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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:20,110 --> 00:00:40,110 Synced BY: RDX 2 00:00:41,111 --> 00:00:44,374 Here in Malaysia, there is an almost overwhelming sense of euphoria... 3 00:00:44,440 --> 00:00:48,238 as the newly-elected prime minister has given this nation hope... 4 00:00:48,314 --> 00:00:51,217 promising to raise the substandard minimum wage... 5 00:00:51,291 --> 00:00:53,593 and end child labor once and for all. 6 00:00:53,659 --> 00:00:55,121 Already considered a living saint... 7 00:00:55,195 --> 00:00:58,043 he has become this small country's greatest hope... 8 00:00:58,109 --> 00:00:59,812 for a thriving future in the new millennium. 9 00:00:59,812 --> 00:01:00,259 for a thriving future in the new millennium. 10 00:01:02,404 --> 00:01:04,292 Get closer, Jaco. 11 00:01:05,093 --> 00:01:08,160 This is disgusting. How could you let this happen? 12 00:01:08,711 --> 00:01:12,007 I have negotiated my butt off, Giorgio. 13 00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:15,586 I've tried bribes, I've tried gifts. I even sent him some pet oxen. 14 00:01:15,657 --> 00:01:18,113 I mean, they love that crap in Malaysia. 15 00:01:18,186 --> 00:01:20,096 But he won't budge. 16 00:01:20,170 --> 00:01:22,888 Listen, 50 percent of my inventory is manufactured... 17 00:01:22,955 --> 00:01:24,778 in sweatshops on the Malaysian border. 18 00:01:24,843 --> 00:01:26,699 Something has got to be done. 19 00:01:26,764 --> 00:01:29,220 If Malaysia goes, what is next? 20 00:01:29,293 --> 00:01:32,163 My entire panty line is made in Vietnam. 21 00:01:32,238 --> 00:01:33,667 We'll all go bankrupt within a year. 22 00:01:33,742 --> 00:01:37,835 The Malaysian must be eliminated, Mugatu. 23 00:01:37,904 --> 00:01:41,287 What? No, I don't have time for this. 24 00:01:41,361 --> 00:01:45,105 Perhaps you'd rather go back to turning out novelty neckties. 25 00:01:45,170 --> 00:01:47,592 But my new fall line is almost due. 26 00:01:47,667 --> 00:01:50,799 And I trust you would like to live to see your spring line as well? 27 00:01:51,924 --> 00:01:56,050 The Malaysian prime minister visits New York in 14 days. 28 00:01:56,118 --> 00:01:57,100 Do it then. 29 00:01:57,174 --> 00:02:00,524 Fourteen days? That's Fashion Week. It's impossible! I have a show! 30 00:02:00,599 --> 00:02:03,469 It's perfect. Invite him to be your guest of honor. 31 00:02:03,544 --> 00:02:06,709 That's not enough time. It takes months to train an operative. 32 00:02:06,777 --> 00:02:08,632 What about Fabio? 33 00:02:09,818 --> 00:02:12,186 Too smart. This is a rush job. 34 00:02:12,250 --> 00:02:14,738 He's got to be extremely dim-witted. 35 00:02:14,811 --> 00:02:18,457 - You know the profile, Jacobim. - A beautiful, self-absorbed... 36 00:02:18,524 --> 00:02:22,005 simpleton who can be manipulated and molded like Jell-O. 37 00:02:22,077 --> 00:02:23,834 Or cookie dough. 38 00:02:23,902 --> 00:02:26,008 - Or Play-Doh. - Any kind of dough. 39 00:02:26,079 --> 00:02:28,982 The point is, we need an empty vessel-- 40 00:02:29,056 --> 00:02:32,832 a shallow, dumb, vacuous moron. 41 00:02:32,897 --> 00:02:35,450 And when he's finished, we'll dispose of him. 42 00:02:35,521 --> 00:02:36,896 But who? 43 00:02:36,961 --> 00:02:39,166 I mean, where in all of God's green goodness... 44 00:02:39,234 --> 00:02:42,474 am I gonna find someone that beef-headed? 45 00:02:44,618 --> 00:02:47,750 Derek, I just have a few more questions, if that's okay. 46 00:02:47,819 --> 00:02:48,899 Cool. 47 00:02:48,971 --> 00:02:51,361 So when did you know you wanted to be a model? 48 00:02:51,436 --> 00:02:55,114 It would have to be the first time I went through the second grade. 49 00:02:55,181 --> 00:02:58,565 I caught my reflection in a spoon while I was eating my cereal... 50 00:02:58,639 --> 00:03:01,323 and I remember thinking, "Wow, you're ridiculously good-looking. 51 00:03:01,391 --> 00:03:03,366 Maybe you could do that for a career." 52 00:03:03,440 --> 00:03:04,618 Do what? 53 00:03:04,688 --> 00:03:07,689 - Be professionally good-looking. - Right. 54 00:03:07,761 --> 00:03:10,129 What would you say your trademark is, if you have one? 55 00:03:10,194 --> 00:03:13,391 Well, I guess the look I'm best known for is Blue Steel. 56 00:03:13,459 --> 00:03:14,867 What's that look like? 57 00:03:18,516 --> 00:03:19,410 That's impressive. 58 00:03:20,757 --> 00:03:23,311 And then there's Ferrari and Le Tigre. 59 00:03:23,382 --> 00:03:26,252 Le Tigre's a lot softer. It's a bit more of a catalog look. 60 00:03:26,327 --> 00:03:29,197 - I use it for footwear sometimes. - Can I see that? 61 00:03:40,251 --> 00:03:44,311 Look, without Derek Zoolander, male modeling wouldn't be what it is. 62 00:03:44,381 --> 00:03:45,908 He is a fashion icon. 63 00:03:45,981 --> 00:03:48,185 So, do you spend a lot of time working on these looks... 64 00:03:48,254 --> 00:03:49,628 thinking about them? 65 00:03:49,695 --> 00:03:53,820 Sure. I've been working on Magnum for at least eight or nine years. 66 00:03:53,888 --> 00:03:56,791 Magnum? That's intriguing. Can I see that? 67 00:03:56,865 --> 00:04:00,182 Are you kidding? I shouldn't even be talking about it. 68 00:04:00,258 --> 00:04:01,720 It's nowhere near ready. 69 00:04:02,722 --> 00:04:05,440 It's almost like there's a light around him. 70 00:04:05,507 --> 00:04:06,555 He exudes beauty. 71 00:04:06,628 --> 00:04:08,603 I think about Derek every time I design a collection. 72 00:04:08,676 --> 00:04:12,605 You may be familiar with the belief that some aboriginal tribes hold. 73 00:04:12,677 --> 00:04:16,639 It's the concept that a photo might steal a part of your soul. 74 00:04:16,710 --> 00:04:17,823 What are your thoughts on that... 75 00:04:17,895 --> 00:04:20,285 as someone who gets his picture taken for a living? 76 00:04:20,360 --> 00:04:24,136 That Blue Steel look he does-- Oh, my Gosh, the style and the hair. 77 00:04:25,385 --> 00:04:28,964 It's almost like the new afro for the white man, but it's beautiful. 78 00:04:29,034 --> 00:04:32,483 Well, I guess I would have to answer your question with another question. 79 00:04:33,227 --> 00:04:35,846 How many "abo-digitals" do you see modeling? 80 00:04:37,197 --> 00:04:39,849 Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the fashion industry's biggest night-- 81 00:04:39,918 --> 00:04:41,063 the VH1 Fashion Awards. 82 00:04:41,063 --> 00:04:42,111 the VH1 Fashion Awards. 83 00:04:45,800 --> 00:04:48,289 There he is, three-time Male Model of the Year... 84 00:04:48,361 --> 00:04:49,736 Derek Zoolander. 85 00:04:49,802 --> 00:04:51,046 He's like music. 86 00:04:51,114 --> 00:04:54,693 Proud owner of Blue Steel, the look that made him the legend he now is. 87 00:04:54,763 --> 00:04:56,673 He's almost too good-looking. 88 00:04:56,747 --> 00:04:57,893 Hey, Paco! 89 00:04:57,964 --> 00:05:03,432 That would be my main deterrent in considering a relationship. 90 00:05:12,433 --> 00:05:15,401 And that's who Derek Zoolander is defending his title against tonight. 91 00:05:16,530 --> 00:05:17,959 Hansel. 92 00:05:18,034 --> 00:05:20,555 - Hansel, right here! - All right, all right. 93 00:05:20,627 --> 00:05:22,930 The rookie sensation who has burned his way... 94 00:05:22,996 --> 00:05:25,036 into the eye sockets of the fashion world... 95 00:05:25,108 --> 00:05:27,248 and left them clawing their faces for more. 96 00:05:27,957 --> 00:05:30,806 Mugatu sucks! Support the prime minister! 97 00:05:30,870 --> 00:05:33,904 Mugatu uses slave labor! 98 00:05:35,288 --> 00:05:37,361 Down with Mugatu! 99 00:05:37,432 --> 00:05:40,400 You hate to see something like that at an event like this. 100 00:05:40,473 --> 00:05:43,289 Ugly protesters bothering beautiful people. 101 00:05:43,354 --> 00:05:46,933 There's no denying Jacobim Mugatu has used cheap Malaysian workers... 102 00:05:47,003 --> 00:05:49,819 to make his and most of the garment industry's clothes. 103 00:05:52,061 --> 00:05:53,370 Hey, Steve, how are you doing? 104 00:05:53,437 --> 00:05:56,504 You're going for your fourth Male Model of the Year award. 105 00:05:56,574 --> 00:06:00,089 - Are you nervous? - I have butterflies in my basket... 106 00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:01,534 but I think I'm doing okay. 107 00:06:01,599 --> 00:06:04,383 We also hear you're working on a new look. Can you tell us about it? 108 00:06:04,449 --> 00:06:07,232 Actually, I can't, Steve, because it's not yet perfected. 109 00:06:07,297 --> 00:06:09,185 But I can tell you that it's called Magnum and-- 110 00:06:09,250 --> 00:06:10,745 Shut, baby, shut! 111 00:06:10,819 --> 00:06:12,859 If I tell you anything else, this guy's gonna kill me. 112 00:06:12,931 --> 00:06:14,787 Got that right. How are you doing, Steven? 113 00:06:14,852 --> 00:06:17,722 - Maury Ballstein, Balls Models. - A man who needs no introduction. 114 00:06:17,797 --> 00:06:21,093 Maury, you've handle every important male model for the last 30 years. 115 00:06:21,157 --> 00:06:23,198 - Derek's chances tonight? - Let me tell you something. 116 00:06:23,270 --> 00:06:26,020 Nobody can touch Derek. Nobody! I gotta get inside. 117 00:06:26,087 --> 00:06:29,285 I'm "shvitzing" like a "shmedrik" with all these lights. 118 00:06:38,891 --> 00:06:40,266 Are you worried about Hansel? 119 00:06:41,420 --> 00:06:43,722 Not as much as I'm worried about Gretel. 120 00:06:43,788 --> 00:06:46,756 Hey, put that Hansel and Gretel line in your article. 121 00:06:46,829 --> 00:06:48,488 I want people to know how funny I can be. 122 00:06:48,558 --> 00:06:51,079 Oh, believe me, they'll know. It hits newsstands tomorrow. 123 00:06:51,151 --> 00:06:54,152 Excuse me, Mr.Mugatu. Mr.Mugatu, Matilda Jeffries. 124 00:06:54,224 --> 00:06:55,402 Time magazine. 125 00:06:55,472 --> 00:06:57,677 Any comment on Prime Minister Hassan's wage increases... 126 00:06:57,745 --> 00:06:59,949 - for Malaysian garment workers? - No, he has no comment. 127 00:07:00,017 --> 00:07:02,920 Let him speak for himself. Would you like to see the prime minister... 128 00:07:02,994 --> 00:07:05,930 out of power so you can continue exploiting cheap Malaysian workers? 129 00:07:06,004 --> 00:07:09,616 Hey, Mugatu! Screw you and your little dog too! 130 00:07:09,685 --> 00:07:11,824 Look out! She's got an egg! 131 00:07:11,893 --> 00:07:13,933 Oh, my God! Let go of me! 132 00:07:14,006 --> 00:07:15,381 Yes! 133 00:07:18,163 --> 00:07:19,593 Wow. 134 00:07:19,667 --> 00:07:22,286 I just can't tell you how much this means to me... 135 00:07:22,356 --> 00:07:24,975 to be the first recipient of this beautiful award. 136 00:07:25,045 --> 00:07:27,697 We have a serious problem on our hands, Maury. 