Original subtitles

- ( computer keys clacking )

-Boy's voice: - "DEAR SANTA, GREETINGS - TO YOU AND MRS. CLAUS.

- I HOPE EVERYTHING - IS FINE AT THE NORTH POLE.

- THINGS ARE A LITTLE DIFFICULT - HERE AT MY HOUSE.

- WHAT I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS - IS FOR MOM AND DAD - TO GET ALONG

- AND FOR MY BROTHER - BUTCH TO GO AWAY

- TO BOARDING SCHOOL.

- OH, AND I STILL WANT

- THAT AUTOGRAPHED - BUSTER RANDALL BASEBALL CARD

- I TOLD YOU ABOUT - IN MY LAST E-MAIL.

- IN SCHOOL - THEY TOLD US

- IT'S NOT HEALTHY - TO GET SO HEAVY.

- SO INSTEAD - OF COOKIES AND MILK,

- I'LL BE LEAVING GRANOLA - BARS AND MINERAL WATER - FOR YOU THIS YEAR.

- YOUR NUMBER-ONE - E-MAIL PAL, JEREMY."

- ( beeping )

-( door creaks )

-OKAY, YOU CAN LOOK NOW.

- ( electronic beep )

-HO HO!

-WELL, SANTA, -HOW DO YOU LIKE

-YOUR NEW STATE-OF-THE-ART -HEADQUARTERS?

-Santa: - WELL, POINTER, - IT CERTAINLY IS

-NEW AND MODERN.

- ( beeping )

-LOOK! E-MAIL!

- ( beeps )

-HO HO!

-GOOD BOY, THAT JEREMY!

-BUT THIS IS -ALL SO CONFUSING.

-IF YOU WEREN'T CONFUSED,

- I WOULDN'T HAVE A JOB.

-IF I STAY CONFUSED, -YOU WON'T HAVE A JOB.

-HO HO!

-A LITTLE BIT OF HUMOR!

-HO HO! -WHAT KIND OF -SANTA WOULD I BE,

-FIRING AN ELF THREE DAYS -BEFORE CHRISTMAS?

-HO HO HO! -I'LL CAN YOU IN JANUARY.

-( laughing )

-POINTER IS AN EXCELLENT -TEACHER, ISN'T HE, DEAR?

-- HE IS. -- I'VE BEEN SENDINGE-MAIL FOR DA

-HERE. ENJOY. -BRAIN FOOD.

-- WITH THIS NEW DATABASE... -- ( electronic beeping )

-YOU CAN DETERMINE -WHO'S BEEN NAUGHTY -AND WHO'S BEEN NICE,

-WHO GETS A RED BICYCLE, -OR HOW MANY IN BLUE -OR WHITE,

-ALL JUST BY OPENING -THIS FILE.

- ( beeping )

-WELL, THIS IS ALL VERY -IMPRESSIVE, I'M SURE.

-OH, BUT I MISS -THE GOOD OLD DAYS

-WHEN IT WAS JUST -MRS. CLAUS, MYSELF,

-A SMALL TEAM -OF HAPPY ELVES

- AND MY REINDEER.

-THE WORLD WAS A SMALLER -PLACE, MY DEAR ONE.

-THERE ARE SO MANY CHILDREN -NOW IN SO MANY PLACES,

-AND THEY'RE ALL -COUNTING ON YOU.

-WE HAVE TO KEEP LEARNING -IF WE'RE TO KEEP UP -IN THE CIDER WORLD.

-THAT'S "CYBER" WORLD, -MRS. C.,

-NOT "CIDER."

-OH, RIGHT.

-- WELL, BACK TO WORK. -- COOKIE?

-Man: - NO MISTAKES!

- WE GO IN - JUST AS PLANNED.

-IT'S THREE DAYS -BEFORE CHRISTMAS.

-MY BROTHER SANTA -AND HIS MISERABLE ELVES

-WON'T KNOW WHAT HIT THEM.

-( laughs maniacally )

-- OH, BOY! WE'RE GONNAKICK SOME -- YEAH!

-LISTEN UP!

-I AM GOING TO PUT AN END -TO CHRISTMAS FOR ALL TIME,

-TAKE OVER THE NORTH POLE, -AND MAKE MRS. CLAUS

-MRS. ATNAS.

-- AND YOUR BROTHER SANTA? -- FORGET ABOUT SANTA.

-BUT, O GREAT ONE,

-WHY WOULD THEY LET US -INTO THE NORTH POLE?

-PURE GENIUS.

-I SCARE MYSELF. -I REALLY DO.

-OH, YOU SCARE ME -TOO, BOSS.

-WH-WHAT IS IT?

-WHERE WERE YOU, BRONTOS, -WHEN THEY PASSED OUT -BRAINS, HUH?

-OH, I WAS WITH -MY PALLY SQUEAL.

-YEAH, BOSS. -HE WAS WITH ME.

-BRAIN-FREE BUDDIES! -HOW PROUD YOU MUST BE.

-- YEAH. -- I WOULDN'T WANT TO BRAG--

-SHUT UP AND GET -IN THE BOX.

-- BUT, BOSS-- -- DON'T "BUT" ME!

-- GET IN THE BOX! -- NOT THE BOX!

-HOT HOT HOT!

-OW OW OW! -HOT!

-WE'RE GETTING -INSIDE THE BOX.

-- BUT SANTA WON'T LET YOUIN HIS -- THAT'S RIGHT.

-BUT THOSE ELVES -WILL OPEN THE DOOR

-WHEN THEY SEE THIS BOX -DELIVERED DIRECTLY -TO MY BROTHER.

-AND WHEN THEY DO,

-THEY'LL GET -A BIG SURPRISE.

-A SURPRISE?

-THEY'LL LET US IN,

-BUT THEY WON'T KNOW -THEY'VE LET US IN.

- ( laughing )

-OH, YEAH. -( laughing )

-( laughter continues )

- ( maniacal laughter )

-FOR GOODNESS' SAKE, BOB, -YOU HAVEN'T HEARD -A WORD I'VE SAID.

- OH, YES, I DID.

-- WHY DON'T YOUEVER LISTEN TO ME -- I LISTEN.

-- I THOUGHT YOU WEREBRINGING HOM -- UH-HUH.

-- A TREE? -- YEAH.

-IT'S THREE DAYS -TILL CHRISTMAS, BOB.

-WE STILL DON'T HAVE A TREE. -WHERE'S THE TREE?

-LOOK... -( clears throat )

-THERE'S SOMETHING -WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT.

-I THINK WE MIGHT NEED -TO POSTPONE CHRISTMAS -THIS YEAR.

-- POSTPONE CHRISTMAS? -- WELL, YEAH, YOU KNOW,LIKE A LE

-WE'LL JUST -SORT OF SKIP IT.

-BOB, IS THERE SOMETHING -YOU'RE NOT TELLING ME?

-- LET GO NOW, JEREMY! -- BUT IT'S MINE!

-WHY DO YOU ALWAYS -STEAL MY STUFF?

-CONSIDER IT -A HAND-ME-DOWN.

-THAT'S THE LAW -OF THE JUNGLE, JEREMY:

- EAT OR BE EATEN.

-LATER, SHRIMP!

-MOM, DAD!

-GIVE IT BACK NOW, BUTCH! -GIVE IT BACK!

-HEY, POP, -WHERE'S THE TREE?

-GUESS YOU FORGOT AGAIN?

-GUESS YOU'RE LOSING MORE -THAN JUST YOUR HAIR, -HUH, DAD?

-WE WERE JUST -DISCUSSING THE TREE.

-AS A MATTER OF FACT, -I DID NOT FORGET THE TREE.

-I'VE PICKED OUT -A SPECIAL ONE.

-COOL. WHAT'S -SO SPECIAL ABOUT IT?

-UM... WELL...

-IT'S... UM...

-YEAH? WHAT?

-SPEAK UP, BOB. -WE'RE ALL EARS.

-I BET IT'S A GREAT -TREE, RIGHT, DAD?

-RIGHT, SON.

-Pointer: - CALIFORNIA-- SURFBOARDS - AND ROLLERBLADES.

-VERMONT-- -THE SNOW IS FALLING,

-AND THE KIDS WANT -THOSE NEW SNOWBOARDS.

-SNOWBOARDS? -MAYBE MRS. CLAUS AND I

-SHOULD TRY SNOWBOARDING -THIS YEAR.

-- HO HO HO! -- ( laughs )

-OH, NO! -WHERE'S MY CLIPBOARD?

-POINTER, YOU NEED -TO LIGHTEN UP.

- ENJOY YOURSELF!

-HERE. -LET ME HELP YOU.

-THANK YOU! -I SUPPOSE YOU'RE RIGHT.

-IT'S JUST THAT -WITH ONLY THREE DAYS -BEFORE CHRISTMAS

-AND EVERYONE COUNTING -ON THE NEW CYBER ROOM,

-I GUESS I'M -A LITTLE NERVOUS.

-I GUESS SO. -( chuckles )

- ( doorbell chimes )

-WHO'S THERE?

-A GIFT FOR SANTA. -HOW NICE.

- ( computers beeping )

-"SURPRISE FOR SANTA CLAUS.

-INSIDE YOU'LL FIND -A BIG SURPRISE. -OPEN IMMEDIATELY."

-WHO BROUGHT -THIS BOX, FRIZZY?

-I DON'T KNOW. -IT'S MIGHTY HEAVY, THOUGH.

-IT TOOK SEVEN OF US -TO BRING IT IN HERE.

-WELL, BACK TO WORK.

-HMM. YOU KNOW, -I DON'T KNOW

-IF I SHOULD--

-SOMETHING ABOUT THIS -ISN'T QUITE RIGHT.

-- ( Brontos laughing ) -- SURPRISE!

-- YOU! -- ME!

-AREN'T BROTHERLY -REUNIONS WONDERFUL?

-( laughs ) -I SEE THAT YOU -STILL CAN'T KEEP

-YOUR FINGERS OUT -OF THE COOKIE JAR.

-I ONLY HAVE TWO -SQUARE MEALS A DAY.

-YEAH, A SQUARE OF FAT

-AND A SQUARE -OF CHOLESTEROL. -( laughing )

-WHAT IS IT YOU WANT?

-THIS IS A VERY BUSY TIME -OF YEAR FOR US.

-OH, YES, OF COURSE.

-I KNOW IT'S A VERY BUSY -TIME OF YEAR FOR YOU.

-YOU WERE ALWAYS TOO BUSY -TO PAY ANY ATTENTION TO ME.

- NEVERTHELESS, I'VE - BROUGHT YOU SOMETHING.

-AREN'T YOU GOING -TO ASK WHAT IT IS?

