Original subtitles

This is the story of a time long ago.

A time of myth and legend,

when the earth was still young.

The ancient gods were petty and cruel,

and they played mankind for their sport.

Aaaagh!

Plaguing them with suffering,

besieging them with terrors.

For centuries, the people had nowhere to turn,

no one to look to for help.

Until... he arrived.

He was man like no other.

Born of a beautiful mortal woman,

but fathered by Zeus, king of the gods.

Hercules possessed strength the world had never seen,

a strength surpassed only by the power of his heart.

But everywhere he went he was tormented by his stepmother,

Hera, the all-powerful queen of the gods.

Hera's eternal obsession was to destroy Hercules,

for he was the constant living reminder of Zeus' infidelity.

No matter the obstacle,

as long as there were people crying for help,

there was one man who would never rest:

Hercules.

87, 88, 89, 90.

Hey, do you think we're going the right way.

Shush, I'm counting.

93, 94, 95, 96, 97, 98, 99, 100.

15 paces to the north.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.

11, 12, 13, 14, 15.

Nothing.

We did go the wrong way, you were had.

Hah, see, Danian. And you said I was stupid trading for this map.

Come on!

Wow! Just think, the great God, Zeus was once here.

This very place.

His address is going to be ours now.

We're going to be rich.

Rich as the gods, here give me that.

- This is it! - It's really true.

It's unbelievable.

Come on!

This treasure is practically ours.

Wait a minute. Hold on.

Come here!

No, hold on.

What? We're almost there.

If you we're going to build a door to keep people out.

Where would you put the locks?

What do you mean?

I think this door was made to keep something in.

Aghhh!

Let go!

Hey! Hey! What's going on here?

I told you two before. No fighting.

- But you fight, Dad. - Yeah, all the time.

But that's different, I only fight when I have to, and

I do it keep people from getting hurt.

- Do you understand? - Yeah.

Okay. It's like this. Remember when Eryx the boxer came to town.

He'd beaten up a lot of men.

He was ready to beat up on some more.

- Who's next? - Not I, sir.

What about you? Or you? Huh?

What about you?

- What about me? - It's about time.

It was me you wanted, you didn't have to kill al these innocent men.

I had to find some way to amuse myself.

You had look like the strongest man in the world.

- Sorry to let you down. - It doesn't matter. Your days are over!

Then let's stop talking and start fighting.

Son, you should have seen that last one coming!

Put your left up and jab! Jab! Come on!

- That your boy? - No, no, I'm just a spectator.

Come on! Pump one, left!

Oh, now he's got him. Now he's got him!

- Ooh! - He won't keep his left up.

- Enough games, Hercules. - I agree. Let's finish this.

Ohh, watch. Watch, watch.

- You a fighter? - Me a fighter? No, I just--

I just fight with the devil sometimes!

Right. Right!

Oh, he's going better, eh?

Yes!

So now you know what I mean, don't you?

Yeah.

You only fight when you have to.

And never with your own brother,

Now, shake hands.

That's better. Come on, you two!

Ha ha ha!

Alright. Where are you?

Father, where are you?

Son, right here.

Oh, I've just come back from the two most wonderful weeks of my life.

When was the the last time you had some fun?

Oh, it's been a long time.

Ah, no-one's come for my help for sometime.

I guess all the monsters and giants are gone, I've beat them all up.

Yeah, yeah. Son, do you miss it?

- Honestly. - Honestly?

Yeah, I do! I miss it a lot.

You know, I promise Deianeira, I'd be here to raise the kids with her.

Absolutely.

I love kids, I love Deianeira, I mean everything is perfect.

I've setted down.

I'm a thousand years older, and I'm not settled down.

Hey, why don't you come and say hello to the children?

No, no. I have an appointment.

Is that appointment, blonde?

Oh, by the way. I picked this up on the beach at Salonia.

That's a scale from a seaserpent.

Yes, just to keep time. Then the shores of Salona

won't be as far off as you think.

It's beautiful. Why...

It's my protector, Hercules.

Some protector.

This way.

Hold on. I'll come back for you.

Hercules, there's something in here!

No!

Did you kill it? Did you kill it? Is it dead? Is it dead?

It's dead! We've got to get outta here!

Give me your hand.

Hercules.

Hercules, Hercules.

Hercules, um, are you going to want to eat his food later?

Hey! Get out of here!

Sometimes, I think you've been hit on the head one too many times.

Daddy's got hit on the head too many times.

You think so, huh?

Eat.

Ah, getting heavy.

Alright, you guys, get in bed now.

Tell us a story, Dad.

Yeah, tell us a story.

Yeah. A story.

A story, I don't know any stories.

Yeah, you do!

I do?

I want the one about the great lion.

That's a good one.

What about the time you fought the two headed giant?

That's scary.

I want the story where you first met Mummy.

Alright, but first, imagine what it would be like if one day

we had no fire none at all, it's just gone,

because that's what was happening in your Mum's town.

Hercules, just let us come on. Our fires have died,

yours are still going, just let us in.

I said no, so be gone. Get away from here, all fo you.

But these people are desperate.

You have to let us have some of your fire.

We don't have to do anything of the kind.

All right, look.

Just let me light this, and I'll restart their fires.

I can't help you. This fire is for the Great Goddess Hera.

Some Great Goddess! She's not lifting a finger to help.

None of your damn gods do!

You can't come in.

All right... what if I pay?

Exactly what have you got in mind?

I'm thinking, uh... a hundred dinars.

- Fifty dinars. - Fifty dinars?

- All right, fine, 50 dinars. - No, w-wait. I said--

- You said 50 dinars. - I-I did, but I wasn't agreeing to 50 dinars.

- Okay, fine, then 30 dinars. - I didn't say 30, I said 50.

Do you think of yourself as an intelligent man?

Well, I like to think so, yeah.

Well, then you would think that 20 dinars would be a good deal.

- No, wait, wait. - Fine, 20 dinars it is.

You drive a hard bargain.

You can keep your money. These fools don't deserve a single dinar.

I'll get the fire you need.

Excuse me? I thought I was doing a pretty good job here.

What do you propose to do?

