Original subtitles

Hooler seven

I

Hey

Hey

I'm here to give you a chance to pay the letter.

Man!

Man!

Hey, son, it's Justice!

I just want to see you get anything done right here.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, look at that.

Look at that.

Pete's brother to his family are here.

Oh, it's crazy.

Montreal.

Oh, that's right, our family's there.

When do you leave?

Oh, you're not ready, are you?

Mom, Uncle Frank won't let me watch the movie.

But the big kids can.

Why can't I?

Kevin, I'm on the phone.

When you come back, I'll tell you that.

It's not even a red alert.

He's just being a jerk.

Kevin, if Uncle Frank says no, then it must be really bad.

No, I'm not bringing the dog.

I'm going to the kennel for the-

Hey, hey, hey, get off.

Kevin, out of the room.

Help the phone and make me wipe, aren't you?

Okay, did you buy any chairs pick up a voltage adapter thing?

No, I didn't have time to do that.

Well, I'm supposed to shave in France.

Grow, go tea.

Dad, nobody let me do anything.

If you let me do anything to do, I get something for you to do.

You can pick up those micro machines that are all over in there.

And Leslie stepped on one of those broker neck.

He was in the garage, I can't play with the glue gun.

Didn't we talk about that?

Did I burn down the joint?

I don't think so.

I was making ornaments out of fish hooks.

My new fish hooks?

I can make ornaments out of the old ones.

We'll drive worm guts stuck on them.

Peter.

Come on, Kevin.

Out.

Peter, Kate, do you guys have a voltage adapter?

Here, here's a voltage adapter.

You're kepping, heavy.

Go pack, is it, Kate?

Pack?

My shoe case?

Do you know what the shampoo is, Fuller?

I don't let he.

I don't believe in a house with this many people, there's no shampoo.

Fargmail, are you a parent's home?

Yeah, but they don't live there.

Tracey, did you order the pizza?

I did.

Should be missed.

Are you a parent's here?

My parents are in Paris, sorry.

Hi.

Are your parents home?

Yeah?

Do they live here?

No.

No.

Why should that?

All kids?

No parents?

Probably a fancy orphanage.

I don't know how to pack a shoe case.

I've never done this once in my whole life.

Top.

That's what making shit.

What did I say?

You told Kevin Top.

The dope was whining about a suitcase.

What am I supposed to do?

Shake his hand and say congratulations to your immediate.

I'm not an idiot.

Oh, really?

You're completely helpless.

Everyone has to do everything for you.

She's right, Kevin.

Excuse me, puke, bros, I'm a lot smaller than you.

I don't know how to pack a shoe case.

Hey, I hope you didn't just pack crap, Jeff.

Shut up, Lenny.

Do you know what I should pack?

I was told to cheat face.

Try the paper in the water.

Listen, Kevin, what are you so worried about?

You know mom's gonna pack your stuff anyway.

You're with the French call Liz and Compatant.

What?

Mom's away!

P.S., you have to sleep on the hide-and-bett with Fuller.

If he has something to drink, he's gonna wet the bed.

This house is so full of people.

Let me see.

When I grow up and get married, I'm living alone.

Did they hear me?

I'm living alone.

I'm living alone.

Who's gonna feed your spider while we're gone?

He just ate a whole load of my scots.

He should be good for a couple weeks.

Is it true that French babes don't shave their pits?

Some don't.

But they got nude beaches, not in the winter.

Buzz?

Don't you know how to knock Flem-Wad?

Can I sleep in the room?

I don't want to sleep on the hide-and-bett with Fuller.

If you have something to drink, kill wet the bed.

I wouldn't let you sleep in my room if you were growing on my ass.

Check it out, Ole-Man Marley.

Who is he?

You ever heard of a South Bend shovel slam?

No.

That's him.

Back in 58, murdered his whole family and half the people on his block.

With the snow shovel.

Been hiding out in this neighborhood ever since.

Well, if he's a shovel slayer, how come the cops don't arrest him?

Nine of the fervent's to convict.

They never found the bodies.

Everyone around here knows he did it.

Now, just be a matter of time before he does it again.

What's he doing now?

He walks up and down the streets every night,

assaulting the sidewalks.

Maybe he's just trying to be nice.

No way.

See that garbage can't fall salt?

That's where he keeps his victims.

The salt turns the bodies into mummies.

Whoa.

Sleep.

Yeah!

Look out.

How are your kids doing, huh?

Good.

A lot of action around here today, huh?

Going on vacation?

Where you going?

You hear me or what?

Going on a trip?

Where you going, kid?

Okay, that's 122.

I'm going to get a drink.

Okay, that's 122.

That's 122.

Not for me, kid. I don't live here.

Oh, you're just around for the holidays?

I guess you could say that.

Hey, pizza's here.

That's 122.

Oh, yeah.

It's my brother's house. He'll take care of you.

Hey, listen.

Frank, remember to use the black tape.

Hi.

Are you Mr. McAllister?

Yeah.

The Mr. McAllister who lives here?

Yes.

Oh, good, because somebody owes me a hundred and twenty-two-fifty.

It's like a word with you, sir.

No, no, no, no, no.

It's Christmas time.

There's always a lot of burgues around the holidays.

So we're just checking the neighborhood to see if everyone's taking the proper precautions.

Oh, yeah. Well, we have automatic timers for our lights, locks for our doors.

That's about as well as anybody can do these days, right?

Do you get some eggnog or something like that?

Come on, Deb.

That's right.

Hey.

Hey, no.

Are you believing...

Pitu!

Brad, be yourself an half-kinnon.

You're going to have to pour your own drinks.

Samples have to go through custom.

What time do you have to go to buy them?

Early. We're leaving the house at 8 a.m. on the button.

I hope you're all drinking milk. I want to get rid of it.

Payton.

Fine, the pizza boy needs a hundred and twenty-two-dollars and fifty cents plus ten.

For pizza?

Ten pizzas times twelve bucks.

Frankie, you got the money. Don't you come on.

Travelers checks.

We're going to Frank Wickhash.

You probably get the kind of travelers check that don't work in Frank.

What kind of stuff?

Did anyone order me a plain cheese?

Well, yeah, we did. If you want any, somebody's going to have to barf it all up.

Because it's gone.

Fuller, go easy. I'm a Pepsi.

I'm going to play.

I want something.

Get a plate.

Get a plate.

Get a plate.

Get a plate.

Get a plate.

Get a plate.

Password! Watch out!

Stop it, stop it.

Help me out.

No, no, no, no.

He passed the board down here.

Get away.

Get away.

Get away.

Get away.

Get away.

Get away.

You all right?

What is the matter with you?

He started it.

He had my pizza on purpose.

He knows I had sausage and olives and onions.

Look what you did, your little jerk.

Kevin, get upstairs right now.

Why?

Kevin, you're such a disease.

Shut up.

Kevin, upstairs.

Say goodnight, Kevin.

Goodnight, Kevin.

Goodnight, Kevin.

Now it's for the brothers such like we don't know.

What do I want to get treated like scum?

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

This house is just crazy.

We've got these extra kids running around.

My brother and I are going to have a party.

I'm going to have a party.

I'm going to have a party.

I'm going to have a party.

I'm going to have a party.

I'm going to have a party.

I'm going to have a party.

We're going to having more of this outside,

Polly's extra kids running around.

My brother-in-law drove in from Ohio today.

It's just nuts.

How come he'd bring more cheese pizzas?

Nice trip.

Thanks a lot.

Thanks.

Kevin, are you here to do something?

Oh, no.

My husband's part of the transfer to Paris last summer.

And both of his kids are still going to school here.

And I guess he missed the whole family.

He's giving us all this trip to Paris for the holiday,

so we can be together.

You're taking a trip to Paris?

Yes.

We hope to leave tomorrow morning.

little out of sorts. I'll be right back.

Don't worry about me.

I spoke to your husband already.

And don't worry about your home.

It's in good hands.

They're 15 people in this house.

You're the only one who has to make trouble.

I'm the only one who's going dumb.

You're the only one acting up.

Now get upstairs.

I am upstairs, dummy.

Third floor?

Go.

It's scary up there.

Don't be silly. Fuller will be up in a little while.

I don't want to super-follow you.

You know about him. He whets the bed.

He'll pee all over me. I know it.

Fine. We'll put him somewhere else.

I'm sorry.

It's too late.

Get upstairs.

Everyone in this family hates me.

Then maybe you should ask Santa for a new family.

I don't want a new family. I don't want any family.

Family, suck.

Just stay up there.

I don't want to see you again for the rest of the night.

I don't want to see you again for the rest of my whole life.

And I don't want to see anybody else either.

I hope you don't mean that.

You'd feel pretty sad if you woke up tomorrow morning

and you didn't have a family.

No, I wouldn't.

Then say it again. Maybe it'll happen.

I hope I never see any jerks again.

I wish they would all just disappear.

Good-bye, man.

Peace.

친.

Where's the leursn?

We've sid explain.

Hey, I'm Mitch Perff, I live across the street.

You guys going out of town?

We're going to Orlando for a while.

Well, Ashley, first we're going into Missouri to pick up my grandma.

Do you know the Maccaleses are going to France?

I don't know if it's cold there.

I'm going to France.

I don't know if it's cold there.

These vans can't go to gas mileage.

She can't get out.

I don't know.

Hit the road.

Heather, do a head count.

Make sure everyone's in the van.

Where are the popcorns?

What's the ticket?

Put them in the microwave and dry them off.

How fast is this thing going?

Does it have automatic transmission?

Does it have four-wheel drive?

Look, I told you before, kid.

Don't bother me.

Now beat it.

I didn't do it.

I didn't do it.

I didn't do it.

I didn't do it.

I didn't do it.

I don't know.

Why don't you do it?

Line up in front of the van.

I just took my battery.

I'm going to get it.

I'm going to get it.

Shut up.

Shut up.

I got you a head count.

One, two, three, four, five.

1192, 12.

Buzz, don't be a moron.

Six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

11.

OK.

Half in this van, half in this van.

Let's go.

Have a good trip.

Bring me back to the French.

There's no way on earth we're going to make this plane.

It leaves in 45 minutes.

Think positive, Frank.

You'd be positive.

I'll be realistic.

Man, excuse me.

I just wanted to let you know that your power is fixed.

But the phone lines are a mess.

I don't think my belled a couple of days to pass them up,

especially around holidays.

She takes.

Heather, did you count heads?

11, including me, five boys, six girls, four parents, two drivers,

and a portrait and a paratrooper.

I don't want the ring.

You know you're the mastermind.

Run, run, the Rudolph.

Run, run, the Rudolph.

Run, I'll wait you for it behind.

Run, run, the Rudolph.

That'll gotta make it the town.

That'll make it the town.

Can't you make him hurry, tellin' he could take the freeway down?

Run, run, the Rudolph.

He'll be back on Mary Gora.

Hold on, what?

Did we miss the flight?

No, you just made it.

Yeah!

They just need some info to take whatever's free.

Yeah!

Yeah!

I can't wait to see the Rudolph!

I'm reeling Michael Mary Gora.

Hi!

You get her in code number.

C, F, C, B, B, four, and L, E, portrait, the code.

Thank you.

Fesson, your seatbelts, please.

Shane, pain, please.

It's free, isn't it?

Yes.

We made it.

You can leave it.

Hope we didn't forget anything.

I'm sorry.

Great, it's not the proceed.

We're doing out of costume.

I'll get back to get you in.

I want to carry you out of the eye.

I want to go out to the door.

You're a center door.

Is it toxic?

Oh, no!

Yes, it's just very small.

How can you avoid that, man?

You're a center door.

You can't do it.

Turn down, down, down.

Turn down, down.

Turn down, down.

What do you mean by drinking?

You know it's not loud.

It's cold.

It's cold.

It's got to do something that people are.

Oh, yeah.

You are going to take this cane.

And I ought to, uh, somebody,

do you get some black coffee?

And say, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Black, whatever.

Let's all clean on my feet.

Mom?

That's real.

That's real crystal.

Yeah.

It's real.

Put him in your purse.

Put him in your purse.

Put him in your purse.

Put him in your purse.

Just put him in your purse.

Put him in your purse.

You should make him.

Uh, yeah.

Fill it up.

Fill it up.

Please.

Thank you.

Don't you feel like a heel flying first class with all the kids back in coach?

Oh, the kids are fine.

The only flying I ever did is the kid was in the family station wagon.

It wasn't a France.

We used to have to go over to outlaw and like Arthur's house.

Kids were okay to have him the time in their lives.

Yeah.

Hello?

Mom?

Dad?

Mom?

Dad?

Where are you guys?

Buzz?

Buzz?

Buzz?

Megan?

Hello?

Hello?

Rod?

Uncle Frank?

Uncle Frank?

He's just a joke.

Megan?

Lenny?

Is this a joke?

I'm sorry.

It's all in my imagination.

All in my imagination.

I'm sorry.

The cars are still here.

They didn't go to the airport.

I made my family disappear.

Kevin, you completely helped us.

No, Kevin, you're with a French call, Les En Compe, Thon.

Kevin, I'm going to feed you to my transula.

Kevin, you are such a disease.

There are 15 people in this house and you're the only one who has to make trouble.

No, but you're the only one who can't help it.

The only one who has to make trouble.

You're the only one who can't help it.

I made my family disappear.

I'm worried.

No!

No clothes in anybody.

Sickening.

Cool, firecrackers.

I'll save these for later.

Buzz, I'm going through all your private stuff.

You better come out and pound me.

Buzz your girlfriend.

Buzz your girlfriend.

Buzz your girlfriend.

Who is it?

It's me, Snakes. I got the stuff.

Leave it on that doorstep and get the hell out of here.

I'll ride Johnny.

Or what about my money?

What money?

AC said you had some dough for me.

That effect. How much do I owe you?

AC said 10%.

Too bad AC ain't in charge no more.

What do you mean?

I'm meeting John and watching Robby.

You better come out and stop me.

You'll call you when he gets out.

Hey, I'll tell you what I'm going to give you, Snakes.

I'm going to give you to the count of ten.

To get your ugly, yellow, no good keister off my property.

Before I pump your guts full of lead.

All right, Johnny, I'm sorry.

I'm going. One, two, ten.

Keep that change, you filthy animal.

Moo!

What's the matter?

Honey?

That terrible feeling.

About what?

That we didn't do something.

Now you feel that way because we left in such a hurry.

We took care of everything, believe we did.

Did I turn off the coffee?

No. I did.

Did you lock up?

Yeah.

Did you close the garage?

That's it.

I forgot to close the garage, that's it.

No, that's not it.

Why else can we be forgetting?

Kevin!

Cheers!

click

through

professional

ahah�

wow

I can't believe it.

The captain's doing all he can.

Your phones are still out of order.

We'll call us as we land, Kate.

I'm sure everything's okay.

It's horrible.

It's horrible.

Just horrible.

How could we do this?

You forgot him.

I didn't forget him.

We just missed Callin'.

What kind of mother am I?

It makes you feel any better?

I forgot my reading classes.

Five families gone on one block alone.

They all told me for their own matters.

It's almost too easy.

Check it out.

All the houses with nobody home have automatic timers

on their lights.

But I got it all figured out.

Watch this.

Number 664 will be going on right about now.

Number 672 right now.

Wait, wait, wait.

671 now.

And that's the one more.

And that's the silver tuna.

It's very cheap.

Me, gee, huh?

It's loaded.

It's got lots of cufflinks,

stereos, VCRs, toys.

Probably looking at some very fine jewelry,

household cash hoard,

odd marketable securities.

Who knows?

It's a gem.

Maybe a crowbar.

A crowbar is out.

You're a rapper, Mr. Grinch.

You're the king of pimples' hats.

You're a heart-to-dead tomato

swatts with moldy, frivolous hats.

Mr. Grinch.

You're a freedack of sorrow,

from those two sandwich.

Which way?

Go round back to the basement.

Come on, help me.

I thought you said they were gone.

We're supposed to leave this morning.

Why is she determined to stay?

So much patience, eh, Irones?

Oh, my dad!

You have to use the phone, please.

My dad is a beautiful woman.

I'm sorry, it's an emergency. We really have to make a call.

Hey, Christopher, please! Our brother's home alone.

Honey, my little son is here.

You must be in the phone!

Honey, my little son, thank you!

Thank you, thank you!

Peter, I'm going to call the police. Why don't you book us a flight home?

Here, get some change out of here. Call everybody you know.

Oh, Leslie.

Here's my dress book.

I'm afraid, call everybody who lives on our spree.

Maybe somebody can help us.

What am I doing?

Hello, hello, hello, hello!

Hello, hello!

I'll show up to call you back.

This is ridiculous.

Only a woman behind you under a bed.

I can't be a woman.

I'm the man of the house.

Frank, we have to go to the bathroom.

Yes, please.

I'll be there.

I'm here.

I'm here.

Here.

Hey!

I'm not afraid anymore!

I said I'm not afraid anymore!

Do you hear me?

I'm not afraid anymore.

I'm here.

Hey!

I'm not afraid anymore!

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

Village Police Department.

Yeah, hi, look.

I'm calling from Paris.

I have a son who's home alone.

Our phones are out of order, so I'd like somebody to go over to our house.

Tell them that we're coming home to get him.

Okay, let me connect you with Family Crisis Interventions.

No, it's not a family crisis.

Hold on.

Larry, can you pick up?

There's some lady on hold.

Son's gonna hyper.

Well, I'm Ros.

Ah, too.

Family Crisis Intervention Sergeant Balzak.

I'm calling from Paris.

I have a son who's home alone.

Has a child been involved in a violent altercation with drunk and endowmentally ill member of his immediate family?

No.

Has he been involved in a household accident?

I don't know.

I don't... I... I hope not.

Has a child ingested any poison under any other object as he becomes lodging his throat?

No, he's just home alone.

And I... like, somebody to go over to the house and see that he's all right just to check on him.

You want us to go to your house just to check on him?

Yes!

Let me connect with the police department.

No, they just transferred me to you.

Rose!

Yeah!

Hyper-on-two!

Hold on, please.

No, please don't hang up. Please!

Don't know.

Any luck?

No.

I couldn't get anybody.

Hasley?

I'm sorry, Kate. Nothing but a bunch of answering machines.

Somebody pick up.

Pick up!

Oh, hi, ma'am. It's you again.

Yeah, hi.

I'm calling from Paris.

I have a son who's home alone.

And I...

Okay, okay. We'll send a policeman over to your house to check on your son.

Mm-hmm.

There's no one home. The house looks secure.

I'm the counter-kids again.

I can't believe that you can't bump somebody or ask somebody or free.

I'm sorry, but there's no way I can do that.

What is there way like if you ask somebody?

I mean, if you brought somebody up here and you explain to him that this is an emergency.

I can not ask someone.

He's sending a policeman over to the house to check on him.

That's a relief.

Everything here is booked.

There's nothing to Chicago?

There's nothing to Chicago, New York, Nashville, you name it. Everything's gone.

Yeah.

What about a private plane?

You know, I'm sorry. We don't do that.

The only thing they have is a booking for all of us on Friday morning.

Friday morning. That's two days away.

Look, honey, the kids are exhausted. You are exhausted.

There's absolutely nothing more that we can do in this airport.

Now, I say we go over to Rob's and that way we can call the police again.

And they can get back to us.

Get her cabin is home all by himself. I'm not leaving here unless it's on an airplane.

No, then we are doing everything we can.

Now, if you want to stay at the airport, maybe we can get you on standby.

It is possibility that the seat will open up.

Is that okay?

Yes.

I'm waiting.

This will be ringing.

The glare, the glare, the news.

Bye.

I'm going to the flight.

Oh, what a Christmas.

To have a blue weekend last.

Please come off Christmas.

Please come off for Christmas.

Cause I'll be happy Christmas once again.

I took a shower, washing everybody apart with actual soap, including all of my major crevices,

including in-between my toes and my belly button.

Which I never did before, but sort of enjoyed.

I washed my hair with the don't form in the shampoo, new screenwax for that just wash on.

I can't see in define my toothless, so I'll pick one up when I go out today.

Other than that, I'm in good shape.

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Yodah!

Oh, right.

Boys' life savings.

What's up, the Murphy's Swinter Florida?

You know you wanted a great cat burglar, is it a world month?

You think you could keep it down a little now, huh?

Hi, you're Reese's Murphy.

Please leave a message out if you have a beat.

Chuck, this is Peter McAllister again, and we're still in Paris.

It's my brother's apartment.

Let me give you the number here, okay?

The country code is 3-3.

The area code is 1-4.

And the number is 6-9-4-8-7-6.

Hey, Harry.

Yeah.

That house we were at last night.

Was that the McAllister's?

Yeah.

You're right.

They're gone.

I knew they were.

So we're two to the night.

Wow.

How may I help you?

Is this tooth pressure proof by the American Dental Association?

Well, I don't know.

It doesn't say, hun.

Can you please find out?

Herb?

Yeah, huh?

I've got a question here about a tooth brush.

I'm just trying to find out.

You can notice this tooth brush approved by the American Dental Association.

I don't know.

I'm just checking.

I'm just checking.

Oh, hi.

Oh, hi.

You pay for that here.

Wait, son.

You have to pay for that tooth brush.

Son.

Hey.

Jimmy, stop that boy.

Hey.

Hey.

Shut up, laughter.

Hey, hey, kids.

No, no.

Come back here.

Stop it for you.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Yeah.

I'm a curly little.

Ha.

Ha.

Ha.

Ha.

Ha.

It's all funny.

What are you laughing at?

You did it again, didn't you?

You left the water running, didn't you?

It's wrong with you.

Why do you do that?

I told you not to do it.

Harry, it's our calling card.

All the great ones leave their mark.

We're the wet bandits.

Yes, sick.

You know that.

You're really sick.

Not sick.

Yes, you are.

That's sick.

That's a sick thing to do.

We don't need that money.

Come to me, what to do?

I can do it if I want to.

Stop it, sick.

Hey, watch out.

Hey, hey.

You got to watch out for traffic, son.

You know?

Sorry.

I was saying he don't visit the funeral home, little buddy.

OK, OK.

Merry Christmas.

What's the matter?

I don't like the way that kid looked at me.

Did you see that?

You ever seen him before?

I saw a hundred kids this week.

Let's see what house he goes into.

Why's he going faster?

I told you something's wrong.

He said we looked at him weird.

Why would he run?

Why would he run?

Maybe when the church...

I'm not going in here.

I need it.

Let's get out of here.

Come on.

Come on.

I'm going in.

They're coming.

Those guys come back.

I'll be ready.

I'm going in.

Did they come back?

Iris.

Iris.

Iris.

Iris.

Iris.

You will get your little feeling when you hate.

Because we sing it, let's be godly.

We go all the way to the forest.

We go all the way to the forest.

Iris.

I'll come back tomorrow.

You better get out of here before somebody sees us.

No. Wait a minute.

He's been waiting 24 hours and I have no advice.

I know what I mean.

No, no, no, no.

In your photo, you took all the day.

Attention!

The girl is going to have fun with us.

Guys, close up for later.

Frank.

My little punk, do you want anything to scream?

Do you speak English?

Parley, Anglais.

What is it?

I mean, is he a balsonky, parley, anglais?

Did you get any money?

I am looking for my son.

Do you know where he is?

No, I can't find anybody at home.

I'm all gone shopping.

Nobody's home for the hotline.

Did you ever mind?

This is so pointless.

We're here riding in this apartment.

Kevin's at home.

Mom's at the airport.

So?

You're not all worried about Kevin.

Why should I be?

He's acted like a jerk once too many times.

And this time he caught in the butt.

He's so little and helpless.

Do you think he's flipped out?

A little trod can use a couple of days in the real world.

You're not all worried that something might happen to him.

No.

For three reasons.

A, I'm not that lucky.

Two, we have smoke detectors.

And D, we live in the most boring street in the United States of America.

We're nothing even remotely dangerous.

We'll ever happen.

Period.

Where is it?

It's little neurosur, I have your pizza.

Leave it on the doorstep and get the hell out of here.

Okay.

Um, what about the money?

What money?

Well, you have to pay for your pizza, sir.

That's not what you're talking about.

I'll leave it to you.

I'll leave it to you.

I'll leave it to you.

You'd have to pay for your pizza, sir.

That effect.

How much do I owe you?

Uh, that'll be 1180, sir.

Keep that change, you filthy animal.

Cheapskate.

Hey, I'm going to give you to the count of ten to get your ugly,

yellow, no good, keister up my property.

Before I pump your guts full of lead.

One, two, ten.

Oh, ha-ha-ha-ha.

Oh, ha-ha-ha!

I love the cheese pizza just for me.

To Dallas, Fort Worth.

Really, you're the airline's cut so long.

I didn't know you were to Dallas.

So we have the $500, the pocket translator,

the two first class seats.

That's an upgrade from your coach.

Is that a real Rolex?

Do you think it is?

No.

But who can tell?

I also have a ring.

Oh, that is beautiful.

Come on, I read their boarding.

Oh, this gale has offered just two first class tickets.

If you go Friday plus a ring, a watch, a pocket translator, $500.

And the earrings, you love the earrings.

She's got her own ear rings, a whole shoe box full of muck dangly ones.

No, but...

I'm desperate.

I'm begging you.

From a mother to a mother, please.

Oh, Ed, please.

Oh, all right.

Here's how to close.

I got a little sister last year.

This year I'd rather have some clay dough.

I didn't mean it.

If you come back, I'll never be painting the boat again.

I promise.

Good night.

I'm going to have a drink.

I'm going to have a drink.

I'm going to have a drink.

I used to know where those tricks are.

And I chose to let some turn him.

Slap those in the snow.

The snow.

But then I...

Oh, yeah.

Gras п''em up with each Flex, Fund Right.

May they say it.

May they'll tell you to renowned Bri congregation.

Man, make pie- Circumstant Drinks, Rez WuDi︎go, and add them on by mission Agit Peнаружik and Cleveland street.

Thank you.

I'll give him one more.

For the kids.

I'll give him one more.

I'll give him one more.

For the kids.

Hold on a second, cool part for that.

It was in the paper this morning.

1983.

Okay.

Are you here all by yourself?

Bam, I'm a result.

You think I'd be here alone?

I don't think so.

Where's your mom?

I'm opposite the car. Where's your father?

He's at work.

What about your brothers and your sisters?

I'm gonna go to the child.

Where do you live?

I can tell you that.

Why not?

Because you're a stranger.

You're a good boy.

You're a good boy.

You're a good boy.

I'm a good boy.

Shit.

Shit.

I don't get it.

I mean right now it looks like there's nobody home.

Last night the place is jumping.

Something ain't right.

Go check it out.

Now?

No, tomorrow they get now.

Get it!

Shit.

Get the hell out of here.

All right, Johnny.

What about my money?

What money?

AC said you had some dough for me.

Fair effect.

How much do I owe you?

AC said 10%.

You're a bad AC ain't.

It's not fair.

You stop staring.

You'll call you when he gets out.

Hey, I tell you what I'm gonna give you, snakes.

I'm gonna give you to the count of ten to get your ugly, yellow, no good,

keyster off my property.

Before I pump your guts full of lead.

All right, Johnny, I'm sorry.

I'm going.

One, two, ten.

Keep that change, you filthy animal.

What happened?

I don't know who's in there, but somebody just got blown away.

Somebody beat us to the job.

Two of them.

One of them blew the other one away.

I don't know.

I thought I recognized one of their voices.

I've never seen a snake before.

Snakes?

Snakes, snakes.

I don't know no snakes.

Snakes.

Let's get out of here.

Hold it, hold it.

Let's wait and see who it is.

We worked his neighborhood, too.

Supposing a cop's finger was for a job.

And they start asking us questions about a murder in the area.

Would it be nice to have a face to go with their questions?

That's a good idea.

Of course it's a good idea.

Snakes?

He sounded like a snake.

Everything's full.

Everything's full.

I'm very sorry, but it is Christmas Eve.

What about another area?

Nothing available.

May I help you get a hotel room in the city?

Tomorrow afternoon we can get you a flight to Chicago.

I can't wait that long.

I'm terribly sorry, ma'am, but we're doing absolutely everything we can.

Go ahead, I'm sorry.

Excuse me, you've places to go.

Can I check it there?

Excuse me.

I have been awake for almost 60 hours.

I'm tired and I'm dirty.

I've been from Chicago to Paris to Dallas to where the hell am I?

Scranton.

I am trying to get home to my eight-year-old son.

And now that I'm this close, you're telling me it's hopeless.

Oh, I'm sorry.

No, no, no, no, no, wait.

This has Christmas!

The season of perpetual hope.

And I don't care if I have to get out on your runway and hitchhike.

If it cost me everything I own,

if I have to sell my soul to the devil himself,

I am going to get home to my son.

Oh, man, if there was anything at all I could do for you today.

Do anything.

I can get you a hotel room.

What?

Excuse me.

Can you excuse us for a second?

Can I see you for a second?

Excuse us.

Help me.

Good now, but here in your room,

you got a little bit of dilemma there.

We got a crisis ourselves.

Allow me to introduce myself.

Gus Polinsky.

All right.

Polka King of the Midwest.

Did the Kenosha kickers?

I'm there.

No.

That's okay.

I thought you might have recognized.

Anyways.

I had a few hits a few years ago.

That's why I, you know, just Polka, Polka, Polka.

Polka, Polka, Polka.

Polka, Polka.

No.

Twin Lakes Polka.

Damavuji Polka.

AK.

Kiss me, Polka.

Polka, twist.

These are songs.

Yeah.

Yeah, we...

Some fairly big hits for us, you know, in the early 70s.

You know.

Yeah, we sold about 623 copies of that.

In Chicago?

No, Shaboykin.

Very big of Shaboykin.

They loved it, you know.

That's right. Did you say you could help me?

Anyway, I'm dead and rain went on here.

Our flight was canceled.

So we could drive.

See the guy in the yellow jacket over there?

By the budget sign, he's going to rent us a nice big van.

We're going to drive to Milwaukee.

Now, I heard you had some problems here.

Getting to Chicago?

See your kid or something?

My son, we left.

He's there.

Oh, jeez.

If you have to get to Chicago, we'll gladly drive you.

It's on the way to Milwaukee.

You'd give me a ride?

Sure we will. Why not?

You know, you've got to get home and see your kid.

A ride to Chicago?

Sure, yeah. It's Christmas time.

Thank you.

Oh, thank you.

You're all mine going with some polka bumps.

No, I'd love to.

I'm off.

I'm off.

I'm off.

Look at this.

I think we're getting scared by a candy gun.

Dad, can you come here and help me?

Remember that kid we saw the other day?

He lives here.

Well, if the kid's there, the parents got to be.

He's home alone.

You got to be kidding.

You want to come back tonight?

He's with the kid here?

I don't think that's a good idea.

Look, that house is the only reason we started working this block in the first place.

Ever since I laid eyes on that house, I wanted it.

Let's take a one step to the party.

The one-low's the fan.

Get a bite to eat.

We'll come back about nine o'clock.

This way, it's dark then.

Yeah.

Kids are scared of the dark.

You're afraid of the dark too much?

You know you.

I'm not.

You're not.

I'm not.

You are so.

I'm not.

You are so.

I'm not.

You are so.

I'm not.

You boy.

One time.

One time.

Two, three, four.

Excuse me.

Yeah?

Hey, nice shoes.

Oh, thanks.

Is she still here?

It's really important that I see him.

Let's get in his car.

I guess if you hurry, you can catch him.

Damn.

How low can you get given Chris Cringle up parking ticket at Christmas Eve?

What's next?

Rabie Shads for the Easter Bunny?

10 o'clock.

I can't talk to you for a minute.

Yeah, if you make it quick, Santa's got a little get together.

He's late for.

Okay.

I know you're not the real Santa Claus.

What makes you say that?

Just out of curiosity.

I'm old enough to know how it works.

All right.

But I also know that you work for him.

I'd like you to give him a message.

Shoot.

I'm Kevin McAllister, 6-7-1, Lincoln Boulevard.

Do you have a message?

I'm not.

Okay.

This is extremely important.

Would you please tell him that instead of pressing this year,

I just want my family back.

No toys, nothing but peer-cade buzz making, linear and Jeff.

Am I aunting my cousins?

And a few as time, my uncle Frank.

Okay?

Okay.

See what I can do.

Sex.

What?

Sex.

Sex.

Sex.

Sex.

Sex.

Sex.

Wait, hold on a second.

My elf took the last of the candy cane's homeward boyfriend out.

That's okay.

No, no, no, don't be silly.

Everybody see Santa's gotta get something.

Here.

Pull out your little paw there.

There you go.

Let's blow your dinner.

I won't.

Thanks.

Thanks.

I'm glad you're here.

I'm glad you're here.

I'm glad you're here.

Fallen leaves.

All in the end of our sins.

All night divine.

All night, Christ was born.

All night, all night.

All night divine.

Soul and the light of the stars,

We begin, begin the wise and the warrior, then.

The King of kings, lay us in holy manger,

In all our trials, for to be a friend.

Fallen leaves.

Fallen leaves.

Merry Christmas.

May I sit down?

That's my granddaughter up there.

Look at her right here, girl.

She's about your age.

You know her?

No.

You live next to me, don't you?

You can say hello when you see me.

You don't have to be afraid.

There's a lot of things going around about me, but none of it's true.

Okay?

Have you been a good boy this year?

I think so.

Where do we?

No.

How you feeling?

This is the place to be, the feeling bad about yourself.

It is?

I think so.

Are you feeling bad about yourself?

No.

I'm in kind of a pain lately.

I said some things I shouldn't have.

I really haven't been to good this year.

Yeah.

I'm kind of upset about it because I really like my family.

Even though sometimes I say you don't, sometimes I even think I don't.

Do you get that?

I think so.

How you feel about your family is a complicated thing.

Especially with an older brother.

Deep down, you always love them.

You don't forget that you love them.

And you've never hurt them, they've never hurt you.

And that's not just because you're young.

You wonder the real reason why I'm here right now?

Sure.

Came to hear my granddaughter sing.

And I can't come to hear her tonight.

You're a plant?

No.

I'm not welcome.

At church?

Oh, you're always welcome.

At church.

I'm not welcome with my son.

Years back, before you and your family moved from the block,

I had an argument with my son.

Holds you.

No, he's growing up.

He lost our tempers.

And I said, I didn't care to see him anymore.

He said the same.

We haven't spoken to each other since.

If you miss him, why don't you call him?

I'm afraid if I call him, he won't talk to me.

How do you know?

I don't know.

I'm just afraid he won't.

No offense, but aren't you a little old to be afraid?

You can be a little old for a lot of things.

You're never too old to be afraid.

That's true.

I've always been afraid of our basement.

It's dark, there's weird stuff down there.

And it smells funny, that sort of thing.

It's bothered me for years.

The basement's a like that.

Then I made myself a good home there to do some laundry.

And I found out it's not so bad.

All this time I've been worrying about it.

But if you turn on the lights, it's no big deal.

What's your point?

My point is you should call your son.

What if he won't talk to me?

At least you'll know, then you could stop worrying about it.

And he won't have to be afraid anymore.

I don't care how mad I was, I talked to my dad,

especially around the holidays.

I don't know.

Just give it a shot for your granddaughter anyway.

I'm sure she misses you, and the presents.

I sent her a check.

Where's my grandparents said that?

They were seemingly close.

I'm sure I got a sweater with a big burr knitted on it.

Where was it?

Not for a guy in the second grade.

You can get beat up for something like that.

Yeah.

I have a friend who got nailed because those were warmly worn dinosaur pajamas.

We'd better run along home where you belong.

You think about what I said, alright?

Okay.

It's nice talking to you.

Nice talking to you.

What about you?

Me?

Yeah.

You and your son.

You see what happens.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

This is my house.

I have to defend.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

Okay, we'll check it out first.

We can always come back for the truck.

How do you want to go in?

We'll go to the back door.

Maybe he'll let us in.

You never know.

Yeah.

He's a kid.

Kids are stupid.

Bless his highly nutritious microwave.

More macaroni and cheese dinner.

But people will sold it on sale.

Amen.

This is it.

Don't get scared now.

Merry Christmas, little fella.

We know that you're in there.

And that you're all alone.

Yeah, come on, kid.

Open up.

It's Santa Claus.

And it's Elf.

We're not going to hurt you.

No, no.

That's nice presents for you.

Be a good little fella now and open the door.

Oh, no.

Shhh.

Shut up, shut up.

What?

What?

Shut up, shut up.

What?

What happened?

Get that little...

Oh!

Hello?

No!

Yes!

Yes!

A little jerk is armed! That's it! That's it!

I'm going on a front! You'll get on a basement!

Oh!

Ah!

Oh!

Ah!

Ah!

Ow!

Ow!

Oh!

Ow!

Ow!

Ow!

That's so much, young jerk!

Ow!

Ow!

Ow!

Ow!

Ow!

Ow!

Ow!

Oh!

That's it!

Oh!

Ah!

Ah!

Maybe you were here.

Are you?

Ah!

Ow!

Ow!

Ow!

Ow!

Ow!

Ow!

Ow!

Ow!

Ow!

Oh!

Yes!

Yes!

Yes!

Yes!

Yes!

Yes!

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

You're here, jerk!

You're here, jerk!

Ah, jerk!

You're here, jerk!

You're here, jerk!

A dead kid!

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

Where are you little creep?

Harry! I'm coming in!

Oh no, I'm really scared.

It's too late for you kid. We're already in the house. We're gonna get you.

Okay, come and get me.

Who are you?

Now you're dead!

I'm gonna tell that kid!

Morph!

Harry?

What the hell did you take your shoes off?

Why the hell you dressed like a chicken?

I'm up here you morons! Come and get me!

You guys give up or you're thirsty for more.

Get up!

Don't worry more about getting free.

Hurry!

He's only a kid, Harry. We can take him.

Oh, shut up, we get him.

What is it?

You're missing some teeth.

Well, that's why I called you.

I called you.

I'll kill him.

I'll kill him!

I'll kill him!

You found me with one more kid, kid!

And I'll stab you with your cajonis and boil them all to royal!

Oh, my house is being robbed.

I just soaked 50 shits, licking bullhound.

My name's Murphy.

Watch me, she never knows what's up there.

There he is!

Ow!

I got him, Harry.

I got him.

Get up, Harry.

Harry, get up.

Give me a hand.

I got him.

Harry, help me get up.

I got him.

What?

What?

What are you doing, Marv?

Harry, don't move.

Marv?

Don't.

Marv, what are you doing?

Marv.

I...

She...

So...

Can I get him?

Shut up, you...

Can I get him?

Where is it?

Where is it?

I'm never minded to get him.

How do you like it, huh?

You're a jerk!

Get that kid!

Get that kid!

Get that kid!

Get that kid!

Get that kid!

Where'd he go?

Maybe he committed suicide.

Down here, you big horses ass.

Come and get me before I call the police.

Let's get it.

Wait, wait.

It's just what he wants us to do.

It's to go back downstairs for his funhouse

so we can all tour up.

You're going to the cops!

He's not calling from a treehouse.

Come on.

The window?

Yeah.

I called out the window.

Why, you scared, Ma'am.

Are you afraid?

Come on, get out.

Come on.

Come on!

Come on.

Let's go back, Harry.

Shut up.

Shut it, mob.

Hey, guys.

Check this out.

Go back.

Go back.

Go back.

Go back.

Go back.

Go back.

Go back.

Go back.

Go!

There he go.

Yes!

I have no way.

Go.

There he go.

Yes!

I have no way.

Go.

Oh.

Oh.

There he is.

Hey.

I'm calling the cops.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

He wants us to follow him.

I got a better idea.

Come on.

Hi, a pal.

I'm going to get out smourig this time.

Get over here.

What are we going to do, Harry?

I'm going to do exactly what he did to us.

And a burn his head with a blowtorch.

You got some ashes faced with an iron.

I got slap him right now.

A paint can, baby.

Or something nailed through his foot.

First thing I'm going to do is fight off every one of these little fingers.

One at a time.

Come on!

Come on. Let's get you home.

We're ready, Roger.

11 out of 20.

Scream.

Nice move. Always leaving the water running.

Now we know each and every house that you've hit.

Hey, you know, we've been looking for you two guys for a long time.

Yeah. Now remember, we're the wet bandits.

Wet bandits and W.F.

Shut up!

Come on. Come on.

He ain't got the head pal!

Have yourself a merry little Christmas

Let your heart be moved

From now on, your troubles will be out of service.

W heew!

Through the years we are worthy to have

Without the fate's então.

Hang our shiningcard up on the highest bowl

And, have yourself a merry little Christmas

I'm a bad parent. I'm a bad parent.

You're not. You know, you're beating yourself up there.

You know, this happens. This thing's happens.

You know, yeah. Hey, you know, you want to talk about bad parents?

Look at us. I mean, we're on the road 48, 49 weeks.

You know, we hardly see our families.

You know, Joe over there. Gosh, you know, he forgets his kids' names after time.

Ziggy over there. He doesn't even, he's never even met his kid.

Eddie, let's just hope none of them write a book about him.

I told you Eddie, whoever gone on vacation and lived your childhood.

No. No.

But I did leave one at a funeral parlor once.

Yeah, I was terrible too. You know, I was all distraught and everything, you know, the wife and I.

We left the little tic there in the funeral parlor all day.

All day, you know, we were back at night when, you know, when we came to our senses.

And there he was, apparently, he was there alone all day with the corpse.

Now, he was okay, you know, after six, seven weeks.

And I came around and started talking again.

But he's okay. You know, they get over a kid's resilient like that.

Maybe we shouldn't talk about that.

You brought it up. I'm just, you know, trying to cheer you up.

Mom!

Mom!

Mom!

Mom!

Kevin!

Kevin!

Very Christmas sweetheart.

Okay, but I'm so sorry.

Where's everybody else?

Oh, baby, they couldn't come. They wanted to so much.

I didn't fall asleep before you had drooled.

You do, you do.

You're just a kid.

You're just a kid.

Kevin!

Kevin!

Oh, you're all right.

I love you.

You okay?

Hey, Kevin.

It's pretty cool to even burn the place down.

Thanks, Buzz.

Wait a minute. How did you guys get home?

We took the morning flight. Remember the one you didn't want to wait for?

Oh, no.

Thank you. Merry Christmas.

Well, someone has to find an open store. We don't even have milk here.

I went shopping this today.

You?

Shopping?

I got to milk eggs and fabric shopener.

No, kidding. What a funny guy.

Who else did you do while we were away?

Just hung around.

You guys were just about to get us over there.

You want to shop?

Yeah, go.

Honey, what's this?

Kevin, what did you do to my room?

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

And also in the window.

Shadows painting a ceiling.

Is he not the father?

Feeling that gingerbread wheel?

Freshest moments, special people.

And we face it.

I can see so many of my family.

Christmas toys on the ground.

They give me my family.

I'm a little bit blue-seed.

I'm a little bit green.

I'm a little bit blue-seed.

I'm a little bit blue-seed.

I'm a little bit blue-seed.

I'm a little bit blue-seed.

I'm a little bit blue-seed.

I'm a little bit blue-seed.

I'm a little bit blue-seed.

I'm a little bit blue-seed.

I'm a little bit blue-seed.

I'm a little bit blue-seed.

I'm a little bit blue-seed.

I'm a little bit blue-seed.