All language subtitles for Gordon 1988

Jd

Good evening Mr. and Mrs.
North and south America,

and all our ships at sea, let's
get a fresh flesh... -Flash!

Congress today has called
an emergency session,

but as yet no one has shown up.

And the president refuses
to issue a statement,

having locked himself
and the vice president

in his bath-room
early this morning.

However, the first lady
urges all, and I quote,

"seek comfort in
the Bible," unquote.

A bulletin just in,
the world's top scientists

are holding a conference
in Washington, D.C.,

awaiting a statement
from professor Gordon,

world authority on animal
behavior and renowned physicist.

Gentlemen, we are
in big trouble.

Sex madness perils planet!

Extra! Read all about it!

Sex madness perils planet!

Get it now, read all about it!

Sex madness perils planet!

Hey, scram you horny jerks!

Gentlemen!

As I have told you,
we are in big trouble.

I think there is no need
for me to describe to you

the incredible chaos
our beloved planet

has been plunged into.

Of the disgrace-ful acts
which are being committed

at this very moment!

In every apartment,
on every street corner,

or on the rooftops!

In grass huts in the jungle,
in igloos in the arctic.

In airports, in markets,

in movie houses, in the parks!

Yes, we are in big trouble.

Doctor Gordon...

All of us here are aware
of the total degradation

that has overcome the masses,

but what are we
going to do about it?

What is causing it?

Now I say it's a virus and
we must find a vaccine for it!

It is not a virus,

any fool can see it's
a case of mass hypnosis!

Hypnosis... ha!
I've done research

and traced the cause to
cans of bad passover tuna.

Tuna fish, tuna fish!

This guy's got
Mercury on his brain!

Gentlemen!

Gentlemen, we must be calm!

Future generations are depending
on decisions made here today.

Now, I have discovered
three things about this madness.

Number one, not all
areas are affected.

Look around you, are anyone
of you sexually aroused?

Yes, ha-ha-hal

anyone of you, huh? No!

Not all areas have
been affected.

Number two, my son,
who has been rep-resenting

United States at the tenth
international ice hockey

playoffs in Tibet,

has discovered what appears
to be a great beam of light

proceeding from some
far off planet

whose appearance is simultaneous

with the first
occurrence yesterday.

Number three,
I discovered my wife...

In bed with the garbage man.

But what about
your son, professor?

Did he find anything else out?

Yes professor, what are
you holding back from us?

What's the scoop?

My son is at this very moment,

'on his way back to this country
and as soon as he has landed...

We shall all find out.

Jd

Jd

Jd

Jd

Jd

Jd

Mable towers, mable towers,

we're experiencing foul weather.

Sorry!

Oh, oooh, I'm sorry.

Oh, that's all right.

Is this your first flight?
My first drink.

It's a terrible storm,

do you think we're
going to make it?

Don't worry.

These new fordent trimotors are
the safest things in the sky.

My name is Dale ardor,
what's yours?

Flesh. Flesh Gordon.

Oh, professor Gordon's son?

Why yes.

Sir, look out!

Control yourself, Dale!

Control yourself, Dale! Dale!

Con-control yourself, Dale!

Sir, I've got a giant boner!

Well slap the damn thing down.

I can't!

I've got to keep this
thing under control.

I can't!

Mable towers, mable towers.

You got two horny
son-of-a-bitches here.

We're signing off.

Dale! There's no one
at the controls!

The plane's going down!

Go down, go down!

Oh yes, oh yes. Oh, flesh.

Flesh! Flesh!

Oh, flesh!

Flesh!

Let me go!

Flesh!

Flesh... oh!

Jd

Dale. We'll have to bail out.

Flesh, oh my god, ooh.

Oh my god!

Just hold on!

I can't hold anymore!

Ooohhh. Oh!

Jd

Flesh, mmm.

Dale?

Dale, darling,
are you all right?

You called me "darling."

Oh, flesh, what's happening?

- Can you walk?
- I think so.

Here, put this on.

Jd

Flesh, what's that?

Come on, maybe we can
get to a telephone there.

Stop.

Not another step further.

I know what you've
come here for.

But you're not going to get it.

Look, I don't know
who you think we are,

but this girl's hurt, and we
gotta get to a telephone.

You see, we were flying along
in this airplane from Tibet,

when suddenly we were hit by
this sex ray from outer space.

And this unrestrained
sex orgy ensued,

which both of
the pilots joined in.

When I noticed the plane
was going down,

I took over the controls

but they broke off in my hand.

So you see the young lady,

nearly overcome
with sex madness,

and myself, bailed out just
before the plane crashed.

And we landed just over there.

Do you take me for a fool?

Do you think I don't know
you've come here to steal

the secret plans to
my new interstellar,

hydrocombustion, miracle
patented, micro-teflon,

nuclear, gamastaddle
rocketship-plane-missle!

Which was twenty
years in the making.

And employs a new
updraft design,

which lifts the ship
on small spirals

of synthetic strontium pellets.

Do you think I don't know that!

Well, I've never
even heard of it.

So you're barking up
the wrong tree.

Come here, young lady.

I would like to conduct
a little experiment,

you see there's evidence that
exposure to the sex ray,

increases the size of
the secondary...

- Jerkoff!
- What?

Flexi jerkoff, I thought
I recognized you.

Why... why you must be flesh,

professor Gordon's son.

I was wondering why you knew
so much about the sex ray.

Come, let me show you the ship.

Gosh, let me introduce you.

Dale ardor, this is
doctor flexi jerkoff.

How do you do?

So you see, I've actually
discovered which planet

the sex ray is coming from,

and fortunately, the straddle
ship was ready just in time.

Oh, you can't know what
it was like, out here,

all alone when the sex ray hit.

It was hell!

Fortunately, the rocket was
completed before that happened,

and the design was
not influenced.

You look so funny.

Jd

Oh, the likeness is incredible.

I was able to get
most of the parts

from the sears catalogue.

And you really think
it will make it to

the outer reaches of
the solar system?

It's got to.

It's the last hope humanity has.

Flesh... Dale...

Will you come with me?

