Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,278 --> 00:00:03,417
- How's it going in there?
2
00:00:03,451 --> 00:00:05,039
- Give me some privacy.
3
00:00:05,074 --> 00:00:07,800
- Left a wide variety
of menstrual options for you.
4
00:00:07,835 --> 00:00:11,011
Pads are easiest, panty liners
if it's a light flow.
5
00:00:11,045 --> 00:00:12,874
And I've been hearing
a lot of good chatter lately
6
00:00:12,909 --> 00:00:15,015
in my moms' group
about the Diva cub.
7
00:00:15,049 --> 00:00:18,087
- I don't wanna bleed
into a tiny bucket, Dad.
8
00:00:18,121 --> 00:00:20,054
Just let me use a tampon
in peace.
9
00:00:20,089 --> 00:00:22,815
- You know, the ancient
Egyptians used a tampon.
10
00:00:22,850 --> 00:00:25,853
It was reed wrapped
in soft papyrus.
11
00:00:25,887 --> 00:00:27,820
These "pessarions"
as they were called
12
00:00:27,855 --> 00:00:29,512
were a luxury of
the upper class.
13
00:00:29,546 --> 00:00:30,996
[toilet flushes]
14
00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:33,067
The unrelenting Egyptian sun
combined with the--
15
00:00:33,102 --> 00:00:35,000
well, the less-than-absorbent
papyrus
16
00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:37,451
meant that you had to change
the thing once every hour.
17
00:00:37,485 --> 00:00:40,764
Well, if you could afford
to do that, let's just say
18
00:00:40,799 --> 00:00:43,560
you probably owned
yourself a boatload of Jews.
19
00:00:43,595 --> 00:00:47,047
- Stop, please.
It's done, okay?
20
00:00:47,081 --> 00:00:50,015
Let's never talk
about this again.
21
00:00:50,843 --> 00:00:52,569
- Hey.
22
00:00:54,295 --> 00:00:57,885
Oh, sweetie, did you leave
the applicator in?
23
00:00:58,713 --> 00:01:00,888
You did, didn't ya?
24
00:01:00,922 --> 00:01:03,408
Gonna have to work out a better
system than this, darling,
25
00:01:03,442 --> 00:01:05,065
'cause it's only the beginning.
26
00:01:05,099 --> 00:01:06,825
I mean, what's gonna happen
when we need to discuss
27
00:01:06,859 --> 00:01:08,309
your upcoming
sexual awakening?
28
00:01:08,344 --> 00:01:11,243
I mean, your fertile years,
they are upon us.
29
00:01:11,278 --> 00:01:13,003
- Dad.
- What?
30
00:01:13,038 --> 00:01:14,695
Very treacherous road
and, boy,
31
00:01:14,729 --> 00:01:16,800
I'm not wearing
the proper shoes for it.
32
00:01:16,835 --> 00:01:19,009
- Is there a woman
I can talk to?
33
00:01:19,044 --> 00:01:20,563
- Oh, I wish.
34
00:01:20,597 --> 00:01:24,222
I wish I knew some sex-positive
woman with enough knowledge--
35
00:01:25,499 --> 00:01:27,190
Oh, shit, I do.
36
00:01:27,225 --> 00:01:30,780
- So if you have any questions
about anal sex
37
00:01:30,814 --> 00:01:34,853
or oral sex
or any sex, you just ask.
38
00:01:34,887 --> 00:01:37,442
- So, you've had all the sex?
39
00:01:37,476 --> 00:01:39,582
- All that can be had.
40
00:01:39,616 --> 00:01:41,170
But that's who I am.
41
00:01:41,204 --> 00:01:44,414
There are asexual people out
there who are just as satisfied
42
00:01:44,449 --> 00:01:46,865
with their lives
as I am with mine.
43
00:01:46,899 --> 00:01:50,558
You know what, I just want you
to know the important thing is
44
00:01:50,593 --> 00:01:53,561
sex doesn't have to be
bad or scary,
45
00:01:53,596 --> 00:01:55,598
and it should...
46
00:01:55,632 --> 00:01:57,082
always feel good.
47
00:01:57,117 --> 00:01:59,602
Oh, I can see that
you're getting overwhelmed.
48
00:01:59,636 --> 00:02:01,673
We are getting ahead
of ourselves.
49
00:02:01,707 --> 00:02:03,847
Look, I brought you something.
50
00:02:04,469 --> 00:02:06,160
This is very basic.
51
00:02:06,195 --> 00:02:09,267
It just has three settings,
but for my money,
52
00:02:09,301 --> 00:02:12,062
number two hits the sweet spot.
53
00:02:12,097 --> 00:02:15,445
So we're just gonna put this
right over on the shelf,
54
00:02:15,480 --> 00:02:18,241
and one day,
when you are ready,
55
00:02:18,276 --> 00:02:23,557
it will be waiting for you
to begin your own exploration.
56
00:02:23,591 --> 00:02:26,111
[laughs]
Okay?
57
00:02:29,183 --> 00:02:30,805
- What happened to
"I haven't dated
58
00:02:30,840 --> 00:02:32,497
since I became
a single father"?
59
00:02:32,531 --> 00:02:34,188
- Who's dating?
60
00:02:34,223 --> 00:02:36,535
After Lucy's first
little visit there,
61
00:02:36,570 --> 00:02:39,469
she would stop by every time
she was in town, and you know--
62
00:02:39,504 --> 00:02:41,506
- We formed an ecosystem.
- Yeah.
63
00:02:41,540 --> 00:02:43,439
- Beth needed
a maternal figure,
64
00:02:43,473 --> 00:02:46,959
I longed for a sense of family
that didn't feel like a trap,
65
00:02:46,994 --> 00:02:49,962
and Jim was pent up with years
66
00:02:49,997 --> 00:02:52,896
of incredible untapped
sexual energy.
