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1
00:00:15,916 --> 00:00:18,184
(odd creaking sound)
2
00:00:22,589 --> 00:00:24,691
(sound repeats)
3
00:00:26,059 --> 00:00:28,662
What the...
4
00:00:31,264 --> 00:00:32,599
Who the hell gave you permission
5
00:00:32,666 --> 00:00:34,668
to monkey around
with my precious volumes?
6
00:00:34,735 --> 00:00:36,202
I have no idea what
you're talking about.
7
00:00:36,269 --> 00:00:37,571
NANDOR:
What has he done now?
8
00:00:37,638 --> 00:00:39,405
He's been monkeying around
with my precious volumes.
9
00:00:39,472 --> 00:00:42,809
‐No, I haven't been monkey‐‐
I haven't touched your books.
‐Oh, really?
10
00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:45,178
Well, explain this.
11
00:00:45,245 --> 00:00:46,947
Shit, he's taken it up
a notch.
12
00:00:47,013 --> 00:00:48,214
That's worse than before.
13
00:00:48,281 --> 00:00:50,316
Guillermo, why would you
do such a thing?
14
00:00:50,383 --> 00:00:52,318
I didn't do it. I‐I haven't even
been in this room.
15
00:00:52,385 --> 00:00:53,520
I wasn't even here.
16
00:00:53,587 --> 00:00:54,621
LASZLO:
Well, you're in there now.
17
00:00:54,688 --> 00:00:56,557
‐NADJA: What's going on?
‐LASZLO: It's Gizmo.
18
00:00:56,623 --> 00:00:58,491
He's been causing havoc
in the household.
19
00:00:58,559 --> 00:01:00,827
Ooh.
20
00:01:00,894 --> 00:01:02,696
Look. Look.
21
00:01:06,232 --> 00:01:09,135
"Laszlo sucks," backwards.
22
00:01:09,202 --> 00:01:10,704
LASZLO:
Laszlo doesn't suck.
23
00:01:10,771 --> 00:01:13,006
And if he did, he certainly
wouldn't do it backwards.
24
00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:14,007
GUILLERMO:
I didn't write it.
25
00:01:14,074 --> 00:01:16,142
NADJA:
Hmm.
26
00:01:16,209 --> 00:01:17,778
We've got ghosts.
27
00:01:17,844 --> 00:01:19,112
‐Bullshit.
‐(Nadja groans)
28
00:01:19,179 --> 00:01:21,615
(Laszlo grunts)
29
00:01:21,682 --> 00:01:23,717
("You're Dead"
by Norma Tanega playing)
30
00:01:23,784 --> 00:01:26,352
♪♪ Don't sing if you want
to live long ♪♪
31
00:01:26,419 --> 00:01:28,722
♪♪ They have no use
for your song ♪♪
32
00:01:28,789 --> 00:01:31,491
♪♪ You're dead, you're dead,
you're dead ♪♪
33
00:01:31,558 --> 00:01:35,796
♪♪ You're dead
and out of this world ♪♪
34
00:01:35,862 --> 00:01:38,865
♪♪ Now your hope and compassion
is gone ♪♪
35
00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:41,668
♪♪ You sold out your dream
to the world ♪♪
36
00:01:41,735 --> 00:01:43,937
♪♪ Stay dead, stay dead,
stay dead ♪♪
37
00:01:44,004 --> 00:01:46,873
♪♪ You're dead
and out of this world. ♪♪
38
00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:49,743
♪♪ ♪♪
39
00:01:56,282 --> 00:01:58,619
A ghost is the spirit
of a person who has died,
40
00:01:58,685 --> 00:02:01,955
but still has unfinished
business
41
00:02:02,022 --> 00:02:03,056
on this mortal plane.
42
00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:04,257
There's no such thing
as ghosts.
43
00:02:04,324 --> 00:02:05,659
Okay, here we go again.
44
00:02:05,726 --> 00:02:07,027
My wife comes from
the kind of town
45
00:02:07,093 --> 00:02:09,462
that believes in all this kind
of superstitious nonsense.
46
00:02:09,530 --> 00:02:11,532
She also thinks
goblins are real.
47
00:02:11,598 --> 00:02:13,900
Personally, I'm a man
of science.
48
00:02:13,967 --> 00:02:16,737
All right, then, Dr. Arsehole,
how does your science
49
00:02:16,803 --> 00:02:19,272
‐explain what we just saw?
‐Now, you see,
50
00:02:19,339 --> 00:02:20,907
it can be one of two things.
51
00:02:20,974 --> 00:02:22,142
One, a mercurical zephyr.
52
00:02:22,208 --> 00:02:24,177
Two, it's a farrago of gasses,
53
00:02:24,244 --> 00:02:25,679
possibly from a peat bog.
54
00:02:25,746 --> 00:02:27,848
Now, if you capture these
and add them together,
55
00:02:27,914 --> 00:02:30,751
‐using yellow bile
from a plague victim...
‐(hisses)
56
00:02:30,817 --> 00:02:33,219
...you've got what
looks like a ghost.
57
00:02:33,286 --> 00:02:35,221
‐But it's science.
‐Ooh! (blows raspberry)
58
00:02:35,288 --> 00:02:36,957
NANDOR:
Ghosts are
59
00:02:37,023 --> 00:02:38,759
the stuff of fairy tales.