It will be a dangerous trip,

and I don't know what we're
likely to encounter out there,

but someone has
got to save the earth

from the treacherous
clutches of that evil ray.

What do you think, Dale?

Flesh, let's do it.

Sure, why not,
we'll give it a try.

Wonderful!

The planet's orbit will
bring it closest to the earth

in approximately...

Six minutes!

And there's much
work to be done.

Come, follow me.

Jd

Where do you want these, doc?

Right over there
flesh, storage bin c.

Jd

What's this gizmo do, doc?

Don't touch that dial!

I had an assistant once
who touched that dial.

Touch that dial.

Gee doc, you really
got a lot of neat stuff.

Did it take you a long time
to put it all together?

Don't bother me now,
flesh, it's almost ready.

Get the door.

Which button, doc?

That one.

Ignition.

- Ready, Dale?
- Ready, flesh.

All right, hang on.
We're taking off.

Fire rocket one.

Jd

Fire rocket two.

Jd

Jd

Hang on now,

we're going through
the moronosphere.

Jd

Jd

Jd

Look, Dale!

The moon!

The earth!

Oh, it's beautiful.

Jd

Wow! I can see the Great Lakes!

There's lake Ontario,
lake Michigan,

lake superior...

What is it, Dale?

The sex ray,
we're heading right for it,

change course quick!

It's... it's jammed, flesh,
I can't move it!

Let me try!

Jd

Another episode like
that, and I'll be ready

for the old folk's home.

Jd

Hey doc, what sort of planet
does it look like to you?

Definitely inhabited, flesh.

No natural force could
have affected us

the way that sex ray did.

And look at those green
areas over there...

It's probably forest
or jungle, I should think.

And those are desert
areas over there.

This planet even has
frigid polar regions,

not unlike those of earth.

Let's have a closer look,
shall we.

Jd

Hang on, we're going down.

Jd

Forgive me, your protuberance,

but at this moment an
alien ship approaches porno.

Probably the earth people.

Bring the ship down,

but I want the earthlings
brought to me unharmed.

Understand?

Yes, your protuberance.

Jd

Not too close, look!

Do you suppose they're friendly?

Jd

The starboard
gammamodulator's been hit!

- I'll fix it.
- Oh no!

I can't control the ship, flesh!

- Hold on, jerkoff!
- Do something, flesh!

I think we're going to crash.

Oh! Oh, no,
what's going to happen?

Hurry, flesh!

I'm hurrying, jerkoff,
I'm hurrying!

Save us!

Oooooohhhhhh.

I'm trying to!

Hurry flesh!

We're in deep trouble flesh.

Ah, come on, jerkoff!

Oh, flesh, do something!

- Hurry!
- Dale, quick!

Give me a Bobby pin! Come here!

Here's one!

Oh...

Save us.

Jerkoff, I think I've fixed it!

- Oh, god!
- You're right.

She's beginning
to respond to the controls.

All right now, hang on.

Hold on Dale.

The ship's falling apart!

- Hold on, Dale!
- I'm holding on.

I'm taking her down.

Jd

Jd

Dr. jerkoff, Dr. jerkoff!

Are you all right?

Oh, flesh. I think so.

Is the ship badly
damaged, flesh?

I don't know, let's go
outside and have a look.

Yes.

Oh, Dale.

Just a moment, I think
I have something here.

For, uh... yes.

It was my mother's.
She was buried in it.

Good, there's oxygen
on this planet.

This is the strangest
place I've ever seen.

I wonder why they didn't
send the welcoming committee?

They did, look!

Quick, into that cave!

Jd

Sist and decease!

Jd

Quick, in here!

Jd

Hep, hep, hep.

Hep, hep, hep.

Left, left, left.

You men search over there.

Left, left, left...

They'll be coming back.

Let's go this way,
maybe there's another way out.

Jd

It's so strange in here.

Flesh, it almost looks alive.

What is it, flesh?

I'm not quite sure.

Jd

And what unusual
formations and textures.

Why, this is like no
rock known to science.

It's.

It's not hard like a rock,

it's...

Whoaaaaaaaaal

great galaxies!

What is it doc?

Some species of penisaurus,
I should think.

This way!

Jd

Jerkoff! She'd down!

What... oh, oh!

Better get this, jerkoff.

Oh, you beast, get away from me!

You stink!

All right, flesh.

Stand aside.

Oh, no!

Jd

Left, left, left...

Ah, ha.

Oh!

Flesh!

What was that?

The earth people.
It came from down there.

After them. - Run.

Nol

there they are.

What?

Take the earthlings alive.
Tie them up.

- I got dibs on the girl.
- The blonde giant's mine.

Leave the bearded one for me.

Jd

Jd

Your sickness, we have
captured the earth people,

and await your command.

The earth people, eh?

Bring them to me at once.

Fetch the earth people here!

His sickness will
seeeee theeemmmm!

Stop shouting, you dildo.

Jd

Why have you come
to the planet porno?

To destroy the terrible
sex ray that has brought

chaos to our
beloved planet earth.

I should think
you'd be thanking me.

But no matter.

No power in the universe
can ever hope to squelch

the infinite force
of my sex beam.

But why must you do this thing?

The earth is a peaceful planet

and poses no threat to you!

I'll tell you later.

But, how did you get here?

The straddle ship I constructed.

A scientist, eh?

I could use a brain like yours.

Guards!

Take him to the laboratory
and show him what to do.

No, no, no!

Jd

Bring the earth woman closer.

No! No!

By the goddess yumi,
you are beautiful!

My eyes have never beheld
such loveliness.

You shall be my bride!

Nol

ohhhh, she is exquisite,

she is exquisite.

Take your filthy,
vellow hands off her!

Don't touch her, I'll kill you!

Silence! Get him off me!

Take him!

Take him to the sex depletor
and bring me his essence!

It should add immeasurably
to the pleasure

of our wedding night.

Stop.

The blonde giant
shall not be depleted.

Amora. As queen of darkness,

and guardian of
the sacred power pasties,

you have the privilege
to spare him only

if he survives
the torture I ordain.

