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1
00:00:00,149 --> 00:00:03,678
sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~
2
00:00:05,801 --> 00:00:08,703
I'll tell you who could
use an image consultant.
3
00:00:08,704 --> 00:00:09,904
You know, neither of
us was inside your head
4
00:00:09,905 --> 00:00:12,606
- for the first part of that.
- Aliens.
5
00:00:12,641 --> 00:00:15,343
I see. Foreign people,
or the outer space kind?
6
00:00:15,377 --> 00:00:16,711
The outer space ones.
7
00:00:16,712 --> 00:00:18,980
All you ever see in movies
is them attacking Earth
8
00:00:18,981 --> 00:00:22,149
- and frying people with lasers.
- That's not true.
9
00:00:22,150 --> 00:00:24,218
They're often shown simply
abducting and probing.
10
00:00:24,252 --> 00:00:27,288
- That's better?
- Give me a probing over a frying any day.
11
00:00:27,290 --> 00:00:29,490
[bell rings]
You're both missing my point.
12
00:00:29,491 --> 00:00:30,873
I'm sorry.
Not used to you having one.
13
00:00:30,908 --> 00:00:33,694
There's probably
hundreds of planets out there,
14
00:00:33,729 --> 00:00:35,863
so they can't all be
monsters and maniacs.
15
00:00:35,897 --> 00:00:37,597
How come you never see good aliens?
16
00:00:37,599 --> 00:00:39,400
- Like Superman?
- E.T.?
17
00:00:39,401 --> 00:00:41,402
- Starman? Cocoon?
- ALF?
18
00:00:41,403 --> 00:00:43,838
Oh, yeah.
Forgot about those ones.
19
00:00:43,872 --> 00:00:44,905
Is someone going to pump our gas?
20
00:00:44,906 --> 00:00:47,609
We don't have time to stand
around all day doing nothing.
21
00:00:47,610 --> 00:00:49,877
We're not doing nothing.
We're talking aliens.
22
00:00:49,878 --> 00:00:52,447
Ooh...
I love that movie.
23
00:00:52,448 --> 00:00:53,914
Paul Reiser is under-appreciated.
24
00:00:53,915 --> 00:00:55,783
Everyone's listing off friendly aliens,
25
00:00:55,785 --> 00:00:57,485
but I can only think of mean ones.
26
00:00:57,552 --> 00:01:00,388
- Alien... Predator...
- Predator fought Alien,
27
00:01:00,389 --> 00:01:02,056
so one of them must be good.
28
00:01:02,057 --> 00:01:04,558
Superman fought Batman,
and they're both good.
29
00:01:04,593 --> 00:01:07,561
- The movie was bad.
- Batman breaks the law all the time.
30
00:01:07,596 --> 00:01:09,697
Breaking the law
doesn't make someone bad.
31
00:01:09,731 --> 00:01:12,666
- You ever hear of Jean Valjean?
- Kickboxing Time Cop?
32
00:01:12,667 --> 00:01:14,468
Okay, let me update my reference.
33
00:01:14,536 --> 00:01:17,705
- You ever see Breaking Bad?
- That's got "bad" right in the title.
34
00:01:17,739 --> 00:01:21,309
- Okay, you're all set.
- Already? I wanted it filled.
35
00:01:21,310 --> 00:01:22,476
Yeah, that's all there is.
36
00:01:22,477 --> 00:01:25,297
Looks like the
underground tank is empty.
37
00:01:26,381 --> 00:01:29,617
So... that'll be 37 cents.
38
00:01:29,651 --> 00:01:30,851
Mork!
39
00:01:30,852 --> 00:01:34,355
♪ You think there's not a lot goin' on ♪
40
00:01:34,357 --> 00:01:35,423
♪ Look closer, baby ♪
41
00:01:35,424 --> 00:01:37,591
♪ You're so wrong ♪
42
00:01:37,592 --> 00:01:41,261
1x01 - Bone Dry
43
00:01:41,596 --> 00:01:42,997
Lacey, what's in the soup?
44
00:01:42,998 --> 00:01:45,366
I could write out the recipe
if you like it.
45
00:01:45,367 --> 00:01:47,802
- I hate it.
- Oh... well, I won't bother, then.
46
00:01:47,803 --> 00:01:50,337
It's got little stones in it. See?
47
00:01:50,405 --> 00:01:52,907
Okay, gross.
Roll your tongue back in your skull.
48
00:01:52,908 --> 00:01:54,675
Those aren't stones, that's quinoa.
49
00:01:54,743 --> 00:01:56,710
- Keen-what?
- It's just small, round,
50
00:01:56,711 --> 00:01:58,746
- kind of granular little...
- Pebbles?
51
00:01:58,747 --> 00:02:00,448
Grain! It's a type of grain.
52
00:02:00,482 --> 00:02:02,917
I just decided to shake things up a bit.
53
00:02:02,951 --> 00:02:04,518
We don't like our soup shaken.
54
00:02:04,519 --> 00:02:07,755
We like our soup like it's
always been... rock free.
55
00:02:07,756 --> 00:02:10,357
[groans]
They're not rocks!
56
00:02:14,963 --> 00:02:16,663
What the hell's going on?!
57
00:02:16,665 --> 00:02:19,033
Oh, hey, Dad.
The tanks ran dry.
58
00:02:19,034 --> 00:02:21,536
I hope you'll do me the honour
of over-reacting to this.
59
00:02:21,537 --> 00:02:24,004
The tanks?!
The underground tanks?!
60
00:02:24,039 --> 00:02:26,273
No, the Sherman tanks I
brought home from World War II.
61
00:02:26,274 --> 00:02:30,845
What kind of an idiot jackass
lets his gas station run out of gas?!
