All language subtitles for Orange Is The New Black - 6x07 - Changing Winds.WEB.STRiFE.en

WWW.MY-SUBS.COM

- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.MY-SUBS.com -

I'm DIY Fly Flaca.

And this your girl, T-T-Tova.

And together we bringin' you...

♪ Flava to the Max ♪

Reinventin' prison
radio, one show at a time.

For us, by us.

With peace, love and beauty tips.

Speakin' of the peace and love,

I ain't seein' a whole
lot of it lately...

- Mmm-mmm.
- ... DIY Fly Flaca.

- Feelin' all kinds of bad juju up in here.
- Mmm-hmm.

You know, girls leavin'
dookie on the laundry,

- cloggin' up the drains.
- Gross. Nasty!

- Drink spikin' with laxatives.
- Mmm-mmm.

Oh. Oh. And all these newfound
painful uses for hot sauce.

Ouch!

- And over what?
- What?

Some stanky cheese?

Oh, my God, guys, dairy
is not good for you.

From what I've seen, cheese withdrawals

make you sweat through your shirt...

- Mmm. Mmm!
- ... scratch your arms and not sleep.

- Mmm-mmm.
- Plus, all those hormones in milk now.

You notice all these ladies
growing beards up in here?

So, bottom line, avoid dairy.

- Your chin and booty will thank you later.
- The chin hair is real, y'all.

And don't be pissin', hittin' and sh...

doo-dooin' on each other no more.

Right? Let's keep it low-key lit.

What the... fudge does that mean?

Lit, but not too lit to
get in trouble. You know?

Lit is the fuckin' opposite of low-key.

Hey!

No cursing!

You don't wanna see what happens

when you make me open
my eyes this early.

Next topic: Plucking till
you got sperm eyebrows.

A no-no? Or
a yes-yes?

Yes!

Idiots.

My super-powered pregnant nose
still smells doody in here.

My regular nose smells it, too.

It's like the stench
lives in my nose hairs.

We gotta get those fucking C-Block
cumbuckets to pay for this now.

I got it. I got it.

We sharpen a toothbrush,
stick it in a book,

then shove it into the
library cart bitch, Deitland,

when she comes collecting.

No, no, no. She's much
too small potato fries.

That's like stabbing the castle
janitor when you hate the king.

We should at least be stabbing
a knight or a lady-in-waiting.

The way I see it, we go after Creech.

We just gotta get through
Shruti Chambal first.

Now, I have some ground-up rat
poops that I've been saving...

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Time out, okay?

Listen, you're diving into the
gang thing here with both feet.

Which, on one hand,
is a sign of loyalty.

And, I mean, that is admirable.

But, on the other hand,

it's gonna lead to this West
Side Story fantasy of yours

becoming a reality. Except,
instead of being Maria,

you're gonna wind up
Tony or Riff or Bernardo.

I don't wanna be any
of those Puerto Ricans.

It's just my mama bear instincts

are raging to protect
little Julius or Augustine...

I'm still workshopping the names.

Weren't those the rat names?

Never forget.

Hey, Daddy. Daddy,
kooky cookie over there,

she's got a plan to
get back at Cock-Block.

Hey, preggo, come here.

Look, I don't need to hear plans

because I got a huge plan in the works.

We're gonna fuck 'em
up, get our drugs back.

I'm smoothing out the final
deets, but you'll be in on it soon.

Can't we help it go faster?

Trust me. I'm very happy with it
and you'll be very happy with it.

Hey, you got somethin'
for your special girl?

I always got somethin'
special for you, girl.

This ain't what I mean.

I've got something I'm moving on.

You'll have your other candy soon, baby.

Please? This ain't no junkie
shit. I'm in a lot of pain.

You're lucky you're so
damn fine. Wait here.

Only one?

Right now I know girls in here

who'd chop your hand
off to get what's in it.

Came from Barb's personal
stash. Don't be ungrateful.

- What the fuck?!
- Hey, hey! Hey!

Sit the fuck down.

Get the fuck out of here.

Hey, Hellman, you got a sec?

Tell your girls to knock it off

before I start shipping them to the SHU.

We're bored.

It's like that kid show,
Thomas the Tank Engine.

We all wanna be useful engines, right?

You guys gotta find jobs for us.

Your job is not my job.

Funny you should mention that.

Have you done your job of
finding us a new pipeline?

That'd keep a lot of these
girls out of your hair.

Or scalp, in your case.

Shit came in today
via breakfast burrito.

