Original subtitles

Now Billy Joe McGuffrey was a really clumsy kid

On the first day of first grade I'll tell you what he did

He tripped over a pencil box Flew up in the air

Landed on a kangaroo who pulled out all his hair

He needed first aid in the first grade First aid in the first grade

First aid in the first grade

You could buy a zoo with all the doctor bills he paid

Where is Route 59?

First aid in the second grade

You could buy a zoo with all the doctor bills he paid

Now Billy Joe McGuffrey was a really clumsy kid

Lights! Lights!

He fell out of a fishing boat Splashed into the sea

Landed on a moray eel Who bit him on the knee

He needed first aid in the third grade He needed first aid in the third grade

He needed first aid in the third grade

You could buy a zoo with all the doctor bills he paid

I get to meet Twippo.

Twelfth grade.

Now Billy Joe McGuffrey Was a really clumsy kid

On the 12th day of 12th grade I'll tell you what he did

He walked into financial aid Fell and broke a bone

Showed them all his bills and got a great big college loan

He needed first aid in the twelfth grade

First aid in the twelfth grade

You could buy a zoo with all the doctor bills he paid

Yeah, Twippo.

Let's do another Twippo song.

- I love Twippo. - Me, too.

But I'm the only one who gets to meet him,

because I won the Twippo Sweepstakes.

You don't have to rub it in.

It's great that you won the contest, Laura,

but let's try not to brag about it.

Nice one with the lights, Bob.

My pleasure. For the next song, maybe I can drive into the river.

Yeah.

Drive into the river, Bob Oh, drive into the river, Bob...

Or maybe you could help me with the map.

I'm sorry.

Is there anything you want me to tell Twippo when I meet him?

Look out!

- My ticket. - Quick, get it.

- The map. - Sorry.

My ticket.

Do you mind?

I'm stuck.

Get it! Get it! Fix it! Stick it in! Put it back!

Porcupine!

Tree.

Cabin.

Underwear.

Well, I'm glad that's over.

Did you say something?

- Oh... - Dear.

Am I in heaven?

Smells like Wisconsin.

Well. Nobody got hurt.

Wow. What a shot.

Hey.

What's that?

What's "Seafoo"?

Maybe it's like tofu.

Only saltier.

I can't believe I did that.

Oh, yeah? Well, if it wasn't for you, we wouldn't be in this mess.

I said I was sorry. I'll do better next time.

There isn't gonna be a next time.

Mr. Bob? How are we gonna get to the Twippo concert?

Yeah. We're gonna miss the Bald Bunny song.

I don't know. I don't know about any bald bunnies.

I'm a bald bunny Ain't got no fur

Even if we make it to the concert, I can't get in. I lost my ticket.

Serves you right. It's your own fault for waving it around in my face.

I have to go to the bathroom.

You know, I'm usually not that clumsy in the car.

Two flat tires.

Usually, I'm quite dexterous.

How in the world are we gonna change two flat tires?

Where's the phone?

I lost my ticket.

If you hadn't been teasing me with it, we wouldn't be in this mess, Laura.

May we help you?

Porcupine.

- I need to call my wife. - Here.

May I please use the bathroom?

- Down the hall, first door on the left. - Thank you.

Captain Ahab's Moby Blaster. My favorite.

What do you want?

Well, sirs. The asparagus hit me in the head with a guitar,

and an angry mother porcupine shot out our tires

and one of her babies got me.

- And I need to use your phone to call... - A tow truck.

...my wife.

- I see. - Next to the Moby Blaster.

- Thanks. - Well,

in the meantime, would you like to have a seat?

Maybe enjoy a nice combo platter?

Steak, steak Eat it, eat it

Shrimp, shrimp Need it, need it

Steak and shrimp Steak and shrimp

Need to, need to eat it, eat it

Do you prefer "poking" or "non-poking?"

Non.

Good one, Phillipe. You are one clever pea, no?

Voilà. A skewer for the scampi.

We are The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything

We just stay home and lie around

Please make yourselves comfortable.

I will be back to take your order.

Why don't you two wait here. I'm gonna go call a tow truck.

Maybe we can still make it to the concert on time.

Yeah, everyone but me.

Hey, it's your own fault for teasing me.

You're just getting what you deserve.

I'm coming with you, Mr. Bob.

See, the guy, one guy, all he does, he just folds these napkins.

The napkin guy.

- He works at night after everybody's gone. - Yeah.

You know, he used to fold maps.

No. No. Listen to me. He takes one spoon, he takes one knife, and he takes one fork,

and he rolls it up in a napkin. He's the one that makes it into that little swan shape.

Excuse me.

- How's it going? - Hey. What's up?

Who are you?

Who, us?

Yeah.

We are The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything.

You know that's right.

