Original subtitles

RuPaul: Previously, on RuPaul's Drag Race...

You need to create a product

for a new Drag Queen lifestyle brand Droop.

Action.

-The Magic Mullet! -[laughs]

-Aah! -[laughs]

It's the high energy, high-belting bitch

from Season 12.

Jan-tastic!

You're coming off very intense right now.

Widow Von'Du.

I needed a whole lot more funny.

-Jan. -It started at 100,

and stayed there the whole time.

-Heidi. -It was so funny

and so much fun to watch.

Con-drag-ulations.

You are the winner of this week's challenge.

[applause]

Widow Von'Du, shantay you stay.

Jan, sashay away.mirror

Oh, shit.

Child. Oh, Jesus.

Children, children, children.

Well, there you have it.

Jan has been eliminated from the competition,

and this is hard.

But I said it before.

It's, like, if I have to lip sync for my life,

that bitch better be ready

to go back to wherever the fuck she came from.

"Stay humble, grateful,

and remember, you're on RuPaul's Drag Race."

-Oh. -[laughs]

To be here was I know a dream come true for her.

Every day was a bliss to her.

She was always so happy and chipper.

I'm, like, girl, why you so happy every day?

Especially early in the morning.

Early in the goddamn morning.

Whoo! Yeah! We're gonna do it, you guys!

We're on Drag Race! How fun!

Yes!

If a robot and a Barbie

and a cheerleader all had, like, an orgy,

and then, like, they made a robot cheerleader baby, bitch,

that would be Jan.

I want to congratulate your country ass...

-Way to go, baby, -Thank you.

...on winning your first challenge.

Now, bitch, you can no longer say you ain't got no money.

She can afford stuff now.

You are now a thousand-aire.

Oh, bitch, I got money now, honey.

Oh, my bank account went from 33 cents

to $5.000.33. Oh!

How are you feeling, Miss Goode?

Um, I don't know.

I feel like I went from a 10 to a 1 real quick,

and I think it was because

I definitely went into this challenge,

you know, being, like, "I won the last challenge.

"I'm gonna win this one.

I'm so excited."

Gigi? Cocky?

I would have never guessed.

[laughs]

Sometimes you have to learn the lesson,

like, trust your instincts

and know that whatever you decide to do,

you're just gonna follow your mind.

My daddy used to always tell us,

he said, keep your ass right, and your mind--

Keep your mind right and your ass will follow.

Keep your ass right and your mind will follow.

Hit the music.

I needed my dream to almost be crushed

for me to realize how important it is.

I was, like, if I don't step this game up now, honey,

there's not gonna be a game to step up anymore.

I got a new lease on life.

I got another golden ticket to be here.

And as much as I love you, Kansas City...

You ain't gonna see me just yet.

RuPaul: The winner of RuPaul's Drag Race

receives a one-year supply

of Anastasia Beverly Hills cosmetics

and a cash prize of $100.000.

With our extra-special guest judges

Rachel Bloom and Jeff Goldblum.

♪ RuPaul's Drag Race ♪

♪ May the best woman ♪

♪ Best woman win ♪end act

We're down to seven.

Top seven.

Top seven. It's a new day in the werkroom,

and my name is Heidi Hydrates.

I think the girls are saying,

oh, she's finally got a win under her belt.

She might be feeling a little confident now.

But I'm just the same old country gal

I've always been.

We are literally at almost half of what we started with.

I mean, I will say five of the original first seven

are still here.

Here we are.

I love how she's putting her hand up,

but I think you were in the bottom.

-Ooh! -Oh.

But you were, too.

For the first time.

Same.

But you've been flat-lining, Mother.

Oh, honey, where's that shady rattlesnake?

Can y'all run that over this right here?

[exhales] That one.

Hello, hello, hello!

Hello!

Yes, she looks gorg.

Ladies, America's next drag superstar

needs to make sure her pussy is on fire 24/7.

-Uh-huh. -Yes.

So for today's mini-challenge,

you're auditioning for the title of...

Kitty Girl 2020.

[all laugh]

♪ Okay ♪

Sponsored by PrettyLitter.com,

the health-monitoring cat litter.

Meow!

Now, you've got 15 minutes to get into quick cat drag.

Ready, set...

[hiss].

Go, girls!

I'm not wearing the right kind of underwear for tucking.

[gasps]

Underwear? What's that?

Ladies, time's up.

Here, kitty, kitty.

Here, kitty, kitty.

[meow]

Hi, kitty cat.

Nice meowtch-fit.

Thank you. My owners really liked my unique style,

so they rescued me from the pound, and...

Now I get, like,

five million hits on my sleeping videos.

Are you Grumpy Cat?

No, I'm Mad Cat.

[laughs] Oh.

-Do you mind? -No, make yourself at home.

Yeah, I'm done.

[laughs]

What alley did you just crawl out of?

-I'm Purr-tha Kitt. -Oh!

The Purr-sian glamour puss.

Oh!

I've an awful good cat, RrruPaul, baby.

I'll slip a prrresent under the litter for thee.

[laughs]

Rrreminds me of Adam West.

[laughs] What was Adam West like?

-[hiss] -[laughs]

This kitty litterrrr has never made me feel fitter.

[laughs]

Oh, I always say a girl who can sleep where they pee

will always have time for a catnap.

[laughs]

Rrreowr.

RuPaul!

Hi, Kitty. What's your name?

Oh, I am Shesafella.

-[hacks and coughs] -Oh, oh.

Hairball? Oh.

It happens.

-Meow. -Oh.

Look what the cat dragged in.

You like that catnip?

I love the catnip.

I'm a dog person, so I really don't know how cats react.

Mrreow.

But I'm gonna give it to them. [laughs]

Do you like that ball?

I usually play with two at a time.

-[laughs] -Oh.

Oh, you like to play rough, don't you, Fuzzy-Wuzzy?

-[hiss] -Oh.

Hey, if you like that,

there's a dot on the wall right behind you.