137 00:07:27,766 --> 00:07:30,188 This Malaysian thing is getting out of hand. 138 00:07:30,263 --> 00:07:31,573 I hear you, Jaco. 139 00:07:31,639 --> 00:07:34,389 What this, the Slashie, mean... 140 00:07:34,457 --> 00:07:38,516 is you consider me the best actor slash model... 141 00:07:38,586 --> 00:07:40,244 and not the other way around. 142 00:07:42,010 --> 00:07:44,695 His proposed wage increase could ruin all of us. 143 00:07:44,764 --> 00:07:47,448 I need it taken care of soon. I have people to answer to. 144 00:07:49,341 --> 00:07:50,748 Now to the important stuff. 145 00:07:50,813 --> 00:07:53,203 These ain't no slashes, folks. 146 00:07:53,278 --> 00:07:54,871 These are the pure breeds. 147 00:07:54,942 --> 00:07:58,042 Here are the nominees for Male Model of the Year. 148 00:07:59,135 --> 00:08:01,307 Young, hot, brash. 149 00:08:01,376 --> 00:08:05,022 With more covers in his first year than any rookie model ever... 150 00:08:05,090 --> 00:08:08,506 and an attitude that says, "Who cares? It's only fashion." 151 00:08:08,579 --> 00:08:11,068 That Hansel's so hot right now. 152 00:08:11,908 --> 00:08:15,008 I hear a lot of words like "beauty" and "handsomeness"... 153 00:08:15,077 --> 00:08:16,638 and "incredibly chiseled features." 154 00:08:16,710 --> 00:08:19,493 To me, that's like a vanity, a self-absorption... 155 00:08:19,558 --> 00:08:21,664 that I try to steer clear of. 156 00:08:21,735 --> 00:08:24,670 I dig the bungee. For me, it's just the way I live my life. 157 00:08:24,744 --> 00:08:27,200 I grip it and I rip it. I live it with a lot of flair. 158 00:08:27,273 --> 00:08:29,991 I live it on the edge, where I gotta be. 159 00:08:30,058 --> 00:08:34,216 I wasn't like every other kid, who dreams about being an astronaut. 160 00:08:34,283 --> 00:08:38,888 I was always more interested in what bark was made out of on a tree. 161 00:08:40,205 --> 00:08:42,572 Richard Gere's a real hero of mine. Sting. 162 00:08:42,638 --> 00:08:44,842 Sting would be another person who's a hero. 163 00:08:44,910 --> 00:08:47,529 The music that he's created-- I don't really listen to it. 164 00:08:47,599 --> 00:08:49,869 But the fact that he's making it, I respect that. 165 00:08:51,184 --> 00:08:52,679 I care desperately about what I do. 166 00:08:52,753 --> 00:08:54,477 Do I know what product l�m selling? No. 167 00:08:54,545 --> 00:08:56,553 Do I know what l�m doing today? No. 168 00:08:56,626 --> 00:08:59,179 But l�m here, and l�m gonna give it my best shot. 169 00:09:06,901 --> 00:09:08,756 Over the past decade... 170 00:09:08,822 --> 00:09:12,172 male modeling has had a shadow cast over it by one man... 171 00:09:12,247 --> 00:09:14,134 and five syllables-- 172 00:09:14,199 --> 00:09:16,436 Der-ek Zoo-lan-der. 173 00:09:17,816 --> 00:09:20,534 Modeling, to me, isn't just about being good-looking... 174 00:09:20,601 --> 00:09:24,050 or having a lot of fun and being really, really good-looking. 175 00:09:29,788 --> 00:09:31,250 The calender was great... 176 00:09:31,324 --> 00:09:33,975 because it gave people a chance to see a side of my versatility. 177 00:09:34,046 --> 00:09:38,008 The original Greek word for model means "misshapen ball of clay." 178 00:09:38,079 --> 00:09:40,567 and I try to think about that every time I get in front of a camera. 179 00:09:40,639 --> 00:09:43,225 Three-time Male Model of the Year. 180 00:09:53,187 --> 00:09:55,871 And the award goes to... 181 00:09:59,909 --> 00:10:01,186 Hansel. 182 00:10:16,810 --> 00:10:18,436 Thank you, Lenny. 183 00:10:20,171 --> 00:10:21,219 Wow! 184 00:10:23,212 --> 00:10:26,181 You know, a lot of people said winning this award... 185 00:10:26,254 --> 00:10:28,109 four years in a row couldn't happen. 186 00:10:29,294 --> 00:10:30,788 Well, I guess I showed-- 187 00:10:46,227 --> 00:10:49,643 I think we've found our solution, Ballstein. 188 00:10:49,716 --> 00:10:51,822 No, not Derek. 189 00:10:51,893 --> 00:10:54,381 He's perfect, and you know it. Now make it happen. 190 00:10:56,342 --> 00:10:59,190 I stings me like a fissure in my ass, but you're right. 191 00:10:59,256 --> 00:11:00,630 He's ready. 192 00:11:20,857 --> 00:11:22,451 Who am I? 193 00:11:23,226 --> 00:11:24,241 I don't know. 194 00:11:25,531 --> 00:11:28,565 I guess I have a lot of things to ponder. 195 00:11:29,435 --> 00:11:31,640 Hey, the results are in, amigo! 196 00:11:31,708 --> 00:11:33,618 What's left to ponder? 197 00:11:36,638 --> 00:11:38,362 Nice comeback! 198 00:12:49,277 --> 00:12:50,739 I can't stand Hansel! 199 00:12:50,814 --> 00:12:54,393 I know, right? Riding in on that scooter like he's so cool. 200 00:12:54,462 --> 00:12:57,595 - And the way Hansel combs his hair. - Or, like, doesn't. 201 00:12:57,664 --> 00:13:01,855 It's like, "ex-squeeze" me, but have you ever heard of styling gel? 202 00:13:01,921 --> 00:13:04,988 I'm sure Hansel's heard of styling gel. He's a male model. 203 00:13:05,058 --> 00:13:06,881 Earth to Brint. I was making a joke. 204 00:13:06,946 --> 00:13:10,330 Earth to Meekus. Duh, okay? I knew that. 205 00:13:10,404 --> 00:13:12,444 Earth to Brint. I'm not so sure you did... 206 00:13:12,516 --> 00:13:15,267 'cause you were all, "I'm sure he's heard of styling gel"... 207 00:13:15,333 --> 00:13:17,308 like you didn't know it was a joke. 208 00:13:18,822 --> 00:13:20,961 I knew it was a joke, Meekus. I just didn't get it right away. 209 00:13:21,031 --> 00:13:23,618 - Earth to Brint-- - Would you guys stop it already! 210 00:13:24,648 --> 00:13:26,853 Did you ever think that maybe there's more to life... 211 00:13:26,921 --> 00:13:31,494 than being really, really, ridiculously good-looking? 212 00:13:33,771 --> 00:13:37,253 Maybe we should be doing something more meaningful with our lives. 213 00:13:38,284 --> 00:13:39,910 Like helping people. 214 00:13:40,813 --> 00:13:42,788 Uh, Derek, what people? 215 00:13:43,887 --> 00:13:47,401 I don't know. People who need help. 216 00:13:47,472 --> 00:13:50,888 Models help people. They make them feel good about themselves. 217 00:13:50,961 --> 00:13:52,816 They also show them how to dress cool... 218 00:13:52,881 --> 00:13:54,922 and wear their hair in interesting ways. 219 00:13:54,994 --> 00:13:56,849 I guess so. 220 00:13:56,914 --> 00:13:59,915 You know what could really help you sort through these important issues? 221 00:13:59,987 --> 00:14:01,548 What? 222 00:14:01,620 --> 00:14:04,555 Orange mocha frappuccino! 223 00:14:06,101 --> 00:14:07,596 Yeah! 224 00:14:07,669 --> 00:14:10,354 Come on, man! Come on! 225 00:15:16,586 --> 00:15:19,784 "Derek Zoolander: a model, idiot." 226 00:15:38,033 --> 00:15:39,343 - Brint! - Huh? 227 00:15:52,885 --> 00:15:57,141 Rufus, Brint and Meekus were like brothers to me. 228 00:15:57,207 --> 00:16:00,819 And when I say brother, I don't mean like an actual brother... 229 00:16:00,887 --> 00:16:03,059 but I mean it like the way black people use it... 230 00:16:04,633 --> 00:16:06,543 which is more meaningful, I think. 231 00:16:06,617 --> 00:16:09,934 If there's anything that this horrible tragedy can teach us... 232 00:16:10,010 --> 00:16:14,037 it's that a male model's life is a precious, precious commodity. 233 00:16:14,107 --> 00:16:17,654 Just because we have chiseled abs... 234 00:16:17,725 --> 00:16:19,798 and stunning features... 235 00:16:19,869 --> 00:16:24,409 it doesn't mean that we can't die in a freak gasoline fight accident. 236 00:16:25,791 --> 00:16:29,174 So today, ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to take this opportunity... 237 00:16:29,248 --> 00:16:32,249 to announce my retire-- 238 00:16:39,555 --> 00:16:42,458 Hansel. He's so hot right now. 239 00:16:43,557 --> 00:16:45,248 I would like to take this oppor-- 240 00:16:46,661 --> 00:16:48,385 People! 241 00:16:49,254 --> 00:16:52,223 I'd like to announce my retirement from the male modeling profession. 242 00:16:53,800 --> 00:16:54,913 What? 243 00:16:56,137 --> 00:17:00,294 I'm pretty sure there's a lot more to life than being good-looking. 244 00:17:00,362 --> 00:17:02,784 And I plan on finding out what that is. Thank you. 245 00:17:02,859 --> 00:17:05,063 Mr.Mugatu! Mr.Mugatu! 246 00:17:05,131 --> 00:17:07,271 If I could just have a moment of your time, please, sir. 247 00:17:07,340 --> 00:17:09,762 Just one minute of your time, please, sir! 248 00:17:13,934 --> 00:17:16,805 - What do you want? - I'm trying to talk to Mugatu... 249 00:17:16,878 --> 00:17:18,919 but he's tougher to get to than the president. 250 00:17:18,991 --> 00:17:21,774 Oh, I thought you were gonna tell me what a bad "eugoogolizer" I am. 251 00:17:21,840 --> 00:17:22,986 A what? 252 00:17:23,889 --> 00:17:26,312 A "eugoogolizer." One who speaks at funerals. 253 00:17:28,531 --> 00:17:31,150 Or did you think I'd be too stupid to know what a "eugoogoly" was? 254 00:17:33,076 --> 00:17:35,630 How could you have written those terrible things about me? 255 00:17:35,701 --> 00:17:38,003 Derek, my editor put that headline on it, okay? 256 00:17:38,069 --> 00:17:40,753 I'm sorry. I know it came off kind of harsh. 257 00:17:40,823 --> 00:17:43,060 Yeah, well, fortunately for you, not too many people I know... 258 00:17:43,127 --> 00:17:45,975 read your little Time magazine, or whatever it's called. 259 00:17:46,039 --> 00:17:48,211 Look, maybe you could do me a favor. 260 00:17:48,280 --> 00:17:51,249 All I'm trying to do is get some background information on Mugatu. 261 00:17:51,322 --> 00:17:53,209 Mugatu? If you knew anything... 262 00:17:53,274 --> 00:17:56,144 you know Mugatu's the one designer who's never hired me. 263 00:17:56,219 --> 00:17:57,364 Come on. There's gotta be-- 264 00:17:57,435 --> 00:17:59,770 Sorry, lady. Not interested. 265 00:17:59,836 --> 00:18:02,836 Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got an after funeral party to attend. 266 00:18:07,038 --> 00:18:08,981 Go back home? You're overreacting. 267 00:18:09,055 --> 00:18:11,128 I want to do something meaningful with my life, Maury. 268 00:18:11,199 --> 00:18:13,436 I have deeper thoughts on my mind. 269 00:18:13,504 --> 00:18:15,610 The other day, I was thinking about volunteering... 270 00:18:15,681 --> 00:18:18,333 to help teach underprivileged children to learn how to read. 271 00:18:18,402 --> 00:18:21,981 Just thinking about it was the most rewarding experience I've ever had. 272 00:18:22,051 --> 00:18:24,091 Derek, I don't think you're cut out for that kind of thing. 273 00:18:24,163 --> 00:18:26,401 I mean, maybe I could even have my own institute. 274 00:18:26,468 --> 00:18:32,133 We could call it the Derek Zoolander Center for Kids Who Can't Read Good. 275 00:18:32,198 --> 00:18:34,337 What about us? We built this place together. 