All language subtitles for machai

We're federal agents, not martyrs!

This is suicide!

She's just another kidnap victim.

What makes her special?

Because she's a witness
against Torrez?

He probably has her locked up,
drugged out of her mind.

We don't have to do this!

If not us...

then who?

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

I told you to stand down!

And not to try and capture Torrez!

Turn around now!

Son of a bitch, Machete!

You don't listen to orders!

You're going to get us all killed!
Wait for backup!

Whatever happens...

I'm with you...

boss.

This is the boss.

Ahhh!

I'm sorry.

(SCREAMING)

Get dressed.

It's too hot for clothes.

(CHUCKLES)

You're saving me from Torrez?
You've got balls.

That looks like me.

What's this long, hard thing?

My machete.

Is it sharp?

Very.

Good.

(GROANING)

I got him.

I told you to stand down, asshole.

If you had listened to my orders,
you wouldn't be trapped.

How did I do?

Excelente, mi amor.
Excelente.

This is what happens when you
insist on being the hero.

Why are you so insistent?

I own the entire force,
and not just here in Mexico.

I own the DEA,
I own the Marshals.

Why can't I own you?

Why don't you take the money I
offer you to look the other way?

What's your price?

Maybe I should ask your wife.

(GRUNTS)
(EXCLAIMS IN SPANISH)

Your daughter, she's in
school right now, no?

I don't think so.

The honorable way to die
is to cut off your head.

But

you don't deserve
to die honorably.

(GROANS)

Burn it down!

(lNDISTINCT CHATTERING)

((HEY BABY) QUE PASO PLAYING)

MAN ON RADIO: Joining us right
now, we have Franklin Jonas,

deputy director of
our local lmmigration

and Customs Enforcement office.

JONAS: Thank you,
pleasure to be here.

What steps are you taking
to secure our borders?

ICE is working with local law
enforcement to improve patrols,

but there's over 2,000 miles of border
between Mexico and the United States

and over half of that
is here in Texas.

So we need to attack
the problem at its source.

There's a whole support network that not
only helps illegal aliens get across,

but is helping them get
settled once they're here.

We need to uncover and
dismantle this network.

It's a top priority

and our most talented ICE agents
are investigating the matter.

Agent Rivera. Day 23 of
surveillance for Operation Network.

The Network is suspected to
be run by a woman named Luz,

code-named She.

Tacos, cafe, tacos!
What do you want?

SARTANA: Luz operates out of her
taco truck at the labor site.

You, load them up.

There's an interesting

face.

No, that's okay.
Thank you.

I could help with...

No need.

SARTANA: He's new.

Run through database for
possible criminal background.

Male Hispanic, scars, tattoos.

"Don't fuck with me, I won't
fuck with you" attitude.

Hey!

You work today, pay me tomorrow.

(MAN SPEAKING SPANISH)

Do you need a gardener?

Here. Get out.

Hurry up!

We're not there yet.
You can't leave us here!

She's sick.

BILLY: Roundup time!

Yee-haw!

Look at them critters run!

(MEN WHOOPING)

(GUNSHOT)

(MEN SHOUTING)

(WHIMPERING)

Well, I don't speak
much Mexican, neither.

You know,

you're trespassing

on my daddy's land.

Jesus, Von. Can't you
see she's with child?

(GASPING)

(VOMITING)

VON: If it's born here,
it gets to be a citizen.

No different than you and me.

I know most people
don't like us.

Call us vigilantes.

But it's really about vigilance.

Somebody's gotta keep watch
on this great nation of ours.

Otherwise,

Texas will become
Mexico once again.

Who's gonna stop 'em, Senator?

I am.

(CRYING)

Welcome to America.

You catch all that?

Burn me a DVD. My high-dollar
supporters are gonna like that a lot.

NARRATOR: The
infestation has begun.

Parasites have crossed our borders
and are sickening our country,

leeching off our system,
destroying us from the inside.

But State Senator John
McLaughlin has a plan of attack.

He'll fight to keep
illegal immigrants out.

He supports an electrified
border fence.

No amnesty for parasites.

John McLaughlin wants to
protect you from the invaders.

Vote to re-elect State
Senator John McLaughlin.

Paid for by the Committee to Re-elect
State Senator John McLaughlin.

(MEN EXCLAIMING)

Hey ugly!

Wanna fight?

Don't tell me you'll pass up
500 dollars for 5 minutes.

(PEOPLE CHEERING)

(MAN 1 SPEAKING SPANISH)

He broke his arm! It's over!

You fucked up, clown!

Hey, thanks.

(MEN MURMURING)

Can I get a couple of bean and
cheese and a cafe au lait?

Ain't got no cafe au lait.

Regular coffee, then.

And hold the spit, please.

(SPITS)

Why do you pretend to come
here just for coffee?

I'm not pretending. I actually
like my coffee cheap and greasy.

I can refuse service to anyone.
It's the American way.

Yeah, when they're citizens.

Got your papers?

Same as the last time
you checked.

And the time before that.

Got yours?

Same as the last time
you checked.

You think what you do is right?

Taking your brothers
and sisters in?

Deporting them back to
their own personal hells?

It's the law.

There are many laws.

There sure are.

Immigration fraud,
aiding an illegal entry,

unsanitary food prep,

but you wouldn't know anything
about that, would you?

