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1
00:00:11,285 --> 00:00:13,045
I don't want you to grieve forever.
2
00:00:13,885 --> 00:00:14,965
I mean, grieve a bit.
3
00:00:15,845 --> 00:00:17,845
I want everyone in floods
at the funeral.
4
00:00:18,805 --> 00:00:20,605
But don't spiral, don't obsess.
5
00:00:20,965 --> 00:00:21,805
Keep going.
6
00:00:22,245 --> 00:00:24,725
Get up. Don't mope about in bed all day.
7
00:00:25,045 --> 00:00:26,605
Get out. Open the curtains.
8
00:00:26,925 --> 00:00:28,245
Enjoy the sun
9
00:00:28,325 --> 00:00:29,205
while you can.
10
00:00:30,845 --> 00:00:32,845
[melancholy music]
11
00:00:50,325 --> 00:00:51,325
[exhales]
12
00:00:52,325 --> 00:00:53,725
[Tony panting]
13
00:00:57,005 --> 00:00:58,485
[Brandy panting]
14
00:00:58,565 --> 00:00:59,405
[sighs]
15
00:01:00,285 --> 00:01:01,165
Hungry?
16
00:01:01,245 --> 00:01:02,365
[Brandy whines]
17
00:01:07,485 --> 00:01:08,405
[sighs]
18
00:01:08,765 --> 00:01:11,005
If you could open a tin, I'd be dead now.
19
00:01:11,725 --> 00:01:12,925
But you can't, can ya?
20
00:01:13,685 --> 00:01:14,725
'Cause you're useless.
21
00:01:15,365 --> 00:01:17,165
Who's useless? Who's useless?
22
00:01:17,605 --> 00:01:18,445
You are!
23
00:01:19,045 --> 00:01:19,965
You are.
24
00:01:20,445 --> 00:01:21,445
You're useless.
25
00:01:22,565 --> 00:01:23,685
Good girl.
26
00:01:32,325 --> 00:01:34,325
[birds chirping]
27
00:01:42,725 --> 00:01:43,605
[Pat huffs]
28
00:01:44,285 --> 00:01:46,125
Do you still want me
to put it through the door?
29
00:01:46,285 --> 00:01:47,645
No, you can give it to me.
30
00:01:48,445 --> 00:01:51,325
Just a postcard from Mike and Beth,
whoever they are.
31
00:01:52,245 --> 00:01:53,085
Friends.
32
00:01:53,605 --> 00:01:54,685
What's it say?
33
00:01:54,765 --> 00:01:56,365
Just says, "Having a great time, and...
34
00:01:56,885 --> 00:01:57,965
Mike's had diarrhea."
35
00:02:00,205 --> 00:02:01,045
Good.
36
00:02:01,645 --> 00:02:04,525
Well, let's hope you're still my postman
when I'm blind.
37
00:02:09,125 --> 00:02:10,005
Go on.
38
00:02:14,165 --> 00:02:17,565
[woman] Well, we went to that nice
Greek restaurant that we usually go to.
39
00:02:17,645 --> 00:02:19,725
You know that one at the top of the road?
40
00:02:20,125 --> 00:02:22,885
Well, Sheila was in a terrible mood again.
Well...
41
00:02:26,165 --> 00:02:27,205
I'm going mad.
42
00:02:28,605 --> 00:02:30,325
You're only mad if they answer back.
43
00:02:31,245 --> 00:02:32,485
He does answer back.
44
00:02:33,285 --> 00:02:34,565
[birds chirping]
45
00:02:35,525 --> 00:02:36,445
What's he say?
46
00:02:37,165 --> 00:02:38,485
Depends what I ask him.
47
00:02:39,525 --> 00:02:40,365
'Course.
48
00:02:42,405 --> 00:02:43,245
Your mum?
49
00:02:46,125 --> 00:02:46,965
My wife.
50
00:02:47,965 --> 00:02:48,805
Oh.
51
00:02:50,045 --> 00:02:50,885
Sorry.
52
00:02:53,165 --> 00:02:54,605
Stan was my husband.
53
00:02:56,765 --> 00:02:57,605
I'm Anne.
54
00:02:58,685 --> 00:02:59,525
I'm Tony.
55
00:03:01,445 --> 00:03:02,325
Nice to meet you.
56
00:03:07,765 --> 00:03:09,005
He seems nice.
57
00:03:09,925 --> 00:03:11,685
- Does he agree?
- Of course.
58
00:03:12,885 --> 00:03:14,485
Never disagreed with me once.
59
00:03:14,565 --> 00:03:16,605
Not in 48 years. [chuckles]
60
00:03:20,645 --> 00:03:21,805
I didn't get that long.
61
00:03:36,205 --> 00:03:37,645
[breathes in deeply]
62
00:03:45,245 --> 00:03:47,405
I met a nice lady in the graveyard, Dad.
63
00:03:49,685 --> 00:03:51,285
Don't tell Lisa.
64
00:03:52,325 --> 00:03:53,445
[quietly] Fuck me.
65
00:03:55,325 --> 00:03:56,485
She's more your age.
66
00:03:59,165 --> 00:04:00,645
A bit of Viagra... [whistles]
67
00:04:00,725 --> 00:04:01,605
Bob's your uncle.
68
00:04:04,445 --> 00:04:05,285
Is he?
69
00:04:07,045 --> 00:04:08,085
Always nice to chat.
70
00:04:09,125 --> 00:04:10,765
Right, here we go at last.
71
00:04:10,845 --> 00:04:12,765
- [Tony] Hi.