Get it, get it, get it!

Get it! Oh! Oh!

Get it. Where'd it go? Where'd it go?

Oh, there it is! Get it!

Oh, step right in.

You're a cat-o-nine-tails, aren't ya?

[hiss]

Oh, you're gonna work the pole?

[groans] Oh!

Don't ignore the ball.

Oh, she's gonna punish that ball.

Whoo!

Kitty cats always land on their feet.

Or pussy.

[laughs]

Ooh, chic kitty.

Ooh, that's nice and cool.

What are you doing with the milk?

It's a face masque, you see.

What's this?

That's a ball of yarn.

An unfinished garment.

Yes. [all laugh]

I seem to be stuck.

-[laughs] -Oh, no!

Ladies, you were all more convincing

than the cast of Cats.

-Yes. -Aw.

But one of you was purr-fect.

The winner of today's mini-challenge is...

Jackie Cox.

Yes! [cheering]

You've won a $2.500 gift card from Fierce! Drag Jewels.

-Ooh! -Oh!

Okay, now, ladies, we are done pussyfooting around.

The upcoming election is some serious business,

and we at RuPaul's Drag Race urge everyone to vote

so we can keep democracy alive and well.

However, to lift the spirits of our candidates

and their hardworking supporters,

we'd like to provide some comic relief.

It's time for America's first drag queen president!

[cheering]

For this week's maxi-challenge,

you'll be speaking at Choices 2020.

[all laugh]

The most fabulous presidential debate in herstory.

Each of you will present your platform

and answer probing questions from the free press.

From tucking in public to the right to bear breastplates,

no drag issue is off the table.

Gentlemen, start your campaign engines,

and may the best woman win.

[cheering]end act

Make sure you grab you a good folder.

[whistles] Sparkle folder.

Today's maxi-challenge, we are going to debate in Choices 2020.

My understanding of this challenge

is to be funny as a political--

politics-- a political politician.

[laughs] Oh, God.

I feel like, you know, it's really important

to incorporate a lot of, like, drag slang.

Like, you know, okurr.

But then still thinking about political terms, like...

Debate.

Like debate or poll.

Senate.

Campaign.

Russian probe.

[laughs]

Hello, candidates!

-Oh, hey. -Hi.

I brought my political advisor.

Hi.

[cheering]

Say hello to Raven.

-Hi! -Hi!

She's here to help you put the camp in your campaign.

Fierce.

Heidi.

Hi!

-Meet Raven. -Hi, Heidi.

Nice. Such a womanly handshake of yours, yes.

Thank you.

Hey, you won last week.

-I did. Yay, Mama! -How'd that feel?

It felt amazing.

So what do you have? Sell us.

Well, I was going for no more closets!

-Ever! -[laughs]

Because you know, Heidi N Closet came here as Heidi N Closet,

and it just fell off so far.

Yeah, you got my vote.

-Yes! -You got my vote.

With your win last week,

I could see that you got in there

and you started having fun.

You started taking your time in places.

And the whole thing was stupid, and that's a gift.

That is a gift.

It's the gap, honey. The power of the gap, yes.

Ooh, well, there's your slogan right there.

Power. Oh, write it down. Oh, wait, is that--

There she go again. [laughs]

It's just the most obvious thing in the world.

I mean, come on.

Fuck the GOP. Get into the GAP.

[all laugh]

Now, can that be stolen is the question.

You can have it.

Okay, here we go!

-There it is. -All right, bitch.

We will see your ass out there, okay?

Okay, okay.

-Bye. -[laughs]

Hi, Gigi Goode.

So are you politically minded?

I am gonna be honest.

Politics and the economy

have always been some things

that are rather terrifying to me.

-It's just-- -Terrifying why?

I'm such an anxious person

that sometimes it's really hard to watch these debates

and let things come in one ear and stick in my brain

and not let it go out the other.

You don't want it to come in one ear.

You want it to come on your tits.

You know, politics is not something to be afraid of.

It's actually quite simple.

Do you have a platform?

-How high? -Yeah, exactly.

There's my answer.

I know you think in terms of fashion.

If I were you, I would stick with what you know.

Okay. That changes everything.

You didn't think of that?

I don't know.

Heidi Hydrates.

-Oh! -It's the obvious thing.

It's, like, go with what you know.

Now, Raven is a staunch political strategist.

-I can see-- -That is why I'm here today.

So patriotic.

So is there anything you'd like to ask Raven?

You know, I was in the bottom last week,

and I'm trying to claw my way out of that this week.

So I just wanna know how do you bring yourself out of a rut?

-Don't take it seriously. -Right.

Make it stupid.

-There you have it. -Yeah, yeah.

All right, see you at the polls.

-Good luck! -Thank you, thank you.

Okay.

Oh...

Raven, let me introduce you to the Widow.

The Widow Von'Du.

So this is a make-or-break challenge,

because last week you were in the bottom.

I was.

But you fought your way through the fire,

and here you are living to tell about it.

Do you have a platform?

I do not have a platform.

Oh, bitch.

I've seen your shoes.

[laughs] Oh, that's right.

You don't have a platform.

Now, do you have a prescription to wear those shoes?

[all laugh]

Is that-- are they prescribed?

Poor child.

How come you keep wearing the biscuit baskets?

Because sometimes I feel like if I'm gonna be in the bottom,

I at least wanna be in some shoes I can dance in.

That's what keeps putting you in the bottom, bitch.

You're prepared to be in the bottom.

You won the very first challenge.

And I was dancing.

And now you're scooting along.

-In those biscuit baskets. -In those biscuit baskets.

If you had a platform, what would it be?

My biggest goal in life is to show other large individuals

that you can love who you are in the body that you're in.

That's cute, but that's not very funny, is it?

I know that, and that's what the thing is.

You can make any issue funny.

Trust me. You're trying to become

America's next drag superstar.

Now, I don't know what that's like.

[laughs]

But for me, when I competed, I was too in here.

Bitch, you ain't really running for president.

