All language subtitles for One Day at a Time 4x05 - Perfect (English)
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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,631 --> 00:00:03,100
sync and correction by solfieri
www.addic7ed.com
2
00:00:04,403 --> 00:00:06,071
How's your essay going for Yale?
3
00:00:06,073 --> 00:00:07,473
Did you pick a topic yet?
4
00:00:07,474 --> 00:00:12,478
Um, I narrowed it down
to a few options.
5
00:00:12,479 --> 00:00:15,148
Maybe you could just send the
whole board and hope for the best.
6
00:00:15,149 --> 00:00:19,185
The website specifically
said not to do that.
7
00:00:19,186 --> 00:00:21,587
But I can't get over
how well-rounded I am.
8
00:00:21,588 --> 00:00:23,723
I mean, am I too interesting?
9
00:00:23,724 --> 00:00:26,559
No.
10
00:00:26,560 --> 00:00:28,928
Okay, look, each color
represents a different aspect
11
00:00:28,929 --> 00:00:30,663
of my life that is essay-worthy.
12
00:00:30,664 --> 00:00:32,665
Like, red is "Growing Up Cuban,"
13
00:00:32,666 --> 00:00:34,433
and orange is "My Dad Abandoned Me
14
00:00:34,434 --> 00:00:37,236
But Got Into Recovery,
So We're Cool Now,"
15
00:00:37,237 --> 00:00:40,006
and purple is just
"General Gay Stuff."
16
00:00:40,007 --> 00:00:41,874
- Mm-hmm.
- General Gay Stuff
17
00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:45,912
is also my ranking in the lesbian army.
18
00:00:45,913 --> 00:00:50,217
'Sup, fam? I was just wondering how
the planning is coming for my quinces.
19
00:00:53,587 --> 00:00:55,788
What the hell are you talking about?
20
00:00:55,789 --> 00:00:58,691
Oh, well, I thought that
since Elena had a quinces,
21
00:00:58,692 --> 00:01:00,359
obviously I would also be given a party
22
00:01:00,360 --> 00:01:02,295
to celebrate my coming of age,
23
00:01:02,296 --> 00:01:04,765
this being a house
of gender equality and all.
24
00:01:06,967 --> 00:01:08,434
What the hell is he talking about?
25
00:01:08,435 --> 00:01:11,804
Hey, on the other hand,
if it's too much trouble,
26
00:01:11,805 --> 00:01:13,573
you can just give me the cash instead.
27
00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:16,275
Oh! Okay.
28
00:01:16,276 --> 00:01:18,911
Now I understand. You want money.
29
00:01:18,912 --> 00:01:23,082
I thought you were woke.
Turns out, you're just broke.
30
00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:25,885
I actually love the idea
of throwing you a quinces.
31
00:01:25,886 --> 00:01:27,987
- Ooh.
- You do?
32
00:01:27,988 --> 00:01:29,488
Yeah.
33
00:01:29,489 --> 00:01:31,157
I mean, you think
it's a special day for you,
34
00:01:31,158 --> 00:01:34,093
but, really, it's about
what a great mom I am.
35
00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:35,895
I know you came in here
trying to scam us for money,
36
00:01:35,896 --> 00:01:38,164
but congratulations,
you played yourself.
37
00:01:38,165 --> 00:01:39,832
We're doing this.
38
00:01:39,833 --> 00:01:43,669
Finally, a day we can focus on Papito!
39
00:01:43,670 --> 00:01:45,078
Oh, my God.
40
00:01:45,080 --> 00:01:47,673
We're gonna break gender norms
and have a quincea�er-o!
41
00:01:47,674 --> 00:01:48,674
- Whoo-hoo!
- I know!
42
00:01:48,675 --> 00:01:50,276
I get a mother-son dance.
43
00:01:50,277 --> 00:01:53,079
And I get a mistaken-for-
your-mother-son dance!
44
00:02:01,755 --> 00:02:03,456
Stop. I admit it.
45
00:02:03,457 --> 00:02:05,191
I don't really want a quincea�ero.
46
00:02:05,192 --> 00:02:06,859
Yeah, this isn't about you anymore.
47
00:02:09,596 --> 00:02:11,464
I just need $500, okay?
48
00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:14,967
Uh, what? $500?! Why?
49
00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:17,703
For once, can't you just give me $500
50
00:02:17,704 --> 00:02:20,339
without asking any questions?