67
00:02:52,931 --> 00:02:54,967
- Oh, well, hey now, please
don't sell yourself short,
68
00:02:55,002 --> 00:02:57,556
because it was your prowess
that ignited that cannon.
69
00:02:57,591 --> 00:02:59,075
- [laughs]
- It was.
70
00:02:59,109 --> 00:03:02,112
- It's not flattery, Jim,
ask around the sex club.
71
00:03:02,147 --> 00:03:05,219
Your powerful orgasms have
quite the reputation.
72
00:03:05,254 --> 00:03:07,187
- Sex club?
- It's nothing weird.
73
00:03:07,221 --> 00:03:09,499
Look, Lucy and I,
we're platonic exes
74
00:03:09,534 --> 00:03:11,225
who occasionally
have sex in public,
75
00:03:11,260 --> 00:03:13,848
and sometimes we raise
a daughter together.
76
00:03:13,883 --> 00:03:16,851
- It really is that simple.
- Is it, Lucy?
77
00:03:16,886 --> 00:03:19,406
- Can I remind you please,
that, earlier today,
78
00:03:19,440 --> 00:03:22,961
you yelled "boo" right
into my face when I suggested
79
00:03:22,995 --> 00:03:24,687
the possibility
of a future together?
80
00:03:24,721 --> 00:03:26,827
I mean, something changed?
81
00:03:26,861 --> 00:03:29,105
- Look how sweaty
and frazzled she is.
82
00:03:29,139 --> 00:03:33,005
She clearly ran here
to confess her love for you.
83
00:03:34,110 --> 00:03:35,249
- Holy shit.
84
00:03:35,284 --> 00:03:36,457
That's not true, is it?
85
00:03:36,492 --> 00:03:37,665
- [laughs quietly]
86
00:03:37,700 --> 00:03:39,978
I just listened
to you two go on
87
00:03:40,012 --> 00:03:41,600
about your
hole filling sessions
88
00:03:41,635 --> 00:03:45,052
like a couple of goddamn weekly
pickup basketball games.
89
00:03:45,086 --> 00:03:48,469
I'm not exactly in the mood
to profess my love.
90
00:03:48,504 --> 00:03:49,919
- You love me?
91
00:03:50,609 --> 00:03:54,303
- Speech, speech, speech.
92
00:03:54,337 --> 00:03:56,753
- I know you mean well,
but that is not gonna help
93
00:03:56,788 --> 00:03:58,272
untangle this clusterfuck.
94
00:03:58,307 --> 00:04:01,068
- You're right,
I am so sorry.
95
00:04:01,102 --> 00:04:02,932
This is so great.
I'm gonna leave you two
96
00:04:02,966 --> 00:04:06,798
to enjoy this beautiful moment
in private.
97
00:04:06,832 --> 00:04:09,732
Oh, oh, oh, you know, I thought
I had all the Jim out of me,
98
00:04:09,766 --> 00:04:11,561
but it's like a lava lamp
just broke in there.
99
00:04:11,596 --> 00:04:12,804
Excuse me.
100
00:04:12,838 --> 00:04:15,289
I just need
to use the restroom.
101
00:04:15,324 --> 00:04:16,704
- I'm gonna go now.
102
00:04:16,739 --> 00:04:18,603
- Whoa, whoa!
103
00:04:18,637 --> 00:04:20,743
Jules, wait, Jules,
hey, come on.
104
00:04:20,777 --> 00:04:23,332
- Why can't we just
have one normal chapter
105
00:04:23,366 --> 00:04:24,609
in our love story?
106
00:04:24,643 --> 00:04:26,680
- 'Cause I'm not
a normal man, Jules,
107
00:04:26,714 --> 00:04:27,922
and you are not
a normal woman.
108
00:04:27,957 --> 00:04:29,269
You are exceptional.
109
00:04:29,303 --> 00:04:30,960
Now I want you to trust me,
please.
110
00:04:30,994 --> 00:04:32,582
There is nothing going on
between Lucy and I.
111
00:04:32,617 --> 00:04:33,997
Watch this.
112
00:04:34,032 --> 00:04:37,242
Lucy, we can never, ever
have sex again!
113
00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:38,657
- Totally fine!
114
00:04:38,692 --> 00:04:40,625
And I like the way things
are trending out there.
115
00:04:40,659 --> 00:04:42,178
- Now, please, please,
116
00:04:42,212 --> 00:04:43,938
I'll make whatever commitment
you want me to make.
117
00:04:43,973 --> 00:04:45,388
Gimme that speech
118
00:04:45,423 --> 00:04:47,010
you were itching to deliver
on my doorstep.
119
00:04:47,045 --> 00:04:48,667
I have never been on
the receiving end
120
00:04:48,702 --> 00:04:51,187
of a declaration
of love before.
121
00:05:00,161 --> 00:05:01,715
- [sighs]
122
00:05:02,578 --> 00:05:04,649
Wanna do this thing or not?
123
00:05:05,270 --> 00:05:07,099
- I feel like there had to be
more to it than that
124
00:05:07,134 --> 00:05:09,067
because we are
the Sid and Nancy of baseball,
125
00:05:09,101 --> 00:05:10,689
we are reuniting, I mean,
there's a story there--
126
00:05:10,724 --> 00:05:13,796
- I am being so cool right now,
all things considered!
127
00:05:13,830 --> 00:05:15,384
- You really are.
You really are.
128
00:05:15,418 --> 00:05:17,351
And of course I would love
to give things another shot.
129
00:05:17,386 --> 00:05:19,319
You know, in the past,
we never worked out
130
00:05:19,353 --> 00:05:21,942
because I always made you
take care of me, ugh.
