Original subtitles

45, 25.

45,

30.

45, 35.

45, 40.

Right round. Over there, Frank, if you don't mind.

Thanks.

How's the missus, Jim?

Not bad.

Right,

gentlemen, let's get down to business.

We think the price you're asking for young Jeff is outrageous, but we want

the lad, so we're going to pay it. Well, if you hadn't, there's others who would.

He's the best player to come out of Tasmania since Daryl Burdock.

What are you studying, Jeff?

Economics. I don't know what I hold with young blokes going to university.

Put some funny ideas in their heads.

Not going to interfere with your football, is it? He came over to play

football, Jock. Anything else comes second.

This club has a great tradition, Jeff.

We never had to pay big money for players before because every kid in the

country wanted to play for us just for the honour of wearing our Guernsey.

Those days are gone, Jock. I know they're gone, but the kids should know.

This club has a proud tradition.

Oh, yeah.

You haven't won a bloody premiership for 19 years.

Sign here on the last page, Jeff.

How much of this money actually goes to me?

Well, it's quite a complicated... How much?

Upwards of $20,000 plus your yearly contract.

It's not enough.

What do you mean, Jeff? It's a great deal. Yeah, for you, you get most of the

money. What is this? We agreed on the price weeks ago. Come on, Jeff, the club

always gets the bulk of the cash. Yeah, well, I want a better deal than this or

I won't sign.

Oh, this is bloody lovely.

We're flying us over here at more expense than importing the entire bloody

Moscow State Circus and you can't even...

We didn't know that kid was pulling something like this. No, and you, Frank,

you probably put him up to it. Oh, Jesus, Jack, I've dropped my collecting

hat. You're a bloody amateur. Sign the thing, Jeff. Just sign the thing. You

know my money size. Listen, mate.

The first rule of business is if you can't deliver the goods, then don't try

it. Shut up. I'm warning you. Shut up. Calm down. Can we establish a new

negotiating perspective?

Just sign the thing, Jeff. It's as good a deal. Not until I get more money. How

much more money?

Ten thousand.

We're at the upper limit of our authorization, Ted.

Yes, but we don't want to lose the boy, Jerry.

I'll pay it personally.

Why didn't you have the guts to tell me?

I don't care how good this Jeff Hayward is.

It's crazy to spend all our money on a kid who hasn't proven himself in the big

league. I was the coach of this club myself for 15 years. I know talent when

I see it. This kid's going to make you eat your words.

You'd better be right, Jock. You'd just better be right.

Right, fellas.

This is our new boy, Jeff Hayward.

I want you to make him feel welcome.

$120,000 for that rabbit.

Suck. Right.

Now, there's no need to tell you that all the skill in the world isn't going

to help you in this game unless you've got one thing, and that is?

Get us.

Come on, I didn't hear it.

Get us!

Right.

Two groups, 20 metres apart.

Against... Tank.

Beauty.

I hope he's insured.

Come on, Jeff, you'll have to do better than that. This isn't Tasmania, you

know.

Righto, Tank, get him.

Only work to earn a living.

But on weekends comes the time.

You can do whatever turns you on. Get out and clear your mind.

Me, I like football.

There's a lot of things around.

When you line them up together, the footy wins hands down.

It's a match that's a count.

Come on, Nick, come to the ground. Come on.

Grayshaw, 23.

Jeff Hayward, 24.

Come on, Wearmouth, 5.

Not bad for an old man, mate.

What do we do now? Go and shoot ourselves?

Just try harder.

Come on.

Where do you be? Get stuck.

Get off the field.

And wait for me in the changing room.

Where do you think you're going? Home.

I want to talk to you.

You've got the highest paid recruiter in the history of league football coming

out from under wraps. How will he go?

I don't want to talk about the individuals, Lou.

But you must have a lot of faith in the lad.

Laurie, if you paid as much as you're supposed to pay for this recruit, I

reckon you're out of your crazy little mind.

They're refreshing the pan, these fellas. They're March champions. Wait a

minute, Jack. What's a March champion?

A March champion comes down in March, practices a basic practice game, shows a

lot of potential, then disappears.

I've seen him come and go.

All right, now, before the season's even started,

we've had the sports writers on our backs, telling us we're no good.

that we're has-beens, hacks, and that we haven't got the chance in hell of

getting into the finals.

All right.

Now, I'll tell you something.

Those bastards are going to choke on their words.

Right. Now, get up there and get out.

Peter, there's a capacity crowd here today around about 45,000. and young

Hayward will be certainly under plenty of pressure, won't he? Yes, about $120

,000 worth.

I'd say so, and if he makes a mistake, he'll have this entire crowd on his

back. And the committee, I would think.

There's the bounce. Down she goes. And in comes Jones for the knockout. Hayward

moving around there too as the ball is knocked out by Jones. The ball down

towards Carlton's half-back line. And Collingwood going to attack now as they

send the ball well down there. But there's a good mark to it.

A very good mark indeed.

Aspen ready now to send the ball back into attack.

Across the centre, half-forward position.

Hits around his opponent very nicely.

The ball's shot back up there towards that half-back flank. Hayward coming

across, goes for the punch. It's a good one, but it's to the wrong man, and

Carlton go back into attack again.

Down towards Collingwood's half-forward line it goes. He's coming on. There to

Edwards. He's looking there now for Hayward to give a hand pass to, which he

does, but Hayward's got a touch of the fumbles. He goes down for the count that

time. Get back in there and try again.

Let's see the start of the bounce again. There she goes.

That's Collingwood going into attack, or trying to get themselves back into

attack, but they're finding a dip. Down towards their half-forward line, Magro

in front there.

Couldn't quite hold the mark, it hits the ground now, and a chance for

Collingwood's water to crash through the pack, and look at him go, this big

block. He can't get himself, he's gone without the ball that time, he's lost

sight of it completely.

You certainly can't do that in football. If you want to be a success, a chance

for Collingwood to come back now, if they're good enough.

Out there on the halfback flank is Dacos. Cross there to Haywood. He goes

for the mark. He closes his eyes.

Actually, he should have a seeing-eye dog out there as we see McClure give a

hand pass over there to his teammate Brown. Brown's ready to move away from

the flank. And once again, we see Carlton get the ball up there to watch

their forward line. This is Malin stepping around Moore. He's dropped the

ball, but Moore's got a good hold on him. In comes Shaw to try and pick it up

and clear it out the danger zone.

He's down, but not quite out. He stumbles. He fumbles.

And now he turns looking for a mate to pass the ball to.

Over it goes to Hayward, but he's got a touch of the fumbles and has never been

accustomed to this.

He loses the ball and he's dumped.

He hits the ground like a sack of potatoes.

I bet they're worried about this guy at the moment. Collingwood not looking good

at all. Get Hayward off and put Simpson on.

I see that Holden's got Simpson warming up on the bench down there. Looks like

they're going to take someone up.

Well, he's going out on the ground now.

Who's it going to be? I think it's Hayward.

Yes, it's Hayward. They're dragging him off and that's one for the book because

halfway through the first quarter they drag off their top recruit.

They'll be held to play in the dressing rooms tonight. I'd hate to be there.

Back in this game, there's Johnson breaking through the pack.

Out it goes to McClure, and how is that for Mark?

And once again, Dalton drives the ball up to the forward pocket position.

The goals are raining here at the moment for the Blues.

What's the meaning of taking Geoff Hayward off?

What's the meaning of you telling me how to run the game? I'm the president of

this club, Lorraine. If I've got an opinion to express, I'll express it. Not

to me.

