Original subtitles

Oh, Magoo, you've done it again.

Another day in the can.

Good night, Mrs Wonderbottom.

Ugliest hairdo I've ever seen.

Hold the elevator! Aha!

Express elevator.

Elevator with a view!

Now that's what I call an express.

Good Godfrey! Earthquake!

Don't panic, everyone.

We've got enough canned food here to cover any emergency.

That's better.

Carry on, boys.

Parking lot. Mm-hmm.

Whoopsie.

By George, somebody fix the lights...

before anyone trips.

The escalator to the parking lot.

Such sophistication!

- Good night, Henry. - Good night.

Right turn only.

Road hog!

Blasted potholes!

The checkered flag?

Magoo, you, you speed demon, you!

You've still got it.

El Nino's back.

Oh, Magoo, you've done it again.

And tonight, Quincy Magoo, the canned vegetable king...

will dedicate the new museum wing he has donated to the city.

The Magoo Rotunda will house a travelling exhibit...

of the treasures of Kuristan...

including the rarest of all rubies, the Star of Kuristan.

Treat her gently, young fella.

Check underneath. I think there's something rattling there.

Yes, you dropped the keys, my boy.

It's the most precious ruby in the world.

- Lovely. - It's just gorgeous.

- It's exquisite. - Exquisite.

No. Actually it's corundum.

That's an aluminum oxide.

Okay, don't take my word for it.

Exquisite is an adjective, not an element.

All right. If you're so smart, how come Mr Cloquet told me...

to watch you like a hawk?

Cloquet said that?

Why is it that someone always seems to burn the rumaki?

Maybe you should see another eye doctor.

Waldo, Hiram has been my optometrist since I was a small boy in knee pants.

He's like 2,000 years old. All his other patients are dead.

You can't hold that against him.

But he's still making appointments with them.

Trust me, you need a second opinion.

Oh, my gosh!

- Would you, would you look at that! - What?

Wait, don't look. Don't look.

- What? - She's coming this way.

Mr Magoo?

I am Stacey Sampanahoditra of the Kuristani foreign office.

Oh. This is my nephew Waldo.

Waldo Magoo. It is an honour.

Oh.

Uh, you'll have to forgive him sometimes.

He gets like that, lost in thought. Quite a scholar, you know.

Graduated with a large class.

Isn't that right, Waldo? Waldo?

Waldo!

Yeah. L-l, I w-went there to college.

Oh.

Uh, Waldo, why don't you invite, uh, Stacey to our opera tomorrow night?

I would be most honoured, sir.

Stacey...

will you join us for the opera tomorrow night?

It's a, uh, benefit performance.

Uh, we're doing excerpts from the Norsemen saga.

I look forward to it. Please excuse me.

I must greet diplomats.

That's a very attractive young lady.

But I'm, I'm such a fool. l-I tried to offer her a snack.

Oh, Waldo, don't be so hard on yourself. Cupid makes fools of us all.

And now, as curator of this museum...

it is my pleasure to present our benefactor...

a man of great vision, Quincy Magoo.

- Step right this way, sir. - Ah, well, thank you, thank you.

Ah, well, may, uh, may all of the exhibits in this hall...

chime with the light of human knowledge.

My dear, thank you. Thank you.

Hey!

Look out! Watch out!

Oh, yes.

Great Scott!

What is this, indoor fireworks?

What a wonderful touch.

Excuse me.

Or a blackout.

I should inform the power company here.

Get that fixed, and get these lights back on.

Hello down here. Public telephone.

Oh, what... Excuse me, sir. We have an emergency...

Great Scott!

We have an injured man here. Bandaged from head to foot.

Help. Some assistance, please.

And whoever did it has stolen the telepho...

God! They gave me a bad mask.

Okay. Go.

I gotta watch her like a hawk.

Morgan!

You just, uh, you just hang on. I'll get you some medical attention.

You stay right here. No, you're in no condition...

Oh, well. How many times must I tell you?

Stay back in the booth, man.

I'll take care of him.

I'll be back. I'll get some help or maybe find a telephone.

Freeze! Drop the gun.

Turn around.

Yes, sure. Must be a phone out there somewhere.

Well, if you can't bring Mohammed to the mountain...

Morning, Angus.

Avast, Angus. Are you ready to cast off?

Waldo? What are you doing here?

Oh, just cleaning your windshield.

Aha, my boy, you are a prince, but I have a date with a flounder.

- Anchors aweigh. - Anchors aweigh.

Oh, the windshield did need cleaning, huh? Right, Angus?

I don't think I've seen it this clear since 1956.

Well, now that you're here, we'd better inform the police.

Orders, U.S. State Department.

This incident is to remain completely under wraps.

Which includes the crazy 9-1-1 call about a bandaged man in the museum.

We substitute a replica of the jewel and...

And we open the exhibit as if nothing has happened.

Hold it. Who the hell are you? And who told the State Department?

I did. They said they would send two of their very best operatives.

Gustave Anders, CIA.

I'm in charge of this investigation.

Chuck Stupak, FBl, and I'm in charge of this investigation.

The CIA has no jurisdiction on American soil.

This could very well become an international incident.

Not if you don't get in my way, fancy pants.

Hmm?

Oh.

I don't get it. There's nothing in the papers.

It's a trap.

They're trying to lull us into a false sense of security...

and then bust us when we make a careless move.

We'll never make it to Cloquet's. They're onto us, Luanne.

- I can feel it in my... - Morgan, that's yesterday's paper.

Oh.

Nothing like the old sea air to clean out the pipes.

Huh? Right, Angus?

The sun is a little hot. Time to apply the old Ban de Soleil.

There we go.

Oh. A very refreshing, minty fragrance.

Ah, the French. They think of everything.

What's that? The old fog rolling in, thick as pea soup?

Not my pea soup, mind you, but maybe one of those other brands.

Bob, why steal the Star for your boss, Cloquet, and get peanuts for it...

when he can turn around and auction it off for millions?

Why not auction it off ourselves?

That way we get millions and each other.

Me and you?

I could take you to places you've never been before.

I've never been to Toronto.

I know a little cosy bed-and-breakfast place in Toronto...

but we could skip the breakfast part.

Come on, Angus. We won't let a little fog stop us, huh?

You rotten seagulls!

You con-sarned buzzards, you!

Uncivilized behaviour. I'd never do anything like that to you.

I'm gonna have to get this dry-cleaned now.

Blast your...

Ho-ho-ho. I've got a strike.

Well, shiver my timbers! It's a lunker!

Just call me Ishmael.

It's Moby Dick!

Why, look at that... Look at...

Look at that, Angus. It's huge.

He was a big one, Angus.

Just look at the size of those, uh, uh, pants.

Well, I'd say we were in the Bermuda Triangle...

but we're nowhere near Bermuda.

I'll just play it safe and head for shore.

Well, Angus, here we are in safe harbour once again.

Well, an escalator to the top.

How swank.

Must be a yacht club.

Angus?

Angus, where are you, boy?

Well, hello, Angus. Come on there, fella.

We believe Magoo created a diversion while his accomplices stole the jewel.

But why? Mr Magoo is a very wealthy man.

