All language subtitles for Adventures of Don Quixote

Princess, the reasoning for the lack of
reason of my reason is so unreasonable

that it is not without reason that I
complain of your beauty.

Don Quixote, your soup is ready.

Uncle...

He should be in a madhouse. They'd soon give him
all the victories he wanted.

Oh, but he doesn't harm anyone.

- Doesn't harm anyone?
- No.

What is he doing to you when he sells
all his property piece by piece?

What will you say if he mortgages the house?

Victory! Victory!

And that fool of his, Sancho,
even took the horse to town today.

Aw... more books!

Ah, well at least they haven't
gotten rid of Rosinate.

I don't know what the poor beast's going to eat
now they've sold the last bit of land...

Last bit of land?
What do you mean?

Lively, Sancho, make haste!

I'm comin', I'm runin'...
Here I am.

What's this I hear?

A madman, do you see? Now he's gone and
sold his half acre.

Has he really sold everything to buy books?

Just as I thought! He wouldn't take the horse.

He just took one look at the poor beast, and he said,
"That's not a horse, that's a hat rack!"

Of course I may know nothing, but I can't see
why you exchange good land,

land you can walk on, land you can grow things on,
for old bits of paper!

And what do you get out of it?
Better clothes? Better food?

All I can see is it makes you uncomfortable.

Armor clothes me, battles soothe me.

Oh, and by the way, he threw in this old helmet
as well, if it is a helmet.

But it has no visor...

Oh, you mean a flap. I'll soon fix that.

Sancho, doesn't your heartache
with the injustice of the world?

I can't say I've noticed it up to now.

You shall be my squire and if return
I'll make you governor

of the many kingdoms I shall conquer.

Oooh! A island, Master, that's what I want,
an island with plenty of good land,

and plenty of good wine on it,
and plenty of water'roud it...

To keep out the soldiers and thieves alike.

Ladies and gentlemen, this evening...
Big performance, Amadis of Gaul,

Pantomime given by the well known Priaca Players.
Tell your friends.

Who do you think you are? Acting all day
with your head in the clouds

doesn't put bread into our stomachs,
you miserable worm.

You will regret calling me these names
when I come back laden with riches,

when I bring you back silks and satins,
and a booby crown - er, a ruby crown,

when I'm proprietor of an island,
a real island with real water'round it...

...and cows and chickens and pigs...

And doctors examining you?
An island with a wall'round it, a madhouse,

that's where you and your Don Quixote
will finish up.

Why both of you together have got
the brains of a child.

The Sierra Nevada is calling, is calling.
The night in the mountains is falling, is falling...

There's nothing left in the house but old papers.
We can't raise money of them.

What will become of Maria and me?

Don't worry Carrasco, something will happen.

- Listen...
- I hear singing...

His madness continues even though
we've put him to bed.

The Sierra Nevada is calling, is calling.
The night in the mountains is falling, is falling...

Go fight, Don Quixote, the powers of dark,
Go fight, Don Quixote, the powers of dark.

For you, my lady divine, for you
I will conquer or die.

Oh, is he never going to stop?
How many songs does he know?

It's all very well for him to sing. A madman never
worries about mortgages and starvation.

It is only the fever... it will pass.

The Sierra Nevada is calling, is calling.
The night in the mountains is falling, is falling...

So fights Don Quixote the powers of dark.
Go fight, Don Quixote, the powers of dark.

The princess enters on the stage.
Watch her simplicity, her grace...

From Saragossa to the sea, none can deny
her right of place, her smiling eyes.

Her lips, her hair; are of a quality
beyond compare.

My heart is sad because the giant Melichelad
wants the lad of my fair daughter, the princess...

Although I say "the lad" for sooth,
'tis with more modesty than truth.

Each month this same Melicheland of some
young virgin takes... her hand.

A hundred knights defied him.
The giant ate them up!

Ay, lack! Amadis, knight of Gaul,
turned his adveture to do good.

As well becomes a noble knight,
he bravely enters every fight.

The battle rages, steel meets steel,
passion will wreak defiance.

To whom belongs the victory,
the brave knight or the giant?

The maiden's honor trembles,
sparks fly from their arms.

Pray to the saints in heaven
to save Amadis from all harm.

The giant, now trembling with fear,
calls on the enchanter Merlin to appear.

Bravo, Amadis! I am with you, I am on your side.
Merlin, defend yourself!

Chico! Open your eyes!
There's a battle going on!

Oh, look, a giant with his navel!

Now, my lord Amadis, since I have
saved you from the magic spell,

I beg of you to knight me.

That's right, Amadis, make him a knight!
Knight him, knight him!

Since the audience is so graciously disposed,
we will now knight the famous Don...

Don Quixote de la Mancha.

Don Quixote de la Mancha, I dub thee knight.
Swear to obey the laws of our order?

I swear!

Look, Amadis, he's got no feather.
Give him yours.

The managemet will go to
any sacrifice to please.

Hey, d'you think I pay you to stand around
and do nothing, you lazy wench?

How dare you insult a noble lady
before a knight and a king?

Hey, what's he say?

Madame, allow me to devote all my life
to your service.

And this is the lady of his dreams.
He has already fought for this decoration.

Ad what name would you give the lady, sir?

Dulcinea.

This castle new, this new made device,
All enriched with marble and forged by molten fire,

This castle blessed by love, from its empire...

Endowed by Heaven and happy artifice.

A fortress against all vice,
where virtue is mistress

And holding sway, entrancig all hearts
that they too must say

that for evil to triumph would be tragedy.

Master, our siesta, what about it?
We've been on the road since dawn.

A knight never sleeps.

A knight never sleeps. A knight never eats.
A knight lives on adventure,

but I'm not a knight. I know, I'm nobody.
I know nothing!

Sancho, adventure at last!
An army of giants.

Giants? All I can see is mutton.

A knight is never wrong.
Harrah! Harrah!

I still say they're sheep.

Stupid! Never will you know
the ways of chivalry.

Maybe, but I do know my muttons.
Look'ere! Your helmet's in a nice mess!

Oh, my helmet!
Take it to the lady of my dreams.

Who is the "lady of my dreams?"

Dulcinea.

Oh, very well, I'll take your helmet
to the lady Dulcinea,

but how shall I recognize her house?

Enriched with marble and
forged by molten fire.

That's a new one no me.
Oh, I remember, yes, the night you sang.

But, how shall I know the lady?

By her virtue.

I see.

Oh, go now, and don't forget-
Bring back another helmet.

Not a bad looking wench. There, but I shouldn't
worry about those sort of things.

Here! Perhaps you can tell me something.

Do you know a princess called Dulcinea?

Dulcinea? Princess? Never heard of her...
Oh, of course! I remember!

- That's what Don Quixote called her.
- You remember!

