All language subtitles for Good Talk With Anthony Jeselnik. s01e06_English

[dramatic classical music]

♪ ♪

- Welcome to "Good Talk
with Anthony Jeselnik,"

where I talk to one of my
friends the whole time.

It's like a podcast,
except...nothing.

It's exactly like a podcast.

My guest tonight is the
splendiferous Natasha Leggero.

Comedian, actress,
wife, mother--

in order of importance to her.

- [laughs]

- Natasha, thank you
for being here tonight.

I really appreciate it.

- I wasn't expecting the set...
[laughs]

It doesn't not look like
your apartment.

- What were you expecting?

- I thought it was gonna be,
like, your last talk show.

- Like, I've got a new show,

make it look like
the one that got cancelled.

- [laughs]

- Now, of all the guests
I've had on the show,

I've known you the longest.

We've known each other
almost 20 years.

I knew you were a star
the second I saw you.

Was the feeling mutual?

- Um...

I'm sorry, but I don't remember
the first time I saw you...

[laughs]
- It's okay.

- Here's what
I remember about you.

I thought maybe you were, like--

you were always very nice,
but I was like,

"Is he, like,
a fraternity dude?"

Like, I wasn't sure
'cause we were, like,

really young then,
and you would always wear,

like, this blue Oxford.

- Yeah, it's funny.
I had to--

people thought I was rich.

My parents gave me
a Brooks Brothers credit card.

They're like, "So when
you have a job interview,

you can buy a suit."

And I was like, "Yeah,
I can't afford to do laundry."

- Oh, that's why
you always wore that?

- I would go to Brooks Brothers
and buy new shirts, like,

every couple of, like, months,

and then just wear those
all the time.

But I had no money.

I just had
Brooks Brothers clothes.

- Interesting. [laughs]
- Yeah, yeah.

You grew up
in Rockford, Illinois.

- Yeah.
- How much did that suck?

- It sucked.

Rockford was rated the
worst place to raise a family

by "Forbes" magazine.

- Really?

- Like, you can't even
get a croissant there.

- [laughs]
- There's...

- How does someone as cultured
and refined as you are now

come from Rockford, Illinois?

- Well, it's an act.
It's aspirational.

- Do you or do you not
own gloves

that go all the way
to your elbow?

- Well,
that's 'cause I figured out

if I was on stage
and saying, like,

mean things, I could, like,

be even meaner
if I was wearing gloves.

- I think of all the actors
that I've seen,

who have, like,
transitioned into comedy,

I gotta say you're the best one.

Who are your influences
comedically

that brought you from acting
to stand-up comedy?

- Well, in Rockford,

I somehow got into
the theater there--

like, a regional theater.

You know what
a regional theater is?

- Like, community theater?
- No.

It's, like,
half professional actors,

and then half, like,
delusional townspeople.

And so,

I somehow got to be the child
in all of these productions,

so I was in the theater,
like, my whole childhood.

So my influences, I would say,

early on, were--

I became obsessed
with Neil Simon,

and I read, like,
every Neil Simon play,

and that was comedy,

'cause I know
you're not that cultured.

- I know who Neil Simon is.
- [laughs]

And then I loved Miss Piggy.

- What did you love
about Miss Piggy?

- I just thought it was funny.

Like, she was glamorous,
but, like, kinda straight.

Like, she would, like,
kick your ass, you know?

- Mm-hmm.

- And then I really loved
John Waters.

- What did you like so much
about John Waters?

- Well, I thought it was funny.

Like,
I would just hear him talk,

and I remember he was saying
he wished he was a woman

'cause then
he could get an abortion,

and I was just like,
"Oh, I love the idea

of saying what
you weren't supposed to say."

- Mm-hmm.
I wanna show you a clip

of John Waters--
one of my favorite clips.

This is John Waters doing

a non-smoking
public service announcement

that they would play
in front of movies.

Once movie theaters
switched over from smoking to,

like, you can't smoke,

they would have
the famous people do PSAs.

- Oh, right.
- And this was his.

- So, once again,

no smoking in this theater.

Mmm...

[inhales deeply]

[beep]

- He's so cool.
- He's so cool.

And the coolest thing
about it is that

they ran that in movie theaters.

- [laughs]

- You moved from New York City
to Los Angeles

shortly before the events
of September 11, 2001.

