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(SPEAKING FRENCH)

NOW TELL ME, DO YOU HAVE ANY PROBLEM ABOUT FOOD?

GOD, I FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE.

THIS IS NOT EASY STUFF.

WELL, I THINK...

I REALLY THINK I'M OUT OF IT NOW,

BUT I'VE BEEN THROUGH A LOT OF IT.

AND I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND

COMPLETELY WHY.

AND I THINK I'M ALWAYS SCARED

THAT IT COULD HAPPEN TO ME AGAIN.

AND UNTIL I REALLY HAVE THE FEELING THAT I HAVE

THE ANSWERS I WILL NEVER FEEL SAFE BECAUSE

I WILL ALWAYS THINK THAT IT CAN HAPPEN AGAIN.

AND I THINK THAT'S WHY I'M DOING ALL THIS STUFF

- TO FIND OUT WHY IT HAPPENED TO ME.

HI CHIPS.

'MORNING.

I TOLD YOU NOT TO BRING THAT RABBIT IN THE HOUSE.

I GOT RABBIT FUR ALL OVER ME.

AREN'T YOU GOING TO WISH ME A HAPPY BIRTHDAY?

OH, HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

THANK YOU.

WHAT YOU GOT?

WELL, I DON'T KNOW.

THIS ACE IS UPSIDE DOWN - CHECK IT OUT.

IT'S NOT VERY GOOD.

I WANTED SOMETHING GOOD TODAY.

LET'S SEE...

"TAKE STOCK, HAVE A SECOND LOOK,

DON'T GIVE UP, JUST TRY AGAIN.

LACK OF INITIATIVE, SIMPLY NOT TRYING.

THAT'S NOT YOU.

"MAY BE NECESSARY TO DELAY

OR TEMPORARILY CANCEL PLANS".

"NO NEED TO BE DEPRESSED".

NO NEED TO BE DEPRESSED.

HI.

BONJOUR.

HELLO HELENE. HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

"CLINGING TO OLD GOALS WILL PREVENT YOU FROM

ACCEPTING NEW AND WONDERFUL OPPORTUNITIES".

THAT DOESN'T SOUND SO GREAT.

I DON'T WANT TO RELEASE MY OLD GOALS.

I'M DOING THE TAROT, I'M TRYING TO SEE

WHAT'S COMING UP FOR THE YEAR.

AND SO?

AND SO "BEING TIMID WILL ONLY EMPHASIZE

YOUR WEAKNESS".

"TAKE THE BULL BY THE HORNS".

DOES YOUR FATHER RUN AWAY ON BIRTHDAYS OFTEN?

I LOVE YOU, CHIPS.

I'M GOING TO GO DO MY EXERCISES.

YEAH, DO YOUR EXERCISES.

YOU BELIEVE IN THESE THINGS?

YOU KNOW, I REALLY DO, ACTUALLY.

I DO BELIEVE THAT SOMETHING COMES DOWN

FROM THE UNIVERSE.

SO WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO DO?

TAKE THE BULL BY HORNS?

I HAVE TO TAKE THE BULL BY THE HORNS, YES.

(PHONE RINGING)

HELLO?

HI!

OH, THANK YOU.

YEAH.

I'M VERY HAPPY.

I WISH YOU WERE HERE.

THE PARTY'S GOING TO BE OVER AROUND 6:00, OKAY?

I THINK ALL THE WOMEN WILL BE GONE

PROBABLY 6:30-7:00.

IT'LL BE JUST YOU AND ME, BABE.

YOU READY FOR THAT?

STILL READY AFTER ALL THESE YEARS.

I LOVE YOU TOO.

I LOVE YOU A LOT.

OKAY, 7:00 ON THE DOT.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

OH, KATE, I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE HERE!

NOBODY ELSE IS HERE.

OH, GREAT!

NAOMI IS NOT HERE YET

AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO WEAR.

CAN YOU HELP ME DECIDE?

SURE.

SADIE'S HAVING HER 50TH

SO I INVITED HER TO JOIN US.

WELL, YOU COULDN'T HAVE HAD A MORE PERFECT DAY.

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO WEAR?

I'VE GOT THIS FRILLY THING WHICH IS SORT OF

STRANGE BUT WHAT THE HELL, WHY NOT TODAY?

I'M GLAD YOU'RE HERE.

I'M GLAD WE'RE SHARING THIS DAY TOGETHER.

THIS IS SO PRETTY, I LOVE IT.

SHOW ME WHAT YOU'VE GOT.

OKAY, JUST WAIT RIGHT THERE.

SEE, THIS IS WHAT I GOT - I DON'T KNOW...

I JUST DON'T LIKE THIS DECOR AT ALL!

NO, NO, NO, NO!

THESE DEAD PLANTS JUST DO NOT DO IT.

I HAVE ALL SORTS OF THINGS HERE.

I THINK I CAN SQUEEZE INTO SOMETHING.

HELLO? HELLO?

I JUST GOT THIS.

I LOVE THIS MATERIAL.

AND THE BLACK IS VERY SLIMMING.

NO, MM MM.

HELENE?

THIS IS LOVELY TOO,

I THINK THE MATERIAL'S VERY FLATTERING.

BUT THE BLUE IS VERY SEXY.

IT'S REALLY NOT QUITE ME, BUT...

YEAH, IT ZIPS UP THE FRONT.

IT'S PRETTY HOLLYWOOD, ISN'T IT?

IT'S A LITTLE HOLLYWOOD...

I NEED, LIKE, A NAIL.

WHAT ABOUT THIS THING?

(GASP!) WHO IS THAT? LYDIA!

WHAT?

YOU'VE GOT THIS NAKED GIRL BY YOUR POOL.

I KNOW.

WHO IS SHE?

A GUEST.

HER NAME'S MARTINE.

WHAT'S SHE DOING?

MARTINE, COME ON OVER HERE.

ICI.

COME ON, I WANT TO SEE YOU.

I'VE HAD A HORRIBLE MORNING.

YOU CAN'T PUT THIS UP, THERE'S PLASTIC.

THIS IS A CRYSTAL I WANT YOU TO MEDITATE WITH.

OH, THAT'S BEAUTIFUL.

IT SEEMS TO HELP A LOT WHEN YOU'RE STRESSED.

AND THE SAGE, IF YOU GET CRAZY AND YOU BURN IT

IT'S SUPPOSED TO GET RID OF ALL THE NEGATIVE ENERGY.

THE INDIANS USE IT.

CA VA?

CA VA BIEN.

YOU LOOK FANTASTIC.

THANK YOU.

YOU'RE GOING TO DRIVE ALL THESE WOMEN CRAZY TODAY.

ARE THEY COMING IN RIGHT NOW?

YOU THINK I SHOULD GET DRESSED ALREADY?

NO, DRIVE THEM NUTS.

WHY IS IT EVERY WOMAN WHO'S FRENCH

HAS A FANTASTIC BODY?

I DON'T THINK I HAVE A FANTASTIC BODY AT ALL.

I DON'T THINK IN FRANCE A WOMAN WOULD SAY

TO ANOTHER WOMAN "YOU HAVE A FANTASTIC BODY".

THEY THINK IT, BUT THEY WOULDN'T SAY IT.

WHERE'S FRANK?

HE'S IN SAN FRANCISCO.

HE'S AT A CONFERENCE.

WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING THERE ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?

HE'S COMING BACK TONIGHT.

AT LEAST YOU GET HIM TONIGHT.

SO HOW CAN I LOSE?

A LUCKY HORSESHOE, A CRYSTAL, SAGE -

YOU'VE GOT ME COVERED.

I'VE BEEN WORRIED SICK ABOUT HELENE.

WORRIED ABOUT HELENE, WHY?

SHE'S GOTTEN FAT, I THINK SHE'S GAINED TEN POUNDS.

YOU'RE CRAZY.

SHE'S NOT FAT, SHE'S PERFECT.

NO, SHE'S GAINED WEIGHT AND SHE ONLY GAINS WEIGHT

WHEN SHE'S REALLY UPSET.

I'M GOING TO PUT THESE THINGS

OVER BY THE BOOKSHELF, ALRIGHT?

EVERYTHING'S SO NICE IN HERE.

LOOK AT HER!

WHO IS SHE?

HI.

HI, HOW ARE YOU?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

OH, THANK YOU.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY?

IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY?

I THOUGHT IT WAS HELENE'S BIRTHDAY.

IT'S BOTH OF THEIR BIRTHDAYS.

THE BIG 3-0.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

YOU GOT A PERM.

I WAS TELLING MARTINE THAT I WAS

VERY WORRIED ABOUT HELENE.

I MEAN, IT'S HER 40TH BIRTHDAY,

MY GOD, SHE'S SO BRAVE. CAN YOU IMAGINE

SHE'S GIVING A PARTY FOR HER 40TH BIRTHDAY?

SHE'S ANNOUNCING TO EVERYONE

THAT SHE'S 40 YEARS OLD?

I WOULDN'T EVEN TELL ANYONE I WAS 30.

I'M GOING THROUGH AN EXPERIENCE.

HMMMMMM.

(WOMEN ALL TALKING AT ONCE)

HELLO?

DARLING?

WHERE'S THE BIRTHDAY GIRL?

WHERE ARE YOU?

HI.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

WHAT IS THAT OUTFIT?

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO WEAR THAT, ARE YOU?

WE'RE 40 TODAY, NOT 14.

LET'S NOT FORGET THAT.

ARE YOU GOING DOWNSTAIRS?

NO, I'M NOT GOING DOWN.

WHY?

I'M JUST NOT GOING.

COME ON. COME DOWNSTAIRS WITH ME.

NO, I WANT TO STAY UP HERE.

HELENE?

YES?

COME ON.

SOPHIE...

IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?

I'M SITTING HERE, I'M EATING MY MUFFIN

AND I'M HAVING A DELICIOUS TIME.

I CAN DO ANYTHING I WANT TODAY

'CAUSE IT'S MY BIRTHDAY.

AND I CAN EAT EVERYTHING I CHOOSE.

WELL, I'M GOING DOWN.

I'M GOING TO HAVE A GOOD TIME TODAY

WHETHER YOU WANT TO OR NOT.

JUST FAMILIARIZE YOURSELF WITH THE KITCHEN.

WHERE ARE THE TOWELS?

THEY'RE IN THE CORNER IN A DRAWER OVER THERE.

SO, HOW DOES IT FEEL?

TO TURN 30?

I DON'T REALLY KNOW YET.

IT'S GOING TO HAPPEN TO ME VERY SOON,

SO I WANT TO KNOW.

I HOPE YOU LIKE IT BETTER THAN I DO.

IT'S A LITTLE WEIRD RIGHT NOW.

NAOMI, I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE HERE!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

OH, THANK YOU.

THIS IS A BIG ONE, HUH?

HI.

CONNIE, THIS IS HELENE.

DO YOU LIKE THIS?

DO YOU THINK THIS IS GOOD?

IT'S NOT MY FAVORITE.

DID YOU REALLY FORGET?

WELL, I HAVE SO FAR.

I DON'T KNOW.

KIDS ARE - I THINK I HAVE TO GROW UP

BEFORE I DEAL WITH KIDS.

YES, THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT ALSO.

IT'S A LITTLE OVERWHELMING.

AT THIS POINT THAT'S A COMMITMENT FOREVER

AND EVER AMEN AND I FIND THAT TERRIFYING.

YOU HAVE THE MAN TO DO THEM WITH?

YEAH, I HAVE A REALLY GOOD MAN.

THAT'S A GOOD START.

YEAH, HE'S A GOOD START.

(KNOCKING AT DOOR)

AHH!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

ISN'T IT DEPRESSING?

I ALWAYS THOUGHT WHEN I WAS 30

I WOULD REACH MY PERFECT AGE.

I'M VERY CLOSE TO IT NOW

AND IT DOESN'T SEEM ANY BETTER.

I WISH YOU LUCK.

THANK YOU.

I HOPE YOU'RE CLOSER TO IT THAN ME.

YOU SEEM VERY CLOSE TO IT TO ME.

YOU ARE HAPPILY MARRIED, AREN'T YOU?

YES, VERY HAPPILY MARRIED.

IT'S NOT ALWAYS THAT SIMPLE.

I STILL HAVE QUESTIONS AND DOUBTS.

EVEN THOUGH HE'S THE MOST WONDERFUL MAN

IN THE WORLD.

I'D LIKE SOMETHING SORT OF LOW

BUT MY NECK IS JUST, YOU KNOW...

I'VE GOT ALL THESE VEINS.

YOU LOOK LIKE A BABY TO ME.

I WISH I WAS BEING 40 TODAY.

SADIE, YOU'RE SO SWEET.

AND LOOK AT THAT - YOUR HAIR LOOKS LIKE

WHEAT AND STRAW IN THE SUNLIGHT

THE WAY THE LIGHT IS HITTING YOU.

I'M SO DEPRESSED.

YOU'RE SO DEPRESSED?

GOD, HONEY, I JUST HATE TURNING 50, I JUST HATE

THIS GETTING OLD, I HATE HAVING TO STAY THIN

SO IT'LL MAKE ME FEEL YOUNG.

MAYBE I'LL GET A MAN IF MY BODY'S...

WE ALL HAVE TO LOVE OURSELVES, SADIE.

I HATE THAT MY TITS ARE SAGGING.

I THINK YOU NEVER STOP QUESTIONING, YOU KNOW.

WE ALWAYS HAVE DOUBTS WHATEVER YOU CHOOSE.

SOMETIMES I JUST THINK THAT MAYBE

I WANT TO SCREW IT ALL UP.

YOU KNOW, FOR FUN OR SOMETHING.

I DON'T KNOW, I DON'T LIKE THAT CRACK.

I'M JUST HOPING FOR A MIRACLE.

LYDIA, I WANT YOU TO LIGHT THIS ONE.

LIKE THIS COLOR? YOU LIKE THE BLACK?

I SORT OF LIKE THIS ONE.

YOU LIKE THE BLACK BETTER?

I LIKE THE GOLD.

I LIKE THE GOLD ONE, TOO.

DON'T YOU THINK THE BLACK IS MORE THINNING?

MOTHER!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE BACK IN TOWN!

I WANTED TO SURPRISE YOU.

I HAD TO COME BY AND WISH YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

YOU DID SURPRISE ME.

I'M SO SORRY, I ORDERED SOMETHING REALLY

SPECIAL FOR YOU AND IT JUST HASN'T COME IN.

WHAT IS IT?

IT WOULDN'T BE A SURPRISE IF I TOLD YOU.

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE HAVING A PARTY.

I'M JUST HAVING A FEW FRIENDS OVER -

KATE AND SADIE AND THEIR FRIENDS

SORT OF WISHING EACH OF US INTO A NEW DECADE.

OH, GOOD. YOU HAVE A GOOD TIME.

GO BACK TO YOUR FRIENDS.

NO, NO, I WANT YOU TO STAY.

I TOLD SUE I WOULD DROP BY.

OH, CALL SUE. I'LL CALL SUE.

YOU PLEASE STAY.

YOU'VE GOT IT ALL.

YOU'VE GOT THIS FABULOUS HUSBAND

WHO WORSHIPS YOU AND WHO'S TOTALLY SPECIAL

AND AMAZING WITH WOMEN AND OPEN TO EVERYONE.

HERE WE ARE THE REST OF US AND WE'RE IN THIS

ABSOLUTELY HOPELESS POSITION WITH MEN

AND YOU'VE GOT THE WHOLE PACKAGE.

DO YOU KNOW HOW LUCKY YOU ARE ABOUT YOUR MARRIAGE?

(EVERYONE TALKING)

YOU HAVE A GREAT BODY.

WELL, THANK YOU.

I DON'T KNOW.

I DON'T KNOW, TWELVE YEARS.

I DON'T THINK I COULD BE WITH SOMEONE

FOR 12 YEARS.

I DON'T THINK I CAN TAKE IT.

I JUST HAVE TO MOVE ON AFTER ABOUT

A YEAR AND A HALF.

