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- Finished. - Finished.

Have you got a hairy fadge?

Why are you asking that?

We're just doing a survey. Have you got a hairy--

No!

OK, cool. Thank you for your response.

What's wrong?

I think I'm not good at chemistry.

I think I don't get to be a doctor.

Oh, no. Sorry.

OK.

Here, I'm open!

Yes!

What'll happen if we don't get into Oxbridge?

Maybe we'll just die.

Our summer project's gotta be proper good this year.

- We're ageing. - I know.

No one gives a shit about you when you're an adult.

We've got about five terms left of people rooting for us

and then we won't matter again to anyone.

I know. I'm stressed about everything.

I don't even know what any of it is yet.

Thank God we're here.

Not off getting distracted by, like, drugs and boys

and part-time jobs and stuff.

Do you think you'll ever do drugs?

I'll try every one once.

Just so I've tried it.

Same with boys.

- Kidding. - I know.

Horrid.

We've just got to be prepared.

Otherwise we'll drop out of uni and end up destitute.

And whores.

Yeah, destitute whores.

Stressed I'm gonna end up rubbish.

You won't. We're not like other girls.

We wouldn't be at this school if we were.

Let's not wash our knees for as long as possible

so no one forgets how good we are.

Oh.

Well done in lacrosse, you were both amazing.

Thank you.

What are you gonna do for your summer project this year?

It's a secret.

- God, Phoebe. - And we haven't decided yet.

God.

Can I do it too?

That's really hard to organise though, 'cause it's a secret.

Oh, yeah. Sorry.

Can I sit with you in Maths?

Do you think we should tell her she was a summer project too?

I don't know. Think she'd get upset.

We were too good at that one. Now she loves us.

Yeah.

Should we try and get a talent?

How'd you develop the same talent at the same time?

I don't know, actually.

Do you remember Georgia Pope

doing all that Irish dance in assembly?

She was so well-rounded.

Natalie Novotny was always on that flute.

Yeah.

What if you're accidentally more talented than me?

Then I'll wait for you. Obviously.

Good. Thanks.

Good afternoon, girls.

Doing charity will make us,

like, worldly.

Concerned about the world.

You have the scholarship. You already look worldly.

Really?

Yeah. You're like amazing.

Deffo get five offers. I'm jealous.

I want to look worldly.

Are you actually jealous of me?

Flic?

Sorry, Miss Delavigne.

My God, she hates me now.

It's only geography. Cambridge doesn't even do geography.

We need to make money – that's worldly.

How'd you make money?

Annabel Peters sells energy drinks. Could we do that?

Why don't you do the summer play with me?

Which one is it?

Midsummer Night's Dream.

Ugh. Is that the one with the donkey?

Well, they call it an "ass" in the play, actually,

but, yeah, he's called Bottom.

Aren't plays what sad girls do?

- I am sad. - OK.

Oh, no. Are you?

Not in, like, a bad way, like, you don't have to be worried.

Oh, OK.

A play might make us look well-rounded.

Do you think?

Yeah... maybe.

Lights out, girls. For God's sake.

Flic.

You know, I think it's good to be a bit sad.

If you were happy, it'd probably mean you were thick.

Good.

So I'm sad, too.

Good. Thank God.

Bed. Now!

All things bright and beautiful

all creatures great and small

All things wise and wonderful

The Lord God made them all

How did this young, ordinary man

with a modest upbringing in Stratford-Upon-Avon

become the famous William Shakespeare that we know today?

Four hun--

Where art thou, proud Demetrius?

Here, villain, drawn and ready.

Where are thou?

Lysander, thou runaway, thou villain, art thou fled?

Speak!

Thou coward, art thou bragging to the stars?

Come recreant! Come, thou child!

He goes before me and still dares me on.

When I come where he calls, then he is gone.

Ho, ho, ho, coward.

Why comest thou not?

Thou runnest before me, shifting every place,

and darest not stand, nor look me in the face.

OK, all right, all right. That's enough.

That is enough.

Girls! Quiet now!

Silence a while!

Silence.

Music call; and strike more dead.

He's so fit.

Our talented friends from St. Jude's are here to remind you about auditions

for A Midsummer Night's Dream, which take place on Wednesday.

Oh, my God. This year there's boys.

God.

I'm furious about this.

I know.

They can't just spring this on us. This is mad.

We're completely unprepared.

I know.

They've taken all the good parts.

They've got all the good speeches.

I know, I know.

They've wrecked the entire whole thing.

Don't even want to do it now.

- What? - What?

Are you kidding? We can't not do it now.

It's the only way we can get anyone's attention.

We saw everyone in assembly.