276 00:18:34,406 --> 00:18:36,382 Look out! Tushy squeeze! 277 00:18:37,543 --> 00:18:39,519 When I met you, you were a junior petite... 278 00:18:39,592 --> 00:18:41,633 who couldn't book a goddamn Sears catalog... 279 00:18:41,705 --> 00:18:43,680 and who couldn't turn left to save his ass. 280 00:18:43,753 --> 00:18:46,689 - Now look at you. - I can turn left! 281 00:18:46,763 --> 00:18:48,105 Yeah, right. 282 00:18:48,171 --> 00:18:50,506 Please. Some male models go left at the end of a runway... 283 00:18:50,571 --> 00:18:51,946 others go right. 284 00:18:52,012 --> 00:18:54,882 You got a lot of gifts, but hanging a louie just isn't one of them. 285 00:18:54,957 --> 00:18:56,746 Sit down! 286 00:18:57,934 --> 00:19:00,040 Hey, you want to hear some great news? 287 00:19:04,080 --> 00:19:07,114 Mugatu wants you for his new campaign. 288 00:19:07,185 --> 00:19:10,350 Didn't you hear me, Maury? I just retired. 289 00:19:10,418 --> 00:19:12,273 But this is Mugatu, Derek. 290 00:19:12,338 --> 00:19:14,281 Right now, this guy is so hot... 291 00:19:14,355 --> 00:19:16,395 he can take a crap, wrap it in tin foil... 292 00:19:16,467 --> 00:19:18,323 put a couple of fishhooks on it... 293 00:19:18,388 --> 00:19:20,778 and sell it to Queen Elizabeth as earrings. 294 00:19:22,902 --> 00:19:26,700 Derek, you're the laughing stock of the entire fashion world. 295 00:19:28,343 --> 00:19:31,989 What do we do when we fall off the horse? 296 00:19:37,690 --> 00:19:39,796 We get back on. 297 00:19:41,051 --> 00:19:43,834 Sorry, Maury. I'm not a gymnast. 298 00:19:44,956 --> 00:19:48,023 I'm going back home. I need to get in touch with my roots. 299 00:19:48,093 --> 00:19:50,679 Figure out who I am. See you around, Maury. 300 00:20:21,672 --> 00:20:22,687 Hey, Pop! 301 00:20:28,329 --> 00:20:30,086 It's me. 302 00:20:31,787 --> 00:20:35,498 Scrappy, Luke... 303 00:20:35,564 --> 00:20:37,387 you remember your brother, right? 304 00:20:37,453 --> 00:20:38,697 What do you want? 305 00:20:40,142 --> 00:20:42,695 I thought maybe I could work the mines with you guys. 306 00:20:42,766 --> 00:20:46,924 All the Zoolander men together again, like when we were kids. 307 00:20:46,991 --> 00:20:50,408 Times have changed. You wouldn't last one day down those coal pits. 308 00:20:51,216 --> 00:20:53,967 Can't you even pretend to be happy to see me, Pop? 309 00:20:54,034 --> 00:20:59,437 Damn it, Derek, I'm a coal miner, not a professional television actor. 310 00:20:59,507 --> 00:21:04,330 Do us all a favor and get out of here. 311 00:21:06,645 --> 00:21:08,369 Pop, wait, please! 312 00:21:08,438 --> 00:21:10,708 Give me a chance. 313 00:21:11,639 --> 00:21:14,225 I won't let you down. I promise. 314 00:21:19,737 --> 00:21:22,553 Hold very still. Very still. 315 00:21:22,618 --> 00:21:25,336 I'm working right now. This-- 316 00:21:25,403 --> 00:21:27,259 - Ouch! - Oh, I'm sorry. 317 00:21:27,324 --> 00:21:29,463 Did my pin get in the way of your ass? 318 00:21:29,532 --> 00:21:32,216 Do me a favor and lose five pounds immediately... 319 00:21:32,286 --> 00:21:34,839 or get out of my building like now! 320 00:21:34,910 --> 00:21:36,155 Get out! 321 00:21:36,223 --> 00:21:39,322 I'm so tired! No, Todd, not now! 322 00:21:39,391 --> 00:21:41,115 It's Maury. 323 00:21:41,184 --> 00:21:42,395 Tell me something good. 324 00:21:42,464 --> 00:21:44,439 You may have to start looking for someone else. 325 00:21:44,513 --> 00:21:48,289 There is no one else. The show is in ten days, Ballstein. 326 00:21:48,354 --> 00:21:50,395 Jaco, I hear you, but the kid's mixed up. 327 00:21:50,467 --> 00:21:53,185 He went home. He's talking about going off to ponder... 328 00:21:53,252 --> 00:21:55,587 and tutoring underprivileged retards or some shit. 329 00:21:55,653 --> 00:21:58,523 I don't care what it takes. Get him back.. 330 00:21:58,597 --> 00:22:00,802 We're running out of time. Capisce? 331 00:22:00,870 --> 00:22:03,740 Yeah, I capisce. Now if I could only "ca-piss." 332 00:22:03,815 --> 00:22:07,199 My prostate's flaring up like a frickin' tiki torch. 333 00:22:07,848 --> 00:22:11,711 Give me a little pee-pee. Come on, a couple of drops. 334 00:22:13,194 --> 00:22:15,930 That's what I'm talking about! 335 00:22:48,195 --> 00:22:49,308 Surprise! 336 00:22:56,358 --> 00:22:57,885 What the hell's the matter with you? 337 00:23:09,386 --> 00:23:11,241 Pacheco back to pass. 338 00:23:11,306 --> 00:23:12,965 He's feeling pressure from Pressman. 339 00:23:13,035 --> 00:23:15,043 He's looking for his all-American John De Rosa, the wide receiver. 340 00:23:15,116 --> 00:23:16,840 He's got him wide open in the middle of the field. 341 00:23:16,908 --> 00:23:18,435 Big rush. 342 00:23:18,508 --> 00:23:20,265 Who's winning the match? 343 00:23:20,333 --> 00:23:22,505 Hits Kevin Conley, the tight end down in there. 344 00:23:22,574 --> 00:23:23,818 State. 345 00:23:28,400 --> 00:23:30,954 I think I'm getting the black lung, Pop. 346 00:23:31,025 --> 00:23:33,196 It's not very well ventilated down there. 347 00:23:33,265 --> 00:23:35,632 For Christ's sake, Derek, you've been down there one day. 348 00:23:35,697 --> 00:23:38,120 Talk to me in 30 years. 349 00:23:48,214 --> 00:23:51,182 Moisture is the essence of wetness... 350 00:23:54,680 --> 00:23:59,351 and wetness is the essence of beauty. 351 00:24:09,436 --> 00:24:12,634 Why'd you have to come back to this damn town? 352 00:24:13,726 --> 00:24:16,793 I wanted to make a new life for myself. 353 00:24:16,863 --> 00:24:19,384 I'm sorry I was born with this perfect bone structure. 354 00:24:19,456 --> 00:24:21,912 That my hair looks better done up with gel and mousse... 355 00:24:21,984 --> 00:24:25,084 than hidden under a stupid hat with a light on it! 356 00:24:25,729 --> 00:24:29,112 All I ever wanted to do was make you proud of me, Pop. 357 00:24:29,186 --> 00:24:31,326 With what? Your male modeling? 358 00:24:32,515 --> 00:24:35,997 Prancing around in your underwear with your wiener hanging out? 359 00:24:39,910 --> 00:24:41,023 You're dead to me, boy. 360 00:24:42,951 --> 00:24:46,247 You're more dead to me than your dead mother. 361 00:24:47,944 --> 00:24:51,142 I just thank the Lord she didn't live to see her son as a mermaid. 362 00:24:55,050 --> 00:24:56,392 Mer-man. 363 00:25:11,599 --> 00:25:13,291 Who am I? 364 00:25:24,787 --> 00:25:27,374 Hello? Derek, you hearing me? 365 00:25:27,444 --> 00:25:29,168 - God? - God? 366 00:25:29,237 --> 00:25:32,020 What the shit are you talking about? It�s me. Maury. 367 00:25:32,086 --> 00:25:33,941 I hope you're finished touching your roots... 368 00:25:34,007 --> 00:25:36,309 because Mugatu's making you an offer you won't believe. 369 00:25:36,375 --> 00:25:38,231 You gotta get your tookus back here. 370 00:25:42,873 --> 00:25:46,551 Well, to tell you the truth, I was a little hesitant at first. 371 00:25:46,618 --> 00:25:50,875 I mean, you've never hired me before, and I've been around-- 372 00:25:50,940 --> 00:25:53,046 For ages and ages. You've been around for a long time. 373 00:25:53,116 --> 00:25:54,774 I never wanted anything from you. 374 00:25:54,844 --> 00:25:56,984 And now that you're retired, I can't have you. 375 00:25:57,054 --> 00:25:59,094 And it's funny how it switches like that. 376 00:25:59,166 --> 00:26:00,989 But now the forbidden fruit must be tasted. 377 00:26:01,791 --> 00:26:04,159 Well, when Maury told me what you were willing to do, l-- 378 00:26:09,217 --> 00:26:12,699 Are you not aware that I get farty and bloated with a foamy latte? 379 00:26:12,771 --> 00:26:15,106 My mistake, Jacobim. 380 00:26:15,171 --> 00:26:17,627 Your mistake indeed! 381 00:26:27,015 --> 00:26:28,193 Yes, Derek. 382 00:26:29,704 --> 00:26:32,258 What Maury said I was willing to do for you. 383 00:26:32,329 --> 00:26:35,297 Let's get back to the reason that we're really here. 384 00:26:38,314 --> 00:26:40,802 Without much further ado, I give you... 385 00:26:42,188 --> 00:26:46,248 the Derek Zoolander Center for Kids Who Can't Read Good. 386 00:26:55,503 --> 00:26:56,878 What is this? 387 00:27:01,137 --> 00:27:03,724 A center for ants? 388 00:27:03,794 --> 00:27:04,841 What? 389 00:27:07,955 --> 00:27:11,634 How can we be expected to teach children to learn how to read... 390 00:27:11,701 --> 00:27:15,051 if they can't even fit inside the building? 391 00:27:16,406 --> 00:27:18,993 - Derek, it's just a small-- - I don't want to hear your excuses! 392 00:27:19,063 --> 00:27:21,878 The center has to be at least... 393 00:27:23,896 --> 00:27:25,838 three times bigger than this. 394 00:27:28,570 --> 00:27:32,051 - He's absolutely right. - Thank you. 395 00:27:33,083 --> 00:27:34,261 I have a vision. 396 00:27:34,331 --> 00:27:37,944 And so do I. Let me show you mine. 397 00:27:38,717 --> 00:27:41,336 I can't help you, lady. I don't know nothing about Mugatu. 398 00:27:41,406 --> 00:27:43,795 But you've represented every male model in each of his campaigns. 399 00:27:43,870 --> 00:27:45,943 You must have some kind of a relationship with him. 400 00:27:46,015 --> 00:27:48,023 Even if I did, why would I talk to you? 401 00:27:48,096 --> 00:27:50,879 Shame on you how you picked on Derek Zoolander in that story. 402 00:27:50,944 --> 00:27:53,247 He's a sweet simpleton who never hurt a fly. 403 00:27:53,313 --> 00:27:55,867 Please don't change the subject, Mr.Ballstein. 404 00:27:55,938 --> 00:27:58,786 What about Mugatu's exploitation of sweatshop workers in Malaysia? 405 00:27:58,851 --> 00:28:01,186 - Do you have an opinion on that? - You wanna hear an opinion? 406 00:28:01,251 --> 00:28:04,569 With a push-up bra, you could have a nice rack of lamb going on there. 407 00:28:04,645 --> 00:28:07,907 Let me show you the future of fashion. 408 00:28:09,319 --> 00:28:12,319 Let me show you... 409 00:28:12,391 --> 00:28:14,367 Derelicte! 410 00:28:14,439 --> 00:28:16,447 It is a fashion, a way of life... 411 00:28:16,520 --> 00:28:19,423 inspired by the very homeless, the vagrants... 412 00:28:19,497 --> 00:28:23,459 the crack whores that make this wonderful city so unique. 413 00:28:24,651 --> 00:28:27,401 And I want you, Derek, to be the face... 414 00:28:27,468 --> 00:28:31,331 the image-- nay, the spirit of Derelicte! 415 00:28:32,589 --> 00:28:34,695 It'll be your glorious comeback. 416 00:28:34,766 --> 00:28:36,327 Sounds cool. 417 00:28:36,399 --> 00:28:40,873 Derek, I'd like you to meet Katinka Ingabogovinana. 418 00:28:41,712 --> 00:28:44,201 She'll be your day-to-day on the campaign. 419 00:28:45,265 --> 00:28:47,371 Let's get this model on his way! 420 00:28:48,242 --> 00:28:50,381 The big show is in eight days, Derek. 421 00:28:50,451 --> 00:28:52,819 Like a caterpillar becomes a butterfly... 