51
00:02:20,340 --> 00:02:23,342
Papito. What are you thinking,
52
00:02:23,343 --> 00:02:26,212
asking your mommy for so much money?
53
00:02:26,213 --> 00:02:29,548
I'll give it to you.
54
00:02:29,549 --> 00:02:33,553
You know what? Actually, I would love
to see you pull $500 out of there.
55
00:02:35,055 --> 00:02:37,323
Okay, I'm bluffing.
56
00:02:37,324 --> 00:02:39,692
I am bluffing, but don't worry, Papito.
57
00:02:39,693 --> 00:02:42,628
I will take it out
of my savings account.
58
00:02:42,629 --> 00:02:46,565
I just need to grab my map
and a shovel.
59
00:02:46,566 --> 00:02:48,668
It's fine, Abuelita. Forget it.
60
00:02:48,669 --> 00:02:50,237
I'm sorry I asked.
61
00:02:52,839 --> 00:02:55,007
Should I be worried about that?
62
00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:57,945
Oh, wait, I do have money!
63
00:03:00,380 --> 00:03:04,583
It's a ketchup packet.
64
00:03:11,224 --> 00:03:12,892
Hey, Dr. B! What are you doing here?
65
00:03:12,893 --> 00:03:15,428
I wanted to drop off
an early baby gift.
66
00:03:15,429 --> 00:03:18,364
I-I know you're coming by for an
ultrasound in a couple of days,
67
00:03:18,365 --> 00:03:21,901
but I wanted you guys to have this now.
68
00:03:21,902 --> 00:03:24,770
- Our first baby gift!
- This is so exciting.
69
00:03:24,771 --> 00:03:26,872
I know.
70
00:03:26,873 --> 00:03:30,676
- Thank you so much Dr.
- Aah!
71
00:03:30,677 --> 00:03:32,211
Meet Ruckus the Clown!
72
00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:36,716
He's been in my family for years,
and I wanted to pass him on to you.
73
00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:39,418
I bet you did.
74
00:03:39,719 --> 00:03:43,555
Oh, Ruckus watched over me
when I was growing up.
75
00:03:43,556 --> 00:03:47,926
He was my confidant,
he was my caretaker,
76
00:03:47,927 --> 00:03:51,531
and the best big spoon
you ever spooned.
77
00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:58,070
Dr. B.
78
00:03:58,071 --> 00:04:01,940
We couldn't possibly
take something so...
79
00:04:01,941 --> 00:04:06,278
- obviously meant for you.
- Yeah.
80
00:04:06,279 --> 00:04:08,514
Get that guy out of here.
81
00:04:08,515 --> 00:04:11,216
- Right now.
- No, no, no, no, no.
82
00:04:11,217 --> 00:04:13,585
I-I've thought about this
long and hard.
83
00:04:13,586 --> 00:04:17,022
Ruckus' cold, pale face
is my first memory,
84
00:04:17,023 --> 00:04:20,125
and I want that for your child.
85
00:04:20,126 --> 00:04:21,894
I don't...
86
00:04:21,895 --> 00:04:25,931
know what to say.
87
00:04:25,932 --> 00:04:29,735
I am glad that you love him
as much as I do!
88
00:04:29,736 --> 00:04:31,437
Oh.
89
00:04:31,438 --> 00:04:34,907
You know, you guys remind me so much
90
00:04:34,908 --> 00:04:37,443
of when Sophie and I
had our first baby.
91
00:04:37,444 --> 00:04:41,113
So full of joy and hope.
92
00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:45,484
And then the baby's born
and... bam... all gone.
93
00:04:45,485 --> 00:04:48,887
Hope and joy is replaced
with fear and regret.
94
00:04:48,888 --> 00:04:50,956
Oh, and then you start
turning on each other.
95
00:04:50,957 --> 00:04:53,659
And that's when the lawyers
start circling like hyenas
96
00:04:53,660 --> 00:04:56,696
around the rotting corpse
of your relationship.
97
00:04:58,832 --> 00:05:00,834
Whoa! Got to go.
98
00:05:08,007 --> 00:05:10,642
- Welcome home!
- Aah!
99
00:05:10,643 --> 00:05:13,912
I get why she does this.
It's a real power move.
100
00:05:13,913 --> 00:05:16,615
- What are you doing back there?
- I'll ask the questions.
101
00:05:16,616 --> 00:05:18,650
Why do you need $500?
102
00:05:18,651 --> 00:05:22,087
Because I Googled "what does
a teenage boy need $500 for?"