[all laugh]

You know, listen, the key to this competition

is to be able to see yourself from outside of yourself.

And don't take it seriously.

Don't take any of it seriously.

I'm trying real hard

to hide the fact that having to now get prepared

for another challenge that's also funny,

that it's not affecting me.

I gotta find a way to shake this shit off.end act

Hi, Jaida.

-Meet Raven. -Hi, Raven.

Now, this is a political challenge here.

Are you willing to sling some mud to get your point across?

I already know that I will be.

-Okay. [laughs] -For a fact.

-Of course. -She's so proper.

-[laughs] -She's very presidential.

Yes, you are.

A lot of people consider me a pageant queen,

and as anyone knows,

a pageant queen should always be prepared

and you will do whatever it takes to win.

That's right.

Have you ever been in a debate before?

No, I have not.

I find that hard to believe.

Yeah, up in the club?

My thing is, I'm a real bitch.

I don't debate, I argue.

Okay. [laughs]

Now, Jaida, make sure

you're prepared with what your platform is,

knowing what your brand is,

because that'll make it easier for you to riff.

I cannot wait to see you out in the debate.

-Get back to work. -All right, thank you.

-Okay. -See you.

J. Cox, I take you as someone who is politically minded.

I am. I've been donating to political causes I believe in.

I'm always watching cable news. The good channels.

Yeah, yes. Rachel Maddow.

Love her. Our boy Anderson, too.

Love him, too.

What about Cuomo?

[all laugh]

I mean, I've definitely been very political,

but I'm not registered to vote, as I--

What? [stammers] What?

I'm not an American. I'm Canadian.

So I'm here on a green card.

But I did see my mom go through the citizenship process,

and it was really important for her

to be able have that political voice.

So this is your opportunity to win a maxi-challenge.

I haven't won one yet.

I'm surprised, actually, that you haven't.

-Oh, gosh, I need it, huh? -Yeah.

I think the big challenge for me

will be keeping it out of the literate

and just making it a little more fun.

-Yes. -Keep it illiterate.

-Yeah, illiterate's good, too. -[laughs]

A lot of you kids, you make it so difficult, you know?

You don't have to reinvent the wheel.

The wheel is fine. The wheel is fine.

All right, J. Cox, we will see you on the political circuit.

-Bye. -Bye.

Bye, guys.

-Crystal Methyd. -Hello!

Why, you old geezer.

So this is the famous mullet.

This is the mullet that built an empire.

Would you like a feel?

[laughs]

Now, listen, are you politically minded?

I live in a really conservative area,

so just being myself and dressing the way I do

and walking around,

I definitely make political statements.

Drag is very political, just like you said.

What is your platform?

Um, I've been messing with a few.

I was trying to think of, like,

creating funding for the arts and crafts.

Oh, I'm asleep already. Boring!

Listen to what you're being told.

That's not gonna work.

So if that's in there, get rid of it.

[all laugh] It's just one of those things.

You have to listen to what nods you're being given.

Let me ask you this. What is the Crystal Methyd?

Ugh, uh...

These are the questions I would be asking myself.

Yeah.

What I am, what I stand for, you know?

Mm-hmm.

My walkthrough with Ru is not going well,

but I know that Ru sees what's in me,

and I just need to find it and bring it out for this challenge.

All right, Crystal, I know you can do it.

Just you gotta unlock that door. Let's hit it, Raven.

-Bye. -Bye.

All right, ladies, gather round. Gather round, ladies.

Now, tomorrow, the Choices 2020 debate

will be moderated by our extra-special guest judges,

my crazy ex-squirrel friend Rachel Bloom...

[cheering] Yes!

And the super fly Jeff Goldblum.

[cheers and applause]

Jeff Goldblum is a dinosaur doctor.

Now, I don't know if that's his real life,

but I love a man who knows about dinosaurs.

Ladies, don't fuck it up.

Come on, Raven.

-Bye! -Thank you!end act

Come on, Season 12, let's get political!

Yeah!

Child, whew, today is the day.

We're gonna do this debate.

What's important for us to do in this challenge

is to make sure that we give it a political tone.

But don't forget, a bitch can't come in being all serious.

You gotta make sure you making the judges laugh.

How are people feeling?

I feel good, but I also felt good

about the last thing I had to be funny at.

So hopefully I can do the American people proud.

-Choices. -Choices.

-Choices. -Choices.

[laughs] So I don't know if I'm just delirious

from not sleeping all night, but I feel good

that I got some funny shit so let's see. [laughs]

I'm gonna get to nerd out a little bit in this challenge,

because it do take nerd.

I love politics and I love making people laugh.

I'm very excited to show Ru

that I don't just deserve to be in the top,

I deserve that mother-tucking win.

Anyone here really passionate about politics besides Jackie?

The current political climate is just so terrifying to me.

Gigi, I get it.

Like, it's hard to sit and watch the news.

It can be traumatizing to sit and watch that stuff.

But I feel like in bad times,

like, this is more important than ever to be patriotic,

because you need that to, like, make a change.

And right now, we really, really, really, really,

really, really, really need a change.

My parents are both really conservative,

and they voted for Trump, and--

-Wow, really? -Yeah.

Do they still stand by that vote?

They do, and it's really hard,

because I love my parents and I'm so close to them.

And I'm like almost, like, confused

as to how I grew up in their house

and share so many of their values

when there are just some things we have this disconnect on.

I can't even imagine, knowing how close you are with them,

like, what that's like.

Yeah. It's frustrating to have parents that support Trump.

I just try not to bring up politics

when I'm with my family, although there are times

during our family Thanksgiving and stuff

that I have, like, blown up.

All I can do is try and provide them

with as much education as I can

whenever I get the opportunity.

I have a lot of disagreements with my mom

and with other people in my family.

But the one thing that we all agreed on was no Trump.

It's, like, really affected mine and my family's life.

When Trump was elected,

he enacted terrible, racist policies,

including a ban on people from Muslim-majority countries.