422 00:28:52,884 --> 00:28:56,333 so must you become Derelicte! 423 00:28:56,405 --> 00:28:58,293 So you want me to sleep in the gutter? 424 00:28:58,357 --> 00:29:01,173 No. We're sending you to a very exclusive day spa. 425 00:29:02,006 --> 00:29:03,982 So exclusive, no one knows about it. 426 00:29:04,055 --> 00:29:06,358 Our little secret, okay? 427 00:29:14,426 --> 00:29:16,084 - Matilda, hey. - Hey, Arch, what's up? 428 00:29:16,155 --> 00:29:18,010 Nothing. I've just been up for a few days... 429 00:29:18,075 --> 00:29:20,891 putting together these background articles on Mugatu you asked for. 430 00:29:20,956 --> 00:29:23,575 Very thorough, Archie. Thank you. 431 00:29:23,645 --> 00:29:26,461 It's weird. I couldn't get any info on him before 1995. 432 00:29:26,526 --> 00:29:28,381 It's like he just appeared out of the blue. 433 00:29:28,447 --> 00:29:30,618 - Really? That's strange. - Yeah. 434 00:29:31,904 --> 00:29:34,239 - Matilda Jeffries. - Keep pulling the sweater. 435 00:29:34,304 --> 00:29:37,753 - Excuse me? - Eventually the thing will unravel. 436 00:29:38,593 --> 00:29:42,555 You mean, if you pull the thread, the whole thing will unravel? 437 00:29:42,626 --> 00:29:45,944 Now you're talking, sister. If you want to know more, go to Pier 12. 438 00:29:46,020 --> 00:29:48,476 Things aren't what they seem. 439 00:29:57,222 --> 00:29:59,295 What kind of spa is this? 440 00:30:00,551 --> 00:30:02,755 It's designed for deep, deep relaxation. 441 00:30:02,823 --> 00:30:05,213 Come, let's get you loosened up. 442 00:30:15,115 --> 00:30:16,774 Good boy. 443 00:30:46,869 --> 00:30:48,331 Oh, I'm sorry. 444 00:30:51,990 --> 00:30:54,577 Matilda, what are you doing here? 445 00:30:54,648 --> 00:30:56,404 I was-- 446 00:30:59,833 --> 00:31:02,965 What are you doing here, Derek? I thought you quit the business. 447 00:31:03,034 --> 00:31:06,199 Haven't you heard? I'm the new face of Mugatu's Derelicte campaign. 448 00:31:10,684 --> 00:31:13,270 What do you mean, Derek? You said Mugatu never hires you. 449 00:31:13,341 --> 00:31:17,271 Well, I guess he changed his mind. It's the world's biggest campaign. 450 00:31:17,343 --> 00:31:20,093 What is this? Who are you? 451 00:31:20,159 --> 00:31:22,397 This is private property. Nils! 452 00:31:26,145 --> 00:31:29,593 I suggest you and your Kmart Jaclyn Smith Collection outfit... 453 00:31:29,666 --> 00:31:33,410 stay the hell away from Derek Zoolander. 454 00:31:39,749 --> 00:31:42,019 How do you feel, Derek? 455 00:31:46,087 --> 00:31:47,943 When's the seaweed wrap? 456 00:31:48,008 --> 00:31:49,863 You shut up now. 457 00:31:49,929 --> 00:31:52,799 I want you to relax... 458 00:31:52,874 --> 00:31:56,487 and breathe deeply. 459 00:31:59,627 --> 00:32:01,930 Breathe deeply. 460 00:32:07,982 --> 00:32:10,983 - I like this song. - Of course you do. 461 00:32:17,073 --> 00:32:19,627 Welcome to your relaxation time. 462 00:32:20,978 --> 00:32:24,492 Let this wonderful '80s classic soothe you. 463 00:32:24,563 --> 00:32:27,826 Just a nice, warm, happy time. 464 00:32:27,892 --> 00:32:30,446 Happy, happy. 465 00:32:34,678 --> 00:32:37,613 Nothing to worry about at all. 466 00:32:37,687 --> 00:32:39,378 Just relax. 467 00:32:41,656 --> 00:32:44,177 Hey there, Derek. My name is Lil' Kleatus. 468 00:32:45,370 --> 00:32:49,495 l�m just a kid who wants you to know the truth about child labor laws. 469 00:32:50,939 --> 00:32:53,591 They're silly and outdated. In the good old days... 470 00:32:53,660 --> 00:32:56,760 kids as young as five could work as they pleased... 471 00:32:56,829 --> 00:32:59,928 from textile factories to iron smelts. 472 00:32:59,998 --> 00:33:01,275 Yippee! Hooray! 473 00:33:02,334 --> 00:33:05,565 But today, the age-old right of children to work is under attack. 474 00:33:06,528 --> 00:33:09,845 From the Philippines to Bangladesh, in China and India... 475 00:33:09,921 --> 00:33:11,776 and South America too. 476 00:33:13,186 --> 00:33:15,576 But you can help these children, Derek... 477 00:33:15,651 --> 00:33:18,499 by killing the prime minister of Malaysia. 478 00:33:18,564 --> 00:33:20,474 - He is bad. - What? 479 00:33:21,732 --> 00:33:23,642 You learn martial arts. 480 00:33:25,414 --> 00:33:27,651 Prime minister of Malaysia bad! 481 00:33:27,718 --> 00:33:29,345 Martial arts good! 482 00:33:29,415 --> 00:33:31,270 Kill naughty man! 483 00:33:34,697 --> 00:33:36,224 Obey my dog! 484 00:33:36,297 --> 00:33:38,851 On the runway, you have one objective. 485 00:33:38,922 --> 00:33:42,916 Do not be distracted by the beautiful celebrities. 486 00:33:45,260 --> 00:33:50,629 Do as you've been trained to do and kill the Malaysian prime minister! 487 00:33:50,701 --> 00:33:54,379 Karate chop! Bad, man! Awful man! 488 00:33:54,447 --> 00:33:57,830 In your little blue suit and your spiky black hair. Kill! 489 00:33:57,904 --> 00:34:00,425 And you're a super-hot ninja machine! 490 00:34:10,324 --> 00:34:12,877 - Derek, are you in there? - Hold your horses! 491 00:34:12,948 --> 00:34:16,298 - Derek, please open the door! - What a cuckoo dream. 492 00:34:19,062 --> 00:34:21,267 - What? - Hey, are you okay? 493 00:34:21,335 --> 00:34:23,190 I've been trying to reach you for a week. 494 00:34:23,255 --> 00:34:25,678 A week? What, are you having a whack attack? 495 00:34:25,753 --> 00:34:27,760 I saw you this afternoon, dum-dum. 496 00:34:27,833 --> 00:34:29,295 That was last Friday. 497 00:34:30,394 --> 00:34:32,850 Earth to Matilda. I was at a day spa. 498 00:34:32,923 --> 00:34:37,114 Day. D-A-I-Y-E. Okay? 499 00:34:38,428 --> 00:34:40,284 Look, I think I know what this is about... 500 00:34:40,349 --> 00:34:44,311 and I'm very complimented but not interested. 501 00:34:44,382 --> 00:34:46,903 - What? - I can't sleep with you, okay? 502 00:34:46,975 --> 00:34:49,693 - My head is killing me and-- - What are you talking about? 503 00:34:49,760 --> 00:34:51,768 Okay, if you just want to fool around a little bit-- 504 00:34:51,841 --> 00:34:54,176 Hey, I don't want to sleep with you! 505 00:34:54,241 --> 00:34:56,413 I've been trying to tell you you've been missing for a week. 506 00:34:56,482 --> 00:35:00,345 Would you look at the date. Mugatu's Derelicte show is tomorrow night. 507 00:35:00,419 --> 00:35:02,525 I don't care what the date says. 508 00:35:04,388 --> 00:35:06,942 You have 1,200 messages. 509 00:35:08,678 --> 00:35:10,304 That is a bit above average. 510 00:35:10,374 --> 00:35:13,190 - Derek, what happened in that spa? - I don't know. 511 00:35:13,255 --> 00:35:15,460 A little massage, some aromatherapy. 512 00:35:15,528 --> 00:35:19,141 I mean, look, lady, you can't just come barging into people's lofts... 513 00:35:19,209 --> 00:35:21,151 wanting sex, then changing your mind... 514 00:35:21,225 --> 00:35:23,528 then telling them that they've been in a day spa for a week-- 515 00:35:23,594 --> 00:35:25,537 You have been in a day spa for a week. 516 00:35:25,610 --> 00:35:27,105 So what? 517 00:35:27,179 --> 00:35:30,213 Do you understand that the world does not revolve around you... 518 00:35:30,284 --> 00:35:33,187 and your "do whatever it takes, ruin as many people's lives"... 519 00:35:33,261 --> 00:35:35,945 so long as you can make a name for yourself as a journalist... 520 00:35:36,014 --> 00:35:37,924 no matter how many friends you lose... 521 00:35:37,998 --> 00:35:40,071 or people you leave dead and bloodied along the way... 522 00:35:40,143 --> 00:35:43,079 just so long as you can make a name for yourself as a journalist... 523 00:35:43,152 --> 00:35:45,040 no matter how many friends you lose... 524 00:35:45,105 --> 00:35:48,751 or people you leave dead and bloodied and dying along the way? 525 00:35:50,963 --> 00:35:52,719 I told you I was sorry about that article. 526 00:35:52,787 --> 00:35:55,155 Enough! My head hurts! 527 00:35:55,220 --> 00:35:57,130 And if it indeed is what day you claim it is... 528 00:35:57,204 --> 00:36:00,053 I have a pre-runway party to attend, if you'll excuse me. 529 00:36:03,318 --> 00:36:05,555 - By the way-- - What? 530 00:36:05,623 --> 00:36:07,184 With your complexion... 531 00:36:07,256 --> 00:36:09,297 you really shouldn't be wearing your hair pulled back that tight. 532 00:36:09,369 --> 00:36:10,678 What are you talking about? 533 00:36:10,744 --> 00:36:12,654 It pulls back the skin on your forehead... 534 00:36:12,729 --> 00:36:14,639 creating a tension which clogs the pores. 535 00:36:14,714 --> 00:36:17,016 That's why you have some light pattern dryness around your scalp. 536 00:36:18,203 --> 00:36:19,218 Do you mind? 537 00:36:28,414 --> 00:36:30,324 Cool. 538 00:36:40,578 --> 00:36:45,020 I do not like snoopy reporter with lack of fashion sense. 539 00:36:45,091 --> 00:36:47,508 Not one little bit. 540 00:36:51,156 --> 00:36:53,491 Hey, I just E-mailed you all those searches... 541 00:36:53,558 --> 00:36:56,406 on the male models who've appeared in Mugatu campaigns. 542 00:36:56,470 --> 00:36:59,700 It's pretty weird. It seems like all of Mr.Mugatu's models... 543 00:36:59,767 --> 00:37:03,030 have a bad habit of dying young in freak accidents. 544 00:37:03,096 --> 00:37:03,990 What? 545 00:37:11,931 --> 00:37:13,492 - Wait a second. - What? 546 00:37:23,102 --> 00:37:26,169 - Oh, shit. I gotta go. - What's going on? 547 00:37:28,960 --> 00:37:30,903 I don't want to hang out, okay? 548 00:37:30,977 --> 00:37:33,499 I just need to speak with Derek Zoolander, please! 549 00:37:33,570 --> 00:37:36,986 I just thought the way you handled losing that award to Hansel... 550 00:37:37,059 --> 00:37:39,231 and then you sort of laid low for a while... 551 00:37:39,300 --> 00:37:41,275 and then made your comeback-- 552 00:37:41,348 --> 00:37:43,552 It was so courageous. 553 00:37:43,621 --> 00:37:45,279 Look, I gotta go pee... 554 00:37:45,349 --> 00:37:49,344 but I'd really like to continue talking about this conversation. 555 00:37:49,415 --> 00:37:50,626 Yeah. 556 00:37:52,680 --> 00:37:55,364 - Everything cool, Derek? - It's great, Biff. Thank you. 557 00:37:57,449 --> 00:37:59,555 Hey, Derek. You rule. 558 00:37:59,626 --> 00:38:01,929 Thanks, Paris. I appreciate that. 559 00:38:01,995 --> 00:38:05,192 - Hey, Derek. - Hey, Maurice. 560 00:38:05,259 --> 00:38:07,562 - Hey, my man. - What's happening? 561 00:38:09,261 --> 00:38:10,952 Derek, back on top, man. 562 00:38:11,021 --> 00:38:13,062 Thanks, Billy. You rock. 563 00:38:13,134 --> 00:38:15,436 No, you rock. When are you gonna drop Magnum on us, buddy? 564 00:38:15,503 --> 00:38:18,919 Not yet. Gotta tame the beast before you let it out of its cage. 565 00:38:22,353 --> 00:38:25,420 - Excuse me, bra. - You're excused. 