62
00:02:30,879 --> 00:02:32,680
You're just a station now.
63
00:02:32,714 --> 00:02:36,117
Change the sign from Corner Gas
to Corner Nothing.
64
00:02:36,118 --> 00:02:39,720
"Come into the Nothing Station
and buy some red-hot Nothing!"
65
00:02:39,788 --> 00:02:43,557
- Proprietor: Jackass.
- Mm, all good suggestions.
66
00:02:43,559 --> 00:02:44,992
Look, I just forgot to
get the order in on time.
67
00:02:44,993 --> 00:02:47,394
The next truck will be
around in two or three days.
68
00:02:47,462 --> 00:02:52,533
You have any idea what can happen
to a gas-less town in three days?
69
00:02:52,534 --> 00:02:55,469
It'll be like some kind
of post-apocalyptic,
70
00:02:55,504 --> 00:02:58,806
fuel-starved hellscape,
like in that movie.
71
00:02:58,807 --> 00:03:02,409
- Frozen?
- You know the one I mean, smart guy.
72
00:03:03,612 --> 00:03:06,881
[wind blowing]
[music]
73
00:03:09,818 --> 00:03:11,518
Mmm...
74
00:03:15,891 --> 00:03:17,591
[mad laughter]
75
00:03:17,959 --> 00:03:20,078
[man] Whoo!
76
00:03:30,105 --> 00:03:33,078
[chuckling]
77
00:03:34,843 --> 00:03:36,944
[muffled] Glibish olgish!
78
00:03:38,079 --> 00:03:39,779
Sorry, what?
79
00:03:40,048 --> 00:03:43,050
I said, give us your gas!
What the hell did you think I said?!
80
00:03:43,051 --> 00:03:45,920
"Glibish olgish."
You probably need a bigger mouth hole.
81
00:03:45,921 --> 00:03:48,656
A hundred dune-buggies
pull up to a gas station,
82
00:03:48,723 --> 00:03:50,624
and you can't figure out
what we want?!
83
00:03:50,692 --> 00:03:51,559
Could've been soda.
84
00:03:51,560 --> 00:03:53,727
- I'd love a soda.
- Shut up, you!
85
00:03:53,728 --> 00:03:58,132
So the apocalyptic future is still
you yelling at me, only shirtless?
86
00:03:58,133 --> 00:04:00,167
Where are you going to find
a shirt in the apocalypse?
87
00:04:00,235 --> 00:04:02,503
I think we'll survive a
couple days with no gas.
88
00:04:02,537 --> 00:04:05,773
Oh, sure.
Total la-di-da attitude.
89
00:04:05,807 --> 00:04:07,708
No sense of responsibility.
90
00:04:07,742 --> 00:04:10,477
It's time I taught you a lesson.
91
00:04:10,479 --> 00:04:12,947
Now? You never taught
me anything growing up.
92
00:04:12,948 --> 00:04:14,648
You wait 'til I'm 40?
93
00:04:15,483 --> 00:04:18,619
That's a lot of corn.
Whatcha got planned, something stupid?
94
00:04:18,653 --> 00:04:19,954
Something genius.
95
00:04:19,955 --> 00:04:22,122
Town's out of gas,
so I'm going to make my own fuel
96
00:04:22,123 --> 00:04:25,125
by boiling up this corn.
Going to make a zillion bucks.
97
00:04:25,126 --> 00:04:26,794
Off the 400 people who live here?
98
00:04:26,795 --> 00:04:28,862
A jillion bucks, then.
Whatever. Just ring it up.
99
00:04:28,863 --> 00:04:32,833
Hank, there's more to making
ethanol than just boiling corn.
100
00:04:32,867 --> 00:04:34,101
Oh, let me guess...
101
00:04:34,102 --> 00:04:38,172
one of the 7,000 courses you
took in college was Corn Gas 101.
102
00:04:38,173 --> 00:04:40,040
Quite a fascinating process, actually...
103
00:04:40,075 --> 00:04:42,509
biomass pre-treatment,
enzyme extraction,
104
00:04:42,577 --> 00:04:45,779
- cellular hydrolysis...
- As if you could actually do it.
105
00:04:45,814 --> 00:04:46,981
You're damn right I could do it!
106
00:04:46,982 --> 00:04:50,684
It's just that the fermentation
process takes a long time, so...
107
00:04:50,752 --> 00:04:53,187
Oh, you backpedaling now?
'Cause I know
108
00:04:53,188 --> 00:04:54,655
where there's some
stuff already fermenting.
109
00:04:54,656 --> 00:04:56,824
Okay.
You get the fermenting stuff,
110
00:04:56,825 --> 00:04:58,559
and I'll go set up my
kid's chemistry set,
111
00:04:58,561 --> 00:05:00,694
and then we'll see which
one of us is the genius,
112
00:05:00,762 --> 00:05:02,863
and which one of us is
the idiot named Hank.
113
00:05:02,865 --> 00:05:05,733
- Deal!
- Hi, Hank.
114
00:05:05,734 --> 00:05:07,768
[chuckles]
I can get her to do anything
115
00:05:07,769 --> 00:05:10,404
- just by saying, "as if you could."
- What?
116
00:05:10,405 --> 00:05:11,939
Oh, yeah, you weren't
here for the whole...
117
00:05:11,940 --> 00:05:12,940
I was saying that...
118
00:05:12,941 --> 00:05:15,775
- I don't have time for this.
- Okay.
119
00:05:18,680 --> 00:05:20,681
I kind of like this "no gas" situation.
120
00:05:20,749 --> 00:05:22,783
Means we can't patrol the town.
121
00:05:22,817 --> 00:05:26,186
Nothing to do but hang tight
and let the crime come to us.
122
00:05:26,221 --> 00:05:28,922
[sighing] I'm bored.
123
00:05:28,990 --> 00:05:29,891
Maybe we should do a foot patrol!
124
00:05:29,892 --> 00:05:33,294
Maybe that's the stupidest idea
of all time.
125
00:05:33,295 --> 00:05:35,929
Stupider than when you
tried to kiss that badger?
126
00:05:35,997 --> 00:05:37,731
It wasn't a badger.
127
00:05:38,967 --> 00:05:40,667
Mmm... [kissing]
128
00:05:41,569 --> 00:05:42,237
[kissing]
129
00:05:42,238 --> 00:05:43,571
[screaming]
130
00:05:43,572 --> 00:05:48,142
Oh, yeah, that was a badger.
Why was I kissing a badger?
131
00:05:48,143 --> 00:05:50,044
That was the question we all had,
132
00:05:50,078 --> 00:05:52,684
and why did you need lip balm?
133
00:05:52,685 --> 00:05:53,561
[music]
134
00:05:53,581 --> 00:05:56,650
So I tell Brent
the town's going to fall apart,
135
00:05:56,685 --> 00:05:59,820
and he just shrugs
like a big, dumb lump.
136
00:05:59,854 --> 00:06:02,589
Honestly, how did we end
up with such a lazy son?
137
00:06:02,591 --> 00:06:04,925
Guess we'll never know.
Grab a shovel.
138
00:06:04,926 --> 00:06:07,328
You're closer.
What is this stuff, anyway?
139
00:06:07,329 --> 00:06:08,963
Sauerkraut...
140
00:06:08,964 --> 00:06:10,998
or it will be, once
it's done fermenting.
141
00:06:11,032 --> 00:06:12,732
[chuckling]
142
00:06:15,770 --> 00:06:18,523
That kid of ours needs
to learn he can't stand
143
00:06:18,524 --> 00:06:21,276
around all day with his
thumb up a comic book.
144
00:06:21,277 --> 00:06:24,578
Look, you retired, and
the gas station is his now.
145
00:06:24,612 --> 00:06:28,649
Let him run it his way.
The old ways aren't always the best.
146
00:06:28,717 --> 00:06:31,151
Says the woman burying
cabbage in the dirt.
147
00:06:31,153 --> 00:06:33,754
Why are we making our
own sauerkraut anyway,
148
00:06:33,788 --> 00:06:38,125
- like German cavemen?
- Because the old ways are the best.
149
00:06:38,193 --> 00:06:41,128
You can buy this stuff
for two bucks a can.
150
00:06:41,130 --> 00:06:42,830
[chuckles]
151
00:06:44,799 --> 00:06:48,769
Ha! A buck eighty.
This'll show her.
152
00:06:48,803 --> 00:06:51,756
Hello?
I want to buy something,
153
00:06:51,757 --> 00:06:53,374
if anyone even works here!
154
00:06:53,408 --> 00:06:57,644
Ha! Typical.
I could rob this place blind, and...
155
00:06:57,679 --> 00:06:59,379
hmm....
156
00:06:59,748 --> 00:07:00,748
[Brent] What the hell?
157
00:07:00,749 --> 00:07:03,050
Hi, Brent. How's it...
158
00:07:03,084 --> 00:07:06,253
- Hey, where's all your groceries?
- No clue.
159
00:07:06,254 --> 00:07:07,954
Maybe there was some
kind of food rapture
160
00:07:07,956 --> 00:07:10,991
and it's all up
in convenience store heaven.
161
00:07:10,993 --> 00:07:12,860
[angelic choir]
162
00:07:12,927 --> 00:07:16,263
Fie!
Whence came this contemptible heap?
163
00:07:16,297 --> 00:07:18,665
Hey, King, they've got Mars bars!
164
00:07:18,733 --> 00:07:22,166
Mmm... way ahead of you,
spaceman. Hmph.
165
00:07:22,930 --> 00:07:25,490
_
166
00:07:25,511 --> 00:07:28,775
No, that can't be right.
The devilled ham is gone too.
167
00:07:28,777 --> 00:07:30,878
Hello, my boy, I...
168
00:07:30,880 --> 00:07:32,813
Well, hold the phone.
What has happened here?
169
00:07:32,847 --> 00:07:34,382
Ah, I see.
170
00:07:34,383 --> 00:07:36,650
The criminal mastermind
returns to the scene.
171
00:07:36,684 --> 00:07:40,020
This is terrible.
No food and no gas?
172
00:07:40,088 --> 00:07:41,755
Maybe now it's time to...
173
00:07:41,756 --> 00:07:44,825
- oh, I don't know... panic?!
- Yeah, most experts agree
174
00:07:44,826 --> 00:07:47,194
that panic is the best
reaction in any crisis,
175
00:07:47,262 --> 00:07:48,696
but just so we're clear,
176
00:07:48,697 --> 00:07:50,697
you're saying you
didn't pinch my groceries
177
00:07:50,765 --> 00:07:54,001
- to teach me some stupid lesson?
- I most certainly did not,
178
00:07:54,035 --> 00:07:55,702
and furthermore,
I resent the instigation.
179
00:07:55,703 --> 00:07:56,737
[chuckling]
180
00:07:56,738 --> 00:07:58,806
Good day to you.
181
00:07:58,840 --> 00:08:01,376
[panting]
I hate this foot stuff.
182
00:08:01,377 --> 00:08:04,178
- It's called "walking."
- I miss the car.
183
00:08:04,245 --> 00:08:06,180
That's where all the fun cop gizmos are.
