All language subtitles for The.Punk.Singer.2013.720p.WEB-DL.DD5.1.h.264-fiend

I'm their worst
nightmare come to life.

I'm a girl who can't shut up.

There's not a guy big enough
can handle this mouth.

I'm gonna tell everyone
what you did to me.

♪ It was the middle of
the night in my house ♪

♪ it was the middle of
the night in my house ♪

♪ it was the middle of
the night in my house ♪

♪ it was the middle of
the night in my house ♪

It was the middle of the night

in my house, only I
wasn't dreaming.

I wasn't dreaming.

I don't really think
I was dreaming.

I really think something
happened in that house.

♪ It was the middle of
the night in my house ♪

♪ it was the middle of
the night in my house ♪

♪ I am your worst
nightmare come to life,

and I'm not gonna shut up ♪

♪ I'm gonna tell everyone ♪

♪ I'm gonna tell everyone ♪

I discovered Kathy Acker, the
American writer, and I went to

this workshop that she did, and

she told me, "why do
you want to write?"

And I said, "because nobody has
ever listened to me my whole

life, and I have all this
stuff that I want to say."

And she said, "then, why
are you doing spoken word?

You should be in a band,
because nobody goes to

spoken word, but people
go to see bands."

So, I went home, and
I started a band.

♪ That girl thinks she's the
queen of the neighborhood ♪

♪ she got the hottest
dyke in town ♪

♪ that girl, she holds
her head up so high ♪

♪ I think I wanna be her
best friend, yeah ♪

♪ rebel girl ♪

♪ rebel girl ♪

♪ rebel girl, you are
the queen of my world ♪

♪ rebel girl ♪

♪ rebel girl ♪

♪ I think I want
to take you home ♪

♪ I want to try
on your clothes ♪

Bikini kill wasn't
just the best girl band.

They were the best band.

♪ When she talks, I
hear the revolutions ♪

Kathleen's voice was so

strong and so
powerful and so punk.

♪ The revolution's coming ♪

♪ in her kiss, I taste
the evolution ♪

♪ rebel girl ♪

♪ rebel girl ♪

This was not a girl who was

gonna fade into the background.

♪ Rebel girl ♪

♪ rebel girl ♪

Kathleen was like a beam of

light through the entire crowd

that just, like, infused
everyone with revolution.

It's all about speaking
what's unspoken, screaming

what's unspoken, and that's what

Kathleen was never afraid to do.

♪ That girl thinks
she's the queen... ♪

Kathleen Hanna is an amazing
singer, activist who I think

changed a lot of girls' lives
because she created a new role

model that was, like, sexy and
tough and angry and funny and

all of those things at once.

♪ You are the
queen of my world ♪

Kathleen can sound
arrestingly young, but then it

just makes the words, like, have

more of an impact, especially

when she's singing about
topics like rape.

The big question is in the
last few years, like, why she

hasn't been doing more.

♪ Rebel girl ♪

What happened?

Why has she forsaken
us, you know?

Like, what did we
do that was so bad?

No. Unh-unh.

I don't, actually.

Well, it's so
all-encompassing, the question.

There's so much to ask.

That's Kathleen Hanna.

She used to be with a punk band

called bikini kill and followed

that with a popular
band, Le Tigre.

Kathleen also cofounded the

feminist movement
called riot grrrl.

She's been described as
an unstoppable force.

As part of our series titled

"musicians and artists who make

a difference," Kathleen talks

about her beginnings and why,

in 2005, she stopped performing.

These are my origin stories.

I have a few I can flip through
because things never really

begin at the beginning.

I was born in Portland, Oregon.

My mom was a nurse.

My dad was a pipe fitter.

My sister's four
years older than me.

I already knew I was gonna
be some kind of artist.

I just didn't know what kind.

My mom and I had a really
specific relationship.

She's totally sadistic and
funny, and I say that with,

like, love and generosity
towards her in my heart.

One of my first big memories was

my mom heard about this
thing, the trust game.

It's like a trust-building
exercise, and she's like, "I'm

gonna get on my knees, and I'm

gonna fall backwards,
and you catch me.

And then you stand up, and you

fall backwards, and
I'll catch you."

So, she falls backwards,
and, like, I catch her.

And then, I fall back, and my

mom steps out of the
way and lets me fall.

And I look up from the carpet,

and my mom's standing over me,
laughing at me, and she says,

"let that be a lesson to you.

Don't trust anyone, not
even your own mother."

♪ Uh-oh ♪

I moved a lot as a kid.

We moved every three years, and

when I was 14, we moved all the
way across the country, from

Maryland to the
pacific northwest.

I went to college at
evergreen state college in

Olympia, Washington.

And I studied photography.

That's when I first
met Kathleen Hanna.

She literally made an entrance,

'cause I remember she
was late for a class.

I guess my first impressions

were, she reminded me of a
young Elizabeth Taylor.

Tammy rae was just the
punkest thing I'd ever seen and

had all these ideas and, like,

taught me about sonic youth and

pixies, stuff I
didn't know about.

We were all trying to make
feminist work that was kind of

inspired by Jenny Holzer
and Barbara kruger.

We were taking these photo
classes, and when we would bring

in our work, we were treated
like we were crazy.

I made work about sexism.

I took pictures from books
I found in the library.

So, I did this thing that
juxtaposed the images of the

women and then this picture of

the little girl in this, like,

portrait, and it said, "pretend

you like it" on her, and then it

said, "believe you like
it" on the housewives.

Because my work was censored
from the college, we started an

art gallery in, like, an old
garage, and it was called

reko muse, and it was, like, a

feminist art space that me
and my friends started.

I think we were coming into
a really heightened level of

awareness, in terms of feminism

and sexist
representation of women.

A really very clear memory I
have of Kathleen showing me a

copy of a copy of an article

from time magazine --
"is feminism dead?"

We both got really emotional,

like it couldn't be dead
because we were living it.

We were doing it and
thinking it and feeling it.

You know, how could it be dead?

I was working on a project,

fashion show, where I made all

the clothes for a fashion show,

and I silk-screened all these

fabrics and stuff,
using photography.

And I was working late at night

in the lab, and while I was at
work, my best friend, she was

assaulted at our house.

She went in her room and fell

asleep, and she woke up, and he
was standing in her doorway.

He grabbed her by the neck, and

he started dragging
her up the stairs.

And he was saying shit like,

"I'm gonna rape you, then
I'm gonna kill you."

And she was actually
a music major.

It was the first time she was
writing her own symphony.

And she told me that when she

was on the stairs, she thought,
"I'm gonna finish my fucking

symphony," and she just flipped

out and just, like, punched him
and got loose and got away.

And I came home, and she
was, like, all beat up.

I was like, "I have to make
sure this never happens again."

I made a dress that said, "as he

drug her upstairs by her neck."

I didn't even want to finish,

but she was like, "you
have to finish it."