- [nurse] Sorry about that. Hi.
72
00:04:13,405 --> 00:04:14,565
Right, cuppa tea.
73
00:04:15,125 --> 00:04:16,245
Two sugars.
74
00:04:16,644 --> 00:04:19,365
Right, let's get you sorted,
give you a wee comb.
75
00:04:21,165 --> 00:04:23,085
Doesn't look too bad, actually, does it?
76
00:04:23,925 --> 00:04:27,245
It's nice out there today.
We'll get out in the garden later on, eh?
77
00:04:29,365 --> 00:04:31,245
[sighing] I don't know how you do it.
78
00:04:31,885 --> 00:04:32,765
What?
79
00:04:32,845 --> 00:04:33,805
Stay sane.
80
00:04:34,845 --> 00:04:36,605
He doesn't know what you're on about,
does he?
81
00:04:36,685 --> 00:04:38,445
He doesn't remember you, I bet.
82
00:04:38,885 --> 00:04:40,285
He doesn't know he's alive.
83
00:04:40,525 --> 00:04:41,405
What is the point?
84
00:04:41,485 --> 00:04:42,925
What do you mean, "What's the point?"
85
00:04:43,365 --> 00:04:44,805
They helped us when they could,
86
00:04:44,885 --> 00:04:47,725
now they can't.
He can't even help himself, so I do.
87
00:04:48,445 --> 00:04:50,485
No, I know. But is it for the best?
88
00:04:51,365 --> 00:04:52,885
We don't know what they're feeling.
89
00:04:52,965 --> 00:04:53,885
They don't know.
90
00:04:54,365 --> 00:04:55,325
[nurse] So just in case,
91
00:04:55,725 --> 00:04:57,325
be nice to them, eh?
92
00:05:01,525 --> 00:05:02,365
[nurse sighs]
93
00:05:02,445 --> 00:05:04,525
[Tony] My dad's completely gone now.
94
00:05:04,765 --> 00:05:06,485
I feel bad that I resent
95
00:05:07,125 --> 00:05:08,685
having to visit him every day,
96
00:05:08,765 --> 00:05:10,765
but I know I'd feel bad
if I didn't visit every day.
97
00:05:10,845 --> 00:05:12,445
And then when I do visit him every day,
98
00:05:12,525 --> 00:05:15,245
I feel bad when I leave
'cause it was so depressing.
99
00:05:15,525 --> 00:05:18,565
I know I'm not thinking straight,
but I don't wanna think straight
100
00:05:18,645 --> 00:05:21,925
'cause when I do, I get even more
fucking depressed because...
101
00:05:22,645 --> 00:05:23,605
I just wanna sleep.
102
00:05:24,605 --> 00:05:25,765
You know, I haven't...
103
00:05:26,445 --> 00:05:27,725
Sorry, am I boring you?
104
00:05:28,445 --> 00:05:32,445
I just got into an argument on Twitter
with some absolute moron medical student.
105
00:05:32,525 --> 00:05:34,725
Now he's decided to block me
'cause he couldn't take it.
106
00:05:34,885 --> 00:05:35,725
[scoffs]
107
00:05:36,325 --> 00:05:37,445
It's pathetic.
108
00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:39,245
It is, yeah.
109
00:05:39,325 --> 00:05:41,685
[therapist scoffs] I'd love to meet him.
110
00:05:42,245 --> 00:05:43,085
Yeah?
111
00:05:43,165 --> 00:05:45,565
And fucking give him a good hiding.
[chuckles]
112
00:05:48,045 --> 00:05:50,045
[melancholy piano]
113
00:05:55,605 --> 00:05:57,085
[Tony] Off to buy some smack?
114
00:05:57,405 --> 00:05:58,245
Yep.
115
00:05:58,565 --> 00:06:00,045
How much do you get for that then?
116
00:06:00,645 --> 00:06:01,925
Err, just, um...
117
00:06:02,005 --> 00:06:03,165
It's like a little bag.
118
00:06:04,645 --> 00:06:05,925
I might join you one day.
119
00:06:07,525 --> 00:06:08,765
Yeah, anytime.
120
00:06:08,845 --> 00:06:09,685
Tonight?
121
00:06:10,725 --> 00:06:11,765
Err...
122
00:06:11,845 --> 00:06:12,685
How do you mean?
123
00:06:12,885 --> 00:06:14,285
I wanna try heroin tonight.
124
00:06:15,605 --> 00:06:16,885
What, you? Really?
125
00:06:16,965 --> 00:06:17,805
Yeah.
126
00:06:18,405 --> 00:06:19,525
Why not? Fuck it.
127
00:06:21,445 --> 00:06:22,525
How much for one try?
128
00:06:23,005 --> 00:06:24,325
Erm...
129
00:06:24,405 --> 00:06:25,325
One try, one hit.
130
00:06:25,405 --> 00:06:26,685
What do you want exactly?
131
00:06:27,045 --> 00:06:28,045
Not injecting it.
132
00:06:28,645 --> 00:06:31,965
I can't stand needles.
Also AIDS. I don't wanna die of that.
133
00:06:32,045 --> 00:06:33,845
You only get AIDS if you share needles.
134
00:06:33,925 --> 00:06:36,245
Anyway, these days,
you don't really die of it, so...
135
00:06:36,325 --> 00:06:38,605
So, everything moves on, dunnit?
136
00:06:39,525 --> 00:06:40,405
Even AIDS.
137
00:06:42,045 --> 00:06:44,805
Yeah, it's probably best
if you smoke a bit in a joint.