I don't have a question.
It just seems pretty convenient.

- [laughs]

You know, I was actually
cheating on a boyfriend I had

the morning of 9/11.

So I woke up...
[laughs]

At a hotel room,

and I had, like,
45 new messages.

And I was like, "Oh, my God."
Like, "I'm so busted."

[laughter]

And then I would, like,
"Phew, it's just 9/11."

- So you were relieved
when you saw...

- Well, I didn't know...
- The towers come down.

- Obviously,
that's just a joke, but yes.

No, I--then I found out,
like, how serious it was.

- But it must've been
a real scare

before you found out
about the terrorist attack.

[laughter]

Natasha, your stage persona

is so, kind of, like,

precise and ice cold.

Like,
did you start out that way?

Like, tell me about
your first time on stage.

- I actually did stand-up
kind of as a dare to myself.

And I had such an amazing set

that I had
an out-of-body experience.

The laughter felt like waves.

Like, I--I had never felt
anything like this before.

And then I remembered my...
[laughs softly]

Hairdresser had given me,
like, a half of a Xanax,

and I had never
taken pills before,

so I was actually just on drugs.

- That helps some people.

- And then the second time
I went up, I bombed.

- I remember the--
my second time on stage,

I had a panic attack--like,
a full-blown panic attack.

I didn't know
what was happening.

- Really?
- Yeah.

I just remember,
like, walking off

The Ice House Open Mic,

going into the bathroom
and just, like, covered,

drenched in sweat,
hyperventilating.

It was, like,
"What just happened to me?"

Didn't get on stage again
for months.

- Well, I think what happened--

probably
the same thing happened--

is we had a good first set,

so then you get
really confident.

- Exactly.
- And you're, like,

nowhere ready to,
like, really be...

- Yeah.
- I remember I had,

in my head, for my second set,

I was gonna tell everyone the
Open Mic I was gonna be at next.

- [laughs]
- So I was gonna be like,

"May 23rd at, you know,
the Laundromat on Virgil."

Like, I just--and, like--

I just ended up, like,
totally eating it.

- Did you still tell them
where you were gonna be next?

- No.

I didn't have
the tools to, like,

even stay on stage in a bad set.

- And when you say tools,
do you mean Xanax?

- [laughs]

- So in your newest
Netflix special,

"The Honeymoon
Stand Up Special,"

like, you do stand-up first,

then your husband Moshe
does stand-up,

and the two of you
come on stage together?

- We roast couples.

- Let's take a look at that
right now.

- What's your name?
- Sebastian.

- Of course it is.
[laughter]

- And...
[laughs]

What about--what about you?
- I'm Cat.

- Cat.
- Sebastian and Cat.

- And do you guys
share a unicycle,

or do you each have your own?

[laughter, cheers]

- You converted to Judaism
for your husband Moshe.

Wouldn't it have just been
easier to marry someone else?

- [laughs]

Am I supposed to answer these?

- Like, did you have
to convert to marry him?

- No, honestly,

him going to Burning Man
every year

has been much more
of an adjustment.

[laughter]

- I basically
married into this,

and now he's never
missed a year.

Like, even when I was pregnant,
I went.

One of the reasons why
I had a baby with him

is 'cause I was, like,

"Now I'll never have to go
to Burning Man with him."

- You've always seemed

very Jewish to me
even before you converted.

- I mean, Judaism is just
a superior religion.

- How so?
- Well, like, when I was young,

I went to Catholic school
my whole life and, like,

every time
I would ask a question,

I'd have to, like,
go out into the hall.

And, like, part of Judaism is,

like, ask all the questions.

Like, in the Talmud,
like, their main text,

is in the middle of it,
is, like,

rabbis fighting over, like,
what's the right thing.

- You like rabbi fights?

- Well,
I think it's stimulating.

You're, like,
talking about ideas and...

- I mean, I was raised Catholic,
and I hated it,

but I would overcorrect so much
as to say that Judaism's good.

- So do you call yourself
a Catholic? [laughs]

- No, I--
you know what I call myself?

An "apatheist."

It's like--
it's an atheist,

but you don't care
if there's a God.

It's like,
"I don't wanna argue with you.

"I'm gonna act this way
no matter what,

"and if when I die, I'm in hell,

"so be it.