So, I ended up making -- that

project was just about me being
able to finish something.

And then I realized in the

middle of it, it wasn't
just about that.

It was, I had to take this
thing that had happened to my

friend -- it had affected me
-- and put it into my work.

I couldn't keep it out.

Like, it was just totally
impossible for me to keep it out.

I mean, I remember the first
time I saw her, it was like,

"who is this person that she

just has, like, this
commanding presence?"

She's just like, "yes, I'm doing

a fashion show in the
library building."

You know what I mean?

It was like, "we're only 18,"

like, you know what I mean?

What are you doing?

Kathleen and I, we
were both going to

evergreen state college.

Our friends had this idea
that was, like, called "the

revolution girl style now."

That was sort of like our idea.

Like, "let's get all these girls

somehow to play instruments."

I'd read Jigsaw,
Tobi's fanzine.

And she was one of the only
girls I knew around who was

talking about feminism and

punk rock kind of in
the same sentence.

Tobi was like, "Kathi, do you

know how to play
guitar or something?"

I was like, "no."

"Do you know how to play bass?"

"No."

She's like, "do you
want to start a band?"

I was like, "okay."

Tobi was like, "I think we

should ask this girl
Kathleen to be the singer."

I was like, "yeah, we should,"

'cause she's perfect
to be a singer.

You couldn't get
a better singer.

You couldn't ask for a
better front person.

And we all got together and

started playing at
Tobi's parents' house.

It was just the three of us
for, like, months and months.

We wanted a girl guitar player,
but we just couldn't do it.

We would have people
come and play with us.

But it just didn't work.

And then Tobi was kind of like,

"I think we should
ask my friend bill."

And I'm like, "oh, I
guess we can try it."

And then that was it.

We're bikini kill.

We're bikini kill,
and we want revolution.

Girl style now!

Hey, girlfriend, I
got a proposition.

Goes something like this.

♪ Dare ya to do what you want ♪

♪ dare ya to be who you will ♪

♪ dare ya to cry
right out loud ♪

♪ you get so emotional, baby ♪

♪ double dare ya ♪

♪ double dare ya ♪

♪ double dare ya ♪

What everybody said about us

was that we couldn't play our

instruments, and we said, "and?"

We were a young band getting a
ton of attention in a scene

where there were a ton of bands,

and everybody wanted attention.

And we didn't realize it at the

time because we weren't
really that careerist.

We didn't give a shit.

We weren't making money.

We knew we were never gonna
make money, and it was really

important that we
made our music.

We were on a mission, and we
were gonna do what we did,

whether we got attention or not.

We were spreading the message on

the road at our shows, handing

out fliers, telling people
what we were doing.

Our fanzines were all about
feminism and political issues.

We just tried to take feminist

stuff that we read in books and

then filter it through
a punk rock lens.

Just wait.

Zoom in on that.

In a hundred years, this

footage will be worth quite
a bit of money -- not.

Fanzine by me, by me.

3-d cover.

Gonna be red.

It's gonna be red.

Ooh!

Giving me a flier at a show,

handing it to me and smiling at

me, that's as much of the way
Kathleen communicates as when

she's on stage, singing
really powerful lyrics.

It was so great, you know?

She just presented all
of that, like, "kapow!

Here I am, and I'm gonna talk
like this, and I'm gonna sound

like a valley girl, and what I'm

gonna say is actually totally

brilliant, and you have
to take me seriously."

I got a valley girl accent

from "the valley girl handbook,"

and me and my best friend,
Angela cheever, we lived in

Maryland, and we desperately
wanted to be the kind of girls

who had credit cards.

I think we thought it made us

sound like we were, like, rich.

We thought it was
like a posh accent.

It goes to show that you can

be just, like, you know, I don't

know, some valley girl, and you
still can be smart and have

feminist ideas, and you still
should be listened to.

It was an exciting moment for

a lot of young
women, especially.

It was speaking to women and
wanting to connect with women.

And that I think is why the

intervention of bikini
kill was really necessary.

It was, like, basically
me and Tobi and Kathi.

We're like, "we're gonna take

over the punk rock
scene for feminists."

♪ You hold me down ♪

♪ you hold me down
like a magnet ♪

She was, like, by, for, and

about women -- her
thing, their thing.

But they had Billy.

He was a boy.

But he was like -- all boys
around her were kind of just --

"we kind of need you
to do some shit.

So, will you just do the shit,
'cause we are doing the top."

♪ I've got the love
that's strong and not weak ♪

♪ I've got the love that's
strong and not weak ♪

♪ I've got the love that's
strong and not weak ♪

♪ I've got the love that's
strong and not weak ♪

Kathleen was very clear
and didn't hold back.

This is for all the fuckers.

She was just screaming
at the top of her lungs.

There were veins sticking
out of her neck.

♪ Don't you need you
to say we're good ♪

♪ don't need you
to say we suck ♪

♪ don't need your protection ♪

♪ don't need your dick to fuck ♪

♪ whaa ♪

It was the first time I'd sen
a woman on stage completely

angry, aggressive, doing stuff

that you kind of see guys
do, and it was amazing.

Somebody had to be bikini kill.

Like, it had to happen, or else

we'd have all starved
to death culturally.

It had to happen, and
there they were.

Girls to the front -- that is

the thing that never
happened before.

Men could be in the room, but

men could never
dominate the room.

It was a flip of the script
that blew people's minds.

All of that incredibly rich stuff
that made punk what it was

had just been tamped down by
the boy mosh pit, you know?

Right when bikini kill
started, right when grunge was,

like, going off the hook, right

when nirvana was exploding,
it was a wild scene.

And it was very physical,

violent, like, all the
moshing, all that stuff.

These young women, who wanted to

be a part of the scene, like
physically wanted to go to the

shows, wanted to get into this

punk rock scene, we physically
were getting shoved.

The problem with our shows
a lot of times, a lot of guys

would get really out of control

and start, like,
beating everybody up.

The more girls up front,
the better, and if anybody is

fucking with you at this show
because of certain reasons and

you need to come up front, come

up front and sit on the stage
and get away from them and let

us know, because it shouldn't
just be one person in the

crowd's responsibility
to deal with fuckers.

Every show we
played was like a war.

Guys would try to beat us
up and stuff, you know?

It was really violent, and we

just played these crazy places,

like bowling alleys, and they'd

cram, like, 600 people
in there and stuff.

You know, no security.

We wanted girls to stand at

the front of our shows a lot of

times just because we needed to

be protected, and I felt like
if there was a row of girls in

front of them, I would be safe.

There physically was not the

space for young women to
be safe at these shows.

And that was a huge part of what

Kathleen did, was to say
that's unacceptable.

"Fuck you.

You're gonna change now.

And if you don't fucking pick up

the gentle hint, we're gonna

fucking very clearly direct
you as to what to do."

It was shocking.

They just weren't expecting
those kind of orders to come

from that size of a person, that

gender of a person,
in a fucking dress.