You know, my mom moved here right before the revolution,

but her close sister is still back in Iran,

and my mom has actually been having a lot of health issues

in the last couple years.

And we were hoping that her sister could come here

and kind of help take care of my mom,

and because of Trump and racism, it's not happening.

And I just don't think that's okay.

My aunt is the sweetest woman

and has always been there for my mom.

And the fact that she can't be there now

because of Trump's travel ban is devastating.

These are two women who, you know, need each other right now.

-Yeah. -And more than anything

I'm just so angry that this is America.

As a black, gay man in this country,

and especially being in Missouri,

I don't go places in my own city

that are predominantly, like--

have, like, straight patriots.

And as a black man, it's a big problem

that I cannot drive my car down the street

without being afraid that someone's going to take my life.

With all the stuff that Trump and the Republicans

have put this country through,

put people of color through, queer people, LGBTQIA,

we need to be on the front lines fighting every day.

I think people who gave him the benefit of the doubt in 2016,

like, wake up, because there is nothing to doubt here.

This person is not here for Americans.

What I try to do myself is just, like, make sure that I get out,

like, to everybody that's in my family

and to give them information.

If we get as much information as we can,

it's like a weapon against people who try to hold us back.

The further we go back into the shadows,

the stronger the clown in the White House gets.

No more closets!

I approve this message.

[all laugh]

[RuPaul laughs]

♪ Cover girl, put the bass in your walk ♪

♪ Head to toe, let your whole body talk ♪

And what?

Welcome to the main stage of RuPaul's Drag Race.

This week, Michelle Visage is away on assignment.

[static] Thanks, Ru.

I'm hot on the campaign trail,

where I'll be watching the debate

live in downtown Tuckaho.

Style superstar Carson Kressley is here.

Carson, would you say you're a master debater?

Got the calluses to prove it!

You know you're gonna go blind doing that.

Where are you?

[laughs]

The crazy talented Rachel Bloom.

Rachel, have you ever run for office?

I was the secretary of my high school's gay/straight alliance.

-I remember that. -You were a great president.

[laughs]

And national treasure Jeff Goldblum.

I feel like I'm basking in your opalescent glow.

You look absolutely statuesque and radiant,

like a Grecian goddess.

You make me proud to be a citizen of America

and the world, Ru.

[laughs] Thank you.

Michelle [with static: Ru, I hope you can hear me.

-Uh-huh? -Jeff, listen, I'm married,

but you are my hall pass.

You have been for years. I've seen all the movies.

I know what you can do with your fly.

Jeff, please, gimme a call.

One night only. Come on. It's a great time.

Thank you.

This week, we challenged our queens

to face off in this year's draggiest presidential debate.

Gentlemen, start your engines, and may the best woman win.end act

Hi there. My name's Jeff Goldblum.graphic x 2

And I'm Rachel Bloom.

We want to welcome you to Choices 2020.

Choices.

Tonight, our leading seven candidates

have gathered to untuck the issues.

Let's get this wig party started with opening statements.

Hailing from the Big Apple, Sherry Pie.

My mother-tucking Americans,

I am here to take America off its diet.

I am here to force-feed America.

From the Show-Me state of Missouri, Crystal Methyd.

You may be wondering, Crystal,

why do you deserve to be drag president?

And I think the answer is very clear.

I've proven time and time again

that I mean business in the front

and party in the back!

♪ To the beat of the rhythm of the night ♪

Yeah.

From Ramseur, Heidi.

Being the Southern belle of Season 12,

I am someone you can trust with your vote.

Vote Heidi to bridge the gap.

Mm, no fooling around with this one.

Serving Kansas City royal T, Widow Von'Du.

You cannot have change

if you just put your right foot in

and take your right foot out.

You have to put your left foot in

and shake it all about.

Widow Von'Du.

Shablamming for America.

In college, I was a member of the Hokey-Pokey party.

I had no idea.

What is the Hokey-Pokey party, by the way?

Conservative. It was a dark time.

Let's move on.

From Canada by way of New York City, Jackie Cox.

As the first Canadian to run for drag president,

let me assure you I'm as American as apple poutine--

I mean, pie.

[gasps]

In 2020, don't be tacky.

Vote Jackie.

Because we can all use a little more Cox in our life.

Next up from the Golden State, Gigi Goode.

I'm Gigi Goode, fashion icon, pantsuit advocate, human girl.

I'm here to prioritize, politicize,

and accessorize my way to a better tomorrow.

May I commend you in your bravery

in stating openly that you are a human girl.

Human girl. Not a robot.

Hmm.

No further questions.

And from the great Badger State of Wisconsin,

Jaida Essence Hall.

As I always say, you can take the bitch out of the hustle,

but you cannot take the hustle out of the bitch.

That's why I'm Jaida Essence Hall,

of the bitches, for the bitches.

Finally, a spokesperson for the bitches.

She done already done had herses.

Let's proceed with questions.

Crystal Methyd, if you were elected first drag president,

what would your first official action be?

To include bare chests and bare backs to the Second Amendment,

because bare arms are not enough!

Quite powerful. Widow Von'Du.

The first thing I would do in office is do a split on the D.

A split on-- A split on the D?

Deficits! I would split the deficits in half.

Well, if she did it, it would certainly break.

Oh! The slander.

Candidates, candidates, let's keep it civil, okay?

Jackie Cox, same question.

I'll be recruiting Deborah Cox

to disco-fy the national anthem.

Can I do a little bit for you right now?

Please.

Let's see.

♪ O Canada ♪

♪ "Say can you see" is what I meant ♪

I'm so American.

You're bringing up Canada a lot.

If I were you, I would not keep pushing this Canada aspect.

Gigi Goode, same question.

My first act would be to forcibly play

RuPaul's Cover Girl

in every crosswalk in the nation.

It will train the men and the women of this brave country

to s-s-s-sissy their walks on the way to work.

How would we sissy our walks?

Do you mind if I come up front?

Permission granted for you to come anywhere you like.