- Nothing. - Zilch.

Nada.

Didn't you hear our song?

Well, yeah, but...

Look, sonny... Can I call you sonny?

- Junior. - Hey. Pretty close.

Look, Junior, we couldn't help but notice

you were having a little thing with your friend over there.

Yeah. You weren't being very nice.

Well, it's her own fault.

She was teasing me, and now she's getting what she deserves.

Right.

Junior, we've seen these types of situations before.

- Happens all the time. - What you need is a little compassion.

And maybe some scampi.

Hey, I saw that in the menu. What is that? What's "compassion"?

That's a hard question.

Well, compassion is when you see that someone needs help,

and you wanna help them.

That's what I thought you'd say.

- They all do. - Yep.

We find it helpful to illustrate with a little story.

- A story? - Yep.

You know, we call ourselves The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything,

but that's not entirely accurate.

Yeah. Remember when we did that one thing with that one guy?

- Do I ever. - I remember it like it was yesterday.

Are you guys still doing that pirate thing?

Watch your tongue, matey, or we'll have to...

- What will we do? - We won't do anything.

We're The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything, remember?

That's right.

You got off easy today.

We need more Mr. Twisty's Twisted Cheese Curls.

Yeah. And root beer.

I told you, boys, no more cheese curls until you pay your tab.

You still owe me from last week.

But you'll take away our chance

to win the Mr. Twisty's Twisted Cheese Curl Sweepstakes.

Come again?

Inside one of those bags of cheesy goodness

is a golden ticket that'll change our lives forever.

Well, you could work here for me.

That way you could earn more cheese curls.

- That sounds good. - Okay.

So what do you know how to do?

Well, I'm pretty good at lawn darts.

Ping-Pong. I can play Ping-Pong.

Croquet is my specialty.

When do we start?

Monday's good for me.

We were short on cash.

It seems not doing anything didn't pay very well.

So what do we do now?

Nothing.

You are a genius.

Are these fish fresh?

- You bet. - Oh, yeah.

What? They were fresh when we caught them.

- That's right. - Two weeks ago.

Ninevites.

Beside the fact that we were low on funds,

this was a memorable day because he showed up.

Jonah.

Now, Jonah was a prophet of God,

which means he was one of the very special people

God used to deliver messages to Israel.

He was kind of like a mailman, except his letters came straight from God.

Anyway, Jonah loved helping his friends by bringing them God's messages.

Sometimes the messages were good. Sometimes they were not so good.

But when a prophet talked, everybody listened.

What's the word, Jonah?

Yeah, what's the word?

Stop right here, Reginald.

Dear people, I bring you a message from the Lord.

It's a message of encouragement.

Do not fight, do not cheat

Wash your hands before you eat

There is nothing quite as sweet A message from the Lord

Be a friend Say your prayers

Heaven loves a heart that cares

That is why I've come to share a message from the Lord

And if you follow God's commands

There will be peace throughout the land

You will live long and happy lives

With your sheep

Your kids

Your wives

Don't eat pigs Don't eat bats

Don't eat beetles, flies or gnats

Stay away from all of that A message from the Lord

Do what's right Don't provoke

Put four tassels on your cloak

Do not laugh It's not a joke

A message from the Lord

Do not fight Do not cheat

Wash your hands before you eat

There is nothing quite as sweet

A message from the Lord

All together now.

Be a friend Say your prayers

Heaven loves a heart that cares

That is why he came to share a message from the Lord

And if we follow God's commands

There will be peace throughout our land

We will live long and happy lives

With our sheep Our kids

Our wives

Do what's right Don't provoke

Put four tassels on your cloak

Do not laugh It's not a joke

A message from the Lord

Don't do drugs Stay in school

This is quite a lot of rules

Follow them and you're no fool

Follow them and you're no fool A message from the Lord

A message from the Lord

All right. Good show, everyone.

Thank you very much.

That was pretty much Jonah's life.

Town to town, bringing God's messages to his friends.

Not a bad gig, overall.

So, every night before he went to sleep, Jonah would pray and ask God

if there was a new message for him to deliver.

And this night, there was a message that would change Jonah's life.

A new message? Yes, what's that?

People being unkind? Lying? Stealing?

Oh, dear. Sounds like a standard "turn and repent" to me.

All right, name the town. I'll be on my way first thing in the morning.

Where is it? Jericho? Damascus?

What? Nineveh?

I'm not aware of any Ninevehs in Israel.

No, I don't think...

You mean that Nineveh?

That Nineveh wasn't in Israel at all. It was the capital of Assyria,

and it was the biggest, meanest city around.

Now, the people of Nineveh were particularly mean to Jonah's people,

the Israelites.

They lied. They stole.

But worst of all, they slapped people with fishes.