-ACTUALLY, ATNAS,

-I MUST INSIST -THAT YOU LEAVE.

- SO IF YOU DON'T MIND--

-BUT I DO MIND. -I MIND VERY MUCH.

- IT WOULD BE - UNFAIR OF YOU

-TO TURN ME OUT -INTO THE COLD POLAR AIR

-WITHOUT OPENING -THIS SPECIAL GIFT.

- ( chuckles )

-COME ON. -OPEN IT.

-WELL, I'LL OPEN IT, -AND THEN YOU MUST GO.

-A GIFT FOR YOUR -NEW CYBER OFFICE.

- ( Atnas chuckling )

-ISN'T IT WONDERFUL?

-- Santa: - WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT? -- WRONG WITH IT?

-IT'S A WORK OF ART.

-YOU REALLY MUST -SIT, BROTHER.

-SIT YOUR BIG HIPS DOWN

-TO APPRECIATE -THE MAGNITUDE,

- THE EPIPHANOUS JOY!

-SIT IN THE CHAIR, -BROTHER.

-HMM... COMFY.

- THANK YOU, ATNAS.

-YOU'VE REALLY -SURPRISED ME.

-RIGHT PAST -THE MOON, ALICE!

- HAVE A NICE TRIP - TO PLUTO!

-SEE YA NEXT FALL!

- ( buzzes )

-OH-HH!

- BON VOYAGE, - BROTHER DEAREST!

-- ( laughing ) -- OH-HH!

-BRONTOS, SQUEAL,

-GATHER UP ALL -THOSE ELVES NOW.

-SEAL OFF ALL ENTRANCES -AND EXITS.

- SECURE THE POLE!

-NOBODY MAKES A MOVE -WITHOUT MY SAY-SO.

-BUT, BOSS, YOU -PROMISED WE COULD KICK -SOME SERIOUS ELF BUTT!

-DON'T BUG ME!

-OKAY.

-COME ON, -GANG WAY.

-AFTER YOU.

-NOW...

-LET'S GET TO WORK.

-( beeping )

-( laughing )

-Jeremy's voice: - "P.S. SANTA, I HOPE YOU HAVE - TIME TO WRITE ME BACK.

- PLEASE LET ME KNOW

- IF THERE'S EVER ANYTHING - I CAN EVER DO FOR YOU.

- YOUR FRIEND, JEREMY."

-( beeps )

-BUTCH, LOOK! -A U.F.O.!

-YEAH, RIGHT.

-HEY THERE, SPORT, -WHAT ARE YOU DOING -UP SO LATE?

-- DAD, LOOK! -- NICE MOON, JEREMY.

-NOT THE MOON. -A SPACESHIP OR A--

-OH, A SPACESHIP, YEAH.

-- I SEE IT. -- NICE TRY, DAD.

-NO, YOU DON'T.

- IT'S GONE NOW, - BUT IT WAS THERE.

-DARN. I'M SORRY -I MISSED IT.

-YOU WRITING SANTA -ANOTHER LETTER?

-- E-MAIL. -- OH.

-- WHAT DID YOU ASKFOR THIS TIME? -- AN I.Q.

-THAT YOU AND MOM -COULD GET ALONG.

-WE GET ALONG.

-WE'RE JUST-- -MARRIED PEOPLE GO -THROUGH ROUGH PATCHES.

-WE LOVE YOU, -AND WE LOVE EACH OTHER.

-I REALLY SAW A BRIGHT LIGHT -HEADED THIS WAY.

-WELL, SURE YOU DID.

- I KNOW YOU DON'T - BELIEVE ME,

-BUT I SAW SOMETHING,

-SOMETHING SPECIAL.

-NEXT TIME YOU WRITE TO SANTA -CLAUS, TELL HIM THERE'S -A FEW THINGS I WANT, TOO.

-- WHAT DO YOU WANT, DAD? -- ME? I WANT TO BEMY OWN BOSS.

-START YOUR OWN BUSINESS?

-SURE. MORE TIME, -MORE MONEY.

-CAN WE HAVE A TREE?

-- I'M WORKING ON IT. -- YOU PROMISE?

-NIGHT, SPORT.

-NIGHT, BUTCH.

-EXPERTLY HANDLED, DAD.

-GOOD NIGHT, BOYS.

-- YEAH, GOOD NIGHT, MOM. -- GOOD NIGHT, MOM.

-( groaning )

-OH OH OH OH!

-( grunts )

-HEY, MISTER, YOU OKAY?

- YOU'RE NOT DEAD, - ARE YOU?

-( grunts )

-- ( screaming ) -- ( screaming )

- BUTCH!

-BUTCH, BUTCH! -THERE'S A BIG RED MAN -OUT THERE, OUTSIDE,

-- IN THE BACKYARD! -- AND THIS WILLBENEFIT ME HOW?

-I'M SERIOUS! -I THINK HE FELL -FROM THE SKY.

-- ANOTHER U.F.O.? -- I KNOW THIS SOUNDS CRAZY,

-BUT YOU'VE GOT TO -COME OUT AND SEE!

-IF YOU'RE LYIN', -YOU'RE DYIN'!

-NO BIG RED MAN OUT HERE. -MAYBE HE WENT BACK TO MARS.

-HE WAS HERE! -I TELL YOU I SAW HIM.

-WAKE SOMEONE ELSE -UP NEXT TIME.

-THEY'VE GOT US -LOCKED IN HERE!

-WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO? -HE'S GONE.

-WAKE UP, ALL OF YOU! -WE'RE DONE FOR!

-- HE'S RIGHT. -- OF COURSE I'M RIGHT.

-NO SANTA, NO CHRISTMAS. -AND WHERE DOES THAT LEAVE US?

-WHERE INDEED?

-- ( yelling ) -- ( Brontos, Squealmuttering )

-( Squeal mutters )

-JOIN YOUR PARTY, -YOU LOSER!

-LOSER!

-( barks )

-( laughs, groans )

-- AW, GEE! -- WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?

-- Brontos: - GET GOIN'! -- POINTER, DID THEY HURT YOU?

- WHAT HAPPENED?

-I SAW WHAT THEY DID WITH SANTA. -THEY PUT HIM IN THAT CHAIR.

-IT'S SOME SORT -OF LAUNCHING MECHANISM.

-SANTA DEMATERIALIZED, -AND, ZAP, HE WAS GONE!

-( all gasp ) -NO!

-AND LOOK-- -HE LEFT BEHIND -HIS MAGIC HAT.

-WE NEED TO FIND OUT -WHERE THEY SENT HIM.

-WITHOUT HIS MAGIC HAT, -IT'LL BE HARD FOR HIM -TO GET BACK.

-- WHEN SANTA COMES BACK-- -- IF SANTA COMES BACK--

-WHEN SANTA RETURNS,

- WE MUST BE READY - FOR CHRISTMAS.

-- WE CAN'T LET HIM DOWN. -- OR THE CHILDREN.

-- AHA! -- ( yells )

-A SUPPORT GROUP MEETING -FOR THE VERTICALLY CHALLENGED,

-- I PRESUME. -- HEY!

-- SILENCE! -- ( all gasp )

-YOU WEREN'T PREPARING

-FOR ANY SORT OF LITTLE -REBELLION, WERE YOU, HUH?

-HUH?! -WHAT ABOUT YOU, HAROLD?

-NO, ATNAS.

-BUT YOU'D TELL ME -IF YOU WERE?

-NO, I WOULD NOT. -I DON'T LIKE WHAT IS -GOING ON AROUND HERE,

-BUT I'M OLD ENOUGH -TO KNOW THAT THERE IS -NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT.

-- I WILL OBEY. -- AH, OBEDIENCE.

-THE SOUND OF -COWERING SURRENDER

- IS MUSIC TO MY EARS.

-AND NOW, IF YOU -WILL ALL EXCUSE ME,

-I HAVE A GLOBAL -TELECAST TO PREPARE.

-MY AUDIENCE AWAITS.

-NO TRICKS, MY OBSEQUIOUS -LITTLE REBEL.

-( laughing maniacally )

-( all laughing maniacally )

-Bob: - YES, I AM FULLY AWARE THAT - I'M LATE WITH MY PAYMENT.

-- Man: - Pay up, loser! -- WELL, SAME TO YOU, PAL.

-- ( beeps ) -- ( doorbell rings )

-HEY, MISTER, YOU'RE LATE -WITH YOUR PAYMENT AGAIN.

-I HAVEN'T GOT -MY CHECKBOOK ON ME.

-HA! CHECK? -SO I CAN DRIBBLE IT -AGAIN TO THE BANK?

-CASH ONLY!

-FINE. -WHO NEEDS THE PAPER?

-I GOT ENOUGH -BAD NEWS AS IT IS.

-- HEY, BUPPO. -- ( splat )

-- OW! -- BULL'S-EYE!

-THAT HURT, BUTCH!

-MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.

-COME ON, MAN. -DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

- COME ON. - DO SOMETHING.

-COME ON.

-NO? -YOU'RE PATHETIC!

-NOW GET YOUR BUTT -DOWNSTAIRS BEFORE I RELOAD.

-- OH, BROTHER. -- YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.

-YOUR BIGGER, -YOUR SMARTER BROTHER,

- AND DON'T YOU FORGET IT.

-IF IT WASN'T FOR ME, THEY'D -HAVE SENT YOU TO THE WIMP -ACADEMY A LONG TIME AGO.

-WHAT'S THE WIMP ACADEMY?

-THE WIMP ACADEMY -IS WHERE THEY SEND

-LITTLE TURTLE-HEADED -WIMPS LIKE YOU.

-TIME'S UP.

-YOU ARE NOW A DEER -IN MY HEADLIGHTS.

-NO!

-YEAH! -( laughs )

-MAYBE I REALLY -AM A WIMP.

-JEREMY, YOU'RE TOO OLD -TO BE MAKING SUCH A MESS.

-BUT, MOM, I DIDN'T DO IT.

-Bob: - THEN WHO DID, JEREMY? - HUH? SPEAK UP.

-WHO WAS IT? -WAS IT BUTCH?

-IT'S OKAY, SON.

-TAKE A BREATH, -LOOK A PERSON IN THE EYE, -AND SAY WHAT YOU GOT TO SAY.

-IF SOMEONE DID THIS TO YOU, -DON'T TRY TO PROTECT THEM -BY NOT TELLING US.

-- NOW WAS IT BUTCH? -- BOB, DON'T START ON HIM.

-WHO IS STARTING? -WILL YOU CUT ME SOME SLACK?

-NOT IN FRONT -OF THE BOYS.

-HE'S A GEEK, DAD. -THAT'S THE PROBLEM.

-AND I'M NOT TALKING SOME -CIRCUS FREAK THAT BITES OFF -THE HEADS OF CHICKENS.

