Original subtitles

[bell chimes]

[suspenseful music playing]

[dog barking]

[bell chimes]

[whoosh]

[choir sings in Latin] ♪ Behold the man ♪

♪ Who is a bean ♪

♪ Behold the man ♪

♪ Who is a bean ♪

[festive bells chiming]

[festive remix of theme music playing] ♪ Doo, da, doo-do ♪

♪ Do, da, do-do, do, doo ♪

♪ Doo, da, doo-do ♪

♪ Do, da, do-do, do, doo ♪

[hand bell ringing]

[Santa] Yuletide greetings to all!

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas, one and all. Ho, ho, ho!

["The Twelve Days of Christmas" instrumental playing over store radio]

Ah...

Ah!

[clinks]

[shatters]

[shattered ornament crunching underfoot]

[Bean] Ah!

Ah!

Perhaps this, please?

[cash register dings]

[instrumental "Away In A Manger" playing over store radio]

[clears throat]

[Bean] Moo!

Shh!

[mimics donkey braying]

Shh!

[coughs]

Shh!

[mimics marching drums]

[loudly hums "The British Grenadiers"]

Shh!

[softly hums "The British Grenadiers"]

[mimics sheep bleating]

[stops bleating]

[whistles]

[mimics dog barking]

[whistles]

[mimics beeping of reversing truck]

Blip!

[mimics dog barking]

[stops barking]

[resumes barking]

[mimics lamb bleating]

[in mechanical voice] Exterminate! Exterminate!

[evil laughter]

[laughter fades]

[hissing]

Psst!

[screams]

[snarling and growling]

[loudly hums "The British Grenadiers"]

-[canon fire noise] -Ow!

-[canon fire noise] -[growling]

-[growling] -[canon fire noises]

[in mechanical voice] Exterminate! Exterminate!

Ow, ow!

[makes helicopter propeller noises]

[in falsetto voice] Oh!

[in deeper voice] Oh!

[new male voice] Ahem.

[band playing instrumental "Hark The Herald Angles Sing"]

[bell ringing]

Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

Ho, ho, ho-- ooh!

[groaning] Ow!

[chuckles]

Merry Christmas.

[tinkling noise]

[thudding]

[band playing instrumental "Deck The Halls"]

[band playing instrumental "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen"]

[metallic clang]

[song ends]

Oh!

Bless you, my son.

I'll just put this in my car.

OK.

Um, oh, would you...?

-Would you, uh...? -Oh!

[both grunting]

[chuckles]

[band plays one note]

[band plays two notes]

[band plays four notes]

[band plays one note]

[band plays short melody]

[silence]

[band plays jazzy version of "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen"]

[music stops]

[single trumpet note]

[band plays mournful version of "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen"]

[band volume increases]

[band volume decreases]

[silence]

[band resumes]

[band holds note]

[band resumes]

[music ends]

[audience applauds lightly]

[band playing jazzy version of "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen"]

[music ends]

[crowd applauds]

Thank you very much.

[band playing "Silent Night"]

[electrical hiss]

[upbeat Christmas music playing]

[Bean] Oh...

Oh!

[kicks]

Oh.

[tree creaking]

[ornaments smashing]

[gleeful humming]

[laughs]

Oh!

[pleased grunts]

[humming happily]

[blows]

[coughing]

Ah!

Oh!

[weak pop]

[paper rustling]

[happy sigh]

[slow Christmas-themed instrumental of main theme music playing]

Oh...

[sighs happily]

[metallic rattle]

There we go.

Meow!

[snickers]

[sighs happily]

Cheers.

Ah...

[clicks on TV]

[gunfire on TV]

[man on TV] That was for my brother!

That was for my sister!

[gunfire continues]

[explosions]

[cars crashing]

[saw buzzing]

[woman screams]

[frightening music playing]

[groans]

[switches TV off]

[dissatisfied sigh]

[children singing "Away In A Manger"] ♪ Away in a manger ♪

♪ No crib for a bed ♪

♪ The little Lord Jesus ♪

-♪ Lay down His sweet head ♪ -[pleased] Ah!

♪ The stars in the bright sky ♪

♪ Looked down where he lay ♪

♪ The little Lord Jesus ♪

♪ Asleep on the hay ♪

♪ The cattle are lowing ♪

♪ The baby awakes ♪

♪ But little Lord Jesus ♪

♪ No crying He makes ♪

-♪ I love Thee, Lord Jesus ♪ -[Bean yawns]

♪ Look down from the sky ♪

♪ And stay by my bedside ♪

♪ Till morning is nigh ♪

[door slams]

[bells chiming]

[up-tempo bells chiming]

[excited twittering]

[excited giggles]

Look, Teddy!

What's Santa Claus brought you?

Let's see.

What is it? Ooh!

Ah!

[laughs happily]

Look at me!

Yes! Three.

[chuckles]

[delighted laugh]

It's a pair of socks.

[chuckling] And brand new.

Oh, Christmas socks!

Now then...

Merry Christmas!

Oh, you look!

[dark chuckle]

["Ding Dong Merrily On High" sung by choir on radio]

♪ Your matin chime, ye ringers ♪

♪ May you beautifully rhyme ♪

[Bean and singer] ♪ Your eve'time song, ye singers ♪

[choir sings alone] ♪ Gloria ♪

Boom!

[Bean and choir] ♪ Hosanna in excelsis! ♪

[choir sings alone] ♪ Gloria ♪

♪ Hosanna in excelsis! ♪

♪ Gloria ♪

♪ Hosanna in excelsis... ♪

♪ Gloria ♪

♪ Hosanna in excelsis! ♪

[song ends]

[utensils rattle in drawer]

[doorbell rings]

-[thump] -[Bean groans]

[doorbell rings]

[smashing and groaning]

-[thump] -[Bean groans]

Are you alright in there?

[muffled] Oh yes, fine, thank you.

Sorry, just drying my hair.

Merry Christmas!

Oh, and Merry Christmas to you. [loud thump]

[Bean] Oh, ho, ho, ho.

[laughs happily]

-Cup of tea? -Oh, yes.

If you're having one.

Well, I might.

-Have you got the turkey on? -Yes.

Do you want a hand?

No, no. No, thank you.

[dramatic organ music playing]

[music reaches crescendo]

-[Bean grunts] -[shrieks]

[woman groaning]

[panting]

[grunts loudly]

[squelching pop]

[loud clatter below]

Oh! My present!

Oh!

Oh, look.

Oh! A classic ship.

Oh, look at that!

Oh, it's just lovely.

[admiring gasp]

Look at all these bits and stuff!

Look at all those guns.

Let's see...

Oh!

-[excited noises] -I've got it here.

There.

It's got this cardboard thing on the back,

so it can stand there, or it can stand there,

or it can even stand just here.

It's brilliant.

Isn't it brilliant?

[admiring noises]

[sobbing]

Oh, no, don't cry.

But...

Oh! Oh, I forgot the main bit.

There.

[happy squeaking noises]

And the great thing is that it hooks onto here, you see.

And there, and it's up.

You can hang it up there,

or you can hang it up there...

-[door slams] -It's straightenable--

[sad music plays]

What was wrong with it?

Oh! You forgot--

Merry Christmas, Mr. Bean.

[explosion]

[festive remix of theme music playing]