All language subtitles for The Office - 2x14 - The Carpet.en

What ?

Oh, nothing.

Pam's on vacation.

And she gets back tomorrow.

So, it'll be nice to see her.

It'll be nice. And...

She set a date for the
wedding with Roy.

June, summer.

So, that'll be nice.

And that's that.

What ?

Oh, nothing.

Jim's been looking at me
kind of a lot all week.

I would be creeped out by it.

But it's nothing compared to
the way Michael looks at me.

Transcripts : Nikki (twiztv.com)
Synchronisation : Occeane
http://pmag.f2o.org/theofficeus/

Spamster.

Pam, plus Spam, plus...

- Hamster.
- Right.

Welcome back.
How was your vacation ?

- It was great.
- Yeah ? Did you get lucky ?

Oop ! Boink.

Roy and I just got back
from the Poconos.

I get ten vacation days a year.

And I try to hold off taking
them for as long as possible.

And this year I got to the
third week in January.

I am Pam. Spicoli guy.

Oh, God.

He needs numbers.
Okay.

Whoa ! God !
Yuck ! Yuck, yuck, yuck.

- What ?
- Yuck ! Wow ! What happened in there ?

- I don't know.
- There is stink in there. My God !

- What is- what is that ?
- Oh, I don't know.

- Is that a bird ?
- No, I don't think it's a bird.

Oh, God, how could that happen ?
How could...

- Right in the middle of the carpet.
- What's going on ?

Somebody vomited right in the
middle of the carpet in my office.

- I don't think that's vomit.
- Check it out.

- Me ?
- Check it out.

Don't be a wuss. Just get, no,
I'm not holding your coffee.

- Tell me what it is.
- Oh, that's a real bitch.

What is it ?

- Michael.
- What is it ?

No, just tell me what it is.

Michael, I gotta get outta here !
I can't hold my breath that long.

Open the door up.

It smelled terrible.

Oh ! Phew !

Oh, no !

I cannot believe a pipe
burst and left that there.

- That's no burst pipe.
- Well, how do you know that ?

What is it then ?

Hey guys ! Somebody making soup ?

Here she comes.
All clean ? Great.

- Too stinky.
- That is worse.

She probably scrubbed it
into the fibers of the carpet.

Total permeation.

I am a big fan of Fear Factor.

I'm a big fan of anything
Joe Rogan does, actually.

So, this is sort of like
my audition tape.

I can't stand it

I can't stand it in here another second.

Hey, welcome back.

Thanks.

So, how was the resort ?
Did you ski a lot ?

A little.

Good.

What's going on here ?

What ?

I did not do that.

That sounds disgusting.

It wasn't me.

It wasn't me

It was not me.

Hey, Jim !

I thought that we would be desk
buddies while they change my carpet.

That might be a little difficult
with the one computer.

But there's definitely
a desk open in the back.

Yeah..

- Which I guess I'll be taking.
- No, seriously. I don't mind sharing.

No, no, no. Seriously.
I'll be in the back.

Hey, Kelly.

Are you moving back here ?

Just for the day while
Michael's at my desk.

Because Toby used to sit there.

But then he had to move over
there because of an allergy.

Allergy to...the desk ?

Weird.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ol' bullpen.

- The ol' bullpen.
- Don't hate me.

- Okay.
- This is great.

Yeah.

The pressures of my office are insane.

I just- you couldn't understand.

But you guys have it easy out here.

You know, I used to sit right here ?

- No way.
- Yeah

And who had your office ?

Ed Truck.

Ed Truck was the manager before me.

Horrible. He hated fun.

It was like, Ed Truck is walking
toward us.Stop having fun.

Start pretending to do work.

What a jerk. He's...You know what ?

I swore to myself, that if I ever got to
walk around the room as manager,

people would laugh when
they saw me coming.

And would applaud as I walked away.

I'm serious, my closet
doors will not shut.

I mean, it only takes so long to measure
to make sure that clothes will hang up.

Cause aren't all
hangers like, that big ?

So I don't understand why the closet
engineer didn't think of that.

So now I'm doing this new thing,

where I just leave piles
of clothes on the floor.

And I walk around the
piles to get an outfit...

You know who used to sit at that desk ?

That guy Miles who quit
to form his own company ?

Todd Packer.

- No.
- Yeah.

- I thought he was out on the road.
- He was, but...

That desk was empty.
He'd come in and sit there sometimes.

When I was in training, many years ago.
Not so long ago.

I worked side by side with a
fellow named Todd Packer.

And together we rocked the office.

Packer and I once spent a
whole day with our pants off.

And when people noticed,
we convinced them that they were crazy.

I would gladly pay you Tuesday
for a hamburger today.

Excuse me one second please.

What is it that you need
right now that can't wait,

until I'm off the phone
with a customer ?

A customer. Well, sound the alarm.

Okay.

Another time, Packer held this guy's
head in the toilet for like a minute.

Guy had no sense of humor about it.
Probably why he wasn't hired.