If we don't do it, we might as well be dead.

Is this supposed to be good?

Like, I don't want to be rude, but it's not well-written at all.

Damn, you're so much quicker than me.

It's just love all the time. No actual things happen.

Not, like, murders or whatever.

I don't think we get to do any fight scenes.

Everyone's being completely insane. Is it supposed to be believable?

Maybe love, like, makes you insane.

Maybe that's the point of it.

Well, I hate it. I hate the point of it.

I like Hermia... but maybe that's obvious.

Do you like Helena?

They're all annoying me, to be honest.

You could be the donkey.

He's funny. You could so play Bottom.

Ugh.

Do you think I'd be good at it?

What?

Love.

In the play?

I'm good at everything else.

Do you not think I would?

Flic! Minna!

Do you want your classmate to fall and break her neck?

Sorry.

Why are you being weird?

What? I'm not.

Do you like the play or something?

No.

Do you really want to do that? Prance about like a big old slag.

Flic?

It's what we'll look like.

- I sort of want to try it. - No, you don't.

- What? Don't you? - No.

Why not? It's worldly.

Yeah, but-- I dunno. Stresses me out.

Well, we have to try it at some point, else we'll be shit at it.

And I don't want to be shit at anything.

Are we still talking about the play?

What?

Don't start being all...

- What? - Distracted.

I'm not.

We're really lucky to be in the school, you know.

- Don't throw it away. - I'm not.

Don't go and... do it without me.

As if.

What if we make it our summer project?

What?

What if we try it together?

We, like, fall in love.

What if that's our summer project?

That's actually worldly.

We fall in love.

Who?

We should make it random, like Titania and that idiot donkey.

We go somewhere, close our eyes,

and then we fall in love with the first person we see.

- Don't look at anyone yet. - OK.

Act three, scene one. Got it?

Yep.

Bless thee, Bottom, bless thee. Thou art translated.

I will not stir from this place. I will walk up and down here

and I will sing that they shall hear: I am not afraid.

The ousel cock, so black of hue with orange-tawny bill.

The throstle with his note so true, the wren with little quill.

OK.

What angel wakes me from my flowery bed?

I pray thee, gentle mortal, sing again.

Hello, Flic. Hello, Minna.

You can't just stand here, girls. Get your lunch!

Is she even clever?

She teaches here.

But is she, like, an exceptional thinker?

Like, has she ever said anything amazing.

I mean, she's mostly just saying geography, so...

Isn't she from, like, New Zealand?

Yeah, it's quite interesting.

But why is she here?

Doesn't she have friends or a husband or anyone?

She does seem a bit lonely, I've always thought. Sort of sad.

No, don't say that. Sad people are annoying.

Oh. Thought we were smart.

Is she good looking?

Is looking at her good?

This was your idea, not mine.

I didn't plan to get to love till I at least got me Master's.

You know what? It's probably good that she's a bit shit.

- Yeah? - Yeah,

'cause love is supposed to be blind, so it just makes our love more impressive.

Yeah, you're so right.

So... love, then?

Yeah, love.

Like I want to be as good at love as I am at maths.

- You're only allowed four. - We're both getting them.

Can't just take them away and not bring them back.

Not everything in this school is your property to be taken away as you wish.

You just can't do that.

You can't.

You.

Can't.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Oh my God. You just made a little...

What?

A little sound. A little sort of sound.

Oh, my God. I did.

Did you just, like, long?

- Let me see. - No.

I want to see what made you long. I want to do it.

No, it's mine. Get your own.

- Will she like me? - She'll like us.

Not too flat.

It's not so good when it's flat.

Oh, sorry.

I'm so nervous. I'm just so nervous.

I'm so nervous!

I know. I feel like I'm thick.

Like, everything's gone thick.

Everything's about to feel really good.

In everything I read, it didn't seem like it felt that good.

No, it feels amazing.

Oh.

I thought it was more like really stressed...

or something.

No, no, yeah, definitely that.

That sounds more realistic.

Can I sit here?

Yeah.

No, I mean, can I sit there,

she sits there and you sit somewhere else.

Oh, OK.

Are you guys doing your project?

Not now. Fuck's sake, Phoebe.

Sorry, I said "fuck's sake", Phoebe.

It's OK. I know how stressed you get in summer.

Have a fab lesson. Hope it's... fab.

Oh my God, you did that already?

Need to catch up.

Oh my God, she's here.

Oh my God. I can't breathe.

Oh my God. Me too.

OK, Geographers. How do we define a settlement?

It's where people live or work.

Well, yes, but how do we define it?

We can look at, erm, economic growth...