131
00:05:21,976 --> 00:05:24,082
I just really wanna take care
of you now.
132
00:05:24,116 --> 00:05:25,877
- Well, that's a little better.
133
00:05:25,911 --> 00:05:27,637
Little more of that,
little more of this,
134
00:05:27,672 --> 00:05:29,536
and the three of us might make
it out of this thing alive.
135
00:05:29,570 --> 00:05:32,021
- Well, four of us,
'cause my daughter, Beth,
136
00:05:32,055 --> 00:05:33,505
is due here
any minute for the weekend.
137
00:05:33,540 --> 00:05:35,714
Boy, I cannot wait
for my two favorite people
138
00:05:35,749 --> 00:05:37,164
to finally meet each other.
139
00:05:37,198 --> 00:05:38,959
- Yeah, we don't have to rush
right into that.
140
00:05:38,993 --> 00:05:40,270
- Kinda do,
because we're coming out
141
00:05:40,305 --> 00:05:41,893
of a little bit
of a rough patch.
142
00:05:41,927 --> 00:05:43,343
I need to prove to her
that I have a life
143
00:05:43,377 --> 00:05:45,414
independent of just being
her father,
144
00:05:45,448 --> 00:05:48,589
so, well, I need her to
sign off on the relationship.
145
00:05:48,624 --> 00:05:50,488
- What now?
- Hey, Dad.
146
00:05:50,522 --> 00:05:52,144
- Beth, hey.
Hey, darling.
147
00:05:52,179 --> 00:05:54,733
I'd like for you
to meet Julia--
148
00:05:54,768 --> 00:05:56,977
- Oh, Beth!
- Lucy!
149
00:05:57,011 --> 00:05:59,013
- [laughing]
- Hi, oh, my God!
150
00:05:59,048 --> 00:06:00,739
- You're so beautiful.
- Hi.
151
00:06:00,774 --> 00:06:04,294
- Oh, I'm so proud of you.
- Oh, I missed you so much.
152
00:06:04,329 --> 00:06:06,883
When did you get in?
- Oh, just a few hours ago.
153
00:06:06,918 --> 00:06:09,921
Look at you, you're so radiant.
I'm so proud of you.
154
00:06:09,955 --> 00:06:12,544
- Oh, my God, I have so much
to catch you up on.
155
00:06:12,579 --> 00:06:13,856
So much I have to tell you.
156
00:06:13,890 --> 00:06:14,995
Can you, like,
do brunch tomorrow?
157
00:06:15,029 --> 00:06:16,583
Can you do brunch?
- I wish.
158
00:06:16,617 --> 00:06:18,136
I'm just in and out.
- No!
159
00:06:18,170 --> 00:06:19,965
No, can you stay
a little bit longer?
160
00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:21,864
You can't talk?
161
00:06:21,898 --> 00:06:23,244
- I can...
162
00:06:24,073 --> 00:06:25,557
Have brunch tomorrow.
163
00:06:25,592 --> 00:06:27,179
- Who are you?
164
00:06:27,214 --> 00:06:30,493
- This is Julia James,
who I told you about so often.
165
00:06:31,943 --> 00:06:33,151
- O-okay.
166
00:06:34,117 --> 00:06:36,879
- And Beth Brockmire's
lukewarm "okay"
167
00:06:36,913 --> 00:06:39,364
puts brunch on the table!
168
00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:41,435
Yeah!
169
00:06:44,818 --> 00:06:46,095
- Give it up for Envy!
170
00:06:46,129 --> 00:06:49,374
[cheers and applause]
171
00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:52,998
All right, everyone,
enjoy your brunch,
172
00:06:53,033 --> 00:06:57,555
and don't forget--
it's bottomless mimosas.
173
00:06:59,004 --> 00:07:00,420
- You use cash?
174
00:07:00,454 --> 00:07:02,007
You know you can pay
for everything
175
00:07:02,042 --> 00:07:03,906
with your phone now,
right?
176
00:07:03,940 --> 00:07:05,252
- I know, I just think
there's something
177
00:07:05,286 --> 00:07:06,874
more honest
about a fistful of singles.
178
00:07:06,909 --> 00:07:08,842
- You know, we could
have just gone to
179
00:07:08,876 --> 00:07:10,395
a normal brunch place.
180
00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:14,157
This place is a little,
uh, 2010s.
181
00:07:14,192 --> 00:07:17,816
- Yeah, I asked Limon
what a good place would be
182
00:07:17,851 --> 00:07:20,647
that would be memorable,
and, uh--
183
00:07:20,681 --> 00:07:21,648
[exhales]
184
00:07:21,682 --> 00:07:23,166
- Oh.
185
00:07:23,201 --> 00:07:28,413
- So tell me about, uh, school.
What grade are you in?
186
00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:30,519
- Uh, 15th, I guess.
187
00:07:30,553 --> 00:07:32,624
If you wanna call it that.
188
00:07:32,659 --> 00:07:33,867
Yeah.
189
00:07:33,901 --> 00:07:36,421
- And what are your
favorite subjects.
190
00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:38,665
Do you like--
- Why are we doing this?
191
00:07:38,699 --> 00:07:41,391
- I just--we're just--two girls
192
00:07:41,426 --> 00:07:44,153
having a super fun girls'
bonding brunch.
193
00:07:44,187 --> 00:07:46,500
Excuse me,
I'm a little dry here!
194
00:07:46,535 --> 00:07:49,538
- Why do I need to bond
with you?
195
00:07:49,572 --> 00:07:52,333
- I don't know, why do you
need to bond with Lucy?