-I'M TALKING -BONA FIDE, PARANOID,

-HALLUCINATING, -OUT-OF-TOUCH-WITH-REALITY,

-KRIS-KRINGLE-OBSESSED GEEK.

-DON'T TALK THAT WAY -ABOUT YOUR BROTHER. -BOB, SAY SOMETHING.

-BUTCH, DON'T TALK THAT WAY -ABOUT YOUR BROTHER.

-- GEEK. -- THAT'S IT.BUTCH, GO TO YOUR RO

-DAD, IT'S OKAY.

-BUTCH IS TEACHING ME -TO BE TOUGH SO I'M -NOT SUCH A WIMP.

-HEY, DAD, WHY ARE YOU -SLEEPING ON THE COUCH?

-YEAH, DAD, HOW COME?

-- WHOA! -- IT'S ABOUT TIME.

-( giggles )

-IT'S GOOD TO BE KING!

-OH, YES, IT IS, -O GREAT EMINENCE!

-WHERE'S SQUEAL -AND THOSE ELVES?

-I NEED MY MINIONS -TO BECOME ACQUAINTED

-WITH THEIR NEW MASTER.

-MRS. CLAUS WANTED TO SEE YOU, -SO WE BROUGHT THEM HERE.

-I'M PERFECTLY CAPABLE -OF SPEAKING MY OWN MIND.

-NOW, WHAT HAVE YOU -DONE WITH SANTA?

-I'VE STEPPED IN -TO GIVE HIM

-A MUCH-NEEDED SABBATICAL. -OOH!

-( chuckles )

-YOU WOULDN'T POISON -YOUR BROTHER-IN-LAW, -NOW WOULD YOU, DEAREST?

-NO. I JUST WANT -SANTA BACK,

-YOU-- YOU BRUTE!

-- SQUEAL? -- ( gibbers )

- YOU LIKE COOKIES? - TASTE ONE.

-THEY'RE GOOD, BOSS. -MMM!

-OW. OOH.

-- WHERE IS SANTA? -- HE'S TRIPPINGTHE LIGHT FANDANG

-NOEL, I'D DO -ANYTHING FOR YOU.

- IN TIME - YOU'LL FORGET HIM.

-CLAUS HAS FLAWS.

-( laughs )

-OH, WHAT A WOMAN.

-- OH! -- NOW THEN,

-DURING MY BROTHER'S -ABSENCE,

-I'LL BE IMPLEMENTING -A FEW CHANGES AROUND HERE.

-NUMBER ONE: -YOU WILL MAKE ALL -THE GIFTS FOR ME,

-TO SUIT ME, -TO CELEBRATE MOI.

-NUMBER TWO: -I WANT A DATABASE LIST

-OF ALL THE WONDERFULLY NASTY -LITTLE GIRLS AND BOYS.

-FORGET ABOUT THE GOOD -LITTLE GIRLS AND BOYS.

-SEND ME THE DIRTY -ROTTEN SCOUNDRELS.

-THEY WILL BE MY ARMY.

-THEY WILL HELP ME -RULE THE PLANET

-ONE HOLIDAY AT A TIME.

-NOW GO TO IT.

-AND NO MORE MOPING -FOR MR. HO-HO-HO.

-HEY, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK -YOU CAN JUST WALTZ IN HERE,

- ABDUCT SANTA, - TAKE OVER THE NORTH POLE,

-AND RUIN CHRISTMAS -FOR EVERYONE, HUH?

-EEE-EEEH!

-I THINK -I UNDERSTAND NOW.

-YOU'LL DO AS I SAY, -OR I'LL TURN YOU

-INTO REINDEER FOOD. - CAPISCE?

-WOW! -THE BUSTER!

-"F-O-S"? -NEVER SEEN THAT BEFORE.

- ( coughing )

-( groans )

-WHERE AM I?

-YOU'RE IN OUR BACKYARD. -ARE YOU OKAY?

-I DON'T KNOW. -I'M NOT SURE.

-I SEEM TO HAVE TAKEN -QUITE A FALL.

-IT SURE LOOKS THAT WAY. -HI. I'M JEREMY. -WHO ARE YOU?

-- WHO AM I? -- YOU'RE DRESSEDLIKE SANTA CLAUS

-IS THAT WHO YOU ARE?

-I FEEL LIKE I FELL -FLAT ON MY HEAD.

-IT MUST HAVE BEEN -ONE HECK OF A NIGHT.

-I JUST CAN'T -REMEMBER WHO I AM

-OR HOW I GOT HERE.

-I SEEM TO RECALL

-THAT I WAS GOING SOMEWHERE

-AND DOING SOMETHING, -SOMETHING IMPORTANT.

-AND THEN--

-AND THEN...

-THERE YOU WERE.

-DO YOU WANT TO TALK -TO MY DAD, OR MAYBE MY MOM?

-MAYBE THEY CAN HELP.

- ON SECOND THOUGHT,

-MAYBE YOU SHOULD STAY HERE -UNTIL YOU REMEMBER -WHO YOU ARE.

-GOOD IDEA, JEREMY.

-YOU CAN STAY HERE -UNTIL YOUR MEMORY COMES BACK. -I'LL GO GET YOU A BLANKET.

-HOW ABOUT SOME -PIGS IN A BLANKET? -I AM TERRIBLY HUNGRY.

-YOU'LL BE SAFE -IN HERE, I PROMISE.

-I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT -PIGS IN A BLANKET -MEANT, BUT HERE.

-I FOUND SOME LEFTOVER -SAUSAGE AND PANCAKES.

-THAT'LL DO, JEREMY. -THAT'LL DO.

-LISTEN, WHEN YOU DO REMEMBER -THAT YOU'RE SANTA,

- THERE'S SOME STUFF - I REALLY WANT.

-I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU'RE -SO SURE I'M SANTA CLAUS,

-BUT I DO REMEMBER SOMETHING.

-I WAS FLYING.

-THAT'S IT! -THAT PROVES IT! -I SAW SOMETHING!

-IT WAS YOU! -YOU FLEW ACROSS THE MOON!

-BUT SOMETHING HAPPENED, -AND YOU FELL -INTO OUR BACKYARD.

-MIGHT I HAVE SOME SYRUP?

-TAKE THIS. -( snickering )

-WHEE WHEE WHEE -WHEE WHEE WHEE!

-BOSS, WE GOT SOMETHING -TO TELL YA.

-- WHAT NOW? -- UH... SANTA'S MISSING.

-WHAT DO YOU MEAN, -SANTA'S MISSING?

-WELL, NOT -"MISSING" MISSING.

-HE JUST DIDN'T LAND WHERE -HE WAS SUPPOSED TO LAND.

-- HE SORT OF BOUNCEDOFF THE MOON -- OH, REALLY?

-- YEAH. -- AND WHERE, PRAY TELL,

-DID THE JOLLY BOY WONDER -OF CHRISTMAS CHEER

-SET HIS GELATINOUS -JELLYROLL DOWN, HUH?

-LOS ANGELES.

-INCOMPETENCE.

-I'M SURROUNDED -BY INCOMPETENCE!

-BUT, BOSS, IT WAS YOU -WHO SET THE COORDINATES -AND PUSHED THE BUTTON.

-- WHAT DID YOU SAY? -- NOTHING, YOURWORTHLESSNESS.

-GO AFTER HIM.

- GET IN THE CHAIR - AND GO AFTER HIM!

-BUT DON'T YOU THINK -WE OUGHT TO DO

-A LITTLE MORE TESTING -BEFORE WE JETTISON AGAIN?

-YEAH YEAH YEAH. -VERY UNPREDICTABLE -RESULTS LAST TIME.

-FIND HIM NOW!

-- ( gibbering ) -- ( yelling )

-- AAH! -- UH...

-YOU WOULDN'T SEND US -TO PLUTO OR SOMETHING, -WOULD YA, ATNAS?

-I WOULDN'T DREAM -OF SENDING

-MY LOYAL THUGS -TO PLUTO...

-- WHEW! -- ...UNLESS, OF COURSE,YOU FAIL

-BUT, THEN AGAIN, -YOU CAN'T FAIL,

-NOT IF YOU -WANT TO LIVE.

-Y-YEAH.

-( blubbering )

-IDIOTS. -I'VE GOT TO FIND -BETTER HELP.

-MOM, I WANT YOU -TO MEET SOMEONE.

-( screams )

-MOM. MOM. MOM.

-- Santa:I'M SORRY. -- ( whimpers )

-I DIDN'T MEAN -TO FRIGHTEN YOU.

- I GUESS I MUST - BE A SIGHT.

-YES, YOU ARE. -I DON'T MEAN TO BE RUDE,

-BUT WHAT ARE -YOU DOING HERE?

-YOU MUST BE -JEREMY'S MOTHER.

-WHO ARE YOU?

-PRECISELY! -I DON'T REMEMBER.

-I'M AFRAID I'M GOING TO -HAVE TO ASK YOU TO LEAVE.

-BUT, MOM, HE'S NOT DANGEROUS. -HE'S SANTA CLAUS.

-OH, YES. -WELL, I UNDERSTAND.

-I AM A STRANGER... -EVEN TO MYSELF.

-HE COULD STAY IN THE TENT. -PLEASE, MOM?

-HE DOESN'T EVEN -KNOW WHO HE IS.

-WE CAN'T JUST LEAVE HIM.

-UM...

-WELL, HE DOES -SEEM HARMLESS.

-I SUPPOSE IF HE DOESN'T MIND -STAYING IN THE TENT,

- THEN I CAN'T - SEE THE HARM.

-THANKS, MOM! -YOU'RE THE BEST!

-THANK YOU -FOR YOUR KINDNESS.

-STRANGE.

-I KNOW THERE'S SOMETHING -I'M SUPPOSED TO BE DOING

-RIGHT ABOUT NOW.

-MAYBE YOU WERE WORKING

-IN ONE OF THE LOCAL -DEPARTMENT STORES?

-PERHAPS I COULD -RAKE THE LEAVES

-IN THE BACKYARD FOR YOU.

-WAIT TILL MY FRIENDS -HEAR ABOUT THIS.

-- Winona: - JEREMY? JEREMY! -- WHOO-HOO! YEAH!

-WHOO WHOO -WHOO WHOO!

- ( transmitter buzzing )

- ( buzzing continues )

-( groans ) -WE'RE CLOSE.

-( laughing )

-WHOA.

-- TAKE A LEFT! -- INITIATING LEFT TURNIN THREE,

-- WILL YOU CUT THAT OUT? -- SORRY. - I'M A LITTLE NERVOUS.

-HOW COME HE DOESN'T KNOW -IF HE'S REALLY SANTA?