60
00:02:38,825 --> 00:02:40,961
Stories we tell children
to frighten out
61
00:02:41,027 --> 00:02:43,797
their excess energy
so that they might
62
00:02:43,864 --> 00:02:46,466
‐slumber more peacefully.
‐GUILLERMO: Huh.
63
00:02:48,401 --> 00:02:50,470
Did you say something?
64
00:02:50,537 --> 00:02:52,873
I'm sorry, vampires are real,
but ghosts are not?
65
00:02:52,939 --> 00:02:57,277
He's heard too many
fairy stories from Nadja.
66
00:02:57,343 --> 00:02:58,378
No, I actually just want
to make sure
67
00:02:58,444 --> 00:02:59,513
we're on the same page.
68
00:02:59,580 --> 00:03:01,515
You know, after years
of working for you,
69
00:03:01,582 --> 00:03:03,817
a known vampire,
I have seen
70
00:03:03,884 --> 00:03:05,819
‐werewolves, necromancers...
‐(growling)
71
00:03:05,886 --> 00:03:07,654
...a zombie
and several Babadooks,
72
00:03:07,721 --> 00:03:09,956
but a ghost, that's where
we draw the line.
73
00:03:10,023 --> 00:03:12,425
Several?
You saw one Bababook.
74
00:03:12,492 --> 00:03:15,195
‐Several Ba‐‐
‐Don't exaggerate.
75
00:03:16,329 --> 00:03:18,198
Do I believe in ghosts?
Uh, no.
76
00:03:18,264 --> 00:03:19,700
Color me skeptical.
77
00:03:19,766 --> 00:03:24,270
Um, though, maybe it's ghosts
that are always stealing
78
00:03:24,337 --> 00:03:28,174
that one sock from the dryer.
(laughs)
79
00:03:28,241 --> 00:03:31,945
I've been experimenting
with, uh, humor
80
00:03:32,012 --> 00:03:34,347
to drain energy.
81
00:03:34,414 --> 00:03:36,983
Which reminds me,
does anyone here
82
00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:38,952
have any updog?
83
00:03:39,019 --> 00:03:41,354
Updog?
84
00:03:41,421 --> 00:03:43,223
If I didn't know
what updog was,
85
00:03:43,289 --> 00:03:46,492
I would at least ask‐ask me.
(chuckles)
86
00:03:47,994 --> 00:03:52,866
Hey, everybody, look at
my enormous crystal balls.
87
00:03:52,933 --> 00:03:56,803
Maybe these ghosts will
bring with them some updog.
88
00:03:56,870 --> 00:04:01,474
Guillermo, did you get my joke
about my enormous balls?
89
00:04:01,542 --> 00:04:04,010
‐I did, Master.
‐NADJA: Silence!
90
00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:05,145
The time is nigh.
91
00:04:05,211 --> 00:04:06,880
Everybody join hands.
92
00:04:06,947 --> 00:04:08,949
COLIN:
Sorry if my hands are
a little oily.
93
00:04:09,015 --> 00:04:11,484
It's from my rash cream.
94
00:04:11,552 --> 00:04:14,487
NADJA:
Troubled spirits,
draw ye near.
95
00:04:14,555 --> 00:04:19,025
Uncloak yourselves
and reveal to us your forms
96
00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:20,326
on this terrestrial plane.
97
00:04:20,393 --> 00:04:23,997
I beseech you,
using the ancient words.
98
00:04:24,064 --> 00:04:25,398
'Eye' tis ka lay
99
00:04:25,465 --> 00:04:29,503
ksenikon e patroion,
e pakouston e foraton e keye,
100
00:04:29,570 --> 00:04:31,371
kath‐eye‐restho hon‐'pear'
101
00:04:31,437 --> 00:04:33,907
apokatharet‐eye.
102
00:04:33,974 --> 00:04:35,809
(vocalizing)
103
00:04:35,876 --> 00:04:37,243
Mm...
104
00:04:37,310 --> 00:04:38,879
(loud creaking)
105
00:04:38,945 --> 00:04:41,515
(creaking moan echoes)
106
00:04:43,884 --> 00:04:46,520
‐Guillermo, did you make a fart?
‐No.
107
00:04:46,587 --> 00:04:48,922
I think someone summoned
a breakfast burrito.
108
00:04:48,989 --> 00:04:49,923
Silence!
109
00:04:49,990 --> 00:04:51,825
A spirit is struggling
to be heard.
110
00:04:51,892 --> 00:04:55,896
Is it maybe a spirit
who's struggling with IBS?
111
00:04:55,962 --> 00:04:57,731
(laughter)
112
00:04:57,798 --> 00:04:59,766
You have ruined
the energy of the séance
113
00:04:59,833 --> 00:05:02,669
with your toilet potty
poo‐poo‐mouth humor!
114
00:05:02,736 --> 00:05:06,039
And a price will be paid.
You fools!
115
00:05:06,106 --> 00:05:10,677
Nadja, we were only joking.
116
00:05:10,744 --> 00:05:11,912
Idiots.
117
00:05:11,978 --> 00:05:14,715
(sighs)
118
00:05:17,884 --> 00:05:19,485
(Nadja gasps)
119
00:05:22,155 --> 00:05:23,123
Oh, yes.
120
00:05:23,189 --> 00:05:26,026
Jeff... Jesk.
121
00:05:26,092 --> 00:05:27,828
So you are a ghost now, yes?
122
00:05:27,894 --> 00:05:30,363
My Nadja.
