All language subtitles for Will and Grace s11e17_English

.

- "Will & Grace" is shot
before a live studio audience.

- Okay, this is every gift
from our baby shower,

which was six weeks ago.

So we are writing
thank you notes today,

no more excuses.

- But I'm so tired
and pregnant.

- Those are excuses.

- I'm hungry,
I'm lazy, I'm gassy.

- Those are just facts.

I don't want to do this either.

And since you lost the list
of who gave us what,

it's not gonna be easy.

- I didn't lose the list.

I just lied about making it
in the first place.

- Let's see if we can find
some obvious clues.

- Oh.
Baby's first martini set.

"Why should mom
have all the fun?"

- Mm.

It's cute.
A picture of a tipsy baby.

- It's from Karen.
- Mm-hmm.

This a autographed headshot
of Jack.

"To Will/Grace's daughter/son,

"don't forget to dream.

"Uncle Jack.

SAG-AFTRA."

- He put under special skills,
"Microwaving."

- [chuckles]

- I have seen him do that.

- Silence.
Your social betters are here.

Jack has something
very important to say.

- Guess who's getting honored
in Blattsville

because her baseball team
won the championship,

and a life-size statue?

- Here's a hint.

This year for Secret Santa,

she gave Rudy Giuliani
a plausible alibi.

- I think it's nice for once
they're putting up a statue

of a terrible person
with a problematic legacy

on civil rights.

- Amen, sister.

Danley and Stanley saddled me
with that loser team.

Now they have to watch
the whole town celebrate me.

- You invited Stan?
- Of course I did.

They're calling it
"Karen Walker Day."

Ooh, I can't wait
to see that man eat crow.

Wait, what am I saying?

They know enough to stay away
from his mouth.

- Oh, my shower gift.
You are welcome.

Oh, please let the babies know
I can do a Croatian accent.

I was gonna put it
under special skills,

but I'm really good
at microwaving.

- Thanks, Jack.

- [imitates Croatian accent]
It's pronounced Yach.

- Let's go, Yach.

You kids wanna come?
- Hell, yeah.

- Grace, we have
thank you notes to write.

These are our friends.

- Aren't half of them gonna
dump us once we have kids?

I mean, that's what we did.

- Good point.
Let's go.

- Oh, good.
It's gonna be so much fun.

You know Blattsville Creamery

named an ice cream flavor
after Karen.

- Ooh, does it taste
like gin or blood?

- Both!
It's a swirl.

- Ah.

[upbeat trumpet
and piano music]

♪

You know, I think Blattsville
is kind of pretty.

Although I didn't quite
get that sign

when we first drove in.

"Home of the original Blatt."
What is a Blatt?

Are we all picturing
the same thing?

- A sex position?
- A sandwich.

- I guess not.

- I love this town.

They have a nail salon/Thai
restaurant/post office.

I could do my whole life
from one chair.

- There's a man rollerblading

with a Frenchy
inside his BabyBjorn.

That must be the gay district.

- Well, I'm actually kind
of nervous about my statue.

I hope they got
the boobs right.

- Okay, well, we got
a couple hours to kill.

- All right, let's go check out
that open house we passed.

- You just want
the free brownie.

- You don't know me.
- And you have to pee.

- You know me.

- So, uh...

you think Stan is here yet?

- Karen, that's like
the billionth time

you've asked me about Stan.
- So what?

Stop reading into things.

I don't care if Stan comes
or if he gets here early.

[piano music]

- Good.
There's no one here.

We'll get our brownie,
pee, leave.

It'll be our "Eat, Pray, Love."

Where are you?
- [panting]

The stairs.
- There were two.

- Can you cut me
a little slack?

I'm 1,000-year-old
pregnant lady.

- Hi, I'm Ruth Anne.
People call me Rue.

So are you here
to see the house?

Or are you just
brownie and pee people?

- Oh, gosh.
Who does that?

No, we are definitely here
to see the house.

- Oh, great.
I'll get the brownies.

You'd be surprised when
people pull that on me.

- People are
the absolute worst.

[chuckles]

Let's get the hell out of here.

- No, I have to go
to the bathroom.

- Come on.
[both sigh]

- All right, all right.
But wash your hands.