Are you sure about that? People do eat a lot more fresh food these days.

Okay, we don't collar Magoo. We put him under surveillance.

But this is absurdity. I'm to be his guest at the opera tonight.

Great! You can be our inside person.

That is, if it's all right with the FBI.

So, Magoo has the Star of Kuristan.

But it was Luanne's fault!

She double-crossed us.

I shouldn't have hired her.

But she's the only one capable of stealing the Star.

How could someone with such beauty...

be so treacherous?

I worship all that is beautiful, Morgan.

The greatest sin is to destroy a thing of beauty.

I fear now we must destroy the beautiful Miss Le Seur.

Kill her.

But first, get the stone, all right?

Tomorrow buyers are arriving from all over the world to bid on the ruby.

Schmidt. Gosher. Havzinski.

I hear there's a rumour Ortega Peru might even show.

The Piranha? The king of the underworld?

Oh, Morgan, don't screw this up, hmm?

I'm coming. On my way!

- Hello, sir. - Um, oh, Stacey!

Aren't you a sight for sore eyes?

I thought that Waldo was going to pick you up, uh, on the way to the opera.

Well, in my country, the invitee always picks up the inviter.

I'm sure that Waldo would not have it any other way.

Unc, I need to borrow a tie.

- Oh, hi, Stacey. - Hello, Waldo.

Uh, why don't you, uh, show Stacey the garden before you leave?

It's quiet and, uh, and peaceful...

and, uh, intimate.

l, l, I don't think she'd want to see the...

I'd love to see more of your charming home.

All right. It's, uh... It's right back here.

The smell of rice is in the air.

Love in bloom, if ever I've seen it before.

Angus? Come on, now. How many times...

have I told you to stay out of that closet?

Come on in here, boy. Help me with my scales.

It's my uncle's work.

Oh.

Never have I seen such a plant sculpture.

Topiary's kind of a hobby of his.

And he specializes in the abstract.

Oh, no. That's a bunny rabbit.

Hey, well. What... What is... What is that?

Oh. So you want to play fetch again? Is that it?

Ah, well, it's a dog's life.

Here we go. There it goes.

Your uncle, do you think he needs glasses?

Oh, and how! Just don't try and tell him that.

He will not spend the money? I notice he drives a very old car.

Is his business not healthy?

Oh, no. No. He just loves that old car.

And if Unc loves something, he won't let it go.

Angus! Stop terrorizing the squirrels.

- Stupak! - Where are you?

Right behind you. Don't turn around.

Just spotted a conspicuous white male.

Dirty clothes, needs a haircut.

- Sticks out like a sore thumb. - Where is he? Can't see him. Over.

Right behind you. Turn around. Don't turn around.

- Walk backwards. - What?

Walk backwards.

More! More.

More. Stop.

- Where? - Look to your left.

I am Rolvaag

King of Norway

Aha. Uh, one minute, please.

Uh, uh, may I help you?

Oh, that voice.

The timbre! The tone!

It belongs to the world, but for the moment it's mine alone.

And I tremble.

Prunella.

- Mr Magoo, I presume? - Uh, yes.

And, uh, you are, um...

Prunella. Prunella Pagliacci, reporter for "The Opera News."

Prunella. I knew a young lady once named Prunella.

Mr Magoo, w-will you consent to an interview?

Well, why not? Uh, back here, uh, tonight, after the show.

Oh. No, l, I wouldn't want to share you with all of your well-wishers.

Oh, well, uh, uh, uh, a private, uh, rendezvous.

Uh, a walk on the beach at, uh, Sandy Cove...

uh, shall we say, noon tomorrow?

I'll be there early.

Be wonderful tonight.

Well, uh...

Great Scott! Uh, did you hear that, Angus?

She doesn't want to share me with anyone.

Is it possible after all these years, another duet at last?

"O Solo Mio" no more.

Stupak. Stupak! Where are you?

I am Rolvaag king of Norway

I am Rolvaag king of Norway

- Break a leg, Mr Magoo. - Ah, Rumford, yes.

Thank you, uh, Sam.

I am Rolvaag

King of Norway

Where am I? Oh, backstage.

Let's go.

Stupak, where are you?

What's going on in there?

I am Rolvaag king of Norway

Go out there a nobody, come back a star.

Open the throat, sing from the diaphragm.

And remember, always sit down whenever you can.

That man's got a very big head.

Ah, stage, uh... Stage, uh... Stage left.

Time to warm up for the old fight scene.

Get over there and shut off that fan!

Bravo!

I am a crusty lusty Viking

That was the note that brought a lump to the judges' throats.

After that, I knew the Van Cliburn award was mine.

Well, the years have not dimmed its beauty.

Oh, thank you. Any, uh, more questions?

Uh, not that I want this interview to end.

Oh, me, too. It's just, just been such a thrill...

to hear the story of your life in song, Mr Magoo, I mean real...

Oh, please, please, please, dear. Call me Quincy.

Quincy, I'm really happy I got this chance to know you.

I'd like to get to know you better.

Ah, Prunella, could this be a new beginning?

- Yes, of the end. - Of the end?

Uh, the end of loneliness.

The beginning of discovery.

How nice.

- This is a very special day, Prunella. - Oh, for me, too, Quincy.

Ah, then you know that this is the opening of the carp fishing season?

- Of course! - Oh, Great Scott!

And I'm so happy we're experiencing it together.

As am I. Eh, together, yes. I learned that the hard way.

When you have something precious, you must keep it in sight all the time.

Something precious, such as, say, a jewel?

Yes, indeed. The most precious jewel of all.

What does this jewel look like?

My jewel is luminous, sparkling. A flaming red...

- Ruby? - Ruby, yes!

- Where do you keep this ruby? - Close to my heart.

Oh, Quincy.

Oh, I'm sorry, Quincy, but l, I want you to kiss me.

Oh, well, it's, uh...

No, b-but not here. Someplace. Someplace private, like a, like a boat.

Do you happen to have a boat?

Well, in two words: "Anchors aweigh."

Prunella. Uh...

Well, my boat is just down here.

Oh.

Bingo!

Oh, no. It's Luanne Le Seur.

The Black Widow.

She kills all of her male accomplices. No one has ever been able to finger her.

Wow. Whoever brings her in will get a big promotion.

- Maybe a book deal. - Hey, where're you going?

Nothing like the warm sea air.

Huh? Lo... Look at that.

The, the fish are jumping and...

Look at that. Isn't that wonderful?

- Dear me. - Now, Quincy, there's an idea.

Why don't we do some fishing? Where do you keep your tackle box?

Oh, my tackle box is back at the house.

Ah, but this is wonderful. The open sea, it's magnificent.

And so inspirational. Isn't it wonderful?

Oh! Oh!

- What? What? What is it? - I think I sprained my ankle.

Oh, I'll call the emergency sea rescue.

Oh, no, no, no, no. L-lt'll be okay. I just need to rest it.

Oh, well, you, you come on up front now. Be careful.

- Okay. - We'll take care of you, and...

Just sit down, and I'll head for the shore.

- Oh, could we go to your house? - Ah!

Well, I'll put the wheel to the keel and the gas to the mast!