-HE FELL, MAYBE -FROM HIS SLEIGH, -AND LANDED ON HIS HEAD.

-WE'VE GOT TO HELP -HIM REMEMBER.

-DOES THIS RING A BELL?

-HMM.

-NOT REALLY. -SHOULD IT?

-YOU HAVE TO REMEMBER -WHO YOU ARE.

-IT'S ONLY TWO DAYS -BEFORE CHRISTMAS.

-REMEMBER THIS -X-17 WATER LASER -YOU GAVE ME LAST YEAR?

-CAN'T SAY AS I DO.

-- SANTA? -- YES?

-AREN'T YOU GOING TO ASK ME -WHAT I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS?

-OH... YES, OKAY.

-UH... OH, UM...

-WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE -FOR CHRISTMAS, SAMUEL?

-I WANT A NEW BIKE

-WITH A REALLY COOL -ELECTRONIC SPEEDOMETER.

-I SEE.

-AND, YOU... WHAT WOULD -YOU LIKE, LISA?

-I'D LIKE A PUPPY,

-A SOFT BROWN PUPPY -NAMED BUDDY.

-OH, THAT'S -A WONDERFUL WISH.

-OH, JEREMY, -AND YOU?

-SANTA, I REALLY -APPRECIATE

-ALL THE GREAT GIFTS -YOU'VE GIVEN ME -OVER THE YEARS,

-- BUT THIS YEARI DON'T WANT ANY -- OH?

-I WANT MY MOM AND DAD -TO LIKE EACH OTHER AGAIN.

-THEY HAVEN'T BEEN GETTING -ALONG TOO GOOD LATELY.

-YOU THINK YOU COULD -HELP ME OUT?

-GOOD COOKIE?

-THE BEST, -MY DEAR NOEL.

-OH, THE BEST EVER.

-LOOK AT THIS TEDDY BEAR.

-IT'S THE BEST -WE'VE EVER MADE.

-AND LOOK AT THIS CAR. -ZOOM ZOOM!

-LOOK AT THIS GUITAR. -IT ROCKS!

-RIGHT PAST -THE MOON, ALICE!

-- OH-HH! -- ( Atnas laughing )

-OH-HHH!

-SANTA? SANTA?

-NOEL, ATNAS.

- I REMEMBER, YES.

-YES.

-SANTA-- THAT'S ME.

-I AM SANTA CLAUS.

-I'VE GOT TO -CALL MRS. CLAUS.

-I'VE GOT TO GET BACK -TO THE NORTH POLE. -THERE'S NO TIME TO LOSE.

-I AM SANTA!

-Kids: YEAH!

-HO HO HO HO HO!

-I'M SANTA CLAUS, YES!

-- ( kids cheering ) -- I REMEMBER!

- ( cheering continues )

-Santa: - I REMEMBER!

-AH! -( laughs ) -GOTCHA!

-NO MORE "HO HO HO!"

-MORE LIKE "NO NO NO!"

-PARK HERE.

-- COME ON! -- I'M GOING, I'M GOING!

-Brontos: -YEP, THIS MUST -BE THE PLACE.

-WE SET UP HERE.

-Brontos: - OH, PRETTY HOUSE.

-Squeal: -KEEP IT DOWN, OKAY?

-Radio: - The heat wave keeps - pounding the Southland...

-Squeal: -HEY, LOOK.

- ...downtown at - a record 88°

- while it climbed up - to the low 90s - in the valleys.

- Beach cities had a nice--

-Kids: -YEAH!

-( cheering )

-- WHO ARE ALL THESE KIDS? -- HEY, DAD, ISN'T THIS GREAT?

-SANTA REMEMBERS WHO HE IS. -WE HELPED HIM REMEMBER.

-WHAT IS GOING ON HERE? -WHO'S THE LOONY TUNE -IN THE RED PAJAMAS?

-THE KIDS FOUND THIS MAN, -AND THEY THINK HE'S -SANTA CLAUS.

-- SANTA? -- YEAH.

- HE COULD BE SOME ESCAPEE, - SOME MADMAN FROM - COUNTY LOCKUP.

-- I WANT HIM OUT OF THE YARD. -- HE'S NOT HURTING ANYONE.

-HE MIGHT HAVE AMNESIA.

-BOB, I CAN KEEP AN EYE -ON HIM FROM RIGHT HERE.

-GO ON, KIDS. -GO HOME. SHOO!

-TIME FOR DINNER. -PLENTY OF FOOD -AT YOUR OWN HOUSE.

-GO ON. GO BOTHER -YOUR OWN FOLKS.

-THAT'S IT. -EXCELLENT. -ADIOS.

-- WHERE'S YOURCHRISTMAS SPIRIT? -- THIS IS L.A.

-IT'S 90°. -I'VE HAD A LOUSY DAY.

-THE SMOG IS -BURNING MY RETINAS, -AND THERE'S NO SNOW.

-CAN I TALK TO YOU -FOR A MINUTE?

-I CAN SEE YOU'RE NOT -TOO HAPPY ABOUT ALL THIS.

-ACTUALLY, I'M FINDING IT -QUITE INTERESTING MYSELF.

- YOU SEE, I TEMPORARILY - LOST MY MEMORY,

-BUT THANKS TO YOUR SON -AND HIS FRIENDS

-I NOW KNOW -WHO I AM AGAIN.

-I REALLY NEED TO CALL -THE NORTH POLE.

-LISTEN, BUB, TAKE -YOUR PIED PIPER ACT -SOMEWHERE ELSE.

-TAKE IT SOMEWHERE, ANYWHERE. -AM I MAKING MYSELF CLEAR?

-OH, YES, QUITE CLEAR.

-I'M ONLY CRAZY, -NOT STUPID.

-- ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT. -- BY THE WAY,

-BOBBY,

-THAT SLED YOU WANTED -WHEN YOU WERE FIVE -AND DIDN'T GET,

-THAT WAS A TOUGH CALL.

-IT SADDENED ME -TO DENY YOU YOUR WISH.

-BUT YOU REALLY -HADN'T BEEN

-A VERY PLEASANT -FELLOW THAT YEAR.

-LOCKING YOUR SISTER -IN THE CLOSET?

-THAT WASN'T VERY NICE.

-DROPPING EGGS ON OLD -MR. FISHER'S HEAD?

-TSK TSK.

- CLOGGING - THE SCHOOL TOILETS...

-HOW COULD YOU -KNOW ALL THAT?

-HE KNOWS ALL KINDS -OF THINGS, DAD. -HE'S SANTA CLAUS.

-DON'T BE RIDICULOUS, JEREMY. -THERE IS NO--

-DAD, DON'T DO THIS.

-DAD, PLEASE.

-SANTA, WAIT.

-- OH! -- PLEASE DON'T GO.

-DON'T YOU WORRY, JEREMY. -I'LL BE ALL RIGHT.

-BUT HOW ARE YOU GOING TO -GET BACK TO THE NORTH POLE?

-I DON'T KNOW. -I HAVEN'T FIGURED -THAT OUT YET.

-IF I HAD MY MAGIC HAT, -IT WOULD BE A LOT EASIER.

- MAYBE I WILL - NEED SOME HELP.

-I COULD HELP YOU.

-PLEASE, DAD. -HE DOESN'T HAVE -ANYBODY TO HELP HIM.

-( sighs ) -ALL RIGHT, FINE. -COME ON.

-THANKS, DAD.

-ALL RIGHT. -I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, BUB,

-GO INTO THE GARAGE, -AND THERE'S SOME BEDDING -AND STUFF IN THERE.

-BUT THERE IS A LIMIT. -YOU FOLLOW?

-LOUD AND CLEAR.

-ANYWAY, I NEED TO FIND -MY WAY BACK TO CHRISTMASTOWN.

-I REALLY NEED -TO USE YOUR PHONE. -ONE QUICK CALL TO THE POLE.

-PERFECT. -THE POLE, DEFINITELY.

- ( phone beeps )

-- ( line rings ) -- Hi there. - Atnas here.

- Santa can't come - to the phone. - He's moved.

- And Mrs. Claus - is all tied up now.

- ( laughs )

- Leave a message, - and no one will get - right back to you.

- Don't forget - to send money,

- lots of money, - and gifts to me,

- me, Atnas, King - of the North Pole!

- Santa schmanta, - I'm in charge now!

- ( laughs )

-OH, DEAR.

-THANKS FOR NOT -CHASING SANTA AWAY. -HE REALLY NEEDS OUR HELP.

-We've GOT TO HELP HIM -GET BACK TO THE POLE.

-( chuckles ) -NOW LISTEN, SON, -HE CAN STAY HERE

-TILL THE MEN IN THE WHITE -COATS COME FOR HIM,

-BUT YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND -HE ISN'T SANTA CLAUS.

-- TAKE IT EASY, BOB. -- BUT, DAD--

-LIGHTEN UP. -THEY WERE HAVING FUN.

-THEY WERE GETTING INTO -THE SPIRIT OF CHRISTMAS.

-ALL RIGHT, -ALL RIGHT, -ALL RIGHT.

-- I GOT SOME BAD NEWS. -- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

-THEY GOT INTO THE HOLIDAY -SPIRIT EARLY AT WORK.

-THEY SENT 200 OF US HOME -AND TOLD US NOT TO COME BACK.

-NO BONUS, NO THANK YOU, -NO NOTHING.

-THEY CALL IT DOWNSIZING.

-IT'LL BE OKAY, DAD.

-ONCE WE GET SANTA HOME, -HE'LL HELP YOU GET A NEW JOB,

-A BETTER JOB, I'M SURE.

-- WHEN? -- LAST WEEK.

-WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN -GOING EVERY DAY?

-LOOKING FOR ANOTHER JOB.

-I JUST COULDN'T TELL YOU -I'D BEEN FIRED, OKAY?

-I GUESS CHRISTMAS -IS BEING DOWNSIZED, -TOO, CHIEF.

-CHRISTMAS ISN'T -ABOUT SIZE, DAD.

-IT'S GOING TO BE OKAY. -IT IS.

-ISN'T IT?

-SURE, SON. -BUT I'M NOT EXACTLY IN -A "JINGLE BELL" SORT OF MOOD.

-BUT, BOB, THE TREE?

-YOU PROMISED.

-I'D BETTER GO CHECK IN -ON THE PIED PIPER -OF MERRIMENT.

-SOMEBODY'S GOT TO KEEP -AN EYE ON THAT ONE.

-HEY HEY HEY! -WHAT IN THE NAME OF--?

-WHO TOLD YOU TO MESS -AROUND WITH THIS?

-HEY, THAT'S ME.

-LOOK AT THAT FORM.

-I WAS QUITE AN ATHLETE -IN THOSE DAYS.