138
00:06:44,885 --> 00:06:45,765
It's no big deal.
139
00:06:45,845 --> 00:06:46,805
Chasing the dragon.
140
00:06:46,885 --> 00:06:47,885
[snorts quietly]
141
00:06:48,685 --> 00:06:49,525
Yeah.
142
00:06:50,165 --> 00:06:51,005
Okay.
143
00:06:51,965 --> 00:06:52,885
Get me, err...
144
00:06:55,125 --> 00:06:56,125
twenty quids' worth.
145
00:06:56,205 --> 00:06:57,525
Just want a little taster.
146
00:06:57,925 --> 00:06:58,765
[Julian] Okay.
147
00:06:58,845 --> 00:07:00,885
Bring it around at seven,
148
00:07:00,965 --> 00:07:02,325
- yeah?
- Yep.
149
00:07:02,405 --> 00:07:04,405
- [Tony] D'you know where I live?
- Yeah.
150
00:07:04,685 --> 00:07:06,445
And keep it...
151
00:07:07,485 --> 00:07:08,965
- All right?
- Okay.
152
00:07:20,725 --> 00:07:22,645
- You ready, Jabba?
- [Lenny] One minute.
153
00:07:34,765 --> 00:07:37,045
You get a lovely little handful
of his neck.
154
00:07:37,845 --> 00:07:38,685
Like a pug.
155
00:07:41,045 --> 00:07:42,205
[Braden] You all right?
156
00:07:43,725 --> 00:07:44,765
How's it going?
157
00:07:44,845 --> 00:07:48,725
I'm still alone, angry, in pain.
I can't wait to end it all. You?
158
00:07:49,685 --> 00:07:50,565
I'm fine, thanks.
159
00:07:51,085 --> 00:07:53,645
If you're not killing yourself tonight,
still okay to look after George?
160
00:07:53,725 --> 00:07:55,805
Yeah. What time did we say?
161
00:07:55,885 --> 00:07:57,205
About five.
162
00:07:57,685 --> 00:08:00,765
I've got a thing with Jill. Only be a
couple of hours. We'll be back by seven.
163
00:08:00,845 --> 00:08:02,325
Seven? By seven?
164
00:08:02,405 --> 00:08:04,365
I need to... I've got a thing at seven.
165
00:08:05,125 --> 00:08:06,085
Yeah.
166
00:08:07,125 --> 00:08:09,125
- Okay.
- What were you doing with his neck?
167
00:08:09,925 --> 00:08:12,245
Just showing Sandy the ropes.
168
00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:13,285
The consistency,
169
00:08:13,365 --> 00:08:15,205
which is not like neck at all.
170
00:08:15,285 --> 00:08:18,645
- It's more like breast or scrotum.
- Well, you're not touching them.
171
00:08:19,725 --> 00:08:21,885
- You all right with that?
- Yeah, fine. [sighs]
172
00:08:21,965 --> 00:08:22,805
[Tony] He's nodding.
173
00:08:24,285 --> 00:08:25,605
- You all right with that?
- Yeah.
174
00:08:25,685 --> 00:08:27,805
Why wouldn't she be all right
with me grabbing his neck?
175
00:08:27,885 --> 00:08:30,045
These days, it's a minefield.
176
00:08:31,165 --> 00:08:34,005
- Are you gonna do that story?
- Yeah, we're off to do it now. Come on.
177
00:08:35,605 --> 00:08:37,645
Is that how you were carried around
when you were young?
178
00:08:40,325 --> 00:08:42,125
- [Tony] See ya later.
- [Lenny] See ya.
179
00:08:42,205 --> 00:08:43,325
See ya.
180
00:08:43,405 --> 00:08:46,725
["London's Burning" on the recorder]
181
00:08:48,205 --> 00:08:50,205
[recorder continues]
182
00:08:50,765 --> 00:08:53,885
[recorder hits high notes]
183
00:09:03,165 --> 00:09:04,725
Wow. [scoffs, stutters]
184
00:09:06,005 --> 00:09:08,045
Lost for words. It's just...
185
00:09:08,365 --> 00:09:09,205
[Tony] Um...
186
00:09:10,085 --> 00:09:11,085
Err...
187
00:09:11,165 --> 00:09:13,525
How long did it take you to master the...
188
00:09:13,605 --> 00:09:15,325
double-nostril recorder?
189
00:09:15,405 --> 00:09:17,045
Few hours a day
for a few weeks, wasn't it?
190
00:09:17,125 --> 00:09:19,885
[chuckling] Yeah. Blimey. Did me head in.
191
00:09:19,965 --> 00:09:20,965
[laughs insincerely]
192
00:09:21,605 --> 00:09:22,885
All worth it now, though.
193
00:09:23,325 --> 00:09:25,445
- [woman] Yeah.
- [Tony] Yeah. Cool.
194
00:09:25,525 --> 00:09:26,565
'Cause I haven't got a job.
195
00:09:26,645 --> 00:09:27,645
No?
196
00:09:27,725 --> 00:09:29,725
So I've got lots of time. [chuckles]
197
00:09:29,805 --> 00:09:31,005
Use it wisely.
198
00:09:31,765 --> 00:09:34,085
[Tony] Funny, 'cause it was only
this morning, I was thinking
199
00:09:34,165 --> 00:09:38,205
my life was worthless, and I should
definitely kill myself, and then...
200
00:09:39,965 --> 00:09:41,565
Makes you think, dunnit?