DO YOU MAKE FILMS OR SOMETHING?

YES, I'M DOING A DOCUMENTARY HERE.

I'M DOING A DOCUMENTARY ABOUT CALIFORNIA.

DO YOU DO IT WITHOUT YOUR TOP ON?

I WOULD DO IT IF I COULD.

SHE'S THE FIRST TOPLESS FILMMAKER FROM FRANCE.

I'M FILMING - ACTUALLY, WOULD YOU MIND

ANSWERING SOME OF MY QUESTIONS ON CAMERA?

WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? FOR WHAT?

I'M DOING IT FOR FRENCH TELEVISION.

FRENCH TELEVISION?

IT'S ABOUT SOUTHERN CALIFORNIAN BEHAVIOR.

BEHAVIOR - WE SOUND LIKE POODLES.

YOU CAN TALK ABOUT EVERYTHING

YOU'RE INTERESTED IN.

WHAT ARE YOU REALLY INTERESTED IN?

I WANT TO KNOW WHEN WE'RE GOING TO EAT.

I'VE BEEN HAVING THIS AFFAIR

WITH THIS YOUNGER GUY.

HE'S 34 YEARS OLD.

WHEN HE WAS SIX I WAS IN COLLEGE.

I SEE THE WAY HE LOOKS AT JENNIFER

AND I GET JEALOUS.

AND I TRY TO HOLD IT ALL IN AND I FEEL LIKE I'M

GOING TO BURST, I FEEL LIKE I'M GOING TO DIE

AND I THINK "I'LL EAT SOMETHING" AND I THINK

"IF I EAT SOMETHING I'M GOING TO GET FAT

AND IF I GET FAT THEN HE WON'T WANT

TO BE WITH AN OLD BROAD LIKE ME".

I'M HUNGRY, I WANT SOMETHING TO EAT.

I'M JUST STARVING.

EVER HAD ANY DIETS?

I'VE BEEN ON EVERY DIET ON THE PLANET.

AND RIGHT NOW I'M ON THE "I'M ALLERGIC TO

EVERYTHING ON THE PLANET" DIET.

(PHONE RINGING)

HELLO?

FRANK, HI!

I'M JUST IN THE MIDDLE OF EVERYTHING.

YOU KNOW, MOTHER CAME.

I USED TO LIKE TO SIT IN FRONT OF THE TV WITH A

BIG BOWL OF OATMEAL AND SIT THERE WITH A BUNCH OF

BROWN SUGAR WATCHING TELEVISION AND JUST EAT.

I LIKED TO EAT ALL OF THE TIME AND SOMEHOW

IT MADE ME FEEL LIKE I WAS FULL INSIDE

BECAUSE IT WAS SO EMPTY WHEN I WASN'T EATING.

IT WAS LIKE THERE WAS THIS BIG BLACK HOLE

AND SPACE THAT WAS INSIDE OF ME

THAT NOTHING COULD EVER FILL.

I WAS JUST DEPRESSED AT FIVE BUT

THERE WAS THIS CANDY STORE RIGHT DOWN THE STREET

FROM WHERE I LIVED, THAT WAS FREDDY'S.

NOT TIL LATER?

BUT I MADE THIS RESERVATION.

WELL, I GUESS IT'S OKAY.

ALRIGHT, WELL, I'LL CALL BERNARD.

I'M SURE IT'S FINE.

I THINK WOLFGANG MADE A LITTLE CAKE.

YEAH, IT'S GOING TO BE SPECIAL.

YEAH, IF YOU CAN COME BY 9:30 THAT WOULD BE GREAT.

OKAY, 9:30 IT IS.

OKAY, DARLING, I'M SORRY BUT IT'LL BE GREAT.

IT'LL BE PERFECT.

I LOVE YOU TOO.

YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TO ME

AFTER A YEAR AND A HALF?

I JUST CAN'T HAVE SEX WITH SOMEBODY

AFTER A YEAR AND A HALF. I GET BORED.

I MEAN, DO YOU HAVE GREAT SEX

WITH YOUR HUSBAND AFTER 12 YEARS?

I HAVE THE BEST SEX AFTER 12 YEARS.

I JUST GET BETTER.

YOU SLUT!

GOD, HE'S SO MUCH FUN.

HI.

NOTHING'S READY YET BUT CAN I GET YOU SOMETHING?

I'VE NEVER BEEN ABLE TO HOLD A JOB,

A BOYFRIEND, NOTHING.

MY FATHER'S ATTENTION...

AND FOOD IS THERE, IT'S ACCESSIBLE, IT'S EASY.

WITH MEN I HAVE TROUBLE EATING,

I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS. I COULD GET VERY SKINNY

IF I'M IN A LONG RELATIONSHIP.

I HAVE TROUBLE EATING IN FRONT OF PEOPLE I LIKE.

SO I MIGHT HOLD SOMETHING IN MY MOUTH

FOR A LONG TIME BEFORE I CHEW IT.

OR I MIGHT NOT EAT.

IF I'M HAVING DINNER WITH SOMEBODY AND THEY'RE

LOOKING AT ME AND I HAVE FOOD IN MY MOUTH,

YOU KNOW, MM HM...

AND THEN I MIGHT TRY AND SWALLOW IT.

I THINK IT'S EROTIC.

IT'S SAFE SEX, I MEAN IT'S THE SAFEST SEX

YOU CAN HAVE IS EATING.

I'M SO WORRIED ABOUT THIS CAKE.

THEY HAVEN'T COME.

I SHOULD HAVE MADE A CAKE.

I'M A GREAT CAKE MAKER, I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR THREE

YEARS TO LEARN HOW TO MAKE CHOCOLATE TORTE.

THE LAST TIME I MADE A TORTE FRANK SAID

'CAUSE THE SUN MELTED A TINY BIT OF IT,

HE SAID "THAT LOOKS AWFUL".

HE PUT IT IN THE TRASH, HE WENT TO THE BAKERY

AND HE GOT ANOTHER ONE THAT LOOKED GOOD.

I VOWED I WOULD NEVER MAKE ANOTHER

CHOCOLATE TORTE.

I HAD SO WANTED TO GIVE THIS PARTY TO GIVE MYSELF

A GOOD SEND-OFF, TO GIVE YOU A GOOD SEND-OFF

AND SADIE A GOOD SEND-OFF

INTO OUR NEXT DECADE OF LIFE.

AND NOW, I DON'T KNOW WHY,

I JUST FEEL LIKE I'M CRAZY

AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN TO ME.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN

IN THE NEXT FIVE YEARS.

I FEEL LIKE I'M JUST A SHIP, KIND OF LOST.

OH, WELL.

SO, MY HAIR...

I WISH I COULD GET NEW HAIR FOR MY BIRTHDAY.

I WENT FROM COCAINE TO WHEATGRASS.

FAT IS BAD, THIN IS GOOD.

SOMETIMES I FEEL FAT.

I DON'T KNOW, I TRY TO THINK THAT BEING ROUNDER

IS BEING FEMININE AND BEING A STICK FIGURE

IS FOR DRAWINGS AND NOT FOR PEOPLE.

I NEVER THOUGHT THAT I WOULD EVER HIT 40.

I JUST NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD GET HERE.

WHEN MY MOM WAS 40 IT SEEMED LIKE

SHE WAS SO OLD.

IT SEEMED LIKE THE END OF THE WORLD.

OH, GOD.

YOU THINK WE'LL LIVE THROUGH THIS?

I'M GOING TO CHECK EVERYBODY, OKAY?

IS THERE ANYTHING WE CAN DO TO HELP?

NO, I THINK JUST HAVE FUN.

SHE'S COMPLETELY HYSTERICAL.

POOR BABY, WHY NOT?

SHE'S DOING THIS INCREDIBLE PARTY.

WELL, SHE'S GOT SOME REAL PROBLEMS.

YOU'VE GOT A VERY LONG LIFE LINE.

I WANT TO THINK THAT MY FUTURE IS OPEN.

IT IS. YOUR PALM CHANGES WITH EVERYTHING YOU DO.

REALLY?

YUP, YOU MAKE YOUR OWN FUTURE.

THAT'S GOOD.

YES, IT IS GOOD.

HOW LONG HAVE YOUR FATHER AND

YOUR STEPMOTHER BEEN MARRIED?

OH, TEN YEARS.

THEY GOT MARRIED WHEN I WAS NINE YEARS OLD.

YOUR STEPMOTHER IS WONDERFUL.

YOU LIKE HER?

OF COURSE, I LOVE HER.

SHE'S WONDERFUL.

I WAS NEVER CLOSE WITH MY FATHER.

IT'S A SHAME.

WHAT KIND OF MAN WAS HE?

WELL, VERY KIND OF, YOU KNOW, COLD MAN.

HE WAS NICE, I MEAN, THERE'S NOTHING WRONG

ABOUT HIM BUT JUST HE WAS VERY REMOVED.

HE WAS JUST VERY COLD AND HE WAS WORKING A LOT

AND I DIDN'T SEE HIM VERY MUCH.

WHEN I WAS GROWING UP I WAS DADDY'S LITTLE GIRL.

MUST BE VERY NICE TO BE CLOSE TO YOUR FATHER.

YEAH, I JUST HAD TO LEARN TO WATCH OUT FOR MYSELF

BECAUSE I WAS ALWAYS THERE FOR HIM

AND HE TOOK ADVANTAGE OF THAT.

DO YOU LIKE MY DAD?

YES, I THINK HE'S REALLY NICE.

YEAH, YOU TWO SEEM TO REALLY GET ALONG.

MY FATHER HAD BEEN TALKING ABOUT HIM SO MUCH,

HE REALLY LIKES HIM SO MUCH.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SIS!

I CAN'T BELIEVE ALL THESE PRESENTS!

I DID A LITTLE SHOPPING, YOU KNOW ME.

(LAUGHING)

IT'S SO NICE TO SEE YOU.

LOOK AT ALL THESE PRESENTS.

I HOPE YOU LIKE THEM. I THINK YOU WILL.

YOU LOOK SO WONDERFUL.

DO YOU THINK SO?

YOU HAVE SUCH PRETTY HAIR,

YOU SHOULDN'T PUT IT BEHIND YOUR HEAD.

IT SHOULD BE AROUND YOUR FACE.

THAT'S SO KIND OF YOU.

ALWAYS A KIND WORD.

AND YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'VE GOTTEN A LITTLE PLUMP.

HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT TO ME?

YOU KNOW HOW I AM ABOUT THESE THINGS.

BUT THANK YOU, THANK YOU. YOU ARE RIGHT.

DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY TIMES A DAY

I ASK PEOPLE "DO YOU THINK I'M FAT?"

AND THEY SAY "NO". YOU'RE RIGHT.

GRAMMY...

HI SWEET THING.

I'M GLAD TO SEE YOU.

I MISSED YOU.

I MISSED YOU.

DARLING, MOTHER'S HERE.

I DO WANT YOU NOT TO MONOPOLIZE HER TODAY,

PLEASE. JUST FOR ME, JUST FOR ME.

I KNOW THAT YOU WANT TO TALK TO HER

BUT IT'S MY BIRTHDAY.

OH, I KNOW. I WON'T, I REALLY WON'T.

IT'S MY DAY, OKAY?

I KNOW. BESIDES IT WON'T MATTER.

SHE PAYS MORE ATTENTION TO YOU ANYWAY.

SHE DOES NOT.

ALWAYS HAS.

SHE HAS NEVER.

HOW ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR DIET?

YEAH, MY DIET.

I MEAN YOUR WAY OF EATING.

WELL, I STILL CAN'T EAT WITH CHIPS AND DAD.

I STILL CAN'T SIT DOWN AT THE TABLE WITH THEM.

WHY CAN'T YOU EAT WITH THEM?

THEY WANT EVERYTHING TO BE PERFECT AND EVERY TIME

I TAKE A BITE OF THEIR FOOD IT'S LIKE EATING

WHAT THEY BELIEVE, DO YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

IT'S LIKE SITTING DOWN TO A TABLE

AND EATING THEIR IDEALS AND WHEN I

GET UP FROM THE TABLE IT'S LIKE, UH...

I JUST CAN'T DEAL WITH IT, YOU KNOW?

IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I'M A CORNERED ANIMAL

IN A CAGE JUST GOING ROUND AND ROUND.

ARE THESE FEELINGS ALWAYS PRESENT?

NOT WHEN I'M DANCING.

BUT IT'S LIKE ONLY WHEN I'M DANCING, NOT BEFORE

AND NOT AFTER, BUT WHEN I'M DANCING, YOU KNOW,

IT'S WHAT WE CALL FINDING OUR CENTER.

AND WHEN YOU HIT THAT ARABESQUE

AND YOU HAVE IT, OR A TURN,

WHEN YOU TURN AND YOU HAVE THAT CENTER AND...

WHAT KIND OF A BIRTHDAY PRESENT IS THIS?

THEY'RE BATACAS.

WHAT'S THAT?

THEY HELP YOU GET OUT YOUR ANGER,

YOUR SUPPRESSED ANGER, YOUR RAGE.

COME ON, HIT ME.

NO, HIT ME!

HIT ME, HIT ME LIKE THIS. SEE?

SOPHIE!

I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU!

SAY IT BACK!

I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU.

I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!

I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU!

BOTH: I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!

I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I...

(LAUGHING)

IT WORKS, DOESN'T IT?

LET'S HOPE IT WORKS.

I BEG OF YOU, DON'T DO THIS TO ME.

PLEASE, BABY, I LOVE YOU.

DON'T DO THIS TO ME.

LISTEN, I WANT YOU TO HAVE A GOOD LIFE.

I WANT TO BE AN ACTRESS.

OH, GOD, DON'T WANT TO BE AN ACTRESS.

WITH ALL MY HEART I WANT TO BE AN ACTRESS.

PLEASE HELP ME.

HI!

PIG!

(LAUGHING)

"TO PIG, LOVE ALWAYS, WHALE-TAIL".

WE WERE DEBUTANTES TOGETHER.

I'M GOING TO TELL THE WHOLE PARTY.

YOU KNOW WHAT SHE DID WHEN WE

WENT OFF TO SCHOOL?

SHE RODE A BUS ALL THE WAY TO SCHOOL

'CAUSE SHE DIDN'T WANT ANYBODY TO KNOW

SHE WAS RICH ENOUGH TO TAKE AN AIRPLANE.

SHE DIDN'T THINK ANYONE ELSE

COULD AFFORD TO TAKE AN AIRPLANE.

REALLY?

I REMEMBER THAT EXPRESSION-

WHAT'S THAT, MORE THAN A HANDFUL IS A WASTE?

QUALITY NOT QUANTITY.

HI.

IS THE WATER COLD?

IT'S A LITTLE CHILLY.

HI.

YOU LOOK SO BEAUTIFUL.

THANK YOU, SO DO YOU.

I LIKE THAT DRESS.

YOU DO?

GOT MY FAVORITE COLOR IN IT.

CAN I GET YOU ANYTHING?

NO, THANKS.

YOU DON'T THINK I LOOK A LITTLE FAT IN IT?

OF COURSE YOU DON'T LOOK- OH, YOU GIRLS.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, WE LOVE YOU.

OH, THANK YOU.

IS SADIE HERE?

YES, SHE IS. SHE'S IN THE LIVING ROOM.

HERE, I'LL SHOW YOU.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH YOU GIRLS ABOUT

THIS FOOD BUSINESS AND ABOUT FAT.

I KNOW, I KNOW.

YOU HAVE A LOVELY FIGURE.

I KNOW, BUT NOT LIKE THEM.

YOU'RE ABOUT THE SAME SIZE AS A MATTER OF FACT.

YEAH.

HI.

WELL, THAT'S EXCEPTIONAL.

BUT SHE PROBABLY STARVES HERSELF,

OR SHE DOES THAT AWFUL THING SOME OF YOU DO

- YOU DON'T DO THAT, DO YOU?