-WHAT HAPPENED, BOB?

-I DON'T KNOW.

-HAD SUCH DREAMS -FOR MYSELF.

-THEN I GOT A SO-SO JOB -IN A SO-SO COMPANY.

-THEY FIRED ME LAST WEEK -WITHOUT SO MUCH -AS A THANK YOU.

-NOW I CAN'T EVEN AFFORD -A DECENT CHRISTMAS.

-I CAN'T BELIEVE -THIS IS HAPPENING.

-SURELY, YOU MUST BELIEVE. -IT'S NOT TOO LATE -TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE.

-IT'S NEVER TOO LATE.

-SOMETIMES WE LOSE -ONE DREAM.

-THAT'S WHEN WE NEED -TO DIG DOWN DEEP,

-GET CREATIVE, -FOLLOW ANOTHER DREAM.

-YOU'VE ONLY GOT TO -BELIEVE IN YOURSELF, BOB,

-AND YOU STILL HAVE A CHANCE -TO LIVE A NEW DREAM.

-I HAVEN'T GOT -TIME FOR DREAMS. -I NEED A JOB.

-CREATE YOUR OWN JOB. -TAKE A LOOK AROUND.

-ASK YOURSELF, -"WHAT IS IT PEOPLE -NEED MOST?

-YOU'RE A PRETTY -CREATIVE FELLOW, BOB.

-CLEAN POOLS. -PEOPLE NEED CLEAN -SWIMMING POOLS.

-- THAT'S RIGHT. THEY DO. -- I KNOW WHERE I CAN GETSOME POO

-- HEY, I THINK YOU'RE REALLYONTO -- ( laughs )

-I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M -GETTING CAREER COUNSELING

-FROM A GUY THAT THINKS -HE KNOWS PRANCER AND DANCER.

-I'VE GOT TO GET -OUT OF HERE.

- ( engine starts )

-HE'S IN THERE. -WHAT ARE WE -GOING TO DO NOW?

-WE GO IN AFTER HIM -AND GRAB HIM.

-THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.

- ( Brontos snickering )

-( pants )

-- READY? -- I WAS BORN READY!

-( beeps )

-WANT TO TRADE? -I WANT THE ORANGE ONE.

-HEY, SANTA, YOU WANT TO -PLAY SOME VIDEO GAMES?

-QUICK, JEREMY, -YOU'VE GOT TO HIDE ME.

-TWO OF MY BROTHER'S -DREADFUL HENCHMEN

-ARE RIGHT OUTSIDE -LOOKING FOR ME.

- ( doorbell rings )

-- CAN I HELP YOU? -- OH, YES.

-UH... -( clears throat )

-EXCUSE US, MA'AM.

-WE'RE FROM THE DEPARTMENT -OF WATER AND POWER,

-- AND WE NEED TO CHECK - YOUR LINES. -- EXCUSE ME?

-THERE'S BEEN A SURGE -IN THE LINES,

-AND WE'VE NARROWED IT -DOWN TO YOUR HOME.

-THE POWER SURGE -IN THE ELECTRIC CAPACITOR

-INDICATES THAT THE OBSTRUCTION -IS LOCATED SOMEWHERE -IN THIS HOUSE.

-- EXCUSE ME. -- PARDON ME.( giggles )

-WE'LL JUST BE A MINUTE. -OFFICIAL BUSINESS.

-YES. -COULD BE SERIOUS.

-COULD KNOCK OUT POWER -IN THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD.

-- MY WORD. I SUPPOSE YOUNEED TO -- YES, MA'AM, EVERY ROOM.

-HOW LONG WILL IT TAKE?

-UH...

-WHAT?

-WE'LL START UPSTAIRS.

-PARDON ME! -EXCUSE ME!

-OH OH OH OH!

-HO HO HO HO -HO HO HO HO, OH!

-( speaks gibberish)

-- OH OH OH! -- THAT WAY!GO GO GO!

-HURRY HURRY HURRY!

-( gasps )

-( gibbers )

-COME ON! -GO GO GO! -HURRY HURRY!

-( whimpers )

-- COME ON, COME ON! -- Brontos:WHEE WHEE! OKAY.

-( blubbers )

-( spits ) -I REALLY HATE -WHEN THAT HAPPENS.

-( grunts )

-I'M SORRY. -WE REALLY SHOULD GET -THE CHIMNEY CLEANED.

-- I'LL SAY. -- ( door opens )

-- THANK YOU VERY MUCH. -- GET HIM!

-- WHOA! -- HURRY HURRY HURRY!

-THIS AIN'T OVER YET. -COME ON.

- EXCUSE ME. - HI.

-UH... MISTER--

-MR. WHATEVER-YOUR-NAME-IS,

-I JUST WANT TO APOLOGIZE -FOR MY HUSBAND.

- HE'S...

-HE'S...

-IT'S HARD BEING BOB.

-NO APOLOGIES REQUIRED.

-THANK YOU -FOR PROVIDING ME

-WITH A WARM BED -AND A CHANCE -TO FIND MYSELF.

-YOU KNOW, I THINK THAT'S -WHAT BOB NEEDS, TOO.

-HE'S A MAN WHO -STILL CARRIES AROUND -A BROKEN DREAM.

- HE JUST HASN'T BEEN - ABLE TO LOOK UP

- AND SEE THAT HE'S GOT - A NEW DREAM RIGHT HERE:

- A BEAUTIFUL WIFE

- AND TWO FINE BOYS WHO - BOTH NEED AND LOVE HIM.

-YOU SEE ALL THAT?

-A BLIND MAN COULD SEE

-HOW MUCH YOU LOVE HIM -AND YOUR SONS.

-THANK YOU.

-ALL RIGHT. -IF YOU NEED ANYTHING, -JUST CALL, OKAY?

-WHAT I REALLY NEED

-IS A WAY TO CONTACT -MRS. CLAUS

-AND HITCH A RIDE BACK -TO THE NORTH POLE.

-THEY MUST BE TERRIBLY -WORRIED ABOUT ME.

-UH... YEAH,

-I SUPPOSE THEY ARE -WORRIED ABOUT YOU.

-OKAY.

-- NIGHT. -- NIGHT.

-( sighs )

-UNHAND ME!

-ATNAS, YOU'RE -SUCH A SORE LOSER.

-REALLY, AFTER -ALL THESE YEARS, -GET OVER YOURSELF.

-OH, THAT HURT, -DEAR LADY.

-I THINK OF NO ONE -BUT YOU, NOEL.

- I LONG FOR YOU.

-I'D SCALE -A WALL FOR YOU.

-I ITCH FOR YOU. -( laughs )

-PLEASE. -YOU'RE SUCH -A SCOUNDREL, ATNAS.

-I MADE MY CHOICE -YEARS AGO.

-YOU HAD YOUR CHANCE,

- BUT YOU WERE BUSY CHASING - EVERY GIRL THAT MOVED.

-YOU ONLY WANTED ME -BECAUSE SANTA WANTED ME.

-OH!

-THAT CUTS ME -TO THE QUICK!

-( sobs )

-GOOD.

-NOW, STOP ALL THIS -NONSENSE AT ONCE.

-RELEASE MY HUSBAND. -BRING HIM BACK TO ME.

-I WOULD DO ANYTHING -FOR YOU, MY DEAR,

-ANYTHING BUT THAT.

-LET ME SHOW YOU -THE WORLD.

-LET ME SHOW YOU THINGS -YOU'VE NEVER EVEN DREAMED OF--

-VOLCANOES, TIDAL WAVES,

-- DINNER THEATER. -- EWW!

-GIVE ME A CHANCE. -GIVE ME A CHANCE.

-LET ME SHOW YOU -THE DARK SIDE OF LOVE.

-GET A GRIP. -YOU NEED HELP,

-IMMEDIATE -PSYCHIATRIC HELP.

-( laughs )

-HATE ME! -HATE ME IF YOU MUST, NOEL.

-THERE'LL BE NO HATING HERE. -WE DON'T HATE PEOPLE -AT THE NORTH POLE,

-EVEN IF THEY ARE -EVIL LIKE YOU.

-NOW PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER.

-WELL, TELL ME AT LEAST -THAT THERE'S SOME HOPE.

-I SHALL PERISH WITHOUT -A KIND WORD FROM YOU, NOEL.

-THERE'S ONLY ONE MAN FOR ME, -AND THAT'S MY HUSBAND.

-I LOVE SANTA.

-THEN YOU HAVE DOOMED HIM -FOR ETERNITY!

-I WILL BANISH HIM -TO THE DARK SIDE OF PLUTO.

- MY VENGEANCE - WILL BE SWIFT!

- MY ANGER WILL - KNOW NO BOUNDS.

-SHOW ME SOME -SMALL KINDNESS.

-ONLY THEN WILL I CONSIDER -SPARING SANTA

-FROM THAT LONG, -COLD RIDE

-THROUGH THE COSMOS.

-WHOA! -( groans )

-( snoring )

-- SHH! -- ( whispers )

-( both grunting )

-YOU GO.

-OUCH!

-OH!

-- SHH! -- HO HO HO HO HO.

-( snores )

-- GOTCHA, BIG GUY. -- ( muffled protests )

-- WHAT DID HE SAY? -- ( mumbles )

-- ( muffled protests ) -- Brontos: HURRY UP!

-- ( grunting ) -- Squeal: IT'S HEAVY!

-Santa: -OW OW, OH!

-OW! OH!

-SANTA MAN IS -IN THE BAG.

-ALL RIGHT, I'M GOING -TO CALL THE BOSS.

-- COME ON. -- OKAY.

-- ( beeping ) -- YOUR EMINENCE,

-KING OF THE DARK WONDERS -OF THE UNIVERSE, -WE HAVE HIM.

- Oh, good good!

- Good! - ( laughs )

- Now will you pull - yourself together - and take him to the cave!

-- TAKE HIM TO THE CAVE. -- TAKE HIM TO THE CAVE?

-- THE CAVE. -- THE CAVE.

-Both: -TAKE HIM TO THE CAVE, -THE CAVE, THE CAVE.

- TAKE HIM TO THE CAVE.

- ( Santa protesting )

- ( computer beeps )

-Mrs. Claus' voice: - A MESSAGE TO ALL CHILDREN

- FROM MRS. CLAUS - AT THE NORTH POLE:

- SANTA IS IN TROUBLE. - PLEASE BE ON THE LOOKOUT - FOR HIM.

- IF YOU SEE HIM,

- LET HIM KNOW - HELP IS ON THE WAY.

-SANTA. SANTA?

-SANTA?

-MOM, MOM, -I LOOKED FOR SANTA.

-I CAN'T FIND HIM. -HE'S GONE. -AND HE NEEDED MY HELP.