I sentence him to
trial by ordeal.

So be it, then, wang.

But if he survives, he's mine!

To the arena with him!

Jd

Jd

Jd

Jd

Jd

Jd

To the depletor with him!

He's mine, he's mine, he's mine,

he's mine, he's mine!

After them, you ninnies!

Jd

Sleep now, and forget.

Forget all.

We shall love, and my body...

Will be linked
forever with yours.

When you awake, you shall
be my king of darkness.

Jd

Jd

Oh, Gordon...

Jd

Your protuberance, we have
spotted queen amora's ship

over the forest kingdom.

Shoot them down,
and bring them to me!

But your assholiness,

the forest people and we
are sworn enemies.

We could not survive
a landing in this realm.

Are you afraid of
a few vegetables?

I gave you my orders!

I will be obeyed!

Yes, degenerate one.

Make ready for the ceremony!

Porno shall have
a new queen tonight.

Out of my way, dildo!

Guard, I need your help.

Here, hold that.

This, hold that too...

And this also, please...

And just one more thing,

that's it.

Very good.

Put up your hands!

Jd

Down, please.

Jd

Give me the keys.

Jd

Jd

Oh, come in me!

Damn, you magnificent giant.

Come, come, come!

And bind us forever in darkness.

Jd

Jd

Jd

Jd

Jd

- W...
- A

- n...
- G.

Emperor wang is the one for me,

without him, the planet porno,

would be ever so forlorno.

Francis newberry.

Jd

Jd

Jerkoff!

Flesh! I thought you were amora.

This is all I could
find to wear.

How'd you get away
from wang's palace?

When I discovered wang's
plan to destroy amora's ship,

I overpowered the guard
with a radium gas

I developed in wang's
laboratory.

And, disguising
myself as a pirate,

followed the bomber ship and
swooped down to rescue you.

What about Dale?

Even at this very moment,
the ceremony which will render

Dale and wang man and wife
draws ever nearer

its fateful conclusion.

It's no use, flesh.

Alone, we would be
powerless to stop it.

Flesh, look!

I had led an evil life.

And my thoughts have
arisen from the seeds

of darkness and greed.
Take these stones.

These are the source
of my power.

And with them, destroy wang

and his insidious schemes.

These, my power pasties,

are the only force that
can stop the sex beam.

Once accomplished, earthlings,

my spirit shall at
last rest in peace.

She was a noble woman, flesh.

Took a lot of guts.

She was a brave scout.

Come on, doc, we haven't
got much time to lose.

Wait a minute doc,
I can't go like this,

I feel silly.
Don't worry, flesh.

I think I've got something
for you in the ship.

Come on, jerkoff,
we've got to stop wang!

- All right, flesh.
- Come on!

Oh please.

Left, left, left, left...

Jd

I eft...

There they are!

Jd

You may...

Kisssss the bride.

Ahhh, ha-ha...

Come here, my little bottle cap.

Get away from me
you slimy snail!

Oh!

Jd

That's all for this
rancid affair, you Turkey!

Stop!

The wedding's over, wang!

After them, you dildos!

Jd

Amateurs!

The pasties, jerkoff!

Jd

All right, wang, where is she?

What have you done with Dale?

So help me if you lay
a hand on her I'll...

You're too late, you fool!

She was spirited away
barely a breath

before love's first kiss.

I have been robbed of my
beautiful virgin bride.

Shall I give it
to him now, flesh?

Not now doc,
he's been through enough.

If you find her,
tell her I love her!

Stop fighting me foolish
woman, I'm trying to save you!

Halt!

I have brought the earth girl.

Follow me.

Jd

No, no, where are you taking me!

No, no, take me back to flesh.

I no!

Nol

Jd

The earth girl.

We've been hoping you'd drop in,

ever since we heard of your
opposition to emperor wang.

But, perhaps I should explain.

Am chief Nellie.

Commander of the vast
and powerful

Amazon underground of porno.

An organization solely
devoted to the over-throw

of wang and his corrupt
male chauvinist regime.

But what does that
have to do with me?

Our spies have been
watching you closely,

because of your determined
and flagrant dislike

of wang and his cohorts...

We, uh, have decided to
initiate you into our ranks.

But I want the earthman,
flesh Gordon.

You will be of more
use here with us.

No! No...

Jd

Wait, what are you doing?

I've gotta get back to flesh!

Jd

Jd

Ranks in formation,
for selection inspection.

Mmm, very nice face,
very pretty.

Nice nipple.
Ohhhh, yes, mmm-mmmbh...

Pretty hair, nice, shiny...

What are you doing
to your nipples, zerig?

They look very nice. Very nice.

Face is nice...
Turn around, let's see.

Bend over, let's see.

Oh, yeah, real nice.

Very nice. Nice bottom.

Mmmm, no! No good.

Step forward.

Oh excellent, excellent,
prepare yourself, you'll do.

No, no! Oh!

Jd

Flesh! Flesh!

No! Get away!

Flesh! No! No!

Get away! Get away!

Flesh!

Flesh! Flesh!

Flesh! Nol

jerkoff.

I heard Dale... she's in
some sort of trouble.

Jerkoff, I hear Dale...
She's in some sort of trouble.

Dale!

Get away! Get away!

We're in some sort of pit, doc.

Jd

Jd

Jd

Jd

Here let me try.

Try to get us outta here.

Didn't work.

Stand back, flesh.

Jd

Come on, doc.

There she is, doc.

Good lord, flesh, they're dykes!

Dykes!

Don't any of you
try anything now.

I've got the power pasties and
I know how to use 'em.

You, get back there
with the others.

I know your kind.

Now what were you
doing down here?

What were you doing with Dale?

Get back there!

Jerkoff!

Jd

Jd

No, no! You might hit flesh.

Jd

Jd

Jd

Jd

Jd

What happened to it, flesh?

An arrow.

A poison tipped arrow, in fact.

Whoever you are,
we owe you our lives.

Nonsense.

I was happy to
do it, for you see...

I'm prince precious,

rightful heir to
the throne of porno.

