem like
Mrs. Roses eyes

are following me?

- Oh, she paid extra for that.

Twyla: Here you go.

Two tuna melts.

- Oh. I didn't order tuna melts,

but I don't have time--

- Oh, by the way,
I hope you don't mind,

but I told a few people about
your big store opening.

- Big store opening?

- Isn't it a friends
and family sale.

- Yes.

Which is why you would be
invited as a friend.

Um, who told you
about our little--

- David,

just the guy I wanted to see.

Listen, Gwen wanted me
to ask you

if we both have plus-ones
for the opening,

or if we have to be each
other's plus-ones.

- Who's Gwen?

- (Laughs)

That's very funny.

- Oh, my mother's boyfriend
wanted to bring his secretary.

- He did.

Why not.

Um, I'm gonna go.

But I'm really glad that
someone told you.

And Bob. And Gwen.

(Car rumbles)

(Footsteps thud)

(Door creaks open)

- Uh...

how many people did
you tell about Friday?

- Just the names on my
pre-approved list. Why?

- Because I have been
approached by a lot of people

who are not on the pre-approved
list.

- Well, you know,
sometimes when you tell

everyone that it's exclusive,

then everybody just wants in.

Like how many people
are we talking about?

- Uh, I don't know.
Twyla's whole family.

So, like, 75?

- (Inhaling whistle)

I should've ordered
more food and wine.

Looks like this soft launch
is firming up a bit, huh.

- But it's not supposed
to be firm.

- Well, with this many people

it's definitely at least
semi-firm.

- Okay. Well, as long as it
doesn't get hard.

And that's something,

that's what I just said
to you, so...

What?

(Low hum of excited laughter
and chatter)

Oh my God.

- Hey, back of the line, bro!

- Hey! No cutting!

- Excuse me, this is my store.
Who are you?

- I'm Darleen's cousin.

Who the fuck are you?

- My God.

That kind of language, folks,

will not be tolerated
at Rose Apothecary.

Thank you.

This is a safe place.

(Doors creak open and shut)

Uh, so I was just verbally
assaulted

by a very off-brand customer
in line outside.

- Well, David, I have really
underestimated you.

- How so?

- Who knew you had so many
friends.

Or family members,
for that matter.

- Okay. What do we do?

I for one blame Gwyneth.

- David, relax.
it's going to be fine.

- Oh my God, the lights!

I didn't call the electrician.

(Light clicks on)

- I watched a lot of youtube
tutorials.

- This is very impressive.

- Well, there's a good chance
I didn't wire that properly,

so that's why I also
got the insurance

that you forgot to get.
- Okay.

Ah, there is only do so much
that I can do in a day.

So... um...

Are we ready for this?

- Open the doors.

- Okay...

- Softly.

- Okay.

(Loud hum of chatter)

(Jazz music plays)

- Find everything okay?

(Door creaks open)

(Loud hum of chatter)

(Jazz music plays)

(Cash register rings)

John: Wow.
Moira: Wow.

- David did all this?

- I can't believe it.

He's managed to create
in this town

something truly winsome.

I would shop here, John.

Even without a nagging
sense of obligation.

- And look at, look at the
labels on everything.

'Rose Apothecary.'

- The Rose name on another
plucky young business.

- We should go congratulate him.

- We should.

But our son is very hard
at work.

- Here you go.

And the scarf.

- So um, this says foot cream
on it.

What happens if I use it
on my hand?

- Um, I'm pretty sure your
hands are gonna be fine.

- Okay, and it's like
50 percent off

if Jocelyn and I both
buy it at the same time?

- Um, n-no.

Have you been talking to my dad
about the discount?

- Roly, you can bargain later.

Um, David, I need to ask you
a little question

about this baggy
of Joshua tree tea?

- Sure.

- Is it drugs?

- Uh, no.
It's loose leaf tea.

- Okay. Because it smells
exactly like--

- (Sniffs)
Oh, come on! Wow!

Geez, I didn't realize this
place was a front.

- It's not a front.