When I started writing
the book, the more that I

researched, the more respect I
got for kind of what a good

thinker Kathleen is and how good

she was at, like, crystallizing
a widely held feeling into a

really irresistible
artistic format.

She would instruct people.

"Here's a little snippet
from our fanzine.

Maybe if you could
move to the back."

Like, it was this very -- it
was kind of an empowering and

surreal experience, 'cause you
weren't really used to being

talked to from the stage.

Hi.

It was like, "oh, music is

supposed to be escapist,"
and it wasn't.

It was grounding it.

It was making music a voice for

a lot of people that
hadn't been heard before.

I remember the
song "feels blind."

"All the doves that pass through

my eyes have a stickiness
to their wings.

How does it feel?

Feels blind.

What have you taught me?

This world has
taught me nothing."

I mean, like, I'm still, like,

getting shivers when I
think about those words.

♪ All the doves
that fly past my eyes

have a stickiness
to their wings ♪

♪ in the doorway of
my demise I stand,

encased in the whisper
you taught me ♪

♪ how does it feel? ♪

♪ It feels blind ♪

♪ how does it feel? ♪

♪ Well, it feels fucking blind ♪

The way that Kathleen delivered
that line was so angry.

It was so outside the realm of

how a young woman
is supposed to act.

It was really raw.

♪ I eat your fucking
hate up like love ♪

Stories of abuse, emotional

violence, sexism that were
just bubbling around.

They brought that
out in the open.

She wanted to talk
about this stuff.

You know, you're
objectifying women.

What does that mean?

What does that do to my body?

You're celebrating a
certain kind of woman.

What does that do if I
don't fit into that mold?

You know, breaking down the

rules of what a girl has to be.

Or not, you know?

I mean, even she has it in the

songs, you know, the dirty nails

and not being the
perfect, big-titted girl.

I mean, I remember thinking

that each person in the band was

incredibly powerful and
interesting to watch.

And we were doing some
dates with nirvana.

I think Tobi was still
involved with Kurt.

Kurt has a history
with bikini kill.

He's very connected to Kathleen
and what she was doing.

Any good biography of Kurt
cobain now acknowledges

that he didn't come out of

hesher rock in the
pacific northwest.

He came out of feminist
art-punk, you know?

And he said it himself
at that time.

Kurt was a very
charismatic person.

I kind of started hanging out

with him because I had a
boyfriend who became a

crackhead, and then he
started, like, stalking me.

And I was known as a feminist,

and I felt like I couldn't ask

for help from people because
I thought that they'd think,

"she's making too big of a deal

out of it because
she's a feminist."

And the only person who
believed me was my friend Kurt.

I was his friend for
life at that moment.

He stuck up for me.

He was, like, the only
person that stuck up for me.

I wrote, "Kurt smells like teen
spirit" on the wall of his

apartment after we spray-painted

it on the side of a
fake abortion clinic.

Kurt spray-painted,
"God is gay."

We were so wasted, so wasted,
super fucking wasted.

And the next day, I swore off

alcohol, and I didn't
drink for six years.

Olympia's a really great
scene in terms of community.

But in terms of politics, it
was kind of difficult for us.

We thought it'd be cool if we
moved to D.C., where there

already was a precedent for
bands like us -- not really

feminist bands, but at least
bands that were interested in

what was going on in the world.

So, we moved with our friends

from the band Bratmobile,
and that's where the whole

riot grrrl thing really started.

There were all these things

in the late '80s and early '90s,

like Anita hill/clarence Thomas,

the William Kennedy
Smith rape trial.

There were things that happened

all in a really quick succession

that our generations of people,

who were, like, 18 and 19 in the

late '80s, experienced it, and
we knew that they were wrong.

There was utter pandemonium

outside the university building,

as ambulances carted
away the injured.

Police have now confirmed 14
students dead, all women.

Another dozen people were hurt,
caught in a rampage that

witnesses called a human hunt,

with the gunman yelling,
"I want women."

Our friend Jen Smith said,
"you know what we need?

We need a girl riot."

Tobi had talked about
"angry girl" with many R’s.

The combination of what

Jen Smith and Tobi said
became "riot grrrl."

So, we made a 'zine
called riot grrrl.

The original riot grrrl

zine, it was mostly Kathleen
Hanna, Allison wolfe,

and Molly Newman from
Bratmobile, Jen Smith and

Tobi Vail, the drummer
of bikini kill.

Allison and I went to a punk

show with a clipboard, and we

just walked up to girls, and we

were like, "we want to have an

all-girl meeting where we just
talk maybe about starting a

magazine or doing projects,
playing punk music and starting

a scene and kind
of taking over."

We got to do the first

riot grrrl meeting at
positive force house.

Our first meeting was, like, it

was pretty intense, and, as it

turned out, they just wanted to

hang out and talk without
men being there.

They wanted to talk
about sexual abuse.

They wanted to talk about coming
out and get information and

share information
with each other.

I actually wrote a riot grrrl
manifesto in the bikini kill

fanzine called "grrrl power."

And I wrote what I dreamed
riot grrrl could be and

encouraged other girls and women

to write their manifestos of

what they wanted
riot grrrl to be.

The idea was that any woman
anywhere could take that name

and use it and create
anything she wanted.

We didn't brand it or copyright
it or anything like that.

It belonged to everybody.

All of us felt like, "look.

Here are some ideas.

Take it and run with it."

Other girls started riot
grrrls all around the country.

♪ All-American rejects ♪

Feminism had been kind of
scared of pop-culture music.

It was really good at protesting

it and not good at making it.

And so riot grrrl was making it.

It was making 'zines, and it was

making rock bands, and it
was speaking to people.

And Kathleen was a major
motivator of that.

First wave of feminism began in

1848, the seneca
falls conference.

It was the first time that women

organized on behalf
of themselves.

They all happened to
be abolitionists.

They were opposing slavery.

It was a movement for human
rights, but they weren't equal

members of this movement.

So, they turned their raised
consciousness on themselves and

their organizing skills on
themselves and said, "we need

our own independent movement
for our own rights."

So, that first wave of the
women's movement focused itself

on citizenship, and that's
most symbolized by the vote.

There was a swell of activism
again, coming out of the

civil rights' movement and the

peace movement and the
free-speech movement.

So, the women who were part of

these movements eventually
turned their raised

consciousness on themselves and

said, "we need to have our own
independent movement for our

rights, for equality, to be
treated as full human beings."

The biggest goal of the
second wave was equality.

That was the surge of activism
that was the second wave.

Rebecca Walker's article
"becoming a third wave" -- so,

she used that term, and that's
because she, her mother was

Alice Walker, and she was a
daughter of the second wave, and

she was trying to find a way to

say, "we're different, but
we're part of this history."

Third wave was founded in

response to a feeling on college

campuses in 1992 that feminism
was in some ways dead,

irrelevant, that women of my
generation were apathetic, not

desirous of working on behalf
of women's empowerment.