- Me?
- Yes. There she is.

If that's a princess my brains are going soft,
or yours is. Give me a drink, quick.

Sancho! Sancho!

Is there a man here called Don Quixote?

Why yes, sir, he's my ucle.

I have orders to arrest him.
Where is he?

Who knows?
He disappeared three days ago.

But what do you want with him?
Has something happened?

Has anything happened?
We accuse one Don Quixote...

...having as accomplice an individual
named Sancho Panza, both vagrants...

...is accused of having attacked
a flock of sheep.

Hey, what're you doing? Assassin! Thief!
He's got my shaving gear!

Well, Sancho, did you find my Dulcinea?

Yes, Master, and she was in the courtyard.

- At court, you mean...
- At court, yes, and she was milking a cow.

Oh, you lie, Sancho!

I lie, do I? Perhaps you'll tell me
that this helmet is a lie.

Perhaps you'll tell me it looks
like a barber's plate.

Sancho! The helmet of Mambrine.
How did you win it?

By my bravery, Master. See, in the courtyard
at the court...

There was an enormous devil pestering
the princess Dulcinea.

- A giant!
- A giant, exactly. What did I do?

With my usual bravery I attacked him,
I stunned him, I tore a button off his trousers.

Here it is, Master.

Course, he bit a lump out of it,
but I couldn't help that.

You exaggerate, Sancho.
It is the helmet of Mambrine.

It may please you, Master.

It has surprised me that you, simple squire,
should have conquered a giant.

Well, Master, he was only a little giant,
well, you know Master...

So I gave him a slosh and I left him.

What are you doing?

Thinking of the good things
I could eat today...

Sausages, sausages, chicken, cheese,
more sausages... no! A nice duck...

- With thick rich gravy.
- Always you think about eating.

Well, can you tell me anything better?

Chivalry.

Yes, I've got chivalry in me head
but my stomach craves for food.

Who are those men?

Only prisoners.

Halt!

- Where are you going?
- To the galleys.

- What for?
- For having loved.

He loved gold which did't belong to him.

To the galleys for love? To me, Sancho!

Oh dear, oh dear...
Whose little boy are you?

- What's he in for? Murder?
- No, he wrote a book.

- Heretic. Against God?
- No, to prove that criminals don't exist.

Order!
Oh, Lord love a duck!

- Who are you?
- Don Quixote de la Mancha.

- Flowers of chivalr-
- Chivalry.

- Essence of good knights-
- Knighthood.

- Idiot.
- Idiot.

Free these men. God is the only judge.

Yes, all right old man. Now get a move on.

- Sancho! Free these men!
- But will he let me?

Go on...

Guards, arrest this fool!

Stop! Listen to me! Gentlemen please...
Take your chains to the lady of my dreams.

What is he saying?

He says he wants us to take our chains
to his girlfriend.

Our chains? Take them yourself!

Friends, take your chains to my...

Welcome, sir. My house exists for such as you,
with aching limbs and hungry appetite.

Oh my lord, I thank you for your gracious
welcome into this magnificent castle...

Ah, princess, I'm unworthy of such a honor!

What about a bed for my master,
and some food, and...

Ah, silence...

Look what they've done to him,
those cursed...

- Magicians.
- Magicians.

Have him brought here, this Don Quixote,
this relic of the past.

I see no splendor in attacking authority.

- He who attacks the law attacks your grace.
- Attacks God!

I swear, your grace, there's nothing bad about him.
He's only ill in mind...

Will your grace come to our assistance and
help us to end these mad adventures?

One doesn't punish a sick man.
One takes care of him!

We will take care of him, so!

No, no, my chief of police. This is a case
even beyond your competency.

The man's malady is obscure
and requires special treatment.

- Have you got any good wine?
- Excellent! From the year the comet fell.

Good wine's good for pilgrims, you know,
and I feel very pilgrimish this morning.

- Just exactly what is your profession?
- The old man seems to be a little bit...

Oh, our profession... we are
knight errants, you know.

We live on inspiration.

But a little change is good now and then,
so don't delay, friend.

Knights never eat, knights never sleep. We do
great things all day and keep from harm away.

Oh, what a life, without my wife.
No matrimonial chain and in the end I gain.

Oh, island sweet, with lots to eat old wine,
fresh fowl and steak enough to make you ache!

Worth that be fine, when all that's mine.
No hunger and no thirst for King Sancho the First.

This knighthood gane will he'er be tame,
rescuing buxom maidens, that's the best of games...

What a delight to be a knight. A chivalric face!
Old sheep, we must give praise.

My island sweet with lots to eat old wine,
fresh fowl, and steak enough to make you ache.

The evening's fun, if on the run.
Poor prisoners we set free, Don Quixote and me.

Do you know a man named Don Quixote?

Never heard of him.

A scarecrow of a man with a lance.
Making trouble everywhere.

He must be here! I saw his horse outside.

And he's always with a fat fool whose
name is Sancho Panza.

It's not me, sir. Never was me, sir.
Never will be me, sir.

Are you trying to be funy with the police?

No, I'm just trying to convince you, sir,
that I don't know him.

- What's that?
- I don't know this rogue Don Quixote, I swear I don't.

Sir! I beg of you, sir, wake up!

- A knight never sleeps.
- They're after you!

- Oh, princess, oh, you must go!
- Sir!

I regret, but chastity is the first law of chivalry...

- That's not the question. The police are here.
- Police! Then I will defend you, princess.

- Master! The police!
- I'm ready for them.

- It's madness to stay here. We must fly!
- The police will never dare attack a knight!

You know that, and I know that,
but do the police know it?

Maybe you are right.

Let him rest. He has fever.
I'll swear to you that he's not a criminal.

- Not a criminal? What do you call it?
- I assure you that he's a good man sir.

Go on, get out. Let justice take its course.

Keep it a secret.

Illustrious warrior, Knight of
the Mournful Countenance...

In the name of his grace, the Duke of Belanga...

I invite you to follow me to his grace's castle,
there to be entertained in company with your squire.

All charm aside, this time I think it really is a castle.

Like all the others, you fool.

I'm going to fill my stomach right up to the ears.

Your greediness makes me disgusted.

Governor of a island, in all his finery!
Aren't they going to dress you up, too?

No. I will not forsake my arms.
I owe my glory to them.

His grace, the duke, and her grace, the duchess,
await you, gentlemen.

Ladies and gentlemen, I beg of you
do not give way to laughter.

This is a comedy that must be played seriously.
Its success depends on it.

Don Quixote de la Mancha, Knight of the Mournful
Countenance, and his squire, Sancho Panza.

'Tis a honor for my court to welcome you,
illustrious knight.

We greet with joy Don Quixote
and his squire, Sancho Panza.