196
00:07:52,368 --> 00:07:56,683
- Well, I mean, Lucy,
she's a feminist pioneer,
197
00:07:56,717 --> 00:08:01,239
she's a sex educator,
she's an entrepreneur.
198
00:08:01,273 --> 00:08:05,001
- I actually tried that mojito
flavored lube she invented
199
00:08:05,036 --> 00:08:08,039
and...couldn't get a buzz.
200
00:08:08,073 --> 00:08:09,661
- Are you and my dad
getting back together?
201
00:08:09,696 --> 00:08:12,112
- Is that something
you'd be okay with?
202
00:08:12,146 --> 00:08:13,907
- That's what this is?
203
00:08:13,941 --> 00:08:15,425
You need my stamp of approval?
204
00:08:15,460 --> 00:08:17,393
God,
we're two different people,
205
00:08:17,427 --> 00:08:19,291
with two completely
different lives.
206
00:08:19,326 --> 00:08:21,017
When is he gonna
start seeing that?
207
00:08:21,052 --> 00:08:22,294
- Aren't you being
a little dramatic?
208
00:08:22,329 --> 00:08:23,882
I mean,
there are worse things.
209
00:08:23,917 --> 00:08:25,953
I'm sure the people of
The Disputed Lands would kill
210
00:08:25,988 --> 00:08:27,334
for their biggest
problem to be
211
00:08:27,368 --> 00:08:28,680
that their daddies
love them too much.
212
00:08:28,715 --> 00:08:30,233
- You know,
my dad always talked about
213
00:08:30,268 --> 00:08:31,959
how great you were,
but I don't know.
214
00:08:31,994 --> 00:08:33,202
From where I'm sitting,
215
00:08:33,236 --> 00:08:34,686
you're just a washed up
alcoholic
216
00:08:34,721 --> 00:08:36,757
who blew up a magician.
- He blew himself up.
217
00:08:36,792 --> 00:08:40,796
- So because you dated my dad
for a couple months,
218
00:08:40,830 --> 00:08:44,558
like, 15 years ago, you think
you have all of the answers?
219
00:08:44,593 --> 00:08:46,526
- I don't know if I have
all the answers,
220
00:08:46,560 --> 00:08:49,011
but I'm pretty sure I can solve
your most pressing problem.
221
00:08:49,045 --> 00:08:50,978
- Yeah?
- How 'bout trying to not be
222
00:08:51,013 --> 00:08:54,568
such a bitch all the time?
223
00:08:54,603 --> 00:08:55,742
Help me?
224
00:08:55,776 --> 00:08:58,020
- Limon, I really want
this place to feel
225
00:08:58,054 --> 00:09:00,263
like a home
for all three of us.
226
00:09:00,298 --> 00:09:01,851
- That's very thoughtful,
Jim.
227
00:09:01,886 --> 00:09:03,991
- Probably need to make it more
female-friendly in here.
228
00:09:04,026 --> 00:09:07,063
Tell you what, why don't you
get me a case of Chardonnay,
229
00:09:07,098 --> 00:09:09,549
some magazines about
awful, terrible,
230
00:09:09,583 --> 00:09:12,621
horrible, stupid people,
and two more throw pillows
231
00:09:12,655 --> 00:09:14,864
than the common sense amount
for each room.
232
00:09:14,899 --> 00:09:17,004
- That's very sexist, Jim.
233
00:09:17,039 --> 00:09:19,420
- Yeah, well,
so is your mother, Limon.
234
00:09:20,076 --> 00:09:22,078
[knocking]
235
00:09:22,113 --> 00:09:24,564
[muffled dance music]
236
00:09:24,598 --> 00:09:25,703
- Occupied.
237
00:09:25,737 --> 00:09:27,049
- It's Beth.
238
00:09:27,083 --> 00:09:28,637
- Walk away Beth.
239
00:09:28,671 --> 00:09:30,604
You were talking shit
back there
240
00:09:30,639 --> 00:09:32,710
like someone who's never been
in a fight before,
241
00:09:32,744 --> 00:09:35,057
and unless you wanna
rectify that right now,
242
00:09:35,091 --> 00:09:37,266
a face-to-face is unwise.
243
00:09:38,094 --> 00:09:40,234
- I really have to pee,
though, please.
244
00:09:44,273 --> 00:09:46,758
Huh, whoa, okay.
Thank God.
245
00:09:50,728 --> 00:09:52,108
- [exhales]
246
00:09:52,937 --> 00:09:54,076
- Look, I'm not going
anywhere
247
00:09:54,110 --> 00:09:55,525
and your dad's
not gonna change,
248
00:09:55,560 --> 00:09:57,735
so how's about we just tell him
we fuckin' bonded
249
00:09:57,769 --> 00:09:59,046
and call it a day.
250
00:09:59,081 --> 00:10:00,427
- Yeah, sounds great.
251
00:10:00,461 --> 00:10:01,842
Anything to end
this nightmare brunch.
252
00:10:01,877 --> 00:10:03,326
- Great.
253
00:10:04,673 --> 00:10:07,192
- And how do you know if I've
never been in a fight before?
254
00:10:07,227 --> 00:10:08,435
- You're a talker,
just like he is.
255
00:10:08,469 --> 00:10:10,610
I'm a fighter.
Fighters always know.
256
00:10:13,164 --> 00:10:15,062
- Hey, let me hit that.
257
00:10:15,684 --> 00:10:17,202
Please.
258
00:10:18,825 --> 00:10:20,378
- Good call.
259
00:10:23,415 --> 00:10:25,521
I like to drink
on the toilet, too.
260
00:10:26,384 --> 00:10:28,662
- Why do you even wanna
get back with my dad?
261
00:10:29,525 --> 00:10:32,942
I mean, in all the stories
he told, he was awful.
262
00:10:33,667 --> 00:10:36,359
Come on,
I actually wanna know.
