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Lemme see your pass? Your pass. Huh? Oh.

You Peter Stirling? Yes, sir.

You're new here. My third day, sir.

Okay. Okay, Gregg. Thank you.

Don't let it worry you, fella. They make every new man feel like a criminal.

I guess with the secret work we're doing, the government can't be too careful.

That's right.

Francis! Francis, you decent?

Sorry I'm late. I stopped to get some carrots. Shh!

What's the matter?

Slow bunch of plugs.

Ahh... ahh.

What a cheesy kinescope. Turn it off!.

Well, the little breadwinner. How'd you do at the plant today?

Oh, fine. Look at these... blisters. On you they look good.

Too bad you're gonna lose your job.

Lose my job? The foreman said I was doing swell.

Foreman's losing his job too. That's impossible.

He's been there since the plant opened. No plant, no job.

"No plant, no job"? What are you talking about?

Somebody's gonna blow up the place tonight. Pete, get me a carrot.

Oh, for a moment I thought you meant we were gonna be fired.

Blow up the plant! Y- You're not serious?

I hope to kiss a duck I'm serious. Yeah, bu-bu-bu...

You sound like a hot rod. Slow down or you'll blow a gasket.

Yeah, bu-bu-but who? Couple of wrong guys.

Bu-bu-but why? 'Cause they don't like Uncle Sam.

Yeah, bu-but how? I don't know yet, but I'm gonna find out soon.

Bu-bu-bu... There goes that gasket.

C'mere, Pete. I wanna tell you something.

At 10:15 the plant is gonna go boom-boom.

How do you know? For the love of mud, don't you think I get around?

10:15, why... why, that's only four hours from now!

Why didn't you notify the police? That's your job.

W- Why me? Oh, I guess it's the mother in me.

I wanna see my little boy become a hero, so get goin'!

And notify plant protection.

But remember, leave me outta this or you'll be gettin'in trouble again.

10:15. 10:15?

Well, Mr. Stirling, it's after 10:15, and nothing has happened.

I know, sir... You ask me, Colonel, nothing's going to happen.

Army Intelligence has brought in every available man. We've left other places undermanned.

So did the Federal Agency. I'm supposed to be on another case.

I've got three police shifts. A flea couldn't get into this plant without us knowing.

I can't understand it. He's never been wrong. Who's never been wrong?

Who're you talking about? Speak up, man!

I can't tell you. If you don't tell us, you're gonna be in serious trouble.

I'll be in worse trouble if I do.

Well... a mule told me. A mule?

A mule told you? I don't know whether you belong in a nuthouse or the lockup.

But as soon as I call off this clambake, I intend to find out.

Mule indeed! I'm pulling my men out. I'm taking my details home.

Bu-bu-bu... I'll be back to take care of you.

In the meantime, don't try to go bye-bye. We've got every road covered.

Oh, yes, sir. I mean, oh, no, sir. I'll be here.

Yes, sir.

Hey, fella. Hey, hey.

Francis, do you... What a mess you got me into this time!

What's your trouble, bub? Nothing's happened! That's the trouble.

It's after 10:15! Oh, you mean you're not a hero yet?

A fine hero. I'm either going to prison or to a booby hatch.

Do you realize... Shh, watch it, bub.

Hi, there. What's all the excitement around the gate?

Huh? Oh, it's a sabotage rumor.

But I guess it's a false alarm.

Yeah, some guy always starting something. Yeah.

Nice fellow, yeah. Huh? Yeah, very nice.

But never mind him, what about me?

Real honest lookin'. Just the type they'd pick. What am I gonna do?

First of all you could stop that water truck. You got me into this...

And... Stop the truck? What for?

Drink some of that bottled water and play jump rope, and you'll find out.

Play jump robe? Yeah, one jump and you'll be splashed all over the scenery.

Y- You mean, it's an explosive? I mean it!

Are you gonna stand there gibberin' all night? Huh? No, no.

Hold that truck!

Hold that truck. Oh, it's you. Now what is it?

Don't let that truck through. Why not?

The water isn't water. Water isn't water? Look, Stirling...

What's the trouble? This crackpot's blown his cork.

It's the water, sir. It's not water! What are you talking about?

Just drink some and play jump rope. You'll find out.

Play jump rope? Get him outta here. Go on.

You can't! You can't! You mustn't!

There's no harm in checking. I'd like to open a few bottles. Go ahead.

Ralph will give you a hand. Mr. Mortenson, these men have been working here a long time.

It's kinda crazy, if you ask me. I'm not asking you.

Well I guess the water is water.

Can I help you?

No, thanks.

I'll try this one here. Okay, help yourself.

Satisfied?

I'll let you know.

Let's try this one. But look, we've gone...

Will you open it... or do I?

Don't tilt that bottle. Get your hands up!

Drop your guns and get your hands up.

All right, get in the shack, boys.

Any funny business, and I'll plug one of those bottles and blow you to bits.

Get going. Get this gun outta here.

Drop those guns.!

Drop those guns or I'll drop this!

I said, drop 'em. Drop...

Gee, I'm sorry. I guess I got the wrong bottle.

We owe you a tremendous debt, Stirling.

It was nothing. I only did my duty as I saw it.

Stirling, that fantastic story about a mule tipping you off... I wish you'd forget that.

Of course. Just the same, it was a clever way of covering your source of information.

The way you figured out that water gimmick was brilliant.

I've recommended that you be transferred to the Police Department.

Not so fast. I've sent a report in on Mr. Stirling.

We want him as a Government Investigator.

Nonsense! We need men like Stirling in Army Intelligence.

Keen, alert, courageous.

What do you say, Stirling? The Police Department? Government work?

The Army?

Well, I don't know. This is a big decision.

You're A.U.S., are you not? What's that?

A.U.S. Army of the United States. Oh, yes, sir.

Have you ever thought of going in the regular Army? Uh, uh, what do you mean?

I will arrange an appointment for you to the United States Military Academy at West Point.

Oh.

Me? At West Point?

Okay, okay, up the hill, men. Come on.

All right, man, up the hill! On your way.

Born? Yes, sir.

Where? Oh, Pastoria.

Where? Pastoria, Kansas.

Married?

I said, are you married? Oh, no! No, sir.

Have you ever been married?

No.

Next.

Take a deep breath, young man.