201
00:09:41,645 --> 00:09:42,645
Yeah.
202
00:09:45,645 --> 00:09:46,605
Get a picture?
203
00:09:47,765 --> 00:09:48,925
Recorders in.
204
00:09:49,565 --> 00:09:51,645
- [recorders whistle]
- [Lenny] Stick em up. There ya go.
205
00:09:52,205 --> 00:09:53,765
- [camera beeps]
- [Tony] Fuck me.
206
00:09:55,485 --> 00:09:56,725
- [Lenny] Cheers.
- [woman] Thanks.
207
00:09:56,805 --> 00:09:57,805
[Lenny] Thank you.
208
00:09:58,765 --> 00:10:00,445
[Tony, sighing] Oh, fuck.
209
00:10:04,725 --> 00:10:05,845
[Lenny and woman muttering]
210
00:10:05,925 --> 00:10:07,045
[indistinct dialogue]
211
00:10:09,925 --> 00:10:11,045
That was funny.
212
00:10:11,685 --> 00:10:12,765
[Tony] Was it though?
213
00:10:13,325 --> 00:10:16,405
A fat kid who still lives at home
with his mum, no job,
214
00:10:16,485 --> 00:10:19,565
so he shoves recorders up his nose
and he wants the world to know.
215
00:10:19,845 --> 00:10:22,765
Why would people rather be famous
for being shit than not famous at all?
216
00:10:22,845 --> 00:10:23,805
When did that start?
217
00:10:23,885 --> 00:10:25,845
It's just a bit of a laugh.
We do these stories
218
00:10:25,925 --> 00:10:28,245
so people read them and go,
"Oh, that's interesting."
219
00:10:28,925 --> 00:10:30,005
Like a road accident.
220
00:10:30,525 --> 00:10:32,285
When you slow down
on the motorway you go,
221
00:10:32,365 --> 00:10:35,085
"Oh, that's interesting.
Oh, I wish I hadn't looked."
222
00:10:35,885 --> 00:10:37,885
Good how he played two at the same time.
223
00:10:41,405 --> 00:10:44,445
- [Tony] What did you say to the mother?
- Asked if I could call her.
224
00:10:44,525 --> 00:10:46,405
- [Tony] Why?
- What do you mean, "why?"
225
00:10:46,725 --> 00:10:48,965
- Why would you need to call her?
- For a date.
226
00:10:49,445 --> 00:10:51,205
You asked the fat kid's mom out on a date?
227
00:10:51,285 --> 00:10:52,245
Yeah.
228
00:10:52,325 --> 00:10:53,885
- [Tony] Unbelievable.
- Why?
229
00:10:54,445 --> 00:10:55,885
[Tony] Unprofessional. Embarrassing.
230
00:10:55,965 --> 00:10:56,805
For who?
231
00:10:57,085 --> 00:10:58,925
For me, for her, probably.
232
00:10:59,005 --> 00:11:00,165
Well, she said yes.
233
00:11:00,245 --> 00:11:03,325
[Tony] Seems odd. You meet a woman
who wants to get a fat kid in the paper,
234
00:11:03,405 --> 00:11:04,805
and you hit on her immediately.
235
00:11:04,885 --> 00:11:06,525
I've got a very high sex drive.
236
00:11:06,605 --> 00:11:08,645
Okay, well never say those words again.
237
00:11:09,045 --> 00:11:11,045
[computer keyboard clattering]
238
00:11:15,325 --> 00:11:16,165
Oh.
239
00:11:16,685 --> 00:11:17,765
It's coming this way.
240
00:11:19,085 --> 00:11:21,485
Be very still and it might not see us.
241
00:11:24,645 --> 00:11:26,485
Nah, we're done for.
242
00:11:27,005 --> 00:11:28,325
It's stopping.
243
00:11:30,565 --> 00:11:32,045
- All right?
- [Sandy] Hi.
244
00:11:33,565 --> 00:11:35,645
- [distant telephone ringing]
- [Kath sighs]
245
00:11:38,365 --> 00:11:39,685
Do you have weird dreams?
246
00:11:40,965 --> 00:11:41,805
[Sandy] Erm...
247
00:11:42,805 --> 00:11:44,205
- Sometimes.
- [Kath] Mmm.
248
00:11:44,285 --> 00:11:45,125
Yeah.
249
00:11:46,685 --> 00:11:47,765
What about you?
250
00:11:47,845 --> 00:11:50,405
I don't have any dreams at the moment
'cause I'm not sleeping.
251
00:11:50,485 --> 00:11:53,045
But even if I did,
I wouldn't tell them to anyone
252
00:11:53,125 --> 00:11:56,765
because there is nothing more boring
than someone telling you a dream they had.
253
00:11:57,205 --> 00:11:58,605
See what you think of this then.
254
00:11:59,205 --> 00:12:01,765
- She's gonna tell us anyway-.
- [Kath] I was looking in the mirror,
255
00:12:02,405 --> 00:12:04,325
and I looked really weird
256
00:12:04,405 --> 00:12:05,925
and I could pull my hair out...
257
00:12:06,005 --> 00:12:06,845
I know how you feel.
258
00:12:06,925 --> 00:12:08,085
And...
259
00:12:08,165 --> 00:12:10,365
So I tried my teeth,
and my teeth were loose,
260
00:12:10,765 --> 00:12:13,125
but then, it wasn't me, it was a baby.
261
00:12:13,205 --> 00:12:14,685
What the hell does that mean?
262
00:12:14,765 --> 00:12:17,605
Wow. You had that dream with the baby
and the teeth and the hair?