263
00:10:37,084 --> 00:10:38,430
- He sees me.
264
00:10:40,329 --> 00:10:43,643
My schemes, my stubbornness,
265
00:10:43,677 --> 00:10:45,506
the drinking, the rage,
266
00:10:45,541 --> 00:10:48,164
and he doesn't just
see these as flaws.
267
00:10:48,199 --> 00:10:50,442
He actually
finds them delightful.
268
00:10:52,203 --> 00:10:55,378
He's the only one
who's ever loved all of me.
269
00:10:55,413 --> 00:10:59,451
[thumping dance music
continues, muffled]
270
00:10:59,486 --> 00:11:01,384
- That's kinda sweet.
271
00:11:07,977 --> 00:11:09,358
[toilet flushes]
272
00:11:09,392 --> 00:11:11,912
- We never even got
a food order in.
273
00:11:11,947 --> 00:11:14,674
- By food do you mean booze?
274
00:11:14,708 --> 00:11:16,883
- It's how I eat
three meals a day.
275
00:11:16,917 --> 00:11:20,645
- All right.
- Okay, okay.
276
00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:23,510
[laughs]
Mmm.
277
00:11:26,996 --> 00:11:28,618
Okay, Dolly!
278
00:11:30,068 --> 00:11:31,794
Can I have
another mimosa please?
279
00:11:31,829 --> 00:11:33,209
- You got it, sugar.
280
00:11:33,244 --> 00:11:35,729
- Hey, what do you say
we get some real drinks,
281
00:11:35,764 --> 00:11:39,008
and turn this brunch
into a "drunch."
282
00:11:39,043 --> 00:11:41,459
- A Long Island ice tea,
please.
283
00:11:41,493 --> 00:11:43,806
- Nope, she won't--
she won't have that.
284
00:11:43,841 --> 00:11:45,635
Hold on.
285
00:11:45,670 --> 00:11:50,295
- Okay, uh, do you guys
do Jagerbombs?
286
00:11:50,330 --> 00:11:52,504
- Okay, you just give me
five minutes,
287
00:11:52,539 --> 00:11:55,300
and bring me a scotch
while I deal with this.
288
00:11:55,335 --> 00:11:56,819
- Okay.
- Yeah?
289
00:11:58,407 --> 00:11:59,719
- Are you cutting me off?
290
00:11:59,753 --> 00:12:01,134
- What is going on?
291
00:12:01,790 --> 00:12:04,344
You walk into a bar with
the name Brockmire,
292
00:12:04,378 --> 00:12:06,553
people expect a certain level
of professionalism.
293
00:12:06,587 --> 00:12:08,313
Instead it's amateur hour.
294
00:12:08,348 --> 00:12:10,695
- Well, I don't know,
I never got to meet
295
00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:12,766
Jim Brockmire,
legendary drunk.
296
00:12:12,801 --> 00:12:16,770
All I had was my dad,
who's a teetotaling hawk
297
00:12:16,805 --> 00:12:19,739
who would sniff my breath
anytime I came home after dark.
298
00:12:19,773 --> 00:12:22,224
- Did nobody ever teach you
how to drink?
299
00:12:22,258 --> 00:12:24,191
- Especially not someone
who could pick it all up
300
00:12:24,226 --> 00:12:25,883
on their corporate
credit card.
301
00:12:25,917 --> 00:12:27,229
- Credit card?
Don't you know
302
00:12:27,263 --> 00:12:29,403
you can pay for everything
on your phone now?
303
00:12:29,438 --> 00:12:31,026
- [chuckles]
- Okay, baseball, baseball,
304
00:12:31,060 --> 00:12:33,960
baseball, baseball--this is now
officially a business meeting.
305
00:12:33,994 --> 00:12:35,962
so let's reach for
that top shelf.
306
00:12:35,996 --> 00:12:37,273
- Yeah?
- Yes, okay.
307
00:12:37,308 --> 00:12:39,517
- Here's the thing.
- Mm-hmm.
308
00:12:39,551 --> 00:12:42,485
- The alcohol you drink
is who you wanna be.
309
00:12:42,520 --> 00:12:44,453
When you order
a Long Island ice tea,
310
00:12:44,487 --> 00:12:46,627
you're telling the world,
"I'm gonna suck your dick,
311
00:12:46,662 --> 00:12:48,906
but then I'm gonna puke all
over it afterwards," all right?
312
00:12:48,940 --> 00:12:50,355
Now, I used to drink
white wine
313
00:12:50,390 --> 00:12:52,461
'cause I wanted to be day drunk
all night long.
314
00:12:52,495 --> 00:12:53,738
Now I drink whiskey
315
00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:55,982
'cause I just prefer
to be mean and numb.
316
00:12:56,016 --> 00:12:57,604
- That sounds sad.
317
00:12:57,638 --> 00:13:00,572
I want something fun,
like, vodka?
318
00:13:00,607 --> 00:13:03,990
- Vodka's too clean.
It's like for girls on diets
319
00:13:04,024 --> 00:13:07,338
and doctors getting drunk
in hospital parking lots.
320
00:13:07,372 --> 00:13:09,581
You seem like a gin girl.
321
00:13:09,616 --> 00:13:13,827
Yeah, comes on strong,
great finish, distinct,
322
00:13:13,862 --> 00:13:15,898
not for everybody.
323
00:13:15,933 --> 00:13:17,244
- Gin it is.
324
00:13:17,279 --> 00:13:18,556
- Two Pimm's cups!
325
00:13:19,833 --> 00:13:21,524
Oh, wait,
can I just get the scotch?
