Original subtitles

Fergus.

Fergus?

Richie Fergus has just gone off wearing a helmet.

Helmet. Yes!

Yes!

Oh,

my God. Fergus is wearing a helmet! He is wearing a helmet! Quick, everybody!

Fergus has just been spotted wearing

a hel- And everybody, yeah, has to put my sloopy down,

yeah.

Sloopy, I don't care what your daddy do.

Cause you know, sloopy girl, I'm in love with you.

Fergus McKinnon's escaping again. You made me say this before.

Hundreds of patients reported seeing an unidentified man flying through the roof

of North Wing this afternoon.

An unprecedented amount of ECT was prescribed before it was pointed out

that the flying man was none other than our own Fergus MacKinnon, hang gliding

into town to buy our new mixer.

We're still waiting for Fergus to check in, but in the meantime, here's a

dedication from all of us at the station to flying Fergus MacKinnon.

Where's your hand glider? Took it back where it came from.

Dr Hollis wants to see you tomorrow at 10, by the way.

Who? Your consultants.

Oh.

all over for you.

Perkis is back with a mixer he got at an auction for a fraction of what it's

worth. Come and have a look.

Maybe later.

This is a big moment, Campbell. What are you doing out here?

Just got my post.

Got some bad news?

It's not what I got, Eddie. It's what I didn't get.

I hope you're not expecting a message from the blue men from Venus.

Not the blue men from Venus, Eddie. The blue suited bastards for the radio

stations.

But days since we did a publicity stunt.

I phoned Radio Scotland today and do you know what I found?

The head of radio was on holiday.

His deputy was out to lunch at half two in the afternoon.

The head of entertainment was permanently on another line and his

senior producer was in a meeting. All bloody day.

No wonder there's nobody in touch. Eddie, nobody in that building actually

does any work.

Campbell, how do you know just send them a demo?

That would be grovelling.

Then grovel!

Dr Hollis said just have a seat, she'll be with you in a moment.

Would you like a tea or coffee?

No thanks.

Do you always borrow books without permission?

Well, I'm not borrowing, just looking.

Like you were just looking at the hang glider yesterday?

No, I was definitely flying the hang glider.

Please, sit down.

I'm Dr Hollis.

I don't think we've met.

Do you mind telling me exactly what you thought you were doing yesterday?

I thought I was going to an auction.

It wasn't very clever, was it?

Your section's about to expire. You could be out of here in three weeks.

I could be out of here this afternoon.

I understand escaping's a bit of a hobby for you.

Where did you get that hand glider, anyway?

From a sports club in Partick.

You stole it?

Borrowed it. I did an installation for them, so they loaned it to me for a few

days.

Installation?

Software. They have a new DTP program.

How did you get it up onto the roof?

Up the stairs, through the access in the storeroom.

The storeroom's a restricted area. How did you get the key?

I, uh, pledged my kidneys.

If locks are no problem to you, why the hang glider? Why don't you just walk out

of the front door?

That wouldn't be much fun, though, would it?

Mr. McKinnon, I'm writing a paper on the relationship between schizophrenia and

high intelligence.

I'd like to do a profile on you, if I may.

I'd like to do some tests. A personality inventory, an IQ test.

Would you be agreeable to that?

I suppose.

Good.

If I set it up for Thursday, would that be all right?

You are planning to be here on Thursday.

I'll rearrange my schedule.

When I get the results, I'd like to have another interview with you before your

discharge. Discharge?

As I said, your section expires in three weeks. But I thought... I don't see much

point in keeping you here.

Do you?

Dear sir or madam, please find enclosed clippings from last week's papers,

which, if you had bothered to read, would have informed you that two bright

young talents have emerged on the Glasgow radio scene.

Young?

I am giving you this one last chance to snap us up before some other station

does, and I'm sending you a demo of a show we did together recently. I await

your reply.

Yours faithfully.

Can't be you cannae send a letter like that.

I'm sorry, Eddie, but it's no more Mr Nice Guy.

You haven't tried being polite to them yet.

I'm trying to get their attention, Eddie.

Well, you'll get that.

Hello. I just thought I'd pop in post-open day, as it were.

Dr. Winters asked me to thank you all on her behalf for a job well done.

So this is it, eh?

It's bigger than I expected.

For a small but growing station.