123
00:05:30,430 --> 00:05:32,098
For an eternity,
I have longed to hear
124
00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:34,835
your sweet, angelic voice
say my name again.
125
00:05:34,901 --> 00:05:36,837
Well, it's only been a few
months since you died,
126
00:05:36,903 --> 00:05:40,206
but that's...
Thank you, very nice.
127
00:05:40,273 --> 00:05:42,075
I have missed you so.
128
00:05:42,142 --> 00:05:43,443
Sorry, can I just stop you?
129
00:05:43,510 --> 00:05:45,546
It's really weird
with you down there.
130
00:05:45,612 --> 00:05:46,847
If you could‐‐
Sorry, the head.
131
00:05:46,913 --> 00:05:48,649
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
132
00:05:48,715 --> 00:05:50,350
‐Put it back on the neck.
Sorry, it's just...
‐Right, right, right, right.
133
00:05:50,416 --> 00:05:52,886
‐Duh. Ew.
‐Ugh. (chuckles)
134
00:05:52,953 --> 00:05:53,920
This is better, huh?
135
00:05:53,987 --> 00:05:54,788
So much better.
136
00:05:54,855 --> 00:05:58,124
‐Thanks.
‐So, Jesk, what can I...
137
00:05:58,191 --> 00:06:00,727
Um, sorry for not taking you
seriously, my darling.
138
00:06:00,794 --> 00:06:03,429
(scoffs) And what do you
think about it now?
139
00:06:03,496 --> 00:06:05,065
What do I think about what?
140
00:06:05,131 --> 00:06:06,266
Jesk, say something.
141
00:06:06,332 --> 00:06:08,401
Hey, thanks for
cutting my head off.
142
00:06:08,468 --> 00:06:10,904
‐Again. You dick.
‐NADJA: Now, now.
143
00:06:10,971 --> 00:06:12,939
He was just doing
his husbandly duties.
144
00:06:13,006 --> 00:06:14,975
Who are you talking to,
my darling?
145
00:06:15,041 --> 00:06:16,142
Can't you see him?
146
00:06:16,209 --> 00:06:18,912
There's nobody there, my dear.
Are you okay?
147
00:06:18,979 --> 00:06:21,147
‐He's sitting right there.
‐There's no one there.
148
00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:22,783
‐But he's...
‐I'll, uh,
149
00:06:22,849 --> 00:06:24,217
just go back inside
and leave you
150
00:06:24,284 --> 00:06:26,920
to, uh, talking to the air.
151
00:06:28,421 --> 00:06:31,091
Shit.
152
00:06:31,157 --> 00:06:32,659
Nandor!
153
00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:34,828
‐There's a fucking ghost
on the front lawn.
‐What?
154
00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:36,830
‐Not you, too.
‐I couldn't believe it myself.
155
00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:39,766
But what mine own eyes have
seen, mine own eyes have seen.
156
00:06:39,833 --> 00:06:40,834
I pretended I couldn't see it,
157
00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:42,803
which will give us
the element of surprise.
158
00:06:42,869 --> 00:06:46,006
‐Okay. Okay.
‐We must act quickly.
159
00:06:46,072 --> 00:06:47,207
Take the large one.
160
00:06:47,273 --> 00:06:48,341
Yes, good idea.
161
00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:50,577
Yeah, that's better.
162
00:06:50,644 --> 00:06:52,513
Right, where's this
fucking ghost?!
163
00:06:52,579 --> 00:06:55,315
(shouting)
164
00:06:55,381 --> 00:06:56,482
JEFF:
...ghost stuff.
165
00:06:56,550 --> 00:07:00,220
Aah! Get ready to swallow
my sword! (grunts)
166
00:07:00,286 --> 00:07:02,523
But it's... What the fuck?
167
00:07:08,328 --> 00:07:09,863
Whoa, shit.
168
00:07:09,930 --> 00:07:11,898
‐That's wild.
‐Thank you!
169
00:07:11,965 --> 00:07:14,167
‐So, this...
‐You need to keep
your voice down, otherwise
170
00:07:14,234 --> 00:07:16,402
‐that thing will hear us.
‐I can hear you.
171
00:07:16,469 --> 00:07:17,671
Now look what you've done.
172
00:07:17,738 --> 00:07:19,706
‐What is this gloopy shit?
‐Huh.
173
00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:21,041
Looks like ectoplasm.
174
00:07:21,107 --> 00:07:23,343
‐Is that right?
‐(chuckling): I guess so.
175
00:07:23,409 --> 00:07:27,180
‐Is there any in my hair?
‐Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah.
176
00:07:27,247 --> 00:07:28,314
Guillermo, tissue, please.
177
00:07:28,381 --> 00:07:30,316
‐COLIN: Quite a bit.
‐NANDOR: Fucking guy.
178
00:07:30,383 --> 00:07:31,451
That thing needs to be gone.
179
00:07:31,518 --> 00:07:32,719
He's not going to hurt us.
180
00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:35,321
‐You're not going
to hurt them, right?
‐No.
181
00:07:35,388 --> 00:07:36,723
I'm not gonna hurt you guys.
182
00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:38,058
‐I'm just here
to scare you guys.
‐LASZLO: Bollocks.
183
00:07:38,124 --> 00:07:39,660
‐Well, we're not scared.
‐You should be scared of us.
184
00:07:39,726 --> 00:07:41,528
‐NADJA: Calm down.
‐Really?
185
00:07:41,595 --> 00:07:43,096
How about now?