263
00:12:17,685 --> 00:12:20,485
- Mmm.
- Wow, I don't know if it was Freud or Jung
264
00:12:20,565 --> 00:12:23,085
that said if you have that dream
and tell other people about it,
265
00:12:23,165 --> 00:12:24,485
you're really fucking boring.
266
00:12:24,965 --> 00:12:25,805
Rude.
267
00:12:27,165 --> 00:12:29,005
Make a good column, though,
wouldn't it, dreams?
268
00:12:29,085 --> 00:12:31,925
[Tony] No. I tell you what would be good.
I haven't been sleeping,
269
00:12:32,005 --> 00:12:35,125
so if you could come around every night
and talk to me for five minutes,
270
00:12:35,205 --> 00:12:37,645
and then sneak out as I slip into a coma,
271
00:12:37,725 --> 00:12:39,685
that'd be really good.
272
00:12:40,045 --> 00:12:42,365
[Kath] Thought of another feature
for the paper, actually.
273
00:12:42,445 --> 00:12:44,445
Fantasy dinner-party guests.
274
00:12:45,005 --> 00:12:47,965
Brilliant, hey? Pick your top five
favorite people, and why.
275
00:12:48,045 --> 00:12:49,165
Why, indeed.
276
00:12:49,245 --> 00:12:51,365
Who would yours be?
Five people, dead or alive.
277
00:12:51,445 --> 00:12:52,485
Dead.
278
00:12:52,565 --> 00:12:54,645
- Who, though?
- Doesn't matter, as long as they're dead.
279
00:12:54,725 --> 00:12:56,125
[sighing] I know mine.
280
00:12:56,205 --> 00:12:58,245
- [Tony] Of course you do.
- Number one, James Corden.
281
00:12:58,325 --> 00:13:00,645
- Fuck me.
- We could do that Carpool Karaoke.
282
00:13:00,725 --> 00:13:02,245
Could you do Carpool Kamikaze?
283
00:13:02,325 --> 00:13:03,765
That man can do anything.
284
00:13:03,845 --> 00:13:06,205
- And does.
- I know the cool kids don't like him,
285
00:13:06,285 --> 00:13:07,765
but he never stops working.
286
00:13:07,845 --> 00:13:10,525
- As a chauffeur mainly.
- He's a grafter, like me.
287
00:13:10,925 --> 00:13:11,885
Princess Diana.
288
00:13:12,645 --> 00:13:14,685
She'd know how she died.
You know, what happened.
289
00:13:14,765 --> 00:13:17,085
So we'd be able to sort that out,
once and for all.
290
00:13:17,165 --> 00:13:19,805
So you've brought this poor woman
back to life
291
00:13:19,885 --> 00:13:21,845
so you can quiz her about how she died?
292
00:13:21,925 --> 00:13:24,965
The dead always want to tell their story
so they can be at peace.
293
00:13:25,045 --> 00:13:27,885
She's not at peace. She's in a room
with you and James fuckin' Corden.
294
00:13:27,965 --> 00:13:29,325
- Mr. Bean.
- Fictional.
295
00:13:29,405 --> 00:13:30,605
Hilarious, more like.
296
00:13:30,685 --> 00:13:34,085
You've invited multimillionaire
Rowan Atkinson, right,
297
00:13:34,165 --> 00:13:38,085
along to a dinner party with you,
a dead woman, and James Corden,
298
00:13:38,365 --> 00:13:39,885
and you expect him to stay in character
299
00:13:39,965 --> 00:13:42,445
for three hours as Mr. fuckin' Bean?
300
00:13:42,845 --> 00:13:44,285
It's up to me who I invite.
301
00:13:46,645 --> 00:13:47,485
Kevin Hart,
302
00:13:47,565 --> 00:13:48,885
funniest man in the world.
303
00:13:49,445 --> 00:13:51,285
- That's four, innit?
- Yeah.
304
00:13:51,365 --> 00:13:53,125
- Michael Jackson.
- [Tony scoffs]
305
00:13:54,125 --> 00:13:56,845
James Corden would come
if Jacko walked in.
306
00:13:56,925 --> 00:13:58,965
Just fuckin' drench everyone.
307
00:13:59,485 --> 00:14:00,605
You need to grow up.
308
00:14:02,525 --> 00:14:04,805
Worst dinner party ever.
309
00:14:07,685 --> 00:14:08,685
[sighing] Oh, good.
310
00:14:10,005 --> 00:14:11,005
Busy?
311
00:14:11,365 --> 00:14:12,205
Trying to be.
312
00:14:12,285 --> 00:14:13,685
It doesn't look like you are.
313
00:14:13,765 --> 00:14:16,085
Watching her bothering us
while we're trying to work?
314
00:14:16,165 --> 00:14:17,845
Can you do what I asked you to do, please?
315
00:14:17,925 --> 00:14:19,405
You're meant to be teaching Sandy...
316
00:14:19,485 --> 00:14:20,565
She's learning a lot.
317
00:14:22,005 --> 00:14:22,845
Please.
318
00:14:30,645 --> 00:14:32,205
Right, it's going. Come on.
319
00:14:32,285 --> 00:14:33,725
- No, come on.
- Yeah.
320
00:14:33,965 --> 00:14:36,765
- This is stupid. You're gonna get hurt.
- Why?
321
00:14:36,845 --> 00:14:38,765
- Because you're old!
- I'm not old.
322
00:14:38,845 --> 00:14:40,965
- [Lisa] I'm old. Look, I'm drunk.