You can't overstate her

importance to
third-wave feminism.

She was incredibly inspiring.

She was kind of the first person

to come forth and say, "this
is what feminism is gonna look

like, and we don't take your

bullshit, patriarchs
and rapists."

And it was incredibly exciting.

♪ Oh, baby, I want you ♪

♪ you're so fucking big ♪

♪ you're so big and hard ♪

♪ you've got such a big cock ♪

♪ push it in deeper now ♪

♪ oh, deeper, harder ♪

♪ I'm almost coming ♪

I mean, more than any other

person I've ever met,
Kathleen was a leader.

♪ Sugar ♪

♪ I can almost reach mine now ♪

♪ now, now ♪

♪ sugar ♪

I mean, a lot of what we saw
riot grrrls doing was, like,

girls going back to, like,
their girlhood and reclaiming

girlhood that has been taken
away from them, that has been

directed down some bullshit
path, where they're like, "I'm

actually gonna be a little
girl that has power now.

I'm gonna relive that part so

that I can then direct my whole

growing-up experience from
there, from point 'a.'"

the third wave is like a hot

but angry bisexual girl who is

wearing a minidress
with combat boots.

There's like a lot of attempting

to reconcile a lot of extremes
that are in all of us.

Yes, she totally
used her sexuality.

I love that.

Use it -- whatever we got.

You gonna give me some shit?

You gonna define me?

You gonna tell me what I am?

Okay, great, I'm that.

Being a stripper is what
let me be in bikini kill.

Do I wish that there was a job
that paid me that amount of

money and that gave me that
flexibility, where I didn't have

to take my clothes off?

Sure, of course I do.

But it didn't exist, and
I wanted to make music.

I worked at McDonald's,
and I was a vegetarian.

And I just felt like
it was the same thing.

I was a feminist, and I
worked at the strip bar.

♪ Sugar ♪

And we're bikini kill.

Everybody knows what to do.

I don't need to tell you.

We played at the
capitol with fugazi.

It was around the time of the
abortion march, and so, it was

like abortion without apology.

A lot of the D.C. music has that

monumental sound that maybe does

come from living in the capital.

It's like this big feeling that

it's really important that what

we're doing is super-important.

We're so close to
the seat of power.

And then these bands are making
this huge-sounding music but

about stuff that's totally
different than what the

politicians are doing.

♪ You think that I don't know ♪

♪ I'm here to tell you I do ♪

♪ you think us
sluts don't know ♪

♪ we know the truth
about you now ♪

♪ Jigsaw, Jigsaw youth ♪

♪ I know there's not one way,
one light, one lame truth ♪

♪ won't fit your definitions ♪

♪ won't meet your lame demands ♪

♪ not into win-lose reality ♪

♪ won't fit into your plans ♪

A usa today reporter came and

then wrote this really
condescending thing about what

we were doing and focused on

what our clothes looked like and

what our bodies looked like.

We must all be sexual-abuse
survivors because we're singing

about rape, and, therefore,
nobody has any imagination or

knows anybody who's had things

who's had things happen to them.

So, we must all have had
these tragic histories.

It was really frustrating to
a lot of us, especially that

another woman would write

something that we
thought was so stupid.

So, we just decided to stop
thinking about it and talking

about it and just not answering

the phone when
journalists called.

And that was what everybody
called a press blackout.

They're like, "no, actually,

you're not gonna fucking co-op
this fucking revolution.

Fuck you.

It's actually not
gonna be televised.

That was genius.

It was very savvy, and it was

something that was thinking much

bigger than a lot of us did.

People involved with riot
grrrl were reluctant to do

interviews with mainstream

press or rolling stone or people

who got interested in and
got wind of the movement.

It's hard to see yourself

written about or talked about in

a third-person or
some removed context.

It's always just gonna
seem wrong somehow.

The facts are wrong.

Something's wrong.

It's always wrong.

It was also for her own
self-preservation and

protection, 'cause people were

just tearing her apart publicly

and revealing a lot of personal

things about her that she
hadn't chosen to reveal.

How things become just so

distorted and taken
out of their hands.

There was an article in

the Washington Post, and it

said that my father raped me.

And I never spoke to a reporter.

I've never asserted that.

And I will say right now on

camera my father
did not rape me.

My father was sexually
inappropriate.

He wasn't a great father.

He was physically and
verbally abusive at times.

But he did not
physically rape me.

I make a distinction between
sexual inappropriateness and

abuse in my mind because I know

other people's stories that are

super-horrific, and, like,
way more horrific than mine.

And that just isn't my story.

And I was really upset
when it said that.

And it taught me a big lesson
about how a lot of reporters

don't fact-check anything.

Instead of being, like, sitting

around, being upset about it, I

thought it was really important
that I kept making music and

that I went on tour and that

other girls got to hear
what we were making.

♪ I'm a little
girl at the picnic

who won't stop pulling
her dress up ♪

♪ it doesn't matter
who's in control now ♪

♪ it doesn't matter 'cause
this is new radio ♪

♪ what the fuck is written
all over your pretty face? ♪

♪ The gaps in teeth,
the dirty nails ♪

♪ baby boy, you can't kill
what's fucking real ♪

♪ turn that song down ♪

♪ turn the static up ♪

♪ come here, baby ♪

♪ let me kiss you
like a boy does ♪

♪ oh-whoa ♪

♪ oh-whoa ♪

♪ oh-whoa ♪

♪ whoa-oh ♪

♪ yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ yeah, yeah ♪

♪ yeah, yeah ♪

♪ yeah, yeah ♪

♪ yeah, yeah ♪

♪ let's wipe our cum
on my parents' bed ♪

I had never seen bikini kill

play until "summersault" tour.

Mike from my band, he had a
bikini kill 7-inch, and it was

one of those things like, "oh,

shoot, you got to
hear this record."

And then, his wife, tamra,

who's a filmmaker,
interviewed Kathleen.

We were watching this thing that

she made, and it was fucking
Kathleen being interviewed

wearing a ski mask in, like, a

stairwell somewhere, and I was

like, "what the
fuck is going on?

This is some serious shit."

And so I was very interested.

I did a video called "no
alternative girls," and

Kathleen Hanna was in it, and

she was doing a media
blackout at the time.

So, she said she would appear in

the video, but she wouldn't
let her face be in it.

So, she wore this ski mask.

And then, I worked with her
again with sonic youth, when we

did the video for "bull
in the Heather."

And so, when bikini kill was on

tour, Kathleen was there, and

Adam was going through
this terrible breakup.

I was totally trying to get them

together, 'cause I thought they

would be friends, at least, but

also, they had so much in
common, it seemed to me.

And I thought Kathleen would be

somebody really good
for Adam to talk to.

So... >> Yeah, that
was interesting.

I wanted to be encouraging,
but I was also afraid.