186
00:07:43,163 --> 00:07:45,198
‐Been there, done that.
‐JEFF: How about now?
187
00:07:45,265 --> 00:07:46,466
(roaring)
188
00:07:46,533 --> 00:07:49,570
(all screaming)
189
00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:50,971
NADJA:
Cut it out!
190
00:07:51,037 --> 00:07:53,406
‐Would you stop it!?
‐(chuckles)
191
00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:55,742
Pardon me, ghost.
192
00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:57,477
Later, man.
It was nice meeting you.
193
00:07:57,544 --> 00:08:00,113
So here's the situation.
194
00:08:00,180 --> 00:08:03,283
Every time my human ex‐lover
is reincarnated,
195
00:08:03,349 --> 00:08:06,419
our bodies call to one another.
196
00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:10,490
But without a body,
he's all Jesk and no Gregor.
197
00:08:10,557 --> 00:08:11,792
And it stinks.
198
00:08:11,858 --> 00:08:14,695
My unfinished business,
how it torments me.
199
00:08:14,761 --> 00:08:18,899
‐Please, help me complete it
so I may leave this plane.
‐Sure.
200
00:08:18,965 --> 00:08:21,134
But what, exactly,
do you want me to do?
201
00:08:21,201 --> 00:08:23,870
Just, like, swear that
you'll help me...
202
00:08:23,937 --> 00:08:25,839
Do what?! No.
I don't have time for this.
203
00:08:25,906 --> 00:08:27,808
My husband is shitting himself
down the road.
204
00:08:27,874 --> 00:08:30,043
All right, all right.
I love you.
205
00:08:31,177 --> 00:08:33,246
‐And a little to the left.
‐(groans)
206
00:08:33,313 --> 00:08:36,082
‐It sort of looks like updog.
‐(hisses)
207
00:08:36,149 --> 00:08:38,919
(growls)
These ghosts, what are they?
208
00:08:38,985 --> 00:08:40,286
NADJA:
Humans have bodies.
209
00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:42,656
And within the body
resides the spirit.
210
00:08:42,723 --> 00:08:45,792
When the human dies,
the spirit is released.
211
00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:48,361
And that spirit is a ghost!
212
00:08:48,428 --> 00:08:51,131
We are all dead, technically.
213
00:08:51,197 --> 00:08:52,465
You, me and Laszlo.
214
00:08:52,533 --> 00:08:54,901
Each of us died
when we became vampires.
215
00:08:54,968 --> 00:08:56,770
Colin Robinson
I'm not so sure about.
216
00:08:56,837 --> 00:08:58,138
But the three of us.
217
00:08:58,204 --> 00:09:01,107
Yeah, I'm not positive
what my deal is either,
218
00:09:01,174 --> 00:09:03,777
so I just sort of
keep on truckin'.
219
00:09:03,844 --> 00:09:05,345
But what is the point?
220
00:09:05,411 --> 00:09:07,714
If we are technically dead,
like he says,
221
00:09:07,781 --> 00:09:09,082
could ghosts of us exist?
222
00:09:09,149 --> 00:09:11,985
No, but‐‐
223
00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:13,253
Huh.
224
00:09:13,319 --> 00:09:16,557
‐Hmm.
‐Hmm.
225
00:09:16,623 --> 00:09:17,658
Huh...
226
00:09:17,724 --> 00:09:20,561
‐Not now.
‐Shut up.
227
00:09:20,627 --> 00:09:23,664
Hootorektas e‐'pay' k‐elastero
228
00:09:23,730 --> 00:09:25,566
kath‐eye‐restho
229
00:09:25,632 --> 00:09:26,833
hon‐'pear' hootorektas
230
00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:30,804
e‐'pay' k‐elastero
apokatharet‐eye.
231
00:09:30,871 --> 00:09:33,073
Ooh, what the blazes?
232
00:09:33,139 --> 00:09:35,876
‐(echoing): Where am I?
‐NADJA: Bloody hell.
233
00:09:35,942 --> 00:09:38,078
(shouts in foreign language)
234
00:09:38,144 --> 00:09:40,380
‐That looks like me.
‐What have you done?
235
00:09:40,446 --> 00:09:41,848
Get off me.
236
00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:44,751
(ghosts speaking
foreign languages)
237
00:09:44,818 --> 00:09:46,352
LASZLO:
Be quiet.
238
00:09:48,855 --> 00:09:51,257
Laszlo, he's wearing
your old night skirt.
239
00:09:51,324 --> 00:09:54,628
He is. Got nothing underneath it
by the looks of it.
240
00:09:56,029 --> 00:09:58,532
It's like looking in the mirror.
241
00:09:58,599 --> 00:10:00,834
So handsome.
242
00:10:00,901 --> 00:10:02,235
I didn't even know
243
00:10:02,302 --> 00:10:05,271
I had any unfinished business
when I died.
244
00:10:05,338 --> 00:10:06,540
But, as you can see,
245
00:10:06,607 --> 00:10:07,974
I have a ghost,
246
00:10:08,041 --> 00:10:09,175
so there must be something.
247
00:10:09,242 --> 00:10:11,044
(ghost shouting
in foreign language)
248
00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:13,880
Guillermo, can you help him
with that, please?
249
00:10:15,481 --> 00:10:19,019
‐He seems very agitated
and restless.
‐(shouting)
250
00:10:19,085 --> 00:10:23,590
And also, he doesn't seem
to speak any English.