I am a rusty crusty Viking

I hope I'm to your liking

Well?

- How do I look? - Wow!

Waldo, we mustn't.

Well, w-why not? l-ls there someone else?

- It's Mr Magoo. - What?

Your government thinks Mr Magoo stole the Star of Kuristan.

Well...

A-And you? Do you think he did it?

Waldo, I need your help.

Hey, we don't have a warrant...

so be quick about it, or we've both had it.

One, two, three.

- Testing. One, two, three. - Got it, loud and clear.

Mayday! Mayday! Magoo! He's back.

I'm a lusty crusty Viking

I hope I'm to your liking

And I'm a Viking woman

A lusty, busty charmer

Please let me pierce your armour And together we'll find love

- All right. - Oh, no. Don't. Put me down.

- Here we go. - My ankle's fine.

Here we go.

Ah. Well...

with a little more practise, l, uh, could pop the question.

Quincy.

Oh, your house is beautiful. Do you mind if I look around?

Look away. Look away.

I'll just put my hat in the closet here, and...

May I make you a cocktail?

Ah, I'm famished. Do you think you could cook us something?

Something hot?

Can I cook?

You may call me "Cordon Bleu" Magoo.

Uh, which way to the little girls' room?

Ah, atop the stairs. Let me light your way.

Ah, ah, your repast awaits you down here, my dove.

Next I want you to put some water on to boil.

And while we're waiting for that, let's clean about, oh...

two or three sprigs of parsley.

Water on to boil.

Next, pat the chicken dry.

Now, take some lemon and rub it on the chicken.

Now, make sure you get the whole chicken. Lift the leg if you have to.

Now, I hope you're not cheating and using bottled lemon juice.

If you are, it just won't taste as good.

Why? Well, no peel appeal.

Angus, there you are, old friend.

Well, I can't play right now.

I don't have any time.

And now, lift both legs high into the air. Left and right.

All right, then. Just one last time, then you take it upstairs.

All right.

Come on, don't be a slacker. You can do it.

Lift those legs!

Left and right. Back and forth.

One, and two, and three, and four.

Come on, you can do it. Lift both legs high into the air.

Lift them left and right. And left and right.

Come on, you can do it. Lift those legs high into the air.

And dance!

Come on. Get your rear into gear.

Now, don't stop until you're ready to drop.

Now you're cookin'!

Go get some sandpaper, and sand that sucker smooth.

You don't want any bumps on the surface.

I recommend a medium grade paper because...

if you use a sandpaper that's too fine, you're gonna be at it all day.

Now, whatever you do, do not use a metal file...

because that will shred the surface to a pulp.

Must be a Chinese recipe to make the chicken tender.

Either that, or it's German.

Use short, light strokes, and watch out for surface abrasions.

Don't rush it. These things take time.

Unc?

I want him. Magoo is goin' down!

- You hear me? - What?

Come on!

Now...

after you finish drilling, you want to make sure that you squirt some caulk into those holes.

Unc.

There's something very important we need to talk about.

Waldo, Waldo. How did you know? I thought this was my little secret.

Then it's true!

Yes, and a lot of people are in for a big surprise.

- Have you gone insane? - Yes! Yes, l...

- You have gone insane. - Insane. Insane with passion.

Their names are even the same: Prunella.

- Prunella? - Prunella.

Oh, oh, oh, you're talk... You're talking... That's wonderful, Unc.

It's time that you met this glorious thief...

who has stolen my heart.

Uh, I'll be right back. Prunella!

Prunella!

Oh, my gosh! He did do it.

Aha! There you are, my Viking princess.

Come. I want you to meet someone.

Not now.

I can't wait any longer, Quincy. I'm gonna ask you once, and only once.

Ah, you're going to propose!

Oh, my precious bonbon.

You read my mind.

You know what I came here for. You know what I want. Give it to me.

Ah, you modern women. You're so direct.

Angus.

Now what is this? Oh, we've been playing fetch all day with this.

All right, boy, go ahead.

Hold it!

Unc, who is this?

Uh, Waldo Magoo, this is, uh, Prunella Pagliacci.

I'm FBI. That man just stole the Star of Kuristan.

Stole? In this house?

- He's heading for the driveway. - Get up.

- He stole the Studebaker. - What?

The eggplant mobile.

What? Watch your head. This way.

Hold it! Stop or I'll shoot.

- Stop or I'll shoot! - Don't worry. He's not gonna get away.

Get out of the way! Get out of the way!

- Unc, there he is. - Ah, yeah, all right.

- No, over there, over there. - I see him. I see him.

- He's turning left. - Left it is.

He's turning right. Big truck! Big truck!

Hold on!

He's a crafty fella. Taking evasive action. That won't work!

- You're not getting away. - That's the wrong car.

He's back there.

Don't worry, my boy. We'll catch him on the turnaround.

Hold on, Angus!

Hey, look out!

- Stop! - Look out! - Stop!

Don't panic, now. We're only in some kind of tunnel.

Brakes! Brakes, Unc!

Unc, hit the brake!

Great Scott! Those speed bumps. I tell ya.

I'll sue this city.

Uh, Prunella, uh, about the FBI. You were saying?

Yeah, uh, uh, FBI. l, I'm... I'm an undercover agent...

for the government.

Does this mean no story in "The Opera News"?

I'm sorry I had to deceive you.

They think you stole the Star of Kuristan.

That's what I've been trying to tell you.

What? They, they what?

That burglar in your house was really a notorious jewel thief...

who works for a man named Austin Cloquet.

The bureau has learned that Cloquet plans to sell the jewel...

tomorrow at a secret auction up at a ski lodge.

Every billionaire gangster in the world is coming...

except the most powerful of them all: Ortega Peru, The Piranha.

No one's ever seen him. He never goes anywhere.

So if we could get someone to impersonate Peru...

we could get close to the gem and recover it.

But who?

We lost him right here, and Magoo didn't return home all night.

Why is he always one step ahead of me?

Kenyawa Tambe just charged some tickets to a ski resort.

Yeah, so what?

Kenyawa Tambe is one of Luanne's aliases.

- Why didn't you tell me this before? - I just found out.

- Oh really? - Yeah.

You know, we're supposed to be working as a team here.

- You're going around behind my back. - If the pressure's too much for you...

- You'll take over! You'll take over! - Sirs!

I shall go with you.

No. Young lady, this is strictly a job for professionals.

Then why are the two of you going?

Welcome to the Rockies, gentlemen.

If you'll follow me to the limo, I'll take you to Austin Cloquet.

Who the hell are you?

Ortega Peru. What's it to you?

Mr Peru never goes anywhere.

That's right. I never go anywhere.

So when I go somewhere, everyone thinks I am nowhere...

when I'm really there.

Now, let's put this show on the road.

Uh, sorry. Mr Peru, uh, this way.

There are no signs.

So you've been staking out my uncle all this time.

Is that right?

That's my job.

And the way you say you feel about him, is, is that part of your job, too?

You all right, boy?

You saw this man?

Yeah. He just went up the mountain. Said his name was Ortega Peru.

Magoo is Peru?

Magoo, The Piranha.

This is big.

We're gonna need some backup.

Don't you know how to open a door?