Exhale.

Again.

Exhale.

Turn around.

Deep breath.

Exhale.

Strange, I can't find your lungs.

Inhale.

Detail... halt.

"G" Barracks, fall out.

Forward, march.

You, Mr. Dumbjohn.

You thinking about buying this place?

I- I-I-I didn't even know it was for sale.

What's your name? Peter Stirling.

It's Mr. Stirling, sir. Understand? Yes, sir. Mr. Stirling, sir!

Drop those bags. Now straighten up.

Throw those shoulders back. Don't slouch.

You're gonna learn to carry yourself correctly, and the sooner the better.

Suck in that gut. Harder! Get that chin in.

"G"Barracks, fall out. Straighten those fingers.

A sorry-looking specimen, Ransom. I quite agree, Thompson.

This one looks as if he belongs, if you'll pardon the expression, at Annapolis.

Pick up those bags!

Put down those bags. Pick up those bags.

'Ten-shun!

Well, how do you like that?

Your quarters, Mr. Dumbjohn. Yes, sir.

Excuse me, I didn't know. It's quite all right. Come right in.

No singles in this hotel. Just royal suites. Well, thank you.

Uh-uh-uh! Beat you to it. Your, uh, sumptuous couch. Oh, sorry.

There's no time like the present to get acquainted. My name's Bill Norton.

Oh, my name's Stirling. Peter for short.

Well, Mr. Stirling, allow me to show you the premises.

This is the main drawing room furnished in exquisite early Grand Rapids.

Oh, oh, careful. Watch how you step on that Oriental rug.

The last tenant sunk in over his head and was never seen again.

And this is the solarium.

You notice the delightful southern exposure in the bay windows?

And over here? Over here we have the study, and I do mean study!

Hi. Well, see what the stork brought us.

Another bouncing boy. Mr. Van Allen!

Stirling, looks like they've teamed us up. Yeah!

Oh, I'm sorry. William Norton, this is Wilbur Van Allen.

Hi, Bill. Glad to meet you. Hi, Bill.

Gentlemen, seeing that I've already staked my claim...

you two can fight it out for what's left while I relax.

Afraid you won't have much time for relaxing. We still have lots to do.

Quartermaster, orderly room, uniforms, supplies. Then, after we're sworn in...

What did you do? Read the menu, fella?

My father's a West Point man. He's retired now.

There was a General Van Allen in Burma during the war.

His men used to call him General Granite.

His family still does.

We better be nice to this roommate of ours. He's got connections.

Don't bother. The Point is one place where family connections don't mean a thing.

Colonel Daniels, the Commandant of Cadets, is Dad's closest friend.

And either one of you has a better chance to get in to see him than I do.

Anyway, you can keep us from pulling boners.

Number one is, don't let the Beast Detail find you relaxing.

What about this Beast Detail?

Part of the plebe system. They teach the men discipline.

Look, I got into West Point out of the Army through competitive examination...

and I have no time for that kid stuff.

I'm here to study, maybe play a little football, and relax.

'Ten-shun.!

Well, did you hear that, Thompson?

It seems that West Point is fortunate enough to have a football star in our midst.

On your feet, mister! Sure.

It's yes, sir! Okay, yes, sir.

What's your name? Bill Norton.

It's Mr. Norton, sir. Okay, if that's the way you want it.

Wipe that smile off your face! You'll speak when spoken to.

Now, straighten up and fall in over there. Yes, sir.

And what's your name, mister? Mr. Van Allen, sir.

And your rank? A Fourth Classman in the United States Mllitary Academy, sir.

And what gave you the idea a plebe could give commands to an upperclassman?

It was my mistake, sir, and I accept full responsibility.

Do you happen to know what a plebe ranks, Mr. Van Allen?

Yes, sir. The superintendent's dog, the commandant's cat, the waiters in the mess hall...

the Hellcats and all the Admirals in the whole Navy, sir.

Where did you learn that, Mr. Van Allen? From my father, sir.

From a military family! Ransom, we're very lucky.

We have a football hero and a military hero in one room!

Our humble institution is honored. And you, Mr. Stirling.

What kind of a hero are you? M-Me, sir?

I'm not a hero at all.

Oh, come, come, Mr. Stirling! You're being too modest.

No, I'm not really. Honest.

Rumor has it that you're the daring young hero...

who single-handed saved a defense plant from destruction.

Suppose you tell us how you achieved this magnificent deed.

Well, uh... If you don't mind, sir, I'd rather not.

Come, come, Mr. Stirling. No false modesty.

It's not modesty, sir, I just can't tell you.

- This is an order, Mr. Stirling. - Yes, sir.

You see, sir, I have a friend, a sort of a mule.

What do you mean, "a sort of a mule"?

He is a mule.

The four-legged kind, Mr. Stirling? Yes, sir.

And you say this mule is a friend? Yes, sir.

When he heard of the plot to blow up the atomic plant, naturally he told me.

The mule told you? Yes, sir.

As one jackass to another, eh, Stirling?

Just as you're speaking to me, sir.

It seems, Ransom, we have what is vulgarly known as a wise guy.

Gentlemen, I... Mr. Stirling...

the way you get along with West Point depends on how West Point gets along with you.

There's no place for wise guys. Then what are you fellas doing here?

Were you talking to us, Mr. Norton? I was.

Why don't you lay off him? You stay out of this, Mr. Stirling.

Evidently, Mr. Norton, you're not acquainted with the rules concerning the plebe system.

I'm acquainted with one rule. Until I'm sworn in, I'm not a cadet.

And there's no rule says I can't knock your blocks off.

Class dismissed.

Mr. Stirling.

Yes, sir?

I think you better stop in and see Major Squires this afternoon.

M- Major Squires, sir?

Oh, yes, sir.

Stirling, as your Company Tactical Officer, I want you to know...

that in the few weeks you've been here, you've set a new record.

Thank you, sir. You are 687 th in your class.

687 th?

And do you know why, Mr. Stirling? No, sir.

Because there are only 687 men in your class.

Oh. I feel it only fair to advise you, Mr. Stirling...

that unless there's a miraculous improvement before the examinations in two weeks...

you'll be found deficient and dropped from the Academy.

In two weeks, sir?

In two weeks, Mr. Stirling. That will be all.

Yes, sir.