Can I get my tacos?

Who's She?

I hear she runs
an underground network.

How the hell would I know?

I just make tacos and I sell them
to the workers of this world.

It fills their bellies with
something other than hate.

Funny. That sounds like
something She would say.

Catch you later.

In the race for state senator, latest
polls are showing a sharp decline

in support for incumbent
John McLaughlin

and his hard-line position
on immigration.

Get in.

$70 a day for yard work.

$100 for roofing.

$125 for septic. Sewage.

Have you ever
killed anyone before?

(SIGHS) You know this guy?

Senator John McLaughlin,

lndependent from
Cocksucker County.

Built his reputation on being
a hardliner against wetbacks.

His words.

Yes, if he had his druthers,

he'd send you back
to old Mexico.

That's his platform,
"Ship 'em all back,

"but first, make 'em build a wall
along the border for no pay.

"Thank you very much.
Get the fuck out."

But what the senator fails to understand
is this state runs on illegal labor.

Thrives on it.

Keeps costs down,
keeps the wheels turning.

We bust that up
and we're fucked.

My words.

Now, I'm guessing
you don't have papers.

As you well know, illegal
immigrants like yourself

are being forced out of this
country in alarming numbers.

So, for the sake
of both our peoples,

the senator must die.

And for that I will
give you $150,000 cash.

Get someone else.

No time.

This job has to happen tomorrow.

I want you to take this cash,
do the job and disappear.

How long would it take you
to get this kind of money?

Five, 10, 15 years?

You could do a lot
of good things with this.

You deserve it.

Now, I can't make you do this,

but I can make damn sure something
happens to you if you don't.

Are you in?

MICHAEL:
Have a look at this.

Straight-line design,
laser-designated scope.

You can shoot the pecker
off a mosquito at 1,000 yards

and keep the balls unruffled.

Machete. That's only good if
you wanna make a brutal point,

but it's low-tech, completely
unsuited to our purposes.

Backup.

Here's your backup.

Me.

You call or text if you have
any problems or delays.

You need to be on that
roof by 1:00 p.m. sharp

and put a bullet
in the senator by 1:04.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

Get up.

(MOANS GROGGILY)

God damn it, April.

My business partner has very
low tolerance for bullshit.

(GUNSHOT)

That's the second operation
in the last six months

I've had to close down
because of your meddling.

(VOMITING)

I told you a thousand times,

you need something,
you come to me directly.

You do not go to these labs.

(PANTING)

You got something to say to me?

Sorry, Daddy.

(EXCLAIMS IN SPANISH)

What's this?

$150,000 cash.

(EXCLAIMS IN SPANISH)

Are you out of your mind?

The Network helped
me across once.

Use this for the
people you help.

I don't know how you
know what you know,

but I'm glad I know you.

What do you want?

Yeah.

ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen,
Senator John McLaughlin!

Well, I wanna thank you
all for coming out today.

And I wanna thank my supporters
from the bottom of my heart.

Because we have been
tested, tested by fire.

Our border has been
put to the test,

and let me tell you,
we have failed that test.

The aliens, the infiltrators, the
outsiders, they come right across

by light of day
or dark of night.

They'll bleed us.
They're parasites.

They'll bleed us until we, as
a city, a county, a state,

a nation, are all bled out.

But make no mistake,
we are at war.

Every time an illegal
dances across our border,

it is an act of aggression
against this sovereign state,

an overt act of terrorism.

(CROWD CHEERING)

Everywhere I go
in this glorious state,

people are talking about change.

I say, "Why change? This is a great state
founded on the principles of liberty."

I don't wanna change that.

Our rightful citizens
are hardworking Americans

who earn their paychecks by the grit of
their guts and the sweat of their brow.

I don't wanna change that.

(CROWD AGREEING)

Change. That's what they want.
Change. Change the laws.

Open the doors.

Red Rover, Red Rover,
let the terrorists come over.

Let me tell you what
change that'll bring.

68 cents.

The jingle-jangle of
pennies in your pocket

because the scavengers,
the leeches, the parasites

are walking away with your money

while you're left
with the change.

So I wanna say one more thing.
Who are you gonna vote for?

CROWD: You!
You!

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

There! Up there! I saw
someone fire from up there!

Get him to Park Lane.

Roger.
I'm on my way.

Go ahead.

Shoot him, Nacho.

'Cause right after that,

the three of us

are gonna shoot the one of you.

(ALL GROANING)

Fuck, shit.

(GROANS)

Try it.

Go ahead, Pancho.

I'll grease your chips
all over this fucking alley.

POLICEMAN:
This is fucking big.

This guy took a shot
at a representative.

No, a senator.

Same fucking thing. The guy
could die and we caught him.

Hell, yeah, we did.

And they're gonna hang
your ass like Saddam.

Look, I'm gonna call the boss
unless you want to do it.

Nah, you go ahead.

Yeah, we got the Mexican blackbird
that fell off the rooftop.

Bring him to the basement.

He still thinks we're cops.

Well, of course
he would think that.

We frisked him. We cuffed him.
We threw him in the car.

Apprehended him just
like the real cops do.

Um...

I didn't frisk him.

Yes, you did.

Man, I'm telling you.
I didn't...

Oh! Shit! Jesus, man!
What the fuck?