We have heard of your great deeds.

And what for? To bring a madman to his senses?
I'm sure to lose mine in the process.

Oh, and that muzzle! Now is this
supposed to fit my head?

Gently, gently... Be careful, will you?
Ah, no, leave the glasses!

I am surprised, Sancho, that a man of your intelligence
should abandon a loving wife and children...

I search of adventure and the doubtful pleasure
of governing an island.

Yes but I must follow my Master, missus.
I love him. I belong to him.

As the ivy to the wall, as the roses 'round Mother's door...

As for the island, I'll take a chance on that,
as I took a chance with my dear wife.

You know, even a blind chicken can find a grain of seed.

Sancho! I told you before, not to speak in proverbs.

Let him be, my Don Quixote. Sancho pleases me
more than I can say, just as he is.

No, spring lamb is too dangerous for a Governor!

Oh, this fellow's getting on my nerves!

Can't take that one away.

I'm told, oh Knight of the Mournful Countenance
that you serve a lady...

...of surpassing beauty, by name Dulcinea.

Why yes, your grace, her beauty can but be described
only in music and in-

I music? Then you shall sing to me of her, for you
are doubtless a musician, albeit a romantic one.

Yes, like all knights errant.

No! Too indigestable for your excellency!

Thanks very much!

Too indigestable!

The swallows have departed!

The song I sing is of the fair lady of my dreams,
who lifts me far above this coarse and common world.

Her crystal heart also, clear and true.

Her cheeks a fiery rose in damask petals curled.

For her I have braved all dangers with good heart.

My arms have saved my queen
from other prisons base.

The enchanter's horrid snares,
the world's envenomed tongues,

and forced the universe to kneel before her grace.

Fair one for whom I live, I here alone, am now...

I'm not imprisoned nor slave of lying show...

Alone against all victors base and coward knights...

My standard I will guard nor rival will allow.

Why, Don Quixote, compared to the lady of my dreams,
the charms of Dulcinea seem as nothing.

One night as well compare the moon to the sun,
the daisy to the rose.

That is impossible to believe! I challenge it!

You say that I lie? Your maners do not become
a knight of chivalry.

Then you shall defend your lady with your sword!

Gentlemen! One moment, please!

Knights errant are in truth unruly here!
Let us at least finish our meal in peace.

Then if you so wish it, you shall decide by single
combat which of your ladies outvies the other...

...in grace and beauty. Only on one condition I insist.

That the loser shall renounce knight errantry
forever, and return home.

Do you accept these conditinos, gentlemen?

I do.

I do.

He is an old man, and you are young.
Do not hurt him!

This way to your island, my dear Governor.

Oh, you are very nice...
Lord love a duck, what was that?

What's all this funny business?
I say, my master will need me.

Be calm, Excellency, be calm.
Remember your dignity!

How can I see my island
with this thing over my face?

The ceremony must follow the traditional rites.

Even a blind chicken may find a grain of seed.

Don't be afraid, Excellency.
Nothing risked, nothing gained.

What're you doing? What're you trying to do?
Where are you taking me to?

This way to your island, Governor.

One, two, three...

Master, where are you?

I've got such a sinking feeling, Master!

The knight of the Gryphon.

Don Quixote de la Mancha,
Knight of the Mournful Countenance...

Champion of the Lady Dulcinea.

May God keep you and may your valiance
prove worthy of your lady's beauty.

You're breaking my ribs!

This is no joke... stop this!

Don Quixote wins!

- Don Quixote?
- Magic!

One can never be sure with lunatics!

Help! Help!

Confess that Dulcinea surpasses
all other women in beauty.

I'm suffocating! Oh, spare me!
I'll confess anything you like!

Heavens! Carrasco? A magician in the
features of Carrasco? Die, scoundrel!

Oh, pity! I am Carrasco in the flesh,
Maria's fianc�.

I have been tricked.

They have made a fool of me!

It was for your own good.

Mind, Don Quixote! Stay with us!
We must celebrate your victory.

Master! Master!

Your grace, how much longer will
your indulgence permit...

...this madman, Don Quixote,
to disturb the peace?

He wants man to distribute justice
in the place of God.

Many have been burned for less.

No, no gentlemen. Let us at least keep
our sense of values.

In politics there are no conclusions,
only endless argument.

Your grace, Don Quixote is a man without guile.

His books alone are responsible for his behavior.

Then burn his books! That should content you, sir.

At least you'd have something to burn.

I can't get this thing open. I'm not a tinker!

This is what comes from wearing
a saucepan instead of a hat!

Why can't you be like ordinary people? You know,
I haven't said much about your duke up till now...

But I've been thinking a lot,
ad I'll keep on thinking, too.

Hey friend, that must be heavy. Where's your donkey?

I had to sell it. Taxes and wars have ruined us.

When the mills are finished with our grains...

We will have nothing left but the husks
and flowers for the duke.

Look, Sancho, there they are!
Giants! Giant devils!

Cruelty, Greed, Injustice.
They want to retard the world.

They're widmills! I tell you they're only windmills!

Master! That's only the sails of the mills
turning in the wind!

Easy, easy, quick! He might drop!
Slowly, slowly...

Be careful, boys, be careful!

Steady now, steady!

Now steady, gently!

Is he still alive?

He's coming back in a carriage!

Welcome back! Now begins a new life for you!

Master, it must be the magicians that came in the night.

It's them that's burned your books.
The magicians you talk about so much.

Master! Master!

I deceived you, Sancho. There is no island for you.

Oh Master, don't let that worry you.
I don't particularly want an island.

Master!

George!

George!

Spots.

Martha.

What?

I got...
I got new spots.

And you know something else?
I got this new kink in my shoulder.

And every time...

- Every time I do that, it hurts me.
- Well, then don't do that.

George, those are the same old spots
and the same old kink you've always had.

Martha, I've been thinking.

We ought to move
into a retirement community.

Someplace where they have doctors
and nurses standing by.

You know, we're not getting any younger.

We go through this every birthday.

This is our home.

But, Martha, this place is the best.

They have high fences,
armed guards to keep the kids out.

No kids allowed. It's a paradise.

Go soak in a long bath. You'll feel better.

Then I'll fix you a nice birthday breakfast.

You didn't tell anyone, right?

George, I didn't tell anybody
it was your birthday.

Especially you-know-who.

Dennis?

No, I did not tell Dennis, George.

Oh, boy.

Won't Mr. Wilson be surprised?

I bet he really likes you, Betsy.

You're the best looking frog
in the whole town.

But maybe a frog isn't a good idea
for an old guy like Mr. Wilson.

I know!

Snakes.

A cool lizard.

Or a spider.

I know, we'll let Mr. Wilson pick
which one he likes best.

DENNIS: Hey, Mrs. Wilson!