Gentlemen, thank you all for coming.

We're especially honoured today to have with us Mr Ortega Peru.

I was going to kill someone this morning...

but I did it last night so that I could be here.

Well, you're too kind.

Well, when you've changed your clothes, these lovely ladies...

are waiting to serve you with chilled champagne in the solarium.

Thank you.

Not bad. What do they mean?

Every time I kill a man...

I tattoo his portrait on my body.

What do you do when you run out of room? Stop killing people?

Hey, I bet Peru's got some pretty nice tattoos.

You hombres, uh, go on ahead.

I have got to use the, uh, powder room.

Come on!

Let's go!

- Champagne? - Oh, yes.

- Thank you. - You're welcome.

Thank you.

Well, now that we're all here, may I have your attention, please.

This is where our little adventure began.

Gentlemen, may I present...

the Star of Kuristan.

The auction will commence when you write down your opening bids.

Uh, I do not pass my cash...

until I get a close look at the dingus.

Give it to me in my hand.

Mr Peru?

Your frog is leaking.

Oh. Well.

Gentlemen.

We have an impostor. Mr Peru is Mr Magoo.

Why would Peru disguise himself as Magoo?

Shut up, you idiot, and get him!

Keep your distance! This hepcat has a black belt in mayhem.

Hold it!

Give me the Star of Kuristan.

The Star is mine!

Prunella!

The auction is off. Get out.

Come on, go!

My dear! By gum, you almost had me fooled.

Unc, watch out. She's got a gun.

Of course she has, Waldo! She's a federal agent.

She's not what you think!

Now, Waldo, you're talking about the woman who saved my life.

Yeah, well, nobody's perfect.

Oh, you can't tell me that yesterday meant nothing to you.

I am a Viking A lusty, trusty Viking

Yesterday sucked.

And you kissed a carp.

Prunella.

- Give me the jewel! - This is all you ever wanted?

You're a true gentleman, and there aren't many of those left.

Too bad you had to go and get in my way.

All right, I got the gun now. Halt or I'll fire!

Don't shoot! It's me! Waldo!

Great Scott! Waldo, she's bamboozled me!

She, she, she, she, she's a, a sneak. Uh, after her!

W-Wait. That'll be easier with your clothes on.

Oh, yeah, clothes. Oh, yes, yes, clothes.

This way.

- Police! - Let's beat it!

Hold it!

Come on, let's go!

Look out! Freeze!

- Hold it! - Keep your hands up!

- There! - Come with me.

Get that man!

Hold it!

You'll just have to wait your turn.

- She's over there! - Where?

There!

- It's too late. It's all over. - Balderdash, Waldo!

It ain't over until we've cleared our good name.

Aha-ha! A snowboard.

After her, my boy!

- Wait, Unc, no! - It's as easy as pie!

That's the wrong kind of board!

Hold it!

- Hold on, Angus! - Stupak, go after them!

The women's boarder cross final is about to begin.

Ready, set, go!

Get back here, you Jezebel!

I'll catch you, Prunella!

And the winner of the women's boarder cross final is a man!

A man? On an ironing board.

Hey!

- Excuse me. - Up there.

Halt! Hold it right there!

Ah, a detour. I'll get you, Prunella!

Freeze!

Watch out!

What?

Unc?

Unc! Unc!

Are you all right?

Don't take that detour, Waldo!

Stay right there. We'll be right down.

Come on, buddy.

Look! There's some footprints down there!

They went that way! Come on!

This is a good idea, Waldo. You're the real McCoy.

A true Magoo.

I want Magoo.

Who can imagine? Luanne Le Seur and Mr Magoo.

Yes, we're talking best-seller.

- I can't believe they did it. - That's it! That's the title!

Now, we just have to check the airports and search all the hotels...

and make sure they don't get away.

Senor Peru.

One moment, my darling. Yes?

The Star of Kuristan is ready for delivery. You have 15 million?

Of course. It will make a fitting gift for my fiancee.

- We are to be married this weekend. - I'll be there tomorrow.

Good.

The Star of Kuristan.

Uh, excuse me.

Do you have a Luanne Le Seur registered here?

I'll be with you in a moment.

If you'd just sign here.

- Now, who did you want? - Luanne Le Seur. Is she registered here?

See, we got an airline late-luggage delivery...

but the party's not staying at our hotel, so we're checking.

I see.

What hotel are you with?

The St. Paul.

I see.

It says "Fantasy World Costume Rental."

Haven't they let you out a little before Halloween?

- Madam. - Oh, thank you, young man.

Have a good afternoon, madam.

Angus. Angus. Now, stop that.

Unc, let's get out of here. He's onto us.

- Let go. - Angus, no!

- He's attacking that old lady! - Great Scott!

Unhand that woman, Angus.

Let me see.

Wow!

Hey, lady, you forgot your stuff.

What's that?

It's an airline receipt made out to "Prunella Pagliacci."

Prunella Pagliacci? That woman is an impostor.

- Unc, that was Luanne Le Seur. - Well, there, you see?

That's why Angus went after her.

Great Scott!

We had her within our grasp, and she slipped through our fingers.

Balls of fire! Oh, good dog, Angus. Good dog.

This receipt is for Brazil. Why would she go to Brazil?

- She's going to Peru. - She'd go to Brazil to go to Peru?

- Exactly. - But why?

To get more for the ruby.

- Peru? - Exactly.

- But then why go to Brazil? - Peru is in Brazil.

- Peru is in Brazil? - Ortega Peru is in Brazil.

Ortega Peru! Of course.

And that's why we're going to Brazil.

Come on, Waldo.

Unc, l, I think this is the place.

Attaboy, Waldo. Ease up there, Angus.

I like your badge.

Angus.

I'm going on ahead. You stay here.

I'm gonna eyeball the situation.

Unc, um, m-maybe I should do the eyeballing.

Father.

Maybe we should leave out the bit about "till death do us part."

- She's nervous enough already. - Jefe.

Luanne Le Seur is here, Jefe.

Javier, after Rosita and I go to EuroDisney...

have the Le Seur woman killed, but quietly.

If you disturb my guests, I will be very disappointed.

Monkey bars. Must be a children's playground.

Oh! Hello, little girl.

Did I interrupt you in your afternoon nappy?

Now, now, we mustn't let the grown-ups know that we're here.

Now here's something sweet, a chocolate.

You go ahead. That's it.

Now, you go on back to sleep.

There you are, honey.

You're the ugliest child I've ever seen.

And needs a change of diaper, too.

Oh, oh, Waldo. Hold on.

The little angel is trying to sleep. So, you know...

Well, where did she go? Kids. Can't sit still for a second.

Ah, well, I think she's run off there...

where she can have her chocolate in private.

Now, Waldo, this is the plan.

I will gain entry to the house through a window.

You keep an eye on the lawn party and spot Luanne Le Seur if you can.

Waldo, you need to take some Tic-Tacs.

- Unc, it's not me. - Please, please. L, l...

I am talking to someone here, Waldo. Now, please.

Now, what you have to do is...

Great Scott!

Step on it, Unc!

Stop! Stop! Go back!

Come on, Angus! Come on!

Good boy.

Unc, there's Luanne.

All right. Now, I'll nab him.

You keep your eye on Le Suer, but don't forget:

She's smart, dangerous, ruthless, soft, beautiful, a good kisser...

- Unc! - Huh? Yeah, all right, all right.

Keep your eye open for pitfalls.

How are you?

Senorita Le Seur, at last we meet.

- You have the Star? - Do you have the 15 million?

It may take them time to count.

Please stay for the wedding. Afterwards, I will have Javier take care of you.

Thank you.

Do it quietly and don't disturb the guests...

or I'll be very disappointed.

Kid, are you lost?

I was looking for the pool.

- Wow! Oh, it's beautiful. - Ooh, pretty, yes?

- I'll go get the bridesmaids. - Okay.

Hello?

Oh!

Time for a little Red Cross here, Magoo.

Let me see.

Oh, my dear child!

You should have your dentist file down those teeth.

Rosita? Darling?

Are you with no clothes on?

Is everything all right?

I'm crazy with the love, mi amor.

I will see you soon, my precious flower.

Before we take our sacred vows, precious one, I have a surprise.

So do I! Adios, amor. Nuevo nacho.

It wouldn't last. I've never loved you.

- Get him! - Out of the way!

Waldo?

Unc, help! Over here!

- This is no time for a rope exercise. - Unc, that thing's down here.

- Good Lord! - The rope, Unc, get the rope.

- The rope? - Magoo!

This is the rope that can save the boy.

All right, let's have at it.

I will exchange the ruby for the rope.

Of course, take it. Take it. But help me with the boy.

You know, I should have you killed, but I admire a family man.

- You'll be safe in a minute, Waldo. - Ready?

- Ready. - Good luck.

Hold on there, Waldo.

Helicopter! Magoo has brought police!

It's that way!

- Attaboy, Angus. Good boy. - Whoa! Whoa!

- Higher! Pull! - Good, Angus.

Here we are. Police! Don't move Stay there!

Ortega Peru! He's escaping that way!

No one escapes Magoo.

There goes the bride.

Oh, man! You'd think Peru could've done better than that.

Magoo's dog! Let's get him!

You weren't leaving without me, were you?

There's the getaway limo. Hold your horses!

- Unc! - Arrest him!

Call the chopper! We have to stop him!

Show me the ruby.

Big nasty woman! Get back!

Thank you. Crime never pays, my boy. Could you pull over?

I'd like to get off.

Ortega Peru, you are under arrest! Land your helicopter now!

Don't panic. We're dropping down a raft.

Swim toward the raft.

Hurry up. Swim toward the raft.

We are dropping you a line.

You'll have to hook it up to the raft.

- Then we will pull you to safety. - Got you now, missy.

Stay calm.

Hook it to the raft.

Quincy, please, give me the jewel. You and me together...

Luanne Le Seur, you have the heart of an artichoke.

Stop wasting time! You're headed for a waterfall.

Great Scott!

We're safe now.

It's hooked to the raft. Pull us up.

Well, look at that rainbow, Magoo. You just might be a leprechaun.

La Cascada de Muerte, the Falls of Death...

where many a bride left stranded at the alter...

has jumped to her final...

Oh, my goodness! Another one! Aye!

- Are you all right, dear? - W-Well, I'm, I'm all right.

I'm, I'm fine.

Oh, that's the spirit, dear. You'll find someone else.

It's inner beauty that counts.

Words of wisdom, my dear.

Words of wisdom.

Magoo, you've done it again. Have a good day.

Whoa!

Who are you? What are you doing?

I am Simone Deculaat, the wedding caterer.

Oh, you'll love prison, Simone. They make great "loaf de meat."

Hey, hey, hey, come here. Get a picture.

How's my hair look?

- Well done. - Very nice.

Thank you.

Waldo, thank you.

Oh, you're welcome.

What will you do now?

Well, Uncle Quincy just created a new position for me in his company.

You're looking at the head of security.

And now that you have found your path in life...

I suppose you would not be willing to return to Kuristan with me.

In a heartbeat.

Well, you don't have to.

I like it here much better.

- Wow! - Oh, Waldo!

Mr Magoo. Um, sorry we, uh, put you through all that.

Would you autograph this for us?

By Jove! A-And a very good likeness of me, too, I must say.

You boys certainly move fast.

The TV movie airs Friday.

Quite right. Quite right. Always keep moving.

Come on, Angus.

Have a good day.

Well, Angus, it looks like it's just you and me now.

Don't take this wrong, but I feel that there's someone out there...

the perfect somebody just for me...

and someday Cupid is gonna fire into the heart of the bull's-eye.

And this is one steep staircase.

Good exercise for an old dinosaur like me.

Indeed! Oh, by Jupiter!

Oh, Magoo, you've done it again!

Oh. Pardon me, madam.

Oh, Magoo, you dog!

B-mark.

Come on, now. One and two. One and two.

Higher! One and two. One and two.

Don't stop until you're ready to drop.

Come on, left leg. Keep going. One and two. One and two.

Unc.

Yes?

Stick 'em up.

Gimme that!

No. You give it to me.

Cut!

Angus, it's a struggle against the beast.

- Oh, I really got him. Oh, no. - Cut!

Remember, I hire people to kill people.

- Cut. - Let me help you.

Get up there, Billy. Come on, Billy. Come on, boy.

Pee. Go ahead, pee. Come on, pee, boy.

That's it. Pee. Pee. Good boy! Good boy!

Cut.

Cut.

Quiet. Action!

Damn!

Ladies and gentlemen,

it's amazing how much we know about the surface of our globe.

In the last 100 years, men have progressively studied this.

Explorations have reached the North, the South Pole.

There are really relatively only a few square miles left

of the surface of our globe that are not known.

During the same years, men have reached out into the stars,

three times further in your lifetime and mine,

three times further into space than men have ever been able to go before.

Amazing knowledge we have of that and of this.

What's inside this globe?

What is there beneath our feet as we stand on the earth?

No one knows, of course.

And science ponders about it and all men are curious, but no one knows.

Primitive man, going into caves,

reaching back and back, and down and down,

wondered what lay beyond, and in terror he fled out.

And he remembered strange sighs and noises.

Now you go back to Mesopotamia and the beginning of Western civilization,

and you have the great hero Gilgamesh going down into the underworld.

And so, too, with the Greeks. All down through time.

Religions of the past have postulated the existence

of this inner habitable world.

All through the Middle Ages, people believed of

something under the surface.

Dante, the great Dante, saw great cone-like cavities

stretching down to the very center of the earth.

There's nothing new about this.

It's as old as man, this belief that under the surface

there may be areas inhabitable by man.

And in our time and in the last 100 years,

there've been a number of theories, very curious and strange theories,

about what goes on in the center of our planet.

This is a very famous and interesting and odd one.

A soldier... Rather, a minor hero of the War of 1812

was a man named John Cleeves Symmes.

And he had a sudden idea that inside our world, like onion layers,

there were globes within globes, five of them,

some of them inhabited,

and that if you were to travel up through the icy wastes of our world,

the northwest edge of Siberia, you could go down through a hole,

and go successively to these various spheres.