- Come on.
323
00:14:41,045 --> 00:14:43,285
- I know, but that's good if you're drunk.
- No, it's stupid.
324
00:14:43,365 --> 00:14:45,485
Drunk people, they sort of bounce.
All right, come on.
325
00:14:45,565 --> 00:14:48,445
If I fall on you,
I'm not taking you to A&E.
326
00:14:48,525 --> 00:14:50,765
- [Tony] No. Okay.
- Right, go. Go. [laughing]
327
00:14:50,845 --> 00:14:52,205
Stupid thing!
328
00:14:52,285 --> 00:14:53,725
- [whooping] I'm flying!
- [Tony whoops]
329
00:14:53,805 --> 00:14:55,405
[Tony laughing loudly]
330
00:14:55,485 --> 00:14:56,525
Yes!
331
00:14:56,605 --> 00:14:58,805
[Tony] Let go, sweetie. Let go.
332
00:14:58,885 --> 00:15:02,045
- [Tony] Whoa! Argh! [laughing]
- [Lisa laughing hysterically]
333
00:15:03,525 --> 00:15:04,845
[keyboard clattering]
334
00:15:08,645 --> 00:15:11,645
So what sort of journalism
are you interested in?
335
00:15:12,365 --> 00:15:13,845
You don't have to babysit me.
336
00:15:15,045 --> 00:15:16,445
I'm happy to just sit here.
337
00:15:18,005 --> 00:15:19,165
I like peace and quiet.
338
00:15:19,765 --> 00:15:22,645
I live at home with my mum,
dad, brother and sister, so...
339
00:15:23,165 --> 00:15:25,005
the house can be quite full of life.
340
00:15:26,085 --> 00:15:27,405
- [Sandy sighs]
- What?
341
00:15:27,845 --> 00:15:28,685
[quietly] I'm sorry.
342
00:15:28,765 --> 00:15:30,205
What? What's the matter?
343
00:15:32,245 --> 00:15:33,085
You're sad.
344
00:15:33,845 --> 00:15:34,925
It's fine, seriously.
345
00:15:35,925 --> 00:15:38,605
I was married for 25 years.
It was brilliant.
346
00:15:39,565 --> 00:15:41,285
Now it's over. It's not your problem.
347
00:15:42,405 --> 00:15:43,965
- Did you not want any kids?
- No.
348
00:15:44,965 --> 00:15:48,445
- Annoying little fuckers.
- [laughs and sighs]
349
00:15:50,325 --> 00:15:51,965
You can still be happy.
350
00:15:52,045 --> 00:15:53,525
[whispering] I'll try, but stop crying
351
00:15:53,605 --> 00:15:55,565
because people will think
I said summat awful.
352
00:15:55,645 --> 00:15:57,485
- Okay.
- [whispering] Okay. Shhhh.
353
00:15:58,245 --> 00:16:01,605
See, this is why I don't want kids.
They're too snotty and pathetic.
354
00:16:01,685 --> 00:16:02,925
[Sandy laughs]
355
00:16:03,485 --> 00:16:04,485
Oh!
356
00:16:04,565 --> 00:16:05,965
I think he's gonna eat. Watch this.
357
00:16:27,445 --> 00:16:28,925
He told you to watch me eat, didn't he?
358
00:16:29,005 --> 00:16:29,885
Yeah.
359
00:16:30,525 --> 00:16:32,205
- Thoughts?
- It's fine.
360
00:16:33,285 --> 00:16:35,485
No, exactly. I put the food in my gob,
361
00:16:35,565 --> 00:16:37,725
I chew it, I swallow it,
just like everyone else.
362
00:16:37,805 --> 00:16:40,725
But from here,
it looks like that super photography
363
00:16:40,805 --> 00:16:45,805
when they sort of magnify a snail,
like one thousand times, eating a cabbage.
364
00:16:45,885 --> 00:16:48,765
No, nothing like that.
You'd never catch me eating cabbages.
365
00:16:48,845 --> 00:16:50,765
My granddad never used to eat cabbages.
366
00:16:50,845 --> 00:16:53,325
Did he die of diabetes like he's gonna?
367
00:16:53,405 --> 00:16:54,485
No, bowel cancer.
368
00:16:57,205 --> 00:16:58,805
Do you get any fiber in your diet?
369
00:16:58,885 --> 00:16:59,845
Yeah, loads.
370
00:16:59,925 --> 00:17:02,045
- What fruit and veg?
- Meant to have five a day.
371
00:17:02,165 --> 00:17:04,285
- How many portions do you have a day?
- Ten.
372
00:17:04,365 --> 00:17:05,925
- Potatoes don't count.
- None, then.
373
00:17:23,724 --> 00:17:25,724
- [klaxon hoots]
- [Lisa screams]
374
00:17:25,805 --> 00:17:28,765
- [Tony laughing hysterically]
- Oh, my God, Tony! [laughs]
375
00:17:29,725 --> 00:17:32,565
- You're such a dick!
- [Tony laughing] Oh!
376
00:17:32,925 --> 00:17:34,285
- That's really good.
- [Lisa] Thanks.
377
00:17:34,365 --> 00:17:35,845
[Tony] I like to think that I helped...
378
00:17:35,925 --> 00:17:37,805
- [Lisa] Yeah, that bit.
- [Tony laughing]
379
00:17:37,885 --> 00:17:39,725
- [Lisa] You can sign that bit.
- [doorbell rings]
380
00:17:39,805 --> 00:17:41,805
[Lisa] Yeah, where I jumped.
381
00:17:47,605 --> 00:17:50,125
- [Braden] Hey. You all right?
- Good. All right, George?
382
00:17:50,205 --> 00:17:53,165
- So I'll be back about seven.
- Make sure it is. I've got that thing.
383
00:17:53,245 --> 00:17:55,165
- Okay, no worries. See you then.
- Yep.
384
00:17:55,525 --> 00:17:56,965
Be a good boy for Uncle Tony, George!
385
00:17:58,685 --> 00:18:02,245
Um, maybe don't bring up
the wanting to kill yourself thing.
386
00:18:03,445 --> 00:18:04,325
As if I would.
387
00:18:04,845 --> 00:18:06,725
Sorry. Yeah, I know. Okay.
388
00:18:08,005 --> 00:18:09,205
What if he brings it up?
389
00:18:10,565 --> 00:18:11,645
Why would he bring it up?
390
00:18:12,725 --> 00:18:13,565
He wouldn't.
391
00:18:14,045 --> 00:18:15,005
It was a joke.
392
00:18:15,085 --> 00:18:16,125
Oh. [laughs feebly]
393
00:18:17,485 --> 00:18:19,165
- All right, see ya later.
- See ya later.
394
00:18:24,725 --> 00:18:25,565
Do you want a drink?
395
00:18:25,645 --> 00:18:26,685
Yes, please.
396
00:18:31,485 --> 00:18:33,165
- Whiskey?
- [chuckles]
397
00:18:35,165 --> 00:18:36,365
And we've got... Oh.
398
00:18:37,565 --> 00:18:38,405
Coke?
399
00:18:38,965 --> 00:18:39,925
[can opening]
400
00:18:41,765 --> 00:18:42,765
[Tony sighs]
401
00:18:45,325 --> 00:18:47,965
Daddy says you're sad
since Auntie Lisa died.
402
00:18:48,765 --> 00:18:49,605
Yep.
403
00:18:50,125 --> 00:18:51,085
I'm sad, too.
404
00:18:51,805 --> 00:18:53,805
I dream about her sometimes.
405
00:18:55,125 --> 00:18:56,165
Me too.
406
00:18:56,245 --> 00:18:58,205
Why didn't the doctors make her better?
407
00:19:00,165 --> 00:19:01,005
They tried.
408
00:19:01,805 --> 00:19:03,445
Why didn't Jesus save her?
409
00:19:03,525 --> 00:19:05,005
'Cause he's an arsehole.
410
00:19:05,085 --> 00:19:06,045
[laughs]
411
00:19:06,125 --> 00:19:08,645
- Don't tell your mum and dad I said that.
- I won't.
412
00:19:09,645 --> 00:19:11,205
- You had your tea?
- No.
413
00:19:11,845 --> 00:19:13,325
- Hungry?
- Yeah.
414
00:19:14,325 --> 00:19:15,525
Shall we go to the cafe?
415
00:19:16,125 --> 00:19:18,365
- [George] Yeah.
- Yeah. Come on then.
416
00:19:20,525 --> 00:19:22,365
- You got any money?
- No.
417
00:19:22,445 --> 00:19:23,645
Loser. [clears throat]
418
00:19:27,125 --> 00:19:29,205
[Tony] What d'you fancy?
- Mmm...
419
00:19:29,685 --> 00:19:31,285
Fish fingers and beans.
420
00:19:31,365 --> 00:19:32,205
[Tony] Good choice.
421
00:19:32,925 --> 00:19:34,125
Think I'll have that.
422
00:19:35,245 --> 00:19:38,325
- What can I get for ya?
- We're having the fish fingers and beans.
423
00:19:38,685 --> 00:19:40,645
That's only on the children's menu,
I'm afraid.
424
00:19:40,725 --> 00:19:42,205
Yeah, I'm not very hungry.
425
00:19:42,485 --> 00:19:43,885
I can't let you order that.
426
00:19:44,605 --> 00:19:45,445
What do you mean?
427
00:19:46,125 --> 00:19:47,405
It's for children. [laughs]
428
00:19:47,805 --> 00:19:49,885
But... I can eat what children eat,
can't I?
429
00:19:49,965 --> 00:19:51,365
Yeah, but it's only £4.99.
430
00:19:51,845 --> 00:19:53,885
Yeah, I know,
'cause it's a smaller portion.
431
00:19:54,765 --> 00:19:56,285
I'm paying child's prices,
432
00:19:56,365 --> 00:19:58,205
but I'm getting a children's portion.
433
00:19:59,005 --> 00:20:01,485
Yeah, but we made it cheaper
'cause it's for kids.
434
00:20:01,925 --> 00:20:03,485
I know, 'cause they're smaller.
435
00:20:03,685 --> 00:20:06,005
It's smaller 'cause they're smaller.
It's not a concession.
436
00:20:06,085 --> 00:20:09,405
It's not 'cause they're unemployed, is it?
And also, an adult's paying, so...
437
00:20:09,485 --> 00:20:10,485
It's the rules.
438
00:20:11,885 --> 00:20:13,645
- Is it?
- Mmm.
439
00:20:14,245 --> 00:20:15,085
Right.
440
00:20:15,645 --> 00:20:18,045
Well, he'll have fish fingers and beans...
441
00:20:18,125 --> 00:20:19,125
twice.
442
00:20:20,885 --> 00:20:23,005
- You'll just eat one of them, won't ya?
- Nah.
443
00:20:23,525 --> 00:20:24,605
So what are you ordering?