251
00:10:23,657 --> 00:10:24,758
Excuse me.
252
00:10:24,825 --> 00:10:29,095
(speaking foreign language)
253
00:10:29,162 --> 00:10:31,431
I can't believe
I've completely forgotten
254
00:10:31,497 --> 00:10:32,933
how to speak
Al Qolnidarese.
255
00:10:32,999 --> 00:10:35,836
My own language.
So embarrassing.
256
00:10:35,902 --> 00:10:37,804
Guillermo, what is he saying?
257
00:10:37,871 --> 00:10:39,840
How‐how would I know?
258
00:10:39,906 --> 00:10:42,976
I do remember how to say
"Good morning," though.
259
00:10:43,043 --> 00:10:44,545
GHOST NANDOR:
Aspam...
260
00:10:44,611 --> 00:10:46,780
Sob bekher.
261
00:10:47,614 --> 00:10:48,749
Baleh?
262
00:10:48,815 --> 00:10:50,617
Sob bekher.
263
00:10:50,684 --> 00:10:52,886
(speaking foreign language)
264
00:10:54,555 --> 00:10:56,156
Yeah, no, that's all I've got.
265
00:10:56,222 --> 00:10:58,091
Aspam oonjahss.
266
00:11:00,193 --> 00:11:01,728
You could have learned
to play the bouzouki,
267
00:11:01,795 --> 00:11:03,296
you could have learned
to play the zither,
268
00:11:03,363 --> 00:11:06,032
you could have warmed six
million flatbreads on hot coals.
269
00:11:06,099 --> 00:11:07,801
You could have done
one thousand things
270
00:11:07,868 --> 00:11:09,703
a one thousand times,
but what have you done?
271
00:11:09,770 --> 00:11:12,238
Well, I have some things I've
been planning on getting to.
272
00:11:12,305 --> 00:11:15,075
Maláka! All you do
is sit around this house
273
00:11:15,141 --> 00:11:17,243
with these two dumb men
just talking
274
00:11:17,310 --> 00:11:19,445
about their willies
and their arseholes.
275
00:11:19,513 --> 00:11:21,882
I wouldn't call them dumb.
276
00:11:21,948 --> 00:11:23,449
‐And their farts.
‐Whatever.
277
00:11:23,517 --> 00:11:24,985
Enough about me. What about you?
278
00:11:25,051 --> 00:11:27,087
How can I help you finish
your unfinished business?
279
00:11:27,153 --> 00:11:29,022
Oh...
(exclaims in Greek)
280
00:11:29,089 --> 00:11:30,356
You are my unfinished business.
281
00:11:30,423 --> 00:11:32,559
How can I rest
until you do something
282
00:11:32,626 --> 00:11:34,194
with your eternal life?
283
00:11:34,260 --> 00:11:36,863
Instead of sitting around here
like a bump on a log's ass.
284
00:11:36,930 --> 00:11:39,165
What? Like, learning
to play the bouzouki?
285
00:11:39,232 --> 00:11:41,367
‐That might be a start! Ugh...
‐Oh... (exclaims in Greek)
286
00:11:41,434 --> 00:11:42,736
BOTH:
...you are absolutely
impossible.
287
00:11:42,803 --> 00:11:45,371
‐I am like...
‐(laughs)
288
00:11:45,438 --> 00:11:47,473
(both laugh)
289
00:11:47,541 --> 00:11:48,775
We said exactly the same...
290
00:11:48,842 --> 00:11:50,744
We did the same with the words.
291
00:11:50,811 --> 00:11:52,646
Oh, come on.
292
00:11:52,713 --> 00:11:55,982
Hey. I was, uh, just giving you
an update on my, um...
293
00:11:56,049 --> 00:11:57,884
(clears throat)
...unfinished business?
294
00:11:57,951 --> 00:11:59,385
It remains unfinished.
295
00:11:59,452 --> 00:12:02,455
‐So, if you have...
‐All right, not now, Jesk.
296
00:12:02,523 --> 00:12:04,691
Yeah, okay.
297
00:12:04,758 --> 00:12:07,060
Who was that pasty
little piece of hummus?
298
00:12:07,127 --> 00:12:08,361
I'm telling you,
don't even go there, girly.
299
00:12:08,428 --> 00:12:10,864
Nothing but a pain
and the heartache.
300
00:12:10,931 --> 00:12:13,166
Sounds like somebody
has gone there
301
00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:14,535
‐and then come back from there.
‐(laughs)
302
00:12:14,601 --> 00:12:16,036
Well, what can I say?
303
00:12:16,102 --> 00:12:17,771
I'm a ravenous little monster.
304
00:12:17,838 --> 00:12:20,607
We both are.
We're very, very horny.
305
00:12:20,674 --> 00:12:22,743
(both laugh)
306
00:12:22,809 --> 00:12:26,012
I bagged this chap on a midnight
sojourn to the Lake District.
307
00:12:26,079 --> 00:12:28,381
‐Keswick?
‐Grasmere, actually.
308
00:12:28,448 --> 00:12:30,951
Grasmere, yeah, I used to visit
a duchess in Grasmere.
309
00:12:31,017 --> 00:12:34,020
‐Yes, I remember.
‐Yes, of course you do.
310
00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:37,223
Now I am led to believe that
your presence here indicates
311
00:12:37,290 --> 00:12:41,194
some kind of unfinished business
on this terrestrial plane.
312
00:12:41,261 --> 00:12:43,530
‐Indeed so.