I had a great time
here at 'Good Talk.'"

- [laughs]

- Can't argue with that.
We'll be right back.

♪ ♪

[dramatic classical music]

♪ ♪

- Welcome back.

If you're just joining us,
there's no way

you're going to be able
to follow the rest of the show,

and there's nothing
I can do about it.

Natasha, I'm gonna hit you
with some Agree or Disagree.

- Okay.
- I'm gonna read you a statement

about comedy or stand-up comedy,

and you tell me
if you agree with it

or disagree with it, all right?

Agree or disagree.

It sucks to have people you know
in the audience.

- Oh, the worst.
- The worst.

- I mean, my dad
told all of our, like,

swamp relatives from New Orleans

to come to one of my shows,

and they sat
in the first two rows--

got kicked out.

We had to ask them to leave.
I mean, it was a nightmare.

- Your father once heckled me...

- [laughs]
- At a comedy club in Florida.

He just kept screaming,
"Anthony! Anthony!"

And I'm like,
"What is happening?"

Finally, I'm like,
"What, sir? What?"

He just goes,
"I'm Natasha's dad."

- [laughs]

He's like that.

He, like,
always wants to be in the show.

He's like, "Hey, take some
shots of me up there."

- Yeah.
- I'm like, "Okay."

- I didn't know what he wanted.

I just, like--
I got off stage and, like,

shook his hand
and walked away.

He didn't even--
he didn't wanna come back

and say hello or talk to me.

He just needed me to know...
- Wait, tell the stor...

- That Natasha's dad
was in the audience.

- Say what you said though.

- I just changed the joke.

I was doing a joke about taking
a friend to get an abortion,

and I made--I changed
the person's name to Natasha.

- He loved that.
- He did?

Good.

I'm glad I could give him
something, you know?

- [laughs]

- He doesn't have a lot
of comedy in his life.

- [laughs]
- Agree or disagree.

For a comic to be relatable
to the audience,

they have to show vulnerability.

- I disagree.

I think it's nice.

- I don't know about nice.
I think it's helpful.

- Helpful. It's not essential.
- It's easier.

But neither one of us
is vulnerable

in any way whatsoever.

- Who's a vulnerable comedian?

- Most comedians.
- You think?

- Yeah, people wanna tell you

what's wrong with them,
you know, whereas,

we're like, "Here's how
we're better than you."

- You're right.

I've never really done
self-effacing comedy.

- No, I've never told
a self-deprecating joke

in my life...

- Me neither.
- And I hate the people that do.

It's a crutch.

- It does get people
to like you.

- Mm-hmm, 'cause they, like,

"Oh, I'm better
than this person."

Like, they want, like,
an overweight comedian

to come up and tell fat jokes
about themselves.

They don't want you, like,
pointing at them being like,

"Hey, you fat piece of shit."

You know?
They don't like that.

Agree or disagree.

Never eat the food
at a comedy club.

- Disagree.

- Which comedy club
do you eat food at?

- The ones that have, like,

a nice menu from the
Italian restaurant next door.

It's gonna be fine.
- Yeah, the next door,

but you're not eating
mozzarella sticks every night.

- No, or, like,
mac and cheese bites.

- Yeah, yeah.
- But some of the food is fine.

- The statement wasn't,

"Never eat within a five-mile
radius of a comedy club."

It was, like,
don't eat from their kitchen.

- No, it's always, like,
chicken fingers that, like--

you know, they, like, feed
the chickens Oreos and garbage.

- Have you ever done
Helium in Portland?

- Yeah.
- I did that club once, and I--

literally,
I got there every night,

and I ordered a different thing
from the menu

because everything was so bad.

I thought if I can just get
something in my stomach,

I'll be okay, so I ordered,
like, one of everything.

They were, like,
running back and forth for me.

And it was all bad.
It was terrible.

And at the end of the week
and I'm ready to leave,

and the "head chef" is standing
out front waiting for his tip

because he thought
I loved everything so much

that I couldn't
get enough of it,

and I had hand him
hundreds of dollars.

- Don't you have any love
in your heart, Anthony?

[laughter]
I mean, give the chef a tip.

You're rich.
- Don't call him a chef.

He was the guy who opened up
the loose meat.