103
00:05:22,088 --> 00:05:25,457
and it autofilled with
some really disturbing stuff.
104
00:05:25,458 --> 00:05:26,959
Just forget it. I'm over it.
105
00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:28,660
No, I'm not over it. I'm spinning out.
106
00:05:28,661 --> 00:05:30,863
I'm thinking
"exotic pet deal gone wrong."
107
00:05:30,864 --> 00:05:33,265
I-I went on a whole subreddit
about calf implants.
108
00:05:33,266 --> 00:05:35,000
Help me out!
109
00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:37,035
Oh, my God. It's nothing bad.
110
00:05:37,036 --> 00:05:38,937
But you're gonna think it's stupid.
111
00:05:38,938 --> 00:05:41,540
At this point, I would love
to think it's stupid.
112
00:05:41,541 --> 00:05:44,143
Okay.
113
00:05:44,144 --> 00:05:48,046
I want to take a class...
114
00:05:48,047 --> 00:05:50,282
in fashion design.
115
00:05:51,551 --> 00:05:52,885
See? I knew you'd think
it was stupid.
116
00:05:52,886 --> 00:05:54,987
No. No, I'm just glad that we don't
117
00:05:54,988 --> 00:05:58,157
have to give Elena's room
to a Komodo dragon.
118
00:05:58,158 --> 00:06:00,859
No, Alex, I think that's great.
119
00:06:00,860 --> 00:06:02,461
- You do?
- Yes.
120
00:06:02,462 --> 00:06:03,962
Why didn't you just tell me that?
121
00:06:03,963 --> 00:06:05,798
I don't know. It's not academic,
122
00:06:05,799 --> 00:06:09,168
and I figured you might think
it's a waste of money.
123
00:06:09,169 --> 00:06:12,238
It is a waste of money.
124
00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:15,541
Wait.
125
00:06:15,542 --> 00:06:18,911
Why are my curtains already open?
126
00:06:18,912 --> 00:06:20,947
What do you mean?
You just opened them.
127
00:06:23,516 --> 00:06:25,118
Okay.
128
00:06:27,821 --> 00:06:31,723
Pero, Papito, why pay for a class
129
00:06:31,724 --> 00:06:33,892
when the world's greatest seamstress
130
00:06:33,893 --> 00:06:36,728
will teach you for free?
131
00:06:36,729 --> 00:06:39,398
I'm talking about myself.
132
00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:41,366
Thanks, Abuelita,
but it's actually a class
133
00:06:41,367 --> 00:06:45,337
- about street style...
- Oh, I know the streets.
134
00:06:45,338 --> 00:06:48,907
How do you think I get
to the farmers market?
135
00:06:48,908 --> 00:06:51,043
Mommy, help.
136
00:06:51,044 --> 00:06:52,611
Don't worry, I'm not gonna
make you go through
137
00:06:52,612 --> 00:06:53,846
what I went through with her.
138
00:06:53,847 --> 00:06:56,181
Excuse me?
139
00:06:56,182 --> 00:06:58,584
Do you remember when I wanted
to take that hip-hop class?
140
00:06:58,585 --> 00:07:00,419
You said, "Why pay for the class
141
00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:03,689
when the world's greatest dancer
can teach for you free?
142
00:07:03,690 --> 00:07:06,024
I'm talking about myself."
143
00:07:06,025 --> 00:07:07,459
I did teach you.
144
00:07:07,460 --> 00:07:11,029
There are no castanets
in hip-hop, Mami!
145
00:07:11,030 --> 00:07:15,234
Well, if there were,
it would be popular.
146
00:07:15,235 --> 00:07:17,469
Papito.
147
00:07:17,470 --> 00:07:20,772
Imagine you and me wearing matching
148
00:07:20,773 --> 00:07:24,337
homemade street outfits.
149
00:07:26,412 --> 00:07:29,248
I am definitely imagining it.
150
00:07:29,249 --> 00:07:31,450
Don't worry, Alex,
you can take the class.
151
00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:33,585
But I'm not giving you the money.
152
00:07:33,586 --> 00:07:37,789
I am investing in the future
of fashion, which is you.
153
00:07:37,790 --> 00:07:39,892
Oh, I can't wait to see you on
"Project Runway."
154
00:07:39,893 --> 00:07:41,426
Not as a contestant, as a judge.
155
00:07:41,427 --> 00:07:43,328
'Cause that's how we do.
156
00:07:43,329 --> 00:07:45,297
Oh, plus I'm gonna look
fly as hell, so I'm in!