‐Sorry about that, old chap.
313
00:12:43,597 --> 00:12:45,699
‐Anything I can help with?
‐Well, actually, yes.
314
00:12:45,766 --> 00:12:47,167
I believe you can.
315
00:12:47,233 --> 00:12:49,469
You remember the night
you officially died, I presume?
316
00:12:49,536 --> 00:12:51,037
Oh, I remember it well.
317
00:12:51,104 --> 00:12:53,640
My lovely Nadja came in through
the window, took my life,
318
00:12:53,707 --> 00:12:56,476
thus making me the vampire
you see before you now.
319
00:12:56,543 --> 00:12:58,444
A damn handsome one at that,
I might say.
320
00:12:58,512 --> 00:13:00,480
(laughs)
You're too kind.
321
00:13:00,547 --> 00:13:03,750
Now, you remember the precise
moment Nadja took our life,
322
00:13:03,817 --> 00:13:06,319
I was on the verge
of a sexual climax.
323
00:13:06,386 --> 00:13:09,523
Well, here's the thing. I was
on the verge of fulfillment,
324
00:13:09,590 --> 00:13:12,292
yet I couldn't quite finish.
325
00:13:12,358 --> 00:13:13,960
Ah. I see.
326
00:13:14,027 --> 00:13:17,230
You want to finish
your final human orgasm?
327
00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:19,733
Yes. I have tried to finish
myself off with these hands,
328
00:13:19,800 --> 00:13:21,134
but they're ghost hands.
329
00:13:21,201 --> 00:13:23,236
‐They don't have
the necessary stimulus.
‐Hmm.
330
00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:24,505
How irritating.
331
00:13:24,571 --> 00:13:27,140
Yeah, whereas your meat hands,
I'm convinced,
332
00:13:27,207 --> 00:13:31,545
would give me the traction
for full sexual release.
333
00:13:42,923 --> 00:13:44,157
Things are not going so great.
334
00:13:44,224 --> 00:13:47,027
The language barrier
is insurmountable.
335
00:13:47,093 --> 00:13:49,295
Een khar asan zabooneh
khodesham yadesh nist.
336
00:13:49,362 --> 00:13:52,065
Khejahlatam khoob chisiyeh.
337
00:13:53,233 --> 00:13:54,868
Evah.
338
00:13:54,935 --> 00:13:56,537
Aspam oonjahss.
339
00:13:58,805 --> 00:14:01,508
You want to learn how to paint?
340
00:14:01,575 --> 00:14:04,711
Nah. Aspam.
341
00:14:04,778 --> 00:14:06,847
Aspam John.
342
00:14:06,913 --> 00:14:09,215
Yes, my horse John.
343
00:14:09,282 --> 00:14:10,383
John.
344
00:14:10,450 --> 00:14:12,352
Yes.
345
00:14:12,418 --> 00:14:13,887
I get it now.
346
00:14:13,954 --> 00:14:16,022
Aspam John.
347
00:14:16,089 --> 00:14:19,225
Areh. Aspam John.
348
00:14:19,292 --> 00:14:22,829
Aspam means "my horse."
349
00:14:22,896 --> 00:14:24,330
John.
350
00:14:24,397 --> 00:14:26,833
NANDOR:
John was my closest companion.
351
00:14:26,900 --> 00:14:29,636
Closer than even members
of my own family.
352
00:14:29,703 --> 00:14:33,006
House slaves, concubines,
353
00:14:33,073 --> 00:14:35,275
37 wives.
354
00:14:35,341 --> 00:14:39,513
Sometimes I would feed him nuts
and berries from my own mouth.
355
00:14:39,580 --> 00:14:41,715
He would accompany me
everywhere.
356
00:14:41,782 --> 00:14:43,349
On the battlefield,
357
00:14:43,416 --> 00:14:46,452
as I relentlessly slaughtered
thousands of enemies.
358
00:14:46,520 --> 00:14:50,524
And also, he would be there
when I felt a little sad.
359
00:14:51,725 --> 00:14:53,894
John.
360
00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:56,229
(both laugh)
361
00:14:56,296 --> 00:14:58,932
We have decided that my ghost
362
00:14:58,999 --> 00:15:00,534
is going to stick around
for a while.
363
00:15:00,601 --> 00:15:02,703
Because we're having
a real laugh together.
364
00:15:02,769 --> 00:15:04,137
(laughs)
365
00:15:04,204 --> 00:15:05,572
A very funny hat situation.
366
00:15:05,639 --> 00:15:07,508
Two. One and two.
367
00:15:07,574 --> 00:15:11,277
‐(whoops)
‐You know, it is just so nice
368
00:15:11,344 --> 00:15:13,046
to have someone smart
to talk to for a change.
369
00:15:13,113 --> 00:15:15,716
I love Laszlo, I do,
but it's always...
370
00:15:15,782 --> 00:15:17,918
‐Of course.
‐(Laszlo impression):
"Ah, darling, I seem
371
00:15:17,984 --> 00:15:19,753
"to have got my crotch stuck
372
00:15:19,820 --> 00:15:23,256
‐to the taxidermy fox's mouth
again. Whoopsie."
‐So desperate.
373
00:15:23,323 --> 00:15:24,858
You know?
And Nandor is just like,
374
00:15:24,925 --> 00:15:27,193
(Nandor impression): "Oh,
this battle and that battle."
375
00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:29,429
So much toxic masculinity
in the Ottoman Empire.