566 00:38:29,875 --> 00:38:31,698 And I'm not your bra. 567 00:38:33,812 --> 00:38:37,610 Whatever, dude. Whatever. Peace. God bless. 568 00:38:37,686 --> 00:38:42,543 Hey, Hansel, I'm sorry you didn't get Mugatu's Derelicte campaign. 569 00:38:42,615 --> 00:38:44,558 Maybe next time. 570 00:38:44,632 --> 00:38:45,810 What's that? 571 00:38:45,881 --> 00:38:49,493 Mugatu's Derelicte campaign. Sorry you didn't book it. 572 00:38:49,562 --> 00:38:51,929 Oh, yeah? I've never even heard of it. 573 00:38:51,994 --> 00:38:54,777 Me and my friends have been too busy bathing off of St.Barts... 574 00:38:54,843 --> 00:38:56,698 with spider monkeys for the past two weeks. 575 00:38:56,763 --> 00:38:59,993 Tripping on acid changed our whole perspective on shit. 576 00:39:00,061 --> 00:39:04,601 So I guess you can "dere-lick" my balls, capitan. 577 00:39:07,807 --> 00:39:09,564 Would you hold this for me? 578 00:39:11,264 --> 00:39:14,810 I can "dere-lick" my own balls, thank you very much. 579 00:39:18,114 --> 00:39:20,090 You think you're too cool for school. 580 00:39:20,963 --> 00:39:23,778 But I got a news flash for you, Walter Cronkite. 581 00:39:28,134 --> 00:39:29,344 You aren't. 582 00:39:33,575 --> 00:39:36,063 Who are you trying to get crazy with, ese? 583 00:39:37,544 --> 00:39:40,130 Don't you know I'm loco? 584 00:39:41,129 --> 00:39:43,017 Hey, I got a wacky idea. 585 00:39:45,003 --> 00:39:48,070 What say we settle this on the runway... 586 00:39:48,140 --> 00:39:50,923 Han-solo? 587 00:39:58,959 --> 00:40:00,301 Stop it. 588 00:40:01,455 --> 00:40:03,758 Are you challenging me to a walk-off... 589 00:40:03,824 --> 00:40:06,312 Boo-lander? 590 00:40:07,121 --> 00:40:08,878 Don't do this, Derek. 591 00:40:08,946 --> 00:40:10,801 Listen to your friend Billy Zane. 592 00:40:12,051 --> 00:40:15,762 He's a cool dude. He's trying to help you out. 593 00:40:16,660 --> 00:40:19,890 Oh, yeah. That's a walk-off challenge, my friend. 594 00:40:24,023 --> 00:40:26,958 Ten minutes. Old Members Only warehouse. 595 00:40:27,031 --> 00:40:29,072 You oughta remember that. You're a dinosaur. 596 00:40:29,144 --> 00:40:30,606 Let's go. Open up. 597 00:40:35,130 --> 00:40:37,749 I heard some mad stories about this kid. He's too limber. 598 00:40:37,819 --> 00:40:40,121 Put a cork in it, Zane! 599 00:40:42,172 --> 00:40:44,791 It's a walk-off. 600 00:40:44,860 --> 00:40:47,643 This is urgent, ma'am. Do you have any-- 601 00:40:52,415 --> 00:40:53,430 Hey, Matilda. 602 00:40:53,503 --> 00:40:55,478 What is this? Where is everyone going? 603 00:40:55,552 --> 00:40:57,560 Good luck, Derek! Kick Hansel's ass! 604 00:40:57,633 --> 00:40:59,706 Thanks, Rico. I'll try. 605 00:40:59,777 --> 00:41:01,720 You want to see the real world of male modeling? 606 00:41:01,794 --> 00:41:04,762 The one they don't show you in magazines or the E Channel? 607 00:41:04,835 --> 00:41:06,843 Yeah, I guess. Derek, please. 608 00:41:06,916 --> 00:41:09,021 I have something really important to talk to you about. 609 00:41:09,092 --> 00:41:10,172 Not now, Matilda. 610 00:41:10,244 --> 00:41:12,733 Han-sell-out is about to have his Han-sell-ass... 611 00:41:12,806 --> 00:41:16,102 handed to him on a platter with french-fried potatoes. 612 00:41:16,166 --> 00:41:18,851 Katinka, thought you might want to know... 613 00:41:18,920 --> 00:41:20,993 your boy Zoolander's rolling. 614 00:41:21,064 --> 00:41:22,625 It's a walk-off. 615 00:41:44,367 --> 00:41:46,408 All right, who's gonna call this sucker? 616 00:41:46,480 --> 00:41:47,909 If nobody has any objections... 617 00:41:49,681 --> 00:41:51,536 I believe I might be of service. 618 00:41:57,950 --> 00:42:01,180 Now, this'll be a straight walk-off, old school rules. 619 00:42:01,248 --> 00:42:05,340 First model walks, second model duplicates, then elaborates. 620 00:42:06,177 --> 00:42:08,282 Okay, boys, let's go to work. 621 00:42:08,353 --> 00:42:10,688 Age before beauty, goat cheese. 622 00:42:10,755 --> 00:42:12,064 Whatever. 623 00:42:15,332 --> 00:42:16,226 Right. 624 00:42:45,132 --> 00:42:46,562 Playskool, baby. 625 00:43:16,086 --> 00:43:18,094 You gotta cut me. I can't see. I'm blind out there. 626 00:43:18,167 --> 00:43:19,029 Evian. 627 00:43:22,552 --> 00:43:24,014 It's okay. 628 00:43:36,829 --> 00:43:38,553 - Where am I? - It's okay. 629 00:43:39,390 --> 00:43:42,457 - Kickin', Hoss. - I'm going monk. 630 00:43:44,063 --> 00:43:47,893 I gotta go monk. Prayer. Pray to the Great Spirit. 631 00:44:03,045 --> 00:44:04,322 Do it, Hansel. 632 00:44:08,838 --> 00:44:11,076 Why is he sticking his hand in his pants? 633 00:44:13,929 --> 00:44:14,757 Do it, Hansel. 634 00:44:33,806 --> 00:44:36,938 - That's what I'm talking about. - Derek, you're not a kid anymore. 635 00:44:37,007 --> 00:44:39,048 You could hurt yourself out there. 636 00:44:41,553 --> 00:44:43,146 I can do this, Tyson. 637 00:44:53,012 --> 00:44:55,631 Thank God I wore underwear today. 638 00:45:03,864 --> 00:45:04,944 He's going for it. 639 00:45:26,143 --> 00:45:27,550 Oh, my God. 640 00:45:36,962 --> 00:45:38,206 Disqualified. 641 00:45:45,188 --> 00:45:46,352 - Derek, come on. - Come on. 642 00:45:46,352 --> 00:45:48,262 - Derek, come on. - Come on. 643 00:45:48,400 --> 00:45:50,124 What's going on? 644 00:45:50,193 --> 00:45:52,169 I think Katinka wants to kill you. 645 00:45:52,241 --> 00:45:57,065 Good. I deserve to die if I can't beat Han-suck-ass in a walk-off. 646 00:45:57,715 --> 00:45:58,893 Derek, that's not true. 647 00:45:58,964 --> 00:46:03,886 The guy had to pull his underwear out of his butt just to beat you. 648 00:46:06,230 --> 00:46:08,914 And all he had to do was turn left. 649 00:46:10,583 --> 00:46:12,209 What do you mean? 650 00:46:12,280 --> 00:46:14,353 I'm not an ambi-turner. 651 00:46:15,417 --> 00:46:17,556 It's a problem I had since I was a baby. 652 00:46:18,682 --> 00:46:19,991 I can't turn left. 653 00:46:21,115 --> 00:46:23,799 Derek, that's nothing to be ashamed of. 654 00:46:23,867 --> 00:46:26,737 I'm sure there are a lot of people out there who can't turn-- 655 00:46:30,813 --> 00:46:33,913 There have got to be some people out there, just like you... 656 00:46:33,982 --> 00:46:39,483 who can't turn-- turn left. 657 00:46:41,825 --> 00:46:44,957 If you want answers, come to Saint Adonis Cemetery now. 658 00:46:45,026 --> 00:46:48,027 - Wait! Who are you? - Who was that? 659 00:46:48,099 --> 00:46:51,198 I'm not sure. I have to get to Saint Adonis Cemetery. 660 00:46:51,267 --> 00:46:54,367 I'm gonna take you to my apartment. You can stay there until I get back. 661 00:46:54,437 --> 00:46:55,867 Can I come with? 662 00:46:56,902 --> 00:46:59,717 I don't want to be alone tonight. 663 00:47:10,538 --> 00:47:13,735 "Pedro Scialfa." 664 00:47:13,802 --> 00:47:16,618 He died when he was 29. 665 00:47:19,180 --> 00:47:20,708 "Vin Correjo." 666 00:47:22,157 --> 00:47:24,809 "Derriere Extraordinaire." 667 00:47:28,719 --> 00:47:31,338 Ninety-two minus sixty-three. 668 00:47:32,144 --> 00:47:35,276 None of them ever made it past 30. 669 00:47:35,345 --> 00:47:36,239 I did. 670 00:47:38,355 --> 00:47:39,337 Who are you? 671 00:47:40,563 --> 00:47:41,774 It's not important. 672 00:47:41,844 --> 00:47:43,600 Are you a ghost? 673 00:47:45,877 --> 00:47:47,568 He called, Derek. 674 00:47:47,637 --> 00:47:49,972 Let's take a walk. 675 00:47:50,037 --> 00:47:53,072 You think Zoolander's in trouble? 676 00:47:53,143 --> 00:47:54,550 Think again. 677 00:47:54,615 --> 00:47:57,780 What you've stumbled upon goes way deeper than you could ever fathom. 678 00:47:57,848 --> 00:47:59,824 The fashion industry has been behind... 679 00:47:59,897 --> 00:48:03,924 every major political assassination over the last 200 years. 680 00:48:03,994 --> 00:48:08,250 And behind every hit, a card-carrying male model. 681 00:48:08,316 --> 00:48:10,072 Okay, that's impossible. 682 00:48:10,140 --> 00:48:12,629 Oh, yeah? Listen and learn, sweetness. 683 00:48:12,701 --> 00:48:15,604 Abe Lincoln wanted to abolish slavery, right? 684 00:48:15,678 --> 00:48:18,100 But who do you think made the powdered wigs and leg stockings... 685 00:48:18,175 --> 00:48:20,117 worn by our country's early leaders? 686 00:48:21,856 --> 00:48:23,034 Mugatu! 687 00:48:25,024 --> 00:48:26,651 Slaves, Derek. 688 00:48:28,193 --> 00:48:31,839 Without their free labor, prices would have gone up tenfold. 689 00:48:31,907 --> 00:48:34,657 So the powers that be hired John Wilkes Booth... 690 00:48:34,723 --> 00:48:37,953 the original model / actor, to do Mr.Lincoln in. 691 00:48:39,781 --> 00:48:43,841 I'll go on. Dallas, Texas, 1963. 692 00:48:43,911 --> 00:48:46,497 Kennedy had just put a trade embargo on Cuba... 693 00:48:46,567 --> 00:48:50,147 ostensibly halting the shipment of Cuban-manufactured slacks. 694 00:48:50,217 --> 00:48:51,843 Incredibly popular item at the time. 695 00:48:51,913 --> 00:48:54,466 Lee Harvey Oswald was not a male model. 696 00:48:54,537 --> 00:48:56,578 You're goddamn right he wasn't. But those two lookers... 697 00:48:56,650 --> 00:48:59,684 who capped Kennedy from the grassy knoll sure as shit were. 698 00:49:00,588 --> 00:49:03,720 Well, what about you? How do you fit in to all this? 699 00:49:03,788 --> 00:49:05,960 This nation was swept-- 700 00:49:06,029 --> 00:49:07,885 I'll get it, ma'am. 701 00:49:12,591 --> 00:49:14,894 I can't get over-- 702 00:49:14,960 --> 00:49:16,651 Wait a minute. 703 00:49:19,282 --> 00:49:20,427 I know that hand. 704 00:49:22,226 --> 00:49:25,293 It was in the fall 1973 Bulova watch catalog. 705 00:49:26,708 --> 00:49:28,269 You're J.P. Prewitt. 706 00:49:30,101 --> 00:49:32,403 The world's greatest hand model. 707 00:49:33,526 --> 00:49:37,139 Once upon a time. But things change. 708 00:49:37,207 --> 00:49:39,574 Thanks to this homemade hyperbaric chamber... 709 00:49:39,640 --> 00:49:41,582 my sweet baby never did. 710 00:49:43,065 --> 00:49:45,400 Let's keep moving. 711 00:49:45,466 --> 00:49:49,242 And that's when I found out I was in line to assassinate Jimmy Carter. 712 00:49:49,307 --> 00:49:52,275 - So, how'd you manage to escape? - Because I'm a hand model, mama. 713 00:49:53,116 --> 00:49:56,826 A finger jockey. We don't think the same as the face and body boys. 714 00:49:56,893 --> 00:50:00,026 - We're a different breed. - So why male models? 715 00:50:00,094 --> 00:50:01,523 Think about it, Derek. 716 00:50:02,558 --> 00:50:05,723 Male models are genetically constructed to become assassins. 717 00:50:05,791 --> 00:50:08,028 They're in peak physical condition. 718 00:50:10,017 --> 00:50:13,247 They can gain entry to the most secure places in the world. 719 00:50:15,139 --> 00:50:18,402 And most important of all, models don't think for themselves. 