Bikini kill was super punk
rock, and then it reminded

me of, like, you know, when I
was in a hardcore band when I

was a kid, that feeling of just,

like, "we'll just do whatever we

feel like doing," and
that was awesome to see.

To see this punk group, and it

was all girls in front, and all

just girls just
all on the stage.

And, you know, for guys' shows,

it's like, "get the
fuck off my stage."

You know what I mean?

And then, Kathleen was just a
force, like a full-on force.

Like a car accident --
you can't look away.

But you know what I mean.

I mean a good car accident.

I didn't mean it.

You know, you're just
like, "what the fuck?"

We went skateboarding
one night at adelaide.

I didn't realize -- she
was very sneaky, I guess.

And she was like, "hey, who
wants to go skateboarding?"

And I was like, "uh,
I'll go skateboarding."

Hey, Kathleen.

Hmm?

Come on.

I can dry myself.

What's going on?

I'm not telling you.

Dry yourself.

Get -- would you
get out of here?!

Dry yourself.

Initially, it was really
difficult weaving their worlds

together, but not because they

didn't have stuff in common, but

just because of the -- what will

my friends think or my
community or something?

I was dating somebody who,

like, wrote "girls, girls, girls

do my laundry" and shit
like that in the '80s.

So, I was, like, "what does this

mean that I'm a feminist artist,

and I'm dating this person,
and I'm so in love with him?"

And it was like I realized that

you can't legislate kind of
who you fall in love with.

Like, I was totally in love with

him, and there was no way I was
not gonna hang out with him.

I'm sure it made it a
little exciting and, like,

risky-feeling, but also it just

really opened my eyes that you
kind of fall in love with who

you fall in love with.

And I couldn't do
anything about it.

But I freaked out.

♪ 'Cause I like you ♪

♪ baby, it's all wrong ♪

♪ baby, baby, it's so wrong ♪

♪ oh, baby, it's so wrong ♪

♪ it feels so good ♪

♪ it's all wrong ♪

After the whole tour
happened, they had this

long-distance relationship,
where they were only

communicating through the
phone or writing each other.

There was a time period
where we weren't, like -- we

didn't do stuff in public,
and we were really private.

But that was kind of
both of our choices.

So, it wasn't really like we

were hiding, but I could see
how it appeared that way.

The thing is about bikini
kill -- they were looked

at and scrutinized so closely

and had this certain
level of celebrity.

But they were still
barely making rent.

They were still in a crappy van

that could easily break down.

They were still sleeping
on strangers' floors.

Bikini kill was just, like,
in this weird disarray, and

there was a lot of
tension between us.

You know, we'd all gotten into,

like, weird roles of who we were

in that band, and it was kind of

just impossible to
get out of them.

What is bikini kill?

Bikini kill is forever in flux,

and it's completely impossible
for us to discuss it, because

it's always changing.

And that's why it's really hard
for us to do interviews, and

also because all four of us
don't agree on anything ever.

And it's really difficult to

sort out what you can
actually say about it.

Our relationships as four
people disintegrated because we

weren't ever looking at each
other and dealing with the

problems that each of us had.

I was in bikini kill
for, like, eight years.

It's a long time
for a girl band.

And to be under the magnifying

glass and kind of pinned to wax

how we were, it's a
really, really long time.

Her work seemed to make her

feel isolated more, and, like,

reaction to her band seemed to

make her feel like she was set

apart from her bandmates and
set apart from the girls in

riot grrrl and set apart from

other people in the punk scene,
while at the same time, her

music and her art was bringing
people together so much.

I think Kathleen struggled

with the leadership
role at times.

She had a lot of responsibility
that came with that.

She definitely struggled with
this, the kind of implications

that that much fame
has for a person.

Can you... >> Louder.
I'm having trouble.

I didn't want to be the
leader or singled out.

And, I mean, I'm sure that
Gloria can commiserate with the

position of being, getting a

really negative attention
from the media.

It feels like you're kind of

getting kicked in the
face by both sides.

On the one hand, I was
working in the media.

On the other hand, I was trying
to avoid being singled out.

It wasn't always successful.

It's not always under your
control, but I think the

challenge is to figure out how

to use it to convey
come message.

I'm not wiling to deal with
the mainstream anymore, when

they're constantly asking me
questions about sexual abuse,

about if I've been a stripper,
if I haven't been a stripper,

constantly just completely
sexist shit, where they're

trying to turn on the band that
I'm in or the projects I'm

involved with against other
women who I respect in the

community, coming up, you
know, saying, "so-and-so said

so-and-so about you" to get you

to slag off another woman
so that they can print,

"Kathleen Hanna doesn't
like PJ Harvey."

You know, like, whatever, and
creating all these schisms

because it sells papers.

This is the thing that's

happened ever since the
beginning of time.

You ask a woman about another

woman and try to get her to say

something bad, and then you make

the article all
about a catfight.

Lollapalooza news, meanwhile,

Courtney love, one of the tour's

headliners this year, with her
band hole, was officially

charged with fourth-degree
assault this week for, as she

acknowledged in a recent online

rant, punching out bikini kill

singer Kathleen Hanna backstage
at a lollapalooza show on

July 4th, an incident first

reported also online by
Thurston Moore of the

bill-topping sonic youth.

We did lollapalooza.

Kathleen was there, and she was

standing on the stage, watching

us, and Courtney love basically

just punched her in the face.

And that was the
beginning of our tour.

I mean, there's the whole

lollapalooza punching
Courtney love thing.

No, Courtney love punched her.

See, I don't -- I... I
can't trust the Internet.

That's the whole thing that
pissed me off is that later,

people were like, "they fought!

There was this rivalry,
and they fought."

It's like, "dude, I was standing
there watching a band, and

Courtney walked up
and attacked me."

I think people don't realize

that Kathleen and Courtney
didn't know each other.

It's a real bummer
to be assaulted.

It sucks. It's not cool.

It's a real bummer if you're a

feminist, and you're assaulted

by another woman, because it's
just kind of heartbreaking,

especially a woman who you're

kind of hoping you guys could
be some kind of allies.

I think a lot of people who
ar close to Kathleen have

worried about her safety
for a variety of reasons.

You know, she's experienced
violence towards her in really

aggressive ways that nobody
should have to experience.

Hatred for bikini kill
and specifically Kathleen.

She would get letters from

guys that were like,
"you need to die."

They just wanted to,
like, stamp her out.

And I don't know why.

I remember things like that

would happen, and it would
feel totally shitty.

And I was just like, I had kids

writing me, saying, like, you

know, "I was gonna kill myself,

and I got your record,
and you saved my life."

And all I could say back is,
like, "you saved my life, too,

because I couldn't get through

all of the -- not criticism, but

all the hate that
got thrown my way."

I made a record called
"Julie ruin" that was a solo

record, and I made it kind of to

escape what had happened to me.

And so I made it under
an assumed name.

In bikini kill, I was singing to

an elusive asshole male that was

fucking the world over, and I

was allowing other women
to watch me do that.