157
00:07:45,298 --> 00:07:46,632
Oh, my God.
158
00:07:46,633 --> 00:07:49,135
Thank you so much, Mami.
You're the best.
159
00:07:53,139 --> 00:07:55,274
Well...
160
00:07:55,275 --> 00:08:01,113
I'll get my needle and thread
so I can mend my broken heart.
161
00:08:01,114 --> 00:08:02,848
Do you what you need to do, Mami.
162
00:08:02,849 --> 00:08:04,616
I have made up my mind.
163
00:08:04,617 --> 00:08:06,418
Alex is taking the class.
164
00:08:06,419 --> 00:08:08,021
IY ya!
165
00:08:09,622 --> 00:08:12,257
I love this.
166
00:08:12,258 --> 00:08:14,360
What the hell is going on?
167
00:08:19,673 --> 00:08:21,533
Oh, there's my little genius.
168
00:08:21,534 --> 00:08:22,534
How's the essay going?
169
00:08:22,535 --> 00:08:24,903
I've got nothing!
170
00:08:24,904 --> 00:08:26,372
What? This looks great.
171
00:08:26,373 --> 00:08:30,415
You're just a ball of red yarn
away from cracking this murder case.
172
00:08:30,676 --> 00:08:33,845
No, I stayed up all night
writing 15 different essays,
173
00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:35,881
only to discover
that all of them sucked!
174
00:08:35,882 --> 00:08:37,516
I need Yale to fall in love with me,
175
00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:40,986
and this will just make them
file a restraining order.
176
00:08:40,987 --> 00:08:42,688
- Ohh, I'm sure it'll be fine.
- Fine?
177
00:08:42,689 --> 00:08:44,250
- Yeah.
- Oh, well, I should just
178
00:08:44,252 --> 00:08:46,654
get my GED and start backpacking.
179
00:08:48,628 --> 00:08:51,497
Okay, maybe I'll go back
to my first idea
180
00:08:51,498 --> 00:08:53,666
about how I want to put
the "I" in "environmental."
181
00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:57,569
I think you put the "mental"
in "environmental."
182
00:08:57,570 --> 00:09:01,373
Can't even tell if
that's a good idea or not.
183
00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:03,175
Okay, yeah, no, I'm fine.
184
00:09:03,176 --> 00:09:06,412
Chaos is part of my process.
185
00:09:06,413 --> 00:09:07,713
Hey.
186
00:09:07,714 --> 00:09:09,081
Hey, how was your fashion class?
187
00:09:09,082 --> 00:09:10,649
When does your line come out
188
00:09:10,650 --> 00:09:13,018
so I can buy it a year later
at Nordstrom Rack?
189
00:09:13,019 --> 00:09:17,222
Yes, tell us what
the strangers taught you.
190
00:09:17,223 --> 00:09:18,557
- Show us, come on.
- Okay.
191
00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:20,359
It's just a simple pair of shorts,
192
00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:23,775
and it's my first project,
so don't get too excited.
193
00:09:25,332 --> 00:09:26,933
Aah! Alex!
194
00:09:29,536 --> 00:09:31,904
- This is really good!
- Thanks.
195
00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:33,439
I mean, I knew you were crushing it,
196
00:09:33,440 --> 00:09:35,874
but, damn, my investment
is paying off already.
197
00:09:35,875 --> 00:09:37,576
Mami, didn't he do a great job?
198
00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:41,414
Well, I wouldn't call it
a "street style."
199
00:09:43,216 --> 00:09:46,618
You know who wouldn't
be caught dead in these?
200
00:09:46,619 --> 00:09:48,288
Dr. Ake.
201
00:09:51,257 --> 00:09:52,858
Do you mean Dr. Dre?
202
00:09:52,859 --> 00:09:54,728
Do you mean Drake?
203
00:09:57,397 --> 00:10:00,299
I said what I said.
204
00:10:00,300 --> 00:10:01,867
Keep up the great work.
205
00:10:01,868 --> 00:10:04,203
Nice job, and next week,
I'd like to see a skirt
206
00:10:04,204 --> 00:10:06,438
for your mother, the woman
that made this all possible.
207
00:10:06,439 --> 00:10:08,742
- I'll see what I can do.
- Okay.
208
00:10:11,378 --> 00:10:14,880
Mami, you got to admit,
this is pretty good.
209
00:10:14,881 --> 00:10:16,483
I admit nothing.