I MEAN, YOU EAT A LOT TO MAKE YOURSELF THROW UP

SO YOU DON'T GAIN WEIGHT - YOU DON'T DO THAT.

YOU DON'T DO THAT, DO YOU?

NOT CHRONICALLY, NO, BUT I HAVE.

YOU HAVE?

YES.

OH, NANCY, THAT'S KIND OF SICK.

I KNOW, IT IS, I DON'T WANT TO DO IT

AND I DON'T DO IT VERY OFTEN.

IT'S JUST THAT I'M JUST TOO BIG AND,

YOU KNOW, JIM LIKES ME SO THIN.

OH, NANCY, YOU'RE NOT BIG.

THERE MUST BE SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU AND JIM.

ARE YOU HAVING PROBLEMS?

WITH MR. COMMODITIES?

(LAUGHING)

IT'S GETTING A LITTLE DULL, MA.

WELL, AT LEAST HE'S SUCCESSFUL AT IT.

AND HE GIVES YOU A GOOD LIVING,

THE WAY YOU LOVE TO SHOP.

I KNOW BUT I'M JUST SHOPPING THRIFT STORES

FOR FUNKY CLOTHES AND HE THINKS I SHOULD BE

SHOPPING AT CHANEL AND I DON'T KNOW...

ARE THOSE NEW? THEY'RE BEAUTIFUL.

EMERALDS AND DIAMONDS?

I DON'T CALL THOSE "FUNKY".

I KNOW.

HI!

HELENE?

I'M SADIE'S FRIEND,

YOU CALLED ME ABOUT HER BIRTHDAY?

OH, YES! JACKIE, HI.

SHE'S IN THE LIVING ROOM. PLEASE GO IN.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

THANK YOU.

YOU ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT HELENE WAS PERFECT

BECAUSE SHE WAS SO THIN.

SO IT'S THE SIBLING RIVALRY.

MOM, IT'S TRUE.

IT'S HER BIRTHDAY TODAY

AND SHE'S THE FOCUS OF ATTENTION.

NO, THAT ISN'T IT.

I'VE NEVER BEEN LIKE THAT.

IT'S JUST THAT SHE'S ALWAYS BEEN THIN

AND SHE'S ALWAYS BEEN PERFECT.

OH, I'M SORRY TO DO THIS.

I'M NOT GOING TO DO IT.

I REALLY MISS YOU AND I LOVE SEEING YOU AND...

I WOULD LOVE TO BE AS THIN AS HELENE.

WHY IS THAT SO ALL-IMPORTANT?

YOU DO THIS, OKAY?

(SCREAMS)

TRY IT, TRY IT.

(SCREAMS)

GET IT OUT, GET IT OUT!

YOUR CHEEKS ARE ALL PINK, DON'T YOU FEEL BETTER?

(SCREAMING)

GO WITH IT, HONEY. GO, GO, GO!

MY AGENT, SADIE.

NICE MEETING YOU.

HERE'S YOUR GIFT.

A GIFT FOR ME?

ANOTHER TCHOTCHKE?

I JUST WANT YOU TO READ THE CARD.

LET ME SEE WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY.

ALRIGHT, WHAT'S GOING ON?

WHY ARE YOU EATING OUT OF THAT TACKY CONTAINER?

WOULD YOU LIKE SOME WINE?

NO, THANK YOU.

MY DAUGHTER HAS SOME VERY ATTRACTIVE CHINA.

IS SHE SERVING FOOD IN THIS?

NO, THIS IS SPECIAL MACROBIOTIC FOOD

THAT I HAD SENT IN SO THAT I COULD HAVE

SOMETHING TO EAT HERE BECAUSE I DON'T EAT

THIS HORRIBLE FOOD THAT SHE SERVES.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY "HORRIBLE FOOD"?

IT'S GREASY AND IT'S GOT SUGAR IN IT AND BUTTER

AND THAT KIND OF FOOD MAKES YOU OLD

AND UGLY LOOKING VERY EARLY ON, QUICK.

NOW WAIT A MINUTE. YOU'RE DIFFERENT.

YOU ARE BLESSED WITH THE MOST

PERFECT CONSTITUTION I'VE EVER SEEN.

"YOU CAN BUY A HOUSE AND I'LL TAKE A TRIP

TO A FAR OFF LAND WHERE MEN LOVE WOMEN WHO HAVE

MEAT ON THEIR BONES AND ROOM IN THEIR HEARTS

FOR SOMEONE BESIDES THEMSELVES.

I CAN'T DO THIS ALONE, SADIE MY SWEET,

STAY BY MY SIDE. I LOVE YOU. ELOISE".

ALRIGHT!

YOU'RE WONDERFUL, WHAT A SWEET THING-

I'M GOING TO OPEN IT NOW.

NO, I WANT TO TAKE YOU SOMEWHERE.

WHERE?

WHERE DO YOU WANT TO GO?

I WANT TO GO SOMEPLACE WHERE THE MEN ARE.

JUST LIKE YOU WROTE ABOUT.

WHO LOVE WOMEN WITH MEAT ON THEIR BONES.

TELL ME WHERE YOU WANT TO GO.

UH, LA COSTA.

I'M VERY WORRIED ABOUT HER.

SHE'S OBVIOUSLY HAVING PROBLEMS WITH

THAT HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE HUSBAND OF HERS

WHO THINKS HE'S A FEMINIST

AND REALLY CAN'T BEAR WOMEN.

I'VE NEVER BEEN THAT CRAZY ABOUT FRANK,

BUT IS HE THAT, I MEAN...

HE'S TERRIBLE.

AND HE'S BEAUTIFUL, HE'S GORGEOUS AND CHARMING,

BUT HE NEEDS TO CONTROL.

SHE LISTENS TO HIM, SHE THINKS THAT HE HAS

THESE ANSWERS - WHY? BECAUSE HE'S A THERAPIST?

DOES A THERAPIST HAVE ANSWERS?

HI, CAN I JOIN YOU?

DARLING, DO YOU MIND?

I JUST WANT TO TALK TO HER FOR A MINUTE.

OH, I'M SORRY, SOPHIE.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

OH, IT'S HER BIRTHDAY TOO?

SHE'S STILL CUTE, ISN'T SHE?

ADORABLE.

SHE'S GOT A FEW YEARS MORE LOOKING LIKE THAT.

SOPHIE, EVERYTHING YOU SAY,

THERE'S SUCH A NEGATIVE CONNOTATION.

OH, YOU'RE RIGHT,

I SHOULDN'T BE THIS NEGATIVE.

I REALLY DON'T WANT TO BE

AND FROM NOW ON I'M NOT GOING TO BE.

YOU'RE RIGHT, BUT I'M REALLY CONCERNED

ABOUT HELENE AND I THINK THAT'S WHY I'M THIS WAY.

IT'S EATING AT ME.

THAT'S SWEET, I LOVE IT.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

THANK YOU, I HATE THIS BIRTHDAY.

MY BABY!

(KNOCKING)

HELENE, HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

DARLING, THESE ARE MY NEW MODELS.

AND THIS IS ONE OF THE OLD GIRLS.

YOU'LL RECOGNIZE HER AS SOON AS YOU SEE IT.

OH, I CAN'T WAIT! CAN WE OPEN IT RIGHT HERE?

I'VE GOT TO TALK TO YOU.

HONEY, PLEASE, IT'S BAD ENOUGH I'M TURNING 50.

NO CONFRONTATIONS TODAY.

PLEASE, NOT NOW.

HONEY, YOU'LL GET OVER THIS

AND WE'LL TALK LATER.

GOD, I LOVE HER SO MUCH BUT THEY DRIVE YOU CRAZY.

HOW OLD IS SHE?

TOO OLD.

YOU KNOW, SHE WAS AN OLD WOMAN

FROM THE MINUTE SHE WAS BORN.

SHE CAME OUT OF THE WOMB AN OLD WOMAN.

SHE'S ALWAYS HAD THE BEAD ON ME.

NO, YOU DIDN'T UPSET ME.

IT'S JUST THAT I'M A LITTLE UPSET.

I'VE BEEN HAVING SOME FUNNY THOUGHTS LATELY.

I'VE BEEN KIND OF RESTLESS, YOU KNOW,

ABOUT JIM AND EVERYTHING.

I HATE TURNING 50.

I'M SO DEPRESSED.

YOU DON'T LOOK 50.

I MEAN... HOW OLD DO I LOOK?

LET'S NOT TALK ABOUT IT.

I HAVE A NEW DEAL COOKING FOR YOU.

WHAT?

I'M NOT GOING TO TELL YOU ABOUT IT.

IT'S SO EXCITING.

IT'S JUST THAT LIFE WAS GETTING SO DULL WITH HIM

AND I MET THIS MAN AT A PARTY.

YOU DID?

YES, AND HE'S AN ACTOR AND HE'S REALLY POOR.

AND I'VE BEEN HAVING THESE SORDID FANTASIES

LATELY THAT, I DON'T KNOW,

MAYBE WE COULD STARVE TOGETHER.

KATE, YOU LOOK ADORABLE.

OH, THANKS.

GOOD COLOR TOO, BUT DON'T GET TOO MUCH SUN.

HOW'S THE WATER?

IT'S GREAT.

HELLO MRS. WILLIAMS, MY NAME IS MARTINE.

NICE TO MEET YOU.

OH, YOU'RE STAYING HERE WITH...

YES, I'M STAYING HERE BECAUSE I'M MAKING

A DOCUMENTARY FOR FRENCH TELEVISION.

OH, ARE YOU?

YES. WHEN HELENE AND FRANK WENT TO FRANCE

AT THEIR WEDDING THEY STAYED WITH MY PARENTS -

MR. AND MRS. MOLNIERE?

SO THEY ASKED ME TO STAY AT THEIR PLACE.

YOU'RE A GORGEOUS YOUNG FRENCH LADY, I MUST SAY.

THANK YOU.

IT'S TRUE.

I WISH I COULD FEEL THAT.

I DON'T FEEL GORGEOUS.

YOU DON'T FEEL GORGEOUS?

NOT AT ALL.

LOOK AT YOU, YOU'RE JUST PERFECTION-

I WISH YOU COULD FEEL WHAT I SEE.

WELL, THIS WHOLE THING MAKES ME SO NERVOUS.

THIS ALL-WOMEN PARTY, IT'S SO STRANGE.

I'VE ALWAYS FELT VERY UNCOMFORTABLE WITH WOMEN.

AND THREATENED FROM OTHER WOMEN?

I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S THREATS,

IT'S JUST THAT I DON'T FEEL...

THEY LOOK AT ME AND I JUST FEEL BIG

AND I DON'T FEEL SECURE.

I FEEL - I DON'T KNOW, BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE THE

WAY I LOOK I ALWAYS FEEL VERY UNCOMFORTABLE.

WHEN I'M WITH MEN SOMETIMES I CAN FEEL

BEAUTIFUL BUT AMONG WOMEN I ALWAYS FELT LIKE,

BECAUSE I'M BIG.

DON'T TELL ME EVEN IN FRANCE

YOU HAVE THIS THING ABOUT FOOD.

EATING FOOD?

OF COURSE YOU HAVE SUCH WONDERFUL FOOD IN FRANCE.

HI!

HOW ARE YOU?

I BROUGHT YOU SOMETHING IF YOU NEED CENTERING.

I HATE MY CHEEKS.

I ALWAYS WANTED THIS, THE CHEEKS LIKE THAT.

I WANTED SO MUCH TO BE THE HIGH-FASHION MODEL

WITH THOSE SUNKEN CHEEKS YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

THE EDITORS AT VOGUE FELT I LOOKED SO HEALTHY

AND NOT SUNKEN CHEEKED SO INSTEAD OF DOING

HIGH FASHION I ENDED UP BEING A PERSONALITY MODEL.

USE IPANA TOOTHPASTE.

SMOKE CHESTERFIELDS.

I GOT SO TIRED OF SMILING.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

OH, THAT'S SO SWEET. THANK YOU.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

HI.

THIS IS THE KIND OF WOMAN

I WOULD LIKE TO BE, YOU KNOW?

THE KIND THAT'S SKINNY, THIN, TINY.

SAYS SHE WITH LEGS UP TO MY SHOULDERS.

SEE? SHE SAID SHE'D LIKE TO HAVE YOUR LEGS

UP TO HER SHOULDERS.

WHEN I WAS DANCING I DREAMED ABOUT

LEGS LIKE THOSE.

THEY WERE MY GREATEST FANTASY.

GREAT DANCER'S LEGS.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT ANY OF YOU EXPECT.

YOU'RE JUST PERFECTION.

I WANT YOU TO READ THIS.

I'VE READ IT.

ROBERT REDFORD HAS THE RIGHTS TO IT AND I JUST

WANT TO PLAY THE PART OF MILA, IT'S WONDERFUL.

WELL, I'LL SEE IF YOU CAN.

YES, BUT I WANT YOU TO GET IN TOUCH WITH HIM.

I'LL HAVE THE LITERARY DEPARTMENT CHECK IT OUT.

SADIE, I DON'T WANT YOU TO HAVE THE LITERARY

DEPARTMENT GET A HOLD OF HIM, I WANT YOU TO.

THIS IS MY BIRTHDAY PARTY.

WHY DO WE HAVE TO DISCUSS ROBERT REDFORD

AND THE RIGHTS TO THIS MOVIE?

FOUR YEARS AGO I LET GO OF MY MOTHER -

WHO'S EXACTLY LIKE YOURS: EVIL, TOXIC, DESTRUCTIVE.

MY MOTHER'S NOT TOXIC.

SHE JUST DOESN'T REPRESENT ME.

I WANT HER TO REPRESENT ME.

SHE'S AN AGENT.

YOU DON'T NEED YOUR MOTHER

TO MAKE IT AS AN ACTRESS.

YOUR MOTHER DOESN'T EVEN WANT

YOU TO BE SUCCESSFUL.

MY MOTHER DOES TOO WA-

YOUR MOTHER HATES YOU.

YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW MY MOTHER.

JENNIFER, I HAVE THE SAME MOTHER.

NO, YOU DON'T.

OH, YES, I DO.

I HAVE THE EXACT SAME MOTHER AS YOUR MOTHER

THEY'RE BOTH VULGARIANS.

DO I GET PAID FOR THIS?

(LAUGHING)

DR. BENSON, ISN'T THERE SOMETHING

YOU CAN DO TO HELP ME?

WHAT'S BEEN DONE?

WHAT WAS YOUR PROBLEM?

I'VE HAD THEM DONE EVERY WAY.

WHAT DID YOU HAVE DONE?

WHAT WAS THE PROCEDURE?

BIGGER, OKAY, AND I HAD THEM DONE THE FIRST TIME

AND THEN WITHIN THREE MONTHS

THEY WERE LIKE THIS.

BASEBALLS, I WAS SLEEPING ON BASEBALLS.

DID YOU MASSAGE AFTERWARDS?

YOU DIDN'T MASSAGE?

DID YOUR DOCTOR TELL YOU TO?

NO. I JUST HAD THEM REDONE.

THEN I HAD THEM REDONE ANOTHER WAY,

THEN ANOTHER WAY.

THIS HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR 12 YEARS.

SAME SURGEON?

NO, I WENT TO DIFFERENT ONES.

I NEVER DID GO TO A WOMAN SURGEON.

MAYBE THAT'S WHAT I SHOULD DO.

WELL, YOU JUST NEED TO GO TO A GOOD SURGEON.

I'D HAVE TO SEE EXACTLY WHAT THE PROBLEM IS.

YOU'D HAVE TO COME IN.

OKAY, ALRIGHT.

DO YOU THINK I SHOULD HAVE A FACELIFT?

LET'S DO ONE THING AT A TIME.

GET THAT PART HANDLED FIRST.

FACE DONE?

MAYBE. DO YOU THINK I NEED IT?

NO.

JUST A LITTLE HERE.

WHERE?

NO, NO, NO.

YOU THINK SHE NEEDS ANYTHING?