♪ I found a place full of charms

♪ A magic world in my baby's arms

♪ A soft embrace like satin and lace

♪ Wondrous place

♪ What a spot in a storm

To cuddle up and stay nice and warm..

♪ Away from harm in my baby's arms

♪ Wondrous place...

Are we about to start feeling really stressed now?

- I hope so. - Me too.

♪ When I'm anywhere else...

OK, erm, open your books.

♪ But I don't care

♪ Everything's right when she holds me tight...

Oh, shit!

We can't eat. We're not supposed to be able to eat.

Do you love her yet?

I dunno. Do you?

I think so.

How do you know for sure?

We should probably dream about her.

Oh, yeah, definitely.

Let's do that.

You know what? We should talk to Clare Deacon about all this.

But she's in Year 11.

Well, I have it on good authority she's a whore.

We need tuition from a whore, not Jane Austen.

For fuck's sake.

You Year 10s always want advice.

Sorry.

What is it?

How do you know?

What the fuck are you asking me?

How do you know if you're like, properly in love?

Who are you in love with?

- We're being hypothetical. - Who are you in love with?

Do you think I should toss off my boyfriend?

He's topped me,

and fingered me,

and bum fingered me

and we've had dry sex.

- Definitely yes, then. - Yeah. Definitely.

Definitely, yes.

Great. Thanks.

Can I-- Can I just ask, where'd you get a boy from?

Does he go to the boys school?

You've just got to get them to love you.

And at least 10% more than you love them.

Otherwise it's not love, it's just something really sad.

- But what if... - So you definitely think I should toss off my boyfriend?

Great.

There's this cool bit on the canal

where you can look out to the surface of the water.

I'll sneak out over the wall and do it to him there.

So we just have to make her love us. That's the priority.

Yeah.

We need to get her attention.

How though?

I think we have to find out her real name

and call her it without getting told off.

Yeah. We can't call our lover "Miss Delavigne".

Oh, my God. It's so weird hearing you say lover.

Oh! Sorry.

No, it's good.

We have to get her alone.

We have to get her to invite us to her cabin or something.

Yeah.

What do we like, do, though, in her cabin?

I dunno.

Not geography.

Bum fingered?

Come on.

I jest to Oberon and make him smile.

When I a fat and bean-fed horse beguile.

In very likeness of a roasted crab,

and when she drinks, against her lips I bob.

O me. You juggler,

you cankerblossom,

you thief of love.

What have you... come by--

Have you come by night

and stolen my love's heart from him?

Fine, i' faith.

Have you no modesty?

No maiden shame? No touch of bashfulness?

What, will ye tear impatient answers from my gentle tongue?

Fie, fie, you counterfeit,

you puppet, you!

Puppet.

Am I puppet?

- Why so? - Er...

Ay that way goes the--

"Puppet"? Why so?

Ay, that way goes the game.

Now I perceive that she hath made compare

between our statures.

You were actually so good.

- You're so good, too. - I'm shit. You're better.

It's impossible. We're exactly the same.

It's a shit play.

We don't have to do a shit play.

I'm sorry.

I didn't know I was bad.

It's OK.

What's the point of being good at something shit?

Yeah...

It's fake anyway.

We're doing it for real.

They're not red, but they'll do.

Are we even allowed to cut these?

It's so sad, isn't it?

Yeah. So sad.

I heard he killed her less than 200 yards away.

Yeah, I heard that.

It's so sad.

I don't really know what to do when I think of all that.

Sorry little Evelyn Bush.

♪ Now I don't hardly know her

♪ But I think I could love her

♪ Crimson and Clover...

Wait, what are you doing? You can't just knock on the door.

What but so-- What am I allowed to do?

What happens now?

I dunno. How do you feel?

I feel kind of sexy. And I'm scared.

Me too.

I think my heart's beating really fast.

Is it really fast?

I can just feel top.

You're so funny.

When?

Thank you-- I didn't mean to be.

But that's good, I guess.

Oh, you-- you look properly excited for the first time.

Not-- not just scared, I mean.

All right. Yeah.

See? We're both good at this.

What?

Sorry, that's awful.

I'm not even shit Helena.

That's, like, not good at all.

I'm not even shit-ugly Helena.

That's not even really worth doing.

Should I go and talk to the teacher.

I don't know if you can do that.

- Can you talk to the teacher? - Er...

I don't know.

Oh my God. Oh my God.

This is shit for me!

Oh my God. I'm in the play!

I'm a tree. I'm a tree-slash-mound.

I'm a tree-slash-mound!

- I just... - What?

What?

I just don't think my audition was Titania-to-tree amount worse than yours.

I just don't. I don't.