Hera's vermin keep warm while everyone else is cold.

That's not gonna work.

Stop! This is sacrilege!

I'm gonna light this from you fire.

If that bothers you, then look the other way.

What are you doing? You have to talk to these people.

You need to negotiate with them.

Where Hera's scum are concerned, this is negotiating.

I hit them, they hit the floor, deal's done.

Now, if you excuse me, I'll be right back with your fire.

You have defiled the sanctity of Hera's temple.

I don't know who you are, but you're not getting out of here alive.

Then you're right... you don't know who I am.

Kill him!

What are you waiting for?

You angered the gods.

Oops.

All of you! Kill him!

Here you go. No trouble at all.

And that was only the beginning of it.

From there your mother and I travelled together.

We went to see Prometheus and...

- Hi! - Hi!

I guess all the thrills were too much for them.

I enjoyed it.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Come on, let's go to bed.

Okay.

You miss it, don't you?

Miss what?

All the travelling around and fighting beasts.

I saw the way you were telling the kids that story.

It doesn't mean I'm not happy here. You know that.

I know that.

It's just for some reason I can't thinking

about all the journeys I went on and all the things I've fought for.

I guess I get a little lost in it.

Well, you have a lot to get lost in.

You've had so many adventures.

And if your lucky you might have another adventure tonight.

- Is that right? - That's right!

- How are you, Hercules? - Ha ha ha!

Iolaus, what are you doing here?

Oh, you know, I was on my way to Prodraya to get some seed,

and I couldn't pass up the chance to dropin on my old pal.

Oh, thank you, I appreciate it.

Well, yeah.

Things look pretty good for you here.

Oh, things are pretty good for me.

I've got some stuff coming up over there and

I've got some new things planted over here,

and it's all turning out pretty green.

How about you? How are your crops doing.

Well, not too good. Oh, I can't get the hang of this manure thing.

- Oh! - It's either too much or not enough.

Yeah, yeah. I know! I can't figure out what to do with manure either.

Do you mash it in.

No, I kinda spread it all around, you know.

Maybe I should mash it in and find it works.

When I do it, I just.

What the hell are we talking about?

I've no idea.

Oh, let's go up to the house and get something

we don't give a damn about.

Maybe I'm not cut out to be a farmer?

I mean how excited can you get about something

coming up from the ground?

You can't. Unless it's got a mouth full of fangs

and it's trying to bite your face off.

Remember that Hydra?

Get back, Iolaus!

Don't, Iolaus. Don't provoke it.

What are you doing?

- Look out! - Aaaargh!

Come on.

Come on, let's get out of here.

- This thing stinks. - Yeah.

- What the hell was that? - Ania the day after you marry her.

Hey!

Iolaus, grab that torch.

- But the gods, they'll be angry. - Just get it!

Iolaus, the torch. Quick give it to me.

Boy, I tell you what, Hercules, that fight with

the Hydra was pretty something, huh?

You know, I wouldn't trade those times for anything.

Yeah, well, I guess when you got a good friend, you get through a lot.

Well, thanks, you know, I'll always be that friend.

Well, actually, I was talking about me.

I was the friend that got you through a lot. Okay?

- Iolaus, don't! - What?

You know what. Anything we are apart from each other you

show up here thinking you can beat me.

Well, maybe this time I can.

See, that's exactly what I'm talking about.

No, no. Seriously, listen, I've been talking to this guy

from the East. He taught me all the new fighting techniques.

How a smaller guy can beat a bigger guy.

All you've got to do is be clever.

Oh, that's counts you out.

Yeah... no...

Okay, you can joke all you want, but your scared.

It's not going to work. I'm not fighting you.

Ah! so, Hercules, a little scared, huh?

Iolaus, listen to me. There's no way I'm going to fall for this, okay?

I'm not going to fight you.

Alright, let's see these new moves.

Okay.

Actually, you have to attack me.

What are you talking about?

These are defensive moves, you've got to come at me.

Come on.

Didn't touch me.

What do you think?

Yeah... I think you're a dead man.

Whoa!

I've got a move for anything you do.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Well, what if I do this.

Oh... No...

Well, I hope you learnt some Eastern swimming techniques.

Mummy, what's Daddy doing to Uncle Iolaus?

I don't know, sweetie. I was wondering the same thing myself.

Well, we were just, um...

Hey, what are you doing up so late? You should be sleep.

She was sleeping until somebody woke her up.

Oh, well... uh... then back to bed we go.

Come on!

How many times have I told you not to beat up Hercules.

- Who me? - Yes you.

Well, I had a couple of moves I wanted to try.

He's just lucky you arrived when you did that all.

Yeah, we're lucky you showed up when you did too.

What do you mean?

He's been so distracted lately, it's like he's going stir crazy

just being around the house.

Well, I know what that's like. You know, I would never have

thought it was so difficult being a father and a mother.

And would be so proud of you.

I just wish she could see me, you know.

Come here!

Hercules, Hercules!

Are you Hercules?

Ah, no. I'm a--

I'm Hercules.

Ah, look, you've got to come with me, you're the only one.

Calm down. What happened?

They got my brother.

What?

It was a monster of some kind.

Did you see it?

Yes, sort of, but it was dark.

What happened to your brother?

I don't know, it was horrible, then it came after me

and I barely to Eltrain and save my brother.

I, uh, I think my place is here I'm afraid I can't help you.

What? You've got to. You're the only one.

I'm sorry, I can't.

I'm sorry.

But you're Hercules.

Why did you tell him no?

What do you mean. I've settled down now.

I know, but you're thinking maybe you should go.

I don't know what I am thinking.

Turning him down was really hard on me, part of me was saying go.

Of course it was, because that's who you are.

No, that's who I was. I've got you and the kids to think about now.

You're never going to be happy that way.

You're Hercules, don't try to change that, not for me,

not for the kids. You'd only be lying to yourself.

So you think I should go?

The way you've been acting lately, you need to go.

Have I been that bad.

No... You've been worse.

You didn't have to come you know.

Well, what was I going to do?

Stay home and plant another row of cabbages. Come on.

Besides, somebody's got to be there to bail you out.

- Bail me out? - Huh, huh.