"At a distance of 640 yards, it strikes solid oak with a density of. 77.

Disregarding atmospheric resistance, how far will it penetrate the wood?"

What wood? What for?

Hey.!

Francis!

Mr. Dumbjohn, your morale is dragging.

Wh-What are you doing here at West Point?

Don't be silly. I work here.

You work here? Well, in a way. I'm standing in for one of the mascots.

He's a cousin of mine, and he needed a little vacation.

Yeah, bu-bu-but how in the world... Oh, Pete!

I know my way around. Now, what's wrong with you?

You look as though you're 687 th in your class.

I am. That figures.

I guess I'm not very smart. That is the understatement of the year!

Well, let's get started. Open that book. We're going to play school.

You're going to help me? If that's possible.

Now, tell teacher where it hurts the "most-est. "

Well, listen to this. All right.

"A bullet weighing 145 grains...

"leaves the muzzle of a rifle barrel 60 centimeters long...

"with a velocity of 2,850 feet per second. Uh-huh.

"At a distance of 640 yards, it strikes solid oak with a density of. 77.

"Disregarding atmospheric resistance...

how far will it penetrate the wood?"

Oh, I could've solved that before I was allowed out of my stall.

Get your pencil. I got it.

Let's see.

Let "X" equal the depth of the penetration...

Class dismissed!

Hi, chum! What's the big problem today? Biology.

Biology. Just what particular phase of that subject bothers you?

All of it. Then let's start off with the birds and bees.

We're starting way before that. This has got to do with the singular cell life of moles.

Pete, it's single-cell molecular life.

Gee, Francis, you know everything. Thanks.

I can't even pronounce the stuff, let alone know how it works.

Neither did Adam and Eve, but they managed to get things started.

What has that got to do with biology? Silly boy.

Repetez en francais.

Repeat in French. I am a soldier.

"Je sweeze on... sold out. "

"Sold out"?

Pete, I knew a Hungarian organ-grinder whose monkey had a better accent than yours.

Je suis un soldat.

Je suis... I don't know.

The hollow in my mouth won't let the words come out right.

You mean, the hollow in your head won't hold anything!

Let's try something easy. Suppose you met a beautiful French girl and you said...

"My dear, you are beautiful. I adore you. "

Ma cherie, vous etes si belle,je t'adore.

Ma cherie, vous etes si belle, shut the door.

"Shut the door"!

Par la queue de ma grande tante Regrette, qui gagna le Derby...

je n'ai jamais vu dejeune homme qui en sache moins que vous...

qui soit aussi stupide.!

I understood that! If you think I'm so stupid, why bother with me?

It's only because I feel a certain obligation to the American taxpayer.

Let's get on with your French lesson. I am a soldier.

Sound off!. Je sweeze on... sold out.!"

Je suis un soldat. Je sweeze on... sold out.

Je suis un soldat et le courage des militaires...

est la gloire de la nation.

Mr. Stirling, in the last two weeks you've established a new record at the Academy.

I'm sorry, sir. I've been trying my best.

Sorry? It's miraculous! From the bottom of the class to 24th in two weeks!

If you can improve your drilling... I've been trying, sir.

Then there's no reason why you can't wind up honor man of your class. Thank you.

- Do you mind telling me how you've accomplished it? - Well, I...

I- I-I've been getting a little permissible tutoring.

From one of the instructors, no doubt? One of the cadets? No, sir.

He's not exactly a cadet.

Then who is it? Uh... do I have to tell, sir?

Not if you don't wish to. I don't wish to, sir.

That's your privilege. But whoever he is, ask him to drop in to see the professor.

I'm going to recommend he be made an instructor.

An instructor?

I really don't think he'd be interested, sir.

Very well. That will be all, Mr. Stirling. Yes, sir.

You, Mr. Dumbjohn, halt!

I want to have a little talk with you. Yes, sir?

They tell me you've become the wizard of the plebe class.

I wouldn't say that, sir. What's your system, Stirling?

System, sir? Yes. You must be getting good coaching.

Yes, sir. A little, sir. Since you're not allowed off the post...

it's somebody here at the Academy? Yes, sir.

Who? I don't have to tell. Maj. Squires just said so.

That's quite right, Mr. Stirling.

Just between us, I could use some permissible coaching myself.

That's too bad, sir. Yes, it is!

And if you were a real smart plebe, you'd give me a crack at this miracle worker.

Uh, uh, but you see, sir... Well, he doesn't take any other cadets, sir.

But I am sure you could talk him into it...

if he thought it was a special favor to you.

I'll ask him, sir, and let you know what he says. Okay, Stirling.

On your way. Thank you, sir.

So? Ransom's already got it in for me!

If you'd help a little, maybe he'd lay off me. No soap, Pete.

I'd wind up tutoring half the cadets at the Point, or ever worse.

What do you mean, "even worse"? They might decide to make me a professor.

You've already got the offer! Now look what a spot I'm in.

Spot you're in? What about me? Shh! We got company.

I heard you talking to someone, Mr. Stirling.

I thought it might be your tutor. My tutor, sir?

Oh, my tutor! Yes, I was. What did he say about taking me on?

He said... no, sir.

Well, where did he go?

I'm sure I can talk him into it.

I'm afraid not, sir. When he makes up his mind, that's it.

That goes for me too, Mr. Stirling, and I want to talk to this character myself!.

Uh... very well, sir.

You can try, but I don't think Francis will talk to you.

There he is.

There who is? Where is he? I don't see any Francis.

The mule, sir.

So, Mr. Stirling, playing the funnyman again?

Don't you know anything but mule jokes? It's not a joke, sir.

Well, that's too bad, Mr. Dumbjohn, because you're gonna need a few laughs...

while you're walking the area the rest of the month!

Thank you, General Ransom!

Just as a little extra bonus...

we'll extend the tour till Christmas, Mr. Stirling!

Ha-ha. I don't think he likes you.

Now look what you've done. Reminds me of a sergeant I hated at boot camp.

You've just fixed it for me to walk punishment till I wear my feet off.

Might do you some good. Good?

Build up your leg muscles to match the ones in your head.

Very funny! Ha!

Heh, heh.

You, Mr. Stirling.!

What do you think you're doing, walking your baby back home?

Forward... march! Hut, two, three, four.

Come in.