SHE HAS OTHER THINGS TO DEAL WITH FIRST.

YOU COULD USE YOUR EYES, YOUR LOWER EYES.

FORTY IS FABULOUS. HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

THANK YOU.

I SHOULD BE TAKING PICTURES OF YOU.

YOU'RE ACTUALLY QUITE WONDERFUL

WITH THAT CAMERA.

GREAT, GREAT. KEEP IT MOVING.

YOU COULD NEVER KEEP OUT OF THE SPOTLIGHT.

OKAY, SADIE, HERE YOU GO.

GREAT, GREAT, WE'VE GOT A SESSION HERE.

MY MOTHER'S HAVING THIS AFFAIR WITH THIS MAN

AND HE REALLY LIKES ME.

HE'S YOUNG, HE'S LIKE 35 OR YOUNGER, AND HE REALLY

LIKES ME AND HE SNEAKS ME FOOD AND STUFF LIKE THAT.

WELL, THAT'S NOT THE ULTIMATE

ROMANTIC GESTURE.

HE LIKES ME, HE FEEDS ME.

WHEN MEN FEED YOU THEY LIKE YOU.

SHE TOLD HIM SHE WAS 40.

SO?

I THINK SHE'S GOING THROUGH MENOPAUSE.

SHE'S REALLY AFRAID OF BEING 50.

AND HE LIKES ME AND SHE THINKS HE LIKES HER

AND WHEN HE LOOKS AT ME... YOU KNOW.

HAVE THERE BEEN ANY ADVANCES?

BESIDES FOOD.

WELL, HE JUST DEVOURS ME WITH HIS EYES.

HE LOOKS OVER THE TABLE AT ME.

WELL, YEAH, BUT LOOKING IS DIFFERENT.

YOU CAN LOOK AT HORS D'EOUVRES

AND NOT TASTE THEM.

I'VE GOT TO ACCEPT THAT I'M 50, I'M GETTING OLD

AND LIFE, THE PARADE'S GOING BY.

STOP IT. YOU DON'T SMOKE, YOU DON'T EAT,

YOU'VE GOT A GREAT BODY.

LOOK AT THOSE ANKLES, SWEETHEART.

DO YOU LIKE MY ANKLES?

THEY'RE HOLDING.

I THINK YOU'RE IN A HOLDING PATTERN MYSELF.

WE'LL SEE WHAT HAPPENS NEXT.

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT.

I'LL PROBABLY DIE BEFORE I'M 51.

WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT LITTLE FELLOW

YOU WERE INTO?

I'M NOT INTO LITTLE FELLOWS ANYMORE,

JUST BIG ONES.

IS HE SLEEPING WITH HER?

THAT'S THE QUESTION.

WELL, I DON'T LISTEN AT THEIR DOOR.

WELL, DOES HE STAY OVER?

YEAH, HE STAYS OVER.

BUT THE LIGHTS GO OFF

AND THERE'S NO MUSIC FROM THE ROOM

AND SHE DOESN'T LOOK VERY HAPPY IN THE MORNING.

SHE'S ALL GROWLY AND CALLING HER CLIENTS.

I THINK HE'S WITH HER 'CAUSE HE'S AN ACTOR

AND HE THINKS HE'S GOING TO GET WORK FROM HER.

I DON'T KNOW WHY I DID IT

BUT I TOLD HIM THAT SHE WAS 50.

HE ASKED ME, I JUST HAD TO TELL HIM.

HE SAID "WHAT'S THIS PARTY ABOUT TONIGHT?"

AND I SAID "WELL, IT'S MY MOTHER'S 50TH BIRTHDAY".

AND HE JUST LOOKED AT ME LIKE "WHAT?"

DON'T YOU THINK THAT'S SABOTAGING HER?

LISTEN, IT'S THE FACTS.

SHE SABOTAGED MY LIFE.

I DIDN'T MEAN TO. I JUST SAID THE TRUTH.

HE'S YOUNG ENOUGH TO BE MY BOYFRIEND.

I'VE GOT GREAT NEWS AND I'M TOTALLY DEPRESSED.

DON'T TELL SADIE.

SAM COHEN WANTS TO HANDLE ME.

SAM COHEN WANTS TO HANDLE YOU?

YEAH, YOU SAY THAT SO SURPRISED.

ARE YOU SERIOUS, HE WANTS TO HANDLE YOU?

YES!

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?

I GOTTA MAKE A MOVE.

SO MOVE, THAT'S WHAT YOU DO.

SAM COHEN IS THE BIGGEST AGENT IN THE WORLD.

I KNOW, YOU PUT ONE FOOT IN FRONT OF THE OTHER

AND THEN YOU'RE OUT THE DOOR.

HOW DO I TELL SADIE?

YOU WRITE HER A LETTER, YOU GIVE HER A PRESENT

AND YOU GO WITH SAM COHEN AND YOU TAKE ME WITH YOU.

I ALWAYS DREAMED THAT ONE DAY I WOULD GROW A FOOT

AND HAVE LONG BEAUTIFUL LEGS.

I ALWAYS DREAMT TO BE A TINY DELICATE YOUNG GIRL.

YOU KNOW, THE ONE PEOPLE WANT TO TAKE CARE OF.

BECAUSE NOBODY EVER WANTED

TO TAKE CARE OF ME.

I ALWAYS WAS SO BIG AND SO STRONG.

I WAS THE ONE WHO CARRIED THE SUITCASES.

NOBODY WOULD HELP ME BECAUSE I WAS SO STRONG.

AND I WANTED TO BE PROTECTED

AND BE TINY AND DELICATE.

I WAS SO INTO BEING STRONG THAT IF THEY WANTED

TO CARRY MY SUITCASE I WOULDN'T LET THEM.

DOCTORS ALWAYS HAVE TOLD ME-

HOW DO YOU SAY THAT?

"YOU'RE DESIGNED TO BE A MOTHER.

YOUR BODY'S MADE TO BE A MOTHER".

'CAUSE YOU'RE SO FEMALE.

I'VE GOT THESE BIG HIPS,

JUST PERFECT TO HAVE BABIES.

I DON'T LIKE BIG HIPS.

THIS IS FOR YOU, THIS IS FOR SADIE,

THIS IS FOR SOPHIE SO SHE DOESN'T FEEL LEFT OUT.

THIS IS FOR THE GIRL I DON'T KNOW.

THIS IS MY FRIEND LESLIE.

MY MOTHER TOLD ME OVER AND OVER

WHEN I WAS GROWING UP, SHE SAID

"DARLING, IT'S SO WONDERFUL BECAUSE

YOUR GENERATION DOESN'T HAVE TO HAVE CHILDREN".

IT JUST MADE ME FEEL LIKE SHIT.

I UNDERSTOOD THAT WE WERE SOMETHING THAT

SHE FELT SHE SHOULD DO, AND DID BEAUTIFULLY.

BUT THE END RESULT WAS THAT WE RUINED HER LIFE

IN SOME WAY THAT SHE SUBLIMINALLY

RESENTED US FOR.

AND I JUST KNOW THAT IF I HAVE KIDS

I WANT TO WANT THEM SO MUCH.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN PREGNANT?

YEAH, I GOT PREGNANT WHEN I WAS 18 WITH MY HUSBAND

WHO WAS THEN MY BOYFRIEND AND I HAD AN ABORTION

BECAUSE I KNEW I WASN'T READY AND SO IT WAS OKAY.

BUT I REMEMBER IT BEING THE STRANGEST EXPERIENCE

BECAUSE HE WAS THERE HOLDING MY HAND AND

THE DOCTOR THAT GAVE ME THE ABORTION

WAS A WOMAN AND HER NAME WAS CHASTITY

AND SHE WAS ABOUT SEVEN MONTHS PREGNANT.

AND SHE WAS WEARING THIS LITTLE PETER PAN

COLLAR AND WHEN SHE GAVE ME THE ABORTION

SHE SAID "THIS IS JUST POTENTIAL.

THIS IS NOT LIFE, THIS IS JUST POTENTIAL".

I KNOW THAT IT WAS RIGHT.

I KNEW I WASN'T READY BUT IT WAS SO STRANGE.

"POTENTIAL".

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

WHEN I HAD MY ABORTION IT WAS TERRIBLE.

I SPENT TWO WEEKS WAKING UP IN THE MORNING

SAYING TO MYSELF "I WILL KEEP IT, I WANT IT".

AND THEN I WAS AT MY PARENTS' AND MY MOTHER

KNEW ABOUT IT AND ONE DAY I ASKED HER

- AND THEY WANTED ME TO HAVE AN ABORTION -

AND I ASKED HER, "BUT MOMMY,

ONCE THE BABY'S BORN YOU CANNOT REGRET TO HAVE IT"

AND SHE SAID "I'M NOT SURE, MAYBE YOU CAN".

AND IT DESTROYED ME, MY MOTHER SAYING THAT.

AND THEN I HAD THIS FEAR OF GETTING PREGNANT

ALL THE TIME.

EVERY TIME I APPROACHED A MAN

I WAS SCARED OF GETTING PREGNANT.

IT WAS COMPLETELY CRAZY AT ONE POINT.

I WAS FEELING I WAS GAINING WEIGHT

AND IT WAS BECAUSE I WAS PREGNANT.

I BEGAN TO STARVE MYSELF.

I HAD THE FEELING THAT MY STOMACH WAS GETTING BIG

SO I BEGAN TO STARVE MYSELF AND I GOT

VERY SKINNY BUT THEN MY PERIOD STOPPED

SO IT WAS LIKE BEING PREGNANT AGAIN.

I ALWAYS THOUGHT I WOULD GET MARRIED

AND HAVE CHILDREN.

I ALWAYS WAS SURE OF THAT,

AND NOW I KNOW I WILL NOT GET MARRIED

AND I KNOW I WILL NOT HAVE CHILDREN.

HOW CAN YOU KNOW THAT?

IT'S THE WAY I FEEL.

I DON'T FEEL I WILL EVER HAVE CHILDREN.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I WANT TO DO FOR YOU?

I WANT TO DO FOR YOU WHAT THEY DID

FOR SHEENA EASTON WITH MIAMI VICE.

YOU'LL MAKE SO MUCH MONEY.

I NEED TO CHANGE AGENTS.

I NEED SOMEBODY- I'VE WORKED SO HARD

WE'VE WORKED SO HARD

GETTING ME TO A CERTAIN SPOT.

I COULD CALL THE SAME PEOPLE

THAT YOU CAN CALL NOW.

I NEED SOMEBODY THAT CAN TAKE THE BALL FROM ME.

I DON'T WANT TO MAKE THIS MISTAKE AGAIN.

WE ALMOST GOT THERE ONCE BEFORE AND I DIDN'T LEAVE

BECAUSE I FELT THIS FAMILY CONNECTION.

YOU KNOW YOU'RE LIKE FAMILY TO ME.

YOU'RE KILLING ME, I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.

MICHAEL JACKSON CAN FIRE HIS FATHER

I'VE GOTTA BE ABLE TO DO THAT, I'VE GOT TO!

WHEN I WAS A KID MY BROTHERS HAD MY PARENTS

AND I ALWAYS GOT THE NANNIES AND SO EVERY TIME

THAT I FELL IN LOVE WITH ONE OF THEM THEY LEFT.

AND THAT'S WHY EVERY SINGLE DAY THAT I'VE BEEN

WITH THIS MAN AND EVERY SINGLE YEAR THAT

CONTINUES TO BE JOYOUS AND WONDERFUL

IS SUCH A MIRACLE.

I'M REALLY AFRAID IF I'M NOT INCREDIBLY CAREFUL

I WILL FUCK IT ALL UP.

AND THAT WOULD PROBABLY BE

THE SADDEST THING IN MY LIFE.

SO I DO HAVE TO BE CAREFUL AND I DO HAVE TO

PRETEND THAT I BELIEVE THAT I CAN GROW OLD WITH

THIS MAN AND THAT I CAN BECOME GROWN UP ENOUGH

TO MAKE CHILDREN WITH THIS PERSON AND TO GET

UGLY AND OLD AND DIE WITH THIS PERSON.

YOU KNOW, I REALLY THINK YOU SHOULDN'T

TAKE A CHANCE OF RUINING

YOUR RELATIONSHIP BY QUESTIONING.

LIKE, QUESTIONING TOO MUCH.

I REALLY THINK THAT.

COME ON, LET'S GO GET SOMETHING TO EAT.

* HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU *

* HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR (HELENE, SADIE, KATE) *

* HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU *

(CHEERING)

MAKE A WISH! MAKE A WISH!

(CHEERING)

(TALKING AND LAUGHING)

NO, NO, NO.

NO THANK YOU.

IT'S CHOCOLATE, YOUR FAVORITE.

THANK YOU, NO.

I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE THE CAKE AT MY SON'S WEDDING.

SADIE, IT'S BAD LUCK; YOU MUST HAVE IT.

NO, YOU CAN'T HAVE IT.

I DON'T WANT YOU TO GET FAT.

YOU CUT YOURSELF A PIECE OF CAKE.

PLEASE, YOU MUST.

I'LL CUT THE CAKE BUT I REALLY

DON'T WANT A PIECE RIGHT NOW.

(TALKING AND LAUGHING)

(TALKING AND LAUGHING)

I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT NO ONE'S EATING CAKE.

I JUST CAN'T EAT IT AT ALL.

THE LAST TIME I ATE SUGAR

I ATE IT FOR FIVE DAYS STRAIGHT.

MMM, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE MISSING.

AT LEAST HAVE A PIECE OF YOUR OWN CAKE.

CHEERS.

ALRIGHT!

THERE WE GO.

WE NEED ANOTHER NAPKIN.

OH, MY GOD, HONEY.

OH, WELL, YOU WON'T LET ME EAT ANYTHING.

MOM...

MOM, DON'T CRY.

I'D MUCH RATHER BE ME THAN YOU.

BECAUSE WHEN I'M FAT I ALWAYS THINK I'M THIN

AND WHEN YOU'RE THIN YOU ALWAYS THINK YOU'RE FAT.

IT WON'T TAKE LONG.

JUST RELAX AND ANSWER A FEW QUESTIONS.

THANK YOU.

SO, YOU'RE EATING RIGHT NOW.

OH, ALRIGHT.

DO YOU HAVE ANY PROBLEM WITH FOOD?

NO, UM, NOT REALLY.

BUT YOU KNOW SOMETHING?

I LIKE THE FEEL OF FOOD.

I LIKE TO FEEL IT.

I DON'T LIKE TO EAT WITH FORKS OR KNIVES-

I LIKE TO TOUCH IT.

LISTEN, HONEY. I'M 50 YEARS OLD

I'M YOUR MOTHER AND I LOVE YOU.

BUT I'M TELLING YOU, SWEETHEART,

YOU CAN'T GO ON LIKE THIS.

I WANT YOU TO HAVE A NORMAL LIFE.

YOU WANT ME TO BE SKINNY.

WE USED TO HAVE THIS BIG BLACK RESTAURANT STOVE

THAT WAS ALWAYS KEPT WARM AND I REMEMBER

CURLING UP ON THAT WITH MY TWO BEST FRIENDS

WHICH WAS FOOD AND A BOOK

BECAUSE I WAS ALWAYS LOUSY WITH PEOPLE.

AND I REMEMBER THAT BEING

SUCH A COMFORTING FEELING.

IT WASN'T UNTIL LATER THAT WHEN I MADE THE

MISTAKE OF THINKING THAT FOOD WAS THE ANSWER TO

ALL OF MY NEEDS THAT IT WOULD COMPENSATE FOR

MY LONELINESS, MY FEARS AND MY LACK OF LOVE.

IT WAS MY ONLY WAY TO CONTROL MY LIFE.

MY PARENTS WERE VERY STRICT AND IT WAS THE

ONLY WAY I HAD TO SAY THIS IS MY BODY AND I'LL

DO WHATEVER THE HELL I WANT WITH IT.

YOU'RE REPRESENTING THESE PEOPLE WHO ARE

GOING TO DUMP YOU WHEN THEY GET BIG ANYWAY.