376
00:15:29,495 --> 00:15:31,732
‐Serious. Real problem.
‐(regular voice): It is a lot me
377
00:15:31,798 --> 00:15:34,901
sitting there silently,
nodding and smiling politely
378
00:15:34,968 --> 00:15:36,937
and not a lot of plain talk.
379
00:15:37,003 --> 00:15:39,906
Until this one came along.
380
00:15:39,973 --> 00:15:42,909
Oh. Hang on.
(gasps)
381
00:15:42,976 --> 00:15:44,477
Ooh.
382
00:15:44,545 --> 00:15:47,080
‐You know,
that could be perfect.
‐Do you like?
383
00:15:47,147 --> 00:15:49,516
‐I love.
‐Okay, so do we need
to do any sort
384
00:15:49,583 --> 00:15:53,654
of occult procedure
or ceremony or...
385
00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:55,488
Ah. It was that easy.
386
00:15:55,556 --> 00:15:58,491
Oh, yes. Yes,
this will do nicely.
387
00:15:58,559 --> 00:16:00,393
‐(footsteps approaching)
‐(laughs) Oh, shh. Shh, shh.
388
00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:02,729
No more talking.
I don't want the boys to know
389
00:16:02,796 --> 00:16:04,230
that you have taken a new form.
390
00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:05,666
I don't think
they would understand.
391
00:16:05,732 --> 00:16:07,834
‐JEFF: Hey, Nadja?
‐(sighs)
392
00:16:07,901 --> 00:16:10,537
My unfinished business, please?
393
00:16:10,604 --> 00:16:13,740
Gregor, please, just fuck off
for real this time.
394
00:16:13,807 --> 00:16:16,710
Listen, will you at least
hear my tales of woe?
395
00:16:16,777 --> 00:16:19,780
I want to tell you about them,
I need to tell you about them.
396
00:16:19,846 --> 00:16:23,183
Jesk, you are very sweet,
397
00:16:23,249 --> 00:16:25,285
but you're not
my responsibility anymore.
398
00:16:25,351 --> 00:16:27,921
Jesk, I think you need
to hear this.
399
00:16:27,988 --> 00:16:31,091
You are just a lovely guy that
I took very strong sex with
400
00:16:31,157 --> 00:16:32,693
a few hundred thousand times,
401
00:16:32,759 --> 00:16:35,562
and then my husband
cut your head off. Move on!
402
00:16:35,629 --> 00:16:38,231
So you have been busy
these past 700 years.
403
00:16:38,298 --> 00:16:39,966
(Ghost Nadja laughs)
404
00:16:40,033 --> 00:16:41,467
So you want me to go?
405
00:16:41,535 --> 00:16:44,337
‐Go!
‐All right, all right.
406
00:16:44,404 --> 00:16:46,507
Oh, he's so pathetic.
407
00:16:46,573 --> 00:16:48,241
I love it.
408
00:16:49,075 --> 00:16:51,077
Seriously. Call me.
409
00:16:51,144 --> 00:16:53,547
Jesk!
410
00:16:53,614 --> 00:16:55,381
‐Mm‐hmm.
‐GHOST NADJA:
See you again soon,
411
00:16:55,448 --> 00:16:56,583
you tasty little honeypot.
412
00:16:56,650 --> 00:16:58,184
(kissing sounds)
413
00:16:58,251 --> 00:17:01,121
Tonne a'otonne‐tropon
414
00:17:01,187 --> 00:17:03,223
kathi‐restao.
415
00:17:03,289 --> 00:17:07,093
Hon‐pear apokatharet‐eye.
416
00:17:09,029 --> 00:17:10,731
Yuck.
417
00:17:10,797 --> 00:17:14,167
‐(speaks foreign language)
‐(horse neighing)
418
00:17:14,234 --> 00:17:16,436
(hooves clopping)
419
00:17:22,976 --> 00:17:25,178
(whinnies softly)
420
00:17:28,081 --> 00:17:31,718
‐Aspam John.
‐John.
421
00:17:31,785 --> 00:17:33,019
NANDOR:
John?
422
00:17:33,086 --> 00:17:35,055
I have missed you so.
423
00:17:35,121 --> 00:17:38,358
I never thought I would
see you again.
424
00:17:38,424 --> 00:17:41,227
John and I were
inseparable, but, uh,
425
00:17:41,294 --> 00:17:44,731
eventually, I had to eat him.
426
00:17:44,798 --> 00:17:48,001
My army and myself found
ourselves stranded
427
00:17:48,068 --> 00:17:49,570
with no food.
428
00:17:49,636 --> 00:17:51,838
I ate John.
429
00:17:51,905 --> 00:17:55,075
I wept the entire meal...
430
00:17:56,142 --> 00:17:59,445
...even though
he tasted delicious.
431
00:17:59,513 --> 00:18:00,981
(speaking foreign language)
432
00:18:01,047 --> 00:18:03,083
NANDOR:
Been a good boy, yes?
433
00:18:03,149 --> 00:18:04,785
(whinnies softly)
434
00:18:04,851 --> 00:18:06,286
(speaks foreign language)
435
00:18:06,352 --> 00:18:09,823
John? What is happening?
436
00:18:09,890 --> 00:18:12,358
‐Where are they going?
‐COLIN: I think your ghost's
437
00:18:12,425 --> 00:18:15,128
unfinished business is that
438
00:18:15,195 --> 00:18:19,332
he wanted to be reunited
with your guys's horse.