And I really wanted to start

directly singing to other women.

For Kathleen's music to grow

in directions toward electronic

music completely
makes sense to me.

When you've disconnected from
your community or lost your

community, it's amazing if you

can seize the means of
technology yourself.

I went to visit Kathleen, and
we went to some music shop.

They had a drumatics
drum machine.

Kathleen bought this drum
machine for 40 bucks.

Then, she recorded, like, the
whole fucking "Julie ruin" record.

That record is a
fucking masterpiece.

It was this whole, new
side of Kathleen Hanna.

It's like you know someone.

They're your friend but had
never opened up their scrapbook

and showed you what really
made them who they are.

That's what "Julie ruin" started

to do for those of us who are
interested in Kathleen Hanna.

I felt like a lot of my
graphic sensibility came out in

it because using samples,
it's very cut-and-paste.

Making it fancy for me was
always being in my room by

myself and cutting stuff and
having this really specific

relationship to my materials

that was not mediated
by anybody else.

She was figuring
everything out for herself.

It sounded lo-fi and on

purpose lo-fi and
just really smart.

Sounds like you could hear a

human being's fingers
all over it.

It sounds like bedroom culture.

It sounds like something a
girl made in her bedroom.

A girl's bedroom sometimes can

be this space of
real creativity.

The problem is that these

bedrooms are all cut
off from each other.

So, how do you take that bedroom

that you're cut off from all the

other girls who are secretly in
their bedroom writing secret

things or making secret songs?

I wanted the "Julie ruin" record

to sound like a girl from her
bedroom made this record but

then didn't just throw it away,

or it wasn't just in her diary.

But she took it out and
shared it with people.

♪ ...how many times
I made you cry ♪

♪ you can tell anyone
anything you want ♪

♪ but if you're gonna talk about
how I deserve what you did,

you can look now
'cause I'm gone ♪

To me, the "Julie ruin"

record is what really changed

Kathleen, in terms of her,
like, she was in a band.

She was in this band bikini
kill, and they did all

this fucking stuff.

And she made this record

"Julie ruin," and she's,
like, now a musician.

Fuck it.

"Julie ruin" was kind of the

template, the foundation stone.

And then Le Tigre was the
beginning of a whole new world.

I decided I wanted to move to

Portland 'cause I had to get out

of Olympia 'cause it
was driving me crazy.

I gave Kathleen my 'zine.

I mean, I don't know if you'd
call that, like, meeting her.

I just, like, said hi and gave

it to her at a show at the
X-ray café in Portland.

I read Jo's fanzine, and I
was like, "this is the best

fanzine I've read ever.

She has to be my
new best friend."

Basically, I spent a whole day,

like, just driving
around, looking for her.

She was like, "you're
gonna be my friend.

We're gonna be in a band.

And that's that."

And I was like, "okay."

My original idea was to try

and make the "Julie ruin"
record into a stage show.

I never would have been in a

band again in my whole life, I'm

convinced of it, if it wasn't

for my friendship with johanna,

'cause I was really
burnt out and sad.

I was really depressed.

I remember sitting in my car,
and it was raining, with Jo.

And I just, like, looked
at her and started crying.

And I just told her everything.

♪ I want you to stay ♪

I started realizing that I
should move to New York.

We didn't really have a
place to stay, exactly.

We were both really broke.

I mean, really broke.

I just moved to New
York with $400.

There's no way I could have
afforded rent, so I was really

fortunate that I had a boyfriend

who had an apartment and
would let me stay with him.

You know, I was psyched about
everything -- psyched about

riding the subway, going to

museums, being near
johanna, being with Adam.

Everything was
good again for me.

And then the Woodstock
thing happened.

Woodstock '99.

This is a very
dangerous situation.

It was disgusting.

I was molested.

I was stomping around
the apartment, pissed off.

And he was stomping around
the apartment, pissed off.

Eight rapes and sexual

assaults during the
festival reported.

I was, like, "why don't you

say something at your
acceptance speech?"

And then we sat down, and we

worked on writing something,
and then he did it.

♪ Also known for
the flintstone flop ♪

♪ Tammy "d" gets
biz on the crops ♪

♪ Beastie Boys know to let
the beat mmm...Drop ♪

♪ now when I wrote graffiti,
my name was slop ♪

♪ if I rap soup, my
beats is stock ♪

I read in the news and heard

from my friends all about the
sexual assaults and the rapes

that went down at Woodstock '99.

It made me feel really
sad and angry, okay?

When he started talking about

something real amongst all of
this completely superficial

bullshit, the room
just -- it was like...

Like, everything changed.

The whole room, it
felt so "who farted?"

Like, beyond "who farted?"

Are you all there?

Okay.

Y'all remember that, Woodstock?

It definitely sucked the party

out of the room, that's
for sure, for a minute.

But I'm sure somebody got up.

I'm sure Uncle cracker got up
and played some awesome song,

and the audience was back.

♪ Who took the bomp? ♪

Kathleen had a bass, and she
really wanted to play drums.

I had bought a sampler.

I was interested in making
sample-based electronic music.

Jo believed in me, so much

that she went down in this dingy

basement and wrote with
me every single day.

Things shifted with J.D.

Joining Le Tigre.

I remember getting
a call from Kathleen.

She was like, "we're practicing,

and we want to know if you
want to do our slides."

We went on, like, a two-week
tour of the east coast, and she

was, like, "you're a performer.

You really need to be on stage."

During that tour, Kathleen was

like, "will you be in our band?"

And I was like, "yeah."

The second she was on stage,

she just had such a
great stage presence.

We were, like, the
feminist party band.

Our whole ethic was about making

something that had politically

radical content that
you could dance to.

Kathleen's voice was beautiful.

She's, like, at that perfect age

at that point to have, like,

this full, resonant,
amazing, powerful voice.

Le Tigre seemed like it was much

more sophisticated and mature.

It understood what people needed
at that time, in terms of

danceability, still maintaining

a really interesting message, a

message of noncompetition,
of a culture of praise, but

sophisticated and understanding
what a good pop song is.

Bikini kill understood song
structure, too, but le Tigre

just, like, fucking nailed it.

♪ Come on ♪

♪ oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

We did, like, a really long
tour after "this island" was

released, and it was like a
world tour, a year and a half.

We went to Australia.

We went to Japan.

We did the U.S. and
Europe and everything.

♪ Take a good look ♪

♪ take a photo ♪

♪ write about it in
your tiny notebook ♪

♪ don't you know? ♪

♪ You're out co-o-ld ♪

♪ don't you know? ♪

♪ It's our dance floor ♪

♪ T.K.O. ♪

♪ Hear it on the radio ♪

♪ T.K.O. ♪

♪ Play it on the stereo ♪

♪ T.K.O. ♪

♪ Watch a live video ♪

♪ T.K.O. ♪

♪ Hear it on the radio ♪

♪ T.K.O. ♪

♪ Play it on the stereo ♪

♪ T.K.O. ♪

♪ Watch a live video ♪

♪ T.K.O. ♪

♪ T.K.O.O. ♪

Le Tigre moved out into, like,
bigger and bigger circles,

embraced more and more of
humanity and all the issues.