I'M GOING TO BE A STAR, AND WITHOUT YOU.

IT'S THE LAST THING IN THE WORLD YOU NEED TO BE.

YOU NEED TO BE A HUMAN BEING WHO GETS MARRIED

AND HAS CHILDREN AND DRESSES UP FOR

HER MOTHER'S 50TH BIRTHDAY PARTY.

WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

WELL, MARTINE'S GIVING US AN INTERVIEW.

I WANT TO DO ONE.

PLEASE, TAKE MY PLACE.

I HAVE TO GO CHECK ON PEOPLE.

ANYWAY, I HAVEN'T FINISHED WITH KATE YET.

NO, LET ME DO IT.

HAVEN'T YOU ALREADY DONE ONE?

WE SORT OF HAD A START.

LISTEN, DO SOPHIE AND I'LL BE AROUND.

YOU CAN DO ME LATER, OKAY?

THANK YOU.

SHE'S VERY GENEROUS.

OKAY, NOW, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO TELL ME?

I'M A LITTLE NERVOUS.

I'VE NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE.

JUST RELAX AND ANSWER A FEW QUESTIONS.

DO YOU HAVE ANY PROBLEM-

HOW DO I LOOK?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PROBLEM WITH FOOD?

NO. WELL, I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH FOOD,

I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH SUGAR. I MEAN,

I'VE NEVER OVER EATEN A VEGETABLE IN MY LIFE.

DO YOU REMEMBER ANYTHING ABOUT SPECIFIC FOODS?

OATMEAL.

SUGAR SMACKS.

CAVIAR - OH, IT'S SO SPECIAL.

CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES.

HAMILTON'S CANADIAN BACON.

SABAR'S RAISIN PUMPERNICKEL BREAD.

FOR YEARS I WOULD EAT IT RAW.

I'D PEEL OFF THE CRUST,

WHICH I WOULD EAT VERY CAREFULLY.

THERE WAS SOMETHING ABOUT THE SALT AND THE

GREASY KIND OF OILY TEXTURE OF THE FAT.

AND IT WOULD ALMOST BE GONE AND THE MEAT WOULD

STILL BE LEFT AND IT WOULD BE JUST THIS -

THIS SENSE OF FAT.

THEN I WOULD BURROW IN THE LITTLE HOLES

AND GET THE RAISINS.

EACH RAISIN WAS COATED IN A SUGAR COATING.

IT WAS THE MOST INCREDIBLE SENSUAL

SENSE OF FAT WITH A LITTLE BIT OF RIND,

JUST THE TEENIEST BIT OF RIND LEFT.

I HAVE A MEMORY OF ON SUNDAY EVENINGS WATCHING

OLD, OLD MOVIES WITH MY MOTHER AND WE'D SIT AND

CUDDLE AND HAVE A QUART OF MILK AND A 5-POUND BOX

OF SEE'S CANDIES THAT WE'D EAT

AND WE'D EAT THE WHOLE BOX.

I LIKE ITALIAN FOOD AND MEN TOGETHER.

BLACK-EYED PEAS AND MASHED POTATOES

AND CORN ON THE COB IN BUTTER.

GRAPES.

GRAVY AND BISCUITS AND FRIED CHICKEN,

ENGLISH PEAS AND FRUIT COCKTAIL.

HALF A GALLON OF COFFEE ICE CREAM.

BRUSSEL SPROUTS.

CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE.

YOU KNOW THAT WHITE BREAD,

THAT CHEAP WHITE BREAD...

YOU'D PUT IT IN THE BROILER AND THE BUTTER

WOULD MELT AND IT WOULD GET CRISPY ON THE OUTSIDE

AND IT WAS SO GOOD AND SO WARM.

I'M REALLY NOT INVOLVED WITH FOOD ANYMORE,

YOU KNOW, I'VE FOUND A LOT OF DISTRACTIONS.

LIKE WHAT?

CLOTHES.

MEN.

ACCESSORIES.

TELL ME ABOUT YOUR CHILDHOOD AND FOOD.

CHILDHOOD WAS GREAT.

MY PAPA WAS THERE.

I HAVE WONDERFUL MEMORIES OF CHILDHOOD

BECAUSE MY GRANDMOTHER, SHE BAKED BREAD

TWICE A WEEK AND I LOVE THAT SMELL,

THAT YEAST AND BREAD FERMENTING.

HE USED TO SIT ME ON HIS LAP AND HE LOVED TO

WATCH ME EAT AND MY MAMA LOVED TO WATCH ME EAT

AND THEY LOVED TO COOK FOR ME.

FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL, PRIVATE SCHOOL,

THE TEACHER WAS STANDING THERE WITH A DONUT.

IT WAS WONDERFUL.

I WENT OVER AND STOOD BY THE TEACHER

AND JUST ATE IT RIGHT OUT OF HER HAND,

WHILE IT WAS HANGING DOWN THERE.

AND ALL SHE HAD LEFT WAS THIS LITTLE PIECE

IN HER HAND.

AND I SPENT MY FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL IN THE CORNER

'CAUSE I ATE THE TEACHER'S DONUT.

AND SOMEWHERE ALONG THE LINE I GOT TO FEELING

LIKE EVERY TIME I WANTED TO FEEL WONDERFUL

AND WHEN LIFE DISAPPOINTED ME,

I THOUGHT "I'LL EAT SOMETHING

AND THEN I'LL FEEL WONDERFUL AGAIN.

EXCEPT I GOT FAT.

WHEN I WAS TWO AND A HALF YEARS OLD

MY SISTER WAS BORN.

UP UNTIL THAT TIME

I WAS THE APPLE OF MY FATHER'S EYE.

THE FIRST THING I CAN REMEMBER

IS PLEASING MY FATHER AND EATING A LOT

AND THEN HE TURNED ON ME AND TOLD ME

I WAS A BULL IN A CHINA SHOP AND A LUMMOX.

IT'S NOT THAT HE DIDN'T LOVE ME, IT'S JUST THAT

HE THOUGHT I WAS UGLY AND HE LET ME KNOW IT.

I'M NOT A BULL IN A CHINA SHOP.

I FOUND A LETTER FROM MY MOTHER.

WHEN I WAS TWO MONTHS OLD SHE WROTE A LETTER

TO MY GRANDMOTHER SAYING I ATE LIKE A PIG.

MY MOTHER DRANK ABOUT A SIX-PACK OF COCA-COLAS

EVERY DAY, I HAD COCA COLA IN MY BABY BOTTLE

AND I'M FROM THE SOUTH AND THAT'S WHAT YOU DID,

YOU JUST GAVE YOUR KID SUGAR.

THESE CAKES THAT WERE BROUGHT IN TODAY,

THEY SORT OF EPITOMIZE MY MEMORIES OF CHILDHOOD.

AND THAT SUGAR WAS SWEET AND THAT SWEETNESS WAS

SOMETHING I BECAME VERY ADDICTED TO

BECAUSE I DIDN'T HAVE THAT IN MY LIFE.

A BIG TO-DO ABOUT CELEBRATING MY BIRTHDAY

AND ALL THE PEOPLE AND THE GIFTS AND STUFF,

AND THEN THIS GREAT SENSE OF LONELINESS.

JUST THE WANTING TO CONNECT WITH SOMETHING.

IT JUST MADE ME FEEL CONNECTED

FOR VERY FLEETING MOMENTS, BUT DURING

THAT TIME I WAS EATING I FELT CONNECTED.

I THINK IT WAS JUST FOOD AND ME, YOU KNOW,

AS A KID I THINK I WAS LEFT ALONE A LOT.

I THINK.

AND I WAS LEFT ALONE WITH FOOD.

AND IT WAS VERY COMFORTING.

I'M NEVER GOING TO EVER BE ABLE

TO BE LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE WITH FOOD.

I'M ALWAYS GOING TO BE AT THE MERCY OF IT.

AND IT'S A VERY, VERY SCARY FEELING.

IT'S VERY, VERY POWERFUL.

AND I HATE IT.

AND, UH, AND YET I CAN'T STOP

AND I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT IT.

AND THAT'S TORTUROUS.

MARTINE.

HI.

HI, I BROUGHT YOU THIS.

THANK YOU.

SO HOW'S IT GOING?

I THINK IT'S WONDERFUL.

THE PARTY'S GOING VERY WELL.

IT'S GREAT, ISN'T IT?

YOUR FILMING, HOW ARE YOU FEELING ABOUT IT?

I'M JUST AMAZED, I MEAN, I'VE GOT SOME

SUCH AMAZING THINGS.

YOUR FRIENDS ARE WONDERFUL.

THEY ARE, THEY'RE REALLY GREAT.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

THANK YOU.

DR. LORENZ?

HI, IT'S SOPHIE.

I KNOW, I'M SORRY.

I'M AT THIS PARTY AND I THINK I'M IN TROUBLE

AND YOU TOLD ME TO CALL YOU WHENEVER

I THINK THERE'S GOING TO BE A PROBLEM.

WHY AREN'T YOU FILMING?

I JUST STOPPED FOR A WHILE, YOU KNOW,

I'VE HEARD A LOT OF THINGS

AND I'M JUST THINKING...

YEAH?

YOU LOOK, UH...

I LOOK WHAT?

YOU JUST LOOKED UPSET FOR A MOMENT.

I'M NOT UPSET, NO.

I JUST- THERE'S A LOT GOING ON.

HI.

IT'S TOO CRAZY IN THERE FOR ME.

YOU TAKING A BREAK?

IT GETS A LITTLE TOO EMOTIONAL SOMETIMES.

BUT I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND MY DOING THIS.

IT'S SO INTERESTING FOR ME TO CAPTURE...

TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, MY WHOLE DOCUMENTARY

IS ABOUT THAT - WOMEN AND FOOD.

THAT'S REALLY WHAT I'M HERE FOR.

REALLY?

WHY THEN DID YOU SAY THE DOCUMENTARY

WAS ABOUT WOMEN IN CALIFORNIA?

ACTUALLY SOUTHERN CALIFORNIAN BEHAVIOR

IS MORE GENERAL.

IT SEEMS AWKWARD TO PEOPLE WHEN YOU SAY

WOMEN AND FOOD.

THEY JUST START WONDERING WHY WOMEN AND FOOD?

WE DON'T TALK ABOUT THESE THINGS IN FRANCE.

THE FIRST TIME I HEARD "BULIMIA" WAS JANE FONDA

WHEN SHE SAID THAT ABOUT...

BUT WE DON'T DISCUSS THAT AT ALL

SO I FELT SO ALONE.

DID YOU THROW UP?

WELL, YES.

THE FIRST TIME I THREW UP ACTUALLY I WAS

THINKING I WAS DOING SOMETHING REAL SMART.

I REMEMBER IT WAS WITH A FRIEND AND IT WAS LIKE A

VERY GOOD IDEA: YOU EAT SO THEN YOU THROW UP.

IT WAS A VERY SMART IDEA, I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS

GOING TO LEAD TO ALL THAT TERRIBLE THINGS.

THE DOCTOR SAID A LOT OF WOMEN DO THAT TO CONTROL

THEIR WEIGHT AND IT'S NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.

YOU KNOW, 20 OR 30 YEARS AGO I THINK SEX WAS THE

SECRET SUBJECT OF WOMEN AND NOW IT'S FOOD.

IT'S SUCH A - OOH, UNATTRACTIVE.

AND IT MAKES YOU FEEL AWFUL.

IT'S TERRIBLE.

YOU KNOW, YOU CAN SAY "I'M AN ALCOHOLIC"

OR "I'M A DRUG ADDICT", THAT'S OKAY.

BUT IT'S LIKE, YOU KNOW, KIND OF INTERESTING.

BUT SAYING "I HAVE AN EATING DISORDER.

I JUST WANT TO EAT",

THAT'S SO UNATTRACTIVE, IT'S SO DISTURBING.

I WAS NEVER ABLE TO TELL THAT TO ANYONE.

THE OTHER NIGHT I FOUND THIS WHOLE

EMPTY QUART OF ICE CREAM BY MY BED.

I COULD NOT BELIEVE- I HAD WALKED IN MY SLEEP.

I COULDN'T BELIEVE I'D DONE IT.

YOU DIDN'T REMEMBER?

I DID NOT REMEMBER, IT WAS LIKE A BLACKOUT.

HAS THAT HAPPENED TO YOU?

IT HAS?

I'D WAKE UP AND REALIZE I HAD BEEN EATING

DURING THE NIGHT AND... I DON'T KNOW.

MARTINE, YOU'RE UPSET.

I'M SORRY.

IT'S JUST LISTENING TO THESE WOMEN, I DIDN'T

THINK IT WOULD GET SO MUCH STUFF OUT OF ME.

I DON'T...

YOU THINK I SHOULD TALK TO SOMEBODY HERE?

BUT I'M AFRAID IF I TALK TO SOMEBODY THAT I'M...

I'M AFRAID I'M GOING TO DO SOMETHING VICIOUS.

MY MOTHER DOESN'T UNDERSTAND

THAT IT'S OKAY TO EAT.

WELL, AS A MOTHER I WOULD SAY YOU CAN EAT.

I DON'T KNOW ABOUT EATING THAT, THOUGH.

THIS IS LIKE MOZART.

THAT'S A LOT OF CARBOHYD- MOZART?

I THINK FOOD IS LIKE MUSIC.

I'M CALMING DOWN A LITTLE.

BUT I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN DO THIS

IF YOU'RE NOT ON THE PHONE WITH ME.

I THINK YOU'RE AN INCREDIBLE ACTRESS AND

I KNOW YOU HAVE IT ALL TOGETHER AND YOU DON'T

HAVE ANY PROBLEMS AND I JUST WANT TO BE YOU.

I COLORED MY HAIR LIKE YOURS.

YOU JUST WANT TO BE ME?

BEETHOVEN IS BEEF, UM, STRAVINSKY, SALAD.

YOU KNOW, MIXED SALAD WITH PICKLES.

VIVALDI'S FRUIT - FRUIT SALAD.

WHAT'S THAT?

THAT'S TCHAIKOVSKY, THAT'S TRAGIC.

I WANT TO ASK YOU A FEW THINGS

'CAUSE YOU KNOW SO MUCH.

YEAH.

DO I HAVE TO SLEEP WITH SOMEONE

IN ORDER TO GET A PART?

HOW BIG A PART?

(PHONE RINGING)

HELLO?

OH, FRANK?

WHAT'S IT LIKE BEING MARRIED

AS LONG AS YOU WERE?

WELL, IN MANY WAYS IT WAS WONDERFUL.

I GUESS MOST OF IT WAS WONDERFUL.

THE ONLY THING IS I WAS MARRIED

WHEN I WAS SO YOUNG I FEEL LIKE I WAS MARRIED

FOR THREE-QUARTERS OF MY LIFE.

MY LATE HUSBAND WASN'T THAT MUCH

IN ACCORD OF MY, YOU KNOW, CAREER.

BECAUSE I WAS A SINGER AT THE TIME WE MARRIED

AND SO THERE WERE SOME REGRETS ABOUT THAT.

BUT HE WAS SO TERRIFIC THAT...

IT'S GOOD. OR IT WAS GOOD.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CAN'T COME HOME TONIGHT?

DARLING, BERNARD CHANGED THE RESERVATION

SPECIALLY.

I WANT MY HUSBAND ON MY BIRTHDAY.

IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?

YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY THAT I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

ALRIGHT, OKAY. IT'S JUST THAT I'VE GOT

ALL THESE PRESENTS HERE AND...

YOU'RE THE ONE I REALLY WANT.

ALRIGHT.

I MEAN, I'M FINE, I'M JUST FINE,

I JUST MISS YOU, THAT'S ALL.

OKAY, TOMORROW.

YES, DARLING, I UNDERSTAND.

BYE.

I LIVED WITH MY MOTHER UNTIL I WAS 18.