Years ago this planet
was a veritable paradise,

but wang, a maniacal botanist,

whose organ was devoured
by a crazed penis flytrap,

could not tolerate the existence
of so much pleasure.

And so, banding together
an army of the impotent

and frustrated,
and armed with a small,

but effective, sex ray,

plunged my palace
into carnal chaos,

and took it over, exiling me,

and my few advisors,
to what is now known as

the forest kingdom.

Then you feel that, together,

we might put an end
to wang's savage reign.

And that our new cosmic
friendship might inspire

an everlasting bond
of kindness and love

between the peoples
of this planet and yours.

If there's anything
I can ever do to repay you.

Jd

Jd

Stay a while, flesh,
the fun's just beginning.

I'd like to, precious,
but I can't.

I'd better get back to the lab
with doctor jerkoff

and help him work on
the destructo beam.

Come, I'll go with you.

Jd

Oh, flesh, I was just
going to send for you.

What happened, doc?

Any scientist could
tell you, flesh.

Now, the beam is finished
and ready to be tested.

Now, if my calculations
are correct,

one blast from my device
and wang's odious sex ray

will be utterly smashed
to smithereens.

Well, how does it work, doc?

I'll show you.

First, we have to attach
the power pasties.

Let me help you.

Jd

Now, over there is a scale
model of wang's sex ray,

surrounded by an
electromagnesium force field

so impervious,
that were it not for

the energy of queen amora's
power pasties,

we could never hope
to destroy it.

Now, stand back.

Watch this.

- Wow!
- Fantastic, doctor.

That's incredible.

Congratulations. Congratulation.

It works, jerkoff.

It's the eighth
wonder of the world.

I knew it would.

Then all we have to do
is mount it in a ship.

And blow wang's
evil ray to atoms.

Then we can go home,
can't we, flesh?

With good luck,
and good weather, Dale,

we'll be home tomorrow night.

Oh, flesh.

- Let me prepare the ship.
- Yes, yes.

To the ship!

Jd

Your aloneness, the earthmen
have invented a gun,

with which they plan
to destroy our sex ray.

Ah!

I have had enough
of these meddlers!

They have interfered with
the affairs of my regime

for the very last time,

and they will be stopped.

Now, listen carefully.

Jd

Doc, we're getting close
to wang's palace.

Just one more minute,
flesh, I'm almost ready.

Careful!

This device has a delicate
electromagnetic balance.

Any disturbance can
blow us all to atoms!

There it is, jerkoff,
the sex ray.

It's the forest flyer,
sound the alarm!

They've spotted us,
jerkoff, get ready.

Now!

Stop him!

He...

Get him. My pasties!

Jd

Pull the ship up, quick!

Jd

- It's stuck!
- Let me give it a try.

Jd

Flesh, we're doomed!

Jd

Jd

We've stopped falling,
what's happened?

We've fallen into
some sort of magnetic beam.

It's drawing us safely down.

But why would wang
want to save us?

He doesn't! Look!

Jd

Jd

Jd

When last seen, our hapless
heroes were about to be crunched

into oblivion by the perverted
wang's chomping jaws.

Is there no justice on porno?

Jd

Dale, this is yours.

Jd

Dr. jerkoff.

Here's one for you, flesh.

Jd

Dale, are you all right?

I'm all right, flesh.

It's really a shame
about that other guy,

stealing your pasties like that,

and he was my best boy.

What ever happened
to the other fellow?

We only had four parachutes.

Oh.

Jd

Come on, we've
got to get to wang.

Jd

Come on, flesh, let's go!
Hurry up!

Jd

Jd

There he goes, after him.

Jd

Jd

Your struggles are useless!

You are trapped
and you shall not live!

I have tolerated your feeble
attempts to thwart me

for the very last time!

We have ways of dealing
with you, yankee.

See how you like
my royal flush, earthling!

- What is it?
- The floor!

Oh, no.

Jd

- There used to be one.
- That's it, earthlings.

Goodbye, Gordon. Sweet dreams.

Oh.

Here it comes.

Jd

Bye, bye!

- Nice knowing you, flesh.
- Yes, it was, thank you.

Jd

J flesh Gordon is dead hey j

j flesh Gordon is dead hey j

j flesh is dead j

j Gordon is dead j

j flesh Gordon is dead j

j baby flesh Gordon is dead j

jd

J flesh Gordon is dead j

j flesh Gordon is dead j

j flesh is dead j

j flesh is dead j

j flesh Gordon is dead j

j dead dead dead dead j

jd

J flesh Gordon is dead j

j flesh Gordon is dead j

your lowness.

Oh-oh, great impotentate,
I have done as you commanded,

and I brought you
the power jewels.

Though the earthmen cannot
now destroy the sex beam,

they're alive and loose in
the palace...

Never mind that,

I have dealt with them already!

Give me the Jewel.

Did the nasty spy
frighten my babies?

Never mind that,

little wangy-pangy is going
to take care of you all.

Wangy favors you with a trinket,

my little peanut-butter cup.

Hmm.

Mmm.

What do you mean it's stuck?

- It's stuck!
- Stuck?

What do you mean, stuck?

Stop!

. Flesh Gordon!

The Jewel, wang!
The Jewel, where is it?

Gimme that Jewel,

or so help me I'll finish
you right here and now!

Let me have him, flesh.

I've been waiting for this
moment for a long time.

The Jewel, wang, where is it?

You guess!

Jd

- Am I gettin' warm?
- Oh, very warm.

- Is it this, flesh?
- No, that's not it.

Jd

Give me that Jewel.

Give me that Jewel
this minute, do ya hear?

Ah, I can't, it's stuck.

What do you mean, it's stuck?

Gimme that Jewel!

I can't!

Idiot, you thought you
could defy me,

but you have yet to tangle
with my rapist robots.

Jd

It's stuck!

Jd

Oh, I wish I had
a picture of this.

Give me that Jewel
this minute, do ya hear?

Flesh!

Jd

What-a-way to go, eh, earthman?

In a flash
of mechanical ecstasy.

Flesh! Flesh!

Flesh! Flesh!

Flesh!

No! Nol

jd

Fools!