They even slapped each other with fishes.

They didn't know the difference between right and wrong.

The Ninevites were so mean, in fact, that most Israelites, including Jonah,

wished God would just wipe Nineveh off the face of the Earth.

Needless to say, Jonah was shocked

that God would want him to deliver a message to his enemies.

You don't want me to go there.

You don't know what Nineveh is like.

Perhaps you've never been there.

Well, of course you haven't.

A god like you would never go to a place like Nineveh.

Or for that matter, neither would a prophet like me.

No, it cannot be

Your messages are meant for me and my brothers

We are your chosen people

And Nineveh Well, they're not

There must be some mistake A big misunderstanding

It's really hard to take How could you be so demanding?

For years I've been your messenger from Moresheth to Gath

But Nineveh should get no chance to turn They've earned your wrath

No, it cannot be

Your messages are meant for me and my brothers

We are your chosen people

And Nineveh Well, they're not

We're the good guys And they're the bad guys

Please, don't send me there with a message of your mercy

Damascus or Jerusalem I'll be there in a minute

Any town in Israel, just ask me I'll be in it

Shiloh, Gilgal, Jericho Just say the word

But Nineveh That is just absurd

Joppa, Aphek, Jezreel They're all just fine

But Nineveh

Nineveh.

No.

Nineveh is where I draw the line

No, it cannot be

Your messages are meant for me

Yep. It sounded like God wanted to offer mercy to the Ninevites.

The tow truck's on its way.

You know, Junior, I love your dad and all,

but that's the last time I pick him for a copilot.

What's going on?

We're telling a little story.

You should listen, too.

As I was saying,

it sounded like God wanted to offer mercy to Jonah's enemies.

What's "mercy"?

It's what this whole story is about.

I thought it was about compassion, remember?

The menu?

Yeah. There's that, too.

Better check your menu again. We got two specials today,

and they go hand in hand.

Compassion is when you want to help someone who needs help.

Mercy is when you give someone a second chance,

even if they don't deserve it.

This story is about both of them.

That's right, my cucumber friend.

You can't have mercy without compassion.

But mercy is even more important.

Jonah was afraid God was going to give Nineveh a second chance,

that he was going to help them, even though they didn't deserve it.

So what did he do?

Well, never before had he gotten a message from God

that he didn't want to deliver. He didn't know what to do.

Good morning, Jonah. What's the word?

What? Nothing. There is no word.

Nothing at all?

No. Nothing at all. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm very busy.

Good morning, Jonah. What's the word?

Stop it. There is no word. Nothing.

I've got to get out of here.

There is no word.

I have no new messages.

And above all, I am not going to Nineveh.

Sorry, sir. I can't sell you a ticket to Nineveh.

What? Who are you?

The name's Angus. I sell cruise tickets.

There's nothing like a cruise on the Great Sea

to clean the sand out of your wicket, aye?

But you can't sail to Nineveh. It's landlocked. See?

You can't go by sea. You gotta go by land.

But I don't want to go to...

Hello, Mr. Jonah. What's the word?

He's going to Nineveh.

Oh, really?

I am not going to Nineveh.

Why on earth would I want to go to Nineveh?

In fact, I'm going in the opposite direction.

What's the farthest thing in the world from Nineveh?

Well, if you have a few days, you could sail down to Egypt.

It's lovely this time of year.

There. I want to go there.

Tarshish?

Why, that would take weeks. It's the other end of the world.

Perfect. How much?

Even if you had the money,

no one around here has the time to sail all the way to Tarshish.

Then again.

We couldn't possibly.

We're very busy with cargo and stuff.

You know, pirates have to pillage and plunder and...

That really takes it out of you...

Yeah, and ALF is on in a half hour, so I don't think we should...

And besides that, we don't really sail.

At all.

So, the answer is no.

Money is no object.

Next stop, Tarshish. I'll hoist the mainsail.

- I'll pop the popcorn. - I'll get the moist towelettes.

Where did we put them? Hey, Larry, have you seen the towelettes?

- I got it. I got it. - No, those are baby wipes.

Sorry.

My fault.

Even though we'd never sailed before, we took to it like a fish to water.

Thar she blows.

Where?

Right there. Next to the grill.

Got it.

Six-zero.

Seven-zero.

That's a skunk. I win.

Yeah. All right. Yeah.

What do you say, Jonah? Two out of three?

No. I'm done.

When we get to Tarshish, Ho Hos on me.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

He winny at the Ping-Pong

We get the Ho Ho and the Ding Dong

Ding dong

Once we finally got out to sea, Jonah went below deck to rest a bit.

What have I done? What have I done?

You are powerful and attractive.

What? Who's there?

You do not run from your problems, but confront them face to face.

The bag. It speaks.

What did you do that for?