I WENT TO NEW YORK AND I MOVED IN WITH A GIRL

IN NEW YORK WHEN I WAS MODELING,

AND THEN I GOT MARRIED.

IN OTHER WORDS I SORT OF LOST TRACK OF ME

ALONG THE WAY

BUT YOU DON'T SEEM TO HAVE DONE THAT.

I DON'T KNOW.

I GUESS MAYBE THAT'S ONE OF MY QUESTIONS.

BECAUSE I HAVEN'T BEEN ALONE SO I DON'T REALLY

KNOW IF THE ME THAT I THINK IS ME HAS TO DO

WITH MY PRINCE CHARMING ON THE HILL AND MY HORSES

AND THAT LIFE, OR IF IT'S SOMETHING ELSE

THAT I JUST HAVEN'T EXPLORED. YOU KNOW?

IF YOU HAVE WHAT YOU SEEM TO HAVE

I'D GIVE A LOT OF THOUGHT TO TRY TO SQUELCH

SOME ANTSY, RECKLESS OR RESTLESS FEELINGS.

I LIKE TO EAT.

I LIKE TO EAT FOOD, I LIKE TO HAVE DINNER.

I DON'T LIKE TO SKIP MEALS,

I DON'T LIKE TO FAST.

I'VE ALWAYS LOVED TO EAT.

I LOVE EATING. I WAS BORN TO EAT.

I'VE THOUGHT ABOUT MOVING TO EUROPE SEVERAL TIMES.

I WOULD GO TO ITALY AND I WOULD BE THIS

ZAFTIG WOMAN THAT THE MEN WOULD LOVE

AND I COULD EAT WHATEVER I WANTED

AND DIVE INTO BOWLS OF SPAGHETTI.

I WANT THE PEOPLE THAT ARE IMPORTANT TO ME

IN MY LIFE TO LOVE ME WHETHER

MY FANNY IS PERFECT OR MY THIGHS ARE PERFECT

OR WHETHER WHEN I WAVE GOODBYE MY ARM SHAKES.

NOBODY HAD EATING PROBLEMS WHEN I WAS

GROWING UP.

I DIDN'T KNOW ANYBODY WHO HAD EATING PROBLEMS

SO IT'S JUST NOT PART OF MY VOCABULARY.

I THINK I'M OVERWEIGHT BECAUSE I LOOK

IN MAGAZINES AND I SEE PEOPLE WITH NO BODIES.

WHEN I WAKE UP IN THE MORNING

I DON'T FEEL LIKE, OH, I'M SO FAT.

BUT WHEN I TURN ON THE TV OR IF I LOOK AT ADS

IN VOGUE I'LL SEE THE BAIN DE SOLEIL WOMAN

AND THINK "I BETTER GET TO THE GYM".

IT'S OKAY, EVERYTHING'S ALRIGHT.

YOU LOOK GREAT TODAY.

IT'S JUST A GROUP OF WOMEN. IT'S OKAY.

HOW LONG HAS THIS GONE ON?

I DON'T REALLY KNOW.

IT'S LIKE HE CALLS AND SAYS HE HAS TO

WORK LATE AT THE OFFICE

AND OF COURSE I HAVE TO GET UP EARLY.

I FEEL I NEVER SEE HIM.

I DON'T KNOW, I JUST DON'T KNOW.

ALL I KNOW IS HE'S SPENDING NIGHTS OUT LATE.

I JUST DON'T KNOW, MOM.

I JUST DON'T KNOW.

MAYBE HE CAN'T FACE THE FACT I'M GETTING OLD.

OH, COME ON. IF YOU SAY THAT,

WHAT DO YOU THINK THAT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE?

A DINOSAUR.

IT'S GOING TO BE OKAY, ISN'T IT, MOM?

OF COURSE IT IS.

OF COURSE IT'S GOING TO BE OKAY.

FOOD IS THE ONLY THING THAT I CAN COUNT ON

FOR UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.

FOOD IS THE ONLY THING THAT WILL COMFORT ME

AND LOVE ME AND BE GOOD TO ME AND SWEET TO ME

24 HOURS A DAY.

I CAN GO INTO THE KITCHEN, I CAN OPEN THE

REFRIGERATOR AND I CAN HAVE A MUFFIN WITH JELLY

OR WHATEVER I WANT ON IT AND IT MAKES ME FEEL GOOD

AND GIVES ME LOVE.

I THINK THERE HAVE ONLY BEEN TWO THINGS THAT HAVE

EVER INTERESTED ME AND THAT'S FOOD AND MEN.

THE ONLY MAN WHO HAS EVER LOVED ME UNCONDITIONALLY

WAS MY GRANDFATHER.

IF THE FOOD DOESN'T WORK THEN I GO TO MEN,

SO I'M EITHER HUNGRY OR IN LOVE.

HE WOULD HOLD ME IN HIS ARMS AND HE'D SING

"OLD TIME RELIGION", YOU KNOW,

* GIVE ME THAT OLD TIME RELIGION *

AND THAT IS THE LAST MAN THAT HAS EVER

LOVED ME UNCONDITIONALLY.

I THINK I'M STILL LOOKING FOR A MAN

WHO CAN EXCITE ME AS MUCH AS A BAKED POTATO.

DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING THAT'S GOING ON

THAT I DON'T KNOW?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN "WHAT'S GOING ON?"

I JUST HAVE THIS FEELING, THIS KIND OF PSYCHIC

FEELING THAT SOMETHING'S NOT RIGHT WITH FRANK

AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS.

I DON'T WANT TO BE PARANOID ABOUT IT

BUT SOMETHING DOESN'T FEEL RIGHT.

ARE YOU AT THIS POINT IN YOUR LIFE WHERE YOU

ABSOLUTELY DON'T TRUST YOUR FEELINGS?

I DON'T WANT TO TRUST MY FEELINGS.

WHAT IS GOING ON IS THERE IS THIS TERRIBLE

CONSPIRACY OF SILENCE AND I'M SICK OF IT

AND I'M ANGRY ABOUT IT.

EVERYONE AT THE PARTY KNOWS ABOUT IT

EXCEPT YOU.

AND I DON'T BELIEVE THAT YOU DON'T KNOW.

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

FRANK IS HAVING AN AFFAIR.

IT'S NOT TRUE, THAT'S NOT TRUE.

HELENE, I HATE TELLING YOU THIS.

I JUST HATE IT.

I DON'T WANT TO HURT YOU ANY MORE

THAN YOU'RE ALREADY HURT.

JUST BECAUSE HE'S CALLED ME THREE TIMES-

JUST BECAUSE HE'S CALLED ME AND JUST BECAUSE

I HAVE A FEELING INSIDE, JUST BECAUSE

HE'S NOT COMING HOME FOR MY BIRTHDAY-

MAYBE IT'S JUST FROM SOMETHING ELSE.

MAYBE IT'S JUST FROM MY OWN CRAZINESS.

I'M SORRY I ASKED YOU OUT HERE.

I REALLY THOUGHT YOU WERE MY BEST FRIEND.

SIT DOWN AND DEAL WITH THIS.

JUST CALM DOWN, PLEASE.

LOOK AT ALL THIS FOOD, THIS EATING.

YOU'VE BEEN EATING NONSTOP SINCE I GOT HERE.

YOU'RE MAKING ME EAT, SOPHIE.

YOU'RE MAKING ME EAT, YOU'RE MAKING ME SICK.

HE'S HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH SOMEONE HERE.

SOMEBODY HERE?

THE WOMAN'S A BRUNETTE - I DON'T KNOW FOR SURE

IF SHE'S A BRUNETTE BUT THIS IS WHAT I THINK.

HOW DO YOU KNOW?

I'VE HEARD IT.

I'VE HEARD THAT HE'S HAVING AN AFFAIR

WITH A BRUNETTE AT THE PARTY.

WHERE DID YOU GET YOUR INFORMATION?

I'M NOT GOING TO GET INTO SOMETHING

GOSSIPY WITH YOU.

SOPHIE, PLEASE. DON'T DO THIS TO ME.

TELL ME WHO IT IS.

HELENE, IT'S A BRUNETTE.

THAT'S ALL I HEARD.

NOW YOU CAN DEAL WITH THIS.

OKAY. A BRUNETTE.

HALF THE PEOPLE AT THE PARTY ARE BRUNETTE.

GO AND FIND OUT WHO IT IS AND CONFRONT HER.

GET IN TOUCH WITH YOUR RAGE AND DEAL WITH THIS.

WHAT ABOUT SEX?

I CAN'T HAVE SEX AFTER I EAT.

I HAVE TO BE THIN TO HAVE SEX.

I ALWAYS FEEL BETTER WHEN I HAVE SEX.

I HAVE TO HAVE SEX BEFORE I EAT BECAUSE

IF I HAVE SEX AFTER I EAT I FEEL FAT.

AND I DON'T WANT TO BE TOUCHED WHEN I FEEL FAT.

BLACK MEN LOVE HIPS.

THIS USED TO DRIVE MY BOYFRIENDS CRAZY.

WHEN I'M WITH A BLACK MAN,

THE MORE THE MERRIER, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

AND WHEN YOU'RE WITH A WHITE MAN, AN AMERICAN

WHITE MAN, THEY DON'T PARTICULARLY, YOU KNOW,

LIKE A WHOLE LOT ON A WOMAN'S HIPS.

I'D WANT TO MAKE LOVE EARLIER AND THEY'D WANT

TO MAKE LOVE LATER AND I WOULD NEVER TELL THEM.

I FOUND THAT I HAD SHAPED MYSELF

TO WHOEVER I WAS GOING WITH.

MY CHILDHOOD AND EVERYTHING

WAS PRETTY SEXUAL.

I WOULDN'T SAY "I CAN'T MAKE LOVE AFTER DINNER",

THAT SOUNDS RIDICULOUS.

ALWAYS THINKING ABOUT SEX,

SEXUAL FANTASIES AND EVERYTHING.

I USED TO JUST TRY AND MAKE LOVE EARLIER

AND THEN WE'D END UP EATING DINNER ANYWAY

'CAUSE I WOULDN'T TELL THEM.

IN MY 20s GOING INTO MY 30s MAYBE 80% OF MY TIME

AND ENERGY WAS ABOUT FOOD, DIETS, BEING THIN.

AND THEN WE'D GO TO BED AND I DIDN'T

WANT TO MAKE LOVE 'CAUSE I FELT FAT.

I FOUND MYSELF HAVING A SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP

A COUPLE OF TIMES WHEN I DIDN'T WANT TO BE THERE

AND I DIDN'T WANT TO BE HAVING SEX

AND AT THE TIME IT DIDN'T OCCUR TO ME

THAT I HAD THE OPTION TO SAY NO.

I THINK ABOUT SEX AND FOOD OFTEN.

AND I BEGAN TO EAT.

I HAD A LOT OF CATHOLIC INFLUENCES

WHEN I WAS LITTLE.

ALL I COULD THINK ABOUT WAS WHAT I COULD EAT,

WHERE COULD I EAT IT AND WHEN COULD I EAT IT.

I STILL RELATE TO FOOD VERY MUCH

PERTAINING TO THE CHILD IN ME

AND SEX AS BELONGING TO THE ADULT IN ME.

I LOVED THAT I WAS GETTING FAT.

EATING AND BEING GOOD, THAT'S OKAY.

I GOT VERY UNSEXUAL.

SEX, I HAVE TO TALK MYSELF INTO IT, ACTUALLY,

AND THAT IT IS OKAY. AND THEN IT'S OKAY.

I MADE MYSELF UNATTRACTIVE ENOUGH

THAT MEN DIDN'T APPROACH ME ANYMORE

SO I COULD NEVER BE IN THAT SITUATION.

I WAS SAFE.

YOU BASTARD.

I WOULD LIKE TO ASK YOU A FEW QUESTIONS

ON CAMERA IF YOU DON'T MIND.

I CAN'T, NO.

I'D FEEL REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THAT.

I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT WHAT WE WERE

TALKING ABOUT.

WHY ARE YOU BRINGING ME UP HERE, MOTHER?

I HAVE A PARTY GOING ON.

I KNOW YOU DO.

THERE'S SO MANY PEOPLE WALKING AROUND.

WHY ARE YOU SMOKING?

YOU'VE GOT TO PUT YOUR CIGARETTE OUT.

I WON'T HAVE IT.

IT'S NOT GOOD FOR YOU.

AND THAT'S NOT GOOD FOR YOU.

YOU HAVE HAD SO MUCH TO DRINK

AND IT'S EARLY IN THE EVENING.

I KNOW, I KNOW.

HELENE, WHAT IS WRONG?

I THINK THAT FRANK IS HAVING AN AFFAIR AND

THAT'S THE ONE THING I REALLY CAN'T STAND-

I WON'T STAND FOR IT.

MEN ARE JUST BASICALLY THAT WAY.

THEY GET BORED.

YOU KNOW THE CLICHE

"FAMILIARITY BREEDS CONTEMPT"?

IT TAKES A LOT FOR TWO PEOPLE TO STAY TOGETHER

AND ANYWHERE NEAR HAPPINESS,

THAT'S A MIRACLE.

IF YOU ARE SMART, YOU LOVE FRANK

AND YOU WANT TO HOLD ONTO HIM, DON'T DO THIS.

DON'T JUST CLOSE THE DOOR NOW.

PLEASE TRY TO MAKE UP YOUR MIND

THAT YOU'RE GOING TO HANG IN THERE.

THAT'S THE WAY WE DID IT.

WE TURNED OUR BACKS AND WE ACCEPTED IT

AND WENT ON.

AND EVERYTHING WORKED OUT JUST FINE.

YOU WANT TO BE ALONE THE REST OF YOUR LIFE?

IT'S NOT EASY OUT THERE TODAY.

THERE ARE SO MANY ATTRACTIVE, YOUNG,

BEAUTIFUL, SUCCESSFUL, TALENTED,

BRILLIANT WOMEN.

MOTHER, I KNOW, BUT THIS IS A TRUST

THAT'S BEEN BROKEN.

I CANNOT PUT UP WITH THIS.

I CANNOT HIDE ANYMORE.

I AM TOO OLD TO HIDE.

I'VE HIDDEN HALF OF MY LIFE, MOTHER.

I MUST FACE THE TRUTH, I'VE GOTTA FACE IT.

IT SEEMS LIKE YOU MAKE MORE OF A MESS

OF YOUR LIVES TODAY THAN WE EVER DID.

YOU WILL REGRET THIS FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

YOU'VE GOT TO COMPROMISE,

YOU'VE GOT TO BE UNDERSTANDING.

IT WASN'T THAT EASY WITH YOUR FATHER BUT

FORTUNATELY MY MOTHER WAS WISE ENOUGH TO

TELL ME TO HANG IN THERE, TURN MY BACK, IGNORE IT.

IT'S JUST A NATURAL TRAIT OF THE MALE ANIMAL.

OH, MOTHER...

I DO LOVE YOU, MOM.

I TRULY WISH I COULD DO WHAT YOU DID

BUT I JUST CAN'T. I CAN'T DO IT.

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT FRANK?

FRANK?

HELENE'S HUSBAND.

I LIKE HIM, WHY?

HE'S ATTRACTIVE, NO?

WELL, YES, I SUPPOSE SO.

HE'S MY FATHER'S BEST FRIEND.

I STARTED EATING ICE CREAM, YOU KNOW,

WITH MODELING AND OF COURSE I BLEW UP.

THEN I GOT INTO DRUGS WHICH WAS WONDERFUL,

YOU KNOW, UNTIL DRUGS STOPPED WORKING.

AND THEN WE WENT INTO MEN.

BUT THEN I HAVE THIS THING FOR JEWISH MEN

AND ALSO JEWISH MEN WHO DON'T SMOKE.

SO WE'RE INTO A REAL PROBLEM WITH THAT.

SO EVERY FOUR MONTHS I'D START SMOKING AGAIN.

I'D GET FOUR MONTHS IN AND THEN GET A BREAK UP

AND I'D GO INTO GRIEF AND THEN I'M THIN AGAIN.

