Original subtitles

This programme contains some strong language some violent scenes.

GERMAN SONG PLAYS ON RADIO

DOGS BARK

LIGHT SNORING

Move it, come on.

LOUD BANGING

Morning. How goes it with you?

Papers.

Yes, naturally.

The sun hides its face today, does it not?

Your German is poor.

GUARD BANGS ON BOOT Open the boot.

What is it?

I want to conduct a search of the car.

Er, is that really necessary?

Exit the vehicle.

Sir, if you do not comply, we will remove you with force

and search the car.

- Get out of the car. Now! - Get out of the car!

What are you doing?!

He's British Embassy.

That's the Press Attache!

Sorry, captain.

Hello, Mr Anderson.

It's Sunday. You went to golf?

You know me well.

I know what you had for breakfast.

Scrambled eggs. Tomatoes. Toast.

And you took margarine instead of butter because your wife

is worried your fatness will put pressure on your heart.

How's Winston today?

Lazy as usual.

- Can we, erm...? - Of course. I'm rambling.

Welcome to the German Democratic Republic.

I'm sure you've missed East Berlin.

Oh, and...

...good luck for your smear test on Thursday, Mrs Anderson.

- I hate it here. - I know.

TYRES SCREECH

HORNS HONK

Jesus!

Fuck me, it's hot in there.

You did well.

Right, from now on, you are no longer Carolyn Martens...

I know, I know, I'm Martha Schmitt, a normal East German woman.

It's not my first time using an alias.

But it is your first time in deep cover.

It's different.

Deep cover means that, as far as the British government is concerned...

...you do not exist.

If anybody connects you to me, we will deny it.

If you find yourself in trouble, we will not rescue you.

That sounds pretty RUFF.

Martha, please take this seriously.

I know the risks!

Keep these hidden when you're not using them.

Oh.

Then there's this.

What is it? Don't tell me. I like to guess.

It's not the kiss of death, is it?

It doesn't feel heavy enough to be a pistol.

There's a cyanide capsule in the bottom of the tube.

But you know the risks.

Right, well, I suppose I should let you go.

HE SNIFFS DEEPLY

Are you sure you're ready for this?

SHE SIGHS

Yes, I'm ready. I've been ready for years,

but I've been stuck behind a desk

because women are secretaries and not agents.

But I AM an agent.

It's not like Bond, you know.

It's a lot of grunt work.

SHE SCOFFS

At least it can't get more demeaning than this.

MUSIC PLAYS

MUSIC MUFFLES SPEECH

Please, stay for us! Please, come on!

I'm Council Member for Municipal Supply

for the Neubrandenburg-Bezirk.

That's north. It's not north-north, but a little north.

SHE LAUGHS

You know, every computer chip manufactured west of the Oder,

that's me.

I work for the Security Forces.

Stasi.

But if anyone ask, I wasn't here.

HE CHUCKLES

And my boss, he just doesn't see my potential, you know?

That promotion, he dangled it in front of me for years!

And my wife's like, "Stick up for yourself,

"give him a piece of your mind." Like that's easy.

Oh, no, your tie.

Let me.

Do you like to party?

Yeah.

MUFFLED COMPLAINTS

Come on, you didn't think I was actually going to

sleep with you, did you?

Use your brain, Frank.

Hey, hey, hey.

Hey! I don't want to be here either.

I lure sad men like you with the promise of sex,

stage some kompromat, and then guess what happens?

I have to pass all the piss-boring industrial info I get from you

to some man to do the actual work.

You've no idea how humiliating it is.

I don't want to be the sexy little maggot at the end of the string.

I want to be the fisherman.

I just don't know how to get the higher-ups

to see what I'm capable of.

You know how it is.

MUFFLED SPEECH

I think you need to show them.

Be proactive. Make it so they can't ignore you.

You're actually quite intelligent, Frank.

Thank you.

Oh, please... MUFFLED COMPLAINTS

Now... give me some of those "come to bed" eyes.

MUFFLED COMPLAINTS

Hmm?

Trouble getting it in, huh?

Getting it in's the easy part.

Pulling it out's a different story.

THEY LAUGH

Down you go, Moppel.

What's so funny? DOG GROWLS

We were talking about a key in a lock

like a man's penis in the vagina.

It's late. You come and go at odd hours.

Oh, leave the girl alone, you snitch.

Keep your nose out of other people's business.

I have important friends.

Go on, report me!

DOG BARKS

You shouldn't push her.

But it's fun, though, isn't it?

Ciao, Martha.

Come on, fatty!

SNIFFLING

Stefan?

Bette Davis Eyes

MUSIC STOPS

Thank God you are home.

Something terrible has happened.

What?

I am in love.

What's his name?

I don't know.

Martha, will you stay, please?

I got a black-market copy of An Officer And A Gentleman

from Jonas' barber.

He's about six foot tall, dreamy blue eyes, thick brown hair,

great chiselled jaw, broad shoulders.

But not bulky. Like, he fills out the uniform,

- but it doesn't look ridiculous on him. - The uniform?

SHOOTING ON-SCREEN

You know, I don't think this is An Officer And A Gentleman.

- Stefan. - Yeah?

Why is he wearing a uniform?

OK, he's a border officer. I know. I know, I know,

but I walk past him every day on my way to work,

and he looks like he has kind eyes.

The man with the semi-automatic machine gun has kind eyes?

When you are in love, you overlook people's flaws.

In other words, you become a stupider version of yourself.

You're not a romantic, are you?

SEXUAL MOANING ON TAPE

Who am I looking at?

Lieutenant Colonel Friedrich Baumann,

the Stasi's new spy hunter,

tasked with eliminating undercover British targets.

He's just come back from a few years in Moscow.

And they don't send someone all that way if they don't want them

bringing back some Soviet tricks.

Not that I'd consider a hole in the head much of a trick.

If it seems like I'm keeping you on a short leash,

it's for your own good.

I don't want anything to draw Baumann's attention to you.

You might not survive it.

TAPE STOPS Swap to the B side.

SEXUAL MOANING ON TAPE

Do you think they're listening?

They're always listening.

They're really going at it tonight.

This guy's stamina is insane.

I get tired after, what,

three minutes?

Well... what rhythm are you using?

Oh.

OG Brunstrom.

Makes frequent visits to the West

trying to set up buyers for prefabricated furniture.

Maybe it's a cover for trading information.

Maybe he just really loves credenzas.

Either way, the slightest irregularity in his daily routine

is now the interest of MI6.

You're now his shadow.

Only if I can run him as an asset.

If that was even necessary, Bill would be running him.

SHE SIGHS Teacher's pet.

I don't want any of your lip tonight.

It's been a very stressful week.

The CIA are hysterical

because someone keeps leaking nuclear documents, and Anne is

insisting on getting a new sofa set when the old one's perfectly fine.

With more responsibility, I could take some things off your plate.

You can watch, listen, note,

and do not under any circumstances engage.

Any circumstances.

SHE SIGHS

No. No, no, you're doing it wrong.

You have to pace it, hmm?

Slow... fast... slow...

...fast... slow... fast.

Now go on.

And... be careful.

And... stay out of trouble.

And... don't do anything stupid.

OK.

Yeah, now you're getting it.

No onions.

I'll take what he had.

Yeah. No onions.

CLAMOURING

Sorry. Wrong one.

- We don't mind! - Come back!

No onions.

Didn't sleep much last night?

Just overworked. I've got two jobs.

What's your other job?

I work in a butcher's.

Do you like it?

I'm always doing the grunt work.

They don't seem to believe in my ability much.

I used to have this boyfriend.

He was so boring, never wanted to go to the disco.

He was like, "No, it'll be too loud," blah blah blah.

So I got my brothers to jump him and put him in the boot of their car

and take him there anyway.

He loved it! Once he realised he wasn't going to be shot,

he really got into the swing of things.

Just goes to show you, better to ask for forgiveness than permission.

I don't know about that.

- Oh! - Jesus Christ!

Oh, my gosh, I'm so clumsy! I'm so sorry.

No, I'm sorry. I bumped into you.

Er...

...you, er, you work here?

Er, sorry, of course you do.

I haven't seen you here before.

Just meeting some friends. I don't usually come to places like this.

What's that accent?

Hungary.

Damn, it's that thick?

I've always found Hungarian accents quite sexy.

Can I buy you a drink?

Make up for crashing into you?

I'm not really supposed to drink on shift.

But you could always buy me breakfast.

It's 6.00.

I don't want to kick you out, but I've got to go to work.

Mm. Five more minutes.

The door locks behind you.

OUTER DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES

You're a spy.

A very naughty spy.

Don't turn around.

I know why you're here.

What do you want?

I want to stop a crooked CIA agent

leaking nuclear secrets to the other side.

Martha?

HE LAUGHS

Oh, I knew my dick would get me in trouble.

You're not Stasi?

No. I'm MI6.

Oh! Fuck, even worse.

- Ow! - Give me those documents, or I'll take a kidney too.

OK. OK.

Take it.

Oh! Fuck!

Give it! HE GROANS

- Stop wriggling! - Jesus Christ!

You don't correct your gait to compensate for the holster.

When I followed you here, you were practically waddling.

I'm not going to let you pass intel to the enemy.

First of all, I'm not compensating for anything.

Second of all, it's not real intel.

Yes, there is a leak somewhere,

which is why I'm giving Brunstrom fake intel

so they don't know what's real and what's not.

The Stasi don't know Brunstrom's our guy, not theirs,

so they'll believe anything we give 'em.

Sweetheart, I need to make this drop.

DISTANT SHOUTING

- He's hurt. - Don't move.

Baumann.

He's Stasi.

He's not fucking around, is he?

No.

No, he's not.

Give me your hand.

Oh, come on!

So that fuck was just professional?

Are you serious?

It definitely felt like work, if that's what you mean.

Wait, are you a... professional?

I'll just do it myself.

I'll take matters into my own hands, just like the last time we met.

You know, as far as one-night stands go, you're the worst.

You stalked me, you ruined my drop, you stabbed me...

Oh, please, it was just the tip.

Just... stick to the honey trap stuff

and leave the actual work to the real agents.

It's not my fault you fell for the whole horny waitress routine.

Are you incompetent or just lonely?

Stay out of my way.

Oh, I'm sure East Berlin's big enough for the both of us.

- Good. - Great.

- Fine. - Perfect!

SEXUAL MOANING ON TAPE

I don't even have the words.

Insubordination! That's a word.

Cheek. Idiocy. Yeah, they're coming back to me.

Pig-headedness.

I ought to send you home.

You ought to be behind a desk for the rest of your life.

I thought you were one of the smart ones.

Luckily for you, the only thing MI6 fears more than a rogue officer

is showing its arse.

So I can stay?

With a caveat.

You will now work with Kurt Fischer as his partner.

This is an addendum to your natural cover. Learn it from back to front.

Now there is a mission that we...

I'm his girlfriend?!

It makes the most sense as a cover.

Might be the only thing that the Yanks and I agree on.

They wanted to give you a gun.

I said, "I've seen her try and drive a car, I'm not giving her a gun."

- Look, if you really do protest... - No, no, no! It's fine. It's fine.

I will be the best girlfriend in the world.

But if he gets into trouble, I will leave him for dead in a heartbeat.

That's my girl.

VOICES ON TV OR RADIO

Ilse?

They took her.

And Moppel.

You miserable old bitch!

Oh, your boyfriend dropped those round for you.

- Ugh! - You didn't tell me you had a boyfriend.

Can't someone have a personal life?

Not in this city.

SHE SIGHS

Did you get my flowers?

Red roses? How tacky.

Flowers say more than words can.

Those flowers were annoyingly cryptic.

Who's our target?

Hermann Metzl.

28.

Studied neuroscience as an exchange student at the

University of Manchester.

We think he might have made some connections there,

met some sympathetic pinko scientist.

Every day for the last six months,

he's driven straight past

the building he's officially supposed to be working in.

Instead, he drives two hours out of Berlin to a heavily guarded

building where he stays for eight hours and then drives home.

And what do they do in that building?

What's three words no intelligence agency wants to hear?

We don't know.

Bingo.

So what's our in? How do we approach?

Our boy Hermann is getting married.

Which means that we...

I just can't live without you.

Oh, God, no.

So when's the big day?

May.

And how did you meet?

- Well, I... - I came to his aid

when he was getting robbed on the street by a gang of teenage girls.

They took his wallet, his watch, his belt.

Well, and then, of course, his trousers fell down.

They were laughing and pointing and laughing.

It was a cold day, if you know what I mean.

I had to help him file the police report

because he just couldn't stop crying.

But it got us talking, and...

...here we are.

I'll leave you to browse.

Thank you.

Look, Metzl and his confusingly hot fiancee.

Maybe he's a good listener.

No, he's packing. Must be.

Split up. Scope them out.

Sweetie, why don't you go and have a look at the ties?

Oh, that ring!

It was my fiance's grandmother's.

Oh, it's gorgeous!

I love your hair.

I love your hair!

Marriage, huh?

Hmm.

Is that yours over there?

Uh-huh.

Nice ass.

We are actually writing our own vows.

Oh! That's so romantic.

Can I try them out on you?

Yeah.

Hermann, you lift me up.

I love you, I love us, I love ...

They're always trying to drag you to these places

when you'd really rather be at home watching the game with a cold beer.

You know what I mean?

I prefer wine.

Oh! What do you think?

I didn't know a dress could have square footage.

You should do a smoky eye for the wedding.

I don't know if Kurt would like that.

I wish our relationship was as perfect as yours.

There is one thing I am a bit worried about with me and Hermann.

Oh, yeah? You can tell me.

It genuinely scares me...

...how much I love that man.

Like, sometimes I cannot sleep because I think about losing him.

No-one warned me that love was so terrifying.

CHUCKLES

Mm.

Ah, shit.

Knock, knock.

See you later.

- Oh! That's beautiful, Hermann. - Stasi.

Have you seen this girl?

Er... no. I...

They're here for me

Stall them.

Excuse me. Those pants - where'd you get those pants from?

I've been looking for ones just like that.

- Oh, these are from Ackerman's. - Move.

Excuse me. Are you trying to run away?

Er... yes.

That was a bit silly, wasn't it?

That's a shame.

SHRIEKING

DOOR BUZZER

SHRIEKING

GATE LOCKS

Come on.

DOOR BUZZER

SHRIEKING

BUZZER

Sit down.

Why am I here?

Sit down.

Name?

Martha. Martha Schmitt.

Age? Place of birth?

24. Ledenstadt.

It says here Ledenwalde.

We moved shortly after I was born.

Are you married?

No.

Am I in trouble?

Occupation?

Waitress.

No.

You're not.

- But I am. - Don't lie to me.

I'm not lying to you.

You're not a waitress.

I know what you are.

You're a slut.

What?

You heard me.

You're a slut.

Or at least that's what people will call you.

Er, I don't understand.

How long have you been sleeping with the Press Attache Mr Anderson?

Answer me.

- Six months. - What do you talk about?

We don't do much talking.

You occupy a very unique position, Fraulein Schmitt,

one we would like to take advantage of.

I don't understand.

I want you to continue this affair

and I want you to inform on him.

Hmm.

I wouldn't know how.

I mean, I am just a stupid little slut, after all.

I didn't say stupid.

I trust you to do this.

You will report directly to me.

Now I just need your underwear.

Excuse me?

Your underwear.

We keep scent profiles on record.

For the dogs.

On one condition.

Informants don't get to dictate conditions.

If you didn't want me dictating conditions,

you shouldn't have let slip that I was valuable.

My neighbour, Ilse Huber, she was taken into custody,

and I want her released.

And her dog too. Little fat thing.

If the dog came in with her, it will have been destroyed.

BUZZER

Don't Leave Me This Way

Moppel. Come.

Good boy.

DOG WHINES

Cold feet?

Too late for that.

I'm in it now.

That girl in the wedding shop seemed so nice.

I wonder what she did.

Best not to think about it.

I invited her over for cake.

Very smart.

Inviting criminals over for cake.

Greta, can I get my eggs jammy?

Not runny, though. Like they hold up on the knife...

...but not solid.

Centre should be just on the verge of run...

HE CHOKES

TIMER RINGS

SHE SCREAMS

SONG CONTINUES