Not during a game. Now get out of here and let me get on with my job.

We're getting persistent rumours, mate, that there's strife within the club over

Jeff Hayward. Would you care to comment? No, Scotty.

Well, why was Ted Parker in the coach's box during the first match, Laurie?

Because it's hard for some people to stop sticking their noses in where

they're not wanted, isn't it, eh?

No comment, just leave him alone.

I think it's better to stay cool, Jerry.

Don't you think better to stay cool? Ted!

You stay as cool as you are now, you'll wipe us both out.

Thanks for coming, Laurie.

The committee thought we ought to thrash this thing out privately before we took

any action.

Fine. I shouldn't have said anything to the press. But what I did say, I meant.

The committee, naturally, is very upset about those press statements.

But they don't want to have to ask for your resignation, Laurie.

You're one of the best coaches this club's ever had. We'd find it almost

impossible to replace you.

The club's going through a slump.

But nobody's blaming you.

I sure bloody well hope not. Holy Jesus, Laurie, there's no need to be totally

self-righteous.

When a team is playing as badly as ours is playing, most coaches will be willing

to accept some of the blame. Ted.

You know, it really makes me wonder whether there's any point to this whole

exercise. We come to you in a spirit of conciliation, and you jump down our

throat at the first opportunity.

The committee is very angry about those press statements, Laurie. What's my sin,

Laurie? What's my crime? Ted, come on. All I could gather from this article is

some vague accusation that I'm autocratic.

All I said was some people stick their nose in where it's not wanted.

They made the rest up themselves.

If I have opinions, I'll express them. Come on.

No,

I'm sick of pussyfooting around. Jerry, he's called me autocratic. He'd just

better come up with some evidence. I wouldn't know where to start.

I know what he resents. He resents the fact that I've brought a level-headed

business approach to the club and that that approach is going to pay off. He'd

like to take us back to the days of the glorious club tradition.

Rubbish. It's no good waiting for players to come to you. You've got to go

out into the marketplace and fight for them.

I've been asking the committee to buy players for years, and you know it.

And don't give me a lecture about tradition.

All right, so why are we fighting?

Because you're buying the wrong bloody ones.

Where's all that spirit we had when I was elected last year?

It can't have evaporated.

Remember my election slogan, the great leap forward?

Boom or bust?

What happened?

We bust.

What do you want? The players would like their point of view heard before the

committee makes any move on Laurie. Players can go to hell. Come on, Jerry.

They always could have. Come on, Laurie. We're concerned, Parker. We'd just like

the committee to know that we're 100% behind Laurie.

Well, you can just go and tell the players that the committee are 100%

behind me.

Well, then perhaps the committee had better roll up on Saturday and play the

match.

What's that meant to me? Ted, it means that if that bloody committee of yours

gives Laurie the boot, then we go and strike next Saturday.

Delightful, a strike threat. It's no break. We mean it.

Go home.

Let's go upstairs.

I said bloody well hope not. Come on, calm down. The next thing you

know there'll be a stop work meeting every time the umpire blows his whistle.

You're sticking your nose in everything.

Sticking my nose in? I don't stick my nose in. More harm than good. It's not

your job to pick the bloody team. Well, I don't. I'm not on the selection

committee. No.

But you take two thirds and a bit of the... and talk for four hours every

Wednesday night.

Jock and Tony will say what?

The team's barely discussed.

Oh, that's not what I heard.

Laurie, have you ever thought that I've tried to influence the selection of the

team? Yes.

What? When?

You told Jock and Tony that Geoff Hayward was not to be dropped.

I didn't tell him any such thing. Danny, this is confidential.

Aren't I allowed to express an opinion?

Geoff's struggling for form at the moment, and you and your mates and

Laurie aren't helping.

You're making him feel about as welcome as a blowfly in a butcher's picnic.

Oh, I'm sorry.

We had planned to all give him a big kiss, but we thought he'd be in a hurry

to get home and count his money.

My God, if you're trying to tell me the team's playing badly because it's still

sulking over a bit of money that went into the pocket of a legitimate

champion, then I'm disgusted. There are a lot of legitimate champions in this

club, Parker, and all we got for joining was a Guernsey and a pat on the back.

I've given the club over 10 years of my life and all I've got in the bank is

$80. Well, then you must be a hell of a fast spender, Roe. You're on a bloody

good contract and you're due for your Providence fund when you retire.

I can hardly wait.

I'll take my two best mates to the pizza palace and put the other half in the

bank. Danny, you've left us in no doubt as to the players' point of view, but

could we talk about this some other time?

Sorry I'm late.

What are you doing here? Oh, he just dropped in to tell us that if we take

any action over Laurie, the players will go on strike.

Strike?

Oh, give the bastard a strike. I never heard anything like it in me life. Who's

involved?

Give me their names.

No one's going to hold this club to ransom or suspend the lot of years. Who

else is involved?

Everyone.

Except Jeff Hayward.

It'll give him a chance to show what a real champion he is.

This is a disgusting and a despicable threat, Danny.

I played 282 games for this club.

And every time I ran out onto that ground, I felt as honored to be out

there wearing the club colors as I did the first time. Calm down, jock.

They'll be out there playing on Saturday no matter what happens, and you know it.

My God, I never thought I'd live to see the day when I'd hear the word strike

uttered in this room.

Look at them pictures up there, Danny.

Danny, I'm talking to you.

Look, Cheetah Ryan, the greatest centre man of all time.

Warren Oates, only 5'7", but with a heart as big as a pumpkin.

Mike Lenehan, Terry Dunstan, Sandy Forbes.

Great names from a great club.

And you've got the honour of the tradition that they created resting

right there in your hands.

from the present administration right up our nostrils. Don't get too cocky, Roe.

Any player found guilty of a gross misdemeanor can lose every cent of his

provident fund.

Bullshit! That's true, isn't it, Joey?

No. Now, can we please get back to... You know what I want to do?

I want to turn every one of them pictures around so they don't have to

look down on this whole shameful scene.

How would Harry Payne feel if he knew that the word strike was being bandied

around in this hallowed room?

Just tell me that, eh?

How would he feel? I mean, the man who kicked...

Three superhuman golds for us in the dying minutes of the 1923 Grand Final

and won us the flag.

Wouldn't be surprised if he's turning in his grave right now.

He isn't even dead.

Harry?

I went to his funeral last year.

That was Harry Trelaw.

Oh, shit, yeah. Well, there's so many of them dropping off I get confused.

But it doesn't alter my argument.

Dead or alive, what's happened here today is a disgrace to their memories.

Them players up there on the wall loved this club. They would have done anything

for it.

During the Depression, they practically played for nothing.

Then they were stupid.

Look, if I'm going out there to risk a fractured skull or a ruptured spleen for

the amusement of a pack of overweight drunks in the grandstand bar, then I

want to get paid for it. Oh, so that's what you think of your supporters, eh?

Well, just for your information, I had two of the country's top businessmen

watching the match with me last week. And just by the way, they were drinking

tomato juice.

Yeah, well, if you'd been there since morning, it's probably all that was

left. Just watch yourself, Roe! You're not indispensable around here. What's

that meant to mean?

You're 29, and slowing down, you only had 12 kicks and four handballs last

week. First time I've dropped under 20 disposals since the start of the season.

It's the first time you've found yourself on a classy opponent.

Everyone gets beaten once in a while, Parker. Danny, you played a good game.

Now, don't let him needle you. Really, gentlemen, we've seen you... 25 kicks a

match for 10 years. Game in, game out. Just calm down, Danny. The first time I

have a bad day, he's on to me.