Idiots!

What do you think you're doing?

What-a-way to go, hey, wang?

You have not heard
the last of wang.

Jd

Flesh, come on,
we can't let wang get away.

Never mind wang now,

we have to get the Jewel
and save the earth.

That reminds me...

Oh, I can't, I can't!

Spit it out!

It's stuck!

Jd

A plague, a pox,
a pestilence of storm!

Anything, anything,
oh, great one!

The fate of all evil
rests in your hands!

Arise, arise, and destroy
your enemies,

and avenge the glorious
cause of perversion!

Jd

Ooh, boy.

I just love murder.

Out of my way, you little fart.

Jd

A monster's work is never done.

Oh.

Oh, yeah. Mmm-mmm_

Jd

Oh, fuck.

Stop, look...

Listen.

Too late now,
my imbecilic siblings!

The sex ray is too
good for your earth!

I'm going to burn
your fucking planet

to a fucking crisp!

Jd

Watch your back!

Well...

Mmm.

How delightful.

He's got Dale!

Quick jerkoff, use
the destructo beam to kill him!

I dare not, at this
distance there's too great

a risk of hitting Dale.

If only we could get closer.

Wait a minute, we'll
use wang's rocket ship.

Come on.

Jd

Ah, you and I are going
to be good friends.

Coochie.

Jd

And...

Wow.

Well, this is the tower
of murder,

and it's where I hang out.

Oh, oh, no.

Are you having a good time?

Jd

Come on, jerkoff.

Ooh, flesh!

Flesh, save me.

God, it's high.

Jd

Hmm.

Yes, you're incredible.

I wonder how
you'd look in black...

Nylons.

What do you think of that, hmm?

Hmm? Huh?

Oh...

Hmm-hmm.

Hmm-hmm.

Jd

I just want
to look at your tits.

There she is, doc.

Jd

Hey, they're getting serious.

Okay, doc, get ready.

Ready, flesh.

Fire!

Doc, you missed!

I know I missed. I'll get him.

Well, I never.

Jd

Up yours, Gordon.

Oh, wow, uhf, pain.

And now, you get...

Yours.

Get away.

My ass.

My ass.

Pain, humiliation. Hemorrhoids.

Jd

- Dale, are you all right?
- Oh, flesh.

Gordon.

Let's do it fast, flesh!

For this you'll pay.

No one burns my ass
and lives to get laid.

Oh, shit!

Jd

Jd

- Goodbye, jerkoff.
- Goodbye, prince.

And Dale.

- Goodbye flesh.
- Precious.

We'll miss you around here.

Don't worry, precious,
I'll be back,

and next time it'll
be a friendly visit.

With wang out of the way and
his terrible regime dispersed,

the universe is once again safe
for democracy and freedom,

and the right
of all due happiness,

each according
to his own personal

religious convictions.

Jd

Goodbye, flesh.

- Goodbye.
- Goodbye.

- Bye.
- Have a safe journey.

- It's been grand.
- Yes.

We'll see you. Goodbye.

Goodbye, precious.

Be sure and write us.

Take care precious.

- Okay, see ya.
- Be good.

- Bye now.
- So long.

Adios.

Jd

Jd

There she is, the earth.

Jd

Oh, flesh, there's no
place like home.

the designers, the modeling
agencies, the consumers.

Like, we're all, we all
have got to take a bit
of blame on our shoulders.

And we've all got to act to
make that change, you know.

So, there is a lot more
we can be doing in Cosmo.

Likewise, consumers need
to stand up and have a voice,

and have their say
and vote with their wallet.

Designers need to look
at, well, is it time to start
investing in bigger blocks

and cutting, you know,
larger sizes that fit women,
and sell more garments.

You know and-- if
everyone can just lift
and do that little bit extra.

I'm not-- I'm not sitting here
saying, -Oh, we're not the
bad guy. Don't blame us.-

Because there is-- like,
you know, as a mother,
I've got two daughters

and I don't want my
children growing up-

I don't want those girls growing
up with bad body image.

I don't want them looking
at magazines going, -I feel
terrible about my body.

I'm not skinny enough,
I'm not fit enough, I'm
not fashionable enough,

I'm not whatever enough.-

You know, so, we certainly
have a responsibility,

and I don't shrug that and think
-Oh, we're doing, what we're
doing, so don't blame us,

go and blame somebody
else.- You know,

I'm putting my hand up to take
some of that blame, but we're
trying to do something about it.

You know, and-- and it's, it's
walking that fine line between,
being business and making money,

but also having that ethical,
moral, social responsibility.

This revolution is carried
out by people, not
the fashion industry.

And since people are the
real protagonists of this
movement, of this phenomenon,

social media very useful
to, to achieve our goals
because they are the only,

the only means,
the only way to let

bigger and bigger number
of people know that
plus sized women count.

We have to keep encouraging
brands to include more
plus size models.

I mean, we're the public.

We're the ones
spending money on clothing.

We're the ones pushing
the industry, so we
need to push it forward.

We need to create the momentum
that'll bring in more diversity,
bring in more plus size models

of different shapes,
different heights that
we can all relate to.

I am absolutely amazed and
shocked this year
at how much traction

the movement has
gotten because it really
has been grassroots.

And in some ways now, I feel
like the media, mainstream media
is almost trying to latch itself

onto it and you know,
make it this cool thing.

And it's like, -Just so
you know, you didn't
make this happen.

You're late to the game,
we made this shit happen.-

We've created our
own celebrities.

It's because there is
nobody to look up to.

And then you have girls
like Gaby Fresh, and
the Curvy Fashionista,

and Nadia Aboulhosn and like all
these girls down in the States
that have just gone huge.

I love my fans. I do.

They are so sweet and,

you know, they post on
my Facebook wall with um,

you know, little stories
about their lives and
how I've inspired them.

And I find it like really
touching and it really inspires
me to keep doing what I'm doing.

I think that sometimes
I keep going in this
career as a plus model

because I know that
they're watching me.

I know that I inspire them.