210
00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:21,453
It's obvious he got his talent from me.
211
00:10:21,454 --> 00:10:25,157
Good clean lines, good stitching,
212
00:10:25,158 --> 00:10:26,925
"made in China."
213
00:10:26,926 --> 00:10:29,429
How far away is this class?
214
00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:35,968
Alex didn't make these.
215
00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:37,436
He lied to us.
216
00:10:37,437 --> 00:10:39,772
It's worse than you think.
217
00:10:39,773 --> 00:10:41,441
"Dry-clean only."
218
00:10:54,921 --> 00:10:58,824
Please tell me
that's your hand on my butt.
219
00:10:58,825 --> 00:11:01,293
I was just thinking about
what Dr. B said.
220
00:11:01,294 --> 00:11:02,628
Oh, my God. Me too.
221
00:11:02,629 --> 00:11:04,830
Do you actually think he expects us
222
00:11:04,831 --> 00:11:08,367
to follow these bath-time instructions?
223
00:11:08,368 --> 00:11:09,868
No, I was thinking about how he said
224
00:11:09,869 --> 00:11:11,770
his marriage fell apart after kids.
225
00:11:11,771 --> 00:11:17,009
Oh, yeah, that freaked me out, too.
226
00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:19,378
But that's not us.
227
00:11:19,379 --> 00:11:21,213
We're totally in love.
228
00:11:21,214 --> 00:11:23,383
We've never even had one fight.
229
00:11:25,485 --> 00:11:27,086
You're right.
230
00:11:31,157 --> 00:11:32,825
Why don't I get this guy out of here?
231
00:11:32,826 --> 00:11:35,494
Yes. Oh, God!
232
00:11:35,495 --> 00:11:37,963
I have been waiting for you
to say that.
233
00:11:37,964 --> 00:11:39,832
Oh, just make sure no one
sees it in the trash.
234
00:11:39,833 --> 00:11:42,568
I don't want it to get back to
Dr. B and hurt his feelings.
235
00:11:42,569 --> 00:11:44,736
Uh... why would I
put him in the trash?
236
00:11:44,737 --> 00:11:48,574
I'm taking him to the baby's room.
237
00:11:48,575 --> 00:11:50,075
What?
238
00:11:50,076 --> 00:11:52,344
Oh, you're kidding.
239
00:11:52,345 --> 00:11:56,482
It's... You... Wait, what?
240
00:11:56,483 --> 00:11:58,350
This guy's awesome.
241
00:11:58,351 --> 00:12:00,719
I can't believe Dr. B
was willing to part with him.
242
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:02,856
Honestly, I feel safer.
243
00:12:04,824 --> 00:12:08,060
You are not putting that thing
near our baby's crib.
244
00:12:08,061 --> 00:12:09,561
'Course not. You heard the doc.
245
00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:12,531
He's a spooner.
He needs to be in the crib.
246
00:12:12,532 --> 00:12:16,201
He's a creepy serial-killer
doll with polka-dot pants.
247
00:12:16,202 --> 00:12:18,737
And he smells like cheese!
248
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:20,839
He smells like love!
249
00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:23,909
And a little bit like Camembert.
250
00:12:23,910 --> 00:12:25,911
Are we really having
our first fight over a...
251
00:12:25,912 --> 00:12:27,913
Over a stupid antique clown?!
252
00:12:27,914 --> 00:12:31,116
No, we're having our first
fight over my new best friend!
253
00:12:31,117 --> 00:12:34,686
Come on, Ruckus.
254
00:12:34,687 --> 00:12:37,089
Ohh! Buddy, are you okay?
255
00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:38,625
He's not real!
256
00:12:44,999 --> 00:12:46,165
Hey, bud.
257
00:12:46,465 --> 00:12:48,833
I just want to say one more time
great job.
258
00:12:48,835 --> 00:12:51,003
Really professional.
259
00:12:51,004 --> 00:12:54,472
Like something you'd find in a store.
260
00:12:54,474 --> 00:12:56,976
Thanks. You know,
it took a lot out of me.
261
00:12:56,977 --> 00:12:58,678
So I'm just gonna take a nap.
262
00:13:01,281 --> 00:13:03,816
Yeah, you thought of every detail.
263
00:13:03,817 --> 00:13:06,218
- I mean, even a receipt.
- You found the receipt?
264
00:13:06,219 --> 00:13:08,454
Well, now I don't have to.