Do things just sound better coming out of your mouth?

Do I have a shit mouth?

Are we actually gonna do it?

It'll really impress Miss Delavigne seeing us up there.

I'm a mound, Minna.

I'm a shit, shit, shit, shit mound.

I'm disappointed too.

I'm not a lover either. I'm just Queen of the Fairies.

I'm gonna kill myself.

Sorry.

Your light should be off!

Do I not get to do it just because you're not doing it?

I'm a bit offended you're OK to jeopardise

my Oxbridge application just 'cause you're a mound.

Sorry.

Sorry.

You'll be amazing at mound.

Are they in there?

- Have a look. - OK.

- Are you nervous? - What? No.

I just remembered that historically,

boys make my jaw lock.

Is that gonna be a problem?

Are you nervous?

No.

Don't have lines to remember, do I?

Is there a cat somewhere?

I've gone a bit cat.

Are you annoyed with me?

What do we do if they look at us?

If they look at us, they look at us.

They're gonna look at us. That's what boys do.

You just have to ignore it. That's what we do.

No, I'm fine.

I'm actually so fine.

OK, girls, in you come.

Minna.

Flic.

Phoebe.

Jessica.

Emily.

Minna.

Flic.

Phoebe.

OK, OK. Can we please start actually

integrating the names we need to learn in there?

Hmm?

Minna.

Oh, no, sorry. You're a girl. You're a girl.

Can I change my face?

Do you think something's gonna, like...

like, happen?

Are you insane? Minna's not thick.

Things always happen between men and women.

We're not women. And they're definitely not men yet.

They only get parts because they have loud voices.

They turn up, they speak, they put their hands on their hips

and everyone goes nuts.

There's definitely been a cat in here at some point.

Do you think I should have got a better part?

Like, my audition was OK, wasn't it?

Why'd I get a pretend part?

I'm just happy I got in at all.

'Cause I'm shit.

I'm the shittest in the whole year.

No, you're not.

I'm not.

I'm not shit so neither are you.

Actually, let's have you a bit closer.

Closer together...

OK. Can we have the mounds in, please?

Trees and mounds in.

You were so good.

Oh, thanks.

Demetrius is quite bad at text, I thought,

and Bottom isn't funny enough.

And Lysander literally sounds like

he's got peanut butter on the roof of his mouth.

Oh my God, yeah. Yeah.

And Oberon just stands there like:

Oh God...

Well, he only got Oberon 'cause he looks like that.

Like what?

I don't know.

You'd be a much better Oberon.

Do you think?

God, maybe I should learn his lines

in case he, like, dies or something.

So annoying there's boys this year.

Tree-slash-mound isn't gonna impress

any admissions officer.

You're a scholarship girl, though,

so you're already impressive.

Erm, was I good?

Oh... Yeah.

You were literally so good. You were so good.

So that's chapter 14 by Thursday,

we're thinking about the questions at the bottom of the page.

That's it.

Thank you.

Erm, we're in the play, miss.

Are you?

Yeah... She's Titania.

That's a good part.

Do you like Shakespeare?

Yeah, do you have Shakespeare in New Zealand?

Yes, Minna, we do have Shakespeare.

Will you come and see us in it?

Erm, yes, of course. It's the summer play.

So what about you, Flic?

Who are you playing?

Oh, no, I'm just a tree.

I wish Titania fell in love with a tree, not a donkey.

I can't even put it on me personal statement.

Hey.

Back home I was a... television in my school play.

So what are you-- C'mon--

I feel a bit weird now. Like, maybe I'm in the lead.

When am I gonna get looked at?

Don't worry, I'll look at you.

No, that's not the same. No, stop it.

That's weird.

Oh... 'kay.

Sorry.

We should learn every single thing about New Zealand next.

I've got a lot of lines to learn, too, remember?

Oh... yeah.

I can always read and, like, tell you the important stuff.

Yeah, you do the play and I'll do New Zealand.

Then we've got all bases covered.

You know, stuff's happening to me, too.

It's not just you...

you know.

How canst thou thus for shame, Titania,

glance at my credit with Hippolyta,

knowing I know thy love to Theseus?

- Didst-- - Titania! Titania, sorry.

You do need to actually glance at him

if he's talking about you glancing at him.

Sorry. I'm sorry, miss.

I'm just looking at my lines, but I will.

Well,

actually, miss, the text is

"How canst thou glance at my credit?"

It's not glance at me.

He's not referring to her glancing at him.

It's not literal.

OK, fine.

But she should be glancing

at her husband-slash-king of the fairies,

from time to time.

I don't know.

Titania's sick of Oberon at this point.