326
00:13:25,149 --> 00:13:26,219
- ♪ I'm gonna show you
327
00:13:26,253 --> 00:13:28,255
♪ What a woman can do
328
00:13:28,290 --> 00:13:32,535
♪ Ooh
329
00:13:32,570 --> 00:13:37,402
♪ 'Cause I've got a fashion,
let me shine it on you ♪
330
00:13:37,437 --> 00:13:39,335
- Congrats on shutting
this place down,
331
00:13:39,370 --> 00:13:42,097
but can y'all please settle up
when you get a chance?
332
00:13:42,131 --> 00:13:43,443
- Mm, we just started bonding.
333
00:13:43,477 --> 00:13:44,996
I just need
a little bit more time.
334
00:13:45,031 --> 00:13:47,067
- Girl, I got places to be,
335
00:13:47,102 --> 00:13:48,758
and these shoes
are giving me corns.
336
00:13:48,793 --> 00:13:52,314
- Understood, we do not want
those corns to pop.
337
00:13:53,487 --> 00:13:55,144
Hey, Beth!
- Huh?
338
00:13:55,179 --> 00:13:56,801
- What's the magic words?
339
00:13:56,836 --> 00:14:00,805
- Baseball, baseball, baseball,
baseball, baby!
340
00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:03,118
- We just would like this
business meeting to continue
341
00:14:03,152 --> 00:14:04,809
for another hour
342
00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:07,985
by renting this room
for 5K.
343
00:14:08,019 --> 00:14:09,434
[whispers]
One hour.
344
00:14:09,469 --> 00:14:10,850
- ♪ I'm gonna give
you something ♪
345
00:14:10,884 --> 00:14:12,748
- Hm.
- ♪ That you never forget
346
00:14:12,782 --> 00:14:16,890
♪ You better take cover
'cause I'm coming for you ♪
347
00:14:16,925 --> 00:14:21,861
♪ On a high wire,
I'm a live wire ♪
348
00:14:21,895 --> 00:14:23,345
[tense music]
349
00:14:23,379 --> 00:14:26,624
- The hell are they, Limon?
They've been gone for hours.
350
00:14:26,658 --> 00:14:28,453
- They have
their privacy settings on.
351
00:14:28,488 --> 00:14:29,938
I can tell you they're safe.
352
00:14:29,972 --> 00:14:32,181
- Nobody's safe in this world.
Are you stupid?
353
00:14:32,216 --> 00:14:34,252
Are you a stupid, stupid robot?
354
00:14:34,287 --> 00:14:37,359
- Keep yelling at me, Jim.
It'll make you feel better.
355
00:14:37,393 --> 00:14:38,947
- I'm not yelling, Limon,
356
00:14:38,981 --> 00:14:40,638
and please don't tell me
what to do,
357
00:14:40,672 --> 00:14:42,571
you stupid little
piss-colored
358
00:14:42,605 --> 00:14:44,573
know-it-all piece of shit!
359
00:14:44,607 --> 00:14:46,264
- I'm sorry you feel that way.
360
00:14:46,299 --> 00:14:50,751
- You're a smug little
smiling bastard, you know that?
361
00:14:51,338 --> 00:14:53,030
I'm sorry, Limon,
I'm a little on edge.
362
00:14:53,064 --> 00:14:54,721
I'm just kinda freaking out.
363
00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:58,380
Where are they?
364
00:14:59,346 --> 00:15:00,969
- You know what, Jules?
365
00:15:01,831 --> 00:15:03,385
I think you're pretty cool.
366
00:15:04,179 --> 00:15:08,321
I give you permission
to date my dad, yes.
367
00:15:08,355 --> 00:15:10,564
Oh, but never tell me
what to do,
368
00:15:10,599 --> 00:15:13,188
because I do not need a mom,
and I am a grown woman.
369
00:15:13,222 --> 00:15:14,810
I can make my own
terrible decisions.
370
00:15:14,844 --> 00:15:16,916
- Speaking of,
how's film school?
371
00:15:16,950 --> 00:15:19,573
- Oh, so I'm working
on my first film, right,
372
00:15:19,608 --> 00:15:22,024
and it's this long form
found footage essay.
373
00:15:22,059 --> 00:15:26,132
It's kind of like Adam Curtis'
"HyperNormalisation"
374
00:15:26,166 --> 00:15:29,998
except I use clips from
rom-coms from the early 2000s
375
00:15:30,032 --> 00:15:31,792
to show how love was sold
376
00:15:31,827 --> 00:15:34,174
at the start
of late stage capitalism.
377
00:15:34,209 --> 00:15:37,764
- So it's eight hours of, like,
socialism and Kate Hudson?
378
00:15:37,798 --> 00:15:41,112
That sounds awful,
never show that to me.
379
00:15:41,147 --> 00:15:42,976
- You sound just like my dad.
380
00:15:43,011 --> 00:15:44,357
- Hey, he's honest.
381
00:15:44,391 --> 00:15:45,841
- Mm-hmm.
382
00:15:45,875 --> 00:15:47,636
Yeah, I guess
that's something.
383
00:15:47,670 --> 00:15:50,811
I mean, he's smothering
and he's codependent,
384
00:15:50,846 --> 00:15:53,573
and he spent way more time
doing my hair
385
00:15:53,607 --> 00:15:55,678
than I would ever
admit to my therapist,
386
00:15:55,713 --> 00:15:59,475
but he keeps it straight
with me,
387
00:15:59,510 --> 00:16:01,132
even when it's hard.
388
00:16:02,306 --> 00:16:04,618
Cheers, Dad.
389
00:16:04,653 --> 00:16:06,827
Oh, and just for the record
it's nine hours,
390
00:16:06,862 --> 00:16:08,208
and just for that
I'm gonna play it
391
00:16:08,243 --> 00:16:10,279
at your goddamn
rehearsal dinner.