184
00:08:06,214 --> 00:08:09,049
Loudspeaker, siren, shotgun...
185
00:08:09,117 --> 00:08:11,752
Let's not consider
the shotgun a "gizmo."
186
00:08:11,786 --> 00:08:14,054
Karen, Davis, what's
going on around here?
187
00:08:14,056 --> 00:08:16,056
There's no gas at the gas station,
188
00:08:16,090 --> 00:08:19,259
and now, there's no food.
Are we in the end times?
189
00:08:19,260 --> 00:08:20,227
End times?
190
00:08:20,228 --> 00:08:23,096
End times?!
That doesn't sound good.
191
00:08:24,065 --> 00:08:26,733
Here.
Hey, where's all your stuff?
192
00:08:26,734 --> 00:08:28,869
I have reason to
believe my dad stole it,
193
00:08:28,903 --> 00:08:30,437
even though I have no hard proof.
194
00:08:30,438 --> 00:08:32,406
[creaking]
195
00:08:32,474 --> 00:08:35,309
- Lots of soft proof.
- Why would he do that?
196
00:08:35,310 --> 00:08:39,146
I'd say "lunatic" probably the best bet.
[sips, spits]
197
00:08:39,147 --> 00:08:42,883
- There's a toe in my coffee!
- It's not coffee, it's soup.
198
00:08:42,917 --> 00:08:44,985
You brought me a coffee
cup full of toe soup?
199
00:08:45,019 --> 00:08:46,854
It was a bean. Honestly...
200
00:08:46,888 --> 00:08:48,522
you feel something
unexpected in your mouth,
201
00:08:48,523 --> 00:08:50,157
and your first thought is "toe"?
202
00:08:50,158 --> 00:08:52,926
Beans and toes have
a very similar shape.
203
00:08:52,961 --> 00:08:54,895
My tongue doesn't have eyes, Lacey.
204
00:08:54,929 --> 00:08:56,864
[sighing]
This town is killing me.
205
00:08:56,898 --> 00:08:58,765
I tried one little change
to the vegetable soup
206
00:08:58,833 --> 00:09:01,201
and everyone hates it.
What do you think?
207
00:09:01,202 --> 00:09:02,870
I'm not a good judge.
208
00:09:02,871 --> 00:09:05,839
I'm still a bit traumatized
by the toe thing.
209
00:09:05,840 --> 00:09:08,929
[music]
210
00:09:13,882 --> 00:09:14,915
Urgh...
211
00:09:14,916 --> 00:09:18,551
Damn raccoons are back.
Where's my B.B. gun?
212
00:09:18,553 --> 00:09:20,220
Ow!
213
00:09:20,221 --> 00:09:21,122
Ow! Ow!
214
00:09:21,123 --> 00:09:22,790
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
215
00:09:22,791 --> 00:09:26,393
End times?
What is that, a biblical thing?
216
00:09:26,427 --> 00:09:30,063
[panting]
Hold up, let's rest a minute.
217
00:09:30,098 --> 00:09:32,900
This town must be half a mile across.
218
00:09:32,934 --> 00:09:36,837
We should do this more often. It's...
Hang on...
219
00:09:37,238 --> 00:09:40,507
What do we have here,
Little Miss Breaking Bad?
220
00:09:40,542 --> 00:09:42,376
Am I getting a blister?
221
00:09:42,410 --> 00:09:45,913
- Sorry about the soup thing.
- Nah, forget it.
222
00:09:45,947 --> 00:09:47,915
- Can I get a chili cheese dog?
- Nope.
223
00:09:47,916 --> 00:09:50,150
- We're all out of food.
- Out of food?
224
00:09:50,151 --> 00:09:51,985
Word got out about
your place being empty,
225
00:09:51,987 --> 00:09:53,954
and everyone got panicky.
226
00:09:53,988 --> 00:09:55,055
They bought me out of everything.
227
00:09:55,056 --> 00:09:58,606
Even hot dogs?!
[dramatic music]
228
00:09:59,260 --> 00:10:01,060
Uh, yeah.
229
00:10:02,539 --> 00:10:03,672
Apparently, word spread
230
00:10:03,673 --> 00:10:06,041
that there was no food at
Corner Gas, so everyone panicked,
231
00:10:06,243 --> 00:10:08,677
and there was a run on
this place, on my place,
232
00:10:08,712 --> 00:10:09,912
every place that has food.
233
00:10:09,913 --> 00:10:12,948
Won, you must have
some hot dogs somewhere.
234
00:10:13,016 --> 00:10:15,723
In a freezer, maybe?
Hotdog freezer?
235
00:10:15,758 --> 00:10:17,253
Nope.
Out of pretty much everything.
236
00:10:17,254 --> 00:10:18,922
How could you let this happen?
237
00:10:18,923 --> 00:10:20,923
This is very unprofessional, Won.
238
00:10:20,925 --> 00:10:23,759
You know, I was going to drive
into the city and get some supplies,
239
00:10:23,760 --> 00:10:26,962
but I can't get
any gas for some reason.
240
00:10:26,996 --> 00:10:29,932
Yeah, well, that's...
that's a whole different...
241
00:10:29,999 --> 00:10:30,999
complicated...
242
00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:33,669
and as for you, you should
be more upset about this!
243
00:10:33,670 --> 00:10:36,238
This could be my chance
to force everyone...
244
00:10:36,272 --> 00:10:40,075
I mean, provide everyone opportunity
to try something different.
245
00:10:40,076 --> 00:10:43,632
Won, you must have
something left... anything.
246
00:10:43,667 --> 00:10:47,349
All I have left is a frozen beef shank
and some licorice allsorts.
247
00:10:47,383 --> 00:10:49,785
"Best before 1997"?