720 00:50:18,468 --> 00:50:21,535 - They do as they're told. - That is not true. 721 00:50:21,605 --> 00:50:23,012 Yes it is, Derek. 722 00:50:24,613 --> 00:50:27,876 Yeah. Think about any photo shoot you've ever been on. 723 00:50:29,223 --> 00:50:31,012 You're a monkey, Derek! 724 00:50:31,079 --> 00:50:33,895 Dance, monkey, in your little spangly shoes! 725 00:50:33,960 --> 00:50:37,409 Mash your cymbals, chimpy! Dance, Derek, dance! 726 00:50:37,481 --> 00:50:38,888 Good point. 727 00:50:38,954 --> 00:50:41,988 But if this has been going on for so long, Mugatu-- 728 00:50:42,059 --> 00:50:43,848 He's just a punk-ass errand boy... 729 00:50:43,915 --> 00:50:46,305 working for an international syndicate of fashion designers. 730 00:50:46,380 --> 00:50:48,999 You do a little background check on your Mr.Mugatu. 731 00:50:49,645 --> 00:50:53,192 You'll find he sold his soul to the devil for a shot at the big time. 732 00:50:54,351 --> 00:50:56,042 But why male models? 733 00:51:00,048 --> 00:51:03,978 Are you serious? I just-- I just told you that a moment ago. 734 00:51:04,050 --> 00:51:05,261 Right. 735 00:51:05,330 --> 00:51:08,462 You're a killing machine, Derek. They've programmed you. 736 00:51:08,531 --> 00:51:10,506 But I won't do it. I won't kill anybody. 737 00:51:10,580 --> 00:51:13,581 It's not up to you. At the proper moment, they'll trigger you. 738 00:51:13,653 --> 00:51:17,549 Usually using an auditory or visual Pavlovian response mechanism. 739 00:51:17,622 --> 00:51:20,557 - "Audi-what-ey"? - And when it's over-- 740 00:51:22,423 --> 00:51:26,319 What? There's an after party? 741 00:51:27,801 --> 00:51:29,907 Derek, get down! 742 00:51:32,186 --> 00:51:34,870 You gotta get to Maury Ballstein's computer. 743 00:51:34,940 --> 00:51:38,835 He recorded everything in case they ever turned on him. 744 00:51:41,085 --> 00:51:43,224 Derek, get a grip! 745 00:51:43,293 --> 00:51:47,997 Good luck to you, Derek. I've always been a fan of Blue Steel. 746 00:51:48,063 --> 00:51:50,650 And I hear Magnum is gonna blow us all away. 747 00:51:51,648 --> 00:51:52,542 Come on! 748 00:51:53,729 --> 00:51:56,250 - Get out of here. - Hang in there, J.P. 749 00:51:58,243 --> 00:52:00,545 You freakin' idiot! 750 00:52:04,036 --> 00:52:07,899 Man, that was close. I can't believe Maury's in on it too. 751 00:52:07,973 --> 00:52:10,210 That she-male Katinka's not messing around. 752 00:52:10,278 --> 00:52:11,838 You're telling me! For a second there... 753 00:52:11,910 --> 00:52:14,333 I thought someone was gonna be reading our "eugoogoly." 754 00:52:14,408 --> 00:52:16,775 Okay, all right, we need a place to hide. 755 00:52:16,840 --> 00:52:19,427 Where's the last place anyone would ever expect to look for you? 756 00:52:19,497 --> 00:52:20,992 I don't know. 757 00:52:21,065 --> 00:52:23,270 Think, okay? This is important! 758 00:52:28,779 --> 00:52:33,254 I hate Hansel! Hansel, Hansel! Everywhere I look! Hansel! 759 00:52:42,331 --> 00:52:44,404 Were you looking for a rematch? 760 00:52:45,500 --> 00:52:48,435 Excuse me, Hansel. I don't think there's an easy way to put this... 761 00:52:48,508 --> 00:52:50,451 so I am just gonna lay it out. 762 00:52:50,525 --> 00:52:54,006 Derek has been brainwashed... 763 00:52:54,078 --> 00:52:56,567 to kill the prime minister of Malaysia. 764 00:52:57,631 --> 00:52:58,646 And? 765 00:52:59,616 --> 00:53:02,683 And we need a place to hide until we figure this whole thing out. 766 00:53:02,752 --> 00:53:07,064 Derek said this would be the last place anyone would look for him. 767 00:53:08,611 --> 00:53:10,783 Yeah, you're cool to hide here. 768 00:53:10,851 --> 00:53:14,147 But first, me and him gotta straighten some shit out. 769 00:53:15,685 --> 00:53:16,579 Fine. 770 00:53:18,085 --> 00:53:20,901 Why you been acting so messed up towards me? 771 00:53:21,927 --> 00:53:24,448 Why you been acting so messed up towards me? 772 00:53:30,025 --> 00:53:32,230 Well, you go first. 773 00:53:32,298 --> 00:53:34,437 I don't know. Maybe I felt a little threatened or something... 774 00:53:34,506 --> 00:53:37,409 'cause your career is kind of just blossoming... 775 00:53:37,483 --> 00:53:40,037 and mine's kind of winding down or whatever. 776 00:53:40,108 --> 00:53:44,037 And I felt like, "This guy's really hurting me"... 777 00:53:44,109 --> 00:53:45,965 and it hurt. 778 00:53:47,342 --> 00:53:50,377 And I felt like when you told me to "dere-lick" my balls... 779 00:53:50,448 --> 00:53:51,790 that really hurt. 780 00:53:51,856 --> 00:53:55,305 Maybe I was scared, man. You're Derek Zoolander! 781 00:53:56,849 --> 00:53:58,955 Yeah, you're Derek Zoolander. 782 00:53:59,026 --> 00:54:03,305 You know what it's like to be another model in Zoolander's shadow? 783 00:54:07,092 --> 00:54:09,395 You want to hear something crazy? 784 00:54:12,247 --> 00:54:14,222 Your work... 785 00:54:14,295 --> 00:54:18,224 in the winter '95 International Male catalog... 786 00:54:23,321 --> 00:54:25,427 made me want to be a model. 787 00:54:28,603 --> 00:54:30,775 I freakin' worship you, man. 788 00:54:33,565 --> 00:54:35,027 I'm sorry I was whack. 789 00:54:35,101 --> 00:54:37,011 I was whack. 790 00:54:37,086 --> 00:54:38,810 I was whack. 791 00:54:47,681 --> 00:54:49,372 So welcome to chez Hansel. 792 00:54:49,442 --> 00:54:51,265 You're welcome to hide out here as long as you want. 793 00:54:51,330 --> 00:54:53,752 Well, there isn't much time. The show's tomorrow night. 794 00:54:53,827 --> 00:54:56,130 We have to figure out a plan by then. 795 00:54:57,156 --> 00:54:59,295 I'll round up the troops here. 796 00:54:59,365 --> 00:55:02,781 Hey, what's up, y'all? This is Derek and Matilda. 797 00:55:02,854 --> 00:55:05,026 Derek, you know Natani and Chloe. 798 00:55:06,055 --> 00:55:09,318 We got Buzzy Sullivan, big wave surfer from Maverick's. 799 00:55:09,384 --> 00:55:10,312 Hey, bra. 800 00:55:10,376 --> 00:55:12,318 Oh, this is this fantastic band, the Little Kings... 801 00:55:12,392 --> 00:55:15,044 I met when I was ice sailing in Finland. 802 00:55:15,114 --> 00:55:17,570 That's my Sherpa, Lapsang. 803 00:55:17,643 --> 00:55:19,815 Hey, everybody! Listen up for a second. 804 00:55:21,259 --> 00:55:24,043 Derek and Matilda are hiding 'cause some dudes brainwashed Derek... 805 00:55:24,109 --> 00:55:26,281 to off the prime minister of Micronesia. 806 00:55:26,349 --> 00:55:28,138 - Malaysia. - Right. 807 00:55:28,206 --> 00:55:31,655 So, they're gonna be hiding here. Let's show them a good time. 808 00:55:31,727 --> 00:55:33,997 - Right on! - All right, come on, over here. 809 00:55:34,064 --> 00:55:36,618 Oh, hey, Ennui, will you do me a favor? 810 00:55:36,689 --> 00:55:38,599 Will you get me some of that tea that me and Lapsang got... 811 00:55:38,673 --> 00:55:40,103 when we were climbing the Mayan ruins? 812 00:55:47,860 --> 00:55:49,551 This is really strong tea. 813 00:55:50,964 --> 00:55:52,852 No, it's just right. Trust me. 814 00:55:52,918 --> 00:55:55,985 What with all the intrigue you guys have been dealing with. 815 00:55:56,055 --> 00:56:00,147 You know, Matilda, I'm surprised you're so worried about "Der-rock." 816 00:56:01,367 --> 00:56:03,441 From that article that I read, it seems like... 817 00:56:03,513 --> 00:56:06,830 you don't really care too much about guys in our line of work. 818 00:56:06,906 --> 00:56:09,045 Why do you hate models, Matilda? 819 00:56:10,043 --> 00:56:12,499 - Honestly? - Yes. 820 00:56:13,659 --> 00:56:16,530 I think they're vain, stupid... 821 00:56:16,605 --> 00:56:18,809 and incredibly self-centered. 822 00:56:19,613 --> 00:56:21,108 I totally agree with you. 823 00:56:22,431 --> 00:56:25,301 But how do you feel about male models? 824 00:56:25,375 --> 00:56:26,869 Sweet. 825 00:56:29,505 --> 00:56:33,084 Okay, but seriously, Matil. Is it all right if I call you Matil? 826 00:56:34,658 --> 00:56:37,277 What's the deal, yo-yo? 827 00:56:37,347 --> 00:56:41,123 You're not telling us everything. There's something else, isn't there? 828 00:56:41,189 --> 00:56:43,196 You guys really want to know the truth? 829 00:56:43,268 --> 00:56:46,717 - Yeah. - Then I'm gonna tell you the truth. 830 00:56:48,742 --> 00:56:51,743 When I was in seventh grade... 831 00:56:51,815 --> 00:56:53,758 I was the fat kid in my class. 832 00:56:58,506 --> 00:56:59,968 All right, forget it. 833 00:57:00,042 --> 00:57:02,858 - No. - Dude, be cool tonight. Come on. 834 00:57:02,923 --> 00:57:05,291 I'm sorry. Please, go ahead. My mistake. 835 00:57:06,956 --> 00:57:09,608 I was the one that all the pretty girls used to make fun of. 836 00:57:09,677 --> 00:57:11,914 It was an awkward phase. 837 00:57:14,158 --> 00:57:16,013 Anyway... 838 00:57:16,079 --> 00:57:19,625 every day after school, I would come home and... 839 00:57:19,696 --> 00:57:23,789 you know, I'd flip through the pages of my mom's Vogue and Glamour. 840 00:57:23,857 --> 00:57:26,924 And I just-- 841 00:57:26,994 --> 00:57:28,303 I'd look at these women-- 842 00:57:28,371 --> 00:57:32,528 these perfect, beautiful... 843 00:57:32,596 --> 00:57:35,531 just unbelievable, skinny women. 844 00:57:35,605 --> 00:57:37,460 I just couldn't-- 845 00:57:37,526 --> 00:57:41,171 Oh, I couldn't understand why I didn't look like them. 846 00:57:42,615 --> 00:57:44,176 I just didn't get it. 847 00:57:44,248 --> 00:57:46,387 So, um-- 848 00:57:47,641 --> 00:57:50,708 So I became-- 849 00:57:54,138 --> 00:57:55,349 What? 850 00:57:57,884 --> 00:57:59,193 Bulimic. 851 00:58:01,821 --> 00:58:04,210 You can read minds? 852 00:58:11,232 --> 00:58:14,299 It's when you throw up after every meal. 853 00:58:15,841 --> 00:58:18,744 See, this is exactly what you models do to people. 854 00:58:18,818 --> 00:58:21,503 You make them feel bad about themselves. 855 00:58:25,540 --> 00:58:29,153 So what? I throw up after lots of meals. 856 00:58:29,221 --> 00:58:32,834 So do I. It's a great way to lose pounds before a show. 857 00:58:32,902 --> 00:58:36,515 Are you guys insane? Do you understand? It's a disease. 858 00:58:36,583 --> 00:58:40,065 How'd that affect you with guys? Did they not want to get busy? 859 00:58:40,137 --> 00:58:42,788 - Good point. - Oh. Okay. You know what? 860 00:58:42,857 --> 00:58:47,681 I'm not gonna sit here with both of you and discuss my sex life or-- 861 00:58:49,067 --> 00:58:51,751 Or lack thereof. 862 00:58:53,229 --> 00:58:55,783 Ooh, you mean, like, like you, like you-- 863 00:58:55,854 --> 00:58:58,375 - Haven't really done it-- - You haven't done it-- 864 00:58:58,447 --> 00:59:00,357 Done it in a while, yeah. 865 00:59:00,431 --> 00:59:02,887 Okay, what's a while? Like, eight days? 866 00:59:05,265 --> 00:59:06,377 More? 867 00:59:08,210 --> 00:59:11,080 Oh, try a couple years. 