I have a surprise birthday present
for Mr. Wilson.

I just know how much he likes surprises.

Dennis, he's taking his bath right now.

Why don't you wait and give it to him
when he's finished?

Okay, thanks.

Come on.

She said we can give it to him
when he finishes.

Yikes!

Get back here.

I got to call a plumber.

Frogs, lizards. Forget the plumber.

I need an exterminator.

Dennis.

Dennis!

Hi, Mr. Wilson.

Get off the bed!
Wait, I want...

GEORGE: Do you think this is a jungle?
But...

GEORGE: Besides,
you look like a baby ape.

Mr. Wilson, wait! Where are you going?

Oh, gee!

George?

Happy birthday, Mr. Wilson.

Mitchell!

Mitchell!

Where's Dennis?

George.

Don't say it, Martha. Don't say it.
He's not a boy.

He's a menace.

George. George!

What's he done?

Mitchell!

Bathtub! Frogs! Bugs!

L...
Snakes!

Wagon going down the stairs!

Cake in the face!

Surprise!

Happy birthday!

He was so excited about your birthday.
He likes you so much.

Yeah? Tell him to like somebody else.

Tell him to find another old man
and make his life miserable.

[Horn honking and tires screeching]

Grandpa, Grandpa!

The best grandson
in the whole wide world.

Wait a minute.
We were talking about Dennis.

You're a lucky man, George,
living here with Dennis.

- Yeah? You try it sometime.
- Funny you should say that.

Everybody...

I sold the motor home.

But, Dad, you loved traveling around
in that big old thing.

I decided that two weeks a year
isn't enough time...

to spend with my wonderful grandson.

He needs a full-time grandpa.

Alice, Henry, if that spare room
you offered is still available...

I'm moving in.

This is gonna be great!

We can go fishing, go to the arcade...

eat hot dogs in the morning
and even stay up late.

Dad, are you sure you thought about this?

From now on,
I'm spending lots of time with Dennis.

- Every minute.
- Yeah!

I know this is
a bit of a surprise.

Henry and I were talking
about you this morning.

This'll be great!

I hope the spare room is ready.
ALICE: It's always ready for you, Dad.

Yippee!

I'm finally gonna get that kid
out of my hair.

Thank you.

Dad, you're forgetting
it's not that easy living around Dennis.

Nonsense. He's just high-spirited.

Usually, after two weeks
you can't wait to get away. Far away.

That was before.

Now this is home.

Here we are,
quietly having breakfast.

And where's Dennis? He's not here.

What a beautiful day.

I'm baking another birthday cake.

I should know to make two cakes.

With Dennis around,
you always wind up wearing the first one.

Not anymore.

From now on,
Grandpa's gonna get the cakes in the face.

It'll be good for Dennis
to spend time with his grandfather.

He's very nice.

Nice?

I never trust a man that's always smiling.

- And the man lived in his car.
- That's a 50-foot motor home.

Well, he doesn't... He doesn't act his age.

Neither do you, George.

You act much older.

I don't know why boys have to hide their
clubhouses in such hard to find places.

-I pledge allegiance...

-to the flag of the No Girls Allowed Club...

-and to the coolest club in the universe
for which it stands.

-One club...

-invisible, with liberty...

-and justice for guys.-

And the heck...

With girls!

What's that smell?

Girls!

And what do we say to girls?

Girls, yuck.

Who needs them?

What a great club.

Dennis, it's Margaret.

Come out. I know you're in there.

Come out, or I scream
till I turn blue and faint.

Hello, Dennis.

When I heard about your little club...

I knew my invitation
must have been lost in the mail.

This is a No Girls Allowed Club.

And we've got to come up
with a better name.

Margaret, the whole idea
of having a No Girls Allowed Club...

is not letting girls in.

- Wait a minute. Gina's in the club.
- She's vice president.

But Gina's a girl.

She is?

She don't hit like no girl.

You can't let her in and keep me out.

Why not?

Half the fun of having a club
is keeping other people out.

Well, I'm going to start my own club.

Mr. Coodles and me.

And, Dennis, you're invited.

It's a dessert club.

Yeah.

With tons of ice cream, cake, cookies...

Oreos, Dennis.

Your favorite.

Don't go.
Don't listen to her.

It's a trap.

Double-cream filling.

You don't want her cookies.
Double-cream filling.

They're poisoned.

So, you wanna come?

Hey, Dennis, come see my pet rat, Morty.

She had babies, rat babies.
They're itty-bitty, pink and ugly.

They got no hair anywhere.

Gross.

Cool. Let's go see.
Bet you I could beat you there.

Cool.

Come on, go, go!

Mr. Coodles, I've spent too many years
whipping Dennis into shape...

to let some home-wrecker steal him away.

Okay, I've got the last batch
of cookies.

Where's my apron?

Where's my chef hat?
Kitchen.

Who's got the buns?

Mom, Dad!

Look, Grandpa made
some of his frozen pickles-on-a-stick.

Hey, Mr. Wilson,
we're going to the Fireman's Carnival.

- You wanna come?
- No, I'm not going anywhere.

Dennis, George would hate
being around all that fun.

I'm gonna get the rest of the stuff.

I'll put this in the car.

Martha, something doesn't sound right.

You better let me take a look
under the hood.

Don't worry, Mrs. Wilson.

Grandpa knows a lot about cars.

Really? That's good.

Then we're lucky he's here.

Wait a minute!

When I was a kid,
I could take an engine apart blindfolded.

What do you think, George?

Gee, this hose looks loose.

Dennis! Dennis! Cut it off!

Yuck, Mr. Wilson. You're a mess.

Dennis!

George, he was just trying to help.

Just trying to help? You got a lot to learn!

You got to get cleaned up
before you come to the fair.

Yeah? Well, I'm not going nowhere.

But Grandpa's gonna be the guy
in the dunking booth.

You don't wanna miss that.

Hey, everybody, look.

It's my best friend, Mr. Wilson.

He used to play baseball
back hundreds of years ago.

Watch, kid. Watch.

Come on, Wilson.

Here we go.

Yikes.

The target is over there.

Come on.

Wilson.

Water, I need water.

- Come on, Mr. Wilson, you can do it.
- Thanks, kid.

So long, George!

SYLVESTER: Bursitis, ouch!

Used to have that when I was your age.

GEORGE: Used to have it?

Here you go, Pops,
three balls, hardly used.

Knock yourself out.

You be my ball boy.

Watch it there, Gramps.
We don't want you to hurt yourself.

You're getting wet.

Holy...

How did you do that?

Hear some chatter.
Let's hear some chatter.

Yeah, chatter. I'll give you chatter.
Hurry up!

Will you stop that? It's not a dinner.
Throw the ball.

I don't believe it. It's a miracle.