(TIRES SCREECHING)

Slow down!

(SCREAMING) Shit!

REPORTER ON TV:
Shocking news this hour.

Senator John McLaughlin
was shot in the leg

this afternoon by
an unknown gunman.

The senator was immediately
driven to Park Lane HospitaI

where he is reported to be in
good and stable condition.

Video taken at
the rally indicate

that the gunman may have
been of Mexican descent.

Senator McLaughlin has been
very vocal against immigration

and campaigned for
stricter border controls.

You see what I'm sending you, Mr.
Torrez?

It's coming on my screen now.

MICHAEL:
That's campaign gold.

(GUNSHOT)

TORREZ: I thought my contributions
were for the senator's re-election

not his retirement.

McLaughlin is in,
a guaranteed win.

And in the new session,
as promised,

he'll ramrod through
everything we ask for.

(TORREZ SPEAKING SPANISH)

Go back.

Who's this?

Nobody. A day laborer from the streets.
He won't be missed.

Is he dead?

Dead or dying on a
rooftop as we speak.

Which the fuck is it, puneta?
Dead or dying?

He'll be dead within
minutes, I guarantee.

You better be right.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

What?

(lNDISTINCT)

It's me. It's done.
I think he's toast.

Don't think, verify.

Check the morgue, check the
hospital, check everywhere.

Most illegals aren't given
treatment at regular ERs.

But you're with us.

No one knows you're here yet.

You were brought in as a John Doe,
innocent bystander.

Is that him?
Yes.

Doc Felix wants to see him.

(WHISPERS) Quiet.

Amazing. You can see
where the bullet rebounded.

It was stopped by another bullet
that was previously lodged there.

If he hadn't been shot
before, he'd be dead now.

There's actually a lesson
in there somewhere.

I can feel your
eyeballs in my uterus.

Well, at least
it's not in your colon.

Actually, did you know
that the human intestine

is 10 times longer than
the length of the body?

LISA: Wait, so the human
intestine is 60 feet long?

It's true.

FELIX: Ah!
The hero has awoken.

Don't worry, friend.
We're all part of the network.

Just about everybody
at this hospital is.

Leave him alone.

Hi. What can
I do for you?

What can you do for me?

I'm looking for a gentleman
that was just brought in.

Probably to lCU.

Where might I find him?

You wanna go straight
down the hall to your right,

make a left, two rights, and another
left, and you'll be right there.

You sure about that?

Mmm-hmm.

I'm gonna go this way.

Someone's coming.

We have to get him out of here.

Is there another
way out of here?

FELIX: No other exits.

Oh! You don't
wanna mess with that.

That's a skull scraper. We use
that to scrape the bones clean.

And those cut through
flesh just like butter.

(GASPS)

Pass me that tank.

(WOMAN SCREAMS)

(GROANS)

Hold it!

(SCREAMING)

Boss ain't gonna like this.
What are we gonna tell him?

Oops.

(THUDDING)

(GROANING)

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

Rivera. JONAS: What's
your 20, agent?

I'm on my lunch break, sir.

Lunch is over. ALL hell
is breaking loose.

Someone took a shot
at Senator McLaughlin.

It was an illegal.

I'm watching it right now.

REPORTER: This amateur
video was taken

outside County Hospital
just after the failed attempt

to assassinate
Senator McLaughlin.

Authorities believe that this
suspect is extremely dangerous.

SARTANA: Son of a bitch.
JONAS: What?

No, not you, sir.

I've seen him before.
Bring him in, Rivera.

Yes, sir, I'm on my way.

He may be in this country
illegally and that he is, of course,

to be considered armed
and extremely dangerous.

(RHYTHMIC HORN HONKING)

You're all over the TV, cabron.

Come on,
get inside. Hurry.

REPORTER ON TV: The shot fired
on Senator McLaughlin today

may be just the shot in the
arm his campaign needed.

New numbers indicate that he has
now taken a commanding lead

in the wake of today's incident.

Since his shooting, others agree that
border security should be heavily enforced.

Yes, detain the illegals!
Close the border!

Uh... Yeah. Didn't you cross
the border to get here, Jack?

Well, I'm already here.
Fine with me if they close it.

"Pussy." Pronounce it right, wey.

"Wey..."

LUZ: You didn't have a choice.
Of course I believe you.

Why else would you
give me the money?

But they'll be
looking for your ass.

You'll be safe here.

Try not to bleed on the bed.

Are you She?

If I were She, do you think I'd
be operating a taco truck?

She brings hope.
She rights the wrongs.

Unfortunately, She is a myth,

just someone I made up
to lead the Network.

At first, I just wanted to
help the people get settled.

Give them food.
Find them work.

Now there's a war against us.

Von and his border vigilantes
hunting us down like dogs.

And there's no one
there to stop him.

You can.

You're a fighter.

Only when there's something
worth fighting for.

Is there?

(SCOFFS)

Always.

When the sun rises,
you should be good.

Don't start what
you can't finish,

Machete.

You know me?

(CHUCKLES)

I know the legend.

Maybe the legend's better.

I'll be the judge of that.

Where are you, misterioso?

(COMPUTER BEEPING)

Oh, my God.

MICHAEL: Gunning the senator
down in the street.

What on earth
were they thinking?

Sometimes I worry about April and
what kind of world we're leaving her.

A fucked-up world.

I ought to wash your
mouth out with soap.

Give me another taco.

APRIL: Someone took
a shot at the senator.

What kind of world
would you call it?

A fucked-up world.

You're like two peas in a pod.

So, I think David's going
to ask me to marry him.

But I have priorities.

School and a career.
Salsa.

Actually, I was thinking
more about my modeling.

You're a very pretty girl, April,
but that's a tough nut to crack.

I know all about cracking nuts.

Do you even know how many
hits I get on my website?

You have a website? She has a website?
Do you know about this?

I know all about what the
online public wants.

And they want me.
All of me.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

That does it. I'm sending
you to a convent.

What?
SNIPER: He's loose.

He got away.
God damn it!

How hard is it to kill
a goddamn day laborer?

You go down to that corner
where I picked him up.

You find him.
Do it!

You seen the bean wagon?

You speak .45?

Where's the taco truck lady at?

Hey, I don't know, man. I haven't
seen her this morning. She's late.

She?

You know where She lives.

(GUNS COCKING)

(SPANISH SONG
PLAYING ON SPEAKER)

All right, go get him.

(SCREAMING)

(TIMER BEEPING)

(BEEPING RAPIDLY)

(SCREAMS)

(SCREAMING)

(PANTING)

You're all over the goddamn TV!

Get in!

Agent.

You're the second beautiful
girl that's picked me up today.

Exploding houses?

Bodies falling from the sky?
Jesus Christ, Machete.

You're a walking
shit-magnet.

Yeah, I know who you are.

I'm Sartana Rivera, lmmigration
and Customs Enforcement.

ICE.

Fucking-A. La migra.

Don't worry,
I won't ship you back

if you tell me
what I need to know.

I'm working my way up.

I can't be busting people
at taco stands anymore.

Hell, I'm probably
related to half of them.

You need me
more than I need you.

(LAUGHS) Come on.

You know all the cops in this
state are hunting you down

for trying to kill the senator.

I wasn't gonna kill him. I was
gonna shoot him in the neck.

Stop him from saying
all them stupid things.

It was a set-up. There was
another shooter there.

There was another
shooter? Who?

(BRAKES SCREECHING)

Fuck!

(GASPING)

Drive.

I know what they
did to your family.

And if I were you, I wouldn't
trust anyone, either,

but it's different here.

Laws are enforced.

And people control them,
not drug lords.

The system works here.

Says you.

I started working on the night
shift, taking out the trash.

But I worked my way up
as translator, assistant.

Now I'm special agent
in charge of investigations.

Sounds like they still got
you taking out the trash.

Let me take you in.

Put you into witness protection.

All you got to do is tell me who
hired you to take out the senator.

Fine.

SNIPER: Holy shit.

You mean to tell me
that a Mexican day laborer

is a goddamn Federal?

Looks like CIA, FBI, or DEA all
rolled in one mean fucking burrito.

Is this the man you
sent to kill Machete?

Yes.

And so far, he's failed?

So far.

I'm sorry to see you have such a
high tolerance for failure, puneta.

I don't.

(CHOKING)

(LAUGHS) Mmm.

How's that?

Not bad.

Last time we spoke,
you could've mentioned

he was an ex-Federal,
God damn it!

Notoriously hard to kill.

Trust me, I've tried.

Well, you didn't try with
the guy I'm calling in.

The very best the great state
of Texas has to offer.

Osiris Amanpour.

TORREZ: If Machete
is captured alive,

he'll expose
my entire operation.

You have 24 hours to take him
down, or I'm coming there myself

and I will kill him myself.

(SIGHS)

Sorry, my friend.

Mi abuelita always said you can
solve any problem with food.

And you, my friend,
have plenty of problems.

So who are you working for?

Who wants the senator dead?

Is it the Network? Luz?

She doesn't know
anything about it.

Network, either.

The man who hired me
wasn't Mexican.

Really?

So he was just some
random guy who said,

"Hey, wanna kill the senator
today?" And you're like, "Cool."

I was afraid
he wanted septic work.

Instead, he offered me
$150,000 to kill the senator.

That's a lot of money.

So that's why you did it?

For the money?

Look, Machete,

you're not legal
in this country.

And after what happened
to you in Mexico,

there is no way
you're going home.

So, basically, you're a
man with no country.

Lucky for you,
I can help you out.

Look at me.

I can get you papers.

But you gotta
let me bring you in.

I'm gonna find the
guy that did this

and bring him to you.

Why should I trust you?

Because we're both cops.

I'd tell you to stop, but I
know you took the bullets.

Luz!

(SIGHS)

You didn't think they'd take
me down that easily, did you?

You're alive!
But your house, man.

It's beginning,
my little chingones.

I got something to show you guys.
Come on.

I told you they were
gunning for us.

Who knows what they're
gonna do next?

Holy shit, Luz.

I didn't know you
were this loaded.

You got more heat
than the po-pos.

LUZ: It's a good start,
but we'll need a lot more.

Need it for what?

La revolucion.

Von and his men are coming for us.
We need to be ready.

I'm not gonna be around forever.

If anything happens, you need to
tell Machete the people need him.

Who exactly is this Machete?

LUZ: That's him.

He's the one.

Hands up!

Shit.
SARTANA: Against the wall.

All of you.
Move it.

Where's Machete?

Shit. She knows, man. La migra's
gonna deport his ass back.

Nobody's deporting anybody.

Machete already told me you guys
weren't involved with the shooting.

Although

I should probably
check your carnitas

for lead.

What is this place, anyway?

LUZ: Welcome to the Network.

These are some of
the people I've helped.

Helped them cross, got them jobs

and I make sure
they do their part.

And these?

These are the guys
trying to stop us.

Von Jackson
and his border vigilantes.

They started off with a couple of deer
rifles and a warped sense of justice.

And in the past year, they've grown.
More guns, more men.

Who's funding them?

LUZ: Whoever it is is making
a mess of our operation.

And these?

Missing.

LUZ: I have leads
on a few of them.

They were supposed to have crossed,
but I have no way to track them.

How deep does your operation go?

LUZ: Deep.

All types, all races.

Lawyers, priests,
doctors, homeboys.

That's why they
call it the Network.

The way we see it, people
risked everything to get here.

But the system doesn't work.

It's broken.

So we created our own.

So, Migra, gonna burn us, huh?

Turn us all in?

No.

I'm gonna walk away and pretend
I didn't see any of this.

Tell Machete
I'm looking for him.

(CHURCH BELL TOLLING)

PADRE: I am a man of faith.
I took a vow of peace.

And I don't shoot anymore.

MACHETE: (LAUGHS) You don't
shoot any less, either.

I don't see you, hear
from you in three years,

and now you want me to help
you kill all these men?

Yes, Bro.

I mean Padre.

(SIGHS HEAVILY)

I'll see what I can do.

I want you to say 10 Our
Fathers and 10 Hail Marys.

Light a candle for Mama.

For funerals.
A little side business.

I had these installed when too
many things started walking away

from the altar
and collection plates.

Imagine if we had this kind of
setup when we were Federales.

PADRE: This is how you get the bad
guys now. You catch them on video.

Cuban?

Mexican.

Oh, yeah.
I got some of that.

I got something
I want you to see.

McLAUGHLIN: Rest assured,
he will be caught.

This is the first shot of a
war that we didn't ask for...

Nice way to find out
your brother's in town.

But these intruders,
they mean to have.

Right there.

We can only hope
that the perpetrator...

That's the guy that hired me.

Michael Booth? (LAUGHS) He's
McLaughlin's aide, or some shit.

That the senator advocates
no form of violence.

You know him?
(SCOFFS)

Yeah. He comes in for
confession all the time.

Lot of impure thoughts.
(CHUCKLES)

Mostly about his daughter.

I guess I'm cheaper
than a shrink.

Here's his file.

Once he started talking about
his connections to the cartels,

I figured it'd come in handy.

I bet McLaughlin doesn't even know
that most of Booth's businesses

are just a front
for his drug trade.

What I don't understand is, why would
he hire you to kill his own boss?

Don't know.

Gonna find out.

It's not safe
for you to be here.

I'm not looking for safe.

No, I mean it's not safe
for me for you to be here.

I absolve you of all your
sins, now get the fuck out.

Okay, Bro.

(SIGHS)

But I'm borrowing your car.

He was complaining
about a weak neck.

I said, "You should
fucking do some sit-ups."

Hey. Hey, boss.

Who are you?

The new gardener.

The gardener?

(SPEAKING HUNGARIAN)

I'm just fucking
with you, chief.

It's Hungarian for "I'm gonna
kill you, you little monkey."

You know what? There's a big
pile of shit in the back.

You can go and clean
that up, all right?

Just make sure
you do a good job.

Make sure you wipe
those boots off.

Don't want you carrying
shit in the house.

You ever notice how you let
a Mexican into your home

just because he's got
gardening tools?

I mean, no questions asked.
You just let him right in.

He could have, you know,
a chainsaw or a machete.

(EXCLAIMING)

(SCREAMS IN PAIN)

Stop it!

Damn it, that hurt!

(APRIL AND JUNE CHATTERING)

JUNE: If your father
ever saw me doing this...

APRIL: Mom, everyone is gonna see
you do this. It's the lnternet.

This is what my viewers
wanna see online.

Hey. You're not
the usual guy.

JUNE: He looks
good to me.

Well, don't be shy.
Come on in.

(SPANISH SONG PLAYING)

Holy...

What the fuck did you
bring them here for?

Didn't you hear
a goddamn word I said?

Want me to dump them?

What? No.

No, I will make
good use of them.

The church can always
use good people.

June?

April?

JUNE: Oh, yeah

(BOTH MOANING)

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

(ANGRILY) Where are
my wife and daughter?

Whoa. One family at a time.
It's Osiris.

Machete has an hermano.

Or should I say Padre.

NARRATOR: State Senator
John McLaughlin took a vow

to defend the constitution
of this state.

Now, he's taken a bullet for it.

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

And this is that bullet.

Vote to re-elect
Senator John McLaughlin.

I'm John McLaughlin
and I approve this message.

(NARRATOR READING)

(DOOR OPENING)

(MACHINE BEEPING)

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

Oh. Yeah.

Sorry, ma'am. These damn new phones.
Should've put it on vibrate.

Can you help me do that?

Pervo.

Yeah?

Senator? This is Von.

I hear you got a problem
that maybe we can fix.

Don't call me on this line again.
I'll call you.

Now, you said it
yourself, Senator.

The war's begun.
Helter Skelter's here.

Your army awaits further orders.

Well, gotta be respectable now.
No shit stains.

BILLY: What about the shooter?
He's still out there.

(SIGHS)

There's nothing I'd like more than
to see that Mexican dance the bolero

at the end of a rope.

But he's gone
underground for sure.

Well, I say we go
underground and get him.

Find the Network and
you'll find the shooter.

Call our special friend.

Tell him we're gonna need a
hell of a lot more firepower

if he's serious about wanting
that border shut down.

I fixed your damn gun.

Oh. Thanks.

Our friend is up.

What do you want?

Where the fuck have you been?

You could've at least texted me.

Machete don't text.

But Machete gets evidence.

Thanks for coming back.

MICHAEL ON COMPUTER: There's no
way McLaughlin is getting elected

unless something big happens.

Can you imagine if someone
shot the senator,

and that someone was a Mexican?

The public would
elect him President.

It's not a sin if someone clips
the senator in the leg, is it?

So this is footage from your
brother's confessional?

There's no commandment against,

"Thou shalt not wing a man,"

is there, Padre?

But these files over here
you got from Booth's office?

They're encrypted.

(REWINDING)

It's my little girl, April.
I spend nights...

You don't think it's gonna
be that easy, do you?

I just wish that April saw me
as more of a real man.

SARTANA: Holy shit.

You were right. The
Network isn't behind it.

This is something
a hell of a lot bigger.

You've got enough here
to bring down everyone.

The senator, Booth.

Von.

Look, here.

There's Mexican drug money
financing the senator's campaign.

"Rogelio Torrez"?

Torrez.

He's the drug kingpin who's been trying
to gain control of the drug trade.

This must be the border fence
McLaughlin wants to build.

(ELECTROCUTING)

See this? These markings
show the weakest spots.

It all makes sense now.

Torrez wants to get
Senator McLaughlin re-elected

so that he can build a border
fence that he can control.

You did good work, Machete.
I bet you were a great cop.

The best.

And modest, too.

I'm dry.

Oh.

Get up.

Why?

Because you're drunk.

Come lay with me.

(LIGHTER CLICKING)

Habla ingles?

Depends on the question.

We know you hired that
Mexican to kill our senator.

You're the Network, ain't you?

Hell, you're behind everything.

That's not how we work.

But if you want war,

I'll give it to you.

How about an eye for an eye?

You burned your last burrito.

(VOMITING)

(SPITS)

You're gonna have to get
better at this, Billy.

(A VE MARIA PLAYING)

Fuck!

(GROANS)

Please, Father.
Have mercy.

God has mercy.
I don't.

(GROANING)

(GASPING)

Hello, Padre.

Blood of Christ.

Tastes like Merlot to me.

Where is he?

He's everywhere.

Talk, Padre.

Sing me one of those Mexican hymns
like you crooned as an altar boy.

Go to hell.

(SCREAMING IN AGONY)

(CRYING)

MICHAEL: You wanna
be a martyr?

I'm good at making martyrs.

Like Senator McLaughlin?
(GROANS)

MICHAEL: That's right.

We have to get
the senator re-elected,

and get that fence built along
the border before it's too late.

You really hate
our kind that much?

No, Padre.

I hate declining
profits that much.

An open border allows supply
to flow in too easily.

Drives our prices down.

A secure border limits supply,
drives the prices up.

Higher prices, higher profit.

You're so drunk with power, you
even put a hit on your own boss.

(PADRE GROANING)

PADRE: Just to boost
his election numbers.

Last chance, amigo.

Where's Machete and where
are my wife and daughter?

In hell.

(LAUGHING)

Then give them my best.

(SCREAMING IN AGONY)

(SIGHS IN RELIEF)

A real gentleman.

No. I'm comfortable.

(SCREAMS)

(SARTANA GRUNTING)

(YELPS)

(SCREAMING)

Culebra Cruzado?

If they called him in...

Then they want you dead, too.

Wait.

How do you text with this thing?

I thought Machete don't text.

Machete improvises.

Where are you going?

Take out the trash.

Machete sent me a text.

What's it say?

"You just fucked
with the wrong Mexican."

He's coming after us.

No.

He's coming after you.

You have some news?
Yes.

His brother's dead.

You killed a priest?
Congratulations.

That's right, Booth.
I'm in your town.

And I'm gonna kill Machete and
you're gonna watch it happen.

And it will be the
last thing you see.

Wait a second!

There's a girl from ICE.

She's with Machete on this.
They have a file on me,

on you, on McLaughlin,
on everybody.

She can make things
very difficult for us.

Where is she?

You know, I've been thinking.

We let these people
into our homes,

watch our kids, park our cars.

But we won't let them
into our country.

Does that make any sense to you?
BODYGUARD 1: Hey.

That wetback clubbed us
both over the head.

In case you forgot,
he shot me in the leg.

I thought Django shot you.

I don't wanna hear
that story ever again.

BODYGUARD 2:
Well, think about it.

He wasn't here for us.
He was here for the boss.

And I've been watching the boss,
and this guy's a real scumbag.

Hey, hey, hey.
Cut that shit out.

Where's your loyalty at?

(WHIRRING)

You hear that?

It's the weed whacker!

He's back! Spread out!
Spread out now!

(GRUNTING IN PAIN)

Alpha unit, you copy?

I quit.

Fuck. Anybody report?
Can you hear me?

Anybody?

Where's Booth?

The senator. He's
with the senator!

I have a GPS.

Tracks his limo.
Take it.

Just don't kill me,
please. Take it.

That's Spanish for,
"I'll let you live."

Thanks, chief.

(SIGHS IN RELIEF)

JONAS: So let me see
if I'm hearing you right.

One of this city's most
prominent businessmen,

a Texas vigilante, the most
notorious drug kingpin of Mexico,

and a state senator are all conspiring
to enact stricter immigration laws?

I know how it sounds, but I have
Booth on video committing a murder.

I have tons of confessions.
I mean, it's...

Listen to yourself. This
man is an illegal alien.

IIIegal, as in against the law.

Well, there's the law,
and there's what's right.

I'm gonna do what's right.
(PHONE BEEPS)

REPORTER: We are live at the Church
of Hope, where just moments ago

police discovered
a gruesome murder scene.

The body of a priest was
found nailed to a cross.

And witnesses' descriptions
of a man leaving the church

match those of the gunman wanted for
the shooting of Senator McLaughlin.

Excuse me, honeys. Just shut the door.
Give us a moment.

On the streets,
they call him Machete.

Who is he? What is he?
Thank you, darling.

And will he ever
be brought down?

Where the fuck have you been?

This dog is burning this whole
fucking town to the ground.

He's giving us a war.
I want to know we can win.

He's a cockroach. Sooner or
later, he'll be squashed.

Yeah? Well, this
cucaracha's got AK-47s

and he's laying waste to everything
that gets in his fucking path.

I'm taking care of it.

They're scheduling me for
release in a couple of minutes.

I can't walk out of here like a fucking
pinata waiting to get whacked.

REPORTER: The man
they are calling Machete...

MAN: We're ready
for you, Senator.

May have been involved
in the killing of a priest.

It's show time.

(REPORTERS CLAMORING)

MICHAEL: (SOFTLY)
You forgot your cane, sir.

Milk it.

ANNOUNCER ON PA: Ladies and
gentlemen, Senator John McLaughlin!

Thank you.
Thank you.

This Frito Bandito is not
any closer to justice.

I urge this criminal and those who
are hiding him to turn him in.

He is destroying us from the inside,
like the plague that he is.

We must not let
the terrorists win.

Senator, there are reports
implicating your advisors

as having orchestrated
the assassination attempt.

Would you care to comment?

Do what now?

(PADRE SCREAMING IN AGONY ON TV)

MICHAEL: You wanna
be a martyr?

I'm good at making martyrs.

Like Senator McLaughlin?

That's right.

We have to get
the senator re-elected,

get that fence built along the
border before it's too late.

Or do you care to
comment on the shooting

that happened at the border
on the night of July 22nd?

VON: Who's gonna stop 'em,
Senator?

I am.

Welcome to America.

(PEOPLE EXCLAIMING)

You catch all that?

Burn me a DVD. My high-dollar
supporters are gonna like that a lot.

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

How about your connections with
drug kingpin Rogelio Torrez?

No further comment.
I'm sorry. I just...

FEMALE REPORTER: Are the border
vigilantes involved in running drugs?

I think I'm having
a heart attack.

God damn it, if you don't
relax, you will have one.

You jeopardized more than my
career with that wetback.

He could've killed me.

Not with that scope.

You stupid son of a bitch.

You pull something like that
without consulting me?

Who the fuck do you
think you are?

I'm the one who got
your campaign financed.

Made you a political powerhouse.
Your own personal Jesus.

So you better get
down on your knees

and start praying for me
to save your soul

because I'm the only one
who can at this point!

(GROANING)

(TIRES SCREECH)

Get the fuck out.

(GASPS)

God damn it, man.

Why don't you just die?

This could've worked.
We could've been rich.

Torrez, he wanted to stop all that cheap
shit from moving across the border.

Got tired of competing with every
pendejo with a dime bag and a dream.

So we financed Von,
gave him and his men guns.

The vigilantes.

Our own private
little border patrol.

But Torrez wanted
the whole enchilada.

So I thought, why not let
politics do what guns couldn't?

Funny thing is, I thought it would
be a more peaceful resolution.

How's that torch your taco?

Wait, wait.
Torrez is looking for you.

You find Von,
you'll find Torrez. Please.

Tell me, where are my
wife and daughter?

With God.

Well, I guess
I won't be seeing them.

(SIRENS WAILING)

(CHURCH BELL TOLLING)

(GROANS)

Fuck, my fucking head.

What the shit?

That asshole drugged us.

Where's our clothes?

Call Daddy.

It's June, and April.

MAN: We're very sorry, Mrs. Booth.
Your husband is dead.

He's what?

Senator McLaughlin shot him.

(THUDDING)

MAN: Yeah, kill
the wetbacks. Good.

REPORTER: Vigilante leader Von Jackson
refused comment after startling revelations

of their connections to a Mexican
drug cartel. (CELL PHONE RINGING)

This is Von.

I'm coming in. We're all
over the news, Senator.

You compromised everything
we've worked for.