444
00:20:24,685 --> 00:20:27,045
As I say, I'm not very hungry,
so I'll just get a coffee.
445
00:20:28,725 --> 00:20:29,605
[huffs]
446
00:20:32,805 --> 00:20:33,805
Both for him, are they?
447
00:20:42,245 --> 00:20:43,525
- That good?
- Mm.
448
00:20:44,965 --> 00:20:46,965
[customers chattering]
449
00:20:48,405 --> 00:20:49,445
Mmm.
450
00:21:01,125 --> 00:21:03,125
[Brandy panting]
451
00:21:04,685 --> 00:21:06,125
[under breath] Fuckin' 'ell.
452
00:21:06,205 --> 00:21:07,965
[quietly] Where's your fuckin' dad?
453
00:21:09,245 --> 00:21:11,205
- [doorbell rings]
- Oh. Oh, no.
454
00:21:11,285 --> 00:21:13,605
Please don't be Julian.
Please don't be Julian.
455
00:21:15,245 --> 00:21:16,125
Yes!
456
00:21:17,725 --> 00:21:19,365
- George!
- I'm sorry, erm...
457
00:21:19,445 --> 00:21:21,085
[Tony] It's all right. See ya later.
458
00:21:21,165 --> 00:21:22,725
- Cheers.
[Braden] There he is. All right?
459
00:21:23,125 --> 00:21:24,245
- See you tomorrow.
- All right?
460
00:21:24,325 --> 00:21:25,245
- Yeah, good.
- Yeah?
461
00:21:25,325 --> 00:21:27,845
- Had a good time?
- Yeah, good. Off you... Fuck.
462
00:21:28,325 --> 00:21:30,485
- Hey, what are you doing here?
- [Tony] Because...
463
00:21:31,005 --> 00:21:33,845
he's come around to talk about
getting started on the paper.
464
00:21:35,005 --> 00:21:36,245
- Not this.
- Oh, right.
465
00:21:36,325 --> 00:21:37,405
- Great.
- Exactly.
466
00:21:37,485 --> 00:21:39,125
- Right...
- [Braden] Got a takeaway?
467
00:21:39,205 --> 00:21:40,125
It's drugs.
468
00:21:40,205 --> 00:21:41,685
- You don't need to answer...
- What?
469
00:21:41,765 --> 00:21:43,605
And it's seven, so go.
470
00:21:43,685 --> 00:21:45,405
- Okay.
- [Tony] Come in.
471
00:21:46,165 --> 00:21:47,245
[Braden] Was that all right?
472
00:21:47,325 --> 00:21:49,565
Why would you say drugs?
473
00:21:57,405 --> 00:22:00,885
♪ I packed my bags last night
Preflight ♪
474
00:22:04,365 --> 00:22:07,445
♪ Zero hour, 9:00 a.m. ♪
475
00:22:10,965 --> 00:22:15,445
♪ And I'm gonna be high ♪
476
00:22:16,045 --> 00:22:18,845
♪ As a kite by then ♪
477
00:22:25,005 --> 00:22:27,645
♪ I miss the Earth so much ♪
478
00:22:27,725 --> 00:22:29,445
♪ I miss my wife ♪
479
00:22:33,085 --> 00:22:36,205
♪ It's lonely out in space ♪
480
00:22:38,725 --> 00:22:43,885
♪ On such a timeless flight ♪
481
00:22:53,005 --> 00:22:56,405
♪ And I think it's gonna be
a long, long time ♪
482
00:22:56,485 --> 00:22:59,925
♪ 'Till touch down
brings me round again to find ♪
483
00:23:00,445 --> 00:23:03,405
♪ I'm not the man
they think I am at home ♪
484
00:23:03,485 --> 00:23:05,325
♪ Oh, no, no, no ♪
485
00:23:06,085 --> 00:23:08,445
♪ I'm a rocket man ♪
486
00:23:10,005 --> 00:23:11,485
♪ Rocket man ♪
487
00:23:11,565 --> 00:23:14,925
♪ Burning out his fuse up here alone ♪
488
00:23:20,965 --> 00:23:24,405
♪ And I think it's gonna be
a long, long time ♪
489
00:23:24,485 --> 00:23:28,285
♪ 'Till touch down
brings me round again to find ♪
490
00:23:28,365 --> 00:23:31,365
♪ I'm not the man
they think I am at home ♪
491
00:23:31,445 --> 00:23:33,645
♪ Oh, no, no, no ♪
492
00:23:34,245 --> 00:23:36,605
♪ I'm a rocket man ♪
493
00:23:38,085 --> 00:23:39,605
♪ Rocket man ♪
494
00:23:39,685 --> 00:23:43,085
♪ Burning out his fuse up here alone ♪
495
00:23:49,285 --> 00:23:52,525
♪ And I think it's gonna be
a long, long time ♪
496
00:23:52,605 --> 00:23:56,285
♪ 'Till touch down
brings me round again to find ♪
497
00:23:56,365 --> 00:23:59,405
♪ I'm not the man
they think I am at home ♪
498
00:23:59,485 --> 00:24:01,525
♪ Oh, no, no, no ♪
499
00:24:02,285 --> 00:24:04,485
♪ I'm a rocket man ♪
500
00:24:06,165 --> 00:24:07,485
♪ Rocket man ♪
501
00:24:07,805 --> 00:24:11,325
♪ Burning out his fuse up here alone ♪
502
00:24:14,645 --> 00:24:18,685
♪ And I think it's gonna be
a long, long time... ♪
33745
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