392
00:16:10,314 --> 00:16:11,556
- You need to understand.
393
00:16:11,591 --> 00:16:12,868
- Hey, I know them.
394
00:16:12,902 --> 00:16:15,112
- What's happening
in The Disputed Lands
395
00:16:15,146 --> 00:16:16,596
is only natural.
396
00:16:16,630 --> 00:16:19,599
The desert takes
what it is owed.
397
00:16:19,633 --> 00:16:21,670
- So you know a death cult?
- Uh-huh.
398
00:16:21,704 --> 00:16:25,846
- Every loss of life
to natural disaster...
399
00:16:25,881 --> 00:16:28,642
is another offer
400
00:16:28,677 --> 00:16:30,368
of repentance.
401
00:16:30,403 --> 00:16:32,025
- Hey!
402
00:16:32,060 --> 00:16:34,959
My mom died
in a super typhoon,
403
00:16:34,994 --> 00:16:38,514
and you're saying
she's some kind of sacrifice?
404
00:16:39,550 --> 00:16:41,621
- I'm saying your mother
had it coming.
405
00:16:42,553 --> 00:16:44,589
We all have it coming.
406
00:16:44,624 --> 00:16:46,074
- [screams]
407
00:16:46,108 --> 00:16:47,454
[all gasp]
408
00:16:49,387 --> 00:16:53,943
[inarticulate screaming]
409
00:16:53,978 --> 00:16:55,048
[gunshot]
410
00:16:55,083 --> 00:16:56,187
[panicked chatter]
411
00:16:56,222 --> 00:16:57,533
- Oh, shit.
412
00:16:59,811 --> 00:17:01,986
- Gotta work on
your exit strategy.
413
00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:03,401
- Okay.
414
00:17:03,436 --> 00:17:04,644
[police sirens]
415
00:17:04,678 --> 00:17:06,577
God, Jules, you know,
you're right.
416
00:17:06,611 --> 00:17:08,958
That felt so much better
than just talking.
417
00:17:08,993 --> 00:17:09,821
- Right?
418
00:17:09,856 --> 00:17:11,720
[upbeat guitar music]
419
00:17:11,754 --> 00:17:13,756
[giggling]
- Jules, we should really
420
00:17:13,791 --> 00:17:15,379
do this again, right?
421
00:17:15,413 --> 00:17:16,828
Oh.
422
00:17:16,863 --> 00:17:20,246
- You know, my mom died, too,
when I was young.
423
00:17:20,280 --> 00:17:21,833
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
424
00:17:21,868 --> 00:17:23,939
I don't know if I have
any memories of her, though.
425
00:17:23,973 --> 00:17:25,699
And the ones that I have
are so faded,
426
00:17:25,734 --> 00:17:27,667
I don't even know
if they really happened.
427
00:17:27,701 --> 00:17:30,911
- Oh, no,
that's so sad for you.
428
00:17:30,946 --> 00:17:33,845
I'm so sorry 'cause, see,
429
00:17:33,880 --> 00:17:37,539
I feel like I remember
my mom,
430
00:17:37,573 --> 00:17:40,852
like, really well,
'cause my dad told me
431
00:17:40,887 --> 00:17:45,581
all these stories of them,
in their time together.
432
00:17:45,616 --> 00:17:48,722
He says I remind him of her
every day.
433
00:17:50,379 --> 00:17:53,141
I know her.
I'm so sorry.
434
00:17:55,488 --> 00:17:56,799
Whoa.
435
00:17:58,422 --> 00:18:00,113
Whoa.
Ha ha ha.
436
00:18:00,148 --> 00:18:02,495
- Mama needs to nap.
437
00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:06,395
[hinges squeak]
438
00:18:06,430 --> 00:18:08,190
[both giggling, muttering]
439
00:18:10,330 --> 00:18:11,676
- Hi!
440
00:18:11,711 --> 00:18:14,196
- Um, where the hell
have you been?
441
00:18:14,231 --> 00:18:16,440
- Bonding.
442
00:18:16,474 --> 00:18:19,132
- Why are you wearing
fake tits?
443
00:18:19,167 --> 00:18:23,550
- Oh, right, this are,
it's a business expense.
444
00:18:24,241 --> 00:18:25,863
Very baseball, baseball.
- Baseball, baseball,
445
00:18:25,897 --> 00:18:27,347
baseball, baseball.
- Baseball, baseball.
446
00:18:27,382 --> 00:18:30,212
It's just--you heard us
say baseball, so that's--
447
00:18:30,247 --> 00:18:32,387
It's--
448
00:18:32,421 --> 00:18:34,354
Oh, wow.
449
00:18:34,389 --> 00:18:35,700
Oh, that's--
450
00:18:35,735 --> 00:18:38,600
[rock and roll music]
451
00:18:38,634 --> 00:18:39,980
- Mission accomplished.
452
00:18:43,156 --> 00:18:46,194
- Did you get a chance to...
clean the Lucy juice
453
00:18:46,228 --> 00:18:47,850
off the sheets?
454
00:18:47,885 --> 00:18:50,094
- The hell is the matter
with you?
455
00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:52,821
- Can somebody close the sun?
456
00:18:52,855 --> 00:18:54,202
[fades off, mumbling]
457
00:18:54,961 --> 00:18:58,171
- Beth, you okay?
Honey?
458
00:18:58,206 --> 00:18:59,241
[claps]
459
00:18:59,276 --> 00:19:00,622
Honey!
460
00:19:00,656 --> 00:19:01,761
[clears throat]
461
00:19:01,795 --> 00:19:03,383
The hell did ya do to her?
462
00:19:03,418 --> 00:19:06,490
- Going drink for drink with me
is always a bad idea.