[laughter]

If you talk about
eating pussy on stage,

you are great
at eating pussy in real life.

Agree or disagree?
- Disagree.

- I disagree as well.

- They're probably bad at it
or too good at it.

- You could be too good
at eating pussy?

- Well, like, there's,
like, a book that was--

I had...
[laughs]

I had a boyfriend who read--

his, like, brother was
reading a book about it,

and it was, like,
this man was, like,

talking about
how to eat pussy

and you could tell he was
such a dork and he, like--

I think he even had
an example of doing it

with a glass of wine...
[laughs]

- With a glass of wine?

- Like you're eating pussy
and drinking wine.

Like, yeah.
- Okay.

Do you remember
the name of the book?

- I'm sure you could Google it.

- Someone Google
"glass of wine/eating pussy."

- He was...
[laughs]

- And that was
Agree or Disagree.

This next segment is called,

Is This a 16-Year-Old
Girl's "Pin-te-rest,"

or Dane Cook's Instagram?

- [laughs softly]
- Are you ready?

You're on Instagram, right?
- You said "Pin-te-rest,"

with, like, many syllables.
- I don't know.

Yeah, they make fun of me a lot.

I thought it was "Pin-te-rest."
- It's "Pin-trist."

- "Pin-trist," yeah.
- Two syllables, not three.

"Pin-trist."
- Well, excuse me all to hell.

I'm 40 years old.
[laughter]

Let's look at this first one.

Is this a
16-Year-Old Girl's Pinterest,

or Dane Cook's Instagram?

- I would say that's
16 year old's Pinterest.

- Let's see.

It's the Dane man.

[laughter]

Let's look at number two.

Do you think
this is an actual quote,

or do you think
someone thought of this

and then decided
to put quotes around it

'cause they thought it seemed
like it was more important?

- This definitely feels like
a 15 year old in love.

- Mm-hmm.
Let's see.

Cook.
- [laughs]

- What about this one?

Dane Cook,

or someone Dane Cook would date?

[laughter]

- I would say this is Dane.

- This has gotta be Dane, right?

It's Dane.

We got one more.
- Okay.

- This last one could
be a curveball.

16-year-old girl or Dane Cook?

- I feel like
I'm gonna hack the game

'cause I think these might
all be Dane Cook's Instagram,

so I'm gonna say
Dane Cook's Instagram...

[laughs]

- Did she hack the game?

She Dane-d the game.

[laughter]

These have all been Dane Cook,

even though they all
could've easily been

16-year-old girls
on their "Pin-te-rest."

- [laughs softly]

- We'll be right back
with more--

so much more
it'll make you sick.

"Good Talk."

♪ ♪

[dramatic classical music]

♪ ♪

- Welcome back to "Good Talk."

My guest is Natasha Leggero,

I'm Anthony Jeselnik,

and all three of us are
living up to our names tonight.

- Who's "all three of us"?

- Like, the show, me, and you.
- Oh, I see.

- Doesn't really
make a lot of sense,

but there's gonna be
a lot of things

especially coming up that
don't make any sense at all.

- Okay.

- Natasha, all comedians
have to endure

morning radio at some point
in their careers.

- Ugh.
- Do you still have to do it?

- Yes.
- Do you like it?

Do you hate it?
- No.

- No one likes it.
- It's awful.

- It's awful.
I just hate, like,

a comedian who's like,
a creature of the night--

has to get up at 6:00 a.m.
to go talk to some asshole.

- And always, like,
as a woman, it's, like,

I'd say 90%
of the male DJs are like,

"Ooh, look at her.
Here she is.

She's a spinner."

I've been called a spinner

by a morning radio DJ

I'd say maybe 50 times.

- I don't even know
what that means.

- It means that you're so small,

they can sit you on their dick
and spin you around.

You didn't know what that means?

- It makes sense
now that you described it.

[laughter]

Well, listen,
I wanna give you a chance

to answer the kind of questions
they ask you on morning radio,

but answer them how
you would like to answer them,

not like you're trying
to sell tickets

to the San Jose Improv.

Natasha, when did you know
you were funny?

- You're putting me through
morning radio right now?

- I'm saying you can answer
however you want.

You can be like, "Fuck you.
I've always been funny."

- Oh, I see.

