All language subtitles for Corner.Gas.Animated.S01E09.Spy Me to the Moon.HDTV-aAF.HI.C

sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~

Hey, Brent,
what's the deal with the moon?

It's a big chunk of rock,
orbits the Earth...

That's literally all I have on that.

I mean, what's special
about tonight's moon?

Everyone's talking about it,

and I want to get a picture
with my new camera.

Is it a blood moon,
a harvest moon,

some kind of eclipse?

Hmm, I wonder if it's ever been
all those things at once.

Super-Blood-Blue-Harvest Eclipse.

Werewolves wouldn't know what to do.

[music]
[gasps]

Oh no. It's...

it's happening!

[snarling]

[garbled roaring]

[in posh British accent] I say,
that's a blue-blood moon, then.

Pip pip, I could go for a cup of tea

and a spot of human flesh,
eh, what? [chuckles]

[howling]

And then a harvest moon
turns him into a farmer-wolf,

all covered in... manure, or...
I'll figure out the details,

but this could be
a good comic book story.

Fine, I'll go with you
tonight, for research.

Yeah. You want to make sure all
your werewolf science is accurate.

♪ You think there's not a lot
going on ♪

♪ Look closer, baby
you're so wrong ♪

1x09 - Spy Me to the Moon

Hey, does anyone know
what kind of moon it is tonight?

Brent and I
are going to go watch it.

[everyone] Ooh...

It's not like that,
I want a picture of it.

[chortling and "ooh"ing]

Why are you "ooh"ing?

There's nothing titillating about that.
[giggles]

Oh, knock it off.

I heard it's going to be
an orange moon,

or a green moon...
is that a thing?

I wonder what colour the moon was
when man first landed on it.

We assume it was grey, but TVs
were black & white back then.

Some say the moon landing was faked.

- What do you mean?
- That it was shot in a movie studio.

[chuckles] Yeah, right.

'Cause there's movie studios
on the moon.

It's a blue moon tonight, Lacey.

I know because
it's the one day of the year

when Oscar is actually kind of
pleasant to be around.

Here we are, my pet,
one slice of blueberry pie.

Looks delicious, too.
My compliments to the chef.

Okay... that is weird.

Are you jealous?
It's okay to admit you're jealous.

- I just think you're lucky.
- Who's lucky?

Just arrived in the mail.

Ooh!
"The Braylorn Redundancy."

Holy crap!
That's the third installment

- in the Max Braylorn Spy Trilogy!
- Uh, yeah, I know.

How did you get a copy?

That's not supposed to be
released for months.

Promotional contest.

All I had to do was consume
ten tins of chewing tobacco.

- You didn't have to chew it all.
- All they wanted was proof of purchase.

The vomiting made me feel I earned it.

- I want to read that book.
- You can read it after me.

No.
You read too slow.

I like to savour the words.
"Max...

Braylorn...
embarks...

on his greatest...
adventure..."

- Oh, my god.
- "...yet."

It's gonna be a month
before you're done!

Don't be a princess.
I have to wait, like, a year

for the audio book to come out.

Audio book? Wow.
I was like, 80% sure you could read.

I prefer audio books because
you can close your eyes

and sink into
the world of the story.

Quick tip, don't do it
while you're driving.

- Then it's settled, I'll read it first.
- Nice try.

Okay, Davis, have it your way...

...for now.

[suspenseful music]

My gut instinct is telling me

- she might try and steal my book.
- Golly, ya think?

There you are, my sweet.

Why is Oscar being so pleasant,
when he's usually more...

what would you call it?
Horrible.

Could be mind control.

Says the guy glued
to his smart phone.

I started reading up
on that fake moon landing,

and now I'm down a rabbit patch,
and through the looking hole,

and into all kinds of secret dirt.

Did you know a cabal
of super intelligent aliens

from another dimension
are running our media?

- Where'd you read that, the media?
- Yeah! It's all right here.