And what does it really
mean to be a feminist?

It means that you pay attention
to all different kinds of

oppression, and you stand up for

all those people that don't have

a voice, whether they're trans
or people of color or class,

race, gender,
sexuality, everything.

She did that.

And then, the next challenge is,

like, how do you do that
on a personal level?

♪ The ocean calls
us away from... ♪

All the sudden, in north
Carolina, I lost my voice,

and at sound check,
I lost pitch.

I always think of it as a

bullet, kind of, like,
my voice is a bullet.

And there's, like, a note that
I want to hit that's here or

that's here or here or whatever,

and then the breath is like the

bullet coming out of my mouth.

And it's going to
hit the target?

Well, I was like -- I could get

the breath, but then the
bullet would just go "waahhh."

Like, I couldn't hit the target.

I was terrified.

I couldn't believe it.

So, we canceled the show in
north Carolina, and I went back

to New York and found
a throat specialist.

It's actually really traumatic

when I think about it, because

it was like singing is my life,
like, it's everything to me.

♪ ...if I would
say that, too ♪

♪ I don't know about that ♪

When you have a sore throat, you

have a sore throat, but once the

adrenaline would kick in for a

show, I didn't ever
feel any pain.

I never felt pain onstage, ever.

No matter how bad I felt, once I

was onstage and the lights
hit me, I was fine.

When I'm playing music, I
don't feel anything bad.

♪ I don't know about that ♪

♪ I don't know about that ♪

♪ you are... ♪

We were so enmeshed in our
band that that's all we did.

It was all band, band, band,

band, band, and I'd been in that

mode of every band I'd done was

just a complete immersion, where

my identity was so wrapped up in

my bands that it
wasn't really healthy.

♪ You got to keep on ♪

♪ keep on livin' ♪

♪ you got to keep on ♪

♪ keep on livin' ♪

♪ you got to keep on ♪

Kathleen started getting sick

on tour a lot, which happens.

You know what I mean?

I get sick every tour,
first day of the tour.

It just happens.

♪ Disproportionate
reactions just won't fade ♪

I noticed her feeling
depressed more than anything,

and I think I noticed her having

more and more sickness, in terms
of, like, losing her voice,

getting strep throat, whatever.

And she was taking
antibiotics a lot.

So, I think that I did have some

sort of sense of, like, the
fact that she wasn't well.

♪ Keep on livin' ♪

♪ you got to keep on ♪

♪ keep on livin' ♪

I knew there was
something wrong, for sure.

I was really worried.

♪ Keep on livin' ♪

♪ keep on livin' ♪

♪ keep on livin' ♪

♪ you got to keep on livin' ♪

♪ keep on livin' ♪

I struggled through the le
Tigre tour dates that we had

and everything we had
planned and finished it.

Whoo!

Thank you, guys!

Thank you so much.

I sat down with Jo and J.D. And

said, "I can't do this anymore."

We all had lunch one day, and

it was kind of just, like, we
all knew that something was

gonna happen, but we
weren't sure what.

And Kathleen was like, "I don't
want to do this anymore."

I kind of felt, like, spent
in terms of writing songs.

I felt like I had said

everything I had to
say up to that point.

Our last real headlining show

was at Webster hall in New York.

I lied when I said I was done.

I knew I wasn't done.

I just didn't want to face the
fact that I was really sick.

I wanted to have
control over it.

I wanted to tell everybody
I chose to stop.

But I didn't -- I didn't
-- I didn't choose.

I was told by my
body I had to stop.

But that was really painful for
me to be told by anybody or

anything what I could
and couldn't do.

So, I told myself and told my
bandmates and told my husband

and told the world that I chose

to stop playing music because
I had nothing else to say...

Because that felt better to me
than being in touch with the

fact that I might not ever be

able to do the thing I love more
than anything in the world.

We were seeing just, like,
all these different doctors,

trying to figure it out.

And they were telling her all
this different stuff, and they

were doing all kinds of
fucked-up, crazy tests.

They were like -- she had
some weird eye thing, and the

doctor's like, "oh, yeah, it's

probably lupus, or
it could be M.S."

Just like all this fucking crazy

shit, and you're like, "what?!"

2008, the illnesses
took a really weird turn.

Sex education through...

I went to the planned
parenthood march.

I was not comfortable.

I was having language problems.

Our next speaker was the
lead singer for bikini kill.

I feel like I don't have
to say anything else.

And le Tigre and the co-founder
of the riot grrrl movement.

I couldn't hear out of the

one ear, and I was, like,
really struggling.

All the sudden, the sound
changes in your head.

I thought I was having a stroke.

I couldn't talk.

I couldn't communicate.

And I was slurring,
like I was drunk.

One side of my body felt numb.

The paramedics thought that
I had a minor heart attack.

When I got to the hospital, the
doctor asked me for all my

symptoms, and at that point, I

was like, "I'm not gonna lie."

I just was like, "fuck it.

I'm in the hospital.

I'm just gonna tell
this woman everything."

She was just like, "yeah, you're
just having a panic attack,

because there's no way that you
could be having neurological

stuff and breathing difficulties
and the stomach stuff."

She was like, "there's too many

body systems to be involved, and

there's no illness that has all

those body systems involved."

To be living with something and

not knowing what it is,
is really terrifying.

I have late-stage lyme disease,

which means I've had lyme
disease for -- now for

about six years.

When she came to see me, she

had been ill for
about five years.

She actually recalled that she

had been bitten by a
tick back in 2005.

And, in fact, going through her

history, she had been
treated for lyme disease.

I took antibiotics for
three weeks afterwards.

So, when I got sick later, I

never associated it
with lyme disease.

And when it was brought up to
me by different specialists, I

said, "I already took the test."

You know, I would pull out my

shitty Elisa test that's, like,

the $20 test that the insurance

company wants you to take, show

it to doctors, and nobody said,

"oh, that's actually a crappy,
totally unreliable test."

But eventually I got a test
called the Western blot test,

and it lit up like
a Christmas tree.

It's like if you were superman,
and you met kryptonite.

That's what lyme
disease is like.

I got to take my pills.

When you start treating
someone with lyme disease, that

person might get worse
before they get better.

It's kind of like you wake the

sleeping giant when you use the

antibiotic, and the infection
kicks back even harder.

I just took my
medication an hour ago.

And... I guess I'm
having a reaction

now to the... Infection
and the medication

meeting up or something.

I'm filming this kind of because

in my movie, in the movie about
me, I talk about having this

disease and, um, how it makes
it so I can't do things.

And, obviously, I can't be on
stage when I'm like this, and

this is me when it's
bad as it gets.