And after I made the drop, my chorizo
and egg tasted like plastic wrap.

So, fuck you. You're welcome.

Today? I just checked the spot.

I didn't leave it there.
I gave it to Carol.

Carol?

She told me to deal with
her direct from now on.

Step off. This is a closed game.

Carol, tell your goon that
we need to speak in private.

Teng, sit. Your turn to switch in.

Oh, I see how it is.

I'm the fall girl

- but I didn't do nothin'...
- Exactly.

You did nothin' to keep
those D-Block half-wits

from sabotaging our jobs.

You've done nothing since.

We should all be ass-deep
in commissary candy,

not penny-pinching for deodorant.

Listen, I got big ideas to make
Douche-Block pay, like you said.

Mad plots. But I'm being strategical...

Shut it.

No matter what you do, you're a
joke to Barb and her dipshits now.

A bad joke.

And so, my friends, when
you turn on your burners,

listen for the hissin' snake
sound of the gas escapin'...

Hiss...

and wield your lighters carefully
over the gas-air mixture,

and voilà!

Voilà!

If you need more gas, Mr.
Sprang, you could use Fartison.

Come on. Give us a wicked one, Fartison.

Christ, it was one little
fart in the fourth grade.

For the love of Pete!
Everybody, let it go already!

What? Carolina queefed the other day

and nobody's calling her "Queefolina."

We will now.

Better watch what you
call my friend, Luke,

or we'll start callin' ya Luke,

- whose mother is fuckin' a garbage man.
- Fuck you.

Sanitation is a good government
job. Besides, it doesn't even rhyme.

All right, all right. We've had our fun.

Fartis... Uh. Madison.

Madison, come up here
and be my assistant.

All right.

All right.

Open the door, or you're
grounded for three more months.

Like I got any fuckin'
place to go. Fuck you!

What the fuck's the matter with you?

We can't keep leaving work!

every time you feel like
acting like a goddamn baby

- You like eatin' and livin' in a house?
- Clearly she likes eatin'.

The school's expellin' ya this
time. And over what? Name-callin'?

How fuckin' dumb are you?

- Fuck that fuckin' place!
- You know what? It's our fault.

We should've disciplined
her like her brothers.

Now she's a fuckin' monster!

You touch me with that, I'll
throw you out the fuckin' window!

The window you broke two days
ago with your last baby tantrum?

I am not a baby!

Christ, Madison! What did we do
to you that was so bad? Jesus!

This is garbage.

We should do something better
with our lives while we're here.

Hmm. You have fun with that.

I'm gonna take this "When
Will You Peak?" quiz.

You'd have a frappuccino
over a cappuccino?

What happened to doing
better with your life?

It might be practical
to know when I'll peak.

I've always done very
well with a deadline.

Okay, these are my first five answers:

C.

C.

B.

Uh, D.

A.

Okay.

"How would you best describe
your ships, relation-, friend-?

A, super awesome.

B, sorta awesome.

C, less awesome.

D, I'm on a ship alone."

Well, I've only got you,
but I'm not alone, so A.

Super awesome.

I have an ex-fiancé who
ran off with my best friend.

My parents mildly tolerate me.

C, less awesome.

"How do you describe your
performance in your career?"

Does the soap business count?

It doesn't matter either
way. That's completely over.

Well, I was but a simple mule

who climbed the ranks to
become a top trafficker

in a transnational
criminal organization.

Plus, I got the girl.

So I think that means A,
nailed it.

- All right, final question.
- Mmm-hmm.

"Do you feel like a winner or a loser?"

I'm gonna go out on a limb
and say "loser" for you now,

meaning "loser" for me later,

when we're discussing and
analyzing this quiz ad nauseam.

All right, according to this...
you are peaking right now.

What? How?

I've failed at absolutely
everything, especially prison.

Not only have I not
been reformed by prison,

I think I've actually made prison
worse. We are now in a worse prison.

So, now is your time to course correct.

I could write a memoir.

A cautionary tale. Share my experience.

Expose the system.

I could get a publishing deal.

- What's it say?
- I've peaked already.

I'm on the other side of
the hill, going down. Fuck.

Ugh.

I've been thinking about
your near-death by commode.

Now, tell me. Do you have
any beef with the Chinese?

No, wait. That's too sloppy for the MSS.

- This just doesn't make any sense.
- You think I tried to kill myself, too?

Look, I'm telling you. It
was someone or something else.

Do you want to go
back in the suicide chair?

No. No, I can't. I can't
go back in that thing.

I gotta get out of Psych before
they make me commit suicide for real.