But you?

Hey, laugh all you want, but you know it's true.

Remember that time we went to Phenia.

Easily not the way you remember it.

Okay, what about the time Harris priest jumped you at Talladon.

You were in a lot of trouble when I arrived.

I wasn't in any trouble until you arrived.

You started it all remember.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

Okay, here's one. The Sea Snake in Thrace.

You were up to your neck in slime, buddy,

until I guess who arrived to save the day.

Alright. Alright. I admit it. You saved the day.

See, I'm always there when you need me. Hercules.

So where were you the time I had to face Gargon, the giant?

Please. Anything you want.

I want Hercules!

Hercules? There's no Hercules here.

What would Hercules be doing in a crummy place like this?

Then I kill everybody.

I'm Hercules. What can I do for you?

You are Hercules?

I didn't come all this way to kill something as small as you.

Fine by me.

Look, why don't you sit down, have some stew.

First, you. Then, stew.

Come on, little man.

Be careful.

You know, this really isn't necessary.

Oh, yes, it is.

Look! You don't have to do this--

Looks like Hercules has finally met his match.

I beg your pardon, sir. I don't think so.

- What do you know, old man? - Oh, I know about these things.

Maybe we do have to do this.

Now I kill you!

Now what a second, Hercules.

Wait, what's all this about him swanning you around.

The last time I heard the story you said you knocked him cold,

he didn't touch you.

Oh, well, I guess I forgot about that part.

Ah! Ah! Ah!

I've had a lot of fights it's hard to remember every details of everyone.

Yeah, I bet it's hard to remember many things.

When you've taken as many punches as you have.

Oh! Laugh it off, laugh it off.

The best fighting I've ever seen you do, is fighting to pick

yourself up off the ground.

Hey, anyway, I hope what we meet in Altuna is big

and stupid enough to want to test our skills.

Somebody help me!

Come on!

Help me!

That's not funny!

You should have seem the look on your face.

All eager and ready for action.

Yeah, well a bit of action would be nice.

I mean farmings all very well but.

I thought you guys had settled down?

Well, some guy came asking for help, am I supposed to say "No"?

No. I suppose not. You love to help people.

But ah, you've got a look on your face, healthy,

I haven't seen such spirit in you since we squared

off on Mount Ethia, I wasn't so pleased to see it then.

Stop. Go back.

- Get out of way. - Don't you move!

I told you to go back!

I'm going in there.

You may be the strongest man in the world.

But remember, I am still... the King of the Gods.

- Hercules. - Stay back.

Get back to the cave!

Don't do this.

You are pushing me, boy.

The next one will not be aimed at your feet.

You could really kill me, couldn't you?

I am trying to save you. Why can't you understand?

The lives of all those people.

I care about people.

It so happens... I care more about you.

Father.

I love you too.

But I... still have to do this.

So I saved my son's life for about the hundredth time. Right?

You know, it's funny! Becasue when Hercules tells that story

it's always the other way around.

Oh, I'm sure, sure.

Hey, Iolaus, I think I owe you this.

You've got some change coming pal.

Ooh, I'm scared, I'm scared.

You've got kids yourselves.

Yeah, that's with kids, it's funny, isn't it?

Not when you go to change them and they spray in your face.

Ah, there is nothing greater in creation than kids.

Then they grop up, and they become problems.

You know, I don't remember the ground being so darn hard.

You're getting old.

So many bugs,

Why bugs any way?

Because birds love to eat them.

I do everything for a reason.

Say, Hades is giving a party tonight and I think we'd have a wonderful time.

Let's go, would you like that?

No, we have to get up early to make it to Alturia by tomorrow.

- Alturia? - Yeah.

Yeah, there's some kind of monster on the loose there

and we're going to kick it's butt.

You know, I wouldn't go to Alturia.

- Why not? - I don't know!

I was there a couple of months ago, the food was bad.

The food was bad?

Alturia is the spice capitar of the world.

Yeah, spice eats up your stomach.

We're still going, besides your the one who said I need an adventure.

And this is it.

Well, I have to go to Hades. He won't likes it if I don't

show up, you have a nice time, and you have a nice adventure.

Where are you taking me?

Away - no-one's going to keep is apart anymore.

Not your father, not my fahter, not anybody.

But you should have told me. I would have packed something.

Like what?

Some clothes maybe.

What do we need clothes for?

Come on, let's stop all this talking.

Oh, look, this looks like a good place.

Come on!

Grrr!

Why are you breathing so loud?

Not me, I thought it was you.

Grr!

What are you?

What am I? The next ruler of this world. That's what I am.

Why are you doing this to us?

Oh, don't worry yourself, soon you will come back

reneived without all these questions.

Ready to do exactly as I command.

Oh, it's good.

You know, this town doesn't seem so upset.

You mean for a town that's supposedly plagued by a monster.

Exactly.

Yeah, it doesn't look too upset.

Excuse me, this is Alturia, isn't it?

Always has been.

Well, we were told there was something terrible happening here.

Like a monster.

Where did you hear that?

A Man from here, he came to my home

Saying his brother had been taken by some sort of beast.

His brother, huh. What does this guy look like?

- Well? - Well, he's about this tall,

all kind of wirey, dark, hair.

You came all this way for nothing.

The one you met is Dannius, his brother Andius,

they're the town idiots. And if your stupid enough

to believe in anything they told you, then your idiots too.

Ah, thank you! Man!

Hey, everybody, guess what I just heard.

Dannius says that there's a monster in town.

It didn't seem like he was kidding.

Yeah, he did look kind of crazy though.

Well, I guess that takes care of that.

Yep.

So, what now?

How about I buy you a drink?

Ah, well, only if I can buy you one.

Okay.

Well, well, well. Of all the people in the world,

so Hercules is finally here. Being a hero,

son of Zeus, you have no idea what it feels like to be reviled, do you?

To be spit upon, like I've been, but you will.

At my hand you will learn fear. You will learn humiliation.

You will learn death.

Oh, so you came. I knew it was only a matter of time.

What you haven't seen me in over a hundred years

and this is your greeting. Maybe your shy.

Did you forget what you turned me into?