At ease, Colonel. Teatime already?

Over here,Jason. Yes'm.

And time for you to relax, Dad. Cynthia, I've too much to do.

There's nothing in the regulations that says...

the Com has to neglect his daughter.

It's a good thing I only have you here occasionally.

This could easily become habit-forming.

No more business today. I'll take care of this.

Miss Cynthia, a cadet to see the Colonel. All right,Jason.

Come in.

Cadet Stirling reporting to the Commandant. Maj. Squires' orders, sir.

Here you are. That's all.

Hey, he's cute!

Cute? Well, what a way to describe a young man.

Stirling comes to us from the Army.

Combat in Burma, if I remember correctly.

I still say he's cute. He's one of Bill Van Allen's roommates.

I meant to ask about Bill. How's he getting along?

Don't you two write each other?

Well, you know how busy a plebe is, Dad.

And Wellesley doesn't give us much time either. How's he getting on?

The way a Van Allen should. He'll make a fine soldier.

That ought to please his father.

Hasn't Bill asked you to the Plebe Hop? He hasn't.

The moment he knows you're here, he will.

You and Gen. Van Allen are determined to cook up a romance between us.

Nonsense! The General and I are merely...

Well, there's nothing in the regulations that says a girl can't watch the review...

and see for herself how Cadet Wilbur Van Allen looks.

Detail... halt.!

Well, if it ain't my little soldier boy marchin' to and fro.

Why ain't you out there with the rest of them guys?

I was Messenger of the Guard in Grant Hall. I just got through.

My Company Tactical Officer said to improve my drilling if I expect to make honor man.

The idea of you becomin' an honor man gives me mule pimples.

Why? 'Cause that would set West Point back 50 years.

You need a little boning up on that Garand rifle to match the bones in your head.

So, atten-shun! Right shoulder arms!

Present arms! Port arms!

Port arms! Pete, grab that rifle by the balance.

Don't you know where the balance is?

This is all they gave me. There's the balance!

Oh, the rest of it. No, the balance!

From here to here and here to here, the rifle weighs the same.

There's some of it, there's some of it, and there's the rest of it!

Rifle is all there? The rifle is positively there? Yeah. Definitely.

But you're not! Maybe I'm the balance.

Atten-shun! Right dress! Front! Count off!. Four!

Four? Where'd you get that number? That's where I always stand.

When I give you the command to "port arms," I want you to take hold of that rifle...

and pop it, snap it, make it talk!

Do you understand what I'm talking about?

Just what did I say?

The trouble with you is when you get an order, it never goes north of your neck.

Maybe they're aiming too low. Never mind where they're aiming.

'Ten-shun!

I want you to stand up and throw out your chest! Pull in your chin!

There are only two bum cadets at this whole Academy, and I think you're both!

We thank you! Never mind about that. 'Ten-shun!

Right shoulder arms!

About face!

Right face!

Forward... march!

To the rear, march!

To the rear, march.!

To the rear, march.!

By the left flank, march.!

By the right flank, march.!

To the rear, march.!

By the right flank, march!

To the right flank, march.! To the rear, march.!

To the rear, march.!

To the rear, march! To the rear, march!

To the rear, march.!

To the rear, march.! To the rear, march.!

To the rear, march.!

Column left, march.! Column left, march.!

Forward march.!

By the left flank, march.!

To the right flank, march.!

Halt! Halt, halt.

Attention!

Mr. Stirling, what, may I ask, is the idea? I-Idea, sir?

Shouting commands, disrupting the review. B-But it wasn't me, sir.

I- I-I didn't do a thing, sir.

It was either you or that mule, and I know it couldn't be the animal.

But it was, sir.

Come on, Mr. Stirling. Pick 'em up and lay 'em down!

I like to hear the patter of little feet!

Forward... march!

Hut, two, three, four. Hut, two, three, four.

Poor Mr. Stirling. I don't know when I've seen Dad so furious.

Pete might've been in real trouble if it wasn't for his scholastic standing.

Is he coming to the dance?

If he isn't still walking the area.

You know, Bill, Dad's taking for granted you'll invite me.

I guess my father is too. Don't sound so tragic!

Now, if you've made other plans, I can always tell them I've got a headache.

Could you? I- I don't mean...

Poor Bill. No life of his own.

Whatever it is you wanna do now, why don't you go ahead and do it?

Thanks, Cynthia. I do have something important, terribly important!

Mr. Stirling, I don't like to intrude on your dreams...

but this is going to cost you four extra hours!

Start walking!

Well, I'm tired of it. He's gotta know the truth sooner or later.

You and I aren't gonna wait nearly four years for him to be in the mood!

We're gonna be married as soon as it can be arranged. You're talking nonsense, Bill.

You know we can't! You'd be thrown out of West Point.

Fair enough. That's how I got into West Point. I was given no choice.

At least I can resign on my own initiative.

And you can also get yourself another girl while you're at it...

because I'm not gonna be around to cheer. Well, fine.

That's fine business when a fella's fiancee takes sides with his father against him.

Listen, Mr. Dumbjohn, there are no sides to take!

Why don't you face the facts? You're a Van Allen and you belong here at West Point...

just as your son will belong here if I'm to be his mother.

Well, if you aren't, I'll disown him. That's for sure!

Oh, Bobby, I'm the luckiest guy in the world.

Just for that, I'll give you two extra dances tomorrow night.

Uh-oh. Now what?

Something I forgot to tell you. I can't take you to the dance.

You're only the girl I'm engaged to. I have to take the Com's daughter.

I'm a Van Allen, remember? And West Point and my father's cronies come first.

I bet half the plebes at the Point would welcome the chance to take Cynthia Daniels.

If you get me a date half as attractive, I won't kick.

Oh, look! Cadet Stirling's sitting all by himself.

Why don't you park me with him and go have fun?

I couldn't do that. Don't be silly!

Besides, I'd like to talk to Cadet Stirling. I think he's cute.

Gosh, Cynthia. You're really a swell kid.

On account of you're so cute, Mr. Stirling...

I'm gonna let you have the rest of this dance with Miss Daniels.

You are? I mean, you are! That's wonderful! Thank you.

Excuse me, please. Yes.

Well, uh... Why don't we sit this one out, Mr. Stirling?

That tour of yours today must've taken a lot of footwork.

Why, I knew you'd understand.

Pardon me, mister. You don't have to if you don't wanna, you know.

Well, maybe I'd better.

I'll say you'd better.

You know, it's amazing how rested I feel now.

Would you like to dance, Miss Daniels? Why don't we?

Fine.

#Ta-da, ta-da #

# La-la-la-la la-la #

Take it, maestro.

One, two.

Stop it, please. What's the big idea?

You can't treat him this way. It's not human.

Nobody's gonna hurt him. We're just having fun. You're spoiling all the fun.

Fun? It's no fun for him. He doesn't like this kid stuff. It upsets him.

I suppose he's confided all this to you personally.

I warn you, if he loses his temper, you'll all be sorry. Oh, come on!

One moment, gentlemen. Gentlemen!

- Mr. Stirling? - Yes, sir.

What is your objection to a little harmless fun with this mule?

Would you think it harmless if he'd been your friend? If who'd been my friend?

He, sir. Francis. Are you referring to the mule?

Yes, sir. He doesn't like being made ridiculous. Neither do I, Mr. Stirling!

Bu-Bu-But, sir. I didn't mean...

You mustn't let them annoy Francis anymore. You mustn't!

Did I hear you correctly, Mr. Stirling? I "mustn't"?

Ah, w-w-well, you, uh, uh...

Yes, sir.

I just can't leave without saying good-bye. You know regulations.

There's nothing that says he isn't permitted to listen. I know there's no regulation...

Mr. Stirling? Oh, Mr. Stirling...

I just wanted to say that I'm sorry we didn't get to finish our dance.

But I'll be coming back in the fall for the Navy game.

Well, I hope we'll be dancing together again.

I hope you don't get into any more trouble.

Good-bye, Peter.

Good-bye, Cynthia.

Excuse me, Mr. Stirling! Huh?

About face!

Forward... march!

Halt! Mr. Stirling, we've got a little rule around this place...

that says you're not supposed to talk while on punishment tour.

Not even one, teensy-weensy whisper.

And the way things look, you're going to be pounding this area through next summer.

So, Mr. Stirling, start walking.

Forward... march!

Hut, two, three, four.

Hut, two, three, four.

Glad to have you with us. Thank you, Ransom.

I hope I wasn't too rough on you. No, not at all.

Sorry we made it so rough. Thank you, that's all right.

You're wearing that midriff a little high, Duchess.

Uh-oh.

Visitors. Quick, get out.

Oh, no, boy.!

Well, if it isn't Space Cadet Stirling ready for interplanetary combat.

What do you mean? This is my lacrosse uniform.

Well, get ready for the takeoff, mister.

Take off? I just got here. Aren't you gonna coach me? Not in the Splash Gordon outfit.

Come on, canary, get outta that cage.

It's a good thing I like you, Pete.

Otherwise we'd have nothing in common.

Hey, uh...

Norton's try for a point is good.

With two minutes left to play, Army will kick off.

A 20-yard return by Miller to the 27-yard line. Tackled by Allen.

Twenty-one, twenty-five.

If we could only get the ball again, we'd still have a chance.

Yeah. There isn't much time.

Signals. Fifteen, 19, 42.

Fumble recovered by Army.!

Norton, there's only time for one more play.

Make it a deep pass to the left. Right.

Army's ball, first and ten.

You're all wet, Coach. They're all set for a pass.

Make it a handoff to Norton around right end. They're wide open there.

Who said that?

Brunelli, tell Norton to make it a handoff around right end.

They're wide open.

Thirty seconds remaining to play.

Ready, set. One, two, three, four!

Thank you. Thank you.

Oh, that's all right.

You don't suppose I'm crackin' up, do you, sir?

Nonsense, Chad. You've never had a sick day in your life.

I know, but something's happened.

Colonel, I hear voices. Voices?

It's a spirit or something. It tells me what to do.

Whatever it is, more power to it. Nobody else has the nerve.

I tell ya it's there every time. No matter where we play, that voice.

Chad, get hold of yourself. That last play that beat Harvard...

that 45-yard field goal against Penn...

discovering the weakness on the left side of the Dartmouth line...

that wasn't me, Colonel, it was... the voice.

Somebody's idea of a joke! Some sort of ventriloquism.

But there's never anybody else there when it happens. Nobody except a mule.

Chad, I'm afraid you're just...

A mule?

There was some incident about a mule. One of the cadets...

Yes, Stirling. Something about a mule.

What sort of something? Just what was it?

Don't remember exactly. An incident in Burma. Combat fatigue...

slight head injury, hallucinations about a talking mule.

A talkin' mule?

Maybe there is somethin' to this reincarnation business.

Yes, sir.

Get me the complete file on Third Classman Stirling. Yes, sir.

And have him report to me at once.

Stirling? Yes, sir?

Neither Coach Chadwick nor I believes a word of your preposterous story.

I'm sorry, sir. I didn't think you would.

But Francis can talk if he wants to, sir. Make him say somethin'!

I said he could, I didn't say he would. He'd better talk!

Yes, sir. Excuse me.

You heard what the Commandant said, Francis.

You'd better speak.

You'd better!

He's in one of his stubborn moods, sir. Perhaps if you order him.

Order him? Yes, sir.

Do you take me for an idiot?

Please, sir, for my sake try it.

Snap to it, mule!

What's your name?

As Commandant of Cadets, I order you to speak!

That's a command, mule! Speak!

Speak.!

I hope that satisfies you, Chad.

And as for you, Mr. Stirling... But, sir.

May I make a suggestion? Well?

If you and the Coach would solemnly swear not to tell anyone Francis can talk...

Give an oath to a mule? Promise him he won't have to become a cadet.

And what's wrong with becoming a cadet?

Nothing except you wind up a second lieutenant. What's wrong with...

That... That wasn't you, Stirling. Oh, no, sir.

It... It was the mule.

I hope to kiss a duck it was the mule!

It's the voice! It's him! Keep your jersey on, Coach.

I've been meanin' to talk to you anyway.

About that Navy game now. When those midshipmen...

Chad!

Don't just stand there. Do something!

Boy, did I have a rough session with Squires today.

I'm groggy.

Still boning away, Bill? Yeah, and I haven't even got around to my math yet.

Cheer up. You've only got three more years of it.

Remind me to drop you in the Hudson next time it goes by.

Gentlemen, I'm off to the library.

All right, Mr. Duco, suck in that gut!

Straighten those shoulders. Pull in that chin.

How many lights in Cullum Hall? 340 lights, sir.

How many gallons in Lusk Reservoir?

92.2 millions, sir, when the water is flowing over the spillway.

How many names on Battle Monument? 2,240 names, sir.

Right face.

These plebes are gettin' bigger every year.

As you were, mister.

Mail, sir. Thank you.

Bad news, Bill?

I'm not sure. We never figured on a baby.

A baby? A baby!

You can't have a baby! It's against regulations! Not me, my kid sister.

I'm gonna be an uncle. Then cheer up. There's no pain to becoming an uncle.

That's what you think. Dad doesn't even know Sis is married.

Uh-oh. Gen. Granite isn't going to like that. No, he'll blow his top.

Poor Sis.

She's on her way home from college to break the news.

The kid's worried stiff because of his health.

Here.

I don't think she should face Dad alone. I'm gonna ask for a leave.

I might as well tell him about Barbara and me.

What're you talking about? We're gonna be married.

I've suspected that.

Look, Bill, I wouldn't throw the book at your old man now when he's not well.

Besides, maybe the new grandchild will have him all softened up...

by the time you graduate. I'm not gonna wait for graduation.

I'm gonna make Barbara marry me now.

Why you're kidding! They'll kick you out of the Academy!

I know. If you feel that way, you shouldn't've come here.

If you ever meet my father, you can tell him that.

Hiya, fellas.

I'm back.

Hey, what's wrong? You guys look like you were caught in the Com's cookie jar.

See you later.

What's eating him? Skip it, Pete.

I gotta get off to practice.

More practice? Hey, you think we can beat Navy? Yeah.

Hmm. He's gonna have a baby.

Hmm. That's right.

A baby?

"Dear Bill, I don't know how you'll take the news, but I've been to the doctor.

"He says I'm gonna have a baby.

That means we can't keep the marriage a secret much longer. "

Marriage?

Baby?

Poor Norton.

One, two, three!

That's enough! Get to the showers... and drown!

And the same thing every time... a fumble.

Yeah? Gee, I sure felt sorry for the Coach.

I don't like it. I don't like it!

It's not a good play? It's a great play! I invented it!

It's Bill Norton, and if he plays like that Saturday, it's Navy by 20 points!

Oh. Uh, Francis? Huh?

Uh, suppose he, uh...

Well, uh, what if something happened and he couldn't play at all?

It'll be Navy by 40 points!

You mean, he's that important to the game? Important, the boy asks.

We built our whole offense around him!

Pete, what's this about Norton not being able to play?

Huh? Oh, I was just wondering. Oh.

Well, I'll talk to you later. Yeah.

Bye. So long.

I'd sure wonder what's on that kid's mind, if he had one.

I'll be right back.

Barbara, what are you doing here?

I had to see Bill to talk some sense into the idiot's head.

They told me at Grant Hall he'd already left. Yes, on special leave.

Oh. Well, listen to the telegram he sent me.

"Darling, meet me in Boston tomorrow to get the license.

Love, Bill. " That crazy guy!

What's happened to make him start this marriage business again?

He got a letter from his sister this morning.

About the baby. Yes.

She was scared to death to face her father alone.

I guess Bill figured he could draw half the General's fire...

with a surprise attack of his own, and marry you ahead of schedule.

But that's all so stupid...

because down deep inside he loves the Point as much as you do.

I'm sure of it. But how do we make him realize it?

I'll make him realize it, even if I have to break our engagement to do it.

You're quite a gal, Barbara.

You'll make something of my roommate yet.

At least you won't have to worry about our marriage anymore.

I'm afraid to think ofhow the news of the expected baby is going to be received.

And you gathered that one of Norton's roommates is married to the young lady?

Yes, sir. And expecting a baby, sir.

Cadets Van Allen and Stirling.

Norton has left with the squad for Philadelphia. Van Allen is on special leave.

Looks like we'll have to start with Mr. Stirling.

Hmph! Expecting a baby, hmm? Yes, sir.

Stirling?

You're directed to report to the Com's office at once.

The Com's office, huh? Mm-hmm.

Thanks, pal. Hey, Stirling?

You seem very cheerful. I'd be worried if the Com sent for me.

But I know why he wants me. I finally made top man in scholastic standing.

Good.

Cadet Stirling reporting as ordered, sir.

Mr. Stirling, I understand congratulations are in order.

Oh, well... Well, thank you, sir. I only did my best.

This is not a matter for joking, Mr. Stirling.

Indeed not, sir. I worked hard for it.

Of course, I did have a little assistance. Assistance?

Yes, sir. You know, Francis.

I don't know what you're referring to. I'm talking about your wife and baby.

Thank you, sir. My wife...

My, my, my wife! My ba-ba-ba...

There must be some mistake. Indeed!

We have reason to believe either you or one of your roommates is a married man...

and an expectant father!

But, but, sir.

Uh, gentlemen, I'm...

I- If you could only wait till after the game tomorrow, sir...

We're giving you a chance to clear yourself, Mr. Stirling. Speak up!

I have nothing to say, sir.

Mr. Stirling, there is no room at West Point for a man...

whose code of honor is less than that of the Academy itself.

The U.S. Military Academy does not merely produce second lieutenants and generals.

It prepares leaders and statesmen.

The history of this country is glorious with the record of West Point graduates.

If the discipline is stern, it is because of the high standards set by those men.

Perhaps to some, the rule against allowing married men as cadets may seem severe.

But West Point is an exacting taskmaster.

It demands all a man's time...

all his diligence, and all his loyalty.

Mr. Stirling, as a married man you have remained at this Academy fraudulently.

West Point will not tolerate a man whose personal integrity is not of the highest.

It is therefore necessary that you resign immediately...

or face a court-martial.

Psst! Francis.

I hate to wake you, but I couldn't leave without saying good-bye.

I bet you say that to all the mules.

Hey, I'm over here.

That mule happens to beJackson, whose real name is Katie...

not that it matters, no, no.

It's so dark in here I couldn't see. I can see plenty!

What are you doin' out of uniform, and what's this good-bye routine?

Well, uh...