Now, tell me. Is there
somebody or something

that wants to know what you... know.

By the way, the manticores are back.

Or, wait...

What if someone or something
is trying to silence you

about something that you know, but
that you don't know that you know?

I don't know nothing. Okay?

But I do know people have reason
to want to kill me, though.

Like, um...

Gloria, that sneaky bitch Gloria,
and that snitch bitch Blanca,

that white bitch Chapman,
that guard bitch McCullough.

And that pussy bitch Luschek,

the guard hostages bitches
and bitches from camp.

And that girl... guy... Whatever,

Daddy bitch and all her D-Block bitches.

- Oh! So, we're looking for a bitch!
- Yes.

No, I... It's not about that.

Okay, look.

I was face down in that toilet water,

and I couldn't breathe.
I couldn't scream.

And I thought, like, "This is
really the end." You know, right?

And then I just stopped fighting,
and, all of a sudden, I felt...

like... at peace.

Why peace, when I'm about to die?

Ruiz!

I'm not goin' back in that
chair. I didn't do nothing.

Right on!

Time for your psych evaluation.

Do not tell her about the manticores.

Do not.

And I may or may not be going
on a very special mission

that may or may not involve
the Basque separatist movement.

So, if I do not get to see
you before then, goodbye! Bye!

- Fuck.
- Son of a bitch.

Gimme.

In no way do I condone brushing
your teeth in the shower,

but I'm doing this so that
you help a fellow cripple out.

Just across this and...

Why the fuck can't I brush
my teeth in the shower?

There should be a separation
between church and state,

so your spit doesn't get in my
sandal the next time I step in.

Spit's cleaner than piss.

Actually, it's the other way around,
but don't do that in here either.

You, uh... You bleach someone
to death over at Mighty Maids?

- That what you're in for?
- You got me.

I have a passion for cleanliness,
and I will kill to achieve it.

Nah, you're too smart for that.

You were on top of something big,

calling those shots. I can tell.

Yeah, well, maybe.

But I've peaked, and my glory
days are in the rearview.

I'm like one of those
goddamn gypsy psychics.

Should get me a hotline and go on TV.

Thinkin' of switchin' my shit up again.

Yeah. Maybe this time, I'll
change my name to Radison.

Well, that's a hotel chain. So,
you might want to rethink that one.

You're good. Real good.

Okay, okay. Hey, hey.
So, uh, here's a question.

You have the energy and
ambition of a younger you,

you're looking to
find a new pipeline in,

which of your cookie camp
guards would you corrupt?

I don't think that way anymore.

Oh, I get it. You're out to pasture.

Never mind. You've probably
lost your eye anyway.

Luschek.

He's completely spineless and
morally bankrupt, but... never mind.

Whoa! Don't get shy now.

What? You gonna make
me do something X-rated?

I can get real kinky. Look...

All right. Stop. Just
stop. Stop. Listen.

Why are you even messing with drugs?
This place is a fucking wasteland.

There's so much stuff that people want.

The more scarce something
is, the more profitable.

Last night, my bunkie
was literally praying

for a plate of pasta carbonara.

Vause, you're a fuckin' genius.

Get down.

No breaks.

All the way down, or I'll push you down.

Rest when
you're done. Let's go.

When we tell
you to do something,

zero seconds before you do it.

No hesitation. No questions
asked. You will learn to obey.

Because the world out
there will not tolerate

your good-for-nothing, hormonal,
teenage insubordination.

Yes, sir, Hitler, sir.

You're now digging our waste pit.

No, no, no.

They're not even fucking
looking. I'm gonna stop.

I like your style. What's your deal?

I got caught fucking my
mom's boyfriend, Steve.

She went nuts.

Huge fight where I may

or may not have stabbed her in
the stomach with a fish knife.

- I'm Duray.
- I'm Patty.

What did you do, Pretty Patty?

I was leasing my pussy out for blow.

Your turn.

Oh. Uh...

I'm Madison Murphy.

But my friends call me Badison.

They don't call you that.
That's too "Sadison."

They do, too.

And I did some fucked-up shit.
You should be fuckin' scared of me.

The only one you could
scare around here is Roach.

Boo!

"You are a bad beep mother beep. Beep.

If I had beep been there,

I would have beep,
beep, beep, beep, beep."

Dang. Is there one full sentence
that the guards did not black out?

- Right here.
- "Black Lives Matter."

I'll take it.

Damn, man, I wish Poussey
could see all this love.

"Injustice on the highest level
won't be silenced into our labels.