Mr. Twisty?

Who's there? Show yourself.

Hello.

What are you?

Who, me? My name is Khalil.

I am a caterpillar. Well, that's only half true.

My mother was a caterpillar. My father was a worm.

But I'm okay with that now.

Khalil?

Khalil. You've got to get your gut into it.

I bet you are wondering why I am here.

You tidy up around the ship?

No. I do not work on the ship.

I am a small business operator. A traveling salesman.

I sell Persian rugs door to door.

See?

- Lovely. - By the way,

do you know where this ship is going?

- Yes, Tarshish. - Tarshish.

What a trip.

You know, that may be just what I need.

The Persian rug business has not been going very well around here.

But I still have a positive mental attitude because of my motivational tapes.

You are a skilled metalworker.

I am a skilled metalworker. I did not know that.

Yes, well, that's lovely, Carlyle,

but if you don't mind, I think I'll just get some rest.

Jonah?

You are Jonah.

- You know me? - Of course I do.

You are the most famous prophet in the whole world.

- Well, I don't know if I'd say... - I sell your licensed merchandise.

Look. I have the Jonah rugs,

the Jonah plush toy

with sound chip.

A message from the Lord. A message from the Lord.

Well, I'm flattered.

You are huge. You are a celebrity.

Well, I...

From town to town, delivering God's messages.

What a life. You are a big shot.

No, it's really...

The man God can count on to deliver his messages.

Yes, well...

You and God are like peas in a pod.

Like two humps on a camel, you always sway the same way.

That is a good one.

You know, humor runs very deep in my family.

My uncle was a big star back at a comedy club in Nineveh.

The Taj Ma-Haha. Standing room only.

And then he was hit with a fish.

I am telling you, those people do not know right from wrong.

Nineveh.

You are sad now, my friend?

Something about Nineveh makes you feel sad inside?

I don't really want to talk about it.

I just need some rest.

You do not have to tell me.

- Good. - Because I already know.

- You do? - Yes.

There is a woman in Nineveh, is there not? A beautiful young asparagus.

- She is waiting there for you, no? - No.

You were promised to be married, but your job is now in the way.

The woman's father is the head of an international ring of camel thieves.

This very day, you set sail for Tarshish

to deliver a message that will break the back of the camel thieves,

but in the process, will break the heart of the woman you love.

Insight runs very deep in my family.

Do not worry, the first one is free.

Please, Carlyle, I just need to get some rest.

It's Khalil. But you can call me Carlyle if you want to.

When we get to Tarshish, you can deliver the message,

and I'll sell the plush toys.

We can be a team.

A message

from the Lord.

Well, sweet dreams, traveling buddy.

We can make our plans to save those camels tomorrow.

You are a go-getter.

Yes, which way is Tarshish?

Right this way. You can't miss it.

Thank you.

Jonah.

What? Who is it?

Jonah, where are you going?

It's you, Lord.

I'm going to... I'm going...

- Jonah. - I'm sorry. I can't hear you.

- Jonah. - I can't hear you.

Jonah.

I can't hear you.

Jonah.

Jonah. Jonah. Jonah.

No. I can't hear you.

Come on, wake up. We got trouble.

What? What's happening?

We're in a storm. Like I've never seen before.

If we don't do something quick, we're gonna sink.

We seem to have sprung a leak, traveling buddy.

Hey. What are you doing here?

Didn't I tell you to get off my ship, you lousy leaf eater?

Well, yes.

But, you see, my new friend and I are going to Tarshish

to break the back of the camel thieves.

Crime fighting runs very deep in my family.

Why, if it wasn't for this storm, I'd make you walk the plank.

And you, how can you sleep at a time like this?

What's going on?

I'll tell you what's going on.

We're all gonna be fish food if I don't get some help.

Well, what can we do?

Get up and pray to your god.

Maybe he'll have mercy on us and spare our lives.

Somebody up there must be really upset with somebody down here.

Wait a minute. That's it.

All right. You two, follow me.

You got electric eel?

Nope. Go fish.

One more card.

You are one cheating buccaneer.

How am I supposed to cheat at Go Fish?

I don't know.

All right, you lazies.

Game over. Shuffle them up and deal us in.

But...

Okay. Here's the deal.

The way I see it, there is a reason for this storm.

Somebody up there is really upset with somebody down here.

And it ain't gonna let up until we know who that somebody is.

It could be any one of us.

I have my suspicions.

But we won't know for sure until we figure it out scientifically.

All right men, Go Fish.

Loser takes a swim.

- You got a perch? - No.

- You have any pickerel? - No.

You got a muskellunge?

Nope. Go fish.

Oh, dear.

I am most desperate for a lobster.

Sorry.

Drat.

You got any bass?

Yeah.