439
00:18:19,399 --> 00:18:20,466
‐John.
‐GHOST NANDOR: John.
440
00:18:20,534 --> 00:18:23,670
Right. And now that
you've reunited them,
441
00:18:23,737 --> 00:18:27,641
they can move on from this world
to the afterlife.
442
00:18:28,775 --> 00:18:30,644
Farewell, John.
443
00:18:30,711 --> 00:18:34,080
Perhaps we will be
reunited again
444
00:18:34,147 --> 00:18:36,917
in the hereafter.
445
00:18:36,983 --> 00:18:38,384
Sob bekher.
446
00:18:38,451 --> 00:18:42,656
Yes. Good morning to you, too,
my friend.
447
00:18:44,090 --> 00:18:46,593
Good morning to you both.
448
00:18:46,660 --> 00:18:48,762
Mm...
449
00:18:52,666 --> 00:18:54,434
There, there.
450
00:18:54,500 --> 00:18:55,869
Hug?
451
00:18:58,505 --> 00:19:02,142
(whispers): I think
you just need a little updog.
452
00:19:02,208 --> 00:19:04,244
NANDOR:
Can we go get some now?
453
00:19:09,182 --> 00:19:10,216
Interesting choice
for the walls.
454
00:19:10,283 --> 00:19:11,552
It's not how I would do it.
455
00:19:11,618 --> 00:19:12,986
‐NADJA: Hello, darling.
‐Hello, my darling.
456
00:19:13,053 --> 00:19:14,988
‐What have you got there?
‐Oh... (stammers)
457
00:19:15,055 --> 00:19:17,658
Nothing, really, just a little
dolly I thought might
458
00:19:17,724 --> 00:19:20,193
‐cuten up the place. (chuckles)
‐What a charming addition.
459
00:19:20,260 --> 00:19:21,361
So, where is your ghost?
460
00:19:21,427 --> 00:19:24,064
Oh, he, uh, he's moved on,
461
00:19:24,130 --> 00:19:25,532
to the next world.
462
00:19:25,599 --> 00:19:28,201
Did you helped him finish
his unfinished business?
463
00:19:29,035 --> 00:19:30,937
‐Yes.
‐Good.
464
00:19:31,004 --> 00:19:33,139
‐I'm gonna show her around.
‐Ah, ha, ha.
465
00:19:33,206 --> 00:19:36,977
‐(squishes)
‐Ugh, what is all this
sticky stuff?
466
00:19:37,043 --> 00:19:38,845
Oh, it‐it's everywhere.
467
00:19:38,912 --> 00:19:40,647
Is it ghost ectoplasm?
468
00:19:40,714 --> 00:19:43,216
Yes, my darling.
That's exactly what it is.
469
00:19:43,283 --> 00:19:46,086
‐Ghost ectoplasm.
‐(moans)
470
00:19:46,152 --> 00:19:47,921
(exhales sharply)
471
00:19:47,988 --> 00:19:49,255
(squishing)
472
00:19:49,322 --> 00:19:52,092
Hon‐pear hootorektas e‐pay
473
00:19:52,158 --> 00:19:57,230
k‐elastero apokatharet‐eye.
474
00:20:01,935 --> 00:20:04,004
‐Colin.
‐Hi, Grandma.
475
00:20:04,070 --> 00:20:07,373
You are such a big boy now.
476
00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:09,643
And even more handsome.
477
00:20:09,710 --> 00:20:13,179
It's probably because I have
so much updog.
478
00:20:13,246 --> 00:20:14,781
What's updog?
479
00:20:14,848 --> 00:20:17,150
Nothing much, dog,
what's up with you?
480
00:20:17,217 --> 00:20:18,619
(both laugh)
481
00:20:18,685 --> 00:20:21,287
‐(snorts)
‐Oh, Colin.
482
00:20:21,354 --> 00:20:23,489
You are such a stitch.
483
00:20:23,557 --> 00:20:27,193
‐All right, then.
‐So tell me, how is your life?
484
00:20:27,260 --> 00:20:29,029
I have missed so much.
485
00:20:29,095 --> 00:20:31,698
Uh, Grandma, I'm gonna be
honest, I'm pretty busy
486
00:20:31,765 --> 00:20:34,267
right now, so maybe we can
catch up another time.
487
00:20:34,334 --> 00:20:36,302
But there's so much
I want to ask you about.
488
00:20:36,369 --> 00:20:38,905
‐Okay, got to go.
‐Oh...
489
00:20:38,972 --> 00:20:40,974
Later.
(exhales)
490
00:20:42,776 --> 00:20:48,481
♪♪ Darling, I will miss you so ♪♪
491
00:20:48,549 --> 00:20:54,454
♪♪ When you have gone away ♪♪
492
00:20:54,521 --> 00:20:57,691
♪♪ Miss your kisses ♪♪
493
00:20:57,758 --> 00:21:01,595
♪♪ And fond caress ♪♪
494
00:21:01,662 --> 00:21:03,730
♪♪ Your haunting voice ♪♪
495
00:21:03,797 --> 00:21:07,834
♪♪ And your loveliness ♪♪
496
00:21:07,901 --> 00:21:13,774
♪♪ Darlin, I will miss you so ♪♪
497
00:21:13,840 --> 00:21:18,011
♪♪ Darling, I'll miss you so. ♪♪
498
00:21:24,217 --> 00:21:26,920
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