Another sister added to the bodies.

Never gonna stop the
Litchfield ladies... "

Okay, now, Suzanne would hate
all of these slant rhymes.

Yeah, but the first letter
of each line spells out

- "I wanna lick yo' pussy."
- Oh, my God!

Actually, she'd love this, and
she would probably frame it.

- Yeah.
- Damn! Man, I miss her.

We should try to see her.

Yeah, well, don't see
her tryin' to find us.

Maybe she don't know how?

How about we invite her to yard time?

And you could tell her
tomorrow on your radio show.

Uh...

What Flaca and I do is
like...

jazz, okay?

We riff. Pre-planned announcement
might fuck up the flow. You feel me?

Bitch, you are barely
finding your way on that show.

Okay, look, all I'm sayin' is...

When we in the flow, can't
guarantee a message gonna come up.

Look, she's our girl, Cindy.

These letters are telling
us to look out for our own.

I'll try.

But that Flaca chic, she
crazy with her veto power.

Doc, I gotta get out of Psych.

I'm not like these locas out there.

This place should be
punishing the person

that tried to kill me. I was attacked.

There's no evidence that anyone
else was in there with you.

So you think I pushed my
own head into the toilet?

If I was gonna kill myself,

I sure as fuck wouldn't do
it in people's turd water.

But I didn't try to kill myself.

Prison rules stipulate
that I can't release you

until I'm convinced you're
not gonna try it again.

Again? But...

Okay, fine. Here it is.

I got all screwed up because
of the extra time that I got.

Ten years. I mean...

That would be enough
to upset anyone, right?

But that was in the
moment, and now I see that

hurting myself is not the way out, okay?

I can't tell if you're being sincere

or you're simply just trying to
say what you think I want to hear.

Know what? I can see you next week.

No, Doc. Look...

I got a baby, a baby girl,
and I need to live for her.

I don't want her growing
up without a mommy.

I wouldn't do that to her. For real.

And I may be a criminal and
a piece of shit and all that,

but I love my baby.

I stay alive for my baby,
and that ain't gonna change.

Okay, fine. I'm releasing you.

I'll prescribe Paxil to
help with the transition.

Thank you, Doc. I promise you
won't need to see me again.

- Okay, get on your way.
- Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you.

I know you didn't try to commit suicide.

What'd you say?

That incident you were talking about?

That sounded like a baptism to me.

Suddenly, everyone has an
opinion about what happened to me.

Suicide. Manticore. And now you think

God's the one who
dunked me in the toilet?

The Lord works in mysterious ways.

Jesus!

His only begotten son.

What are the dimensions of these cells?

Uh, small by even smaller?

So is there any way we could
fit four in each of them?

Hey, Boo's bitch.

- Shall we head to the next block?
- No, no!

I see you seein' me, Von Barlow.

Except, why are you out
there and I'm in here?

Hey, quiet down, inmate.

I am so sorry.

They get like this sometimes.

Is this because I hit
you? 'Cause I was having a bad day.

It does happen. So, like, I'm
sorry! Come on! Don't be a bitch!

Do you know her?

Can you get me a tape measure?

- I'd do it myself, but I'm wearing heels.
- Got it.

You've internalized the
oppression of women's fashion.

You may own those shoes,
but they're in charge.

Think about it. I'll be back in a jiff.

So, what's up, pretty skirt lady?

Is it some kind of a
training program here at Max?

They turn out inmates into escorts?

I mean, I don't care.
Look, I don't care.

I just kinda want in on it. Anything
to get the fuck out of this box.

- You think that I look like a prostitute?
- A whore, all right?

But then we get into some
tomato-potato territory,

eh, and they both rhyme to me.

Just take me with you. Come on.

So, funny thing...

I've actually worked
for MCC this whole time.

You mean, like, some under the
covers 21 Jump Street?

No. No, I just... I
got caught up in there.

Yeah, you did, you sly dog.

You got caught up in between
a pair of pasty, fluffy thighs.

I don't know a more clever way to say,

but you ate out Boo
and she ate you, too.

Now, there's a rhyme for ya.

Um, technically, she ate
and my turn was more manual,

but regardless, we don't need
to mention that to anyone.

I hear ya. And I don't normally
get into the subtle types of things,

but, man, that's a funny
one. And the thing is...

I don't know how I'm not
gonna be able to say anything,

unless if you have a magic
key to keep my mouth shut.

I'd like to take a whack at that VCR.

I'd feel better if I could
take a whack out of Luschek.