868 00:59:11,154 --> 00:59:13,424 - Oh! - Oh, snap! 869 00:59:13,491 --> 00:59:16,143 How do you live? 870 00:59:16,212 --> 00:59:19,660 Seriously. Do you service yourself ten times a day? 871 00:59:19,733 --> 00:59:22,222 - End of discussion! - Easy. Okay, hold on. 872 00:59:22,294 --> 00:59:24,716 - Easy, easy. - I'm not comfortable talking-- 873 00:59:24,791 --> 00:59:26,417 Easy. 874 00:59:26,487 --> 00:59:28,462 This has been an emotional day for all of us. 875 00:59:33,082 --> 00:59:35,351 I think we should get naked. 876 00:59:35,418 --> 00:59:36,628 What? 877 00:59:36,698 --> 00:59:39,546 Don't ask questions. 878 00:59:39,611 --> 00:59:41,684 Just give in to the power of the tea. 879 01:00:23,113 --> 01:00:25,121 So I'm repelling down Mount Vesuvius... 880 01:00:25,194 --> 01:00:27,813 when suddenly I slip and I start to fall. 881 01:00:27,882 --> 01:00:29,730 I mean, I'm about to die. Hot bread, Zeke. 882 01:00:30,818 --> 01:00:34,168 Just falling-- I'll never forget the terror. 883 01:00:34,243 --> 01:00:37,725 When suddenly I remember, "Holy shit. Hansel... 884 01:00:37,796 --> 01:00:40,448 haven't you been smoking peyote for six straight days? 885 01:00:40,517 --> 01:00:43,201 And couldn't some of this, maybe, be in your mind?" 886 01:00:43,270 --> 01:00:44,547 And? 887 01:00:45,767 --> 01:00:48,156 It was. I was totally fine. 888 01:00:48,232 --> 01:00:51,015 I've never even been to Mount Vesuvius. 889 01:00:51,080 --> 01:00:53,088 Cool story, Hansel. 890 01:00:53,161 --> 01:00:54,209 Thanks, Olaf. 891 01:00:55,786 --> 01:00:58,242 Dude, how dope was last night? 892 01:00:58,315 --> 01:01:00,552 I mean, the soil room. Dirt was flying. 893 01:01:00,619 --> 01:01:03,041 You couldn't see anything. It was like, whoa, who's that? 894 01:01:03,116 --> 01:01:05,899 - Who's this? - I think I'm falling for Matilda. 895 01:01:06,701 --> 01:01:09,036 Dude, I wasn't gonna say anything... 896 01:01:09,102 --> 01:01:12,071 but it was crazy energy flying back and forth between you guys. 897 01:01:12,143 --> 01:01:13,998 It was like, whoa, look out! 898 01:01:14,063 --> 01:01:15,919 There was a moment last night... 899 01:01:15,984 --> 01:01:18,919 when she was between the two Finnish dwarves and the Maori tribesman-- 900 01:01:19,954 --> 01:01:22,093 - Oh, yeah. - Where I thought... 901 01:01:22,162 --> 01:01:27,499 "Wow, I could really spend the rest of my life with this woman." 902 01:01:27,572 --> 01:01:28,849 Really? 903 01:01:28,917 --> 01:01:31,438 What do you call that? 904 01:01:31,509 --> 01:01:34,892 I think you call that love, D-Bone. 905 01:01:39,576 --> 01:01:41,137 So what time is it? 906 01:01:41,208 --> 01:01:43,827 - Almost 5:00. - What? 907 01:01:43,897 --> 01:01:46,385 Hey, guys, that show is in three hours. 908 01:01:46,458 --> 01:01:49,459 Derek is dead unless we get that evidence. Do you guys-- 909 01:01:49,531 --> 01:01:54,104 Whoa, easy. How about a "Good afternoon, Derek and Hansel. 910 01:01:54,172 --> 01:01:56,060 Thanks for the freak fest last night"? 911 01:01:58,301 --> 01:02:00,920 - Hello? - Hello? 912 01:02:00,990 --> 01:02:02,965 Oh, hi, Katinka. 913 01:02:03,038 --> 01:02:06,585 Uh, no, I just had a really late party night last night. 914 01:02:06,656 --> 01:02:09,340 - Derek, hang up the phone now! - Where am I? 915 01:02:09,408 --> 01:02:12,027 - I have to go! See you at 7:00. - Hang up! 916 01:02:12,097 --> 01:02:14,782 Derek, I thought I told you to turn off your phone. 917 01:02:14,851 --> 01:02:16,706 Turn off my phone? 918 01:02:18,403 --> 01:02:19,930 Turn off my phone? 919 01:02:20,004 --> 01:02:21,860 - Yeah. - Earth to Matilda. 920 01:02:21,925 --> 01:02:24,893 This phone is as much a part of me as-- 921 01:02:24,966 --> 01:02:28,316 You know what? Can we cut it out with all the "Earth to's," please? 922 01:02:28,391 --> 01:02:31,206 We're not actually saying this is the Earth calling you, Matilda. 923 01:02:31,272 --> 01:02:34,142 Yeah. No, I got that. I understand you don't literally mean-- 924 01:02:34,217 --> 01:02:36,389 Uh, no, I don't think you do. 925 01:02:36,457 --> 01:02:40,353 Listen. It's not like we think we're actually in a control tower... 926 01:02:40,427 --> 01:02:43,689 trying to reach outer space aliens or something, okay? 927 01:02:43,755 --> 01:02:44,704 Hello. 928 01:02:48,301 --> 01:02:51,204 - Oh, snap! - A joke. 929 01:02:52,974 --> 01:02:56,684 Instead of doing that, I'm gonna try to figure out a way into Maury's... 930 01:02:56,752 --> 01:02:59,752 before Derek assassinates a world leader. 931 01:03:01,457 --> 01:03:02,505 Wait. 932 01:03:03,378 --> 01:03:04,687 I have an idea. 933 01:03:05,714 --> 01:03:08,846 They'll be looking for us at Maury's, right? 934 01:03:08,915 --> 01:03:14,187 But they won't be looking for not us. 935 01:03:14,260 --> 01:03:15,952 What are you talking about? 936 01:03:16,885 --> 01:03:18,991 Hansel, do you have a cosmetics case? 937 01:03:19,062 --> 01:03:21,845 Sure, I mean, just for touch-ups or whatever. 938 01:03:21,911 --> 01:03:23,373 What are you gonna do with that? 939 01:03:24,248 --> 01:03:26,670 That'll do. Early in my career... 940 01:03:26,744 --> 01:03:29,079 I used to do my own makeup styling and tailoring. 941 01:03:29,145 --> 01:03:31,186 If I can create a basic disguise for us... 942 01:03:31,258 --> 01:03:33,942 we may just be able to sneak into Maury's, undetected. 943 01:03:34,715 --> 01:03:38,197 You is talkin' loco, and I like it. 944 01:03:58,402 --> 01:04:00,858 Welcome to Derelicte. 945 01:04:07,781 --> 01:04:10,432 Hansel calling Matil. We have entry. Repeat. 946 01:04:10,502 --> 01:04:12,642 - We have entry. - Okay, guys. I hear you. 947 01:04:12,711 --> 01:04:15,101 Now, once you get the info, I want you to E-mail it to my office. 948 01:04:15,175 --> 01:04:18,624 l�ll download the files, and we'll take the information to the police. 949 01:04:18,696 --> 01:04:21,031 We hear you loud and clear. 950 01:04:22,570 --> 01:04:23,650 Listen, Matil. 951 01:04:23,722 --> 01:04:27,072 l�ve been thinking a lot about that bulimia thing. 952 01:04:27,147 --> 01:04:30,344 And I want you to know I understand where you're coming from. 953 01:04:30,413 --> 01:04:34,211 I feel really bad that good-looking people like us... 954 01:04:34,285 --> 01:04:37,188 made you throw up and feel bad about yourself. 955 01:04:37,262 --> 01:04:39,118 For serious. 956 01:04:40,335 --> 01:04:43,784 - Thanks, Derek. Now, hurry up. - Okay. 957 01:04:43,857 --> 01:04:48,048 I got the results on the name check you asked for on Jacobim Mugatu. 958 01:04:48,113 --> 01:04:51,180 - Or should I say Jacob Moogberg. - What? 959 01:04:51,250 --> 01:04:53,356 He changed his name when he went into the fashion business. 960 01:04:53,427 --> 01:04:55,981 Apparently, the guy was the original guitar synth player... 961 01:04:56,052 --> 01:04:58,802 for that band Frankie Goes to Hollywood, but he got kicked out... 962 01:04:58,869 --> 01:05:00,910 before they hit it big with that song "Relax." 963 01:05:00,982 --> 01:05:05,009 After Frankie gave him the heave-ho, he held a series of odd jobs until-- 964 01:05:05,079 --> 01:05:07,349 get this-- he invented... 965 01:05:07,415 --> 01:05:09,783 the piano key necktie in 1985. 966 01:05:09,848 --> 01:05:12,150 The guy's been a fashion designer ever since. 967 01:05:17,274 --> 01:05:19,130 First obstacle. 968 01:05:22,556 --> 01:05:24,444 You ever use one of these? 969 01:05:24,509 --> 01:05:27,095 I don't think so. 970 01:05:27,166 --> 01:05:30,102 Watch out. Watch-- Fix that hem, Jason. 971 01:05:30,174 --> 01:05:33,023 Please. I need-- Katinka! 972 01:05:33,088 --> 01:05:35,161 He's not here yet, Jacobim. 973 01:05:35,232 --> 01:05:37,753 - That little toad-face better show. - He will show. 974 01:05:37,825 --> 01:05:40,990 Good, because I'm a hot little potato right now. 975 01:05:42,850 --> 01:05:44,956 There must be an "on" button somewhere. 976 01:05:45,027 --> 01:05:47,362 Did you press that apple thing? 977 01:06:32,466 --> 01:06:33,841 Wait! Hansel! 978 01:06:34,579 --> 01:06:37,100 Let's not lose our cool. Then we're no better than the machine. 979 01:06:39,668 --> 01:06:41,392 It's almost 7:00. I gotta go. 980 01:06:41,461 --> 01:06:43,982 No! Derek. Der, wait. 981 01:06:44,053 --> 01:06:46,323 If you go, they'll make you kill that Eurasian dude. 982 01:06:46,390 --> 01:06:49,937 I don't care, Hansel. I've never been late for a show in my life. 983 01:06:50,008 --> 01:06:51,284 I don't plan on starting now. 984 01:06:51,352 --> 01:06:53,524 Damn it, you're right. 985 01:06:53,593 --> 01:06:58,067 Do me a favor. If anything happens to me, give this to Matilda. 986 01:06:58,138 --> 01:07:01,522 - Oh, no. - Please, Hansel. Take it. Please. 987 01:07:01,594 --> 01:07:04,017 - Ah, man. - Take it. 988 01:07:06,044 --> 01:07:10,552 Let's just say I'll hold on to it till you get back. 989 01:07:10,622 --> 01:07:12,989 Go! 990 01:07:13,055 --> 01:07:14,910 We're live at the Derelicte show... 991 01:07:14,975 --> 01:07:17,464 where controversial designer Jacobim Mugatu... 992 01:07:17,536 --> 01:07:21,050 has extended the olive branch to Malaysian Prime Minister Hassan... 993 01:07:21,121 --> 01:07:23,063 making him the guest of honor at tonight's show. 994 01:07:23,137 --> 01:07:27,710 And starring in that show, veteran supermodel Derek Zoolander. 995 01:07:29,347 --> 01:07:33,243 Guys, what's happening? Did you find the files? 996 01:07:33,317 --> 01:07:36,449 Matilda, we've got problems. Derek's already left for the show. 997 01:07:36,517 --> 01:07:39,201 No. No, he can't. We don't even know what the trigger is. 998 01:07:39,270 --> 01:07:41,573 He just went running out of here. I couldn't stop him. 999 01:07:41,639 --> 01:07:44,193 - I'll call him on his phone. - He doesn't have it. 1000 01:07:44,264 --> 01:07:46,501 - What? - Yeah, he doesn't have it. 1001 01:07:46,569 --> 01:07:48,479 What are you talking about? He always has it. 1002 01:07:48,553 --> 01:07:51,816 - No, he gave it to me. - Did you find the files? 1003 01:07:51,882 --> 01:07:53,857 I don't even know what they-- What do they look like? 1004 01:07:53,931 --> 01:07:55,393 They're in the computer. 1005 01:07:55,467 --> 01:07:57,802 They're in the computer? 1006 01:07:57,868 --> 01:08:00,619 Yeah, they're definitely in there. I don't know how he labeled them. 1007 01:08:00,685 --> 01:08:02,957 - I got it. - You gotta figure it out. 1008 01:08:03,085 --> 01:08:06,698 We're running out of time. Find them and meet me at the show. 1009 01:08:06,766 --> 01:08:08,075 Roger. 1010 01:08:09,167 --> 01:08:11,656 In the computer. 1011 01:08:11,728 --> 01:08:13,867 It's so simple. 1012 01:08:13,969 --> 01:08:17,101 Hey, I just cut up a couple of cantaloupe halves... 