No sissification so far. But wait.

Sissy that walk, girl.

Now, sissy that walk.

[Star Spangled Banner plays]

She's a little stiff, if you ask me.

If that is the walk of America,

she should walk to another country.

[gasps]

I would like to rebuttal.

Anybody can sissy their walk in any way they please.

I would like to re-tittle that rebuttal.

I think the only thing

that Miss Goode needs to sissy is that hairline.

Okay, ladies, ladies, let's keep it civil.

I would like to re-tattle the re-tittle of her rebuttal.

The what?

By saying that although her hairline is awful,

so is her contour line.

[gasps]

Wow. This set is cold,

but I'm also chilly from all the shade.

Heidi, you vow to make America what again?

Flawless again. Just look at me.

Good. Anybody else?

I vow to make America-- Yes, yes, El DeBarge.

Not one of my fellow candidates

has a single speck of glitter on their bodies.

I want to make America glitter again.

Little do you know that I am fully vajazzled downstairs.

-Did she say "vajazzled?" -Yeah.

Yes, vajazzled.

Ah, I can imagine what that means.

Jaida, I vow to make America what again?

I vow to make America confused again,

because these whores have lost me.

I am confused right now.

I don't know what's happening.

I don't know who she is. I have no idea who she is.

Are you smelling toast?

Are you having a little bit of a stroke?

I love toast.

Don't you love waking up in the morning

and not knowing where you are, who you are, why you are?

I like what you're saying.

Before you go anywhere, you have to ride the horse

in the direction that it's going.

I don't own a horse, but I love riding.

Question for everyone. Can we see your tax returns?

I would like to pass the question.

Now, are we talking Canadian or American dollars?

How do you plan to engage younger voters?

That's a question.

Yeah, yeah, and what's the answer?

Look over there!

Where?

[snorts]

Oh, that's a good one, Jaida.

I've never seen that device used in a--

-Confusion. -On the debate stage before.

Gigi Goode, what do you think of drag robots

taking jobs away from drag queens?

Why not?

Huh.

-Hmm. -Jaida, same question.

Heidi, question?

What?

Look over there!

Where?

[laughs]

She keeps fooling me with that "look over there" business.

I know. [laughs]

I mean, I got a controversial question coming up.

Ooh, it's a controversial question.

Jeff, look over there!

Hey, where? [all laugh]

I fall for it every time, too.

Confusion.

I think I speak for Jeff

when I say that he and I are both confused bitches.

You truly are a bitch.

There was a little Kate Hepburn coming through in that.

[imitating Katherine Hepburn] She sure did love

a good--

Here we go again.

For every challenge, we're gonna get the old lady,

and it's gonna go something like

ehh...it's...

ducking fitch.

Crystal, which of these candidates

do you think is the least qualified

to be America's next drag president?

I know that as drag president,

you'll be faced with many difficult decisions.

Candidate Heidi here can't even decide on a last name.

[gasps]

Breathe calmly through the gap in your front teeth, okay?

-[whistles] -There we go.

This whore, Crystal.

The facts are, she has no idea who El DeBarge is.

Heidi, which of these candidates

do you think is the least qualified?

I would have to say Miss Jackie Cox.

-Oh! -How can you trust a drag queen

when her 5:00 shadow is visible 24 hours out of the day?

Whew.

I can agree with Heidi about Jackie.

If she cannot win the war against her beard,

how can she win the wars that we might have to fight for America?

Whew.

Thank you.

Widow is the angry politician,

and, um...

that was pretty much what it was,

just an angry politician.

Terrorists! Skinty bitches.

I don't know how any of you are gonna choose a VP

with this language.

Candidates, it's time for your closing statements.

We need to go to a buffet of love,

of humor, of Sherry Pie.

El DeBarge.

If I can do this to my face,

imagine the facelift I can give to America?

I'm gonna cover the White House in glitter!

I understand what the bitches of the street need,

and it's not these whores.

[laughs]

I have your back.

Thank you, Jaida.

-And front. -Thank you, Jaida.

[mouthing words]

Heidi, your closing statement.

On vote day, vote Heidi.

[whistles] The gap that's so wonderful

and so amazing.

Jackie Cox, I have a challenge for you.

Don't mention Canada in your closing statement.

I'm here to tell you the Trudeau--truth--

because I'm clearly very American.

[laughs]

-Gigi Goode. -As drag president,

I'm going to prioritize, politicize, and accessorize.

You repeated that bit about the accessorizing.

Bah-dah-dah, dah-dah-dah-dah-dah.

That's okay. Widow Von'Du.

I promise you that a change is on the horizon.

I say shablam for a better future.

What does "shablam" mean, actually?

See, uneducated. This is the problem in America.

Uneducated people.

-Ooh, girl! -Wow.

Did you just call Jeff uneducated?

You just called Jeff uneducated.

-[gasps] -He's a dinosaur doctor!

Oh!

-How very dare she! -America--

Monster!

Ooh, child.

[gasps]

Now we're gonna go to Michelle Visage

from downtown Tuckaho.

Here's the thing.

The candidates did not even bring up the issue--

Oops, and we're out of time.

Well, that concludes tonight's debate.

On Election Day, come early, and then, of course,

don't forget to head down to the polling place

and cast your vote.

Say good night, candidates.

-Good night, candidates. -Good night, candidates.

Oh, yes, honey.

♪ Peanut, peanut, peanut, peanut, peanut, peanut ♪

♪ P-p-p-peanut, peanut, peanut, peanut butter ♪

♪ Peanut, peanut, peanut, peanut, peanut, peanut ♪

♪ P-p-p-peanut butter ♪end act

Category is Stars and Stripes Forever.

First up, Crystal Methyd.

Oh, yes, honey, she is pimping the secretarial pool.

Crystal: I'm wearing a bunch of mismatched textures.

I have a lot of thrift shop pieces.

I just feel really hot and confident.

Rachel: I think we found out

where in the world is Carmen Sandiego.