Oscar could be a sleeper agent
for the Russians.

- Or the Soviets.
- Maybe both.

Sure, yeah, they're all in cahoots.

- Bye, Lacey.
- See ya.

Yeah, see ya later, Oscar.

Or should I say,
Comrade Crankenov?

Oh, Hank, you jokester.
[chuckling]

Definitely mind control.

Hey, Lacey, can I get a coffee
and a carrot muffin to go?

Aren't you going to eat with Davis?

No.
I have an assignment, or a mission,

or some stupid thing.

[chuckles] So they
brainwashed you too, huh?

- What?
- All right, Hank,

take your commie comments
somewhere else.

Fine. But out there,
the truth... is.

Then why in here are you...
...is?

Hey, Karen, me and
Brent are going out later

to watch the moon.
Want to come?

[scoffs] Why would I want to
be a third wheel on your date?

- It's not a date.
- Going to watch the moon together.

- Yeah, that won't be romantic at all.
- Huh...

[music]

[Wanda muttering] Just eating.
Not reading.

Probably can't chew and move
his eyes at the same time.

Hey, I could use that thing.

Lacey and I are going to go watch

the Super-Blood-Harvest-Eclipse.
You want to come?

Why do you want me
on your date?

- To keep you from pawing each other?
- It's not like that.

You just want me there
to watch, you perv?

Well, first of all, it's not a date.

Actually, first of all, I'm not a perv.
Secondly, it's not a date.

Really?
Is she aware it's not a date?

Of... of course.
I think.

I mean, she's...
she's not...

Just give me your kaleidoscope.
Telescope.

- I need it.
- For what?

- Nothing.
- Great then, thanks.

Hmm...

[mysterious music]

Come on...
where's your precious book?

[groans] I can't wait for you
to get through a whole novel.

It takes you half an hour
to get through a sandwich.

[Karen muttering] Gotcha.
Nice binoculars, Dora.

- Hey.
- Hey.

I, uh... I invited Wanda

to come gawk at
the stupid moon with us.

She's busy or something.

[chuckles awkwardly] Yeah.
I asked Karen to come,

but she's on some
secret mission, so...

- Looks like it'll be just us.
- Yup. You and me.

That's... That's perfectly okay.
Right?

[chuckling awkwardly] Perfectly.
I mean... why-why...

- why wouldn't it be?
- Exactamundo.

- Yup. [giggling] Hmm.
- Hmm.

You were right.
Wanda is watching your every move.

Ha! I knew it.
But she's out of luck,

because I have a
three-stage lock-down plan

to keep my book safe.
It'll be locked inside my locker,

which is locked inside
the police office,

which is locked inside
the town building.

She'll never get her tiny
little mitts on that book.

[chuckles]

Bingo.
Jeez, this Sadie Spy is no slouch.

[deafening bark]

Ow! [ears ringing]
That did damage.

A Blue-Blood-Harvest-Eclipse
might whet the old appetite,

so I brought snacks.

What? I like snacks.

No, it's your shirt.
It's kinda dressy.

It's a t-shirt.
I mean, it's new.

Third one in the pack.

[sniffs]
Are you wearing cologne?

I fell asleep against
some air fresheners earlier.

Can we just go?

[groans] Aw... There's a
stain on the passenger seat.

Oh yeah,
my coffee thermos leaked.

You don't expect me
to sit in the middle.

No.
I mean, you could.

- Or you could sit in the back.
- Like you'd be my chauffeur?

I could sit back
and boss you around,

and you'd have to do whatever I say.

Well, now sitting in the back
is off the table.

Do you really think Wanda is
that desperate to steal your book?

It's just comforting to know
that my book is secure

- until I read it this weekend.
- You haven't started yet?

I like to read it all at once,
no interruptions.

I may call in sick on Monday.

- Through Wednesday.
- Wow, you are a slow reader.