I know that they want to be--
they think when they see me, -If
Liris can do it, I can do it.-

Yeah, I think this is very
important because growing up I
had no one that looked like me

to look up to, like no one.

So, I'm so glad when
I get messages from
young girls that say,

-Oh my god, you look like
me, so cool, like.- And I felt
like, this is like the best gift

of the work, is like,
inspiring younger girls and
tell them it's okay to be you.

And this is, yeah, the most
rewarding part of everything.

It's, it's this.

It's being a part of this
revolution, being a
part of the change.

Yeah, that's amazing.

I don't like hospitals.

It was, it wasn't fun being
here, but it was like I had,
nice nurses and everything.

It wasn't, it wasn't too
smooth a sail in there,
the first couple of days.

No, it was, yeah it was
eight and a half hours long.

Four surgeons total, and
five anesthesiologists,
bunch of nurses.

Yeah, the nurses were so nice.

I gave them one of my calendars
here for-- so tried to maybe
spread the story a little bit

to a couple of people,
but I didn't really
want to deal with any

Elly Mayday crap
this week, you know.

People that were helping me
weren't really helping me.

They didn't understand that
I didn't want as much media.

I don't want a bunch of media
coverage over my sickness.

I want to be healthy.

So, um, yeah, when I-- when
I do all this media coverage,
I wanted to be ready to go

and like looking decent
normal and stuff.

And so, it kind of took off a
little bit sooner than I wanted
it to and so that really sucks.

I'm not known for cancer and
that's my one thing, it's like.

I don't want to be
known for cancer.

I wanna be known
for being strong.

This wasn't a cancer
story, this is a-- this
is just part of my life.

This is a cancer bump.

You know, like what I've
said along this whole time.

So, I didn't write a journal,
like-- I feel like people who
are gonna die, write a journal.

I know that sounds really
silly, but in my mind, I always
thought, like if I write out

how this all went then
there's, there's a reason
for it to end, you know.

If I don't, if I have
kept this story then
He has to let me tell it.

It's too good.

So, that's kind of
what I held on to.

Yeah.

And we saw a big shift
in the market with a
lot of body positivity

A lot of, like,
anti-airbrushing and a lot
of wanting to see real people.

So, we've collaborated
or we've purchased a
lot of designer clothes.

So, names like William Rast,
DKNY, Levi's, Parasuco.

So, these are all lines
that weren't previously
offered to plus.

We're just so happy to, to
be a part of the changeover

especially for curvier sized
women that that's no
longer the mentality.

That we're no longer women
crying in the dressing rooms

or wearing giant T-shirts
to the beach.

Everything that we can do to
make sure that every woman,

you know, looks and
feels beautiful when
they're in a swimsuit.

And if you look at the
size of the population,

50% of women in Europe
are what, what would
be considered plus size.

Europe represents a 10
billion Euro opportunity.

Once people recognize just how
big an opportunity that this is,
they're going to go after it.

You know the market
is opening up slowly
and continuously.

I think some of the higher
end media are using plus size
models from time to time,

you know, in the high-end
fashion publications.

I think through social media
women, bigger women especially

have become a much stronger
voice about what they want and
how they want to be portrayed.

It's a cycle of the public
and bloggers kind of
feeding that information

back into companies
and companies delivering.

Forever 21 is doing something
incredible because they're
being really inclusionary.

Especially if you go to their
Times Square store, they have
a huge plus size section.

I think the store's something
like three or four stories.

It's a lot of clothes in there.

Larger brand stores like
Big W, K-Mart, Target

are rebranding their
sectors, changing them.

It's really kind of exciting.

We're in a really good
transition period right now
which is really positive.

Bigger women haven't
had an opportunity to get used
to investing in themselves,

in spending money, they've
only ever had cheaper choices.

So, it takes a while for
everyone to sort of get used to
the idea that you're worth it,

you can spend the
money on yourself.

I think we're changing the
path now with plus size
models, labels, media

that it is something
to be excited about.

It's not that sort of
shadowy word that no
one mentions anymore.

It's plus size, be proud of it.

Yeah, um.

I'm excited and nervous.

I'm so-- I'm nervous.

-Good morning.
I cannot believe we're finally
going to get to meet you.

When you find
out a date or even a
timeframe let us know,

we will definitely make
ourselves available.

I can't tell you how happy
it makes me to hear
you're getting your life back.

Please stay in New
York City a little longer.

We need as much time with
you as we can possibly get.

So much is happening and
it's exciting knowing you
will be will be a part of it.-

So that's just like right there
it's like, "Uh, yeah!- Yeah.

So, I'm pretty stoked
to go and meet them.

So, when I started modeling,
I weighed about 187 pounds.

Today I weigh 134.

I started gaining weight in
about grade seven, grade eight,
about the time when it matters

what you look like and
I've always been bigger.

The most I've ever
weighed was 197.

I posted a photo last week
of-- and I was pretty hesitant
on doing the selfies again.

And I see exactly why I
was-- I was holding back
because the reaction was

a lot of women said to me like,
I can no longer follow you.

You're, you're not aware
of the curves and
all this kind of stuff.

It's hard to be an advocate of
something when you're not it,

when you're not
representing it, at the time.

So, I think girls don't think
I really know what it's like
to be bigger, you know.

I don't feel like I can give
advice to girls that are
bigger as much now,

unless I have my photos with me,
or you can say like, you know,
no I just lost a lot of weight.

Yeah, it's a weird mix
of emotions for me
regarding my weight loss.

I still want to be a lingerie
model even though I have a
ginormous scar on my stomach.

It's part of me

and I'm only gonna work
with people that are willing
to work with people like me.

People that are embracing
exactly who they are.

I want to be a model for
positivity and a model
that people can look up to

whether you're going through
cancer, whether you're
going through bulimia.

Whatever you're going through,
whatever your trials and
tribulations of your life,

you need someone to look up to.

It's weird to be
able to see future.

I was like, so focused
on this life-threatening
disease for this past year,

it's really weird to be
out of the storm now.

You know and to have doctors
be like, -Well, we took all
the cancer out of you.-

So, it goes from thinking
you're losing your life into
now what are you gonna do?