Did you forget what a vile beast you made me?

Fitting punishment, I'd say?

You'd say? You'd say? And who are you to say?

You haven't changed, have you?

Being locked away in this place hasn't taught you anything.

Oh, but it has, I've learnt the power of hate.

I've lived on it. I've grown stronger on it.

I should have killed you then.

So do it now!

You can't do it, can you? Not then and not now.

I'll leave you down here for another hundred years.

Go ahead, every day in here I get bigger every day I get stronger,

can't you see this won't end. Not until I have what I want.

What do you want?

To see you suffer, to make you drink as much pain and

misery as you poured down my throat.

You can't touch me, and you know it.

Oh, don't be so sure.

Couple of ales please.

You got money?

Yeah, we got money.

Then you've got ale.

I've never seen you before. I like that in a man.

You two have names?

Yeah, I'm Iolaus, this is my friend Hercules.

Oh, another Hercules, huh?

What do you mean by that? Another Hercules?

Oh, come on! We get five of you guys a week in here claiming

to be Hercules. Every idiot with half a brain.

That's what they did to the last one.

You better keep it to yourself. You're not real big.

I'd hate to see what they do to you.

Well, thanks, for the advice.

Hey! Wait a minute! This really is Hercules.

So he's got you fooled, huh? You must be a bright one.

Oh, no! This really is him.

I've been on all sorts of adventures with this guy.

A bunch of them.

Oh, really? Like what?

Well, like there was this time, that a guy came to see us from Gargorecia.

You know this village of his was

being attacked by all these savage beasts,

no-one knew where they came from.

Where are these beasts?

I hope we haven't come all this way for nothing.

- Be patient. We'll find them. - Yeah, yeah.

Hey!

What do you think? Some kind of warning?

Maybe it's just way these beasts have fun.

Over there.

Keep your eyes open, Iolaus.

They're watching us right now. I can feel it.

Me too.

Well, Iolaus, you wanted an adventure.

- Where'd my sword go? - Who needs a sword? Forget it.

- Yeah, thanks. - Hold on.

- Be careful, Iolaus. - No, be reckless.

Careful dies, reckless kills.

Fantastic, aren't they?

Ow!

No, Iolaus. Stay at my back.

I've heard enough of this crap.

So, we've got another one, huh, another hero in our midst.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

Hey, everyone, guess what? This is Hercules.

An honour to meet you, Hercules.

And you are?

My name is Triconus.

It's nice to meet you.

Yeah.

Do you know what? I don't think you're really Hercules.

I think you're a dirty, stinking rotten liar.

If you don't mind, I'll finish my drink in peace.

I really doubt that.

Listen, pal, you got a problem with Hercules,

you got a problem with me.

Then I guess you've got a lot of problems.

Why don't you show this guy how they fight in the East?

Okay.

That was okay.

Herc, watch this.

- Iolaus, you alright? - Yeah, I'm great!

You and me, we're not over yet.

Yes, we are.

No, I'm going to smash your head until your brains come out.

Really?

Really.

Do you have any rooms to rent in this place?

Yeah, we do.

Take two.

This time, Hercules dies.

I don't care if he is real damn Hercules,

I'm gonna show him how we run things in this town.

And I've got his first lession right here.

Hercules is mine! Remember that, you can get your fun

by kicking the crap out of that runt friend of his--

- Aghh! - Aghh!

Who's there?

By the gods, he's massacred them.

We've got to do something, what are we going to do?

No, look, I didn't have anything to do with this.

Why did Hercules kill them?

Why did you do it, Hercules?

I didn't kill them.

You're going to pay for this. Pay with your life.

I told you, I didn't do this.

Then who did, huh?

I've no idea.

Well, we do! Give him justice.

What's going on?

Iolaus, wake up now!

Eh, what, can't we talk about it some more.

No, We've got trouble.

Good trouble?

Bad trouble.

Little trouble?

Big trouble.

What the hells going on?

I've no idea, but I'm not waiting around to find out.

Kill Hercules!

Is there a back door in this place?

No, there isn't.

There is now.

My wall!

Kill Hercules!

All I can hear is "let's get Hercules".

I don't hear anything about, Iolaus.

This is not good.

Out the back, he's getting away out the back.

They went down here.

Kill Hercules!

Like I told you before. You're all making a big mistake.

It's you who made the mistake, Hercules.

When you butchered those men.

I'm warning you. I haven't hurt anybody yet,

but I'm telling you to turn around and go home now

or that's going to hurt you.

Yeah!

Help me! Help me!

Hercules!

Hercules!

Now do you believe me?

Do you know where this thing lives?

Yeah.

Then take me there.

It's this way!

Father?

Hercules.

What are you doing here?

I need to talk to you, son.

But Hercules, come on, we've got to go!

It's alright, it's okay, I'll be right there!

Father, I don't have time, something has got Iolaus, I've gotta get--

He won't kill Iolaus. He wants to kill you.

How would you know that?

Because I know what's down there. A monsterous beast.

What have you seen this thing before?

He was a wonderful child. As a man,

what a handsome Adonis, became his curse.

What curse?

He had a lot of follwers, trying to turn him

against the gods, against each other,

anyone who resisted, he murdered.

So why is he after me?

He's not, he's after me for what I did to him.

Made him as ugly as his heart. Now he wants revenge.

What's going on? You're not telling me everything.

I once had the chance to kill him.

But I couldn't.

Why can't you tell me the truth?

I don't want to hurt you, son.

I never asked you to anything for me.

I'm asking you now. Do what I can't. Kill him.

In there, down there, that's where he lives.

Hercules, wait! We're going with you.

What are you guys doing here?

We owe it to you. For what we did in the town.

He took our people too.

Yeah!

Alright, just stay behind me.

Where are we going?

I don't know. Wherever this leads us.

Which one do we take?

This one.

This place is a maze. With all these twists

and turns we'll be lost for sure.

Here drag this behind you.

It will mark our path so we can find our way back out.

I'm telling you, we're already lost. Turn back!

Shut up, your the one who wanted to come down here in the first place.

Well, I don't know!

We're all in this together.

No, we're not. I'm getting out.

Then go!

Why don't you go with your friend?