Well, what gives you the right to sit in judgement on me, you fat turd? Don't get

back to the pie factory!

Calm down!

Danny, you've given the club great service, and only a fool would deny it.

He's allowed to call me a drunk. I'm not allowed to tell him he's played a bad

game. Shut up, Tedder, or I'll thump you. Yes, for Christ's sake, could we

start on the real business of the day? Danny, perhaps it'd be better if you

wait outside.

You've left us in no doubt as to the players' point of view, and it will be

taken into account.

Yeah, well, when something definite happens, the players want to be

notified. Hey, I'll find you straight away.

I need a drink. Me too.

You just watch the way you speak to me in future, Parker, otherwise you'll end

up getting flattened.

Well, that's lovely.

A player threatens the president of the club with physical violence and nobody

says a word. Oh, shut up, T. You're lucky he didn't flatten you.

You've got to be bloody tactful when a player's getting on in years.

If you'd have played the game yourself, you'd know.

I remember Tubby Robbins took me apart in the 39 grand final.

When I got home, Dulcy says to me, I think you met your match today.

So I thumped her one.

She apologised later, but by then the damage was done.

Look, can we forget about strikes, forget about Danny, and get down to

settling this dispute between Laurie and... Oh, I was wondering when we'd get

around to that.

Now, the first thing I want understood by Ted and everyone else around here is

that I will handle the team and Jeff Hayward in my own way without

interference.

It's not your place to be handing out ultimatums, Laurie. The committee's on

the point of demanding your resignation. It's always about Jeff Hayward.

He'll come good. We do have a problem with him, Jock.

He's openly defying Laurie to the point of coming to blows.

Who told you that?

No, I've been keeping my ear to the ground. That's lovely. That's why you

wanted him down the reserve.

I wanted him in the reserves because he was playing atrociously in the seniors.

Well, you could have told me that, Laurie.

No sin to have one of your men play up on you. You ought to know that.

I had to lay you out behind the lockers in your first year before I got any

sense out of you.

All those sort of methods don't work anymore.

Yeah, well, so why are you using them on Geoff?

I made a mistake.

Bullshit. Good stuff never hurt anyone.

If your relationship with Geoff has deteriorated to the point of fisticuffs,

then you've got no damn right on insisting on handling the problem

yourself. Either I handle it or I resign.

Lorry.

Laurie, the committee is insisting on a joint press statement to the effect that

you and Ted have settled your differences.

Well, the committee can get stuffed!

Laurie!

Look at him.

Leaves his wife and kids for some Avis rent-a-car, Sheila.

I'll tell you what, Dulcie. None of these players these days have got one

ounce of moral fibre.

Bastard. Didn't give me a chance.

What does it matter?

Stuffing. Stuff the club.

Treated me like shit ever since I arrived, so why should I bloody well

bother?

You've just been exploited anyway.

It's not a game, it's a business.

Here, try some of this.

It'll calm you.

Do you know what I've been thinking?

Let's stop trying to appease the bastard and sack him.

It's a tempting thought. Why don't we do it?

It's difficult to replace a coach during the season and he knows it. We're going

to sack him at the end of the year anyway.

Why don't we do it now? We're going to try to sack him. Good evening. Good

evening.

He hasn't exactly been a failure, you know. We've only been out of the finals

once in eight years.

Yeah, well, right now we're second from the bottom with three straight losses.

Laurie!

Laurie's a dead duck. Good evening, Mr Parker. Good evening, Sir Arthur. Lady

Mowbray.

They say he was a great player.

Oh, yes, and my aunt makes great scones. It doesn't mean she should run a cake

factory. If he stays, he's going to have to apologise to me. He won't. In the

press. He won't, so be reasonable.

The best we can hope for.

It's my best statement to the effect that we've settled your differences. He

can apologise or resign, Jerry. Look, Jay, we're going to strike in... Good

evening. Having a good time? Good evening.

We're going to strike enough trouble when we try to get rid of him at the end

of the season. I don't see what. No, no, not the way he's performing.

All right. All right. So let him keep going. Let him keep on losing. We'll get

rid of him at the end of the year without a whimper of protest.

Ladies and gentlemen, would you please put your hands together in a really warm

welcome for that titillating and tantalising Miss...

Well, there's a lot more things to football than really meet the eye.

There are days when you could give it up. There are days when you could fly.

Either love or hate it. And it's Moore against Lee. This time Moore gets the

knockout. But Ronnie Wearmouth gets a touch of the fumbles. Couldn't pick the

ball up. In chips wood of Richmond. Picks the ball up nicely. Goes for a

hand pass again.

Back to Reigns. Another hand pass coming over to Bartlett.

Bartlett moves across very nicely towards that forward pocket. He's on the

boundary line. He lets fire.

Laurie, the committee is digging its heels in over this press release.

They feel we've got to do something to restore the club's image.

If I back down now, Gerry, Ted's only going to get worse.

I won't be told how to do my job by the owner of some meat pie factory who's

never played a game of football in his life.

Laurie, I know how difficult it must be for you, but Ted is the president of the

club, elected by the members, and we're stuck with him.

Watch this.

Ray Shaw gives a nice hand pass over there towards Hayward. He's hopeless.

He's even so frustrated he threw a punch at one of the Richmond players.

And now Beckett goes to McMillan, he gets it clear, drives it...

I can't have the president of the club telling me that I've got to keep a man

who is playing like that in my team.

The reason that Ted is so touchy about Jeff is, and I'd appreciate it if he

kept this absolutely confidential, is that he kicked in 10,000 out of his own

pocket to help buy him.

Must have money to burn.

He hasn't now.

His firm's about to go bankrupt.

Don't expect me to cry.

I thought that stuff I said in the press might embarrass him into resigning.

Embarrass?

You can't embarrass Ted Parker.

The other day I called him a cunning little rodent, took it as a compliment.

Look, Laurie, I'm going to tell you something in the strictest confidence.

You can afford to be generous to Ted, because you're not going to be around

here much longer.

What, because of the bankruptcy?

Financial incompetence is no disqualification for high office around

this place.

Now he's really gone and got himself into hot water.

What's he done?

Can't tell you anything.

Except it's dynamite.

You absolutely sure?

Absolutely sure.

I won't have you coming and telling me how to run my game.

I was only saying what everyone else on the ground was thinking. Well, I'm the

one who's on the spot.

And I'm the one who knows exactly what my men can and can't do.

And I don't appreciate interference from amateurs.

All right, all right.

What sort of thing do you want to say in our press statement?

Just that we're prepared to keep working with each other.

Jesus, Laurie, I want a bit more than that.

I want to slip in fruitful and harmonious in there somewhere.

You called me autocratic in the press last week. Don't you think that calls

for some kind of retraction?

The fact that I will say that we can still keep working with each other will

be virtually a retraction. No, it won't. All that means is that you still think

I'm autocratic, but you're prepared to sit it out.

Well, that wouldn't be too far wider the mark.

Sorry.

We shouldn't be arguing like this.

I've always been one of your greatest admirers.

Remember the day you played your first game?

Of course.

You'd just turned 17 three days before. Or was it 18?

17.

It was quite an extraordinary feeling, right round the ground.

We all knew we'd come to see the first game of a great new champion.

By God, you didn't disappoint us.

Do you remember your first kick?

Not all that well.

Oh, it was magic.

I was standing on almost this, yes, this exact same spot. And I can see it as

clearly as if it was a video replay.

You read the play and started sprinting for the goal. Picked up a long low pass

from Wally Baker. Did a beautiful blind turn around Stan Jackson.