Unfortunately, he was thoroughly obsessed with this,

went around lecturing, and in fatigue,

died before he could make this experiment.

Now, here's another theory much closer to us.

This is 1870, about.

A young American physician named Cyrus Reed Teed had a revelation.

We are not living on the outside of the globe, said Teed, but on the inside,

that when we think we're looking out at the sun,

we're really looking in at the sun.

Strange, strange.

Questing mind of man that tries to find answers

to things that he can't understand.

This was a theory by Karl Neupert, in Germany, in the 1920s.

He, again, imagined that we're living on the inside,

rather than the outside of the globe.

And here's a real sun, and a real moon,

and then a rather shadowy and formless

mass of electric potentiality with little bright sparks in it.

And they give us the sense of our stars.

So in this picture you're about to see,

you'll see the culmination of a long series of such desires to look into the earth.

One might well believe, philosophically, that some ancient culture,

engulfed by a great and tremendous upheaval of nature might linger on

in some pocket of earth.

This is science fiction, of course. It's a fiction.

It's a fable beyond fiction,

for I think if you'll study this picture and think about it,

when it's over, you'll realize that this is something more than just a story told.

It's a fable with a meaning and a significance for you and for me

in the 20th century.

Thank you and goodbye.

Dr. Bentley! Dr. Stuart! Come quickly.

Bellamin! Lafarge! Come on!

Some sort of stone tablet.

What's it doing in this strata?

The cuneiform writing... But it is not possible in this part.

You mean it's not probable, Lafarge.

In archeology, all things are possible.

The fact is we found it below the Great Flood level,

so it must be at least 5,000 years old,

which would make it one of the oldest human records.

What about the inscription? Sumerian.

It's the dedication of a temple or a public building.

Stuart, every time I think of how many civilizations have crumbled,

fallen apart, rotted from the inside, or cracked from the outside,

I shudder when I pick up the front page of a newspaper.

The translation, Bentley. Sure.

The first part reads, -I, Sharu, king of kings,

-son of Sharu Ad... - It breaks off there.

Sharu?

Well, that's a new one on me. Mean anything to you, Lafarge?

Dr. Bentley, do you remember the Gilgamesh tablets George Smith found?

Yeah. They told a legend about a dynasty

that suddenly disappeared from the face of the earth.

Right. It also referred to a king of the dynasty,

one called Sharu or Charul.

Well, what does the rest of it say?

-He who with malice destroys, effaces,

-or removes from its place this, my signed attestation,

-may he be denounced by Ishtar. -

-May his name, his seed in the land,

-be destroyed. -

Earthquake!

We'll have to open new trenches tomorrow

along the north line, Jud.

Most of the old ones caved in.

That earthquake put us behind at least a month.

You know, Bellamin, we shouldn't complain about the work.

I think we were fortunate.

The epicenter of the earthquake was only 25 miles from here.

Do you think the goddess of Ishtar is punishing us

for removing the tablets, Lafarge?

The inscription said -He who removes it with malice. -

But we aren't malicious, are we?

We want to rescue the Sharu dynasty from oblivion.

That's what archaeologists are for, no?

Archaeologists are underpaid publicity agents for deceased royalty.

This shepherd boy found something.

What, another one?

This boy came a long way, Dr. Bellamin.

You buys your ticket and you takes your chance.

I believe in grabbing for the gold ring every time.

Hey! Where'd you find this?

Kuhitara. High, high.

Kuhitara, the epicenter of the earthquake.

It's a kind of moss that is native to this region.

It grows only on the rocks of Kuhitara,

but not where the boy found it. Much, much higher.

The earthquake must've dislodged it and rolled it down to the plateau.

But how did it get up on Kuhitara to begin with?

Maybe Bentley has the answer. How's it coming, Roger?

It's an oil lamp all right, shaped like a boat.

The engraved figures are of a man, a woman and different animals in pairs.

The Sumerian version of Noah's Ark?

Exactly.

The Flood's been proven to be a historical fact.

Why not a Sumerian version?

According to the inscription they got wet, too. Listen.

-I, Sharu, king of kings, son of Sharu Ad. -

-From water I emerged. I caused to embark within the vessel

-all my family, my relations,

-my craftsmen and my slaves, and the beasts of the field,

-and made my home in the ark. We floated on the waves

-until we found the land of the snow near the goddess of Ishtar. -

The top of the mountain.

The Sharu dynasty was saved from the Flood on Kuhitara.

But was never heard of again.

Of course not. No one would look for human beings on top of Kuhitara.

We're going to.

Oh, it's impossible.

The summit is less than 20,000 feet.

It's treacherous. Always wind and snow. Nothing's there, nothing.

Then we shouldn't be afraid of nothing.

Gentlemen, Kuhitara is a treacherous mountain to climb.

Do you think we can make it?

I think so.

We shall establish three camps.

The porters will carry enough supplies to establish a base camp

here at the foot of the snow level.

We will then climb to here,

which is 2,000 feet from the plateau on Kuhitara, and establish a second camp.

The next day we shall attempt the final climb.

All this risk and money because of a vague poetic inscription

on an ancient oil lamp.

Don't you trust poets, old man?

No, I don't.

Schliemann did.

He found the ruins of Troy by trusting Homer,

the biggest blabbermouth of all.

When can we start, Nazar?

My men are ready, sir.

Tomorrow morning, then.

Kuhitara.

That's a lot of mountain.

We're only going to the plateau.

Is that it on the right face, Nazar?

No, Dr. Stuart.

Tomorrow we may be able to see it, if we keep to our schedule.

Then let's keep to the schedule.

We'll make camp here.

Peaceful-looking, isn't she?

The thing that impresses me the most is the complete and utter silence.

You can almost hear it.

Don't let her fool you, Mr. Bentley.

When she wants to, she can scream so loud as to make you deaf.

And you will hear her and quite soon.

I think perhaps even tonight.

Tremendous invention, gasoline.

Yeah, I'm well-done in front and my back teeth are chattering.

Cheer up, Jud. If this storm clears,

we'll be on the plateau of Kuhitara by tomorrow night.

Tomorrow night

is 24 hours and 3,000 feet of thin air away.

Avalanche.

This mountain's hundreds of square miles in area.

You're only occupying one square foot.

Sitting here is a lot safer than crossing Times Square.

There's an avalanche. Come on!

Well, the goddess of Ishtar isn't smiling so sweetly this morning.

Look!

The avalanche must've brought it down from the plateau.

Can anyone be living up there now?

In this thin air, it's possible to imagine anything.

The ruins of a Sumerian temple.

I don't understand.

They usually built their cities near their temples.

Where are the rest of the buildings?

Five thousand years is a long time.

To make any sense out of all this is going to take a while.

I think we ought to send Nazar back for his men

and set up permanent camp here.

Dr. Bentley, Bellamin, take a look at this.

The goddess of Ishtar?

Right.

How did the inscription on the oil lamp go?

-We floated on the waves till we found the land of the snow,

-near the goddess of Ishtar. -

Wait till Stuart sees this.

Paul!

Paul!

I can't see the bottom. We got to get down.

Get your ropes, Nazar.

It's getting warm. Yeah.