Nope. I'm going with you.

Great!

I only left one trail.

This isn't happening. It can't be!

Aggh!

There's no way out!

Poor thing!

Where are you?

Show yourself, you coward!

Ha ha! You'll see me soon enough.

Come on!

It's pretty tight. I don't think you can make it.

I'll make it.

Uh, Hercules.

What is it?

I think I'm stuck.

I'll give you a hand.

Come on, come on, suck it on. You can make it. Come on.

No, no, I'm stuck.

Ha ha! too bad, you had such a big dinner.

Hercules, it's behind me.

No! No!

Yes!

No!

Damn you!

Where are you, come out and face me.

Ha ha ha!

Well, well, well, look who finally decided to drop in.

Hercules, welcome to my home!

Do you like? Large yes, but a little damp,

and cold, kinda like a big stone grave.

Hercules, the favourite son of Zeus.

Pride of the King of the Gods. What's the matter?

Do I frighten you? Does the very sight of me offend you?

Good. Because that's exactly what am I. An offense.

And it was your father that made me this way.

From what I hear you deserved it.

What do you know about deserving?

You've had everything given to you you're whole life.

Strength, fame, and glory.

No, I've earned what I have.

It was given to you by a god.

A pathetic old man who showers his precious boy with

all the world, while I live in a nightmare.

Well, now it's Zeus turn for a nightmare,

and it starts when I toss your head in his lap.

When does it end?

Ha ha ha! With my Army storming his heaven.

I will be the new King of the Gods.

Sounds like a solid plan. Except it's got one flaw.

Flaw, what flaw?

Me.

Guess things didn't work out like you planned?

Can't say I'm sorry.

Hercules, you wouldn't really kill your own brother, would you?

Brother?

Zeus had the chance to kill me once, but why didn't he?

Why didn't he kill me?

Because he couldn't bring himself to kill his own son.

You should have done it.

Come on, fight me!

No, you're my brother.

Fight me! I want to prove which son of Zeus is more powerful.

I won't do it!

Then you can watch your friend die.

No!

Son, I wanted to tell you.

No.

- I just couldn't-- - Alright.

I understand. I'm just sorry you had to lose a son.

I lost him years ago.

Father!

We shouldn't have allowed this to happen.

The day you turned against me was the saddest day of my life.

I loved you, son. If you only hadn't of made this necessary.

Please, don't let me die this way.

You're free now!

- Aggh! - Iolaus, it's alright.

He's dead!

Come on, let's get the rest out.

Thadeus, Thadeus!

Where's your father?

Oh, he's probably headed home.

Same thing you and I should be doing.

Yeah. Let's get out of here!

Well, Iolaus, that was an interesting adventure.

I little more dangerous than I remember them being.

You can say that again. I almost got killed by a monster.

I don't want to do that for a while.

Yeah! Me either. Spending time with my wife and kids

is all the adventure I want right now.

I second that. Hey, by the way, there's something.

I forgot to give you.

What's that?

I have an excellent memory.

You better get moving or you'll have an excellent funeral.

- So long! - So long!

- Dad! - Dad!

Mommy! Mommy! Daddy's home!

Wow, this is great. Playing a gig in Holland.

Groovy.

And so romantic, Alan.

Uh-oh. We'd better move it. We're supposed to meet the others at the shopping plaza.

Hold it, Melody.

Why are you wearing those crazy things?

The noise is giving me a headache.

It's the thing to do.

All the Hollanders wear them.

Blockhead.

Those are wooden blocks, not wooden shoes. Get rid of them.

Okay. I'll trade them in at this shoe store.

Trade them in? This I gotta see.

Hi. I wanna trade in these for a pair of purple wooden shoes.

Trade blocks of wood for purple wooden shoes?

That's the code name.

Here you are. You must be the contact.

No, silly. I'm a Pussycat.

Very clever.

But remember, turn the tulip.

Oh, sure. You must use tulips instead of shoelaces.

Hmm. She's either the cleverest or the dumbest spy in the business.

What do you know? She did trade in those blocks of wood for a pair of shoes.

Hey, guys. Hop in.

As soon as I hop into my new shoes.

Well, speed it up, will you?

I know. I forgot to turn the tulip.

Hey, what's that?

How clever, ha-ha-ha.

A picture and a stereo in my shoe.

Stereo, my eye.

That's a secret spy-type recorder.

Let's hear what it says. Turn it on.

Good afternoon, Agent 008. This is your secret assignment.

The picture you're looking at...

...is a picture of an international villain known as the Mastermind.

Because he is a master of disguise. He is faceless.

Hey, he doesn't have a face. Precisely.

The Mastermind intends to steal an amazing antigravity device...

...from the geophysical lab tonight.

You must stop the Mastermind from getting the device at all costs.

Gee, what'll we do?

Let's go to the police.

No one, not even the police, must know of this mission.

And if you fail to carry out this mission. It will mean:

This tape will self-destruct in one second.

Boy, unh, these Dutch sure wear funny shoes.

What does he mean by:

Simple, chicken little brother:

Sorry I asked.

Well, gang, like it or not, we've gotta match our minds with the Mastermind's mind.

Well, gang, I think we have a plan to save the antigravity device...

...and stop the Mastermind.

- We? - Yes, you too.

Now hit the lights. Good.

Now watch the screen closely.

This is the geophysical lab.

Josie on the left, myself and Alexandra will slip past the guards disguised as scientists.

- Oh, no, we won't. - Why not?

Josie can wear that old woman disguise.

It'll be a big improvement.

Okay. Do it her way, Alan.

I figured that. Much better.

Now, there's a security guard to get past.

So that's where Alexander, Valerie and Melody come in...

...disguised as telephone repairmen.

And repair girls.

After we get in, we're on our own. Any suggestions?

Hey, I've got a plan too.

Let's take this mission to the police.

Don't you remember what the voice said?

Yeah. We go to the police and:

You would have to remind me.

Anyway, how are we going to get the device out of the lab undetected?

I have an idea, and it'll be easy as pie.

Great. Now, let's get going before Mastermind beats us to it.

A report from our Amsterdam agent, Mastermind.