I think what she's doing works. It's good.

She's making it hard for Oberon.

It's how the scene's supposed to be.

Fine. On you go.

Didst thou not lead him

through the glimmering night from Perigouna...

Oh my God. Boys are crazy.

...with fair Aegles break his faith,

with Ariadne and Antiopa?

Boys are so rude.

They shouldn't be allowed in our school.

Why don't you imagine he's Miss Delavigne

when you look at him?

What? Why?

If you're finding it hard.

Are you saying I'm really bad?

What? No, no--

Acting's really hard, actually.

I just meant you have to pretend to be in love

with a boy and then a donkey.

And not just a donkey, but a shit donkey

who's actually a shit boy.

It's, like...

literally the hardest thing in the entire world.

Right. Yeah. Thank you, it is hard.

Anyway, I'm doing the scene how it's supposed to be.

Are you a fridge?

What?

We're just doing survey. Are you?

No.

What is a fridge, though?

It means you haven't got with a boy.

That's right. Right?

Yeah...? Yeah. Yeah.

I'm not a fridge then.

No, you're not. I mean, you are.

No, you're not. I mean, you are.

What?

I'm friends with boys now, in the play.

That's something.

No, it's not, is it?

Oh for God's sake, they're just boys.

Can everyone stop being so weird about it?

Fridge.

Are they, like, bullying us or something?

No.

I'm fucking Titania.

Can I sit here?

OK, but I can't talk to you, Phoebe.

I've got loads to worry about.

Did you hear about Oberon's non-uniform jacket?

It's brown. We're all saying that--

Sorry.

Are we supposed to be doing New Zealand?

Did I miss something?

God, stop copying.

You need to not try so hard.

How do you not try hard?

If someone's not interested,

you have to be more not interested.

I got my boyf by going out with his friend.

I got his friend by going out with his friend.

And I got him by going out with his friend before that.

Who was actually my boyf now.

But that was before my boyf now got fit, so...

It's all gone in a circle

and it's all worked out really well.

So...

just tell Minna to start getting with the short one

and then the tall one will want her.

What?

That is what we're talking about, isn't it?

What? No, I was being hypothetical.

Sure.

Minna doesn't like Oberon. He makes her want to die.

Grafton girls are so dumb for people who are supposed to be

the smartest girls in the North or whatever.

Shut up. She doesn't.

Oh my God. Do you like him or something?

No! No, I don't and she doesn't.

Just cause you're a... fucking, fucking whore

and want to get with everyone

doesn't mean everyone else wants to ruin their education.

Hello, Flic.

Hi.

Erm... Why are you standing on your own?

Shouldn't you be at... lunch?

Sorry, miss.

Hmm.

Did you know New Zealand

has more flightless birds than anywhere in the world?

- What? - Apparently it's 'cause

there weren't mammal predators before humans came along.

And so they could, like, hang out on the ground.

And it was fine.

I like New Zealand.

I think I want to do the big settlements essay on it.

Oh, erm...

Sorry. Is that allowed or is it too far away?

Is everything OK, Flic?

I feel like a mound.

Oh, Flic.

Sorry. Sorry. I'm fine.

I know I'm really lucky to be here--

No, no, it's OK, Flic.

You've every right to be here.

Do you want to talk?

And the place names are mad.

Brightness Gully, Desolation Creek.

Actually, that one's a bit sad,

but I still like it.

Sorry. You're not like from Desolation Creek, are you?

No.

Oh, 'kay. Sorry.

It just seems like the most amazing, coolest place ever.

Mhm. It's a fascinating country, Aotearoa.

Land of the long white cloud.

Couldn't even begin to cover it in a whole term with you.

It's not all in the books, you know.

What's happened there to the people...

Oh right.

But we've talked about that in geography, haven't we?

Studying the land is only the first part.

Then you bring the people into it.

Do you have, like, a name from New Zealand, then?

Oh, erm...

Rosalind.

Rosalind.

Hmm. You've-- you've really lit up, Flic.

Really?

Yes. Have you thought about your A-level options?

I mean, even university,

it's probably a bit early for that.

Cambridge doesn't do geography.

Well, er, I think you'd enjoy geography. And...

Cambridge is probably miserable.

Oh, OK. I'll think about it. Thanks.

Er, are you a fridge, Rosalind?

What's that? A fridge?

Never mind. Sorry. I just thought you might be.

OK, then.

- Oh, God. - What?

- What? - I've got something

I have to tell you, but don't know how.

What? What is it?

I think I've gotten ahead again.

What?

She told me I'm really good at geography.

That maybe I should do it at university.

I just think you've maybe been a bit distracted.

Oh. OK.