And... and slammed it through the centre.

I'd go out on a limb and say it's the best first game that's ever been played

on this ground.

Thanks. No, I mean it.

And I've seen every game this club's played since I was six.

Up until the time I was 12 or so.

I used to cry every time we lost.

If we won, I went home and booted a football around the backyard in the

dark, trying to remember every kick of the match and pretending I was in the

side. By the time I was 16, I could hardly hold my place in the school

thirds.

We've all got different talents.

I would like to put fruitful and harmonious somewhere in our press

statement, Laurie.

You're a trier.

All right.

Fruitful and harmonious. But that's it.

Great.

Great.

Jog in.

He's in there.

bit of information.

You know, I've been thinking about that problem you had with young Jeff.

I wondered, have you ever tried talking to the lad?

I'll handle him in my own way. Well, I used to talk to my blokes. Doors used to

pay off.

Remember Lofty Blues?

He's the worst tempered bloke I ever struck when he first came to this club.

He talked back to me. Wouldn't do what he was told, on the field or off. A real

bloody nightmare he was.

So, I sat him down and looked him straight in the eye.

You had to sit him down to look him in the eye.

Well, I said to him, Right-o, Lofty. What is it that's worrying you, old son?

He just broke down and cried.

True.

Well, you see, no one had ever talked to him like that way before.

Well, it turned out the problem was real simple.

He hadn't had a good night's sleep since he was 16 because his legs were too long

for the bed.

So the club chipped in, bought him a king-sized bed. The next year he won the

club's best and fairest award.

Well, what's your problem, Laurie?

What's this I hear about Parker being forced to resign?

First I've heard of it. Come on, Jock, I'm not an idiot.

Jerry's told me there's some sort of storm brewing up and Ted's going to have

to resign.

Oh, yeah, well, I did hear a whisper to that effect. You don't hear whispers,

Jock, you start them.

What's going on?

Oh, he's got himself into some sort of trouble. I don't know all the details,

but thank Christ is all I can say. I mean, let's face it, Laurie, the man's a

buffoon. And when he's gone, you'll stand for president? Well, you know, if

it's the wish of the committee, yeah.

Look, with Parker out of the way, things will start ticking over smoothly once

again. Oh, that Jerry's got some great ideas for next year.

Has he?

Great administrator, that lad.

You were the one man on the committee who voted against his appointment.

Well, man can be wrong. Not many can manage it as often as you.

What are some of these great ideas of Jerry's?

We're going to buy her big.

Players? No, sheep.

We're going to graze them on the oval and save on lawn mowing, because of

course we're going to buy players.

We are going on the biggest buying spree in the history of the game. And what's

more, it's good economics.

Why? Why?

Because if we win a premiership, it will arrest the membership decline, and

members mean money.

As a businessman myself, I can see the logic of it.

As a businessman yourself?

God help us.

I was one of the mugs that invested in this little set-up of yours.

A hundred dozen.

Pop-up Taiwanese toasters that first burnt the toast and then fired her like

bloody mortar shelves.

What about 40 gross, eh?

40 gross of bloody Russian alarm clocks that ticked so loud you didn't even need

the bloody alarm. Hey, you're not going to make fun of me when you hear some of

the names that we've been negotiating with.

Negotiating? No, not negotiating.

You're negotiating with the bloody team without consulting me. Not negotiating.

I didn't mean negotiating. We've just started to think of a few names. Who's

we? Me and Jerry.

What names?

Try these for size.

Cam Donaldson, Mickey Dimmish, and Andy Payne.

How'd you like that lot on your goal-to-goal line, huh? I would love

that lot on my goal-to-goal line, but I would like to be consulted.

You are being consulted right now. Cam Donaldson, Mickey Dimmish, and Andy

Payne.

The setabouts again.

Collingwood playing poorly at the moment. They've lost their first three

games and don't look like a football team at all.

Bennett comes across, but Moore beats him for the knockout. It's a good one.

How many kicks Danny had?

Two.

Collingwood going to attack again through Banks. He's grabbed around the

neck. He's nearly pulled his neck out of a socket that time. It's typical of

Rossop's coaching through force and stupidity. Edwards coming across to have

a bit of a go. They're going out of air there now. Collingwood.

That'll be a penalty free kick down the ground. And to take the free kick will

be Johnson. Let's see what he can do in this one. Right in front. Put the family

to it. Oh, that's a shocking kick off the side of his boot. A terrible kick.

I can't understand you.

You've forgotten all the very basics of football.

Come on, boys, let's go. Now, if there's a pack forming to take a mark on the

back line, there's got to be someone down the front to pick up the club.

All right, now, it's no good Craig punching the ball if it's going straight

to the bloody opposition.

Not twice, but three bloody times.

Where are your balls, man?

What are you, a bloody pofter?

Now look, you wake up to yourself or you'll play the rest of the game in a

bloody dress.

And that's when the rest of you start talking to each other.

And a packed fly, the ball's knocked to the ground, a chance for Morris to break

clear. He's showing a lot of strength, he backs up well and shows a lot of

confidence as he comes right through to the centre position of the ground and

boots it well down towards the half-forward line for Collingwood. Look

at Ede, what a beautiful market as he juggles the ball.

He's got it well under control now.

He straightens himself up, ready to send Hawthorne back into attack.

He gets around his opponent, Anderson.

The ball's booted down there towards Hayward, but look at Hayward standing

there. He's not even going for it. It is unbelievable.

$850,000 for that bastard.

Down towards Collingwood's half-back line.

Hayward's still looking up at the sky. He seems mesmerised. To me, he's in a

trance.

That bastard's as bad as...

They can't make it to the grade at the moment. The ball's driven down there by

Payton. It's a long kick up there towards Scott and Craig. Stewart.

Stewart goes for the punt. The ball hits the ground. Coming across there to pick

it up is Scott. He's moving very well. A nice hand pass coming out there to Goad.

And Goad getting ready to straighten up to fire at the goal. He fires.

And it's in for the game all along. They're well on top of something there.

All right, if you really want to know what's going on is that I'm sick to

death of football and I couldn't care less whether I never play another game

in my life. It's a load of macho competitive bullshit.

You chase a lump of pigskin around a muddy ground as if your life depended on

it and when you finally get it, you kick it to buggery and then go chasing it

again. Football shits me.

Well, I wish to Christ you'd told us that before we paid out $120,000 for

you. If you think you can buy me like a lump of meat, then you'd better think

again. Don't you push me too far, Jeff.

I love this club, and I love football, and I will not tolerate anyone who holds

them both in contempt. Love the club?

Jock, Ted and Jerry?

The club's not Jock, Ted and Jerry.

It's 100 years of history.

Yeah, well, I missed out in the history and copped Jock, Ted and Jerry.

Made an old fool like Jock ever coach a club before Premier Shifts.

Got him in his first six years, when every talented kid in this country was

dying to put on one of our Guernseys.

He wasn't a coach's bootlace.

Yeah, well, you've been doing some pretty bad coaching yourself, Flayton.

Such as?

Such as not shifting Danny off Wilson. He was getting thrashed.

I know. Why didn't you shift him?

because he was desperate to keep trying.

He'd never been beaten so bad.

Danny has been the backbone of our team for the last eight years.

I thought I owed him something.

Besides, I don't think anyone else could have done any better.

I could beat Wilson.

You? Yeah, me. Jesus Christ!

Now I've heard every bloody thing.

I'm getting pretty fed up with your arrogance, Jeff. In the last three

weeks, you've hardly had a kiss.