463
00:19:06,524 --> 00:19:08,423
You know that.
- [scoffs]
464
00:19:08,457 --> 00:19:11,391
- Honey, what's the big deal?
465
00:19:11,426 --> 00:19:14,083
- Uh, the big deal is
I'm an alcoholic, okay?
466
00:19:14,118 --> 00:19:15,637
My greatest fear
in life is that,
467
00:19:15,671 --> 00:19:17,466
the awful gift
that my father gave me,
468
00:19:17,501 --> 00:19:18,950
I'm gonna pass it along to her.
469
00:19:18,985 --> 00:19:20,469
I mean, I've never seen her
like that before.
470
00:19:20,504 --> 00:19:22,747
It's frickin' terrifying.
- Okay.
471
00:19:22,782 --> 00:19:24,784
You asked me
to take her to brunch.
472
00:19:24,818 --> 00:19:26,130
And, to me,
brunch is just an excuse
473
00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:27,752
to publicly drink
in the mornings.
474
00:19:27,787 --> 00:19:30,479
But I will be very careful
with her and alcohol
475
00:19:30,514 --> 00:19:32,101
in the future.
476
00:19:32,136 --> 00:19:34,242
- All right, okay, look,
the important thing is
477
00:19:34,276 --> 00:19:37,417
you're both safe
and everybody's okay, I guess.
478
00:19:38,004 --> 00:19:39,419
- For the record,
I think the fight thing's
479
00:19:39,454 --> 00:19:41,766
gonna be really good for her.
480
00:19:41,801 --> 00:19:43,768
- I'm sorr--the fight thing?
What fight thing?
481
00:19:43,803 --> 00:19:46,806
- She punched a cult leader
in the balls.
482
00:19:46,840 --> 00:19:51,051
I was so proud of her.
I get parenting now.
483
00:19:51,707 --> 00:19:53,778
- Beth punched a cult leader
in the balls?
484
00:19:53,813 --> 00:19:56,022
- Relax, nobody got hurt.
485
00:19:56,056 --> 00:19:57,679
I had my sweet baby on me.
486
00:19:57,713 --> 00:19:59,612
- You flashed a gun
on a New York City street?
487
00:19:59,646 --> 00:20:01,372
- Prospect Park,
and I just shot one off
488
00:20:01,407 --> 00:20:03,029
in the air
to escape among the scatter.
489
00:20:03,063 --> 00:20:04,410
- Okay.
- You can take the girl
490
00:20:04,444 --> 00:20:06,101
out of Morristown--
- Get out, get out.
491
00:20:06,135 --> 00:20:07,689
- What?
- You know my daughter
492
00:20:07,723 --> 00:20:09,346
less than 24 hours,
you already got her
493
00:20:09,380 --> 00:20:11,900
into a drunken brawl
that ended in gunplay.
494
00:20:11,934 --> 00:20:13,764
Can't have anybody
around my family
495
00:20:13,798 --> 00:20:15,628
with this poor impulse control.
496
00:20:15,662 --> 00:20:17,354
Get outta here.
497
00:20:17,388 --> 00:20:20,874
- Uh, I've got 500 boxes
of tampons for Jim Brockmire.
498
00:20:20,909 --> 00:20:23,808
- Ah, Jesus Christ.
499
00:20:23,843 --> 00:20:25,983
- Why'd you order
500 boxes of tampons?
500
00:20:26,017 --> 00:20:27,709
- [muffled]
And a case of Pamprins.
501
00:20:27,743 --> 00:20:29,193
- In a moment of weakness,
I thought
502
00:20:29,228 --> 00:20:30,643
we all might actually have
a life here together,
503
00:20:30,677 --> 00:20:31,644
but I was insane.
504
00:20:31,678 --> 00:20:33,577
- 500 boxes?
505
00:20:33,611 --> 00:20:35,889
I'm beating down
menopause's door.
506
00:20:35,924 --> 00:20:37,408
- Well, you know what,
you can take 'em with ya
507
00:20:37,443 --> 00:20:40,756
as a lovely parting gift.
Just get outta here, please.
508
00:20:40,791 --> 00:20:42,379
- You wanna be the hero
of this story?
509
00:20:42,413 --> 00:20:44,553
Well, while you're
on your high horse,
510
00:20:44,588 --> 00:20:45,899
answer me this.
511
00:20:45,934 --> 00:20:47,246
How'd all your memories
of Manila
512
00:20:47,280 --> 00:20:48,902
suddenly come
flooding back to you?
513
00:20:48,937 --> 00:20:50,421
You told me
you couldn't remember anything.
514
00:20:50,456 --> 00:20:53,079
Your goal, in those days,
was to drink to forget
515
00:20:53,113 --> 00:20:54,770
as soon as
you could remember to try.
516
00:20:54,805 --> 00:20:56,116
- What was I supposed to say?
"Sorry, Beth,
517
00:20:56,151 --> 00:20:57,808
"I don't remember your mother.
518
00:20:57,842 --> 00:20:59,637
I was black out drunk the night
you were conceived."
519
00:20:59,672 --> 00:21:01,501
'Cause I know,
that's great parenting advice.
520
00:21:01,536 --> 00:21:05,298
- Great parenting is not lying
to your daughter every day.
521
00:21:05,333 --> 00:21:07,783
You don't know shit
about that woman.
522
00:21:07,818 --> 00:21:09,406
So stop making up stories
523
00:21:09,440 --> 00:21:11,822
just so you can feel
like you're a good dad.
524
00:21:11,856 --> 00:21:14,273
- You know what, this was
a really big mistake.
525
00:21:14,307 --> 00:21:15,757
- Yeah, huge.
526
00:21:26,802 --> 00:21:28,079
[door slams]
38922
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof