Original subtitles

Thank you.

Hello.

In the bag, Mr. Sheridan, the 440's least best

race. You said it, sir.

My boy will win the quarter, I'd bet my bankroll on it. If I had a bankroll.

We've got to have that banner lined. We're holding up the paper. We don't go

to press till we get the results from Topeka.

When Lee wins the 440, maybe those yokels will know State College is on the

map.

He says we've got to wait until his boy wins that race.

Say, what's he think he's running? A racing form?

Our constant readers aren't going to be constant much longer waiting until

Monday for Saturday's newspaper. What's got me worried is the advertisers.

They'd threaten to cancel their adjunct body the next time we miss Saturday's

train. That means today.

Our salary's a week behind now.

Oh, go in there again and see if you can't make the old man listen to reason.

It ain't the idea of waiting for our money so much. You know how he is. as

stubborn as a three-legged mule, but I'll try again.

We were delayed, but we're going to press any minute now.

No, no, no, you're absolutely right, but I guarantee it won't happen again.

You'll get your paper on time after this.

Yeah, yeah, goodbye.

Dan, your advertiser will leave you flat if this edition don't catch that 3 o

'clock local.

I'll let him leave.

Now, you can't do that.

Besides, the boys are asking for last week's wages. Now, take part of them.

I'll tell the boys to go to...

No, tell them I'll get them their money on Monday. And tell them I'm sorry they

had to wait.

No, that's better, Dan. Now, give me the headline. We'll go.

All right.

Lee Sheridan breaks record.

Oh, we've got that in stock.

All right, all right. Use it, then.

Now, we can cut the governor's speech.

Yeah. No, the farmers around here must know who your son is if they don't know

anything else.

Lee Sheridan wins football game. Lee Sheridan wins crew race.

Say, I've always wondered what the other seven fellas were doing while Lee was

rowing to glory.

Now, look here, Steve.

They be peeking out.

Hello?

Hello, Lee.

Yes, Dad.

Now we're all ready to go. We're on the marks now, waiting for me.

Well, the world's record's 46-4.

I don't like to say I'm going to break it, but...

Listen, Dad, Bill's here now. He'll hold the phone open till I get back.

Hey, hold that for me, will you? I'll be back in about 46 seconds.

Hey, Sheridan, are you going to run this race or not? Now, keep your shirt on,

Coach. Why didn't you start him off? I'd have caught him anyway.

Oh, yeah?

How do you feel, Lee? Think you're going to win for us? Well, I tell you, my boy,

if there's any competition in that crowd, I'll hang up a new record.

That's the stuff. Let me have that stopwatch, will you, Coach?

Sheridan, will you please hurry?

That's just what I intend to do as soon as you fire that gun.

On your marks.

Get set.

Come on. Come on, Lee.

He's in second place, Mr. Sheridan.

Come on, Lee.

Get going.

Come on, Lee. Come on. He's two yards behind, Mr. Sheridan. What's the matter

with Lee?

He must have broken his leg.

47 seconds?

Why, son, what held you back?

Oh, you can't break records with the competition you get from a bunch of mud

turtles.

What

happened,

Mr. Sheridan? Why didn't he break the record?

Oh, you can't break records with the competition you get from a bunch of mud

turtles.

Yes. Sit down.

Thanks.

Sheridan, I'm very likely the only man west of the Mississippi, with the

possible exception of your father, who believes that Oxford University would

tolerate you for more than a single term.

Oxford? What's that got to do with me?

I studied at Oxford. Spent three years there.

I loved it. I love it still.

Well, that's fine. That's great, but... I've also allowed myself to acquire

other affections, and among them, Sheridan, is you.

Thanks, Dean Williams.

As far as I'm concerned, there are no flies on you either.

Thank you, Sheridan.

Now to the point.

I've arranged for a scholarship for you at Cardinal College.

Cardinal College? Where's that?

Cardinal is one of the many colleges that make up Oxford University.

You mean it's... You mean I'm going to Oxford?

Yes. Well, say, that's great.

And you approve of the idea?

Well, now I do. Yeah, that takes care of everything.

Three more years of...

Now, wait a minute. They don't play our kind of football over there, do they?

I suppose it's our fault that your idea of an educational institution is

slightly distorted, Sheridan.

We've allowed the classroom to become a minor branch of the stadium.

All the same, we've put Lake Dell on the map, haven't we?

You won't be faced with the same problem at Oxford.

I trust that in the interludes of your devotion to these admirable sports, it

will occur to you from time to time that Oxford is also a seat of learning.

I'm not worrying about my studies.

Remember, I'm cum laude here.

Well, I'm in hopes that Oxford will let you stay long enough to acquaint itself

with your scholastic attempts.

Say, when they get a flash of me on the track or in a shell, they'll beg me to

stay. Well, if Oxford and you survive the first collision, it should be a very

interesting experience for both of you.

I know your father will be pleased.

Oh, yeah, I forgot all about that.

Well, it sounded great while it lasted, but I'm afraid Cardinal College will

have to struggle along without me.

Oh, why?

I got to help my father on the paper. Been pretty tough on him putting me

through college as it is.

I know your father too well.

He wouldn't want you to miss an opportunity like this.

I'll talk to him.

No, no.

No, I'd rather you didn't.

Looks like my college days are over.

And it'd have been fun, though, to show those beef eaters what's what.

Morning, Dad.

Morning.

Well, what's on your mind?

Oh, nothing.

Nothing much.

Well, then why'd you send for me? I got a bank to run. Oh, it'll run itself.

You can wear the seat of your pants out just as well over here.

Come on out with it now. What's worrying you?

Well, as a matter of fact, I'd like to get a little money.

Yeah? How little?

Oh, a couple of thousand.

Yeah, two thousand?

Say, Dan, you haven't been doing anything foolish, have you, at your age?

Go on now, Ben. You got an evil mind. You always did that.

No, no. I want to get some money to send Lee over to Oxford.

What? No, sirree. Not one red cent for any such fool scheme.

You're going to put that young pup to work. That's what right here.

Sir, whose son is he? He's yours, unfortunately, for him. So I'm going

to... You have spoiled that brat to the brink of ruination.

You got him thinking he can run the college, the whole town.

He's got to have that conceit knocked out of him.

And if you're any sort of a father, you're going to do it. Well, you're not

going to tell me what to do. Well, somebody's got to tell you.

And if you've got a brain left in that iron skull of yours, you're going to

make Lee earn his salt.

Let him sell advertising for you on commission.

That'll knock his ears back.

I don't need to knock his ears back. I know him, and I know the blood he comes

from. What's blood got to do with it? What's blood got to do with it?

Just this.

The first Sheridan come over to this country in 1675, and they brought a

printing press with them. And since that time, every consign Sheridan's worked at

a press and died at it. And they die hard, too, around about 85 or better.

Well, leaves the Sheridan. That gives them 62 more years to go. That's plenty

of time to sit around and hand out pap to you short-lived weaklings that can't

take anything stronger.

Why, that boy's got blue blood in his veins.

You know what makes it blue?

Printer's ink. And it'll come out in him when the time comes.

He'll do his job just like all the other Sheridans did. Oh, he'll do it even

better, because he's going to get a real education.

And you want me to knock his ears back.

Go on, get out of here.

Go on over to your bank and get behind those bars where you belong.

Okay, Dan.

I'm going.

You want that $2,000 in cash or a check?

There's not a lot of cheering for good old Lee, but this is the last cheer

we'll be able to give him. So let's give him one he'll really remember us by.

L-A-K-E-D-A-L-E L-A-K-E-D-A-L-E

L-A-K-E-D-A-L-E Sharon!

Sharon!

Sharon!

I dear colonials, it would be no end jolly visiting your odd little country,

studying your quaint customs, making friends with the natives, and learning

your rum language.

But now that I'm as popple back to civilization... Hey, wait a minute. I

forgot to say goodbye to Dad. Let me through here, will you?

Dad, I'm terribly sorry. I didn't notice so late. I wanted to have a talk with

you. Oh, plenty of time for that when you get back.

Remember to write often. I've got a column put aside for you in the kitchen.

And don't you forget her, please.

Oh, I couldn't do that, Mr. Dalton, after all you've done. Almost wish Dad

hadn't borrowed that money now. Oh, don't worry about that. I'll get it back

from the Pope.

Goodbye, Lee. Goodbye, sir. Thanks for everything. Remember, oxen's been there

a long time. Don't try to change it too much at first. Yeah.

Well, that, I guess, is it.

How long, son? You're going to miss it.

Don't worry about me. I'll catch it.

This is one day you got your paper out on time.

I beg your pardon, sir. Could you tell me how soon we get to Oxford? Just under

the hour, I believe.

Please, what you say. That's not bad for these funny little English trains, is

it? We find them quite satisfactory.

Yeah. Well, I guess they got to be small at that. It's a small country. We could

darn near put the whole thing into the state of Nebraska.

Doubtless. But with what object?

Oh, now, don't misunderstand me. I'm not trying to pan your country. I think it's

swell. I'm over here to go to Oxford myself.

Yes, sir. I'm mighty glad to go to Oxford.

Of course, compared to where I come from, it may seem kind of slow at first,

but I'll soon get used to that.

Bend an ear, gentlemen.

This may be interesting.

You know, it's funny, but the last thing the dean of my old college said to me

was, don't try to change Oxford too much at first, so I'm not going to. That's

very gratifying.

By the way, how many colleges are there at Oxford? I couldn't say.

Well, do you know how many students there are there?

Young man, any information regarding the University of Oxford, the ancient

buildings of Oxford, the climate and topography of Oxford can be obtained

from the official guidebook of Oxford.

And I may add that I had the good fortune to be at Cambridge.

Good day.

There you are.

It appears that some cottage has brought a perfectly beautiful prize.

Better cross your fingers. It might be Cardinal. Oh, perish the thought. What

about Cardinal, Monsieur Paul? Any good men coming up?

No, we've got the poorest material of any college. I wish we had somebody who

could row or run or something. Oh, I say, must we embark on this exhausting

subject about how many miles to the muscle? Of course, you're superior to

that sort of thing. Oh, no, I'm not at all. As a matter of fact, I've long been

aware of the fact that one man can run faster than another.

That's just the trouble. Our men can't.

Excuse me for warning you, fellas, but I've got some good news for you. I beg

your pardon? Oh, that's all right. You see, I happen to be somewhat of an

athlete myself, and I'm on my way out to Cardinal.

He's going to Cardinal.

Well, well, we might have guessed it.

Isn't it lucky, my running into you fellas like this?

Positively confidential.

Yeah, it certainly seems good to me to find somebody to talk with.

My name's Sheridan, Lee Sheridan of America.

Heard you fellas worrying about this track business. Well, you don't need to,

because that's where I can help out. Oh, that's marvelous.

What is it you do? Well, just before I left, I ran the 440 in 47 flat. 47?

I presume you mean seconds. I certainly do mean seconds, and I wasn't being

pressed either.

You don't appear to need pressing.

That's a pretty good one.

I don't believe I got your name. Oh, I'm so sorry. That's very remiss of me.

I'm Paul Berman. How are you, Beaumont? Mr. Ramsey. How do you do? Mr.

Wavertree. Hi, Wavertree. Mr.

Lee Sheridan of America.

I'm sure you must know other things besides run.

Yeah, yeah, football.

Tell me, how are you fixed for football at Oxford?

Well, we have two games, rugger and soccer.

One of you happened to be an expert at either.

Oh, both?

No, no, you see, I've only played American football, but boy, how I play

that. Averaged two touchdowns a game last season. Really?

You know you must be quite an athlete. Well, I do fairly well.

A gift from the gods.

We could do with a man like you in the boat as well.

Yes, it's too bad you don't row. I only stroked the Lake Dale crew for three

years, that's all. We'd have made the Olympics, too, only I didn't have much

behind me. One way or another, you must have moments of considerable fatigue.

You'll be able to give some very useful tips to some of our rowing men from

Eaton. Oh, I don't know how you can expect those Eaton guys to row in plug

hats and Buster Brown collars.

Your college must have been very upset at losing you. Well, no, no, they're a

great bunch of guys. Gave me a great send-off, too. Band and everything.

Band? Not Paul Whiteman's by any chance, was it? Wait a minute.

What was the name again?

Sheridan. Lee Sheridan. Lee Sheridan?

What a fool I am. You're the Sheridan. Good heavens, why don't you say so?

He's Sheridan. You know, the fellow Cotton was getting up that reception for

at the station.

Sheridan, of course. Oh, that Sheridan. You mean they're going to give me a

reception? Yes, you see, the paper's had all about your coming here. Oh, well,

that must have been some of Dad's doing. He's the old son of a gun. Yes, mind

you, I only wish for your own sake you could avoid it. Avoid it? Why?

Listen, Sheridan, I'll tell you something.

Whenever a big athlete gets a welcome like that, it's apt to make him fairly

unpopular. You know, with the other colleges.

Looks as if we're crowing over getting him.

Doesn't it? Oh, absolutely.

They resented me like the very devil. Yes, many a promising career has been

completely blighted that way. Oh, but if they're waiting for me at the station, I

can't duck it. Oh, yes, you can. You take my advice. Get off at Ditkin.

Ditkin? Where is that? It's the station just this side of Oxford.

The fellows in Cardinal will be sore.

My dear Sheridan, have you ever heard of the multitude censuring a man for

modesty? Oh,

maybe you're right. All right, if you fellows say so, I'll do it.

Very good idea.

Ah, the fairest of the Beaumonts.

Hello?

Hello, Molly.

Please sit down. I just came along. Oh, Molly, let me introduce Mr. Sheridan, my

sister. Well, I'm certainly glad to meet you.

How do you do?

You're an American, aren't you? Yeah, how'd you guess?

Well, I probably have second sight. Sit here, won't you? Oh, thanks. Mr.

Sheridan's a famous athlete, Molly. Perhaps you've heard of him. I'm sorry,

I don't think I have. She's reading ancient history at Oxford. She's never

heard of anybody who hasn't been dead 300 years.

Well, things are looking up. I didn't know you had such good-looking coeds.

Oh, thanks.

Oh, we can do much better than that.

Wretch. Or they're just boys. They don't appreciate women. Well, lady, you've

found a guy who does.

Tell me, do you ever find time to fling woo?

Fling woo? Yeah, that's short for date, engagement. You know, strolling hand in

hand with a boyfriend.

I'm afraid up to date I haven't flung a great deal of woo.

Oh, you ought to try a sample. You might take a whole carload.

You're in luck, Molly. You'll find Mr. Sheridan very entertaining.

Yes, indeed.

Well, look out, Sheridan. This is where you get off.

Oh,

yes. Well, I'm afraid I'll have to leave you for a little while.

I thought you were going up to Oxford. I am, through the back door. I'm trying to

duck the demonstration.

Demonstration? Yes, Molly, in his honor. He's avoiding it. Quite right, true.

You'd better hurry, Sheridan. Well, I'm sorry I can't go with you the rest of

the way, but I'll be seeing you later.

If you want to be quite sure, hadn't you better come along with me now?

Well, maybe I will at that. You're making a mistake, Sheridan. Now, don't

say we didn't warn you. Yes, a moment of pleasure and a lifetime of regret, you

know. Well, maybe you're right.

See you all in the funny papers.

Goodbye. Goodbye.

I'll make it right with the cheerleaders.

Well, what's this game you're up to, you young brutes? Never mind, Molly. You can

always plead woo with me.

What's the idea? There's nothing wrong with him.

Oh, no, he's just another loudmouthed American, that's all.

He's the one strangers naturally try to make an impression. Impression? He made

a dent.

Be careful he doesn't make one on you.

There's something about that chin that tells me he could make a perfectly

beautiful enemy.

There he is.

Anybody know how much of a walker he is at Darksburg? Ten miles in a picture.

Ten miles?

How far is the bed?

Here you are, laddie. Get you down.

Young's the Cardinal, call it.

Ah, so that's Cardinal, huh? Aye, and a funny place it is, too. I hope you're

happy there and enjoy your new friend. Well, I don't understand a word of your

lingo, buddy, but thanks for the lift.

Uh-oh, the reception committee.

Here, laddie. That's the Salvation Army.

I'm Lee Sheridan. I'd like to sneak to my room before anybody knows I'm here.

The archway on the left, sir. Across the quad. You'll find the name on the door.

Just leave your bag here, sir. Okay, thanks.

Excuse me, are you Sheridan? Sheridan of America?

Yeah, that's right. My name's Masterson. I'm chairman of the reception committee.

Oh, the reception... Well, looks like I'm caught after all, isn't it? You

certainly are. Come along, please.

Mr.

Sheridan, on behalf of Cardinal College, welcome.

Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome.

Sorry, Sheridan, I couldn't hold them back.

We couldn't disappoint them.

certainly know who I am, huh? Why, of course, didn't I tell you? Don't be

modest. Gentlemen, gentlemen, order, please.

The dean.

It's Wavertree. Ian Beaumont met him on the train.

Hey, is Ian on this, too?

You bet.

And listen, when you met him, you have to say a few words. You don't mind?

Oh, no, no, I don't mind. Boy, this is something, huh? Dean Summers, let me

present Mr. Lee Sheridan of America.

You are most welcome, Mr. Sheridan.

Thank you, sir.

Kindly escort Mr. Sheridan to the seat of honor.

Certainly, sir.

This way, please.

Quasi aurum forventem confirmaturum. Summa spe expectamus probationem

facultatum istarum mirabilium. Quarum fama ad oras nostras te praevenit.

Ergo iterum salve dicamus.

Via praeclarissime, qui excesspere partibus ultimis adres

nostras vestituendas venisti.

Mr.

Sheridan, to you I resign the chair and platform.

Gentlemen.

For the first time, I realize what is meant by good old English hospitality.

You know, I came over here expecting to be met with real English friendship and

fair play.

I met Mr. Paul Bowman.

And his friend, Mr. Wavertree.

Now, gentlemen, we Americans have a great tradition, too.

Forthrightness.

And I'm going to try to square a cuss with this forthright toe of mine.

A toe gentleman which can kick a phony dean further than any toe in the world.

You mind coming up here to me? Oh, no, no, no. Wait a minute, Sheridan.

No? Then I'll come down to you. Oh, no, no. Wait a minute.

No hard feelings, I hope.

Where are my glasses?

After him. Catch that man. Who was guilty of that atrocity? I didn't see

his face, sir. Well, he shall be sent down if it's the last thing I do.

The very...

Will you be good enough to give me your name, sir?

No, no, no.

Mr. Wavertree, may I know your reason for making this atavistic and unprovoked

assault? I don't know what came over me, sir.

It was a sudden rebellion against authority, I suppose.

I saw your back perform... Yes, proceed, Mr. Wavertree, proceed.

Well, sir, it was an impulse.

A brutal, primitive impulse.

Brutal... Well?

I was told to see you, sir, about...

Kicking you in the pants. Kicking me in the... Now, what is this rivalry for the

honor of attacking my person? I think there must be some mistake, sir. It's a

very grave mistake. Very grave indeed, I assure you. And who are you, may I ask?

I'm Lee Sheridan of America.

And you're ready to confess that you, and not Mr. Wavertree, perpetrated this

outrage?

Yes, sir, I am. You are, are you?

Mr. Wavertree, I do not pretend to understand what induces you.

a timid and somewhat inoffensive individual, to assume responsibility for

every act of overt defiance in this college. Well, you see, sir... No, I do

not see.

And when I receive your letter of apology, I will then decide whether your

mental condition should be investigated by a medical authority. You may go.

Thank you, sir.

Come in.

Come in. Come in.

Now, sir, what are you to say for yourself?

Well, you see, all rear ends look alike in those gowns you wear over here, and I

thought yours belonged to someone else. Someone?

May I ask, Mr. Sheridan, who is the gentleman who is to have been honored?

whose posterior bears such a striking resemblance to my own? I'd rather not

mention any names, but he'd better keep out of my way. Now, any further

outbreak, Mr. Sheridan, and you'll be sent down.

That means kicked out, doesn't it? Yes, tossed out for the scruff of the neck.

You may retire to your room, sir, and compose a letter of apology.

In English, if possible.

Very good, sir.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Mr. Sheridan.

I begin to sense that you are what is called in theology the occasion of evil.

A provocative person who might easily lead others into temptation.

In summing up and in the most kindly spirit, I must say I don't like you.

Good day, sir.

Good day.

Oh,

hello,

Sherlock. What are you doing in there? Trying to square yourself by taking the

rap from me? Oh, no. I'm afraid my motives were purely selfish.

You see, I have a wealthy uncle who was sent down from here in 98.

What's that got to do with it? Well, I'm the old sinner's only surviving

relative. And he's desperate for me to follow in his footsteps.

A matter of family pride, eh? Yes. If I end my days here disgracefully, he'll

die a happy man. And you collect?

I collect, yes. Why don't you try socking the dean in the jaw? That ought

to get you kicked out all right. Don't you think that's a little too direct?

Besides, you see, I don't even have the initiative myself to get into scrapes.

So I use the backwash of more spirited characters. Well, you tag along with me

for a while and you'll get plenty of backwash. That is, if I decide to stay

in this dump.

Mr. Sheridan of America and, uh, Didcot?

Listen, if you ask me, I'd say that Didcot gag was a pretty feeble joke.

Oh, would you?

I thought it was delightful.

It amused us all the way to Oxford.

What did the dean do to you? Well, you know, he wasn't in the mood for jokes

either. I know. He's notoriously lacking in humor.

One kicks him in the pants with the best of intentions and he resents it.

It's a wonder he didn't send you down. Well, it wouldn't have made me mad if he

had. Then isn't it too bad he didn't? Just think what an international all

-time record that would have been.

Arrived Oxford 3 p.m., amused the college till 3.30, booted the dean 3.35,

sent down 3.40, and off to America, all inside of an hour. You've given me an

idea. Why don't you try? You might just make it if you hurry. Listen, what are

you trying to do, get rid of me? On the contrary.

Would have been fun to have you around flinging wool.

You know, I tried to explain that term to my tutor, but she locked herself in a

room with a Chinese dictionary and won't answer the door. Oh, when I first met

you on the train, I thought you were swell.

There was a moment where I was going to hold you by the coattails so you

couldn't get off, but did kiss me. Well, why didn't you?

Well, Paul would have been furious.

Oh, yeah, that would have been too bad about Paul, wouldn't it? Yes, I think

so. Yes.

Well, I'm keeping you. If you want to break that record, you'd better run.

Listen, my sweet little flutterbutt, you don't need to waste any more of that

excruciating British humor on me. I'm running.

Yes, running away with your tail between your legs. No, I'm walking.

And in case I never see you again, which I hope, here's something to remember me

by.

Miss Bowman, this is hardly the place for such a demonstration.

You shall be gated for a week. If you happen to be watching this, Vincent, you

must have noticed I was more kissed against than kissing.

Come in.

Good afternoon, sir. Yeah?

I'm Scattergood, your scout, sir.

What is this, another gag?

I beg your pardon, sir?

What are you scouting for, Indians?

No, sir, there are no gentlemen from India at Cardinal, not at the moment,

sir. All right, skip it. What can I do for you? Oh, no, sir. It's my job to do

for you.

Yeah, well, I've been done for, thank you, Mr. Scattergood. Just call me

Scatter, sir, if you please. It's customary.

How much will you be wanting to take with you, sir? Everything.

Oh, very good, sir.

Oh, I'm afraid there's a hole in one of your socks, sir.

I'll have that mended for you as good as new by the time you get back. You

needn't bother.

Oh, no bother at all, sir.

I don't suppose you've seen much of Oxford as yet, sir?

I've seen everything I want to see, thank you. Oh, no, sir, that's not

possible. Not in a day.

It takes years, really.

And each time you see it, there's always something new.

Something you haven't noticed before.

It sort of grows on you.

Yeah, well, it'll have to grow mighty fast as far as I'm concerned.

I'm afraid things don't happen that way, sir.

Oxford's too old to do anything fast.

Take the cathedral, for example.

Parts of that have been standing there for a thousand years.

That's a long time, sir.

Is that it over there?

No, sir.

No, that's Magdalen Tower, sir.

And rare beautiful it is too, isn't it, sir? Not bad.

No, sir.

Do you know I think that's my favorite spot of them all?

There's hardly a night that I don't pass there and stop for a moment.

It's like visiting an old friend.

And you'll be finding friends like that too, sir, before long.

I could sure do with a few of them right now.

Do you hear those bells, sir?

centuries old, most of them, and still as clear as the day they was cast.

Do you know, sir, sometimes I like to think I can see Sir Walter Raleigh, and

many of them other great gentlemen what was here, standing in this very room,

looking out of this same window and hearing them bells, just like we're

hearing them now.

I suppose it does kind of get you after a while.

Some of my gentlemen will come back, say that they can hear them all through

their lives, sir. And I venture to say that you too, sir, will carry the sound

of them bells with you wherever you go.

What makes you think that?

I've served a great number of gentlemen in my day, sir.

And I can generally tell which ones will take to Oxford.

And when that happens, Oxford takes to them too, sir.

I'm sorry, sir. Here am I chatting away and forgetting all about your packing.

Just a minute, Scarice. Yes?

Don't pack anymore.

I mean, uh, well... I quite understand, sir. I quite understand.

I believe you're to be my tutor, sir. One moment.

I mustn't lose my place.

I'll never find it again.

Now, sir.

They told me to report to you for my study assignments.

Oh, yes, yes. Sit down, Mr.

Jenkins.

No, sir. Sheridan's the name. Lee Sheridan. It can't be.

My memorandum distinctly says Jenkins.

Well, I'm sorry to insist, but I'm still Sheridan.

Oh, very well, very well. We won't press the point.

Now, Mr. Jenkins, what are you reading?

Reading? Yes.

Well, I'm still reading Gone with the Wind, but I'm only halfway through. No,

no, no, no, no. I mean studying.

What do you hope to make your major interest here?

The way things have been going, I think I'll have to specialize in boxing.

Good. That's very good.

I should go out for the boat club, too.

I'm an old blue myself.

I remember when I rode against Cambridge.

Oh, yes, Mr.

Jenkins, about your studies. Where will you begin?

Well, I'd like to take up journalism.

You see, my dad owns a newspaper.

My dear sir, Oxford does not recognize journalism as a subject for serious

study. Well, of course, I'll take a major in American history.

Good heavens, there seems scarcely enough of that to keep you occupied for

three years.

Suppose we say American and English history.

All right, I think that's a very good suggestion.

An unfortunate choice.

To my mind, nothing of significance has happened in the world since the fall of

the Roman Empire. I think you're right. Tell me, what's your candid opinion of

Cleopatra? Cleopatra?

Ah, now, there was a woman, my boy.

Not so sound politically, perhaps.

But she had her points.

Oh, yes, we'll discuss that another time.

You come and see me again in Adair, too, and I'll give you a list for your

reading. Goodbye, Mr. Jenkins.

Sheridan, sir.

Oh, yes, yes, of course. I'll make a note of it.

Let me see.

Oh, yes, Mr. Jenkins.

I say, Sheridan, just a minute.

Well, if it isn't the rover boys.

Oh, the man remembers us.

Positive elephants. Unlike most elephants, however, he's not afraid of

mice. Sheridan, I seem to recall vaguely that you run a bit. Yes, that's right.

You name the time and the place, and I'll provide the demonstration.

Splendid. We're holding freshman track trials in half an hour at the university

grounds. I'll put you down for the 440, if you care to join us. Well, it's so

good of you to ask me. It's so good of you to come.

The field's about a mile from here. Of course, you'll need your bike. Oh, no,

no, you're wrong again. It's the other guys who'll need their bikes.

Well, we'll be looking forward frightfully to seeing you. Well, that's

too sweet of you. You're frightfully, frightfully kind, and you've made me

frightfully, frightfully happy.

Oh, the Yanks are coming. The Yanks are coming.

I'm sorry, sir.

This rugged individualism of yours must cease, Mr. Sheridan. Yes, sir. It should

be obvious even to you that we keep to the left.

Oh, you mean the wrong side's the right side over here. Any side that you are on

is the wrong side, Mr. Sheridan.

And I trust that hereafter you'll make a superhuman effort to keep out of my

sight. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. I'll try. Yes, well, do.

Yes, sir. Do.

You all right, sir?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm all right.

Where can I get this thing fixed? Oh, make that right for you over there, sir.

And I'd keep out of the old gentleman's way if I were you, sir. Yeah, I wish you

were me.

Nice morning, sir. Yeah.

Something gone wrong with the bicycle, sir?

No, no, no. I had it fixed that way so it didn't go round in circles.

Beg your pardon, sir?

Never mind. Skipper, can you fix it for me?

Oh, yes. We'll have a pop at that for you, sir. How long's it gonna take?

Ooh, I'll have to ask my mate about that, sir. Well, I hope she can fix it

fast. Tell her I'm in a rush, will you? Huh?

I beg your pardon. Well, hello.

You haven't taken over the shop by any chance?

No, but I might if you're going to be a steady customer.

You make it sound very tempting.

Do you know anything about flat tires?

Well, I should. I've met enough of them in the last few days. Oh, that's good.

Well, I'll be darned. A woman understands English.

I'll bet you know what it means to fling woo, don't you?

What? Oh,

I think I do.

Oh, I love you, Americans.

Oh, really?

Well, on behalf of myself and my fellow Americans, let's have a look at that

tire. Speaking for Great Britain, I'd be most grateful.

I, um, I'm afraid I didn't catch your name.

Well, I don't believe I threw it. It's Lee Sheridan. Oh, mine's Elsa Craddock.

Mrs. Craddock. What?

Holy smoke, are you married?

Oh, you're surprised, aren't you? Most people are.

My husband and I keep a bookshop.

You don't look like you belong in a bookshop.

Oh, I sometimes manage to steal away and forget it.

But then, of course, my husband's much older than I am. I mean that I'm much

younger than he is. I'll bet he doesn't understand you, does he? Oh, well, I

wouldn't say that.

He just forgets every so often that, well, that I'm young and that I need

excitement. You ought to try running into the dean sometime.

Oh, good heavens, he's even older than my husband.

Oh, well, what I mean is my husband doesn't understand how sympathetic I am.

You see, I love to help the undergraduates.

Especially the new one. No doubt the mother in you. Oh, now I believe you're

pulling my leg.

Well, I'm restraining myself as best I can. Oh, you wicked boy.

How did you see where was I?

Oh, you're still very young. Oh, yes, but you mustn't misunderstand.

Claudius, that's my husband, is really a dear. And he's so clever.

Why, he sometimes sits up and reads all night long.

If you ask me, I think the guy's crazy.

Morning, Mrs. Craddock.

We can fix your bike for you, sir.

All right, thanks. Hurry it up, will you?

Oh, yes, sir. It won't be long.

You can have it in a fortnight.

A fortnight?

Oh, that's fine.

That'll make me just two weeks and ten minutes late for the freshman trials.

Oh, dear.

Oh, do please take my bicycle. Oh, no, thanks. I'll rent one over here.

Oh, but I'd much rather you took mine.

Why, then you'll have to return it, you know.

Well, you got something there. All right, thanks. I'll see you later.

Craddock's Bookshop. Any of the students can direct you.

I'll bet they can.

Hey!

All right, chaps, get on your marks.

Hurry, please.

How are you, fellas?

Sorry to keep you waiting around.

I'm surprised you turned up at all.

Well, all the more kind of you to wait. Wait?

If you want to run the 440, Sheridan, you'd better get ready now. Ready? Why,

my dear Mr. Beaumont, I'm always ready.

How are you, boys?

Are you supposed to be funny?

You'll pardon us for not laughing.

We British have so little sense of humor. It's all right, don't apologize

about it. You do the running and I'll do the laughing.

Don't be a fool, Sheridan. You can't run like that.

What?

Oh, oh, oh, I must have forgotten.

How stupid of me.

Do you mind holding that for me?

It might stunt my growth, you know.

Well, you've got to stop this blighter. Oh, pay no attention to him. He knows he

can't run, so he's trying to cover it up by clowning. On your marks, get set...

He's just making a fool of himself. Hasn't the first idea how to run. I

wonder.

Gee, God, the man's a freak!

I still can't believe it.

It's nothing to laugh at. Sorry, old boy. That's the first place I've ever

enjoyed.

Boy, this English climate here sure gets me down.

Next time I'm going to run in my overcoat.

I'll cheer you all.

Thanks, Wavertree. You can keep the cigar for a souvenir.

Well, it's got to be faced. He is a runner. Yes, I'm afraid he's as good as

he says he is.

Last time I tried to bring a little sunshine into your life, you did

everything but advertised in the newspaper.

Oh, Elsa, that's very unjust.

All I did was to bask in your reflected glory.

Oh, no, no, no. It wasn't that at all.

Everyone knows you're trying to get sent down.

And I don't intend to be the co-respondent in your divorce from

Oxford. That's unworthy of you. Such a thought never entered my mind.

Look here, Elsa.

If not today, how about tomorrow?

No.

Oh, well, supposing you ask my husband? See what he thinks about it.

Anything you wanted?

No, no, no, thank you. I don't think I'll bother.

Excuse me.

Hello.

Where have you been, you naughty boy? I've been longing to see you. Have you?

Well, how about coming to London with me on Thursday?

Thursday? I'd love to.

Oh, but I simply couldn't get away.

But can't you think of some excuse?

Well, no, I don't... Good afternoon.

Good afternoon, Mr. Beaumont.

Mr. Craddock, there's an auction at Sotheby's on Thursday, and I've marked

one or two books I'd like to buy.

I wonder if you could go and bid for me. Mr. Beaumont, why will you continually

ask me to go to London? You know I can't leave the shop.

Oh, I could go, Claudius dear, if that would help you. Last time you went, you

went very successful, my dear.

You bought nothing. Well, it was hardly my fault. A person can't help getting

lost in the fog, can they, Claudius?

You remember that was why I missed the early train home. Besides, there won't

be any fog this time of the year.

Fog? No, no. Oh, very well. My wife will go, Mr. Beaumont. Thank you.

That's very good of you, Mrs. Graddock. Not at all, Mr. Beaumont. It'll be a

pleasure.

I'll catch the ten o'clock, darling.

Hello, Molly.

Well, for a man who can hardly read, you bought a remarkable number of books

lately. Look who's talking.

What about you, kissing your Yankee friend in public?

He doesn't happen to be married.

Oh, Paul, aren't you running into an awful mess?

Now, don't you worry your little head about that.

I'm quite capable of looking after my own affairs.

Sorry.

Oh, good afternoon, Miss Belmont.

We haven't seen you around here lately.

I'm sure my brother more than makes up for my absence.

Oh, yes, he is a dear, isn't he? Sometimes I think he's a fool.

Would you get me a Plato's Republic, please?

If you can't look up in the top shelf, you might find one. Thank you. You're

very helpful, aren't you? I try to be.

Here's your kitty, car lady.

Thanks for the ride.

I thought you said you... Oh, yes.

Oh, thank you. Look, I don't think... Oh, Claudius, I don't think you know my

husband. How are you?

I thought you said you lent your bicycle to a lady who had to get to the

hospital. Why, yes, I did, Cloris. It was this gentleman's sister. Oh, no, no,

it wasn't my sister. But you told him. No, it was my aunt. Oh, yes, his aunt.

Aunt Abby. Yes. No relation, of course, to the Westminster aunties.

Do you have Burton's 15th Century by any chance? Certainly. In which edition?

Well, I'd like a thin one with big type.

A thin one with... Very well.

Oh, that was clever of you. And I do so admire clever men. Well, any time you

want any fast thinking done, just let me know.

I would think we'd know each other all our lives.

But then, you know, sometimes I'm drawn like this to strangers.

You'd make a natural for the traveler's aide. Yes, sir?

You'd better hustle along now. The bookworm's about to turn.

Hello.

Surprised to see me?

I should say indifferent.

When did you decide not to run home?

Well, after you kissed me, everything seemed different somehow.

Oh, after I kissed you? Certainly. Don't tell me you've forgotten.

Not much I haven't. That slight incident, Mr. Sheridan, resulted in my

being gated for one week.

You mean that little kiss that you gave, I gave, we gave each other?

Precisely. Well, it was worth it anyway, wasn't it? No.

As a public exhibition, it was cheap.

And as a private performance, it was most amateurish.

Hey, what do you mean amateurish?

Yes, what there was of it seemed to be all teeth and whiskers.

All right, all right.

You win the preliminary bout, but wait till we get to the main event.

Thank you, I've had quite enough.

Why don't you practice on Mrs. Craddock?

I'm sure you'd find her most cooperative.

I wouldn't take her home if I won her in a raffle.

These college widows are about as safe to play with as a stick of dynamite. For

once we agree.

This is about time.

Well, now that we're practically soulmates, how do you feel about dinner?

I'm looking forward to it.

Alone.

Hey, hey, wait a minute, wait a minute.

It's very bad for you to eat alone. Almost worse than drinking alone, you

know? My Aunt Abby used to eat alone. I told her not to eat alone, but she would

eat alone.

I'm annoyed with myself for having so much fun. But if I get sent down for

this... Then I'll buy the college.

I still don't know why I'm here.

Ah, you English always have been a cinch for us Sheridans. Why, at Bunker Hill,

my great-great-grandpappy captured so many redcoats. We've been using them for

winter underwear ever since.

Thank you.

You ready?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I guess so.

Don't tell me you aren't the world's champion skater.

I don't know. I never tried before.

This should be good. Yeah, well, here goes.

Hey! Hey!

How am I doing, huh?

Fine. I couldn't have done better myself.

Well, I'll give you two chances. You're a grand one to go skating with. Here,

take my arm. No, no.

I'll crack my skull before I let any woman help me. Help!

Let's sit this one out, shall we?

Stupendous is the word. How do you do?

I'm his uncle, Captain Wavertree. Won't you join us? Oh, I'd love to, but I'm

afraid I can't now.

It's sweet of you to ask me. Bye-bye.

My dear.

You know, she's the dead spit of the little baggage I sent down for in 98.

Who is she? Elsa Cradery.

Mrs. Well, there's your opportunity, my boy.

I've been waiting for you to cut a dash, you know. Oh, don't you worry, Uncle.

I'll soon be kicked out. I've been seeing quite a lot of her lately, as a

matter of fact. Oh, then you do inherit something from me, after all.

Well, I'm hoping to. I get she's a stunner.

You ran beautifully for an hour. No, I just happened to get the jump on him,

that's all.

Sure, like a million dollars. Why? Why are you suddenly so modest? I expected

you to say, oh, I could beat those guys with my legs tied behind my back. As a

matter of fact, I could.

That's my old Sheridan. For a moment, I was afraid you were losing your grip.

Oh, can I help it if I happen to be good?

There you go again, just as I was beginning to be quite fond of you. Oh,

only fond of me? I thought by now you'd be running a temperature of 104.

It has been agreed that in order to save time, the high hurdles which was to be

in the next event will be held out.

The mild relay will be held out. Who made that switch?

All competitors on the track, please.

But you haven't had enough rest.

Just you keep those big blue eyes on me.

Both of them? I'd like one for the other men. Ah, pay no attention to them.

You give me this glove for luck and I'll beat the world. Where'll I meet you

after the race? Right here. Think you'll remember me? Sure, I'll know you. You're

the girl with one glove.

Beaumont, you'd better get ready. You'll have to run instead of Sheridan. But

he's miles faster than I am. He'll be all right. I daren't take the risk.

You're fresh.

You'd better tell him as you go. All right, but he won't like it.

Oh, Sheridan. Yeah?

Sorry, but you're not running. What do you mean I'm not running? You heard what

he said. They put the race forward to save time.

All right. What's that got to do with me? You've just run the half mile, and

it stands to reason they can't take a chance with you. Listen, I can beat any

man on this track right now, and you know it. Well, you needn't fly up with

me like that. I had nothing to do with it. No, you're not running in my place

by any chance, are you? As a matter of fact, I am.

Oh, I get it.

Well, the American boy's win makes Oxford level with Cambridge three wins

each. But I think the mile relay is going to be the decider. And what a

hummer that ought to be.

They're getting into their holes now.

On your marks, get set... Ladies and gentlemen,

Bowman will substitute for Sheridan as anchor man for Oxford.

The Oxford man's making all the running.

Roben's after him. But I don't think Daly of Oxford's going to be caught.

Come on, Oxford! Now you're going, fella!

This boy looks dangerous to me

Crowder taking it in absolute silence.

Paul, are you all right?

I'm all right.

Sheridan's pulling out an electrifying burst of speed. It's taking him right up

onto Lamb's heel.

He's going faster. He's at Lamb's elbow.

Yeah? I regret to say, sir, that Miss Beaumont refuses to come to the phone,

sir.

Oh.

Well, that makes it unanimous, doesn't it? A hundred percent.

Yes.

Hey, what's that?

It sounds like the funeral march, sir.

It's a funny way to celebrate a victory over Cambridge.

I'm afraid they don't consider it a victory, sir.

No,

sir.

They're coming up here.

Don't please take it easy when they come, won't you, sir?

to reward you for your brilliant exhibition this afternoon.

I don't get you. I won, didn't I? The point is, Sheridan, there are different

ways of winning. We don't care for your particular way. Oh, so you brought your

gang with you to tell me that. You certainly play sate, don't you,

Beaumont? This has gone beyond a personal row between you and Beaumont.

Now we're all going to have a hand in it. Come on. A youth guy comes near me,

I'll knock his head off. That's all right.

Come on, boys.

Yes, whom you persist in calling Jenkins.

Oh, yes, yes, fine fellow Jenkins.

I must continue to oppose you, my dear sir.

Here you are, sir. Here's another pair.

Will that be all, sir? Not on your life.

For a few guys I have in mind, this day is just beginning. Oh, don't take it to

heart, sir. There's no disgrace in being de-begged. Why, I can recall a prime

minister in this very quad, and he was a gentleman who didn't wear no

undergarments. Well, they might do that to a prime minister, but they can't do

it to an American and get away with it.

Good evening, sir.

Are you a member of this university?

I am. Are you aware, sir, that undergraduates are not permitted to

frequent public houses?

Yes, sir. Your name and college?

Morgan Cardinal.

Give me another pint, Gladys. I want to bring out the beast in me.

You'd better be careful, Mr. Wavertree. You know the proctor and his bullets are

just outside.

I shall welcome them with open arms.

I've told you about my uncle, haven't I?

Oh, you and your uncle. Hey, where's Beaumont? Oh, sir, and what about a

drink? I bet you could do with one.

Listen, Toots, have you seen Paul Beaumont around here tonight? He's in

the private bar, I believe. And I'll thank you not to call me names. That is,

I wish you hadn't told him that.

Oh,

so you're wearing your trousers.

How modest.

Come on, Beaumont, I want to see you outside.

What if I prefer to stay here?

I'm sure you do. Now, you're having your gang, with you?

Evidently, our yank is looking for further punishment.

Excuse me, darling. Come on.

Oh, but Paul, please, please don't. Oh, that's all right, dear. Don't you worry.

Are you coming or aren't you? Well, settle it here. I'd rather not be seen

in public with you.

Okay.

Oh, you beast! Go for him, Paul!

Go on, Paul! Go on! Go for him!

The bullets!

The bullets! The bullets! I tell you, the bullets!

What? Get out of here!

I'll see you later, Walmart.

Paul! Clear out! Hurry! Get out of here!

Paul! Clear out!

Paul! Paul! I'm definitely a member of the university and I'm roaring drunk!

I say shut it! Come on!

Get me out of here!

I'm sorry, old chap. Are you all right?

Excuse me, sir. Are you a member of this university?

What?

I do not understand this, Mr. Beaumont.

You persist in saying you did not strike Simmons.

I do, sir. And you will not tell me who did? Sorry, sir.

You are certain it was Mr. Beaumont who struck you? Yes, sir. Thank you. That

will be all.

I am much upset, Mr. Beaumont.

Striking a bull is serious enough, but denying it is unforgivable. I assure you

I did not hit him. The facts indicate that you did. And I am sorry to say that

other things have come to my ears.

Concerning a young matron, I understand she was with you last night.

Your family is distinguished.

Your record is excellent.

We have all felt that you might have had a brilliant career at the Foreign

Office.

I hesitate to send you down and blast that career.

I will fine you 20 pounds.

But one more violation of the rules by you, Mr. Beaumont, and you will be sent

down at once. Do you understand?

Quite, sir. Good morning, Mr. Beaumont.

Paul ducked behind the door, and as the puller came through, he let him have it.

It was the... Come in.

Hello. Hello.

This is an unexpected pleasure. Where's Paul? Still with the dean?

The culprit even now is trembling before the bar of justice.

What really happened last night? You were there, weren't you?

Well, wherever there's a mess, there's a wavertree, if possible.

Well, then supposing you tell me what Paul did?

Oh, he just hit a bullet lightly.

Locked him out cold. No.

You know, I'll never understand why I didn't think of it first.

That's bad enough, but what's this I hear about Elsa Craddock? Oh, she

practically wasn't in it at all. Well, then she was there.

Oh, yes.

Well, you see.

Paul and Sheridan were having a row. The buller came in.

Hello, Paul. Well, here you are.

Is it all right?

Splendid. I'm fined 20 pounds and warned that one more infraction of rules will

set me down. Well, that's pretty cheap for hitting a buller. I didn't hit him.

It was Sheridan.

Paul. Well?

I thought you said you saw him do it. Well, I... Who gave you that idea?

I appear to have been mistaken. I think I'll do a spot of work.

Goodbye. But I must do some work, too.

Well, I hope everything will be all right. I've got to go and see old

Snodgrass. So that's how it is. I'll go along, too.

Paul.

This isn't like you.

You mean you believe them?

Why are you trying to shield that craddock person? Everyone knows she was

with you. That has nothing to do with it. I'll tell you, your friend Sheridan

hit that buller.

You've been beastly to leave him the first, but this is really too much. Far

too much to have your own sister think you're a liar.

Paul, you were seen.

Oh, I realize Lee played a rotten trick on you at the track yesterday, but he's

had his punishment. It hasn't even started.

And if you have any loyalty at all, you'll stop being seen with him. You

reminded me once that you were quite capable of taking care of your own

affairs. Well, so am I. All right.

Make yourself cheap by going about with him. I can't stop you. No, you can't. I

cut him yesterday because of you. Now I wish I hadn't. I think I shall ask him

to tea.

Good. Now I know where we stand.

Remember me?

Look here, Sheridan.

You going through with this? Why not?

I've always known you're a bragger. Now I know you're a coward and a liar as

well. Coming from you, those are practically compliments.

I'm glad I hit that bullet because you're going to take the rap for it. I'm

only sorry they're not going to kick you out. There's only one way to deal with

you. Get your coat off. Well, now we're getting somewhere.

I've been looking forward to this.

Well, what are you waiting for?

After what happened, if I get caught in a row with you, I get sent down.

So what? You wouldn't understand this, Sheridan, but a degree from Oxford means

more to me than the extreme pleasure of knocking you flat.

Get out!

Yeah, I had a hunch one of those fine old English principals had come to your

rescue. Get out!

Charmed, I'm sure.

The battling Britisher.

Hello, Sheridan. What are you doing in there? I thought you belonged upstairs.

Just went in to see poor old Beaumont, to tender my condolences.

You have?

I say, that's very decent of you. It certainly was.

Now, wait a minute. You know, I'm beginning to suspect that we've taken

the bags off the wrong man. Oh, shut up, Wavertree. Paul's just upset. He'll come

out of it, all right? Oh, he's a fine fellow, really.

My rooms are just here, Sheridan. Come down and have a drink sometime.

Yeah, thanks. Well, goodbye, old boy. Bye-bye, Lee. I'll be seeing you.

Nice of him to do that, especially after the time we gave him. He did lay down a

bit thick. Oh, he can't be such a bad chap, after all. I simply can't

understand...

you

I've been pulling you guys up down this river. Now it's your turn. Hey, wait a

minute. Hold it. Hold it, fellas. Come on. Come on. Give us a hand here.

Hey! Hey!

Hey!

It's just me, fellas. You go ahead and carry the boat.

Am I moving over, Ramsay?

Oh, not at all. But I'm going to sconce you. Of course. For inflicting your

personal quarrel with Sheridan on the training table.

Scatters, sconce to Mr Beaumont here.

Very good, sir. The big sconce, of course, sir.

I deplore the waste of food, even this food.

But the training table must be pelted for their disgustingly hearty

robustness. Come on, chaps, all together.

I think that came from Mr Wavertree. Come on, fellows.

Ready?

Fire.

Agent Rankin.

Sergeant Warbeck.

I'm quite sure that in my day I should have been able to toss that little

pellet neatly into Jenkins' ear.

I assume you refer to Sheridan as usual.

Eh? Yes, yes, to be sure.

The sconce, Mr. Beaumont, sir. Is it your intention to drink it, sir? No, it

is not. We can serve beer all round instead. Very good, sir. Well, I'll

drink it. The longer you two fellas keep rowing, the better for all of us. The

more blood, the more beer. After you.

Peter, what about making up a bachelor boat tomorrow morning?

What for?

May morning singing from Wardland Tower.

Oh, yes, of course. Yes, I'll come. What about you, Ken?

What, go out on the river at 4 o'clock in the morning to listen to a choir?

Not me.

Are you coming, Lee? No, thanks. I'm taking a boat of my own. I bet that

won't be a bachelor boat.

Passenger's name, please. Yes, who is she? Don't you mention it, Lee, or

they'll sconce you.

I wasn't going to.

No need to. We all know that.

Very charming, too. And, if I'm not mistaken, a member of this university,

sir.

Well, I must say, Beaumont needn't have acted like that, however sorry he felt

about it. Play off, Beaumont, will you?

All right, Lee.

What's the matter, Lee? Want to fight your own battles?

Glad to see you aboard.

Such a good morning. I'm glad to be aboard.

Oh, listen.

Isn't that lovely?

I suppose you know you're beautiful.

Oh, I've hardly got the sleep out of my eyes. Well, if that's sleep, don't rub

it out. It's beautiful sleep. It's the loveliest sleep I've ever seen.

You're an idiot.

I hope you always stay that way.

Oh, you better sit down before it's too late.

Hey, if I don't want to go... overboard, I better get rid of this ballet thing.

Was that me?

I say, I'm getting more British every minute.

Oh, if my dad could hear that, he'd snap an eardrum.

I'm sure he's wonderful, even if he is an American. Yeah, he's great. He thinks

you're kind of all right, too. Me? What do you mean? He doesn't even know me.

Oh, yes, he does. Old man Griffith, the postman, stuffs you under the door twice

a week.

Then my dad picks you up, turns you over, and slits your wrapper. Oh, then

he should know me pretty well.

I wish you could see my hometown.

Would you like to?

I'd love to.

All right, then. Here we are again in Lakedale. Now, this right along here is

McKinley Street, and over there is the Yankee Clipper. How are you, Dad? How

are you, boy?

You like it? Oh, it's a lovely little town.

I'm afraid they think I'm very strange. They're all staring at me. They don't.

It's a friendly little burg, really. The nicest people in the world.

Do you ever hear the story of a young man who came to the gates of a city, and

being timid, he asked an old man what kind of people lived there?

No, I don't think I have.

And the old man said, what kind of people did you leave?

The young man said, the greatest people in the world.

The bravest and the kindest.

And the old man said, come in.

What's the kind of people you'll find here?

That city wasn't Oxford by any chance, was it?

It could have been, or Lakedale.

I guess you meant the moral of that story for me, didn't you?

Well, not only for you, there's Paul also.

I wish you two could be friends. Well, maybe that's not as easy as it sounds. I

know. Paul behaved disgustingly over that row at the Queen's Head. Oh, no,

no, Molly. Yes, but that isn't really Paul.

Won't you see him and try and put things right?

No, I can't. Why not?

Well, you... Molly, I think it's time I told you something I should have told

you a long time ago. Yes?

You don't know the truth about what happened that night.

Look. I had to get out in a hurry, so I've only got pajamas on under my coat.

It's getting you back that's going to be the risk. I can't afford to get caught.

That's Paul, and you know who's with him. Well, don't worry about it. I can't

help worrying. You know he'll be sent down if he's caught again with her.

If he doesn't care about himself, he might at least think of his family.

Take me home, Lee. I don't want to stay anymore.

Molly, will you let me finish what I was saying? Forget about it, Lee. I don't

think Paul's worth the trouble after all.

Let's go. But it's about Paul. Well, then I don't want to hear it. Now take

me home. Oh, Molly, please. All right, if you want, I will.

I've been selected as stroke in the cardinal boat for the bump races.

And I think we have a good chance to go to the head of the river this year.

Lovely. But I wonder what they mean by bump race.

Now, the first principle in bump racing is this.

Suppose we say this is the River Thames. But Lee says they're all on the River

Isis. Oxford, the Thames is called the Isis. Why don't they make up their mind?

And these are the boats from all the colleges, starting off in single file

one after the other. Why don't they start off abreast?

Oh, that's a fool question.

I don't know, though. Why don't they? The river's too narrow at Oxford to row

a bridge. Now, the object of the race is for each boat to bump the boat ahead of

it. Yeah, that's why they call it a bump race.

Yeah, I figured that one out for myself.

Now, let's say this is Lee in Cardinal College Hill, and the boat just ahead of

him, which we'll say is... That don't make any difference. It won't be there

long. Well, we'll say this is New College.

If Lee's boat bumps it... Then he moves up one place.

Yeah, and I've got to have that cut of a job on that. Let it alone.

We'll let you have it when we finish the race.

Now, his next problem is bumping this boat.

You mean all he's got to do to win the race is to keep on bumping boats? Well,

that's his general idea.

You see, Lee's boat tries to hit this boat and this boat without being caught

by the boat in back of it.

If he succeeds in bumping the boat ahead of him, then next day... Next day?

Holy smoke, what is this, a six-day bicycle race?

No, a six-day bump race. Well, how do they know who wins?

Well, if Lee bumps all the boats ahead of him, then Cardinal College moves to

the head of the river. But on the other hand, if the boat in back of him

succeeds in catching up with Lee, and he's drawing up an image... Hey! Don't

let him catch me!

people wink last night, would you? I slumbered fitfully, happily rowing my

little cot into first place.

Listen, Muggs, same tactics as yesterday. Short and sweet, only

shorter. I'm putting her up to 40. Why stop at that? Why not put it up to 42?

Thanks, I will.

The boat club.

And you, sir.

And, gentlemen, as the oldest rowing blue here present, it is my privilege to

address this assemblage.

When I look back tonight, I am conscious that the proudest moment of my life was

when Cardinal Boat, which I had the honor to bestroke, went head of the

river.

when I saw the stern of the Cambridge boat creep past my oar.

But next time, gentlemen, I believe that Oxford will show Cambridge her stern.

And if she does, it will be because two of our men, who I'm

sure will be elected to the varsity boat.

I should like to hear from these gentlemen.

I will first call upon our splendid stroke, my young friend, Mr. Jenkins.

I hope you'll forgive me, gentlemen, if I seem a little shy at speeches.

When I'd been in Oxford about 15 minutes, I made my first and, if you

don't mind, my last public address.

Thank you.

I now call upon Captain Mr. Paul Beaumont.

I hope our coach's prophecy comes true.

Now I think we should celebrate according to cardinal tradition and burn

the boat.

In the honor of lighting the fire, I nominate the man to whom undoubtedly we

owe our victory, Mr. Sheridan.

So come on, to the bonfire.

Well, at least what you said tonight made me feel kind of ashamed.

I hope from now on we can be friends.

I'm sorry, but I choose my friends very carefully.

But I'm leaving Oxford on Thursday for the Tideway with the rest of the crew

for the training.

And we shall be there until the race. But you're coming back after.

Yes, I know, dear, but it's got to end sometime, and it might as well be now.

Don't be silly, Smyrna.

Come on. Oh, I'm trying.

But it isn't very easy after a glorious day like this to know there won't be any

more ever.

We must be sensible, Elsa. Oh, I know you've your career to think of. But

there's nothing for me, nothing.

I've never loved anyone but you. I'll never love anyone again. Oh, no, Elsa,

no, don't say that.

It's true, Paul.

I shall always be faithful to the memory of our love.

Always.

Oh, Paul, we're almost at the shop. We must stop. Oh, driver, stop, will you,

please? No, no, don't get up, Paul.

Goodbye.

No, no, don't bother.

Oh, I beg your pardon.

Were you looking for something special?

No, I wasn't, but I seem to have found it.

Oh, you mustn't say things like that. I only meant books. Did you?

Yes, you see, I'm Elsa Craddock. Mrs. Craddock. Mrs. Craddock. Oh, you're

surprised to hear I'm married, aren't you? Most people are. But then, of

course, my husband's much older than I... I mean that I'm much younger than

he is. Elsa?

Oh, certainly.

We shall be delighted to bid for you at any of the auctions. I'll try personally

to get you what you want in London next Thursday. Thank you. Good evening,

darling. I've been waiting for you. Suppose you tell me where you've been

all day. Well, Claudia, sorry I... Or shall I tell you?

Oh, good evening, Mr. Craddock, sir. Where are Mr. Beaumont from?

On the first landing, sir.

Number 10, sir, on the right.

Paul!

Paul!

Paul!

Mr. Beaumont, let me in.

Open this door. I'll break it down. Yes, sir. Here, sir. What's all this? My

wife's in that room. This are impossible, sir. Open this door.

Open this door. I'll smash it in. Mr. Craddock, please.

Why are you trying to break into Mr. Beaumont's room? To get my wife. That's

why. What?

Open this door.

Here. Let me take charge of this.

Mr. Beaumont, will you please open this door? This is terrible. Get me away from

here. Beaumont's poor.

I don't know. He isn't here.

Wait a minute.

Yeah, it's all right. I can get you along the coping to Wavertree's room.

Come on. But I wouldn't dare.

Do come if I have to carry you.

This is no time for pleading. Kick it in. I said it's the matter to me.

Well, let me fall, will you? I'd like to push you over for getting Paul in this

jam.

Well,

it's obvious there's no one in there. Well, I know there is, and I insist on

getting in. I'm sure he's wrong, sir, but I could get in along the coping from

Mr. Wavertree's room. By all means, do so, and then Mr. Craddock may be cured

of his delusion. Yes.

What do we do now? Wait a minute. What happened to Paul?

I don't know. I didn't see him. I came to warn him. What about?

Well, my husband's got suspicious, and he said he'd see Paul tomorrow morning.

So I wanted to warn him so that we could agree on what to do.

I offer you my apologies, sir.

So it was the American, eh? Oh, but I merely... I don't know what all the

excitement's about.

Mrs. Craddock only came to deliver some books. She often does. You expect me to

believe this fairy story?

Oh, this is outrageous. I won't hear another word.

When we reach home, you'll hear a number of words from now on. I'll do the

talking.

Nobody would be more delighted than myself, Mr. Sheridan, if you could offer

some explanation of this painful incident.

There's nothing more to say, sir.

It's a great pity that your career at Oxford should have to end like this.

You mean that I'll be sent down? There appears to be no alternative.

I'm indeed sorry, Sheridan.

I'm sorry too, sir.

Well, you better make your arrangements accordingly.

Remember the first time I heard those bells, Scatters?

I do indeed, sir.

You told me I'd hear them all my life.

The gentlemen always say that the bells have a special sound on the day they

leave Oxford, sir.

I wish Dad could have heard them like this.

Why can't he, sir?

The ruler allows you to stay for three days.

I've already sent a wire to the boat at Southampton. I'm meeting him in London

today.

But couldn't your father... No, Scatters, I can't let him come to Oxford

now. It's much easier to explain things somewhere else.

But you'll be staying in London for the boat race, sir.

No, no, no.

That's what Dad came over here for, but he expected to see me in the boat.

Scatters, will you call Miss Beaumont for me? Very good, sir. Tell her that

I'm leaving for London today and want to see her before I go. Yes, I will, sir.

Come on, Mr. Beaumont, sir.

Sorry, Sheridan, but I've just heard what happened last night.

Well? Suppose you tell me the real story.

There's nothing more to tell. That's all there is to it.

It's hard to believe that Elsa came to see you.

Yeah, I can understand that, Beaumont, but it's a little late to talk about it

now, isn't it? No, it isn't, Sheridan.

There's something behind all this, and I want to know the truth.

All right, you asked for it. Now you're going to get it.

Elsa and I have been giving you the runaround for a couple of months.

She's broken several dates with you, hasn't she? Said she had to be home with

Claudius every time she's been out with me.

And did we laugh? I suppose you had a good laugh over Molly, too.

Better leave her out of this. It's a little late for that.

I told her once what an outsider you were, but unfortunately she believed in

you. I'm glad we both found you out in time.

I'm sorry, Miss Beaumont does not wish to see Mr. Sheridan.

I'm sorry, sir, but Miss Beaumont doesn't wish to see you, sir.

What?

Did you talk with her? No, sir, she wouldn't come to the phone, sir.

What's that?

What is this, another debagging? Oh, no, sir.

They're your friends this time, sir. I heard they were coming for you. Do you

know, sir, I've been here almost 50 years.

And this is only the second time I can recall a celebration for a man being

sent down.

The first gentleman became a governor general, sir.

Hello, Lee. There he is. We gave you a rotten reception when you came up. but

the whole college is waiting outside the main gate to give you a rail send-off.

And express not too delicately the disapproval of the dean's action. Well,

thanks, fellas, but I'm taking the 11 o'clock for London.

Right, then we'll all see you to the train. Come on, Yank. Your public waits

without. Wait a minute, wait a minute. Scatters?

Yes. Goodbye, Scatters. Goodbye.

Take his bag, someone. Note, please, his bags, not his trousers.

Come on, out with him.

What's going on? Sounds like a parade, sir. I always did have a weakness for

parades. Take those things inside.

You'd think I'd take a look at it.

certainly would have approved of you. And the send-off, too.

Yeah, I wish we could change places. So do I.

Hey, look at him.

Attaboy, Lee.

Oh, my God, sir. Are you a member of this university? Oh, sure.

Late day was my college.

Late day? Yeah, over in America.

Say, you want to know something?

That's my boy.

I'm sorry, sir.

Sorry? Be sorry, but let me help you, sir. Hi, Lee.

Hey, Lee.

Hi, Lee. Here's your father.

Here I am, Lee.

Hello, Lee.

Dad. Hey, Dad.

Just where I expected to find you. Right on top of the world.

Hey, hold it, fellas, will you? I got to get down from here. What's the matter,

young? Getting seasick?

Oh, don't get down, Lee. I don't want to spoil your fun.

I said hold it, fellas.

Hello, Dad. How are you?

Listen, didn't you get my wire?

No. Say, I've never seen you looking better.

Oxford's certainly been good to you. Just a minute, Dad. Go on, get back

there. I'll wait.

No, no, no, wait a minute.

Listen, fellas, this is my father.

How are you, boy?

He's come all the way from America to see me row against Cambridge. Yes, and

you better win, too. I've come 5,000 miles to see this.

I got the headlines all set up, though. Lee Sheridan, stroke... Fellas, listen.

You don't mind if I pass up this little joyride, do you? I'd like to visit with

my dad for a little while. Oh, no, I don't want to break this all up. I want

to talk with you somewhere away from here.

Well, what's the rush, Lee?

Well, all right, if you insist.

I got a room over here at the hotel.

But what's the rush, Lee?

And that's all there is to it, huh?

Yeah, that's all.

Well, it isn't enough for me. It doesn't make sense.

Do you mean to tell me you've been running around with this Craddock woman

all the time you've been writing home about Molly?

Yes. Oh, that doesn't sound like you, Lee.

What does Molly think about all this?

I don't know. I've telephoned her and she wouldn't even see me.

She wouldn't, huh?

Well, that doesn't sound like her either. Well, it isn't like her.

Listen, Dad, I've got to see her, but I can't figure out any way of doing it.

Why don't you write her a letter? Tell her you got some special thing to tell

her that nobody else knows anything about.

You know, just before you say goodbye to her forever.

If I know anything about women, that'll fetch her.

I couldn't lose anything by trying, could I? Of course you couldn't. Now,

come on now. Sit down there and write that letter.

You don't mind if I leave you for a few minutes? No, that's all right, Dad. Doc

Williams would never forgive me if I didn't give his old college the once

-over.

You're Molly.

And you are his father? Say, you know, I thought Lee was spreading her down

pretty thick. But you're lovelier even than I thought.

How sweet of you. I've been so worried. Say, tell me, what do you think about

this mess Lee's got himself into?

Lee hasn't got himself into any mess. I don't believe a word of his.

Do we Sheridans pick our women?

Where is Lee?

Over at the hotel.

He told me he phoned you and you wouldn't talk to him.

Oh, I never got the message. I've been waiting and waiting for some word.

You know, Mr. Sheridan, Lee's no more guilty than I am. He's protecting

someone. I might have known it. You know, that's the first time that boy

ever told me a lie.

There must be something pretty big behind it. Yes, there is. And I think I

know the story. You do? Yes. Well, say, can we go and sit down somewhere and

talk about that? We've got to put our heads together.

Excuse me, miss.

Oh, good day. I'm looking for a book. Something sort of light for train

reading. I see. Will you come this way, please?

This is all light fiction.

Owned all to discount.

We're selling out and moving away.

Is that so?

Say, I'll bet the boys around here will hate to see a pretty girl like you go.

Well, isn't that sweet of you to say so?

It's just the simple truth, that's all.

Send it round to Dan Sheridan at the Mitre, will you?

Sheridan? Mm-hmm. I got a boy here, Lee Sheridan. Know him?

Yes. Yes, I do.

Nice kid, isn't he?

Your son, Mr. Sheridan, is a very great gentleman.

Well, now, I'm mighty glad to hear you say that.

You know, I really ought to be sorry.

He's getting kicked out of college for being caught with a girl.

Oh, did he tell you who it was?

Mm-hmm.

He did mention the name. It's kind of slipped my mind.

Let me see now.

Well, I think I'll get your change.

So you know Lee, huh?

Yes. Well, isn't that nice now?

Would you mind telling me your name?

Oh, it's Mrs.

Craddock. Craddock, huh? Craddock.

Why, that was the name.

Could you be Elsa Craddock?

Yes, I am.

Well, now, don't that beat the Dutch.

Now, I certainly don't blame Lee. I didn't know he was such a good picker.

Oh, but I assure you, Mr. Sheridan, there was nothing wrong. Of course not,

a girl like you. I'm mighty happy that Lee made such a nice friend.

Oh, it's very good of you to understand.

Sure I understand.

You know, come to think of it, it's pretty tough that Lee should be fired

just because he falls for the prettiest girl in town.

It's kind of hard on me, too, coming all this way just to see Lee win that race.

Of course it is.

You must feel dreadful. Yes, I do. I do. I counted pretty heavily on the boy

making good over here.

I wish there was something I could do.

I wish there were, too.

You know, I was thinking to myself just a minute ago, here's a clever woman. If

there was any way out of this, she'd know the way.

I've thought and thought and... Oh, that's very kind of you.

Very kind of you. You know, if we were to put our heads together, we might get

somewhere.

Well, well, there is one way. Ah, you see, it worked.

Oh, but I couldn't. I'd be afraid.

Afraid? A girl with your spirit?

I would like to help you, though. Well, then, with that kind heart of yours, you

will. Won't you?

I... I'll try.

Oh, thank you.

Thank you a thousand times.

You've made an old man very happy.

Did it work?

You know, the little lady has her good points. Impossible.

What are they?

It wouldn't surprise me if we found she had a heart of gold.

No. Tell me.

Oh, I'm afraid I've been rather emotional, but it has been such an

ordeal. To come and tell me the truth? Yes, it was. But you've made it easy.

You've been so wonderful.

So ready to understand and sympathize. Oh, but it was very brave of you to come

to me. I know what it must have meant to you to... Thank you.

Nevertheless,

the whole thing's incredible to me. It's absolutely incredible.

Oh, please don't be angry with me. It isn't that. I cannot understand what

induced young Sheridan to accept the blame.

You know what you men are. Never give each other away.

I'm sure none of your friends ever gave you away. Thank you. I never required

shielding from such a charge as this.

Come in.

You sent for me, sir? I did.

How do you do, Mrs. Craddock? How do you do, Marmaduke?

Mr. Wavertree, if I'm to believe my ears, you have been guilty of a very

grave offense.

Oh, several, I fear, sir. The offense of entertaining a lady in your rooms at

night. Who, sir? Me, sir? Oh, no, sir.

That, sir, that's one thing I've never done, sir.

It never really occurred to me. Oh, but Mama Duke, how can you? We were foolish,

but it was only a flirtation.

I'm awfully sorry, sir, but I'm afraid this is all rather beyond me. Now, don't

lie to me, sir. Mrs. Craddock has freely confessed everything.

Everything? Everything.

Everything.

Oh. Oh, she has.

Oh, what a relief, sir. Well, now I need lie no more. Ah, then you admit it. Yes,

rather, sir, every time.

I'd have told you in the first place, sir, but we wavetries always protect the

lady in the case. He has a natural power over women.

Try to use it for good, Marmaduke. Just so. I won't detain you any further, Mrs.

Craddock. Thank you. You've made a man of me at last.

Oh, and Mrs. Craddock, I can only suggest that it might be advantageous if

you were to part company with Oxford.

Oh, we're leaving. My husband and I are selling the bookshop and we're moving to

Aldershot. He thinks there'd be a good opening there near the officers' club.

Oh, uh, yes, uh, quite.

Well, goodbye.

Goodbye.

I take it so that Sheridan will be reinstated? Certainly.

And I'll be sent on?

Mrs. Clarke is a very attractive woman. Yes, sir. A woman who might well

unbalance a person of feeble intellect.

Yes. Such as yourself.

Yes. Oh, but I assure you, sir... Quiet.

I'm taking into consideration your record for sobriety in industry and the

fact that your term at Oxford is almost finished. Do you think you should, sir?

In the circumstances, you will be gated for a week and find one pound. You may

go. Oh, oh, but sir. Kindly spare me your thanks. Good day.

I said good day.

Good day.

Get up.

I've been thinking things over and I've not been left you off quite so easily.

So you won't fight, eh?

There's just one thing I'd like to ask you.

Will you shake hands with me, Yank?

What do you mean? I've just seen Elsa. She went to the dean and confessed.

That means you'll be sent down. No, it doesn't. She said it was wavering.

Wavering? Yes, wavering.

Can you imagine that? Boy, what we're going to do to Cambridge.

Wavering.