- Octopus? - Bluegill?

- Tuna. - Halibut.

You got any trout?

What a goose I am. It's a match. I had it all along.

I thought for sure...

All right. I admit it. It's my fault. All my fault.

I'm the one to blame.

But I... The worm...

I am a Hebrew, and I worship the Lord,

the god of heaven, who made the sea and the land.

And I'm running away from him.

He told me to go to Nineveh, but I didn't listen.

You know, I don't like those people.

- Fish slappers. - Yes.

So I ran. I ran, and I ended up here.

And now everyone's in terrible danger all because of me.

I'm afraid the only thing left is to be thrown into the sea.

You don't have to do that. We've got a plank.

You can just walk off.

Yes. Thank you. You're too kind.

Well, Jonah, old buddy. It was nice knowing you.

Normally, you'd be entitled to a refund,

but under the circumstances, you know, with you dying and all...

No, I don't suppose a refund would do me much good now, would it?

Thanks. You're a trouper. Ain't he a trouper?

But the camels...

Hey. Wait a minute. I just remembered something.

Maybe you don't have to walk the plank after all.

Every winter, my cousin from Moose Lake asks me to take care of this.

- Cool. - What is it?

This, my friends, is a Jupiter 1,600 horsepower,

high-octane, dual propeller, pull ignition outboard motor.

With the optional chrome trim package.

- Cool. - What is it?

It gets us back to Joppa.

Well, how does it work?

That I don't know.

Perhaps I could help.

- You know, technical competency runs... - I know,

very deep in your family.

Our reputation precedes us.

Well, then, it appears that one should pull the cord,

and then perhaps push this black bubbly thingy.

No. Maybe it's the other way around.

Perhaps if one first pushes the black bubbly thingy

and then pulls the cord...

See?

Yep. That's how it works.

It has been delightful, but I must go now.

Oh, Lord, don't let us die for this man's sin.

And don't hold us responsible for his death, because it isn't our fault.

Oh, Lord, you have sent this storm upon him for your own good reasons.

And keep my duckie safe.

- Amen. - Amen.

That was easy.

Well, should we pull him back in?

I don't see why not.

Something touched me! There's something in the water!

- Hurry up! Hurry! - I'm hurrying!

Hold on, Jonah!

- Aim this time! - I was aiming!

- I can never tell where you're looking. - You should talk.

Hurry!

Fellows, please!

- Pull it back in. Hurry! - Okay, okay! I got it!

- Let me do that! - No, no! I'll throw it!

Fellows, please!

Come on! Give it here!

I said, I got it!

Excuse me, gentlemen.

Perhaps I can be of assistance.

Man the cannon!

Aye-aye, Captain!

We ain't got no ammo!

Yes, we do!

Fire one!

Fire two!

Hello?

Fire three!

I'm coming, traveling buddy!

Traveling buddy? Where are you?

Look, a bowling ball. If I could only find some pins.

You found better than that, traveling buddy!

It's me!

Oh, my.

So forget about Tarshish.

All we need to do is get this whale to swim to Nineveh!

You give the message. I sell the plush toys.

We'll be right back on track.

Carlyle, please don't speak to me.

I'm having a rather bad day.

Well, you don't need to be so down about it, Mr. Grumpypants!

Look around you!

We're inside a whale!

We're going to be digested!

Do you know what that means?

Of course I do! Digestion runs very deep in my family.

I'm just trying to have a positive outlook, you know.

You know, the difference between you and me

is that you see the whale as half empty, but I see the whale as half full!

I don't know what that means.

Neither do I.

I might as well face it.

God gave me a job to do, and I disobeyed him.

I ran the other way.

I've done something terrible, and now I'm getting what I deserve.

I'm going to die here in this whale.

Have you ever seen anything so pathetic?

This boy needs some help!

What? Who's there?

Take it easy, Jonah.

We're on your side.

How did you know my name? How did you get in here?

Were you in the bowling ball, too?

No. That's not how we get around.

No, we came straight from the big man himself.

You mean...

And just like you, we deliver his messages.

- So, you're prophets, too? - Not exactly.

You see, we work on a slightly higher level.

- You do? - And, Jonah,

we've got a message for you.

You're feeling pretty blue

You didn't do what God requested

Yeah, I'd be moping, too

If I was gonna be digested

This ain't a pretty picture, no

I said, it ain't a pretty sight, no

You ran from God this morning

And you're

Whale chow

Tonight

Hold up

Hang on

Not so fast Your life ain't over yet

See, we're here to tell you all about

The forgiveness that

You can get

You see, ours is a god of mercy

Ours is a god of love

And right now he gonna lend a helping hand from up above

Praise the Lord He's the god of second chances

You'll be floored how his love your life enhances

You can be restored from your darkest circumstances

Our god is the god of second chances

Ain't it good to know a god who gives a second chance?