[all laugh]

RuPaul: Heidi.

Carson: Serving Old Glory-hole.

[RuPaul laughs]

Heidi: I'm super excited to walk down this runway

in my patriotic Bettie Page sequined fantasy.

And I am marching down that runway

in my hooker high-heel boots, honey.

Rachel: Give me your tired, your poor,

your huddled asses yearning to be free.

[all laugh] Carson: Yes!

RuPaul: The Widow Von'Du.

Ooh, Black Panther on the runway!

Widow: My outfit is an homage to black culture.

The Black Panthers to Miss Rosa Parks

saying that I am not getting out of my seat

to Black Lives Matter.

I am showing all my blackness right now for you.

Jeff: Is that a particular constellation?

Carson: Looks like a Big Dipper from here.

[Jeff laughs]

RuPaul: Sherry Pie.

[British accent] That's right. Rip the scab off a can of piss.

Oh, wrong country.

Sherry: I am American, American, American,

and I am letting everybody know make art and not war.

Carson: She got this at Betsy Ross Dress for Less.

[all laugh]

RuPaul: Jackie Cox.

-Oh. -Come on, hijab.

[all laugh]

Jackie: I'm wearing a beautiful, flowing,

striped kaftan, and then on the top

I'm wearing a midnight blue hijab

that is outlined in 50 silver stars.

You can be Middle Eastern, you can be Muslim,

and you can still be American.

Carson: Maid in the USA.

[all laugh]

RuPaul: Gigi Goode.

Carson: She's making me Yankee Doodle randy.

[all laugh]

Gigi: I am giving you head to toe Quaker Oats fantasy.

My hair is period, historically accurate.

I've got my red velvet coat.

Bitch, I am it.

Rachel: Talk about a John Hancock

or lack thereof.

[all laugh]

RuPaul: She's cross-dressing the Delaware.

[all laugh]

Jaida Essence Hall.

Carson: Let's run this look up the flagpole.

Jaida: I'm giving you a sexy superhero of drag,

and I'm ready to say any ho, any bitch,

any queer person in this country that needs to be saved,

I'm here to do it.

Rachel: Now that is a landing strip.

I'm gonna tell my waxer I want that next time.

Carson: It's called the American bikini wax.

Rachel: Making my husband take the pledge of allegiance

will have a whole new meaning.

[all laugh]end act

Welcome, ladies.

It's time for the judges' critiques,

starting with Sherry Pie.

During the debate you were really, really funny,

and it felt like a really polished character to me.

I would just say be careful

about giving us variety of characters.

It was similar, I think, to your mother in Gay's Anatomy

in that it was an older person, like you did for Snatch Game.

I'm definitely gonna steal this look from you.

I love the peplum-esque thing

that's happening with the jacket.

And you accentuate your fine and generous décolletage,

I believe is the--

-Oh, yes. -Ah. You see, I know.

I may not know "peplum," but I know décolletage.

All right, up next, Crystal Methyd.

Hi.

In the debate, I thought you were a real stand-out

because you were stumping to be the drag president.

You did a really great job of embracing that concept.

You talked about your love of glitter.

I'm gonna cover the White House in glitter!

And we've always said bring the you to the challenge,

and I thought you did that really well.

And there was never a moment of fear.

You just seemed incredibly sure of your character

and having a ball.

This runway look might be a little bit confused.

I think the grosgrain belt I think is a great touch,

but having all of that excess to me was very distracting.

But when I see a fedora, it's awful nice.

You find them fedorable.

-Yes, yeah. -Ah, as you say.

[all laugh]

Up next, Heidi.

I have to say I fell into the gap.

-Did you really? -Yeah.

I thought your debate was really charming.

I think tapping into your small-town roots

from Ramseur, North Carolina, was great.

You know, you embraced who you are.

Yeah, you ever read Tennessee Williams?

I'd like to see you do Glass Menagerie or something.

Ooh.

I'm more partial to the Ass Menagerie myself.

[all laugh]

And then this look, I just feel like you're serving me

Reba McIntyre meets Baby June and her Newsboys.

I do like redheads of all kinds.

Oh, boy.

You better stop. [all laugh]

Up next, we've got the Widow Von'Du.

I love that you're the standout in this lineup.

The challenge was Stars and Stripes,

and you gave us that in a nontraditional way.

I love that it's black and white.

The presentation is perfect.

During the debate,

I thought you made some really wonderful points,

and looking at drag as a form of theater

to challenge you and make you think,

I thought you did such an excellent job.

I was craving, I guess for lack of a better term,

like, a joke punch-up in there.

You're such a presence on stage and you're so commanding,

but I felt like kind of it came across just a little bit angry.

Terrorists!

I wanted to give you a politician that was angry

because they are trying to get their point across.

And I just don't know...

[sighs]

It's very difficult to satirize

or do something that's wackier, funnier, wilder

than of course what's going on now.

-That's right. -I generally was having fun.

Playing the character that I was doing,

I literally thought I was doing the challenge.

You did do the challenge.

What the judges are saying

is that there weren't a lot of laughs in it,

and of course that's really what we're doing here.

I stayed up till 4:30 in the morning just writing stuff,

and it just feels like it was all for nothing.

You're digging yourself into a hole right now,

and you don't have to do that.

This is all just constructive criticism.

I am a musical theater kid, and you raise yourself

to think that your craft, your art is who you are.

And when you fuck something up,

it fundamentally takes away your self-worth.

Preach!

And separating a little more your craft

from who you are as a person, it's really helped me.

Let the church say a-man.

-A-man. -A-man.

That is so important right now.

And do you hear what she's saying, Widow?

I hear everything that everybody is saying to me.

I just--it's really hard for me to be here and just--

It's hard. The competition's fucking hard.

But don't do that to yourself.

The payoff is not worth it.

You belong here, and don't let your saboteur do that.

So catch yourself. Be the star that you are.

Thank you.

Up next, Jackie Cox.

Salaam, RuPaul June.

So the debate.