265
00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:11,490
If you were really taking the class,
I'd have you make me a trench coat,
266
00:13:11,491 --> 00:13:13,860
'cause I'm freaking McGruff.
Ruff ruff, ya busted!
267
00:13:15,996 --> 00:13:17,329
I'm sorry. I can explain.
268
00:13:17,330 --> 00:13:20,432
Yeah, you better 'cause you lied to me.
269
00:13:20,433 --> 00:13:21,967
I quit the class.
270
00:13:21,968 --> 00:13:24,103
I-I decided I didn't want
to go anymore.
271
00:13:25,272 --> 00:13:27,373
And don't worry, I got a refund.
272
00:13:27,374 --> 00:13:29,074
Well, why didn't you just tell me that?
273
00:13:29,075 --> 00:13:32,111
I wouldn't make you keep going to
the class if I knew you hated it.
274
00:13:32,112 --> 00:13:33,912
I'm not Abuelita pounding
out the counts to "No Diggity"
275
00:13:33,913 --> 00:13:35,515
with her chancletas.
276
00:13:37,484 --> 00:13:40,486
I didn't hate it.
277
00:13:41,541 --> 00:13:43,509
I loved it.
278
00:13:45,058 --> 00:13:47,626
Okay, now I don't know what's going on.
279
00:13:48,288 --> 00:13:51,757
I loved it, but I sucked at it,
so I quit.
280
00:13:51,759 --> 00:13:53,187
And I bought the stupid shorts so I
281
00:13:53,189 --> 00:13:54,900
wouldn't have to have
this conversation.
282
00:13:54,901 --> 00:13:56,635
So what was your plan?
283
00:13:56,636 --> 00:13:58,604
You were just gonna keep buying
clothes until I showed up
284
00:13:58,605 --> 00:14:02,341
to a fake graduation,
looking fantastic?
285
00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:04,743
I'm not saying it was a good plan,
286
00:14:04,744 --> 00:14:05,945
but that was the plan.
287
00:14:09,114 --> 00:14:11,582
Alex, relax.
288
00:14:11,584 --> 00:14:13,518
You only took one class.
289
00:14:13,519 --> 00:14:15,020
It's okay not to be perfect.
290
00:14:15,021 --> 00:14:16,521
Not in this family.
291
00:14:16,522 --> 00:14:18,490
I mean, everyone here is "killing it"
292
00:14:18,491 --> 00:14:21,828
and "a badass" and "a strong
independent woman."
293
00:14:24,330 --> 00:14:26,364
Abuelita came to this country
with nothing,
294
00:14:26,365 --> 00:14:28,266
made a whole life for herself.
295
00:14:28,267 --> 00:14:31,970
You're a military veteran whose
job is literally saving lives.
296
00:14:31,971 --> 00:14:33,939
Elena is gonna get into
every Ivy League school
297
00:14:33,940 --> 00:14:37,542
and become the first
doctor-lawyer president.
298
00:14:37,543 --> 00:14:39,444
I'm just a dude with a great smile.
299
00:14:39,445 --> 00:14:41,513
Come on, you're good at a lot of stuff.
300
00:14:41,514 --> 00:14:43,014
Not fashion.
301
00:14:43,015 --> 00:14:45,050
I mean, everybody else
made a pair of shorts.
302
00:14:45,051 --> 00:14:46,351
I spent the whole class
trying to thread
303
00:14:46,352 --> 00:14:47,853
the stupid sewing machine.
304
00:14:47,854 --> 00:14:49,321
I mean, I stabbed my finger
with the needle
305
00:14:49,322 --> 00:14:51,223
so many times that I needed stitches,
306
00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:52,891
but I didn't know how to do them.
307
00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:56,394
Oh, baby.
308
00:14:56,395 --> 00:15:01,499
So I figured that,
if I'm not gonna be great,
309
00:15:01,500 --> 00:15:04,002
it's better not to do it, right?
310
00:15:04,003 --> 00:15:06,738
No, you got to keep doing it.
311
00:15:06,739 --> 00:15:08,206
But you already said I could quit.
312
00:15:08,207 --> 00:15:09,407
Yeah, that's when I thought
you hated it.
313
00:15:09,408 --> 00:15:10,909
But now that I know you love it,
314
00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:14,246
I expect you to work
until you're miserable.
315
00:15:14,247 --> 00:15:15,814
You can't be afraid to fail.
316
00:15:15,815 --> 00:15:18,550
What, do you think
I'm gonna love you any less
317
00:15:18,551 --> 00:15:20,085
because you're not perfect?