It'll be fun to go off to New
York and make it big, hopefully,

and be on the covers of
some major magazines and
share my story with women.

Over
the past few years,

I have been doing public
talks on body positivity
and self-empowerment.

I definitely think
my public talks are a
little bit of an extension

of the work I've
done in the past.

Like I've been an advice
columnist for magazines.

I've offered a lot of online,
kind of mentoring and advice
to not just aspiring models

but also anyone in general.

I've always been a very
open book with people.

So, for me to be able
to go into my community

and have these
public talks, it's just
a way to connect.

I'm not ashamed
of my battle and if you
find yourself struggling

remember that the
road is hardly ever...

I think we underestimate
the value and the importance
of sharing our story,

and I'm always happy to
share my story with people.

So, here she
is, Kerosene Deluxe!

Thanks so much,
everyone, for coming.

It's really awesome
for everyone to be here.

I've been doing modeling
for about 15 years now and

it's progressed a lot
from just kind of being
like a rebellious act.

Sometimes it just takes that one
thing that someone needs to hear
that might ignite that spark

or get that ball rolling
for them to be like,
-Hey, you know what?

I am allowed to love myself
and I am worthy of love.-

I'm personally not ashamed
at all of my battle
and if any of you here

find yourself struggling
just remember that
your road to recovery is,

it's hardly ever linear, it's
very often super bumpy and
it's definitely okay to stumble.

And it's, it's okay to
not be okay sometimes.

I think by uniting in an
event like this and seeing
the people around you

and how different they are it,
kind of, makes you realize that,

"Hey, I'm not alone
with this issue.

The person next to me who
I might consider to look
perfect because they're,

you know, tall and slender
or they have a nice ass

or whatever like they could
still have issues as well."

And I think it's important
to understand that we
all have those little things

about ourselves that we wish
were different and that's okay.

People's insecurities
create billion-dollar industries

and there's no price on
your self-worth and it can't
be measured on a scale.

You are then, now, and
you're always enough.

So, that is all I really had
to share with you guys.

Aww, thanks.

I love being able to talk
to people after my talks

and what they-- what they
what they got from it.

It's very touching to hear
other people's stories as well

because it's not really
just about my story,

it's as much as about
their story as well.

[Laura] Yeah, so this
is my first cover and
I'm super excited.

It's a regular fashion magazine.

I think that's even more
important in fact that
they're putting a plus size girl

on the cover and for
the editorial because
they are wanting

to celebrate diversity
and show that, you know,
the plus size models

give it just as good as
the regular size models do.

I'm a size 14, so that is
classified as plus size,

in the modeling industry
anyway, not in reality, yeah?

See you. Thanks, bye.

We're doing an editorial as
well as the cover today
at this amazing house.

You know, it means a lot and it
means that people are actually
seeing my photos and who I am

and what plus size modeling
means to larger society.

Women and men want to
see women of all different-

and men of all
different sizes in the
media and in magazines.

So, it's-- it's great. It's
super positive to be here.

This month is pretty
amazing for me because
I'm in four magazines in

one news agency all
around Australia, which
is pretty incredible and

ne of my favorite ones is Slink
agazine from the UK that's
newly come to Australia

and I'm on the front cover
of it and on an editorial
in the inside as well.

So, it's pretty cool that
you know, I can come
into one news agency

and see myself
in four magazines.

Women's Weekly did a body
issue this month, and myself
and four other plus size models

were able to do
an editorial piece and
talking about our bodies.

And what we love
about our bodies.

How we feel confident or
what made us feel unconfident
especially when we were younger.

I was lucky enough to get
a piece in the front of
Women's Weekly Health,

an article about myself being
a role model for people

with body confidence issues
and being a positive
body advocator.

And finally, this month, I'm
also in Cosmopolitan Australia.

It's an eight-page editorial
on denim and they don't tell
anyone it's a plus size model.

They don't say,
-This is Laura Wells.
She's a plus size model.-

They just say
-model Laura Wells.-

We shouldn't have to put
labels on plus size models.

We should just be able
to call them models because
that's what we are.

Getting a cover and an
editorial for an overseas
magazine is really a big thing

in the plus industry because
as plus sized women we-

and plus size models,
we don't get it that often.

So, it was a huge opportunity
and I feel really privileged

to have been chosen
to be here today.

I think we're doing-- I
think we're doing really
wonderful right now.

I think that we're progressing
at a really, really rapid pace.

I couldn't have predicted
that we'd be here now,

so I couldn't imagine
what's gonna be in five years.

I know I'm not a fortune teller.

But I would tell you that
I can just picture us in
billboards in Times Square

and in every runway show
and mixed with, you know,
the straight size brands.

I think we have no idea what
we're gonna go to, but I think
it's gonna be beautiful

no matter where we end up
cause we're already so far.

Oh god.

It's gonna be fun.

I can't wait to see it.

Hi.

New York, New York

I'm excited,
nervous, pretty tired.

But it should be good.
It was a full flight so.

When I was younger,
smaller trips and stuff.

I've been down to the States,
but uh, nothing like New York.

Been to Las Vegas.

And yeah, just like short
little ones, but yeah, this will
definitely be the longest time

I've ever spent in the States.

Hopefully, it'll not
be the only time.

-Thank you very much.
Nice to, nice to meet you.
-Have a good one.

Thank you very much.

I'm here, I made it.

Ugh, nice to be finally here.

Well, it'll be interesting to
see what tomorrow brings.

Of course, my skin gets
really bad the day before
I meet an agency.

It's my first night in New York.

I'm ready for bed
cause I'm quite tired.

But yeah, get a good sleep in
and be fresh-faced for tomorrow.

Ugh, I'm really annoyed that
my skin's terrible right now,

but there's nothing
I can do about that.

Hopefully, it'll just go away.

The lighting's, like, really
terrible, um, maybe
I can do it out here.

I think just like meeting
them will be good, to
start everything out.

I signed a contract with
these people for three years,
for the next three years.

So, hopefully they like
what they picked.

Just gonna be myself

and hopefully
that's good enough.