- What did you hit me for ?
- Oh, Charlie Horse.

- What ?
- Charlie Horse !

- You shouldn't have hit me, Michael.
- Okay !

Once, as a joke Packer banged
every chick in the office.

It was hysterical.

Beyonce, pink the color,
Pink the person, hot dogs,

Basically anything that is awesome.

- Sno-cones...
- Hey, Jim.

Michael wanted me to ask you
how to raise your desk chair.

- It's the lever on the side.
- That's what I told him. Thanks.

Oh, my God. He is so cute.

Would you talk to him for
me and see if he likes me ?

- No, I don't think I can.
- Please Jim. Please, please, Jim

Please, please ? He's so cute.
I like him so much.

And I would do it, but I'm too shy.
Please, Jim ? Please, please.

Please ? Please, Jim, please ?
Please, please ?

- Dwight.
- Michael.

- Let's set up accounting.
- What ?

Old-fashioned raid.
Sales on accounting.

Follow my lead.

- Hey, guys.
- Hey, Michael.

- What's up ?
- Hey, Dwight.

Come on, come on !

- Sales rule !
- Yes !

Yeah, yeah !

- Should we help them pick up their stuff ?
- No, no...

We don't do that.
We don't do that.

Watch out Pam. You're next.

You're gonna throw my
things on the ground ?

Maybe.

What happened in Michael's
office is wrong.

I understand it. It makes sense.

But it's, but it was still wrong.

Why would somebody ruin
a perfectly good carpet ?

I don't know.

Could have been done out of hate.
Could be done out of love

It could be completely neutral.

Maybe somebody hates the cleaning lady.

Well, she doesn't do a
very good job, obviously.

because my office still reeks
like you would not believe.

I hate her.

You know what ?
I am beginning to think,

that what happened to my carpet was
an act of terrorism against the office.

Against the office.
The only thing that makes sense.

Hello, am I the 107th caller ?

Hello, Rock 107, am I the 107th caller ?

Hello, Rock 107,
am I the 107th caller ?

I'm totally going to
win us that box set.

Stop. Stop it.

Stop it.

Don't.

Don't.

I need to make a sales call.

- Please.
- All right.

Am I the 107th caller ?

That is so soon.

We'll go back. We'll go back
in a couple weeks, baby.

- Yeah, right.
- Okay, maybe another month then

Maybe for, like, Presidents'
Day or something.

We can do a three day weekend.

And maybe when we get back, I can call
in sick, and get a four day weekend.

And when I wake up, I feel fine.
It's so weird.

And I just hate it. 'Cause
I try to go to bed at, like,

- Are you kidding?

Hi, guys.

We haven't finished getting things
in order from your last visit.

- I'm just walking around.
- Were you ?

Well, yeah.

It's just that we're really
swamped over here Michael.

I'm not ? Why would you say that ?

Because I'm having fun ?

You guys just are working for
the weekend, aren't you ?

I'm working for the week.
Sales team.

Listen to me.
This is what we're gonna do.

I'm gonna up the ante
a little bit literally.

Right here, I'm going to
put a crisp $100 bill.

The person with the most sales at the
end of the day gets to keep the cash.

Sound good ?

70, 80, 1, 2, 3.

$83. Still a lot of money.

And I'm going to...
I'm going to leave it right over here.

Where everybody can see it.

I will be taking Jim's clients today,
because he is not here.

And out of sight, out of the contest.

Let's see who winds up
with the cash, shall we ?

- You're going to compete against us ?
- Oh, it is on, Phyllis ! It is so on !

- It is so on !
- God, this is gonna be fun.

Michael is gonna wipe the floor with us.

So you have 40 boxes going out.

And I will deliver those
personally in the Sebring.

Very good. Nice doing business
with you. Thank you.

Yes !!

Yeah. Read it and weep.

Look at that. Look at me Phyllis.

Oh, what is that ?
That's my sale.

- What what's that ? What you doing ?
- Nothing.

- I think he's dancing.
- No, just...

- That was definitely not dancing.
- You know what, guys ?

It's none of your concern.
It was official business. So just...

- Paper business ?
- Yeah, paper business. Is this done ?

N ope.

Extreme Home Makeover puts
together a house in an hour.

If you were on that crew,
you'd be fired like that.

Somebody did something
bad to Michael's carpet.

Maybe that's all we need to know.

- Who do you think did it ?
- Are you kidding ?

- I thought it was you.
- Really ? I thought you.

This was no act of God.

A person did this.
A person who works in this office.

Maybe all of them.

You know what ?

Today is not a good
day for a sales contest.

- We're-we're not doing this today.
- That doesn't seem fair.

You want to talk about fair ?
Does anyone need to smell my old carpet?

You explain to me how that was fair. And
I'll explain to you how this is fair.

Plus, I just, I think that picking today
was sort of taking advantage.

- But you're the one who picked today.
- I am a victim of a hate crime.

Stanley knows what I'm talking about.