That is a tea that Mr. Hockley

makes out of a greenhouse
on his farm.

And now that I've said it
out loud,

I might have to double check.

- Hmm. Well, honey,

why don't we grab a few bags
of Mr. Hockley

- Okay then. I love tea.

- Yeah, I'm a big tea
drinker now.

I started drinking tea
in high school.

(Birds chirp)

- Cedar dragon.

(Spritzes)

(Sniffs) Hm. well,
that's different.

What do you think?

- Hm.

You know? I don't know.

I mean, it's nice
but I also, I don't know.

I think you should probably
get it

or not, whatever...

- Oh! Look who's here!

- Alexis! And...

- Ted.
- Ted.

- Good to see you,
Mr. and Mrs. Rose.

I take it Alexis
has told you the big news?

- Big news?

- Uh, well, it wasn't that big
a deal,

but the other day at work
Ted and I went to hug--

- Actually I was talking about
you passing your exams.

- Honey! You passed!

(Laughing)

- Alexis, what a delightful
surprise!

Not that I'm surprised.

I had nothing but doubts...

No doubts.
That you could do this.

- Well, I'm just glad
to be done.

♪ ♪

- Well, this has been quite
the day, Moira.

- Mhm.

- You know, I had an idea about
what to do with the portrait.

- Oh, it's still there,
waiting for us.

Isn't it?

- I was thinking,
to save space,

we could cut our faces out

and make four smaller,
individual portraits.

- We could,

here's another thought:

we bid it farewell.

- Are you kidding?

- It doesn't fit, John.

And I don't just mean
literally.

We aren't those people anymore.

We are, but we aren't.

- You know, you might be right.

It's funny when I look
at that portrait now,

I find myself wondering...

Were we really that happy
back then?

- Yes.
- We were.

- Oh, deliriously happy.

- I miss that beach house.

- Oh my God, I still dream
that we wake up

in our old bed.

Nothing is changed.

- No.

No. We can't go down that road,
Moira.

We have to focus on
what we do have.

No?
- Yes.

Yes.

(Car rumbles)

- Hey, Alexis? I, uh...

- Oh, right.
You were going that way.

- No, no. I want to say,

that I got you a little
something

for passing your exams.

- Oh.

Oh, Ted!

You picked up a stick.

- No, it's a pencil shaped
like a twig.

I got it at the store.

- Wasn't that was sneaky of you.

I will definitely try
to use this.

It looks very delicate.

- Yes. A lot more expensive
than I thought too.

I hate it when they don't
put price tags on things.

- Thank you, Ted.

Oh, no... I... I didn't mean.

That was supposed to be like,

like a thank you adult kiss.

- Yeah, the thing is...

I think maybe we should just
avoid kisses for a while.

Even adult ones.

- Of course.

- Probably better
if we just adult hug

and adult work together.

- I totally get that.

- Okay.

- Great.

Adult high five?

(Hands clap)
- Yeah.

(Light Jazz song plays)

- Well, this was a success.

- I would say so. Yeah.

Although, you know,
we'd be 25 percent richer

if we just done a hard launch.

But hey, I'm just a numbers guy.

- Mhm.

Uh, but had we not done
the soft launch

we wouldn't have lured
all those people.

- Hm. Well, you know,
the best thing is

that we never have
to talk about it again

because we've officially open.

- That is true.

- Congratulations, man.

- Congratulations to you.

(Lights flicker)

- I can fix that.

- Okay. Yeah.

I was just gonna say that
that might need fixing.

- Well, it fits here.

- I wonder what else
the Van Housens took from us.

- Don't waste your time thinking

about those human vultures.

- I think they did us a favor.

They sent us a reminder

that it's not always good
to hold onto the past.

- Speak for yourself,
I look super cute.

- Okay, that's not actually
your body though.

- Okay, but it's my face, David.

- Okay, let's go.

- There's something really
weird happening

with mom's eyes.
It's like they're following me.

- Oh, they are.
- Oh God.

- (Chuckles)