Other people are gonna
eat those brownies.

.

- Excuse me.

Hi, I'm Kathy.

Are you the guy
with the really bad breath?

You're in that ad
at the dentist's office.

You know, the guy
whose wife won't kiss him

because of his breath.

And his kids are like...
[gags]

- Oh, my God.
That tongue scraper ad I did.

I wish I had saved
the money I made from that.

But I really wanted a slice
on the way home.

- You're a real celebrity
in this town.

That poster's been
on Dr. Kachkari's wall forever.

- Hold on a second.

Did you just call me
a celebrity?

- Well, yeah.
You're an icon here.

Everyone goes to Dr. Kachkari.

I'm there a lot because of
my addiction to eating pottery.

- Hold on a second.

Did you just say I was an icon?

- You bet.

You know,
I'm on the city council.

We'd love to get
your handprints

for our walk of fame.

- "Sheriff Obediah Gustafson."

"Sparky the Mattress
Discount Dog."

"Jim Belushi."

Are you joking me?

Who wouldn't want
to be a part of this dust?

I'll do it.
- Oh, really?

- Oh, my God.
- Really?

That's amazing.

You'll be the biggest name
we've ever gotten.

I can't believe
we're gonna have...

- Jack McFarland.

- Jack McFarland
on our walk of fame.

[piano music]

- [sighs]

- Is that a fifth bathroom?
- It is now.

- Lovely.
We're gone.

- No, no, no, no, no,
let's look, let's look.

We can make it like a game.

Like one of those improv games
we did in college.

- Oh, I love it.
What's the game?

- Last letter, first letter.

The last letter
of the last word I say

has to be the first letter
of the first word you say,

and vice versa.

- Oh, my God.
You're gonna lose so hard.

You can't think that fast
on your feet.

- Yeah?
And you can't...

I think I'm in trouble.

[piano music]

- So for my big entrance,

you'll carry me in and set me
down in front of the podium.

Front and center because
I want my ex-husband

to see me
and eat his heart out.

And believe me,
he would if he could.

Oh, how that man
loves an organ meat.

Take five.

- [panting] Karen.
I'm like a celebrity here.

- Oh.
- I got this for free.

And the local mechanic offered
to let me sleep with his wife.

I'm her hall pass.

- I'm on pins and needles.

I can't wait.
I'm gonna peek.

What?
What the hell?

I'm the size of a vibrator.

I could pleasure myself
with myself.

Not that I would
because I'm too angry.

Although being angry sometimes
puts me in the mood.

Now I kind of want to.

[piano music]

- Ah, here we are.

You know,
I never got your names.

- Oh, I am
Dr. Grace Adler...witz.

- Z--

Zero scratches on the floor,
which is good.

I'm her husband, Will.
I'm a musician.

And there's plenty of space
here for me to play my sax.

- Xylophone is
also played by him-owitz.

- So it's, uh, four bedrooms,
four baths,

a chef's kitchen,
and a wraparound porch.

- Zany idea, but honey,

you know what I would
put on that porch?

A brand new BBQ.

- Quick.
Go check out the kitchen.

- Nice one.
Yeah.

Oh, remember I got a gig
with my jazz quartet tonight.

We're called "Nouveau Chapeau."

- "O"?
"X"?

"U"...

Win.

- So a doctor

and a professional saxophonist.
- Mm-hmm.

- Just so you know,
I've sold to other couples

in Witness Protection.

Don't tell anybody.

So what are you having?
- Oh, it's a boy.

- Oh, there's so much room
to run around in the yard.

It's totally fenced in.
So he can have a dog.

- Oh, I'd love my kid
to have a dog.

And I'd love my Instagram
to have a kid and a dog.

- Mm-hmm.

- Stan was supposed to see this

and think that I was the
biggest winner in the world.

Now I'm gonna look like
the tiniest loser.

- Were you guys just
talking about me?

Because my balls are burning.

- I'm not gonna take the rap

for your preexisting
condition, Danley.

- Karen, you won
fair and square, okay?

I'm just--I'm here to kiss
the feet of your statue.

- Oh, no, no.
No.

Let's wait
until your brother gets here.