I BREAK UP RELATIONSHIPS SO THAT I CAN SMOKE.

HE'S VERY CHARMING, ISN'T HE?

YEAH.

AND ATTRACTIVE.

WELL, HE IS.

DO YOU THINK HE'S SEXY?

OH, MY GOD, YOU'RE SO OBSESSED WITH IT.

YES, I SUPPOSE HE'S SEXY.

MY DARLING, YOU KNOW...

WHEN I MARRIED YOUR FATHER

YOU WERE NINE YEARS OLD.

I KNOW.

AND I FELL IN LOVE WITH YOU THEN

JUST LIKE YOU WERE MY OWN LITTLE GIRL.

YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU LIKE A MOM.

I STILL FEEL THE SAME WAY ABOUT YOU.

NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, NO MATTER

WHERE ANYONE GOES I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU.

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

I'VE BEEN DOING PRETTY GOOD ABOUT MY FOOD.

IF I JUST DON'T EAT UNTIL AROUND 11:00 AT NIGHT

I'M ALRIGHT. IF I START EATING EARLIER

I JUST KEEP EATING AND EATING AND I CAN'T STOP.

DO YOU LIKE OLDER MEN?

WHY ARE YOU EMBARRASSED?

I'M NOT EMBARRASSED.

YOU ARE, YOU PUT YOUR HEAD DOWN.

WHY ARE YOU EMBARRASSED?

I LIKE OLDER MEN, YES.

I JUST WONDERED HOW IT SHOWED.

BECAUSE OF YOUR REACTION WHEN I ASKED YOU.

YES, I DO. I DO LIKE OLDER MEN.

DO YOU ONLY GO WITH OLDER MEN?

MOST OF THE TIME.

I LIKE OLDER MEN TOO.

THEY ARE SO COMFORTABLE.

YOU KNOW HOW I DID IT?

WHEN I STOPPED THOSE DRUGS IT WAS SO TRAUMATIC

THAT I GOT ON MY KNEES AND I TOLD GOD THAT

I'LL DO ANYTHING IF HE DOESN'T STRIKE ME FAT.

AND IT'S WORKED.

ONLY YOU WOULD TALK TO HIM THAT WAY.

OH, HONEY...

WHAT?

DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO TELL ME?

YEAH, YOU'RE EATING TOO MUCH CAKE.

YOU'VE GOT IT ON YOUR FACE.

YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING ELSE TO TELL ME?

NO. NOW WOULD YOU COOL IT ON THE CAKE?

SECRETLY IN MY DREAMS I'D GO TO BED EVERY NIGHT AND

DREAM ABOUT WAKING UP AND LOOKING IN THE MIRROR

AND BEING ANN-MARGRET.

WHEN IT CAME TO DESSERT I THOUGHT,

WELL, I'M NOT GOING TO HAVE DESSERT.

NOT FOR THE FIRST DATE.

I'VE GOT TO SHOW SOME RESTRAINT.

SOME GIRLS HAVE HUSBANDS AND BOYFRIENDS

AND LOVERS AND EMPLOYERS AND HOUSES

AND I HAVE RYE BREAD AND CREAM CHEESE.

BUT HE INSISTED THAT I HAVE DESSERT IF I REALLY

WANTED IT AND I SAID "I REALLY DO WANT IT"

AND HE SAID "HAVE DESSERT".

SO WE BOTH HAD DESSERT.

I'VE LOST 50 POUNDS

TEN TIMES IN THE LAST EIGHT YEARS.

IT'S NOT A REWARD, IT'S JUST IF I HAVE DESSERT

IT'S BECAUSE IT'S A NORMAL THING

TO WANT DESSERT.

I WANT A GUY WHO'S GOING TO, YOU KNOW,

LIKE ME FOR WHAT I AM AND WHO I AM AND THE

FACT THAT I HAVE A LITTLE MILEAGE, AND IT'S OKAY.

AND THEN HE SAID "WOULD YOU LIKE ANOTHER DESSERT?"

AND I SAID "NO, I REALLY DON'T WANT ANOTHER DESSERT.

ONE DESSERT WAS GOOD".

BUT THE FACT THAT HE OFFERED ME

ANOTHER DESSERT AND IT WAS OKAY JUST,

AH, IT WAS JUST REALLY GOOD.

IT'S A WONDERFUL PARTY.

I THINK MY DOCUMENTARY'S GOING TO BE TERRIFIC.

ALL THOSE GREAT INTERVIEWS.

YOU HAVE NOTHING TO SAY ABOUT FRANK?

NO, WHY?

I'M JUST CURIOUS.

IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG?

CAN I HELP?

IS THERE NOTHING YOU WANT TO TELL ME?

I HAVE HARDLY SEEN FRANK THE PAST FEW DAYS.

IS HE NEVER AT HOME?

HE COMES HOME LATE, YOU STAY UP LATE.

I GO TO BED EARLY.

I MAY HAVE MET HIM A FEW TIMES.

HAD A FEW TALKS BUT...

ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE OKAY?

I LIKE YOU, I REALLY DO.

HEY, BABY.

GOD, I MISS YOU. I JUST WISH I WERE HOME.

OH, GOD.

IS THERE ANY PARTICULAR REASON

YOU WANT TO ASK ME ABOUT FOOD?

IS IT BECAUSE YOU THINK I'M FAT?

FOOD, FOOD, FOOD.

THAT'S ALL I HEAR IS FOOD.

I REALLY ENJOY EATING, I ALWAYS HAVE,

BUT IN MY TIME WE'D GET TOGETHER TO HAVE A DRINK.

COCKTAILS AND HORS D'OEVRES, THAT WAS A MORE

DESIRABLE INVITATION THAN GOING TO DINNER.

NO, I JUST WANTED TO SEND YOU A HUG

AND TELL YOU THAT I MISS YOU.

I JUST WISH I WAS HOME HIDING IN YOUR ARMS.

I DON'T THINK HELENE EVER REALLY

HAD A PROBLEM WITH FOOD.

AS A CHILD THERE WAS CERTAINLY

NO OBSESSION WITH IT. SHE LIKED FOOD

BUT SHE WASN'T EVEN THAT CRAZY ABOUT IT.

MAYBE I'M JUST MID-VICTORIAN SOUTHERN.

I JUST CAN'T UNDERSTAND THIS CRAVING,

THIS OBSESSION WITH FOOD.

I WISH I DID.

OH, MOTHER...

HEY. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING HERE.

OR WHY SHE WANTS THIS ON FILM.

COULD YOU PLEASE...

LET'S NOT DO THIS ANYMORE.

THANK YOU.

WELL, OKAY. GET BACK TO THAT.

I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT I LOVE YOU.

I CAN JUST REMEMBER IN GIRLS SCHOOL

THAT WAS ALL WE DID WAS EAT.

IT WAS JUST THE BEST THING IN THE WORLD.

IT'S JUST THAT MY METABOLISM CAN'T TAKE IT,

I JUST GET REALLY HUGE AND I'VE WEIGHED AS MUCH

AS 200 POUNDS IN MY LIFE AND I THINK THAT, UM,

ONCE YOU ARE THAT HEAVY

IT'S VERY HARD FOR YOU TO EVER FEEL THIN.

I GUESS YOU NEVER KNEW THAT I HAD A PROBLEM

WITH FOOD.

THAT'S WHAT'S SO FUNNY.

YOU SEE, WHEN YOU SAID I NEVER-

I ALWAYS HAD A PROBLEM.

BUT YOU DIDN'T.

MOTHER...

WHEN DID THIS START?

WHEN YOU SAY "ALWAYS" WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

WELL, NOT ALWAYS BUT WHEN NANCY WAS BORN.

YOU DON'T REMEMBER I ATE MYSELF SICK?

THAT I HAD TO PLAY A PUMPKIN BECAUSE I WAS

TOO FAT TO BE ANYTHING ELSE

- YOU DON'T REMEMBER THAT?

YOU WERE NEVER REALLY FAT.

I KNOW THAT'S WHAT YOU ALWAYS SAID.

I WEAR CLOTHES TO CONCEAL IT.

I HAVE THIS JACKET ON BECAUSE I DON'T WANT YOU

TO SEE MY FAT ARMS.

NOT LONG AGO I TOOK AN LSD TRIP AND I THREW UP

FOR EIGHT HOURS STRAIGHT, AND YOU KNOW WHAT?

I FINALLY THREW UP NANCY.

OH, MY GOD. I JUST CAN'T...

I JUST CAN'T UNDERSTAND THIS.

I JUST CAN'T FATHOM IT.

I KNOW, IT'S HARD.

IT'S MY PROBLEM, I'M NOT BLAMING YOU.

I KNOW BUT I FEEL SO SORRY FOR YOU.

DOES THAT MEAN I WAS SO UNAWARE?

MEN THINK THAT I'M CRAZY BECAUSE I'M OBSESSED

WITH MY WEIGHT AND THAT I'M ALWAYS

VERY PARTICULAR ABOUT WHAT I EAT.

I WAS SO SECRETIVE.

EVERY TIME I OPENED THE REFRIGERATOR

I'D THINK "WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO EAT?

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO EAT AGAIN, ARE YOU?"

"YOU BETTER BE CAREFUL".

"ARE YOU EATING THAT MUCH?"

I'M SO UNCOMFORTABLE BEING HERE.

WHAT ARE YOU ANGRY ABOUT?

HELENE'S HUSBAND, FRANK.

DO YOU KNOW FRANK?

OH, HE DRIVES ME CRAZY.

I HAD AN AFFAIR WITH HIM YEARS AGO.

IT WASN'T EVEN AN AFFAIR.

HE FUCKED ME AND LEFT ME.

HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCK ME, HE JUST KIND OF LEFT ME.

WAIT A MINUTE, WHEN WAS THIS?

THAT WAS ABOUT 15 YEARS AGO.

15 YEARS AGO HE WAS A THERAPIST

AND YOU FUCKED FRANK AND THEN HE LEFT YOU?

I FUCKED FRANK AND HE LEFT ME

BUT HE WASN'T A THERAPIST YET,

HE WAS STUDYING TO BE A THERAPIST.

HE WAS GOING THROUGH A REALLY HARD TIME,

HIS FATHER HAD WRITTEN HIM A LETTER ABOUT

HOW TO BE A GREAT GESTALT THERAPIST

AND HE COULDN'T SLEEP AT NIGHT,

HE HAD MATTRESSES ON THE FLOOR,

BLANKETS ON THE WINDOWS

AND HE HAD BLINDERS AND FANS ROLLING.

I MEAN, I HAD TO FUCK HIM, HE COULDN'T SLEEP.

MY DADDY ALWAYS WANTED MY SISTER AND ME TO BE

REAL PRETTY AND THAT MEANT TO BE REAL THIN.

WHEN YOU HAVE A MOTHER THAT HAS A WAIST

THAT'S 21 INCHES...

WHEN WE'D SIT AT THE TABLE HE WOULDN'T

LET ME EAT BECAUSE I ALWAYS WANTED TO AND

HE WOULD MAKE HER EAT BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T WANT TO

SO SHE'D SLIP ME BACON UNDER THE TABLE.

A MOTHER WHO GLIDES INTO A ROOM LIKE LORETTA YOUNG

SHE COULD HAVE ANYTHING SHE WANTED BECAUSE SHE

DIDN'T WANT ANYTHING BUT I COULDN'T HAVE ANYTHING

I WANTED BECAUSE I WANTED EVERYTHING.

WE'D HAVE A MARS BAR AT THE TABLE AND SHE WOULD

CUT IT IN FIVE LITTLE PIECES.

DADDY GOT ONE, I GOT ONE, MY SISTER GOT ONE,

THERE WAS ONE FOR MOTHER

AND THERE WAS ALWAYS ONE LEFT OVER

SOMEWHERE HIDDEN IN A BAG IN THE KITCHEN.

AND MOTHER WOULD MAKE ME RUN AROUND THE BLOCK

TWO OR THREE TIMES BECAUSE I'M HIGH STRUNG.

I NEVER FOUND THE OTHER PIECE.

I HAVE A LITTLE EXTRA BIRTHDAY PRESENT FOR YOU.

DO YOU REMEMBER HOW I USED TO SING

"THE WAY YOU LOOK TONIGHT"?

LIKE A LOT?

OKAY, LET ME SEE...

* SOME DAY WHEN I'M AWFULLY LOW *

* AND THE WORLD IS COLD *

* I WILL FEEL A GLOW JUST THINKING OF YOU *

* AND THE WAY YOU LOOK TONIGHT *

* OH, BUT YOU'RE LOVELY *

* WITH YOUR SMILE SO WARM *

* AND YOUR CHEEK SO SOFT *

* THERE IS NOTHING FOR ME BUT TO LOVE YOU *

* JUST THE WAY YOU LOOK TONIGHT *

* WITH EACH SMILE YOUR TENDERNESS GROWS *

* TEARING MY FEARS APART *

* AND THAT SMILE THAT WRINKLES YOUR NOSE *

* TOUCHES MY FOOLISH HEART *

* LOVELY, NEVER, NEVER CHANGE *

* KEEP THAT BREATHLESS CHARM *

* WON'T YOU PLEASE ARRANGE IT? *

* 'CAUSE I LOVE YOU *

* JUST THE WAY YOU LOOK TONIGHT. *

TO MOMS.

GOD BLESS YOU.

SHALL WE MAKE HER SING ANOTHER ONE?

YES!

I PRACTICED THIS SPECIALLY FOR YOU, MOM.

(PIANO MUSIC)

HI, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

EATING.

IN A BATHROOM?

I DON'T LIKE TO EAT IN PUBLIC.

I FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE SWALLOWING.

I'M MORE COMFORTABLE HERE.

THERE'S A SEAT.

YOU BINGE, DON'T YOU?

NO, I'M JUST...

I'VE BEEN BINGEING SINCE I WAS YOUR AGE.

I KNOW ABOUT BINGEING.

PLEASE DON'T TELL MY MOTHER I'M EATING.

SHE'LL JUST GO CRAZY.

SHE'S REALLY NEUROTIC ABOUT THIS.

ALL SHE CARES IS THAT I'M SKINNY.

SHE DOESN'T CARE ANYTHING ABOUT ME

AS LONG AS I'M SKINNY 'CAUSE SHE DOESN'T

WANT ME TO LOOK BAD FOR HER, YOU KNOW?

AND IT JUST MAKES ME WANT TO EAT MORE

'CAUSE SHE DOESN'T LET ME BE WHAT I WANT TO BE.

MAYBE IF SHE WOULD LET ME BE WHO I AM

I WOULDN'T EAT SO MUCH.

NO, IT'S JUST AN EXCUSE.

NO, IT'S THE TRUTH.

SHE MAKES ME FEEL SO MISERABLE.

I'M GOING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING.

WHEN I CAME HERE TODAY

AND I SAW MARTINE IN A BATHING SUIT

I WAS SO JEALOUS I COULDN'T STAND IT

AND SHE MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH

AND THAT EVERYONE HERE IS SO PRETTY.

THEY HAVE THE PERFECT BODY, PERFECT FACE,

PERFECT HAIR, AND I FEEL SO INADEQUATE.

YOU'RE CRAZY.

BUT THAT'S HOW I FEEL.

AND YOU DON'T WANT TO END UP LIKE ME.

EVERY TIME I SEE FOOD I SEE IT AS THE ONLY THING

THAT MAKES ME FEEL HAPPY.

I FEEL LIKE I GET SO FULL I JUST FEEL SICK

AND IT'S THE ONLY TIME I FEEL GOOD

IS WHEN I FEEL SICK LIKE THAT.

HAVE YOU EVER THROWN UP?

NO.

I DON'T BELIEVE THAT.

YOU HAVE, YOU'VE THROWN UP?

OH, NO.

YOU'RE SO YOUNG. YOU'VE GOT TO STOP.

I KNOW. I JUST GET SO SICK OF FOOD.

DO YOU KNOW HOW YOU'RE GOING TO STOP?