Nobody's ever taken a
whack at Luschek, except Luschek.

Uh, this is a joke.

Watching you beat up a beat-up
VCR does not count as exercise.

- We deserve better.
- You don't need a tape.

All right? Do 400 jumping jacks.

Go!

You wanted to see my ladies
bounce in your face, didn't you?

God damn it. How are you doing
that? Isn't your leg broken?

This is my physical therapy.
It hurts a lot.

Class dismissed.

God damn it.

I knew a guy like you, tryin'
to do his best at his job.

Nobody givin' him the credit he was due.

He damn near snapped.

I'm not gonna snap.

Of course not.

You've got everything under control.

My guy didn't snap either.

He found another way to
make his job more rewarding.

You think you're the first inmate

to talk to me about
my job being rewarding?

My job will only be
rewarding if I get...

60% of whatever you got in mind.

Twenty. Thirty, tops.

This is all gonna depend
on how hard I have to work.

What are you looking
to get your hands on?

- Can I have some of your water? I'm out.
- You were supposed to be rationing

One sip.

Ooh!

God damn it! That was my fucking water!

Here, have some of mine.

Maybe Roach'll let you drink
her buckets of sweat, Sandison.

Murphy!

Up here with me, now.

Oh, you in trouble now, Fatison.

- I was tryin' to be nice.
- Enough of your excuses, Murphy.

Listen, I see how they're
messing with you. I'm not blind.

But you gotta stop taking the bait.

You wanna be garbage all your life?

Don't let those girls
keep you in the gutter.

You decide who you wanna be.

And wash your face.
It'll help with the zits.

- So, in conclusion...
- Mmm-hmm.

... if you wanna heal those
nasty scabs, all you need is...

- lotion.
- Oxy.

- Right. Lotion.
- Mmm-hmm.

Anything kick a cheese
habit, it's lotion.

Mmm-hmm.

We're getting the signal from our
producer that we need to wrap up,

and you know we run a tight-ass ship.

So, any last thoughts, Black Cindy?

- I'm Tova.
- Tova.

Let's set that record
straight right here, right now.

Okay.

- Yeah, um... So, before I sign off...
- Come on! I gotta take a leak.

I wanna give a shout-out
to my girl, who's also your girl,

- Suzanne.
- Hi!

Miss you, boo. Um...

T's back. Come and play with
us in the yard sometime.

Thanks for keepin' it
cute with DIY Fly Flaca...

And your girl, T-T-Tova, bringing you...

♪ Flava to the Max ♪

Where the fuck is Daddy with our
plan? She's had the whole day.

What we looking for?

Something to stick in the electrical
socket to shock myself with.

A wire hanger, a tuning fork...

We in prison. How you
gonna get all that stuff?

I need adrenalin. Choke
me till I pass out.

I'm good.

Come on, Swope. You're up.

Sorry, I have carpal tunnel.

Lazy cunts.

I'm amending my previous statement.
You're a lazy and clumsy cunt.

I'll clean it up.

Did you go in there to jerk off?

No.

Mmm-hmm. Then where's the mop?

Hey, Chief.

They get you back, too?

No, I'm just waiting on somebody.

I'm never coming back to this dump.

I get it. You got PTSD, too.

Take your time.

It took me a few extra weeks to
come back to this place myself.

And listen... Sorry about
that mutiny thing on my part.

Anyway, water under the bridge?

I gotta get going.

You better get in there.
You don't wanna be late.

- Officer.
- Mmm-hmm.

I've been looking for love
in all the wrong places.

So, where are you taking me
on this first and final date?

Please tell me you made a reservation.

I called in a favor.

I got us in at that new
French place across town,

Château Abruti.

Ew. No, no, no. French is a no-go.

They put beurre on everything.

And "abruti" means "jerk" in French.

You booked us into the house of
jerks, which makes so much sense.

Fig, being this is
our one and only date,

you think we can drop
the tough acts for once?

I wanna try and get a glimpse
of the real Natalie before I go.

Just a glimpse.

Glimpse is one of those
words that's English,

but it sounds Yiddish, you know?

Like it's something Jews eat.

Like, "I'll have a glimpse
with a side of sour cream."

Oh, come on, Joe. This is what we do.

Fine. I will go along with your...

weird role-playing-by-not-playing-a-role
fantasy game.

But it better make you
hard as a steel beam,

and turn off that noise. I hate
Bruce. He's not the boss of me.

Uh... . how can you hate Bruce?

I don't wanna talk about it.