Why, that's enough to get a smile from Mr. Grumpypants

So if you say you're sorry for all the stuff you do

We know that he'll be ready with a second chance for you

Praise the Lord He's the god of second chances

You'll be floored How his love your life enhances

You can be restored from your darkest circumstances

Our god is the god of second chances

Our god is the god

If you believe God's love is true

Then you should know what you should do

If you believe God's love is true

Then you should know what you should do

If you believe God's love is true

Then you should know what you should do

If you believe God's love is true

Then you should know what you should do

God gives a second chance

Second chances Second chances

Praise the Lord He's the god of second chances

You'll be floored when you're restored from your darkest circumstances

Our god is the god

Second chances Second chances

He's the god of second chances

You'll be floored when you're restored from your darkest circumstances

Our god is the god

Second chances

If you believe God's love is true

Then you should know what you should do

If you believe God's love is true

Then you should know what you should do

Second chances Second chances

Praise the Lord He's the god of second chances

You'll be floored when you're restored from your darkest circumstances

Our god is the god

Second chances Second chances

Our god is the god

So, from inside the whale,

Jonah prayed and asked God to forgive him for not obeying.

He told God that if he got another chance,

he would go to Nineveh, even though he didn't like those people very much.

So, did he get another chance?

Shouldn't you be looking out for your tow truck?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That can wait. Did Jonah get another chance?

Well, God saw that Jonah needed help, and he wanted to help him.

That's compassion!

But did he give him a second chance, even though he didn't deserve it?

You know, mercy?

After three days, Jonah noticed something strange happening.

Reginald! Good to see you.

Yes, well...

So God told the whale to burp up Jonah, and Jonah got his second chance.

And just like he promised, he headed straight for Nineveh!

Turn back!

Turn back! Turn back!

The slapping!

Turn back!

Turn back! Turn back!

Go in, give the message, get out. Go in, give the message, get out.

Who goes there?

Yes. My name is Jonah. And I'm a prophet from...

You're not from here, are you?

No, you see, I'm from...

That would make you a stranger, wouldn't it?

Well, yes. I suppose so. But I...

We don't like strangers.

No. Yes, I've heard that. But, you see, I have a...

So why are you here?

Well, I have a message.

A message? For who?

Well, for everyone! For the whole city.

You've got a message for the whole city?

- The whole city! - That's rich!

I'll alert the king.

"Your honor, a bleached asparagus has a message for us all."

- "Most important!" - I do not think this is going very well.

Let's just go home! I did what you said.

I guess it just wasn't meant to be.

- Jonah? - What?

It is our friends from the ship!

What on earth? What are you doing here?

What are you doing here?

Yeah. You were... You were...

Fish food!

The whale spit us out like so much bad couscous, and here we are now,

delivering the message to Nineveh.

But they wouldn't let us in, so I guess we're going home.

Hey, I bet we could get him in.

Hey, look! It's the cheese curls blokes.

Right.

Coming back for a visit, are you?

- Yep. - Yep.

Is that fellow with you?

Yes, he's with us!

You're with them?

Yes, indeed!

Why, I sailed halfway across the world with these fine gentlemen.

All right. You can come in.

Enjoy your stay in Nineveh.

What was that all about?

How did you do that?

Remember that money you gave us?

By the way, you aren't gonna want that refund, are you?

Good. 'Cause we spent it, every last penny, on cheese curls.

- Cheese curls? - Yep.

One thousand four hundred and fifty-eight bags

of Mr. Twisty's Twisted Cheese Curls!

And you'll never guess what we found in bag 497.

The golden ticket.

We won the Mr. Twisty's Twisted Cheese Curl Sweepstakes!

And the prize was...

But in addition to our enviably fashionable headgear,

we also got a tour of the Mr. Twisty's factory, right here in Nineveh.

Which, despite its unseemly location, was a splendid experience.

And, believe it or not, in this town, we are famous.

Hey, look! Here comes a city official to greet us.

Hello!

We were in the neighborhood, so we thought we'd...

These are the men. Arrest them at once.

But...

Excuse me. What have they done?

Thievery. High theft against the Royal City of Nineveh.

That's ridiculous.

Is it?

No! Wait! I thought they were free samples.

Take them away!

You can't do that.

I'm sorry, are you with these men?

Well, yes, I suppose.

Hello. What are you doing?

Wonderful. It must be time for my speech.

Hey. I can't move.

I can't move, either.

What? Have I got something on my face?

This doesn't look good.

I'm sorry, guys. I thought they were free samples.

They were right out there in the open in a big bowl.

- Very misleading. - Don't go blaming yourself.

No. Blame him.

"Let's put it all in cheese curls," he says.