-IT'LL BE OKAY. -GO BACK TO BED.

-BUT I DIDN'T EVEN GET -A CHANCE TO SAY GOODBYE

- AND TELL HIM THAT MRS. CLAUS - HAD A PLAN TO GET HIM BACK.

-I'M SURE THE OLD MAN, -WHOEVER HE WAS, -WILL UNDERSTAND.

-HE ISN'T AN OLD MAN. -HE'S SANTA CLAUS, -AND HE'S IN TROUBLE.

-HOW IS HE GOING TO GET -BACK TO THE NORTH POLE -IN TIME FOR CHRISTMAS?

-JEREMY, BED.

-( groans )

-Mrs. Claus: - GOOD. IT'S BEEN DECIDED.

-POINTER, GOOD LUCK.

-ME? BUT I'M A CYBER ELF. -I'M GOOD WITH COMPUTERS.

-I DON'T DO -THE RESCUE THING.

-FIND SANTA AND GIVE HIM -HIS MAGIC HAT.

-- I DON'T WANT IT. -- NEITHER DO I.

-- NOT ME. -- YIKES!

-- NO, SIR. -- OH, BOY.

-- NO, SIR. -- OH, NO.

-- NOT ME. -- OH, NO.HERE YOU GO.

-I DON'T WANT IT.

-I REALLY DON'T THINK -I'M THE RIGHT ELF -FOR THE JOB.

-CAN WE SEND ONE -OF THE REINDEERS?

-IT IS AS IT SHOULD BE. -WE'LL START WITH THE BOY.

- LET'S GO.

-OH! OH!

-- OH! -- COME ON.MOVE IT, POINTER.

-TAKE A RIGHT -AT THE NEXT TUNNEL.

-Pointer: - OH!

-Harold: - THIS IS IT. - YOU'RE HERE.

- WATCH YOUR HEAD. - BE CAREFUL.

-- YOU READY? -- NO!

-OH, COME ON.

- ( buzzing )

-( whimpers )

-ONE, TWO, THREE!

-OH-HHH!

- ( whooshing sound )

-( grunts )

-WHEW!

-WHO ARE YOU?

-THERE'S NO TIME -FOR IDLE CHITCHAT. -WE MUST GO. WE MUST!

-AND WHAT ARE YOU? -HOW DID YOU GET HERE?

-I'M AN ELF...

-FROM THE NORTH POLE -ON A MISSION -TO FIND SANTA.

-SHH! YOU'LL WAKE UP -MY BROTHER BUTCH.

-( snoring )

-HE DOESN'T BELIEVE -IN SANTA CLAUS,

-AND HE DEFINITELY -DOESN'T BELIEVE IN ELVES.

-WELL, I NEVER!

-HERE, STEP INTO MY OFFICE. -WE REALLY MUST GET ON WITH IT.

-( snorts )

-MY NAME IS POINTER. -THERE'S NO TIME TO WASTE.

-I'M HERE TO BRING SANTA -HIS MAGIC HAT.

-HIS HAT? MAGIC?

-OF COURSE. -HOW DO YOU THINK HE GETS -DOWN THOSE CHIMNEYS?

-- HIS MAGIC HAT? -- EXACTLY.

-ATNAS HAS TAKEN OVER -SANTA'S WORKSHOP.

-- WHAT'S AN ATNAS? -- ATNAS IS SANTASPELLED BACKWARD

-HE'S SANTA'S EVIL BROTHER.

-- HIS BROTHER? -- YES.

-AND HE'S BAD -TO THE BONE.

-HE'S EVERYTHING BAD, -WHERE SANTA'S -EVERYTHING GOOD.

-WHERE SANTA WANTS TO GIVE, -ATNAS WANTS TO TAKE.

-AND IF HE SUCCEEDS, -HE'LL CHANGE -CHRISTMAS FOREVER.

-- NO MORE GIFTS. -- NO MORE GIFTS?

-NO MORE SANTA.

-WHAT CAN I DO?

-YOU, JEREMY, -CAN SAVE CHRISTMAS.

-I CAN? HOW?

-BY HELPING ME FIND SANTA.

-NOW ACCORDING -TO OUR CYBER RECORDS,

-HE WAS LAST SEEN HERE -IN THIS HOUSE WITH YOU.

-LET'S VERMOOSE.

-WHERE ARE WE -VERMOOSING TO?

-FIRST, WE MUST FIND -A SPECIAL ALLY.

-- WHO? -- F.O.S.

-F.O.S.?

-I KNOW WHERE -THERE'S AN F.O.S.

-HEY, OPEN UP.

-- WELL? -- HE'S ON HIS WAY.

-IT'S IMPERATIVE THAT -JEREMY AND POINTER

-FIND AND RESCUE SANTA.

-WHAT IF WE DON'T -FIND SANTA?

-IF SANTA DOESN'T RETURN -IN TIME FOR CHRISTMAS,

-THERE WOULD BE -NO CHRISTMAS.

-IT WOULD BE THE END.

-( all scream )

- ( shop bell rings )

-HELLO THERE. -WELCOME TO EARL'S.

-IF THERE'S ANYTHING -I CAN HELP YOU WITH, -JUST LET ME KNOW.

-GREETINGS, FRIEND.

-( laughs )

-- WHAT'S GOING ON? -- AH, WELCOME, FRIENDS.

-WHAT BRINGS YOU -ON SUCH A LONG JOURNEY?

-I HAVE TERRIBLE NEWS.

-SANTA HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED -AND WE NEED YOUR HELP -IN LOCATING HIM.

-- WHO WOULD DOSUCH A THING? -- ATNAS.

-AH. I WAS AFRAID -YOU WOULD SAY THAT.

-COME WITH ME.

-COME ON.

-I STILL HOPE -THIS WORKS.

-WHAT DOES F.O.S. MEAN?

-FRIEND OF SANTA.

-- TAKE A GOOD LOOK. -- WOW, IT'S COOL.

-ALL RIGHT, -ALL TOGETHER.

-- ME? -- MM-HMM.

- ( buzzing )

-THERE HE IS. -WHAT DO WE DO? -EARL, DO SOMETHING.

-WE MUST BRING SANTA -HIS MAGIC HAT.

-- HE'LL TAKE IT FROM THERE. -- HOW DO WE GET THERE?

-- WE JUMP. -- JUMP?

-JEREMY, YOU'VE BEEN CHOSEN. -GRAB THE CHANCE.

-YOUR COURAGE IS NEEDED. -IT MUST BE SOMEBODY -WHO BELIEVES IN SANTA,

-SOMEONE WHO BELIEVES -IN CHRISTMAS.

-I BELIEVE IN CHRISTMAS.

-AH.

-THE MAGIC WORDS, JEREMY. -COME. WE MUST GET -A RUNNING START.

-ONE...

-TWO... THREE!

-REMEMBER, BE YOURSELVES.

-AND WATCH OUT! -THERE MAY BE A TRAP!

-WOW, THAT -WAS UNREAL!

-BELIEVE ME, -IT WAS REAL.

-THE QUESTION IS, -WHERE ARE WE?

-YOU MEAN, YOU DON'T KNOW?

-NOPE, I HAVEN'T A CLUE.

-( groans ) -THIS IS NOT GOOD.

-WHAT KIND OF ELF -ARE YOU, ANYWAY?

-A SCARED ELF. -I WISH I WAS BACK -AT THE NORTH POLE

-OPTIMIZING SANTA'S -HARD DISK.

-POINTER, SNAP OUT OF IT. -YOU'RE NOT AT THE NORTH POLE.

-YOU'RE HERE.

-BUT... WHERE IS HERE?

-OH BROTHER. -WELL, WE MUST BE CLOSE.

-LET'S GO THIS WAY.

-BUT WHAT IF IT'S -THE OTHER WAY?

-OH, I JUST DON'T KNOW -WHICH WAY TO GO.

-SOMETIMES YOU'VE GOT -TO GO THIS WAY.

-Sign the paper, Santa.

- Sign it, - and stop all this.

-You've lost. -I've won.

- The only stocking to be - stuffed will be mine.

-And someday, when -they finally tell

-the story of my life,

-I will be right there -to publish it.

-I'LL NEVER SIGN -AWAY CHRISTMAS.

- CHRISTMAS IS - BIGGER THAN I AM.

-CHRISTMAS IS -BIGGER THAN US ALL.

-You've had your turn.

-Let the dark side rule.

-Sign the paper, -blubber boy.

-- SIGN IT. -- YEAH, SIGN IT!

-SO, STARTING YOUR -OWN BUSINESS, HUH?

-I CAN'T AFFORD TO WAIT AROUND -FOR SOMEBODY TO HIRE ME.

-NOPE. I'M SETTING UP -SHOP RIGHT HERE.

-- BOB'S POOL SERVICE. -- GEE, BOB--

-NO, ALGAE, AND I'M -ITS NUMBER-ONE ENEMY. -( laughing )

-IT'S A TOUGH BREAK, -LOSING YOUR JOB RIGHT -BEFORE CHRISTMAS, HUH?

-THINK POSITIVE, FRED. -THINK CHEMICALS.

-THINK SWEEPERS. -THINK FILTERS.

-THINK THAT LONG-HANDLED POLE -WITH THE NET ON THE END -FOR THE LEAVES.

-THAT LONG-HANDLED POLE -WITH THE NET ON THE END -FOR THE LEAVES.

-HEY, DOES THIS WORK?

-YEAH, I THINK SO.

- ( static )

-Greetings. -It is my great pleasure

-to inform the world -that there will be -no Christmas.

- ( laughs ) - Not this year.

-Atnas is the new -kid in town.

-Atnas rules.

-Atnas wants those gifts -delivered el pronto,

-or Atnas will continue

-referring to himself -in the third person.

-And not only that,

-the fat boy gets it.

-( laughing maniacally )

-Uh... that just in

-from Santa's -evil brother,

-identified as Atnas.

-Preparations are taking place -to comply with his demands.

-We're getting reports.

-Calls are flooding -the White House from -people all over the world

-as this heinous news -spreads across the globe.

-- ( TV clicks off ) -- WHAT THE HECKIS GOING ON HERE?

-IT SOUNDS LIKE SOMEBODY -KIDNAPPED SANTA... CLAUS.

-YEAH RIGHT, AND THE TOOTH -FAIRY'S MIXING MY MARTINI -AS WE SPEAK.

-BOB, WE'VE GOT A PROBLEM.

-- JEREMY'S MISSING. -- HECK OF A DAY.

-OH, GREAT.

-LET'S GO, FRED.

-- Fred: WHERE DO WE START? -- Bob: THE PLAYGROUND, - THE MALL, EVERYWHERE.