Nat, I'm leaving town.
What have we got to lose?

I was at the concert at
the St. Paul Civic Center

the night the "Dancing in the Dark" video was shot.

Courteney Cox was two away from me

when she got pulled up from the crowd.

If I hadn't been too fat
to haul up onto the stage,

it could've been me
in that video with him.

It haunts me.

All that Friends money.
Jesus, she's so fucking rich.

You were fat?

Not for long after that.

The BS incident made me
stop diddling with bulimia

and get serious about my anorexia.

You know... Courteney Cox was
planted in the audience, right?

That's a conspiracy theory.

You weren't there. You
don't know how real it was.

He picked that tiny-assed,
pixie-cutted waif.

And she had this amazing
career because of it, but...

it doesn't matter.

It made me practical and
pragmatic, hardworking...

How's that going for you?

Slow death by fluorescent lighting.

Mmm. I hear you.

All right, let's get out of here.

We'll go find a place
with some real light bulbs.

Nuh-uh.

Nah, he's not talking.

- No.
- No.

How about we go talk to
Eyebrows over there instead?

My mother told me to stay away
from Cunt-Block trash like that.

Mmm-hmm.

One, your mom does not
know about gangs in prison.

And, two, Red is a Cunt-Block.

I haven't heard from her since
she got transferred to gen pop.

Come across enemy lines with me.

It'll be a natural high.

No, no. I'll be staying here,
teaching my son about loyalties.

Well, your baby told
me he's with C-Block.

- Please.
- Mmm-hmm.

Hey.

Hey.

You know how Red's doing?

She's not talking to me.
She's not talking to no one.

Think you can get her a message from me?

Don't you listen?
Roja's not talking to us.

What's crawling up your snatch?

You still jonesing? I thought
you quit after the riot.

Fuck you. I'm not a
junkie. Purely recreational.

I'm jonesing for some semen
going up my toto.

Oh, wait a minute. You comin' on to me?

Strictly hot dogs over
seafood, thank you very much.

Okay, so why don't you grab
a cucumber and bang one out?

There's no fresh produce over here.

What I want is a baby.

But by the time I get out of
here, it might be too late.

Doctor says it's
probably already too late.

Now, my pops and his new wifey

recently made a fresh
batch of white privilege,

and they are way older.

artificial insemination.

Right. I'm sure it's
covered by the prison HMO.

Uh, I suppose it would
be more of a DIY project,

but scrappy is good. It'd
be like an Etsy pregnancy.

You know, totally doable.

I know because I used to inseminate
cows at rehab number four.

Check it out. All right.

All you need is to smuggle in some
warm spunk from your boyfriend.

Then, you shoot it up your
baby maker with a turkey baster,

hang out with your legs in the
air for... a half an hour...

Ding. Easy-Bake Baby.

Where the fuck am I supposed
to get a turkey baster?

We use the dropper from
the commissary eye drops.

You know, clean out that
bottle real good, and...

How in the hell did you manage
to get into Florida, Doggett?

- I got my ways.
- Well, I bet you do.

You must've put on one hell of a show,

'cause you ain't a granny or a tranny,

and that just leaves looney tooney.

Hey, why am I in here?

No. I'm an old soul.

They're not relaxin'
the rules, are they?

No, they wouldn't do that. This
is supposed to be a safe space.

It better be. I made a deal with
the devil to have my ass in here.

What kind of deal?

It's a secret deal.

If I told you, it wouldn't
be a secret. Now, would it?

Wouldn't telling a secret
feel so much better?

No.

Not hiding anything?

Not having to figure out
whether or not to go to the yard

to see your friends because
you don't know what to say

because you're scared you don't
deserve to be their friend anymore,

but also scared you're
going to spill the secret?

You know? And one friend
would be mad at you,

and the first friend
would be mad at the other,

and then you're hitting
yourself and screaming

and you're just wishing you get
back to where you were before,

because you miss them.

Now, would that or
would that not be better?

You got a secret, Warren?

- No. Nope. Why would you think that?
- Oh.

No reason.

But if you ask me,
friends are a liability.

And that dung hole they call
a yard ain't even a real yard.

Just a bunch of bricks on a
roof with some slats over it,

where big, scary bullies hang out.

Thanks, brother.

Here's to seeing Beer Can
with an actual beer can.

Here's to watching Hell Bitch

suck on one for longer
than a minute and a half.

No.

I saw Dixon was back.

Yes. Yes, you did.

You sure you wanna
bring back old guards?

I mean, they weren't the sharpest
tools in the box to begin with.