It's the old "purple shoe" contact trick.

So these are the counterspies sent to foil Mastermind, eh?

However, Mastermind's electronic brain shall find a foolproof plan...

...to deal with these meddlers.

Ah...

Little do they know...

...that the Mastermind will soon join their little group.

- Here, I'll take these. - Shall I wrap them?

No, uh, I'll wear them.

Wear them?

I am Prof. Alexander Graham Cracker.

And these are mine assistants, Madame Curious and Dr. Honey Pie.

My middle name is Sugar.

Our, um, ahem, fellow scientists are expecting us.

First, I must check with security.

I hope the gang fixed his phone.

Okay, Alexander, plug in the telephone cable.

Is this the right socket, Valerie?

No, that was the wrong socket.

What a silly time for a barbecue.

Any more assistance from my assistant, and we're in trouble.

Well, anyway, the phone's fixed just in time.

There she goes.

It's the guard. I'd know his ring anywhere.

Hello, security?

No, this is Melody.

I want security.

She doesn't work here. May I help you?

Do you know Alexander Cracker?

Of course. And I know his brother, Animal Cracker too.

- What about Madame Curious? - What about her?

Is it all right to let them pass?

Sure. I've been expecting them.

I knew help was hard to get, but she's ridiculous.

All right, professor, your party has been cleared.

I could have told you that.

So far, so good.

Ah, you must be Professor Schmelt. We've been expecting you.

I am? You have?

You'd better pretend you're Professor Schmelt...

...or he'll think something's fishy.

Come. All the world's great scientists...

...are waiting for a demonstration of your secret new machine.

- Now what'll we do? - Simple, Josie-kins, we'll fake it.

That's just what we'll have to do. Come on.

Fellow scientists, I would like to introduce Professor Schmelt.

Thank you, fellow scientists.

Mine scientific demonstration will demonstrate...

...the Cracker extrapolator Q-34 whatchamacallit.

Please, uh, state what it does.

Oh, everything from making pizzas to purifying the air.

Would you explain, please?

Uh, ahem, yes, well...

...following the Josietolian Theory that snassafranisum is equal...

...but opposite to contripetal force this naturally disintensifies...

...and extrapolates thus resulting in a 100 percent plentatopia.

Uh, a demonstration.

Naturally, um...

- What'll we do? - Purify the air.

Of course.

If my assistants will assist. Soap, please.

- Yes, professor. - I'll do the assisting, Granny.

This high voltage should put a stop to their meddling.

I think that's enough soap, professor.

Whoever heard of purifying the air with soap?

I did, buster.

Just watch what happens when I plug in this whirligig washing machine contraption.

Oh, no. This is gonna be some demonstration.

Yeow! Help!

It may not clean the air, but it'll clean everything else.

Sebastian, turn it off.

No, dum-dum, that's the wrong way.

I think their little demonstration will soon be over.

Well, there goes our demonstration.

Look out, it's gonna fly apart.

Here it comes back.

Duck.

Never have I seen such a demonstration.

It's preposterous.

Gee, I wonder how our guys are doing?

By the way this mission sounds, I'm afraid to ask.

Come on, let's head for the commissary. It's time for Operation Pie.

Oh, no. There it goes.

Quick, follow that crazy contraption.

Alexandra, are you all right?

Oh, I will be, after a few minutes in your arms.

Alan, over here. I found the antigravity device.

- Wow. - Oh!

I think I'm going to faint.

Catch me, Alan.

Hmph!

- Nice going, Josie. - I get all the lumps and Josie gets Alan.

Now that we have this thing, let's go before we run into the Mastermind.

Right. And that means we go to the cafeteria for step two of our plan.

Don't bake tonight. Call Pie Delight.

Who ordered all these pies?

- You did. - I did?

See? You did. You just admitted it.

I did not.

Right on schedule.

Here, Sebastian. Go hide the device in one of the pies.

I'll take care of the chef.

Alan, the master of disguise, now becomes...

Voil�, the new master chef.

Oh, Alan. You're wonderful.

I said, who ordered those pies?

I, the new head chef, ordered these pies.

But there are too many pies.

I agree. I will get rid of some.

Okay, Sebastian. Which pie did you put the device in?

Well?

Oh, you fur-brained feline. You'd better find out.

I think we'd better all look for it.

Not in here.

Not here. Not here.

Not here. Not here.

Anyone having any luck?

What is the meaning of this?

Honest, sir, it was an accident.

Please accept my apologies.

You can take back your apologies and your pie.

Oh, so sorry.

Huh? A two-faced chef?

Smile when you say that, pardner.

I have more pies than you have faces.

This silly way to findum antigravity gimmick.

Take that and that and that and that and that.

Oh, I give up.

And not a pie too soon.

Here's one pie left.

And it's got the antigravity device in it.

- I'll take that. - So. Impostors.

Uh-oh, the game's over.

Split up. They can't catch us all.

- Dig out. - I'm digging, I'm digging.

After them!

At least it's not Mastermind after us.

Whee!

Head for the truck, Alexander.

You don't have to tell me.

Now they shall learn why I'm called Mastermind.

Who taught you to drive?

Don't complain. We're safe.

Not for long.

- Hi, gang. - Alan.

Sure. Don't you recognize me?

Anytime, anywhere, Alan dear.

Great. Now hang on tight.

Hey, where are they going?

I don't know. But let's follow them.

We'll never catch them at this speed.

That's funny, it's almost as if they were trying to ditch us.

Now that we're together, Alan...

...why don't we go to some romantic out-of-the-way place?

- Do you have the device? - Yes, dear.

Then that's exactly what I had in mind.

Yikes! It's him.

Disguising yourself as my Alan was a sneaky trick, Mastermind.

You mean a clever trick.

And thank you for the antigravity device.

You're welcome. I think.

What are you gonna do with us?

I'll be glad to tell you.

As the windmill blades turn...

...the gear you sit on will mesh with another large gear.

Yeah. And mesh us to mush.

Is that anything like oatmeal?

It's the van. I wonder if they're in that old mill?

Help!

That was Alexander.

And it sounds like they're in trouble.

I'll bet this is the Mastermind's hideout. Come on.