1013 01:08:17,169 --> 01:08:19,308 with some cottage cheese, if you're hungry. 1014 01:08:19,378 --> 01:08:21,419 Not the right time. I need to figure out this trigger... 1015 01:08:21,491 --> 01:08:23,979 before Derek kills the Malaysian prime minister. 1016 01:08:24,051 --> 01:08:26,703 You just seem a little tense. I was trying to help you relax. 1017 01:08:26,772 --> 01:08:29,872 Relax? The last thing I need to do right now is rela-- 1018 01:08:32,470 --> 01:08:34,326 - That's it. - Let's go, people! 1019 01:08:34,391 --> 01:08:37,589 Let's go! Vagrants and whores, you're wanted in Makeup! 1020 01:08:37,656 --> 01:08:39,511 Runaways and street hustlers, you're next! 1021 01:08:39,576 --> 01:08:42,479 - You had us worried, Derek. - Everything's cool. 1022 01:08:42,553 --> 01:08:45,369 - I'm really psyched for the show. - Good. 1023 01:08:45,434 --> 01:08:49,691 Just remember, relax. 1024 01:08:49,756 --> 01:08:51,829 Two minutes, Derek. 1025 01:08:51,900 --> 01:08:54,868 Ah, there he is. 1026 01:08:54,941 --> 01:08:58,171 I just want to wish you good luck. 1027 01:08:58,238 --> 01:09:00,443 Don't you mean "good-bye"? 1028 01:09:00,511 --> 01:09:02,399 What are you talking-- 1029 01:09:06,241 --> 01:09:08,151 I know it was you, Maury. 1030 01:09:08,225 --> 01:09:09,752 I know it was you... 1031 01:09:09,826 --> 01:09:11,965 and it breaks my heart. 1032 01:09:12,034 --> 01:09:14,075 Derek, I don't know what you're talking-- 1033 01:09:16,420 --> 01:09:19,617 Derek, I'm-- 1034 01:09:21,157 --> 01:09:23,841 I'm sorry. 1035 01:09:30,248 --> 01:09:31,678 Glad you could join us, Kmart. 1036 01:09:32,521 --> 01:09:35,113 Lucky for you, there is no dress code. 1037 01:09:36,809 --> 01:09:38,697 I am vile spew... 1038 01:09:38,762 --> 01:09:41,545 of the wretched masses. 1039 01:09:41,611 --> 01:09:45,736 I am really, really dirty. 1040 01:09:45,804 --> 01:09:47,747 I am Derelicte! 1041 01:10:01,841 --> 01:10:04,264 You make me sick to my stomach, Jaco. 1042 01:10:06,099 --> 01:10:07,954 It'll all be over soon. 1043 01:10:08,019 --> 01:10:11,337 Derek Zoolander will be dead, and you'll be fine. 1044 01:10:11,412 --> 01:10:12,786 You always are. 1045 01:10:12,853 --> 01:10:14,347 Come on, Derek. You're on. 1046 01:10:16,565 --> 01:10:18,421 Break a leg, Derek. 1047 01:10:50,977 --> 01:10:52,286 It's "Relax"! 1048 01:10:53,056 --> 01:10:56,189 I'm fine. I've done this a thousand times. 1049 01:10:56,995 --> 01:10:58,555 The trigger! It's "Re"-- 1050 01:11:09,606 --> 01:11:12,923 Concentrate, Derelicte. 1051 01:11:12,999 --> 01:11:16,742 Do not be distracted by the beautiful celebrities. 1052 01:11:16,809 --> 01:11:18,533 Celebrities. 1053 01:11:24,746 --> 01:11:29,734 Do what you've been trained to do, and kill the prime minister! 1054 01:11:42,448 --> 01:11:43,855 Just do it already! 1055 01:11:53,236 --> 01:11:54,283 I got your back! 1056 01:11:55,316 --> 01:11:56,462 What? 1057 01:11:59,125 --> 01:12:00,435 It's that damn Hansel! 1058 01:12:00,502 --> 01:12:01,931 He's so hot right now! 1059 01:12:03,863 --> 01:12:05,140 Popping and locking, fool! 1060 01:12:07,864 --> 01:12:09,391 They're break-dance fighting. 1061 01:13:12,044 --> 01:13:15,307 Derek Zoolander just tried to kill the prime minister of Malaysia. 1062 01:13:16,942 --> 01:13:19,593 That's bullshit! Listen up, everyone. 1063 01:13:19,662 --> 01:13:21,802 Mugatu's a dick! 1064 01:13:21,871 --> 01:13:24,970 He tried to brainwash Derek to kill the Claymation dude. 1065 01:13:26,832 --> 01:13:30,150 That's a lie! Zoolander snapped because he's over the hill! 1066 01:13:30,226 --> 01:13:32,528 He knew his career was over, and he couldn't face it. 1067 01:13:32,594 --> 01:13:37,418 No way. We got 30 years of files right here in this computer! 1068 01:13:37,492 --> 01:13:39,827 They're gonna bring you down! 1069 01:13:39,893 --> 01:13:41,137 Oh, no. 1070 01:13:41,205 --> 01:13:42,133 Down! 1071 01:13:46,807 --> 01:13:48,084 Where did all the files go? 1072 01:13:49,240 --> 01:13:51,062 Ha! I'm taking you out! 1073 01:13:51,896 --> 01:13:54,231 - Yo, taste my pain, bitch! - Huh? 1074 01:13:58,938 --> 01:14:01,525 - Yes! - Deal with that! 1075 01:14:05,116 --> 01:14:08,150 You don't have the guts, Kmart! 1076 01:14:08,221 --> 01:14:09,978 Wanna bet? And by the way... 1077 01:14:10,046 --> 01:14:11,770 you were wrong about my outfit. 1078 01:14:11,838 --> 01:14:15,134 It's the Cheryl Ladd Collection, and I got it at J.C. Penney. 1079 01:14:16,128 --> 01:14:17,951 On sale. 1080 01:14:22,082 --> 01:14:25,661 Jig's up, Mugatu. Everything they're saying is true. 1081 01:14:25,731 --> 01:14:27,673 I've been in on it for 30 years. 1082 01:14:27,747 --> 01:14:30,017 What are you doing, Ballstein? 1083 01:14:30,083 --> 01:14:33,150 I'm done, Jaco. I got a prostate the size of a honeydew... 1084 01:14:33,220 --> 01:14:35,076 and a head full of bad memories. 1085 01:14:35,141 --> 01:14:37,029 It's time to set things straight. 1086 01:14:37,094 --> 01:14:41,121 You have no evidence. Han-stupid destroyed everything. 1087 01:14:41,192 --> 01:14:44,673 I got two words for you, sugar-- Zip disk. 1088 01:14:44,744 --> 01:14:47,712 The whole thing is in my den in Long Island. 1089 01:14:47,785 --> 01:14:50,022 I can have that evidence here in 20 minutes. 1090 01:14:50,090 --> 01:14:51,946 - That a boy, Maury. - Hold on a second. 1091 01:14:52,011 --> 01:14:54,467 I'm afraid of the radiation. 1092 01:14:56,748 --> 01:14:59,116 Sheila, honey, it's me. Listen. 1093 01:14:59,181 --> 01:15:02,794 I need you to bring that Zip disk in the den down to the fashion show. 1094 01:15:04,335 --> 01:15:06,440 I don't care what the traffic is like. 1095 01:15:07,599 --> 01:15:10,317 Take the goddamn service road and get off before the bridge. 1096 01:15:11,696 --> 01:15:13,934 So put it in one of those Tupperware containers... 1097 01:15:14,002 --> 01:15:15,912 and I'll heat it up in the microwave when I get home. 1098 01:15:16,818 --> 01:15:21,676 For Christ's sake, it's a casserole, Sheila! It'll stay! 1099 01:15:21,747 --> 01:15:23,090 Shut up! 1100 01:15:23,156 --> 01:15:24,880 Enough already, Ballstein! 1101 01:15:24,949 --> 01:15:27,732 Who cares about Derek Zoolander anyway? 1102 01:15:27,798 --> 01:15:30,832 The man has only one look, for Christ's sake! 1103 01:15:30,902 --> 01:15:33,620 Blue Steel, Ferrari, Le Tigre? 1104 01:15:33,687 --> 01:15:35,695 They're the same face! 1105 01:15:36,664 --> 01:15:41,205 Doesn't anyone notice this? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills! 1106 01:15:42,362 --> 01:15:45,330 I invented the piano key necktie! 1107 01:15:45,403 --> 01:15:47,411 I invented it! 1108 01:15:47,484 --> 01:15:49,939 What have you done, Derek? Nothing! 1109 01:15:50,012 --> 01:15:53,079 You've done nothing! Nothing! 1110 01:15:53,885 --> 01:15:57,235 And I will be a monkey's uncle if I have you ruin this for me! 1111 01:15:57,311 --> 01:16:00,061 Because if you can't get the job done, then I will! 1112 01:16:00,800 --> 01:16:02,841 Die, you wage-hiking scum! 1113 01:16:07,042 --> 01:16:08,252 One look? 1114 01:16:09,283 --> 01:16:12,829 One look? I don't think so! 1115 01:16:24,679 --> 01:16:26,108 There it is! 1116 01:16:26,183 --> 01:16:27,263 Magnum! 1117 01:16:28,297 --> 01:16:29,988 Holy moly. 1118 01:16:30,057 --> 01:16:33,157 Yeah, baby! That's what I've been waiting for! 1119 01:16:33,226 --> 01:16:35,496 Dear God. 1120 01:16:35,563 --> 01:16:37,254 It's beautiful. 1121 01:16:50,031 --> 01:16:52,366 Yeah! 1122 01:16:58,354 --> 01:17:00,427 That's my kid. 1123 01:17:00,498 --> 01:17:02,853 That's my son. 1124 01:17:03,781 --> 01:17:05,439 Whoa! Yeah! 1125 01:17:09,126 --> 01:17:13,186 I love that kid. Dumb as a stump, but I love him. 1126 01:17:13,256 --> 01:17:15,144 Oh, Derek, you did it! That was amazing! 1127 01:17:15,208 --> 01:17:17,348 I know. I turned left! 1128 01:17:18,410 --> 01:17:22,055 Yeah, that too. But you saved the prime minister of Malaysia! 1129 01:17:22,122 --> 01:17:24,261 Oh, right. Cool. 1130 01:17:24,331 --> 01:17:27,681 Thank you, Derek Zoolander, for saving my life. 1131 01:17:53,729 --> 01:17:57,276 Hi, I'm former male supermodel Derek Zoolander. 1132 01:17:57,346 --> 01:18:00,282 Here, at the Derek Zoolander Center for Kids Who Can't Read Good... 1133 01:18:00,356 --> 01:18:02,461 and Who Wanna Learn to Do Other Stuff Good Too... 1134 01:18:02,532 --> 01:18:04,867 we teach students of all ages... 1135 01:18:04,933 --> 01:18:07,716 everything they need to know to learn to be a professional model... 1136 01:18:07,782 --> 01:18:09,954 and a professional human being. 1137 01:18:10,022 --> 01:18:12,892 Our diverse faculty includes business management teacher... 1138 01:18:12,967 --> 01:18:15,651 and former model agent Maury Ballstein. 1139 01:18:15,720 --> 01:18:17,608 The designer's got your nuts in a vise... 1140 01:18:17,673 --> 01:18:19,680 offering you ten million plus three percent... 1141 01:18:19,753 --> 01:18:21,826 of every pair of underwear sold. 1142 01:18:21,897 --> 01:18:23,753 What are you gonna do? 1143 01:18:23,818 --> 01:18:26,950 Screw him! Hold out for more! 1144 01:18:27,019 --> 01:18:29,322 That's what I'm talking about! 1145 01:18:29,388 --> 01:18:31,909 So join now, because at the Derek Zoolander Center for Kids... 1146 01:18:31,981 --> 01:18:34,797 Who Can't Read Good and Wanna Learn to Do Other Stuff Good Too... 1147 01:18:34,862 --> 01:18:36,805 we teach you that there's more to life... 1148 01:18:36,878 --> 01:18:39,050 than just being really, really, really good-looking. 1149 01:18:39,119 --> 01:18:40,942 - Right, kids? - Right! 1150 01:18:41,007 --> 01:18:42,382 And cut! 1151 01:18:43,665 --> 01:18:46,153 - Looks great. I think we got it. - All right, Mitch. Thanks. 1152 01:18:46,225 --> 01:18:48,779 - All right! That's a wrap! - Hey, Hansel. 1153 01:18:48,850 --> 01:18:51,884 I'm gonna take these kids over to the George Washington Bridge... 1154 01:18:51,955 --> 01:18:53,811 give them a little lesson in base jumping. 1155 01:18:53,876 --> 01:18:56,626 - Catch you at the teacher's lounge? - All right. 1156 01:18:56,693 --> 01:18:59,727 All right, guys. Last one to the helicopter's a rotten egg. Let's go! 1157 01:19:02,711 --> 01:19:05,613 - There's Daddy! Hi. - Hey. 1158 01:19:05,687 --> 01:19:07,281 - How's Derek, Jr.? - He's great. 1159 01:19:07,352 --> 01:19:09,491 Guess what. He made his first look today. 1160 01:19:09,560 --> 01:19:12,496 - Really? - You wanna show Daddy your look? 1161 01:19:17,851 --> 01:19:18,778 Wow. 1162 01:19:19,804 --> 01:19:22,871 - Wanna hang out for story hour? - Great. Yeah. Let's go. 1163 01:19:22,941 --> 01:19:26,422 - Hey, who wants to hear a story? - Yeah! 92212