And the riot couldn't have
helped with their PTSD.

They're bringing you back to
prison, albeit in Missouri.

You're probably right.
They'll be fine. They're tough.

Like me.

And the camp girls...
Are they adjusting to Max?

Taystee's in gen pop now, right?

For someone who's leaving,

you're annoyingly curious
about the minutiae of my prison.

I'm just trying to make
conversation. I don't give a fuck.

Oh, come on. If we play
this truth-telling game,

you gotta play by the rules.

You do give a fuck. That's who you are.

That's the old me.

Missouri me will not get
bogged down by others,

and I'm gonna take
care of me from now on.

What you did for them was for you.

Those girls mean
something to you, and...

You helped them, sort
of, in your own way.

Yeah, yeah.

That's what you hate about me.

I don't hate you.

And we are
back from break, folks.

Next up, we have Joseph C.

Joseph C, come on up.

No. No, you... You
didn't. No, Joe. Don't...

♪ Hey, little girl, is your daddy home? ♪

♪ Did he go away ♪
♪ And leave you all alone? ♪

- ♪ I got a bad desire ♪
- Oh...

♪ Oh, oh, oh, I'm on fire ♪

♪ Tell me now, baby,
is he good to you? ♪

♪ Can he do to you the
things that I do? ♪

♪ Oh, no, I can take you higher ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, I'm on fire ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, I'm on fire ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, I'm on fire ♪

No, no, no.

Go and get him, or I will.

I can't believe you're leaving.

Uh...

Excuse me.

Do you know where the memoirs are?

Figure it out yourself, Caca-Block.

Just so you know, I didn't
have anything to do with that.

In fact, when they
asked me, I defied them.

- I'm on your side on this one.
- You wanna defect?

I wanna stay neutral.
I'm writing a memoir.

About prison.

About my experience in prison.

I think I have a fresh
perspective, but I wanna make sure.

Can you help, please?

No memoirs here. Only law books.

That's the aisle on assault,
and that's the aisle on murder.

- I didn't murder anybody.
- Charlize Theron.

I think she's still alive. I think.

- Celebrity news travels slowly here.
- No.

To each, their own. Charlize Theron.

I like to replace phrases with
celebrity names that rhyme with them.

- You mind if I peruse?
- Charlize Theron.

Oh. I get it. Clever.

I can CeeLo Green how that works.

No, not for you.

- Do you know what these are?
- Oh.

Used to be a photo man came

and take pictures the
inmates could pay for.

These are the ones that
didn't get paid for.

I wouldn't waste my time, though.

All the good ones for
masturbation are gone.

Why are there photos of
C- and D-Block together?

It's a fairy tale only the
old biddies go on about.

Khakis and blues, having fun in the sun.

- But there's photo evidence.
- What does it matter now?

Crap-Block, with its dung and piss
everywhere, actin' like animals.

You know what happens to
animals? They get shot. Gutted.

Their skin flayed off
and tanned for leather.

Their meat cooked for food.
Blood drained. Bones cracked.

Well, I have everything I
need. Thank you for your help.

I'll let you get back to
your riveting tales of...

Thank you for your help.

Now headbang.

It's like EDM, but with vocal textures.

- That's the genius of Sssen.
- Who?

The band, Sssen,

like the name the witch gives the
girl in Miyazaki's Spirited Away,

but with extra silent
S's at the beginning.

You're sexy when you talk smart.

Now pretend you have glow sticks.

Oh. The head swing was bad,
but fuck the glow stick. Uh-uh.

So salsa with me. It's workin' out.

Feelin' like I'm 15 again.

Whoo!

Feeling like I could dry
hump the first dick I see.

Ew. That would be Luschek.

Ay, no, Flo.

Hey, he's the poor man's Chris Pratt.

I accept that.

Aw! Turn it back on.

Ladies, ladies, you flatter me.

That's about all my heart
could take for today.

Be sure to come back Friday.

Working on getting some LED headbands

through security, so...

Huh?

Thanks for the rave, Luschek.

Haven't been to one in years.
I especially liked this move.

Ooh...

Oh, yeah.

I'll have all new songs on Friday.

Hope you bring more
electricity next time.

Right. Next time, I'm gonna really
show 'em how to charge it up.

Enough with the cutesy code bullshit.

Maybe there'll even be a little
somethin' extra in it for ya

if you bring the phones in faster.

Bitches love 'em some Snapchat.

I think somebody stole a piece.

Fuckin' bitches. I got a
plan to take 'em down. You in?