Do I look normal?

No.

'Cause it doesn't
feel normal right now.

But... I want to
show what it's like,

because a lot of people
get misdiagnosed.

Like, I was misdiagnosed
for five years.

It invades, like, every part of

your body, and then, when you
try to get rid of it, you have

these really fucked-up
reactions, and you can't control

your body or your speech, and
it's real uncomfortable.

So, it's something that...
Think that's good for now.

We'll get a seizure later.

I'm sure I'll get
a seizure later.

I think we should
do a few more takes.

I don't think people really
saw her at her sickest.

You know, it's
just her and Adam.

More stressed out than
I've been in a long time.

Shit is crazy.

When you have an illness like

this, it's hard to explain
it to other people.

The expectation out there is,

"okay, so, you had lyme disease.

You took antibiotics.

You should be better."

When you've had it for five
years, and it hasn't been

treated, that's not gonna
be the way that it works.

She never talked about her

health or the pain she
was in or anything.

I didn't know for a long time.

People who run around being

heroes act like they
don't need help.

That's the nature of being a
hero is you don't need help.

You're the helper.

There are moments where she

knows that she can ask for help.

But I don't think that that's

necessarily an organic
thing for her.

I realized I wanted to write

a record when I started getting

sicker and sicker and sicker,

'cause once, like, I really was

pretty sure I couldn't do
it, I really wanted it.

The thing that made me change or

face it was that my illness
was not only affecting me.

It was affecting the
people that I love.

I worked at a domestic-violent
shelter, and I remember women

all the time saying, "I could
take it, but when he started

abusing the kids, I
picked them up and left."

They were, like, totally
protective of their children,

but they weren't
protective of themselves.

When I saw it affecting Jo, how

bad it affected Jo and J.D. And

Adam, and I was like, "it's not

helping them that I'm
minimizing this."

It was just so much easier on
everybody if I just faced what

was happening, stopped blaming

myself, and fucking
dealt with it.

I call my new band the Julie
ruin because it's kind

of an outgrowth of the
solo project I did in '99.

It's really just different in

that I'm not trying to
write anthems or anything.

I'm just writing songs and

letting them be what
they want to be.

♪ Don't go away ♪

♪ don't go away ♪

I feel embarrassed when
people come up and tell me that

I matter to them or something

like that and sort of like have
all these people put on this

show and, like, do covers
of songs that I've sung.

It feels, like, overwhelming and

haven't really been
able to grasp it.

Just all I've been through over

the past few years in getting my

diagnosis so close to the show.

It's just when I was really sick,
I would sit around and be,

like, imagine people being
supportive and loving, 'cause I

never let that in before.

And I had to learn how to do

that because I was so
sick for five years.

And now it's, like, gonna be
physical, like, I'm actually

gonna go to this place, and all

these people are just gonna be

totally loving and
supporting me.

And it's...

It's overwhelming.

With the illness stuff, it means

this extra thing that only
my friends know about.

So, it's weird to be going to

this public event, where, like,

people don't really know
what I've been through.

Yeah.

Is everything turned off that
nothing's gonna blow up?

♪ Is it something inessential
when I cannot hear you talk? ♪

♪ Is it something sentimental? ♪

Over here, over here.

♪ Double dare ya ♪

♪ double dare ya ♪

♪ double, triple fucking
dare ya, girlfriend ♪

♪ double dare ya ♪

♪ double dare ya ♪

♪ double dare ya, girl ♪

I just want to read this
very special text by Kathleen.

This is called "riot
grrrl manifesto."

"Because us girls crave records
and books and fanzines that

speak to us, that we feel
included in and can understand

in our own ways, because I
believe with my whole heart,

mind, body that grrrls
constitute a revolutionary soul

force that can and will
change the world for real."

Thank you, Kathleen Hanna!

All right, kids,
are you ready?!

Ladies and gentlemen,
the Julie ruin!

Hey, everybody.

Thank you so much for coming.

This is a really
special night for me.

So, we're the Julie ruin, and
we're writing a new album.

Are you guys ready?

Yeah.

What is the story of my life?

I have no fucking idea.

I just think there's this
certain assumption that when a

man tells the truth,
it's the truth.

And when as a woman I go to tell

the truth, I feel like I have to

negotiate the way
I'll be perceived.

Like, I feel like there's always

the suspicion around a women's

truth, the idea that
you're exaggerating.

I don't just sit there and be

like, "this, this,
this, this, this."

There's this whole fear that
I'm gonna have finally fucking

stepped to the plate and told
the truth, and someone's gonna

say, "eh, I don't think so."

♪ Ar-ar-ar-ar-armageddon ♪

If I wouldn't have admitted
to myself that, like, the

sexual-abuse stuff that happened
in my life, it wasn't just,

like, one thing that happened
when I was little and also how

my dad treated me and
blah, blah, blah.

It was like all of these
different things.

Like, I would never want to tell
everybody the whole, entire

story, because it sounded crazy.

It sounded just like too big of

a can of worms, like,
who would believe me?

And then I was like, "other
women would believe me."

I don't give a shit
what people think.

I know what's real.

I don't care if people don't

think feminism is important,
because I know it is.

And I don't care if people don't

think late-stage lyme disease
exists because I have it, and

other people have it, and we

help each other, and
we know it exists.

And other people can think
whatever they want.

My problem is when people get

in the way of feminism or people

get in the way of people who are

sick getting better, because
they don't understand it.

And if they don't want to
believe in it, or they don't

want to care about it, that's
totally fine, but they should

have to stay out of my way.

♪ I hear you talk, talk ♪

♪ but I can tell you're more
histrionic than historical ♪

♪ you're just a fake
well-read, super-mean girl ♪

♪ I don't want anywhere
near my world ♪

♪ and if anti-you means anti-us

I guess we just bit the
dust 'cause in reverse

it's still a fucking pageant ♪

♪ oh, so cursed,
not real magic ♪

♪ ar-ar-ar-ar-armageddon ♪

♪ ar-ar-ar-ar-armageddon ♪

♪ ar-ar-ar-ar-armageddon ♪

♪ ar-ar-ar-ar-armageddon ♪

♪ ar-ar-armageddon ♪

♪ ar-ar-armageddon ♪

♪ ar-ar-armageddon ♪

♪ ar-ar-armageddon ♪♪

♪ do-do-do-do do-do-do ♪

♪ do-do-do-do do-do-do-do ♪

♪ do-do-do-do do-do-do-do ♪

♪ do-do-do-do do-do-do ♪

♪ this is all in Russian,
boy, no need to steal ♪

♪ do-do-do-do do-do-do ♪

♪ do-do-do-do do-do-do ♪

♪ do-do-do-do do-do-do ♪

♪ do-do-do-do do-do-do ♪

♪ do-do-do-do do-do-do-do ♪

♪ do-do-do-do do-do-do-do ♪

♪ do-do-do-do do-do-do ♪