Now, I know they're gonna
make me take my wig
off, obviously, but

I think they'd like it
a lot better short so.

I'm just gonna wear it there.

-Hello! Hi, how are you?
-Hi, nice to meet you.

-I'm Gary, so nice to meet you.
So welcome, this is JAG.
-Nice.

Still in the works, we've
been in two weeks and
yeah, it's going really well.

-Good.
-Really, really well.

What size are you
wearing currently?

I think I'm a ten right now.

-Yeah. Ten to twelve.
-ln our market you're
going to be a little bit bigger.

So, like a 42 to 44
is going to be a 12-14.

-I think that's probably
where the hip is.
-Yeah.

-So, you're pretty
much a perfect 14.
-Okay.

-Hah, I see what you did there.

Can't believe
you're finally here.

I know, it feels like I just
talked about it forever.

I know. I know, right?

So, I'll probably stand out
on your board here with all the
girls that have such long hair.

-Yes.
-Like if I do go
short, you know.

Should I get my hair cut
before tomorrow or not?

Let me see again?

Like, it's pretty messy.

-I don't think she should
cut it. I like it messy.
-Like it messy?

Do you think you'll be able
to line up jobs at all this
next two weeks or not?

It depends on you.

-Yeah.
-Depends on how
you do in the testing.

It depends on how you do when
we send you out on castings.

Um, because you're
so new to this market,
it could go either way.

-And you had never
been here before?
-No, no.

-So, what do you want to
see while you're here?
-Uh, everything.

Everything?

I'm in the fashion capital of
the world, so I kind of need to
reinvent myself at this point.

I'm excited for what's
to come next.

I don't really know,
but I guess that's the
adventure of life isn't it?

All the paperwork's done
by JAG. So, it's great.

I just kind of show up,
do the shoot and tra-la-la.

So, it's, that's part of it I
guess, it's like an everyday job
whereas, I've taken it from

it being just my, my
creativity and my fun
thing to do on the side,

it's turned into what could
potentially be a full-time
position as a model.

Just working and just feeling
like I'm moving forward in life

is really what I
was excited for, so.

I'm happy to be here, finally.

Well, I'm scared of remaining
sick and not becoming
cancer-free basically.

I don't if that's gonna
hold me back, or if my
scar's gonna hold me back,

but I'm gonna do it anyways.

Yeah, I guess that's like
the scariest thing is people
rejecting me because of

the scar I have on my body.

It's still not really, I'm
still not really realizing it
that I'm a signed model.

It doesn't feel real yet.

Maybe when I start traveling
full-time and all that.

This is one of the most
important moments in my life,

coming to New York and
experiencing the big city.

It's really crazy to
be here in New York.

I think life is always teaching
us new lessons of appreciation
and what we are meant to do

on this planet to appreciate
just what you've been through

and to know that
you can go anywhere.

Superstar.

This morning women's clothing
company, Lane Bryant is
chiming in on the conversation

about beauty and body image
with a new marketing campaign.

Lane Bryant introducing a
new body loving campaign
called I'm No Angel.

imnoangel.

-an] I'm No Angel.
-I'm No Angel.

I'm No Angel.

It features
plus sized models and
says the campaign

is designed to teach women to
love every part of themselves.

reporter]The models who appear
n this new commercial believe
it more closely reflects

the average American
woman who is a size 14.

It was like I wanted to
scream it from a mountaintop,

but I couldn't because I
couldn't tell anyone, right?

Like to keep everything
under wrap for so long

and to be a part of the
-I'm No Angel- campaign
was pretty surreal.

It was just like a smile on
the inside permanently for a
couple of months. [chuckles]

They had a full double-decker
bus with our photos on the side.

The video was playing
on the other side.
It was wrapped in us.

I modeled with Victoria Lee,
Marquita Pring, Candice Huffine,

Ashley Graham
and Justine Legault.

So, it was cool meeting
them because I'd seen
them in magazines

and seen them before, so.

I had no idea who I was gonna
be modeling with and then all
of a sudden after having seen

so many photos of them and just
being like I'm sitting next to
you in a photo is, it's a trip.

It was crazy to, to be there,
to be next to them and actually
be considered an equal

because these women are-

Poof, poof!

And here's me, trying to
climb the ladder, but I'll
get there, it's just, I'm new.

My agents at JAG were, um,
I shouldn't say shocked because
I think they believe in me,

but they were surprised,
delightfully surprised
that you know,

I'd get in, I'd get on the
roster and only be two months
in and then book that like that.

To see how in a year, you
know, to think that I'm gonna
die and then all of a sudden,

I'm all better and I'm
doing something that people
would dream of doing

forever, I couldn't
even imagine.

You want to meet
my girls? One word.

Sexy.

I think it's in my eyes.

It's something
that looks like this.

Beautiful.

I'm no angel.

-I'm no angel.
-I'm no angel.

Here I am, on a commercial,
going across the
States on buses,

on trains, on subways,
on billboards.

It's nuts, like, I had my
fans send in photos from
whenever they would see me.

They'd see me on TV, they'd
see me on commercials,
Hulu, all over the Internet.

It was on TMZ.

It was on Entertainment Tonight.

It was all over.

Yeah, it went-- it went viral.

It was pretty trippy. I'd had
people like, -I saw you on this.

I saw you on this.- You know,
and it was great having my
fans like so excited for me

because they'd seen
what I'd went through
to get to that point.

Seeing myself in Times
Square? It was-- I don't
know how to explain it really.

It was unbelievable.

I'm really proud of myself and
like that I actually was able to
make it through everything and,

and get to that point where
I can say like, there I am,

in front of, you know, thousands
and thousands of people.

Yeah, it was, pretty shocking.

[man[ There's Elly,
there you go.

Go Elly.

There it is! It's my ad! New
York City! Times Square.

Pretty awesome.

Recognize me! Recognize me!

I had always thought, you
know, that'd be amazing,
but I always had doubts.

I mean, how many people
can say, like, coming
from a town of 50 people

and working my way up to
like, actually living in New
York and working as a model

it doesn't happen
every day and I think
this is my opportunity

to make that kind
of dream come true.