Well, I'll get you an electrician, shall I? That's OK. Fergus here's starting us

out.

Yes, but I think... Well, there's nothing to do after I bring it up to

spec except plug it in.

Still, we must have a qualified person, surely.

Fergus is qualified. He's a genius. He's got a degree in electronics.

Now, weigh and get your degree, Fergus.

There's no need.

Look, I'm sorry, but we cannot use this mixer until it's been installed by a

qualified person.

Fergus is a qualified person.

Fergus is a patient.

I am responsible for this station, Eddie. Now, I will get you an

electrician as quickly as I can.

But in the meantime, I am not going to risk burning down the hospital.

Now, surely that is not unreasonable.

Now look what you've done.

I'll put the requisition in this afternoon.

You don't look stupid.

The war's not locked today.

Nobody's a clear and present danger to themselves or others, I suppose.

She's a cow, that Evelyn.

They'll let me out of here in three weeks.

What about your section?

Not renewing it.

They're bastards.

They always renew mine.

Are you not looking forward to it?

No.

You'll be all right, you know.

If I had half your talent, I'd get myself the cushiest job going with a

company car and end up that rich and big centric instead of loony.

Really, I will.

No, me.

I'm a hardcore unemployable.

I don't mind. I'm very good at it and everybody's got to have something.

But you've got brains, Fergus.

You've got an education.

Aye. And a big hole in my CV that says I've been working for the blue men from

Venus for the past two and a half years.

You cannae let them beat you, Fergus.

Evelyn's not the only one out there, Francine.

McKenna, what is this?

Newspaper. And that?

And that?

Three newspapers.

And what do these three newspapers have in common?

I don't know. Then gas, man, gas!

They're all Scottish.

What these newspapers have in common, McKenna, is that they've all got your

mug in them.

Do you know how that makes me feel?

No, proud, I take it.

Proud?

I'd feel proud if there were a picture of you, for example, opening the biggest

housing development in Europe, complete with 6,000 Twinview windows.

What does not make me proud is you engaging in some ridiculous antics in a

mental institution.

Mental health week.

And what breaks my heart is that McAteer had to be the one to tell me.

McAteer? He and I had been discussing your future, McKenna.

I'd been thinking of bringing you in on the commercial side more.

The district council are asking for another tender.

Big money this time.

But what am I supposed to make of this?

Well, it's no lake.

Loonies do not buy patio doors and replacement windows, McKenna.

Now, how long has this radio business been going on?

It's just a hobby.

Eight years, I suppose.

Why did you not mention it when I interviewed you for the job, man?

It's only a couple of nights a week.

Well, you know what it says in the Bible, don't you?

Then guess, you moron, what does it say in the Bible?

It says a lot of things in the Bible.

Then guess.

Love thy neighbour?

Never mind about your neighbours.

Tell them their timber's got wet rot and sell them some windows.

It says no man can serve two masters.

Now, this is a tough business.

And if we're going to take you on board to the commercial side, you don't have a

couple of nights to spare.

You don't have a couple of minutes to spare. You live, you breathe, you eat,

and you excrete windows, or the competition will serve your bollocks to

you with brown sauce.

Are you reading me?

Good lad.

Now, there's a commercial sales meeting Thursday week.

I want to bring you in and give you this tender with the council, but you tell

your loony friends the party's over.

I don't know if I can do that.

Then I don't know if you can work for me.

Now which is it going to be, McKenna?

This is the fabulous Francine, and tonight I'm bringing you music from

1963. The year Kennedy was assassinated by a lone gunman.

It was also the year my brother's front tooth was turned into a sixpence by the

Tooth Fairy, and Hamish and Ward 2 first saw reptiles looking at him through the

keyhole.

Well,

if you've just heard the commotion in the studio, you'll want to know that

Campbell has done it.

We don't know where it is he's done, how, when, or who's going to clean it

up, but stay tuned for hospital news time after this.

You don't check before you barge in. I couldn't help myself, Eddie. Radio

Scotland have invited us in for a chat.

Thursday at 12.30?

I'm telling you, Eddie, if they buy us lunch, we're in.

You got this by writing that letter?

Well, I toned it down a wee bit.

And you should see what I got to wear for the occasion.

Mr Cool, Campbell!

Is it not absolutely brilliant?