Two hits.

I don't believe it. You just got lucky.

That's impossible!
I don't believe that at all!

That's ridiculous!

So long, George.

Yeah.

Hey, mister, wait up.
I got to ask you something.

Hey, George.

I'll be right back.

Mr. Montgomery,
please don't overexert yourself.

But, Doc, I feel great! Watch.

GEORGE: Wow, look what he just did!

If he gets hurt,
it'll set his treatment back six months.

Treatment? What treatment?

What? Never mind.

Doc, what do you think
about your prize patient now?

He's a doctor?

What treatment? Tell me.
What treatment?

I got to know more.

I'm sorry,
our treatments are still experimental.

In five, ten years, maybe it'll be available
to the general public.

Look at old George.
He can't wait that long.

Yeah, I can't wait that long.

I can't?

I must swear you to secrecy.

If other researchers
or the media discover our results...

Believe me, nobody'll know.
It's better that way.

We'll keep it to ourselves.

At the university we're studying ways
to stop the effects of aging.

It works, George. Look at me.

We've had some very promising results.

Amazing results. I'm living proof.

He's the living proof.

But, George,
we're a poor public university.

So we're asking our patients
to contribute just a small portion...

of their treatment costs.

You mean it's expensive?

If it's expensive...

I don't need it.

I'm so sorry, George.

Enjoy your last few months.

I mean years.

My dad says,
when we get older we'll like girls.

We'll like them?

Yucky old girls?

Yep, whether we want to or not.

Look, there's Jake Miller!

JOEY: Oh, no! They got Jake!

No crummy old girl
is ever gonna get a hold of me.

Hello, boys.

Margaret.

Gross.

Hello, Dennis.

My, what a lovely evening.

Hey, Dennis, look.

How can a girl ever compete with that?

You call that dancing?

Hey, Mr. Wilson, come dance with us.

It's loads of fun.

Yeah, come on, George.

Unless you feel like you're getting too old.

My back!

Yikes.

I'll help you.

Don't touch me.

I'm gonna fix your back.

Take your hands off me.

You made it worse.

Hey, look! Darts! Come on.

Hey, mister,
how many tickets do we need?

But I was just trying to help.

That's what Dennis always says.

Yeah!

Look, just give me another shot.

I'll fix you real good.

Let's get the red one.

You ruined me. You ruined me!

Blue one.

What did you do to me?

Okay, if that's the way
you want it, that's the way it's gonna be.

I never liked you!

Hey, guys! Look at that big one! Yeah!

Don't like that guy.

Get it!

George!

Mr. Wilson, stand still.
I'll pull out all them darts for you.

You two! You two! You're both menaces.

Menaces!

GEORGE: Doctor. I'm ready to sign up.

- I'm ready to sign up.
- Fine, George. Okay, calm down.

Thursday, 4:00 p.m.,
the wife goes to the bridge club.

314 Elm. You'll come there? Promise.

- Promise?
- Don't worry, I'll be there.

- Thanks.
- You won't be sorry, George.

I do believe our friend George is hooked.

He's hooked, all right.

Looks like we're gonna take old George
to the cleaners.

- George, the "For Sale" sign again?
- Martha, maybe we'll get lucky.

Maybe some idiot
from out of town'll buy it...

before he finds out
you-know-who lives next door.

DENNIS: Hey, Mr. Wilson.

Hey, George.

We're going jogging.
You wanna come along?

- Please, Mr. Wilson. Please!
- Thanks for the offer, but no, thanks.

That's too bad.
I thought if you came along...

Dennis would get a chance
to ride in an ambulance.

That would be so cool.

Thanks a lot, Johnson.

We're going to the swimming pool later
if you want to come.

It'd be a bit safer.

I'll check my schedule.

This is gonna be great,
having you and Grandpa living here.

I just know you guys
are gonna become best friends.

George, why are you so jealous
of Mr. Johnson?

He is Dennis' grandfather.

Of course Dennis
wants to spend time with him.

Jealous? Don't be ridiculous.

Martha, when was the last time
we went to a swimming pool?

Our honeymoon.

Doesn't a nice quiet day
at the swimming pool sound restful?

Hello, boys.

Yikes. What is it?

Margaret, dog poo-poo brain.

Yep, it's Margaret, all right.

You can't go swimming like that.

Of course I can't.
We redheads are very sensitive to the sun.

Our skin is so delicate.

You come to the swimming pool
and you can't even go swimming?

Hey, guys! Come see my big black spider.

You feed her flies, she rips them apart
and feeds them to her baby spiders.

Cool!

Let's go see it.

[Carefree and upbeat instrumental music]

There are a couple over there.

Mr. Wilson, we need to talk.

What?

I need your advice on how to make Dennis
quit being such a poop-head...

and pay attention to me.

You want my advice?

Run.

Go as far away from him as you can.
Save yourself while there's still time.

George, that isn't nice.

It's for her own good.
She'll thank me when she gets older.

What do you men want from us women?

Oh, dear, please. Sit down.

George will be happy to help you.

- Won't you, George?
- Yeah.

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew Dennis
and I were meant to be together.

Deep down I know he feels the same way,
but he just doesn't show it!

He's only 7 years old.

He's 7 and a half, almost 8.

And now this Gina girl comes along
and moves in on him.

Well, surely she's no competition for you.

I don't understand why I can't make
Dennis do anything I want.

I have a very high IQ.

I already read at the level
of a fourth grader.

He should be eating out of my hand.

- Mr. Wilson, what do I do?
- How the hell should I know?

George, answer her.

What does Dennis see in this girl?

Bugs, yucky crawly things
with way too many legs.

Well, dear, a woman's got
to share her man's interests...

or at least pretend that she does.

That's how I caught George.

You did?

Thanks, Mr. Wilson,
you've saved our relationship.

Good. So long.

Look! That's my grandpa!

Do you believe this?

That's my grandpa.

Big deal.

I worked as a lifeguard
in the summers.

- I did a one-and-a-half with a twist.
- George.

I think I'm gonna show that guy
a thing or two.

You haven't been on a diving board
in 40 years.

George!

Hey, mister, hurry up.

Shut up, kid, huh?

Hey, look! There's Mr. Wilson.

Thanks, Dennis.

Swan dive. Piece of cake.

I hope I'm okay.

That was the best belly-buster ever!

Grandpa was right.
We get to ride in an ambulance after all.

- Hey, mister, can I run the siren?
- Sure, Dennis.

GEORGE: You don't wanna be late
for your bridge club.

Why are you so...

Don't worry, I'll get it.
It's probably nobody.

'Bye, Martha! Take care.

- 'Bye, Martha! Bye-bye, Martha!
- George.

Hold on! I'll be right there!

Doctor, thank God you're here.

George, this is my colleague
from the University of New Delhi...