318
00:15:20,086 --> 00:15:23,588
I mean, I'd rather not find out.
319
00:15:23,589 --> 00:15:25,657
Oh, love.
320
00:15:25,658 --> 00:15:26,992
I'm sorry.
321
00:15:26,993 --> 00:15:30,595
I never meant to make you
feel that way.
322
00:15:30,596 --> 00:15:33,932
Look at me.
323
00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:36,568
It's okay to be bad at some things.
324
00:15:36,569 --> 00:15:38,503
Dare to suck!
325
00:15:38,504 --> 00:15:40,605
It's the first step to getting good.
326
00:15:40,606 --> 00:15:41,840
And if you love the fashion thing,
327
00:15:41,841 --> 00:15:43,742
you have to keep going back
328
00:15:43,743 --> 00:15:47,712
and not be afraid
to be bad at it for awhile.
329
00:15:47,713 --> 00:15:49,614
Because you'll get better.
330
00:15:49,615 --> 00:15:51,416
We're all learning.
331
00:15:51,417 --> 00:15:54,619
It's a process.
332
00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:56,721
Okay. Thanks, Mom.
333
00:15:56,722 --> 00:15:59,391
- I'll go back to the class.
- Mm.
334
00:15:59,392 --> 00:16:02,127
What's going on? I heard voices.
335
00:16:02,128 --> 00:16:04,029
Oh, wait.
336
00:16:04,030 --> 00:16:06,465
They're not coming from in here.
337
00:16:09,635 --> 00:16:11,069
Is this fire out?
338
00:16:11,070 --> 00:16:14,272
'Cause mama's got
a real inferno over there.
339
00:16:14,273 --> 00:16:17,309
Are you insane?
340
00:16:17,310 --> 00:16:20,779
Peanut butter is not healthier
than almond butter.
341
00:16:20,780 --> 00:16:23,214
Tell that to the bees, who work
their little fingers to the bone
342
00:16:23,215 --> 00:16:26,785
so that you can have
your precious "AB&J."
343
00:16:26,786 --> 00:16:29,821
You want to have a butter fight,
let's have a butter fight!
344
00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:32,123
Hey, kids.
345
00:16:32,124 --> 00:16:33,792
Are we ready for the ultrasound?
346
00:16:33,793 --> 00:16:35,126
You "butter" believe it.
347
00:16:35,127 --> 00:16:37,395
Oh, don't you dare.
348
00:16:37,396 --> 00:16:38,830
You're the one
who bought almond butter.
349
00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:40,432
I didn't even get a chance to weigh in.
350
00:16:40,433 --> 00:16:42,233
Well, next time, you can do
the online shopping.
351
00:16:42,234 --> 00:16:44,870
- I'm exhausted.
- But... You're exhausted?
352
00:16:46,405 --> 00:16:48,274
There's your baby.
353
00:16:50,476 --> 00:16:52,478
Oh, my God.
354
00:16:55,147 --> 00:16:58,683
That's our baby.
355
00:16:58,684 --> 00:17:05,090
It's the most beautiful,
tiniest blob I've ever seen.
356
00:17:05,091 --> 00:17:06,858
I'm sorry for everything.
357
00:17:06,859 --> 00:17:08,728
And I'm sorry, too.
358
00:17:10,997 --> 00:17:14,032
Oh, look at you two.
359
00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:16,801
If my marriage had one ounce
of this love,
360
00:17:16,802 --> 00:17:21,306
Sophie and I might still
just be separated.
361
00:17:21,307 --> 00:17:23,508
To be honest, Dr. B,
we've been on edge
362
00:17:23,509 --> 00:17:24,976
since you came over the other day
363
00:17:24,977 --> 00:17:27,312
and told us how kids
ruined your marriage.
364
00:17:27,313 --> 00:17:29,814
Oh, yeah. I...
365
00:17:29,815 --> 00:17:31,516
I totally misremembered that.
366
00:17:31,517 --> 00:17:33,551
No, no, no.
367
00:17:33,552 --> 00:17:36,221
Things didn't go downhill
after we had kids.
368
00:17:36,222 --> 00:17:41,226
It was after my wife
slept with her podiatrist.
369
00:17:41,227 --> 00:17:44,662
Ah, ironically,
he swept her off her feet.
370
00:17:44,663 --> 00:17:46,231
What the hell, doc?
371
00:17:46,232 --> 00:17:48,633
We've been fighting all week
since you said that.