Anyway, I just wanted to tell you.

Sorry.

I feel so much better now I've told you.

She's called Rosalind, by the way.

I don't know why everyone gets so excited about half term.

No. Must be annoying to have to go home

when all your stuff is here. And the library's here.

- How do they even revise? - Yeah.

Everyone always comes back so slow.

Takes them like a week to get back into the swing of school.

No one comes to pick her up either.

Oh, yeah.

Sorry your parents are in Munich.

I'm sorry your mum's in Harrogate.

Do you want to cry?

No.

We're the lucky ones, you know.

Yeah. Yep.

I think I dreamt about her.

Me too.

D'you think we'll get to talk to her today?

Yeah.

I...

I know this is bad, but...

I don't even want to do the play sometimes.

I just want to quit everything

and do lacrosse with you again.

And win.

I'd like to win again.

Well, I don't even want to win. I just...

Want to float.

Can we float?

It's OK. I know it's getting harder.

But remember, we've got each other.

Just remember we've got each other.

When we're at Oxbridge, we'll live like this.

Yeah.

We just have to not get distracted or we'll wreck it.

I know. I know.

I do know that. I do.

♪ It was pretty bright up on the rainbow brace tonight

♪ I could see into your window Although you're far away...

I think she's wearing makeup.

- Oh, my God. - Oh, my God.

Something's happening.

Oh, my God.

♪ ...If he is up for What you have in mind

♪ If he is up for What you have in mind

♪ Change is on the cards But this time it will be hard

♪ I never want to leave you

♪ We've never had a fight

♪ You should never split a pole

♪ You should never split at all

♪ I wish I had two paths I could follow

♪ I'd write the ending

♪ Without any sorrow... ♪

Minna!

What is it?

She needs to come here.

- Why? - Seen this in a book.

Which one?

Miss Delavigne?

Yes, Flic? What have you found?

Oh, that's...

It's "aba-lown", isn't it?

"Abalon-ee".

- Yes, but we call it pāua. - Pāua.

It's made from shells from New Zealand.

Yes.

It's so pretty.

It's actually really precious and has lots

of meanings for people.

European settlers didn't like the taste of what was inside.

But they liked the shells so they took loads.

It doesn't say that there. I read that.

Now they're endangered.

That's right, Flic.

Hmm.

You know, my grandmother had pieces just like this.

She loved it.

I remember you'd hug her and it'd feel all...

cold up your neck.

Oh, she had a brooch just like that.

Oh, she gave that brooch to me, didn't she?

Could we see it, Miss Delavigne?

I don't know...

where it is.

Do you have pictures of her?

Could we come to your cabin and see them?

Sorry, I don't know-- It's so stupid...

Can we come and see them, Rosalind?

Erm...

I-- I'll-- I'll, erm... bring them to geography.

That was amazing.

Yeah... she's obsessed with us.

They're amazing. I thought about them all half term.

OK, all support cast now, please.

Why art thou here?

Come from the farthest steppe of India.

But that, forsooth, the bouncing Amazon,

your bust mistress...

Who are you in love with?

What? No one.

Really?

I'm in love with almost all of them.

You sound really slutty when you say that.

What are we gonna do now we've held her hand?

We have to do something.

We're, like, so close to getting invited to the cabin.

Minna.

Minna?

Minna.

Can you think of it?

Sorry, I wasted so much time in half term,

and I don't even know my lines.

Don't forget Miss Delavigne now we're back.

We held her hand. What more do you want?

I mean, actually, I held her hand.

You only got to because I did.

Sure. Thanks.

This was your idea.

- No, it wasn't. - Yes, it was.

I didn't plan to fall in love until I was 25.

Oh, my God. You're being loud.

Why are you being weird? I'm trying to help.

Like, I didn't want to say anything,

but Rosalind doesn't even like you that much.

I've been doing all the work. You've barely done anything.

She wouldn't have even wanted to hold our hand

if it wasn't for me.

And she touched me on the arm way before we held hands.

And I didn't even tell you that part--

Oh my God. Shut up.

But--

You have to stop going on about Miss Delavigne.

I don't understand.

Don't you love her anymore?

Of course I don't love her.

What...?

Stop going on about her.

It's fucking weird.

This was just a game and we have to stop playing

now that real things are happening.

No, no.

But I don't like her.

She's weird and ugly and sad and all crying

about a fucking badge.

It's-- It's a brooch.

So?

She's been a complete waste of time.

No, I don't love her. I don't even like her.

I don't love her at all.

Hi.

I'm really sorry.

It's OK. You were right.

That was practise.

- What? - Let's do something real.

If we're gonna do it, we're gonna do it for real,

with boys.

We're gonna, like, find one and, like, sit him down

and, like, get with him.

But we...

But we hate them, don't we?

No. I'm sick of being a little kid. I'm not a kid.

I'm not a kid. I'm supposed to be a fucking genius.

So we're doing that, then? You want to do that?

Yeah. Together.

You're not gonna get, like,

scared or something if we do that?

No.

We do it together.

At the same time.

Go to that cool bit of the canal and we do it there.

Right.

Great.

Great, great.

Great.

Thy threats have no more strength

than her weak...

Oh my God, they're just there.

Hello.

Hello ladies.

Can you help us down?

- Ah, there you go. - Thanks.

Can one of you help Flic?

Oh.

Come on, let's go.

Minna...

- Will Clare Deacon be there? - No.

What? That's where she does her stuff.

Come on lovers, hath no fear.

Oh, thanks.

- Don't fall. - Oh, my God.

- Don't fall, don't fall! - He's going, he's going!

Ohhhhh!

Don't fall! Don't fall! Don't fall!

No, no, no, drat, drat, drat!

No, drat, drat, no!

Fuck, fuck, stop screaming!

- Minna! - Stop screaming!

- Trot along, mate. - Oh, God.

Come on, mate. One at a time.

Steady.

Come on, man.

Drat, drat, oh drat!

You're a bellend.

You're a little bitch!

Fuck off J-- J-Jeb.

All right, all right. Calm down. We have guests.

S-- so, if you had a crazy golf course,

what would you do to make it crazy?

What?

Sorry, I thought that was a good question...

for the group.

Well!

This is fun.

So you're like a proper actor, then?

I mean, that's the plan, I guess.

If the universe will have me.

When I did Prospero,

our teacher gave us some really insightful notes.

Really?

I guess your school doesn't do a lot of proper productions?

No, not really, no.

Sometimes I don't think your teacher's that good on text.

Do you think you're good at acting?

We're playing the main part.

Do you think you deserve them?

What part are you playing again?

I'm gonna get better stones.

Who wants to come with me?

Come on.

Someone go with her.

For God's sake.

I'll go.

There we go. How lovely.

Thank God.

Ooh. Is the donkey gonna get off with a mound?

She always like that?

Yeah. No. Sort of. I don't know.

Go on, get that mound.

Aren't you gonna, like, hold out your hand?

Donkey and the mound sitting in a tree...

F, U, C, K, I, N, G!

That was mean.

Go on my son!

Watch out, he's gonna pounce!

Why aren't you doing anything?

Have you even ever got with anyone?

Yes.

Have you?

Yes.

You guys having fun over there?

No.

You're a fridge, aren't you?

No.

You're the mound, remember?

Why would anyone want to go with you?

- Alright? - Yeah.

Oh, come on, then. Come on.

Have that!

- I hit you on that one. - Come on, man.

All right. Woah!

Missed me that time.

I hit you then. Come on, admit it.

Come on, Flic, are you going to join in?

Come on. You're on his side. Come on.

- You bellend. - Woah!

That's cheating!

Come on, man. Come on.

Oh, yeah?

Ahhhh!

Oh, fuck!

Are you all right?

Mate, what the fuck are you doing?

- Can someone call my mum? - Come on.

Do you want me to come down and help?

How romantic!

Right, I know this is all a bit unexpected,

but can we please be adults about it?

Minna, you do actually have to be looking at each other.

This is love at first sight. There has to be sight.

So, look at Bottom.

And Titania says...

Oh, how I love thee. How I dote on thee.

Do I have to choose?

No, you have to stay with me. We're the mounds.

You're not a mound anymore.

Yeah, I am. Just don't tell anyone.

You're a way better Bottom.

I'm so glad he broke his leg.

Like, maybe he was a bit of a twat.

Oh, my God. Is that so mean that I just said that?

Hang on. I think I'm going mad or something.

Am I thick or something? Am I really, really bad?

I just hate them. I just hate them.

You know, I probably shouldn't say this, but...

I'd rather be like you than her.

You're the best girl in the whole school.

We're just doing a survey. Have you ever--

No.

Miss Delavigne?

Yes, Flic?

I really enjoyed doing that essay.

I can tell it was very well researched.

A little more than I... expected.

Very good, Flic.

Thanks so much.

How useful is a source?

And what can a source

tell us?

And how can we verify its accuracy?

Miss Delavigne, have you got a minute?

Yes, Flic?

Do you have those pictures of your grandmother, then?

Sorry?

And maybe pictures of where you grew up?

Oh, erm...

Yes. In my... cabin.

Can I come and see them, then?