We gotta get in there, and unseen.

This is our way in. Hang on.

Going up.

Top floor. Everybody off.

Here's a window.

There they are. And they're tied to those gears.

We'll never get down in time to shut off the windmill.

Maybe we can't. But Sebastian can.

Get going, cat.

Oh, boy. It's Sebastian to the rescue.

It's about time.

Hurry up, Sebastian. I don't wanna get my body wrinkled.

No, Sebastian. No.

He'll never stop those gears in time.

Then there's only one other way.

Sebastian, turn the antigravity device on the kids.

- Hurry, you furry fleabag. - Whee!

Okay, we're safe. Now get us down.

Now he's got us all in the beam.

Oh, you crazy cat. Wait till I get you.

Be nice to him, Alexandra.

Yeah. He's keeping us up here.

Oh, okay.

Uh, Sebastian, honey, please bring us down.

Of course.

And I will help him.

Uh-oh. Going down.

Get off me. Get off.

Oh, keep your mask on.

Hey, we've got the device. Let's split.

We've got to get the antigravity device.

- After them, Max. - Ja, Mastermind.

- We got them. - Nice going, Val.

Yeah. A hole in one.

Now all we have to do is return the antigravity device.

And our mission is complete.

But what about the two creeps in the back?

This is where they're getting off. End of the line.

Holland Police.

Stop the noise.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, for the class part of our act.

It gives me great pleasure to present the one and only me.

Now look what you clods did to me.

Hey, Alexandra, cheer up. You really stole the show.

Really? Well, in that case, wait for your star.

Slow down. Wait for me.

I've got some other sensational ideas.

Hey, Alan, wait for me!

Oh, what a way to go to Puerto Rico!

If only this storm would let up.

I'm not worried. I brought my umbrella.

Oh, brother!

We've been hit by lightning.

Oh... I'm gonna faint.

You can't. There isn't room to fall.

Hang on, kids. We're gonna make an emergency landing.

- Oops. - Hey, I can't see.

You want us to crash, Melody?

Close that stupid umbrella.

Okay.

Hey. Take it off.

I can't see.

Valerie, grab the controls.

Roger.

Wow, how to learn to fly in one uneasy lesson.

Made it. With an inch to spare.

Wow, what a creepy place to land!

According to the map, there's a town nearby.

I'll go for help. You kids wait here.

Ha, don't worry about that. My knees are so nervous, all I can do is sit.

Well, watch out for the toenails.

Toenails? What toenails?

Those toenails, silly.

And they need trimming too.

- What was that? - That was that.

I see it but I don't believe it.

Believe it or not, that's a tyrannosaurus.

Knock it off. They're extinct.

Well, let's split before he makes us extinct.

Help!

Help! Get me off of here.

Oh, no, Alexander's stuck on his foot.

Let go, you clinging vine.

- Nice catch. - No time for small talk.

Come on, let's move.

Hey, wait for me.

Quick. This way.

I've got my own hiding place.

Nice going, Josie. We lost him.

That's not all we lost. Where's Alexandra?

Oh!

Get me out of here.

Don't just stand there, you beanbags.

Get me out of this logjam.

We better hurry before mighty mouth brings back that 10-ton terror.

Yeah. I wonder where that thing came from, anyway.

It is most unfortunate that you have stumbled upon my secret...

...but, I, Doctor Madroe, will soon remedy that.

Secret? What are you talking about?

This. My molecular reactor beam.

With it, I can change the molecules...

...of any living thing into that of any other living thing:

An ordinary garden lizard into a dinosaur.

An ordinary man into an ape-man.

Lmpossible. No man has such power.

They scoffed at me too.

My ex-colleagues on the World Scientific Council...

...but now, they believe.

This emerald activates the reactor.

In a few moments, you shall join my former colleagues.

Now, bring me those young people...

...our guest was kind enough to tell us about.

And hurry.

This is so weird, I don't believe it.

We're in some kind of prehistoric place.

Complete with dinosaurs and all.

And besides that, we're lost.

Listen, I've got an idea. Why don't the Pussycats do a number?

That way, anybody looking for us can be guided by the sound.

That's a groovy idea, Josie.

At the same time, it will keep any wild animals away.

For once, Josie's right.

That horrible noise will keep anything away.

Gee, Alexandra, ha-ha.

You really say the nicest things.

This is what you call, -a prehistoric rock-in. -

This is my chance to get Alan alone.

You've got to help me, Sebastian.

Go over into those bushes and make some noise.

I'll take it from there.

That dumb cat is overdoing it.

I said to make noise, not a riot.

Alan, dear, there's something moving around in those bushes.

Maybe you and I should take a look.

It must have been your imagination. There's nothing here.

But we're here, Alan, dear.

Isn't it just too romantic?

Oh, Alan.

I just knew you cared more for me than for that Josie.

I know, Alan, dear. You're the strong, silent type.

Oh, there you are. I was wondering... Yipe!

Go away, will you, Alexander?

Can't you see we wanna be alone?

But...

What's wrong with him?

I don't know.

But you're not Alan. You're a... Help!

Where is everybody?

Maybe they all went out for popcorn.

Oh!

Hey, what's going on? What's happening?

Let us out of here. Help!

Help. Yeah, help.

So these are our visitors, eh?

Welcome to the humble laboratory of Doctor Madroe.

Well, we aren't enjoying the visit, you big creep.

We're leaving now.

Oh, you may leave someday...

...but not the way you came.

Oh, goodie! You mean, we're gonna take the bus?

Soon you will be one of us, ha-ha-ha.

- One of you? - Quite so.

You see, I have the power to turn you all...

...into ape-like creatures like Krug here.

Phooey! Those phony baloney ape disguises don't fool me.

Will you pipe down before your big mouth gets us into even bigger trouble?

I dare you to turn one of us into an ape, Mr. Phony.

Hmm, let me see.

Thank you, Krug.

This one will do nicely.

No, no, not me.

You can't do this to me.

I hate bananas and I get dizzy in trees.

Too late, my friend.

In a moment, you will be changed into an ape-man.

Something must have gone wrong.

No. That's my brother, the original Mr. Chicken.