372
00:17:48,634 --> 00:17:50,368
Well, that's just crazy.
373
00:17:50,369 --> 00:17:52,570
You two are perfect for each other.
374
00:17:52,571 --> 00:17:56,207
And your baby's perfect, too.
375
00:17:56,208 --> 00:17:58,977
Ooh, can you tell
whether it's a boy or a girl?
376
00:17:58,978 --> 00:18:01,614
Yes, of course. I'm a doctor.
377
00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:13,758
Sort of did want to know.
378
00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:16,194
Hey, but maybe it'd be fun not to.
379
00:18:16,195 --> 00:18:18,096
You know, I agree.
380
00:18:18,097 --> 00:18:21,332
I'm sorry I got so worked up
about Ruckus.
381
00:18:21,333 --> 00:18:22,534
I was such a lonely kid,
382
00:18:22,535 --> 00:18:25,070
I-I would've loved to have a buddy.
383
00:18:25,071 --> 00:18:26,938
Any buddy.
384
00:18:26,939 --> 00:18:29,942
Now you have a buddy... me.
385
00:18:31,477 --> 00:18:36,181
And our baby doesn't need
a creepy stuffed companion.
386
00:18:36,182 --> 00:18:38,650
'Cause they'll have us.
387
00:18:43,923 --> 00:18:45,857
We did it!
388
00:18:45,858 --> 00:18:49,461
We get through our first fight!
389
00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:52,430
I can't believe I'm saying
this, but thank you, Ruckus?
390
00:18:52,431 --> 00:18:54,199
Yeah.
391
00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:56,969
You know what the best way
to thank him might be?
392
00:18:59,905 --> 00:19:02,141
Hey, Penelope, you change your hair?
393
00:19:06,812 --> 00:19:09,447
Ruckus?
394
00:19:09,448 --> 00:19:11,950
"I'm sick. Homesick."
395
00:19:11,951 --> 00:19:15,187
Oh, I miss you, too, old fella.
396
00:19:17,704 --> 00:19:19,704
_
397
00:19:25,431 --> 00:19:27,499
Mami, you think a sign
is gonna stop me.
398
00:19:27,500 --> 00:19:29,535
I'm parked in a loading zone right now.
399
00:19:32,138 --> 00:19:34,672
Okay. Class was great.
400
00:19:34,673 --> 00:19:36,341
And...
401
00:19:36,342 --> 00:19:38,843
this one I really made.
402
00:19:38,844 --> 00:19:40,245
It's good! You did good!
403
00:19:40,246 --> 00:19:42,180
You see? This is how you get better.
404
00:19:42,181 --> 00:19:44,849
And I decided,
if I cannot be your teacher,
405
00:19:44,850 --> 00:19:46,417
I will be your model.
406
00:19:46,418 --> 00:19:48,453
I already slapped Naomi Campbell,
407
00:19:48,454 --> 00:19:50,289
but that's a story for another time.
408
00:19:54,827 --> 00:19:59,197
Pin a medal on General Gay Stuff!
409
00:19:59,198 --> 00:20:01,499
I finally wrote
the perfect college essay.
410
00:20:01,500 --> 00:20:03,868
My adviser said it was the best
one she's read in years.
411
00:20:03,869 --> 00:20:05,937
That's amazing, honey! Congratulations!
412
00:20:05,938 --> 00:20:09,207
You see, look at us!
We're all killing it.
413
00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:11,109
Although, I'm gonna tell you,
Alex, I'm a little bummed
414
00:20:11,110 --> 00:20:13,344
about us not having a quincea�ero.
415
00:20:13,345 --> 00:20:14,812
Mostly because I was really
looking forward
416
00:20:14,813 --> 00:20:16,514
to that mother-son dance.
417
00:20:16,515 --> 00:20:17,715
But, um...
418
00:20:17,716 --> 00:20:21,186
Uh-oh.
419
00:20:21,187 --> 00:20:23,388
Is there one starting now?
420
00:20:23,389 --> 00:20:25,456
Alright. I guess you deserve this.
421
00:20:25,457 --> 00:20:29,561
Mm, this and you're gonna make
me one of these cool jackets.
422
00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:36,568
Lucky for you, I can also rock a vest.
423
00:20:36,569 --> 00:20:37,902
- Lupita!
- What?
424
00:20:37,903 --> 00:20:40,239
- You are getting a ticket!
- Oh, crap!
425
00:20:43,709 --> 00:20:47,245
There is no ticket.
31032
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