Nah, I wanna lay low.

Can't risk getting any extra
time in this circle of hell.

If we don't do something now,

there will be more
fuckin' Durays and Pattys

waiting for us on the outside.

We gotta write our own stories.

- What you got in mind?
- Follow my lead.

Hey, everybody.

Watch me spray a roach.

On the ground! Stop! Hey! Get her down!

- Get her down!
- On the ground!

What happened? What'd I miss?

Badison burned herself a roach.

Call 911!

Somebody put you up to this
or what? Why you sittin' here?

'Cause it's a chair.

They call me guard goat.

This ain't gonna get you popular
with the pendejas around here, so...

I don't give a fuck.

I could sit next to
anybody in this motherfucker

and not give a fuck about nothing.

Right.

This how you dealing
with your extra time?

I don't know what you talkin' about.

I'm walking on fuckin' air.
Like Jesus. But with air.

Suzanne!

What's up? What's up? Oh, man.

- Not mine.
- Me, neither.

Doesn't look like it's gonna
get stabby or sexy anyway.

All right. Simmer down, inmates.

Yo, it's good to see you.

How you been?

Ain't it good to see Taystee?

Sure. It's good to see you.

I got somethin' that will put a
smile on that face. Let me tell you.

Look, people been talkin'
about Poussey, even the papers.

I mean, we got copycat riots going on.

We are making the change.

We are being the change.

Everything's goin' our way.

Hey.

They treatin' you okay in here?

You got your meds all straight?

- Your mama come to visit you yet?
- Stop!

Stop smothering me.

I'm not a child. I can
take care of myself.

I don't need the two of you
always all over me all the time.

Okay.

Uh, my bad. I hear you. I'll back
up. I wanted to be sure you was okay.

I'm fine. Or, at least, I was fine
until you two made me come up here.

This dung hole.

It's not even a real yard.

It's just... a bunch of
bricks with... big bullies.

- What makes her feel that way?
- Mmm-mmm.

Where you keepin' 'em?

What?

- What are you talkin' about?
- Holy shit.

Did you swallow all Barb's
stash? You idiot. What the fuck?

Relax. I got a couple
left. Barb'll never know.

You have any idea how fucked I am now?

I thought you had a huge plan.

I had a fuckin' plan,
but he pussied out,

and no other guards will touch
our damaged D-Block asses.

That was all I had left.

I'm unleashing my girls on
you. They're gonna fuck you up.

- Yeah? Come on.
- I know how to really fuckin' hurt you.

Okay. I've got the answer
to all of our problems.

- A time machine?
- Kinda. Sorta.

We're gonna bring back kickball.

Oh, Christ.

It was a time of peace and fun.

Inmates of all blocks
would play together.

People need something nice here,
and I think we could give it to them.

"We"? I thought we
were writing a memoir.

Exactly. This would be a more hopeful
note to send the reader off on.

As of now, the takeaway is
that I've made prison worse.

But if I do a good deed,
all's well that Denzel.

- What?
- It's a thing.

It's tricky, but I can teach you.

No.

Yo, Gapman, I need a second
private with your missus-to-be.

Anything you wanna say
to her, you can say to me.

That's why we're gonna be Mrs. and Mrs.

Enemies close, remember?

- Charlize Theron.
- What?

Our plan fuckin' worked.

And it turns out,

a phone is worth ten times
more than a gram of coke.

Carol's gonna beg for me to come back.

And best of all, everyone's
gonna know how badass I am.

Well, I'm glad it worked out for you.

You might wanna keep a low profile.

Hey... you're my right-hand gal.

We gotta game plan the bigger picture.

I'm not gonna be a player in your game.

I did you a solid,
laying off Gapman and all.

This is me, collectin'
on the fuckin' favor.

I'm not fucking waiting on
Daddy anymore. I need drugs now.

- One of those is mine.
- Mother-forgetter, the other two are mine.

- Give me drugs, bitch.
- What drugs?

Don't play dumb.

You guys been keeping all
the drugs for yourself.

Fuckin' junkie. I don't deal drugs
no more. That's Carol's thing now.

You hiding them in
that smelly-ass thing?

Bet your arm's not even broken.

Fuckin' bitch.

I swear.

- Don't fucking mess with D-Block!
- Fuck.

Shit!

Oh, fuck.

- Are you okay?
- Take it. Take it.

- I'm not fucking with that.
- Take the fuckin' thing.

- Hey, are you hurt?
- Let's go.

That's right, that's right!

- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.MY-SUBS.com -