When I figured out what your whole shtick was "aboot,"

I thought this is gonna get good.

For me, the Canada thing became a little tiresome.

Jeff even said, "Can you answer this question

and not reference Canada."

You're talented, obviously, and bright and quick.

But it's a one-joke idea, and you know,

you keep doing variations of that, there you go.

In comedy, you always want some sort of element of surprise.

So unless you heighten to the absurd,

there was just kind of a plateauing point.

Let's talk about your runway look.

You exposed a piece of you and your heritage,

embracing something very beautiful and touching,

and this makes a political statement.

I love what this says about what America really is,

which is, yeah, we're a nation of immigrants,

of people who come from everywhere,

and we come together.

And it's such a simple outfit that says so much.

Are you religious, may I ask?

I'm not, and to be honest,

this outfit really represents the importance

that visibility for people of religious minorities

need to have in this country.

Isn't this an interesting wrinkle, though.

Is there something in that religion

that is anti-homosexuality and anti-woman?

Does that complicate the issue?

I'm just raising it and thinking out loud,

and maybe being stupid, but what do you think?

No, no, I think, you know, drag has always

shaken the tree, so to speak,

and there are so many different layers to this presentation.

And if it was ever gonna be done,

this is the stage to do it.

It's a complex issue.

I have my own misgivings about the way

that LGBT people are treated in the Middle East.

And at the same time, I am one.

But what is so important is to me,

that if you just happen to be different,

then, like, live that truth.

And when the Muslim ban happened,

it really destroyed a lot of my faith in this country.

And it really hurt my family.

[sobs] And that's so wrong to me.

And I had to show America

that you can be LGBT and from the Middle East

and there's gonna be complicated shit around that,

and that's okay.

But I'm here,

and I deserve to be in America

just as much as anyone else.

Everything you're saying really registers with me.

At the end of the day, this country is for everyone,

and I'm so sorry that this has happened to your family.

Thank you, guys.

Thank you, Jackie.

[sniffles]

Up next, Gigi Goode.

Let's talk about this look.

Normally, I hate a minute man, but this is fantastic.

It's beautiful and tailored. It's delicious.

But are you dressed as an American

or are you dressed as a Redcoat?

You'll never tell. Maybe you're Benedict Arnold.

Certainly not Bene-dick Arnold.

Nope, maybe not tonight. [all laugh]

How, exactly--because I'm a little unfamiliar--

so what do you-- how--how--what--

Yeah.

What do you do, exactly?

Is it--is it all tucked? [all laugh]

Everything is tucked, and you can achieve that--

It's not something for national television right now.

Okay, okay. [all laugh]

I'm not sure. Are you a big politics fan?

You know, unfortunately, I'm not.

No further questions.

Yeah, I think that hurt you in this challenge,

because to be able to parody something,

you have to kind of have a base knowledge of it.

And I felt like maybe that was missing,

and you were a little less confident

and a little more quiet than you normally are.

Up next, Jaida Essence Hall.

Hi, y'all.

Let's re-tattle the re-tittle of her rebuttal.

[all laugh]

Your platform was about being confused

with what's going on in politics today, and I'm with you.

You had a great moment where Jeff had asked you a question,

and you didn't really know the answer.

You were like, "Look over there."

It was so genius.

I liked it, too.

I don't know if you planned it.

I really wanted to, like, show how politicians

are always, like, well, whatever we have to say

to get the attention off of me.

Yeah, you had

the best off-the-cuff remarks in the debate.

You made me laugh the most.

You just did Jaida Goes to Washington.

Ooh!

And it was really effective.

2020, honey.

We're getting ready, baby.

And this outfit, wowie, wow-wow-wow.

Yeah, that's something.

[all laugh]

I don't know where your body ends

and then, like, the illusion begins,

and I guess I don't wanna know.

But I also wanna know everything.

[all laugh]

This outfit makes me proud to be an American.

Oh, well, thank you.

Thank you, ladies.

I think we've heard enough.

While you untuck backstage, the judges and I will debate.

All right, now, just between us political animals,

what do you think?

Sherry Pie.

In the debate, I thought she was pretty polished.

I could tell it was a character that she had done before.

It's just getting a little tired.

Throughout the season, on the runway

she was giving us a lot of, you know, dresses

with kind of a trumpet kind of shape.

So this was a refreshing change for me.

Crystal Methyd.

She didn't try too hard to do the politician act.

She just did Crystal Methyd.

And then her runway look was amazing.

It went so different.

Yeah, I love Crystal Methyd's aesthetic,

and I'm so happy that at this point in the competition

she's really finding her confidence

to just be her freaky self.

Heidi.

During the debate, I got an air of real sweetness from her.

What she smartly did,

when she didn't have something funny to say,

she gave us a funny reaction to somebody else.

She gave us a pearl clutch and a gasp.

She reminds me a little bit of Jimmy Carter

and President Clinton, too.

She reminds me of George Clinton and Billy Carter.

Ah. [laughs]

The Widow Von'Du.

She almost just played the part

of an actual candidate for president.

There was nothing that drag about it.

I think it's good to be conscientious and preparation,

but sometimes I say get some sleep.

[laughs]

Although she didn't pop in the debate,

she could have remained positive,

because her runway look was really striking.

But I feel like she's almost giving up on herself.

It is like the thorns of a rose growing inward on itself,

but it's hers to understand this about herself

and to dig herself out of it.

Jackie Cox.

For the debate, I say blame Canada.

[all laugh]

I think over-preparation

may have gotten in her way this week.

And it started really strong,

but it got really tired really fast.

But her runway look was beautiful and sort of amazing.

That outfit spoke so many volumes,

and hearing about her family

emphasized what she was going for.

Gigi Goode.

When I saw her standing there to start her debate,

she looked so great.

It looked like Ralph Lauren and Emilio Pucci had a baby.

Yes!

But there was a kind of deer-in-headlights quality.

I would love to have seen more politics,

even if it was just absurd.

I would have just been throwing in political words like caucus.