I appreciate the written word,

- not like some book listeners I know.
- [Hank] Hey, guys.

[yelping in fright]

Tense much?
I need you guys to come with me.

Emergency.
[sighing]

Let the games begin.
[music]

- Well, this is really uncomfortable.
- Don't make it weird.

Friends can be in each
other's space without...

No, I meant I'm sitting
on a seatbelt buckle.

Every time we hit a bump,
it jams up my whoozits.

Oh. Right.
Well, that's what I meant too.

[bumps, Lacey winces]

- You're doing that on purpose.
- It's a bumpy road.

Step one...

cut power to the building
and deactivate the alarm.

[yelping and shuddering]

Okay.

Step one-A,
cut the right wire.

Ha!
Step two, access the building.

Whoo! This is kinda fu...
Oh, comin' in too hot!

Oof!

- Oh, well, thank you, Oscar.
- Anything for you, my love.

This is your emergency?
Chivalry?

Hank's right. General niceness
is not in Oscar's profile.

You profile people?

- What's my profile?
- General idiot.

[scoffs] Not even close.

But what do you think
is wrong with Oscar?

You want my professional
opinion, I'd say full moon.

Yup, the ol' Luna Plena.
Good call, partner.

But it's a blue moon!

Full moon, blue moon,
anything moon-related.

All right then,
another case solved!

- Whoo-hoo!
- Yeah!

Wait, we have to question him,

- to rule out other potential causes.
- Like what?

Concussion, fever, Slender Man,

computer chip implanted
at the base of his skull?

By the Lizard People.
Hello?

Hmm...
That's a solid beefy lock. [music]

I won't be going through
that door anytime soon.

I'll be going above it.

[groans]

Easy peasy.

Ow!

[yelps in pain]

I landed on my whoozits.

[Lacey] The moon should come
right up over those trees.

- Wow, look at all those stars.
- I know. They're so bright,

I don't even have to light
these candles.

What are you doing
with candles?

I forgot to put batteries
in my flashlight,

and I like to see what I'm eating.

I don't have to, but I like to.

We're here to look at the
moon, not have a picnic.

It's not a picnic.
It's just food on a blanket.

I wasn't even planning
on sharing it with you.

You mean I don't get
any pepperoni sticks

and canned cheese?
Oh darn.

I just want to make sure
our intentions are clear.

Believe me, it's about the food.

If professional television
comedy has taught us anything,

it's that fat guys like to eat.

[munching]

...I'll have to
agree with you there.

[chuckling]

Well, of all the places
to bump into you two.

How's it hangin', Oscar,
you crotchety old coot?

Good evening, officers.
Hank.

If you'll excuse me,
I have to visit the ladies' room.

- Don't be long, my sweet.
- Oh you...

So, Oscar,
are you feeling okay?

Hank here is a little worried

because lately you've
been acting... nice.

Well, I appreciate your concern,
officers Dorksy and Putz,

but you and this jackass can
mind your own damn business.

- He seems fine.
- I don't get it.

When you were with Emma at the
Ruby, you were being so nice,

and now here in the bar
you were all sweet...

until Emma left!
It's Emma!

She's the puppet-master!

[quietly] Blink twice
if your life is in danger.

Blink twice if you don't want
my boot up your whoozits!

- My whoozits?
- He has a whatzits.

Whatever!

Look, if you must know,

Emma's father passed away
during a blue moon,

so I try to make this
sensitive time easier for her.

So you're literally nice
once in a Blue Moon.

- Go suck an egg!
- All righty, then.

See? Moon-related.
Nailed it.

- Is everything all right?
- It is now that you're back, darling.

Hey, Emma.
Sorry about your dad.

What?

Officers, could you
please escort Hank

to anywhere other than here?

Why don't you
come with us, Hank?

Oh-ho, you'd like that, wouldn't you?
We go for a walk,

and I come back
with my memory wiped!

Well, that works too.

Are you sure you don't
want some chips?

Sour Pork 'n' Onion.

Mmm, were they all out
of Haggis 'n' Squid?

Why did you bring a radio?

You don't need music
to take photos of the moon.

You're not coming on
to me, are you?

Get over yourself
and your onion breath.

I'm trying to tune into public radio.

There's a program about
blue moons and lunar history.

[tunes to soft rock station]

♪ Let me love you... ♪

Nope, that's not it.

[tuning]
♪ Do it to me now ♪

Not it either.

[tuning]
Half-priced lube job!

Oh, come on.

[announcer] Welcome back to public
radio's "History of the Moon."

There, this is it.

Long regarded
as a symbol of romantic love,

the moon's amorous allure
draws lovers to love lovingly...

[turns off radio]
Eh...

- Silence is... is good too.
- Sure.

Just keep your hands
where I can see 'em.

Lube job indeed.
[crunching chips]

[wincing]

Hmm...

Wonder which one's Davis'.

Well, I'm guessing this is it.

Toughnut 97-A
with tempered steel,

and tumble-proof
reinforced mechanism...

being used to secure
a door made of tin.

Sadie Spy Snips... activate.

[miraculous music]

Voilá!
Relax, Agent Braylorn,

you've been rescued
by Agent Double-O-Fox!

[chuckles in triumph]

God, I wish there was someone
around to hear that.

Thanks for sharing your food.

Well, you just kinda sat down
and took a sandwich, so...

I mean, you're welcome.

[grumbles]

This feels awkward.
Why is this so awkward?

I know. We're just two
friends sitting on a blanket,

enjoying each other's company,

and waiting for a spectacular
moon to come out.

- What could be more innocent?
- You're right.

You can see the glow
just behind the tree line.

In a few more minutes,
I can snap some pictures,

and we can be out of here.

And we can put this hellacious
nightmare behind us.

[laughs]

It's not hellacious.
Shut up.

It's horrific.
[chuckles]

[shivering]

- Are you cold?
- A little, but that's okay.

- I-I'm fine.
- Here, take my coat.

- No, I don't know if...
- It's just a coat.

Besides, I'm kinda warm.

My roast beef sandwich
was a bit chewy,

so I worked up a sweat.
Here you go.

Uh-oh.

Oh no.
I knew this would happen.

The moon, the blanket,
the music...

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about
you caressing my face.

"Caressing"?
You had mustard on your cheek.

Oh! [chuckles]
I see.

Well... okay, then.

- I could put it back, if you...
- No, no, no.

Suit yourself.

Hank, why are you
behind the jukebox?

Hiding from government thugs.

Hey, what did you say
about my dad earlier?

Oh, I just said I'm sorry he died.
He died, right?

I received information from a
reliable source that he died.

He did.
22 years ago.

Glad you didn't get me flowers,
they'd be pretty rank by now.

Oscar probably
got you flowers, right?

Candy? Whatever helps
you get through this.

- Through what?
- Well, Oscar told us

about how he's nice to you
during blue moons,

because that's when your dad died.

That's why he does this?
That's kind of sweet of him.

Weird, but sweet.

Oh. This doesn't mean he's not
an alien pod-person.

[humming]

[sighs]

All right, Max,
it's just you and me.

[yelping] Aah!

Hello, Wanda.

Settling in to do a little
light-fingered reading?

As a matter of fact, I am.

And there's jack-all
you can do about it

squatting out there in the rhubarb.

Are you sure?
Look inside.

What the hell?
"Building the Ultimate Bird House"?

I figured you might
be smart enough,

and weasely enough,
to find a way into my locker,

so I swapped book jackets
and planted the dummy in there.

I have the real
Braylorn book right here.

Are you sure?

[both yelping]

- Would you like another drink?
- What?

Sorry, I'm just a little distracted.

I've been thinking about
my childhood pet, Scraps.

He was such a good dog,
before he passed away...

- on Valentine's Day.
- That's sad.

Still affects me to this day...
on Valentine's Day.

I might get myself another beer.

Of course, it's not as rough
as Thanksgiving...

Thanksgiving being the day
my uncle ran over

- my favourite doll.
- Really?

That was the day
little Betty Toots-a-lot

became
Betty Toots-no-more.

[exaggerated sobbing]

Hank can't keep
his stupid yap shut

- for five seconds, can he?
- Whatever do you mean?

I mean you're on to me,
and I'm on to you.

Sitting here,
making up sob stories.

How dare you manipulate
your own husband

- into being nice to you?
- Eh... it was worth a shot.

What have you done, Karen?

When I reported back
that Wanda was spying on you...

You were spying on me?
Who would do something that?

[Karen] ...you blabbed
about your plan

to dummy up the book.

So... when you weren't looking,

I pulled a double-switcheroo

with my Hip-Hop Meditation book.

"Snoop-Downward-Dog"?

I have the real Max
Braylorn book right here.

But why? You only like
stupid audio books.

Exactly.

"Max leapt from
the burning hang-glider,

and plummeted toward
the rumbling volcano..."

You're right, Karen.
This is kinda nice.

[snoring]

- You've gotta be kidding me.
- I'm only reading this once.

- I wish you would just admit it.
- Admit what?

That you have feelings for me.

A picnic?
Pretty convenient.

I'm not the one
who brought the sex music.

And who gets cold in the
middle of the prairie, at night?

It's freezing out here!

You're the one
who spilled coffee on the seat

so I'd have to sit beside you.

You had options:
back seat, roof, trunk.

Okay, you know what,
just forget it!

Well, you don't have to leave.

[car engine starts]

And you don't have to take my car!
[car drives away]

- [Emma] Hi.
- [grumbles] Hmph.

Whatcha eating?
Ice cream?

Your favourite flavour, too.

I got it for you,
thank you very much.

I'm sorry about earlier.
I got giddy with greed.

But it does mean a lot
that you'd try to console me

- about my dad.
- Your old man didn't like me much,

but he still gave us
his blessing to get married,

because he could see
how much I loved you,

and I promised him I'd always
take care of his little girl.

That is so sweet.
How come you're not nice to me

on the anniversary
of my mom's passing?

- Your mother was a battle-axe.
- Fair enough.

- Pass the ice cream.
- Get your own spoon!

- It's still a blue moon.
- Oh, fine.

All this secret info is too much.

"FBI covering up UFOs!"

"Bermuda Triangle was an inside job!"

"Elvis killed Tupac!"
My head is swimmin'.

Oh no, you're not reading
conspiracy theories, are you?

- Yeah, why?
- That's just what they want you to do.

- Who?
- The Illuminati.

The loopa-ladi!

All these conspiracies were
created by the Illuminati

to undermine faith in
traditional government.

Those dirty dogs!
And I almost fell for it!

So, uh...
it's okay for me to go home

and take all the tinfoil off my roof?

Unless you really want
to be a lightning magnet.

- I gotta go.
- Hey. Sorry about last night.

I think we both got
a little carried away.

Yeah.
I mean, mostly you, but yeah.

- No hard feelings?
- None.

In fact, I got you something.

Wow!
Is this the moon last night?

How'd you zoom in so much?

Pointed your camera
through Wanda's kaleido...

- Telescope!
- Amazing.

[radio announcer] ...And sometimes,
despite the moon's best efforts,

star-crossed lovers fail to find
their way into each other's arms.

[together] Turn that off!

Sorry.
[switches off]

Geez, just trying to
kill the sexual tension.

[music]

sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~

♪ I don't know ♪

♪ The same things
you don't know ♪

♪ I don't know ♪

♪ I just... don't know ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ It's a great big place ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Full of nothing but space ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ It's my happy place ♪

[Brent] Visit us at cornergas.com