Stan's not here yet, right?
- No, we would know.

This carefully placed
glass of water

will ripple when he approaches.

- All right, well, I'll just
see you at the ceremony.

- Honey, Stan's gonna
be here any minute.

Oh, I gotta come up
with something really big,

something that'll really knock

Stan's compression socks
right off.

- Karen, why are you obsessed
with sticking it to Stan?

- Because how else am I gonna
show him that I don't care?

.

- Wow.

I've always dreamed
of this moment.

I'm gonna do it.
- Okay.

- I'ma touch it.
- Ah! You scared me.

- Is it gooey or is it--
- I don't know.

- [gasps]

[applause]

- How does it feel?
- You know what, Kathy?

[shrieking] I'm not gonna lie!

I have never felt so
comfortable in this position.

Wait a minute.

Should Estefan and I
move up here?

No more New York rat race.
Just success and adulation.

[camera shutters]

- Okay--
- But on the one hand,

I've just gotten a taste
of real success in New York.

- Jack, it's getting harder--
- It is, Kathy.

It is getting harder.
I'm not a young man anymore.

But on the other hand,
up here, I could be a star.

[camera shutters]

I could wear big glasses
and park illegally.

Of course, I'll never
be able to leave the house

without makeup, but--[laughs]
who am I kidding?

When have I ever left the house
without makeup?

- You know, I--
- You know what, sweetheart?

It's a monologue,
not a dialogue.

But living here,
I would feel stuck.

I can't be stuck.
I refuse to be stuck.

Kathy?
- Yeah?

- I'm stuck.

- Can someone get a jackhammer?
- Oh, my God.

You even named
a hammer after me?

[piano music]

- And now to fulfill
my most humiliating obligation,

vis-à-vis, my bet
with Karen Walker.

"Wah-wah!
I made a boom boom."

[cheers and applause]

Karen Walker will be out
in just a moment.

But before she does, please
enjoy the prerecorded music,

The Blattsville
Retirement Center Band,

who could not be here live
because of

"numerous deaths
in the brass section."

[orchestral music playing]

- You ever think that

your relationship
with your assistant

would lead to you watching
a billionaire dressed as a baby

telling an entire town
that he just pooped his pants?

- [chuckles]

- 'Cause I did.

[phone buzzes]

- Oh.

[phone clatters]

- I got it.
- No, it's okay.

It's okay, it's okay.
- I got it.

It's a text from Rue.
"Your offer is in."

Did you make an offer
on that house?

- I probably won't even get it.

- Oh, my God.
Were you ever gonna tell me?

Or was I just supposed
to figure it out

when I stopped finding
Cheez-It powder on the couch?

- I knew this was gonna be
your reaction.

Come on.

We've always known eventually
I was gonna have to move out.

- Yeah, down the street.
Not to a different zip code.

And I thought maybe
we'd talk about it first.

- Or put it off
like we always do.

Will, Will.
It's a 40 minute train ride.

We're gonna see each other
all the time.

- Yeah, and that's
what people say.

Now, I hope you're happy.
- Will--

- You've ruined
Karen Walker Day.

- Will.

- You know you're
gonna hate it here.

You're allergic to everything.

We still don't know
what a Blatt is,

but I'm sure you're allergic
to those too.

- Will, I'm sorry.
I should have said something.

But when I was sitting
in that house,

it was like I had a vision of
what my life is supposed to be.

And it's there in that house

with my little boy
in that yard--

- Right, right.
Without me.

- That's not what I meant--
- Grace, you know what?

It's hard enough that
we're both having babies

at this stage in our lives,

but what made me think
it was all gonna be okay

was that we were gonna do it
together.

But I guess
you don't feel that way.

- Okay, now as I like
to tell my massage therapist,

get ready for a big finish.

So put on your masks.

Because now,
it is time to welcome

"your hero, your goddess,

and the inspiration
for Jessica Rabbit,"

Karen Walker.

[triumphant music playing]

- Thank you, boys, mmm.

Ah, what a Blatt.

So I thought of a statue,

I thought of putting my face
on the local currency,

but then I thought
of this town.

This town of Blattsville,

with its ugly, ugly name.

And I came up with this.

[cheers and applause]

Welcome to Karen Walker-land.

Now you all live in me.

.

- So I changed my mind.

And I'm so sorry
you're gonna lose a sale,

but I have
to withdraw the offer.

- But you sounded
so sure when you left.

I thought, "There goes
a strong, smart, beautiful,

energetic, young woman."

- People do say that.

But we have this history,
you know?

Promises implied
and to undue that now--

- Not that it's any
of my business,

but I don't trust that man.

Mm, too skinny,
tan in the winter.

It's weird.
- [laughs]

Oh, he would think both
of those were compliments.

- I just think that
any man that would talk

a smart, beautiful,
energetic woman like yourself--

- You forgot young.
- There's the smart.

But if he's talking you
out of this house,

he's just not a good man.

- Grace, I want you
to buy this home.

- Now that's a good man.

- What are you doing to me?
- I was being selfish.

You know, all I thought about

was how you moving away
would affect me.

- No, I was being impulsive.

I don't even know
what I was thinking.

- You were thinking
about a home for your son.

And why wouldn't
you want it to be here?

There's room to breathe,
a big backyard,

a bathroom with a double vanity
where a father and daughter

could, I don't know,
pluck their eyebrows together.

- It sounds like
you should move here.

Now I should tell you
there's one other offer,

but she seems
a little unstable.

- You just said I was strong,
energetic, and beautiful.

- This is how
the game's played.

Now look, both of you
obviously like the home,

so I think this
will be a great place

for you to raise your family.

- We're not a family.

- Yeah, we were just
best friends

who've pretty much
always been roommates.

- Yeah, and now we're both
having kids at the same time.

- Yeah, we're like
each other's main person

and we wanted
to raise our kids together.

- Sounds like a family to me.

So would you guys like
to put in an offer together?

[both stammer]

- What are we thinking?

- We're thinking about maybe
buying this house together.

- Are we?
- I don't know, are we?

- I think we are.

And that basement could
easily fit a tanning bed.

- Excuse me?
- I'm sorry.

- Is this crazy?
- I know, I know.

What are people
gonna say about us?

- I guess the same thing

they've been saying about us
for 20 years?

- "When are they finally
gonna do it?"

- The other thing.

- "Do you think
they've already done it?"

- The other, other thing.
- Oh.

"It's odd, but it works"?

So, oh, my God.
- Oh, my God.

- We're doing it.
- We're buying a house.

- Come here.
[both laugh]

- I'm so happy for all of us.

But never, ever
go into the attic.

[laughs]
I love doing that.

You should have
seen your faces.

I'ma get more brownies.

- Wait, wait, wait, wait.

What if one of us
meets someone?

- Hey, we'll figure that out.

You know, and then
I'll move in with him.

- Why are you the one
who meets someone?

- It's not me, it's society.

I mean, you're a gassy woman
over 40 with a kid.

The odds aren't great.

- This is Upstate New York.
I'm like a nine here.

People don't even think
I'm pregnant.

- Yeah.

[piano music]

♪

- You okay, Kare?

- Stanley missed
the ceremony, Jackie.

I know that I said that
I wanted to stick it to him,

but I really just wanted him
to be proud of me.

But I'm not even on his radar.

Oh, crap.
It's Danley.

- I'll distract him
while you run.

- Oh, honey.
I don't run.

- Well, Karen Walker Day
has come and gone,

but it will live forever
in my pants.

- Girl, you got it bad.
- It's true.

I love her.
It must run in the family.

- You mean Stan?
He didn't even show up.

- Well, he didn't show
because he's a wreck.

The poor man's down to four
meals and two snacks a day.

Some of his doctors aren't
even worried about him.

- Because he lost a bet?
- No, because he lost Karen.

He still loves her.
He always will.

Well, I guess the course of
true love never did run smooth.

Huh, maybe I'll get a hooker
and get her to wear this.

- Stanley loves me?

- This place is perfect.
- I know.

And there are
two master bedrooms

because the couple before us
were architects

who fell out of love
with each other?

- They could design a house.
They couldn't build a home.

- Okay, to be clear,

that's gonna be my joke
at our housewarming party.

Oh, oh.
I forgot.

Rue left us something.

[stirring music]

♪