- That's not what a hate crime is.
- Well, I hated it, a lot, okay ?

I, you know what ?

If the guilty person would just come
forward and take their punishment...

We'd be done.

Very well. Then you're all punished.

- What's our punishment ?
- You're all on time out.

Just sit there quietly.

Hey.

- What's up ?
- Nothing much.

Let me ask you something.

It's actually a little awkward.

What do you think of Kelly ?

I don't know.

Depends if you like a little junk in...

She's really cool.

- Are you interested in her ?
- Yeah, totally.

- Really ?
- Did she say something ?

She said lots of things.

Do you know if she's looking
for a long-term thing ?

Or if she'd be cool just, hanging out ?

- I have no idea.
- Can you find out ?

Yeah.

Sure.

Long-term, definitely.

Fall in love, have babies,
spend every second together.

But don't tell him that, okay ?

Just tell him I'm, like,
up for anything.

I mean, I'm not a slut, but who knows.

Do you remember Ed Truck ?

Sure, he hired me.
How's he doing ?

How would I know ?

I thought you might.

My biggest fear is turning into him.

Michael, you should have
much bigger fears than that.

I wasn't talking literally, Creed.

Yeah, being buried alive would be worse.

Happy ? Why am I talking to you ?

Ed !

Hi, thanks for meeting me.

Must be kind of neat coming back.

Yeah. Shall we go upstairs ?

Well, honestly, Ed, I really don't
want to be up there right now.

So, what's the problem with my pension ?

No, no, no. You're good.

It was clerical. You're good.

Well, somebody did
something in my office.

And I now think that they did it on
purpose and it was directed at me.

But what was done ?

I didn't get a good look at it.

But it smells horrible.

Yeah, somebody once
did that in my office.

- Really.
- Yeah.

Well, that figures.

So how did you deal with
people not liking you ?

You can't expect to be
friends with everybody.

- sure I can.
- No.

They'll always think
of you as a boss first.

Not necessarily.

You can love a boss
like you do a father.

I'm not sure that ever happens.

Well, ok, different management styles.

Why can't your workers be your workers ?

Family be your family,
your friends be your friends ?

Last week, I would've given a
kidney to anyone in this office.

I would have reached right into my
stomach and pulled it our for them.

But now, no.

I don't have a relationship with
these people that I thought I did.

I hope they ask.

So they can hear me say " : no."

I only give my organs
to my real friends.

Get yourself a monkey kidney.

Hey, Brenda, this is,
Jim Halpert from the boat.

And I got your number from
the corporate directory.

And, well, I'm assuming that
you probably gave it to them,

because you wanted
me to ask you out, right ?

So give me a call back.

You can get my number
from said directory,

Or just check your email
cause I just sent you one.

Yikes. Give me a call back, I hope.

I'll talk to you later. Bye.

You just asked a girl out on the phone !

Yup.

Yes.

Hello. Yes. I'm looking for a gay
nerd named Michael Scott.

Who is this ?
How did you get this number ?

Your mom, you gay nerd.

Oh my God. Packer. Packster !
Wacky Pack. How you doing ?

Hey, listen, did you get
that package I left for you ?

No. Did anybody see a
package here today ?

- No, how big was it ?
- It was pretty big.

- Really ?
- Yeah.

Did you see a big package ?
Where did you leave it ?

- Left it in the middle of your office.
- Realy ?

Guys, did you see a big
package in my office ?

You mean the thing ?

Are you kidding me ?

- Special delivery.
- That was Packer !

You are dead, you are dead, my friend.

That is hila- Oh God !
Of course it was you.

- Sit on the throne, Michael.
- Yeah, yeah !

Oh my God. It was Packer.

It takes an advanced sense of humor.
I don't expect everybody to understand

It was done out of love,
just like I thought.

It's, God, these people are so,
these are good people

We have fun. We just have fun.

I'm just so sorry that
I threw the thing out.

- You have 7 unheard messages.
- Hey, Jim, It's Pam.

I keep looking up to say
something to you,

and then Michael's there.
And it's horrible.

Anyway, I'm bored. Come back.

Hey, guess what. I moved my computer
so I can't see Michael's head.

It's working.
I think I can have a career,

as a very specific type of decorator.

Sudoku. Level, moderate. Time,
18 minutes. Suck on that Halpert.

I'll transfer you.

Dunder Mifflin this is Pam.
Hold, please.

Dunder Mifflin, this is. Okay, sorry.

Michael was standing at my
desk and I needed to be busy.

Or who knows what would've
happened. So thank you.

What's that word we made up for when
you have a thing stuck in your shoe ?

Anyway, I have a thing
stuck in my shoe.

I have a chance to sneak
out of here early,

And I'm not messing this
up so I'll see you tomorrow.

Calling from my cell phone.

I don't know if you guys figured out
who did that to Michael's carpet yet.

But I have a theory that it involves
an interdepartmental conspiracy.

Everybody in the office.
We need to talk.