- Dr. Shashi Casha.
- Very pleased to make your acquaintance.

Get inside quick.
I don't want anybody to see you.

A lot of busybodies and snoops
around here.

'Bye, Martha!

Yes!

What's all this for?
We need it for your examination.

Examination?

Yeah, just quick physical,
see what shape you're in.

What?

What?

Your cellular decay is so advanced.

I'm sorry.

We're very sorry.

You have a will?

You should get all your affairs in order.
Quickly.

You must be able to do something.

You're both doctors.

Think!

Well, there is...

The Komatsu root.

The Komatsu root?

It's our only hope.

The Komatsu root.
Very rare.

Very rare.

It's reserved for Chinese heads of state,
under pain of death.

Some kind of root.

- What does it do?
- Boil the root and drink the tea.

Very yummy tea.

Three times a day.

Within a week,
you'll start to look younger, feel younger.

Doctor, I don't think our friend George
has that much money.

Yes, yes, I do.

How much is it?

Well, George, let me see.
$10,000 ought to cover it.

$10,000?

$10,000? For a root?

Hey, Mr. Wilson!

You writing a check?
What are you buying?

He's buying this rare root.

That cool root thing over there?

What's it do? Tell me.

It makes a person younger.

Golly! I'm seven and a half.

If I took some, I'd be six and a half?

What if I took so much I was a little baby?

And then I took some more!

Yikes!

It doesn't work like that.

Hey! Guess what I have?

I found one, too.

Ain't it cool looking?

Mine's bigger than yours.

Where did you get that?

Dead Man's Creek, by the bridge.
There's millions of them.

Here, you can have this one, Mr. Wilson.

There's lots more where that came from.

It's a miracle!

I guess I won't need this check after all.

I'll use this root.

Cool.

I'm gonna go brew some tea
with my root right now.

'Bye.

Wanna see what else I found?

Look, the biggest one I've ever seen.

Golly, I guess that's one way
to get rid of poison ivy.

Poison ivy.

First that kid costs us $10,000,
and now this.

- Lf I ever find out who he is...
- Dennis Mitchell.

All the pharmacists,
all the clerks know him.

They say you're lucky.
You could have gone to the hospital.

Well, it's a good thing
that Wilson's still hooked.

We'll get all his money yet.

Nobody beats the Professor.

Nobody. Especially a 7-year-old.

George, I thought you hated tea.

What is that terrible smell?

A dead rat.

George, what in the world...

It's gardening food. No, no.

It's for planting.
It's planting food, planting food.

For gardening,
planting food and gardening. Yes.

George, are you all right?
I mean, lately you've been acting strange.

- Even more strange than usual.
- Nonsense, nonsense.

Everything is fine.

Water, more water!

Run for your life!

Any minute the whole town
is gonna be under water.

A flood. A flood.

This is great mud.

Hi, Margaret.

We're building a dam.

It's such a nice day.

I thought I'd take my collection of bugs
out for a walk.

Did you say bugs?

Margaret with bugs?

I hope everyone here
has all had their shots.

Now...

stand back.

Cool.

- What is it?
- A giant praying mantis.

I bet you it's poisonous.

- Does it bite?
- Watch out. He's hungry.

My mom washes dishes
with something that looks like that.

He was about to attack.
I just saved your life.

Next a mutant roach.

That's amazing.

I've never seen
anything like that.

What a roach.

That's no roach. Let me see it.

He has a headache.

And now, gentlemen,
I give you the prize of my collection.

The biggest spider in the world.

He's big.

That's cool.

He's mean.

And he's really mad.

- What a great bug.
- He's beautiful.

A spider with claws?

The claws are for swinging
through the trees in the jungle.

That's cool.

You know, I have to take them home now.
It's time for their naps.

I'm gonna need a little help
to get them home.

I'm gonna need a little help
to get them home.

Okay, Margaret.
I'll help you take them home.

You will?

Really?

Thanks, Dennis.

He's a goner.

Oh, no.

Dennis is going out with a girl,
a crummy old girl.

JOEY: Not just any girl. Margaret.

Just like a boy. Fall for a girl
just because she's got big bugs.

Yeah, with them great big bugs,
she's gonna make Dennis her sweetie-pie.

Yuck!

Guys...

those bugs were phony.
I can't believe you fell for them.

They were? Them great bugs?

Fakes?

That crummy Margaret.
She don't fight fair.

Then we got to stop her.

We got to save Dennis
from a fate worse than death.

ALICE: Henry? Henry Mitchell.

Henry, all these supplies
from the Fireman's Carnival...

could you put them
where Dennis can't get into them?

You mean where Dennis and your father
can't get into them.

Could you hand them up to me, honey?

Alice?

We're in here, Dad.

Dad.

We went for a walk in the woods.

If you're gonna try to keep up with Dennis,
you're gonna kill yourself.

I forgot that being around Dennis
was such hard work.

No wonder George
is so grouchy all the time.

That's it.

I'm canceling that campout
that Dennis had planned...

for the two of you in the backyard tonight.

You can't do that.
He's got his heart set on it.

I just saw him packing a suitcase upstairs.

Besides, I promised, Alice.

And I won't break a promise.

Oh, boy.

You'll eat these vegetables,
ugly alien guy from outer space.

You're gonna eat these carrots.

Eat!

Eat these beans!

And broccoli!

GRANDPA: Dennis.

Let the puppets go to sleep.

I got a better idea, Dennis.
Let me go to sleep.

But, Grandpa, what's the fun
of a campout if you sleep through it?

I bet I could stay awake
clear through night.

All I have to do is sit here
and think about keeping both eyes open.

Grandpa, Grandpa! Wake up, wake up!

Mercy.

Mr. Johnson...

beautiful day, huh?

GEORGE: Great to be alive.
Go away.

Something wrong with your back?

I was gonna ask you to go jogging today.

Too bad.

I guess you thought it'd be easy
living with Dennis in the neighborhood?

Well, it isn't.

George.

- Martha.
- That wasn't very nice.

Martha, I never win anything
around here anymore.

Let me enjoy just this once.

What has come over you lately, George?

Who's that?

A salesman. I'll get rid of him.

Listen, big breakfast.

Waffles, toast, coffee,
pancakes, everything.

The works. The works. That's what I want.

All that food?

Yeah. I'll be back in a minute.
I'll be back in a minute.

Doctor! Doctor!

The Komatsu root.

- It works.
- It does?

Of course it does.

Of course it does.

You should have seen the look
on Johnson's face.

I mean, I feel so young.
And he looked like an old man.

That's fine, George.

Listen, we've made
a startling new discovery.

A breakthrough.

Is that it?

How does it work?

We'll show it to you.
Where can we set it up?

My garage.

Keep it coming.

Here we go.

Hey, Mr. Wilson.

What is that? Can I help?

Get away. It's not for kids.

Can I watch? Please?

I won't touch anything. Promise.

No!

Oh, no. Grandpa's already in a bad mood.

We better get this cleaned up.

What is it?

The culmination of all our research.

The marriage of modern science
and ancient folklore...

all working together. Look here.

Look at this old, dead, tired plant.

Look, pretty new flower.

Holy cow! Does it work on people?

Of course.

Imagine it, George.

You'll feel younger, you'll look younger.

And not just you.

Mrs. Wilson, too.

George, your breakfast
is getting cold.

I'll get my checkbook. I want it.

Professor, that was awesome.

Just an old magician's trick.

My years with the Great Sandelini
still come in handy.

Yuck, this stuff's nasty.

It's not working.

DENNIS: Hey, Mr. Wilson.

It's him.

The machine. Keep him away.

Go away. He's not here.

I just need to borrow
his car-washing machine.

It's an emergency.

For pete's sake,
give the kid what he wants.

Fine, take it. Just leave. Give me that.

That was close.

Okay. Now we need lots of soap.

Come on.

Look for a big bottle of pink stuff.

There!

That's not a lot.

GEORGE: I'll be right back, Martha.

- How much is this gonna cost me?
- For you, George, nothing.

- It's free?
- It's free?

Try it. Use it for a couple of weeks,
then you pay us what you think it's worth.

If it doesn't work for you and your wife,
pay us nothing.

It's a deal.

DENNIS: This thing
sure takes a lot of soap.

All we need from you
is a small security deposit.

You'll get your deposit back when
we collect this expensive equipment.

That sounds fair.

How much deposit do you want?

Well, 10 percent of its value.
$15,000 should cover it.

That much?

What's it matter?

We're not gonna cash the check, George.

We're just gonna hold onto it.

- Will I get it back?
- Of course.

You have our machine. It's priceless.

Right. I was being silly.

Cool.

Is this the weirdest soap?

Smells sweet.

Yuck, Ruff. Don't eat the soap.

Cotton candy.

Cool.

The car!

Yikes. It's stuck.

Turn it off!

So long, George. Thanks for everything.

No, no.

Thank you.

Turn it off!

What the heck is going on
out here?

Dennis!

DENNIS: It's just cotton candy.

Oh, my God, my wonderful machine!

You've destroyed my machine!

I'm ruined!

Give me money, now!

My insurance will pay for it.

When the police come
we'll make out a report.

- The cops!
- The cops!

We got to get out of here!

Doctor! Wait!

- Isn't this that Mitchell house?
- That explains it.

A cotton candy 911 call, huh?

What happened?

Dennis, did you get...

What?

Where did you get all... Are you...

I was just washing Grandpa's car.

Look at my car!

Dennis, look what you did!
How could you?

George, what in the world
is that thing in the garage?

The youth machine. It's gone.

I'll never be young again.

Golly, I'm real sorry, Mr. Wilson.

Sorry? You've ruined my life again.

George.

Dennis, go to your room.
We'll talk about this later.

But, Mom, I was just trying...
No "buts."

For years, one catastrophe after another.
I've never complained.

They say he's only a boy.
This child's no child! He's a living disaster!

Martha, I know what we'll do.

We'll get some matches.
That's what I want you to do.

Get some matches,
and we'll burn the house down...

and collect the money from the insurance.

No, wait a minute! Better yet!

We'll get Dennis,
we'll give him the matches...

we'll tell him to be careful,
and then step back.

Hey, wait. I have an idea,
a way to make everybody happy.

This I got to hear!

HENRY: George wants to move away.

Grandpa wants to be near Dennis,
but it's awfully tight...

with all of us under one roof.
So Grandpa buys George's house.

ALICE: That's a great idea.

It's just what everybody wants.

Wait a minute.
You mean I'd be living here?

Really, really living here, full-time,
next door to Dennis...

for the rest of my life?

Him? Him? Living in my house?

Okay, then. It's a deal.

Oh, no. Mr. Wilson moving away?

Dennis, no.
You can't go over to Mr. Wilson's.

He's very busy and you're still grounded.

Stay out of the way and don't step
one foot over there till Mr. Wilson moves.

But suppose Mr. Wilson...

really needs me, really, really bad?

No.

But suppose he's in real danger
and nobody else is around?

No.

But suppose he's gonna die
and nobody else is around to help...

and only I can save him?

No.

N-O, no.

Stay here.

Don't leave the yard. That's an order.

Do you hear me?

Do you know what this means?

He's got to play in his own yard.

That miserable kid is out of commission!

- Out of our hair.
- On ice!

- In the penalty box.
- History.

- Benched.
- Out of order.

Off duty.

Wilson is all ours.

Suppose he's gonna die?
No.

- Hanging on by just one hand?
- No.

- Okay, one finger.
- Okay, okay.

If Mr. Wilson is in real bad danger...

and if nobody else is around, and if
he yells for help, and if he's hanging on...

by only one finger...

And if you, and only you, can save him...

then you can go to Mr. Wilson's.

But only then.

Okay. Thanks, Dad.

Hey, Mr. Wilson!

I'm grounded.

My dad says I can't visit anymore. Ever.

Good.

I just wanna apologize
for blowing up your youth machine.

I guess now you'll have to stay
all old and wrinkled up, huh?

Yes, I do. Yes, I do. Thank you.

You're welcome.

I wish I could help you
get younger like you want.

You know, I'm still awful young.

Oh, really?

If I could, I'd take away...

ten years of yours.

Then I'd be old enough to drive.

God help us.

I'm gonna be awful, awful sorry
to see you go.

You're my bestest best friend
in the whole world.

Dennis?

You leave Mr. Wilson alone.

Well, I have to go now.

'Bye.

George, do you think
we're doing the right thing?

Moving from our home?

MARTHA: Selling?
GEORGE: I don't know, Martha.

I love this house as much as you do.

At least 10 times a day, after Dennis
does one of those disastrous things...

I swore we would move away
and never come back.

Far away.

And here we are.

We're doing it.

We're actually moving.

I just hope it works for everybody...

especially for Dennis.

He needs his grandfather.

And let's face it...

his grandfather's a lot more fun
to have around.

Well, he...

George, he loves you, too.

He's gonna miss you.

He'll get over it.

A grandfather is special.

I'm just a...

next-door neighbor.

But if Grandpa likes going away...

and Mr. Wilson likes staying home...

how come Grandpa's staying home
and Mr. Wilson's going away?

Dennis, they're adults.

They know what they're doing.

Good night.

Grownups are so weird.

Hi, it's me again,
but I guess you already knew that.

At least you listen to me.

That's your job.

I think Mr. Wilson and Grandpa
are about to make a big, big mistake.