-I'M SCARED, JEREMY. -SCARED SCARED.

-ATNAS IS BAD BAD, -REALLY REALLY BAD.

-HE DOESN'T SCARE ME, -EVEN THOUGH I DON'T -EVEN KNOW HIM.

-SOMETIMES YOU -HAVE TO BELIEVE.

-YOU'RE RIGHT. -WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?

-SANTA ALWAYS SAYS -THERE'S NOTHING -YOU CAN'T ACHIEVE...

-IF YOU BELIEVE.

-YEAH, BUT YOU STILL NEED -TO KEEP PUTTING ONE FOOT -IN FRONT OF THE OTHER.

-Winona: - DETECTIVE, THIS - ISN'T LIKE JEREMY.

-- DO SOMETHING! -- MRS. BUKOWSKI,

-DON'T PANIC.

- ALL RIGHT. - OKAY, LET'S REVIEW.

-NOW ON THE PHONE, -YOU MENTIONED SOMETHING -ABOUT A CARD STORE?

-YES, SPORTS CARDS. -EARL'S CARD SHOP.

-JEREMY COLLECTS CARDS -AND HE GOES THERE A LOT.

-BINGO.

-DID YOU HEAR THAT?

-- WHAT? -- THAT.

-THAT WHAT?

-YOU SEE ANYTHING?

-I SEE YOU.

-COME ON! -REMIND ME TO FIND -A NEW PARTNER

-ON OUR NEXT MISSION.

-( beeps )

-- LET'S GO. -- I'M GETTING HUNGRY.

-- WE AIN'T EATING - TILL ATNAS SAYS. -- FINE.

-OH, PRETTY WILDFLOWERS. -( giggling )

- ( overlapping dialogue )

-TELL MY MOM WHAT -SHE WANTS TO KNOW.

-EVERYBODY PLEASE -CALM DOWN!

-YOU'RE MAKING THIS HARDER -THAN IT HAS TO BE.

- YOU ADMIT TO TALKING - WITH THE BOY.

-YOU ADMIT TO FILLING -HIS HEAD WITH THESE IDEAS.

-NO, SIR.

-YOUNG JEREMIAH HAS -HIS HEAD ON STRAIGHT.

- HE'S A BRAVE LAD.

-HE'S OFF ON A QUEST, -ON A HERO'S JOURNEY.

-JEREMY. -MY SON'S NAME IS JEREMY.

-NOT JEREMIAH, -YOU OLD LOON.

-WHERE THE BOY HAS GONE...

-YOU CANNOT FOLLOW.

-WHAT ARE YOU, -THE RIDDLER?

-LISTEN... MISTER, -IF YOU KNOW SOMETHING,

-ANYTHING ABOUT WHERE -JEREMY MIGHT BE,

-YOU'VE GOT TO TELL US.

-THE LAST THING -JEREMY SAID

-THAT HE WANTED -FOR CHRISTMAS

-WAS TO HAVE -HIS PARENTS GET ALONG.

- NOW WHY WOULD - HE WISH FOR THAT?

-THE BRIDGE WAS HERE -A MOMENT AGO.

-BRIDGES JUST -DON'T... GO AWAY.

-YOU CAN'T JUST WALK ACROSS. -THERE'S NOTHING THERE.

-I GOT TO DO IT. -I JUST GOTTA.

-I DON'T THINK -I CAN WATCH THIS! -( whimpers )

-I BELIEVE IN SANTA.

-I BELIEVE IN CHRISTMAS.

-COME ON, POINTER!

-YOU DON'T NEED -A FRIGHTENED ELF.

-HERE, TAKE -SANTA'S MAGIC HAT.

-- WOW! -- GO ON, JEREMY.

-COME ON, POINTER.

-I NEED YOUR HELP. -SANTA NEEDS YOUR HELP.

-SO JUST TAKE A BREATH -AND RELAX.

-YOU DID IT, JEREMY! -YOU DID IT!

-( laughs )

-THE GLOBE SHOWED SANTA -INSIDE SOME KIND OF CAVE,

-BUT I DON'T SEE -AN ENTRANCE.

-OKAY, I BELIEVE -I SEE A BIG ROCK.

-NOW WHAT?

-NOW WE WAIT FOR A SIGN.

-I LOOKED EVERYWHERE FOR HIM. -ANY NEWS?

-- NO. -- COME ON.GIVE ME A HAND WITH TH

-( sighs ) -BUTCH, AM I A WIMPY DAD?

-- GRUMPY. -- WHAT DO YOU MEAN, GRUMPY?

-I'VE ALWAYS TRIED -TO BE A GOOD FATHER.

-DAD, DON'T GET ALL WEIRD -AND MOPEY ON ME NOW.

-YEAH, OKAY.

-I MEAN... HAVE I EVER -LET YOU GUYS DOWN?

-GET A GRIP, DAD. -TELL MOM YOU LOVE HER.

-PUT THE PAPER -DOWN AT BREAKFAST. -GIVE HER A KISS GOODBYE.

- HAVE A NICE LIFE.

-HI.

-THE DETECTIVE SAID -TO WAIT BY THE PHONE

-IN CASE HE CALLS -WITH SOME NEWS.

-I DON'T WANT THINGS TO BE -THE WAY THEY'VE BEEN.

-I WANT ANOTHER CHANCE -TO MAKE IT RIGHT.

-WE'RE TALKING. -THAT'S A START.

-I JUST GET PREOCCUPIED.

-SOMETIMES I-- -I GUESS I'M GRUMPY.

- BUT I LOVE YOU.

-I'M WORRIED.

-WILL WE EVER SEE -JEREMY AGAIN?

-HUH?

-WATCH YOUR STEP. -THERE'S ROCKS AROUND.

-( muttering )

-HEY, IT'S ONLY A MIRAGE.

-COME ON.

-MAYBE WE SHOULD -SPLIT UP.

-ARE YOU KIDDING? -DON'T YOU WATCH THE MOVIES?

-WHENEVER YOU SPLIT UP, -SOMETHING BAD HAPPENS,

-LIKE YOU GET KILLED -OR WORSE.

-WHAT'S WORSE -THAN BEING KILLED?

-LOOK! SANTA!

-- ( muffled protests ) -- SANTA, THANK GOODNESSWE FOUND

-LOOK OUT!

-( screams )

-Winona: - THANK YOU. - NO, WE'LL BE RIGHT HERE.

-PLEASE CALL,

-NO MATTER WHAT YOU FIND.

-- WELL? -- THE DETECTIVE SAYS THEY'VESCOU

-CHECKED THE PARKS, -THE MALLS--

-NOTHING. I'VE CALLED -EVERYONE I KNOW.

-HEY, ALL THE NEIGHBORS -HAVE THESE POSTERS.

-- WE GOT 'EM UP ALL OVER TOWN. -- IT'S A COOL POSTER.

-THERE'S GOT TO BE -SOMETHING ELSE WE CAN DO.

-- I CAN'T STANDTHIS MUCH LONGER. -- YOU GUYS CALL ME

-- IF THERE'SANYTHING I CAN DO. -- THANKS, FRED.

-Fred: - WINONA, DON'T - WORRY SO MUCH.

-JEREMY'S A TOUGH KID.

-I'M BANKING ON HIM.

-YOU'D BETTER PREPARE YOURSELF -FOR THE WORST, PAL.

-IT'S A TOUGH WORLD -OUT THERE.

-SO LONG.

-SOMETHING TERRIBLE'S -HAPPENED TO OUR BOY. -I JUST KNOW IT.

-DON'T SAY THAT, HONEY. -DON'T GIVE UP HOPE.

-DON'T BE SCARED, MOM.

-JEREMY'S TOUGHER -THAN YOU THINK.

-HECK, HE'S SURVIVED -LIVING WITH ME

-AND I'VE TORTURED THE LITTLE -GUY WITH SPITBALLS -AND INSULTS FOR YEARS.

-- HE'LL SHOW UPBEFORE WE KNOW IT -- YOU MISS HIM TOO, DON'T YOU?

-UH... OOH!

-HMM.

-UH!

-BOOP, WHOO!

-( laughs )

-I'LL RAISE YOU ONE SKULL.

-- DONE. -- HUH?

-GO FISH.

-OH! TIME FOR -ANOTHER GAME.

-WHAT'S WITH THEM? -DON'T THEY KNOW

-THAT THEY'RE SPOILING -CHRISTMAS FOR EVERYBODY?

-THEY LEARNED -FROM THEIR MASTER.

-ATNAS HATES CHILDREN.

-HE HATES ELVES. -HE HATES EVERYBODY.

-SOUNDS LIKE A PERFECTLY -HATEFUL GUY.

-HE HATES ME.

-WHY DOES HE -HATE YOU, SANTA? -HE'S YOUR BROTHER.

-HO HO! -BROTHERS CAN BE TOUGH.

-TELL ME ABOUT IT.

-IT'S HARD TO BE -AN ATNAS.

-I'M AFRAID I CAN'T -QUITE EXPLAIN MY BROTHER.

-( sighs ) -HE WASN'T EXACTLY -POPULAR GROWING UP.

-HEY, SHUT UP OVER THERE!

-WE'RE PLAYING BLACKJACK -AND YOU'RE THROWING OFF -MY CONCENTRATION!

-- 20. -- HIT ME.

-OH!

-OH! I THINK -YOU BROKE MY FACE!

-IT LOOKS -THE SAME TO ME.

-WE'VE GOT TO GET SANTA -HIS MAGIC HAT.

-RIGHT.

-HERE'S THE GOOD NEWS: -JEREMY AND POINTER -HAVE FOUND SANTA.

-THANK GOODNESS!

-- IT'S WONDERFUL! -- WHAT'S THE BAD NEWS?

-THEY'VE BEEN -CAPTURED BY ATNAS. -ALL HOPE IS LOST.

-OH-HH!

-WHERE WERE YOU -WHEN SANTA HELD HIS -SENSITIVITY-TRAINING COURSE?

-DON'T BLAME ME. -IT'S NOT MY FAULT.

-YOU'RE EXACTLY -WHO I BLAME.

-WHO LET ATNAS AND HIS THUGS -INTO THE NORTH POLE, ANYWAY?

-WELL, I FOUND A BOX. -I THOUGHT IT WAS A GIFT.

-WELL, WHO JUST CAME -IN HERE AND HAD TO -BLURT OUT THE BAD NEWS?

-LOOSE LIPS SINK SHIPS.

-BUT BUT BUT...

-HEY, HE'S -GETTING LOOSE!

-GRAB HIM!

-HEY, BRONTOS.

-OH, NO!

-COME ON, KID. -GIVE ME THE HAT. -COME ON.