You spent the whole of this week's match staring up into the sky.

You just let the ball go straight past.

I was stoned.

Drunk? Stoned.

Marijuana?

No, Laurie. Cash.

I wasn't just staring up into the sky, incidentally. I was watching a seagull.

Not just an ordinary seagull.

This was the Prince of seagulls dazzling me with blasts of pure white every time

his wings caught the Sun

Look

I am sorry miss, but ladies are just not allowed in the changing rooms before the

game. It's just a club policy I'm very sorry. Is Jerry in?

He is Laurie, but look you can't go in at the moment. I've had instructions

that no one is allowed in.

You got a minute?

Be right with you, Laurie.

You wanted to see me, Laurie?

What's the meaning of starting to play in next year's team without even

consulting me? I was going to talk to you about it this week.

Where are you getting the money for all these new players?

Leave that to me.

Be buggered, I'll leave it to you. I've been around this place 22 years, and I

am the coach of this bloody club, not the office boy.

Now, how are you getting the money?

Come on, Danny!

Pull it up!

If you really want to know, I'll tell you, but for Christ's sake, keep it

quiet.

I've been courting a couple of big property developers... Go on, Ronnie!

Call out!

And all club supporters, they're looking for a hobby, and they've got a hell of a

lot of money to spend.

The only hitch at the moment is that they're hesitant about getting involved,

while we've still got a...

president like Ted.

He's been fawning on him like a drunken toad. They haven't said anything

directly, of course.

But I'd stake my life we'll get an instant commitment from the minute he

goes.

What kind of role in the club had you planned for these guys?

Come on, Jeff! Well, we'd bring one in as vice president and make the other one

an honorary life member.

Yeah?

Where's his 25 years active service?

Oh, Laurie.

Let's not be bush lawyers when there's this kind of money involved.

What kind of money?

Up to half a million each. Plus some cash from our sales.

What sales?

I was going to discuss with you the possibility of offloading one or two of

our older players. Such as?

You tell me.

I'm only the administrator, you're the expert.

Who can we do with that?

Tony Harper, I suppose.

Hardly worth the effort.

Go on, Jeff!

Market price will be under $5,000.

The only player we've got who's got big money on his head is Danny.

And he's not going to have it for much longer.

We're not selling Danny.

With the players we'll be getting next year, do we really need him?

Of course we need him!

I was only asking a question. There's no need to get angry. I was simply asking a

question. We need him. Fine.

Come on, Danny!

Pick it up! It is worth considering, though, this is possibly the last year

that Danny will command decent money. I say sell him while he's still worth

something. I mean, let's face it, Laurie, but when we were winning our

medals, it was in a team full of champions.

Danny is little more than a talented hacker. Come off it, Jock.

He's bloody near as good as either of us were in our day.

I know what's bothering you, mate.

If he stays here another year or two, he'll end up beating your precious 282

games. Yeah, well, you couldn't beat it.

He's not going to beat it either.

Oh, thank... Well, my record goes it's going to be to someone with a bit of

moral fibre.

Moral fibre?

Yeah. You would never know and be a celibacy, mate. I know. Laurie, Laurie.

What if I told you I could swap Danny for Tony Marchese?

Made you stop and think, hasn't it?

Well, can you?

No.

But it made you stop and think.

The only reason I would want Danny to go is if Danny wants to go. I don't care if

you could swap him for Jesus Christ.

Yeah, well, the team will have next year. Jesus Christ, it'd be flat out

making the reserves.

And then I told Laurie I was stoned and you should have seen Laurie's eyes.

Marijuana!

Do you really think you should smoke before a match?

Eh? I'd really like to see you play well.

I thought you hated football.

I know.

That was before I'd seen any.

Well, I'm not gonna play my heart out for that mob of crooks and deadbeats.

How about a lettuce? No, I don't like the lettuce.

You know how they've treated me. Oh, yes.

But I'm just getting sick of watching you lose.

Hey, let's go out for dinner tonight.

What? Why?

What's the point of buying all this stuff if you're gonna go out to dinner?

I'm sick of cooking. Oh, I'll cook.

I'll cook.

I'll just greet you in here, please. Oh, hello. Here comes the club's answer to

Cary Grant.

Good on you, mate.

Glad I caught you at home.

Jock, this is my friend, Susie.

Hello, Susie. And what do you do?

I study history.

Well, some of us study it and some of us make it.

Look, Jeff, sorry to barge in on you like this, but we've got a couple of

problems down at the club.

I'll go upstairs.

Gorgeous looking shield you've got there, Jeff.

Yeah.

What's the problem, Jock?

Well, I've been a bit worried about your form, to tell you the truth lately,

Jeff, and seeing as I was the one who insisted on getting you, I thought we

might have a little chat.

You been talking to Laurie?

No, no, he chooses not to consult me on such matters, but it's my opinion that

the reason that you haven't been playing as well as you're capable is because he

hasn't been giving you a fair go.

I hear that you two had a bit of an altercation.

Yeah, we did.

Well, any coach that has to resort to them sort of methods is no coach in my

book. Oh, a marvellous high mark you took last Saturday.

Jesus, you just seemed to go up and up.

Yeah, I felt like Achilles. Yes, yes.

Who's he?

A Greek guy who could really jump.

Oh, yeah, yeah, well, some of these new Australians.

You know, they could be real champions if they forget about soccer and just

learn to assimilate.

Why did Butcher Malone take a swing at you last Saturday?

Did you give him the old elbow in the gut, eh?

No, I blew him a kiss.

Oh.

Very good.

They're very subtle.

Well, of course, I was a bit more direct in my day.

You know them times when you're half a yard behind your man, he's going for the

ball. Now, there's no way in the world you're going to stop him, right?

Just as he leaves the ground, get your thumb, ram it up his bum. Oh, it works

every time.

Sounds effective.

Oh, it's a beauty.

Oh, you roll your own, do you?

I used to roll me own.

Would you like me to roll you one?

Yeah, why not?

We'll have a nice little chat and a quiet smoke.

I've got a couple here I'll make you roll. Oh, beauty, beauty. Good on you,

son.

Hey, you don't smoke too many of these, I hope.

It makes you short of breath.

How many of them do you smoke a day?

Three or four.

That's no problem.

It's a bit strong.

You get a bit used to having them filtered.

Now, Jeff, this trouble that you're having with Laurie, do you think that's

the main problem?

Not entirely.

Is something else worrying you, son?

You know, something personal?

There is, Jock.

How'd you guess?

I've got an instinct for problems.

You want to talk about it?

I don't know if I can.

It won't go any further than this room if you do, son.

You know that.

Have you been able to talk to Laurie about it?

No.

No.

Bit hard to have a heart-to-heart talk with Laurie.

I mean, he lacks that little human touch.

When I was coach, me and the boys were like that.

They told me everything.

Except Laurie, of course.

We'd be hanging around having a few beers and a chat. He'd be out in that

bloody ground practicing his kicking or something.

Only fanatic even in those days.

Do the players really like him?

They seem to.

I can't understand that. I mean, he seems too standoffish.

You probably gathered that me and Laurie don't exactly see eye to eye.

Yeah, I have sensed a bit of friction.

In fact, we hate each other's guts.

From the very minute he joined this club, he's made it his business to

rewrite the club's history with himself as its biggest shining star.

He was obsessed with beating my record of 282 games. Absolutely obsessed.

He had a bad groin injury and a dicey hamstring. He was in agony every time he

took that ground, but there was no stop on him that he didn't beat it. No.

No.

No, he tripped a little rabbit rather than coming out of the pack and did his

cartilages with only three games to go, and I can't say I was sorry.

In fact, I laughed my bloody head off.

You know how he took over from me as coach?

He went around to the members of the committee behind my back and told them I

was drunk during the 69 grand final.

I had a cold in the head. I'd had a few sips of whiskey, but I was not drunk.

He'll keep.

He's going to get his.

He promised that committee the world.

He hasn't even won them one premiership and I've won four.

Anyway, the important thing at the moment is to find out what it is that's

worrying you, son.

I don't know where to begin.

But it'd absolutely destroy me if it ever came out.

Yeah?

It's not that I'm not attracted to women, Jock. I am desperately attracted.

But when it comes to the vital... Can't you, um...

Get your act together? For Christ's sake, keep it to yourself, Jock.

What about Susie?

Unfortunately, she's just a friend.

Yeah? Tell you what, I wouldn't mind having a few friends like her.

Hey, maybe you're training too hard. No, it's not that. No, no, no. I used to

have trouble getting it up sometimes after a big match. It's not that, Jock.

Have you seen a doctor?

Yeah.

Apparently there's nothing wrong with me physically.

It's up here.

Have I ever talked to you about my sister?

No. Well, didn't I have one?

Don't talk about her often.

She was in a serious car accident the night before her 18th birthday when I

was only 14.

Uh-huh.

Badly hurt?

Both legs amputated above the knee.

Oh, hell.

Would have been tragic for anyone, but for someone as young and beautiful as

Gabrielle, it was devastating.

Yeah. She had everything going for her, Jock. She was beautiful, warm,

intelligent, popular, you name it. Yeah.

And, Jock, when it happened, the courage of that girl you just would not believe.

Yeah. Don't be sad, she'd say.

I'm still me.

What's a few legs between friends?

I mean, joking, Jock. Joking in a situation like that.

I mean, Jesus.

Is that courage, Jock?

Tell me, is it?

Well, that's courage.

One night I heard her crying in the dark in the next room.

It became too much for me to bear.

So I went and lay beside her and held her in my arms.

Every night after that, I'd comfort her in the same way, and we'd lie together,

crying in the dark.

Then one night... Is this too much for you, Jock?

Oh, no, no, no, go on. You're looking as white as a sheet.

Yeah, well, it must be this bloody tobacco. Now, go on.

Well, without...

either of us knowing quite how or why, we became lovers.

Jesus. We knew what we were doing was wrong, but the surprising thing was we

just didn't care.

It was wrong, but it was right.

Can you understand that, Jock?

No legs.

It sounds sordid, but it wasn't. I loved her, Jock.

Well...

How long did this go on for?

Oh, not long.

One night when Dad was away on one of his conferences, the light was suddenly

switched on and there was my mother.

Oh, hell.

Still young, still beautiful, in a flowing silk negligee.

The look of utter shock on her face.

There was nothing she could say to us. There was nothing we could say to her.

She just turned off the light and went back to her bed.

And we lay there.

listening to her sobbing in the dark.

Finally, I couldn't stand it any longer.

I picked up my sister and carried her into my mother's room, and we all clung

together, sobbing in the dark.

Gradually, as the night wore on, again, I have no idea quite how or why, Mum and

I became lovers too.

Holy God.

Three days later, my father came home early from the conference.

Holy God. He shot himself.

I've been impotent ever since.

No bloody wonder.

Quite frankly, Jeffrey, I am disgusted. And it's no good pretending otherwise.

Every time I go out onto the ground, I feel as though everyone's whispering

about me.

I just can't concentrate on the game.

Personally, I had me doubts about paying $100,000 for a bloody Protestant.

I mean, if a good... Catholic lad, so much as he even thought of giving his

handicapped sister a Wellington booted, he'd still be down on his hands and

knees yelling, Hail Mary's.

But the damage is done.

I'm the one who willed out for you. I'm the one who's going to get crucified if

any of this ever gets out.

I'm going to have to lay it right on the line for you, young fella.

Stay right away from your family and concentrate on the club.

Otherwise we'll cut our losses and sell you to some deadbeat team up the bush.

On the other hand, if you knuckle down and start pulling your socks up and

doing things properly, you could find yourself part of some really exciting

things that are going to be happening around here next year. What things?

We are getting some great new players and a fantastic coach.

Oh, shit!

I shouldn't have said that.

What new coach?

Huh? What new coach?

The best.

We are getting the best.

Laurie's had his chance and he is finished.

But you keep that quiet and you just remember what I said, mate.

Just pull up your socks and get a grip on yourself.

Or else you are bloody history!

No one's asking you to resign, Ted.

I just thought you might have considered it. Oh, I'm not going to resign.

There's no way in the world I'm going to resign.

Well, that's up to you, Ted.

I'm sure the committee will back you if you decide to battle the whole thing

through. Oh, I'll battle the whole thing through and I'll expect 100% loyalty

from the committee.

You won't get it from me. I wouldn't expect it from you.

Trying to force me to resign Ted's in a spot of trouble at strippers suing him

for assault and the whole thing's being plastered across the papers But the

stripper from the club a lot of trumped-up garbage What happened Oh Ted

went round to see her backstage after the act and there was the whole thing's

been invited out of all proportion I I slapped her. That's all I slapped her

How come the medical report said she had bruises all over? She must have got one

of her friends to slap her around some more to get more money out of me. It

happens all the time.

I wouldn't be surprised if he arrived.

But the public are probably going to believe her story.

Oh, who gives a stuff what the public believes?

The facts are she called me a jumped up little nobody and I slapped her.

She egged me on all the way through her act. Laurie, you saw her.

Practically rubbed her tits in the nose.

When I went round backstage, she switched it all off and treated me like

I was dirt under her feet.

Well, nobody treats me like that, Laurie. At least not a little trollop

like her.

I'm the president of the greatest football club in the history of the

game, and I'm not going to have some little slut laugh in my face.

Exactly how badly was she hurt? Oh, I hardly touched her. By the time the

press have got through it, it'll sound like we went 15 rounds.

Well, who told the press?

God knows. We did everything possible to keep it quiet at this end.

You need me around here, Gerry.

I fought a pitched battle against the entrenched forces of conservatism and

won.

In fact, I've been so bloody successful, those very same forces have turned

around and adopted my ideas as if they were their own. Are you referring to me?

Yes, I am referring to you.

Because of what I've done, we're going to have the greatest years we've ever

had.

We're going to have a triumph that'll make the famous years of the 20s look

pale by comparison, and I'm going to be here while it's happening.

No little trollop's going to deprive me of that.

The committee will stick by me to a man.

Want to bet?

Stake my life on it.

Then you're a dead man.

I'm gonna move that you stand down. You won't get a seconder.

Wanna bet?

You'll never get the numbers.

Ian and Kevin and Jeff are my personal friends.

If the feeling around the committee is that you should resign, Ted...

It's not necessarily that we don't believe you're innocent Well, we're not

your friends It's just that the committee unfortunately has to face

realities the reality is that we can't afford to jeopardize the credibility of

the club by retaining a president who's heard in the way the public is going to

Think you've heard What kind of logic is that

Business logic, Ted.

You brought it to this club, and you were right.

Loyalty to any one individual is a luxury we can't afford in a business

with a multi-million dollar turnover.

You'll get my vote to retain you, of course.

But if the consensus goes the other way, I hope you'll understand their

viewpoint.

They're going to get you, Ted.

Give up gracefully.

I've had my differences with you, Laurie.

But I've been a good president. Not a great one, but a good one.

They won't throw me out if I lay my record on the line.

You've served your purpose, Ted.

They don't need you anymore. If they didn't need me, they'd sack me too.

No one's going to sack me.

I've just resigned.

Oh, I'm sorry this has happened, Ted.

You have been a good president, and it certainly won't be forgotten.

You fought to get me my job here, and I won't forget that either.

I just hope that I can go on and do justice to the faith that you showed in

me.

I'm sure you will.

I hope that you and young Jeff sort out your differences, Laurie. I doubt if

I'll ever be dashing off $10,000 checks again.

I'd like to think that my money was well spent.

Yes, so would I.

Do you know what I thought was the best game of football you ever played?

The day you took on Dick Turner in 62.

Mind you, I...

I think he just shaded you by a whisker.

There's a lot of people who don't.

It was like two magicians trying to outdo one another.

Well, I think everyone got their two bowls of it.

Jeff, it's about time I had it out with you.

It'll be one of history's great understatements to say I'm not very

impressed with your attitude or your habits.

Look me in the eye, listen to what I'm saying.

Now you may think it's a big joke to smoke and screw and take Ted

Parker's money, but I don't think that's funny.

He can afford it. No, he can't.

He's about to go bankrupt.

Now, he may be a pompous little turd, but he's seen every game this club's

played since he was six.

Well, that may not impress you, but by Christ, it impresses me.

Laurie, you're giving me the shits.

You're giving me the shits, Jeff.

If you're on about this peace and love and non-competitiveness...

Then just pay back your money and get out. But I'll tell you one thing you'll

wish you hadn't.

That first night of training, you beat Tank.

You were so bloody pleased with yourself, you had tears in your eyes.

Bullshit. It's not bullshit.

I know the feeling.

I ought to.

I've been missing it for 15 years. Laurie, can't you understand? Football

bores me.

When I was 12, I was living in a little country town and my ultimate dream was

to get a game with a local first. Six years later, I was playing centre for

the stateside. I was an acknowledged champion.

No, you weren't. You were just a kid with potential.

And that's what you still are.

Anybody who wasn't cross-eyed or bandy-legged could get a game with a

Tasmanian stateside.

You're in the big league now, Jeff, and you're scared.

Scared you're not half as good a footballer as you bloody thought you

were. It's no good telling me that you can beat Wilson.

You've got to do it.

And until you've got the guts to get out there and try, you can sit and rot in

the reserves for the arrogant young turds you are.

I'm more than a kid with potential, Laurie.

They don't pay $120,000 for a kid with potential.

Normal people wouldn't. But as you pointed out, this club is run by morons.

Now, I meant what I said.

I don't want to see your face down at the club again until you mean business.

Did you hear that?

I think the whole street did.

Yeah. A kid with potential.

Do you hear what he said?

A kid with potential.

Who are you? a sitting judgement on me, McPhee.

You only played 151 games, not one of them was worth a pinch of poop.

Hacks!

Dead beats the lot of yous.

The only picture that should be up there is mine.

282 games as a player, four premierships as a coach.

Who was that girl you and Jock were talking to the other day?

Which girl?

Before you came over to talk to me at training.

Oh, that girl.

She was just applying for a typist job.

Come on, Jerry.

That was no typist.

Was that the stripper?

No, of course it wasn't.

Well, who was she?

Come on, I want to know.

Okay, Laurie, it was the stripper.

What was she doing here?

She was angry.

She just came here to tell you she was angry.

No, she came here to tell us she was going to sue.

Unless we paid her money.

So why didn't you?

Nothing to do with us. We told her if she wanted money, she'd better go and

see Ted.

Ted's just gone bankrupt. Well, that's not our bloody fault.

How much did she want? A lot. A thousand dollars. A thousand dollars?

You just paid $120,000 for one useless player, and you won't spend a thousand

to keep the club president off the cover of some scandal sheet. Laurie, it's not

as simple as that. You had this set up with the press, didn't you? Right from

the start.

Jesus. I don't know why you're getting so bloody moral about this, Laurie. You

rubbished him in the press yourself pretty recently.

I mean, let's face it, Laurie, Parker's a disgrace to this club.

Hitting a woman, what a bloody disgrace.

I wouldn't have thought that anyone who'd given his wife as many black eyes

as you have would be quite so self-righteous.

Sometimes you're too smart for your own good, Laurie.

Beneath that rough charm of yours that has served you so well for all these

years, jock old mate, there is a cunning and ruthless old turd.

You've had it in for me ever since I laid you out behind the lockers. Well,

that certainly didn't help. A tap on the shoulder and then a king hit before I

could raise a finger in my own defence.

Still, I shouldn't have been surprised.

I knew what you were about long before that.

I saw the last game of football you ever played.

Ah, bullshit.

You wouldn't have been out of your cradle.

I was eight.

I used to worm my way down to the fence so I could get a better look at the

game. What was the name of that bloke you flattened?

You weren't there. Yes, I was.

The whole thing happened about 20 yards from where I was standing.

You waited till he started to pick himself up off the ground.

Then you went straight in with your knee.

He'd have been about five foot seven and he weighed about ten stone.

What did you say his name was again, Jock? That's enough, Laurie.

He wasn't as badly hurt as the papers made out.

Some people think you retired after that game out of remorse, Jock. But I know

you better.

This club was told by every other club in the league that if you took the

football field again, you'd be lucky to get off it alive.

That didn't scare me.

Not much they didn't.

Nobody's ever called me a coward before. Well, I'm calling you one now. And if

you're going to be our new president... then this is definitely my last year as

coach. It's going to be your last year anyway, smartass.

We're getting ourselves a real coach around here next year, thank Christ. So

stick that in your pipe and smoke it.

Am I being sad?

There's some talk they mightn't renew your contract.

But there's no one around here who can do the job as well as I can.

There's also some talk of dispensing with the tradition that the coach must

have played for the club.

I said, just like that.

Who are you getting?

Rostov's name's been mentioned.

Rostov?

Treats his men like animals.

You've had eight years, Laurie.

You haven't come up with the goods? I haven't had the players to come up with

the goods, for Christ's sake.

Gerry, you can't do this to me. I've slaved my guts out for eight years.

Dragging rap shit teams up from the bottom of the ladder.

You buy me the players I want, and I'll win a premiership for you.

I don't doubt it.

I know this isn't going to make you feel any better, but the consensus of opinion

around the traps is that after Rostov, you're the next best coach in the

business.

Chances are you could win us the flag.

But the club's been waiting for 19 years, Laurie.

The committee wants to be absolutely sure.

And I can see their point of view.

So can I.

Quite clearly.

I mean, you'll have no trouble getting another team to coach Lurie. I don't

want another team to coach.

I've been called all sorts of things in my time, Laurie, but never a coward.

And what about you?

Sneaking around to the committee behind my back and telling them I was drunk

just so you could get my job. Do you call that courage?

You had just lost us a premiership. Oh, I noticed you didn't win too many when

you took over.

And do you know why?

Oh, I'm to blame for that too, am I?

You and your cronies wouldn't let me buy players.

We were upholding an old tradition.

We were wrong, but we believed in it.

They might have. You did it to stop me getting a flag.

That's crazy talk, Laurie.

Do you really think I'd sabotage this club for eight years just to get back at

you? Yes, I do. Then you're crazy.

It's just as well we're getting rid of you. You were a thug as a football

player. You were a lousy coach.

And you're the last person in the world who should be president. You can call me

what you like, mate.

The record books are gonna show that I played three more games than you did.

And I won four more premierships.

And they're still gonna be saying that in a hundred years.

fight this.