"No," I say, "We need a balanced portfolio!"

A little stock, a little bonds,

a little cash, or cash equivalents.

And then maybe some snacks.

But, no. "Put it all in cheese curls," he says.

Man, you gotta plan for the future.

What? It got us here, didn't it?

Not "here" literally, but...

We were somebody! We were celebrities!

We are going to die!

People of Nineveh.

These four men and that small, whatever it is...

I am a caterpillar. Well, that is only half true.

...have been found guilty of high thievery against the Royal City of Nineveh.

For their punishment,

the slap of no return!

What's so funny?

Observe.

What is happening that is making you all cry like little babies?

Why on earth do you take snack food so seriously?

People of Nineveh, I give you King Twistomer.

It's Mr. Twisty.

Well, that explains it.

He looks happier on the bag.

Your Royal Gourdliness,

these are the perpetrators of the heinous

act against your curls of cheese.

For their punishment,

the slap of no return!

Proceed.

Wait!

Won't you at least give the guilty parties a chance to speak in their own defense?

You may speak.

Well, as I understand it,

the snacks in question were right out in the open in a large bowl!

I think we'll all agree this was somewhat misleading.

Don't you think?

Slap them.

No! You don't understand! I'm not really with them.

I mean, how could I be?

While they were taking the tour, I was in the belly of a whale!

What did you say?

I said, while they were on the tour, I was in the belly of a whale!

But you're not dead.

No! That's just it! I was in the whale for three days and nights!

Then I prayed to my god,

and the great monster spit me up on the shore

so that I could bring you all a message.

Asparagus, here in Nineveh, we bow to the Great Fish.

We celebrate the Great Fish in our art.

Yes, I noticed.

If what you are saying is true...

Yes. How do we know if he is telling the truth, sire?

Smell him.

Your Highness?

Smell him.

I'm terribly sorry.

I've been meaning to shower, but...

He has been in the Great Fish. We must hear the message.

What? The message. Yes.

The message.

- What was the message? - Come on!

It's been so long, I...

Yes.

Stop it!

Stop cheating. Stop lying.

And, especially, stop slapping people with fishes

or this entire city will be destroyed!

A message from the Lord.

Well, the king was very upset.

He had no idea they weren't supposed to do that stuff.

No one had ever told him before.

"A decree from the king! Let everyone call urgently to God.

"Let them give up their evil ways and their violence.

"Perhaps the god that brought this man out of the Great Fish

"will give us a second chance."

And let the asparagus and his friends go free.

So, the King and the people of Nineveh said they were sorry,

stopped the fish slapping and started being nice to people.

- Wow! That's great! - Yeah!

Everyone must've been really happy, right?

Well, almost everyone.

- Yes, thank you. Thank you. - Thank you.

- So long. - Thank you!

Yes, thank you very much.

You see, Jonah figured God wouldn't really forgive the Ninevites.

I mean, they had done some terrible stuff.

No. He figured God had something else in mind.

What are we doing?

It's time to watch the fun.

And what fun would that be?

Well, I did what I was supposed to do.

I warned them that they were going to get in big trouble.

So, now that they've had their warning,

it's time to watch God wipe them off the face of the Earth!

I picked a safe distance so we won't get singed.

This is going to be great!

The bad guys finally getting what they deserve.

So, Jonah waited for God to destroy Nineveh.

Even now, God was compassionate towards Jonah

and caused a plant to grow that shaded him from the hot sun.

Yes! Very nice. Thank you.

Very nice.

Jonah kept waiting.

But it didn't seem like anything was happening.

He wondered if maybe God was forgetting something.

All right. I did my job.

So, fire! Brimstone! Whatever! You pick! Right over there!

I'll just sit here under my weed and wait.

What happened?

What? How could you?

All your whining made me hungry. It was just a weed.

Just a weed? It was my shade! It was my friend!

Oh, dear Lord, how could you let this happen?

Would you look at yourself!

You care more about that weed than about all the people in Nineveh!

Well, I...

Why are you here now, instead of back in the belly of that whale?

Because God is compassionate! He wanted to help you.

And because he is merciful, he gave you a second chance!

Oh, yes, and I'm very grateful...

Has it ever occurred to you that maybe God loves everybody?

Not just you! That maybe he wants to give everyone a second chance?

- Well... - He saw that those people needed help,

that they didn't know right from wrong, and he wanted to help them.

And that is why he sent you.

And when you told them what they were doing wrong, they said they were sorry.

They put down their mackerels and their halibuts,

and they asked God for a second chance.

And, by golly, he gave them one!

Don't you see? God wants to give everyone a second chance.

And so should we.

Well, if they get a second chance, those fish slappers,

well, then it would be better if I were dead!

I wish I were back in that whale!

You are pathetic.

You know, patience runs very deep in my family, but not that deep.

I am out of here.

What? What are you doing?

I wanted to be big and important, just like you.

But the world doesn't need more people who are big and important.

The world needs more people who are nice.

And compassionate. And merciful.

That's what I want to be.

You can find yourself a new traveling buddy. Goodbye.

- You can't just leave! - Can and am.

But who will I talk to?

You can't just leave me here all alone?

Hello?

Carlyle? Reginald? Carlyle!

Khalil! Khalil! Khalil!

The end!

Wait a minute.

- It's over? - Yep.

- That's how it ends? - Yep.

But what did Jonah learn?

The question, my friends, is not, "What did Jonah learn?"

The question is, "What did you learn?"

Well, I learned that we need to help people who need help.

And we need to give second chances,

even if they don't deserve them. But what's that got to do with us?

Hey, Tomato.

Your friend there, the big asparagus.

If I'm not mistaken, he didn't do such a good job helping you with the map.

It was a disaster.

He said he was sorry and that he'd do better next time, but no way.

Mercy.

I guess everyone deserves a second chance.

Yep!

Now get out of here before my crab legs get cold.

You know, that still wasn't a very good way to end a story.

Well, what do you want? A big musical number?

Well, yeah!

Who do they think I am? Twippo?

Yes?

- Twippo! - Twippo!

What are you doing here?

Well, I have a concert tonight, but I'm running late.

Can't find Route 59 to save my life! I stopped here for directions.

We're going to your concert tonight. At least, we were.

And then porcupines!

And underwear!

And pirates!

And now it looks like we aren't going to make it at all.

Good heavens!

Well, if it's a ride you need, I've plenty of room on my bus.

You can all come with me.

Yeah. Everyone but me.

Laura, you can have my ticket.

But, Junior, it was my fault.

Why, that was a very merciful thing to do.

Tell you what. I'll give you all a ride to the concert,

and I'll make sure you all have backstage passes!

Speaking of mercy, have any of you heard the story of a man named Jonah?

- Yes. - Yes.

Well, would you like to hear a song about it?

Is it like the Bald Bunny song?

Not really. It's more of a big musical number.

Perfect!

When I was a boy

I went to church back home in Arizona

And that is where I heard the tale

Of a man whose name was Jonah

Now, Jonah was a prophet

But that's not why he's remembered

We tell the tale 'cause in a whale

He nearly was dismembered

Jonah was a prophet

- But he really never got it - Sad but true

If you've been watching, you can spot it

He did not get the point

Compassion and mercy From me to you and you to me

Exactly what God wants to see And, yes, that is the point

Jonah was a prophet

- But he really never got it - Sad but true

If you've been watching, you can spot it

He did not get the point

Now, Jonah set sail

On a pirate ship in a dreadful gale

Got eaten up by a giant whale But managed not to be dead

You'd think he would learn a lot from being saved from an awful spot

But the second chance that he had got he didn't want to be spread

So poor old Jonah Now he's all alone

Gotta use a megaphone to get it through to his head

Hey

Jonah was a prophet

- But he really never got it - Sad but true

If you've been watching, you can spot it

He did not get the point

Jonah was a prophet

- But he really never got it - Sad but true

If you've been watching, you can spot it

He did not get the point

Now, true, in your life you probably don't ride on a camel

And you probably won't wake up inside a large aquatic mammal

But all the same, like Jonah there is something you can do

Everyone deserves to get a second chance from you

Compassion and mercy From me to you and you to me

Exactly what God wants to see And, yes, that is the point

Jonah was a prophet

- But he really never got it - Sad but true

Jonah was a prophet

- But he really never got it - Sad but true

Jonah was a prophet

I beg your pardon.

I hate to break up the party, but who needed a tow?

Have we met?

This is the song that runs under the credits

These are the credits So this is where it goes

Has nothing to do with the movie so we'll say

Hey! Hey! Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey

There once was a song that ran under the credits

That went with the movie But this is not that song

Has nothing to do with the movie so we'll say

Hey! Hey! Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey

Wouldn't it be nice if the song under the credits

Had something to do with the movie you just saw

But that's not the case So for now we'll have to say

Hey! Hey! Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey

There should be a rule that the song under the credits

Remotely pertains to the movie's basic plot

That rule has not been made so for now we'll have to say

Hey! Hey! Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey

Come on

Where you going? I don't think we're done yet.

I'm gonna go home and take a nap.

Come on. We have contractual obligations to finish this one.

They paid for a full 79 minutes of entertainment, pal. Get back in the booth.

Wake me up for the prequel.

Come on. We were just starting to have fun.

Hey. What? Oh, man. I need a Tums.

What? What, are we done? You mean, that's it?

If you want me, I'll be on the porch.