[all laugh]

Jaida Essence Hall.

She was so fun during the debate.

She was just so sharp.

The insults that she threw were so quick.

And it's actually a beautiful social commentary on politics.

Yeah. We have every right to be confused.

And then tonight's runway look was funny and fabulous.

She is the woman I aspire to be

when I get dressed in the morning,

and I know that I will never look like that.

All right, so let's go to Michelle Visage via satellite

and hear what she has to say.

Hi, Michelle!

[static] Ru! Oh, my God.

First and foremost...

Um, excuse me.

Who is that woman sitting next to you?

It's a bad transmission.

Wait a minute. Hold on. Who is that by your side?

Okay, we'll just move on.

What a shame, what a shame. What a loss.

Oh, hell, no. This is not some girl sitting in my seat.

Silence.

I've made my decision.

I will not be silenced! Listen to me!

-Turn it off. -Who is that woman--

[static]

Bring back my girls.end act

Welcome back, ladies.

I've made some decisions.

Sherry Pie.

You're safe.

You may step to the back of the stage.

Heidi.

Tonight, lady sings the red, white, and blues.

-You're safe. -Thank you.

Jaida Essence Hall.

Your campaign was all about confusion,

but tonight, it's very clear.

You are the winner of this week's challenge.

[applause]

Oh, my God. [laughs]

Thank you so much. Oh, my God.

Con-drag-ulations. You've won a cash tip of $5.000.

Ooh, I can buy nice shoes.

You may join the other girls.

Bitch, I won another motherfucking--

I can't say motherfucking, can I?

I won!

That's it. [laughs]

Crystal Methyd.

You're safe. Glitterally.

[laughs] Thank you.

Widow Von'Du.

On the runway, you stood out like the star that you are.

But in the debate, you blended into the background.

Jackie Cox.

Your runway look is bold and beautiful,

but your debate performance was a little Canada Dry.

Gigi Goode.

This runway look is a feather in your cap,

but your debate was not revolutionary.

Gigi Goode.

You're safe.

You may join the other girls.

You will not see me in the bottom again.

Widow Von'Du, Jackie Cox,

I'm sorry, my dears,

but you are up for elimination.

Two queens stand before me.

Ladies, this is your last chance to impress me

and save yourself from elimination.

The time has come... [thunder]

for you to lip sync...

[echoing] for your life!

I want Mama Ru to see why she brought me here,

and that even though I let her down in this challenge,

I'm a fighter,

and I'm not gonna let her down in this lip sync.

Oh, trust, I am not losing this.

This is my chance to redeem myself,

and I'm not ready for this dream to die.

Good luck, and don't fuck it up.

[music plays]

♪ Do you ever feel like a plastic bag ♪

♪ Drifting through the wind, wanting to start again ♪

♪ Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin ♪

♪ Like a house of cards, one blow from caving in ♪

♪ Do you ever feel already buried deep ♪

♪ Six feet under screams ♪

♪ But no one seems to hear a thing ♪

♪ Do you know that there's still a chance for you ♪

♪ 'Cause there's a spark in you ♪

♪ You just gotta ignite the light ♪

♪ And let it shine ♪

♪ Just own the night ♪

♪ Like the Fourth of July ♪

♪ 'Cause, baby, you're a firework ♪

♪ Come on, show 'em what your worth ♪

♪ Make 'em go, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ As you shoot across the sky... ♪

I'm exploding out on that stage

because I'm feeling the weight of everyone who's ever been told

they need to go back home where they come from.

And I'm here to let them know that, baby, you're a firework,

and you have a place right here in America.

♪ 'Cause, baby, you're a firework ♪

♪ Come on, show 'em what your worth ♪

♪ Make 'em go, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ As you shoot across the sky ♪

♪ Baby, you're a firework ♪

♪ Come on, let your colors burst ♪

♪ Make 'em go, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ You're gonna leave 'em calling, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Boom, boom, boom ♪

♪ Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon ♪

[cheers and applause]

Very moving.

Very. Jeez.

Ladies, I've made my decision.

Jackie Cox, shantay you stay.

Thank you.

I won't, won't, won't let you down again.

You may join the other girls.

I love you.

[exhales]

Widow Von'Du, remember, you're a big star.

Now and forever.

Now sashay away.

I feel like I let you down.

You did not let me down.

Thank you for this amazing opportunity.

[applause]

Congratulations.

My fellow Americans, I want to leave you with this.

Always let your thighs rub together

like they harmonize.

[cheers and applause]

I love you!

[sighs]

I feel like I let my inner demons get the best of me,

and I let everyone who believes in me down, and...

I tried.

I said the other day that's all you can do is try.

I just wish I would have tried harder.

Kansas City, here I come.

[cries]

Con-drag-ulations, ladies.

And remember, if you can't love yourself,

how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?

Can I get an "amen" up in here?

-Amen! -Amen!

Michelle, can I get an "amen" up in here?

[static] Amen! Jeff Goldblum, call me.graphic

[all laugh]

All right, now let the music play!

♪ I am American, American ♪vote

♪ The red, white, and blue ♪

♪ I am American, American ♪

♪ Just like you, too ♪

There we go. There we go.

Wow, wow.

Wow, wow, wow.

Amazing.

RuPaul: Next time on RuPaul's Drag Race.

You're going to be making over Drag Race super fans.

But here's the thing.

They have no idea what's about to happen to them.

-Surprise! -Aah!

I'm a huge fucking fan of the show.

I totally buy that you guys are sisters.

I have a question.

What in the fuck am I looking at?

Bitch.

[laughs] The nerve.

♪ I am American, American, American ♪

♪ I am American, American ♪

♪ The red, white, and blue ♪

♪ I am American, American, American ♪

♪ I am American, American ♪

♪ Just like you, too ♪

♪ Am-Am-Am-Am-American, American, American ♪

♪ I am American, American ♪

♪ The red, white, and blue ♪

♪ I am American, American ♪

♪ Just like you, too ♪