I traded a pack of cigarettes for it. What do you think, Fergus?

Aye, you look great.

What's up with him?

Maybe he's still annoyed about the mixer.

Yeah, it's the mixer anyway.

Locked it in the nurse's room till they get the electrician.

Orders of the Reich Fuhrer, no doubt.

That'll be it, then.

I think it's more likely to be this.

What's that?

All the jobs he cannae have.

He's been discharged in a couple of weeks.

He can't have any of these. He'd blow them away.

He's got no references in any recent experience.

Sooner or later, they always find out how no.

Looks like he even got an application form for one.

Nothing from 1991 till now.

Could he not just slip in a new wee list of jobs?

How?

With a pen.

Aye, nobody's going to care once they hire him.

April 1991 to May 1992, assistant programmer with IBM.

How just assistant?

Back making programmer.

No, senior programmer.

And then from April 1992 to February 1993... Computer hardware consultant

with British Petroleum. Perfect, and about time to.

And then from February 1993 to the present... Systems analyst for

Strathclyde Regional Planning Department.

A diabolically clever career move.

Can't I put in all those jobs?

I look like I change jobs too often.

You're right.

I think a man of Fergus's colliber would go straight for the systems analyst job

in 1991 and stick with it.

He's that kind of guy.

Brilliant, but loyal.

He'd never get away with it, though.

How not?

Cos he'd need a reference for his present employer and a return address

that's not a loony bin.

Aye.

What are you sitting there for? We've got letters to write, forms to fill in.

You are a systems analyst and you are getting an excellent reference from your

current employer.

Who's my current employer?

The Glasgow area manager of Twinview Windows, Mr Edward McKenna.

Francine, what are you doing out here?

The ward's no lock tonight.

In any way, I'm allowed to go walk about now.

But it's freezing cold.

Here, take this.

That's the second time you've done that.

It's the kind of thing that happens in mills and boon books.

Didn't know folk did it in real life.

Are you no cold yourself now?

Oh no.

What's that?

Some pilchards from McTavish.

I thought he was too fat.

Aye, but he can't help it.

I've been trying to get him to trust me.

I've been putting the dish a wee bit closer to me every night, see?

Last night I stroked him.

He let you?

Not really.

He scratched hell out of me.

So he might not come back the night.

It's great what you're doing for Fergus.

Do you not worry about losing your job?

All the time.

Good news about Radio Scotland, though.

Don't think it'll come me anything.

Your show was great tonight.

You're doing really well, you know.

Aye, you'd hardly know I was the same basket case you met when I first came in

here, eh? You were never a basket case.

They've even offered me a half-day pass next week if I want it.

I don't suppose I'll bother.

I know.

What would I do?

Go for a drive with me somewhere.

In my vintage Allegro.

Where to?

Anywhere you want to go.

I want to go to Barbados.

Well, could go to Jamaica Street.

What do you say?

Aye.

Okay.

Grandma, what are you doing?

Grandma?

What are you doing?

I am dancing and making soup.

Put the music on.

It's after midnight.

Neighbours will be on at the council tomorrow.

All day they make noise with their boom, boomy, boom. How they complain.

Because they pay the rent on time.

What are you wearing that for?

I want a Lithuanian club tonight.

We dance, we sing. You drink vodka?

We celebrate National Day.

Grandma, I need to talk to you.

I've got some bad news.

Good. I also have bad news.

What is it?

I'm going to Lithuania.

Aye, well, it may take a bit of time to get the dosh together.

When are you thinking of going?

November 21st, 11 o'clock.

Grandma, Lithuania is a very cold country. You can't go on holiday to

Lithuania in November.

I don't go on holiday, Eddie.

I'm going home.

To live?

Are you out of your mind?

You can't just go back after nearly 50 years.

Nearly 90% of the folk you knew are dead now.

90% of the folk I knew were dead in 1945.

How are you going to live?

Mrs. Brakauskas has relatives in Mariumpole.

They give me small room, I give them hot currency.

I've talked to DSS.

They send my pension to Lithuania.

Only thing is, you must give me 3,000 pounds.

What? Grandma, I haven't got 3,000 pounds.

I need travel money, furniture and things.

And money to bribe people sometimes, this very poor country.

I want to die in my own country, Eddie.

It's time to go home now.