There's only one way this thing
is gonna end. Smoke him out.

But I wanna put the bullet
in his head myself.

And just how do you
figure on doing that?

I'm joining you boys
for one last ride-along.

(lNDISTINCT CHATTERING)

Machete.

Where's Luz?

She's gone, man.
Vigilantes got her.

And now they're after you.

You gotta lead us to fight them.

It's what Luz would've wanted.

It's not your war.

I may be adopted, ese...

No shit.

What's going on is not right.
We just wanna help, bro.

I don't need your help.

If not us,

then who?

Whatever you need, we'll
build it, strip it, chop it.

What's ours is yours, homes.

Got guns?

MACHETE: If we find
Von, we find Torrez.

And we can take them
all down at once.

Hey, yo, everyone! Listen up!
We got some work to do!

SARTANA: Machete needs
your help or he'll be killed,

just like Luz, just like Padre.

(MEN GROANING DISDAINFULLY)

Listen to me!

Yes, I am a woman of the law.

And there are lots of laws.

But if they don't offer us
justice, then they aren't laws!

(ALL AGREEING)

They are just lines drawn
in the sand by men

who will stand on your back
for power and glory.

Men who deserve to be cut down.

It is time to erase
their mierda lines

and show these cabrones
the meaning of true law!

We didn't cross the border,
the border crossed us!

ALL: iViva Machete!

You're Machete's girl. I know
because you're his type.

What type is that?

Dead.

(CELL PHONES RINGING)

REPORTER: Earlier today, Senator John
McLaughlin allegedly pulled a gun

on his advisor Michael Booth,

and shot him twice in the
chest after an altercation

following the disastrous
reveal earlier this afternoon

of the senator's connection to
Mexican drug kingpin Rogelio Torrez.

Network.

According to recent reports,
McLaughlin's re-election campaign

has been funded
entirely by Mr. Torrez.

Machete!

Network says the senator is calling
in the vigilantes to kill you.

And that Agent Sartana, she's
been captured by Torrez.

They're all heading to
Von's armory to load up.

Time to roll out.

(ENGINE REVVING)

(TIRES SCREECHING)

Get me a vest and a rifle.

My great granddaddy did not
give his life at the Alamo

so that we could sell out our nation to
a bunch of back-stabbing politicians.

What are you talking about?

You lied to us.

And you paid that
Mexican to put on an act

to fool the people,
and to make fools of us.

Now he's on his way, and no doubt
bringing a whole mess of bean eaters.

You seem to be quite fond
of the boob tube, Senator.

You've been in the
desert too long, amigo.

Well, let's see how
this blows your skirt up.

We're gonna simulcast your execution
for the crime of treason.

No shit stains.

BILLY: Okay,
they're on their way!

Get to your posts!

Come on!
Let's roll them up!

Time for your last testament.

There's no second takes.
So get your lines right.

Hold the line.

(ENGINE REVVING)

I have desecrated
the oath of office,

and I am a traitor
deserving of death.

Ready!

Fucking parasites!
Fucking terrorists!

Aim.

(SCREAMING)

Oh! Shit.

Two of you stay with him.
The rest of you, outside.

Oh, shit.

Fuck them up!

Fuck them up!
(MEN HOLLERING)

(BELL RINGING)

(SCREAMING)

(EXCLAIMS)

How's the eye?

What eye?

(VEHICLE APPROACHING)

LUZ: If you wanna
survive your own war,

you better become
Mexican real fast.

You got enemies
on all sides, Senator.

Who can you trust?

You aim to take down
those good old boys?

Then I'm with you.

(SPANISH SONG PLAYING)

(BIKE ENGINE ROARING)

Take out that Mexican!

Fire, God damn it!

Von, we're fucked.

We gotta get out of here.

Get out of here! Go!

Sister.

Please.

I've done wrong.

I've lived a hateful life.
I'm not even from here.

I hate Texas. I hate the heat.
Give me my last rites.

In the name of my father...

My... My father?

April?

I forgot the rest.

(GUNSHOT)

You never knew how
to stay down, puneta.

So I guess I have to teach you.

(MUFFLED SHOUTING)

You have something to say?

Now you have something to say?

Back the fuck up and watch.

We used to be Federales together.
You remember?

We were brothers.

But you went for the honor.

And I went for the power.

We killed a lot of
bad guys together.

Now I'm the bad guy.

What do you wanna do, hermanito?

Look at your Machete
now, cabron.

He's gonna kill him.

No, he's not.

He's Machete.

Got a point.

You know, I could kill you
right now very easily.

Believe me, this is nothing.

This ain't shit.

But...

I know you'll just be
waiting for me in hell.

So...

I think I'll say goodbye.

Fuck it.

(GROANS)

BILLY: There's one!

Goddamn cockroach!

(ELECTRICITY SURGING)
(GROANING)

Can't speak English,
can you, boy?

Stop. No. No.

Welcome to America!

(SIREN WAILS)

What, do you wanna see my lD?

Don't bother.

I've got something better.

I called in a few favors.

Look at this.

Got you all the right papers.

You can start over now,
be a real person.

Why do I want to be a real
person when I'm already a myth?

Where will you go?

Everywhere.

Then I'll ride with you.

(NARRATOR READING)

ENGLISH - US - PSDH