We must've come down at least 200 feet.

You gonna be all right?

Oh, sure. I'm fine.

I found him!

We are trapped here.

Say, this isn't a natural cavern.

It's been excavated.

You all right?

We are trapped here. No food, no water.

There seems to be a draft. There must be another opening.

Come on, let's look for it.

There's another tunnel.

You better take a look at Lafarge.

What's wrong? It's the air.

It's hard to breathe.

Give me a hand with him, Jud.

There's light.

What do you make of the light?

Probably some chemical in the rocks.

There must be some rational scientific explanation for this.

Look!

It's an exact duplicate of the head we found on the plateau.

Here, gentlemen, is your city.

It's fabulous.

The city must have been built on a thick crust of earth,

over a volcanic bubble strong enough to support the city

until an earthquake came along.

What we found on the plateau were the suburbs.

You're right. Look here.

"The temple of Ishtar have I built with the stones of the mountain.

-Sharu. -

That's how the Sharu dynasty ended.

They ran away from a flood right into an earthquake.

The children of Noah survived and the children of Ishtar died.

There's going to be some history rewritten when we get out of here.

How do you know there's a way out?

There has to be.

We'll keep looking.

How long can we keep looking?

We've been on our feet now over 15 hours.

Yeah. We got to get some rest.

Well, this is as good a place as any.

I think I'll sleep forever.

How is it?

It's as if the whole mountain were lying on my chest.

We're going to get out of here. Don't worry.

Now get some sleep.

What was that?

I didn't hear anything.

Is there anything alive in here?

Oh, nothing dangerous. Dwarf lizards, small bats, things like that.

Go on to sleep.

What were they? I couldn't see a thing.

I couldn't either.

Jud, come here. Take a look at this.

Claw marks, or maybe a hand. There are four cuts.

Some hand.

And whoever it was needs a manicure.

It can't be.

It can't be.

Save your battery, Rog. There's no way out of here.

We were brought in. There has to be a way out.

What do you think, Jud?

I'm no anthropologist.

I wouldn't know whether they were Cro-Magnon or Neanderthal.

I don't think an anthropologist could classify this one either.

All we can say for sure

is that they walk erect

and they have a skull large enough to house a brain with associative areas.

And this one died as a result of a blow from a heavy, blunt instrument.

Well, that's a sign of higher civilization.

Bentley!

What is it? Look!

Don't move.

He wants us to go with him.

No, don't.

Gentlemen, we are in 3,000 B.C.

In my hand I hold the magic eye of Ishtar.

The sacred weapon of Ishtar.

The golden rod, the secret of death.

There, O King, are the evil ones

who were captured by the beasts of the dark.

Bring them here.

Who are you?

We are friends.

We are different from you, but we are your friends.

He speaks our tongue.

We come from a world where your tongue can be studied on ancient tablets.

There is no world beyond ours.

There is only heaven, where we lived a long time ago

until we were expelled for our sins amidst thunder and fire.

This is the world and we are its people. You are not of us.

There is heaven and only the gods live there.

Would you tell us that you are gods?

The greatest find of all time, and we're buried with it.

In the name of the King, I declare sentence upon you.

If you are evil spirits, you must be destroyed.

If you are mortal, as you claim, our world cannot support you.

In either case you must be destroyed.

You will die in the fire of Ishtar.

Bentley!

Come on!

Bentley!

The light. Their eyes can't tolerate the light.

Help him up, Jud.

Stop! Stop! Do not run!

Guards! Do not run!

We won the first round.

Look at him. No pigmentation.

Without sun or ultraviolet rays they turn into albinos.

The pupils are enlarged to let in the maximum amount of low-intensity light.

The optical nerve must be hypersensitive.

That's why they couldn't stand the light.

And how have they survived here? What do they eat?

What happened to the mind,

the memories of the past in the world of light?

So many questions. So many questions.

And why is it necessary for them to kill us?

They have to kill us

because we made them doubt their world is the only world,

their answers the only answers.

Look out!

Lafarge, wait!

Lafarge, wait!

Wait!

We must get away from them. We have to get out of here.

If we go back to the temple, we are lost.

All right, Lafarge, all right.

We've been going down all the time. It's getting hotter and hotter.

The air is getting worse. I can hardly breathe.

What was that? I don't know.

Lafarge, you wait here.

Come on, Jud.

Listen.

Beasts! Guards! Get them!

The button's jammed! Come on, let's go.

Come on, Lafarge! Come on! It won't work.

Forget it. Come on!

I can't go on!

You have to! Come on!

Lafarge, wait!

Well, at least Lafarge is at rest where he always lived,

in a world of the past.

Oh, we're right back where we started.

There's bound to be a way out of here.

There's fresh air. It has to come from somewhere.

Why don't we get back to the river and try and swim out?

Now, you know as well as I do that river runs underground for miles.

In the King's name... Do not use the burning light.

We come to you as friends.

I wouldn't count on that.

What do you want?

Since you have shown that you possess the divine fire of Ishtar,

the King is now convinced that you are holy messengers.

Are you speaking only for your King?

The King's will is law for all.

He has ordered me to assure you of his friendship

and to invite you to a royal feast.

We are most grateful.

Where is the absent one?

He was called back to heaven by Ishtar.

Follow me.

And why did Ishtar send you to our kingdom?

To see how you live, to learn of your needs so she can help you.

Does she not know us through our prayers? Does she not reward us for our sacrifices?

Does she not see us with her all-pervading eyes?

We are her eyes.

Then you will see.

Our kingdom is your home.

Mushrooms?

Why not?

It's one of the few things that can grow without the sun.

Come here!

Do not interfere. The King's will is the law.

The fire of Ishtar is the law.

So be it.

You have fondness for her, have you not?

Yes.

She belongs to you.

Go.

The gods do not favor trading human beings.

Human? She is a marked one.

Are there many like her? No.

Rarely is one born with the mark of darkness.

And the others like yourselves. How many are there?

Twice and a half times 60.

Well, that's not very many.

It is a sacred number.

The highest number that our sacred food can nourish.

Well, what do you do when your population exceeds that number?

We kill them.

We sacrifice them in the fire of Ishtar,

the like of which you possess within that cylinder.

Speak.

The beasts of the dark have desecrated our dead.

They took the body of the guard that was slain by the intruders.

When they were finished with it, they left it in the tunnel.

All the flesh had been torn from the body.

You've apprehended them?

I have, O Priest.

Kill them.

Let us now bless the spirit of the earth.

Ishtar has given us the food of the tunnels, the fish of the river,

and the sacred milk of the goat.

Above all, we glorify Ishtar

for giving us power over the beasts of the dark,

that they may till the earth beneath us,

so that Sharu, king of kings, his children and his children's children

may live in strength and rule the world.

So be it.

Well, even if there is a way out, we'll never find it.

Not without help.

You mean the albinos? No.

Well, surely you don't expect the beasts of the tunnel to help us.

Why should they, after what's been done to them?

Five thousand years of slavery.

The planned degeneration has turned men into beasts.

There's no help there, Jud.

Thank you, Adad.

Lie down, my lord.

Well, go right ahead, Rog. Don't mind me.

I will watch you while you're away.

Away? In your dreams.

What about you? When do you sleep, Adad? Or do you?

I sleep when my sleeping time comes.

Your sleeping time?

But how are you able to tell?

Here, in my heartbeat.

One, two, three.

But you're not counting all the time, are you?

No, I just feel it all the time.

What happens when your heart beats faster?

It matters not. It is my heart, it is my time.

Look, Adad, you'd better go home.

This is my home. The King has ordered it so.

Well, never mind the King. You're free to go. Understand?

Free? What is free?

Well, if you wish to go, you go, and if you wish to stay, you stay.

That's being free.

Then I am free, because I wish to stay.

But you're in danger.

Danger? Why?

Because we're different than your people.

They fear us and may try to harm us.

You're different, too, and if you're with us, it may remind them.

What are you going to do?

Try to get back to our world.

There's nothing beyond darkness, my lord.

Are you sure of that?

Have you never in your life heard of a world of light above the darkness?

No, my lord. Never.

Well, then, let me tell you about it.

The world of light changes color with every heartbeat.

There are mighty rivers and places where the land is covered with living things.

And then there are the cities.

Beautiful cities filled with many people like you and me.

You're speaking of heaven, my lord.

Maybe I am. Maybe I am.

Well, that's one way of doing it.

What is it?

Steam from an underground spring?

Something hotter than that. Lava.

Figure this one out.

You tan hides with tannic acid made from tree bark, right?

What do they use?

Want me to ask them?

No, not now. Let's go.

The Egyptians were able to weave very fine materials out of wool.

The stuff they're weaving here looks like burlap.

Well, the finer cloth is loomed by the priests.

One of their trade secrets.

I sure would like to get out of here.

And that is not all.

The King has shown weakness and poor judgment.

He believes in the divinity of these intruders.

Dealing with the divine is our office.

If we abandon the smallest particle of it to outsiders,

our position will soon come to naught.

But are these outsiders not divine?

No, they are mortal.

Do they not eat when they are hungry? Do they not sleep when they are weary?

When the guards attacked them,

did not their faces show the fears of mortal men?

But do they not possess the power of heaven?

The cylinder they carry possesses it.

If you had that cylinder, or you, or you, you could use it, too.

And if it is the power of heaven, is it not we who should possess it

and use it to control the beasts of the dark, the people, and yes, if need be,

even a faltering king himself?

You will therefore follow these intruders wherever they may go,

and bring me that cylinder.

Here's something.

No, that's not it either.

That's hopeless, Roger.

Not as long as we're alive.

Why don't we just give up and apply for Sumerian citizenship?

I don't like mushrooms.

Now, don't complain, Rog. Last night we had cave rat for dinner.

No, why don't we settle down? Especially you?

Why especially me?

Well, there's Adad.

Just imagine what some future archaeologists would think

if they happened to rediscover this world

and the wild theories they'd concoct in order to explain

the presence of dozens of little Bentleys

speaking Sumerian with a Harvard accent,

and playing baseball in front of the temple of Ishtar.

The Ishtar Nine, champions of the Little Mushroom League?

Come on.

Let's look around some more. Yeah.

Is all in order? In order, Captain.

Shall I feed them? They're getting weak.

You have your orders.

They're not to be fed until you're told otherwise.

Guards! Sixty lashes!

Please don't interfere. The beast has committed a crime.

He was hungry.

My orders are to keep them hungry.

Captain, look.

Do you realize you're bringing disaster on our heads, and yours, too?

Did you learn that song as a child?

I did not learn it, I found it.

It's beautiful. As beautiful as you are.

No, I'm a marked one. The priests said so.

They are so right.

It's not only the color of your eyes and your hair and your cheek that mark you,

but your heart also. It beats with tenderness.

The love of your ancestors is there.

Love? I do not understand.

Well, if somebody has hurt and his hurt gives you pain,

or if somebody has joy and his joy gives you pleasure, that's love.

Adad, do you believe, as your king believes, that I'm one of your gods?

No, my lord.

Our gods are always angry and give orders. You smile.

If I ever get out of here into my world...

The world of light and flowers?

...will you come with me?

Yes, my lord.

My lord.

What is it?

The King wishes to see you at once.

The Captain of the Guards has been found murdered.

The beasts of the dark have done it.

It is possible they intend to revolt.

What about your guards?

Cowards. They tremble at the sight of their own shadows.

We do not want unnecessary bloodshed. We need the beasts.

But with your cylinder of fire, you could bring them under control.

We will not take part in any plan to punish your slaves.

They are against us. They are evil.

Ishtar has sent them.

I say to you that she has not.

Take their magic cylinder away from them and you shall see then

that they are powerless, and we will have their power.

No, Elinu. We will not challenge Ishtar.

Have the guards arrest three of the beasts and beat them until they are dead.

It's dead.

And so are we.

As long as they think we're armed, they'll stay away from us.

Come on, help me with these chains.

You're gonna release them?

We can't leave them here.

Why, they attacked us the last time.

The guards forced them to.

Go!

He was trying to say something.

They don't have the power of speech, but they can reason.

And all we can hope is they try to help us.

Ishtar has turned her face away from us because we have sinned.

The intruders are the sinners, and we are to starve because of them.

They are behind the rebellion. It is they who encourage disobedience

so that the beasts of the dark do not produce enough to feed us all.

If we cannot produce enough food, we must reduce our population

as it is inscribed on the sacred stones.

We will offer them in sacrifice to our goddess so that the others can live.

In my hand I hold the golden rod, the secret of death.

For death shall appease Ishtar through the spirit bride of sacrifice.

Ishtar, who is married for life to the spirit of our world,

to the glory of death.

I have something to show you, Priest. Please come with me.

Wait. The King must see for himself.

The divine messenger who has gone to heaven.

He was mortal, as we are mortal.

And he is dead, as we shall soon be dead if we do not deal with the intruders.

What do you advise?

Give me freedom to act.

You have it. Destroy them!

Did you ever hear of anyone smoking dried mushrooms?

What?

Oh, nothing. Skip it.

What a pleasant surprise. Where'd all the food come from?

Slaves back at work?

I don't know, my lord.

The food keeper was very generous.

Delicious.

Sit down, Adad.

Well, why don't you eat?

Royal food is not for servants.

Haven't I told you before that you're not a servant?

Yes.

And what else have I told you?

That I'm just like you.

Correct. Now eat.

In your presence, my lord, I cannot eat.

Adad, I...

I want you to...

My lord. My lord!

They poisoned me.

Seize them.

Guards! Kill them!

We've nothing to fear. I have the burning light.

The eye of Ishtar.

Adad.

Sunlight.

To your people it was a burning death, but to us it's life.

You see, a long time ago your people came from our world.

You're a living proof that that's true.

But they didn't understand. That's why they called you the marked one.

It's warm. It's beautiful.

And deadly for our friends of the tunnel.

That's right.

I'm afraid the world of darkness is theirs forever.

The priests must have had this secret for thousands of years.

Then finally the sun became too strong even for them.

You will take me with you?

Well, welcome to our world, Adad.

It's even more beautiful than I imagined.

Hey, Rog, look! There's our gear.

Adad!