And I'm just a kid,
nobody pays any attention to me.

I can't even visit Mr. Wilson's house
anymore, for crying out loud.

So if you'd like to give me some help here,
I'd sure appreciate it.

Thanks.

Amen.

The end.

I'll get it.

Hello!

City termite inspectors.

City requires inspection
on all residences prior to sale.

Not interested. Goodbye.

Hold it!

You can't sell the house unless you got
a certificate of termite non-infestation.

It's the law.

- It's for your protection.
- Yeah, we're the government.

We're here to help you.

- How much is this "help" gonna cost me?
- $200.

Up front.

I'll go get my checkbook.

SYLVESTER: Look at this! Termites!

I don't see no termites.

Invisible mites, the worst!

You can't see them, you can't kill them.

You got yourself some big problems.

Electrical service isn't up to code.

Plumbing and heating need major work.

Foundation is shot.

You're lucky
the place hasn't burned down.

Here's your list.

It's a good thing
we're selling this place to Johnson.

Now it's his problem.

- Good day!
- No!

You can't sell this house
until these problems are corrected.

- All of them?
- That's right.

All of them?

Johnson. It's his fault.

This house is unsafe.

You are required by law
to fix all these problems...

or the city will declare
this house condemned.

Condemned?

George! Do something.

Here's your list
of the city-approved contractors.

If you like,
we can start making the calls for you.

We have no choice.

Hey, Mr. Wilson!

SYLVESTER: Kid, this stuff is poison.
Stay away. Far away.

Hey. You're not supposed to be here.
Scram!

Hey! Go play somewhere else, kid.

All these workers
and not one of them likes kids?

He's going...

going...

gone!

Now it's time to hit up George...

for more money.

PROF: Your wiring is a disaster.

This roof is completely shot!

Your radon levels are way off the chart!

This con is the high point of my career.

I'll be up in the attic, Martha.

Today can't get any more rotten.

Why, Dennis.
Fancy bumping into you here.

I love ballet.

It's helping me develop grace and poise
for my career as a supermodel.

Oh, look. It's teatime.

Gentlemen, we have a crisis.

We got to rescue Dennis.

Now let's hear some ideas.

Kidnap Margaret's cat.

Offer a trade.

- That cat's a man-eater.
- So's Margaret.

Hey, Rodney Gibbs got the measles.

We just get him to go play with Margaret.

I got it.

Okay, listen.

Dennis thinks Margaret likes bugs, right?

But she really hates them.

So we'll come up
with the biggest, meanest...

nastiest monster bug anyone ever saw.

Let's see how she likes that.

How's your tea, Dennis, dear?

When I think of us married,
sometimes you're a rich doctor...

sometimes you're a rich lawyer.

What do you think, sweetums?

I don't care.

Do you like...

Poor Dennis.

She's torturing him.

It's worse than I thought.
We have to move fast.

I'm gonna get a closer look.

Red Leader 1 to HQ.
How's it going over there?

Sir, it'll be another two hours.

We need our secret weapon ready now!

We can't do it, Captain.

Not enough time.

You have to be ready. It's life or death.

Go, go, go!

- Hey, Margaret.
- You being a bug expert and all.

Identify this bug.

Yikes!

Guys, you can't go in there!

Dad! Mr. Wilson!

GEORGE: Help!

Help!

Oh, boy!

Dad said if Mr. Wilson
is in real bad danger...

and nobody else is around to help,
and if he hollers for help...

Help!

...and if he's only hanging on
by one finger...

Shucks.

He's hanging on by all five fingers.

Three, two...

Only one more.

One!

Yes! Mr. Wilson I'm coming to save you.

He's coming.

Run!

DENNIS: Mr. Wilson,
what are you doing out there?

Catch, Mr. Wilson.

Dennis, let go of my foot!

Dennis.

Dennis!

Now's our chance to get out of here!

Don't worry, Mr. Wilson. I got you.

Somebody, get me down!

Nobody beats the Professor.

Professor, what about me?

Stop! You didn't finish the repairs yet!

Don't worry, Mr. Wilson. I'll stop him.

Professor?

Every year at the National Police Chiefs'
Seminar On Swindlers...

you are the talk of the show!

You're a legend!

Why, thank you.

Dennis, Dennis!

Dennis, I was so worried.
Are you all right, my sweet?

I'm fine. I'm fine.

Dennis, quick!

Girls, yucky or cool?

Why, yucky. Of course.

I will not give up.

One day I will be Mrs. Dennis Mitchell.

George, what have you done?

Rope around the foot!

Flying face-first!

Cement bag!

Dennis!

Dennis, Dennis!

Dennis.

Dennis is a...

A hero, George.

What?

Mr. Wilson, you are a very lucky man.

Dennis, here, has just captured
the best con men in the business.

Never lost a con until now.

Con men?

Sylvester, were you the Indian doctor
or the Chinese herbalist?

The Indian, of course.

I love that.

The youth root.

What kind of an idiot
is gonna fall for that one?

You'd be surprised.

Here are your checks, George.

Let's book them, boys.

But...

Con men.

Well, George, it seems Dennis is a hero.

What do you say to that?

Oh, yeah, sure.

- Thanks.
- You're welcome, Mr. Wilson.

You know,
you're a good kid deep down inside.

Very deep down.

I take back all those things
I said about you.

Well, some of the things.

Most of the things.

And you're gonna miss him, too.

Aren't you, George?

Yeah, I'll miss you.

Then don't move.
Neither of you guys wanna trade places.

Do you?

All I want is my motor home back.

I promised Dennis
I'd take him to the Grand Canyon.

After that, I'm just not cut out
to be around kids all the time.

I don't know how you do it.

You're one in a million, George Wilson.

[Sentimental instrumental music]

Mr. Wilson?

You're my bestest friend
in the whole world ever.

I've known you every single day
of my whole life, for crying out loud.

I love Grandpa and all...

but, even if he was living here...

I'd still miss you an awful, awful lot.

Please don't move.

Please?

Martha, we're not moving.

Yay!

What do you think
of the Grand Canyon?

I can't believe how big it is.

And it's great
that we get to camp so close.

Wow, this is so cool.
Very cool.

I bet Mr. Wilson wishes he was here.

I know. I'll get some neat rocks for him.

That's a good idea.

I'm gonna take a little nap.

Oh, no! Not that rock!

Yikes!

Dennis! Dennis!

George, don't you wish you'd gone
with Dennis and his grandfather?

NEWSCASTER: We interrupt
this broadcast to bring you footage...

from a spectacular rescue
at the Grand Canyon.

I was getting this rock
for my best friend, Mr. Wilson.

I hope he likes it.

Hi, Mr. Wilson.

Dennis!

Dennis!

He's a menace.