I've resigned from the Academy. I'm taking the 8:40 train to New York.

You ain't takin' nothin' nowhere till I find out what this is all about.

Come on, level. Well, th-th... Nothin' I can tell ya.

Uh, I resigned from the Academy, and that's it.

Just like that, huh? Yeah.

You're not kiddin' me, cousin.

I know how hard you've worked to stay at the Point.

And you're not walkin' out just 'cause you don't like them prunes for breakfast.

I'm not walking out. I'm just doing what I have to do.

Well...

You know, it's gonna seem kinda strange without you, Francis.

Yeah.

You and I have been through a lot together. Yeah.

In fact, you've almost been like a mother. Oh, shucks!

I've gotta go, otherwise I'll miss the train.

Uh, keep well, Francis. I'll write and let you know where I am.

And, uh, Francis? Huh?

You and the Coach help Bill Norton all you can, will ya?

Yeah.! Okay.

Well, bye. Bye.

Here I go again! Yeah!

Come on, Francis! On the double!

Hey! Hey! Psst!

Hey! Open the window.

Open the window. I wanna talk to you, Com.

Francis, what on earth... I'm sorry to disturb you, sir...

but my pal Stirling just said good-bye and told me he'd resigned.

He wouldn't say why. What's the lowdown, sir?

Well... Just a minute.

Yeah.

Didn't you know he was married?

Married? I don't believe it. Who said so?

Stirling is not only married, but an expectant father.

He, an expectant father? Ha!

These things do happen, Francis. So they tell me.

And I'll bet my last bale of hay...

Pete has no more firsthand knowledge on that subject than I have!

He must be coverin' up for someone.

Covering? But why? Covering for who?

Tsk, tsk, tsk. For "whom," Colonel. For whom!

That I don't know, but I'm sure as heck goin'to...

if I have to take him out behind the woodshed to do it.

You know where he's gone? I known every bone in his so-called head.

He'll be somewhere around that stadium rootin' for that team.

You'll never find him in that crowd. I'll find him, all right.

Uh, Colonel? Hmm?

Would you give him a break, and hold up his resignation till after the game?

Well... Come on. Be a good Joe.

I guess the boy's record entitles him to that much consideration.

Thanks, Com. I better be gettin' back to my stall...

before I'm reported AWOL.

Good night, sir. Good night, Francis.

And, uh, thanks. You're wel...

Come in.

Yes,Jason? A lady to see you, Colonel.

A lady? Who is it,Jason?

What lady could it be, Colonel? Why, Cynthia.!

Oh, Dad!

I thought you planned to go straight to Philadelphia for the game.

I thought it would be much more fun to go to the game with the Com.

Let me take your coat. All right.

By the way, you'd better report one of the mascots running loose.

I saw him come around the corner of the house and take off down the street.

It was Francis headed for the stable.

Could've been Jackson or one of the other mules, for all I could tell.

How did you know which one it was and where it was going?

'Cause I was just talking with him.

Talking with him, Dad? Yes.

Discussing a cadet's resignation. Oh.

Who did you say you were discussing it with? With "whom," my dear.

The mule. He was very upset.

Naturally, darling. And you're very upset too.

There's nothing you can do if a cadet wants to resign. But I am doing something.

Francis thinks the boy's protecting someone...

so I'm giving him until after the game to find out.

Well, I'm sure Francis will do all he can. I know he will.

Stirling has a very fine friend in that mule. Stirling?

It's Peter Stirling you've been talking about? Yes.

But, Dad, why would he want to resign?

I just got a letter from him that he'd reached tops in scholastic standing.

Yes, but his extracurricular activities have born fruit too.

A wife and expectations.

Peter! Married? I can't believe it.

What's up, Com?

Here I am. Oh.

I'm sorry to disturb you, Francis. That's all right.

I made the mistake of telling my daughter about our talk regarding Cadet Stirling...

which immediately convinced her that I was...

Well, that I may be... A little off your rocker, Com?

Aren't we all! Don't worry about your dad.

He's got all his marbles and then some.

Well, my dear, what do you think of Francis now?

It's a recording, or you've taken up ventriloquism as a hobby.

Stick around, miss. You'll catch on. Com, c'mere a minute.

I never did ask how this marriage business of Pete's was discovered.

Did a cadet report it? It's true. He talks.

What did I tell you, my dear?

Francis,just before the team left today...

William Norton and a young woman named Barbara something-or-other...

were overheard by a couple of officers as they very frankly...

discussed her marriage to Norton's roommate.

They didn't mean Peter. It's Bill Van Allen.

Sure. He and Barbara Atwood have been in love for ages.

If she's married to anyone, it certainly isn't Peter.

Talk to Bill. He can straighten this out for you.

Unfortunately he's gone home on an emergency leave of absence.

Call Boston. Get him on the phone. Now you're on the ball!

You betcha!

I think I'm gonna faint. Huh?

Well, come on, Com. Don't just stand there. Do somethin'!

Snap into it! On the double!

Say, Bob...

you got any idea why they dropped Pete Stirling from the Academy?

I didn't know they had. Dropped Pete? What do you mean?

You mean, you didn't know? No.

Do you know anything about this, Coach? He was dropped yesterday.

I was hopin' you wouldn't find out until after the game.

I know what good pals you two were.

Why did they drop him? Nobody knows yet.

Don't let it throw you. This game's too important.

I'll be all right, Coach.

How 'bout you? Do you know anything? No, it's news to me too.

I can't understand it. He's a swell little guy.

All right! Let's get warmed up, boys.

Everybody out. Let's go! C'mon.

Here they come.

Here, take this.

Francis.

Francis, Norton just found out Stirling was dropped.

He's edgier than ever. Do you think I oughta take a chance on him?

What do you say? Shall I risk it?

Don't let me down.

I need your help, fella. Don't be a fair-weather friend.

Hey, what's with the Coach?

Looks like he's blown his marbles. Yeah!

I'll never forgive you for this! I...

Sorry, sir. We need Jackson. The Corps is marching in.

Jackson? Yes, sir.

I thought it was Francis. No, this is Jackson.

C'mon, boy. We're late.

I wonder where that knucklehead could be.

Navy wins the toss and elects to kick.

Army will defend the south goal.

They're lined up for the starting kickoff.

And there's the whistle.