- What's happening? - He really did it.

Those gorillas aren't gonna make monkeys out of us.

Come on, let's swing out of here.

Come on, Alex.

Gangway.

Stop them.

Let's duck in here.

Wow, we hit the jackpot.

I never saw so many bananas in my whole life.

Well, don't just stand there, untie us.

Lend me a paw, Sebastian.

If they gave prizes for dumb cats, you'd be the world's champ.

Thanks, Sebastian, you're a regular cat scout.

They must be in the storeroom. Search it.

Uh-oh, we better think of something.

And quick.

I already have.

I'm going to give those apes their dinner right over their heads.

So you thought you could stop Madroe with a bunch of bananas.

Take them to the laboratory.

Nice going, Alexandra.

Did anyone get the license number of that banana?

Quick. Grab the emerald.

- The reactor's no good without it. - You mean, this funny-looking thing?

- I'll take that. - No, you don't.

I'll take it. It's mine.

It's mine. Sebastian, get it.

Well, he's no Willie Mays but he got it.

Now, let's get out of here.

Quick. Follow me.

Nice going, sis, you've led us into a dead end.

Maybe not. One of these buttons must activate a secret door.

But which one? After them.

Here comes Doctor Madroe. Maybe he can tell us.

Now we have them.

Well, we haven't got all year.

I'll get us out of here.

Oh, no. We've fallen into a cell.

I feel like a plate of spaghetti.

Spaghetti, shmagetti, we've gotta go for help.

But what about the others? They're still in there.

As long as we have the emerald, Madroe can't use his reactor.

You still have it, don't you, Sebastian?

Good.

Hey, you guys, look, a banana wagon.

Come on, this is our ticket to town.

For Pete's sakes, Melody.

Stop this thing.

I can't find the stop button.

Golly, there's nothing to this truck driving, is there?

Excuse me, ma'am. I wonder if you could help us.

Pardon me, but I just love bananas.

A gorilla in boy's clothing.

Help, police, help!

Yeah, help. Help!

It is unfortunate that your friends got away...

...but there is no escape for you three.

Don't count your chickens before they're hatched.

Yeah, our friends will find some way to get us out of here.

You mean, Alexander, Melody and Alexandra?

On second thought, we're doomed.

You've got to get me out of this animal shelter.

Take it easy, I've got it all worked out.

Do you have everything, Melody?

Shaving cream, razor, hat.

Yep, it's all here. Ha-ha-ha-ha.

Good. Now, when you go in to visit Alexander...

...give him a shave so he'll look half human.

Meanwhile, I'll distract the keeper and grab the keys.

When Sebastian douses the lights, we'll spring Alexander.

Alexander will be a real sprung spring chicken.

Even the shaving cream is an improvement.

Never mind the compliments. Just get me out of here.

Would you believe I never had a lesson in my life?

Very easily. Just leave the ears, please.

There. How do you like the new image?

I hope you weren't expecting a big tip.

No tips, but here's the topper.

And I think you're just too brave for words...

...working around all these ferocious animals.

-S�, I got pecked by a chicken once.-

All set.

Hey, what happened?

Hurry. We've got to rescue the others.

Wouldn't you know it. Those apes are guarding the entrance.

I had anticipated this, and as usual...

...I, Alexander Cabot III, have a brilliant plan...

...to get us past those goons.

All right, I'll bite. What is it?

You and Sebastian get inside this tire.

Melody rolls it past the guards, explaining that she's making a delivery.

- And presto. You're inside. - And what about you?

Uh, me? I just plan these capers.

- I don't participate. - Oh, yeah?

Well, this is one caper you're going to join.

This isn't a basketball. Just roll the tire, Simple Simon.

Who are you?

I'm Madroe's new grease monkey, delivering a new tire.

Psst, we're inside.

Then get us out.

This inner tube merry-go-round is making me dizzy.

Feels perfectly natural to me.

Uh-oh. Yeow!

Hi, everybody.

Hey, it's Melody and Alexandra.

Only they could come up with a kooky rescue like this.

Correction. This plan came from my brilliant head.

When I get out of this tire...

...your brilliant head is gonna be covered with lumps.

Come on, we gotta get to the reactor and change Alex back to normal.

I'll second that.

Oh. Wouldn't you know it, this crazy lab door's locked.

There's no keyhole. It's probably operated electronically.

Keep cool, Cats. I think I can open it.

Everyone empty their pockets and let's see what we have to work with.

I only have a compact and I need it.

So do I.

What kind of contraption is that?

A super-duper periscope lock picker.

Oh, goody. You invented a new tongue twister.

Here goes. Keep your fingers crossed.

I see the switch.

Now, for the suction cup.

Turn the switch and open the door.

You did it again, Val.

Hmm! I could have done it just as well.

And faster.

I hope you know how to work this thing.

- Switch on. - Switch on.

- Toggle activator. - Toggle activator.

Vibrating oscillator.

Vibrating whatsillator?

I'll do it.

- Emerald. - Come on, Sebastian.

Cough it up.

Thanks.

It worked. Well, almost.

He looks like a doorknob with eyes.

Your timing is excellent.

You have returned the emerald...

...just in time to be retaken as my prisoners.

- After them. - Let's swing out of here, Cats.

Well, what do you know? Madroe's been turned into a toad.

I suppose if we touch him, we'll get warts.

Yeah, worrywarts.

Uh, thanks to you young people, everyone's been returned to normal...

...and Doctor Madroe and his mad schemes are out of business for good.

There never was really any doubt that we could handle the situation.

After all, under my skillful and fearless leadership...

You'd still be in that funny farm for animals if it weren't for me.

The plane's been fixed, kids...

...and I'll have you in Puerto Rico in hours. - Great, I can't wait.

- You'll have to go without me. - Now what's the matter?

I can't go anywhere looking like this.

Don't be silly. I could use you as an extra drum.

I think we girls can help him out.

I look like something from a horror movie.

That's my best wig.

Here try these.

Rats, none of them are any good.

I have an idea, Alexander.

Now nobody can tell whether you're coming or going.

Personally, I think it's an improvement.

Looks like I'll be stuck wearing this hat until my hair grows back.