I'M GOING TO QUIT EATING ALTOGETHER.

IT'S THE ONLY WAY.

I USE FOOD FOR EVERY EMOTION I CAN THINK OF.

INCLUDING STUFFING ANGER

WHICH IS A BIG ONE FOR ME.

INCLUDING STUFFING MY OWN POWER.

I DON'T LIKE THE FEELING OF BEING

OVER COMMENTED ON.

I FEEL LIKE MY BODY'S BEEN COLONIALIZED

AND I RESENT IT AND I REBEL AGAINST IT.

THE SCARY WORLD IS OUTSIDE

AND I HAVE MY FOOD, I CAN JUST REST

AND BE WITH GOD AND GO TO SLEEP.

I FEEL LIKE I NEVER HAD ENOUGH.

I DON'T WANT TO SAY I HAVE A FOOD PROBLEM,

I FEEL LIKE I WANT A LOT OF FOOD,

I FEEL LIKE I WANT A LOT OF MUSIC,

I FEEL LIKE I WANT A LOT OF FEELINGS IN MY LIFE.

SO I DON'T HAVE A FOOD PROBLEM, YOU KNOW,

AND I RESENT ANYBODY TELLING ME THAT I DO.

(PHONE RINGING)

(PHONE RINGING)

OKAY, EVERYBODY. EVERYTHING'S READY,

THE FOOD'S OUT ON THE TABLES IN THE DINING ROOM.

DON'T YOU EAT ONE. JENNIFER MINKIN.

HELP ME UP.

NOW THAT YOU'VE STABBED ME IN THE GUT,

LEAVING ME LIKE THAT.

I LOVE YOU.

I LOVE YOU TOO.

(EVERYONE TALKING AT ONCE)

WHERE ARE YOU?

LOOK, I CALLED THE FAIRMONT.

YOU ARE NOT AT THE FAIRMONT,

YOU'RE NOT EVEN REGISTERED AT THE FAIRMONT.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN "FOGGED IN"?

THE AIRPLANES HAVE INSTRUMENTS,

THEY'LL LAND.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN "FOGGED IN"?

WHERE ARE YOU?

LOOK, FRANK, I WANT YOU TO TELL ME THE TRUTH.

YOU TELL ME EXACTLY THE TRUTH.

WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?

I WANT TO KNOW EXACTLY WHAT IS GOING ON.

YOU TELL ME.

WHAT?

(EVERYONE TALKING AT ONCE)

OH, FRANK.

HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?

HOW COULD YOU FUCKING DO THIS TO ME?

PLEASE, FRANK, LISTEN...

PLEASE COME BACK.

PLEASE DON'T DO THIS, NOT TODAY.

FRANK, I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU.

CAN YOU HEAR ME?

OH, GOD.

OHHH.

OH, GOD.

(EVERYONE TALKING AT THE SAME TIME)

(EVERYONE TALKING AT THE SAME TIME)

I DON'T KNOW.

I WANTED TO FIND ANSWERS.

AND DID YOU FIND ANSWERS?

NO. JUST "I'M OKAY, I AM OKAY,

I FEEL PERFECTLY FINE".

YOU DO?

"YES, I DO."

YOU WANT TO TELL ME WHAT'S WRONG?

HE, UH... HE'S NOT COMING HOME.

HE'S JUST NOT COMING HOME.

AND WHY IS THAT?

IT'S BECAUSE HE DOESN'T WANT TO COME HOME.

IT'S BECAUSE HE'S FUCKING TIRED OF ME!

IT'S BECAUSE HE'S HAD IT!

IT'S BECAUSE HE HATES ME!

I DON'T KNOW WHY IT IS, I JUST DON'T!

MY STORY IS ABOUT STARVING AND BINGEING

AND STARVING AND BINGEING.

MY LIFE IS ABOUT STARVING AND BINGEING.

THAT'S IN EVERY AREA -

WITH FOOD AND WITH MONEY AND WITH LOVE.

LOOK, I'VE JUST GOT TO GET SOMEBODY

TO BE WITH YOU, HONEY. FOR MY OWN REASONS

I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS RIGHT NOW.

OH, GOD, OH, GOD.

OH, PLEASE.

I WOULD TAKE BOXES AND BOXES OF LAXATIVES

AND IT WAS A PROGRESSIVE THING.

IT STARTED OUT WITH TWO OR THREE LAXATIVES,

THEN IT GOT TO 100 AT ONE POINT

AND I WAS KILLING MYSELF IN THE PAST.

IT'S A MIRACLE I'M ALIVE TODAY.

THE ONLY TIME I EVER STOPPED EATING

WAS WHEN I WAS MOLESTED.

I WAS 15, I WAS GIVEN A RIDE HOME BY

A BUSINESS MAN, I DIDN'T THINK ANYTHING ABOUT IT

AND WHEN HE FORCED ME TO DO SOME THINGS

I WAS TOO SCARED TO SAY NO.

AND I DIDN'T FIGHT, I DID EXACTLY

WHAT HE TOLD ME 'CAUSE I WAS SCARED.

AND I STOPPED EATING.

I GOT VERY THIN, VERY THIN, AND THEN PEOPLE

REALLY WERE REACTING TO ME DIFFERENTLY

AND I COULDN'T HANDLE IT.

I WAS ASHAMED OF BEING THIN,

I WAS ASHAMED OF BEING PRETTY

AND I ATE AGAIN.

NANCY SAID YOU NEEDED ME.

WHY DID SHE SEND YOU?

BECAUSE I'M YOUR FRIEND.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

I DON'T KNOW.

I FEEL COLD. I FEEL SO COLD.

WHAT HAPPENED? WAS IT THOSE PHONE CALLS?

YEAH. SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE PHONE CALLS.

OH, KATE... OH, KATE...

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

I THOUGHT YOU WERE MY FRIEND,

HOW COULD YOU DO THIS?

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

I'M TALKING ABOUT YOUR AFFAIR WITH FRANK.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, SOPHIE?

I THOUGHT YOU QUIT THAT.

STOP IT, I'M SICK.

I'VE GOT THE STOMACH FLU.

YOU ARE SO FULL OF SHIT!

YOU'RE THROWING UP.

I'VE GOT THE STOMACH FLU!

I'M SWEATING AND I'VE GOT A FEVER, CAN'T YOU TELL?

I DON'T GIVE A SHIT.

THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M HERE FOR.

I JUST FINISHED TALKING TO HELENE.

SHE SAID YOU TOLD HER I'VE BEEN FUCKING FRANK!

I DID NOT.

YOU KNOW I AM NOT SLEEPING WITH FRANK

SO WHY WOULD YOU TELL HELENE I WAS?

I DON'T GET IT. JUST TELL ME WHY.

I INSINUATED.

WHY WOULD YOU INSINUATE IF IT'S NOT TRUE?

BECAUSE I'M A BITCH AND I DO HORRIBLE,

EVIL THINGS AND I DON'T KNOW WHY I DO THEM.

WOMEN DON'T TREAT EACH OTHER LIKE THAT NOW.

WHAT KIND OF A THROWBACK ARE YOU?

YOU'RE LIKE SOMETHING OUT OF ANOTHER AGE.

WOMEN DON'T STAB EACH OTHER IN THE BACK!

THEY DON'T LIE AND THEY DON'T CHEAT ON EACH OTHER.

WOMEN AREN'T SUPPOSED TO NOT INVITE

THEIR BEST FRIENDS OUT AND NOT TO RIDE THEIR HORSES

BECAUSE YOU INVITE EVERYBODY ELSE

TO RIDE YOUR HORSES EXCEPT ME.

YOU AND HELENE GO OUT FOR LUNCH ALL THE TIME

AND YOU NEVER INVITE ME!

IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE A BACKSTABBER.

IT'S BECAUSE YOU DO JUST WHAT YOU DID TODAY.

IT'S BECAUSE YOU DON'T LIKE ME.

GUESS WHAT? YOU'RE RIGHT. I DON'T LIKE YOU.

I KNEW IT.

I DON'T HAVE TO LIKE YOU THAT MUCH AND YOU DON'T

HAVE TO LIKE ME, BUT YOU DON'T MIND-FUCK HELENE

LIKE THAT BECAUSE YOU'RE HER BEST FRIEND.

WHAT MAKES YOU DO THESE THINGS?

YOU'RE SUCH A GOOD GIRL

YOU NEVER DO ANYTHING WRONG, DO YOU?

YOU NEVER DO ANYTHING LIKE I DO,

YOU'RE NEVER A BITCH.

YOU JUST HAVE EVERYTHING, DON'T YOU?

YOU'VE GOT THE HUSBAND, PERFECT HOUSE,

PERFECT RELATIONSHIP, PERFECT SEX.

EVERYTHING'S PERFECT, ISN'T IT?

AND I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO'S NASTY AND MEAN

AND A BITCH AND YOU'RE JUST PERFECT.

WELL, IF YOU'RE SO PERFECT WHY HAVE YOU BEEN

TELLING EVERYBODY TODAY HOW CONCERNED YOU ARE

ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP?

IF IT'S SO GOOD, IF IT'S SO PERFECT, IF THE SEX IS

SO FABULOUS AND YOU HAVE A MILLION WAYS TO DO IT,

THEN WHY ARE YOU GOING TO RUIN IT, HUH?

YOU TALK ABOUT HIM BEHIND HIS BACK ALL THE TIME

TO EVERYBODY.

DON'T YOU THINK SOMEBODY'S GOING TO

TELL HIM HOW UNHAPPY YOU ARE?

I'M JUST SO JEALOUS OF YOU I CAN'T STAND IT.

YOU HAVE EVERY SINGLE THING I WANT.

YOU HAVE THIS HUSBAND WHO COMPLETELY WORSHIPS YOU

AND LOVES YOU AND YOU DON'T EVEN CARE,

YOU'RE GOING TO THROW THE WHOLE THING AWAY.

SOMETIMES I WANT TO CHOKE YOU TO DEATH.

I DON'T TALK ABOUT HIM BEHIND HIS BACK.

I LOVE HIM AND HE KNOWS IT

AND EVERYBODY ELSE KNOWS IT.

YOU QUESTION YOUR MARRIAGE TO ANYBODY

WHO WILL LISTEN.

ALL YOU TALK ABOUT VERY MELODRAMATICALLY

IS HOW UNHAPPY YOU ARE IN YOUR MARRIAGE

AND YOU DON'T KNOW IF IT'S RIGHT

OR IF YOU WANT TO HAVE CHILDREN.

YOU'RE SO FUCKING BORING I CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE IT.

AND EVERYBODY THINKS YOU'RE THE SWEETEST,

MOST TOGETHER, MOST SANE PERSON HERE.

WELL, IF YOU WERE SO SANE

YOU WOULDN'T HAVE TO DO THIS.

I'VE ALWAYS WANTED SOMEBODY TO LOVE ME

THE WAY HE LOVES YOU.

KATE, PLEASE HELP ME. I'M SO SCARED.

I CAN'T STOP THROWING UP.

I THINK I'M GOING TO DIE.

I JUST DON'T BUY IT ANYMORE, SOPHIE.

YOU'VE DONE THIS TOO MANY TIMES.

I DON'T CARE ANYMORE, SOPHIE.

JUST DON'T MESS WITH MY LIFE.

(SOBBING)

WHAT DO YOU THINK IT'S ABOUT?

LOVE.

SURVIVAL.

AFFECTION AND POWER.

AND ATTENTION.

IT WAS MY PAL.

MY BEST FRIEND.

IT KEPT ME SAFE, IT KEPT YOU AWAY

IF I WANTED YOU TO BE AWAY.

IT FEELS LIKE THERE'S LIFE IN THE HOUSE.

IT FEELS LIKE THERE'S SOMEONE TO COME HOME TO.

IT FEELS LIKE SOMEONE'S COMING HOME TO YOU.

IT FEELS LIKE A HOLIDAY'S ABOUT TO HAPPEN.

I EAT A LOT OF FOOD BECAUSE I'M PISSED OFF.

FOOD FOR ME WAS LIKE A- WHEN I THINK ABOUT IT NOW

IT'S LIKE AN ANGRY LOVER, AN ABUSIVE LOVER.

AND FOR THE MOMENT I GOT OFF ON IT

AND THEN AFTERWARDS I FELT HORRIBLE.

FOOD IS CONTROL TO ME.

CONTROL.

CONTROLLING MY RAGE AND CONTROLLING ANXIETY.

SOMETHING INSIDE ME THAT CAN'T BE SATISFIED

THAT ALWAYS NEEDS TO BE COMFORTED AND SEDATED.

IT'S THE FLOW OF LIFE.

DADDY APPROVAL.

FOR ME IT'S QUITE NATURAL.

A SILENT COMPANION, YOU KNOW?

IT'S HUNGER, IT'S SATISFACTION, COMFORT.

PROTECTION.

LIFE.

COMPANY.

EVERYTHING.

ARE YOU OKAY?

YES.

I REALLY AM.

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO NOW?

EVER SINCE I WAS A CHILD I'VE LIVED WITH OTHERS.

MY FATHER, MY BOYFRIEND,

MY FIRST HUSBAND, MY SECOND HUSBAND.

I DON'T THINK I'VE SPENT THREE DAYS IN MY LIFE

WITHOUT A RELATIONSHIP.

BEFORE I MARRIED FRANK

I ASKED HIM FOR A MONTH ALONE

BUT HE SAID NO, HE'D WAITED LONG ENOUGH.

IT WAS NOW OR NEVER.

WELL, I GUESS I GOT MY WISH AT LAST.

TO BE ALONE, TO SEE WHAT IT'S LIKE.

AND IT'S EXCITING.

SCARY, BUT IT'S EXCITING.

I STILL HAVE NO IDEA WHO FRANK IS WITH.

HOW ARE YOU GOING TO FIND OUT?

I'M NOT.

I'VE NEVER LIVED WITH ANYONE IN MY LIFE,

YOU KNOW? I MEAN AS AN ADULT.

LATELY I'VE BEEN THINKING I WOULD NEVER BE ABLE TO

BECAUSE I WAS SO STUCK ON MYSELF AND MY PROBLEMS

AND I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY PERSON IN THIS WORLD

WHO WAS GOING THROUGH THESE PROBLEMS.

AND SUDDENLY TODAY I OPENED UP A LITTLE BIT

AND I REALIZED THAT ALL THESE PEOPLE,

ALL THESE WONDERFUL WOMEN

ARE GOING THROUGH THE SAME QUESTIONS.

OR OTHER QUESTIONS, BUT THEY'RE ALL

GOING THROUGH SOME QUESTIONS.

AND I FEEL SO CLOSE TO THEM.

AND IT'S SUCH A WONDERFUL FEELING.

IT MAKES ME FEEL I DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE ANYMORE.

I WANT TO BE ABLE TO SHARE THINGS

WITH OTHER PEOPLE, YOU KNOW?

I THINK I'M READY NOW.

I THINK I DON'T HAVE TO BE ALONE ANYMORE.

* SOME DAY WHEN I'M AWFULLY LOW *

* WHEN THE WORLD IS COLD *

* I WILL FEEL A GLOW JUST THINKING OF YOU *

* AND THE WAY YOU LOOK TONIGHT *

* OH, BUT YOU'RE LOVELY *

* WITH YOUR SMILE SO WARM *

* AND YOUR CHEEK SO SOFT *

* THERE IS NOTHING FOR ME BUT TO LOVE YOU *

* JUST THE WAY YOU LOOK TONIGHT *

* WITH EACH WORD YOUR TENDERNESS GROWS *

* TEARING MY FEAR APART *

* AND THAT LAUGH THAT WRINKLES YOUR NOSE *

* TOUCHES MY FOOLISH HEART *

* LOVELY, NEVER, NEVER CHANGE *

* KEEP THAT BREATHLESS CHARM *

* WON'T YOU PLEASE ARRANGE IT *

* 'CAUSE I LOVE YOU

* JUST THE WAY YOU LOOK TONIGHT *

*

*

*

*

*

*