In a moment we'll see. Navy recovers.

Smith recovers Norton's fumble for Navy.

Navy's ball on Army's 24-yard line.

Jones takes it over for Navy. Navy six, Army nothing.

Pete! Pete!

Norton's handoff to Tubor good for 23 yards.!

What's Norton got up his sleeve now?

One, two, three, four.

Norton's pass intercepted by Bradley.

One hundred and four yards.! Bradley scores for Navy. Navy thirteen, Army nothing.

They're lining up to kick for extra point. Hedley's back to convert.

There's less than a minute to play in the first half.

Army's last chance to score. It's still Navy thirteen, Army nothing.

It looks like Army will have to try another pass.

Three, four, five!

Norton smeared by the Navy line. This lad is certainly offhis game today.

It's now fourth down, and Army will have to kick.

Bill's sure upset about that baby. I wish Francis would give him a pep talk.

The ball goes out ofbounds.

There's the gun for the end of the first half.

Norton looked pretty bad on that play.

I wouldn't be surprised if Coach Chadwick replaces him for the second half.

Well, fancy meetin' you here! Francis!

What's left of me after scrapin' my flanks to the bone...

on about 20 miles of automobiles lookin' for you, Cadet Stirling.

I'm not a cadet anymore. I told you last night I resigned.

But I want the real reason. I don't buy this phony marriage business.

Well, I am married. I-I've got a stork, and he's expecting a wife.

I mean, I am married and I've got a wife, and she's married too.

Look, the Com talked to Van Allen on the phone and got the truth.

And they're still letting Bill Norton play? Lettin' him play?

Yes. I thought if they knew he was married, he'd be dropped and couldn't play.

And you said they needed the team... Hold it, bub.

Did you think it was Norton who was married? Yes, I did.

So you took a wife and a stork on your shoulders...

to keep him in the clear for the game?

Is that it? Well, I... What else could I do?

Drop dead.

Oh, my achin' back! It's Bill Van Allen's sister who's havin' the baby.

Not Bill Norton! Well, I...

I wouldn't mind so much if I help Bill, or-or something, but...

If he has nothing on his mind, why is he playing so badly?

He's probably heard the scuttlebutt about you resigning.

You better get to the locker room and tell him it's okay.

Get goin', and start explaining!

And you thought you were taking the rap for me, Pete? Yeah.

But all it accomplished was to keep you worrying about me for the first half.

It'll be different now, huh, Bill, with both your roommates off your mind?

The General took your sister's news okay? He's thriving on it.

You'd think he was the only expectant grandfather in New England!

Hey, the Coach must be goin' wacky.

He's talkin' to the mule again. Never mind that.

It looks like the mule is talkin' to the Coach!

You must be going wacky yourself.

We better be off, Pete. Good luck, Bill. Yeah.

Thanks. That goes for me too.

And Pete, it was swell of ya. Thanks. Ah, go on.

All right, let's get organized, men.

I've done my part. Now it's up to you.

Ha-ha! Here's where we sink the Navy.

Touche, Pete.

Man for man, you're just as good as Navy. But you're not gonna prove it...

unless you get out there and play the kind of game I know you're capable of.

Now, uh, boys, I, uh...

I, uh...

I want you to listen to Francis.

Listen to Francis?

You heard what the man said, musclehead!

Well, now, uh...

Look, Coach, we don't have any time for jokes. We need strategy now.

What you need is a dancing teacher.

So I'm wacky? I told you I saw the mule talk!

It has to be ventriloquism! Yeah! It's a gag.

Pipe down! It's impossible.

Why should it be impossible for me to talk? All you flatheads do!

But you're a mule! And you're supposed to be a right guard.

So what!

I can't figure this thing. This must be a joke.

I, uh, I think I better explain, boys.

Francis is a good friend of Stirling's and mine. Thanks, Coach.

He's been helpin' me with the backfield. Helping you?

Well, he's not the first jackass to try to tell me how to run the team.

Snap out of it, Norton! Didn't you ever see a backfield coach before?

One more fumble outta you, and I'm goin' to do a little kicking.

Do I make myself clear, Norton? Yes, Coach.

Now,just what do you guys think you were doing out there? A ballet?

Of all the slippy, slipshod, jumble-fingered football...

you guys take the fur-lined pigskin!

Now...

I think those Navy boys would be suckers for a reverse-end run with a double-lateral.

You get it? First I want the right half to cut across the field to the left.

Then reverse. Quarterback falls back with the ball, and then...

Navy thirteen, Army six.

Dynamite!

Norton passes for 30 yards.

Mm-mmm. No. This is a swell spot for an optional pass or a run.

Get Norton on it. Norton.

Tell Norton to call an optional pass or run to the right.

Ready, set! One, two, three!

It's a tie! Norton's kick can win for Army.

We sunk the Navy, Coach!

We did that, boy. Oh, Coach! Please!

It is going to be with a great sense of loss that I turn over...

the Academy's most unusual cadet to the field of research.

But with the cooperation I know Francis will give you, great strides should be made.

This will no doubt go down, Col. Daniels, as a great day in the annals of science.

Who can predict the magnitude of future discoveries and experiments?

Eh, Professor Hopkins? Who indeed, Doctor.

Even a new species is not beyond the realm of possibility...

in this great age we live in. Right.

Excuse me, gentlemen. Just imagine what we could do, Major...

with a few thousand Francises in battle.

Just give them instructions and a road map.

Gentlemen, shall we join Francis in the lecture hall...

for some round-table discussion before science takes over?

Psst.! Hey.!

Psst.! Hey,you.!

Pete!

Francis, y- you just marched out.

I was so unhappy for you, I... Who was that?

Jackson. My gift to research.

Jackson? Yeah.

If they get that moronic mule to talk...

they'll really do something for science.

Well, I'm off to far places where corn is free...

and mules is mules. Ah, mules "are" mules, Francis.

You said it, boy! You said it!

Now that I've got you tuned up and hittin' on all cylinders...

all you gotta do is to keep your head up and stay in the middle of the road.

I'll try, Francis. You know, I'm gonna miss ya. Aw, shucks.

No, you-you've really been swell. Aw, wasn't nothin'.

I don't know what I would've done without you. Oh, forget it.

Be seein' ya come graduation, Cadet Stirling.

Adios.

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