I'm buggered if I'm going to let an oily weasel like you get the better of me.

I love this club and I love the game and this photo of me is not going back up

there until you and Jock are gone.

I don't love this club.

I don't particularly like the game and that might make me an oily weasel in

your eyes but I happen to be the best football administrator in the country

and you're only the second best coach.

So don't count on being able to return that photo for quite a long while.

Hey! I told you not to turn up unless you really meant business.

Yeah, you did.

Have they told you you're getting a sack?

Who told you?

Chuck.

Great. Seems like everybody's heard about it except me.

Ed.

Jeff, I'm going to ask you for the first and last time for your help.

You're not just a kid with potential. You are an amazingly talented

footballer. And I made a mistake taking you off so soon in that first game.

Didn't exactly boost my confidence.

If you want to start hitting your form, I think I can help. Why bother if

they're going to sack you?

Because I want to start winning matches and embarrass the bastards.

Think you can handle playing centre?

Danny's not going to like that.

Let me handle Danny.

If I can get Alan to knock the ball down to you, you get the first kick. If you

can really do something with it, you'll be right for the rest of the game.

And if we win 12 out of the next 15, we can still make it to the finals.

The finals? You're joking. We can.

Especially if you start hitting your straps.

You're the coach.

They're getting Rossed off.

Oh, hell, they're getting Rossed off.

No more strikes.

I just want you to help me get you into the finals. The finals?

Well,

they'd look pretty stupid if they sacked you then.

With the help of moneybags, he got off his bum and started doing something

useful.

Stick him in the centre tomorrow and make him earn his money.

Well, it might help him to get his confidence back.

Put me down the back pocket.

I've been dying for a rest for years.

I'll think about it.

You're taking your photo down?

Good thinking.

Who'd want to be up on the wall looking down on that bunch of crooks, eh?

Yeah, come on!

Come on.

Let's go.

Let's all bloody go.

Well, come on, fellas, what are we waiting for, eh? Let's go!

Be

very

careful of that one, Jeff.

Well, don't just let it lie there.

Jump on it.

Is this some kind of juvenile protest?

Yeah.

If the committee happen to notice they've gone, they might ask themselves

why before they go appointing Rostov.

What are you doing helping this guy, Jeff?

I don't want Rostov either.

Excuse me.

I hope this gives you some small satisfaction, Laurie.

Excuse me, Jock.

Yeah, it does.

So you've got young Jeff back on side?

Yeah. I've got a feeling he's going to play very well for the rest of the

season. Yeah, well, don't count on it.

I know something about him that you don't.

Good for you.

I'll see you at the game.

Excuse me, John.

You've been a great help.

You've let them know about Rostov. Now they're all up in arms and ready to

fight. What if they start winning for the rest of the year? It won't matter.

The committee wants Rostov. The committee?

I wouldn't trust the committee as far as I could kick them.

What's this stuff you know about Jeff?

He's totally bloody unstable.

The first thing we do next year is sell him.

Sell him? Yeah.

He's been up his mum and his legless sister and he thinks he killed his old

man.

What?

He confided in me, so, you know, don't go saying anything, but... Hey, if he

starts playing too good, we can always leak a rumour or two.

Jock, Geoff has two brothers, no sisters, and his father had his 54th

birthday last week.

about it Scotty this is the most phenomenal comeback in the history of

football who would have ever dreamt that they would have come back and made the

grand final after losing five games in a row only me Lou I predicted that

there'll be a comeback and I also said that that young kid from Tasmania Jeff

Hayward would come good you genius you turncoat you said the best thing ever to

come out of Tasmania was Errol Flynn you said they're so inbred that their

airplanes have got square wheels and they've got hair under their wings. What

a lot of rubbish. Look, all people want to talk about and want to hear about

from us is who's going to win the game tomorrow. I'm freaked if I know.

in football.

You're going to do miracles in this world if you bloody want to.

There's Hayward coming across a magnificent mark. He's starting to fire

now and he's making those Collingwood fans really jump out of their seats. A

hand pass.

Down towards the wing position now. A bit of a struggle going on out there but

Collingwood coming out with the ball.

And Big Peter Moore takes a mark and ready to send Collingwood back into

attack again.

A hefty kick by Moore.

Down there towards that half-foot flank position. That's Kanko Donoghue giving a

hand pass over there to Ronnie Wearmouth. A long shot for goal. And

it's another six points at the neck by.

Still Collingwood struggling to get on top of Fitzroy because this is a

tremendous game today.

Yes, well, they're within four points now, Lou. They've come right up again.

Out it goes now. We see Lawson spinning away from the pack.

It's a delightful hand pass down there out to his teammate Brown. And Brown

gets the ball as he makes a long run around that wing position.

And finally coming across there is Connor with a left foot kick down there

towards the top.

He flies over the top of the pack, but he can't hold the mark. It hits the

deck. And everybody's on their toes because neither side will give an inch.

It's a real ding-dong struggle as we see Ronnie Wearmouth break out of the pack.

And look at this fellow go as he gives a hand pass over there to Hayward. He

turns, comes back on his left boot. And look at the shot. I think he may have

put this through. It's a wonderful goal by Hayward. Give us a shot for goal.

And by going, what a game this is. Hayward's put the Magpies into the lead

now. They're two points up front.

And there's a good capacity crowd here today. 130,000 we've just heard.

And look at them go.

Fitzroy now with the ball back into attack.

Down towards their centre-half forward position. But once again, there we see

the Collingwood skipper Danny Rowe booting it well up towards his teammate

Tank O'Donoghue. But it's Smith taking the ball away again.

In front there was Hayward. Another mark to Hayward. A hand pass.

Coming over quickly to Rowe. And Rowe speeding away from his opponents.

And that's a beautiful placed hand pass. Coming over to Moore.

And look at Moore break away from the pack as he shoots it down there to

Carlson. A left foot snaps the goal.

Up they fly.

The ball hits the ground. Tank O'Donoghue again.

And he's put it through for a sixth point for the Magpies.

The centre bounce.

Up it goes now, Alexander and Moore.

They're both bustling for position.

This pair are well matched. They're just about even on the knockout. Moore to the

front fuzzy. Knocks the ball down.

A chance now for Conlon. Conlon will take it away from Wearmouth.

Strong play by Conlon. A hefty kick down there. They set a half-court position.

But Shaw takes the mark.

Once again, it's Donnie Wearmouth. And can this fella play football? Well, he's

a great little player.

Listen, trying to break clear, but he decides to go.

Now, that's Hanson, I should say.

Hanson takes the mark.

Gets it out wide, coming across the plate. The mark at halfback is Brown. A

longhand pass out there to the wing player, Jones.

And Jones shoots it down there towards Moore in the fourth. And there we see

Hayward doing right out of the club of the Bucks. What a man. He's a real

champion. Worth every penny they paid for this guy.

He's kicked now for about 65 to 70 metres out from goal. Can he make the

distance? I think he can because he's a true champion. He fires. And look at

that forehand.

What a champion, as he fixed up the knockers. Thank God I wasn't one. He's

earned his money today. I'll say he's earned his money now. And I think Holden

has too.

Yeah, he's done a great job bringing his team up from the bottom of the ladder.

Laurie's a great coach.

God knows why some members of the committee wanted to get rid of him.

Don't let them in.

Fly like an angel.

You're out there to win.

Now there's a lot more things to football than really meets the eye.

There are days when you could give it up. There are days when you could fly.

Now you either love or hate it, depending on the score.

When your team run out or they kick a goal.

How's the mighty room?