It's natural to go home.

I thought you wanted to see me married.

It's still time to get special license.

We find nice lassie for you next.

I'm going to remember everything about today, Eddie.

I'm going to remember what I had for breakfast, that song that's playing on

the radio.

Just don't get your hopes up too much, yeah? Eddie, I'm telling you, if you buy

us lunch, we're in.

Buy us lunch?

All the big deals are clinched over lunch.

In Dallas, you ever see J.R. clinch a deal over coffee?

If J.R. offered you coffee, you were out.

If they offer us coffee, Eddie, it's bad news.

You're not excited?

Do you want to go out and twind you them all and tell them all to bugger off?

Aye, sure we will.

And I'm going to remember that bus girl over there. Hang any of my man, you'll

be famous one day!

Oh!

And I'm going to remember that car.

And I'm going to remember those trees.

I'm going to remember going through the snow, Eddie. I'm going to remember this

carpet. And these awards!

Eddie Folk who worked in this building got these awards.

You can go right up. It's the fourth floor and Paula will meet you at the

lift. And I'm going to remember you, Harry.

You're wonderful.

You're amazing.

Hi. Paula Kinghorn, Senior Producer, Entertainment Department.

I'm so glad we could meet at last. I remember reading about your publicity

stunt with Spike Milligan in the papers and we were much impressed with your

demo.

Fiona, you couldn't get me a coffee, could you?

Would you like a coffee?

I can't believe she rushed us out of there like that. She didn't. She had a

lunch meeting. That should have been our lunch meeting, Eddie.

Don't want to keep this as a memento, do you?

Well, I'm not going to stand for it. They're not going to treat us like this.

Like what?

They're interested, Campbell.

Going to get us in to do a pilot as soon as the slot comes up. I'm sorry, but if

that's the best they can do, I'm going to Radio Clyde.

Campbell, Radio Clyde aren't interested.

Aye, they are.

Just don't know it yet.

Campbell, maybe in the films a guy can take a handful of his fragile wee dreams

into the big white building and they make him a star.

But in the real world, you beat your head against a brick wall until it's

bloody.

And then, maybe, one day, you look up and you see just a wee crack in it.

There's a lot more of my blood on that wall than yours, Campbell.

And today, I looked up and saw that crack.

Off on Radio Clyde tomorrow.

You coming in? Aye.

Some letters came to the flat for me, I guess.

First or second class?

Why? Because, Eddie, nobody spends an extra sixpence to say, don't call us,

we'll call you.

I've been invited for an interview.

Yes! I knew we could do it! When for?

Monday. Monday?

Right, we've got it organised.

Where's Rosalie when you need her? Have you got a suit?

No. You're in luck. My great-uncle died last month. I've still got my suit for

the funeral.

And you need a haircut, my man.

I can cut it if you want.

I haven't been for an interview since I left university.

You'll do great. Just you be yourself.

But I'm a loony. Then be somebody else.

Michael Burke is good.

Or David Attenborough. Michael Burke?

Mum, let's take a look at the suit.

You sure you want to do this?

Of course I do.

Rosalie.

Rosalie, is that you in the cupboard? No.

Who's in the cupboard then?

No, don't.

Eddie, have you seen Rosalie?

Our social worker's here. She's disappeared again.

I haven't seen her.

Well, if she turns up here, can you ask her to come to the nurse's station?

Rosalie, you're hiding for your social worker.

They want to make me go to one of them places, Eddie, full of crazy people.

But here is full of crazy people.

But in them places, there's people who don't flush the toilet and there's

nobody there whose job it is to come and flush it for them. I could not live in a

place like that.

I'm going to catch you eventually, Rosalie.

But I'm always on the lookout.

I'll wake you up in your sleep.

I'll not sleep then.

You see, there's a four-month waiting list for supported accommodation.

So all I have to do is hide for the next four months.

I think it's a brilliant plan.

You OK?

Listen, I was thinking, how would you like to be a controller?

But you're the controller, Eddie.

If I was the controller, what would you be?

I might not be able to run the station any more, see?

Why not?

My boss says I have to get up.

Then lie.

Say you have.

I'm nae good at lying.

You're lying for Fergus.

That's different. That's a let.

Then write your boss a wee note.

I'd have to face him eventually.

I cannae look somebody in the face and lie.

They always know.

And you're a salesman.

Aye, and a very bad one.

But it's all I've got, and sooner or later they'll catch up with me.

Sooner or later they'll catch up with me too.

But I have got a lot more hidey-holes up my sleeve than they think I have.

You do what you have to do, Eddie.

Well, if it isn't your Eddie, Eddie McKenna.

The moustache suits you, by the way.

How would you have to show these to Griffin? I've no choice.

He doesn't read newspapers.

In fact, I'm not sure he can read.

Fortunately, there were pictures.

So I hear you might believe this.

I told you that. I hear the old man's given you an ultimatum. Tough decision,

eh? The adulation of literally dozens of loony listeners drooling into their wee

radio sets against a potential 65 grand in district council commissions next

year. I wouldn't know what to do either, to be honest.

Come on, McKenna.

Hit me.

I'd love to see you hit somebody.

I'm sure it wouldn't hurt.

What have you got against me, McAteer? What have I got against you?

You took a £1,200 commission from under my nose with that council scheme.

And now you're up in your hind legs like a slavering wee dug in a butcher's shop

getting one fat sausage after another for Griffin.

Is that not enough to have against you? Aye, but... This is a cutthroat

business, McKenna.

I've got a £200,000 mortgage, I've got an overdraft of about a £20,000 loan in

that car, and if it's you or me, you are going down every time.

You're no a salesman, McKenna, and no, even in your wet wee dreams, could you

be Glasgow area manager.

Give us that letter. What are you doing?

Give us it.

It's not addressed to you, it's addressed to the Glasgow area manager.

I'll give you the Henderson sale.

I'll give you the Christchurch rectory sale. A one-way letter?

What kind of a deal have you got on these people?

I'm really sorry.

Are you okay?

I was right.

It didn't hurt.

You're not going to tell Griffin, are you? About hitting me? About the letter.

So he'd know you've been going about trying to impress your big clients with

a flash title?

Oh, no fear.

We probably would promote you to Glasgow Area Manager.

Listen to that, Eddie.

That channel's gonna go in the middle of my show tonight.

And then what am I supposed to do, use a loud hailer?

I'll have another word with Evelyn, but she says the electricians are all on to

themselves.

Evelyn's all on to herself.

She walks all over you, you know that.

Campbell, everybody walks all over me.

Is Fergus about?

He's escaped for his interview this afternoon.

And I've got more bad news.

Oh, great. Just what I need.

OK, never mind.

Just tell me, Campbell.

No, you don't want to hear.

Campbell, I've already thumped somebody today. I'll thump you next if you don't

tell me.

Well, Radio Clyde are definitely out.

Out of what?

Out of the master plan.

Campbell, Radio Clyde were never remotely interested in the first place.

Well, they were when I told them about Radio Scotland.

Campbell, what did you tell them?

That Radio Scotland had made us an offer, just a late-night slot filling in

for Sunday.

How did you have to tell them that?

I could have told them they'd offered us a permanent slot, but I thought that

might be a bit much.

What do you think?

I think you're a lunatic, Campbell!

Aye, but what do you think of the game plan?

Campbell, you might have just blown our hopes for Radio Scotland.

I don't think so. I mean, the guy from Radio Clyde was dead impressed and that.

And?

And he said he thought we ought to take Radio Scotland's offer.

Which we don't have.

Which Radio Clyde know we don't have. Which Radio Scotland will know by the

end of the week that we've been saying we have, but don't have. But we will. I

haven't talked to Radio Scotland yet.

Then don't!

Eddie, I'm doing this for us, for you.

Don't. Do anything for me, Campbell.

I actually have a contact at Radio Scotland.

I am 38 years old and Paula Kinghorn is my first contact.

Let me have that.

Just let me imagine, as I drift off to sleep at night, that someday that's

going to mean I'll be a professional DJ.

How can you not do that for me?

Because we're a duo.

Then go solo.

We're going to go into professional radio together, Eddie. That was the

deal. That's still the deal.

Anyway, I've already set up an appointment with Radio Scotland for

Tuesday. Four o'clock.

Is that okay with you?

Well... Here we are, Jamaica Street.

It's no bad day, Doss, but go to the leisure centre if you want. You've got a

pool, some sunbeds.

No, this is great.

Let's go for a walk.

I love this place.

Dad used to take me here when I was wee. I used to watch the trains come in.

He'd say, look, that one's come all the way from London and that's come all the

way from Plymouth.

Oh, so it was a train spot then?

No. He just liked to get on the new things he didn't know.

You look awful tired, you know.

No, I've just got that kind of face.

When I was a wee boy, the teacher was always saying, wake up, McKenna, and I'd

say, I'm no sleeping, and then whack, cross the hand for talking back.

I was going to be a concert pianist, you know.

And you ended up a DJ?

No, I ended up a loser.

You're no a loser, Eddie.

Last thing Angela said to me was, you're a loser, Edward McKenna, and you'll

never amount to anything.

She ended up getting married to a guy in Edinburgh who imports coffee from Brazil

at night time. He probably personally orders the meetings of disciplined

coffee workers.

I ran into her at Buchanan Street a couple of years ago. She smiled as she

was dead pleased to see me and she said, So, are you still trying to break into

radio?

I wanted to be a ballerina when I was away.

I used to leap about the house wearing Ma's nylon petticoat, dancing a load of

shite. What did your folks think?

Don't suppose they thought anything.

Da was always pissed and Ma was always trying to kill herself.

Even now I could walk into any casualty in Glasgow and somebody would say, oh

look, that's Mary Boyles, me girl.

She used to buy a new nightie every time.

So she'd look nice when Da came in from the pub, found her and rushed her to

hospital.

They'd come home all kisses and cuddles.

And this went on until Dad got into a fight with a chip shop owner over some

cold chips one night, was arrested and had to spend the night in jail.

Poor Ma.

She'd shite all over her new nightie when they finally found her.

What age were you?

Eight.

Dad went mental after that.

Everything drove him crazy.

One night I woke up, there was this hellish row in the kitchen.

I walked in and there was Danny's pyjamas, pished, soaked to the skin,

chucking buckets of water out the window to stop a couple of cats screwing

because they was keeping him awake.

Did it work?

I don't think so.

Nothing stops a tomcat getting what he wants.

It's the female makes all the noise, see?

Screaming and screaming.

Like a wee baby grating its heart out.

Grating its wee heart out.

What happened to you, Francine?

Did someone hurt you?

How do you mean?

I'm talking about cat screwing.

Does that embarrass you, that?

Congratulations and celebrations When I tell everyone

that you're in love with me Congratulations

And new relation, I want the world no unhappy ending. Campbell, what's going

on? He did it!

Fergus got the job!

Eddie always said he was a genius.

We did it, Eddie. We can heal the sick, we can raise the dead.

Campbell, Fergus deserved to get the job.

But that's the beauty of it. He deserved the job and he got it. Is that no

miracle?

So you did it, you wee bastard.

Subject to references.

Don't worry about that. I said you're the best systems analyst I ever worked

with and I'd be sick to lose you. It's all true.

What am I going to do now?

Now, get up every morning, you go to work, you hate your boss, that's it.

That's a lot better than it sounds if you're making a lot of dosh. Aye, and

this is just the beginning.

Anything's possible now.

Any of you are going to get that job on Radio Scotland. And Rosalie is going to

get a flat.

with carpets and central heating. And a dishwasher.

And Francine's going to dance on the stage at Covent Garden.

And your number two channel's going to go in three seconds.

Oh, Jesus! Where's the bloody electrician?

We don't need an electrician. We need somebody with a degree in electronics.

We need a systems analyst.

Where are we going to get a systems analyst at this time of night?

Business as usual.

I didn't expect that to work.

I'm sorry, Rosalie, but your social worker's here.

It's ten o'clock at night.

She came specially.

Come on.

Congratulations and jubilations I want the world to know

I'm happy as can be I want the world to know I'm

happy as can be And it's business as usual.

Campbell Bain and Eddie McKenna to see Paula Kinghorn. We've got a four o'clock

appointment. Just a moment.

And remember, Eddie, let me do the talking.

Well, I've got a choice.

I'm sorry, but Paula Kinghorn's in a meeting just now.

Will she be long?

Well, actually, her secretary doesn't have you down for four o'clock.

When does she have us down for? She hasn't got you down at all, actually.

What?

Listen, Eddie and I have just been made an offer for Radio Clyde, and Paula is

supposed to be discussing a counter-offer this afternoon.

Did you make the appointment with her secretary or with Paula directly?

With Paula directly.

Just a minute, then.

You haven't got an appointment, have you?

Of course I do.

How does she know about it? I told her about it in a letter.

I'm sorry that there seems to be a mix-up, but Paula Kinghorn's in a

meeting and she's scheduled to go straight to another meeting when she's

finished. That's all right. No, it's not.

We've flown all the way from the West Coast for this meeting. It means Troon.

We've just come back from holidays. We've come all the way from Hollywood

and we're not going to be treated like this. If she can't see us, then fine.

We'll accept Radio Clyde's offer and be done with it. I'll try her secretary

again. No need.

I'll take care of our guests from Hollywood.

Have you really got an offer from Radio Clyde?

Aye. I know it's just a fill-in slot, but they've asked for an option for the

future. I'm sorry for making an arse of myself and I'm sorry for getting you out

of a meeting, but I wanted you to know that we would really rather be working

for you before we signed anything with them.

And that's the truth.

Come and see me tomorrow at five.

We'll see if we can get you in to do a pilot for us, shall we?

How did you do that?

You lie like that.

It's not lying.

Sometimes you just have to look somebody in the eye and tell the truth it should

be instead of the truth it is.

I didn't expect to see you here, McKenna. Thought you wanted to bring me

on the commercial side. Not still doing it?

Radio, park? Of course not.

Well, you know, I'm sorry to take a man away from his hobby, but you've got to

be mean to be on the team.

We'll make a sales manager out of you and get McKenna, eh?

Good. That's good.

Here we go.

You can borrow it if you want.

Just browsing.

Why do you keep on reading it, then?

Know your enemy?

Is that how you think of me?

Know your friend?

Well, I've got all the results back from the profile we did.

And I must say, they paint an extraordinary picture, particularly the

IQ test results, which are surprisingly high.

Well, I just put down what the voices tell me to.

Joke. I would like you to participate in a longer-term study than I'm planning.

This would mean doing a similar profile at regular intervals in the future.

Perhaps involving the odd residential stay.

No chance.

No, not as a patient.

Just for the purposes of study.

Before you say no, hear me out.

Schizophrenia is as baffling to us as it is distressing for you.

Without research, without willing participants in that research, we will

never find a cure.

Now, you can see that, can't you?

Listen, I'm starting a new job.

And all I want to know from you is what day exactly you're letting me out so I

can tell them when I can start.

Yes.

Well, that was the other thing I wanted to talk to you about.

Your GP's been on to me.

They asked him for a medical reference and he needed a psychiatric assessment.

And? And I told him the truth.

Mr. McKinnon, I know this must be painful, but systems analyst is a very

responsible position, and you're simply not able to take on that kind of

responsibility.

But, perhaps by way of compensation, I've decided to take you on myself as

one of my personal long-term patients.

I didn't know I was long-term ill.

You suffer from schizophrenia, which is a long-term illness.

Not always.

In your case, I believe it is.

From now on, I will be in personal charge of your care.

And I promise you, I'll do my very best to keep it under control.

It's something you're just going to have to live with.

Like insulin-dependent diabetes.

Diabetics can get a job.

I'm sorry, Mr McKinnon.

Fergus, what are you doing?

I'm installing the new mixer.

Well, just take it back.

No, this time.

Because I've screwed it to the desk. They'll have to take the desk apart and

they'll need an electrician to do it.

Has something happened about the job?

No.

They renewed your section?

No, they're letting me out.

They're letting me out to sit in my room. They're letting me out to watch

the television.

Fergus, please.

How come you're not starting the job?

Because they needed a medical reference and Hollis told them I'm just a fucking

moon.

Well, that's it then. Finished.

Fergus, don't go.

Next time we'll get you a medical reference.

If Eddie can be your boss, he can be your doctor.

Oh, Fergus, don't go.

Eddie Campbell will be back soon.

Where are you going?

Up with some air.

Fergus, please don't go!

Jesus.

Is Fergus dead?

Aye.

MacTavish is pregnant, does he know?

Day after day, alone on a hill,

the man with the foolish grin is keeping perfectly still.

But nobody wants to know him, they can see that he's just a fool.

And he never gives an answer, but the fool on the hill

sees the sun.