Maybe I could come for tea and we could look at it.

We could do some extra geography

and look at all your photos and keep, like,

talking about New Zealand.

Well, erm, OK, then.

It's lovely you've taken

such an active interest in geography.

♪ Feeling lost and I don't wanna be here

♪ Burning up inside the atmosphere

♪ If I should spread my wings I could fly away

♪ But I don't wanna stay up here all night

♪ And if you take my hand

♪ You could take command

♪ Can't you hear me calling I'm falling

♪ Won't you take my hand?

♪ Won't you understand... ♪

What are you doing, Flic?

The project. Obvs.

Are you going in the cabin?

Yeah.

Are you seriously going in the cabin?

Yes. In the cabin. I got invited to the cabin.

Am I coming?

Only it was sort of my idea.

And it's a bit crap of you to go off and do it without me.

- Well, you got distracted. - Well, I'm here now.

You were slagging about all over that lot.

I'm here now.

If you're gonna come, you have to give me your scrunchie.

What are we gonna do when we're in there?

I don't know. Not geography.

Are you nervous?

Oh, Minna?

- Minna came. - I wanted to see, too.

I love geography, too.

Oh... Yes, that's great. Lovely.

Erm, come in, come in.

Sh-- shoes off. That's OK.

Let's just get this all...

Ready.

And, erm...

It's lovely to have someone take an interest.

You can see the, erm...

jewellery's all over her, can't you?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

She looks like ya.

Oh, you think so?

That's good.

She's beautiful.

Did you know her?

Er...

Not really.

I thought, erm, she was a bit scary.

I guess I'm a bit disappointed

in myself for that now.

Did she ever visit you here?

Oh, erm, no. God knows she wouldn't ever come here.

- So who's-- - What about your grandad?

No.

No, erm...

I don't think they had a very

- happy sort of marriage-- - I hate boys.

Where are you in these?

Oh...

Well, these are...

mostly of my fam-- family, but...

Oh, well...

if you see a little shrub on legs...

erm, next to her brother, that's a little, er...

me.

- There she is. - Little shrub.

So sweet.

Hmm.

It's fine if we call you Rosalind, isn't it?

That's your name, isn't it?

Rosalind?

What is it, you two?

What is it you want?

Gracious!

Gracious... Gracious.

Gracious, oh...

Oh, Minna you have to go. Now.

Flic, you go too.

Now.

Get out!

Minna, was it fantastic?

Minna? Was it?

Tell me.

Minna?

Minna!

O most courageous day!

O most happy hour!

Let us hear, sweet Bottom.

Let us hear, sweet Bottom.

Let us hear, sweet Bottom!

I have...

I've had a most rare vision.

Methought I was...

There is no man can tell what.

Be as thou wast want to be.

And see as thou wast want to see.

My Oberon! What visions I have seen.

Methought I was enamoured of an ass.

How mine eyes do loathe his visage now...

- Come, my lord. - Come, my queen.

Take hands with me and rock the ground

whereon these sleepers be.

Flic.

Are you OK?

You were really good.

No, I wasn't.

Why are you talking to me?

Will you go out with me?

No, I don't have time.

OK, fine.

Sorry.

You can kiss me, though. We can get that out the way.

Can I tell people?

Rosalind!

It was me, wasn't it? Wasn't it me?

Apparently, our new geography teacher's a man.

Isn't that crazy?

It's sad, isn't it?

She's quitting lacrosse this year.

Did you know?

All things bright and beautiful

All creatures great and small

All things wise and wonderful

The Lord God made them all

Each little flow'r that opens

Each little bird that sings

He made their glowing colours

He made their tiny wings

All things bright and beautiful

All creatures great and small

All things wise and wonderful

Hi.

Hi.

How was summer?

We went to Lanzarote.

That's amazing.

It was. It was crazy.

You?

I'm really sorry.

What? Why?

The project.

Everything went wrong. I'm sorry.

That doesn't matter.

It was your idea anyway.

That was all so sad.

Are you--

Are-- are you going out with Oberon, then?

Oberon?

Oh my God. No. No.

I hate boys.

I hated doing that play.

I hated them.

Oh.

Adam's in sixth form.

What about exams?

Oh my God, Flic.

You're so funny.

Forgot how funny you are.

I'm really sorry,

and I know it's weird maybe to do this now in September

'cause there's not a natural term break or anything, but...

just checking you know we're not best friends now.

Oh.

I would have done anything in the whole world for...

Erm, you know...

you.

It's exam year, and I'm a prefect now, and...

you're kind of distracting.

So...

Yeah, so...

I mean...

I mean, OK.

I don't mind.

OK. Thank you.