- "When'd you know you were
a fat piece of shit

who had to do morning radio
for a living?"

That's what
I'm looking for here.

[laughter]

So Natasha, when did
you know you were funny?

- Fuck you,
you fat piece of shit.

- How do you come up
with your material?

- I live life, unlike you.

- That was great.
- Was that mean?

Too mean?
- No, that was totally great.

You're a total spinner
right now.

- [laughs]

- Hey, how do you remember
all that up there?

- I don't know.

I have a high IQ,
you fat piece of shit.

[laughter]
How's that?

- I like the idea of someone
just tuning in right now

and being like, "Why does
she keep calling him fat?"

What's it like being
a female comedian?

- I've been asked what it's like
to be a female comedian

in 100% of my interviews ever,

so fuck you.

- Is there a line in comedy?

- I mean, these are the most
annoying questions, Anthony.

- That is the point.
- [laughs]

- Of the entire segment,

which we're probably
gonna cut out

because you're such
a little spinner.

- [laughs]
Shut up.

- You must get nervous
before the show, huh?

Is that why you drink so much?

- You know what?

You are having a fucking
fajita party at 6:00 a.m.

[laughter]

Get a life.

- I do love when you go to
morning radio and they're like,

"Do you guys want some ribs?"
- [laughs]

- And you're like,
"What are you--

why would I want ribs
right now?"

- They're like, "Cinco de Mayo
all month," or whatever.

- Comedy must be
pretty easy right now

with everything
that's going on, huh?

- You know what?
I have to go.

[laughter]

- Perfect answer.

Now, we've got a special
surprise for you, Natasha.

You did so well with that,

we're gonna tear off
the Band-Aid

and dig inside that open wound,
all right?

It's time for
How Do You Like Your Harvey?

- [laughs]
- All right?

- Now, Steve Harvey is king,
no doubt.

- Oh, my God.

- But he's a king
of many different looks.

We chose six different
Steve Harvey looks...

- [laughs]
- Out of 24.

I want you to put these
in your order of preference

of how you like your Harvey
from one to six.

- Wow.
Okay, okay.

I would say...

Kay.

- You like Matador Harvey
the most.

- Well, I mean--
whatever that is.

- You think that's better
than this one?

- That's second 'cause he's
almost trying a little too hard.

It looks like someone
dressed him for, like, a bit,

whereas, like, he just thinks
this is a good outfit.

- Mm-hmm.

- Love a beret.

- He really pimps the beret.
- Oh, this is cool.

- I like Surprise Steve Harvey.

He, like, just heard about
what buttons can do.

- [laughs]

I mean, I'm kind of into,
like, suit lengths,

and, like, this is too long.

- Yes.
- Right? Okay.

- That is too long.
- Just checking.

My husband's mother is,
like, very into, like,

camping aesthetic
for her clothing,

and she always wears,
like, those ventilated hats,

so I'm gonna put this here.

- Is your mother-in-law
Steve Harvey?

- [laughing]
No.

This is rough.

I think he has machine guns
on his pants.

I'd say these are both
a tie for the last.

- You know what's funny is

this is the same day
for Steve Harvey.

- [laughs]
- That's the same time.

He's just wearing it
differently.

So, you actually
hacked the game, Natasha.

- All right.

- And that is
How Natasha Likes Her Harvey.

And yes, there was
only one right answer,

and you got it.

- Really?
- Yes.

- Oh, awesome.
- You nailed it.

Guys, let's take this away
and burn it.

[laughter]

You're gonna wanna
stick around for the D block

because if you don't,

your children will
be born without eyes.

But first,

check out the most
self-evident thing ever created.

♪ ♪

[dramatic classical music]

♪ ♪

- Welcome home, friends.

Natasha,
when a comedian passes away,

it's usually sad,
but the work lives on forever,

making people laugh
for generations to come,

which brings us
to our last segment,

Make God Laugh.

Is there any comedian
who's passed away

that you, like,
really would like to showcase,

or someone that
you really care about?

- Not really.
I have to go.

[laughter]
- Okay, cool.

Thank you so much
for being here.

You've been wonderful.

And that's it for "Good Talk."

My thanks to the captivating
and hilarious Natasha Leggero.

You can check out Natasha
on her new show on CBS.

As for the rest of you,
good talk.

♪ ♪