248
00:10:49,787 --> 00:10:52,221
Look, you can win tickets
to see the Spice Girls.
249
00:10:52,255 --> 00:10:54,156
I'll take the shank.
250
00:10:55,759 --> 00:10:57,459
[bubbling]
251
00:11:03,133 --> 00:11:04,166
Ah! What the crap?
252
00:11:04,167 --> 00:11:06,235
What happened to your face?
253
00:11:06,302 --> 00:11:08,670
Emma shot me about 20
times with her B.B. gun.
254
00:11:08,738 --> 00:11:11,951
She's got a good eye.
Wonder if she plays Call of Duty.
255
00:11:11,986 --> 00:11:13,007
Why would she shoot you?
256
00:11:13,042 --> 00:11:15,644
I mean, I'm all for it,
but why specifically?
257
00:11:15,678 --> 00:11:19,915
She has sauerkraut in the ground,
fermenting for our fuel thing.
258
00:11:19,949 --> 00:11:22,251
My fuel thing.
So head back there and get it.
259
00:11:22,252 --> 00:11:24,953
No way.
She's got the garden on lockdown.
260
00:11:24,954 --> 00:11:27,322
It's like Starlog 17 over there.
261
00:11:27,324 --> 00:11:29,792
[over PA]
Attention, citizens of Dog River.
262
00:11:29,826 --> 00:11:32,995
Be advised your police
are on foot patrol,
263
00:11:33,062 --> 00:11:36,031
and does anyone have
a Band-Aid for a blister?
264
00:11:36,033 --> 00:11:38,333
Pretty cool, eh?
We can make our own gizmos.
265
00:11:38,334 --> 00:11:39,535
You didn't make that.
266
00:11:39,536 --> 00:11:41,370
It has a loudspeaker button right on it.
267
00:11:41,404 --> 00:11:42,304
Jealous!
268
00:11:42,305 --> 00:11:45,107
Knock it off.
I'm worried about Wanda.
269
00:11:45,141 --> 00:11:47,342
Her garage looked like a drug lab.
270
00:11:47,410 --> 00:11:50,346
Drug lab, pfft.
Could be any kind of lab.
271
00:11:50,347 --> 00:11:52,874
Name me another kind of lab.
272
00:11:52,909 --> 00:11:54,082
Chocolate Lab?
273
00:11:54,083 --> 00:11:56,218
You think she's running
a puppy mill in there?
274
00:11:56,252 --> 00:12:00,355
She could be a drug czar,
like her hero, Jean Claude-Vachon.
275
00:12:00,357 --> 00:12:03,325
No way.
Wanda doesn't have the three things
276
00:12:03,326 --> 00:12:04,360
every drug czar has...
277
00:12:04,361 --> 00:12:08,697
- weapons, money, and jewelry.
- I wear jewelry.
278
00:12:08,698 --> 00:12:10,265
Are you trying to tell me something?
279
00:12:10,266 --> 00:12:12,768
Hey, Lacey, let me see a menu.
280
00:12:12,802 --> 00:12:14,369
We're out of everything on the menu,
281
00:12:14,370 --> 00:12:16,371
and there's nowhere in
town to buy anything else.
282
00:12:16,373 --> 00:12:20,210
This town is falling apart,
just like I said.
283
00:12:20,211 --> 00:12:23,178
[sniffing] Wait...
I smell something cooking.
284
00:12:23,179 --> 00:12:24,146
[laughing]
285
00:12:24,147 --> 00:12:26,381
- Smells good.
- That's Osso Bucco.
286
00:12:26,382 --> 00:12:29,051
- Oh, gross!
- You just said it smelled good.
287
00:12:29,052 --> 00:12:31,053
What's with you and weird food?
288
00:12:31,120 --> 00:12:34,056
Grosso Bucco, Keno soup...
289
00:12:34,090 --> 00:12:37,893
Make some non-foreign food,
like spaghetti or tacos.
290
00:12:37,894 --> 00:12:40,028
Well, that's all I have,
so if you don't want it,
291
00:12:40,029 --> 00:12:41,897
you can have crackers and tap water.
292
00:12:41,899 --> 00:12:44,767
- What kind of crackers?
- Imaginary crackers.
293
00:12:45,635 --> 00:12:48,437
- Animal crackers?
- There are no crackers!
294
00:12:50,306 --> 00:12:54,543
Honestly, Dad...
your hideout is 30 feet away?
295
00:12:55,245 --> 00:12:56,511
Let's see if the old spare key
296
00:12:56,512 --> 00:12:59,281
is in the same place it's always been.
297
00:13:04,087 --> 00:13:05,888
Yep. Same old place.
298
00:13:06,890 --> 00:13:07,856
Busted.
299
00:13:07,857 --> 00:13:11,726
Okay, Dad... you teach me a lesson,
I teach you a lesson.
300
00:13:13,863 --> 00:13:17,366
Ooh, hey, Emma.
Whatcha doing? Sitting?
301
00:13:17,367 --> 00:13:19,368
What gave it away, the chair?
302
00:13:19,402 --> 00:13:20,903
[forced chuckle]
303
00:13:20,904 --> 00:13:24,006
Indeed.
No, just making idle chit-chat,
304
00:13:24,040 --> 00:13:26,408
as neighbours and friends will do
on a lovely day
305
00:13:26,409 --> 00:13:28,043
such as we're experiencing today.
306
00:13:28,044 --> 00:13:30,412
- Are you drunk?
- I wish!
307
00:13:30,413 --> 00:13:34,549
Hey, snazzy gun you got there.
What is that, a Magnum?
308
00:13:34,550 --> 00:13:36,542
- Colt .45?
- Pellet.
309
00:13:36,577 --> 00:13:39,187
[Wanda] Oh, cool.
Can I see it?
310
00:13:39,222 --> 00:13:40,456
Hmm...
311
00:13:40,457 --> 00:13:44,127
This blister's getting bad.
You might have to piggy-back me.
312
00:13:44,128 --> 00:13:46,795
So you'll have a blister
and I'll have a hernia?
313
00:13:46,863 --> 00:13:48,163
Maybe Emma has a Band-Aid.
314
00:13:48,164 --> 00:13:50,933
Hey, Emma!
You got a Band-Aid?
315
00:13:50,934 --> 00:13:54,202
- Probably.
- [Davis] Hi, Wanda. Nice gun.
316
00:13:54,203 --> 00:13:57,439
So Wanda has a weapon.
Check!
317
00:13:57,440 --> 00:13:58,874
Hey, Hank.
318
00:13:58,875 --> 00:14:02,911
- Aw, you fall asleep in the park again?
- Huh?
319
00:14:02,912 --> 00:14:05,481
No, uh...
this is work-related face dirt,
320
00:14:05,482 --> 00:14:08,216
[chuckles]
and I worked up an appetite.
321
00:14:08,251 --> 00:14:11,321
Well, we only have one
thing today... Osso Bucco.
322
00:14:11,322 --> 00:14:14,157
Costco Boofo?
Sounds weird, but affordable.
323
00:14:14,158 --> 00:14:17,092
- It's not weird. It's a classic European...
- I'm out.
324
00:14:17,093 --> 00:14:19,962
Yeah, well... you probably
couldn't handle it anyway.
325
00:14:19,963 --> 00:14:21,964
- I could handle it.
- As if you could.
326
00:14:21,965 --> 00:14:24,232
Bring me a bowl...
or glass...
327
00:14:24,233 --> 00:14:25,501
or whatever it is!
328
00:14:25,502 --> 00:14:26,869
[slurping]
329
00:14:26,870 --> 00:14:29,304
Mm. [all gasping]
Hey!
330
00:14:29,305 --> 00:14:31,340
Hard as it is to believe,
this is pretty good.
331
00:14:31,341 --> 00:14:32,474
What do you mean...
332
00:14:32,475 --> 00:14:34,176
- Bring me a bowl.
- I'll have one too.
333
00:14:34,243 --> 00:14:37,312
I had a quarter tank of gas in my car,
334
00:14:37,347 --> 00:14:39,314
and now, it's completely empty!
335
00:14:39,349 --> 00:14:41,516
Really?
Oh, you know what?
336
00:14:41,517 --> 00:14:43,251
That might be partly my fault.
337
00:14:43,286 --> 00:14:46,230
I did take it for a wee spin around.
338
00:14:47,890 --> 00:14:49,858
Got kind of dizzy, to be honest.
339
00:14:49,926 --> 00:14:51,326
Why the hell would you do that?
340
00:14:51,327 --> 00:14:54,496
I-I think I was just so upset
about the whole food thing.
341
00:14:54,497 --> 00:14:57,199
I guess I got a little panicky...
which is good, right?
342
00:14:57,200 --> 00:14:59,968
So I borrowed your car
and drove it around
343
00:14:59,969 --> 00:15:02,504
at a high rate of speed looking
for the thief who stole my food.
344
00:15:02,505 --> 00:15:05,207
Anyhoo, turns out, and
here's the weird part...
345
00:15:05,209 --> 00:15:08,043
the food was in the trunk
of your car the whole time!
346
00:15:08,111 --> 00:15:10,880
Like, whoever the thief is,
he's pretty stupid.
347
00:15:10,881 --> 00:15:13,882
I mean, leaving the evidence
in my own father's car?
348
00:15:13,884 --> 00:15:16,051
Uh-huh, I see. Okay.
349
00:15:16,053 --> 00:15:19,106
Well, this is far
from over, buddy boy...
350
00:15:20,123 --> 00:15:23,992
is what the thief is probably
thinking right about now.
351
00:15:26,972 --> 00:15:29,907
Hey, I hear everyone's
enjoying your Rene Russo?
352
00:15:29,941 --> 00:15:32,009
That's right.
It's new, it's different,
353
00:15:32,076 --> 00:15:34,845
it's not called Rene Russo,
but people are loving it!
354
00:15:35,079 --> 00:15:38,849
I don't want to say "I told you so,"
but it is so,
355
00:15:38,851 --> 00:15:41,718
and I was the one who told you.
So...
356
00:15:41,719 --> 00:15:44,021
So... you'll call me
when there's hot dogs?
357
00:15:44,023 --> 00:15:46,690
Hey, Karen. Hey, Davis.
What's up?
358
00:15:46,692 --> 00:15:49,059
- All your food is back.
- My food was gone?
359
00:15:49,127 --> 00:15:50,661
But it's back.
No need to panic.
360
00:15:50,662 --> 00:15:51,929
I wasn't planning on panicking.
361
00:15:51,930 --> 00:15:55,165
Well, you'd be the only one...
which begs the question...
362
00:15:55,166 --> 00:15:58,035
why are you so calm and... mellow?
363
00:15:58,102 --> 00:16:02,139
- Probably a reasonable explanation.
- Oh, there is.
364
00:16:02,140 --> 00:16:04,875
Suffice to say, I've come
into a good amount of cabbage,
365
00:16:04,943 --> 00:16:08,512
and that's going to ramp
things up for me real fast.
366
00:16:08,546 --> 00:16:10,614
[whistling]
367
00:16:10,648 --> 00:16:11,648
Ugh, wish I could whistle.
368
00:16:11,649 --> 00:16:14,851
"Cabbage" is gang talk for money.
369
00:16:14,886 --> 00:16:16,954
If you're in a gang
with Spanky and Alfalfa.
370
00:16:16,988 --> 00:16:20,190
Who?
All I know is... gun? Check!
371
00:16:20,225 --> 00:16:22,059
Money?
[static] Check!
372
00:16:22,061 --> 00:16:24,027
Stop doing that!
373
00:16:24,062 --> 00:16:27,331
- What are you doing now?
- If you must know,
374
00:16:27,332 --> 00:16:30,067
I'm going to wire up
the phone at Corner Gas
375
00:16:30,069 --> 00:16:33,570
so when Brent picks it up,
he'll get a powerful electric shock.
376
00:16:33,572 --> 00:16:36,240
And why do you want to give him
an electric shock,
377
00:16:36,241 --> 00:16:37,975
which I'll be stopping you from doing.
378
00:16:38,009 --> 00:16:40,711
It'll remind him
to call the gas truck for a delivery.
379
00:16:40,712 --> 00:16:44,548
No, it'll remind him
that his father is a crazy person.
380
00:16:44,582 --> 00:16:46,717
Shock therapy is solid science.
381
00:16:46,751 --> 00:16:49,087
The current travels from here to...
[screaming]
382
00:16:49,088 --> 00:16:51,722
Give me that before you kill...
[screaming]
383
00:16:51,723 --> 00:16:53,357
[laughing]
384
00:16:53,358 --> 00:16:54,758
It smarts, don't it?
385
00:16:54,759 --> 00:16:56,560
[screaming]
386
00:16:56,594 --> 00:16:58,294
[laughing]
387
00:16:58,796 --> 00:17:00,496
What was I doing?
388
00:17:01,232 --> 00:17:03,133
[Lacey] Can I have your
attention, everybody?
389
00:17:03,201 --> 00:17:05,836
Just letting you know that
I am back in the kitchen
390
00:17:05,870 --> 00:17:07,904
whipping up a couple
new and exciting dishes
391
00:17:07,939 --> 00:17:10,040
that I'm sure you'll all enjoy.
392
00:17:10,074 --> 00:17:12,109
What kind of weirdness is it now?
393
00:17:12,176 --> 00:17:14,911
Weirdness?
Haven't you learned anything from this?
394
00:17:14,912 --> 00:17:16,880
Haven't you learned we
don't like new things?
395
00:17:16,914 --> 00:17:20,183
- We've been very up-front about this.
- Oh, sure, this stuff's not bad.
396
00:17:20,184 --> 00:17:21,884
That doesn't mean we
want to spend our lives
397
00:17:21,886 --> 00:17:24,721
on the constant razor's
edge of the unknown.
398
00:17:24,756 --> 00:17:25,790
Come on, Brent.
399
00:17:25,791 --> 00:17:28,725
Help me out here
with this screwy Dog River logic.
400
00:17:28,760 --> 00:17:30,360
Well... here's a bit of logic.
401
00:17:30,361 --> 00:17:32,964
How did you make a couple
new, exciting dishes back there
402
00:17:32,965 --> 00:17:35,108
when you said you were out of food?
403
00:17:35,266 --> 00:17:38,534
Well... [laughing]
the thing is...
404
00:17:39,837 --> 00:17:44,608
about that...
is...
405
00:17:44,642 --> 00:17:48,178
- just....
- This feels like stalling.
406
00:17:48,179 --> 00:17:50,247
There's no emergency!
407
00:17:50,281 --> 00:17:52,282
You have food!
You lied to everyone.
408
00:17:52,317 --> 00:17:54,618
You lied to me
about having no hot dogs.
409
00:17:54,686 --> 00:17:56,320
So I told a tiny fib.
410
00:17:56,321 --> 00:17:58,822
I just wanted people to
broaden their horizons.
411
00:17:58,824 --> 00:18:00,724
We got nothing but horizons around here.
412
00:18:00,758 --> 00:18:03,393
Fine.
I'm sorry...
413
00:18:03,394 --> 00:18:04,995
although, for the record,
I didn't lie to you.
414
00:18:04,996 --> 00:18:08,632
- There really are no hot dogs.
- Oh. Well, all right, then.
415
00:18:08,666 --> 00:18:12,102
So you're not upset about
me lying to everyone else?
416
00:18:12,136 --> 00:18:13,770
I can't be worried
about everything, Lacey.
417
00:18:13,771 --> 00:18:15,639
We're in the middle of
a hot dog crisis here.
418
00:18:15,873 --> 00:18:20,177
Behold, the fruits
of my scientific mind.
419
00:18:20,179 --> 00:18:21,345
Ethanol.
420
00:18:21,346 --> 00:18:26,350
I... have made...
fuel!
421
00:18:26,352 --> 00:18:29,354
- Bit dramatic, don't you think?
- Tom Hanks in Castaway?
422
00:18:29,355 --> 00:18:31,188
Over the top when he did it too.
423
00:18:31,190 --> 00:18:32,222
[Karen] Freeze!
424
00:18:32,223 --> 00:18:34,191
- [Hank] Hi, guys.
- Hi.
425
00:18:34,192 --> 00:18:35,459
What's up?
426
00:18:35,460 --> 00:18:38,428
Well, what do you think
is up, Wanda White?
427
00:18:38,463 --> 00:18:40,030
We're busting your meth lab.
428
00:18:40,031 --> 00:18:42,799
Meth lab?
We're not making meth.
429
00:18:42,800 --> 00:18:45,070
Ecstasy?
[mouthing "No."]
430
00:18:45,105 --> 00:18:47,471
- Aspirin?
- We just made cabbage fuel.
431
00:18:47,472 --> 00:18:50,841
- I made cabbage fuel.
- I got shot in the face for it.
432
00:18:50,842 --> 00:18:52,309
See? They're not making illegal drugs.
433
00:18:52,310 --> 00:18:55,213
They're just making fuel.
See you later.
434
00:18:55,214 --> 00:18:58,415
Davis!
Making your own fuel is illegal too.
435
00:18:58,483 --> 00:19:01,251
- It is?
- It is? Huh.
436
00:19:01,285 --> 00:19:03,954
Well...
look, there must be some way
437
00:19:03,955 --> 00:19:08,158
we can make this minor
indiscretion go away. Hmm?
438
00:19:08,159 --> 00:19:10,460
No more stupid foot patrol.
439
00:19:10,495 --> 00:19:13,830
It's time to get Tom
Cruiser back on the road.
440
00:19:13,865 --> 00:19:15,900
Wait.
Maybe we should test this fuel
441
00:19:15,901 --> 00:19:19,302
on something else first...
besides our only patrol car.
442
00:19:19,337 --> 00:19:23,774
Wanda knows what she's doing.
She went to college.
443
00:19:23,808 --> 00:19:26,243
Hey, Mom.
Hey, Can-burglar.
444
00:19:26,244 --> 00:19:29,045
Okay, that's enough.
I dragged your father over here
445
00:19:29,046 --> 00:19:31,214
so you can both look
each other in the eye
446
00:19:31,282 --> 00:19:34,317
and apologize for being so pig-headed.
447
00:19:34,352 --> 00:19:36,620
Okay.
Mom's right.
448
00:19:36,621 --> 00:19:39,389
This did get out of hand,
and I was too slack,
449
00:19:39,390 --> 00:19:41,158
and I'll be more responsible
in the future.
450
00:19:41,159 --> 00:19:43,894
Nice.
Now it's your turn, Oscar.
451
00:19:43,895 --> 00:19:46,430
I'm not going to
apologize for being right!
452
00:19:46,464 --> 00:19:48,498
The town turned completely bonkers,
453
00:19:48,533 --> 00:19:51,034
- just like I said it would.
- It only went bonkers
454
00:19:51,035 --> 00:19:54,271
because Captain Bonkers was at
the helm of the S.S. Bonkers,
455
00:19:54,272 --> 00:19:57,040
and ploughed it right
up onto the jagged shores
456
00:19:57,074 --> 00:19:59,109
- of Bonker-ton-ville.
- What?
457
00:19:59,110 --> 00:20:01,912
He knows what I mean.
Without him, the town would be fine.
458
00:20:01,946 --> 00:20:03,280
[exploding]
459
00:20:03,281 --> 00:20:04,949
Aren't you glad I convinced you
460
00:20:04,950 --> 00:20:08,385
- to try it on something else first?
- I guess.
461
00:20:08,386 --> 00:20:11,421
Not glad it was my lawnmower.
462
00:20:11,456 --> 00:20:16,126
- We might've made rocket fuel.
- I made rocket fuel.
463
00:20:16,160 --> 00:20:20,263
Oscar, we're not leaving
'til you apologize.
464
00:20:20,298 --> 00:20:23,033
All right, all right.
If it'll make you both shut up...
465
00:20:23,067 --> 00:20:24,469
I'm sorry I took all your canned goods,
466
00:20:24,470 --> 00:20:26,303
and I'm sorry I called the gas company
467
00:20:26,305 --> 00:20:28,872
- and cancelled your next delivery truck.
- Thank you.
468
00:20:28,873 --> 00:20:30,540
Thank you.
Wait, you did what?
469
00:20:30,541 --> 00:20:32,108
Had to teach you a lesson,
470
00:20:32,109 --> 00:20:35,979
so I called and cancelled the fuel
delivery for another week. [chuckles]
471
00:20:35,980 --> 00:20:38,483
- Lunatic.
- You really are an idiot.
472
00:20:38,484 --> 00:20:42,118
You're the one who wouldn't
let me shock the boy!
473
00:20:43,869 --> 00:20:45,969
Okay, do you have the
list of things I need?
474
00:20:45,971 --> 00:20:49,607
Yep, I have it right here.
Hot dogs...
475
00:20:51,276 --> 00:20:54,145
There are other things on that list
besides hot dogs.
476
00:20:54,146 --> 00:20:56,314
When I get the hot dogs,
I'll look at the rest of the list.
477
00:20:56,315 --> 00:20:57,648
They'll, uh...
478
00:20:57,649 --> 00:21:00,643
they'll let me carry
gas on the bus, right?
479
00:21:05,141 --> 00:21:07,669
[music]
480
00:21:10,696 --> 00:21:12,063
♪ I don't know ♪
481
00:21:12,064 --> 00:21:14,565
♪ The same things you don't know ♪
482
00:21:17,970 --> 00:21:19,971
♪ I don't know ♪
483
00:21:20,039 --> 00:21:23,141
♪ I just... don't know ♪
484
00:21:25,144 --> 00:21:27,645
♪ Ooh ♪
485
00:21:27,713 --> 00:21:29,402
♪ It's a great big place ♪
486
00:21:29,437 --> 00:21:31,115
♪ Ooh ♪
487
00:21:31,150 --> 00:21:33,190
♪ Full of nothing but space ♪
488
00:21:33,225 --> 00:21:34,986
♪ Ooh ♪
489
00:21:35,054 --> 00:21:37,829
♪ It's my happy place ♪
490
00:21:37,973 --> 00:21:40,563
[Brent] Visit us at cornergas.com
491
00:21:40,664 --> 00:21:43,764
sync & correction by f1nc0
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