-- COME AND GET IT. -- ( screams )

-OH, NO!

-( yelling )

-- OOPS. -- BETTER CALL THE BOSS.

-- ( both whimper ) -- ( electronic beeping )

-UH-OH.

-( flushing )

- THAT WAS GOOD, JEREMY.

-THAT WAS REALLY GOOD.

- HO HO!

-HOWEVER, WE STILL NEED

-AN F.O.S. TO GET -BACK TO THE POLE.

-Both: -NO PROBLEMO!

-BUT HOW ARE WE GOING TO -GET BACK TO THE CARD SHOP?

-HO HO! -TAKE MY HANDS.

-ONE FOR ALL -AND ALL FOR CHRISTMAS.

-Both: -ONE FOR ALL

-AND ALL FOR CHRISTMAS!

-- ( Earl laughs ) -- HO HO!

-I HAVEN'T HAD -THIS CLOSE A CALL -SINCE THAT MIRACLE.

-OH RIGHT, WITH THAT -LITTLE GIRL ON 34th STREET.

-YES, THAT ONE.

-OH, AHH.

-AHH.

-WELL? -COME ON, JEREMY.

-WE STILL NEED YOUR HELP.

-THAT'S RIGHT. -ATNAS IS HOLDING

-THE ELVES -AND MRS. CLAUS.

-ONCE MORE -INTO THE BREACH, -MY FRIENDS.

-All: -ONE, TWO, THREE!

-HO HO HO! -WE MADE IT. -WE'RE BACK.

-OH! -( laughing )

-HO HO HO HO!

-Mrs. Claus: - I MISSED YOU.

-I MISSED YOU SO MUCH, -YOU BIG BEAR!

-HO HO HO! -I MISSED YOU, -TOO, MY CUPCAKE.

-BUT, PLEASE...

-NOT IN FRONT -OF THE ELVES.

-THANK GOODNESS -YOU'RE BACK.

-THANK GOODNESS FOR POINTER -AND JEREMY HERE.

-( laughs ) -OH, COME HERE.

-I HATE TO BREAK THIS UP, -BUT ATNAS IS PREPARING

-TO COLLECT ALL THE GIFTS -FROM AROUND THE WORLD.

-IF WE DON'T STOP HIM, -IT'LL BE TOO LATE.

-HE STILL CONTROLS -THE CYBER ROOM.

-- HMM. -- WE NEED A PLAN.

-- HMM, WE DO, WE DO. -- YES.

-I GOT A PLAN.

-- HEY. -- COME ON.

-- ( overlapping dialogue ) -- (Jeremy whispers )

- ( computers beeping )

-I'VE... RECONSIDERED

-YOUR PROPOSITION -OF MARRIAGE, ATNAS,

-AND I'VE... GIVEN IT -A LOT OF THOUGHT.

- I KNEW YOU'D COME - AROUND, MY QUEEN.

-OH! EVER SINCE -I FIRST SAW YOU,

- I KNEW THAT SOMEDAY - YOU'D BE MINE.

-I HAD TO HAVE YOU.

-OH! I WILL SHOWER -YOU WITH GIFTS.

-I'LL MAKE YOU -PRETTY THINGS

- THAT THOSE ELVES NEVER - EVEN DREAMED OF MAKING.

-I'LL BE EVERYTHING -THAT THAT FOOL -OF A BROTHER OF MINE,

-AND HAS-BEEN HUSBAND,

-NEVER COULD BE.

-UNHAND MY WIFE, -YOU VIPER!

-OH, NO YOU DON'T, -NOT THIS TIME.

-I SHOULD HAVE WASTED YOU -WHEN I HAD THE CHANCE. -GET HIM!

-CHARGE!

-- YAH! -- HEY, YOU!

-- GET HIM! -- JUST TAKE THE ELF!

-- THIS WAY! -- GERONIMO!

-GET HIM, PAPA! -GO!

-THE EVIL YOU DO COMES -TO HAUNT YOU EVERY TIME.

-( thugs shouting )

-OH, MY!

-- OH-HH! -- OW!

-OH-HH!

-( groans )

-OH, NO!

-YOU NEED SOMETHING DONE, -YOU GOT TO DO IT YOURSELF.

-GOODBYE -AND GOOD RIDDANCE!

- ( laughing maniacally )

-( yelling )

-OH! OH!

-OH, NO. -OH OH!

-OH, NO!

- ( buzzes )

-( wails )

-OH!

-( hysterical wailing )

-OH!

-YES! -HE'S GONE!

-- YES! -- ( laughing )

-ALL RIGHT! -YEAH!

-HURRAY!

-HO HO HO HO!

-( all laughing )

-QUICKLY, LET'S ACTIVATE -THE SEARCH CONTROL.

-( beeping )

-- ( laughing )BON VOYAGE, BRO! -- BYE!

- ( laughing )

-- GET TO WORK HERE.YES INDEED. -- QUIET!

-CONGRATULATE -YOURSELVES LATER, HUH?

-IT'S CHRISTMAS EVE. -WE'VE GOT TO SEND -SANTA ON HIS WAY.

-- GOTTA GO. -- ELF COUNCIL.

-HAROLD, IS -EVERYTHING READY?

-BLESS YOU, SANTA. -THANK GOODNESS YOU'RE OKAY.

-YES, THE GIFTS ARE READY. -WE WERE AHEAD OF SCHEDULE -WHEN ATNAS TOOK OVER.

-SAVE THE HUGS AND KISSES -FOR LATER, HUH?

-HE'S RIGHT, SANTA. -IT'S LAUNCH TIME.

-DID YOU SAY LUNCH?

-BUT WE HAVEN'T -EATEN FOR HOURS.

-( clears throat ) -VERY WELL THEN.

-I WANT TO THANK YOU ALL -FOR EVERYTHING YOU DID -WHILE I WAS AWAY.

-AND I WANT TO THANK YOU -FOR KEEPING THE SPIRIT -OF CHRISTMAS ALIVE.

-HO HO HO HO! -AND NOW I MUST AWAY!

-HO HO HO HO!

-BUT WAIT.

-HOW DO I GET HOME?

-- OH, DEAR. -- OH, MY.

- ( people cheering on TV )

-IT'S BEAUTIFUL, -JUST BEAUTIFUL.

-TV anchorman: - This just in:

-Atnas has been stopped.

-Santa is on his way.

- And we have - unconfirmed reports

-of Santa sightings -all across the world

-as he makes his -Christmas run on time.

-- That's the late - breaking news. -- ( TV clicks off )

-I ONLY WISH JEREMY WERE -HERE TO ENJOY THIS.

- ( rumbling )

-- ( gasps ) -- OH!

-HO HO HO HO! -MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE.

-MERRY CHRISTMAS!

-YOU! WAIT A MINUTE. -YOU MEAN, YOU ARE -SANTA CLAUS?

-YES, BOB... -( chuckles )

-THERE IS A SANTA CLAUS.

-AND I'VE BROUGHT -SOMETHING FOR YOU.

-SURPRISE! -I'M HOME!

-JEREMY!

-OH, THANK GOODNESS!

-OH, THANK YOU, SANTA.

-NO NO, THANK -YOUR BRAVE SON JEREMY.

-WITHOUT HIM, THERE -WOULDN'T BE A CHRISTMAS.

-( clicks tongue ) -OH, BROTHER.

-I GUESS I'LL BE GOING. -I STILL HAVE A BIG -NIGHT AHEAD OF ME.

-BUT WAIT, SANTA.

-WILL I EVER -SEE YOU AGAIN?

-HO HO! -DON'T YOU WORRY, JEREMY.

-I'LL BE AROUND.

- ( chiming )

-WELL, IT'S OFFICIAL.

-MERRY CHRISTMAS!

-HO HO HO HO HO!

-FOR YOU, BOB AND WINONA,

-TO KEEP THE LOVE -LIGHT BURNING.

- ALL YOU TRULY NEED - IS LOVE.

-- FOR YOU, BUTCH. -- WHAT'S THIS?

-A FULL SCHOLARSHIP

-TO THE TORPEDO MILITARY -ACADEMY FOR BOYS.

-COOL.

-OH, YES,

-I ALMOST FORGOT--

-FOR YOU, JEREMY.

-( clears throat )

-"JEREMY, FOR YOUR COURAGE,

-FAITH, LOYALTY -AND DETERMINATION,

- LET IT BE - KNOWN HEREWITH

-NEAR AND FAR -ACROSS THE LAND

-AND AROUND THE GLOBE

-HENCEFORTH JEREMY -SHALL BE KNOWN

-AS 'THE BOY WHO -SAVED CHRISTMAS'."

-- I'M SO PROUDOF YOU, JEREMY. -- WE BOTH ARE.

-SQUARE BIZ, JEREMY.

-BYE, SANTA.

-HO HO HO! -MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL

-AND TO ALL -A GOOD NIGHT.

-HO HO HO HO HO!

- MERRY CHRISTMAS! - HO HO HO HO!

-MERRY CHRISTMAS, SANTA.

- ( Santa laughing )

-Jeremy's voice: - "DEAR SANTA,

- THANKS AGAIN - FOR EVERYTHING.

- MY PARENTS LIKE - EACH OTHER AGAIN

- AND DAD'S NOT SLEEPING - ON THE COUCH.

- BUTCH IS GOING AWAY - TO SCHOOL.

- WE EVEN GOT A TREE.

- ON THE JOURNEY TO FIND YOU - I LEARNED A LOT.

- I LEARNED FROM POINTER - THAT A PERSON CAN BE AFRAID

- AND STILL HAVE COURAGE.

- I WAS SCARED, - PLENTY SCARED,

- BUT I KEPT GOING.

- SOMETIMES IT TAKES COURAGE - TO BELIEVE IN STUFF

- EVEN WHEN - NOBODY ELSE DOES.

- I BELIEVE - IN YOU, SANTA,

- AND YOU HELPED ME - TO BELIEVE IN MYSELF.

- THANK YOU - FOR EVERYTHING.

- YOUR PAL, JEREMY,

- THE BOY WHO - SAVED CHRISTMAS."

-( beeps )

-NOW ON TO SOMETHING -A BIT LIGHTER.

-TODAY IS PUFFY -OUR OWN BENGAL TIGER'S

-THIRD BIRTHDAY.

-( laughs ) -KELLY.

-- HAPPY BIRTHDAY, PUFFY. -- ( laughing )

-NEXT UP, PEARL -GARRETT JOINS US

-WITH HER ANNUAL -HOLIDAY RECIPE.

-THIS YEAR: -FRUITLESS FRUITCAKE.

-FRUITLESS FRUITCAKE? -WHAT IS THAT?

-- CAKE. -- ( laughs )

-- GOOD NIGHT. -- MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE.